For me it feels more like grief is love without reciprocation. You feel all this love you won't be given back by this person anymore. So we need to learn to save some of this love and share it with ourselves.
This quote sums up what I have been experiencing. I will carry my love for my husband until I die. I find the rituals of writing in my grief journal, recording my happy memories and noting my gratitudes has helped ease my suffering. I continue to speak my thoughts to my husband daily and I always tell him that I love him.
I do the same . I like the thought of grief is Love with no place to go. My love has been gone for 7 years now. I keep him very much alive in all that I do. It's such a comfort to know he is so close to me . All day everyday 🎉😅❤
My husband died 3 months ago after a 5 year battle with cancer. Jo's videos are helping me greatly. But this video in particular has many good ideas regarding rituals. I have taken to hugging his urn and saying good morning to him every day. It keeps me connected to him.I also have a picture of him on my phone in the background, and I say hi to him at various times. I have just created a Foundation in his name that will focus on education, arts and creativity, both of which we were very involved in. It is my way of honoring him. I also talk to him a lot right now, and that seems to help. He appeared to me in a dream a few days after he passed, looking happy and in his prime. He told me he was 'okay' and that gives me great comfort he is in a beautiful place, alive and well in another form. Even still, this is very hard, I'm crying off and on, and feel physical and emotional pain. I'm learning to live with my grief because this is not going to just go away. Thank you Jo.
Every night I get out a fountain pen, choose a beautiful ink and sit down to write my husband a letter. I tell him about my day, what I've done, who I've seen, how I feel and how much I miss and love him. Once the letter is finished, I put it in an envelope and burn it. It started as an idea from my therapist, to write down what I was feeling as a way of expressing my emotions and starting to get a handle on what, I've now been told is Complicated Grief and PTSD. It slowly evolved from me just screaming onto the paper to nightly ritual in which I now take some solace. The act of burning the letter feels important to me, as if I'm sending it to him, wherever he is, so he knows he's not forgotten and is still important in my life.
I do find our shrine is almost too sad for me yet the flowers, cards, objects we gathered to honor Judith, my sister who passed 8/21/24 to be important in helping me love and remember her devotion to all animals, friends and her beloved twin Jackie. My family will have a memorial bench with a plaque in the park they both loved. We visit them, the twins, there on the lake often. Somehow I can cry there but less at home. I know how hard it is but it really helps.
My ritual for honouring my Mom and now my best fur friend is to pick a very small bouquet of wild flowers that I find on my walks. The walks used to be with my dog Jackson but having lost him a week ago I now add a small bunch of fresh green blades of grass that he used to love to munch on. My Mom was an avid gardener so both of these little rituals help me feel connected to them both. xo
I know just how you feel my Mother passed 20 years ago and my best friend Basil My dog 4 months ago...both even with a lapse of time between them are the ones that use to sit with me when I was gardening so whenever I garden I feel them my memories of them are safely stored in my heart ❤
My ritual is lighting a candle on anniversaries, my husbands favourite meal on his birthday and fresh flowers by his photograph every week. I have orchids that I use as well they bloom for a very long time. To me that is turning my grief into a loving gesture ❤
My son's friends and I have gathered together at a park and released him balloons for his birthday for 2 year's. I released balloons to him with a close friend of mine on Valentine's day this year. The park where his vidual was held by his school. I truly loved my son with all my heart 💙
Thank for your series in understanding grief . No , I don’t find comfort in expression “ grief is love where no where to go “ It makes me feel like I am trapped in a maze and hopelessly trapped. It also made me feel there were limitations on love . Limitations that would make me feel it wasn’t okay to love others for my love is limited to just the one I grieve for . I haven’t yet found a ritual other than traditional ones . Yesterday ,I surprised myself in searching thru my pictures , I unexpectedly came across of pictures of him . He was smiling ,almost laughing and I too smiled back . It felt okay to smile at that memory rather than tears . Again thank you , this series is so very helpful in grief journey.
The reality that everything in this life is only temporary has really hit me hard since my husband died & all my family members have passed away. Only me left. So there is no one to hold onto and no one who really knows me that I have history with. It's a cold fact of life & I feel like I have no joy left inside or motivation, just existing. It's lonely beyond description. I don't feel safe & protected like when my husband was here with me and the world looks very scary & cold.
For sure sometimes it can feel too painful to do things or have rituals to show our love and grief - and yes sometimes that changes over time, at least in may experience. There may still be pain and sadness or other emotions, but there may be times when we can be in those feelings and still do things to remember and love our loved ones. I hope you can do some things that you'd like to in the future.
My ritual honoring my son is to visit the beach where is ashes were spread, lighting a candle while playing his favorite music. I love the idea of planting a tree, and feeding the homeless, something he was passionate about
Today is a year I buried my son and now is dad died a month ago it feels so strange although I had divorce his dad I feel the irony of it all .grief seem to have a life of its own don't know if I will ever understand it .
Yes I do. My husband also died sudden. 2 months ago, It still is unbelievable . Not even sure what next. All I'm doing now is trusting God 2 take me through this phase. Sometimes you cant even find words 2 say how ur feeling. That's me.
Thank you Jo. I do find that quote limiting despite its good intention. It's terrifying to think my love and my grief for my partner has nowhere to go. Both need to flow no matter how painful. And it is *so* painful. I couldn't have conceived that I'd feel this level of pain so deeply for so long. There are breaks in the intensity but they're breathers and I know another wave is on the way. Thanks for the resource, I'm going to check it out. ❤
@@lsmith7531 thanks for telling me all this. It helps. I'm so sorry you're going through the awful, awful loss of your son ( not to mention having to drag out the rubbish 🙃). I relate so much to the talking to yourself / loved one. I'm like a bag lady walking my three mutts, muttering under my breath or talking to the sky with or without tears pouring down my cheeks. My car is an echo chamber where I burst my lungs and tear my throat screaming my partner's name and howling. I love that you are now minding your son's three cats, animals are so quietly healing even if sometimes they're just being an annoying distraction, lol. My three keep me looking outwards and loving. Sending my support and wishes for ongoing strength in the midst of all our vulnerability. X
Oh yes i feel exactly like that. You could not have described it better. Five years later after my husband died, i wake every morning dreading the day and the emptiness that can never be filled sgain invthe same way. It is devastating even family dont understand. Sometimes i dont think i want to go on. Have tried everything .. clubs, interests outings alone or with friends, music movies. But the void is still there and always will be. To those suffering in this way know you are not alone i am part of you ❤️
I lost my partner and love of my life suddenly of a heart attack. 3 mo ago. The way I find closeness is I had a nice picture of him and had a company put his picture on a pillow. It gives me comfort just seeing him on my bed and sometimes I take the pillow in my car because we use to take rides together all the time. I tell him how much I love and miss him and just knowing he is in heaven gives me peace. I pray God gives each of you peace and comfort as only He can do for you. God bless!
Just sold my wife's vehicle, not cause I wanted to but because I had to financially. Just another piece of her gone. How long before there's nothing left?
I sold my husband's car after he had been gone three months. I really liked the guy that bought it. I told him, you've just bought the car of a really good man. I cried hard after he left in husband's car.
I lost my only child/daughter 4 months ago. We were extremely close. She was physically disabled and her disability progressed I was her caretaker too. I am a potter and so as part of my grieving I made an Urn especially representing her and her love for art, books and learning. This was a very painful process and could only be done maybe an hour each day. It is now finished and it is a beautiful 3 piece urn where each piece fits inside a beautiful box. Yes it is sad but it is now helping me a little to accept what has happened. She was my daughter, my friend, and I love her dearly.
Very sorry about that, God will give you the fortitude to bear the loss. With time you will overcome the heart burden. How’s your day going with you Kathleen?
My husband of 38 years died of complications of Parkinsons Disease. 6 weeks have passed and I'm too scared to unlock the storm of tears. I can't imagine life without him.
This is me. I can’t stop crying but no tears cuz I have ‘dry eye’. Painful to remember his tears with this horrible hopeless disease. But I have found solace in continuing our joint efforts to provide for our kids’ and grandkids’ futures as they are our legacy .
This definitely matches what I’m feeling, my mom was everything to me ,losing her ,lost a big piece of myself. I rather sleep than be awake and crying all day and night
@@Alicia-vq8jgI totally feel this way too. I even have bad chest pains. I was her caregiver so my other family doesn’t have as deep of grief, but this is the most challenging experience and loss in my life.
@@annabanana50 It’s so bad I feel the exact way that that person said oh it’s so bad. My OCD is been really bad though so I’ve been thinking about like the stupidest things instead of it for like a year so whatever.
@@Alicia-vq8jg I totally get that, my moms final breaths stick in my mind and her suffering in the end too. I wish my mind wouldn’t replay it. It’s so painful
Two of my siblings and my eldest niece have returned to painting since my mother's death. I was her full time caregiver so I got out of the habit, but I am slowly getting back to creative pursuits also. My mother was a wonderful artist. She made beautiful paintings. We grew up around it and each tried our hand with her guidance. Now we are returning to the artistic connection we have/had with her. I have also recently returned to church and the Sunday school class I had before COVID. My co-teacher and friend needed my help so I agreed to come back and help with the crafts. It feels a bit awkward, but I'm glad to be back. I missed the children and this was another connection to my mother.
Yes, for me grief is love with no lace to go. It's all locked up in the pressure in/on m chest. My dog Pal died 1 month ago and i am having a dreadful time. When ready i will once again pour it into the next dog my dog Pal sends me. I go in with eyes and heart open. If i cannot love, i cannot live in he real sense.
At present I cannot listen to music, it hurts too much. Recalling wonderful holidays also breaks my heart because I miss my husband so much. Only four months into the grieving journey what should be wonderful memories are agonising.
I feel that a lot. My beloved who passed at the end of August just loved music. He played piano beautifully, and loved to play and listen to theater organ (yes, an oooold style of entertainment! But fun!). When I went to church with family early in my grief journey, I found I simply could not stop the tears when I tried to sing the hymns. This, even though I sang in choirs all through my schooling, and generally love music, myself. I am finding now that I can sometimes sing along with SOME songs on the radio in the safety of the car, but, it is all so, very hard, and I am hoping we both find comfort with time, in the good memories, even if they must now be ONLY memories. I send you a virtual hug in this club to which NO ONE would wish to become a member.
I can't do music either it makes me too sad. I can't live 'memories' yet either, I agree they are agonising so I avoid them. I pray the time will come when I can do this........not soon enough......life is miserable and I can't find a way out of the sorrow.
So wonderful. After my Mom died, I would go to a church at my lunch hour and light candles for her. It was the only thing I could do. On the anniversary of my Desi’s passing, I lit my baptismal candle and prayed. You are right, it gives an outlet to one’s grief and gives a bit of control over this overwhelming emotion
It seems I've been improvising rituals for myself for quite some time. I've lost both parents and my beloved mate within the last seven years. I grew up in an agnostic household, to choose the most economical term: spiritual but absolutely privately-defined and practiced. So for my non-religious parents and mate, after cremation, while decisions about worldly goods go on, I find myself instinctively moving towards the natural world. I live with my brother in the home we grew up in. We walk alone and together in the woods and hills surrounding our place. Due to growing fire danger here, there's plenty of need to "reduce fuel load" in our 8 acres of woods, by cutting, piling and burning fire ladders (lower branches), excess saplings, brush, and diseased trees. Fire and burning feel like a cleansing, relieving process, not only for safety to reduce fire danger, but to purge our own grief. It's hot, dirty work even in winter. Sweat and tears mingle. I feel lucky to have this choice, to care for my land and my heart at the same time.
Dear Jo, Thanks so very much for your videos and for your work. They have helped me immensely to get through this tough year since my partner Paul of 20 years passed. My ritual has been a daily walk on the beach. Paul adored the ocean and it was why we moved to be closer to it. We used to take walks together often and doing this for some reason brings hims close again. I even occasionally build small cairns in his memory near where I spread his ashes using beach stones. They usually disappear--kids scatter them or the waves take them, but it reminds me that all is temporary.
All your suggestions I’ve tried. I can’t listen to music. Or watch tv programs we watched together etc. that just triggers my emotions something terrible. It’ will be 2 years he’s gone. We had a 60 year marriage & I’m finding grief the most difficult things I have ever gone through
I am just the same . I lost my dear wife 2 years ago . Like you I can't listen to the music we enjoyed or watch the same TV programs . Though I barely use it , her car is still on the drive . Her driving glasses are in the console and her gloves are on the back seat . Her lipstick is on the coffee table . I feel no different after 2 years than on day one. I don't know how to live anymore . I feel I no longer belong in this world . I am so very sorry that you are suffering too . I wish I had the right words to say to you but there are non that mean anything are there. I wish you well and I send you a caring hug . I feel your pain . I hope that on time you may find a path to some firm of contentment x
@@ry491 only someone going thru losing the most important person in your life can understand. I hope we both will find peace & can except their lose & go on with what’s ever left of our lives
I too have had a 60 year marriage..that makes it so much more difficult because 'we grew up together' To lose the one person that we have been entwined with on all levels of life and love is the most difficult experience to have. I don't know how we get past that pain. The unraveling of our energies is heartbreaking and the sorrow it brings is unimaginable. I don't do cliques, I don't like grief is love with no place to go. Grief is grief...it stands on it's own.
@@starstuff5958 we both have shared a lifetime together with our spouses. Long term marriage MIGHT be a very hard missing lonely grief to deal with. It’s a life time,,I’ve never lived alone don’t like it much. I have family who I love but it’s not the same sharing my life with my husband.
@@ry491 I just read your reply to me from a month ago again. Think long time marriage is maybe a different kind of grief. It’s like losing a body part. I’ve never been on my own & don’t like it much. I have family & friends that care about me but none can fill the space of my husband. We’re both in the same place & probably a lot of others too. Somehow for them we have to try hard to find a place in this world & hopefully feel a little happy again.
Thank you so much. “Giving grief (love) a place to go” has been so important for me. I am building rituals in my daily life and creating beautiful mementos of my departed loved ones. And you’re right! - - It takes time for these rituals and objects to begin to bring comfort and connection, but I’m finding they do. I also have a growing faith that “consciousness“ is not generated in the thing called the brain, and that my consciousness will survive my death-And my loved ones and I will be reunited in another realm. I join my rituals, and my beholding of my mementos with this growing faith.
I started a ritual each night after my mom passed away to go outside (no matter the weather) and say my goodnight to her. Although I talk to my mom throughout my day, this was just a way of closing out my day with her. I went outside for the first 2 years and now I have changed things up and I don't always go outside.
I felt I had been given a gift of time when my attorney told me that i would be in shock the first three months. That counsel enabled me to feel the hurt, despair, devastation of my loss without feeling it was abnormal. No, it was pure shock!
I sit at my dads site, and watch the silly black and white movies he liked watching on Sunday's I comment and make silly remarks out loud as if we were sitting in his living room as we use to. I feel so close to him doing this. I miss him so very much.
I have just done my 2nd ritual,,releasing flower pebbles on the day of his funeral,,it felt good,,after taking a photo of the place where I put the pebbles ,I only seen the cross shadow formed by n pole,,,it was a confirmation to me, that he is watching over me,,still after 2yrs...missing him and loving his memories,just trying 2be me
I definitely resonated with this quote for the first few years. My sweetheart grandson Spencer passed on, 6 years ago, coming up. He was 6 years old. Now, I have a comfort (most days), with my adjustment to this physical life, without him. However, I never felt, he left completely. I make snowmen every winter, and plant marigolds in his little rubber boots for the summer. We are connected. Thanks for this video:)
My mom died 12 yrs. ago and I still have complicated grief. Since we lived in a 2 family home together for 50 years and I still feel the loss. She didn't drive so a lot of errands for her. The loss is huge. Now one of my family has Parkinson's and seeing him loose his faculties has brought on more grief. Again, I'm grateful to have found your site. ❤ It has been invaluable.
Your words is very comforting to me always. I Lost my only son last year. I am dying! I really miss him so much😢 Your video help my grieving heart. Thank you, Jo.
Grief.. is having dreams and hopes...and, yet, never seeming to get things together...and feeling like a hopeless case...and wondering why one cannot seem to get life together.
My grief is a bit different to the death of a loved one - it is due to my eldest, much loved, daughter's decision to be estranged from me around 6 years ago. I like your definition of love with no place to go. My wonderful mother passed 3 years ago with me holding her hand until her last breath. It was easier that the grief my daughter's choice has made. I have tried a couple of intervention strategies but she is locked in - also something she has done to some friends, aunts and cousins. I think she may have a personality disorder. I feel sad for her more than myself at this stage. I pray for her. One more recent strategy of mine has been to become a plasma donor - in this way I can give my love to strangers who are very unwell. I'm also helping out with a high school reunion at present. We've all turned 70 in the past year and I'm calling us 'Survivors'.
I understand this kind of grief because the same thing happened with my daughter. I hope that your daughter changes her decision I hope that your daughter changes her decision and returns to you as mine did. I love the way that you are focusing on surviving and making the best very best quality of life you can have without her.
@@joniwilmoth5826 Thanks Joni. I do appreciate your note and I'm very happy for your daughter's return for both your sakes. Best wishes from Western Australia.
I have always had a problem with this quote. Firstly for the reasons you mentioned - I feel like there is always somewhere for my love for my departed ones to go - I still love them and still send them love even though they aren't physically here. And I can shower love on others in their memory. Also to me, when only the last sentence of the quote is used out of context, it is a narrow definition of what grief is. There are many people who experience grief for people they didn't love - even for people they never met personally (eg. someone I know who never met their birth mother, but was grappling with grief after she learned of the birth mother's death). I love what you shared about grief rituals and wish there was a way you could put it in the video title to attract those who would love to hear those examples. Glad the hashtags do cover it though. My private grief rituals in the past have been lighting a candle daily, going for walks in their memory, writing to them, singing for them, watching shows we used to watch together, making recipes that were theirs and using bowls that used to belong to them to have my breakfast every morning - to name a few. They do provide a little empowerment in the midst of grief which is helpful. As I think you know my Mom passed away at the end of March and this is the strangest experience of grief I've had yet given she had dementia for 13 years. Most of my standby rituals aren't resonating. I'm thinking of creating art based on her photos as she was an avid nature and people photographer and thus collaborating with her. I think that will be meaningful. Thanks so much Jo
I lost so many people at once, it seems I need to take adequate time for everyone. my mom was first to go. I never thought I would loose her. Even though we didnt get along I loved her alot!! way more than brother or sister. Next was brother, we werent close at all. then my boyfriend, we had broken up but I really loved the guy. next was close friend whom I had brokenup w too. then my uncle. so many at once like I said. How do i take the time to grieve them all??
Want to Join The Grievolution Collective ? www.jomcrogers.com/grievolution-collective.html Find the helpful guide to creating your own Grief Rituals here... ua-cam.com/users/redirect?event=video_description&redir_token=QUFFLUhqa0ZXcFZITVFVSE9leUZfSHFrSXpWTjVDanRzZ3xBQ3Jtc0tuRVJhSlJHMDlPUkVLdDM1OTlibzl6MlNQUlk1MFFJcllhaFZNZzVmb3R5SVlMakFTMXlvV0h6d1cxUGVCclFEU21qSGlBV1lrZkg2WXVscEZNOXAzY2t1bmVscG85eGhZUWFmdXhfNEJwQlRWc1Rsaw&q=https%3A%2F%2Fstatic1.squarespace.com%2Fstatic%2F5b1066184611a029fec8f7c4%2Ft%2F5fac8e949d560157702cc11a%2F1605144212594%2FTDP_Ritual%2BToolkit_November.pdf&v=ysYXtB7emds Here is the study I referenced! ua-cam.com/users/redirect?event=video_description&redir_token=QUFFLUhqbjBFLWtjQnJQbEQ1b3gwTXkxUUJBNWZYUWlsd3xBQ3Jtc0tsS3dRY01zMmlTN3k5MHZpZTRpd082eFFGVUtVb0F2LTRhUnBpQUszQXVuelEzbmxxNDBhNWJyVmRxS243ZHF4elJmUUpvdW9YVzBza0JqSmpSQTlTRXVLUjNOVGk0ekRLeHZhUGp4T1o2cmNsSFNXVQ&q=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.theatlantic.com%2Fhealth%2Farchive%2F2014%2F03%2Fin-grief-try-personal-rituals%2F284397%2F&v=ysYXtB7emds
I can't do any of the above...why is that? It seems fake to me for some reason, perhaps I'm not far along enough in my grief. We were not big on 'celebrating' much of anything, sad as that is to others it worked for us. Doing a ritual isn't for everyone so I would say, don't force something that doesn't fit into the way your lives were shared together. I enlarged a photo of husband that I love, put it on the fridge and my 'ritual' if one wants to call it that, is to get up, give him a kiss, lay my cheek against his and yes the fridge gets hugged morning noon night. If I want to talk to him I either go to his picture or visualize it and we 'talk'. Maybe that's ritual enough. My husband of 59 years died suddenly and was a shock, perhaps 6 weeks into this grief isn't long enough. I don't know.
I am hugely grateful that not only did my partner come home to die, he had a living wake, and some lovely sensory experiences in his last hours. After he died, his body stayed at home overnight so that the animals could honour his passing, He came home the night before the funeral from the undertakers. My family and friends made wreathes, and we decorated the coffin. I have trained as a Heart-led celebrant which gave me the confidence to create a ceremony to honour his life. There was a photographer present on the day of the funeral. I had written his eulogy with him, I led the service for his cremation and also intering his ashes. There was a connection between the two. It is not quite a year but as the I.11.22 dawns, I will honour this day and be grateful for the beauty we found in manifesting our wishes in our lives together. There was a 21 year age gap in our partnership. We went to see Celine Dion. This helps right now.ua-cam.com/video/WN-ZHOHmvcw/v-deo.html There is no pain comparable to the pain of Widowhood.
Yet again you have grounded my broken heart, dearest person. Edward.❤️
You are my fount of kindness in my dark time,❤️
I feel so lost. It’s not getting any better, but your voice is all I can cling to, Jo. I am so confused and it’s like panic held back by a thin wall.❤
“Nothing can be done”. I feel I have died too.
Exactly
Me too😢
it will get better, sure it does feel like we have died too. but, this too shall pass..
I hope this shall pass. Thank u
For me it feels more like grief is love without reciprocation. You feel all this love you won't be given back by this person anymore. So we need to learn to save some of this love and share it with ourselves.
YES, I find that this is part of it. Sharon
My husband died last march,I am nunb,screamed, cry every nite.I talk to him when I go to bed .I want to touch his face sooooo bad
My husband died. Unexpectedly on Christmas morning. I am still traumatized. It was 2021.
Thank you Jo.❤
This quote sums up what I have been experiencing. I will carry my love for my husband until I die. I find the rituals of writing in my grief journal, recording my happy memories and noting my gratitudes has helped ease my suffering. I continue to speak my thoughts to my husband daily and I always tell him that I love him.
I do the same . I like the thought of grief is Love with no place to go. My love has been gone for 7 years now. I keep him very much alive in all that I do. It's such a comfort to know he is so close to me . All day everyday 🎉😅❤
My husband died 3 months ago after a 5 year battle with cancer. Jo's videos are helping me greatly. But this video in particular has many good ideas regarding rituals. I have taken to hugging his urn and saying good morning to him every day. It keeps me connected to him.I also have a picture of him on my phone in the background, and I say hi to him at various times. I have just created a Foundation in his name that will focus on education, arts and creativity, both of which we were very involved in. It is my way of honoring him. I also talk to him a lot right now, and that seems to help. He appeared to me in a dream a few days after he passed, looking happy and in his prime. He told me he was 'okay' and that gives me great comfort he is in a beautiful place, alive and well in another form. Even still, this is very hard, I'm crying off and on, and feel physical and emotional pain. I'm learning to live with my grief because this is not going to just go away. Thank you Jo.
Hi 💞👍
Every night I get out a fountain pen, choose a beautiful ink and sit down to write my husband a letter. I tell him about my day, what I've done, who I've seen, how I feel and how much I miss and love him. Once the letter is finished, I put it in an envelope and burn it. It started as an idea from my therapist, to write down what I was feeling as a way of expressing my emotions and starting to get a handle on what, I've now been told is Complicated Grief and PTSD. It slowly evolved from me just screaming onto the paper to nightly ritual in which I now take some solace. The act of burning the letter feels important to me, as if I'm sending it to him, wherever he is, so he knows he's not forgotten and is still important in my life.
What a lovely honouring ritual. ♥️🖋
I do find our shrine is almost too sad for me yet the flowers, cards, objects we gathered to honor Judith, my sister who passed 8/21/24 to be important in helping me love and remember her devotion to all animals, friends and her beloved twin Jackie. My family will have a memorial bench with a plaque in the park they both loved. We visit them, the twins, there on the lake often.
Somehow I can cry there but less at home. I know how hard it is but it really helps.
Exactly that is how i feel lost
My ritual for honouring my Mom and now my best fur friend is to pick a very small bouquet of wild flowers that I find on my walks. The walks used to be with my dog Jackson but having lost him a week ago I now add a small bunch of fresh green blades of grass that he used to love to munch on. My Mom was an avid gardener so both of these little rituals help me feel connected to them both. xo
I am so sorry Lorraine that you are hurting. So very sorry!
99999⁹9999999909⁹9999999p po9
I know just how you feel my Mother passed 20 years ago and my best friend Basil My dog 4 months ago...both even with a lapse of time between them are the ones that use to sit with me when I was gardening so whenever I garden I feel them my memories of them are safely stored in my heart ❤
My ritual is lighting a candle on anniversaries, my husbands favourite meal on his birthday and fresh flowers by his photograph every week. I have orchids that I use as well they bloom for a very long time. To me that is turning my grief into a loving gesture ❤
My son's friends and I have gathered together at a park and released him balloons for his birthday for 2 year's. I released balloons to him with a close friend of mine on Valentine's day this year. The park where his vidual was held by his school. I truly loved my son with all my heart 💙
Thank for your series in understanding grief . No , I don’t find comfort in expression “ grief is love where no where to go “ It makes me feel like I am trapped in a maze and hopelessly trapped. It also made me feel there were limitations on love . Limitations that would make me feel it wasn’t okay to love others for my love is limited to just the one I grieve for . I haven’t yet found a ritual other than traditional ones .
Yesterday ,I surprised myself in searching thru my pictures , I unexpectedly came across of pictures of him . He was smiling ,almost laughing and I too smiled back . It felt okay to smile at that memory rather than tears .
Again thank you , this series is so very helpful in grief journey.
Tears are words that should be written
💧 💧 💧!...........
Every Monday at 5 o'clock in the afternoon, I play my daughter's favourite song. She died at that time on Monday 8 February 2021.
Hello. Are you able to name the song so that I can play it in your daughter's honor? I understand completely if this is too private for you to share.
My Love by Westlife. Thank you for your kindness.
The reality that everything in this life is only temporary has really hit me hard since my husband died & all my family members have passed away. Only me left. So there is no one to hold onto and no one who really knows me that I have history with. It's a cold fact of life & I feel like I have no joy left inside or motivation, just existing. It's lonely beyond description. I don't feel safe & protected like when my husband was here with me and the world looks very scary & cold.
Awwww😢 😢😢😢😢
Pray to God.
I pray for all of us who.have lost our love ones.
@@jeanlanie1 thank u for your concern and compassion for those who grieve.
GOD BLESS.
@@BUBBLESPOGO
I lost my father last month.
I am in heavy grief.
That's why I understand.
@@jeanlanie1 I'm so very sorry. Death is such a tragedy.
A lot of these things are too painful at the moment, I’m hoping that in the future I can do some of these things without the pain 😭
For sure sometimes it can feel too painful to do things or have rituals to show our love and grief - and yes sometimes that changes over time, at least in may experience. There may still be pain and sadness or other emotions, but there may be times when we can be in those feelings and still do things to remember and love our loved ones. I hope you can do some things that you'd like to in the future.
My ritual honoring my son is to visit the beach where is ashes were spread, lighting a candle while playing his favorite music. I love the idea of planting a tree, and feeding the homeless, something he was passionate about
Today is a year I buried my son and now is dad died a month ago it feels so strange although I had divorce his dad I feel the irony of it all .grief seem to have a life of its own don't know if I will ever understand it .
Yes I do.
My husband also died sudden.
2 months ago,
It still is unbelievable .
Not even sure what next.
All I'm doing now is trusting God 2 take me through this phase.
Sometimes you cant even find words 2 say how ur feeling.
That's me.
Thank you Jo. I do find that quote limiting despite its good intention. It's terrifying to think my love and my grief for my partner has nowhere to go. Both need to flow no matter how painful. And it is *so* painful. I couldn't have conceived that I'd feel this level of pain so deeply for so long. There are breaks in the intensity but they're breathers and I know another wave is on the way. Thanks for the resource, I'm going to check it out. ❤
@@lsmith7531 thanks for telling me all this. It helps. I'm so sorry you're going through the awful, awful loss of your son ( not to mention having to drag out the rubbish 🙃). I relate so much to the talking to yourself / loved one. I'm like a bag lady walking my three mutts, muttering under my breath or talking to the sky with or without tears pouring down my cheeks. My car is an echo chamber where I burst my lungs and tear my throat screaming my partner's name and howling.
I love that you are now minding your son's three cats, animals are so quietly healing even if sometimes they're just being an annoying distraction, lol. My three keep me looking outwards and loving.
Sending my support and wishes for ongoing strength in the midst of all our vulnerability. X
Please address vulnerabilities that may be associated within the concept of "grief is love with no place to go".
Oh yes i feel exactly like that. You could not have described it better. Five years later after my husband died, i wake every morning dreading the day and the emptiness that can never be filled sgain invthe same way. It is devastating even family dont understand. Sometimes i dont think i want to go on. Have tried everything .. clubs, interests outings alone or with friends, music movies. But the void is still there and always will be. To those suffering in this way know you are not alone i am part of you ❤️
I lost my partner and love of my life suddenly of a heart attack. 3 mo ago. The way I find closeness is I had a nice picture of him and had a company put his picture on a pillow. It gives me comfort just seeing him on my bed and sometimes I take the pillow in my car because we use to take rides together all the time. I tell him how much I love and miss him and just knowing he is in heaven gives me peace. I pray God gives each of you peace and comfort as only He can do for you. God bless!
Just sold my wife's vehicle, not cause I wanted to but because I had to financially. Just another piece of her gone. How long before there's nothing left?
I sold my husband's car after he had been gone three months. I really liked the guy that bought it. I told him, you've just bought the car of a really good man. I cried hard after he left in husband's car.
@@sonyavincent7450 I'm so sorry for your loss. It was a hard thing to do but had to be done sooner or later. Take care.
I lost my only child/daughter 4 months ago. We were extremely close. She was physically disabled and her disability progressed I was her caretaker too. I am a potter and so as part of my grieving I made an Urn especially representing her and her love for art, books and learning. This was a very painful process and could only be done maybe an hour each day. It is now finished and it is a beautiful 3 piece urn where each piece fits inside a beautiful box. Yes it is sad but it is now helping me a little to accept what has happened. She was my daughter, my friend, and I love her dearly.
The urn you made must be infused with so much Love. ❤️
Very sorry about that, God will give you the fortitude to bear the loss. With time you will overcome the heart burden.
How’s your day going with you Kathleen?
I'm there.💟
My husband of 38 years died of complications of Parkinsons Disease. 6 weeks have passed and I'm too scared to unlock the storm of tears. I can't imagine life without him.
This is me. I can’t stop crying but no tears cuz I have ‘dry eye’. Painful to remember his tears with this horrible hopeless disease. But I have found solace in continuing our joint efforts to provide for our kids’ and grandkids’ futures as they are our legacy .
This definitely matches what I’m feeling, my mom was everything to me ,losing her ,lost a big piece of myself. I rather sleep than be awake and crying all day and night
Same
@@Alicia-vq8jgI totally feel this way too. I even have bad chest pains. I was her caregiver so my other family doesn’t have as deep of grief, but this is the most challenging experience and loss in my life.
@@annabanana50 It’s so bad I feel the exact way that that person said oh it’s so bad. My OCD is been really bad though so I’ve been thinking about like the stupidest things instead of it for like a year so whatever.
@@Alicia-vq8jg I totally get that, my moms final breaths stick in my mind and her suffering in the end too. I wish my mind wouldn’t replay it. It’s so painful
Two of my siblings and my eldest niece have returned to painting since my mother's death. I was her full time caregiver so I got out of the habit, but I am slowly getting back to creative pursuits also. My mother was a wonderful artist. She made beautiful paintings. We grew up around it and each tried our hand with her guidance. Now we are returning to the artistic connection we have/had with her. I have also recently returned to church and the Sunday school class I had before COVID. My co-teacher and friend needed my help so I agreed to come back and help with the crafts. It feels a bit awkward, but I'm glad to be back. I missed the children and this was another connection to my mother.
Yes, for me grief is love with no lace to go. It's all locked up in the pressure in/on m chest. My dog Pal died 1 month ago and i am having a dreadful time. When ready i will once again pour it into the next dog my dog Pal sends me. I go in with eyes and heart open. If i cannot love, i cannot live in he real sense.
At present I cannot listen to music, it hurts too much. Recalling wonderful holidays also breaks my heart because I miss my husband so much. Only four months into the grieving journey what should be wonderful memories are agonising.
I feel that a lot. My beloved who passed at the end of August just loved music. He played piano beautifully, and loved to play and listen to theater organ (yes, an oooold style of entertainment! But fun!). When I went to church with family early in my grief journey, I found I simply could not stop the tears when I tried to sing the hymns. This, even though I sang in choirs all through my schooling, and generally love music, myself. I am finding now that I can sometimes sing along with SOME songs on the radio in the safety of the car, but, it is all so, very hard, and I am hoping we both find comfort with time, in the good memories, even if they must now be ONLY memories. I send you a virtual hug in this club to which NO ONE would wish to become a member.
I can't do music either it makes me too sad. I can't live 'memories' yet either, I agree they are agonising so I avoid them. I pray the time will come when I can do this........not soon enough......life is miserable and I can't find a way out of the sorrow.
So wonderful. After my Mom died, I would go to a church at my lunch hour and light candles for her. It was the only thing I could do. On the anniversary of my Desi’s passing, I lit my baptismal candle and prayed. You are right, it gives an outlet to one’s grief and gives a bit of control over this overwhelming emotion
It seems I've been improvising rituals for myself for quite some time. I've lost both parents and my beloved mate within the last seven years. I grew up in an agnostic household, to choose the most economical term: spiritual but absolutely privately-defined and practiced. So for my non-religious parents and mate, after cremation, while decisions about worldly goods go on, I find myself instinctively moving towards the natural world. I live with my brother in the home we grew up in. We walk alone and together in the woods and hills surrounding our place. Due to growing fire danger here, there's plenty of need to "reduce fuel load" in our 8 acres of woods, by cutting, piling and burning fire ladders (lower branches), excess saplings, brush, and diseased trees. Fire and burning feel like a cleansing, relieving process, not only for safety to reduce fire danger, but to purge our own grief. It's hot, dirty work even in winter. Sweat and tears mingle. I feel lucky to have this choice, to care for my land and my heart at the same time.
Dear Jo, Thanks so very much for your videos and for your work. They have helped me immensely to get through this tough year since my partner Paul of 20 years passed. My ritual has been a daily walk on the beach. Paul adored the ocean and it was why we moved to be closer to it. We used to take walks together often and doing this for some reason brings hims close again. I even occasionally build small cairns in his memory near where I spread his ashes using beach stones. They usually disappear--kids scatter them or the waves take them, but it reminds me that all is temporary.
All your suggestions I’ve tried. I can’t listen to music. Or watch tv programs we watched together etc. that just triggers my emotions something terrible. It’ will be 2 years he’s gone. We had a 60 year marriage & I’m finding grief the most difficult things I have ever gone through
I am just the same . I lost my dear wife 2 years ago . Like you I can't listen to the music we enjoyed or watch the same TV programs . Though I barely use it , her car is still on the drive . Her driving glasses are in the console and her gloves are on the back seat . Her lipstick is on the coffee table . I feel no different after 2 years than on day one. I don't know how to live anymore . I feel I no longer belong in this world .
I am so very sorry that you are suffering too . I wish I had the right words to say to you but there are non that mean anything are there. I wish you well and I send you a caring hug . I feel your pain . I hope that on time you may find a path to some firm of contentment x
@@ry491 only someone going thru losing the most important person in your life can understand. I hope we both will find peace & can except their lose & go on with what’s ever left of our lives
I too have had a 60 year marriage..that makes it so much more difficult because 'we grew up together' To lose the one person that we have been entwined with on all levels of life and love is the most difficult experience to have. I don't know how we get past that pain. The unraveling of our energies is heartbreaking and the sorrow it brings is unimaginable. I don't do cliques, I don't like grief is love with no place to go. Grief is grief...it stands on it's own.
@@starstuff5958 we both have shared a lifetime together with our spouses. Long term marriage MIGHT be a very hard missing lonely grief to deal with. It’s a life time,,I’ve never lived alone don’t like it much. I have family who I love but it’s not the same sharing my life with my husband.
@@ry491 I just read your reply to me from a month ago again. Think long time marriage is maybe a different kind of grief. It’s like losing a body part. I’ve never been on my own & don’t like it much. I have family & friends that care about me but none can fill the space of my husband. We’re both in the same place & probably a lot of others too. Somehow for them we have to try hard to find a place in this world & hopefully feel a little happy again.
Thank you so much. “Giving grief (love) a place to go” has been so important for me. I am building rituals in my daily life and creating beautiful mementos of my departed loved ones. And you’re right! - - It takes time for these rituals and objects to begin to bring comfort and connection, but I’m finding they do. I also have a growing faith that “consciousness“ is not generated in the thing called the brain, and that my consciousness will survive my death-And my loved ones and I will be reunited in another realm. I join my rituals, and my beholding of my mementos with this growing faith.
I started a ritual each night after my mom passed away to go outside (no matter the weather) and say my goodnight to her. Although I talk to my mom throughout my day, this was just a way of closing out my day with her. I went outside for the first 2 years and now I have changed things up and I don't always go outside.
I felt I had been given a gift of time when my attorney told me that i would be in shock the first three months. That counsel enabled me to feel the hurt, despair, devastation of my loss without feeling it was abnormal. No, it was pure shock!
I sit at my dads site, and watch the silly black and white movies he liked watching on Sunday's
I comment and make silly remarks out loud as if we were sitting in his living room as we use to. I feel so close to him doing this. I miss him so very much.
I have just done my 2nd ritual,,releasing flower pebbles on the day of his funeral,,it felt good,,after taking a photo of the place where I put the pebbles ,I only seen the cross shadow formed by n pole,,,it was a confirmation to me, that he is watching over me,,still after 2yrs...missing him and loving his memories,just trying 2be me
I definitely resonated with this quote for the first few years.
My sweetheart grandson Spencer passed on, 6 years ago, coming up. He was 6 years old.
Now, I have a comfort (most days), with my adjustment to this physical life, without him. However, I never felt, he left completely. I make snowmen every winter, and plant marigolds in his little rubber boots for the summer. We are connected.
Thanks for this video:)
My mom died 12 yrs. ago and I still have complicated grief. Since we lived in a 2 family home together for 50 years and I still feel the loss. She didn't drive so a lot of errands for her. The loss is huge. Now one of my family has Parkinson's and seeing him loose his faculties has brought on more grief. Again, I'm grateful to have found your site. ❤ It has been invaluable.
Your words is very comforting to me always. I Lost my only son last year. I am dying! I really miss him so much😢
Your video help my grieving heart. Thank you, Jo.
Grief.. is having dreams and hopes...and, yet, never seeming to get things together...and feeling like a hopeless case...and wondering why one cannot seem to get life together.
My grief is a bit different to the death of a loved one - it is due to my eldest, much loved, daughter's decision to be estranged from me around 6 years ago. I like your definition of love with no place to go. My wonderful mother passed 3 years ago with me holding her hand until her last breath. It was easier that the grief my daughter's choice has made. I have tried a couple of intervention strategies but she is locked in - also something she has done to some friends, aunts and cousins. I think she may have a personality disorder. I feel sad for her more than myself at this stage. I pray for her. One more recent strategy of mine has been to become a plasma donor - in this way I can give my love to strangers who are very unwell. I'm also helping out with a high school reunion at present. We've all turned 70 in the past year and I'm calling us 'Survivors'.
I understand this kind of grief because the same thing happened with my daughter. I hope that your daughter changes her decision I hope that your daughter changes her decision and returns to you as mine did. I love the way that you are focusing on surviving and making the best very best quality of life you can have without her.
@@joniwilmoth5826 Thanks Joni. I do appreciate your note and I'm very happy for your daughter's return for both your sakes. Best wishes from Western Australia.
@@susannajohnson6173 Love to you from Boise, Idaho, USA.
Try soon to connect with your daughter again. ❤
Cannot wait to see your video on continuing bonds...that is where I am!
Thank you, it's been 19 months since my husband was killed
Yes it matches xx
Yes, it does...
I have always had a problem with this quote. Firstly for the reasons you mentioned - I feel like there is always somewhere for my love for my departed ones to go - I still love them and still send them love even though they aren't physically here. And I can shower love on others in their memory. Also to me, when only the last sentence of the quote is used out of context, it is a narrow definition of what grief is. There are many people who experience grief for people they didn't love - even for people they never met personally (eg. someone I know who never met their birth mother, but was grappling with grief after she learned of the birth mother's death).
I love what you shared about grief rituals and wish there was a way you could put it in the video title to attract those who would love to hear those examples. Glad the hashtags do cover it though.
My private grief rituals in the past have been lighting a candle daily, going for walks in their memory, writing to them, singing for them, watching shows we used to watch together, making recipes that were theirs and using bowls that used to belong to them to have my breakfast every morning - to name a few. They do provide a little empowerment in the midst of grief which is helpful. As I think you know my Mom passed away at the end of March and this is the strangest experience of grief I've had yet given she had dementia for 13 years. Most of my standby rituals aren't resonating. I'm thinking of creating art based on her photos as she was an avid nature and people photographer and thus collaborating with her. I think that will be meaningful.
Thanks so much Jo
Laura I think your artistry would be a beautiful tribute to your Mom's photos.❤️
Thank you for this video
Rituals create meaning.
not really, but if they do for you then that's all that matters
Please more on sibling unexpected grief..
Yes please lost my brother a couple days ago and a sister two years ago .
Not enough information for us
I lost so many people at once, it seems I need to take adequate time for everyone. my mom was first to go. I never thought I would loose her. Even though we didnt get along I loved her alot!! way more than brother or sister. Next was brother, we werent close at all. then my boyfriend, we had broken up but I really loved the guy. next was close friend whom I had brokenup w too. then my uncle. so many at once like I said. How do i take the time to grieve them all??
all you said about grief very very true.. thank you for your channel.. so important for me during my grief
...and the love I never can receive again.
I think if I leave town completely will I totally be free of this person,,
Yes, where does our love go, or does it even matter???
Want to Join The Grievolution Collective ? www.jomcrogers.com/grievolution-collective.html
Find the helpful guide to creating your own Grief Rituals here... ua-cam.com/users/redirect?event=video_description&redir_token=QUFFLUhqa0ZXcFZITVFVSE9leUZfSHFrSXpWTjVDanRzZ3xBQ3Jtc0tuRVJhSlJHMDlPUkVLdDM1OTlibzl6MlNQUlk1MFFJcllhaFZNZzVmb3R5SVlMakFTMXlvV0h6d1cxUGVCclFEU21qSGlBV1lrZkg2WXVscEZNOXAzY2t1bmVscG85eGhZUWFmdXhfNEJwQlRWc1Rsaw&q=https%3A%2F%2Fstatic1.squarespace.com%2Fstatic%2F5b1066184611a029fec8f7c4%2Ft%2F5fac8e949d560157702cc11a%2F1605144212594%2FTDP_Ritual%2BToolkit_November.pdf&v=ysYXtB7emds
Here is the study I referenced! ua-cam.com/users/redirect?event=video_description&redir_token=QUFFLUhqbjBFLWtjQnJQbEQ1b3gwTXkxUUJBNWZYUWlsd3xBQ3Jtc0tsS3dRY01zMmlTN3k5MHZpZTRpd082eFFGVUtVb0F2LTRhUnBpQUszQXVuelEzbmxxNDBhNWJyVmRxS243ZHF4elJmUUpvdW9YVzBza0JqSmpSQTlTRXVLUjNOVGk0ekRLeHZhUGp4T1o2cmNsSFNXVQ&q=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.theatlantic.com%2Fhealth%2Farchive%2F2014%2F03%2Fin-grief-try-personal-rituals%2F284397%2F&v=ysYXtB7emds
I can't do any of the above...why is that? It seems fake to me for some reason, perhaps I'm not far along enough in my grief. We were not big on 'celebrating' much of anything, sad as that is to others it worked for us. Doing a ritual isn't for everyone so I would say, don't force something that doesn't fit into the way your lives were shared together. I enlarged a photo of husband that I love, put it on the fridge and my 'ritual' if one wants to call it that, is to get up, give him a kiss, lay my cheek against his and yes the fridge gets hugged morning noon night. If I want to talk to him I either go to his picture or visualize it and we 'talk'. Maybe that's ritual enough. My husband of 59 years died suddenly and was a shock, perhaps 6 weeks into this grief isn't long enough. I don't know.
💚
I cannot see or find any links
Can’t do anything we did together watch tv eat diner anything
Good information But she drops her voice at the
Biological son
Fake as hell. Quick on the video for pure bs
I am hugely grateful that not only did my partner come home to die, he had a living wake, and some lovely sensory experiences in his last hours. After he died, his body stayed at home overnight so that the animals could honour his passing, He came home the night before the funeral from the undertakers. My family and friends made wreathes, and we decorated the coffin. I have trained as a Heart-led celebrant which gave me the confidence to create a ceremony to honour his life. There was a photographer present on the day of the funeral. I had written his eulogy with him, I led the service for his cremation and also intering his ashes. There was a connection between the two. It is not quite a year but as the I.11.22 dawns, I will honour this day and be grateful for the beauty we found in manifesting our wishes in our lives together. There was a 21 year age gap in our partnership.
We went to see Celine Dion.
This helps right now.ua-cam.com/video/WN-ZHOHmvcw/v-deo.html
There is no pain comparable to the pain of Widowhood.
So low sound! Can't hear....