Routines for ADHD that ACTUALLY WORK! 🌛☀️ (Morning/Night routines)
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- Опубліковано 14 тра 2024
- Join Hayley as she talks about one of the most life changing methods she created for herself and her ADHD clients! Welcome to THE HONEYMAN METHOD!
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“anything worth doing is also worth doing half assed” changes my life. brushing ur teeth for 10 seconds is better than 0 seconds, etc. apply that to everything
OMG I just had this thought tonight brushing my teeth!
wow !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :(: thats the emotion I feel to this. I hold myself to such high standards and this quote right here. makes me want to cry so hard because like at least im fucking trying !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can’t brush for 10 seconds? Gargle some water.
Can’t make the sandwich? Grab a few slices of bread and some deli meat or a jar of nut or seed butter and a spoon. Can’t do that? Just eat a big spoonful of the nut/seed butter.
Can’t detail the fridge? Clean one shelf. Can’t do one shelf? Just throw something old out.
Can’t bear the thought of more laundry? Do a load with just underwear.
100% Agree.
Doing something is better (and feeeeeels better!) than nothing!
Yes! I often talk myself into doing seemingly impossible tasks by telling myself that something is better than nothing.
I think this is one of those things neurotypicals don't know is an issue for us, so to them it feels like explaining how to walk.
It isn't even on their radar! 😅
I'm pretty sure everyone has varying levels of energy on different days.. I've never met anyone who doesn't
@@vica_t Yes, agreed. Though it's still true that people don't specify & talk about what they do when they have varying energy levels, which left dysfunctional people like me in the dark, since they keep talking about the ideal
Another difference I’ve noticed (I’m adhd, hubbie is not) is that neurotypicals tend to not have the guilt associated with not being able to meet the ideal or even average routines, and the inevitable shame that follows. It’s just, “whelp, don’t have the energy/time to do this that way, oh well.” It blows my mind (then I have to be careful about the guilt and shame that can follow because I can’t just not care).
@@vica_t and again with this "pretty sure its everyone"mindset... the difference between being normal and being disordered is the *chronic* levels of a symptom occuring. if you have mild back pain some of the time, that's normal, if you have back pain so often and so bad that it's a struggle to walk, that's a disability. similarly, just because everyone has fluctuating energy levels does not mean that they have the chronic version of fluctuating energy levels. with the mindset you show you can discount literally every single disorder and dissability because "oh, we all get sad" in reference to depression. "oh, we all forget things" in reference to alzheimers. symptoms are abnormal and frequently occuring, adhd is chronic emotional dysregulation and executive dysfunction.
Also! If you have a menstrual cycle....factor this into routines! We are in our lowest phase between around 3-5 days before and then during our period. Try stating anew after your period and run with it until around day 23. Then wind some stuff down and let yourself REST on your period. This has been life changing for me. I have more gains and more sustainability with I "plan" to hibernate on my period as much as possible. We also have lower dopamine during our periods so less focus, less drive.
I have pmdd it is destabilizing each month. I set notes for myself 10 days before my cycles expected start.
Yess I was thinking about this as well! I’m into the moon cycles and how it effects our energy so once I get this down, I then want to keep track of what days I have more/less energy and what phase the moon is in and see if there is a correlation. Hahaha
Thank you for this helpful info! This video spoke to how I feel and I'm excited to implement it. It's all about perspective!
#truth
I just found out I have ADHD as a 28 year old woman. I’ve blamed myself for not following a routine during my cycle and carried so much guilt. Thank you. Thank you so much. I could just cry.
My ten year old daughter - still in the process of being diagnosed but there is no doubt in my mind she has ADHD - was sitting in front of the screen watching this video, eyes wide in disbelief because it seemed like you had been in our home watching her struggle with (and huge love for) perfect routines. She took notes, nodding in agreement and was so thrilled that finally she felt like someone explained a better way for her type of brain. It was the cutest, most heart-warming thing her ADHD mom watched all day 😉 Thank you so much for sharing this! ❤
Much love to your daughter ❤ she has an understanding mom
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Aww that's beautiful. So glad she got some help out of this. Wish I would of had this kind of knowledge when growing up. This kind of flexible routine is the perfect plan for us ADHD people's. I had to learn this the hard way through trail and error because no one helped me back in the day. So happy that there is content like this on the Internet. It's so heart warming to hear your story. ❤
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Being an adult with adhd can I just thank you for helping her. My life could have been so much better w a loving mom like you. ❤❤❤
I do this too! I call it a "traffic light routine", meaning I have 3 versions of the same routine- one for "green" days when I have optimal energy, "yellow" days when I still can function but need to be mindful so I don't burn myself out, and "red" days when I have minimal energy. It helps so much to take the mental work out of what needs to be done, and I feel less guilt because I'm still meeting my standards for myself and making sure everything gets done
this is awesome and an even easier version to remember!
you smart
wooooow - game changer!
I love your compassion for yourself in the last sentence in how you're still meeting standards for yourself while trying to remove guilt🚦
Absolutely brilliant! And the name is perfect. See, there's your neurodivergent creativity coming to the rescue.
Legitimately burst out crying when you said "just feeding yourself is a win." I honestly cannot remember the last time I woke up with high energy, and average energy days are also very uncommon right now, so every day is a low energy day. I've been beating myself up about not being able to get anything done...but I am feeding myself. I've forgotten that's a win on its own. Thank you ❤️
Same 💙
Same. I'm about 7 months postpartum with a 2 year old too. Average days are low energy and have days with really low energy too (sometimes it's hard to tell if it's going to be a low energy day or a really low energy day).
Yes! A year ago i only had the power for a toast with some spread a day. So no energy for anything and always hungry. Now im able to make two meals a day! It’s really hard but one time the hard routine becomes the minimum again. You gonna make it! ❤
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Big hugs for everyone!
The “leaving my phone in the bathroom” part was the smartest thing ive ever heard. Growing up I was never taught the simple habits of brushing your teeth/washing your face/etc., so trying to get myself into those routines as an adult with ADHD have been really difficult. I tried leaving my phone in the bathroom, kept my alarm set, and it made getting out of bed and getting those simple tasks done so much easier. Thank you for sharing ❤
I have no clue if I have adhd, but I do struggle with depression, waking up with anxiety and procrastination - I love the way you approached this. I think the biggest takeaway is learning to accept and honour every stage of your being, since for most of us, it usually feels like a constant war with our minds.
Adhd and autism often go misdiagnosed as a depression/anxiety combo. So it certainly wouldn't hurt to look into it.
Honestly, this is a good approach for anyone who feels the Spoon Theory is applicable to their lives
Timestamps bc I'm ADHD and I wanted to get to the main talking points:
Basically having a to-do list doesn't work because our brains have varying levels of dopamine throughout the week, and we should have various routines ready for ourselves depending on energy level/ability to execute:
3:31 The Honeyman Method
4:41 The Ideal Morning Routine
6:39 The Most-Likely Routine
8:32 The Minimum Routine
no chapters is not adhd friendly. thanks for the assist.
Thank you
you're the best, thanks for this.
thank you! I hate the sped up voice distortion so you're saving me here
Thankyou ❤❤❤
That's the ADHD advice I always give people, but you put it concisely.
Work WITH IT - not against it.
So much of our life is trying to do what people without ADHD do.
BUT THAT IS INSANE.
If we could do that stuff, we wouldn't have ADHD.
Do it "your" way, and be proud it's your own.
I would say it’s fine if you start off high energy then get a couple of setbacks and revert to the mid routine, resilience can be built over time but it’s better the be kind yourself than stick dogmatically if the universe isn’t vibing with your high energy state.
This will probably disappear in the comments but I just want to put it out there how helpful this video was for me. When I started watching it, I thought "well, I already do that..." but by the end of the video it dawned on me that I don't have it *organized* in lists. And that might seem like a small detail, but I just realized it's not - because even though I have my ideal routine stablished and allow myself to skip parts of it when I don't feel like it, having it pre-decided alleviates so much of the GUILT of skipping part of it. Because this way it's a PLAN, I *am* following the routine even though it's the least energy one. Because the way I've been doing, deciding on the spot what is going to happen and what it's not, feels like NOT doing it, feels like failing.
This is a change in mindset I've been needing so I thank you for that!
Woah i was thinking the EXACT same thing lol i usually think in processes > routines bc they’re more dynamic but actually listing the options out beforehand gives your brain less work to do on those low capacity days. Thank you for making me feel less alone 💛
so this! not to mention the decision fatigue that comes from deciding it in the moment. this way it's only one decision (what kind of day it is) and then just following the routine!
damn; nail on the head
Reading this literally connected all the dots in my brain omg!!! I truly believed I just wasn't responsible enough when I cut out tasks in my *ideal* routine and it made me feel so much guilt. But giving ourselves the room to have different routines somehow lifts a big weight off of my shoulders. It's mindboggling how much we subconsciously are hard on ourselves.
First of all, I'm obsessed with this comment section. Y'all are some beautiful souls: deeply empathetic and loving. Thank you all for reminding me that I'm not the only person who struggles. ❤
I'm 38 and suffer from (literally) ADHD, depression, and anxiety (Medicated for all 3). I have recently become quite obsessed with "creating and implementing routines". I tend to hyperfocus on different interests, and my current season is very much focused on habits, routines, minimalism, decluttering, cleaning, and personal development. I find cleaning and organizing to be very challenging for me, so I purposely engage my hyperfocus onto it, and it's really been helping me.
I've always struggled with disorganization; I am a "piler". I defer decisions by setting them down, then clutter begets clutter, and you know what happen next. Messy, disorganization, chaos, clutter.
After the birth of my second son, I deeply struggled with housekeeping. I consider myself an aspiring minimalist, as I am slowly doing the work, but it's actually changing my brain. I realized that maybe, just maybe, I'm not just messy and lazy... maybe I have TOO MUCH STUFF. So, although my depression and ADHD make it hard to sit and declutter (I definitely feel the decision fatigue), I feel SO. MUCH. BETTER. in a simplified environment. It's unbelievable. My children (both neurodivergent, as well) are thriving with less, too!
Anyway, I loved this video and will absolutely be implementing this style. I'm a new sub! 😊❤
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I relate to everything you just said! ❤
❤❤❤! Thank you! Will start to try it in daily basis!
Too much stuff is SUCH a big factor is SO many Americans homes and they don't even realize it and how much it can totally free you. I am working on this too. And I get hyperfocused on the perfect next "thing" to buy. I get focused on "stuff". So it's definitely a struggle to fight that feeling. Whenever I am stressed.
I found a team of professional organizers and dropped a ton of money on a 7-hour day with them. We did two rooms that I still constantly maintain but it's totally worth it if you have the money. I did not have close to enough until less than a year ago; I was in poverty until less than a year ago so I completely understand that too. Scarcity mindset really fights against minimalist goals too.
Remind yourself it is more than OKAY to get HELP!
I know where you're coming from ☺ Look into autism too. It's often mistaken for depression and anxiety, especially in women. And the stereotypes of autism does not match reality, that's why it's overlooked so often. Please be kind to yourself, you're doing a great job as a mother while being neurodivergent at the same time!
Greets 🌝 from a 39 year old empathatic women who tends to hyperfocus too, has decision fatigue also and binges declutteringvideo's 😉for example from 'A Beautiful Mess' (she's a neurodivergent mother who declutters houses to help people out) just to get into the mode of decluttering herself... (I got diagnosed recently with both ADHD and ASD - Autism Spectrum Disorder - and I regognised not only what you were saying but also the way you're writing your words down🙂)
I do this a lot subconsciously on my low days, but I've never thought of the difference between an average and high motivation day. I'm so glad that this was recommended to me! I've been working towards having a good routine, but I don't plan for different types of days, so when I differentiate to a lower energy routine, I always feel guilty because "I could do this just fine yesterday"
30 years here, two months ago! It's such a weird time. For me/us but especially because there are sooo many people getting diagnosis right now, I wonder where this'll lead in the future! I hope for more helpful content and MAYBE even a society that understands neurodiversity better
@@ladymindpalace7787same, regardless of the amount of the diagnostics, we must learn to adapt to make life fair for people with neurodiversity.
I'm a therapist with ADHD.
I will definitely apply this to myself, but there are so many clients who I know this will help them tremendously.
Thank you.
@@gizmo6485That's interesting, I've never heard of "brown noise". 🤔
And also, I've currently got somewhat flipped sleep routine, also thanks to this anxiety I've felt late at night past midnight, which is usually when I do my everything to calm my body the best and rather stay wake those anxiety hours, because I've experienced what it's like waking in full panic mode despite going to sleep all fine, and the change is within seconds. Nightly panic attacks, when waking up. A true hell at worst. So I've got this habit of listening to singing bowls and jingles that calm my nerves, and usually paint or do something relaxing. Go to sleep at between 3-5 a.m and usually wake up ~ 11-13 a.m with 4-7 hours of sleep. I feel fine with 7 hours, but 4 can sometimes get the best of me. ^^; Depends how deep sleep I've experienced. With such you need less hours, quality over quantity.😊
@@gizmo6485 This is such a long comment without any paragraphs under an ADHD video… I wish I could read it but I can’t, just a little tip✌🏽
@@soude85there is a paragraph. although I didn’t know there was a correlation between ADHD and not “liking” paragraphs or do you just mean it’s overwhelming
Started crying when you said just the thought of brushing your teeth felt like it was impossible some days because God do I relate🙏🏻 thank you for your video 💕
"I feel like ass..."
So happy to hear that I'm not the only one that has that description for those low energy days.
Thanks for sharing this life hack. Hope is alive!!
Wow, the internalized guilt and negative self talk I had from not being consistent with a routine literally melted away from watching your video. Truly life changing, thank you!!! ❤❤❤
Same!!!
lol that used to be me (I believe I have ADHD, not diagnosed though) but then I moved in with my bf who is suspected of having ADHD as well and he is also not able to have a consistent routine, but I quickly learned he has a much better approach. He lives everyday how he wants to. Everyday he makes sure to do something for himself. Sometimes he goes to bed late, other times he might wake up really early. He will see his friends on weeknights, or go for a run past midnight lol. He does what some people think might be "weird" or "odd" but really he just does things at his own pace in his own way and that makes him happy. I started copying him lol and I no longer feel bad about how I am or how I might like doing things at my own time too. I now see the benefits and that our life can be so much more fun with his mindset.
oh my goodness yes, me too, it is terrible isn't it feeling that way, I love the ideas in this video
100% the cycles of anxiety and guilt for not keeping to something is so crippling and demoralising! Being kind and forgiving ourselves is one of the hardest steps
I did my routine the other way around, starting with deep depression days. Deciding what needs to happen, even if everything feels impossible, and then building up to days where I can do things like leave the house and do the groceries to make (higher quality) meals. Your viewpoint is much more positive, I need to reevaluate my routines for winter anyway and will try to rebuild them this way. I will also write them out and tape them to the bathroom door as a reminder.
I do this too, considering the absolute minimum first then building up. I frame it as considering my needs first, then my wants. Tending to my basic needs is still important and valuable, and that needs to be done every day, no matter what. It's a constant I can rely on.
I also immediately thought to tape to my bathroom door! Also great note on the framing, I was just going to build your old way bc it made more sense to me and I didn't consider the potential impact, thank you.
Yes, when the clocks change a whole lot of recalibration needs to happen. Do you need to reevaluate because of changing light conditions or because you need to conserve more energy (and/or not experience a ridiculous hike in domestic fuel costs)? It's both - for me. Or is it something else? If it's the light - should we scrap daylight savings? Would we be a lot more functional if we didn't have to change the clocks twice a year?
@@batintheattic7293 Yes to all of those things. My routines don't work, because I don't put much effort into making them work. My life in general has been a rollercoaster this year and I came to terms with the fact, that my routines can be short and functional. Morning routine can also mean getting out of bed routine and doesn't have to happen at home. I learned a lot about my needs and focusing on them like @coryladdy makes a lot more sense. Since I'm an unemployed night owl at the moment, daylight saving time is wreaking havoc on my evening walk and other outdoor activities. Pitchblack at 5 pm where there are no streetlights, no thank you. I have well-thought-out plans for routines, I just don't write them down and stick to them.
I have found success finally at age 29 with your method - I don't think it is depressing or negative at all. Quite the contrary - I needed to start so small and so minimum that I could have the feeling of easy wins under my belt. Even something as simple as making sure I eat breakfast every day, keeping all my meals as simple as possible (somehow I've been able to stomach eating almost the exact same thing every day - perhaps an AuDHD win), and slowly increasing my capacity. I am shocked, but despite still being in revolving cycles of burnout, I can sense when it's coming now, and I don't have to sacrifice my entire routine unless I'm really sick - I just spread my routine out over the day.
I just realised that it doesn't matter what my routine is - what is important is having something that I repeat and repeat and repeat. Now I am much more on top of things, and my worst days are generally a far cry from the days I used to have.
This is also so very applicable for dynamic disabilities/chronic illness and also just for women in general because women with hormonal cycles will have different energy levels (for me, vastly different) at different times in our cycles! I'll have to think about this more but this is so so helpful.
this is also an excellent present mindfulness exercise - i think a lot of my issues with my neurodivergence comes from me not ever giving myself a dedicated chance to check in with how I am feeling right at this moment so making it a point for you to do that as soon as you wake up so you can figure out which routine is manageable for you that day is literally something I have never even thought of doing! like, opening your eyes from sleep and first thing asking yourself every morning "how are you feeling and realistically how is your current energy level going to affect your next move after you get out of bed?" I like it and I will definitely try implementing this!
This is a really good point! I'm trying to be more mindful every day but I usually just start paying attention to my inner world when I get in the shower. I'm going to try to pay attention to how I feel first thing in the morning now. We really do have to nurture and care for ourselves.
First off: I love this idea. As someone with ADHD who has tried (and failed) multiple times to construct and stick to a routine, this way of looking at things is very insightful. I'm in the process of making another routine attempt that has met with some small success, but perhaps incorporating this will help it stick more firmly.
I do have one other suggestion to add, based on my own personal experience. When building routines, really evaluate whether something should be part of a routine for YOU, or whether you're just including it in your routine because you "ought to."
For instance, I stopped wearing makeup about five years ago. One day it just struck me: I didn't like wearing it (I had NEVER liked it, even as a teen), it was a hassle to put on, and it was just as much hassle to take off. I was only wearing makeup to people please, not because I felt it added any value to my life. So I decided it no longer deserved to be part of my daily routine and stopped (except for special occasions and dates with my husband). The energy I used to put into my makeup routine is no longer being wasted, and can now be redirected into things I actually WANT to do in the morning.
Same with laundry: one day, I realized that there was no reason to fold my pajamas. I don't wear them out in public, and they're going to get wrinkled anyway. So I just toss them in my pajama drawer straight from the dryer. Now my erstwhile pajama-folding energy can be repurposed for other chore tasks.
So when you're building your routines, make sure you're only including stuff that really matters to YOU, personally. That way, you don't waste your very precious, sometimes limited energy on things you don't even care about.
Good advice! And good for you about the make up. It has always blown my mind that we accept and actively create painted people as a normality.
@@NotaNazgulThanks, that made me laugh :D
The thought of people being coloured all over their face like a toddlers finger paint picture - that would probably make me want to paint myself too! (I almost never wear makeup)
Absolutely spot on! And thank you for sharing your specific example ie deciding not to wear makeup except for special occasions. Building a supportive routine requires us to think about the things that really do add value to our lives! Thank you for sharing ❤
Omg, for a few years now I stopped putting time into my make-up routine, it's just too much effort, I only do it when I feel like it. And it's such a hassle to take it off! For the last party (Christmas) I was like: it's gonna be so late when i go to bed, no way I will feel like taking it all off (even if it's just mascara, love the look, hate the clean up: the product stings my eye and it takes me more than a minute to wipe it off and I hate waiting) they just gonna have to look at my natural face. (And I don't even do it for the people but for my own reflection in the mirror so I think: looking hot girl! ) I also now have plenty of makeup stuff I don't use 😅 for me it's even a good day when I hydrate my skin. I'm still thinking, I'm a girl, I should like this stuff.
Honestly, this is me and laundry at times where sometimes I have super-organizational days b/c I can't stand my clothes not being folded because it looks messy/cluttered to me. I have other days where I legit can care less about stuff like that.
I have my days where I'm like that with my underwear/sock drawer esp. if it's at night-time. Sometimes I'm too lazy to fold it and/or reorganize. If it's right before bed time though and I've got a big pile on my bed = this goes on the floor since I'm too tired to deal with it right now. Sometimes it does take me abt. 3 days to put away clean clothes and then my mom questions: "How do you have so much laundry?" Or "why haven't you done your laundry yet?" Do I really want to do laundry apprx. 3x a day 3x a week = No, thank you. Dirty clothes pile up. The only reason I say 3x a day is due to our dryer currently being bad sadly. Oddly my closet dries my clothes faster than our dryer does.
This is super interesting. I basically already have a "minimum" routine for the low-energy days because I needed one to function, but I always sort of flounder when I have more energy. I'm never quite sure what to do with it and I stress out about choosing the wrong thing and wasting that precious energy. I think deciding on an intentional routine for higher-energy days could be really useful so I waste less energy on decision fatigue and just Go Do Things because they're already listed out.
Been there
Omg this! Weekends are a nightmare for me when I want to do all the things but also feel guilty or overwhelmed by whatever I’m choosing NOT to do
oh my gosh, thank you so much for sharing!!! i know it's probably typical to hear nowadays haha, but I seriously didn't know that someone else was like me in this matter!!! worrying about wasting the energy, and then worried it won't come back again, makes me behave manically.
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporessss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place.
Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
He's constantly talking about killing someone.
He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is. dr.sporessss
I am feeling overwhelmed. I am not diagnosed with ADHD (yet?), but your simple trick of watching the video at 1.5 speed made an incredible difference !!!
Perfect timing on this one. Just diagnosed with ADHD a week ago at 33. I’m on these early steps of my journey now. Thank you!
I got diagnosed 4 weeks ago at 36, whoop! Welcome to the club 😂❤
34 here 👋 wow yea perfect timing with this one for me too, thank you for sharing this.
Been diagnosed for years and still figuring it out lmao.
Haha, it's crazy to feel so alone and then be diagnose and you finally understand that you are not alone and we're all in that epic quest to get our lives togethers but the boss is already level 100 Haaaaa!
More serisouly, happy for you that you learn soon after your diag that routine is the first thing that help us get our sh** togethers ☺
32 and smack in the middle of seeking a diagnosis! Lol
Oh my gosh, I do this and it works so well! By the way, my minimum routine is just feeding myself and doing my bathroom routine - BUT - I have a breakfast bar in my room to make everything easier (with an electric kettle, instant oatmeal, tea, bread, and a toaster). And I can do my whole bathroom routine while sitting on the toilet. Luckily, the toilet is next to the sink. I brush my teeth and change my underwear (sorry, TMI), which I keep next to the toilet. I have chronic pain and severe depression, but I still end up fed and relatively clean every day!
Wow....I created a channel just so that I could like this comment. Happy for you and inspired!
Thanks!! @@joylovepeaceabundance
Really inspiring to hear how you've customized your minimum routine for what works for YOU and how you take care of yourself amidst chronic pain and severe depression 💕
I dont think its tmi, I appreciate you being so through with the details, this will help me too, thankyou
I have to admit - you literally blew my mind... I created a perfect routine with a little side note that if I am not okay this particular day I can do nothing or a few of this list - but it did not work out... I always felt guilty about not doing something, but right now? I created three routines as you suggested and now the only thing I have to do every morning is simply ask myself how am I doing and choose a correct routine.
Absolutely amazing, thank you for telling about this! 💜
Legit just cried tears of relief after marking my 3 types of routines for both morning and night….. It’s the first time I’m giving myself permission to feel successful even on low motivation/energy days.
For me it honestly also made a huge difference to write down the routine down on pretty paper. I feel like it sounds like that won't make a difference, but honestly before I kept trying to keep track of my routine wishes in my head and I didn't get through a day. And just scribbling it down also doesn't feel right with me, 'cause my handwriting isn't great when I don't put in any effort and looking at it doesn't make me so happy, but when I see that little sheet of paper that I painted myself to match my morning or evening energy & carefully wrote in my best handwriting, it motivates me, because it reminds me of the effort I put in when I worked this routine out for myself (& because it looks pretty).
@cme871 I totally relate to this! Cas from Clutterbug did a video about Pretty Home Power that made me realize that taking the time to make things pretty as I go was actually *helping* me continue with otherwise unrewarding tasks. Total mindset shift to realize I wasn't "wasting" time but actually cleverly finding a hack that motivates me. Huzzah! 😃
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THANK YOU
I needed this badly. I'm a grown-ass woman who can't seem to get her shit together for more than a day or two at a time, and I have often felt like such a failure. My recent ADHD diagnosis has helped me understand a bit more about why I do what I do (and don't do what I don't do), but that knowledge hasn't turned into a useful strategy. I love this plan. I would LOVE to see your nighttime minimum/usual/ideal routines, and hell, if you've got something for exercising I'd love to have that example as well. Clearly my own routines wouldn't be the same as yours, but an example would help me build my own.
You rock! I so appreciate this post!
Hearing others talk about these things feels so good. Instead of feeling guilty because I feel so lazy, unproductive and defeated. Thank you for putting this out here. As a 53 yo Mom with 6 children that are raised up now and just got diagnosed adultADHD only a year ago. It has been the single most exciting thing that’s happened to MYSELF for MYSELF. Was diagnosed LD in school, which I pretty much hated school except for hands on things(art, shop) and sports. Felt so stupid in school. So the doctor explaining and acknowledging and questioning me was such a self esteem/self worth booster. Videos like this, give me the same boosts. So thank you so much!!
Your minimum day is more than my everyday 💀💀💀💀
Make yourself the routines if/when you have a day motivated and hype. You're not alone king 👑 I need to brush my teeth more
My Ultra Minimum routine: 1) ADHD or other meds plus water by bed to take first thing (can also set alarm to take them then snooze so they have a chance to kick in). Second alarm I have to walk to to turn off or I'll snooze forever.
2) Toiletries and to-do list made the night before on counter next to toilet so I can multi-task - witch hazel on cotton ball instead of washing face, wet wipes for armpits and crotch.
3) Pony tail, hat, or dry shampoo.
4) Put on clothes laid out the night before.
5) Grab items placed in *front* of the door the night before and/or follow instructions on note attached to door knob for what to retrieve elsewhere. My keys, bag, and jacket are always in the same place so (mostly!🙃) automatic.
6) Eat breakfast in car or at desk - use dental picks and xylitol gum after every meal and floss and brush very thoroughly before bed (no cavities for years, and my dental hygienist loves me. Others' results may vary ; - ).
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When I have longer (EDIT: and it's VERY important that I be on time/the stars are aligned ; - ):
- pre-committing to getting all the way ready *first* before any extras & putting up visual reminders that I'm doing so for ME so I can have a happier, less stressful life < : - )
- a hard copy list of my essentials-plus routine in my eye line to help resist getting distracted (things like shower, makeup, review to-dos, review driving directions, look for messages ONLY from 1st appointment of the day, etc...)
- visual timer in front of me at all times that includes commute time so I can *see* if I'm making myself late (I use a 2-hour one for getting ready and a 60 minute one for Pomodoro-like work sprints.)
- Doing non-essentials only after I'm already walk-out-the-door ready except for shoes (eating breakfast at home, minor chores, journaling, internet...🤩>😵💫the ultimate rabbit hole)
- Setting a Leave Now alarm the night before that allows time for wrapping things up and a *realistic* commute with an Early Arrival buffer (it FEELS. SO. MUCH. BETTER. to start the day with calm instead of frantic lateness and self-recrimination!!!)
- Setting a SECOND Leave Now alarm the night before to really leave *right now* since I can easily get distracted while wrapping things up. D'oh! ; - D #metacognition for the win!
When I finally said NO MORE to internalized shame from people who have no clue how hard ADHD really is and reframed these kinds of things as hacks I do for ME it made all the difference. We deserve to ENJOY our lives, and sometimes forcing myself to do boring habits until they feel less unnatural is worth it. *Temptation Bundling, Habit Stacking, and visual reminders and encouragement have helped a LOT.* < : - )
I'd be curious to hear others' game changing tips. Best wishes!
🌈🌱🌿💐🍀💖
I also use the witch hazel cotton ball!!
@@allyson-- I just edited my comment because your reply made me realize it gave the false impression I do version two consistently! I wish!!! 😄But it does feel like kind of a superpower to finally know what I need to do to be on time and to have actually experienced the lovely calm of getting somewhere with time to spare. It's wonderful! 🌿☺🌴After dropping out of high school and several colleges and losing MANY jobs due to ADHD time blindness (and others' wrongheaded ableist assumptions about lateness), I want more of those good feelings in my life!❤
@@kishybee Witch hazel is the best! ; - D No more soaked shirt fronts and water everywhere from trying to wash my face in the sink! 🌊And I still get compliments about my skin. < : - )
Before absorbing your suggestions, I wanted to comment:
Diagnosed ADHD at 39, I’ve been suspecting I’m actually AuDHD / Autistic with a PDA profile (even before ‘demand avoidance’ became a recent buzz term)
Lists don’t work because not only does my brain feel like the task’s been done once written down, I won’t do what the paper is yelling at me to do.
It has helped to create an in-my-face jumble of tasks - and I get things done by glancing at the jumble, allowing my brain to latch on and feel that “should” about one thing… but then avoid it like the plague by doing any number of other things in that jumble.
This kind of appeases that avoidance whilst also appeasing my random-loving autonomy, remaining responsible and task-accomplishing in a different way.
It, does, not, make, sense - and that, THAT is why it works for my autonomy-needing brain.
✨✊✨
We didn't always have 'to do' lists barking at us. We may have lost confidence in our ability to gently hold a collection of 'to do' items as we go about our days. We're still quite capable of reaching in and selecting the perfect item, even though it hasn't been entered on a list, at the optimum time. I imagine it's like trying to collect live butterflies when all we have, to put them in, is pockets. Terrified that when the time comes to liberate them - they'll be in pieces and not even identifiable as butterflies. However, these are tough little butterflies and our sense of touch is so much more delicate than we realise that we can safely root around and take out the right one for the right time. We don't really need to catalogue and separately secure each one.
Your way of doing it, a kind of brilliant reverse self psychology, also works! It's brilliant. You know, have I got this right, that your 'to do' list will be fervently resisted but you also know that your way of resistance will mean that you will select something non priority on your 'to do' list? You're going to eschew item one. You might avoid it by doing item five - but you take that as a success (it kind of is) because you have STILL done one of the items. Or more! Do you feel like you may be actually achieving more because of the style of your avoidance? Yes yes yes yes yes. It's as if you are well aware that you are backing yourself into some unexpectedly productive corners! Do you (is this cheating) ever deliberately make item one something that you have zero intention of tackling or is it always something that you want to do? I'm so happy for you that you've figured out an ingenious way of not grinding to a halt! Long may it continue to be effective.
Say it again. Read it over and over again. Bravo. You have succinctly nailed it!
🥹 All of a sudden, I do not feel alone. So much SAME!
Oh I am going to try this.
i also struggle with PDA & resonate with this!
I am almost 38 and just got diagnosed. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. I have been struggling my whole life without knowing what was "wrong" with me. Nothing is wrong, I just don't know my needs.
I work a 9 to 5 job. I'm a 35yo female. I've never been diagnosed with ADHD and I don't claim to have it. But since I relate to a lot of other people's experiences, I like watching these advice videos in case I can improve my life. Throughtout my life I've never had a high energy morning. The closest thing I got was when a psychiatrist gave me some Atofar to see if it helped with my energy levels (this therapist also refused to run through the tests because he said I don't fit the stereotype). I didn't have more energy, but it gave me insomnia and as a result I ended up getting up earlier and doing more things to avoid getting bored. But I was still feeling exhausted and slow brained and bodied.
I don't think this video helped out much, it just made me feel a bit more self-conscious about my low my energy levels are...
Sounds like you need a doctor that is willing to do their job, and pursue why you feel exhausted.
Also, I'm sure you've heard many times how women with adhd have a hard time getting diagnosed because they don't fit the stereotype, and also that we tend to have symptoms worsen as we assume more responsibility and/or approach menopause. Being tested while investigating what is obviously a real problem for you would not be too much to ask. I'm sorry your problem was disregarded this way.
Wow! Can you do a follow up with an example of some night routines, maybe even lunch or cleaning or grocery shopping, with this same format?
I was going to say something similar
For grocery shopping I usually like to buy it by drive ( idk how it called otherwise). Basically buying online and picking up your groceries by foot or by car.
You can take the time to compare the price to quantity and make sure you make your money worth and you can even compare different malls’ prices with the sold and online catalogues(?). Anyway I love do that. Plus you will have to go pick it up by the next hour so your forced to go, very practical.
Try to find inspiration online for meals and buy following the ingredients needed but in bulk. Then when you have these high energy days, do some huge meal prep to freeze once cold. You can eat most of them up to 3 months. If you don’t find the motivation before your fruits/ vegetables and stuff that go bad goes bad then freeze them as they are (maybe cut them in the size you will need later to avoid some frustration) and soak them in cold water when needed so it defrost (?) quicker. You can even do that for sandwiches if you want to do something quick and quicker to reach.
I think I’ve done this intuitively the last few years as an audhd’er. The REAL challenge is when you have multiple kids with ADHD who you’re also trying to support with their fluctuations in energy and daily routines on top of your own.. the struggle is real!
Yes!
@ellen and @nichole
I so hear you both! I have ADHD, depression, and anxiety, but I also have a 7 year old son with ASD and ADHD, as well as a 4 year old son who is showing strong signs of ADHD but is not diagnosed. It can be SO VERY difficult. Draining.
Hugs and love to you both, you are not alone! ❤
Ok yes! I just commented this basically!
I have a autistic pda adhd 6 yo and 2 year old twins. Oh and my husband also has adhd and has always struggled way more with mornings than I have. 😵💫
I had tons of coping measures that got me through pre motherhood. Now it’s all broken. It’s just unmanageable and my nervous system is shot.
Yesss. My 5 year old is up at the butt crack of dawn and wakes me up. Talk talk talk talk talk. I can’t even think. If I’m to help them with their ADHD and I don’t even understand mine? I hear talk talk talk and I think “they have high energy” but as soon as I say like “ok, after your granola bar, go change your clothes” they turn into a blob “I’m sooooo tired…..”
Me too, child, me too.
THIS IS FLIPPING BRILLIANT! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I NEEDED TO SEE THIS TODAY!
Babe thanks so much for this vid and the energy and effort you put into it 💗💗
This was mega helpful! Also I chuckled at the 1.5x speed when I'm watching at 2.5x speed. Definitely need to make this since I have way more minimum days when working remotely.
this is really helpful. I've been in a deep rut lately and several waves of depression stemming from a lot of perfectionism. One of the many ways perfectionism shows up for me is in trying new things that will help me. Journaling, routines, just self care in general. If I journal and forget to do a day because i'm not feeling it or I'm not doing the format perfectly, I'll feel like I failed because I'm not consistent and won't want to do it again. Same with my routine. If I haven't woken up and done all the things I "should" do in the morning (ie get out of the bed at a "decent" time, get dressed, do my make up, eat, walk, etc), then I just feel like I can't do routines. And honestly that has got me stuck rn in a depression loop where I just don't truly do any self care and get into a constant burnout trying to be perfect. My new goal is just remove that feeling that I need to do things the "right" way and just celebrate the fact that I did it. If anything what I'd like to do consistently is just celebrate myself trying my best.
Omg yes, that perfectionism has killed every routine, exercise plan, journal, etc. for me. This good enough, better, best approach seems useful. I can keep the streak alive even on "bad days" if I set my minimum bar low enough!😂
I absolutely LOVE this!!! Thank you for creating and sharing! I’d love to see your 3 versions of your night routine to help with ideas on that side of things. Also, your voice is so calming and encouraging! Instant follow 😊
This sounds so simple and yet actually achievable, splitting your routine in different versions for different energy levels! I'd love to try this out, thanks for inspiring me 💕
I’ve been doing this for a while and one extra thing I use to make things easier for myself is one of the sliding task boards so once I’ve done a step I can slide the thingy over to say that I’ve done it. This has the benefit of the dopamine of recognising that a task is done, but also helps me know what to do next when my brain is still struggling with executive functioning.
ooooooh, I'd never heard of a sliding task board, so I just looked it up and I think that's gonna be a game changer for me! yippee!
I am almost in tears, this is exactly what I needed as someone who craves routine but whose ADHD can't maintain it. Thank you so much!
This couldn't have come at a better time Hayley! I'm a few days into creating a habit stacking routine for myself and because of your video am now recognizing that it is the "ideal version" as you said. Definitely going to be adding a few more variations (with less and less habits) within my habit stacked mornings and nights to make space for the energetic rollercoaster that we are all riding 🎢 Thank you thank you!!
This was literally life changing and PERFECT timing. 🙏🏾 thank you 🥲
Woah woah woah as soon as I hit the 2x speed thing the message that I can do that exact thing if I want showed up that was surreal
Your description of your lowest moment mornings reflects what my life has been like with routines. I truly thought that was typical until this video.Your description of a very bare bones of just fueling yourself usually feels like the most I'm ever able to accomplish. My bare bones is not getting out of bed until dinner time. I have really bad decision fatigue, extremely low frustration tolerance, and extreme rejection sensitive dysphoria that I'm trying to manage as an adult but I often feel hopeless
I hope your bare bones routine involves essential scheduled cuddle sessions with the cat. I think, on my calendar, one of my earliest (upon waking) tasks should be 'mither the cat' (mithering not recognised by spell check but, also, 'recognised' not recognised by spell check - 'mithering' is bothering/fussing with and it really seems to help both of us when I mither him with affection/tickling/playing/kissing him till he kind of wants to flee but also really wants it to continue) before he has his breakfast. I mither him so he doesn't spend the rest of the day mithering me!
I might be wrong.... But I don't think you're describing ADHD symptoms..... You may well have ADHD - but it sounds like you also have untreated depression.....
It took me about 12 years to find the right medication and therapy combination - and I too felt pretty hopeless along the way, and thought many times that I was just broken... But having found the right treatment for the depression, I know that I can thrive with AuDHD... Of course it has challenges, and it'll never be "easy" but it also isn't necessarily as hard as you're experiencing. X
@@jennifermccarthy6733 oh I'm very aware I have other mental illnesses. I've been in therapy for 8 years now and have found virtually no improvement despite trying dozens of medications, seeing 4 different psychs, and 5 different therapists. All of my previous diagnoses have been rescinded so I have no formal diagnoses as of rn
@@CorneliusNutterbucketThe3rdDo you know why your diagnoses have been rescinded? Do you mind sharing anything about that? I am very intrigued 😅
@@whathappenedtomyyoutubehandle My 4th psychiatrist gave me a diagnosis of bipolar disorder 2 and ADD. My prior 3 only gave me adjustment disorder diagnosis. The 4th one got her license revoked after many clients (myself included) came forward about medical malpractice she had committed. Then basically everything in my files that had been added by her was burned and now I'm back to an "adjustment disorder" diagnosis that I have had since I was 16. I'm currently struggling to find a new psych who takes my insurance (medicaid). I have been out of one since June of this year and haven't found one in my area besides the 3 that I had previously seen who all work in the one office all Medicaid psych and therapists work at in my county
Thank you for making this content. This is VERY helpful for me and I just want you (and the algorithm) to know that you're doing a great service to me and so many people! Don't stop, you're a rockstar.
this video is literally an answer to my prayers 🙏🏾… thank you so much 🥹💕
The phone charging in the bathroom, such a passing comment, but an absolute game changer for me. It would 1, force me to get out of bed instead laying n bed and scrolling. 2, remind me to brush my teeth bc i can easily get ready in the morning without stepping in there. Up until this comment I’ve ended up brushing my teeth at work… sometimes not remembering until my lunch break 😅
Haley, I just want to say how much I value the work you have done. I feel like it can used not just for people with ADHD, but for people who can deal with depression. I deal with Bipolar and ADHD, so your videos and advice actively help me live my life.
I’m absolutely convinced that the perfect routine will make my whole life better. I’ve spent so much of my time making my schedule and my morning/night routines.
I can’t believe no one has ever thought me this. Thank you so much! I can relate to so many things you said, and I’ll definitely give it a try
this seems so easy & intuitive, and yet the simple act of _writing it out_ makes me feel less anxiety & guilt for my neurodivergent needs. it makes achieving some semblance of consistency feel possible! thanks for this
great video! I think it's important to articulate neurodiversity includes *rigid thinking* - e.g., "I have to have the perfect xyz..." - this style of thinking can be incredibly limiting / perfectionist / self destructive - in any part of our lives (not just morning routines) keep up the great work!
Appreciate this post tremendously. Helps reduce the shame in my seemingly changing moods when I wake up. Also, great that it’s a 12 min video.
This is sheer brilliance!! I'm so glad it worked for you, and am thrilled it is working for me. Tysm!!!
Thank you for putting that reminder at the start of your video that I can speed the video up! So helpful for people that don’t know or that forget it’s a option 😂 got distracted way less listening to it at 1.5x 🧡
I love how accepting this was, and the notion of working *with* different energy levels rather than against it
And i'm guessing on a low energy level some of the ideal list items can be made later during the day if the situation improves. For example making a bigger effort lunch or going for a longer walk with your dog later on (or maybe not since this would disrupt the routine)
I’m so excited to try this! I’ve been looking everywhere for a structure just like this one. Thank youuuuuu ❤🙏🏻
I am so excited by this. Thank you so much for this!! I literally felt a weight lifted off my shoulders thinking about this. For the first time in my life i feel excited about and capable of keeping a routine. Let's gooooooo
I have dyspraxia. Something about this has clicked with me :) I am teaching myself to be satisfied if I've done something, anything, that involves the dishwasher and washing machine each day. Will apply this to a morning routine I think!
This is an extremely good idea, and I will figure out my own version of it today. I not only have ADHD but also a rare sleep disorder that absolutely saps all my energy way more often than I'd like, so having multiple variations sounds perfect!
Isn’t it great? I’m currently going through pregnancy fatigue right now (recently diagnosed with ADD) and the varying energy levels each day have really thrown me. On low energy days it will be perfect to be able to say “it’s ok, we don’t have to do the ideal routine today. It will be an accomplishment to do the minimum”. P.s I’m sorry you have to deal with fatigue and varying energy levels every single day and not just for a fixed term like myself 😢 I hope this method can help you long term!
Omg I have been trying to get on a routine forever. Definitely going to try this out and hopefully this helps! Thank you so much ❤
This is probably going to change my life, and I appreciate this so much!! This is amazing.
I can’t put into words how glad I am that you posted this! Making my routines right now! 🎉
Thankful and so appreciative to hear similar perspectives that have helped you. taking note and making adjustments within my own routine of loose structures. So refreshing to hear similar struggles when I was taught the opposite growing up. Crazy connections too in the timing of your sharing these topics with how my life journey has been laid out. Thank you greatly for your vulnerability and empathy. You rule dudes 🤘🏽
I actually could cry. This is so helpful and life changing for me. Thank you so much ❤
Omg! Thank you!
Your channel just popped up on my feed, and this is me!
This helps me so much. Thank you, thank you thank you ❤
Thank you for this take and your personal experience and tips ❤❤❤ this is going to help me so much. I actually was trying to do this a while ago but I didn't get the realization I could create an average energy and low energy routine. Trying to stick to the ideal is definitely what created more frustration and resistance for me to continue with it. Your content has truly made a change for me in so many areas ❤
I love this. I literally cried from happiness at the end of the video. It’s like you’re given me something that totally makes sense and is completely logical, but if I came up with it would not have the same effect on me. It’s like you’ve given me permission to just be. It just feels so validating. Thank you. This video couldn’t have come at a better time, cause I’m just trying to build a routine for myself after having a depression episode. Thank you ❤
Thanks for suggesting I speed it up. It really helped and I have never thought to do that to a video before. I think you opened a new tool for my brain and its very excited to use it for other things.
Thank you so much for the speed change hint. It feels so much better!
It really clicked for me when you said the emails, to do, and journalling take more *motivation*. I can think about ideals and different energy levels, but actually deciding on the tasks and knowing what fits is a very different procedure. I have to know the barriers to getting different things done, like fatigue levels, or as I'll explore next, motivation and interest.
Hi Hayley😊 and anyone reading this message. WARNING: Very lenghty message ahead but bear with me, it’s worth it!
I’d love to have your input on that: for fellow spoonies (spoon theory for people who might not know),the different variations of the routines could be divided into the number of spoons.
The highest energy routine would be based on the highest number of spoons, the average would be the number of spoons you tend to have in general and the third variation, the lowest number of spoons you’ve had.
For example, my highest numbers of spoons variates between 9 and 10; my average is between 5 1/2 to 6 and a half and my lowest of lows is 1 spoon.
Therefore, my ideal routine would be for days that I have 7 to 10 spoons; my average routine would be associated to 4 1/2 to 6 1/2 spoons and my lowest, 1 to 3 spoons.
I hope my explanation makes sense or helped somebody😊
Also, thank you very much for your videos @Hayley❤❤❤ they really help me be more forgiven with myself and find different systems.
P.S: quick reminder for anyone who needed to hear this, just keep doing your best! I know how frustrating it can be but I’m sure you got this! You’ve been through a lot and you’re still here!!! I believe in you❤ remember to take deep breaths
Thank you SO much for all of your videos. I appreciate them a lot. ❤
When you said you DONT do your ideal routine on a relatively consistent basis i teared up.. i feel at home here. Just found this video on my recommended page, time to subscribe
I'm so glad you just posted this. I'm having a low energy day and am feeling very guilty about not accomplishing the things I need to. I'll take some time to make some routines right now. ❤
It sounds so simple. And basic. But it's a great step by step explanation WITH examples. THAT is what makes this such a hit! Thank you! I bet this is useful for loads of people!
Everything you said in the first couple minutes, I felt that in my soul!
Oh my goodness Hayley, it is like you are in my brain!! I start so many routines, feel like I'm doing well for a day or two and then get distracted/bored/tired etc and feel crappy. I love this minimum days and good days, yes!!!! thank you ever so much for this, it is really helpful
This is genius!! Im going to plan mine right now! Thank you very much!! ❤
Thank you for this. I've tried so many routines and apps for my adhd. What's worked for me is telling myself this is how i show love to myself, but taking care of my skin and teeth and hair and how i feel about myself. It's helped a lot as someone with self-esteem issues!
This is the best idea I’ve ever heard!! I haven’t tried it yet but I can already see how well it will work ❤.
this is the video i've needed for years. thank you.
I recently implemented this into my own life and holy crap, it feels really good. Giving yourself the grace and the flexibility to shift into a secondary routine or set is *so nice* for when you desire structure but can't maintain the same energy level day to day. It really changed my life for the better
Yes, all this! I’m a homemaker/housewife and I’ve been really happy with it except for the routine part. And you can adjust what you normally do- like cleaning is really important to me so I can do a basic clutter reset at minimum and stretch and then small getting ready. And a TINY to do list or a high level to do list based on how I feel.
I love this so much! This is fantastic. Thank you!
I absolutely needed this video this morning. Thank you for being a kind and gentle creator. Your voice is soothing, your words are inspiring, and you are delightful. Thank you!!! ☺️🫶💛 -Madelyn
I watched this video once already but came back to reference it again because it is SO GOOD. I'm planning to implement this for everything in life eventually. Homeschooling my kiddos, accomplishing work tasks, etc. Seriously thank you so much for this video. 💜
This advice just saved my life! And with the new year coming up I've been really wanting to get on a better routine, so this is perfect!
I didn't realize how much I needed to hear the flexibility stuff. My brain takes everything literally, so in the past, when I tried to work out routines I had it in my head I needed to do EXACTLY that. Every day. Or it was a failure. And my ADHD always panics at that lol.
My motivation levels fluctuate a lot, and are usually on the "meh" side, so I'm definitely going to make a routine with that in mind now, and I think it'll really help. I've been in a slump since last year, and it's been hard breaking out of it because of the side of me that craves order and normalcy. So it can be hard coming out of a depression when depression was your norm.
I'm moving into a new apartment November 30 so of course I'm in the mood to change my life bahaha. This is perfect timing. I'm making my lists and spreadsheet and calendar alerts. Hoping that the fresh start and living solo gets me going. Charging your phone in the bathroom is also genius.
This literally actually blew my mind. I think this is gonna change everything for me thank you
This is seriously a life changing mindset. Thanks for sharing!
The more I watch your videos the more I feel I probably have ADHD too, but like the inattentive version..
My biggest routine I struggle over is food.. but what seems to work best is having a weekly or bi-weekly food prep day on those high energy swings, where I get as much food cooked and refrigerated as possible. It makes it so that I can manage to hit my goals on health + budget food but not have extensive work at every meal time. Things like breakfast casseroles, extra pancakes, boiled eggs. A large salad ready in the fridge. Pre-cooking dry beans and knowing a couple simple variations for using them, along with containers of cooked rice. The struggle happens when I don't have a motivated day that week and/or the food gets inhaled too fast by the family and I'm caught on a day where I'm in a low energy state with a pantry full of maximum preparation work types of foods..
Äh. Add Depression and grief to AuDHD and you have my morning routine: Fighting not to wake up, because living alone with no help means the to dos get bigger and more with every day, so just thinkink of it makes me so tired I wish I could sleep again...
It´s just getting up and going to the toilet after one or two hours, then feeding my cats and give one his medicine. Grab or make some breakfast (as I am a vegan and live in Germany there is no idea of "cooking breakfast", we eat bread and marmalade and have a coffee normally, later a bread with (vegan) cheese or something salty like this, mostly I combine it ). In the last month I started to make vegan-yoghurt/soydrink over-night chia-oats with frozen blueberrys on top für two or three days in the evenings to have something healthy to just grab in the mornings.
Then I take the breakfast back to my bed, because it is the only place in my small one room appartment I don´t hate too much. There I put the Laptop on and stay with it till I sleep playing games, watching YT or movies/serials.
On good days I cook something warm, most days I just make another bread,
Every about ten days I take a lot of energy making a complete change with washing the cat-toilet (of cause I clean it many times a day and use a very expensive litter that lasts very long), hoover the flat and change the bedsheets, shower, put new clothes on and take out the rubbish to the bins at night when nobody of my horrible neighbours is outside. Two days after I feel fresh and good, then I hate myself because I smell, my skin itches but I just can´t shower. In my old flat I had a bath tub for those days, it felt so much easier just to sit in a warm and cozy bad, do all the little steps with breaks and then in the end I had to shower wich made it easier. But this big open shower means putting away the litter box, vacuuming the bath room just to be able to use the shower, where I feel dizzy as fuck and sometimes have to sit on the ground because I feel I collapse. It´s a horror, even more in that horrible hot summers we had the last years. No getting cool again it feels a bit easier, but it´s dark outside almost ever.
Since February bringing out my garbage is the only time I leave my flat. I am too scared of people.
Can´t answer my phone, doorbell is also on silent exept the times the supermarket-delivery comes or the package from the drugstore arrives.
Just waiting for that fucking heritage to come (it´s an ugly fight, I have a lawyer) after my parents who´s single daughter I was and who hated me died, wich nobody told me to be able to move away from this horrible place and live again.
Hate my life so much.
So I can´t even do Your shit-day routine...
I thank you so much for sharing this!! Gonna start your approach tomorrow morning!
This is so helpful!!! I have always felt so bad about myself when I can't stick to a routine. This seems like something I can actually achieve. THANK YOU! ❤