I have learned to be comfortable in my own skin. I am so grateful for Dr. Ramani's videos. I've made so much positive progress in my life. I'm finding myself again and all the things that I used to love doing. ✌️❤️🩹😊🙏
Exactly! My husband yelled at me “how DARE you take an assertive tone with me. Don’t you EVER talk to me like that. It is selfish and disrespectful.” …I informed him I’m divorcing him 3 day later when I had to have to police escort him off our property.
My strengths after 30 years with a covert narc: 1. It wasn't me! It was him! 2. Strength of character. 3. Able to recover from emotional & psychological abuse & deprivation. (still recovering...) 4. I know who I am. 5. I can regulate my emotions. 6. I am a survivor. 7. I held on to my values even through embarrassment & abandonment. 8. I am worthy. 9. I am now aware there are such things as personality disorders. 10. And last, but not least, I believe in myself.
Ask them to do something for you. Something small. Something you would do for them with no hesitation. If they are narcissistic or otherwise toxic, it will ALWAYS go at least 1 of 4 ways (though sometimes these reactions may compound): They will act as though they didn’t hear you. Depending on how long you’ve been in the relationship, you may ask again. If it’s been long enough, you’re likely to drop the request right then and there. They will promise to do it, but never follow through. If you ask again or remind them, they will usually have some kind of excuse. In these cases, they will still never actually fulfill their promise. Their excuse is not a reason for lagging, it is the reason they should be absolved from all expectation whatsoever. Often this excuse will be meaningless or an outright lie.If you don’t buy their excuse, and tell them so, you will experience the wonderful segue into reaction. An argument will ensue The argument will be your fault. It could be a small back and forth contending against your request, or it might quickly devolve into them screaming at you. You never know which it will be. They might even say outright that you should never ask or expect anything from them. Usually they will express that you are asking too much, hurting them in some way (financially, emotionally, insulting them, etc), or attack your character. The argument will only end when you relinquish your request + apologize, or start ignoring them completely. If you can ignore them long enough, they may apologize to you. However, the conflict will never feel truly resolved. At this juncture they may actually end up giving you what you asked for. Often this does require you admitting that you don’t really need it, or that you would be fine with what they suggested instead. This leads us to reaction They give you what you asked for, BUT There is ALWAYS a catch. It might be small. They show up late with no apology. They buy you what you wanted, but it’s the wrong color, model, brand, etc. They take you where you wanted to go, but pressure you the whole time you’re getting ready because you’re going to be sooo late. Then they want to leave early anyway. It might be worse. They do it out of anger, and make a big display out of it to scare/hurt you. They hold it over your head until you do something for them first. Or, later on, they use it against you. “I did x for you, so you should do y for me.” No matter what, you never actually feel fulfilled, happy, or loved when they do something for you. Somehow, even from the getgo, there was this deep-seated feeling of guilt and fear, this sense that the “special” things they were doing for you weren’t so special at all. Eventually, you become afraid to ask for anything. You’ve been conditioned to believe you deserve nothing. Ironically, or not, the less demands you make, the worse you will be treated. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done digitalinvestigate@gmail.com
THANK YOU. This was so validating. My ex did all of this. It was infuriating. If I got angry about it, everything was flipped upside down and I was the “crazy” one. In the end I found that ignoring was the best option because it allowed me to stay emotionally regulated even if my blood was boiling and it kept him from exploding and becoming violent. Now I’m out of that relationship thank goodness. An absolute living hell.
Watching the Olympics and watching the medal winners getting such support from their partners is so amazing. I think that support they received is part of their success.
This was spoken about alot, in order for children to achieve great things; they need a great support system. They can't do it on their own, and if they do.. it was very hard for them with immense pressure. Having the support allows us to feel safe moving ahead in our lives and careers, not having that creates an emptiness that we have to fill in order to feel secure enough. It's hard... I cried often for who I could have been if I didn't have to recover from so much.
Anyone who continues to stay in this type of situation and "celebrate" the years of marriage, just know that it WILL NOT GET BETTER if you stay. Narcissists get worse as they age, so things will just continue to spiral. 💯💯💯 Just keeping it REAL.
So true! I thought I could just “stay the course”, and I could’ve if things stayed the same. Unfortunately, they become much worse. I had to get out to save myself.
She had in one of her podcasts that you look at it as "time served" because the time has nothing to do with the quality of the relationship or those things you liked about the person...or the reasons you stayed!
I used to think that I am so weak and not at all resilient but after listening to this, I realize that I was wrong about myself. In the 12 years of being abused by my narcissistic ex, I have indeed displayed a tremendous amount of resilience. How did I not see this in myself sooner?
All of the above responses, plus society doesn't value these things. They're not obvious, so we don't always see them. But I see you. I've been there too. We may feel everything, but we are so, SO strong! Well done for making this discovery!❤️❤️❤️
I have always gotten back up. Learning about narcissism from you changed my life. At 56 I am rebuilding my life for what I hope will be the last time and I plan to enjoy what time I have. No more people pleasing. Im cautious when meeting new people but thats okay. Better safe than sorry.
I feel resilient surviving my second Narc partner discard. I feel grief when I turn to my toxic Narc mom and Rage filled enabler dad and get invalidation/ rage and Pollyanna gaslighting. The are so limited. I do it on my own - always have
@@jackiep5009so sorry Jackie. You deserved and continue to deserve so much better than that. Doing it alone too. I guess we're healing together in this community. Wishing you a kind and gentle recovery and life 🫂❤️🩹🌞🙏🌺
Its been so lonely. Im glad you talk about how unfair it is, even if we are kind and resilient. I dropped so many balls because I was young and didnt know so much. ❤
My therapist, over 40 years ago, said that the things that helped me survive during my childhood with my narcissistic family, was hurting me now How this resilience helped me? I have been called the Iron Lady for surviving, and sometimes even thrived in physically and emotionally challenging experiences in my life. This doesn't mean that I don't have periods in my life where I just cry, and am sad, and have low confidence. Just that I have succeeded in parts of my life, after many challenges. It has taken me until 67 years of age to mostly trust my instincts. But I DO mostly trust my instincts, now. I am working on being kind to myself.
I had so much resilience that I suffered a stroke and heart attack. Only after that I realized how toxic my immediate family was and is! Oh boy do they hate boundaries. F-up isn't strong enough to describe it!!
I can relate to the person you referenced. At age 56, I am finally getting rid of the last of many, many narcissists in my life. In a couple of years, I can physically relocate far away. I'm am more optimistic and happy than ever in my life. This video describes me so well. As a side note, I'm a rebel. Saying "no" without reprisal empowers me and spurs me on.
My father has gotten worse with time. People always make up excuses for him, but what I have noticed is that those same people that make up those excuses also have lots of trauma, lots of times they also chose not to stand up for themselves and kind of expect me to to the same. I want to try my best and break that generational denial and abuse, at least for myself because it is clear to me that I can't help everyone else.
I recently saw a comment somewhere that said "The wrong person will show you that you can do it all by yourself. The right person will show you that you don't have to."
My one year anniversary away from my VN spouse of 28 years. Take Dr. Ramani's advice and take the year off to do the deep dive on yourself. You deserve it!
Congrats!!!🎉🎉🎉🎉 I'm doing my healing now from the narc I left in April this yr after 20 yrs....no contact,left with NOTHING. But I have more peace than I ever had! I believe it will get better,I just know I'm better than I was.
Congrats thats huge! I've been trying to wait out the year despite some feelings for others, which tend to be basically just anyone that appears supportve or kind to me. You've reiterated her teaching and that it's important. Thank you!!
@hayleyswanson2766 Like Dr Ramani says it only takes one person to see you...thanks! It is sooooooo hard but I promise you will not be sorry that you took time for yourself. If they really care, they will give you time. Don't let someone rush your healing. You can do hard things! You got this!
I was about 23 months old when gaslighting an narc abuse started. I am 68 now. It’s been a long journey. I feel like you are telling my story. Constant change and thank goodness educated on the narcissist. Words will never explain of how helpful you have been in educating me on the narcissist! A life saver! Peace and Love
@@SML3993 I am very blessed to have been educated on what I went through. Just glad I didn’t end up in some back room drooling and weaving baskets. My mom was very supportive as much as she could be. She didn’t understand what a narcissist is either.
How are you doing now? And did you decide to stay? I just “celebrated” 11 years with mine. I debating on giving him another decade of my life or call it quits. I have three young kids, and I dispare of ever being ever to have a normal life.
I bought your latest book, "it's not you." I've been reading it and realizing, of course, the abuse and the toll it has taken on me. I used to be such a confident person, but abuse that is consistent, chips away. I struggled with radical acceptance for years, not wanting to believe that this was my story, but when I started to realize what the abuse was doing to me and how utterly unfair it was to continue to allow them a right (?) to do this to a person who is just trying to live their life free from the drama and, more importantly, trying to be a good person for myself, I had to come to terms with how I saw myself rather than how I saw them. They weren't changing, I needed to. That is radical acceptance for me. I hope I keep learning, keep growing and continue on this healing path. I hope that for every person who looks at themselves and asks, "Is this me?" According to Dr Ramani, NOPE, it's not. Let the healing be about you. Let their behavior be about them. Best to all
The resilence description is me! 77 now. Childhood, 2 marriages, 1 divorce, 1 ongoing, 20 years, much of it laced with narcissistic people. What is it all about? I use the word pliable also. Well not knowing about narcissism is the first problem, that is what Dr. Ramani has taught me, all that stuff I was confused about. Realizing that we are lovers, and have a small percentage of a need to control. We are gentle, and can move our love around in so many directions with joy. People, flowers, animals, food, colors, mountains, valleys, stars and a million other things. We notice tiny things. We care deeply. We are not perfect. We don't need much praise. All we wanted was to be gently loved, not controlled, not used for the benefit of the narcissist. Pain has already been placed on our gentle hearts. It can take a long time to recover. Remember this, lonely, resilient person, God loves a pliable human. Listen to your beautiful heart. Be happy that you are caring, loving & special. Not to be prideful, but you have something that the narcissist does not have. Do we choose them? I think most of the time they choose us, at least in adult life. Free yourself from that sorrow & pain, it will take time and realize that you are a very special person with a great capacity to love and the greater the love, sometimes the greater sorrow, as they say the cuts can be deep. But move away from that loss & pain, mentally, take the sorrow as a gift because we have no choice. Pray and love yourself and that special gift you have of bending with the wind, gentle or fierce. Believe in yourself. We are diamonds in the rough. Never believe you are anything less than beautiful. Maybe we are the meek & humble ones, hopefully in the eyes of God. Yes we have been abused and we have many tears but maybe we can learn to understand that we were abused because we represent love that the narcissist needs so badly. So rise up, spread your wings, and know you are a very very special person. Be at peace and show your love in the "little way" that YOU know. So many are suffering in this world. It seems just a smile can be comfortimg. Peace. 💖. P.S. Thank You Dr. Ramani so very much.
Yes, I recognize it all in myself, the resilience, empathy and strength, but these do NOT make up for the exhaustion, the never ending grief and loss of happiness caused by my narcissistic mother.
Me too ladies. .yet I never realized that the same qualities could harm me. . Maybe that's why I suddenly feel exhausted when there's really no reason. So long away from the situation, but still flashbacks happen when triggered. Even in listening to your stories. Have to take a break at times. Thank you and do continue to care for yourselves 🙏🕊️💜
Thank you for this brilliant video. Dealing with narcissism gets so exhausting, particularly if you had a narcissistic family. You have to soldier on and use what you have learned to deal with it.
I am such a person and thanks to Internet. I find out why my life was so difficult. One of the advice was say goodbye, disconnect all negative persons and take a brake for at least a year. It gives you peace and time to understand what happens in my life
The whole process is indeed about growth. Excruciatingly slow and painful growth. But make no mistake: there's no growth staying in the relationship, regardless of the type of narcissist you're dealing with. None. No matter how many excuses you can come up with for the Narc (trauma, controlling mother, addiction, feelings of inadequacy, etc) Narcs don't have enough empathy to care about anyone but themselves. Don't mistake "use" for "care". Discernment means seeing that. In the Narc or in anyone.
They Like A Teacher....... BUT Not Really For Your GOOD! Basically Try To Keep You Mentally A Kindergarten ALL YOUR LIFE. UNTIL.... YOU FINALLY Wake UP And Leave Is Like Graduation 🎓🥳👌💯
The videos you’ve made lately have HIT THE nail on the head! Again, this video is spot on for how relatable it is for me! 😮 The last relationship broke the straw on the camel’s back, and I have evolved into a person I never thought I’d ever become. I’ve become strong, discovered deep love for myself. It is indeed a shame I had to learn this through after years of abuse.
I'm glad you made this video, it reminds me of my transformation from a nobody to good home, honest wife, $75k biweekly and a good daughter full of love ❤️
Hello, how do you achieve such biweekly returns? As a single parent i haven't been able to get my own house due to financial struggles, but my faith in God remains strong.
I raised 75k and Christina Ann Tucker is to be thanked. I got my self my dream car 🚗 just last weekend, My journey with her started after my best friend came back from New York and saw me suffering in dept then told me about her and how to change my life through her. Christina A. Tucker is the kind of person one needs in his or her life! I got a home, a good wife, and a beautiful daughter. Note: this is not a promotion but me trying to make a point that no matter what happens, always have faith and keep living!
I was listening to this video on way to work and tears were streaming down my face because you were describing me and I now know the person I have become resilient and I have learned discernment ! After a long unhealthy marriage with a narcissistic spouse and still in relationship, you have given me hope and I realize the person I have become is kind and flexible. I can actually say that good thing about me !!!!! I am going thru therapy and the counselor said I can leave anytime but I think God wants me to stay because he is teaching me how to endure these toxic relationships. God sent me your book , workbook and videos to help me. Thank you ❤
Thank you so much Dr. Ramani. You have described so much of what I have experienced. I am an older divorced woman and have been so shocked by comments that have been made to me about being single. I've also been shocked by how I've been treated, I am also an introvert and find great comfort in spending time alone. I haven't thought about this time as time to heal, but now realize that's what my craving to be alone might represent. I've thought that I've been alone in these experiences. It so nice to hear that someone knows and understands what I've been going through. Thank you again.
So, glad you posted this. I'm this post! Very resilient, flexible, and adaptable always figuring it out. But through therapy and religion, I'm good for the most part and Thank God everyday for not being bitter and angry but forgiving. ... Always learning, improving myself so as to not feel the insecurities of the past. Calibration and discernment is ongoing😕 and because of this post I realize necessary. Please continue to provide such great content!!!
I started recognizing the grandiose a mile away really early on, but recognizing vulnerable narcissistic behavior in my romantic relationships took WAY longer... And it took even longer than that to recognize it in friendships. Now I'm SO cautious.
Wow that's me. Resilient, flexible, adaptable. Even though people who were supposed to help and protect me were not there, I have hope for a life for myself. This is very encouraging. Thank you!
I never get tired of listening to Dr. Ramani. Every time, she helps me understand what I’ve gone through in life, from when I was a child up until now. Only now am I able to associate the people in my life with the narcissistic abuse to which I was subjected by those I trusted the most: my grandmother, the state, and the three long-term relationships. The last relationship, which was also my marriage, brought me to the point where I gave up my job, friends, family, my country, isolated me, physically and emotionally abused me until I became a wreck, lost 14 kg, and no longer wanted to leave the house. And he’s the one who left me because I was no longer fun, cheerful, and adventurous like when he first met me…😢 That’s how I still am now, six months after he left me in another country, even though I returned to my country, regained my job, reconnected with family and friends, but I find myself crying at work, at meetings with friends. I feel like no one understands me, that narcissism is just an illusion, and that it’s my fault for staying in an abusive relationship for two years…😭😢
This is me. I've had to figure everything out on my own for my entire life. Narcissistic family of origin, narcissistic friends, and just asked my covert narcissist wife of 20+ years for a divorce. I'm resilient to a point, because I was only able to handle disappointment for so long before it broke me. Of course I always ended up making it worse when I reacted...
I'm so proud of you Alex. You've endured too many harrowing ordeals ❤️🩹 I hope you succeed and live well while you heal. Wishing you a kind and gentle recovery and life 🙏🥳🌞🎁
You are amazing, and I love the end! ❤ I love being with my own company. I feel so grateful to be away from my ex boyfriend. Thank God I didn't Marry him. Thank you for sharing this information with us. You are beautiful inside and out.
Oh my gosh - I could’ve written this exact comment and it would apply to my situation too. I didn’t marry my ex-boyfriend either but I thought I wanted to…ugh what a disaster that would’ve been. 😅
Boom. People praise me for these. Lots of difficulties accepting those compliments because I know where the skills come from and it feels like “f’d up” validation. 😅
Yeah... the whole "You're so strong!!!" as you smile through your knocked out teeth and wave weakly with your one remaining arm. 😂 Bless you, and may the narcs not be with you.
I never realized that I had this sort of resilience until you had brought it to my attention in previous videos. Thank you so much for that. I appreciate you.
19:04 : "After surviving a narcissistic relationship, you've got to know that being alone is far better than being gaslighted" SOOOO TRUE. It's a hard truth to realize and arrive at, but it's true.
Thank you for redefining the conversation about abuse and the reality of its long term fall out. It’s like a global pandemic that many of the infected are denying even when it consumes their own families and communities.
I went to a therapist once who cried after ONE story of my past. I was like, "Am i THAT broken?" Lol, i found myself making her laugh until she snapped out of it! Then she applauded me for making her smile & added that i had no right to be so kind to others, i should be bitter & angry, but i choose to be happy & use comedy. Needless to say, i never went back to her 😂 i felt like charging her for me pulling her out of HER sadness! I guess i bring this up, because i realize more than ever lately, that this humor has always been my super strength/power, but it's always in the back of my mind: Tears of a Clown 😢 I've been on my own since i was 15, so i guess I'm resilient as hell. I never resorted to anything illegal (well, i lied once about my age to get a job lol) i had always praised myself on that. I guess you never know how strong you are until forced to prove it. My relationship with a narc really set me back. He convinced me i could never survive without him. I snapped out of it before it was too late... mostly. I'm still a work in progress & you're an amazing help! I can never thank you enough!❤
I had friends tell me “you are stronger thank you think” & I didn’t believe them. I hurt mostly over the loss of the man he pretended to be - that man was a phony. I went to a magical New England town & did travel nursing at 63, all thru covid. I didn’t date, just got thru every day. Married my college sweetheart & we fall more in love every day. HE is a real man., very strong & so good to me. I will never take him for granted. I tell women with a narcissist, when you find yourself trying to make a grown man understand basic morality, stop talking & start walking. Away.
Your videos alerted me to Narcissism. I didn't know about it. I thought my now ex was a bit of a control freak, but I didn't know there was a word for it. It wasn't that long before I broke free from it. I even ended up with a shirt on my back and no pressure. I took the opportunity to retire and leave the city. Life is now good.
I already so appreciate the beginning of this video. Went to sleep thinking about the last video reflecting on my relationship with my mother and marriage and then extension of. My oldest Daughter Chelsey once telling me MOM WHEN YOU THINK ITS EVERYONE DONT YOU THINK ITS YOU. This is when I was on investigation of everything that had happened to me and how and by who my inheritance was stolen and under attack. I've recently had a lot of ppl come to me telling me how they have heard when asking questions about me as they were looking for me that I am a very nice lady. As I've been hearing this lately randomly. And trust me that my first response was to get defensive "Who said what and why is my name coming up in conversations Oh My God. Then I hear these nice things about me and I feel finally good to know that with all I've been through this is the rumor by complete strangers, city workers, rest stop workers and it feels good. That's the rumor is that I am a very nice woman out here living in my car. Wow. But yes I am resilient there's no doubt and I've been through some very negative feelings over it all. Very hurt by it all.
Healing from a journey of narcissistic abuse is ending up with lessons of moral, integrity, self respect and respect for others. It's to make those lessons parts of who we are, even when the world around us does the opposite. As much as it hurts, I like to think the human experience is about growing through difficult paths for some of us. As much as it's not our fault & it's our biggest battle, it is also our biggest lesson. Thanks Dr Ramani!!! ☺
Trauma sibling bonding is a long transition to end. I finally did this with your help. Always helpful and very insightful!! And to know the truth that I was horrified by this sibling.. and now I recovered. Still counterattacks are always around the corner. Be prepared !
Seeing and challenging gaslighting in real time has been my newly found super power. It's given me more confidence than almost anything else in my life.
Dear Dr. Ramni I have been a long time listener. Your words always strike my heart as true and it’s actually hard to listen to you. When you speak of Being resilient as a good thing, I agree with you. At 50 years old, I look back and see the abuse struggle the pain the guilt leaving while my malignant narcissist husband of 27 years was at work with just a backpack and my daughter and my little dog. My son stayed behind and I haven’t seen him since. Too much to go into here, but I wanted to thank you for going so deep and being so accurate ,words from someone who understands. Im 10 years out. Still learning, trying, still struggling and enduring. By the way I have recommended you to all my psychologists and therapist. Your the best.❤
My aunt was somewhere between an aunt and older sister as she never married and never had kids. She died young and never beat the cycle of being tied to narcissistic personalities. She was one of the kindest, most empathetic, creative people I know. I knew from how she talked about her relationships and the journals I later inherited from her that a lot of her experiences are mirrored in me. I am determined to accomplish the dream we shared: building a happy, safe, and healthy home. I have resources and supports she never had access to, and I am sorting through the wreckage of a year-long narcissistic relationship that tore my home life in my small town apart. It gives me insane amounts of comfort to read comments from people who understand what all this feels like. So while I wish you weren’t here, I’m glad you are.
Dr. Ramani, I am so thankful your videos found me. I can’t stop listening. Many times I have to pause and breathe. All makes all of a sudden sense, I am Ok !!! And FINALLY I have hope to be able to get out of my life long pit hole. Thank you from the bottom of my heart Dr. Ramani 🎉
From someone who cudnt spend an evening alone and felt anxious, to someone who loves solitude I've come a long way. And it's so so peaceful. I'm judged for it all the time. People think I'm depressed but that's far from the truth. I feel depressed if I spend time with frnds and family who only talk about heavily conditioned inane and shallow stuff.
❤ I have so much love, appreciation and respect for you and your journey. You are the most validating, intelligent, and sane person I’ve ever seen. Thank you so much for all your help. This has been my life!
"You can bend but never break me, 'cause it only serves to make me more determined to achieve my final goal." Helen Reddu, "I Am Woman." Thank you, Dr. Ramani.
True, resilience is a blessing to have and I will focus on strengthening my resilience and encourage my children to embrace it along with practising no contact with toxic people! Thank you Dr. Ramani. 🙏☺
Dr. Ramani, you're a BLESSING✨ This was a fantastic compilation of videos clips on Narcissistic abuse & healing afterwards. I really appreciate the "core values" segment and I'm gonna work on this. I took A LOT of notes. Healing is very important to me.😌 This video truly brought me to tears.😢Narcissstic Abuse is no joke and many people can't wrap their head around it or, understand what you been through. I'm in a battle every day. I was discarded by the Ex-Narcissist bf last year and had to heal from for a while. Soon after that, finally identifying my own father is a toxic, Narcissist & still dealing with him. It's like it never ends and, quite devastating. You start to identify more & more people are Narcissistic/toxic. Only once I finally remove myself, it may end. But, I think Narcissistic people get very angry once you leave and they feel you "abandoned" them. Guilt is something that can plague me. As an empathic person, I tend to feel bad or like I hurt them. Even though, they hurt me!💯 I need to work on this. Doing the best I can and I am never giving up!!😌
I gained A TON, but not from the narcissistic relationships themselves. But, in learning about narcissism and what not to put up with, even if I had to learn to navigate better or end relationships entirely and decide to be alone. I think a large number of us, particularly women, are taught to put up with just about everything, from everyone. It’s a norm, that leaves people enmeshed in relationships, if not by psychological and financial issues, then by societal standards. I think maybe a lot of us don’t even consider ourselves to be doormats. Just polite and considerate. Problem is, there’s a breed of people who were never wired and/or taught better. They’re not only structured to walk over others. But to cause them to fail and take pleasure in seeing them fail, oddly enough, out of their own hidden weakness. There’s winning and there’s destruction. Maybe that’s where the phrase, “I destroyed (or crushed) that person,” maybe used in sports and other arenas came from. The point goes beyond winning a competition and degrades to destroying a person, their dreams, goals and life. But, I guess when you’re that weak and feed the wrong wolf, that’s who you become. Learning about narcissism is also a horror in that, there are people who don’t want you to merely lose, but to suffer and die. People who you’ve loved and helped. People who may have been your parent(s). For me, while I enjoy winning, it’s really never occurred to me that would want to even make someone else lose or that I’d destroy them. I’d hope there’s a next time, when they can win and it isn’t because I come from the “everyone gets a trophy” belief system. The only time I’ve actually felt like destroying someone, is when I found out what I was dealing with and it’s was me or them, in a dual to the death. At that point, there’s no reciprocity, in love and respect and my empathy flatlines. So, it’s also a lesson about myself and my limits.
This is an excellent teaching on an important topic, on being led by our spirits, not by someone’s charismatic glaze💎Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for talking about this topic. How does a would-be victim protect herself, (or himself) from a toxic, and narcissistic a-hole? Getting to know someone, praying to God for wisdom, He knows the answer better than we do. Our own human spirits need to be quiet, and clear, like when we wake up first thing in the morning, so we can hear God’s truth, if someone is safe, or not. And, trust your gut feeling, and heed the voice of God, warning you, inside of you, inside your spirit, and soul ⚠️ 🙏
Im recovering and reflecting. I realize, no wonder I had difficulties staying focused in school. I spent the hours at school trying to figure out how to avoid going home. I felt more safe being out in the streets than being home. My living situation was more than just narcissistic. Thank you for making more sense of things bit by bit I am growing.
thank you for sharing your wisdom, Dr. Ramani 💜 dealing with some major backlash right now and this is the exact reminder i needed. gonna need to watch multiple times
❤🙏Dr. Ramami, this astute advice, these learned teachings are so precious to me. ❤️🙏✨ I thank you from the bottom of my heart! I thank God for women like you & sincerely pray that you be blessed, massively, & that good karma surround you. Sending you massive respect & love. ✨🙏❤️💯🏆🎯✨✨✨
I have a friend who has taught me what I like and enjoy matters. I finally pay attention to what I enjoy now and I am so grateful for learning what a good friend really does.
Motivating and uplifting.. helpful for survivors.. the skills they develop being in the relationship.. I guess we are looking at the bright side.. but I could do without the lessons and struggles.. which were unnecessary and only inflicted cos they felt like it. Like.. one person told me, you have unnecessary threshold of tolerance to the point that you don't even realise what is abuse and what needs patience.
I wasn’t aware of the variety of “Nar-nar’s” and have noticed I collect these personalities like Pokémon. It wasn’t until I lost everything I’ve ever worked for through complete minimization of movement, receptivity, and resources that I cut 90% of the people in my life off and hit a hard reset. I managed to survive my own self blame/harm and came to you videos which is saving my life right now. It was the betrayal blindness video that set this (different types of Narcs)all off. I thank you for the years of work you put into these videos and am forever grateful! You are a hero in my eyes to many. ❤
❤goddelle bless you. Nobody praises the crazy hard work we have to do . This is finally praise . And it’s coaching- fine tuning it. My daughter AND i are these gritty persistent and agreeable there for every friend. Thank you Thank you Thank you
100% Alone is a feeling that started as unable-to-breathe. Over the years it turned into satisfaction, and now I feel like challenging myself. Your insight is part of the reason why.
Thank you sooo much for your video. I need the constant reminder that I’m worth the respect. And yes, it does feel like an out of body experience. But so worth it.
"After narcissistic abuse relationship,you realise that being alone is far better than being gaslighted "
💯
Absolutely
Not resilient myself became suicidal.😢
I have learned to be comfortable in my own skin. I am so grateful for Dr. Ramani's videos. I've made so much positive progress in my life. I'm finding myself again and all the things that I used to love doing.
✌️❤️🩹😊🙏
@@elainebraindrain3174 You didnt do it, thats resilience.
Anyone offended by your boundaries is someone who BENEFITTED from you NOT having any.
Wow, great comment. So true.
Thank you,
Exactly! My husband yelled at me “how DARE you take an assertive tone with me. Don’t you EVER talk to me like that. It is selfish and disrespectful.”
…I informed him I’m divorcing him 3 day later when I had to have to police escort him off our property.
Wow 😮Thanks For That!
Once you learn the difference between loneliness and solitude you are on your way.
Thank you for that. I needed it today. 🥰
I'll take my own company over toxic company any day 🎉
My strengths after 30 years with a covert narc:
1. It wasn't me! It was him!
2. Strength of character.
3. Able to recover from emotional & psychological abuse & deprivation. (still recovering...)
4. I know who I am.
5. I can regulate my emotions.
6. I am a survivor.
7. I held on to my values even through embarrassment & abandonment.
8. I am worthy.
9. I am now aware there are such things as personality disorders.
10. And last, but not least, I believe in myself.
Ill say it again .dr ramani is the best thing that has happened to me.
I feel the same way!
Yes the woman is heaven sent. Kind and practical. She has opened my eyes to so many things.
same here. this incredible woman is doing the Gods work and educating our hurt and devalued little hearts. i owe her my freedom.
She saved my sanity.
Me too!
60 years of narcissistic abuse from a covert narc mother. I survived. ALONE.
❤❤️🩹🙏🏻🤗
I TOO am a survivor of F.S.A. The designated Scapegoat with a pending
Super Nova!
You aren't alone...
Every breath I take proves I can live without the narcissist.
love this so much
I love this! Yes!
Every minute we have to deal with a narcissist, it disturbes our peace, takes one of our breaths away🤬
@@jeanie5074 such an accurate flip-side perspective!
This is a beautiful view of healed codependency , and it's true.
Ask them to do something for you. Something small. Something you would do for them with no hesitation. If they are narcissistic or otherwise toxic, it will ALWAYS go at least 1 of 4 ways (though sometimes these reactions may compound): They will act as though they didn’t hear you. Depending on how long you’ve been in the relationship, you may ask again. If it’s been long enough, you’re likely to drop the request right then and there.
They will promise to do it, but never follow through.
If you ask again or remind them, they will usually have some kind of excuse. In these cases, they will still never actually fulfill their promise. Their excuse is not a reason for lagging, it is the reason they should be absolved from all expectation whatsoever. Often this excuse will be meaningless or an outright lie.If you don’t buy their excuse, and tell them so, you will experience the wonderful segue into reaction.
An argument will ensue
The argument will be your fault. It could be a small back and forth contending against your request, or it might quickly devolve into them screaming at you. You never know which it will be. They might even say outright that you should never ask or expect anything from them. Usually they will express that you are asking too much, hurting them in some way (financially, emotionally, insulting them, etc), or attack your character.
The argument will only end when you relinquish your request + apologize, or start ignoring them completely. If you can ignore them long enough, they may apologize to you. However, the conflict will never feel truly resolved.
At this juncture they may actually end up giving you what you asked for. Often this does require you admitting that you don’t really need it, or that you would be fine with what they suggested instead. This leads us to reaction
They give you what you asked for, BUT
There is ALWAYS a catch. It might be small. They show up late with no apology. They buy you what you wanted, but it’s the wrong color, model, brand, etc. They take you where you wanted to go, but pressure you the whole time you’re getting ready because you’re going to be sooo late. Then they want to leave early anyway. It might be worse. They do it out of anger, and make a big display out of it to scare/hurt you. They hold it over your head until you do something for them first. Or, later on, they use it against you. “I did x for you, so you should do y for me.” No matter what, you never actually feel fulfilled, happy, or loved when they do something for you. Somehow, even from the getgo, there was this deep-seated feeling of guilt and fear, this sense that the “special” things they were doing for you weren’t so special at all. Eventually, you become afraid to ask for anything. You’ve been conditioned to believe you deserve nothing. Ironically, or not, the less demands you make, the worse you will be treated. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done digitalinvestigate@gmail.com
THANK YOU. This was so validating.
My ex did all of this. It was infuriating. If I got angry about it, everything was flipped upside down and I was the “crazy” one. In the end I found that ignoring was the best option because it allowed me to stay emotionally regulated even if my blood was boiling and it kept him from exploding and becoming violent. Now I’m out of that relationship thank goodness. An absolute living hell.
SPOT On!
100 billion percent this is very true done that got the t-shirt & lifelong memories
Watching the Olympics and watching the medal winners getting such support from their partners is so amazing. I think that support they received is part of their success.
I noticed that too and I grieved a little for what I'd missed. Impossible for a narc to support anyone but themselves.
This was spoken about alot, in order for children to achieve great things; they need a great support system. They can't do it on their own, and if they do.. it was very hard for them with immense pressure. Having the support allows us to feel safe moving ahead in our lives and careers, not having that creates an emptiness that we have to fill in order to feel secure enough. It's hard... I cried often for who I could have been if I didn't have to recover from so much.
@@airdnaxela420Me too. I have broken friendships because of a controlling narcissist. I often think of all the pleasant things I😢
Anyone who continues to stay in this type of situation and "celebrate" the years of marriage, just know that it WILL NOT GET BETTER if you stay. Narcissists get worse as they age, so things will just continue to spiral. 💯💯💯 Just keeping it REAL.
So true! I thought I could just “stay the course”, and I could’ve if things stayed the same. Unfortunately, they become much worse. I had to get out to save myself.
@@BonitaB-c2l Maybe it’s a celebration of survival? And it doesn’t make the grief less real or worthy of respect.
She had in one of her podcasts that you look at it as "time served" because the time has nothing to do with the quality of the relationship or those things you liked about the person...or the reasons you stayed!
@@mminteer absolutely true!
One thing I learned,after 20 yrs with a covert narc,there is NEVER anything to celebrate.
Narcissists are very generous when they're handing out side orders of grief.
I’m not sure I understand what you mean- handling outside orders of grief. Hum.
Me neither. Sorry. Could someone explains, please?
I could keep watching Dr. Ramani’s teachings for hours and hours.
I learn so much.
Grateful to this precious doctor. 🙏🏻
Same!
I used to think that I am so weak and not at all resilient but after listening to this, I realize that I was wrong about myself. In the 12 years of being abused by my narcissistic ex, I have indeed displayed a tremendous amount of resilience. How did I not see this in myself sooner?
So glad you see it now. ❤
Because they have conditioned you into believing otherwise. They don’t want you to recognize your worth. Glad you came to the realization!
You couldn't see it b/c you hv been battling to survive!
I'm the same way! A great career for 30 years and people want me to work for them! A narcissist in my personal life unfortunately.
All of the above responses, plus society doesn't value these things. They're not obvious, so we don't always see them.
But I see you. I've been there too. We may feel everything, but we are so, SO strong! Well done for making this discovery!❤️❤️❤️
I have always gotten back up. Learning about narcissism from you changed my life. At 56 I am rebuilding my life for what I hope will be the last time and I plan to enjoy what time I have. No more people pleasing. Im cautious when meeting new people but thats okay. Better safe than sorry.
Exactly 💯
Absolutely!
Almost 64 and I’m doing the same. All the very best on your journey 🦋
“It’s resilience…. With a huge side helping of grief.” Wow, I felt that 😢
I feel resilient surviving my second Narc partner discard. I feel grief when I turn to my toxic Narc mom and Rage filled enabler dad and get invalidation/ rage and Pollyanna gaslighting. The are so limited. I do it on my own - always have
Had to jot that down ❤️🩹😢
@@jackiep5009so sorry Jackie. You deserved and continue to deserve so much better than that. Doing it alone too. I guess we're healing together in this community. Wishing you a kind and gentle recovery and life 🫂❤️🩹🌞🙏🌺
Me too!
Its been so lonely. Im glad you talk about how unfair it is, even if we are kind and resilient. I dropped so many balls because I was young and didnt know so much. ❤
❤️🩹🫂🥺 so sorry 😞 sending you warm hugs and support
My therapist, over 40 years ago, said that the things that helped me survive during my childhood with my narcissistic family, was hurting me now
How this resilience helped me?
I have been called the Iron Lady for surviving, and sometimes even thrived in physically and emotionally challenging experiences in my life.
This doesn't mean that I don't have periods in my life where I just cry, and am sad, and have low confidence.
Just that I have succeeded in parts of my life, after many challenges.
It has taken me until 67 years of age to mostly trust my instincts. But I DO mostly trust my instincts, now.
I am working on being kind to myself.
I had so much resilience that I suffered a stroke and heart attack. Only after that I realized how toxic my immediate family was and is! Oh boy do they hate boundaries. F-up isn't strong enough to describe it!!
I can relate to the person you referenced. At age 56, I am finally getting rid of the last of many, many narcissists in my life. In a couple of years, I can physically relocate far away. I'm am more optimistic and happy than ever in my life. This video describes me so well. As a side note, I'm a rebel. Saying "no" without reprisal empowers me and spurs me on.
My father has gotten worse with time. People always make up excuses for him, but what I have noticed is that those same people that make up those excuses also have lots of trauma, lots of times they also chose not to stand up for themselves and kind of expect me to to the same. I want to try my best and break that generational denial and abuse, at least for myself because it is clear to me that I can't help everyone else.
Yes save yourself ❤
Omg…. I have an identical story 😢
I recently saw a comment somewhere that said "The wrong person will show you that you can do it all by yourself. The right person will show you that you don't have to."
My one year anniversary away from my VN spouse of 28 years. Take Dr. Ramani's advice and take the year off to do the deep dive on yourself. You deserve it!
Absolutely!! I’m going to take more off and continue my journey with my SAVIOR by my side!!!❤
Congratulations 🎉🎊
Congrats!!!🎉🎉🎉🎉 I'm doing my healing now from the narc I left in April this yr after 20 yrs....no contact,left with NOTHING. But I have more peace than I ever had! I believe it will get better,I just know I'm better than I was.
Congrats thats huge! I've been trying to wait out the year despite some feelings for others, which tend to be basically just anyone that appears supportve or kind to me. You've reiterated her teaching and that it's important. Thank you!!
@hayleyswanson2766 Like Dr Ramani says it only takes one person to see you...thanks! It is sooooooo hard but I promise you will not be sorry that you took time for yourself. If they really care, they will give you time. Don't let someone rush your healing. You can do hard things! You got this!
I was about 23 months old when gaslighting an narc abuse started. I am 68 now. It’s been a long journey. I feel like you are telling my story. Constant change and thank goodness educated on the narcissist. Words will never explain of how helpful you have been in educating me on the narcissist! A life saver! Peace and Love
Good for you!! 60 years of it here. Finally left them all behind. That demon is 90.
@@daynapeterson9033 I hear you! That demon!
@@SML3993 I am very blessed to have been educated on what I went through. Just glad I didn’t end up in some back room drooling and weaving baskets. My mom was very supportive as much as she could be. She didn’t understand what a narcissist is either.
The body does not lie
How does it feel? I ask myself that all the time. And My mantra is You can trust yourself. I also carry A Selenium stone for luck/power/protection.
"Celebrating" 20 years of marriage to a vulnerable narcissist by watching your videos and weeping for all I've lost in these last 2 decades.
How are you doing now? And did you decide to stay?
I just “celebrated” 11 years with mine. I debating on giving him another decade of my life or call it quits. I have three young kids, and I dispare of ever being ever to have a normal life.
20 years here also. Finally spelled it all out for him and am doing my own thing, he doesn't care. 🤷♀
I'm SO sorry. 😢
You think he doesn't care about you. But he duz it punning on a fake
🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🙌🏼
I bought your latest book, "it's not you." I've been reading it and realizing, of course, the abuse and the toll it has taken on me. I used to be such a confident person, but abuse that is consistent, chips away. I struggled with radical acceptance for years, not wanting to believe that this was my story, but when I started to realize what the abuse was doing to me and how utterly unfair it was to continue to allow them a right (?) to do this to a person who is just trying to live their life free from the drama and, more importantly, trying to be a good person for myself, I had to come to terms with how I saw myself rather than how I saw them. They weren't changing, I needed to. That is radical acceptance for me. I hope I keep learning, keep growing and continue on this healing path. I hope that for every person who looks at themselves and asks, "Is this me?" According to Dr Ramani, NOPE, it's not. Let the healing be about you. Let their behavior be about them. Best to all
Being alone is a survival skill choice; being "lonley" is the abusers punishment to us!
Dude, every video you make is gold
Dudette! LOL! 😂
This brought to tears..none of my accomplishment were celebrated and I actually completed my first year of law school each degree on my own 😢
Congratulations. I wish you all the best in your studies.
❤👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽❤
The resilence description is me! 77 now. Childhood, 2 marriages, 1 divorce, 1 ongoing, 20 years, much of it laced with narcissistic people. What is it all about? I use the word pliable also. Well not knowing about narcissism is the first problem, that is what Dr. Ramani has taught me, all that stuff I was confused about. Realizing that we are lovers, and have a small percentage of a need to control. We are gentle, and can move our love around in so many directions with joy. People, flowers, animals, food, colors, mountains, valleys, stars and a million other things. We notice tiny things. We care deeply. We are not perfect. We don't need much praise. All we wanted was to be gently loved, not controlled, not used for the benefit of the narcissist. Pain has already been placed on our gentle hearts. It can take a long time to recover. Remember this, lonely, resilient person, God loves a pliable human. Listen to your beautiful heart. Be happy that you are caring, loving & special. Not to be prideful, but you have something that the narcissist does not have. Do we choose them? I think most of the time they choose us, at least in adult life. Free yourself from that sorrow & pain, it will take time and realize that you are a very special person with a great capacity to love and the greater the love, sometimes the greater sorrow, as they say the cuts can be deep. But move away from that loss & pain, mentally, take the sorrow as a gift because we have no choice. Pray and love yourself and that special gift you have of bending with the wind, gentle or fierce. Believe in yourself. We are diamonds in the rough. Never believe you are anything less than beautiful. Maybe we are the meek & humble ones, hopefully in the eyes of God. Yes we have been abused and we have many tears but maybe we can learn to understand that we were abused because we represent love that the narcissist needs so badly. So rise up, spread your wings, and know you are a very very special person. Be at peace and show your love in the "little way" that YOU know. So many are suffering in this world. It seems just a smile can be comfortimg. Peace.
💖. P.S. Thank You Dr. Ramani so very much.
Goosebumps and my tears just fell....I feel like I'm listening to my own story of the resilient girl. :(
Yes, I recognize it all in myself, the resilience, empathy and strength, but these do NOT make up for the exhaustion, the never ending grief and loss of happiness caused by my narcissistic mother.
Bless your heart. 60 years of it here.
Me too ladies. .yet I never realized that the same qualities could harm me. .
Maybe that's why I suddenly feel exhausted when there's really no reason. So long away from the situation, but still flashbacks happen when triggered. Even in listening to your stories. Have to take a break at times.
Thank you and do continue to care for yourselves 🙏🕊️💜
Thank you for this brilliant video. Dealing with narcissism gets so exhausting, particularly if you had a narcissistic family. You have to soldier on and use what you have learned to deal with it.
Man, you’re making a huge impact with your videos
I am such a person and thanks to Internet. I find out why my life was so difficult. One of the advice was say goodbye, disconnect all negative persons and take a brake for at least a year. It gives you peace and time to understand what happens in my life
The whole process is indeed about growth. Excruciatingly slow and painful growth. But make no mistake: there's no growth staying in the relationship, regardless of the type of narcissist you're dealing with. None. No matter how many excuses you can come up with for the Narc (trauma, controlling mother, addiction, feelings of inadequacy, etc) Narcs don't have enough empathy to care about anyone but themselves. Don't mistake "use" for "care". Discernment means seeing that. In the Narc or in anyone.
They Like A Teacher....... BUT Not Really For Your GOOD! Basically Try To Keep You Mentally A Kindergarten ALL YOUR LIFE. UNTIL.... YOU FINALLY Wake UP And Leave Is Like Graduation 🎓🥳👌💯
@@valerieriggins3184 You know what they say: " You'll keep meeting the same person in a different body until you learn the lesson".
😢😮 It is so true
Great post
I agree 💯
The videos you’ve made lately have HIT THE nail on the head! Again, this video is spot on for how relatable it is for me! 😮 The last relationship broke the straw on the camel’s back, and I have evolved into a person I never thought I’d ever become. I’ve become strong, discovered deep love for myself. It is indeed a shame I had to learn this through after years of abuse.
Unspeakable😢gratitude for the UNDERSTANDING!!!…
the SUPPORTING REALITY/HONESTY/VISION/GRASP of knowing where and who I AM finally NOW!!!
I'm glad you made this video, it reminds me of my transformation from a nobody to good home, honest wife, $75k biweekly and a good daughter full of love ❤️
Hello, how do you achieve such biweekly returns? As a single parent i haven't been able to get my own house due to financial struggles, but my faith in God remains strong.
I'm inspired.
Please spill some sugar about the biweekly stuff you mentioned
@@WillieAnneMarinIt's Christina Ann Tucker doing she's changed my life. A BROKER- like her is what you need.
I raised 75k and Christina Ann Tucker is to be thanked. I got my self my dream car 🚗 just last weekend, My journey with her started after my best friend came back from New York and saw me suffering in dept then told me about her and how to change my life through her. Christina A. Tucker is the kind of person one needs in his or her life! I got a home, a good wife, and a beautiful daughter. Note: this is not a promotion but me trying to make a point that no matter what happens, always have faith and keep living!
This is a definition of God's unending provisions for his people. God remains faithful to his words.🙏 I receive this for my household
I was listening to this video on way to work and tears were streaming down my face because you were describing me and I now know the person I have become resilient and I have learned discernment ! After a long unhealthy marriage with a narcissistic spouse and still in relationship, you have given me hope and I realize the person I have become is kind and flexible. I can actually say that good thing about me !!!!! I am going thru therapy and the counselor said I can leave anytime but I think God wants me to stay because he is teaching me how to endure these toxic relationships. God sent me your book , workbook and videos to help me. Thank you ❤
Powerful stuff, thanks! Can't find good therapists where I live, but none are as brilliant as you 🤗. Thanks for being here.
I agree, Australia could certainly do with a FEW Dr Ramani,s here.
Thank you so much Dr. Ramani. You have described so much of what I have experienced. I am an older divorced woman and have been so shocked by comments that have been made to me about being single. I've also been shocked by how I've been treated, I am also an introvert and find great comfort in spending time alone. I haven't thought about this time as time to heal, but now realize that's what my craving to be alone might represent. I've thought that I've been alone in these experiences. It so nice to hear that someone knows and understands what I've been going through. Thank you again.
Sending love and support to you. The lack of awareness of others demonstrated today is astounding!
I hear you
You have Dr Ramani,s village of survivors right behind you.
Me too. It's hard but keep moving forward slowly. Keep going and know that I am on the same journey. X
Thank you---all of you for your support. It means so much to me. I am here for you also. Stay strong.❤
You are truly amazing. Thank you for loving us so much and for reminding us how crucial solitude is to our healing. God bless you, Dr. Ramani!💜☮✝☮💜
So, glad you posted this. I'm this post! Very resilient, flexible, and adaptable always figuring it out. But through therapy and religion, I'm good for the most part and Thank God everyday for not being bitter and angry but forgiving. ... Always learning, improving myself so as to not feel the insecurities of the past. Calibration and discernment is ongoing😕 and because of this post I realize necessary. Please continue to provide such great content!!!
I started recognizing the grandiose a mile away really early on, but recognizing vulnerable narcissistic behavior in my romantic relationships took WAY longer... And it took even longer than that to recognize it in friendships. Now I'm SO cautious.
I agree. It was the friendships that hurt the most too.
Wow that's me. Resilient, flexible, adaptable. Even though people who were supposed to help and protect me were not there, I have hope for a life for myself. This is very encouraging. Thank you!
I agree with you. After 33 years of marriage to a narcisstic husband, one outcome is increased empathy, flexibility and resilient.
I never get tired of listening to Dr. Ramani. Every time, she helps me understand what I’ve gone through in life, from when I was a child up until now. Only now am I able to associate the people in my life with the narcissistic abuse to which I was subjected by those I trusted the most: my grandmother, the state, and the three long-term relationships. The last relationship, which was also my marriage, brought me to the point where I gave up my job, friends, family, my country, isolated me, physically and emotionally abused me until I became a wreck, lost 14 kg, and no longer wanted to leave the house. And he’s the one who left me because I was no longer fun, cheerful, and adventurous like when he first met me…😢 That’s how I still am now, six months after he left me in another country, even though I returned to my country, regained my job, reconnected with family and friends, but I find myself crying at work, at meetings with friends. I feel like no one understands me, that narcissism is just an illusion, and that it’s my fault for staying in an abusive relationship for two years…😭😢
This is me. I've had to figure everything out on my own for my entire life. Narcissistic family of origin, narcissistic friends, and just asked my covert narcissist wife of 20+ years for a divorce.
I'm resilient to a point, because I was only able to handle disappointment for so long before it broke me. Of course I always ended up making it worse when I reacted...
I'm so proud of you Alex. You've endured too many harrowing ordeals ❤️🩹
I hope you succeed and live well while you heal. Wishing you a kind and gentle recovery and life 🙏🥳🌞🎁
You are amazing, and I love the end! ❤ I love being with my own company. I feel so grateful to be away from my ex boyfriend. Thank God I didn't Marry him. Thank you for sharing this information with us. You are beautiful inside and out.
Oh my gosh - I could’ve written this exact comment and it would apply to my situation too. I didn’t marry my ex-boyfriend either but I thought I wanted to…ugh what a disaster that would’ve been. 😅
Boom. People praise me for these. Lots of difficulties accepting those compliments because I know where the skills come from and it feels like “f’d up” validation. 😅
Yeah... the whole "You're so strong!!!" as you smile through your knocked out teeth and wave weakly with your one remaining arm. 😂 Bless you, and may the narcs not be with you.
I never realized that I had this sort of resilience until you had brought it to my attention in previous videos. Thank you so much for that. I appreciate you.
19:04 : "After surviving a narcissistic relationship, you've got to know that being alone is far better than being gaslighted" SOOOO TRUE. It's a hard truth to realize and arrive at, but it's true.
0:27 Resilience
14:03 Discernment
26:48 Greater reliance on intuition
33:37 Clarity in values
43:55 Being comfortable being alone
Thank you for redefining the conversation about abuse and the reality of its long term fall out. It’s like a global pandemic that many of the infected are denying even when it consumes their own families and communities.
I went to a therapist once who cried after ONE story of my past. I was like, "Am i THAT broken?" Lol, i found myself making her laugh until she snapped out of it! Then she applauded me for making her smile & added that i had no right to be so kind to others, i should be bitter & angry, but i choose to be happy & use comedy. Needless to say, i never went back to her 😂 i felt like charging her for me pulling her out of HER sadness! I guess i bring this up, because i realize more than ever lately, that this humor has always been my super strength/power, but it's always in the back of my mind: Tears of a Clown 😢
I've been on my own since i was 15, so i guess I'm resilient as hell. I never resorted to anything illegal (well, i lied once about my age to get a job lol) i had always praised myself on that. I guess you never know how strong you are until forced to prove it.
My relationship with a narc really set me back. He convinced me i could never survive without him. I snapped out of it before it was too late... mostly. I'm still a work in progress & you're an amazing help! I can never thank you enough!❤
You are a bright shining light
@@vicihigby269 💓
I love this! ❤ I use humor too!! ❤
I had friends tell me “you are stronger thank you think” & I didn’t believe them. I hurt mostly over the loss of the man he pretended to be - that man was a phony. I went to a magical New England town & did travel nursing at 63, all thru covid. I didn’t date, just got thru every day. Married my college sweetheart & we fall more in love every day. HE is a real man., very strong & so good to me. I will never take him for granted. I tell women with a narcissist, when you find yourself trying to make a grown man understand basic morality, stop talking & start walking. Away.
Incredible !!! Ramani Saved My Life !!! More than a Doctor.... !!! Blessing
Your videos alerted me to Narcissism. I didn't know about it. I thought my now ex was a bit of a control freak, but I didn't know there was a word for it. It wasn't that long before I broke free from it. I even ended up with a shirt on my back and no pressure. I took the opportunity to retire and leave the city. Life is now good.
I respect your classiness to not use the F bomb. It doesn’t make anybody more real or cool. It’s just unnecessary so I salute you, Dr Ramani.
Thank you Dr. Ramani for your support in this evil environment of narcissistic relationship, God bless you. Persevering in Prayers Psalms 1-150👋😇🌹🇯🇲👑🙏
I already so appreciate the beginning of this video. Went to sleep thinking about the last video reflecting on my relationship with my mother and marriage and then extension of. My oldest Daughter Chelsey once telling me MOM WHEN YOU THINK ITS EVERYONE DONT YOU THINK ITS YOU. This is when I was on investigation of everything that had happened to me and how and by who my inheritance was stolen and under attack. I've recently had a lot of ppl come to me telling me how they have heard when asking questions about me as they were looking for me that I am a very nice lady. As I've been hearing this lately randomly. And trust me that my first response was to get defensive "Who said what and why is my name coming up in conversations Oh My God. Then I hear these nice things about me and I feel finally good to know that with all I've been through this is the rumor by complete strangers, city workers, rest stop workers and it feels good. That's the rumor is that I am a very nice woman out here living in my car. Wow. But yes I am resilient there's no doubt and I've been through some very negative feelings over it all. Very hurt by it all.
Healing from a journey of narcissistic abuse is ending up with lessons of moral, integrity, self respect and respect for others. It's to make those lessons parts of who we are, even when the world around us does the opposite. As much as it hurts, I like to think the human experience is about growing through difficult paths for some of us. As much as it's not our fault & it's our biggest battle, it is also our biggest lesson. Thanks Dr Ramani!!! ☺
Trauma sibling bonding is a long transition to end. I finally did this with your help. Always helpful and very insightful!! And to know the truth that I was horrified by this sibling.. and now I recovered. Still counterattacks are always around the corner. Be prepared !
Seeing and challenging gaslighting in real time has been my newly found super power. It's given me more confidence than almost anything else in my life.
Dear Dr. Ramni I have been a long time listener. Your words always strike my heart as true and it’s actually hard to listen to you. When you speak of Being resilient as a good thing, I agree with you. At 50 years old, I look back and see the abuse struggle the pain the guilt leaving while my malignant narcissist husband of 27 years was at work with just a backpack and my daughter and my little dog. My son stayed behind and I haven’t seen him since. Too much to go into here, but I wanted to thank you for going so deep and being so accurate ,words from someone who understands. Im 10 years out. Still learning, trying, still struggling and enduring. By the way I have recommended you to all my psychologists and therapist. Your the best.❤
Man, you really know how to connect with your audience 🤝
Man, you’ve got a real talent for this.
Man, your content is a breath of fresh air
My aunt was somewhere between an aunt and older sister as she never married and never had kids. She died young and never beat the cycle of being tied to narcissistic personalities. She was one of the kindest, most empathetic, creative people I know. I knew from how she talked about her relationships and the journals I later inherited from her that a lot of her experiences are mirrored in me.
I am determined to accomplish the dream we shared: building a happy, safe, and healthy home. I have resources and supports she never had access to, and I am sorting through the wreckage of a year-long narcissistic relationship that tore my home life in my small town apart.
It gives me insane amounts of comfort to read comments from people who understand what all this feels like. So while I wish you weren’t here, I’m glad you are.
Perfect video for me today. People don't understand why I have had to develop hard boundaries with some people and situations.
Dr. Ramani, I am so thankful your videos found me. I can’t stop listening. Many times I have to pause and breathe. All makes all of a sudden sense, I am Ok !!! And FINALLY I have hope to be able to get out of my life long pit hole. Thank you from the bottom of my heart Dr. Ramani 🎉
From someone who cudnt spend an evening alone and felt anxious, to someone who loves solitude I've come a long way. And it's so so peaceful. I'm judged for it all the time. People think I'm depressed but that's far from the truth. I feel depressed if I spend time with frnds and family who only talk about heavily conditioned inane and shallow stuff.
The way you present is awesome, man!
❤ I have so much love, appreciation and respect for you and your journey. You are the most validating, intelligent, and sane person I’ve ever seen. Thank you so much for all your help. This has been my life!
"You can bend but never break me, 'cause it only serves to make me more determined to achieve my final goal." Helen Reddu, "I Am Woman." Thank you, Dr. Ramani.
Your understanding is so real. And your delivery is pleasant and relatable. Thank you!
True, resilience is a blessing to have and I will focus on strengthening my resilience and encourage my children to embrace it along with practising no contact with toxic people! Thank you Dr. Ramani. 🙏☺
Dr. Ramani, you're a BLESSING✨
This was a fantastic compilation of videos clips on Narcissistic abuse & healing afterwards. I really appreciate the "core values" segment and I'm gonna work on this. I took A LOT of notes. Healing is very important to me.😌
This video truly brought me to tears.😢Narcissstic Abuse is no joke and many people can't wrap their head around it or, understand what you been through.
I'm in a battle every day. I was discarded by the Ex-Narcissist bf last year and had to heal from for a while. Soon after that, finally identifying my own father is a toxic, Narcissist & still dealing with him. It's like it never ends and, quite devastating. You start to identify more & more people are Narcissistic/toxic.
Only once I finally remove myself, it may end. But, I think Narcissistic people get very angry once you leave and they feel you "abandoned" them. Guilt is something that can plague me. As an empathic person, I tend to feel bad or like I hurt them. Even though, they hurt me!💯 I need to work on this. Doing the best I can and I am never giving up!!😌
Dude, your energy is contagious ⚡
" ... resilience with a big side-helping of grief." 😮😢 I SO FEEL THIS.
I gained A TON, but not from the narcissistic relationships themselves. But, in learning about narcissism and what not to put up with, even if I had to learn to navigate better or end relationships entirely and decide to be alone.
I think a large number of us, particularly women, are taught to put up with just about everything, from everyone. It’s a norm, that leaves people enmeshed in relationships, if not by psychological and financial issues, then by societal standards. I think maybe a lot of us don’t even consider ourselves to be doormats. Just polite and considerate. Problem is, there’s a breed of people who were never wired and/or taught better. They’re not only structured to walk over others. But to cause them to fail and take pleasure in seeing them fail, oddly enough, out of their own hidden weakness. There’s winning and there’s destruction. Maybe that’s where the phrase, “I destroyed (or crushed) that person,” maybe used in sports and other arenas came from. The point goes beyond winning a competition and degrades to destroying a person, their dreams, goals and life. But, I guess when you’re that weak and feed the wrong wolf, that’s who you become. Learning about narcissism is also a horror in that, there are people who don’t want you to merely lose, but to suffer and die. People who you’ve loved and helped. People who may have been your parent(s).
For me, while I enjoy winning, it’s really never occurred to me that would want to even make someone else lose or that I’d destroy them. I’d hope there’s a next time, when they can win and it isn’t because I come from the “everyone gets a trophy” belief system. The only time I’ve actually felt like destroying someone, is when I found out what I was dealing with and it’s was me or them, in a dual to the death. At that point, there’s no reciprocity, in love and respect and my empathy flatlines. So, it’s also a lesson about myself and my limits.
5 flags, 10 flags, 6 Flags Great Adventures with Narcissists!😂 Sorry, had to.
I think the strength I have is my lack of fear of being alone. 🍒
This is an excellent teaching on an important topic, on being led by our spirits, not by someone’s charismatic glaze💎Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for talking about this topic. How does a would-be victim protect herself, (or himself) from a toxic, and narcissistic a-hole? Getting to know someone, praying to God for wisdom, He knows the answer better than we do. Our own human spirits need to be quiet, and clear, like when we wake up first thing in the morning, so we can hear God’s truth, if someone is safe, or not. And, trust your gut feeling, and heed the voice of God, warning you, inside of you, inside your spirit, and soul ⚠️ 🙏
Charismatic glaze! Wow, that's so good!
Im recovering and reflecting. I realize, no wonder I had difficulties staying focused in school. I spent the hours at school trying to figure out how to avoid going home. I felt more safe being out in the streets than being home. My living situation was more than just narcissistic. Thank you for making more sense of things bit by bit I am growing.
Resilience towards good change is the way to go.
thank you for sharing your wisdom, Dr. Ramani 💜 dealing with some major backlash right now and this is the exact reminder i needed. gonna need to watch multiple times
❤🙏Dr. Ramami, this astute advice, these learned teachings are so precious to me. ❤️🙏✨
I thank you from the bottom of my heart!
I thank God for women like you & sincerely pray that you be blessed, massively, & that good karma surround you.
Sending you massive respect & love. ✨🙏❤️💯🏆🎯✨✨✨
I have a friend who has taught me what I like and enjoy matters. I finally pay attention to what I enjoy now and I am so grateful for learning what a good friend really does.
Wow this video was so informative! Thank you for sharing quality content Dr. Ramani! ❤
Motivating and uplifting.. helpful for survivors.. the skills they develop being in the relationship.. I guess we are looking at the bright side.. but I could do without the lessons and struggles.. which were unnecessary and only inflicted cos they felt like it. Like.. one person told me, you have unnecessary threshold of tolerance to the point that you don't even realise what is abuse and what needs patience.
Man, you always come through with quality content
I wasn’t aware of the variety of “Nar-nar’s” and have noticed I collect these personalities like Pokémon. It wasn’t until I lost everything I’ve ever worked for through complete minimization of movement, receptivity, and resources that I cut 90% of the people in my life off and hit a hard reset. I managed to survive my own self blame/harm and came to you videos which is saving my life right now. It was the betrayal blindness video that set this (different types of Narcs)all off. I thank you for the years of work you put into these videos and am forever grateful! You are a hero in my eyes to many. ❤
Great work doctor
❤goddelle bless you. Nobody praises the crazy hard work we have to do . This is finally praise . And it’s coaching- fine tuning it. My daughter AND i are these gritty persistent and agreeable there for every friend.
Thank you
Thank you
Thank you
100% Alone is a feeling that started as unable-to-breathe. Over the years it turned into satisfaction, and now I feel like challenging myself. Your insight is part of the reason why.
Surviving long term narcissistic abuse actually feels like surviving as a POW or hostage.
I feel like on invisible person
Thank you sooo much for your video. I need the constant reminder that I’m worth the respect. And yes, it does feel like an out of body experience. But so worth it.
Thank you so much for this! I have a new "go to" video when I feel particularly low.
Man, your videos never get old