Joseph and Jordan mix like oxygen and a heat source when these discussions come up, and Danny is there trying desperately to put the fire out with a teaspoon lol
Trying to imagine what it would be like to be a preteen dropped off with Joseph and his wife during a family emergency. Are they watching skibadi toilet with the kid? Discussing Garten of Ban Ban lore? ... Edison?
@@pidgeyottot3527 Honestly, listening through the entire discussion and how it resolved really proved both of their points. Jordan's point of how things can get heated in the moment and that it should be understandable (the discussion started becoming a shouting match). Then, Joseph and Danny's point that regardless of who's in the wrong in the first place, if you end up doing something that you should be apologizing for, you should do your best to apologize for it and come to an understanding (the discussion ended with a mutual understanding and acknowledgements that no one wanted to hurt anyone). We can only hope something similar happened for the OP of the Reddit post.
The last story is very relatable to me. Sometimes you can't change stuff even if you talk about it. What, does he tell his wife to stop having friends? She's gonna keep going out and he's gonna keep getting hurt. At that point, you can't have the same conversation every single time. Sometimes you just want to say "Well, I'm hurt" and that's all you can say. When you're emotional and tired of this happening, "I'm hurt" becomes a snide remark. Ideally you apologize later.
Thought about the final post: Y'all note that the guy hasn't said anything about Valentines in the past, but he says he did, right? Like he said, "she doesn't put in the effort but I DO, I try to make the day atleast a little special". I think its worth discussing that both this passive aggressive behavior may be more pervasive than just this one scenario of hurt, and ALSO that the wife seems to just ignore every attempt this guy makes to connect with her.
That's not the point, he's not a bad person for reacting that way but it's still something you need to apologize for. A relationship isn't something you need to win
Okay I do gotta say that yall were basically making up a brand new dude in that last one. It wasn't the silent treatment, he literally said he didn't pick up the phone because he still felt hurt. He was trying to avoid the emotionally driven conversation at that point.
AND HOW ARE WE DIGGING INTO THE DUDE FOR BEING MANIPULATIVE WHEN THE WIFE HIT EM WITH THE "You want me to eat by myself...... 😔" Like the wife has gotta understand the situation like instantly, and goes straight into girlboss mode, trying to guilt the husband for having an emotion. I'm sorry, Joseph needs some locker time.
I'm sorry, Peeps is completely right here. Being a 45 year old adult does not mean he is incapable or "should know better" when he is petty or rude when feeling hurt. People are people. Children do this, so do adults. The difference is, adults are mature enough to be able to apologize and communicate how they feel afterwards.
Reading the actual reddit thread on that third one was a doozy. The guy left out half the shit in his initial post about the wife making the decision to go on that business trip(it was optional and she didn't need to go) all so she could meet up and have dinner with that other guy, which is why the husband got so bent out of shape. For some reason he just left it all out of the initial post.
That comment OP makes is wild to me. She makes an optional work trip SPECIFICALLY to meet with a coworker on Valentine's day. She didnt have to go on this trip, this definitely didn't have yo be on Valentine's day. He has every right to be passive aggressive and upset. I do think its telling how much he loves her by not mentioning the plan in the post. He didn't want to make it about her, he wanted to ask how people think he handled the situation rather than make his wife look as bad as possible.
@queenautumnween2796 Yeah the whole thing is sad. I try to be understanding, but if my wife did that I wouldn't be passive aggressive, I would have absolutely exploded the second I found out. You can tell how much the guy really cares to barely let that anger and frustration leak out like that with a simple snide comment.
@@P4brotagonist and then to top it off the difference in there love languages has been a topic of conversation for over a year with them working on it, and expressing what they need and it almost comes across that the wife just doesnt care. and to be clear i dont really think the wife did anything wrong either just i can fully understand the husband making a bad remark in the moment of finding out that last second
Not to be sappy but #3 helped restore a little bit of faith in humanity seeing three dudes fully get into talking about the importance of discussing emotional needs in a relationship. Gotta love seeing healthy masculinity in motion
At 49:20 I think the mood of the conversation was kind of "okay now that we've established that the wife is partially responsible, let's make fun of the husband >:D". Following that up with "he's acting like a child", and then saying to Alex "looks like we got a representative from team WHINER" (mocking him and equating him to a subject of gossip)... Alex was much more chill than I would've been in that situation. But, then, yall are longtime friends and I'm not. wait i can spin this into a funny youtube comment Am I [25M] The Asshole For Telling My Podcast Cohost [26M] That He Shouldn't Call A Redditor A Teenager okay when I put it that way it sounds like he deserves it
@@nightmarebananafulI've noticed that Joseph has a lot to say about how men in particular act in relationships, and it usually results in him being overly hard on men in these Like the one a few weeks ago where the dude was supposed to construct an elaborate lie to break up with his girlfriend and would have been a huge asshole for just being polite and honest
man, the discussion in the third one would've been way different if they read OP's comments because he explains that he has communicated that valentines is important to him and he has communicated that hes not getting enough out of the relationship but he loves his wife too much to leave (also a bit of sunk cost fallacy cause of how long the relationship has been going on for) he makes it pretty clear that the wife just isnt considering at all how her actions, whether she deems them appropriate or not, are going to effect OP. but they also forgot several details from the post cause even without all that extra info its very weird how much they focus in on how the guy reacted when what the wife is doing is very insensitive even with just the context of the original post. in the post he gives enough context to show that he has shown his wife that he cares about valentines much more than she does so going out without another guy on valentines in a different city is a horrible thing to do. they also forgot that he found out that she was meeting with this other guy on that call, right before the dinner. honestly the comments are really important to the discussion especially the one where he says the trip was optional and she chose to meet up with the co-worker specifically to meet on valentines. it takes it from two co-workers getting lunch together to something much more predetermined which again, he only found out was predetermined on that call. yes, his reaction is petty and he needs to apologise for that but that is the last thing they should be discussing really, like throughout the whole story, OP being hurt and frustrated cause he just found out about this, what is basically a date, last minute and saying some petty things is the least concerning thing in this post imo. also something i havent seen anyone else bring up is that even if the wife isnt intending on cheating (which OP is very adamant about in his comments) that co-worker is for sure pushing for it right? i honestly wonder if that coworker is cheating on their wife (another detail from the all too important comments OP left)
Late but, especially on that last paragraph,absolutely true, they focused on the couple while there's another character to the story which is the co-worker. Everybody in the western world knows about Valentine's so you know what the coworker would think and also (about the wife),come on how are you that insensitive at 40+ to not know that even if Valentine's is not important to you it has meaning to other people(coworker too),like they really had to choose Valentine's day and both agree to it, that's obviously crazy hurtful to anybody's partner even if you don't care about it. I think that OP had that in mind when he talked about the coworker's intentions but I'm sure it's easy to gloss over during an argument. The wife was 100% an asshole, there's no way you wouldn't think about the implications a dinner on that day with somebody your partner doesn't know in another city brings even if you're that naive and think "at worst it's gonna hurt him a bit" that's still super shitty to do and say over a call few hours beforehand
In the same way that Jordan and Joseph knew exactly what was going on with the wedding parents in the last patreon episode, the "please watch our kids for an hour" couple are my people and I knew in a heartbeat with absolute certainty that the sister was NOT getting there in an hour.
Joseph does this annoying AITA thing where one party is obviously and objectively wrong in a big way (going on a date with someone besides your husband on valentines), and then their partner responds with anything less than a saintly level of communication and patience, then they're the ones who are actually in the wrong. Dude reacted sub-optimally to his wife treating him like shit, but SHE TREATED HIM BADLY, in a much bigger way than a little passive aggressive comment. A lot of Joseph's take on this could be summed up as "man up". His comment about how his wife is gonna feel justified in cheating on him because he's a little bitch is INSANE.
This is a perfect dynamic of a discussion Podcast, 2 of the 3 that have slightly differing opinions and 1 that has ability to be the mediator and combine the opinions! Great work guys, I enjoy hearing the guys discuss these points in a relatable manner
Oh boy, what an episode. Y'all really went into the tunnel with the second one. There are other options. Take the kids to the hospital and have the sister meet them there, who can then take the kids back to the apartment. Is that more inconvenient for the couple? Yeah, but at least they're shifting the burden onto themselves and onto family, who they can reasonably expect will be more willing to shoulder this kind of inconvenience for them. Not a neighbor with whom they clearly do not have a very close relationship. The last one. Ugh. Every time Joseph reenacts the 'enjoy your date' comment, he adds more sass and whine into it. It's so unhelpful. Like yeah, the husband is gonna come across like a baby if you reenact it like a baby. I feel like Joseph is reading a lot of his own assumptions into that remark, esp. the intent behind it. He's making it out to be deliberately manipulative, when I don't see the evidence for that. (For the record, I think it's a possibility, but that it is also a jump to reach that conclusion.) Also, dodging the second call is completely fine. It is reasonable to delay communication when you are heated to avoid saying something you will regret. And in fact, it makes MORE sense if you take the remark to be deliberately hurtful.
I think I got I the last one finally, and I wholly agree with Jordan. What's happening is Joseph wants to have both pieces of the response pie here. He wants the adult, mature, understanding that this was something that hurts a person and to have a level of sympathy for them, but still wants to do the childish chide chuckle at someone who is vulnerable. It's easy to be rational in hindsight as Danny said, but you still effectively want to make fun of someone that was hurt and how they expressed at the time. And that at that point, you are the asshole.
EXACTLY, he has a right to be hurt, and he loves her too much to argue, so his only other outlet for his hurt is, final word comment. I feel that so much.
@@cptKamina I mean yeah, they are two different reactions. Ones that holds a certain empathetic understanding and one that doesn't. That's the exact contradiction I'm pointing out.
Gotta agree with Jordan on the last one. Sometimes you say petty stuff in the moment when you feel hurt Ideally you apologize later but it doesn't make you a child or a manipulator for saying it. I also think Joseph was making a way bigger deal of it than it actually was and it really felt like he kept trying to make it sound worse the longer he argued about it.
the fact that people wouldn’t help watch those kids is astounding. shows a complete lack of compassion, empathy, or human decency. genuinely disgusting
Insane to me that Joeseph, a man who has staked his entire career on making stupid little peurile digs at other people to annoy them, is claiming the moral high ground on matters of mature behavior
I agree with Peeps on throwing out "enjoy your date" by the OP. Both the OP and their partner need to sit down and discuss their relationship 100% but the idea that someone committed decides to go out with friends on Valantines than spend it with their significant other is weird to me.
I think the person in the second situation should watch those kids, but I dont understand this weird sort of derision to the woman not wanting to be part of the community? Like, some people just dont want to interact with strangers. Thats totally a reasonable thing to feel. That said, you should probably watch those kids.
Peeps is 100% correct on that last one. Irrationality does not equate to immaturity. Yes, you can apologise abiut the comment, but he was hurt in the moment, and acted irrational in the moment. Making fun of him for being mad in the moment and acting as such in the moment is wrong. He didnt act like a child, he was wrong for acting like that, but he was mad and its understandable. You cant expect people to be fully mature and see everything in hindsight when something genuinely hurts him. Thats something that transcends age, its emotion
I have to add my two cents here on the "3am babysitting" one - it's genuinely unbelievable to me that anybody would ever say no here. You have been asked, by a woman in labour, to take an hour or two of your time in order to watch their kids so that they can go to hospital and GIVE BIRTH. If somebody knocked on my door at 3am who I had NEVER MET, who I had literally never seen before in my life, and was clearly in labour, I would be falling over myself to offer to drive her to the goddamn hospital if she needed me to, let alone babysit some literal children for LIKE AN HOUR. That's not a question! How could that possibly be a question? Turning down a woman in labour in the middle of the night is literally the kind of thing fairy-tale villains do. It is so unquestionably cruel that people use it as an example of evil for literal children to understand.
My favorite thing to come out of Spaces was when Coffeezilla confronted Sam Banking Fraud about the FTX shit and Sam started talking in circles but accidentally told on himself in the process
Given the entire discussion about the third story, I really wonder what your opinion is on the pretty common thing of women emotionally breaking up with guys months before actually breaking up with them. Especially on the discussions about how much of a responsibility the guy has on just noticing their partner is quietly miserable. Because you can talk about what people should ideally and of course here you have the bias that it's the guy and not the girl making the post but I don't think you would call large groups of women children this flippantly.
Yeah I hate saying this. But if the genders were reversed on the last one Joseph wouldn't have been so mad at the woman for being passive aggressive. Joseph's entire take was "man up" lmao calling the dude a little bitch
that second one, if push comes to shove i can watch kids that im particularly familiar with, i will watch a couple my cousins in an emergency but a strangers kid fuck no i am not dealing with a 1 year old and a 4 year old at 3 in the monrning i am not in the headspace to handle that
No shot yall are saying the last couple need marriage counseling for that, there's so many better ways to spend your money than that, like taking your attractive coworker on a date
the second person is an asshole. how do they think that couple will see her in the future? she'll forever be "that asshole who refused to help us when we at our most desparate" to them. and like if this story gets around at all, i dont think the "moms support group chat" would be super thrilled about OPs choice. this is a deeply cynical way to look at things but i find that countering cynicism with cynicism can help break that "fuck you got mine mentality"
I also think it's important to realize that you can be an asshole and still be acting within reason. You can not interact with people and then decline when you're asked to take on a huge responsibility while not in a positive mental space (3 am alone with their own kids) and have that be an entirely fine way to live your life, it just makes you an asshole to those in your immediate community.
I also feel like the language on the second one is super harsh. "This feels like its something you plan for" Isnt she in LABOR????? Unless shes actively in the hospital to be induced theres no legit way to plan for it!?!?!
She means that they should have asked a neighbor beforehand. I assume the plan is the Sister was supposed to care for them, but it was a bad plan because she was 1 hour away. Really the solution could have just been a home birth. But for some reason people think that is impossible or dangerous nowadays with no evidence.
"No one is mad at this guy... We just think he behaved like a child." but also going "but they're *wrong* and should _a p o l o g i z e_". Yeah guys, super empathic and stoic of you, great job not acting like children while emotionally responding to a post which caused you an emotional response, very cool.
In terms of the story about watching the kids at 3am: Is it annoying,inconvenient,an huge ask for someone who is practically a stranger? YES. Would i still do it? Yes. Being a pragmatic person i see it in a very specific way where yes its a lot and stressful but if someone comes to you to ask for something this way and you do it for them,i feel it will help you in the long term when you end up needing help and they will remember the help you gave to them, and thus in turn will hopefully show you the same kindness,not saying to hold it over them like a "Hey i helped you before when i didn't have to" but more in a way of showing a sense of pure trust in each other as a community,something we need more of these days,just help others and when you need help you can rely on them to lend a hand knowing you were also someone they can trust
"wah wah wah my wife went out for food with someone else on the capitalist mandated couples day date night even though we haven't really done anything for it for 18 years wah" man get over yourself
Its incredibly, Horribly uncomfortable, And it really isn't your job or problem, but at the same time. its for an hour and its obviously the WORST situation. It not your job, but at the same time, If i was at the absolute worst situation of my life, I myself wish that someone would be able to to help me, so I can't imagine not helping. Its not like she is asking for a day, or even until morning, but its for an hour and if the situation was reverse i wish that someone would do the same for me. it feels really kinda cold to turn someone at the point of desperation away.
I would have had more sympathy for the Second Lady if she just said she didn’t want to watch her neighbors kids, but to try and bury it with excuses and then turn to others for justification is where she lost me
You completely didn't think about the fact that maybe the lady didn't want that kid specifically, and it's her party, so whatever the reason, she has the right to make the rules
we are given no reason to think the kid did anything wrong to that woman, so she just comes off as an asshole that dislikes that one kid for no good reason and can't empathize with her sister wanting to bring her son to the wedding at all
and thats fair but i think whats wrong with it is how they handled it, they said "no kids allowed" when that obviously refers to one specific person and when called out on that they say OP is throwing a tantrum for just asking for some honesty
I kinda get what the second person is thinking, but they were definetely on the wrong, imo. Wanting to live without much interaction with neighbors is understandable to me; I live somewhere that has a lot of older people, some weird drama over nothing, a bunch of assholes and no one (around) with which I can have normal day-to-day conversations except like "Isn't the weather good today, how's university/work going", etc. However, I will do my best to act polite and talk to people when I meet them. When there is an emergency, I would help first, think later. You need to have empathy in situations like these, even if the context isn't fully known. If I had the energy to answer the door at 3 AM and if they explained the situation, I would look after these 2 kids, even if they break something in my house. Being correct in that you aren't obligated to help is NOT the same as being right. With that said, she is also a mother, she doesn't have any help to take care of the kids, she implied that her kids are hard to deal with, and the context that I wanted to know the most is which day of the week was it. If she had to work the next day, I understand the hesitation, but even then I would do my best to be with the kids and try to put them to sleep. The only way that I'd refuse is if I didn't have the energy to open the door or if I were sick.
As a guy who has alotta female friends who is married to a woman who has a lot of male friends, yeah totally overreacting just let it go. Maybe its because I am bi/pan but I will never understand why people are so weird about their partner having friends of the opposite gender. Friends are friends. Do you trust your spose or not? If they're cheating on you then they obviously are fine keeping secrets from you in which case how do you even know it is the opposite gender they would cheat with? He handled it fine though I thought, not like he went off at her he knew he was overreacting but couldn't help himself. Definately should talk about it later though. I am a man and my best friend is a woman. I know I couldn't remain in a relationship with someone that would have a problem with that personally.
Peeps is right about the guy. People can have reactions on the heat of the moment. Might not be amazing, but he is not a dick just because of a passive comment
I don't really like how mbt says 'i get people do irrational things' and then follow it up with 'you can't be doing irrational things' Understanding that people do irrational things needs to be followed up with forgiving them for it He treats the one liner as if it's a result of taking irrational feelings and intentionally using them to hurt someone, when the one liner itself is the irrationality that people can't always control
I think the big thing is that there's a difference between "X person is *being* an asshole" and "X person *is* an asshole." Danny and MBT think that the OP is being an asshole, but that it doesn't make him an asshole overall since there's been build up to this situation that exploded in an unhealthy way. Jordan is equating this sentiment to "Danny and MBT think OP is an asshole" and defending the character of the OP
I'm with the lady that doesn't want to look after the kids at 3 in the morning. I'm sorry, but at the end of the day it is her home, and it is ok to not want to be responsible for a stranger's kids in your home. It doesn't matter if you were the last resort, and clearly you won't be thinking about whether or not you are the last resort at 3 in the morning right after being woken up from sleeping. It's ok to not want to do something that you are not comfortable doing. Additionally, I think it is ok to not want to be a part of the community. It doesn't matter why you don't want to be a part of that community, it doesn't matter if you personally think the community would benefit them, if that person is not comfortable with engaging in that community they don't have to. Doesn't make them an asshole, doesn't make them mean or edgy, they simply don't want to be a part of that community, and that is perfectly fine and normal.
I mean.... Brainwaves being able to move a mouse has been a thing without an invasive surgery since 2015 or earlier. The councel: you're 21. You aren't even an adult yet, really. Also the councel: 17?! That's practically an adult already. So... Which is it? Second one: yes you are the asshole. Yes you are one hundred percent justified.
i think joseph and danny were right in the third story and jordan kept missing the point of the discussion constantly, it was frustrating to hear him move the goalpost of what the other two were saying to justify defending the reddit guy You are fully allowed to be upset and hurt about something your partner does but you have an emotional responsability as their partner to not act like a petty 13 year old that isn't able to express how they feel properly without making snarky remarks before hanging up, that's just not cool, it's very inmature and rude of them, what you're meant to do is TALK, you find a way to express your emotions without hurting your significant other, you don't hang up on them or ignore their calls.
We got dangerously close to “you’re at fault that I was upset enough to behave badly” which scared me, I don’t think he meant it that way but I can’t help by feel like we can at least acknowledge that he was straight up wrong and regardless on if his wife apologizes he should. It is absolutely childish to only apologize for your bad behavior when someone else does for theirs.
You’re being a hindsight harry! They have been married for 18 years and clearly he has never like manipulated her or upset her in the past or they wouldn’t be together. In the moment you are allowed to sometimes have a low moment, and yes there should be an apology for it later BUT they should never have been making fun of him for being hurt! Also the “silent treatment” was not actually a silent treatment.
@rebound1340 Not at all, go back and listen to the story again. Dude didn't pick up the phone because he wasn't emotionally ready to have the conversation. The "silent treatment" thing was literally just invented during the argument. Joseph was tearing into the OP hard, pretty much just making up a character to poke at.
@@lobbynotlob his exact phrase is “I still felt hurt” considering moments ago he opined that the reason he said what he said was because he wanted to let her know he was hurt. It’s not entirely unlikely that he did it there for similar reasons. Regardless that is the silent treatment, if you’re not ready for having that kind of conversation you say that you are not. In a real world situation if someone tries to talk to you about a situation you don’t ignore them and walk away you say you don’t wana talk about it at the moment, but the lack of a text or anything especially the distance IS the silent treatment
the person editing these episodes needs to know about loudness equalisation. i hate that i need to turn up the volume to hear peeps better only to get my ears killed when mbt starts talking again
thats just discord i think, usually the person hosting the call or the mod of the server is louder than everyone else for some reason. it could also just be that peeps has his recording levels set really low which there's not much the editors can do about in post
Agreed dude, there's a comment every week saying the balancing needs work. I wish these would get more upvotes so they'd actually see it, cause I can't help but feel like the balancing is hurting views/listens
wow, 49:30 onwards is the same circular argument talking past each other, ironically on a post about healthy communication and overreacting I think it's 100% understandable what they did and it's also 100% understandable how joseph is making fun of this man for being childish lmao. Both are at fault somewhat, they've got different goals, they need to talk about that. End of story.
But it's clearly not a joke, the guy is actually hurt and is expressing his feelings in an inmature way instead of talking about it like an adult (he's 40 btw)
Wow this is the first time I’ve disagreed with peeps, if you want to communicate disagreements with passive aggression (and not just talking about it) redditor also didn’t hang up when his wife called. Being in a relationship with someone who acts passive aggressive is exhausting and avoidable
Is weird how comfortable some are people with passive aggression, it is a horrible situation because it can last for a long time and damage relationships for no real reason. Be direct if you don't agree with something, please.
@@Ragnarok540 I think it’s a bit worse also because often times redditors who were passive aggressive talk about how they regret it or knew they acted out, this guy plainly is like “I directed the conversation away and then wanted her to know it upset me” and “I didn’t answer because I wanted her to hurt” it seems like he feels this is appropriate behavior for when he’s been slighted instead of talking about it, overall I feel like he’s not a bastard but Jesus if you wana have any healthy relationship you’ve GOT to get over this sort of thing Joseph was calling it a pre teen thing for a reason, teens don’t know how to communicate better, when you get older you find healthier ways to communicate these things and throughout the story he doesn’t. He seemingly just is passive aggressive and expects her to understand why (which maybe she does but this is not how you have an adult relationship)
Not to say sometimes people aren’t passive aggressive anyway in moments of weakness but it is like genuinely bad and he did it like twice in a row with seemingly no thought to it being a bad thing
Also just not answering when your partner calls is wild, you can text and say you prefer to be alone right not but to do it to send a message is crazy imo
Danny sounds like such a debate bro in third story sorry, gotta echo the other comments that for an argument about communication yall did bad job yourselves.
Peeps missed the mark by a lot in the last one. Yes, the wife is weird for pretty much having a date with another guy on that day, but the answer can't be to respond that way, being passive aggressive, etc. If it bothers you that much, communicate like an adult. If you don't like something talk about it, if you like something also talk about it. Weird.
About the second post. I sure do love listening to men who don't put themselves into the shoes of a woman at 3am. She was rudely woken up and then treated rather poorly because she said no to two strangers to watch 2 children for what they said would only be an "hour". Who knows if it could have been longer, we don't know how reliable the person is or what they look like so any random woman could show up. You guys are insane. those children need to be with someone they recognize and not with some stranger in the first place. this whole situation is sooooo irresponsible and I personally would have told her to kick rocks, after looking through the peephole just not answered. The pregnant woman is also clearly taking advantage of her because 1: She has helped people in the complex before with baby supplies and 2: they came to her because they KNOW her husband isn't around so she would be the most likely to give in and help them. The OP is the most not asshole to ever exist.
For the second story, the mother at 3 am story, I feel like the group gave too many positive assumptions to the other side. Assuming that the woman in labor must have already gone through all other options. Assuming that this is such a dire situation for the woman in labor. You could also make the negative assumption that the woman in labor is an irresponsible person, the OP stated she was with her boyfriend, not husband, and has 2 other children. The sister also eventually showed up later than promised, meaning maybe the woman in labor is dishonest by nature. What I'm saying isn't that those negative assumptions should be assumed as well, but that assumptions can always go either way, kind of stems from personal biases, and that the influence of assumptions need to be mitigated. But the entire premise of the subreddit is to make judgements from incomplete information, so assumptions just end up playing a big part unconsciously.
On the second one. It feels like a big ask to have as much sympathy as you three are giving. Why was their plan to rely on someone who lives an hour away to babysit? Why can they not bring the kids to the hospital with them and the Dad watches until the sister gets there? Why can't they just do a home birth? "This family is as desparate as can be and needs a miracle" is completely over-dramatic. These people have had 2 kids. They know Dad's do nothing, they know what the process is to have a kid. They are not an 8 year old Ukranian child getting bombed by Russian's. They are not a homeless person in Arizona on a 110 degree day with shelters full. They are people who want a little extra convenience at the expense of a neighbor.
I mean, it's possible that they has a scheduled C-Section or something so the person who would come to help would be there ahead of time and they went into labor early.
The real answer is that even if they hadn't had other plans in place that just fell through e.t.c (which I find very unlikely, especially given it's theur 3rd child), it doesn't matter. You can have a go at them about their poor planning skills later but right now what's important is that they are incredibly desperate and need help and it is only right that you should help them. If you found yourself in a similar situation you would feel the same as they did.
@@JakeFish5058 They are not "incredibly desperate". The woman JUST had her water break. This isn't a movie pregnancy where the baby is coming in 30 minutes with screeching in pain contractions every 20 seconds. And both of these women are mother's so they know that. It is gonna be hours before she "needs" to be at a hospital assuming no medical emergency. And the father can watch the kids at the hospital for an hour or two. He isn't necessary aside from avoiding an ambulance bill. It would just be an inconvenience for them. If there was blood gushing out or this was a month early, sure that is a medical emergency. Otherwise, this is not a "desperate situation".
@@haruhirogrimgar6047 So what? It doesn't matter that she isn't going to immediately keel over and give birth. Or that the dad could probably leave her alone for a couple hours to look after the kids. It doesn't matter that it's not particularly likely that anything goes wrong in the meantime. The point is, they are desperate, they feel desperate. If they weren't they wouldn't be coming to her in the first place. Regardless of anything else, giving birth is going to be painful and stressful and as a human being it is one of the few times where I think you do have a duty to help and care for someone. You should help them because it is the right thing to do and it does make you a bit of an asshole to refuse them because you'll lose a good night's sleep. You would want someone to extend to you the same kindness to you should you need it.
@@JakeFish5058 I can't empathize with any "your wife is pregnant" sh't and I never will. The most I can do is a neighbor asking for help. Generally I agree we should be more neighborly. And that watching two kids for a couple of hours isn't gonna be the end of the world. To say they or their situation is desperate is just untrue though. Every parent (man or woman) I have quoted this to since I watched the video laughed at it. "They need a MIRACLE!? Don't be overdramatic" -my Mom who did 3 home births :P I am fine calling the woman a bit of an asshole because it is a community thing. But I am going to strongly disagree with the characterization that this situation is in any way dangerous or desperate. The in-labor Mom herself could probably watch the kids for 3 hours before any "need" to go to the hospital. And she should know that. This is just a preference she and the father has, and to act like it is anything more is BS.
I'm gonna push back so hard against Jordan its unreal. I'm glad we all agree that the way the husband felt was normal, and healthy, and there is nothing wrong with that. But I AM going to blame him for his response. When experiencing a negative emotion, being able to express that negative emotion in a way that doesn't hurt other is a fucking basic life skill. Inability to do so makes you a bad person, end of discussion. He either completely lacks the ability to think "what I'm about to say may hurt my partner, and that's wrong, even though she has hurt me," or he thought that, and then continued to act like a little bitch anyways. I have ended relationships over shit like this before; I can't fathom how one could just say "eh it happens" when a grown ass man acts like that.
Look, the point Peeps was making is that they want to zone in on that way too much. That they want to be assholes too and make fun of someone who was hurt. The real contradiction here is how can you have sympathy for someone acting out in a situation they were hurt, then turn around, throw away that sympathy, and basically bully someone who was vulnerable. In no way does a single reddit post communicate that the guy is incapable of talking about his feelings. And I gotta agree with Jordan here. If you want to be the assholes and make fun of someone that was hurt and how they reacted in those moments, then do that. If you want to be the mature one who understands that it is impossible to always act like the perfect communicator, especially when you are hurt by some you love a great deal, then be that. You don't get to be both without coming off as disingenuous to the latter
The part that was left out(the guy who wrote the post had another comment about it) was that the wife specifically took that business trip(it was optional and she chose to go) just so she could go and have that dinner with that other guy. The guy said he left it out because he didn't want to make his wife sound bad. Personally I would have had a far worse reaction than "enjoy your date then" after finding out my wife flew to another city to purposely have a dinner with a guy on Valentine's day.
@@nightmarebananaful I'm not making fun of the guy. My point is that if you are hurt, you have an obligation to make things right in a way that doesn't bring about more hurt, which he failed to do, end of statement.
@mynameteekay9472 Dawg that is psychotic. It is good to respond as rationally and clearly as possible, but the onus being on YOU to repair a hurt when someone else causes it? It's on them 100%, and if they fail to begin to mend the gap of their own volition, that's a mistake on their part.
@@AL-ry5ly Sure, nobody's disagreeing with that, but that's not what I said. I said if you are hurt, you have an obligation to express that in a way that doesn't cause others to become hurt.
My mom's cousin got married last fall, they also wanted a child free wedding. They decided that "child" also applied to me. A 24 year old.
Actual inter-generational conflict, you hate to see it.
Based lol
owned
Good. Go sit at the kids table. -Fellow 24 year old
take it from an adult, weddings are cringe, anyways. - a 25 year old
Its funny how they spend like 30+ minutes arguing about this one story, when the whole time, they agreed with each other
Joseph and Jordan mix like oxygen and a heat source when these discussions come up, and Danny is there trying desperately to put the fire out with a teaspoon lol
Trying to imagine what it would be like to be a preteen dropped off with Joseph and his wife during a family emergency. Are they watching skibadi toilet with the kid? Discussing Garten of Ban Ban lore? ... Edison?
Man it's hilarious to watch these people advocate for communication as their discussion has devolved into a shouting match.
I KNOW RIGHT
It's easy to say people need to communicate better. It's harder to actually communicate better.😔
Nobody said the communication had to be quiet
To be fair, they did not only communicate, but also stopped screaming
@@pidgeyottot3527 Honestly, listening through the entire discussion and how it resolved really proved both of their points.
Jordan's point of how things can get heated in the moment and that it should be understandable (the discussion started becoming a shouting match). Then, Joseph and Danny's point that regardless of who's in the wrong in the first place, if you end up doing something that you should be apologizing for, you should do your best to apologize for it and come to an understanding (the discussion ended with a mutual understanding and acknowledgements that no one wanted to hurt anyone).
We can only hope something similar happened for the OP of the Reddit post.
The last story is very relatable to me. Sometimes you can't change stuff even if you talk about it. What, does he tell his wife to stop having friends? She's gonna keep going out and he's gonna keep getting hurt. At that point, you can't have the same conversation every single time. Sometimes you just want to say "Well, I'm hurt" and that's all you can say. When you're emotional and tired of this happening, "I'm hurt" becomes a snide remark. Ideally you apologize later.
The child free wedding would make sense if the groom’s family has a ton of kids but still after the second wedding just go to the courthouse lmao
I love that literally every episode is getting longer and longer. This episode is twice as long as the first, please may this continue 😆❤
From the second one to the last one I went from "how can peeps be SO insensitive?" To "TELL EM PEEPS", really good episode
Thought about the final post:
Y'all note that the guy hasn't said anything about Valentines in the past, but he says he did, right? Like he said, "she doesn't put in the effort but I DO, I try to make the day atleast a little special". I think its worth discussing that both this passive aggressive behavior may be more pervasive than just this one scenario of hurt, and ALSO that the wife seems to just ignore every attempt this guy makes to connect with her.
Peeps is cooking, if you hurt someone you don't get to pick how mad they are.
That's not the point, he's not a bad person for reacting that way but it's still something you need to apologize for. A relationship isn't something you need to win
@@dcscorch969and if he did this on valentines somehow he would still have to apologize she wouldn't thats why its an issue
Three people arguing over a point that they all agree with
Love Danny really showing up for this one lmfao
This show is bad for me, it ruins my mental health every week. I have never missed an episode. I will never miss an episode.
How does this ruin your mental health?
@@Ragnarok540 Dealing with Joseph MBT Rothschild.
Okay I do gotta say that yall were basically making up a brand new dude in that last one. It wasn't the silent treatment, he literally said he didn't pick up the phone because he still felt hurt. He was trying to avoid the emotionally driven conversation at that point.
AND HOW ARE WE DIGGING INTO THE DUDE FOR BEING MANIPULATIVE WHEN THE WIFE HIT EM WITH THE "You want me to eat by myself...... 😔" Like the wife has gotta understand the situation like instantly, and goes straight into girlboss mode, trying to guilt the husband for having an emotion. I'm sorry, Joseph needs some locker time.
@@lobbynotlob💯
I'm sorry, Peeps is completely right here. Being a 45 year old adult does not mean he is incapable or "should know better" when he is petty or rude when feeling hurt. People are people. Children do this, so do adults. The difference is, adults are mature enough to be able to apologize and communicate how they feel afterwards.
Reading the actual reddit thread on that third one was a doozy. The guy left out half the shit in his initial post about the wife making the decision to go on that business trip(it was optional and she didn't need to go) all so she could meet up and have dinner with that other guy, which is why the husband got so bent out of shape. For some reason he just left it all out of the initial post.
That comment OP makes is wild to me. She makes an optional work trip SPECIFICALLY to meet with a coworker on Valentine's day. She didnt have to go on this trip, this definitely didn't have yo be on Valentine's day. He has every right to be passive aggressive and upset. I do think its telling how much he loves her by not mentioning the plan in the post. He didn't want to make it about her, he wanted to ask how people think he handled the situation rather than make his wife look as bad as possible.
@queenautumnween2796 Yeah the whole thing is sad. I try to be understanding, but if my wife did that I wouldn't be passive aggressive, I would have absolutely exploded the second I found out. You can tell how much the guy really cares to barely let that anger and frustration leak out like that with a simple snide comment.
@@P4brotagonist and then to top it off the difference in there love languages has been a topic of conversation for over a year with them working on it, and expressing what they need and it almost comes across that the wife just doesnt care. and to be clear i dont really think the wife did anything wrong either just i can fully understand the husband making a bad remark in the moment of finding out that last second
Peeps wins again
@@__-be1gk common peeps W
On the mid 40s discussion...i am 100% in Peeps corner
Not to be sappy but #3 helped restore a little bit of faith in humanity seeing three dudes fully get into talking about the importance of discussing emotional needs in a relationship. Gotta love seeing healthy masculinity in motion
Peeps was right on the last one, Joseph acting like an asshole trying to make a big deal out of that guy lossing his cool after getting hurt.
At 49:20 I think the mood of the conversation was kind of "okay now that we've established that the wife is partially responsible, let's make fun of the husband >:D". Following that up with "he's acting like a child", and then saying to Alex "looks like we got a representative from team WHINER" (mocking him and equating him to a subject of gossip)... Alex was much more chill than I would've been in that situation. But, then, yall are longtime friends and I'm not.
wait i can spin this into a funny youtube comment
Am I [25M] The Asshole For Telling My Podcast Cohost [26M] That He Shouldn't Call A Redditor A Teenager
okay when I put it that way it sounds like he deserves it
Quick note, Alex Cimo is not on this podcast, you are thinking of Jordan, PeepsYGO
I think you meant Jordan, but 100%. They were just paying lip service to maturity then quickly move to making fun of the dude.
@@nightmarebananafulI've noticed that Joseph has a lot to say about how men in particular act in relationships, and it usually results in him being overly hard on men in these
Like the one a few weeks ago where the dude was supposed to construct an elaborate lie to break up with his girlfriend and would have been a huge asshole for just being polite and honest
Good stuff, I love the council members' communications and respect; how you all are able to disagree and argue without it becoming unfriendly!
This is a really good episode. I want more deep (and possibly loud) discussions like this!
100% with Peeps on the last one. Life happens
man, the discussion in the third one would've been way different if they read OP's comments because he explains that he has communicated that valentines is important to him and he has communicated that hes not getting enough out of the relationship but he loves his wife too much to leave (also a bit of sunk cost fallacy cause of how long the relationship has been going on for) he makes it pretty clear that the wife just isnt considering at all how her actions, whether she deems them appropriate or not, are going to effect OP. but they also forgot several details from the post cause even without all that extra info its very weird how much they focus in on how the guy reacted when what the wife is doing is very insensitive even with just the context of the original post. in the post he gives enough context to show that he has shown his wife that he cares about valentines much more than she does so going out without another guy on valentines in a different city is a horrible thing to do. they also forgot that he found out that she was meeting with this other guy on that call, right before the dinner.
honestly the comments are really important to the discussion especially the one where he says the trip was optional and she chose to meet up with the co-worker specifically to meet on valentines. it takes it from two co-workers getting lunch together to something much more predetermined which again, he only found out was predetermined on that call. yes, his reaction is petty and he needs to apologise for that but that is the last thing they should be discussing really, like throughout the whole story, OP being hurt and frustrated cause he just found out about this, what is basically a date, last minute and saying some petty things is the least concerning thing in this post imo.
also something i havent seen anyone else bring up is that even if the wife isnt intending on cheating (which OP is very adamant about in his comments) that co-worker is for sure pushing for it right? i honestly wonder if that coworker is cheating on their wife (another detail from the all too important comments OP left)
Link to the comments please?
Late but, especially on that last paragraph,absolutely true, they focused on the couple while there's another character to the story which is the co-worker.
Everybody in the western world knows about Valentine's so you know what the coworker would think and also (about the wife),come on how are you that insensitive at 40+ to not know that even if Valentine's is not important to you it has meaning to other people(coworker too),like they really had to choose Valentine's day and both agree to it, that's obviously crazy hurtful to anybody's partner even if you don't care about it.
I think that OP had that in mind when he talked about the coworker's intentions but I'm sure it's easy to gloss over during an argument.
The wife was 100% an asshole, there's no way you wouldn't think about the implications a dinner on that day with somebody your partner doesn't know in another city brings even if you're that naive and think "at worst it's gonna hurt him a bit" that's still super shitty to do and say over a call few hours beforehand
In the same way that Jordan and Joseph knew exactly what was going on with the wedding parents in the last patreon episode, the "please watch our kids for an hour" couple are my people and I knew in a heartbeat with absolute certainty that the sister was NOT getting there in an hour.
Fantastic episode
This second one is soooo funny. I love how this low key one is the one we can absolutely fight fist about.
🗿joseph after the frame perfect bottling of his emotions, ready to deliver a citation of his exact emotional state like a perfect communicative adult
He perfect parries the urge to be passive aggressive, as we all know this guy has never been petty in his life
Joseph does this annoying AITA thing where one party is obviously and objectively wrong in a big way (going on a date with someone besides your husband on valentines), and then their partner responds with anything less than a saintly level of communication and patience, then they're the ones who are actually in the wrong.
Dude reacted sub-optimally to his wife treating him like shit, but SHE TREATED HIM BADLY, in a much bigger way than a little passive aggressive comment. A lot of Joseph's take on this could be summed up as "man up". His comment about how his wife is gonna feel justified in cheating on him because he's a little bitch is INSANE.
Thank you. finally someone saying it
You are genuinely not that smart huh? Bet you actually comment in the AITA casspit yourself?
It's "god forbid women do anything" but unironically
Instead of playing a pre-recorded music intro, I think Danny should mumble it fresh before Joseph’s intro every episode
This is a perfect dynamic of a discussion Podcast, 2 of the 3 that have slightly differing opinions and 1 that has ability to be the mediator and combine the opinions! Great work guys, I enjoy hearing the guys discuss these points in a relatable manner
Oh boy, what an episode.
Y'all really went into the tunnel with the second one. There are other options. Take the kids to the hospital and have the sister meet them there, who can then take the kids back to the apartment. Is that more inconvenient for the couple? Yeah, but at least they're shifting the burden onto themselves and onto family, who they can reasonably expect will be more willing to shoulder this kind of inconvenience for them. Not a neighbor with whom they clearly do not have a very close relationship.
The last one. Ugh. Every time Joseph reenacts the 'enjoy your date' comment, he adds more sass and whine into it. It's so unhelpful. Like yeah, the husband is gonna come across like a baby if you reenact it like a baby. I feel like Joseph is reading a lot of his own assumptions into that remark, esp. the intent behind it. He's making it out to be deliberately manipulative, when I don't see the evidence for that. (For the record, I think it's a possibility, but that it is also a jump to reach that conclusion.) Also, dodging the second call is completely fine. It is reasonable to delay communication when you are heated to avoid saying something you will regret. And in fact, it makes MORE sense if you take the remark to be deliberately hurtful.
💯 🔥 💯
Thank you dude.
Excited for the newest episode of William Councel and friends
This episode ROCKED.
Highlight of my week right here
That was hilarious and intense af lol, great episode
Not gonna lie my favourite thing to do as a teenager was not go to weddings. It meant I could make raucous debauchery in my homestead
I've come to the slow creeping realization that this is just millenial humor: the podcast and it's haunting my dreams
What a banger episode, this was awesome lol
Thanks for the aspect ratio fix to more conveniently change the watch speed on desktop
Do you think you can link the posts in the descriptions?
I think I got I the last one finally, and I wholly agree with Jordan. What's happening is Joseph wants to have both pieces of the response pie here. He wants the adult, mature, understanding that this was something that hurts a person and to have a level of sympathy for them, but still wants to do the childish chide chuckle at someone who is vulnerable. It's easy to be rational in hindsight as Danny said, but you still effectively want to make fun of someone that was hurt and how they expressed at the time. And that at that point, you are the asshole.
EXACTLY, he has a right to be hurt, and he loves her too much to argue, so his only other outlet for his hurt is, final word comment. I feel that so much.
And in a shocking turn of events Joseph "MBT" Rothschild is voted "YTA" by the comment section
You are insane right? These are two completely different things what the fuck?
@@cptKamina I mean yeah, they are two different reactions. Ones that holds a certain empathetic understanding and one that doesn't. That's the exact contradiction I'm pointing out.
Gotta agree with Jordan on the last one. Sometimes you say petty stuff in the moment when you feel hurt Ideally you apologize later but it doesn't make you a child or a manipulator for saying it. I also think Joseph was making a way bigger deal of it than it actually was and it really felt like he kept trying to make it sound worse the longer he argued about it.
the fact that people wouldn’t help watch those kids is astounding. shows a complete lack of compassion, empathy, or human decency. genuinely disgusting
Insane to me that Joeseph, a man who has staked his entire career on making stupid little peurile digs at other people to annoy them, is claiming the moral high ground on matters of mature behavior
why'd the episode stop, right as it finally got good?
I agree with Peeps on throwing out "enjoy your date" by the OP. Both the OP and their partner need to sit down and discuss their relationship 100% but the idea that someone committed decides to go out with friends on Valantines than spend it with their significant other is weird to me.
Hell yeah, new councels
I think the person in the second situation should watch those kids, but I dont understand this weird sort of derision to the woman not wanting to be part of the community? Like, some people just dont want to interact with strangers. Thats totally a reasonable thing to feel. That said, you should probably watch those kids.
Peeps is 100% correct on that last one. Irrationality does not equate to immaturity. Yes, you can apologise abiut the comment, but he was hurt in the moment, and acted irrational in the moment. Making fun of him for being mad in the moment and acting as such in the moment is wrong. He didnt act like a child, he was wrong for acting like that, but he was mad and its understandable. You cant expect people to be fully mature and see everything in hindsight when something genuinely hurts him. Thats something that transcends age, its emotion
I have to add my two cents here on the "3am babysitting" one - it's genuinely unbelievable to me that anybody would ever say no here. You have been asked, by a woman in labour, to take an hour or two of your time in order to watch their kids so that they can go to hospital and GIVE BIRTH. If somebody knocked on my door at 3am who I had NEVER MET, who I had literally never seen before in my life, and was clearly in labour, I would be falling over myself to offer to drive her to the goddamn hospital if she needed me to, let alone babysit some literal children for LIKE AN HOUR. That's not a question! How could that possibly be a question?
Turning down a woman in labour in the middle of the night is literally the kind of thing fairy-tale villains do. It is so unquestionably cruel that people use it as an example of evil for literal children to understand.
I really respect Danny in this episode
Best episode yet, yelling over Valentine man's hurt fee fee is funnier than the rarity collection rant
First WotC themed episode, the theme this time: children (or in the third story, 40 year old manchildren!)
My favorite thing to come out of Spaces was when Coffeezilla confronted Sam Banking Fraud about the FTX shit and Sam started talking in circles but accidentally told on himself in the process
Given the entire discussion about the third story, I really wonder what your opinion is on the pretty common thing of women emotionally breaking up with guys months before actually breaking up with them.
Especially on the discussions about how much of a responsibility the guy has on just noticing their partner is quietly miserable.
Because you can talk about what people should ideally and of course here you have the bias that it's the guy and not the girl making the post but I don't think you would call large groups of women children this flippantly.
Yeah I hate saying this. But if the genders were reversed on the last one Joseph wouldn't have been so mad at the woman for being passive aggressive. Joseph's entire take was "man up" lmao calling the dude a little bitch
Wait... If it's their third marriage has the "child" been on one of the previous ones then?
that second one, if push comes to shove i can watch kids that im particularly familiar with, i will watch a couple my cousins in an emergency but a strangers kid fuck no i am not dealing with a 1 year old and a 4 year old at 3 in the monrning i am not in the headspace to handle that
Week of 8 of not having a George Santos guest appearance
Peeps ate on the third discussion.
No shot yall are saying the last couple need marriage counseling for that, there's so many better ways to spend your money than that, like taking your attractive coworker on a date
This was such a damn good episode fuckkk
Also please put yhe thumbnail pic on the video like please
peeps boutta earn a sub with the discussion of #3
I dont get how saying "enjoy your date" is passive aggresive is there something im missing
Finally, infighting 😎
the second person is an asshole. how do they think that couple will see her in the future? she'll forever be "that asshole who refused to help us when we at our most desparate" to them. and like if this story gets around at all, i dont think the "moms support group chat" would be super thrilled about OPs choice.
this is a deeply cynical way to look at things but i find that countering cynicism with cynicism can help break that "fuck you got mine mentality"
I also think it's important to realize that you can be an asshole and still be acting within reason. You can not interact with people and then decline when you're asked to take on a huge responsibility while not in a positive mental space (3 am alone with their own kids) and have that be an entirely fine way to live your life, it just makes you an asshole to those in your immediate community.
I also feel like the language on the second one is super harsh. "This feels like its something you plan for" Isnt she in LABOR????? Unless shes actively in the hospital to be induced theres no legit way to plan for it!?!?!
She means that they should have asked a neighbor beforehand.
I assume the plan is the Sister was supposed to care for them, but it was a bad plan because she was 1 hour away.
Really the solution could have just been a home birth. But for some reason people think that is impossible or dangerous nowadays with no evidence.
"No one is mad at this guy... We just think he behaved like a child."
but also going "but they're *wrong* and should _a p o l o g i z e_".
Yeah guys, super empathic and stoic of you, great job not acting like children while emotionally responding to a post which caused you an emotional response, very cool.
Typo in description: "Reddings"
Individualism and its consequences have been a disaster for Americans
In terms of the story about watching the kids at 3am: Is it annoying,inconvenient,an huge ask for someone who is practically a stranger? YES.
Would i still do it? Yes. Being a pragmatic person i see it in a very specific way where yes its a lot and stressful but if someone comes to you to ask for something this way and you do it for them,i feel it will help you in the long term when you end up needing help and they will remember the help you gave to them, and thus in turn will hopefully show you the same kindness,not saying to hold it over them like a "Hey i helped you before when i didn't have to" but more in a way of showing a sense of pure trust in each other as a community,something we need more of these days,just help others and when you need help you can rely on them to lend a hand knowing you were also someone they can trust
"wah wah wah my wife went out for food with someone else on the capitalist mandated couples day date night even though we haven't really done anything for it for 18 years wah" man get over yourself
Nice try but women are bourgeoisie so actually I'm more leftist than you
Its incredibly, Horribly uncomfortable, And it really isn't your job or problem, but at the same time. its for an hour and its obviously the WORST situation. It not your job, but at the same time, If i was at the absolute worst situation of my life, I myself wish that someone would be able to to help me, so I can't imagine not helping. Its not like she is asking for a day, or even until morning, but its for an hour and if the situation was reverse i wish that someone would do the same for me.
it feels really kinda cold to turn someone at the point of desperation away.
This episode was great, i love when you guys disagree
The longer I listen to this podcast the more I think I might be a misandrist
I would have had more sympathy for the Second Lady if she just said she didn’t want to watch her neighbors kids, but to try and bury it with excuses and then turn to others for justification is where she lost me
You completely didn't think about the fact that maybe the lady didn't want that kid specifically, and it's her party, so whatever the reason, she has the right to make the rules
we are given no reason to think the kid did anything wrong to that woman, so she just comes off as an asshole that dislikes that one kid for no good reason and can't empathize with her sister wanting to bring her son to the wedding at all
and thats fair but i think whats wrong with it is how they handled it, they said "no kids allowed" when that obviously refers to one specific person and when called out on that they say OP is throwing a tantrum for just asking for some honesty
I kinda get what the second person is thinking, but they were definetely on the wrong, imo. Wanting to live without much interaction with neighbors is understandable to me; I live somewhere that has a lot of older people, some weird drama over nothing, a bunch of assholes and no one (around) with which I can have normal day-to-day conversations except like "Isn't the weather good today, how's university/work going", etc.
However, I will do my best to act polite and talk to people when I meet them. When there is an emergency, I would help first, think later. You need to have empathy in situations like these, even if the context isn't fully known. If I had the energy to answer the door at 3 AM and if they explained the situation, I would look after these 2 kids, even if they break something in my house. Being correct in that you aren't obligated to help is NOT the same as being right.
With that said, she is also a mother, she doesn't have any help to take care of the kids, she implied that her kids are hard to deal with, and the context that I wanted to know the most is which day of the week was it. If she had to work the next day, I understand the hesitation, but even then I would do my best to be with the kids and try to put them to sleep.
The only way that I'd refuse is if I didn't have the energy to open the door or if I were sick.
As a guy who has alotta female friends who is married to a woman who has a lot of male friends, yeah totally overreacting just let it go. Maybe its because I am bi/pan but I will never understand why people are so weird about their partner having friends of the opposite gender. Friends are friends. Do you trust your spose or not? If they're cheating on you then they obviously are fine keeping secrets from you in which case how do you even know it is the opposite gender they would cheat with? He handled it fine though I thought, not like he went off at her he knew he was overreacting but couldn't help himself. Definately should talk about it later though.
I am a man and my best friend is a woman. I know I couldn't remain in a relationship with someone that would have a problem with that personally.
Peeps is right about the guy. People can have reactions on the heat of the moment. Might not be amazing, but he is not a dick just because of a passive comment
I don't really like how mbt says 'i get people do irrational things' and then follow it up with 'you can't be doing irrational things'
Understanding that people do irrational things needs to be followed up with forgiving them for it
He treats the one liner as if it's a result of taking irrational feelings and intentionally using them to hurt someone, when the one liner itself is the irrationality that people can't always control
I think the big thing is that there's a difference between "X person is *being* an asshole" and "X person *is* an asshole." Danny and MBT think that the OP is being an asshole, but that it doesn't make him an asshole overall since there's been build up to this situation that exploded in an unhealthy way. Jordan is equating this sentiment to "Danny and MBT think OP is an asshole" and defending the character of the OP
I'm with the lady that doesn't want to look after the kids at 3 in the morning. I'm sorry, but at the end of the day it is her home, and it is ok to not want to be responsible for a stranger's kids in your home. It doesn't matter if you were the last resort, and clearly you won't be thinking about whether or not you are the last resort at 3 in the morning right after being woken up from sleeping. It's ok to not want to do something that you are not comfortable doing.
Additionally, I think it is ok to not want to be a part of the community. It doesn't matter why you don't want to be a part of that community, it doesn't matter if you personally think the community would benefit them, if that person is not comfortable with engaging in that community they don't have to. Doesn't make them an asshole, doesn't make them mean or edgy, they simply don't want to be a part of that community, and that is perfectly fine and normal.
Perfectly valid to think all of that, just makes you as much of an asshole as the OP
I mean.... Brainwaves being able to move a mouse has been a thing without an invasive surgery since 2015 or earlier.
The councel: you're 21. You aren't even an adult yet, really.
Also the councel: 17?! That's practically an adult already.
So... Which is it?
Second one: yes you are the asshole. Yes you are one hundred percent justified.
No views, councelors fell off smh
Uh oh, three white guys talking about Valentine’s Day
i think joseph and danny were right in the third story and jordan kept missing the point of the discussion constantly, it was frustrating to hear him move the goalpost of what the other two were saying to justify defending the reddit guy
You are fully allowed to be upset and hurt about something your partner does but you have an emotional responsability as their partner to not act like a petty 13 year old that isn't able to express how they feel properly without making snarky remarks before hanging up, that's just not cool, it's very inmature and rude of them, what you're meant to do is TALK, you find a way to express your emotions without hurting your significant other, you don't hang up on them or ignore their calls.
We got dangerously close to “you’re at fault that I was upset enough to behave badly” which scared me, I don’t think he meant it that way but I can’t help by feel like we can at least acknowledge that he was straight up wrong and regardless on if his wife apologizes he should. It is absolutely childish to only apologize for your bad behavior when someone else does for theirs.
You’re being a hindsight harry! They have been married for 18 years and clearly he has never like manipulated her or upset her in the past or they wouldn’t be together. In the moment you are allowed to sometimes have a low moment, and yes there should be an apology for it later BUT they should never have been making fun of him for being hurt! Also the “silent treatment” was not actually a silent treatment.
@@moomooz I mean he was giving the silent treatment right? She tried to call him and he just let it go to voice mail
@rebound1340 Not at all, go back and listen to the story again. Dude didn't pick up the phone because he wasn't emotionally ready to have the conversation. The "silent treatment" thing was literally just invented during the argument. Joseph was tearing into the OP hard, pretty much just making up a character to poke at.
@@lobbynotlob his exact phrase is “I still felt hurt” considering moments ago he opined that the reason he said what he said was because he wanted to let her know he was hurt. It’s not entirely unlikely that he did it there for similar reasons. Regardless that is the silent treatment, if you’re not ready for having that kind of conversation you say that you are not. In a real world situation if someone tries to talk to you about a situation you don’t ignore them and walk away you say you don’t wana talk about it at the moment, but the lack of a text or anything especially the distance IS the silent treatment
the person editing these episodes needs to know about loudness equalisation. i hate that i need to turn up the volume to hear peeps better only to get my ears killed when mbt starts talking again
thats just discord i think, usually the person hosting the call or the mod of the server is louder than everyone else for some reason. it could also just be that peeps has his recording levels set really low which there's not much the editors can do about in post
@@J0non0 but they can. in Premiere it would take like a minute
Agreed dude, there's a comment every week saying the balancing needs work. I wish these would get more upvotes so they'd actually see it, cause I can't help but feel like the balancing is hurting views/listens
Peeps is 100% right. Let my man cook!
wow, 49:30 onwards is the same circular argument talking past each other, ironically on a post about healthy communication and overreacting
I think it's 100% understandable what they did and it's also 100% understandable how joseph is making fun of this man for being childish lmao. Both are at fault somewhat, they've got different goals, they need to talk about that. End of story.
It's like for this episode specifically they forgot that "neither/both is the asshole" is an option
I mean isn’t it clear that “enjoy your date” is just a joke? I don’t think it’s that deep.
But it's clearly not a joke, the guy is actually hurt and is expressing his feelings in an inmature way instead of talking about it like an adult (he's 40 btw)
Wow this is the first time I’ve disagreed with peeps, if you want to communicate disagreements with passive aggression (and not just talking about it) redditor also didn’t hang up when his wife called. Being in a relationship with someone who acts passive aggressive is exhausting and avoidable
Is weird how comfortable some are people with passive aggression, it is a horrible situation because it can last for a long time and damage relationships for no real reason. Be direct if you don't agree with something, please.
@@Ragnarok540 I think it’s a bit worse also because often times redditors who were passive aggressive talk about how they regret it or knew they acted out, this guy plainly is like “I directed the conversation away and then wanted her to know it upset me” and “I didn’t answer because I wanted her to hurt” it seems like he feels this is appropriate behavior for when he’s been slighted instead of talking about it, overall I feel like he’s not a bastard but Jesus if you wana have any healthy relationship you’ve GOT to get over this sort of thing
Joseph was calling it a pre teen thing for a reason, teens don’t know how to communicate better, when you get older you find healthier ways to communicate these things and throughout the story he doesn’t. He seemingly just is passive aggressive and expects her to understand why (which maybe she does but this is not how you have an adult relationship)
Not to say sometimes people aren’t passive aggressive anyway in moments of weakness but it is like genuinely bad and he did it like twice in a row with seemingly no thought to it being a bad thing
Also just not answering when your partner calls is wild, you can text and say you prefer to be alone right not but to do it to send a message is crazy imo
1. Correct
2. Correct
3. Correct
see ya next time :)
Danny sounds like such a debate bro in third story sorry, gotta echo the other comments that for an argument about communication yall did bad job yourselves.
I cannot believe how danny is the only rational person in this episode and BOTH peeps and joseph are being dinguses lmao
Peeps missed the mark by a lot in the last one. Yes, the wife is weird for pretty much having a date with another guy on that day, but the answer can't be to respond that way, being passive aggressive, etc. If it bothers you that much, communicate like an adult. If you don't like something talk about it, if you like something also talk about it. Weird.
third
About the second post.
I sure do love listening to men who don't put themselves into the shoes of a woman at 3am. She was rudely woken up and then treated rather poorly because she said no to two strangers to watch 2 children for what they said would only be an "hour". Who knows if it could have been longer, we don't know how reliable the person is or what they look like so any random woman could show up.
You guys are insane. those children need to be with someone they recognize and not with some stranger in the first place. this whole situation is sooooo irresponsible and I personally would have told her to kick rocks, after looking through the peephole just not answered. The pregnant woman is also clearly taking advantage of her because
1: She has helped people in the complex before with baby supplies
and 2: they came to her because they KNOW her husband isn't around so she would be the most likely to give in and help them.
The OP is the most not asshole to ever exist.
Really disappointed in how Peeps reacted to that final story.
For the second story, the mother at 3 am story, I feel like the group gave too many positive assumptions to the other side. Assuming that the woman in labor must have already gone through all other options. Assuming that this is such a dire situation for the woman in labor.
You could also make the negative assumption that the woman in labor is an irresponsible person, the OP stated she was with her boyfriend, not husband, and has 2 other children. The sister also eventually showed up later than promised, meaning maybe the woman in labor is dishonest by nature.
What I'm saying isn't that those negative assumptions should be assumed as well, but that assumptions can always go either way, kind of stems from personal biases, and that the influence of assumptions need to be mitigated.
But the entire premise of the subreddit is to make judgements from incomplete information, so assumptions just end up playing a big part unconsciously.
On the second one. It feels like a big ask to have as much sympathy as you three are giving.
Why was their plan to rely on someone who lives an hour away to babysit? Why can they not bring the kids to the hospital with them and the Dad watches until the sister gets there? Why can't they just do a home birth?
"This family is as desparate as can be and needs a miracle" is completely over-dramatic. These people have had 2 kids. They know Dad's do nothing, they know what the process is to have a kid. They are not an 8 year old Ukranian child getting bombed by Russian's. They are not a homeless person in Arizona on a 110 degree day with shelters full. They are people who want a little extra convenience at the expense of a neighbor.
I mean, it's possible that they has a scheduled C-Section or something so the person who would come to help would be there ahead of time and they went into labor early.
The real answer is that even if they hadn't had other plans in place that just fell through e.t.c (which I find very unlikely, especially given it's theur 3rd child), it doesn't matter. You can have a go at them about their poor planning skills later but right now what's important is that they are incredibly desperate and need help and it is only right that you should help them. If you found yourself in a similar situation you would feel the same as they did.
@@JakeFish5058 They are not "incredibly desperate". The woman JUST had her water break. This isn't a movie pregnancy where the baby is coming in 30 minutes with screeching in pain contractions every 20 seconds.
And both of these women are mother's so they know that. It is gonna be hours before she "needs" to be at a hospital assuming no medical emergency. And the father can watch the kids at the hospital for an hour or two. He isn't necessary aside from avoiding an ambulance bill. It would just be an inconvenience for them.
If there was blood gushing out or this was a month early, sure that is a medical emergency. Otherwise, this is not a "desperate situation".
@@haruhirogrimgar6047 So what? It doesn't matter that she isn't going to immediately keel over and give birth. Or that the dad could probably leave her alone for a couple hours to look after the kids. It doesn't matter that it's not particularly likely that anything goes wrong in the meantime. The point is, they are desperate, they feel desperate. If they weren't they wouldn't be coming to her in the first place. Regardless of anything else, giving birth is going to be painful and stressful and as a human being it is one of the few times where I think you do have a duty to help and care for someone.
You should help them because it is the right thing to do and it does make you a bit of an asshole to refuse them because you'll lose a good night's sleep. You would want someone to extend to you the same kindness to you should you need it.
@@JakeFish5058 I can't empathize with any "your wife is pregnant" sh't and I never will. The most I can do is a neighbor asking for help.
Generally I agree we should be more neighborly. And that watching two kids for a couple of hours isn't gonna be the end of the world.
To say they or their situation is desperate is just untrue though. Every parent (man or woman) I have quoted this to since I watched the video laughed at it. "They need a MIRACLE!? Don't be overdramatic" -my Mom who did 3 home births :P
I am fine calling the woman a bit of an asshole because it is a community thing. But I am going to strongly disagree with the characterization that this situation is in any way dangerous or desperate. The in-labor Mom herself could probably watch the kids for 3 hours before any "need" to go to the hospital. And she should know that. This is just a preference she and the father has, and to act like it is anything more is BS.
I'm gonna push back so hard against Jordan its unreal. I'm glad we all agree that the way the husband felt was normal, and healthy, and there is nothing wrong with that. But I AM going to blame him for his response. When experiencing a negative emotion, being able to express that negative emotion in a way that doesn't hurt other is a fucking basic life skill. Inability to do so makes you a bad person, end of discussion. He either completely lacks the ability to think "what I'm about to say may hurt my partner, and that's wrong, even though she has hurt me," or he thought that, and then continued to act like a little bitch anyways. I have ended relationships over shit like this before; I can't fathom how one could just say "eh it happens" when a grown ass man acts like that.
Look, the point Peeps was making is that they want to zone in on that way too much. That they want to be assholes too and make fun of someone who was hurt. The real contradiction here is how can you have sympathy for someone acting out in a situation they were hurt, then turn around, throw away that sympathy, and basically bully someone who was vulnerable. In no way does a single reddit post communicate that the guy is incapable of talking about his feelings. And I gotta agree with Jordan here. If you want to be the assholes and make fun of someone that was hurt and how they reacted in those moments, then do that. If you want to be the mature one who understands that it is impossible to always act like the perfect communicator, especially when you are hurt by some you love a great deal, then be that. You don't get to be both without coming off as disingenuous to the latter
The part that was left out(the guy who wrote the post had another comment about it) was that the wife specifically took that business trip(it was optional and she chose to go) just so she could go and have that dinner with that other guy. The guy said he left it out because he didn't want to make his wife sound bad. Personally I would have had a far worse reaction than "enjoy your date then" after finding out my wife flew to another city to purposely have a dinner with a guy on Valentine's day.
@@nightmarebananaful I'm not making fun of the guy. My point is that if you are hurt, you have an obligation to make things right in a way that doesn't bring about more hurt, which he failed to do, end of statement.
@mynameteekay9472 Dawg that is psychotic. It is good to respond as rationally and clearly as possible, but the onus being on YOU to repair a hurt when someone else causes it? It's on them 100%, and if they fail to begin to mend the gap of their own volition, that's a mistake on their part.
@@AL-ry5ly Sure, nobody's disagreeing with that, but that's not what I said. I said if you are hurt, you have an obligation to express that in a way that doesn't cause others to become hurt.