I'm NB amab and I always felt weird in a group of guys since elementary school, while having good times staying with girls. My point of view is that our gender is not our choice, but recognizing, accepting it and affirming it are.
im so happy to see relatable stories! i have been between masculine and gender-neutral (as an afab) since years before i learned genders other than male and female existed
The part you said about not fitting in completely with a group of women is so real. I always feel so /off/ in those situations and your explanation about give and take connection was perfect.
I related a lot with some of your experiences. Especially when you mentioned "not feeling a girl in a group of girls" (and the ear ring part of course!) I am non binary (more specifically labled: agender). At first I thought I was bigender or gender fluid, but one day I was so exausted about thinking of gender (and not relating to anything) that I thought "I don't feel like anything, I am just a person. I wish I was neither of them (woman/man) always..." And then I was like,"Oh... OHHHHH, I AM AGENDER??!!"
Hi fellow agender! It's like that "I'm just me" feeling and I don't really want to feel like I have roles to fill or whatever because just like you said it feels exhausting and forced. My words aren't conveying it good but yeah I totally get you! I don't use labels too much so I mostly use nonbinary but I also use agender or genderqueer. I'm kinda in a weird spot of learning to accept myself and allow myself to explore and be who I am which has been a bit hard in ways. I wish you the best! Thanks for sharing your Aha moment!
@M00N_IVY Hi o/ always good to find another agender buddy! I feel you when you said you were currently allowing yourself to explore and be who you are, I'm in the same boat! It's hard to explore and comprehend your gender expression when you live in a society that is not really receptive to queerness in general. Having to face family, neighbors, strangers, and even friends is scary, but somehow, when I see other NB people (like in this comment section, haha), it feels like I'm not crazy, you know? There are other people like us, and that's so cool! Wish you the best, too!!
@safi_hik Yeah I know what you mean. Your comment also makes me feel less alone and crazy.🥺💕 I'm sure we will only continue to learn more about ourselves and become more confident too!😊💕
god the part where you said you wanted, really wanted that bothness... that hit for me. i'd always thought nonbinary people were super cool ever since i existed. anytime i'd meet someone who was nonbinary (or trans) i'd get this like fluttery feeling in my chest. it was like that thing where you're not sure if you want to be them or be with them. but i don't think i ever realized that was an option for me. even when i started playing around with using she/they pronouns, i still felt like a fraud. it wasn't until a few months ago that it hit me that being nonbinary felt good. that people using that label for me felt right. now every time someone uses they/them pronouns for me, i smile because it just makes me feel really good. i have that bothness and i love it!!!
Wow ur hero, i wish i was as brave as u, but unfortunately i cant become nonbinary because of my parents (they are gonna be pissed). Anyways good for u! ❤😂
@@infinity4701my parents would also be mad because they do not support queer rights. Where they come from they are very traditional where everyone is cisgender and you have to dress as your assigned gender, and date the opposite gender. They believe that is normal
hey! i don't usually comment on yt, but i want to say thank you iris. i've watched your vids since the pandemic and you've helped me in my gender discovery. most importantly, you made me realize there's others like me and that being myself, finding ways to appreciate and express my individuality is so much better than fitting in the "norm". please, never change for anyone, you're perfect!
Completely relate to the part about self-perception and not wanting to be labeled as a masculine woman. I am FTM/transandrogynous and I often wear skirts and dresses but I would be completely crushed if someone referred to me as "fem nonbinary" or the like. The term "feminine" makes me dysphoric if applied to me, but the word "effeminate" makes me feel more comfortable. I feel like the former implies adjacency to womanhood and the latter implies adjacency to manhood, if that makes any sense. Very long convoluted way to say my self perception is of androgyny/masculinity, but I would hate for anyone to make assumptions that are the opposite because of how they think gender should work.
Black nail polish is so gender affirming to me as a trans masc person i literally always have it on. I paint my own nails and they're often chipped which is also weirdly affirming. Im wearing nail polish in a masculine androgynous way and its so fuckin nice bro
Thousands of years ago male warriors from a certain place (cant remember where sorry!) would color their nails black for battle. So in a way black nail polish has always been used in a masculine fashion :)
I love that you raised the point of being in a group of women because that's an important factor for me (afab) as well. ive always mostly had female friends, I love and admire the women in my life so deeply but they're always somewhat other to me. i love doing traditionally girly things but it tends to be something I put on, like a performance that's still authentic and enjoyable, yet not the whole truth. I also realise that sexuality definitely intersects with that feeling, I have always felt like an imposter in conversations about dating because I never really had crushes and if I liked someone it was a girl. I still feel a connection to womanhood, to female community but it's just one side of the coin.
The not feeling like you fit in with a group of girls (or guys, with AMAB people) comes up so often that I tried to look back and see if that was true for me, and I concluded that I really don't know, or any feelings like that were overridden by my comfort depending almost entirely on needing validation and acceptance from others, so it was whether *they* treated me as one of them, no matter the gender makeup of the group. I was the only "girl" on the soccer team I joined for one season (as well as the youngest and smallest member), and I felt very much like a little girl who didn't belong because the boys constantly gave me crap about it. But when I was put in a therapy group where the rest of the kids were boys, I never had thoughts of not belonging/being the only "girl," because they all treated me the same way they treated each other. And as I got older I got shyer and convinced nobody really liked me, so it was hard to feel like I was welcomed in any friend group. I guess I'm trying to say if your experience is like mine, don't worry, you're valid.
Thank you for sharing! I relate to so much of this. I’m AMAB NB, and even way before I understand that about myself, some of the most gratifying moments for me socially were when I was accepted as “one of the girls.”
Your perspective is connecting a lot of dots for me! Gender has always been a kinda weird concept to me because how to perform femininity was something that was kinda unwillingly ingrained in me and felt stilted, but then as my conceptualization of gender grew I started to reconnect with my own version of femininity. Stereotypes and expectations are _so, so_ helpfullll 🙄😂 but the “how you see yourself” bit!! That’s it!! Thank you 🫶
Thanks for your video, so many things resonated with me, especially feeling like an outsider in a group of women when the rest of them are bonding. I love your videos and love hearing your perspective! I'm 59, NB / AFAB and I didn't really start to explore my gender identity until my 40s. It wasn't a thing that was talked about when I was growing up even though I would get this rush of gender euphoria when someone called me a tomboy or sir. Thanks again
For the longest time, I just didn't know that being non-binary was an option. Even when being trans and/or non-binary became a more common concept in society, it always felt like that was something that others were. But then I had a moment where things clicked. I tried redefining my assigned gender for myself, but it felt impossible, it just wasn't right. And now I can confidently say that I am non-binary 😊
exited to hear another enby talk about this ahhhh my story: went from being a straight cis ally to a lesbian cis girl to a demi girl lesbian to a nonbinary lesbian to a demiboy sapphic to a nonbinary they/he aroace to a genderfluid they/he/it aroace lesbian xD i love being queer and i'm exited to see what else i might discover about myself in the future
@@servantbee.not op and not sure either but i think it could mean that while someone may not experience sexual and romantic attraction very frequently or intensely, they could still experience other types of attraction such as sensual (non-sexual touch) attraction, etc. And then you could still be "lesbian" in the sense that you feel such (or another type of non-sexual non-romantic attraction) towards girls.
@@servantbee. For me there are quite a few types of attraction (including aesthetic attraction - that's a big one for me) and romantic and sexual attraction are just two of them, I do still want to be in a sort of relationship just without the attraction and when I'm thinking about my version of a non-platonic relationship it's never with a man. (To give a direct example, I currently have a girlfriend and we go on dates, call each other cute names and refer to each other as girlfriend/partner but it's not out of romantic or sexual attraction) Obviously I can only speak for myself but aromanticism and asexuality are both spectrums so each person's experience is gonna be individual, hope that helps ^^
“Not feeling like a girl in a group of girls” totally resonates with me. Growing up and studying in an all boys school I have always felt I never belonged in any group and when presented situations where I either had to act masculine or feel left out, I always was comfortable being by myself. The loneliness did eventually get to me. But to realise this was really related to my gender identity, helped me embrace being non binary more and more 🎉
I really relate to this. It took me longer to figure out my nonbinary-ness because I didn’t have the typical experience or tells that some others did. I was very “girly” as a kid and I didn’t really question being a girl until I was in my 20s, at which point I had imposter syndrome because it wasn’t something I’d ever thought of before. But I really never did fully feel like I fit in with girls or boys. And yes I love traditionally feminine things, but also traditionally masculine things or neutral things too.
I've been mainly watching your fashion videos since 2021, when I was **just** beginning to not hate myself for being non-binary. You brought the chill vibes and gentle positivity that I needed back then. Thanks for sharing :)
I've been doing lots of thinking about my gender lately and a lot of the things said in this video felt very comforting, it can feel very lonely sometimes to question yourself but hearing things I relate to here is really nice
It's interesting to hear about nb "bothness" because I myself (AFAB) have always kind of felt it as a "neitherness", definitely very masculine but not quite seeing myself as a "man" either even if it gets very close. Outside of that while I do technically identify as nb and have told this in passing to some other queer friends, I somehow can't get myself to really use the lable actively, even if "girl" or "woman" hardly feels like something that describes me. I think this is a combination of feeling like my physical presence (thankfully my voice is already pretty low and my body not the curviest either so I don't experience dysphoria) plus personality already give it away that I'm "not like other girls" (lol) so don't want to add another layer of complexity for people who already may not be very capable of understanding people that deviate from the norm because I just don't need to deal with that. On top of that in a way feel like maybe I have just somehow internalized stereotypes about women to a point that I just *_THINK_* I identify otherwise just because those don't apply to me. Either way, I'm happy with the way I am and glad that the people that know me (regardless of whether they know my identification) mostly accept and respect who I am.
Your reasons sound a lot like the reason I identify as agender over nonbinary. Nonbinary isn't technically wrong, and I'll use it in "normie" spaces since it's more well-known than agender, but it never felt exactly right either. (Not saying you're agender if that doesn't feel right to you either, but it could be a possibility.)
@@milic5749 yeah as I was reading the comment of another agender person I kinda related to some things they said, but when I looked up the definition I found something like "someone who lacks a gender or has very little experience of a gender" on the wiki however personally I do have an experience of gender I think, it's just that it's not something that feels 100% male, also barely female (I'm afab) and not necessarily "both" either. I'm not extremely familiar with every term but now that I'm writing this the term demiboy popped up in my mind all of a sudden, and when I went to double-check the meaning I think that's pretty much what describes me:D
Ironically enough I've been delaying watching this video ever since you released it because I've been questioning so hard my gender recently that it felt kinda like a personal attack lmao /jk /lh On a more serious note, these types of video really do help people organize a bit more their minds, I myself have been thinking about this so frequently it's actually making me mad lol, that goes to show that despite being out as genderfluid for 4 years now, I still have my doubts regarding my gender (currently considering being just nonbinary!), I suppose it's a bit of a long journey of self discovery after all. The part that you talked about accepting your own gender identity really spoke to me personally too. I noticed recently that, again, despite everything, I never really accepted myself as a trans person, in a way I've been rejecting that part of me ever since I came out. It doesn't feel good at all, but deep down, in a hypocritical way, I'm ashamed and scared of owning it up (despite NOT owning it up eating me up inside). Anyway, I'm taking it slow and considering going to therapy to help me understand myself a bit better, in the meantime, gender affirming videos really do help ease the dysphoria away! Great video as always, much love
So I'm a fair bit older than you, and graduated high school at a time when we didn't really have the words to express this stuff as easily (I'm 36 and went to high school from 2002-2006 for perspective) so for the longest time I just assumed I was a straight, cis man because I liked women and was generally comfortable in my own skin and using he/him pronouns. But I'll never forget the twinge of excitement I felt when I first heard the term 'genderqueer' back when I graduated from university in 2012. It felt like it fit my experience of maleness until that point, because I too have rarely felt fully comfortable in groups of other men. It often felt like I was between 50% and 2/3 of the way there, but there was always something that felt 'other' about it. During the COVID pandemic, I did a lot of questioning of my gender and sexuality too, which culminated in my embracing the terms 'bisexual' and 'greyromantic,' and even more recently I had an experience where I looked at myself in the mirror after trying some more femme-coded clothing on and felt the same validation you described feeling. It was that moment of 'oh....OH!....ohhHHHHH!' So I related so hard to everything you said. Thank you for this video. I will for sure follow you. :)
Ahhh I’m questioning whether or not i’m demi, and its so cool to see another enby! I’m already aroace, so this feels like i’m hitting the entire A section in the queer stuff. Thanks for your amazing videos!
i named myself after you a couple years ago (i hope that doesn’t sound weird i js love the name 😭) and i’m so glad i just found you again !!! ilysm and your videos have honestly helped me so much through my journey with my gender and queerness lol 🤍
I love the 'my path is laid out before me, but I also choose it'. Because that's not about the 'choice' of who you are, but about choosing to acknowledge that part of you. There are people that do choose to not acknowledge it. There are people who are kinda putting it off to choose, because that choice is scary, it will change your life drastically. It's very normal to find that path scary. I myself had a lot of trouble connecting with nonbinary at first, because I never saw anyone like me. I didn't feel 'woman' among women, I didn't feel 'man' among men, and I didn't feel 'nonbinary' among nonbinary people. I just felt like the odd one out. It took seeing people like me online to realize 'yeah, I'm probably somewhere on the nonbinary spectrum'. There are many terms under that umbrella that fit a little, but I remember growing up and just experience gender as a theater play, and I just wasn't really interested in any of the roles available. There are clothes I like, hobbies, sports and media, but nothing about that makes it gender to me. I'm just a person trying to live life. So I resonate with your take on labels, since they can be very helpful, but in the end it is also just a name, and a word to express yourself (and especially if people try to make that into something it isn't for you (anymore), it's just not very helpful).
Help I don't know if I'm trans or not, as a child I didn't really question that, I just felt like a girl. It was from the age of 12 that I started to doubt my gender identity because I started to want to be a boy so much, I think it was because somehow I related a lot more to male characters than female, I wanted to be them so much that I fantasized about the idea of being a boy quite often, the point is that I also can't feel totally like a boy and at times I'm okay with being a girl, in the same way I realized that I have a lot of internalized misogyny towards myself so I don't know if that's why I don't want to be a woman or because I'm trans (or both)
Internalized misogyny is always a tricky little bitch that makes us doubt transness and it's terrible. I know the feeling. 12 is around the time puberty hits. Meaning the body changes and our attitude as well. The distinction between boys and girls becomes stronger from here, so it makes sense to start bother with gender around those age, I think. Also , remember that it's not because you identify as something today that you're forever stuck with the label. It's okay to try things out. To remain unlabelled for a while. It's okay to socially (and medically to if it feels right) transition as a man because you feel more comfortable this way regardless of the why. It's okay to take it back later. And since you said you still felt okay with being a girl and don't 100% feel like a boy, know it's also okay to be both, even if the ratio looks more like 70%boy and 30%girl (60-40, 80-20, anything really) than a 50-50. It's a spectrum, after all. In short you're valid no matter what the answer is, ,so don't stress over it too much and follow the way you feel
While I’m not nonbinary I still relate to certain things which was a bit surprising to me lol. i’m watching this to try and get to know what being nonbinary might be like for certain people (ofc there isn’t just one experience) and I appreciate you for sharing this. Also love your content it’s helped me become more confident with my androgynous looks! have a good day everyone
I never fit in with the girls either. I never had any friends in high school, or middle school, but in middle school I was slightly more outgoing and I would always hang out with and play with the boys during recess. Then during lunch I would have lunch with the girls. It was a small school with maybe 18-20 people in each grade (k-8) and we would have lunch in our classroom and all the girls would push their desks together and always invited me to sit with them. I just didn't fit in with them, I couldn't relate to them, I felt like I was putting on a mask just to try to fit in with them and not seem too weird, it was also catholic school so that made things worse I feel like. Since then I have been contemplating my gender identity, but only occasionally and in private. I have always loved My Chemical Romance, ever since I was younger. For some reason I've been even more obsessed with them lately (since they came back, but especially the past month or so, I don't know why) and Gerard uses he/they pronouns and I started thinking more about It and it started sounding more and more fitting for me and I've been experimenting with using she/they pronouns for right now. It might change as I get to know myself more but I feel comfortable with that for now. I'm still figuring myself out, but seeing Gerard experimenting with their gender identity and expression really gave me the push to think about mine. Also, they've always been my style icon.
Irissss I love you lol. I’ve been questioning my gender for a few years now and I still don’t know what to do about it tbh. Your experience feels the closest to how I think about myself that I’ve been able to find and I’m so glad that you post videos because I feel like myself when I watch them. It may be one of the only times that I feel like me actually. If that makes any sense. Anyways. Thanks
So i really got here thinking hmm I’ve been going back and forth about my own personal gender identity for a while let’s see if anything resonates,,, did NOT expect to get sucker punched with THIS much relatability (from both the video and the comment section) thx for that💜🖤💛
Ahhhh. Its always nice to see videos like this. You came out publicly around the same time I did. And its nice to hear of someones experiences that are so similar to my own, especially in a world that is so stuck on denying trans existence. ^^
crying lol hearing your experience is so humanizing and i can resonate and relate to your experiences. i think i just affirmed that i am non binary.😭 thank you for sharing
As a trans woman, this would have been super hard for me to sort of figure out and realize my gender identity. Before I started transitioning, I desired many female traits, items, and found out a little later that I also really enjoyed being called by female pronouns and presenting way more feminine. Most of the signs were there for at least like five years and I didn't even think about the possibility of being trans. I also had some thoughts about being ambiguous with my gender and liked it but didn't really take any steps further. All that being said, recently coming out and starting transitioning has been tough. I don't want to completely abandon my parents, but they are completely opposing my new gender identity and threatening many things like health insurance and my college education to stop me from transitioning, saying things like I'm being inconsiderate of my families reaction and discomfort for wanting to make this change, and that it's not worth it in the long run to do this. Of course if you get lucky and don't have insane extreme right-winged parents like I do (it sucks that politics is a part of the trans discussion but it has to be now... -_-) you'll have an easier time getting the care you need. I say all this to say that being non-binary would've been so much easier in terms of family issues. I just wish that all sides of the political spectrum would put trans and the rest of the LGBTQ+ community in general in a good light. It's honestly horrific that were being used as a political weapon and that online especially, trans people are ridiculed and misgendered by uneducated and misinformed people who otherwise maybe just might be a little confused and fearful of something that they don't know anything about. I'm glad that I'm the completely binary trans MTF that I am but wow the world sure does make it difficult for you to do your thing huh...
I definitely relate to the not feeling like you fit in or feeling like we do have some shared experience but also I'm having a completely different experience. It has taken a long time for me to fully understand what I want to perceive myself as and put that out there
IRIS THANK YOU SO MUCH! i found your channel maybe two months or so ago, but i just want to say thank you so much, i’ve really been questioning my gender lately, im non binary tho, and you have helped the process so much. also i was wondering if anyone had any tips for coming out as non-binary?
it started clicking for me when I was in grade 9 and I heard the term "demigirl" for the first time and I felt like I related to it but I wasn't sure why. eventually a tumblr mutual of mine started talking a lot about the whole boygirl/girlboy thing and I realized that I didn't have to choose between masculinity or femininity, and I didn't have to disconnect from womanhood to connect with manhood. after playing with labels like genderqueer and agender, and coming to realize that I experience euphoria from a more masc or androgynous presentation, I landed on genderfluid as a label and have been much more comfortable identifying this way than thinking of my gender as Just One or Just The Other
for me, i feel like one of the guys when im in a setting of only/ mainly giys, but i also feel mostly like one of the girls when IM in a group of girls
Really love this video! ♥I think the bothness mindset and the specific group dynamic with girls are very relatable experiences. I also think seeing more non binary people exist in public/'the mainstream' such as Mae Martin, Demi Lovato and Brigette Lundy Paine helped massively for me. 2020 was such an important time to just sit with myself, explore it and make peace with it in a safe way
Hello, I found your yt-account around 2 days ago and I love the clothes you wear. Ik that‘s maybe the wrong video to say it, but I also don‘t feel like I fit in in any group of girls, but maybe it‘s just bec I‘m a little bit introverted and shy…
I (amab) have had the same experience throughout my life of being in a group with my assigned gender and not relating to them on any level, but I'm also neurodivergent, (severe adhd, possibly undiagnosed asd,) and that probably plays in as well. I used to identify as agender, because I couldn't identify any internal experience of gender, it was all external performance to fit in, no feeling to back it up, but something pushed me to start exploring feminine expression, and it felt right. Something clicked and I realized, "Oh this is that gender thing everyone's been talking about." I'm currently identifying as "nonbinary" or "transfem-nonbinary." I'm open to the possibility that I might be a full-on trans woman who just needs to soak a bit longer to get the all the baked-on layers of "boy" to come off, but I have more investigation to do before I can say that's really who I am. All I can say is I never cared about what clothes I wore until they were girl clothes, I never cared what my voice sounded like until I realized I could train it to be different, and it never bothered me that people referred to me as a man until it occurred to me that maybe I wasn't one.
yapping alert 😅 im afab nonbinary (she/he/they) and omg i needed to see a video like this, i related SO MUCH with this, especially the part about not really clicking with girls and feeling a bit off, i felt that so much. As a person in highschool the lack of getting to hang out with the boys more in school like i did all my life felt so weird, the gender based groups UGH i hate those so much because i dont feel entirely comfortable with girls and being the one "girl" hanging out with the boys is even weirder even tho most of my genderqueer friends are trans men/masc i didnt really feel the connection with boys still, and i feel like its not because they're not cis men, but because its not in school with guys who dont know my gender identity. i also mostly consume trans media in which i resonated with some things, but not entirely. And just after watching this i realized how invalid it made me feel to try to relate to something that isnt like me. i feel so validated and so good with myself rn and my own identity so thank you :3
Honestly whenever someone calls me she it just makes me feel weird tbh and when someone asks me for my pronouns I’m too scared to say they/them or something similar
Any advice for being trans (man/non binary) but being attracted to straight men, it hard because I want to be with them but I know if I am I won’t be being my real self
I’m a genderfaun nb person (basically genderfluid without the feminine genders). I go from non-binary, to demiboy, to boy over the course of months. I’m usually one way for 4 months before shifting. This happened since I was 13, when my dysphoria really started getting bad. For a long time, I thought the word genderfluid was ridiculous, that it was a label for confused people. But then, I realized how much I resonated with the genderfaun identity, and it clicked into place. It hadn’t occurred to me that genderfluidity wasn’t just shifting between two binary genders, but that it could be between one binary gender and non-binary genders.
Ty hi I'm non-binary too and I ressonate with (before coming in) being in a group of women but not connecting with them a part from some sharing experience even tho i've tried to be a women cause i thought i didn't had a choice
If anyone has any affordable jewelry recommendations please let me know! I realized I really like when my nails are painted and I wear rings and necklaces but I don't own enough good jewelry. Oh and any places online or in person for secondhand or used clothing would be helpful too! Let me know where you get your stuff!😊💕
Thank you for this video it really helped me but I still have one question did you change you’re name and if yes how did you go over the fear of all the new things you’d have to encounter?
i haven't one label that sticks all the time. i normally say transfemme, but it's more like genderfluid trans demigirl something. personally i don't try to pick one that works. as long as im presenting how i want and everyone else is referring to me correctly, im cool. i just started college and its the first time i've been out in like a very public setting like that. it's been nerve wracking but very worth it. i've been meeting cool quirky queers in my music classes that respect me and everything. the grass is greener yall !!
Ugh you're so gorgeous 😭 I think the turning point of me really accepting that my gender was more complicated/not a girl (i dont have a label but boygirl girlboy :D ) was when I had just gotten a new haircut. I looked in the mirror when I got home and I was so pretty, like the prettiest girl ever, and I thought "ah thats a pretty girl but thats not me" and then I went back to cut my hair short like a week later and started on my journey. It was honestly a crazy realization. Like, objectively I was super pretty and I could see that and feel that, but it felt like I was a different person looking at another person. Then I realized that sometimes I do like dressing up like that and inside I feel nice, and sometimes I just can't stand wearing a dress bc inside I don't feel great about it or connected. I'm still figuring it out but I'm glad to know that even if I don't physically present as what others would expect to match my "gender", it's how I perceive myself that matters and I love how you described that feeling in this video!
I would like to understand more what made you feel like you don't fit in into a group of women. Or how would you define womanhood? I would be glad to hear of an experience if anyone wants to share:)
I’d really like to know both your coming out story and what your specific label is, if and when you are comfortable sharing this informations about your identity with us! I understand it’s very personal so it’s absolutely your decision to make, just letting you know I’d watch the video if it came out! Thanks for sharing your experience and thoughts ❤
I would love to see a video about how to know if you're nonbinary, because I've been questioning my gender a lot lately and it would be so great to hear you talk about it. Also i loooove your videos and your style is AMAZING!!!
I have a kinda similar situation at home, I myself am nonbinary and my brother is a trans guy. Its interesting to see that you have a similar situation lol
I think I'm genderfluid, idk tho. I have long hair that goes to my lower back and I'm fighting the urge to cut it to my neck. Does anyone have any ideas :[ I could grow my hair a little longer and I heard of places that can make your hair into a wig so I can just switch my hair like im in a video game, lol
I really relate the whole wearing nail polish like a boy, like a lot of my dysphoria comes from just me wanting to wear things often seen as feminine, but as if i was a boy. (i'm genderfluid)
Genuine question: If you can decide based on feelings and stereotypes which gender you are, can you choose your race? What if I percieve myself as a black person? What if I feel more comfortable wearing stereotypically "black clothes" and feel more of a "black-ish" white man, and felt more comfortable in a group of black men and wanted to be percieved as black? Should people have to support my racial expression? Am I that race?
In my personal opinion, no. Transracial is not the same as transgender and does not have the same scientific consensus surrounding it. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but race is categorized based on certain physical or biological features, and sometimes some ethnic characteristics such as language, culture, and ancestry as well. It isn't exactly possible to my understanding for a white person to 'become' black because we don't have a way to change the amount of melanin our skin produces that makes our skin different shades of color. I do believe that anyone should be able to appreciate and/or participate in other cultures that are open as long as they're respectful, but appreciating and finding solace in black culture or Asian culture does not suddenly make you a black or Asian person (looking at you, Oli London). Also, gender isn't exclusively a choice. Being trans is not a choice, it's a psychological identity :)
@Stardipped_Paws from what I can see regarding the scientific consensus on transgenderism and transracialism is solely down to social acceptance. Until recently, gender dysphoria was considered a mental illness and now isn't because of the stigma associated with mental illness. (I genuinely cannot find a single reason other than that so please feel free to enlighten me if you're aware of any other reason.) Whilst I'm not well versed on medically increasing melanin in skin, a quick Google search showed drugs that achieve this, and dying skin would be an option for this which I believe would be akin to having surgery to turn a penis into a vagina or vice versa. And appreciating and finding solace in feminine traits and acting like a woman when you're a man does not make you a woman. Anything that can be said that makes transracialism sound absurd (because it is), or to support it, can be flipped around on transgenderism with equal effect. I believe both are changing your physical appearance to pretend to be something you're not.
I’m recently coming into my identity as a 26 year old, I came out of the closet later in life (when I was 24) and I am just now realizing I am a genderfluid lesbian, or maybe just a non-binary lesbian, I am not exactly sure about the correct label but the more I learn about it the better I feel about myself because I’m learning to understand myself. Thank you for sharing, it helps to not feel alone, even if your story was quite painfree ❤
I’m afraid that people are not aware nowadays that every person has both feminine and masculine traits or feelings. That doesn’t mean that you can’t be a woman or a man. It’s like young people have and idea that to be a woman is a certain thing. Isn’t it feminism to see womanhood as a broad thing? It’s okay to be a different kind of girl/woman, you don’t have to feel the same within a group.
i know i’m enby not bc i didn’t fit it, yes i never fit it but because im neurodivergent. i knew it because i always wanted to be just me to be perceived as a human and just that and everytime i got automatic and just follow everyone i always ended “trying to be a girl” and it always ended with a identity crisis. i could never be a girl or a boy
I am also trying to figure out my stuff and i also like dressing up androgynously And being a boyish girl ..i mean its great feelin!....but don't you think that when you had the your ear pierced and you liked thay is kind of a girly thing in India... Now i probably wonder am i just mixing up the whole dressing up in githic way to being identified as non binary?!!..
I'm NB amab and I always felt weird in a group of guys since elementary school, while having good times staying with girls. My point of view is that our gender is not our choice, but recognizing, accepting it and affirming it are.
same!
Also same!
this is very close to my experience actually
im so happy to see relatable stories! i have been between masculine and gender-neutral (as an afab) since years before i learned genders other than male and female existed
wtf is is a amab? like amex card but amab lol. Ne znam šta značile AMAB, ali misliš to ideologije je kao specijalna autizma
The part you said about not fitting in completely with a group of women is so real. I always feel so /off/ in those situations and your explanation about give and take connection was perfect.
I related a lot with some of your experiences. Especially when you mentioned "not feeling a girl in a group of girls" (and the ear ring part of course!)
I am non binary (more specifically labled: agender). At first I thought I was bigender or gender fluid, but one day I was so exausted about thinking of gender (and not relating to anything) that I thought "I don't feel like anything, I am just a person. I wish I was neither of them (woman/man) always..." And then I was like,"Oh... OHHHHH, I AM AGENDER??!!"
oh man..... i think you just gave me an epiphany.
(everyone just feels like a person)
Hi fellow agender! It's like that "I'm just me" feeling and I don't really want to feel like I have roles to fill or whatever because just like you said it feels exhausting and forced. My words aren't conveying it good but yeah I totally get you! I don't use labels too much so I mostly use nonbinary but I also use agender or genderqueer. I'm kinda in a weird spot of learning to accept myself and allow myself to explore and be who I am which has been a bit hard in ways. I wish you the best! Thanks for sharing your Aha moment!
@M00N_IVY Hi o/ always good to find another agender buddy! I feel you when you said you were currently allowing yourself to explore and be who you are, I'm in the same boat! It's hard to explore and comprehend your gender expression when you live in a society that is not really receptive to queerness in general. Having to face family, neighbors, strangers, and even friends is scary, but somehow, when I see other NB people (like in this comment section, haha), it feels like I'm not crazy, you know? There are other people like us, and that's so cool!
Wish you the best, too!!
@safi_hik Yeah I know what you mean. Your comment also makes me feel less alone and crazy.🥺💕 I'm sure we will only continue to learn more about ourselves and become more confident too!😊💕
god the part where you said you wanted, really wanted that bothness... that hit for me. i'd always thought nonbinary people were super cool ever since i existed. anytime i'd meet someone who was nonbinary (or trans) i'd get this like fluttery feeling in my chest. it was like that thing where you're not sure if you want to be them or be with them. but i don't think i ever realized that was an option for me. even when i started playing around with using she/they pronouns, i still felt like a fraud. it wasn't until a few months ago that it hit me that being nonbinary felt good. that people using that label for me felt right. now every time someone uses they/them pronouns for me, i smile because it just makes me feel really good. i have that bothness and i love it!!!
Wow ur hero, i wish i was as brave as u, but unfortunately i cant become nonbinary because of my parents (they are gonna be pissed). Anyways good for u! ❤😂
@@infinity4701 one day, you'll have ur freedom
CONGRATS ON FIGURING YOURSELF OUT, YOU AMAZING HUMAN BEING‼️‼️‼️🫂🫂🫂🫂
@@infinity4701my parents would also be mad because they do not support queer rights. Where they come from they are very traditional where everyone is cisgender and you have to dress as your assigned gender, and date the opposite gender. They believe that is normal
hey! i don't usually comment on yt, but i want to say thank you iris. i've watched your vids since the pandemic and you've helped me in my gender discovery. most importantly, you made me realize there's others like me and that being myself, finding ways to appreciate and express my individuality is so much better than fitting in the "norm". please, never change for anyone, you're perfect!
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
"the full spectrum of gender in one person" I think this describes my own experience pretty well
Completely relate to the part about self-perception and not wanting to be labeled as a masculine woman. I am FTM/transandrogynous and I often wear skirts and dresses but I would be completely crushed if someone referred to me as "fem nonbinary" or the like. The term "feminine" makes me dysphoric if applied to me, but the word "effeminate" makes me feel more comfortable. I feel like the former implies adjacency to womanhood and the latter implies adjacency to manhood, if that makes any sense. Very long convoluted way to say my self perception is of androgyny/masculinity, but I would hate for anyone to make assumptions that are the opposite because of how they think gender should work.
Black nail polish is so gender affirming to me as a trans masc person i literally always have it on. I paint my own nails and they're often chipped which is also weirdly affirming. Im wearing nail polish in a masculine androgynous way and its so fuckin nice bro
Thousands of years ago male warriors from a certain place (cant remember where sorry!) would color their nails black for battle. So in a way black nail polish has always been used in a masculine fashion :)
@@TheNameIsFa11 that's so interesting wow now I feel even better abt it thank you!
Are you a transman?
I SO RELATE to putting "figuring out my gender situation" on the back burner for a few years 😂 truly the enby experience lol
I love that you raised the point of being in a group of women because that's an important factor for me (afab) as well. ive always mostly had female friends, I love and admire the women in my life so deeply but they're always somewhat other to me. i love doing traditionally girly things but it tends to be something I put on, like a performance that's still authentic and enjoyable, yet not the whole truth. I also realise that sexuality definitely intersects with that feeling, I have always felt like an imposter in conversations about dating because I never really had crushes and if I liked someone it was a girl. I still feel a connection to womanhood, to female community but it's just one side of the coin.
NO MATTER HOW YOU FEEL ON THE INSIDE, YOURE VALIDDDD!!!!! I LOVE YOU AND THIS IS YOUR SIGN TO KEEP GOING!!! 🏳🌈🏳⚧
When you talked about your feelings about bothness, that is exactly how I feel about it. It's nice to hear it put into words finally.
OMG FINNALY AN ENBY/NON BINARY PERSON TALKIN BOUT THIS YIPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
The not feeling like you fit in with a group of girls (or guys, with AMAB people) comes up so often that I tried to look back and see if that was true for me, and I concluded that I really don't know, or any feelings like that were overridden by my comfort depending almost entirely on needing validation and acceptance from others, so it was whether *they* treated me as one of them, no matter the gender makeup of the group. I was the only "girl" on the soccer team I joined for one season (as well as the youngest and smallest member), and I felt very much like a little girl who didn't belong because the boys constantly gave me crap about it. But when I was put in a therapy group where the rest of the kids were boys, I never had thoughts of not belonging/being the only "girl," because they all treated me the same way they treated each other. And as I got older I got shyer and convinced nobody really liked me, so it was hard to feel like I was welcomed in any friend group. I guess I'm trying to say if your experience is like mine, don't worry, you're valid.
Thank you for sharing! I relate to so much of this. I’m AMAB NB, and even way before I understand that about myself, some of the most gratifying moments for me socially were when I was accepted as “one of the girls.”
Your perspective is connecting a lot of dots for me! Gender has always been a kinda weird concept to me because how to perform femininity was something that was kinda unwillingly ingrained in me and felt stilted, but then as my conceptualization of gender grew I started to reconnect with my own version of femininity. Stereotypes and expectations are _so, so_ helpfullll 🙄😂 but the “how you see yourself” bit!! That’s it!! Thank you 🫶
Thanks for your video, so many things resonated with me, especially feeling like an outsider in a group of women when the rest of them are bonding. I love your videos and love hearing your perspective! I'm 59, NB / AFAB and I didn't really start to explore my gender identity until my 40s. It wasn't a thing that was talked about when I was growing up even though I would get this rush of gender euphoria when someone called me a tomboy or sir. Thanks again
For the longest time, I just didn't know that being non-binary was an option. Even when being trans and/or non-binary became a more common concept in society, it always felt like that was something that others were. But then I had a moment where things clicked. I tried redefining my assigned gender for myself, but it felt impossible, it just wasn't right. And now I can confidently say that I am non-binary 😊
I really wanted to go in about how much this video meant to me but i can’t find the words. So just, thank you
❤️❤️❤️
@@irisolympiathe way you were your hair in this video really killed me
exited to hear another enby talk about this ahhhh
my story: went from being a straight cis ally to a lesbian cis girl to a demi girl lesbian to a nonbinary lesbian to a demiboy sapphic to a nonbinary they/he aroace to a genderfluid they/he/it aroace lesbian xD i love being queer and i'm exited to see what else i might discover about myself in the future
Wow!! My journey was from straight girl to bisexual girl 😂
aroace lesbian? howds that work?
@@servantbee.not op and not sure either but i think it could mean that while someone may not experience sexual and romantic attraction very frequently or intensely, they could still experience other types of attraction such as sensual (non-sexual touch) attraction, etc. And then you could still be "lesbian" in the sense that you feel such (or another type of non-sexual non-romantic attraction) towards girls.
@@servantbee. For me there are quite a few types of attraction (including aesthetic attraction - that's a big one for me) and romantic and sexual attraction are just two of them, I do still want to be in a sort of relationship just without the attraction and when I'm thinking about my version of a non-platonic relationship it's never with a man. (To give a direct example, I currently have a girlfriend and we go on dates, call each other cute names and refer to each other as girlfriend/partner but it's not out of romantic or sexual attraction)
Obviously I can only speak for myself but aromanticism and asexuality are both spectrums so each person's experience is gonna be individual, hope that helps ^^
@@MayMay-hq4il ohh! i never knew that, thanks a lot
“Not feeling like a girl in a group of girls” totally resonates with me. Growing up and studying in an all boys school I have always felt I never belonged in any group and when presented situations where I either had to act masculine or feel left out, I always was comfortable being by myself. The loneliness did eventually get to me. But to realise this was really related to my gender identity, helped me embrace being non binary more and more 🎉
I really relate to this. It took me longer to figure out my nonbinary-ness because I didn’t have the typical experience or tells that some others did. I was very “girly” as a kid and I didn’t really question being a girl until I was in my 20s, at which point I had imposter syndrome because it wasn’t something I’d ever thought of before. But I really never did fully feel like I fit in with girls or boys. And yes I love traditionally feminine things, but also traditionally masculine things or neutral things too.
You’ve really helped me to understand more about myself and not being afraid to be myself or wanting to be portrayed in certain ways 🥺
This is gonna help me a lot since I was just thinking if I'm gender fluid or non binary, THANK YOUUU (I just found out you're channel an hour ago)
omg welcome!! thanks for watching ❤️✨
I've been mainly watching your fashion videos since 2021, when I was **just** beginning to not hate myself for being non-binary. You brought the chill vibes and gentle positivity that I needed back then. Thanks for sharing :)
I've been doing lots of thinking about my gender lately and a lot of the things said in this video felt very comforting, it can feel very lonely sometimes to question yourself but hearing things I relate to here is really nice
It's interesting to hear about nb "bothness" because I myself (AFAB) have always kind of felt it as a "neitherness", definitely very masculine but not quite seeing myself as a "man" either even if it gets very close. Outside of that while I do technically identify as nb and have told this in passing to some other queer friends, I somehow can't get myself to really use the lable actively, even if "girl" or "woman" hardly feels like something that describes me. I think this is a combination of feeling like my physical presence (thankfully my voice is already pretty low and my body not the curviest either so I don't experience dysphoria) plus personality already give it away that I'm "not like other girls" (lol) so don't want to add another layer of complexity for people who already may not be very capable of understanding people that deviate from the norm because I just don't need to deal with that. On top of that in a way feel like maybe I have just somehow internalized stereotypes about women to a point that I just *_THINK_* I identify otherwise just because those don't apply to me. Either way, I'm happy with the way I am and glad that the people that know me (regardless of whether they know my identification) mostly accept and respect who I am.
Your reasons sound a lot like the reason I identify as agender over nonbinary. Nonbinary isn't technically wrong, and I'll use it in "normie" spaces since it's more well-known than agender, but it never felt exactly right either. (Not saying you're agender if that doesn't feel right to you either, but it could be a possibility.)
that is honestly one of the most relatable things i’ve read
@@milic5749 yeah as I was reading the comment of another agender person I kinda related to some things they said, but when I looked up the definition I found something like "someone who lacks a gender or has very little experience of a gender" on the wiki however personally I do have an experience of gender I think, it's just that it's not something that feels 100% male, also barely female (I'm afab) and not necessarily "both" either. I'm not extremely familiar with every term but now that I'm writing this the term demiboy popped up in my mind all of a sudden, and when I went to double-check the meaning I think that's pretty much what describes me:D
Ironically enough I've been delaying watching this video ever since you released it because I've been questioning so hard my gender recently that it felt kinda like a personal attack lmao /jk /lh
On a more serious note, these types of video really do help people organize a bit more their minds, I myself have been thinking about this so frequently it's actually making me mad lol, that goes to show that despite being out as genderfluid for 4 years now, I still have my doubts regarding my gender (currently considering being just nonbinary!), I suppose it's a bit of a long journey of self discovery after all.
The part that you talked about accepting your own gender identity really spoke to me personally too. I noticed recently that, again, despite everything, I never really accepted myself as a trans person, in a way I've been rejecting that part of me ever since I came out. It doesn't feel good at all, but deep down, in a hypocritical way, I'm ashamed and scared of owning it up (despite NOT owning it up eating me up inside). Anyway, I'm taking it slow and considering going to therapy to help me understand myself a bit better, in the meantime, gender affirming videos really do help ease the dysphoria away! Great video as always, much love
So I'm a fair bit older than you, and graduated high school at a time when we didn't really have the words to express this stuff as easily (I'm 36 and went to high school from 2002-2006 for perspective) so for the longest time I just assumed I was a straight, cis man because I liked women and was generally comfortable in my own skin and using he/him pronouns. But I'll never forget the twinge of excitement I felt when I first heard the term 'genderqueer' back when I graduated from university in 2012. It felt like it fit my experience of maleness until that point, because I too have rarely felt fully comfortable in groups of other men. It often felt like I was between 50% and 2/3 of the way there, but there was always something that felt 'other' about it. During the COVID pandemic, I did a lot of questioning of my gender and sexuality too, which culminated in my embracing the terms 'bisexual' and 'greyromantic,' and even more recently I had an experience where I looked at myself in the mirror after trying some more femme-coded clothing on and felt the same validation you described feeling. It was that moment of 'oh....OH!....ohhHHHHH!' So I related so hard to everything you said. Thank you for this video. I will for sure follow you. :)
Ahhh I’m questioning whether or not i’m demi, and its so cool to see another enby! I’m already aroace, so this feels like i’m hitting the entire A section in the queer stuff. Thanks for your amazing videos!
0:33 - 2:07 everything your saying here feels like exactly what I’m dealing with at this moment.
I’m going to talk to my friends about how I feel
good luck! ❤️
@irisolympia update: came out to them as non-binary today (currently using he/they) and they were so supportive! Thank u sooooo much🩷
i appreciate this video, i love that outfit, the fact your right strap is twisted is driving me insane 😭
i named myself after you a couple years ago (i hope that doesn’t sound weird i js love the name 😭) and i’m so glad i just found you again !!! ilysm and your videos have honestly helped me so much through my journey with my gender and queerness lol 🤍
I love the 'my path is laid out before me, but I also choose it'. Because that's not about the 'choice' of who you are, but about choosing to acknowledge that part of you. There are people that do choose to not acknowledge it. There are people who are kinda putting it off to choose, because that choice is scary, it will change your life drastically. It's very normal to find that path scary.
I myself had a lot of trouble connecting with nonbinary at first, because I never saw anyone like me. I didn't feel 'woman' among women, I didn't feel 'man' among men, and I didn't feel 'nonbinary' among nonbinary people. I just felt like the odd one out. It took seeing people like me online to realize 'yeah, I'm probably somewhere on the nonbinary spectrum'.
There are many terms under that umbrella that fit a little, but I remember growing up and just experience gender as a theater play, and I just wasn't really interested in any of the roles available. There are clothes I like, hobbies, sports and media, but nothing about that makes it gender to me. I'm just a person trying to live life. So I resonate with your take on labels, since they can be very helpful, but in the end it is also just a name, and a word to express yourself (and especially if people try to make that into something it isn't for you (anymore), it's just not very helpful).
Help I don't know if I'm trans or not, as a child I didn't really question that, I just felt like a girl. It was from the age of 12 that I started to doubt my gender identity because I started to want to be a boy so much, I think it was because somehow I related a lot more to male characters than female, I wanted to be them so much that I fantasized about the idea of being a boy quite often, the point is that I also can't feel totally like a boy and at times I'm okay with being a girl, in the same way I realized that I have a lot of internalized misogyny towards myself so I don't know if that's why I don't want to be a woman or because I'm trans (or both)
Internalized misogyny is always a tricky little bitch that makes us doubt transness and it's terrible. I know the feeling.
12 is around the time puberty hits. Meaning the body changes and our attitude as well. The distinction between boys and girls becomes stronger from here, so it makes sense to start bother with gender around those age, I think.
Also , remember that it's not because you identify as something today that you're forever stuck with the label. It's okay to try things out. To remain unlabelled for a while. It's okay to socially (and medically to if it feels right) transition as a man because you feel more comfortable this way regardless of the why. It's okay to take it back later. And since you said you still felt okay with being a girl and don't 100% feel like a boy, know it's also okay to be both, even if the ratio looks more like 70%boy and 30%girl (60-40, 80-20, anything really) than a 50-50. It's a spectrum, after all.
In short you're valid no matter what the answer is, ,so don't stress over it too much and follow the way you feel
@@nocturne_interlude tysm!!
While I’m not nonbinary I still relate to certain things which was a bit surprising to me lol. i’m watching this to try and get to know what being nonbinary might be like for certain people (ofc there isn’t just one experience) and I appreciate you for sharing this. Also love your content it’s helped me become more confident with my androgynous looks! have a good day everyone
I never fit in with the girls either. I never had any friends in high school, or middle school, but in middle school I was slightly more outgoing and I would always hang out with and play with the boys during recess. Then during lunch I would have lunch with the girls. It was a small school with maybe 18-20 people in each grade (k-8) and we would have lunch in our classroom and all the girls would push their desks together and always invited me to sit with them. I just didn't fit in with them, I couldn't relate to them, I felt like I was putting on a mask just to try to fit in with them and not seem too weird, it was also catholic school so that made things worse I feel like. Since then I have been contemplating my gender identity, but only occasionally and in private.
I have always loved My Chemical Romance, ever since I was younger. For some reason I've been even more obsessed with them lately (since they came back, but especially the past month or so, I don't know why) and Gerard uses he/they pronouns and I started thinking more about It and it started sounding more and more fitting for me and I've been experimenting with using she/they pronouns for right now. It might change as I get to know myself more but I feel comfortable with that for now. I'm still figuring myself out, but seeing Gerard experimenting with their gender identity and expression really gave me the push to think about mine. Also, they've always been my style icon.
Irissss I love you lol. I’ve been questioning my gender for a few years now and I still don’t know what to do about it tbh. Your experience feels the closest to how I think about myself that I’ve been able to find and I’m so glad that you post videos because I feel like myself when I watch them. It may be one of the only times that I feel like me actually. If that makes any sense. Anyways. Thanks
🥹❤️ it’s what i’m here for
Loved hearing your thoughts! ^^
So i really got here thinking hmm I’ve been going back and forth about my own personal gender identity for a while let’s see if anything resonates,,, did NOT expect to get sucker punched with THIS much relatability (from both the video and the comment section) thx for that💜🖤💛
Ahhhh. Its always nice to see videos like this. You came out publicly around the same time I did. And its nice to hear of someones experiences that are so similar to my own, especially in a world that is so stuck on denying trans existence. ^^
crying lol hearing your experience is so humanizing and i can resonate and relate to your experiences. i think i just affirmed that i am non binary.😭 thank you for sharing
As a trans woman, this would have been super hard for me to sort of figure out and realize my gender identity. Before I started transitioning, I desired many female traits, items, and found out a little later that I also really enjoyed being called by female pronouns and presenting way more feminine. Most of the signs were there for at least like five years and I didn't even think about the possibility of being trans. I also had some thoughts about being ambiguous with my gender and liked it but didn't really take any steps further. All that being said, recently coming out and starting transitioning has been tough. I don't want to completely abandon my parents, but they are completely opposing my new gender identity and threatening many things like health insurance and my college education to stop me from transitioning, saying things like I'm being inconsiderate of my families reaction and discomfort for wanting to make this change, and that it's not worth it in the long run to do this. Of course if you get lucky and don't have insane extreme right-winged parents like I do (it sucks that politics is a part of the trans discussion but it has to be now... -_-) you'll have an easier time getting the care you need. I say all this to say that being non-binary would've been so much easier in terms of family issues. I just wish that all sides of the political spectrum would put trans and the rest of the LGBTQ+ community in general in a good light. It's honestly horrific that were being used as a political weapon and that online especially, trans people are ridiculed and misgendered by uneducated and misinformed people who otherwise maybe just might be a little confused and fearful of something that they don't know anything about. I'm glad that I'm the completely binary trans MTF that I am but wow the world sure does make it difficult for you to do your thing huh...
Waited the whole day to watch thisss. As a lesbian non binary this/these videos have been really comfortable to watch and a lot of help! Thank you
I definitely relate to the not feeling like you fit in or feeling like we do have some shared experience but also I'm having a completely different experience. It has taken a long time for me to fully understand what I want to perceive myself as and put that out there
IRIS THANK YOU SO MUCH! i found your channel maybe two months or so ago, but i just want to say thank you so much, i’ve really been questioning my gender lately, im non binary tho, and you have helped the process so much. also i was wondering if anyone had any tips for coming out as non-binary?
I'm not non binary but am I the only cis person who dislikes gendered terms such as sir, ma'am, miss, etc.?
Nope. I know someone who is cis, but is so done with the gender spectrum and roles in the way people think about it.
WAITINGGG
it started clicking for me when I was in grade 9 and I heard the term "demigirl" for the first time and I felt like I related to it but I wasn't sure why. eventually a tumblr mutual of mine started talking a lot about the whole boygirl/girlboy thing and I realized that I didn't have to choose between masculinity or femininity, and I didn't have to disconnect from womanhood to connect with manhood. after playing with labels like genderqueer and agender, and coming to realize that I experience euphoria from a more masc or androgynous presentation, I landed on genderfluid as a label and have been much more comfortable identifying this way than thinking of my gender as Just One or Just The Other
for me, i feel like one of the guys when im in a setting of only/ mainly giys, but i also feel mostly like one of the girls when IM in a group of girls
Really love this video! ♥I think the bothness mindset and the specific group dynamic with girls are very relatable experiences. I also think seeing more non binary people exist in public/'the mainstream' such as Mae Martin, Demi Lovato and Brigette Lundy Paine helped massively for me. 2020 was such an important time to just sit with myself, explore it and make peace with it in a safe way
Non-binary isn't a gender.
you have such a cool voice i swear 😭😭😭
Hello, I found your yt-account around 2 days ago and I love the clothes you wear. Ik that‘s maybe the wrong video to say it, but I also don‘t feel like I fit in in any group of girls, but maybe it‘s just bec I‘m a little bit introverted and shy…
I had a very similar experience to this, glad I'm not the only one!
I (amab) have had the same experience throughout my life of being in a group with my assigned gender and not relating to them on any level, but I'm also neurodivergent, (severe adhd, possibly undiagnosed asd,) and that probably plays in as well. I used to identify as agender, because I couldn't identify any internal experience of gender, it was all external performance to fit in, no feeling to back it up, but something pushed me to start exploring feminine expression, and it felt right. Something clicked and I realized, "Oh this is that gender thing everyone's been talking about." I'm currently identifying as "nonbinary" or "transfem-nonbinary." I'm open to the possibility that I might be a full-on trans woman who just needs to soak a bit longer to get the all the baked-on layers of "boy" to come off, but I have more investigation to do before I can say that's really who I am. All I can say is I never cared about what clothes I wore until they were girl clothes, I never cared what my voice sounded like until I realized I could train it to be different, and it never bothered me that people referred to me as a man until it occurred to me that maybe I wasn't one.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart and soul.
yapping alert 😅
im afab nonbinary (she/he/they) and omg i needed to see a video like this, i related SO MUCH with this, especially the part about not really clicking with girls and feeling a bit off, i felt that so much. As a person in highschool the lack of getting to hang out with the boys more in school like i did all my life felt so weird, the gender based groups UGH i hate those so much because i dont feel entirely comfortable with girls and being the one "girl" hanging out with the boys is even weirder
even tho most of my genderqueer friends are trans men/masc i didnt really feel the connection with boys still, and i feel like its not because they're not cis men, but because its not in school with guys who dont know my gender identity. i also mostly consume trans media in which i resonated with some things, but not entirely. And just after watching this i realized how invalid it made me feel to try to relate to something that isnt like me.
i feel so validated and so good with myself rn and my own identity so thank you :3
Such a great video iris! Its so cool to hear some of your story, i also took some time before coming out as a demiboy!❤🎉
Honestly whenever someone calls me she it just makes me feel weird tbh and when someone asks me for my pronouns I’m too scared to say they/them or something similar
You are valid and beautiful as you are. You are a good person
Any advice for being trans (man/non binary) but being attracted to straight men, it hard because I want to be with them but I know if I am I won’t be being my real self
I’m a genderfaun nb person (basically genderfluid without the feminine genders). I go from non-binary, to demiboy, to boy over the course of months. I’m usually one way for 4 months before shifting. This happened since I was 13, when my dysphoria really started getting bad.
For a long time, I thought the word genderfluid was ridiculous, that it was a label for confused people. But then, I realized how much I resonated with the genderfaun identity, and it clicked into place. It hadn’t occurred to me that genderfluidity wasn’t just shifting between two binary genders, but that it could be between one binary gender and non-binary genders.
Woo let's goo can't wait
I love Iris soo much ❤❤❤
I feel like earrings are starting to flip over to being more of a male thing than a female thing. Like high heels did but in the opposite direction.
Ty hi I'm non-binary too and I ressonate with (before coming in) being in a group of women but not connecting with them a part from some sharing experience even tho i've tried to be a women cause i thought i didn't had a choice
If anyone has any affordable jewelry recommendations please let me know! I realized I really like when my nails are painted and I wear rings and necklaces but I don't own enough good jewelry. Oh and any places online or in person for secondhand or used clothing would be helpful too! Let me know where you get your stuff!😊💕
Thank you for this video it really helped me but I still have one question did you change you’re name and if yes how did you go over the fear of all the new things you’d have to encounter?
i haven't one label that sticks all the time. i normally say transfemme, but it's more like genderfluid trans demigirl something. personally i don't try to pick one that works. as long as im presenting how i want and everyone else is referring to me correctly, im cool.
i just started college and its the first time i've been out in like a very public setting like that. it's been nerve wracking but very worth it. i've been meeting cool quirky queers in my music classes that respect me and everything. the grass is greener yall !!
TAKE UR SPOTS, EVERYONE!
Ugh you're so gorgeous 😭
I think the turning point of me really accepting that my gender was more complicated/not a girl (i dont have a label but boygirl girlboy :D ) was when I had just gotten a new haircut. I looked in the mirror when I got home and I was so pretty, like the prettiest girl ever, and I thought "ah thats a pretty girl but thats not me" and then I went back to cut my hair short like a week later and started on my journey. It was honestly a crazy realization. Like, objectively I was super pretty and I could see that and feel that, but it felt like I was a different person looking at another person. Then I realized that sometimes I do like dressing up like that and inside I feel nice, and sometimes I just can't stand wearing a dress bc inside I don't feel great about it or connected. I'm still figuring it out but I'm glad to know that even if I don't physically present as what others would expect to match my "gender", it's how I perceive myself that matters and I love how you described that feeling in this video!
You rock Iris!!! Thank you for sharing!
Thank you. ♥️
I would like to understand more what made you feel like you don't fit in into a group of women. Or how would you define womanhood? I would be glad to hear of an experience if anyone wants to share:)
I’d really like to know both your coming out story and what your specific label is, if and when you are comfortable sharing this informations about your identity with us! I understand it’s very personal so it’s absolutely your decision to make, just letting you know I’d watch the video if it came out! Thanks for sharing your experience and thoughts ❤
I think i’m nb but i dont rlly feel body dysphoria so no one knows and misgenders me
I would love to see a video about how to know if you're nonbinary, because I've been questioning my gender a lot lately and it would be so great to hear you talk about it. Also i loooove your videos and your style is AMAZING!!!
I have a kinda similar situation at home, I myself am nonbinary and my brother is a trans guy. Its interesting to see that you have a similar situation lol
Can you show more videos on hairstyles for gender nonconforming people
You're either male or female, stop playing pretend.
The outro was too good
Thank you for this video💖
I think I'm genderfluid, idk tho. I have long hair that goes to my lower back and I'm fighting the urge to cut it to my neck. Does anyone have any ideas :[ I could grow my hair a little longer and I heard of places that can make your hair into a wig so I can just switch my hair like im in a video game, lol
Omg I forgot Abt this. Nobody cares probably but I cut my hair, I rlly like it :)
I really relate the whole wearing nail polish like a boy, like a lot of my dysphoria comes from just me wanting to wear things often seen as feminine, but as if i was a boy. (i'm genderfluid)
Genuine question: If you can decide based on feelings and stereotypes which gender you are, can you choose your race? What if I percieve myself as a black person? What if I feel more comfortable wearing stereotypically "black clothes" and feel more of a "black-ish" white man, and felt more comfortable in a group of black men and wanted to be percieved as black? Should people have to support my racial expression? Am I that race?
In my personal opinion, no. Transracial is not the same as transgender and does not have the same scientific consensus surrounding it. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but race is categorized based on certain physical or biological features, and sometimes some ethnic characteristics such as language, culture, and ancestry as well. It isn't exactly possible to my understanding for a white person to 'become' black because we don't have a way to change the amount of melanin our skin produces that makes our skin different shades of color. I do believe that anyone should be able to appreciate and/or participate in other cultures that are open as long as they're respectful, but appreciating and finding solace in black culture or Asian culture does not suddenly make you a black or Asian person (looking at you, Oli London).
Also, gender isn't exclusively a choice. Being trans is not a choice, it's a psychological identity :)
@Stardipped_Paws from what I can see regarding the scientific consensus on transgenderism and transracialism is solely down to social acceptance. Until recently, gender dysphoria was considered a mental illness and now isn't because of the stigma associated with mental illness. (I genuinely cannot find a single reason other than that so please feel free to enlighten me if you're aware of any other reason.) Whilst I'm not well versed on medically increasing melanin in skin, a quick Google search showed drugs that achieve this, and dying skin would be an option for this which I believe would be akin to having surgery to turn a penis into a vagina or vice versa. And appreciating and finding solace in feminine traits and acting like a woman when you're a man does not make you a woman. Anything that can be said that makes transracialism sound absurd (because it is), or to support it, can be flipped around on transgenderism with equal effect. I believe both are changing your physical appearance to pretend to be something you're not.
Im genderfluid but i definitely relate to this a lot
I’m recently coming into my identity as a 26 year old, I came out of the closet later in life (when I was 24) and I am just now realizing I am a genderfluid lesbian, or maybe just a non-binary lesbian, I am not exactly sure about the correct label but the more I learn about it the better I feel about myself because I’m learning to understand myself. Thank you for sharing, it helps to not feel alone, even if your story was quite painfree ❤
cool 💜🖤
Chat.... I think I'm non-binary
Thank you for sharing this
We see nb is a choice
It's not tho :)
@@Stardipped_PawsEveryone is either male or female. How is one non-binary? How does someone know?
Thank you!
I need a proofs that nonbinery is real 🤤
I started to cry when you talked about that tweet and bothness. It’s so bittersweet. I’m at the very begging of my journey
so a classic case of tomboy
My mom gave me female hormones in her womb by taking medication des , i feel and think like a woman and leaning towards a woman now 😂❤
I’m afraid that people are not aware nowadays that every person has both feminine and masculine traits or feelings. That doesn’t mean that you can’t be a woman or a man. It’s like young people have and idea that to be a woman is a certain thing. Isn’t it feminism to see womanhood as a broad thing? It’s okay to be a different kind of girl/woman, you don’t have to feel the same within a group.
i know i’m enby not bc i didn’t fit it, yes i never fit it but because im neurodivergent. i knew it because i always wanted to be just me to be perceived as a human and just that and everytime i got automatic and just follow everyone i always ended “trying to be a girl” and it always ended with a identity crisis. i could never be a girl or a boy
When you hopped on the narcissism train?
YES OMG like my gender goals is feminine boy :3 im nonbinary and i just wanna look like a super cutie patootie guy
I am also trying to figure out my stuff and i also like dressing up androgynously And being a boyish girl ..i mean its great feelin!....but don't you think that when you had the your ear pierced and you liked thay is kind of a girly thing in India...
Now i probably wonder am i just mixing up the whole dressing up in githic way to being identified as non binary?!!..