I warned my divorce attny about her (highly suspected) narcissistic disorder. I even gave him some articles about it. He basically scoffed and said that everyone claims the ex is a narc in divorce. When it was all over (and she went scorched earth, and i lost most of my finances, my home, even a lot of my access to my kids), he remarked about how he was surpised how acrimonious and difficult this case was. It took all of my willpower to not punch him in the face when he said that.
@@beta_cygni1950 As a divorce lawyer, too - I feel this on both sides! Yes, it's so common it's almost laughable - almost everyone says their ex is a narcissist or has narcissistic traits. In most cases, though, there isn't enough money for one party to go completely nuts, like it sounds like happened in your case. But it does happen, and it is frustrating when you pay so much to an attorney who doesn't listen or validate your very real experiences. I'm sorry!
Stay calm. Stay calm. Stay calm. Before ANY papers are filed on either side, decide what you want and need. The judge prefers someone who is not fighting in the courtroom, but focuses on whatever problem is at hand, whether that be the division of property, a decision about custody and support, or a refusal on the other person's part to cooperate, despite a court order. Remember that attorney's make more money the longer it is dragged out, unless they have a flat fee schedule. Furthermore, take the time to read the divorce laws in your area. There are books that put the cookies on the lower shelf for us. It helps if your attorney doesn't have to explain everything in detail. Get therapy right away. Preferably while you are still married. You thought ot was hard being married to this person? Divorce is SUCH a great platform for drama and attention! Generally, they love it.
@@jjjackson5183 are you a divorce attorney too? Great advice, no matter which side of the aisle you're on. I always ask my clients - do you want to pay for my kids to go to college or yours? Let's focus on what we can achieve here and not overspend just to make a point! Minimum spend, maximum ROI.
@@YourGirlfriendNeedsaDivorce I am not a divorce attorney, but I had to divorce my narcissistic husband when he filed for legal separation. (He didn't/wouldn't work, but wanted me to fully support him. Impossible on my income. The kids were mostly grown.) After the first 9 months, I had to let my attorney go and represent myself. I learned everything I could and consulted with a great litigation attorney when I got stuck. It nearly broke me, as you can imagine. The QDRO was finally in place in November 2023. We had been divorced since 2014, but this one thing was hanging out there. (My work QDRO, of course.) He followed exactly zero of the court orders and it set me back a lot, both financially and emotionally. I could have kept fighting it, or just let it go and move on. I chose the latter. Happy now. I would tell people that a little manipulation may have to happen to get the thing over with. By that, I mean, you may have to get adamant about keeping some things you know he (or she) absolutely wants in order to get any movement at all. This type attaches to THINGS, so it works.
Goes both ways lol I’ve been documenting everything 👍🏼 great advice
I warned my divorce attny about her (highly suspected) narcissistic disorder. I even gave him some articles about it. He basically scoffed and said that everyone claims the ex is a narc in divorce.
When it was all over (and she went scorched earth, and i lost most of my finances, my home, even a lot of my access to my kids), he remarked about how he was surpised how acrimonious and difficult this case was. It took all of my willpower to not punch him in the face when he said that.
@@beta_cygni1950 As a divorce lawyer, too - I feel this on both sides! Yes, it's so common it's almost laughable - almost everyone says their ex is a narcissist or has narcissistic traits. In most cases, though, there isn't enough money for one party to go completely nuts, like it sounds like happened in your case. But it does happen, and it is frustrating when you pay so much to an attorney who doesn't listen or validate your very real experiences. I'm sorry!
Your attorney didn’t want to spend a lot of time on your case because he didn’t see enough money for himself to work that hard.
@@solice8844 Oh, he got his money. Well north of $100k at the ebd of the 2 years.
My documentation & a great family therapist saved the day for us. The abuser still did damage though.
@@crushynn90 it's hard to get away undamaged! But getting away - and then healing - is key. Solidarity helps, too.
Stay calm. Stay calm. Stay calm. Before ANY papers are filed on either side, decide what you want and need. The judge prefers someone who is not fighting in the courtroom, but focuses on whatever problem is at hand, whether that be the division of property, a decision about custody and support, or a refusal on the other person's part to cooperate, despite a court order. Remember that attorney's make more money the longer it is dragged out, unless they have a flat fee schedule. Furthermore, take the time to read the divorce laws in your area. There are books that put the cookies on the lower shelf for us. It helps if your attorney doesn't have to explain everything in detail. Get therapy right away. Preferably while you are still married. You thought ot was hard being married to this person? Divorce is SUCH a great platform for drama and attention! Generally, they love it.
@@jjjackson5183 are you a divorce attorney too? Great advice, no matter which side of the aisle you're on. I always ask my clients - do you want to pay for my kids to go to college or yours? Let's focus on what we can achieve here and not overspend just to make a point! Minimum spend, maximum ROI.
@@YourGirlfriendNeedsaDivorce I am not a divorce attorney, but I had to divorce my narcissistic husband when he filed for legal separation. (He didn't/wouldn't work, but wanted me to fully support him. Impossible on my income. The kids were mostly grown.) After the first 9 months, I had to let my attorney go and represent myself. I learned everything I could and consulted with a great litigation attorney when I got stuck. It nearly broke me, as you can imagine.
The QDRO was finally in place in November 2023. We had been divorced since 2014, but this one thing was hanging out there. (My work QDRO, of course.)
He followed exactly zero of the court orders and it set me back a lot, both financially and emotionally. I could have kept fighting it, or just let it go and move on. I chose the latter. Happy now. I would tell people that a little manipulation may have to happen to get the thing over with. By that, I mean, you may have to get adamant about keeping some things you know he (or she) absolutely wants in order to get any movement at all. This type attaches to THINGS, so it works.
@@jjjackson5183 I'm sorry - what an exhausting experience. I hate when it's like that because it just doesn't have to be.
😶