How to Grieve : A Model to Support You!
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- Опубліковано 27 сер 2024
- Loss is challenging. Explore this model to see if it works in your efforts to do your Grief Work.
Tools for Grief Counselling: • Tools for Grief Counse...
Leave us a comment if you find value in this Model! 🙏
William Worden developed this Model. It is commonly called the TEAR Model of Grief.
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Have you found a model to support your Grief work? What has been most supportive for you? Leave us a comment below so we can all learn to do Grief Differently!🙏
The most important to me is validations. Of all the ones closest to me I only have 3 that acknowledge it’s okay to grieve. It is such a lesson I have learned . Saying if you need anything call me are such meaningless platitudes. Not having that validation causes isolation. I find myself seeking home and declining participation in activities I did with loved ones before . It hurts so much they can’t recognize my grief and are so uncomfortable with my journey. I don’t want fixed, just walk beside me , allow me to be , trust in my ability to navigate, and know I am struggling to identify a very different me.
Thank you, Jo. Strangely, I said to someone the other day that I need to find my own map to navigate my grief. Your guidance here is very helpful.
On Saturday, I decided to visit a few (ordinary day to day) places I associated deeply with my partner. To do this I visualized him with me, literally by my side, holding my hand or doing the arm link. At times it helped, at others he disappeared and I was alone in the spaces I was visiting. Of course, I got upset, tears rolling down my cheeks, but I don't care that I did, it's a real experience. It then all got a bit too much and I drove home. It seems very small but I noted that parts of it were enjoyable even amidst the pain of his absence. His visualized presence assisted me but I also happened to fleetingly enjoy moments of the experience even with his absence.
I'm alone a great deal and one thing I greatly miss and feel the need for is talking about him. I talk to him and 'with' him but there's a desire to talk through so much *about* him; his personality, his ways, his adventures and strength of character, our love for each other, his illness, how we coped, how we didn't cope, the joys in spite of this and our foibles, the trauma of watching him die albeit it happening in ideal chosen circumstances, the regrets for past behaviours, missed opportunities, the fun and craic we had, the deep love we had between us in spite of and because of our flawed humanness.
I miss him so dearly and need to continue my relationship with him in this new way. It's still the overriding motivation in my life because it's only three months.
Thanks again I look forward to your videos.
@@lsmith7531
Hi, I'm so sorry for your great loss L Smith. Losing a son is unimaginably heartbreaking. I hope you get something from Jo's videos. Your use of the word 'agony' hits very hard.
Jo, thank you so much for your video''s. It's now been 6 weeks since my husband died; and I now realise that I've been in complete denial, doing anything and everything as a distraction. I now know, that I'm just avoiding my pain. This has led to me being both mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted. I watched most of your videos yesterday; and went to bed with the determination, that I was going to accept his death, from today. I'm trying. I'm now using the word death, rather than him "passing" which I had been using. I still feel very numb; but managed to get myself out of our bed for only the 2nd time since his death. I kept an appointment for an eye test; and used public transport there and back. I felt quite proud of myself, but exhausted; and I wasn't out for even 1 hour. Yes, it was painful to return to a home without him; but if this is what I have to do, to live my life with wonderful happy thoughts of him, it's worth the pain. Again, thank you so much, I find your videos easy to relate to.
Grief is like the sky - it covers everything (CS Lewis?). All these talks add info overload for me in my own grief after 56 years of marriage. I recognise all my confusing emotions but I am allowing myself to accept and not fight them. The best healing for me is to go to the Lord in prayer.
Thank you for your helping me to map out my grief Jo. When I started viewing your videos I would get a knee jerk reaction when a notification popped up...I was so consumed with trying to avoid the pain and tears that would come. I now breathe deep, listen, learn, cry and take comfortable in learning to live with my grief. xo
Losing My Baby Speckles, my fur baby on March 05th ,2024, she was just 12 yrs old. My life is completely dark and blank and I'm severely struggling to see life without her. This little girl was so precious and special to me, as Poppey would say: "I can stands no more!" Without My Baby Speckles, there is no life moving forward..............
It's been "1" month since her passing and the days only are getting darker and I don't have the emotional stamina to go on.
I hope anyone can understand.
Never have I experienced this deep of pain within my soul!
Hi Jo,
Your videos are the best I’ve seen. Calm, sincere and from someone who has walked this road.
My soulmate of 40 years died seven years ago and I’ve never, ever felt pain like it. I wanted to die then too, but I didn’t, so I’m “stuck with it”
Soon after her death unusual things began to happen and I felt strangely guided. To cut a long story short I went to Zambia and Zimbabwe to teach children and to give my time in a children’s home to other children orphaned by AIDS. I met a young (teenage) girl there and on impulse (guided?) decided to sponsor her. She’s 22 now and I’m still supporting her. I always will.
Back in the uk a “voice” said “ becomes Samaritan listening volunteer”. I made enquiries and I’ve been a volunteer now for three years.
By facing my pain and honouring her memory I’ve found some meaning to my life when I once saw none. I “feel” her with me always and pain has softened to peace and now I view my terrible loss as a kind of apprenticeship to make me a better listener and supporter.
I feel gratitude for what we shared and inner peace.
So, I would say to grievers it is possible to survive and find a new life. Listen carefully to Jo’s wise words, always be patient and kind to yourself and take you’re time on your journey- it is not a race
There's absolutely nothing that helps with the loss of a child every day is the same rollercoaster of cruciating pain . When i finely get to sleep i never want to wake up.
It just feels like im on the outside looking in on this so unfair world.
After the transition of my beautiful son Lee Simon ❤️ x
A scientist and beautiful Artist x my world stopped in march 2021 . Even though i have 3 beautiful daughters ❤️ and 7 beautiful grandchildren ❤️ it doesn't make me feel better its so painful every time i see them because they brother was a big part of their lifes x
Its a life sentence for every mother that is wearing these shoes.
The only comfort is knowing i can one day end this pain and be with my beautiful son ❤️ if i choose .
Sending my heart ❤️ out to everymum that is waking up every day to this cruciating pain .
Bless you 🙏 all and your family 💕 xx
That was helpful to know that the loss and grief are separate things. I’ve lost two sons, one six years ago and then James in May. My first loss was so overwhelming and I felt completely shattered and it’s taken all this time to recover. Losing my second son two months ago is such a different journey for me. I think I have been denying or shutting off the grief. I sometime was immersed in the loss and then felt I was feeling sorry for myself when it was my son I was grieving the loss of. Now I see that yes, I was experiencing the loss and the grief. Two different things. This has been helpful as is your over videos. Thank you so much for making this available to us.
Thank you Jo. Your videos have helped me to deal with my grief while my family member is slowly leaving his life with Parkinson's.
I just lost my beloved mother unexpectedly on October 6 2022 and I'm heartbroken 💔😭. I'm single and she lived with me my entire life and I don't know how am I going to live without her😢. I'm praying to God for strength, healing, and resignation soon 🙏🏻✝️🕊️
"Greif is the one thing we will all have in common" that hit me
I hate this term 'Grief work' = grief is one thing I don't have to work at, it happens naturally. My beloved husband is gone. He died of cancer. crying about it comes naturally. I can delay the tears, I can wait and cry and then get up and work, but they are always there. If I don't attend to them they will make themselves felt like thunder in the distance.
There is empty hole in the center of my heart that hurts constantly.
I loved him passionately for 44 yrs. Grief is there. I may escape it watching you tube videos, sewing or caring for the cats and chickens, but it always there. It's not work; just like a mountain spring isn't working, it is what it is... It just IS.
Thank you very much. Since my mother's passing in February 25, 2022 I been looking for a map to grief and I am glad to have found your video. To adjust the environment, I have hanged pictures of my mother in most sections of the house to make me feel comfortable she is present and left it the way it is in her bedroom. We have lived together for many years. I am taking this day by day to accept the loss. Also I have started to reinvest to others and myself.
I feel your loss, I also lost my beloved mother unexpectedly on October 6 2022 and I'm heartbroken 💔😭. I'm single and she lived with me my entire life. I'm praying to God for strength, healing, and resignation soon 🙏🏻✝️🕊️
❤
Thank you for this tier model. You might consider doing a 4-part series to go in depth about each step.
I am still learning to cope after 2yrs of loosing my husband
Me too Loucet a year since I lost my husband times are so hard and I'm on my own xx
Thus is the clearest and most sensible approach I have seen in my search for helping me cope with my loss. Thank you. I will be listen to this video many more times because I want to find my way out of the confusion my grief has plunged me into. Feeling lost and confused adds to the pain of my beloved husband no longer being here with me.
Excellent video!
I lost my special need daughter,in February of this year,,I am having a hard time accepting that she is gone,it feels like a see saw,,I cry for her weekly and I journal my feelings,,I am hoping to get back on track but the holidays bring back the memories,that start the pain even more intensely, It seems like nothing will never be the same......Fly high Jazana"e .....fly real high 🙏🎇
May God heal you🙏🏻✝️🕊️
I'm so glad I found your channel. I lost the love of my life, my wife and soulmate 8 months ago. My grief has been overwhelming. We had our own little world within the outer world, and took refuge in each other when life got too hard. Now, my love and that world are gone and I find I have no coping mechanism without her. This video by Jo McRogers is the first thing I've found that gives me hope that I can find a way to go on without her. I'm going to watch all of her videos that I can find. Thanks you Ms. McRogers for doing this!
How are you doing with your grief work?
It's been 26 days since my wife and soul-love died suddenly. Our relationship sounds a lot like the relationship between you and your wife that you described. When you're living in such a deep and loving relationship, it can be heaven on earth. When you've lost it, you are living in a profoundly painful world.
I wish you some peace in your life!
Thank you so much for this model. It helps me so much
I know grieving my son's death eill stay with me forever, but I want to have a fulfilling life till I die. Reaching out to other who needs help. Thank you very much for this wonderful video.
Your channel has been the greatest help in a time where it feels like nothing CAN help. I lost my dad earlier this year and it has been the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to face. I tried so long to put aside my grief and try to live my life the way I “normally” would, but it caught up to me. I got myself stuck in an anxious spiral where I was unable to enjoy anything & couldn’t even think of addressing my grief and loss. I’m now accepting that everything I’ve been feeling and thinking isn’t for nothing & my body is just desperate to address the reality of my loss. Watching so many of your videos I’ve picked up on a lot that have helped me realize I’m not losing my mind! I will say it’s still an incredibly difficult thing to do, but much like you said in another video, my fear of feeling and living how I feel now is much more scarier than the fear I feel to address my grief. Your channel has given me hope to know there is a place where I can grieve my dad and still think of him fondly remembering all the amazing time I had with him & enjoy my life… I don’t have to be stuck in my grief forever!
Thank you for your channel Jo. I keep a picture on my bedstand of my loved so I am in remeberance of what he gave me and the good times we hashared.
These words, map is very helpful. You know when you feel like you are stumbling to find the words or find the way, this gives me guidance.. thank you Jo
Big gratitude, Jo! I get so much comfort & coping skills from your videos. This one is so good. I would love to hear more from you about the Continuing Bonds model of grief. Grief has no finish line, so for me investing in new ways of relating to myself, others & my angel husband is the path I am looking for on my valley of sorrow & light grief journey. You are such a gifted flashlight…
Excellent summary. I have done all of the above and it works
I think the TEAR model will work for me 🙏 Thank you
I was texting that I went into grieve emtly. I never been able to go into denial. My son was taking from us through head on collision that's the fear for a mother. I went into shock mode because someone else took him from us. Its been 9 months October 26th.2023, I'm at a place we're I don't think about that part anymore because I see know God said Daniel you've done everything you was supposed to do in 44 years it's Time to come home.❤
Thank you. The TEAR model could be helpful to me as it offers a few general steps that have worked for others. It is difficult to organize one's thoughts in the midst of grief, and this model clarifies some of it.
What if you keep waiting for the next ball to drop?
Thank you Jo for this - I am going to reflect on working with this model...it does resonate with me. Re-investing energy and emotion in new relationships brings some clarity to my struggle with others.
Good to know all of grief an loss are different things right now been doing pushups exercising cup cakes
Thank u Jo McRogers so much for your videos they are helping me so mucho
Your videos are such a life boat...........thank you
Grief is like an invisible friend. It’s there, but you can’t see it. You can only feel it.
I've watched a lot of grief videos on the last 2 months and this is the first one to mention TEAR. I think these must not be distinct phases but something we swing between before the pendulum finally stops on R, because I seem to do all of these at different times.
This model sums it up. Very helpful. TY.
I have a very important question. My 20 year old son committed suicide by train on my birthday, this past November 2nd, 2021. This not only destroyed my birthday for the rest of my life, but it also destroyed Christmas and New Years. My son and I were profoundly close and loved each other very much. I simply adored him. I can’t imagine celebrating that dreadful day which is my birthday....I lost my dearest beloved only son. How do I deal with this? Should I never have a birthday again or change my birthday? I’m still grief stricken and the holidays will never be the same. Please help. Julia
My heart goes out to you 😢.
I also lost my 27 year old son tragically a few months ago and being a single mom it has been devastating. My heart goes out to you, I have no words of advise as I too am struggling and don’t know how I will ever manage. Please just know you are not alone.
Thank you for posting excellent content.
Thank you so much for your help.❤
It has been 3 months since my husband passed. He had been ill off and on for 4 years. I took care of him for 14 months as he was bedridden. I have not cried much although I feel like I need to but the tears are shoved so far away.
🎉 just like this
Your model makes much sense to me. Yesterday, I watched a UA-cam video about the Continuing Bonds model of grief. I am wondering how that fits with or is distinct from your TEAR model. Seems a bit different to me as the goal is not only to make new relationships with my self and others, but also with my deceased husband. In other words, in a Continuing Bonds model, I am seeking to find new ways of relating to my husband, even thought he is deceased. I like this concept.
Thank you for your comment Cheryl. I read an insightful article about Continuing Bonds in the blog of at What’s Your Grief. I am also seeking to find new ways of reinvesting my relationships with myself & others & my husband even though he is deceased. I love this concept!
Thank you 😢
Very good. Thanks for sharing. Pp
Thank you
my dad was a scientolgist and told me he cant talk to me. i was 11 years old and now im 28 years old, never finding myself having adjusted to him saying that, or not having that in my life, since i dont want to be a scientologist anymore. i suppose adjustment would look like something but i cant make it out in my mind.
I would like a model of grief work. I really don’t know what that means or entails.
When do we focus and n a new way of relating to our lost loved one?
Thank You for your video, I hope you will have step by step video grief therapy on what i am supposed to do.
Hi Jo, I am grieving after my dad then 6 months after my mum followed and 2 months after my mum my maternal grandmother died. I am living in a house with my partner which i do not somehow feel being supported (sometime supportive sometime not). sometimes I am insulted like i am just overacting each time i cry. now ii isolate myself in my bedroom because at one point in time during our conversation, i was told like "what about the impact of the support person. what am i supposed to do?
You didn't mention what seems to me to be a stub and that is to live with a new relationship with your dead.
Do you need to follow the tear model , acceptence is not always there
I prefer the word Integration. I made a video about that exact thought.
I don't even understand what all this means.😢
❤