Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers-A Secret Fear We All Share and Are Afraid to Admit
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- Опубліковано 17 жов 2024
- Many daughters of narcissistic mothers share a secret fear, a fear we are afraid to admit to.
Narcissistic mothers cause daughters to fear to have their own children. Daughters of narcissists can heal this fear once they know the fear exists. Narcissistic mothers are often jealous of their daughters and project their feelings of dissatisfaction upon them. This is not a fear daughters of narcissistic mothers easily admit to since most people only shame them further for daring to speak their truth. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Many daughters of narcissistic mothers have written to me and asked me to do a video about the secret fear of having children. This video is for them. If you are the daughter of a narcissist, you now suffer a mother wound. You have not been permitted to attach to love. Within you, you may feel separate and alien even to yourself. This is not your fault!
Daughters of narcissistic mothers who have never felt loved, unconsciously do not feel worthy of love and fear they will do to their own children what was done to them. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Narcissistic mothers use their daughters as a source of narcissistic supply.
Daughters and sons of narcissists naturally love their mothers and seek their approval quite organically.
When this need to bond and feel seen is frustrated, many daughters of narcissists develop secret fears that are at the helm of many of their life decisions.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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If you are the daughter of a narcissist, please know you can heal once you acknowledge this fear exists. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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If you are the son of a narcissist, and you fear having children of your own like daughters of narcissistic mothers do, know that it is possible to confront these fears, process them, objectify them and make new decisions that are based on an authentic personal truth.
Healing is possible!
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Lisa A. Romano is a Life Coach and bestselling author who specializes in helping people reclaim their lives through ascending old thought patterns and healing faulty subconscious programs. She is an expert in the fields of codependency, narcissistic abuse, and elevating consciousness. She is also one of the most popular meditation teachers on Insight Timer and is the creator of the 12 Week Breakthrough Coaching Program. To her credit, Lisa creates online programs that help others organize their minds and create peace in their lives.
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Thank you for watching Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers-A Secret Fear We All Share and Are Afraid to Admit
#narcissisticmother #daughterofnarcissisticmother #narcissisticmotherdaughterrelationship
I'm so glad I found you Lisa.
My mother was a complete narcissist, and I never felt loved by her, all her problems in life were put on me being a bad daughter, then she'd run to anyone who'd listen, and use me as the excuse for her being unstable.
I was kicked out after just turning 17, where as my sister who was 9 years older than me, was shipped off to our Grandparents at 14, and my mother had the audacity to blame it on my big sister being bullied at school. Maybe this was the case, but my mother was too weak willed to stand up for her.
I had all boys, but I was very young, and God love them, their life was no picnic, as I hadn't figured out yet how the abuses I suffered at my mother's hands had affected me, and they suffered for it. I was a nervous wreck raising them, and became an alcoholic, which almost tore us apart, but they hung in there with me, and I thank my lucky stars that they did, or I wouldn't be here.
Sadly, my mothers actions affected all of my siblings, in particular my two brothers. My youngest brother was the apple of her I, and she of course tried to turn him against me, but she lost battle thankfully. My eldest brother became just like my mother, and is not a kind or loving person, but pretends to be, and as for my older sister, well, she's just like our mother. Her daughters have nothing much to do with her, and moved country, and now she has only the boys, who she seems to overtly dote on.
My mother lost not only me through her abuse, but also my children, her grandchildren, and my Dad who I loved dearly, just didn't know how to fight back, so I lost him to suicide, as she'd no love for him either, this broke my heart.
It took a long time, but with help from a good therapist, my sons who love me for all my past issues, and without them I wouldn't have coped.
Thank you again for posting this, and for reading this epic rant..LOL
Cheers Lisa, you're a gem hen. Xxx
PS: I've been sober for many, many years now..
Accidental Anarchist I AM SO SORRY YOU HAD TO EXPERIENCE THIS! AND YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY. SO SORRY.. THANK GOD YOUR CHILDREN STOOD BY YOU AND YOU FOUND HELP! THERE IS HOPE! KNOW YOUR VALUE. TAKE CARE OF... YOUR SOUL... PERIOD!
I was the scape goat. My mother distroyed all my relationships with my siblings. Then I had a daughter who was also a narcissist. I was 50 years old before I learned about narcissistic personallity disorder. My mother passed away 10 years ago and I have not heard from my daugther in 6 years. I greived my mother because I never had a mother. I grieve that my daughter will never know emotions. I dont miss either one...There is just a saddness realizing they both are were very very ill.
Your sons love you and i read you love them. You must be sweet and loving, so you have much more than many others. I feel sorry for your father, you will see him again. 💗🤍💙
.
Understand completely, and you read about something that you can’t understand how to explain, I’m now completely ruined, homeless lost everything.. scared to be near my own daughter because I could hurt her… but I hope truly you feel in better place .. at least I hope someone has fought and got away… his luck
No children...no regrets...I'm parenting my own inner child..she's happy now...neglected for too long but no more...much love to all...thank you xxxx
Good for you dear one xoxox
48 me too ..i overparented in my youth
Beautiful & Inspiring 💖
I was 23 when my daughter was born. I was determined NOT to do to her what was done to me. It was a very healing experience to love her the way I was never loved. My mother tried to insult me saying I do everything opposite of her. I consider that a great compliment as apparently that’s true and I’m proud of it!
Honestly the nicest thing i think a narc could say
My mother rages when I tell her I went very far out of my way to be nothing like her. My kids are very peaceful & happy, it's an amazing feeling to build your own family after abuse.
You are very brave and wise. I wish I can follow your steps with my daughter. Thanks for sharing your story. It taught me that it is possible to not repeat the pattern with our own child.
If your own mother doesn't love you, how can anyone else ever love you? All I ever feel from my mother is hate. Even when she is being polite to me.
Mother said get away Creep when i once wanted to sit with her as a child. I always felt I was a Creep. She is the Scandal of this town and should have been in jail if it was this day and age.
If you learn to love yourself you ll get people who love you and you deserve it i know it is hard for a kid who never experienced unconditional motherly love myself included but you deserve it i just think of myself as an orphan who was raised by evil strangers orphans dont experience that love too this helped me a lot
@@bigfoot91 I am so sorry to hear that. She was probably just projecting, meaning she felt deep inside that she was a creep. I'm sure you are lovable. In fact I know it x
i am sorry. i feel you
You have to love yourself
I actually became more determined to have children so that I could be the mother I never had. And I am. I have two sons and a stepdaughter I helped raise since she was 1 year old.
And when I became a young adult, my mother used to tell all her friends that she can't imagine me having children. That she pictured my sister (who was gay) with children but not me. I gave her her only grandchildren and all over Facebook she boasts the about how my kids are so much like my brother and sister.
@kris777 I had a similar experience. Before I was married and I dreamed of having a baby one day- I yearned for a separate human being who would love me and who was separate from my mother. After I got married and we found out we were expecting, I went into panic mode. A- I was determined that my kids would never question whether their mom loved them- that I'd finally have something tangible that was my own, away from my mother's judgment. And B- if I really think about it deep down, I hoped that through the way I parented my children, my mother would finally be proud of me. I was naive to expect the latter could have ever been a possibility. But the thought of becoming a mother felt a bit like liberation. I knew I'd stand through fire before I let her hurt them. Im not sure if this is true of other codependents, but as I've grown older, the instinct to protect the "weak" has become strong. I think I knew that having my own babies would give me the courage to say "No more" to my nmom.
I could see myself being the same way, but I would never do something so cruel as to bring a child into the world and expose him/her to HER. **THAT** is why I don't want children--I don't want ANY REASON for my mother to want to get closer to me. EVER. She has this fantasy life of hers all planned out--that I will have a kid by the time I"m 40 and she will move in to help with the baby. Well, I'm 39 in a few days, single, AND THAT IS NOT HAPPENING. I am my mother's retirement plan....... Well, wake up, lady---I plan never to speak to you EVER AGAIN.
Good to know I'm not alone in that... I remember from quite an early age thinking about the children I might have one day and vowing to never hurt them as I had been hurt. I tried hard to be a good mother to my 3 and hope I've raised 3 physically, emotionally and intellectually healthy people..
kris777 i felt the same way! I had my kids with determination to raise my kids right. I am not perfect and am still working on my codependancy but I am currently in therapy and am hoping it helps. It is hard when you dont have the model of a healthy family. This is something missing from the self help community. We can identify the problem but if you dont see what healthy is you cant understand as well.
My mother destroyed me mentally. Time to fix myself.
Hannah Burns how's it going
Hannah Burns your not alone. Hang in there girl my mom destroyed me too. I hope we both can heal! I support you I hope that means something even if I am a stranger. I hope your doing well!
Yes,same here..I work hard in my recovety for to fix my self..
Its goes forward...,get more self confidence and selfworth..🤗👍
@@alianajacobs5703 Mee too,you are not alone in the world...🤗💛🤗
Hannah Burns sending love and hugs to you
My 52 year old NARCISSISTIC sister destroyed our younger sister born in 1975.
Christy is now 44 yrs old and is now on her way to self- healing. I advised her to go NO CONTACT towards this NARCISSISTIC sister and been educating her by sending videos about NARCISSISTIC ABUSE
She is happy now ang thriving with her husband and two daughters
these videos have saved my life. i am that girl who has no one left. i see it really wasnt me thats crazy.
i feel you...realizing my mom never loved me really helped me in a way was a wonderful release.
Jessica Giuliano losing everything after a relationship with a psychopath, I researched and researched. I learned what was wrong with him, yet ended up in yet a more destructive relationship with a police officer. Then I finally started asking questions about me, Life is still so challenging, often I don't feel like I belong, and I don't want others near me all that much, I keep wondering what do they want from me, I have nothing more to give. It's a process, I guess.
Jessica Giuliano me too 😩😢
Jessica Giuliano yes! Me too girl!
Having nobody is better than having toxic people in your life
Sadly I never succeeded at having my own family due to my narcissist mom. It sucks and it's very heartbreaking. Healing from this type of abuse is extremely difficult.
Tatiyana S you can get there. just be aware that you can easily draw another narc to you. maybe read the book Attached. it did a lot for me.
Thanks, I saw the website for the Attached book & took the questionnaire and think it will help. : )
Tatiyana S you're not alone I never got married or had any kids I decided that my mother was my husband I didn't need two of them. she don't guilt trip as much because I told her that trick wasn't going to work anymore. my mom would always try to tell me what I could and couldn't say as well. I finally told her if I couldn't talk in this town which is an hour from me that wasn't going to come see her anymore . what worked for me is I stopped going to the same hairstylist, grocery store etc . now I only see her about once a month and I actually enjoy her a little bit
Tatiyana S. Can you share something about your relationship with your mother- what it looked like, and how it affected you in this case?
Tatiyana S
(((( S a m e ))))
I discovered this and other videos on narcissistic abuse two weeks ago by accident. I'm 63 and my mother has been dead for 11 years but I never felt free of her. Her voice was a constant accomplement to my life. For the first time in my life my world made sense. I know that I'm not crazy I was just conditioned to think so. No, she didn't love me. Yes, she did use me and manipulate me. No, I could never be enough for her. Yes, she was self absorbed, vain, totally lacking in empathy and a world class lier. No, I'm not invisible and yes, I am worthy of love and connection. Thank you Lisa for helping me understand. I wish someone had told me about her years ago. I've felt guilty for not liking her my whole life and was ashamed to say so.
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are NOT crazy dear one!!!! Please join my facebook group and please, if possible check out my next 12 Week Program; a program to help you heal the wounds this relationship dynamic created in you--that were never your fault! 12 Week Program
www.lisaaromano.com/12-week-breakthrough-coaching-program
Facebook
facebook.com/groups/adultchildrenofalcoholics/
@@JJ-yr7po when you hear her voice immediately think of your fav color food most comfy sweater anything....and redirect your mind. Say i am beautiful and No one is perfect to yourself.
Good luck. You will be ok. .
I am a 31 year old daughter of a narcissistic mother and emotionally abusive step father. I have been told that I was a mistake, I am a disappointment and I've been called "baggage" by both my parents. Unfortunately due to my financial struggles I am stuck living under their roof and their constant abuse that has extended into my adult life.
I never realized that my mother was a narcissist until this past weekend. I recently started a weight loss program in the hopes that shedding some weight would improve my self image and overall emotional well being. My mother tried to force me to weigh myself in front of my entire extended family who laughed at my expense. I was obviously humiliated and upset but my mother blamed me the entire experience.
Since then I have spent hours researching narcissistic parents and I was shocked to realize I am the daughter of such parents. I have absolutely no idea how to connect with my mother and it has broken my heart for years.
I'm so sorry to hear what you've gone through. I, too, am the daughter of a (covert) narcissist and I have always described it has the biggest heartbreak of my life because I, too, have always wanted a healthy and living relationship with her and it has been far from that. I'm now mid 40's but truly began waking up to the FULL reality of this in my later 30'scand could see all the repercussions that this trauma and uobringing has had on my life and relationships etc., I have had to go completely NO CONTACT with my NM and am beginning to heal now and honestly I've had to grieve A LOT and that is a huge part of the recovery process that cannot be minimized as there is a lot to grieve. But, I learned to (finally!) let go of wanting a relationship WITH HER. She is INCAPABLE. The evidence is ALL THERE proven by her actions over a very long span of time and the picture she has painted is far from "pretty". It takes a lot of strength and courage to face this fact that your own mother is a narcissist but, it is KEY of you're going to give yourself the opportunity to heal and remove yourself from her reach and begin to take back control of your own life and have a chance for a happy and narc-free future. I just wanted to comment here because it sounds like you're still hanging onto the hope of having a relationship with here of quality and true genuine warmth and love that is mutual . If you're mother is truly a narcissist that will be IMPOSSIBLE because they are NOT CAPABLE of this. Get out as soon as you can and away from her influence and educating yourself is such a crucial first step that you've already begun taking. Wishing you the best of luck and much healing, clarity of mind and peace on your journey
+Phoenix Rising, thank you for the support. Thankfully I have very supportive siblings, especially my sister, who are also at the mercy of both my parents and it gives me strength to have some family to lean on emotionally.
After reading so many comments from other adult children of narcissistic parents it gives me strength to know that I am not alone in the world and it isn't all in my head. For years I have been made to feel like I am the crazy outcast. Now I know in my heart that isn't true.
Wonderful to hear this and very happy for you that you have this support of your siblings, which is truly a huge blessing! I wish I were in the same boat. UNFORTUNATELY, I'm the only female and have several older brothers and they all pretty much kiss her a$$ and though 1 of them was, for many years, my one and only confident in the family I've since had to even go NC with him because his alliance I've now seen is with his brothers and NM and it's just really beyond sad to see how a narcissistic mother can divide and destroy relationships amongst her own children. I know for sure that there holding out for "pay day" when she finally passes as she has $ and has always used that also for influence and manipulation, covert as it may be. So, I didn't draw the "blessed" card that you did when it came to siblings who will stand by and stand up for me and it's made it quadruple the amount of losses to grieve and I guess I have to believe it has made me stronger. PEACE to you :)
Tamsyn Bouttell Run away! Don't live your life like that, it's not worth it, for one more second. You deserve better! We all do.... If you want to change yourself you've gotta get out of that situation. I always thought about running away. I felt like I was adopted. At 44 I'm outta that situation, but it took me over 39 years. Ay cayamba!!!
Tamsyn Bouttell I really hear you....I feel the same..... it is shameful, rather, I am a shame.
I always WANTED to have children because I wanted to PROVE I could be a better mother to my children than my mother was to me... I had them earlier than I expected to, though. I wish I would've understood and worked on my self a bit more before I had to give so much of that self to my kids.
YES!!!
I Don t want to have a child Who will live the same misery as i did. I life in the darkness. I Don t want to bring a child to earth that will experience what i did emotionally
Same here, Irene. Not to mention I don't want to expose a child to HER. That would be just plain cruel.
I do not blame you :( Hugs!
Irene Irene This is what I fear for the children suffer the most, keeping good men like me away from marriage and Father hood, I fear this is not a mentally stable generation as far as narcasstic trained girls already growing up today, same for a parent trained boy narcassist, I'm so afraid of raising children in this evil world! Is something wrong with me?
In my case, I don't want to be with a controling narcasisstic female for a partner, I'm not the one that would be as she Is called, abusive and mentality unstable as she is! As a humble Godly Christian Man, I just can't be in that type of abusive relationship, never ever!
No one should ever be in a relationship like that no matter who they are. My mother is one of those people of which you speak and I wish my dad had the courage to leave her because she treats him terribly. I'm lucky that I get to walk away and never speak to her again but he has to go to sleep next to that beast every night. It's his choice though, and that makes me sad because I've had to cut off contact with him as well. I wish he saw things a bit more like you did.... He's 78 but is still going strong, I wish his last years could be happy. She's 68 and will likely live FOREVER--they always do. For some reason their vileness tends to keep them alive ;)
Holy cow!!! I didn't know that how i have felt my whole life was a thing that other people experience! I'm in tears right now as I have finally found a "name" to what I went through growing up and now how i feel as an adult !! Thank you so much for making this video! My mother was a natcissistoc alcoholic. Now she's a "sober" bitter narcissist! Now I have a name to what she is! my whole life I couldn't understand so many things about my mother! I'd always said I didn't want children because of all the reasons you stated! My husband and I do have one son and I was scared to death! Thank you for showing me the right road for true recovery!!!!!
Robin S Isn't it a relief when you're finally able to identify it? That's half the battle because it is SO complex dealing with N's!
Anna Wins No kidding! I was explaining what I have found and have discovered when I came across this. I didn't even know this existed and yes it is so complicated there's so many levels abuse, shaming, making you look bad in front of other people and then when you react you're the emotional one! I am so so excited and relieved to know that this thing actually has a name and after all these years of trying to work on myself and overcome the toxic relationship I have with her now I know the right direction to start to heal even more! while I was explaining this to my husband I started crying in a way I haven't cried in years it was Joy and relief and so deep it felt amazing! I'm NOT the bad one!! I feel so enlightened! Thank you for your comment! That Ment the world to me!!
Yes me too i have finally identified what my problem has been for ages. Am glad i can put a name to it.
My mother damaged me so deeply that I cried until i would vomit once i found i was pregnant.
he is my best friend and i walked this journey at first for him and now for us. difficult journey but so rewarding to reach peace.
Thank you for these videos
carmen sierra Mee too since I was a baby..,first now in age of 55 I begin to heal..
Yes,mee too..Been.sick in my stomac,,I was totally destroyed and programmed to only "love" and seek toxic ,violent and dangerous narcs..(coindipence and peoplepleasing)
After I go NO contact with my nm since nov 2017 my life been better and BETTER...🤗✊🤗
THANK YOU SO MUCH. I was sobbing after you brought up not wanting to have children, not wanting to pass it on. My half-brother and I both have this fear because of how our mother abandoned him and the way she raised me. It's so clear now, thank you. I have hope that I can get past this now.
you're not alone dear one...xoxoxo
my 2 brothers and myself had no children. My cousins who were abused did not either. we all felt too guilty of how defective we are to have kids.
my Mom was cold and had cold empathy. She mostly chose to smile big and bright for her friends, BUT NOT US!
Chelly McNuggets same I'm only 12 and I already decided never to have kids. i don't want to hurt them the way my mom has, and still is hurting me.
I get that-- I stopped eating wheat because it made my mom mean, my brother mean and my sister crazy mean and my sister mean as well. I stopped eating all wheat and I feel better enough to know this is why they acted mean and crazy. I would have kids now but it's too late.
I think your videos are great and I thank you! I work as a therapist and I am also a survivor of childhood parental narcissism. Thank God I healed enough and in time to have my daughter at age 39! She has the childhood I deserved. I am now continually adding to my education so I may help myself and others. I’m so glad I found you!
I am honored you are here xoxoxo
Good for you Lisa, xx
I recommend looking up Teal Swan on youtube. She is the best kind of continual education I've found. Xo.
I step mother a child that has a 28yr old extreme narssistic mother. She won't clean,cook,buy,food,do home work, she tries to out do us whilst ignoring her child's scholastic needs and most she is verbally and physically abusive to her boy friend in front of this child. The court won't recognize any damage done. Is there any way to get the court to understand vs having a therapist report with a lawyer to re do placement orders?
Awesome!
Too true. Exactly why I won't have kids. Also, it's why I'm not close to my niece, who looks just like me. I'm glad she's loved and cherished, but it's hard too, to see my mother treating her the way she should've treated me. she's got other grandkids too, whom she's never treated badly. Also, the same with my brothers, she treated them grand. I'm too emotionally messed up for being in charge of another soul x
Hi Bjorklova81, I feel the exact same way as you do too emotionally messed up to raise another life. Hugs!
Bjorklova81 I completely understand; I feel jealous when my nieces get treated better than I did by my Narc step mother. I too felt too emotionally messed up to feel deserving of children... I was afraid I wouldn't be able to be the type of parent I wanted to be... I wanted to be perfect. I was so afraid of doing something wrong, and I too was depressed about the thought of my children being mistreated by her, while she favored her biological grandchildren. The pain that I felt at Xmas, when I had gotten a shirt from Target, and my sister getting a pair of Italian boots from Macy's was excruciating. I had to see my other two sisters feel the pain of that too, and it broke my heart... I couldn't bare the thought of leaving my children with her for fear of her "sneaky" digs, unwarranted punishments, and looks of disgust. And this broke my heart because my father was still married to her, which meant he would be deprived too. He didn't know how to handle her crazy covert narcissistic behavior....I found out about what and who she is, just three days after his death.... I wish he could have been alive for me to explain all the craziness that made no sense all those years. My heart is broken. I feel like he died of a broken heart too because he had to follow her rules or she would make his life miserable. He had us three girls from a previous marriage, and then he had three with her... she was jealous of us, and she treated us step kids like dirt... She threatened to divorce him and take the other children away if he didn't let her get her way. Especially with me, the oldest. I was the scapegoat, and she forced him to choose between her or me.... so sick. She created a barrier between my father and me and the other two girls. She didn't care that it broke his heart. I hate her to this day and when he died, she didn't shed a tear.
Lynn Olmsted 💜
I'm jealous of how they always treated my brother better than me. Part of me thinks it's because they wanted a boy but got me.
same here! I was the youngest of 3 and the only girl! I was the only one my mother tormented as far as I can remember 😵
I have had this vicious circle for years..and how it has affected me personally n professionally..now I have cut ties from family and friends to work on my true destiny and self for happy soul...it feels lonely but there is nothing left to go back to
nidhi jain don't feel lonely we are all here to chat with you about it all. :)
this video makes me cry so much...this is my story and it's always been so tough to speak about it.
m
I do understand you.even up to now it seems impossible ti talk about it.i didnt even have a name for my mental problem. Am certain am on my way to healing
Destar Dimtsu Menen gurlllll i feeel you me tooo ma
i had a narcissistic mother, she passed at the age of 80 several years back. I never worried about having children because my mother left me with the legacy of Complex PTSD, i have multiple personality disorder (dissociative identity disorder) because of her abusive treatment of me. The "shell" that prevented my awareness of 10 personalities, so far, shattered this past may (2017). Life has been interesting since but because i compartmentalized all the memories of my abuse i did not do the same to my kids.
Thank you Lisa. This is gold. I too was young having my first child at 25. I was so lonely and wanted a child because I wanted someone to love me. How naive & childish I was then. I treated my daughter the same way as my mum treated me, so now my girl dislikes me as I dislike my mother. Poor girl. I love your videos because they are so real. It's soul destroying to be brought up the way we were. NEVER ever being seen. No wonder I feel so lonely. 🙏🏻
Yes dear one...you make sense--we all do...there is a valid reason for all that we feel. The goal must be however, to heal it all...and rise above it so our children, future generations and our planet can heal as well...
I had my first child at 20. He does not speak to me. Walked out of my life . I have no idea where he is.
wow never heard this said out loud before. i thought i was alone
This is me.
I conscionsely made the decision not to have children because I was afraid I would be like my mum, even though I didn't know she was a narcissist then, but I knew 'something' was wrong.
Thankyou Lisa ☺
Healing a lil bit more everytime I sit my self down and listen to you.
This was my mother. I remember dating a guy she loved. I wasn't in love and didnt see a future together so I had to break it off. She got angry and would say Well do whatever you want very passive aggressive. Then she wouldn't talk to me for a couple of days. When I was 25 and had a good job I was going to move into an apartment with some friends and she made me feel guilty. She would say there is something wrong with a girl who wants to leave home who isn't getting married. Then I was dating a guy and had a really bad painful period and she accused me of having a miscarriage. When she wanted me to date her friends son she reminded me that he only dates beautiful girls. Told me I don't know how to flirt. Dress up and wear makeup cause I liked being natural. When I would do things different, she would tell me I just do things to be different. She always had to involve herself in my personal life. When I wanted to spend some time alone and not date for awhile she accused me of being a lesbian. One time I got caught with my college boyfriend performing oral sex. She made me feel horrible, called me a whore and said she almost got into a car wreck over this. She then wouldn't talk to me for days. She wanted me to be a carbon copy of herself. I wasn't. When I said I don't want kids, she lost it. Called me selfish and mean. Told me no man is going to want a woman who doesn't want kids. I wanted to travel. She always tried to make me feel guilty if I didn't go along with what she wanted. I couldn't seem to make my own decisions regarding my own life without her interference. When she passed away yes I was sad but part of me felt some sort of freedom. I know it seems like a terrible thing to feel, but I always felt like she was going to dominate my life.
Oh my god. This was so moving. And triggering, in a good way. Because it validates.
wow, this was a great thing to hear. it sounds like your children are thriving in all the best ways...bravo good mama!!
Just coming across your videos, wow! Learned so much binging.
.....btw...I knew by the time I was 10yrs old that I never wanted children. I knew, that young unfortunately, that the chain needed to be broken(didn't know why, was just a strong gut feeling) and I felt that I would never know how to be a good, kind mother..."to mother". I'm 52 now and just learning about narcs & the abuse and now I understand why I have been subconsciously drawn to narc relationships...GROSS!🤢
So thank you for your videos, they have truly given me much inner strength & enlightenment.
Love & Light sister from another mister💜
good for you--the healing has begun!!!!!
yes! At age 14 I decided I wasn't having children. Any adult I told would just smile and humor me. My first full time job was working for planned Parenthood Federation.
I'm sixty now. I like kids but I don't regret not having any of my own.
@@lisaaromano1 thank you
Indigo Dancer me too - never married but attracted people who gaslight me. I'm a loner with a lot of hobbies.😉
I am determined to rewire myself, to learn to validate myself and heal from narcissistic abuse. This is exactly why i didnt want children but after becoming aware i decided i did. I am currently raising my baby boy on my own while watching your videos everyday. i dont want him to go through feeling invisible. You are helping me so much xx
I think one of the things that has helped with my recovery is Jesus. My counselor said she was surprised that I was even capable of having healthy relationships (and I genuinely do) but it's all because of the grace of God and the presence of a literal reslzaionship with Jesus in my life...I honestly don't know how I made it where I am but I think that when I was little, turing to God and reading the Bible was huge.
Aspects of this video sealed to me and others didn't. My husband and I are working on the foster care process. I don't want bio kids (well I don't see a difference between adoption and bio. Humans are humans and need to be loved) but know I want kids and I'm soo scared...But I think I have a decent support system that is helping me with the fear.
Thanks for the talk. I do have elements of co-dependency but overall I'm ok not being loved/validated by others. It's funny because some of the narc characteristics I inherited from my dad and others I rebelled against but for some reason, God has given me the grace to use them for good...It's funny (but in an interesting way...ugh the English language needs a word for this)
I was abused in the name of God. She turned God into an abuser for me. Glad you found God as an escape.
Can u adopt me ...
Thank you for your platform..I have discovered after 53 yrs of living that my mother was a Narcissist, which breaks my heart into pieces..all of the horrible treatment I went through, I believed was an okay way to raise children because it was if the norm..boy was I wrong!..I got pregnant at 17 with my daughter, and it was the best thing that happened to me..it save my life..I had no thought for myself and was under complete control of my mother and had no right to express any emotions, or there would be rages and I then punishment, so I kept my mouth closed, but when I found out I was pregnant I became very bold to protect my daughter because there was no way that I would subject my daughter to that abuse..my mother actually showed compassion and love (whether fake or not) to my daughter that she never showed me. She told me that if I ever left out of her home( which I did anyway at age 27), that I was not to ever come back, but that my daughter could returned..I was very baffled. Now I see through your forum and other that it was truly her trying to keep me under her thumb of control, so glad I broke free from her presence, but still dealing with the ramifications of the damaged she caused me. Thank you again because your channel have help us that are suffering to began healing.
I am honored to know my work might be helping you figure this all out xoxoxo
Michelle Mee too..,from Trondheim Norway🌷
I don't want to have children because I don't want them to be exposed to my mother. My mother would feel she had the right to see them and I would feel violated if she did.
I felt the same as you. But isn't it interesting how these so called mothers win again by making us feel better to not bring souls into the world that can love us just because we're their mother. Choosing to not have kids as so many of us have means less responsibility but less people close to our own hearts. Truly a crime.
This is my fear. I feel like I will have to choose between my mother and my child's well being. I'm also concerned that my mom will persuade my child to hate me.
D W
I have 2 boys and my mother tries to control them thinking she's the mother. She's gotten worse with age and I am at a point where I will not tolerate her doing to them what she did with me and my brother. I don't know how I am not the girl who died because of ignorance and neglect, is all I have to say about her.
I used to dream and pray that my parents would get a divorce so I could choose to go with my dad and not have to live with my mom anymore. Because of an unfortunate situation, we are stuck under the same roof still.
You made the right choice to not have children, it's part of breaking a cycle. I just hope I didn't cause too much damage to mine. I do find myself trying to repair the damage I've caused and at the same time, protecting them from my mother.
I didn't let my mother spend much time with my daughter. Luckily, she moved out of state
Wow. I never even considered that my dislike for children actually stems from fear....thank you.
I now understand now my narcissistic mother, til this day she says comments to belittle me or says things to make me think I'm stupid, she seems to have conditional love for me, it's sad, but because I'm a born gain Christian now I feel obligated to do my best to help her as she is now elderly as much as I can tolerate being around her, but it's sad as soon as I 'm done with whatever she needs Im in a hurry to go to leave, it's so sad how her uncaring unloving attitude distances us I never knew how to identify this until now, thank you for your video I now have 2 boys that I'm raising and this has made me aware to be aware to not treat my boys like my mother treated me.
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I never felt like it was me-I always knew it was her. I'm a strong personality though. I also never had a deep need to have children. It has nothing to do with my mom. I never had the desire. Having children, or not having children doesn't define me as a woman.
I thank people like you for sharing your experience and wisdom on regards to this subject matter. I heard the term narcissist a few times in the past, but didn't know what it meant. Nor do I know that I grew up with a toxic, emotionally, and verbally abusive mom until a couple of years ago. She still is emotionally and verbally abusive towards me. Even when I was really sick a couple of months ago. She showed the world that she was an awesome mom by taking off work and staying up here with me to help keep an eye on my son if I was hospitalized. But the whole time she was here. She was argumentative, dismissive of my feelings, and was disrespectful towards the way that I wanted to keep my house. I gladly took her back home at the end of July. She was literally disturbing my peace. I feel better in my spirit/mind now that she is gone.
Your teaching certainly plays a role in my ability to heal from 11yrs chronic, debilitating pain. Healing the inner child has aided me tremendously. Thank you so much for all the incredible material you make available & free to all. You hold a bright light up for those of us seeking this type of guidance. We love you Lisa 🦋
I’m seven years deep into my own chronic, debilitating illness, which has prevented me from working and forced me two years ago to move back into my abusive parental home. Your comment gives me hope, Laura.
@@akayiatosyou got this!
Thank you. I have a daughter, but am still horrified of having more children. I am insanely cautious of how I respond to my daughter. Thanks for your videos.
I simply hate my mother for this
I don't think hating her mom is not taking charge of her life. I think anger is healthy, a stage of grieving too. Assuming all this from her statement, Camper292000, is pretty judgemental. Saying everythings has some easy solution or giving unsolicited advice is not understanding the extent of the long term effects of a NPD parent. Plus, it's not very validating. Something I think too many of us have had too much of growing up. A lot of what you are stating is 12 step stuff, and if there is anything I learned in CoDA, is not to relapse by trying to control and fix others, because you do not have their answers, just your own.
Debra Sweeney dont let it eat You up, sweet person! i had strokes and palsy hating my mother... i want better for You! okay?😘😘😘
I don t hate my nm more,but she ia now an "NON existent person" and NOT wanted in my life✊.
So NO narc drama in my life..✊
I understand how you feel....Narcissistic parents or guardians don't have to take care of children...
Thank you! I just shared this with my daughter, (I couldn't even wait till the end of the video), I apologized and we are going to start this healing journey together! I'm in tears "happy, joyful tears"
I also feel that most of us are older by the time we find out we have had narcissistic parents... sad but true . even as an older woman healing now I still feel this was very helpful
I would like to tell you Lisa that your videos have helped me so much on my healing journey from being raised by a narcissistic mother and disconnected father. I have been a subscriber for a long time. I have ordered your books and read them. Absolutely the work you are doing has been life changing for me and has helped keep me on this side of the daisies. Thank you.
Wow, I'm 31 soon and I would rather kill myself then having kids (just for the same reason you said) especially a girl. I just want to heal 🙏🏽😭
I've always wanted children, but it wasn't until recently (past year or so), when I figured out that what I was going through isn't normal, that I genuinely became afraid of what I might do. I realize being self-aware is a huge step in the right direction, but it frightens me to think that I could forget this feeling, and treat my kids as I have been treated, and even feel justified in doing so. I've already noticed my social life is barren because of behavior I learned from her, so... I think I have a ways to go before I feel strong enough to give a child the unconditional love he/she deserves.
If I tell my mom she's crazy SHE WILL SHOOT ME lol
PEACHES JOHNSON yep
Your work Lisa is more valuable than you even imagine! Thank you!
I try to get my daughters to start looking at your programmes to help them but they won't dare go near it. They are in so much pain. i see disaster in their marital relationships. I tell them Im a recovering co dependant to give them confidence healing is possible. I worry so much they they will treat their kids the same. All I do now is show them the new me as hope.
Over the past year and a half or two years, your videos have slowly changed my life. It began with looking up traits of my at the time, emotionally abusive and narcissistic boyfriend. You helped me gain the strength to leave and to start looking into my past and figuring out how I got stuck in this cycle of receiving emotional abuse from the same kind of personalities. Turns out I have a narc. mom.
Anyway, this is just a thank you, for taking the time to make these helpful and accessible videos.
Hi Kelsey, I truly appreciate you watching and for sharing a little bit about how these video's have helped you figure out you...You go girl!
Since I was little girl I've unwaiveringly known that I don't want kids. "No fokken way!" Is how I am always quite quick to answer if asked. I always just felt it was a natural conclusion for me for some reason. I don't like kids, actually I can't stand them sometimes. I am examining this conclusion and these feelings in a different light now, and searching my heart for the honest reason for my bielief and considering what you've said. Thank you.
Oh I am so happy dear one--this may all be the result of the way your mom may have made you feel she felt about you xoxoxo Not your fault...
I found your channel about a month ago and you have really been helping me deal with some things in my home; I've had no one to talk to for years and finally am getting some PT sessions in. Thank you for being so clear and open in your videos, my environment and family would never understand some of these subjects and it is much needed and passed on to my brothers and sisters.
This is really interesting. I always felt I didn't want children that it would be cruel to bring people into the world. And the fear was if I ever had children that I wouldn't be perfect, that I'd hurt them some way, and I never wanted that because the feeling of being a hurt helpless child is very much something i'll always remember . I'd rather not have children than know I'd hurt them. I remember being a kid and promising myself if I ever had children I'd never be like "her' but I never sat and thought and recognized clearly the reasons. Thinking more of it now and how you say you did do damage to your own, I really would rather not grow into this adult, forget that promise and betray it. I also was asexual all my life. It makes me make connections. Thanks for the video.
Thank you for your video Lisa A. Romano your amazing! I tried going through several therapist and your the closest I have found on youtube to help go through my issues. It's the beginning of self awareness for me. It's really tough for me to hear the things that happened to me. As a kid I wasn't aware of it but now that I am an adult I am ready to face my demons. I still feel sorry for myself and cry alot because before I didn't do that. I was just scared of being hit if I show emotions. My mom finds tears as a sign of weakness. Only now I can allow myself to mourn the past. Watching your videos gives me hope and the road to my recovery is a long path. I hope one day I will feel myself of how I wanted it to be. A healthy individual who has goals, dreams and aspirations in life and who is happy with herself. Since I have NO contact anymore with my mother I feel so much better!
I haven’t ever wanted kids and I’ve never known why. I am just recently learning my mom is a covert narc so it makes sense now.
My sister and I aren’t close at all but we had one conversation where we talked about not to have kids and we independently arrived at the same conclusion that we can’t bring kids into our messed up family and it’s cruel to do so.
This is HUGE!!!! Thank you so much for your inspiring videos. I've waited ALL MY LIFE to have someone to explain so many of these points. With your videos we are on our way to a brighter day.
My Narc mother always told me that children were terrible, they would ruin your life, and even said over & over to me, that I would be a terrible mother. My brother feared having children and had a vasectomy. I wanted children, & late in life, got pregnant twice, but it wasn't to be, sadly.
I do have a couple of animals however, and they are my fur babies. Love them with all my heart. I would have been a good momma.💝
Thank you for this❤️ I have a 8 month old daughter and I lost all support this is exactly what I needed to hear, please keep sharing your stories!!
I remember by the age of 13 I was declaring that I'd never have kids. Of course I was told I would change my mind but I never did. At that age I don't think I was all that aware of why I was feeling that way but I do know that at some point in my teen years I did realize that much of it was because I was afraid I'd do what my father did to me.
I'm a woman who had a narcissistic and very emotionally abusive father. I also grew up believing my mother was the 'good parent", the "nice parent."
But in all honesty she was quite neglectful and then later (when I'd become an adult) was also abusive in some new ways.
I'm 50 now so to me (although it may be for some) it would not be an option to even adopt, if in fact I realized I would have liked to have kids.
One thing though I notice in the "healing from narc abuse community" is that it is very rare to hear about daughters of narc fathers. It's a bit frustrating. We're deeply effected as well but it seems, not so recognized. However, I am much more aware that my mother was much more toxic than I knew. I'm just not sure that she's a narcissist.
Great topic btw. Your videos have made a big difference for me and I have experienced more than a few light bulb moments.
I also decided in my teenage years not to have children, I didnt know why back then but now I know it was due to my having a narcissistic mother who showed disdain for her children.
Big hugs to you. :-) I also decided not to have kids when I was a teenager for fear that I'll turn out like my parents, who both exhibit many narc traits. My NM definitely used me as a supply, and to this point, I still have doubts if a parent is truly capable of unconditional love for his/her child. My father just totally neglected me, occasionally jumping in my life when I could be of some use to him.
A hug to you to Sarah xx
Sorry you had to endure that. It sounds like your mother was codependent.
Wow. It is like we have the same life. Especially how the one parent can hide their abuse behind the other parent.
I knew at 16 I didn't want children and was told the same thing which probably only made me more stubborn about it.
I am not 50 yet but just had a dream about express in this fact to my husband. I told him it is necessary to get pregnant before 50. I am very I'll from PTSD and don't know iif I could raise children. Plus I have been going through some form of menopause for several years. Maybe 4 or 5.
There are no words to describe the value of this gift you have given us. Thank you & God bless you. I feel healed just having heard this, to know I am not insane. Never stop!! These videos & your books are your true purpose. Ironically, I also was a nurse & found that helped me define the dynamics of narcissism in my mother, but in this forum I have found the courage to heal simply by knowing I am not alone. Thank you.
You just hit the nail right on the head for me. Wow!!!
Lisa, you changed my life 2 years ago when I started listening to you. I let go of my narcissist mother and 5 family members. Now I understand and don’t hate myself. I am truly grateful!!! Ty so much. No contact was the hardest experience I ever went through. But it was the best for me. NO CONTACT SAVED MY LIFE. Ty!
my N mom said to me when I was pregnant (out of wedlock) with my 1st child, "I dont think you can be a good Mother". I did stay asleep until last year. My 2 adult children have been wounded. I am repairing what I can right now that my wounds are healing. My 3rd and youngest child, has a real opportunity to be a healthy self connected being because of my Self Awareness. xoxo Lisa's Coaching Program works (I am a Graduate)!
I hear you Blane...I had similar experiences and yes...my youngest child is benefitting from my awakening...
+Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life Coach Inc. love to you! xoxo
My mom said the same thing to me when I was pregnant.
+MAFIOSA E thank you! xoxo
GOLDEN information here, Lisa and just what I needed to hear today. Your amazing work is creating healing ripple effects I've no doubt whatsoever, that will reverberate far beyond what you can imagine here in this online community of adult survivor's of narcissistic abuse. THANK YOU SO SO MUCH FOR BEING YOU AND FOR ALL THAT YOU DO!! ❤️
a taboo subject is never having children.
This is so true! I am a piano teacher, I love children. I came from a narcissistic mom, she had a very bad childhood from a narcissistic grandma. She often tells me how badly she is treated, she will treat me well and she did everything for me and yet l am ungrateful, disappointing, not enough. I saw my mom projecting her childhood in me. She was a good mother to my brother, but horrible with me. She takes me as a trophy, i knew from a young age that l need to be competent so my mom can be proud of me because if she is not, she feels inferior to other moms and l will suffer home. I always thought my mother was normal and l was the bad daughter. I am Asian, i need to have straight A, i need to be beautiful, l need to be thin, i need to be good in piano, ballet, i need to be nice and put other people’s need before mine, i need to work 4-5 jobs while doing a double major in college because my dad did not give my mom a lot of money and l need to give her money to spend. I didn’t realize how toxic my situation is. I am aware why l am afraid of having children, i am afraid to project my childhood to my future kids. This summer, I was doing an internship in the common House and my major is finance. My mom has been belittling me because my internship is not on Wall Street and l am such a disappointment. Tomorrow is mother day, she beat me up (I am 20y) because l refuse to give her 500$ as mother day gift. I told her that l try my best to do things she want me to but 500$ is too much, she told me that if l really try my best, why don’t l prouve it to her by eating cat poop. I told her l would do it in front of her and then she told m l was guilt tripping her and she won’t fall on it. I already buy her expensive designer brand skin care and clothes online, I translate everything for her because she cannot speak English or French. I also help her raise my brother, she cannot speak English or French so l am in charge of managing all his activities. If my brother has a bad grade at school, it is my fault. If he is not accepted in the school’s hockey team, I need to argue with the coach and if he is still not accepted, it is all my fault. Thank you!
god bless u u are beautiful n thank u so much I never new this kind of pain and abuse had a title ,my mom has been that way to me ever since I was 5yrs old I can remember n I feel like she makes my family go at me n that even more makes me feel left out I always thought something was wrong with me I remember getting so mad as a young little child I could feel she was trying to hurt me then I used to snap out n go crazy as a 7yr old girl feeling so so sad my grandmom loved me n was the only one I felt loved by everyone else puts me down she gets everyone to go against me n make me seem crazy she alwayz starts fights with me n I don't feel loved but I grew up n god has heeld me n I'm learning to love myself
You’re helping me feel normalcy that I’ve struggled with for 40+ years. I also appreciate your videos. Keep me coming
could you do a vid where the mom is narcissistic mom and passive/aloof dad.please
May yes my parents
My parents are exactly like yours. 🙁
My dad is very passive. He knew my mom was mentally disturbed and he still let her do whatever she wanted.
This was my experience too
Mine too.
Dear Lisa-I am writing in response to one of your last comments, that feedback from viewers keeps you going. I would otherwise have been too shy to write, but I want to thank you for what you do, the help you have given me. You are courageous to say that the way you were brought up affected how you raised you son. I'm the daughter of a narcissistic mother, and fear I did the same thing to my son. Your example is helping me to heal with that, and I can't thank you enough. Blessings to you and your work.
Thank you for this video. I really felt alone for many years and almost crazy for thinking my mother hated me. My mother had a depressed and narcissistic mother herself and my grandmother's mother was one too and who knows how long that's been going on for.
My mother was neglected and verbally abused by her mom, therefore became a narcissist herself. I have 2 boys & there must be a reason for it. I hope to be the one to break the cycle. I realize I can't change my mother now, but I would like help in breaking the cycle. All my life, I have been hearing the story of how my mother didn't want me to be a female. I really felt I was crazy and felt that I was the only one who thought my mother didn't love me. I only have felt loved by her when I was nearly dying once (attempted suicide). Otherwise, I don't remember a real hug, a loving look, a kiss on the forehead, sitting down to talk to me in a loving way. The only feeling I remember of her is of a cold and controlling woman who only cared if we were making her look like a bad parent.
Today, I find myself protecting my children against her narcissistic ways. I do not and cannot tolerate her being aggressive or raising her voice at them.
This is so true. I am a survivor of complex childhood trauma and was adopted by a narcissistic mother...That was recipe for hell. As a mother I am constantly hyper vigilant to my parenting style and afraid that I am doing anything like my mother. I am also hyper sensitive to parental critique from other people.
Yup that's me. Unfortunately by the time i sorted my head out , it was too late for me :(
Dytzy Lydia Dont say that! It's never too late to start loving yourself.
how old are you? im feeling just like you it hurts
Hello! I do feel validated by your videos & enjoy the realness you bring. This one really hit home for me. When I was younger, I made a vow to myself that I would not do to a child what my mother did to me, though at the time I didn't really understand what that was. Only very recently have I accepted that my mother has narcissistic behavior & I experienced neglectful abuse. This has changed everything. I am 47 years old and will not have children in this lifetime, but I am definitely grateful that I chose to work on myself rather than submit to the pressures of society & my family to have children without consciousness. Thank you for being part of my journey.
Lisa - u r a godsend! Ty for all your videos.
Thank you for this video Lisa! It’s over and I’m crying. Crying because I feel validated about my experiences growing up with my mom...she was a master at making things look great from the outside: PTA mom, “soccer mom” , always bought us lots of toys etc. and became a photographer taking photos of everything trying to make our lives look a certain way-even if it meant we were miserable doing so. This helps me to understand myself and why as an adult I’m constantly surprised when she appears to be understanding & isn’t going to freak out on me. I’m Very helpful 💛
I m struggling with the question Is my mom narcissistic or my father? My father abused me verbally, and then said he loved me, and laughed and said he was joking. My father can be pretty cruel, unkind and make everything about him. Probably my mom is a codependent? But i mostly grew up with my mom, my father would be home 2 weeks out of a month cause he is a sailor. I never felt the connection with either one of my parents. I never felt i belonged in the family. I was always walking on eggshells, trying to not be seen, trying to be perfect so i would get some love. My mother compared me to others and never been like really there for me. I was not allowed to have emotions. I was supposed to be the perfect human being. I Don t want to have kids or marry.
Wow, it seems you were talking about my life. How striking that is. Please stay strong.
These videos helpe feel validated and help me heal. They give me hope and direction. Thank you, Lisa.
Part two: thank you so much for these videos! I'm 50 but just opened my eyes to the N label. Such a sick, twisted childhood I had! If I didn't love God Almighty I would hate her! But that would be bad for me. As I earn more, more memories come back and the pieces are falling starting to fit together. I've tried my whole life to say the right thing to "fix" her. Tried to please her but to no avail. I have a beautiful and precious family and I still can do nothing right but my sister ( druggie) can do no wrong. The bar set for me is so very high that I can never reach it but my sister the GC, it's set so very low that honestly, for making herself a sandwich, sleeping all night without doing meth, or being nice to NM for one day, hit the bar up and over!
Sigh. Knowledge is power and I will keep learning to heal. Also, the Great Physician (Lord Jesus) will heal me and set me free!
Thx again for caring!!
Big hugs
Knowledge is power dear one...and yes...the light of the world is within you--and you can and will heal from these wounds...Namaste dear one!!!
Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life Coach Inc. I'm single mother with two kids me and talking our we narcissistic mom sometimes me feel like so Hate us pls us all we argue of all
Deena Jones Mee too..
Thank you Lisa! Your videos help me so much! I used to think I was crazy and flawed. You've brought so much understanding, peace, and sanity into my life, something I thought I would never have. I'm beyond grateful for these videos! :)
Sadly I did pass it on to my oldest daughter. She is 17 and I didn't know I had codependency until the past year or so.
This is me. THANK YOU for these videos. Just found them here on YT, and can see that it's been out there for a couple of years. But it has taken me years and years to understand what was happening during my childhood. Now I know that I am raised by a narcissist and can finally find som answers - not through that parent, but through your videos. Thank you!
lisa you are exactly right my mom treated me like she was treated it goes down to generation to generation o was a black sheep of the family when we get in arguments she always tell me i have done this for you i have done that for you i have done more for her then then she has done for me i try to buy her love but i never get the love she is always in denile i keep telling her things. that she has done to me she says i have never done that i yell at her so i am very disrespecful she says why do i always yell at her and not my siblings or friends i said why don't you think about it the way you have treated me all my life then she denys everything then she says i don't have anger with my mom i said people do it differently i have anger you don't
OMG I go through the same thing! I cut my mother off because I can't deal with it no more! She holds my kids over my head and say " why am I keeping her from her grandkids" when I feel she doesn't care about us she just wants to keep tabs on us because it makes her feel she's in control! I feel like I hate her but I'm not really sure! I just don't want anything to do with her but I need motherly love! It's a struggle...
This is me. I keep waffling because I was raised by a Narcissistic mother and only realized it 3 years ago. God bless you
I'm taking this shit to the grave with me, won't risk it
These videos, your books, your knowledge has changed my life for the better. Thank you so much for helping me give myself and this world more love and light. You are a blessing to millions of souls.
Hello lisa, only after watching a couple of video's i just realized what amazing eye's you have, but i have a serious question.
I was wondering for us guy's who also have narc mothers if were not getting cognitive dissonance from the fact that when it's about narc mothers it's 99% of the time about them and their daughters ? Like theres no other issue ? And how does it combine with extremist feminist ego's and their way's of de-masculinisation ? Does it just add up or is it the same ? Or maybe one is the root of the other ? Hope you can shed some light on that cause I found your other video's realy made some sense to me somehow. tnx.
Hi Lisa, this is my first Christmas of no contact with a narc husband and mother. I have been rejected by the entire family on both sides. My two children are stuck in the middle. I have found your videos so helpful and am grateful that I woke up to improve and correct what I have unknowingly repeated in my behaviour to my children. It’s a work in progress but already I can see a change in my kids, they are validated and growing in confidence. It’s a lonely time but so worth seeing my babies turn into strong adults who have choices and truth. I always feared they would have done to them what was done to me but I was unaware it was deliberate or narcissistic, now I’m educated and better informed it all makes complete sense. Thank you, please keep on educating the way you do, everything you teach completely resonates with me xx
Thanks this really helped. ( a confession follows plz dont judge) I sort of got thrown into parenthood even though i also have this fear. Well thrown in is wrongly phrased because our actions are our own but ive recently come out of a very abusive home and i have a narcissistic depressed semi bipolar mother. Given "freedom" I rebelled and turned to alcohol and got out of hand, attempted suicide, slept with guys i barely knew. My life got really out of hand. I hate myself for this but i am confessing so. long story short i fell pregnant. When i found out i immediately straightened myself out, me and the guy decided to stick together and our boy is 8 months now and the relationship 1 yr and 7 months.
Even though i try my best to not be like her i still get instances where i remind myself sooo much of her it makes me sick. I have anxiety, depression, im over emotional. and my one biggest fear is doing to my little boy what was done to me.
This inspired me to work on myself and try to heal my wounds, if not for my sake then at least for his. So he doesnt have to live a broken life.
I love your videos. I first found you during my last year of college in 2018. At the time I'd been through so much gaslighting that even though I suspected from the info that you presented that my mom was a narcissist, I still doubted my reality way too much. Someone helped me see it though. I joined your Facebook group and it was so good to have others see what I saw and they explained a lot to me about narcissism. Now I've been no-contact with my NM for a year and it's been the best year of my life and continually getting better. Thanks for your many contributions to my healing process. I have more to say but I think I'll post it on the group page. Please keep making videos. I share them with my friends and other groups
I am in the process if healing and finding my true self but have not gotten to the step of no contact because that is a little trickier but my question is How do I help my teenage daughter gain her self confidence and for me not to repeat these traits to her? I want her to be her own being and love herself and not go through what I did as a child. My mother is a Covert Narcissist who use to hit me when I was younger but as an adult she has been more abusive mentally and emotionally. She even pushes that she is a practising Christian and then is full on nasty and mean. Has anyone else gone through this too and have teen kids too. I just want to stop the cycle.
Lisa, the work you do is incredible. KNOW THAT.
I was in a very bad place for two months.. just this past three days I'm finally getting myself back and I feel so great. I can explain my situation some time, it's long.. however just know - you are incredible.
I had no idea that this is why I don't want kids... smh
There is a reason for everything dear one.
Lisa, u are a life saver!! All videos on narcissism ive watched are good with facts and what to do. But u get to the core. This is where the healing truly begins. The core can be so blocked that its so hard to access. Im a mother of 1 boy and 2 girls. Didnt realise my mithers true narcissism until she became "addicted' to my children her words!! They in end looked at ger as a mother more than me. Ive ket them go, fir now to reach their iwn conclusion, my mother passed 6 months ago. Ag as in she was put on a pedestal. Sad thing by time u realise they are narcs..so much damage done..but l have faith that with gods help and yours truth will prevail. Thank you. Kaye
I'll be a much better mother than my own mother 💔
This video is so on point. I have a daughter who is 3 and a son due any
time now, and this was always something I grappled with. I never even
had my first child until I was 32 years old. I feel fortunate especially
because I am not a narc myself, but also because my innate sense of
caring/empathy led me to an associate degree in human services prior to
my understanding of the abuse I suffered as a child/young adult. I'm
employed in crisis work, which is primarily about normalizing,
validating and empathizing with others crises and emotions. This has
helped tremendously in the raising of our daughter; of course my goal is
to avoid feelings of low worth, inadequacy, and being unseen/unheard as
I always was growing up with my narc mom.
help my mum is driving me crazy im nearly 30 and shes so controlling.
i know its effecting me personal life iv tried so many ways to meet her needs but its not enougj
Maryam Khoujja Boundaries! reduce contact....no contact ....move if you have to.
Thank you for this video. It is something we don't speak about-we are frightened and full of shame. With therapy and hard work, we can learn to make different choices than our mothers. I understand the fear-worrying the child will suffer from the same lack of self-esteem, loneliness and pain that we all felt /feel but We have choices and we don't have to punish OURSELVES by cutting ourselves off from one of the greatest joys in life. I'd wager to say, many of us would do the complete opposite of what our parents did - having experienced that pain as children and later adults -we know what to give our child! All the things we longed for --Unconditional love, attention, validation of feelings, praise, consistency- we can give our children. We experience a bit of healing in giving that to another child. My son, born when I was 40 is the greatest greatest joy of my life-I love him more each day. I can't believe I almost shut myself off being a mother-he has changed my life. I am far from the best mom, I don't have good role models, it can be difficult so I go to to therapy and she helps me, my son speaks with someone too. I try to cover my bases. It's very challenging and I'm not very confident but I know that even people with, "normal" childhoods worry about how their kids will turn out.
To choose not to have had him would have meant that I was somehow validating my mother's feelings about me and once again punishing myself. I'm so grateful he is here.
I know Lisa I'm not crazy they want me to believe that I'm crazy!
Your viewers truly appreciate the time you put into these videos. God bless you
I am currently pregnant with a girl. I have boy already but yes I feel this way. So scary
Give your daughter ALL that your mother NEVER gave you xoxoxoxo
Thank you so very much. Too late now but now I realize maybe why I didn't have children even though I was able. You brought me clarity. Much appreciated!! Thank you for being YOU!