Grief Counselor Answers Your Questions About Grief and Loss
Вставка
- Опубліковано 15 тра 2024
- Learn more about working through Grief with Sarah's course 9 Keys for Moving Through Grief and Loss: courses.therapyinanutshell.co...
00:00:00 Introduction
00:01:50 Anniversaries of Loss and Grief
00:06:51 Multiple losses, compounded grief, loss of pets
00:13:34 What is the difference between complex grief and normal grief
00:16:51 How to deal with anger around grief and loss
00:22:58 How do you function after grief and loss?
00:27:21 Feeling nothing or numbness after grief and loss
00:37:11 Can you ever "Get over" grief and sadness?
00:45:18 What are practical steps to functioning after a loss?
00:54:38 How do you work through grief when you have children or are very busy?
In this video I team up with grief expert Sarah Engler, LCSW to answer your questions about loss and the grieving process. Here are some of the questions we address:
Dealing with Anniversaries of a Loss- very challenging, especially the first year, normal to feel increased grief, start to attach meaning, remembering the good too rather than avoid
Complex grief-difference between normal and complex grief -symptoms don’t decrease, may increase, prolonged and exaggerated
Lots and lots of loss all at once - cumulative grief, “I just can’t do this anymore”
Loss of pets - it is real and common not to be recognized - disenfranchised grief
Anger - normal and okay to feel anger, check for more tender emotions, have healthy ways to express
Grieving someone who isn’t gone yet- dementia, grandparents, - anticipatory grief
Numb, can’t cry after a loss- absent grief - shock, denial, lack of connection or conflicting feelings
Is it normal to never get over a loss? - get over no, be less impacted yes - the loss is always a loss
Lost youth, lost opportunities, (experienced trauma, depression or other mental health concern) or the loss of youth and opportunities
When you couldn’t say goodbye (pandemic) - double loss, death and lack of closure, depending on beliefs can find ways to symbolically say goodbye
Unconventional grief - disenfranchised or ambiguous grief
How do you get back to functioning after grief?
What are practical action steps to take with grief
Managing grief with young kids
Looking for affordable online therapy? My sponsor, BetterHelp, connects you to a licensed professional from the comfort of your own home. Try it now for 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/therapyinanuts...
Learn more in one of my in-depth mental health courses: courses.therapyinanutshell.co...
Support my mission on Patreon: / therapyinanutshell
Sign up for my newsletter: courses.therapyinanutshell.co...
Check out my favorite self-help books: kit.co/TherapyinaNutshell/bes...
Check out my podcast, Therapy in a Nutshell: tinpodcast.podbean.com/
Therapy in a Nutshell and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.
In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction.
And deeper than all of that, the Gospel of Jesus Christ orients my personal worldview and sense of security, peace, hope, and love www.churchofjesuschrist.org/c...
If you are in crisis, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or your local emergency services.
Copyright Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC
My husband passed last Thursday of a heart attack at home in front of me, I gave him cpr for 20 mins before ambulance turned up, they worked on him for nearly an hour, they couldn’t save him. We’ve been together for 36 years. I’m still in shock and pretending he is still sitting in the other room watching the television. I think I’m being strong. Family has gone home now after a weeks stay. They live 5 hours drive away. Im now on my own until funeral in a couple of weeks time. My faith that he is not suffering anymore and he is continuing on his soul journey is helping me cope. 💗
Sorry for your loss Irene.
I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. His love for you will always continue to exist, even spiritually
@@MVanDamm Thank you 🙏🏻 ❤
@@adapv9584Thank you 🙏🏻❤
I'm so sorry you lost him.
Crying out to God, expressing your feelings, asking for help with faith does wonders
This may sound selfish but it's nice to know that other people are feeling this way and it's not just me
It's not selfish knowing others are going through what your going through and feeling relieved by that, it makes total sense, there's nothing worse than feeling your the only one, sometimes I feel like that and it's the worst feeling ever I feel angry wondering why people arent understanding what I'm going through but they are cos they've been there too so your not alone. Hope you get through it x
Anniversary of grief: about a month before the anniversary, I start to cook a lot of healthy meals that work well with being frozen and thawed out later. Then while I'm grieving, I have easily heated healthy meals, to nourish my body as best I can, while living through feelings that in the past were so overwhelming, I would quit eating very well. If I ate, it was cheap, quick, easy, and unhealthy food; whichever ultimately made me feel worse.
Nourishing my physical body well, helped my emotional body feel cared for.
Great idea!
When will the grief support community ever, ever recognize adult sibling loss??? We are continually ignored as that being a traumatic grief experience. It's always a spouse, child, parent....but nothing at all if you lost a sibling. You are more likely to have known your sibling for more years than you are both alive than any other relationship...parents, spouse, children, etc.
Or your child.
Been asking that question for weeks. I don't get it. Like you lose your past and your future and with your parents most likely you expect them to go first. However, siblings? Nah. It's like our grief are jot valid. I saw it with my own eyes when friends say:' Focus on your mom. You have to be strong.'
What about us who lost half of our with brothers and sisters gone?
@@ML-HS I have heard someone try to explain it by saying since you were kids they have become other new relationships like a spouse or parent. My response is so what!?! Your sibling never once stopped being your sibling. Your relationship is just as valid, important and precious as it ever was. If they have married and had children, that just makes more to grieve. It doesn't lessen your grief. It was three years last month that I lost my sister. I miss her every single day.
@@cathywestholt5324 if I may be so open do you have any advice you could share with me regarding this whole horrible life experince? Grief still fresh(3 months) and it's such a struggle. At time i doubt I will actually survive.
Spouses, parents are different type of relationships. Most of our memories are filled with our siblings. I know parents work a lot, so you two are a team. I have spent more time with my brother then my own mother and some friends.
@@ML-HS I don't know if I am a lot of help yet. I hope some day I will have worked through things to be strong enough to establish an adult siblings grief support group. My sister and I were best friends. We lived together all but 11 of her 63 years. A few weeks ago I found a clip on my phone taken on just an ordinary day of her blowing kisses to me with a big smile on her face. My phone has enabled me to save it as my lock screen wallpaper. Every time I open my phone, there is Nancy smiling and blowing kisses. It has brought some comfort and healing. She doesn't seem so far away. It's taken three years to get to this. She and I had discussed different forms of green burial options a large cemetery here offers. One type is a flameless water based cremation. I chose that for Nancy and picked out a pretty urn. My plan was to pick out a plot and have her buried. I am embarrassed about this, but emotionally it took me two years to go back there, pick out a plot, and arrange for her burial. The people are so amazingly sweet and compassionate there. I told them I must be their worst client, but evidently they have had others experiencing as difficult a time and taking even longer. I live in a very small apartment with almost no space to even set a picture frame. I would not have a proper place for her ashes, and I would have to face reality head on every day from the start if I had them. They kept them safely tucked away in their vault all that time for me. I finally got her buried last year. This journey has been so slow and difficult. It doesn't help that I work at a hospice house. When a patient's contact person is their sibling, I hurt so badly for that sibling in advance of the death. I know there is no support for them. I hope they have strong, loving support from other family or people who love them and have walked in those shoes. I have a couple of work friends who have lost sisters. One years before we met, and one just a few months after mine died. We can be open to share with each other because we understand that heartbreaking impact. I don't know if I have been any help at all. I pray people will come into your life who understand this pain and can hold you up. 💔
15 years ago, my husband of 12 years who I thought was my best friend ghosted me and the kids he helped raise for his secretary. And I mean ghosted overnight. The next year I lost his mother who I was very close to. The year after that, I lost my mother, who I was very close to. And the year after that, I lost my father, who is the dearest person in the world to me. I have had therapy and been on antidepressants. But I still don't think I've ever really recovered. I feel sad and lost a lot. 💕 Much love to everyone suffering.
So sorry sweetie i can relate. I lost my mom December 2019, father in law died in a plane accident december 2020 and my stepdad October 2021. Cousin and bff’s husband during that time as well. Im heartbroken and don’t see how God can possibly use this loss for good. 😢😢😢
@@theresekirkpatrick3337 I'm so sorry, sweetheart. 🌸💞
Your not alone
Three major losses in a row, along with remaining family members acting out with hostility from out of nowhere. Now, the family is completely broken apart. It's not just the death of the loved one's, it's the breakdown of the family as we knew it for multiple decades. What a nightmare!
My mom’s birthday is Nov22. So I started using that day as the day of putting up the Christmas tree as she loved to decorate for the holidays. It’s a huge thing for me because I would always procrastinate putting it up. I was an emotional wreck the first year but this second Christmas without her, I was so excited and I know she would have been proud.
That’s beautiful !
I’m 79 years old and have experienced death many times. This conversation is amazing. I found myself trying to categorize the questions around sudden death and known future death. I would be very interested in a conversation on the differences in dealing with the grief. Great talk, very informative.
I really appreciate this interview. My mom passed away a month ago. I was caring for her in my home on hospices for almost 3 weeks. I didn’t even know she was that sick until just a month prior. It felt like a whirlwind. I held her hand as she passed. I feel like part of me went with her. I miss her terribly. I wish more could have been done, said, heard. I have had a lot of support but sometimes I just want to be alone. I’m having a hard time seeing the point to a life full of loss and heartache. I wish things were different.
Been there. I'm sorry for your loss. It will take time to heal, and I wish you the best.
Don’t be hard on yourself, you need time. Grief is the price we pay for having loved ones in our lives. Be kind to yourself and may god bless.
My Mom passed suddenly and unexpectedly a bit over 5 years ago. Fortunately I got to be with her. By the time I got to her she was gone in about 20 minutes. So hard. It was truly brutal. Now with the time that’s passed I too can still feel like I don’t know what the point is. It’s such an incredibly slow process to go through. I now can see how I was back then and how I am now. It can get better. But it will never go away completely. Honor your feelings whatever they are. Do your best to get up and keep going sometimes even when you don’t feel like it. One think that came to me after she passed is that I realized that my Mom also lost her Mom and she was able to survive it ok. So if she could do that then maybe I could as well. Also realized that millions upon millions of us humans have had our loved ones transition and most of them got through it. Even when we don’t want to get through we still can and do. It’s kind of a time issue. Long long time to process it all. Im not sure I will ever stop crying about it but it has lessened. Please take care of yourself the best you can. 🕊️🌞🕊️
This absolutely spoke to me, my mother passed 2 months ago and I felt every word you said, I held her as she left me and I can’t cope with the pain. I want to be strong and I try to be as the days come and go so fast I haven’t grasped the fact that she’s gone and took my heart with her. I wish I could have done more also. I hope you’re doing well just know you have someone who understands you.
I lost my dad nearly three weeks ago already. I'm having a hard time trying to function. I miss my dad so much. I didn't get to see him the couple of days before he suddenly passed because I was feeling sick from my condition. The fact I didn't go to see him is hurting me so much. I want my daddy back 🔙😢💔
Thank you so much for making this video. I lost my big brother and best friend growing up to a motorcycle accident last week. The first few days I couldn’t do anything but stare at the walls. Now my body has so many physical symptoms- pain ache trembling weak - I can’t function, everything sets me off , seeing an ambulance, many things. I can’t physically do anything I want to like drive or go anywhere. I mostly stay in bed. The past couple days I don’t want anyone to call text or contact me in any way. I get extremely angry and yell at them or hang up on them.
I need to find counseling so I can physically get up and do things again.
I think it’s a good sign though, that I’m online/UA-cam looking for help. I’ve also been listening to grief meditations.
I actually called the ambulance yesterday because my physical symptoms were so bad with bad chest pains. All tests/bloodwork were perfectly fine.
They write on the discharge papers (chest pains/grief) and told me to seek counseling. But, I was afraid talking about it would make my physical symptoms worse and right now I feel incapacitated.
My brother died while out of the country and we are still working on bringing him home. It’s been extremely stressful because of the language barrier and people trying to scam us. I hope things get better once he is able to be brought home. Please pray for me and my family.❤
Sending you a prayer and I trust you will get better🙏💖
Im so sorry.
I had long term complicated grief but I had a great therapist and really worked hard for acceptance. I finally got it. Having my feelings validated by my therapist really helped. I remember being so annoyed when friends kept trying to cheer me up. It was about them. I remember the moment I could feel my feelings. I was almost run over in a crosswalk and the thought I had was, well I guess I'm glad I wasn't killed. And that feeling really was a big deal. I had been numb and generally indifferent to being alive. Great interview!
I might need your help and advice. My fiance past away 18months ago and I still feel like I haven't been able to truly process or accept it. All aspects of my life are suffering.
@DaSan I will say that year 2 was much harder for me. I think it's common. Reality has set in. 18 months is such a painful time. Have you thought about joining a grief group? My group was for widows and widowers who got together to do stuff. Coffee, lunch, movies, bbqs, museums. We loved it because we felt safe. And not rushed. Tell me your story.
Can you share the grief group contact with me? And also therapist?
My two parents passed a couple of years ago, one after the other. It was hard at first but I’m beginning to understand what happens after death and my personal research about death resulted in me finding answers and understanding that death is a “graduation” from earth life and what happens after transformation is wonderful which is full of love, peace, and realization that we don’t die or disappear but our spirit and consciousness is in fact eternal and we simple go back “home”. Where were we before we were born? We were at home and that’s what happens after we move on. We are simply here as a spirit inside a body having a human experience. Our love ones who have moved on are back at “home” where love is more than anything felt here on earth. Also the memories we have with our love ones are not lost, they are eternally recorded in heaven in great detail beyond our comprehension as evident in a “life review”. So that feeling we experience in the past that we long for, it’s recorded and can be replayed over and over again to our hearts content. But what’s even more interesting is that the love we feel here on earth does not even come close to the love we feel in the afterlife. All is well and we don’t really have anything to worry about. I know it’s hard to understand and comprehend but our past love ones are still around and are really in peace and joy. Even pets this applies to. You might be wondering what my sources are. Well I have been watching testimonies of people who have died and then come back to life (NDE=Near death experiences). And the more I watch the more I begin to learn similarities. These people were declared medically dead but once revived they share their experiences and they are inspirational and all have common messages about the meaning of life and why we are here on earth. I just wanted to share this in hope to give others compassionate healing and understanding that we are eternal and our love ones are fine and they want us to live life with love and happiness 😊 Nothing is forgotten. Everything is recorded. Our emotions, the number of hair we have per second, our thoughts, what we experience with are human senses and beyond are recorded in 360. Those wonderful memories we had with our past love ones are not forgotten but eternally recorded in great detail beyond our senses. So do not feel a lost because we really did not lose anything or anyone. Our memories are not lost. Our love ones are not lost because we are all eternal and we have reincarnated thousands of times before living different lives in different times in different bodies. Where were we before we were born? We were home.
Thank you for this. That is my understanding as well! Very much so. If you haven’t already, looked up the Akashic Records, which is a record of our soul’s every thought and experience from its inception. It very much resonates with what you wrote. 🙏 I lost my mother just shy of 4 weeks ago, after a lengthy journey with Alzheimer’s. I miss her so much yet at the same time, feel relief for her that she is out of the Earthly suffering she was is. I know she is with me in spirit, surrounding me in love. And that brings me comfort. ❤️
Again, I feel your videos come at the perfect time for me. My second brother who passed away, his 39th birthday is today. Since last week I had been emotional, angry, snapping at my kids which I hardly ever do, my stomach in knots. Then over the weekend I pieced it together that his birthday was coming up. Today I've had full blown anxiety, even with my medications. I did tell myself that I am allowed to cry, I am allowed to grieve, I am allowed to not be ok today. The first question you guys went over hit the nail on the head, when the anniversary or birthdays of loved ones come up, I'm not ok for the full month. February for my brother Nick, March for our Dad, and October for my brother Anthony, all whom have passed in my lifetime. Im so thankful for loved ones reaching out and us being able to talk to him.
My wife and I were married for 40 years. When she died my life ended. My cardiologist told me I have the real heart condition. Now 7 years of being a widower I CAN NOT GET OVER LOSING HER. In that 40 years we always acted like we were still newlyweds.. I just can't believe I lost her.
I'm so sorry ,I hope you find some peace ❤️
I understand. It took me about 8 years just to be able to breathe. It was about 10 years before I could remember what year it was. I wish I had dated and at least try to move forward. I'm 14 years out now and I feel it's too late for me. I'm so sorry for your grief. Prayers and hugs!
@@cindishelton9022 IT'S NEVER TOO LATE. Stop looking for love, let it find you.
..My wife was truly 1 in 7.3 billion. ((JOKING)) the only way I will find someone as crazy as her. ((In a very special loving way)) Is going to a psychic ward. Now I'm old, very broken, enough injuries to scare a med student. And lost in this world. 💔💔
@@michaelmulheran2223 any woman would be lucky to have a devoted loving guy like you in her life. don't give up and keep an open heart
@@l0us3rr Thank you. When I'm talking to a lady, they tell me I'm a nice guy, but they can't compete against a ghost.
In my experience with this I was involved in setting up for " celebrations of life" in church for years and that phrase is the key to hold on too. We get to the point of remembrance of the life of that person in times spent together and the effect their life had on us and vise versa. We live off of the gleanings of each other's field and continue to long after they have parted.
Thank you for your video. My father unexpectedly pass over last Sunday, I’m still shock and trying to accept my lost. I already watched these video 3 times and I think I will watching it over and over again for next few months. Thank you again, you do a great job which really helps me a lot.
Grief is screaming and not being heard
And sometimes it is screaming because you have stopped hearing yourself doing it.. one of the most evil, toxic lies depression, grief, and trauma tell us is that we are all alone.. that no one will ever understand how we feel because they haven't experienced it with us..
We all react differently to situations, which means that people with very different experiences can still often recognize feelings and ways we try to cope..
We rarely are as alone as we think..
Usually, we aren't in a state to see the care others long to share with us though..
It's not that people aren't responding.. it's often that we can't hear and see it, because our grief outshouts all else..
Healing takes time..
Try to remember to be kind to yourself.. it opens the door to turning down the volume a bit, and be less isolated..
❤️
I'm so glad I found this. I lost my baby at 24 weeks in 2020.. come to 2023 we lost our house to a house fire. Its all too much. I am seeing a therapist but would love to know, how do parents, how can we grieve when we are so busy! We have 4 children, smallest being 15 months and eldest with autism and ADHD that require a lot of mental energy, we are just winging our grief journey for lack of better term. Can anyone here relate? Xx
I just lost my son last August to a terrible accident and it's very hard to find meaning to keep living when my only child is gone. It's very overwhelming and I feel like a burden to the people around me when I am sad. It's physically painful to even cry. 😭
I'm so sorry @Elynne . I too understand the heartache of losing a child and the long path back to finding meaning again. What helped me most, was sharing my grief with those who were not in my immediate circle of friends and family, just so that I wouldn't unintentionally burn them out. Most friends left anyway, and I didn't want those last few to also run for the hills. Journaling helped, honoring my grief helped too, and learning to live in the moment helped to lessen the feeling of being overwhelmed all the time. Be kind to yourself,
So very sorry for your tragic loss: I hope you find some grief therapy.
So sorry for your lost, I feel with you. I just lost my father, he was only 51. I know it is not the same, but he was the most closer person for me and no one can replace him for me. And I know how it is to be lonely in your sadness.
I hope you can found people who understand you and can support you. Sharing the pain and talk to the people who has same experiences really helps me a lot.
Sending you love.
I'm so sorry, I can't imagine anything worse. I hope you find some peace ❤️
So sorry for your loss. Give yourself time and grace. Try not to isolate yourself. I wish you the best and may God bless.
It injures you body and soul without one blood drop being seen
Sometimes the heaviest burdens are those people never even realize we carry..
Then when we fall short to carry our regular day to day stuff.. it can be hard for people to understand.. even those who generally mean us well..
Healing includes being that person you needed and didn't have before yourself..
The answer isn't trying to carry more, trying to train harder and longer, to get less sleep etc. it is in realizing that invisible burdens are still very real, hidden injuries still need to heal just like any other.. and being that bit more considerate to oneself and with that towards others who may carry similar burdens that we can't see.. they usually outweigh most physical burdens..
No one minds if you park a 100 pound bag of clay for a bit after lugging it around all day long.. Nobody. It makes sense to set it down for a bit. To be tired after carrying it. To need something to eat, a hot shower, and sleep at the end of the day.. to tend to any injuries we may have gotten so you can carry it again later and don't risk far more serious issues stemming from even relatively smaller injuries..
We often don't give the same consideration for our souls.. and we really should.
Instead we too often expect people to carry all that *and* lug that 100 pound bag of clay..
Talk about toughening up, trying harder, sleep less, train more, etc. the exact opposite of what lets us heal when we have injuries.. why should anyone be surprised them when healing takes longer?
Oh my goodness, I really appreciate this video! I lost my job of 10 years last May, Was put in a DV shelter with my child last August and divorce was final last month. I am definitely having a really hard time with grief, Mainly the grief of my job. I am not sleeping well at all so I try to appreciate the times that I do sleep well and I have a great Trauma therapist I am doing EMDR with, she has been a real blessing! But this video is on point. Great Interview!
I have a very odd grief. The loss of my teeth. They were not good. I thought it would be good to have them pulled and get dentures. No matter how many adjustments I have had, no matter what adhesive I use, my lower plate will not stay in place to allow me to eat even something as soft as mashed potatoes. If I want to eat at all I have to go without them and just eat what I can manage to break down and eat. Any social life is gone. Everything has some food element. If I wear the dentures to look normal, I have to pass on even something small and keep getting questions. If I go without them, I look terrible and still am only able to eat only some things. It does not appear I have enough bone for Implants. I feel like my life is over to a great extent. As long as we have to wear masks in my medical workplace I can keep it covered up and stay employed. I may be the one person thankful for masks.
So good to read that I am not alone in this type of grief. There are people who avoid me as soon as I smile and they notice my missing teeth. As you say, nearly every social situation involves eating, and if the only food you can eat is clear soup, this causes a social problem.
hi cathy, find a specialist who will do a bone graft. this will take about 6 months or so to heal; then they will do implants. this will change your life, all the best !
@@heidibonjour that sounds like a fortune!
I have a similar small grief for my top canines. I was born without two of my bottom canine equivalent. My teeth just grew in so there’s no space. But when I was 14/15, parents wanted to get me braces to straighten my teeth. Dentist asked if I wanted two fake teeth to be put in my mouth or if he would pull out my two canines. I was young and didn’t know to ask more questions about these ‘fake’ teeth. I guess things worked out cause my wisdom teeth grew in without any problem and I don’t need them removed because my mouth has enough space for them. Weird but I regret the braces and teeth pulling.
On one hand, I wish this came out 1 or 2 years ago when I really needed it. On the other hand, I can tell anyone who is struggling right now that it absolutely can get better. Just take your time and work through it. Also, Emma's series about processing emotions really helped.
This comment was a glimmer of hope I so badly needed. Thank you.
I watched this video to help write my book, but it also helped massively to face the grief in my life I've been having for the last decade or so - particularly the section on accepting lack of feeling. It felt so isolating to have people ask how I was feeling, if I was okay, as if I was holding in this tidal wave of emotion that I didn't want to share... but the reality was there was nothing to share. I think the methods discussed sound really helpful because they can apply to however it is you're feeling (or not), so long as you soak it in. Thank you for this enlightening discussion.
I’m disabled and autistic, and had an ESA cat I had taught task-specific anxiety rescue techniques to. He passed away suddenly and horribly in front of me, 32 days ago. It’s been hell on earth to try to figure out what to do with my face, with my hands. I had my first full panic attack- couldn’t breathe, heart racing, arms weak. I had to pause grieving so I could process health anxiety (also through your videos!).
Even trying to get help for grieving through support groups, they ask “what is your relationship to the deceased?” The closest option that made any sense was “father to son”. That’s how it feels. He was with me every day for 13 years.
I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your cat, it sounds like he was your best friend! I have had 2 cats in my life that when they passed away it was a huge devastating blow. Each of them were soulmates to me. One of them, a girl, passed away more than 30 years ago. The other one, a boy, passed away about 12 years ago. I have the ashes of both of them still, which I will keep forever.
With each of their passing, I cried every day for months. Even all these years later, I still tear up sometimes when I think of them. They were each so special to me, and they saw me through some very difficult times in my life, as well as sharing many happy times with me.
The fact that your cat was also an ESA would intensify the grief even more, I would think. You relied on your dear friend to help you on a daily basis, and that is a very special relationship.
It is sad that when a dear animal in our life passes, there aren't many options for help with processing that grief. It isn't seen as being the same as losing a person. Many people discount and dismiss the devastation of losing a precious animal friend, and make us feel like we're ridiculous for being so devastated. So on top of the grief we feel, we don't even have the support we desperately need to get through the loss.
I just wanted to let you know that I understand your sadness, and I am grieving your loss with you! Sending you a big hug 🤗
For anyone who has ever lost a child my heart does go out to u. Thst is just something I have never experienced an could never give any advice only to console
I feel like this came at the right time for me personally. I lost my dear gran a year and a half ago. I would say I've coped somewhat well. But I get moments where it feels like I can't even go on with my life without her because it feels so painful and lonely without her love and presence. I just don't even know how to feel about anything anymore recently. I also started therapy recently so I believe it's exasperating my anxiety and emotions since they're coming more to the surface. Things are tough so seeing something like this helps. Thank you ❤
Gosh, I love this video. Yes, people, we need to get better at feeling. Thank you Emma
Oh man, it's good to see you continue to do videos. May the good work continue. 👏
Looking forward to listening to this. Unfortunately, so many people are losing loved one that I know. Plus, working in health care I am around those dealing with grief and loss often. People need resources like this. Thank you!
This was a very good session. Learned in different areas of grief. Thank you Ms Emma for all your sessions and encouragement.
Oh I so agree. My brother who was 13 months older and passed at 47 years old by “sudden cardiac event” now 21 years ago there were very little acknowledgment of sibling loss. Hope it’s better now
I will never be the same after losing my close sibling. Bless you on this journey no one wanted ❤
It's the physical pain i can't cope with. I ache all over. I ache so much and my body feels so inflamed. I sleep lots but always tired. I eat very little one day and binge the next. I'm 5ms in and emotionally and mentally I'm doing OK but physically I'm like an old woman. I'm 55 married 38 yes x
Love this particular program… I lost my son-in-law happy November, and it’s been very, very hard he was handicapped, and intensive care for six weeks… Thank you for this program! What a blessing❤😊
This is a very well done video about a difficult subject.I found it very informative and helpful.I very much appreciate the knowledge, empathy and compassion of both Emma and Sarah.Thank you both so much.(Your baby is so cute and adorable)!!!
Thanks for sharing this valuable resource to help us dealing with grief and loss. Sarah does an excellent job of addressing common questions and concerns, and their responses are empathetic, compassionate, and grounded in psychological research. As a psychologist, I appreciate the focus on the individual experiences of grief and the recognition that everyone grieves differently. The information provided is really helpful guide for anyone who is navigating the difficult emotions and experiences associated with loss. Well done!"
Excellent work, thank you both and posting forward
This is such great information. I wished I had this when I unexpectedly lost my mom almost 2 years ago. I went through so much afterwards and it has taken me at least a year to start feeling “normal.” I highly recommend a good grief counselor or therapist right away if you can because they will help you navigate through the new norm.
Thank you so so much for discussing this topic.
When my mom passed, we, she and I, had 15 months. I went to one therapist, prior to her passing and was told I needed to grow up. I was 55 & as youngest of 3 siblings the closest. Both my parents lived a long life- both passing in their 90’s. I’m not angry, thank goodness, it’s missing their fun nature and laughter in my family. That’s not how my husband’s family was - so this adds to my loneliness bc I truly don’t laugh anymore. Everyone in my family were about fun empathy and faith.
But I never heard about compound grief- but I also had dominoes fall. Lost father, lost my mom, then my aunt, my job.
How does one find a grief counselor? Again thanks Drs for letting us share!
Please do a video about Anxiety and it's relationship to symptoms such as Depersonalization and Derealization. Many want to know about this and your insight would be much appreciated. Your channel is 10/10
Currently writing it
@Therapy in a Nutshell Thank you so much. I subscribe to your content. Recently had anxiety flare up and the symptoms are a struggle.
Thanks for all your posts. I find that I'm understanding that I need to let go of the resistance and battle with my symptoms (easier said than done). Thanks again and look forward to that segment on DpDr.
This was such an amazing video. Thank you so much for this!
I have complicated grief and it's caused me so much in such a short period of time. Bad things keep happening and I find that I don't adapt very well. Your videos really help me when I'm feeling like the world is crashing down. Thank you so much for this.
My wife's sister passed recently and she is extremely distraught. We found your video very helpful, you are both wonderful for sharing.🕊
What a valuable video. The content is not only insightful but accurate. Thank you.
Wow! So much great information in this video! Thank you both!
Thank you for introducing your adorable baby. Best thing.
The part about loss being something one never quite gets over. You have to learn to be able to live with it was helpful for me to hear. I'm feeling the loss of my children. I need to process and move forward. I'm making my grief visible. I love all my kids. I will miss them greatly.
I am grieving for my husband but I also need to care for my mom. She’s in her own home with pastime caretaker for 12 hours weekly. I get calls for everything she needs no matter how big or small. I pay her bills, go over 3 days a week and I don’t fell like being around ANYONE most times. I feel like I’m not getting time to grieve and think about my life now. This is the first time I’ve lived alone. I miss him; I’m stressed and people think I should just move on. It has been 7 months. I was married to a wonderful man for 53 years. I took care of him for the last 3 years that he was alive. I did everything for him, he became unable to walk and speak. It was devastating. I’m exhausted now and I feel guilty for not spending more time with mom. I’m just so sad and tired.
Sending you love & light 💖✨
Back in college (80s) I was a sociology major. I took a class “Sociology of Emotions.” My thesis paper was sociology of grief. I was a truly eye opening experience. My issue at this point in life is that I’ve become less spiritual in the Christian sense but have found grief incredibly difficult because of it. Always enjoy your videos. Hope to find a new perspective here.
Thank you. I have worked through stuff due to your podcast thank you. One day at a time.. Downey California
You really helped me. Thank you. God bless you. 😀
Outstanding video ladies, thank you so much. This has helped me immensely. I lost my father, aunt and husband in that order within the space of 5 months last year. Understanding grief is helping me work through the process and understand everything I am feeling is normal.
I wish I had this back in 2001 and 2004, my 20 year old brother passed away in 2004 and my 22 year old sister passed away in 2001. Is it weird I feel like it just happened yesterday? I miss them more now and I guess I’ve come to just be okay to miss them. It took me a long time, to realize its okay to feel grief. Still thank you for this. ❤
I just lost my mom last week. I can't describe the pain I'm feeling. I'm wracked with regret. I wish I'd done more for her.
If you loose someone it's good to have someone to talk to about this
Thanks SO MUCH for your knowledge and time for Us to have some TOOLS to USE.
More of this discussion and tools on grief and grieving, please.
I appreciate that you answer our questions ❓
It's going on 3 years for me my husband died day before his 62nd birthday 😢 February 2020 he was still young at heart strong and full of energy I still can't believe he's gone we weren't married that long but I've known him since we were kids going up on the block, we've always had crushes on each other and when the opportunity came for us to actually be in love and marry one in another he passes away from stupid car accident maybe it was my destiny not to have him maybe it wasn't meant to be for me to have him I'm angry and I'm bitter and if anybody tells me that I have changed because my husband's gone I will jump down their throat
Such an important topics thanks for spreading the knowledge ❤️
Thank you very much for this video, it was very helpful and informative!
Thank you for this very insightful video! It‘s been 2 months since I‘ve written that comment about „not feeling grief“ and I myself have literally come to the same answer that Sarah gave here: to separate myself from the well-intentioned, but unhelpful comments. Lots of people are simply uncomfortable with grief because they haven‘t experienced it, and thus will say things they THINK they should say in such a situation. That‘s nice of them, but I understand they‘re simply projecting their own ideas/imaginations onto me. So I just let them talk, not taking anything personally. I don‘t feel guilty anymore since I understand that grief comes in many forms. Thank you again for this educational video and I hope other people out there who feel the same can benefit from Sarah‘s answer!
Thank you both.😊
I think anger is well described as there is a destructive anger where you’re hurting yourself or others, and then a constructive anger where you’re getting out what you need to, but it isn’t hurting anyone else, and it’s a process for yourself that you move through.
My goodness, that baby is adorable! 🥰
Dave Barnett here in Boston.. I was watching your "therapy in a nutshell" on grief. I have NO FAMILY AND NO FRIENDS. I cry several times a week because I have no one to talk to or hug. Calling a hotline to talk to someone I have never talked to before seems weird. The government actually gave me money (lots of it) to move from the Dallas/fort worth are to Boston to get away from all the memories and the pain. I am a little happier now but it is temporary.
Hello Dave, I hope you find some therapy; or call the hotline so you can start to find the friends and connections you need. ps I attend 12 step programs and "meet up" groups and have found many friends there. There's lots of love in the world for you! All the best
I have also lost all my family by the age of 30. I empathize. Feels lonely , especially holidays when I don't belong anywhere. But I'm trying to realize there are others just as lonely, maybe if more of us could admit how bad it feels we could at least offer one another support. I think of how loved I was by this lost, how they would feel to think it was for nothing, that I just gave up. And I try to be of service to others. There's good out there, we just have to keep looking for our purpose. I really really hope you find it. And me too. 🙂
If i start crying, i'm afraid I will never STOP!!!
Thank you for the great advice
i've lost one of my "baby" cousins at the young age of 25. Joi was always so joi-ful and a ball of energy. i miss her a lot. 😭😭
I’m very happy to have found your podcast on Spotify. My mom passed away during COVID after a surgery complication and I wasn’t able to say goodbye, only seeing her for the last time as my step dad FaceTimed me. I still can’t get myself to hear her voicemails or videos with her voice/read her texts. My bio dad committed suicide 4 months before I was born and I’m trying to learn how to grief in a healthy way per say.
Beautiful video i thoroughly loved
I am seeing an infp infj conversation here there is lots of great information that can be spread and help Humanity
I have ptsd and panic disorder so I sometimes wonder if it effects how I feel grief. Ill admit I for 15 years was the queen of avoidance of anything I thought could make me panic. Im still working on that. I've in the last 5 years lost an uncle I was close to, my nana, my grandpa and 5 animals. I feel differently with people vs. pets. While I loved my nana, uncle and grandpa I didnt get that overwhelming sadness where I couldnt stop myself from crying like crazy. My heart hurt but outwardly nothing came. Yet when a pet passed I would bawl my eyes out, and feel physically sick and exhausted. Not sure if this says anything about me and how i process loss?
My husband didn’t die, he divorced me after 33 yrs together of a wonderful life for the most part… I grieve on holidays, anniversaries, kids birthdays. I doubt I will ever stop grieving the loss of my precious family.
Grief is a colidascope of emotion 😢 ❤losing loved one's is so hard.
Very helpful interview, thank you! I lost my mother for 6 years ago, that time I had to deal with so many other problems, so that I just didn't know how to cope with my emotions, I had to go on. From time to time I had tears bursting out of my hearth, just when I'm driving on the highway, I pushed them away, said to myself; not now! I didn't have the strength, as I’ve noone, I always said to myself: no place to lean on or fall down, I must be strong. Recent years I felt very numb, couldn't cry, only when I create myself space to feel that pain, but after crying -I feel very exausted and down, I really wonder, if I should allow myself create that space after such a time and confront myself with that pain?
This video is very helpful
I want to know how to deal with grief that has been very painful n traumatic wen u also hav depression
My dad died in Nov, then we had to put a cat to sleep two weeks later. Then, a few months later, my cat got cancer at 4yrs old; it was too advanced and we had to put him to sleep then.
It really surprised me how short the grief period was for the 3rd death. I definitely grieved, but it felt as if my body had ‘run out’ of grief juice. It wasn’t a conscious thing on my part, but it had been the most shocking and significant death of the 3 for me (my dad was an ass) and I grieved for about a week before I was SUUUUUPER ready to get a new cat. And I did. And initially it was very stressful, but we got through it and we’ve had him for 1mo.
I also had to kind of check in with myself because I was feeling weird about NOT feeling sad for a long time. If my dad were alive, he’d be asking me a lot of really unhelpful questions and I’d feel incredibly guilty and upset with myself. BUT because my dad’s dead and can’t do that, I’m asking myself these questions. But it helps me to tune in to the ‘why’. And my ‘why’ was that it felt empty without another cat, I wanted my surviving cat to have someone around too. And what has actually HELPED A LOT is that my deceased cat would have LOVED hanging out with the new cat. They are both very active and affectionate. My other cat tends to like to lounge.
I’m rambling, but I also gave myself permission to just *not* feel sad if I didn’t feel sad, reminded myself that his death was still significant to me, and I could be sad if I became sad.
Very helpful, thank you
Thank you!!
I really like Sarah!! She's very smart and strong and I love her approach!♡
I am grateful for this. Shock has just gone down and I feel everything. I have no idea how will I survive. My mom is in pain and she lashes out a lot. Especially on me as the only child now. How do I help her and can I? Or do you focus on yourself before you can help others?
Hello 👋
I am wondering about the future outlook of the next SCOTUS session and how the country will respond to their rulings...
Appreciate your work xo
Just wanted to comment, haven't started the video yet. It will the 3 years in May my mom passed, 2 years in November my grandma passed and now today I lost my dog 😢 is it at all possible to get through all this grief????
Could you please make a video about paranoia in relationships? I love your content and it’s something I’ve been struggling with for years, I cannot get passed the feeling/fear that my partner is cheating on me (when given absolutely no reason to think so) - for context I was physically and emotionally abused as a child, I was raped by my first boyfriend at age 16 - I’m 25 now - so distrust feels like something hardwired into me. Thank you❤️
Emma could you do a video on how to deal with the grief of having an Adult child who is a drug addict? After watching this I now realize I am struggling with so many feelings that are grief from the loss of him but yet he's still alive but slowly killing himself. I tried to move on and take care of myself but I can't let go enough to feel peace. How do I seperate and allow myself to heal when all I want is my son back. Thank you for sharing your knowledge with us you have helped me in so many areas of my life and I am truly grateful.
I lost a 44 year old daughter who was addicted to a lot of different drugs, mainly heroin. My years of anguish, worry, stress, are nothing compared to the grief I'm still feeling 3 years after her passing. Some members of my family think It's probably a relief not to have that stress every day but I feel that while she was alive there was always hope that she would overcome the addiction, which she did numerous times. Even with all the stress I had when she was alive I never ever felt like I feel now that She's gone. I feel sick and depressed and have lost interest in so many things I used to love. Do everything on your power now to be kind to your child so you'll have no regrets should the drugs take him/her.
I've had multiple grief in my life physical an emotional I have good days an bad days sone days It feels new other tines I feel as if I've went through the stages not numb
My mum passed away 4 years ago. I was young but an adult (21), but to this day I still feel very overwhelmed with sadness and numbness. I have been diagnosed with CPTSD and BPD since that and honestly cannot see the end of the tunnel....
This was great! Right around 54 minutes, the book "understanding your grief" was mentioned. And right after that, she said there are allot of journal "companions" but I don't know what that is or how to find them. Can you help me with that? Thanks.
My only son died 2 months ago by suicide. This is my worst nightmare as I'm sure by any mother or parent. I have anxiety and sleeping issues. Does suicide make it harder to grieving? I sometimes feel like the medication is not working and I hate taking them but knowing deep inside they are helping some. Any thoughts?
Knowing wh0 talk to is important
I would have liked to hear more about loss of situations. I have be shut down for several years, at least 20, because of loss of life hopes and dreams. Should I get professional therapy?
Does the concept of grief apply in the situation of a parent ghosting his child for decades? The relationship feels forfeited without appeal. Can this be grief?
7:00 (Ramble so people might find confort knowing you're not alone) I'm in a same kind of situation at the moment. Just two years ago I lost my granma suddenly, then I lost two cat's, now couple of days ago I lost my greatgranpa from Alzheimer's and now we are going to have to euthanize our oldest dog two days from now.
I think the only way I can get through all of this by anxiety medication and busying myself at work. Now I feel burnt out from work even though it's not that tough.
I feel like I need a time out but at the same time I feel like I should just continue working like everyone around me. Just pressing on through the pain.
Some simple tasks feel hard, like cleaning. I know its common with anxiety and depression. Also been super sensitive about every small thing, so I get irritated over my own mistakes and people around me.
The grieving journey
Healing from grief
Mental health
Suicide
Miscarriage
Anticipatory grief
Helping grieving children
Supporting others through grief while grieving yourself
Faith and doubt
Loneliness
Grief's impact on relationships
My daughter passed away March 21 of a stroke that caused a bleed at her brain stem my family came down from Michigan to help me! I’ve been pretty much an Empty shell going with the motions of everything and not only am I grieving for her a year prior my marriage fell apart and now me and my son is now astranged I just feel alone! Confused, and many other feelings that I can’t recognize!
Watching this to help my wife deal with the loss of her dad (triggered losing her mom 15 years ago so she’s feeling double grief) . Where can I find the nine steps that you ladies talked about in this video?