Hello. My name is Julia and I’m not sure what stage of grief I’m in, possibly stage two. But I’m stuck. My beloved son Adam died by suicide. He jumped in front of a train and it was my birthday, this past November 2nd. Adam and I have always had a close relationship and loved each other very much. He was attending University. Had loads of friends, seemed to be very happy. The grief of losing my only son is profound and comes in waves . For example, I start crying when I see something of Adam’s…..or I’m out and about and suddenly I feel this wave of bereavement…I have to get to my car and go home. The world no longer feels safe. When I go out I feel highly damaged and disconnected to everything around me. The things I loved to do suddenly don’t interest me. I go outside for a walk or to the shops and feel fear and I don’t know why. Do you do online therapy for grief? Julia
I'm still stuck in a very very dark place I came home frome work and found my wife dead out of know where she was fine that morning and she was everything to me and I'm so broken and angry at God and or Jesus but it's been over a year and I don't feel any business I'm so done and ready to be done with it
I don't feel stuck in my Grief. But, I do feel challenged to overcome my "fears" of dealing with personal issues as a result of his death. Like having a meal at our dining table without him, etc. At the moment, I feel challenged to re-visit the "memoirs and memorabilia" of when we were in the "courtship" period of our relationship, 30 years ago. I think if I can get thru it without being tossed into a deep dark hole of emotional grief, I'm probably doing a lot better than I thought! It's all about ACCEPTANCE and Surrender. This is my mantra, right now.
I am, perhaps, apprehensive in general. I am currently engaged in continuing improvements to our home and garden as she wished, as if she were here but feel it is in reality futile because she is not here and It is only I who will benefit so guilt comes into it, and the sadness of reality and realisation . But your suggestion of doing something positive to honour her memory has spurred me on, so thankyou for that. No matter what, sadness in grief really is lonely and can never be shared.
I really know how you feel. My mother shot herself in front of me and it was the day before her 71 birthday. I’m so broke. My mom and I were so very close , not a day would go by we were together ….we would always have dinner together. I was her caregiver. I would. Keep her laughing I don’t have that anymore I’m in isolation and alone. Its been 6 months. But the pain is just as fresh and raw as the day it occurred My heart goes out to you I don’t know if I can continue on
after 37 years of being one and inseparable, this loss is not only a loss of him but a loss of us and of myself. I passed all the stages and my life goes on, but it goes on without me. He took a part of me with him. I do what has to be done, I work, I meet friends....and I even laugh....but the more time passes the more I am aware of what I lost...I had it all. Not everybody is being blessed by meeting the ONE. I was. Probably the last and final stage is this empty reality without him. Everybody has his own way of grief. 8 months ago he died. This pain will always be a part of me. He will always be a part of me. He will always be the love of my life. I am grateful for having been the wife of this extraordinary man.
I lost my husband in June 43 years together I'm 58 he was 59 we were childhood sweethearts and I feel exactly like you ! We were one and now I'm not sure how to make a life without him I am trying I am working and going out but I feel like I wear a mask and when I get home the mask comes off and I feel empty !💔
That too is my story We were together 42 years. We were one in every way. The losses are everywhere in my life. It's been a year but it feels like yesterday.
Yes. Death of a loved one that meant the world to us can never resolve. Death breaks the heart which can never be fully mended. Please take care. I just lost my precious husband in sudden death. I find it hard to go on right now.
I feel the same way. I so want to get back to who I was but even when I am am surrounded fiby my closest people ther is this emptyness that will not go away.
The grief journey can be complicated by the type of relationship you lost. My mother was abusive and did her best to leave me with nothing after her death. So my grief journey gas been complicated by homelessness, financial turmoil, and loving and negative memories competing for space. So, for some of us, grief is a relief AND a loss. I miss her, and I'm glad she is not living in the car with me. I took care of her during her last 8 years, and I have struggled to be grateful to still be alive.
I really find these videos comforting. I am definitely in the storm right now, only 10 days after death of my darling husband. I am a person who wants to make sense of things as much as possible. I know we all experience things differently. Having a sort of structure around grief is what I know will make me feel more safe. I’m trying to be in each moment but when my mind runs off to the future, I get very scared
I am in the Storm stage....feeling the confusion as if I was in a car accident that rolled down a mountain and I feel battered wounded and in pain...this loss is the worse pain I have ever had in my life...I feel scared and I miss my loved one so deeply...I have to be so careful with myself now...sometimes it is literally moment to moment...I cry so hard my body hurts sometimes...I am crying as I type this to you...I am so grateful I found your videos...I watch them for hours each night, they get me through the scary nights...Thank you so much for making them. It also helps so much when I read the comments of others who know and understand.
I am so sorry for your profound loss. Please hang in there, the fear will subside an you will gradually gain control. It can be slow though , dont rush it amen and I will be praying for you..
Thank you Jo..I am in the storm, you have touched on the fact my husband has passed away but my Relationship with him is still very much alive and that has made me feel positive this morning xx👍❤️🙏
Thank you for your great videos...helping people with grief. I was informed four days ago that my long time and best friend passed away. I'm in total shock. I haven't felt this terrible since 2006 when my niece was struck by a car and died. Now...here I am again...in this terrible world of "handling the grief." You are an angel for posting your comforting videos. What makes it hard for me...I'm 69, live alone, no friends, isolated, and she was my friend I chatted with (almost daily). Now...I am alone without her. I'm going to use her passing to improve my life and honor her for her companionship.
I feel like I am integrating my son's loss into my life, while looking for ways to honor him. Next week will be one year since my son passed away. Definitely being hit with memories and triggers left and right. So heartbroken. He was only 26.
I'm not sure where I'm at. I feel anger, pain and a feeling of being totally lost and out of control. I cuss God for my loss and yet I know that's not right but the anger and pain are so strong I just can't think straight!
Been 5 months for me. I am still in disbelief that he is gone. So much so as it was sudden and unexpected. So I still feel like I am in shock in a way, but probably starting to move onto the next stage. It comes and goes, and it’s a rollercoaster of emotions. This really sucks and I don’t know who I am without him.
Thank you for these comforting videos, Jo. My husband & best friend of 40 years died on June 2 after 1 month in home hospice & years of illness. I am glad to hear that these stages are not linear. I skip thru all of them as I am in the Storm of working thru possessions. I find myself all alone in this place of mixed bag emotions. One minute I am in the Storm, then Honoring, then Integration & many times in all of it. Add to the numbness, isolation ( family & friends don’t know what to say, so they avoid me) sadness, anger , trauma & widow brain fog, well, it is super hard & sometimes very scary…never coming back is a long time….thank you for letting me share…blessings as we journey on together ✨🦋✨
Marcea I am glad you have found some comfort in this video. Grief is indeed a mosaic. Don't be in a rush to sort possessions!! There is time for your Grief. 🙏
I feel like the storm is subsiding. I’m into the integration. The storm is still there but not 24/7 like it was. This video is very comforting. It means I’m making progress. That the horrible misery might be lightening up just a tad. And at this point I’ll take a the width of a molecule forward as hope that it will get better.
Still in the storm 💙 Traumatic grief. Cannot seem to separate my grief from the trauma. Anguish. Fear. Hypervigilent. Panic attacks. My soulmate died in a very traumatic auto accident. I “froze” at the scene. I only “unfroze” when I was t-boned in another accident 2 months later. Feared leaving our minor child without parents. Officer who arrived at the scene was the one present and with my husband as he died…trapped in his car for 4 brutal hours. Have not finished doing all that needs doing to settle my husband’s Estate. Fearful that I will make BIG mistakes as I move through things…because I cannot think clearly… Criminal felony case against perpetrator ongoing. This video does give me a plan. I feel like I’m not going to survive it most days. Your videos help me see that maybe I can. They validate that I am “normal”. Very grateful.
I'm in the middle of integration while I sort all my mother's stuff. As her caregiver I lived with her. Now, with my siblings anxious t to sell the house I still live in, I am looking for work and somewhere else to live. Add my grief to the mix and I 'm carrying my whole world on my shoulders. Some days it's crushing. I have talked with my sister about how we can honor our mother. We hope to have something in place by the one year mark of her death in December.
Honoring my son, thank you very much for you selfless contributions to those of us grieving a loss. In answer to you: At the ceremony stage to acknowledge his soul's journey to its next evolution.
My husband died suddenly and without warning 2 months ago. I am past the storm stage. I feel like I’m in the integration stage. We were married for 52 years, but somehow, I am not mourning as I think I “should”. We had a good marriage. We were very different people. Sometimes that was good and sometimes it was bad. When I wake up in the morning my first thought is, as always, I should be quiet in case he’s still asleep. I thought I heard him in the house the other night. I feel like I should be more sad and I should be clutching my pearls. Ha. I miss him, I wish he was here to experience whatever the future is going to bring, I wish he could experience the milestones in our grandchildrens’ lives, but I’m ok with being alone. The hardest part is coming home to an empty house at night. Does this make me cold hearted???? It doesn’t mean I didn’t/don’t love him. I keep asking myself if there’s something wrong with how I’m doing this. Thank you so much for these videos.
I am shifting back and forth between the integration and honoring phases. My therapist has been helping me to see that I can still draw strength from my relationship with my husband. I have created quotes from my husband (or ones that sound like him) and placed them around the house in frames. That way I can be reminded of the messages he would have been sending me if he were still here. On Valentine's Day, I went to the local card store and read the Valentines designated for wives. I identified the cards that he might have bought me if he were here. I am learning that I can access our connection with each other in ways that give me comfort and support. With respect to the honoring stage, I am in the process of planning a memorial for him. Actually, we going to memorialize him and his three brothers. They are all gone now, but we are inviting the children and grandchildren of those four men to come together to remember them, individually and as a family unit. We will also be spreading my husband's ashes under a redwood tree in a forest on the coast of northern California. This is an area near where he grew up and near where we used to vacation. So, this placement of his ashes is honoring both his childhood and his adult life with me and our daughter. So, your stages make much sense to me and I am grateful for your contribution to my understanding of this immensely complex and difficult process of coming to terms with this loss in a way serves me and him with dignity.
Thank you so much for this informational video. It is worth watching. I lost my son last June 1,2022. I found this video comforting. I am in 360 degrees circle stages. I go back from first then to third and another round. At this time, I am at the integration stage.
I am in the honor stage,it took a while to get here,it is all new to me ,scary ,intense and spirtual,I did a lot of things right and I have to acknowledge my best was good enough....🙏❤️💕
Question 1: I think I'm in the integration right now, but I switch between all three stages throughout each day. Today is day 4 since the loss. Question 2: I breathe deeply and think of him in darkness at the bottom of my abdomen when I inhale. Question 3: I am integrating two things separately: 1. my relationship to him now and 2: the grief of losing the relationship we had before he passed on. Thank you.
My life became so empty and desolate after my husband died. He died suddenly almost 10 years ago. He was my very best friend. We had been through so much during our almost 40 years as a couple, and we had cried and laughed together so many times. We had shared each other‘s experiences and we gave each other encouragement. I know how he would’ve thought about many difficult issues and how he would’ve acted in various situations. I still think what would he have done now I still miss him terribly, but I feel him with me all the time. I even ask him for advice. I carry our life together inside me. Our thoughts, our fun, our troubles. These are all treasures no one can ever take from me.
It has been almost four years since I lost my only daughter and I feel worse then ever. It’s difficult to breathe, to do just about anything. I am exhausted of trying to explain to my family how I actually feel, exhausted of faking it. I have this urge to run from everything and everyone. 😢
I lost my son last year to brain cancer and I totally understand what you are going through. people can not comprehend what we go through and so I pretty much gave up trying to explain. Life is supposed to go on while I can not picture the world without my son. My heart goes out to you and your family.
my dad passed away on christmas eve, I was really like this for the first month as well and I'm not an angry person generally so it was confronting for me. It is comforting to know I'm not alone in that response, although I'm sorry that you went through that as well and I'm sorry for your loss.
Thank you!! I'm still in the whole storm of it, the disbelief, the loss, the finality, I just want him to come home to me again. . . I can't believe he's gone after 36 years. Seems like only yesterday we were married. I miss him so much. .
Hi sweetie I just lost my husband 1 month ago I know how u feel I kept asking my husband to please come back I lost him unexpectedly I woke up in the morning and he was gone it was so hard to find him like that I never got to say goodbye 😒
My wife died in July 2022 - we had been together for 64 and married for 62 years. Now, some eight months following her death I am consumed by my loss and wake to tears every waking day. I am a father, grandfather and great grandfather, and yet my life is empty and hollow without my other half - in fact I feel half dead because my 'other half is no more.. We both accepted the fact that life has a beginning and an end and the thought of living forever filled us with horror and repulsion. hence our Atheism. I am only now setting out on your 'third stage' of acceptance and honour toward my wonderful wife - my best friend and companion throughout all our up and downs - you may have pointed me in the only way to move on as I mark time toward my own inevitable demise.
I am in the integration stage of grief five months after my husband's death. My feelings still fluctuate between the storm and integration ticking off my list of to-dos preparing the house and large yard for winter. Living alone for the first time has been difficult to adjust to. I am constantly learning how to make my way through this new world.
Beginning the honoring stage. I purchased a "Fishers of Men" bracelet for my husband about 10 years ago. He loved the bracelet and wore it all the time. After he passed, I placed it in my jewelry cabinet and didn't think much about it. Yesterday, I took it out, looked at it and thought why don't I have it sized to fit me. That way I could wear it in honor of his memory. The jeweler shortened it and suggested making a drop necklace with the remaining bracelet section. With the jewelers help, we made a beautiful necklace. Now I have two pieces of jewelry to wear in remembrance of him.
3 weeks since my wife and I were in a horrific car accident. I walked away, she passed away immediately. From the first second it happened I have tried to manage the situation. Instead of my last memory of her being in a horrific state in the car, my last memory is of her asleep in the morgue. We confronted things head on and never shunned our feelings. She would expect me to actively seek info, like this video, on how to deal with the loss. I know it will take time, but learning how to cope is important and that is how I am dealing with her loss, by educating myself and allowing the natural processess to take effect. I am devastated and live in a foreign country with few friends, so communication and talking is important with those who are close and I believe it will work and WE will find peace as a team, in life and in death.
Its been 18 months since he passed. I've been in the integration and honoring stages for awhile now. Thanks to your videos I also learned how grief/pain/emotional suffering avoidant I've been this whole time. So, I'm making some changes... taking away some diversions/distractions to focus on "feeling" my grief. I've learned so much from you, thank you for helping us all work thru the pain of loss.
Its been 2yrs now, and I am lost in all of these stages ,,,some days I can honour my grief,missing my life we had, missing us,,, and then I am stronger for a while,,
It is almost 3 months since I lost my beloved best friend / mom, and my depression and sadness seems to go from bad to worse, to back again. I still feel like I am in the Storm, but also in integration sometimes. I feel like that for self preservation, I need to fight my way out of the storm. It doesn't help that I lost my dad who I was also very close to, 16 months before I lost my mother. (her depression at that loss probably contributed to her sickness & death- they were together since they were teens!) It's all been so rough.
It is clear that you and your parents know how to Love deeply. Your Grief will reflect that. Self preservation is a good model to use in this early acute stage of Grief. ❤
Working on the integration & honouring. Self compassion when I’m sad or emotional. Who am I now? After taking care of my Father, I have more time. I use this time to plan long quiet walks in nature. I find this too is a way of honouring my Father as we would always go for long walks. I miss him! 💙
6 months after Mom’s passing, the storm is finally quieting down + I’m overwhelmed w/ the loss. We were very close so her absence is hitting me hard. All I do is cry 😢 Life is so empty w/o her. I feel worse each day
@@mandeep44896 Hard to say. I’m just numb. Still cry daily 🥲 Some days are harder than others. I miss her so much. Life is empty and dull without her. Grief runs through me all the time. It’s a very different life w/o her. I’m still in disbelief. // Good luck to you. Just do grief your way. There is no rule book. Sending blessings your way 🙏🏻
I hope you are feeling better. My father died in April and it's mind boggling that he's never comming back. When he left it's like they take part of you with them. It makes everything seem so meaningless. Alot about him was also a mystery to me because he didn't really share his emotions much so it makes me feel a bit cheated in a way. I understand the anger part of the other stages....the 5 stages. Its not visible but its an emotion that's sort of buried deep inside me. I alternate between that and depression. Sometimes I feel almost normal too. I didnt know grief until this happened. Good luck to you.....
@@deplorablemike3349 Thank you 🙏🏻 for your kind words. Grief has completely hijacked my thinking / processing of everyday life. I feel empty most days and spacey other days. It’s a profound loss for sure. Grief only changes intensity and is always present. // Good luck to you during this time.
I started courses in mediumship nearly right from the beginning of my grief. I lost my spouse on March 17th. The seminars and beyond contacts helped me to get over it. But nevertheless I am often incredibly sad und I am an abandoned widow. I feel lost. But I hope, I can continue to learn how to deal with it. Warm regards from Germany and thank you very much for your work.
I am definitely in stage 2 integrating. I am struggling to understand how to move forward with the loss of my boyfriend who’s life was taken away by someone else. Who am I now is what I am going through in my life. Also I’m struggling to come to terms with him permanently gone.. my mind is seeking that connection I had with him and that I never got to talk to him that once last time. Since his death every single night my dreams have been of him and/or him being part of my dreams. Thankyou for this video it has given me reassurance on what I have been experiencing.
Jess I am thankful this video helped even a little. Dreams carry wisdom also.. search for themes in your dreams. Write him a "once last time" letter? 🙏🏻
I guess I am still somewhat working on integration moving into the honoring phase of my grief towards all of the loved ones I have lost.Thank you Jo for being so kind have been working with all of us who have lost loved ones on your page..
Thank you Jo, I appreciate your counseling. I believe that I am trying to integrate grief. But I might have a couple of toes in stage no.1. Some days it feels so alone. There is silence everywhere, and sadness. I realize that I AM Alone, and I’m not hungry, I don’t want to do anything, I try to do the chores, but some days I can’t. I’m not interested.Thank you describing the stages.
My wife passed on The 27th of January 2022. She wasn’t more sick than we expected. In hospital for a week out for three days then back in and she was gone in two days. Very unexpected for us myself and two daughters. We are struggling. Thank you for these videos.
I am the wife of M. Vann. Married for 51 years. Thank you for the insights, the road map of possible stages of grief. The day of my husbands memorial was in fact very stormy. I wanted to make since of it at the time as some kind of sign, now I can. Now 6 months later a mixture of integration and depression coupled with a loss of purpose. He was my very best friend.
I'm not quite sure where I am with all my issues with all my different levels of grief on different issues. The one I'm grieving right now is the loss of my relationship with my son as I'm estranged from him and I'm about to be a grandmother. I came to acceptance . As a matter of fact watching your videos helps me with that. I have backed off letting him know whenever he wants to speak to me I'll be here. I was doing really well, until a neighbour called me and started telling me how much my son loves me and how much he cares about me and on and on and on. The truth of the matter is he treats me like a piece of crap. I don't like anybody chucking down my throat their beliefs on our relationship. Just be okay all things will get better. then I find myself defending my truth and having to explain my life and to beg over and over and over again what she believes about my son is not what I know. Not to mention the shoulds that she's got in her. As welling have you heard if your grandma yet. Have you seen the baby yet. My heart is broken and I am severely triggered and angry. I need to order myself. But the unfortunate part is is I have asked this person not to do this to me over and over again. As it crushes me every single time. So I don't know if this is honouring myself or not but I did some deep breathing. Thought about the situation. I called her back to let her know what state I ended up in once again over our conversation and that if she does not stop. That I will have to stop the relationship. And if she truly wants to know about my son and the baby she can call them. Irene the space where I don't want people calling me asking have you seen the baby yet have you seen the baby especially with the fracture in our relationship. So I hope I'm honouring myself this way.
I have so much grief I lost my 1st husband of 30 yrs in 2011, lost my mom 2018, married my 2nd love in 2018, lost my 26 yr old grandson who I raised in 2020 , lost my husband of 3 yrs 2021 to covid . These last 2 have about killed me. I am so ready to go be with them but I know thats God in the hands of God .
Thank you so much Jo for providing this "scaffolding", as you called it, for our experiences of grief. I would say that with most of my losses, I am in the stage of honoring. Most of the time, I do take time to do things in memory of my loved ones and look for the ways they are still a part of my life.
Thanks for the comment Laura. It does help sometimes to try and organize the obscure. Your honouring stages are filled with beautiful words and art. For those reading this comment please check out Laura's talent! ua-cam.com/channels/ZBmFkW0h8LOTmfs6R7orTQ.html
Jo, thank you for this video. I would say that I am in the Intergration stage, or that seems the most fitting, but you’re right - the storm comes back from time to time, and yet I find I’m more and more concerned about the Honouring stage of late, how to go about this, how to hold my love and my respect for my husband. He is gone now a little over three years, the Storm lasted a long time - he died suddenly, without warning, at home, late one night in deep winter … today is the day we held his commemoration ceremony, a month later, and it was so timely for me, that I found this particular video this evening, Thank you so much, Jo.
This was /is wonderful - makes so much sense, and thus gives comfort Thank you 🙏🏻 Where am I at? Its almost 9 months and think I’m all over the place depending on day, hour, minute
This is a wonderful roadmap. Stormy is in waves. Integration is very difficult. I don't know how to integrate such a huge loss of my sister and brother in law from a house fire and they were killed by a backdraft trying to get out. They should have gotten out and survived. It's very sad and unreal and heartbreaking to have to think about my sister at the door ready to get out and safe and instead she was blown backwards and killed. Such a kind loving person. There's no faith that God is there. Just shock and disbelief. I am trying to integrate the loss. Over 800 people attended their memorial service. Secondary losses are the nieces and nephews and grandkids who she would give daily updates about all their shenanigans. Secondary losses of everything they owned and family heirlooms. I don't know how to honor such an amazing person. I will have to consider that awhile.
Stage 1 has lasted 2 years. Finally integrating... I think. No more anger, nothing to prove anymore. I had to stay away. I was dealing with a toxic family.. urgh!, another set of videos. It didnt end well with my father, I found out he was dying, purely by chance. I am on my own now, no family. Never really had one now that I look back... (I've done the education to know) I was triggered by a beautiful comment at church.. you can be a part of our family now, another person slapping me on the shoulder and asking how have I been. A squeeze on the shoulder to be told that there were still good memories. Now I am back into the throws of it. I am grieving ideals I think. If I think too much, I burst into tears.
I'm in the storm still 5 mos later...my daughter didn't have a Will so dealing with all that....and also in the honoring stage...we have plans for a memorial tree to be planted in her name & getting involved in a charity that she supported...thx so much for your words & insight...it helps me very much!
Marg all of those honouring moments will serve you now and also in the future. I am thankful my concepts have helped you. And...remember.... Grief doesn't know watches and calendars so 5 months into it is still so fresh. 💟
My being still rails against the reality of my partner being gone. Your use of the word 'permanent' is like a kick in the gut and heart. This stage of integration is like a merry go round but in the form of a roller coaster. On and on. Honouring him daily does help, hugely, yet it's not enough, I want him. It's early days, not even three months. Feels like eons. I'm struggling yet fear losing connection. Pain is almost better than absence. Thank you for your videos.
"Pain is almost better than absence" is such a profound awareness. I shall add this to my list of needed videos. You are no doubt in the early days of loss. Much ❤️ as you find your way.
Hugs and love to you....I know what you mean about the kick in the gut and heart...I am in the early days here...the pain is like no other pain I have ever felt..
I'm squarely in integrating, but with an important anniversary approaching, I feel integration will be a challenge and sort of dread a storm recurrence. ❤thank you Jo.
My Mom died on Nov. 30th and I am definitely in the storm, but I’m getting small snippets of the other stages, and then I fall back into the storm again. I’m glad I found your videos. In time I’m hoping they will help. 😢 10:32
I as a 10 year old have stayed in the storm due to my grandmas death have buried it away and due to covid and other trauma issues this has re emerged 50 years later currently my therapist is helping me understand grief which was left to myself to understand as a child there are other traumas associated with life but this was not one I expected . Sadness is hopefully a strength. Apparently as a bloke I don't do emotions well. NS Sherlock Thank you x.
Thank you so much for these videos. Almost 8 months on from the death of my Mum, I'm somewhere between the integration and the honouring stage, trying to define myself and my relationship to Dad (and trying to sort out between people who help me and those who drain my energy). And I'm trying to honour my Mum by keeping on working (she was always so supportive of my career choices when I decided to become a research scientist) and continuing a bond with her in my mind, talking to her, trying to use her moral compass. It's not easy, she was my best friend and biggest fan...
I lost my wonderful son in July 21, 2021. I feel l am definitely in the integration stage. I’m struggling so hard to feel my relationship with him isn’t over. I’m lost in pain much of the time.
Bill, such a recent loss... You are right in feeling the Integration Stage needing redefinition of your relationship with your son. I hope you find some direction soon to ease your pain. 💟
I’m in all three at any given time of day. My 33 year old daughter died July 20th, 2021 after a 16 months fight with with aggressive metastatic melanoma.
Kimberly I bet this can change hourly as well. I am sending so much love to your Momma's Heart. This is such a recent and tragic loss, the Grief will be big and still really disorganized. ❤
I understand your loss. My only child, my son, died in CICU 15 months ago. I look forward to making my way to the honoring stage where I accept his death and find peace in his memory and gratitude that I got to be his Mom. Please accept my deepest sympathy and prayers for you
I think I am nearing the end of the storm and wondering how I go about the integration. Trying to be gentle on myself and just let it evolve but feeling so lost right now.
I am grateful for all of this information it really is a big help. A year into the loss of my husband and zooming out I can see that I have come through the storm for the most part and am into integration. I’m trying to figure out who I am now, will I ever know? I like how you talked about grey areas. I’m not always fine and I’m not always not but that’s ok. I’m doing my work and hopefully one day I’ll be able to figure it out and honour the new person I will become
7/20//1981-6/26/2021 I am honoring now but still depressed sad 💔😭 Just went through first everything dates without my son Jason it's been awhile and I miss him and our grandbabies so much I can't stand it or anyone ! I will be so happy when my time is up in this horrible cruel world ! Is it harder to always wear mask or when it totally falls off for everyone to see ? Asking for enemies that let this happen even myself or didn't watch over him in his time he needed us most the guilt and blame so alone broken with pain left in the dark not knowing I just want answers fair justice I have to let go but want to hold on with a piece of thread I want my son my heart is crumbled to a pile of red ashes no one can fix it or help I keep telling myself it's only for a little while and he would not want me like this he would want me to go on be happy 😊 I'm trying so hard to get there ........for him......
Aug 2022 my son took his own life. Im not sure where I am in my grief. I would love to find a way to honour him. I dont know how yet. One of my best friends died just 10 days ago. So now im grieving for 2 people in different stages.
Maam, all of your videos are spot on! On May 11, 2022, I began a second life. Your words and their content are my new morning coffee companions and have tickled my closeted passion for writing/journaling. (May I suggest lowering the background music, as certain tones overstep your calming voice?) Oh, grief? My father in 2014, sister in 2017, Mother 2021 ... If only I'd known of you before.
I marred young he died 2 years ago¹ we were marred 60 years he was the only man in my life from 16 to 70 yeas i miss him very much finding it very hard to carry on my family are around me but still feel lost who am i with out him
Still working on integration 8 mos later...my process has been so tough because my love suffered from bipolar depression and left this life on her own terms. I tried to save her and feel that I failed her. My feelings of guilt are terrible and so difficult to get past.
All your videos have helped very much. The STORM is complete, the list of DO have come to end. The integration is beginning. Your description of stages is very close. The loss came from suicide, I am trying to help myself because my children are tired of my grieving. I will fall apart by myself and work to bring myself through this. You have been an inspiration
Appreciate your videos - especially this one- I am in the integration stage mostly - you laid it out quite well and I could relate to the various points....which was quite reassuring. My wife Sandy of 49 years was diagnosed with Cancer last Dec 2020- went through treatment till April recovered and tests did not show any sign of Lymphoma but it came back aggressively in June and after 4 days in Hospital she passed suddenly. She is in a better place ( the song "Scars in Heaven" describes that place and my reflections now)
That was one of the songs at my husband's funeral. He died of aggressive bone marrow cancer a few months ago. Sorry for your loss also. It's very difficult isn't it.
its been 1 year 2 mos and 18 days since my daughter passed away. I am still in Integration stages. I dont know where I can survive this grief. I always remember how she suffered, her pains and I feel so guilty that I cant do anything to relieve her pain.
Losing a child is a unique loss. Grief and Guilt unfortunately fuel one another. Consider watching this video...ua-cam.com/video/6y73hj01Tvo/v-deo.html I hope your Grief eases on your heart. ❤️
Its been 2 years since the death of my son . I have no idea where I'm at , but I know it's not a good way. Isolation, guilt, lost . Wanting so bad for me to leave and be with my son .I just cant snap back
I had a wall up as I was helping to care for my mom with dementia. I was with her as she passed in sept. The dam broke in January and I've been in emotional turmoil. I have fear constantly. I think I'm between 1&2?
@@cirrus393 yes I can honestly say I am a very little better, I have some good hours now . I send lots of love to you and your Mum, it’s so hard, Jos videos help a little
Thanks for watching! If you feel stuck in your Grief what stage are you struggling with?
Hello. My name is Julia and I’m not sure what stage of grief I’m in, possibly stage two. But I’m stuck. My beloved son Adam died by suicide. He jumped in front of a train and it was my birthday, this past November 2nd. Adam and I have always had a close relationship and loved each other very much. He was attending University. Had loads of friends, seemed to be very happy. The grief of losing my only son is profound and comes in waves . For example, I start crying when I see something of Adam’s…..or I’m out and about and suddenly I feel this wave of bereavement…I have to get to my car and go home. The world no longer feels safe. When I go out I feel highly damaged and disconnected to everything around me. The things I loved to do suddenly don’t interest me. I go outside for a walk or to the shops and feel fear and I don’t know why. Do you do online therapy for grief? Julia
I'm still stuck in a very very dark place I came home frome work and found my wife dead out of know where she was fine that morning and she was everything to me and I'm so broken and angry at God and or Jesus but it's been over a year and I don't feel any business I'm so done and ready to be done with it
I don't feel stuck in my Grief. But, I do feel challenged to overcome my "fears" of dealing with personal issues as a result of his death. Like having a meal at our dining table without him, etc. At the moment, I feel challenged to re-visit the "memoirs and memorabilia" of when we were in the "courtship" period of our relationship, 30 years ago. I think if I can get thru it without being tossed into a deep dark hole of emotional grief, I'm probably doing a lot better than I thought! It's all about ACCEPTANCE and Surrender. This is my mantra, right now.
I am, perhaps, apprehensive in general. I am currently engaged in continuing improvements to our home and garden as she wished, as if she were here but feel it is in reality futile because she is not here and It is only I who will benefit so guilt comes into it, and the sadness of reality and realisation . But your suggestion of doing something positive to honour her memory has spurred me on, so thankyou for that. No matter what, sadness in grief really is lonely and can never be shared.
I really know how you feel. My mother shot herself in front of me and it was the day before her 71 birthday. I’m so broke. My mom and I were so very close , not a day would go by we were together ….we would always have dinner together. I was her caregiver. I would. Keep her laughing I don’t have that anymore I’m in isolation and alone. Its been 6 months. But the pain is just as fresh and raw as the day it occurred
My heart goes out to you
I don’t know if I can continue on
after 37 years of being one and inseparable, this loss is not only a loss of him but a loss of us and of myself. I passed all the stages and my life goes on, but it goes on without me. He took a part of me with him. I do what has to be done, I work, I meet friends....and I even laugh....but the more time passes the more I am aware of what I lost...I had it all. Not everybody is being blessed by meeting the ONE. I was. Probably the last and final stage is this empty reality without him. Everybody has his own way of grief. 8 months ago he died. This pain will always be a part of me. He will always be a part of me. He will always be the love of my life. I am grateful for having been the wife of this extraordinary man.
I lost my husband in June 43 years together I'm 58 he was 59 we were childhood sweethearts and I feel exactly like you ! We were one and now I'm not sure how to make a life without him I am trying I am working and going out but I feel like I wear a mask and when I get home the mask comes off and I feel empty !💔
Thank you for sharing ❤️ I feel the same about my wife of 30 years.
That too is my story
We were together 42 years. We were one in every way. The losses are everywhere in my life. It's been a year but it feels like yesterday.
Yes. Death of a loved one that meant the world to us can never resolve. Death breaks the heart which can never be fully mended. Please take care. I just lost my precious husband in sudden death. I find it hard to go on right now.
I feel the same way. I so want to get back to who I was but even when I am am surrounded fiby my closest people ther is this emptyness that will not go away.
The grief journey can be complicated by the type of relationship you lost. My mother was abusive and did her best to leave me with nothing after her death. So my grief journey gas been complicated by homelessness, financial turmoil, and loving and negative memories competing for space. So, for some of us, grief is a relief AND a loss. I miss her, and I'm glad she is not living in the car with me. I took care of her during her last 8 years, and I have struggled to be grateful to still be alive.
I really find these videos comforting. I am definitely in the storm right now, only 10 days after death of my darling husband. I am a person who wants to make sense of things as much as possible. I know we all experience things differently. Having a sort of structure around grief is what I know will make me feel more safe. I’m trying to be in each moment but when my mind runs off to the future, I get very scared
I am in the Storm stage....feeling the confusion as if I was in a car accident that rolled down a mountain and I feel battered wounded and in pain...this loss is the worse pain I have ever had in my life...I feel scared and I miss my loved one so deeply...I have to be so careful with myself now...sometimes it is literally moment to moment...I cry so hard my body hurts sometimes...I am crying as I type this to you...I am so grateful I found your videos...I watch them for hours each night, they get me through the scary nights...Thank you so much for making them. It also helps so much when I read the comments of others who know and understand.
I do the same.
I am so sorry for your profound loss. Please hang in there, the fear will subside an you will gradually gain control. It can be slow though , dont rush it amen and I will be praying for you..
Thank you Jo..I am in the storm, you have touched on the fact my husband has passed away but my Relationship with him is still very much alive and that has made me feel positive this morning xx👍❤️🙏
Thank you for your great videos...helping people with grief. I was informed four days ago that my long time and best friend passed away. I'm in total shock. I haven't felt this terrible since 2006 when my niece was struck by a car and died. Now...here I am again...in this terrible world of "handling the grief." You are an angel for posting your comforting videos. What makes it hard for me...I'm 69, live alone, no friends, isolated, and she was my friend I chatted with (almost daily). Now...I am alone without her. I'm going to use her passing to improve my life and honor her for her companionship.
❤️😇
I feel like I am integrating my son's loss into my life, while looking for ways to honor him. Next week will be one year since my son passed away. Definitely being hit with memories and triggers left and right. So heartbroken. He was only 26.
I'm not sure where I'm at. I feel anger, pain and a feeling of being totally lost and out of control. I cuss God for my loss and yet I know that's not right but the anger and pain are so strong I just can't think straight!
Been 5 months for me. I am still in disbelief that he is gone. So much so as it was sudden and unexpected. So I still feel like I am in shock in a way, but probably starting to move onto the next stage. It comes and goes, and it’s a rollercoaster of emotions. This really sucks and I don’t know who I am without him.
Thank you for these comforting videos, Jo. My husband & best friend of 40 years died on June 2 after 1 month in home hospice & years of illness. I am glad to hear that these stages are not linear. I skip thru all of them as I am in the Storm of working thru possessions. I find myself all alone in this place of mixed bag emotions. One minute I am in the Storm, then Honoring, then Integration & many times in all of it. Add to the numbness, isolation ( family & friends don’t know what to say, so they avoid me) sadness, anger , trauma & widow brain fog, well, it is super hard & sometimes very scary…never coming back is a long time….thank you for letting me share…blessings as we journey on together ✨🦋✨
Marcea I am glad you have found some comfort in this video. Grief is indeed a mosaic. Don't be in a rush to sort possessions!! There is time for your Grief. 🙏
I feel like the storm is subsiding. I’m into the integration. The storm is still there but not 24/7 like it was. This video is very comforting. It means I’m making progress. That the horrible misery might be lightening up just a tad. And at this point I’ll take a the width of a molecule forward as hope that it will get better.
Still in the storm 💙 Traumatic grief. Cannot seem to separate my grief from the trauma. Anguish. Fear. Hypervigilent. Panic attacks. My soulmate died in a very traumatic auto accident. I “froze” at the scene. I only “unfroze” when I was t-boned in another accident 2 months later. Feared leaving our minor child without parents. Officer who arrived at the scene was the one present and with my husband as he died…trapped in his car for 4 brutal hours. Have not finished doing all that needs doing to settle my husband’s Estate. Fearful that I will make BIG mistakes as I move through things…because I cannot think clearly… Criminal felony case against perpetrator ongoing. This video does give me a plan. I feel like I’m not going to survive it most days. Your videos help me see that maybe I can. They validate that I am “normal”. Very grateful.
ALL THREE
I'm in the middle of integration while I sort all my mother's stuff. As her caregiver I lived with her. Now, with my siblings anxious t to sell the house I still live in, I am looking for work and somewhere else to live. Add my grief to the mix and I 'm carrying my whole world on my shoulders. Some days it's crushing. I have talked with my sister about how we can honor our mother. We hope to have something in place by the one year mark of her death in December.
I am still in the storm and you are helping me through this new experience of my life for which thank you so very much ❤
Honoring my son, thank you very much for you selfless contributions to those of us grieving a loss. In answer to you:
At the ceremony stage to acknowledge his soul's journey to its next evolution.
My husband died suddenly and without warning 2 months ago. I am past the storm stage. I feel like I’m in the integration stage. We were married for 52 years, but somehow, I am not mourning as I think I “should”. We had a good marriage. We were very different people. Sometimes that was good and sometimes it was bad. When I wake up in the morning my first thought is, as always, I should be quiet in case he’s still asleep. I thought I heard him in the house the other night. I feel like I should be more sad and I should be clutching my pearls. Ha. I miss him, I wish he was here to experience whatever the future is going to bring, I wish he could experience the milestones in our grandchildrens’ lives, but I’m ok with being alone. The hardest part is coming home to an empty house at night. Does this make me cold hearted???? It doesn’t mean I didn’t/don’t love him. I keep asking myself if there’s something wrong with how I’m doing this. Thank you so much for these videos.
I’m in the second stage but I’m hopeful I can continue with the rest of your stages
I am shifting back and forth between the integration and honoring phases. My therapist has been helping me to see that I can still draw strength from my relationship with my husband. I have created quotes from my husband (or ones that sound like him) and placed them around the house in frames. That way I can be reminded of the messages he would have been sending me if he were still here. On Valentine's Day, I went to the local card store and read the Valentines designated for wives. I identified the cards that he might have bought me if he were here. I am learning that I can access our connection with each other in ways that give me comfort and support. With respect to the honoring stage, I am in the process of planning a memorial for him. Actually, we going to memorialize him and his three brothers. They are all gone now, but we are inviting the children and grandchildren of those four men to come together to remember them, individually and as a family unit. We will also be spreading my husband's ashes under a redwood tree in a forest on the coast of northern California. This is an area near where he grew up and near where we used to vacation. So, this placement of his ashes is honoring both his childhood and his adult life with me and our daughter. So, your stages make much sense to me and I am grateful for your contribution to my understanding of this immensely complex and difficult process of coming to terms with this loss in a way serves me and him with dignity.
I honor my husband by facilitating voluntarily to help young widows and widowers with support groups. Its my legacy to my husband who died at 44.
Thank you so much for this informational video. It is worth watching. I lost my son last June 1,2022. I found this video comforting. I am in 360 degrees circle stages. I go back from first then to third and another round. At this time, I am at the integration stage.
I am in the honor stage,it took a while to get here,it is all new to me ,scary ,intense and spirtual,I did a lot of things right and I have to acknowledge my best was good enough....🙏❤️💕
Question 1: I think I'm in the integration right now, but I switch between all three stages throughout each day. Today is day 4 since the loss.
Question 2: I breathe deeply and think of him in darkness at the bottom of my abdomen when I inhale.
Question 3: I am integrating two things separately: 1. my relationship to him now and 2: the grief of losing the relationship we had before he passed on.
Thank you.
My life became so empty and desolate after my husband died. He died suddenly almost 10 years ago. He was my very best friend. We had been through so much during our almost 40 years as a couple, and we had cried and laughed together so many times. We had shared each other‘s experiences and we gave each other encouragement. I know how he would’ve thought about many difficult issues and how he would’ve acted in various situations. I still think what would he have done now I still miss him terribly, but I feel him with me all the time. I even ask him for advice. I carry our life together inside me. Our thoughts, our fun, our troubles. These are all treasures no one can ever take from me.
It has been almost four years since I lost my only daughter and I feel worse then ever. It’s difficult to breathe, to do just about anything. I am exhausted of trying to explain to my family how I actually feel, exhausted of faking it. I have this urge to run from everything and everyone. 😢
Maybe reaching out for some sort of one on one support would help?
I’m so sorry for your tremendous loss.
I lost my son last year to brain cancer and I totally understand what you are going through. people can not comprehend what we go through and so I pretty much gave up trying to explain. Life is supposed to go on while I can not picture the world without my son. My heart goes out to you and your family.
I also lost my only daughter 2 months ago. Im devastated. I miss ner so much. She was my best friend❤. Im so sorry for your loss❤
My mom just died last Saturday. I’m definitely at the anger stage lashing out at the wrong people and not who it should be directed at
my dad passed away on christmas eve, I was really like this for the first month as well and I'm not an angry person generally so it was confronting for me. It is comforting to know I'm not alone in that response, although I'm sorry that you went through that as well and I'm sorry for your loss.
Thank you!! I'm still in the whole storm of it, the disbelief, the loss, the finality, I just want him to come home to me again. . . I can't believe he's gone after 36 years. Seems like only yesterday we were married. I miss him so much. .
The Storm is so challenging. Try to invite in bits and pieces of the other stages to see if they can help you meet the storm.💟
Hi sweetie I just lost my husband 1 month ago I know how u feel I kept asking my husband to please come back I lost him unexpectedly I woke up in the morning and he was gone it was so hard to find him like that I never got to say goodbye 😒
My wife died in July 2022 - we had been together for 64 and married for 62 years. Now, some eight months following her death I am consumed by my loss and wake to tears every waking day. I am a father, grandfather and great grandfather, and yet my life is empty and hollow without my other half - in fact I feel half dead because my 'other half is no more.. We both accepted the fact that life has a beginning and an end and the thought of living forever filled us with horror and repulsion. hence our Atheism. I am only now setting out on your 'third stage' of acceptance and honour toward my wonderful wife - my best friend and companion throughout all our up and downs - you may have pointed me in the only way to move on as I mark time toward my own inevitable demise.
I am in the integration stage of grief five months after my husband's death. My feelings still fluctuate between the storm and integration ticking off my list of to-dos preparing the house and large yard for winter. Living alone for the first time has been difficult to adjust to. I am constantly learning how to make my way through this new world.
I feel the same way , I feel lost, lonely after the love of my life passed away 3/12 months ago,
Honoring
Beginning the honoring stage. I purchased a "Fishers of Men" bracelet for my husband about 10 years ago. He loved the bracelet and wore it all the time. After he passed, I placed it in my jewelry cabinet and didn't think much about it. Yesterday, I took it out, looked at it and thought why don't I have it sized to fit me. That way I could wear it in honor of his memory. The jeweler shortened it and suggested making a drop necklace with the remaining bracelet section. With the jewelers help, we made a beautiful necklace. Now I have two pieces of jewelry to wear in remembrance of him.
Battiling the storm
3 weeks since my wife and I were in a horrific car accident. I walked away, she passed away immediately. From the first second it happened I have tried to manage the situation. Instead of my last memory of her being in a horrific state in the car, my last memory is of her asleep in the morgue. We confronted things head on and never shunned our feelings. She would expect me to actively seek info, like this video, on how to deal with the loss. I know it will take time, but learning how to cope is important and that is how I am dealing with her loss, by educating myself and allowing the natural processess to take effect. I am devastated and live in a foreign country with few friends, so communication and talking is important with those who are close and I believe it will work and WE will find peace as a team, in life and in death.
Its been 18 months since he passed. I've been in the integration and honoring stages for awhile now. Thanks to your videos I also learned how grief/pain/emotional suffering avoidant I've been this whole time. So, I'm making some changes... taking away some diversions/distractions to focus on "feeling" my grief. I've learned so much from you, thank you for helping us all work thru the pain of loss.
Its been 2yrs now, and I am lost in all of these stages ,,,some days I can honour my grief,missing my life we had, missing us,,, and then I am stronger for a while,,
It is almost 3 months since I lost my beloved best friend / mom, and my depression and sadness seems to go from bad to worse, to back again. I still feel like I am in the Storm, but also in integration sometimes. I feel like that for self preservation, I need to fight my way out of the storm. It doesn't help that I lost my dad who I was also very close to, 16 months before I lost my mother. (her depression at that loss probably contributed to her sickness & death- they were together since they were teens!) It's all been so rough.
It is clear that you and your parents know how to Love deeply. Your Grief will reflect that. Self preservation is a good model to use in this early acute stage of Grief. ❤
My husband died 4 and a half yrs ago and I cry as if it was yesterday and can't control my pain and crying
Working on the integration & honouring.
Self compassion when I’m sad or emotional.
Who am I now?
After taking care of my Father, I have more time.
I use this time to plan long quiet walks in nature.
I find this too is a way of honouring my Father as we would always go for long walks.
I miss him! 💙
❤
6 months after Mom’s passing, the storm is finally quieting down + I’m overwhelmed w/ the loss. We were very close so her absence is hitting me hard. All I do is cry 😢 Life is so empty w/o her. I feel worse each day
My heart goes out to you please consider getting some professional help even go for one session just to try.
Hi
R u feeling bit better . I lost my mom, I don’t know how to cope.
@@mandeep44896 Hard to say. I’m just numb. Still cry daily 🥲 Some days are harder than others. I miss her so much. Life is empty and dull without her. Grief runs through me all the time. It’s a very different life w/o her. I’m still in disbelief. // Good luck to you. Just do grief your way. There is no rule book. Sending blessings your way 🙏🏻
I hope you are feeling better. My father died in April and it's mind boggling that he's never comming back. When he left it's like they take part of you with them. It makes everything seem so meaningless. Alot about him was also a mystery to me because he didn't really share his emotions much so it makes me feel a bit cheated in a way. I understand the anger part of the other stages....the 5 stages. Its not visible but its an emotion that's sort of buried deep inside me. I alternate between that and depression. Sometimes I feel almost normal too. I didnt know grief until this happened. Good luck to you.....
@@deplorablemike3349 Thank you 🙏🏻 for your kind words. Grief has completely hijacked my thinking / processing of everyday life. I feel empty most days and spacey other days. It’s a profound loss for sure. Grief only changes intensity and is always present. // Good luck to you during this time.
I started courses in mediumship nearly right from the beginning of my grief. I lost my spouse on March 17th. The seminars and beyond contacts helped me to get over it. But nevertheless I am often incredibly sad und I am an abandoned widow. I feel lost. But I hope, I can continue to learn how to deal with it. Warm regards from Germany and thank you very much for your work.
I am definitely in stage 2 integrating. I am struggling to understand how to move forward with the loss of my boyfriend who’s life was taken away by someone else. Who am I now is what I am going through in my life. Also I’m struggling to come to terms with him permanently gone.. my mind is seeking that connection I had with him and that I never got to talk to him that once last time. Since his death every single night my dreams have been of him and/or him being part of my dreams. Thankyou for this video it has given me reassurance on what I have been experiencing.
Jess I am thankful this video helped even a little. Dreams carry wisdom also.. search for themes in your dreams. Write him a "once last time" letter? 🙏🏻
I guess I am still somewhat working on integration moving into the honoring phase of my grief towards all of the loved ones I have lost.Thank you Jo for being so kind have been working with all of us who have lost loved ones on your page..
Sometimes there isn’t a stage, you just hurt beyond comparison and don’t know how you are going to go on for another minute.
Thank you Jo, I appreciate your counseling. I believe that I am trying to integrate grief. But I might have a couple of toes in stage no.1. Some days it feels so alone. There is silence everywhere, and sadness. I realize that I AM Alone, and I’m not hungry, I don’t want to do anything, I try to do the chores, but some days I can’t. I’m not interested.Thank you describing the stages.
My wife passed on The 27th of January 2022. She wasn’t more sick than we expected. In hospital for a week out for three days then back in and she was gone in two days. Very unexpected for us myself and two daughters. We are struggling. Thank you for these videos.
🙏
I am into the honoring phase thank goodness, putting parentheses around this person and what has happened to me is very helpful thank you miss Jo!!
I am the wife of M. Vann. Married for 51 years. Thank you for the insights, the road map of possible stages of grief. The day of my husbands memorial was in fact very stormy. I wanted to make since of it at the time as some kind of sign, now I can. Now 6 months later a mixture of integration and depression coupled with a loss of purpose. He was my very best friend.
My only son passed away sept 1 no words can express the pain in my heart. Im still in the stage of storm.
I’m so sorry for you loss
I too lost my only son 8/27/22
He was only 14 yrs
I want to die
My thoughts and prayers are with you😢
I'm not quite sure where I am with all my issues with all my different levels of grief on different issues. The one I'm grieving right now is the loss of my relationship with my son as I'm estranged from him and I'm about to be a grandmother. I came to acceptance . As a matter of fact watching your videos helps me with that. I have backed off letting him know whenever he wants to speak to me I'll be here. I was doing really well, until a neighbour called me and started telling me how much my son loves me and how much he cares about me and on and on and on. The truth of the matter is he treats me like a piece of crap. I don't like anybody chucking down my throat their beliefs on our relationship. Just be okay all things will get better. then I find myself defending my truth and having to explain my life and to beg over and over and over again what she believes about my son is not what I know. Not to mention the shoulds that she's got in her. As welling have you heard if your grandma yet. Have you seen the baby yet. My heart is broken and I am severely triggered and angry. I need to order myself. But the unfortunate part is is I have asked this person not to do this to me over and over again. As it crushes me every single time. So I don't know if this is honouring myself or not but I did some deep breathing. Thought about the situation. I called her back to let her know what state I ended up in once again over our conversation and that if she does not stop. That I will have to stop the relationship. And if she truly wants to know about my son and the baby she can call them. Irene the space where I don't want people calling me asking have you seen the baby yet have you seen the baby especially with the fracture in our relationship. So I hope I'm honouring myself this way.
I have so much grief I lost my 1st husband of 30 yrs in 2011, lost my mom 2018, married my 2nd love in 2018, lost my 26 yr old grandson who I raised in 2020 , lost my husband of 3 yrs 2021 to covid . These last 2 have about killed me. I am so ready to go be with them but I know thats God in the hands of God .
Thank you so much Jo for providing this "scaffolding", as you called it, for our experiences of grief. I would say that with most of my losses, I am in the stage of honoring. Most of the time, I do take time to do things in memory of my loved ones and look for the ways they are still a part of my life.
Thanks for the comment Laura. It does help sometimes to try and organize the obscure. Your honouring stages are filled with beautiful words and art.
For those reading this comment please check out Laura's talent!
ua-cam.com/channels/ZBmFkW0h8LOTmfs6R7orTQ.html
@@grieftherapist Thank you so much for sharing my channel Jo! You're lovely. xo
Jo, thank you for this video. I would say that I am in the Intergration stage, or that seems the most fitting, but you’re right - the storm comes back from time to time, and yet I find I’m more and more concerned about the Honouring stage of late, how to go about this, how to hold my love and my respect for my husband. He is gone now a little over three years, the Storm lasted a long time - he died suddenly, without warning, at home, late one night in deep winter … today is the day we held his commemoration ceremony, a month later, and it was so timely for me, that I found this particular video this evening, Thank you so much, Jo.
Mona I am so pleased you found comfort in this video. I do believe connection and honouring is the answer. 🙏🏻
This was /is wonderful - makes so much sense, and thus gives comfort
Thank you 🙏🏻
Where am I at? Its almost 9 months and think I’m all over the place depending on day, hour, minute
7 months have passed and it's still a living hell. but thanks jJo your videos are extremely helpful.
Thank you for your knowledge and words…I have just lost my fur baby of 14.5 years…I’m going to start from the beginning of all your videos…..💕🐶🙌🏻
This is a wonderful roadmap. Stormy is in waves. Integration is very difficult. I don't know how to integrate such a huge loss of my sister and brother in law from a house fire and they were killed by a backdraft trying to get out. They should have gotten out and survived. It's very sad and unreal and heartbreaking to have to think about my sister at the door ready to get out and safe and instead she was blown backwards and killed. Such a kind loving person. There's no faith that God is there. Just shock and disbelief. I am trying to integrate the loss. Over 800 people attended their memorial service. Secondary losses are the nieces and nephews and grandkids who she would give daily updates about all their shenanigans. Secondary losses of everything they owned and family heirlooms. I don't know how to honor such an amazing person. I will have to consider that awhile.
Stage 1 has lasted 2 years. Finally integrating... I think. No more anger, nothing to prove anymore.
I had to stay away. I was dealing with a toxic family.. urgh!, another set of videos. It didnt end well with my father, I found out he was dying, purely by chance. I am on my own now, no family. Never really had one now that I look back... (I've done the education to know)
I was triggered by a beautiful comment at church.. you can be a part of our family now, another person slapping me on the shoulder and asking how have I been. A squeeze on the shoulder to be told that there were still good memories.
Now I am back into the throws of it. I am grieving ideals I think. If I think too much, I burst into tears.
I'm in the storm still 5 mos later...my daughter didn't have a Will so dealing with all that....and also in the honoring stage...we have plans for a memorial tree to be planted in her name & getting involved in a charity that she supported...thx so much for your words & insight...it helps me very much!
Marg all of those honouring moments will serve you now and also in the future. I am thankful my concepts have helped you. And...remember.... Grief doesn't know watches and calendars so 5 months into it is still so fresh. 💟
I think I’m just pulling out of stage 1
So grateful I found you today
My being still rails against the reality of my partner being gone. Your use of the word 'permanent' is like a kick in the gut and heart. This stage of integration is like a merry go round but in the form of a roller coaster. On and on.
Honouring him daily does help, hugely, yet it's not enough, I want him. It's early days, not even three months. Feels like eons.
I'm struggling yet fear losing connection. Pain is almost better than absence.
Thank you for your videos.
"Pain is almost better than absence" is such a profound awareness. I shall add this to my list of needed videos. You are no doubt in the early days of loss. Much ❤️ as you find your way.
@@grieftherapist thanks so much ❤
Hugs and love to you....I know what you mean about the kick in the gut and heart...I am in the early days here...the pain is like no other pain I have ever felt..
@@Apollo_Blaze and back to you, much love and hugs. 💗💔💗
I agree with and also like, your stages of grieving...I feel identified with them. I have been through all the stages back and forth. Thank you
Thank you for watching and commenting Maria.🙏
I'm squarely in integrating, but with an important anniversary approaching, I feel integration will be a challenge and sort of dread a storm recurrence. ❤thank you Jo.
My Mom died on Nov. 30th and I am definitely in the storm, but I’m getting small snippets of the other stages, and then I fall back into the storm again. I’m glad I found your videos. In time I’m hoping they will help. 😢 10:32
I as a 10 year old have stayed in the storm due to my grandmas death have buried it away and due to covid and other trauma issues this has re emerged 50 years later currently my therapist is helping me understand grief which was left to myself to understand as a child there are other traumas associated with life but this was not one I expected . Sadness is hopefully a strength. Apparently as a bloke I don't do emotions well. NS Sherlock Thank you x.
Thank you so much for these videos. Almost 8 months on from the death of my Mum, I'm somewhere between the integration and the honouring stage, trying to define myself and my relationship to Dad (and trying to sort out between people who help me and those who drain my energy). And I'm trying to honour my Mum by keeping on working (she was always so supportive of my career choices when I decided to become a research scientist) and continuing a bond with her in my mind, talking to her, trying to use her moral compass. It's not easy, she was my best friend and biggest fan...
I lost my wonderful son in July 21, 2021. I feel l am definitely in the integration stage. I’m struggling so hard to feel my relationship with him isn’t over. I’m lost in pain much of the time.
Bill, such a recent loss... You are right in feeling the Integration Stage needing redefinition of your relationship with your son. I hope you find some direction soon to ease your pain. 💟
🌻💟
I’m in the storm stage. The area of shock and disbelief. My husband of over forty years passed just one week ago.
I’m in all three at any given time of day. My 33 year old daughter died July 20th, 2021 after a 16 months fight with with aggressive metastatic melanoma.
Kimberly I bet this can change hourly as well. I am sending so much love to your Momma's Heart. This is such a recent and tragic loss, the Grief will be big and still really disorganized. ❤
I understand your loss. My only child, my son, died in CICU 15 months ago. I look forward to making my way to the honoring stage where I accept his death and find peace in his memory and gratitude that I got to be his Mom. Please accept my deepest sympathy and prayers for you
I think I am nearing the end of the storm and wondering how I go about the integration. Trying to be gentle on myself and just let it evolve but feeling so lost right now.
Everything I do comes with a guilty feeling because after 60 yrs together he doesn’t get to enjoy it with me
I am grateful for all of this information it really is a big help. A year into the loss of my husband and zooming out I can see that I have come through the storm for the most part and am into integration. I’m trying to figure out who I am now, will I ever know? I like how you talked about grey areas. I’m not always fine and I’m not always not but that’s ok. I’m doing my work and hopefully one day I’ll be able to figure it out and honour the new person I will become
Lost my wife of 53 yrs in February 2022 , I seem frozen in time cannot bring myself to do the smallest of task . It all seems so overwhelming.
7/20//1981-6/26/2021 I am honoring now but still depressed sad 💔😭 Just went through first everything dates without my son Jason it's been awhile and I miss him and our grandbabies so much I can't stand it or anyone ! I will be so happy when my time is up in this horrible cruel world ! Is it harder to always wear mask or when it totally falls off for everyone to see ? Asking for enemies that let this happen even myself or didn't watch over him in his time he needed us most the guilt and blame so alone broken with pain left in the dark not knowing I just want answers fair justice I have to let go but want to hold on with a piece of thread I want my son my heart is crumbled to a pile of red ashes no one can fix it or help I keep telling myself it's only for a little while and he would not want me like this he would want me to go on be happy 😊 I'm trying so hard to get there ........for him......
I'm in stage one
Excellent. TY very much
Aug 2022 my son took his own life. Im not sure where I am in my grief. I would love to find a way to honour him. I dont know how yet. One of my best friends died just 10 days ago. So now im grieving for 2 people in different stages.
Maam, all of your videos are spot on! On May 11, 2022, I began a second life. Your words and their content are my new morning coffee companions and have tickled my closeted passion for writing/journaling. (May I suggest lowering the background music, as certain tones overstep your calming voice?) Oh, grief? My father in 2014, sister in 2017, Mother 2021 ... If only I'd known of you before.
I marred young he died 2 years ago¹ we were marred 60 years he was the only man in my life from 16 to 70 yeas i miss him very much finding it very hard to carry on my family are around me but still feel lost who am i with out him
Still working on integration 8 mos later...my process has been so tough because my love suffered from bipolar depression and left this life on her own terms. I tried to save her and feel that I failed her. My feelings of guilt are terrible and so difficult to get past.
All your videos have helped very much. The STORM is complete, the list of DO have come to end. The integration is beginning. Your description of stages is very close. The loss came from suicide, I am trying to help myself because my children are tired of my grieving. I will fall apart by myself and work to bring myself through this. You have been an inspiration
Thank you Carol. I admire your Grit. 💟
Appreciate your videos - especially this one- I am in the integration stage mostly - you laid it out quite well and I could relate to the various points....which was quite reassuring. My wife Sandy of 49 years was diagnosed with Cancer last Dec 2020- went through treatment till April recovered and tests did not show any sign of Lymphoma but it came back aggressively in June and after 4 days in Hospital she passed suddenly. She is in a better place ( the song "Scars in Heaven" describes that place and my reflections now)
That was one of the songs at my husband's funeral. He died of aggressive bone marrow cancer a few months ago. Sorry for your loss also. It's very difficult isn't it.
I lost my son in a accident and it's been 5 month now am dealing with it but lost in my feelings
I’m in stage two and you are helping me thank you
Thank you Carolyn! Grief needs all kinds of support.🙏
I am in the storm
I am in the storm stage as I lost my Mother 6 days ago.
its been 1 year 2 mos and 18 days since my daughter passed away. I am still in Integration stages. I dont know where I can survive this grief. I always remember how she suffered, her pains and I feel so guilty that I cant do anything to relieve her pain.
Losing a child is a unique loss. Grief and Guilt unfortunately fuel one another. Consider watching this video...ua-cam.com/video/6y73hj01Tvo/v-deo.html I hope your Grief eases on your heart. ❤️
How do you sleep? How do you not oversleep?
I'm in between 2 & 3, but today I woke up with the feeling that I cannot make it.😭😭😭
You r very helpful
thank you
You're welcome🙏
Its been 2 years since the death of my son . I have no idea where I'm at , but I know it's not a good way. Isolation, guilt, lost . Wanting so bad for me to leave and be with my son .I just cant snap back
I had a wall up as I was helping to care for my mom with dementia. I was with her as she passed in sept. The dam broke in January and I've been in emotional turmoil. I have fear constantly. I think I'm between 1&2?
I’m still confused after two years of loosing my husband. I don’t know what stage I’m in
I still feel married and not interested in any relationship.
I’m just struggling with the overwhelming pain, how do I cope with knowing I have to live without my husband
I hope you are doing better. We just lost my dad, I worry about my mum so much. Wishing you all the best
@@cirrus393 yes I can honestly say I am a very little better, I have some good hours now . I send lots of love to you and your Mum, it’s so hard, Jos videos help a little
Hi I am right in the storm I lost my husband a month ago
I am stuck in integration
It is too much too painfull too empty and too alone
Woon jij in nl