I think a lot of us who visit here regularly have had that experience - do you also get the shocked look on the face and the "Ohhh, noooo, that CAN'T be true" like WE are tge crazy ones?
people would say to me, "oh your mom is so sweet!" and she would act soooo nice but she hated me. and so jealous. when it was just her and me it was a whole different story unless she wanted information from me to use as ammo against me later.
@@gregmacklin9758 you got this I’m 39 and it hurts so much but I have to be strong for me because if not they will break me and I can’t allow that to happen. It truly hurts so much . 💔😔
Im the oldest daughter of three. Im 56 and she is 80. I Never got approval. And recently, she was found to have low sodium, had a seizure, fractured her spine, with a concussion inducing a rapid onset of dementia. ..And she refuses to stop drinking. Here I am, the only one taking care of her full time without pay and having been removed from her will. Make that make sense. Why can’t I just walk away?
Interestingly enough the narcissist mother will brag about you to other people frequently apparently but never ever praise you to your face. Not only never praise you to your face, but strategically attempt to break you emotionally mentally and spiritually. How sick is that!
Up to a point but then they'll start talking bad about you and stuff like that and turn people against you and everything but I had to do with their political beliefs and religious beliefs too and that's basically what they're not telling us why they're narcissistic about it because it's all about them pushing their thing with these right-wingers are doing and it's the same thing why is it both narcissists are all right wingers
I remember someone saying to me when I was in my early 20's that my parent's did a great job raising me. I laughed and said I raised myself. So thank you.
It's crazy isn't it! I swear even in preverbal stages of life in some way I knew I couldn't rely on my mother. As an adult I found out other family members knew she just didn't care to mother me and they thought she had postpartum in part because I am a rainbow baby, having lost her first child. Idk if the postpartum depression is true but I do know that even at such a young age, that woman despised me. I'm the oldest so everything from cooking to washing my own clothes etc. I learned on my own. I tried to make sure there was never a reason for me to have to depend on her and it's so unfortunate. She surely helped my other siblings with all these things as well as finances. I've been orphaned my entire life.
Yay! I'm 58 years old and this last Mother's Day I finally got to have it entirely to myself. Tired of giving up my day and my children not being able to do anything with me or having the ability to. Coming home after spending an afternoon with my Moody mother only to find a Mother's Day gift on the kitchen table and open it myself . I'm so grateful for channels like yours who opened my eyes to what's been happening all along and I never even realized because when you're a loyal child you just keep doing what you do no matter what. But I'm opening my eyes. I'm 58 years old single woman by choice with a 96-year-old house and three furry roommates. I've never been more content in my life especially now that I've cut her out. And I don't care about the will. Being adopted, who knows if I was even in it it's not about money
I may need to consider doing something like that in the future. God says the same. Thanks for sharing. God bless. The joy of the LORD is your strength. AMEN. God truly does love and care for you AND SO DO I. AMEN. ❤❤❤
Some Mothers are sadistic. My Mother enjoyed making me cry as a little girl. I've suffered from depression my entire life. When I asked for help from my Mother when I was 6 years old, she ridiculed me. Eventually, I figured out how much joy it brought her to make me cry and I put a stop to her sick behavior. I believe I was 10 years old. She's been terrified of me ever since, hateful and spiteful.
My mom actually bragged and made it a personal game of hers, she'd call her shot while driving with all four of her kids in the family van. She'd tell us, 'oh I bet I can make all four of you cry before I park the car.' She succeeded many times. That's how it became a game.
My mom would say that to me/// “can we make a truce “ or “make peace” - what it means is I’m not gonna actually say sorry about what I did wrong and you had every right to get upset with me like you did, especially after all the years of u putting up with it and u being nice even when I was horrible to you, but …I need my supply back so can we just make peace so that I can further abuse you?? “
Yes, a narcissist will withhold love, praise, or compliments and lavish them on others in front of you. It's like pouring water on the ground in front of a thirsty soul.
yup. i remember being driven to an art show with a couple of my paintings and my older narc sister going on about her friend who was so gifted artist and never once said anything about me having some art in a show. later on she had mentioned she was jealous of me. but she still acts the same.
Yeah A lot of flashbacks from very early my age Neglect and total dismissal and even phisical abuse. I think that mothers day should be changed to caregiver's day More appropriate
I've stopped celebrating my mother and MIL. If they get to be selfish, I get to be selfish. I now celebrate myself, with MY children--not theirs--that day.
Covert narcs... They are full of shame and rage They will target the child that sees through the mask and abuses them without guilt or conscience They feed on others' pain & downfalls
mine will devalue things i'm good at to my face, but will brag about it to others when i'm not around because she wants to look good but doesn't want me to feel good about my talents
oh yes! I can relate. I can't even begin to count the number of times my mother dimmed my light. Any time I did something creative she would tell me i was wasting my time. They don't want you to shine. They want to keep you feeling bad about yourself. It's disgusting.
What hurts even more being a son of both parents who are emotionally unavailable or narcissistic . Having aunts , uncles , cousins who all act the same . Then you have fake friends who act similar too them like damned if you do damned if you don't .
When you find yourself in the midst of this reality, it's really tough. I lived it, and went no contact with these relatives and so-called friends. Having a therapist who understands was so helpful, as were and are YT channels like this one.
@@Jeanette-fz2kvjust remember your id number and you’ll be fine. As long the id comes to you you can always use your id number. No need to always carry a hard copy
I went on a dogwalk with my 9yr old daughter the other day we got talking about my childhood. I shared my saddness at how my Mum treated me and told her 2 stories. My 9yr old cried and hugged me. 😢 I said its ok and said no it was not ok
Glad you have a beautiful daughter. That God created in order for you to have unconditional Love for the rest of your life. Your daughter is beautiful and caring.
@@Michelle-06💯 agree, I broke the cycle with my son, 20+ years later I chuckle whenever he doesn't like a comment my mother said, he says things like "sorry Nan but think that's inappropriate for you to say that!, might pay to think more than speak" I taught him that 😂😂 so proud of my son and allowing him to be his authentic self, love how comfortable he is in his own skin... He doesn't have much to see her because he has no patience to deal with her, and she offended his gf. So I stand with him, he's my light and he helped me remind myself I'm worthy of self love
At 61 years old, I have only just understood that my mother who is 81 is a NARCISSIT. I have gone no contact. The ONLY compliment i have ever received from her was when I was 7 years old just before I was sent away to a girls boarding school convent. She mused that I had nice legs. After binge watching many videos on the subject it explains A LOT! My mother always looked like a stunning, perfectly classy movie star, and admiration and compliments followed her wherever she went. My friends and my brothers' friends adored her. Everything around her was her perfect foil, including her (best dressed children), and perfectly decorated home. I realized recently that we were never loved, and everything she was is just an image. Although a very attractive 81 year old, her looks diminishing, she has become so much WORSE...the mask has fallen off and she no longer cares how vindictive, selfish, spiteful, hateful and angry she is toward all her children and daughters in law. She is delusional with her accusations and name calling. It is so sad to know that our mother has no love or empathy for anyone. Just an empty shell. TRAGIC
Oooo, few thing worse to watch than an aging beauty queen narcissist! She’s always been so critical of others’ physical appearance. My sister and I have often asked her if she has a magic mirror. It’s ironic, but she doesn’t get it.
Your life is devastated with having narcissistic mother... In nutshell. In my childhood, I still remember, when I was just 6-7 , when it was her time to come from office , I used to wait for her and would get happy seeing her but she showed bland expression and upon reaching home she used to scold me on silly things, that was not even required. Basically I was getting treatment of some servant, and as if I was her servant, never ever I felt i was her daughter. Now I put her in don't care zone.... Slowly eliminating connection altogether and that gives me real peace... I wasted a lot of time caring about someone who never bothered to care about me.
People have to pass driving school and take a test to get a driver's license. Should every pregnant woman have to take a parenting course and pass the exam? Maybe so. Just the basic stuff, like don't ridicule your kids, don't beat them with wires, don't call them ugly names. Don't undermine everything they try to do. My mother would have failed that course and failed the exam.
That’s right I don’t remember my mother ever giving me a compliment ever ever. She was always very quick to insult me in front of other people and she got a big kick out of doing so.
I recently got a publishing deal for my first book. My mother said to me, “I have no interest in reading anything you have to say since your head’s full of garbage.” At this point, I just have to laugh at her insanity.
Jesus Christ. Thanks, Mom! Nevermind that she's the one who put that garbage in your head. Ugh. I'm so sorry. I will congratulate you on your book deal and validate you -- well done! Congratulations! That's a huge accomplishment and one to be proud of.
Living with my mother and her constant raging was awful. I was constantly anxious and had a lot of behavioral problems at school. When I was 9 I started pulling out my eyebrows and eyelashes. When my mother discovered what I was doing she was mortified and said, “How can you do this to ME?!” This is just some of what I went through…
My mother tried to force me into an arranged marriage multiple times. When I told her no I am never doing that she said the same thing "How can you do this to ME?!!". These narc mothers are selfish and delusional.
My mother could never validate my feelings or experiences yet always used me as a receptacle for her emotional baggage of which a lot was grossly inappropriate to share with a child 😩
THIS... I was told about how she was forced to watch her father drown her kitten in front of her, as a method of making me realize that my life wasn't so bad, as I cried about my parents fighting all the time, and her not being there for me. I mean the depth of sickness... How the hell do you lay that on an 8 yr old?
Wow, this really hit home for me. I have been living in France for 20 years and have to drink a full bottle of wine to even call my mother once a year. I can't stand her.
I have a narcissistic sister,ba year and a half older than me. I went no contact with her 20 or so years ago. Best thing I ever did. I should have done it earlier. Have you thought about going no contact? You can still enjoy the wine too! 😅
You're so lucky. I wish I could move out of the country, far away from her. I can relate entirely. When I lived away from my mother for a year I never went out of my way to call her. And i would literally have nightmares if she texted or tried calling me. My stomach would sink, my entire body would be affected. These toxic mothers have no idea how deep the wounds go and how much pain they have caused. I"m proud of you for getting physically away from her.
I'm the adult son of an abusive, narcissistic mother, but so much of this video resonated so deeply, with me. It's impossible to deal with her as a person. She doesn't see me as a person, as a human being. I'm a thing, a possession she can put on a shelf when she's tired of me. But I'm still expected to be her perfect little victim forever, sitting here and obediently suffering whatever she dishes out. She constantly puts me down and tells me that everything I think is wrong (about my own life, no less. You know how cruel it is, having your entire existence be over-written, by another person?), all the while whining that I don't talk to her, yet when I do, all she does is attack and blame me, or just dismiss and ignore me. There's no winning with these people, because they have no comprehension of their own responsibility for the problem.
I didn't either. I didn't end up having children, but my fur baby rescue dog feels like my child and I feel that way every day about her. Thankfully we can re- parent ourselves and tell our inner child this every day
My fur baby is my only child too. My mother was so horrible to me that I didn't want to become a mother. So sad. I love that dog a million times more than she loved me.
OMG! I had relatives say, "you look JUST like your mom" to me at a family reunion. I couldn't keep it to myself. I said "Oh God please no!" I just couldn't hold it in and I know they were probably thinking "oooh red flag this girl is toxic" but they just don't understand how much trauma this woman has put me through. I don't want to be associated with her :(
I had no idea how envious of me my mother was until my husband left me when I was in a health crisis and my family took his side and helped him bully me and destroy my life.
My husband was in prison and I got blamed by a narcissist aunt - my narcissistic mother was dead but the aunt said it's a good job she was gone because of the shame I brought on the family - I was the scapegoat, took everyone's shame even though I was the one abused in every way and they were the reason I ended up with a husband in prison 😢
@@anneboyle2240 Wow I am so sorry that you had to go through that is horrible. Just the hurt and pain you went through as a child. People need to be responsible for their own actions. Speak up for yourself and move on. The reason the family is toxic and they do not want to change for the better. You are always going to be the problem. In the eyes of narcissists they are just using you in order for narcissistic supply. Stop being a doormat you deserve so much better. You deserve to be loved by people who want to respect you as a person. God created for his purpose you are worthy because Jesus Christ died for your beautiful life. You are an amazing person.
My mother would compliment other select children on how beautiful they were, but when toward me, it was expressed in a mocking way, and as if she were talking to a 2 yr old.
I hated it when my mum would refer to one of my cousins who was "perfect" in her eyes.... thank God I was able to recognise it as abnormal from a very young age so I never took it on board, but I would constantly beg her to stop it, cos it almost made me resent my cousin.... but she cant see the damage it can do, she thinks it should motivate me. It all made sense when I realised her mother was much worse....
Once I tried to explain to my mother that my friends’ mothers are not like her, that they aren’t controlling and don’t try to manipulate their children’s lives. After I said that she went on a 30 minute tirade that I’m lying and that all mothers are like she is. She has meddled and sabotaged all my friendships and relationships.
My mom never approved of anyone I was with but when the one guy and I had an argument and I was done, wanted to be away from him, she tried meddling. He stopped by amd she had him come in to her place (right next door). I wasnt home yet. She called me into her place and when I saw him, I was pissed. It was my business not hers.
As a small child one of my persistent nightmares was my mother was fake. her body would be plastic, or have foam inside like a soft doll, or her face was paper mache once. My 4 yr old brain was figuring it out.
interesting, my brother works in the music industry .. as I became more successful in the music industry (as a side-line in my life) my mum became very upset and did everything she could to sabotage it. It became obvious that she was doing this for my golden child brother.
I made strait A's in music all of my Jr high school high school and college yrs. I recieved a choir scholarship in college. I was a talented singer and told me that I could do anything thst I wanted but when it came time to graduate high school she told me that I wouldn't make it in college as a music major in college. I actually had to change majors because I had dyslexia and adhd and I wasn't aware of it. But I knew that I had a learning disability
Lisa my best friend thought I was misunderstanding my mom and said to her once, “she loves you very much” and my mom just BLASTED her, lol! My friend was just in shock. She had a loving, supportive mom and just couldn’t fathom what I was saying…until that moment.
My mother hated when people said I was pretty, or considered stunning and she lost her mind and would tell who ever said that “no she is not”, she is not pretty maybe cute but not pretty or stunning.
Youre happy ending is my great hope. I started with your 12 week breakthrough program EMDR therapy and I’m just beginning I’m 56 years old. It’s a lot of damage to recover and heal from. I wanted to find out why I stayed with that man for 30 years, but I realized I married my mother. I’m just trying to pick up the pieces so maybe I can break the cycle and make a difference to one of my two children, it’s a maybe❤
SAME!! I never would have guessed in a million years, that I had been dating and ultimately married all different versions of my mom. I thought that was some old joke that older generations of men maybe felt was relatable. The communication patterns that the men I dated would use with me became more and more like my mother's, until one week I noticed my mother and a boyfriend both use the same tactic with me on the same day, both via message so written out clearly for review. 😂 At that point I had been studying it for 5 years I could not not see it.
Its an honor to have you as a member of our conscious healing community and I so hope you take full advantage of all The 12 Week Breakthrough Coaching Program offers and don't forget to join our Graduates Facebook Page
My mother has told everyone all of my life that I am mentally crazy. I am now finally NO CONTACT at 66 years old (for 4 years now). I finally said to myself, "NO MORE." I can relate to 99% of what Lisa is saying. I didn't have a father in my life, so I don't know that aspect. Lisa, thank you for validating me. I send hugs and compassion to everyone who has suffered and still dealing with this abuse. xoxo
My mom thought I was crazy so she took me to a psychologist. I didn't talk much. She thought that it was my fault because we didn't get a long and my sisters and I didn't get a long. They'd calle names too. I was overweight and not as good with school as they were so of course I was treated like I was stupid.
Last comment. In 2008, my husband hit midlife crisis and i needed to get me and my 3 kids out of the house. I went and asked if I could come home for a couple of weeks. She told me that I could but I needed to call her before I left Long Island. Anybody want to guess? I had my 3 kids packed and ready to go and so I called her. She told me that *she changed her mind and we weren't welcome!* and then she hung up. This was the last time I spoke to her
That’s horrible.. I’m glad you went no contact. She did the worst possible thing, give you false hope that you had a place to stay then pull rug out from underneath you at last minute .. whereas if she had said no from the start you could have made other arrangements.
@@abigailkendrick Yeah! but what fun/cruelty is that? Hurt people, hurt people. Broken people break people. Outta spite alone, I wouldn't let her break me. She lost out, not me!
I'm so sorry that happened to you. It must have been devastating. Good for you for making it through such a betrayal. And kudos for recognizing how wrong of her that was, and for putting up boundaries to protect yourself. You are very brave and strong. Your life is better without having to deal with pain caused by the person that is supposed to love you unconditionally.
When I told my mom that my boyfriend had proposed, she said, “you’d better marry him quick before he changes his mind.” I did after only knowing him 2 months. We’ve been married 40 yrs, but it’s been extremely difficult. He had narcissistic tendencies, but saw them and has worked to “break the cycle” (his mom was a classic narcissist). It’s still a difficult marriage, but not without its rewards.
When my mom found out I was having a little girl that was 3 years of hell and her trying to drive a wedge between my wife and I. I thought she would be excited or happy for us. That was the moment I realized something was very wrong.
They are control freaks and when you stand up to them, game on, mine turned all relatives against me and anyone that would listen and take her side. I have been away from all them for years and I was told I had blossomed into a lovely person. Get rid of all the toxic people and you are free. Thank you Lisa for all your videos x
I feel as if my mother didn't have the capacity to love me, and now i don't have the capacity to love her. I recently reconnected with her after years of no contact a few weeks after i was diagnosed with cancer, and now she calls me every day and says that she loves me. I say it back, but I dont really feel it, and I honestly don't think I ever will. I don't know if I believe anything has really changed except we're both older, and she needs me now more than I need her. I don't really feel obliged to make much (if any) real effort. If i told her that, she would just point out everything she's ever done for me. I even try to steer her away from badmouthing everybody. I'm darn sure not waiting for any acknowledgement or apologies that i know will never come, and to be honest, I've never wanted an apology. It's the denial and gaslighting that drives me batty.
People around me always act like I’m the weird one for never having my Mom come to visit me or never remembering when mother’s days is. I don’t feel alone after reading all the comments. Thanks for making these videos to help us understand what happened to us as children.
What always stands out in my head is when I was very upset about some thing. My mom sat beside me, turned to me and said stop feeling sorry for yourself. To this day, that’s saying triggers me, I hate that phrase and will never use it with anyone.
My now late "mother" didn't want to have sex with my "father" anymore, he was 36 years older than her, she was in her 30's I was 10. She literally sacrificed me to him for sex, and then blamed me for "stealing" her husband. Eventually I turned them both into the authorities, and then a little while later as an adult, I sued them both in court.
@mallariculp3551 Agreed. They should be behind bars, and in fact, the "mother" here is more evil for essentially sacrificing her own child to a PD file.
Me too, Lisa - no compliments ever. Funny though sometimes it could be way after a special family occasion, where I will get a "your hair looked nice up on that day." Her golden child dismissive firstborn is the same way (withholds love, affection & compliments.) Also, you hit the nail on the head when she calls "Aunt Susie & Uncle Mark" complaining & smear campaigning you, she leaves out all the crazy stuff she said before! LOL!!!! Crazy Town...#10 -Can't Say Sorry - 0-accountability - so damaging, invalidating
My mother and father were soldiers in WW2. They got married in uniform and never had a wedding. I was engaged at 20 and married at 21. My entire wedding was orchestrated by her. I had no input in anything. She said since she was paying she had full control this was 1972. Today I would have saved up to have the wedding I wanted. I hated it all including my dress. Had no idea what a controlling malignant narcissist she was until Lisa Romano. The wedding was just one example of what she did in my life. The marriage did not last. Turned out he was a covert narcissist just like her. It was familiar. You learn what you lived and then you live what you learned. Sad.😢
My mother was an absolutely horrific alcoholic, narcissistic monster... She tortured me/sold me/abused me/etc me, since I was 5 (although she started from infancy, but got MUCH worse after my dad left, which was "my fault").... Now, I am using my life/story to hopefully help others through their traumas.
I’m experiencing first hand a narcissistic mother trying to destroy her oldest son. It’s so painful to witness being that I’m a survivor of narcissist abuse. He’s discovering this behavior has taken place most of his childhood & adult life, but now have put a name to this cruel disorder..I’ve share with him channels like this & life coaches that can bring some form of relief, but he refuses to seek out any help he’s come to terms with coping mechanisms that allows him to escape the pain.
That is what is So painful. When others gaslight you and tell you your mother is wonderful and you should be grateful. The day someone admitted my mother was like a queen bee was the first time in years I gained any relief from my situation and felt my feelings and needs were validated..
I wish I knew all of this info when I was 16 so I could leave, heal, and NEVER COME BACK to entertain her BS!!! Better late than never. Thank you for your knowledge! New subscriber:)
Thank you, Lisa. This is exactly how my mother treated me. She also ensured my siblings' follwed suit by her example towards me. I am now 62, and my siblings have been vicious to me to this day. When my father passed in 2020, I was finally able to cut them off. I had no other choice, as mentally, emotionally and physically I was completely broken. I got engaged at 19 yrs old and married at 21 just to get away from them. I thought I was in love, but as you say, knowing what we know now, it was too young, but it was my way of trying to get away from my family. I only lasted 26.5 yrs, because I jumped straight into the fire by marrying someone who I thought loved me with all his love boming, the love I never received from my my mother, she kept reminding me " You've made you bed, now lay in it" As a child, I was constantly trying to please her so that she would be proud of me just as she was with all my other siblings. The bottom line was she was desperate to have a boy. When he was born, I was just 4 years old and she farmed me off to another family! Looking at old photos, she is never cuddling me, but when I see photos of her & younger brother. She is all over him, giving him lots of attention & love. My 3 elder sisters; 15 yrs, 12 yrs & 6 yrs respectively meant that their were 19 years between my eldest sister and my younger brother, she was just so desperate to have a boy. A son and heir to carry on the prestige and family name. I was ready to emergrate, when I couldn’t take any more abuse ( Mentally, Emotionally and physically) from my then husband and 2 adult children after 26.5 yrs of marriage If mum had still been alive, (she died in 1994), I would not have moved back to my dad's as he had insisted I should. My soon to be Ex in 2009 said as I was leaving him; where are you going?" to which I replied "to my dad's " He smuggly responded with oodles of sarcasm " What back to your family ? Good luck!" According to his Aunt, she said to me that he (her nephew) thought he had me right where he wanted me to be; stuck with him, isolated from my friends and with no money & nowhere to go. Before I took the courage to leave, rather than un-alive myself, because I was so desperately unhappy, I realised I had already lost my boys of 24 and 22 yr old at the time I left, that I had already lost them to their fathers attitude towards me and also women, seeing the treatment and followed suit. You may be wondering what was my father was doing when I was younger, well he worked morning noon and night to provide for the family, 5 children and a wife who never worked but insisted in living in the life style she had been accustomed to. In all honesty, the last 11 years spent with my dad, were the best 11 years in my whole life. He was 98 (short of 3 months) when he died at home, in his bed in my arms. I miss him dearly. 😢
Thank you for your kind words. ❤️ The void is so big now, I really don't know where to go or what to do..... Sadly, I have no one just my UA-camr's videos where I am trying to find lots of research and self-help videos. I do not even have anyone to put as my Next of Kin! Though it will be 4 years in Aug 2024, it took 2 years for Probate to go through thanks to the ineptitude of dad's Solicitor, another one!Dad used to use my sister originally, and as time went on, he soon realised she was not being straight forward or indeed honest, so, I had to get my own legal representation. (I even have proof she shafted my dad!) My brother and his wife are 'Kings Council' (I believe quite high in the legal field - whatever!), they were so vile to me. For example, my brother tried to report me to Social Servies [an organisation that keeps a vigil eye on the elderly]. He was allegedly concerned about our father's "Health Wealth and Well-being" !!! They did not help me care for our dad, but were tops at critising me at every turn. Plus, my last living sister, allegedly a lawyer (though I have never known a lawyer with So Many Fingers in So Many Pies!) It is farcical to me cos my father told me she was going into Mediation 🤣🤣 and yet she could not even talk to me or be even civil towards me! Anyways, her husband is / was a real lawyer, and I found paperwork in my dad's affaires excluding me from the Will ( all through the Company she was working with or for at that time! SHE ALSO tried to hide dad's property deeds! This was in the early 1980's when there was the introduction of electronic copies / files as opposed to paper ones, but she didn't put them through electronically! Instead, she hid them in her husbands place of work, another Solicitors Company, but he failed to pick them up (that God!) when he left that organisation 😱. She was playing the long game for sure, even whilst my mum was alive. They thought they had gotten rid of me when I married very young, but did not expect my dad to plead with me to move back 'home'. The reason I have written the above is bec' the lasting effects on abuse from those you would not expect it from, cuts deep leaving scars and trauma. Videos like this help by letting us know we are not alone and it is OK to put one-self first, because clearly no one else will. Love to you and thank you for being there. ❤️ xxx
In this case being an avoidant independent is good. I just dropped by mother like a hot potato. I am so used to fending for and entertaining myself, i have no problem standing alone if I have to. I do have a few really healthy long lasting loyal friendships. And don't allow neg or toxic people in my life.
My mother had me locked up in a mental hospital after lying to Police and the doctors because I was speaking up about my abuse as a child on social media. She also spent 45 minutes on the phone trying to get the police officers to somehow get me in trouble, thankfully the universe has divine timing and I happen to walk in to the police station on this day just after this Senia sergeant was hung up on by my mother, in order to find out how the police research was going on the death threats that I had been sent for templates of what looks like to be graves to be graves next to my car
My mother left me in Spain for almost a year when I was 9 months old so she could go to the US and introduce my stepfather to her parents. I didn't recognize her when she returned. My Spanish father had gone to Germany and left me with some neighbors. Apparently I was at a critical bonding age, and suffer from double abandonment issues. To this day, she cannot accept responsibility for any damage she caused.
I remember I was a store manager with a well known company. My Mother didn’t care one bit and always downplayed my successes. Then my younger, perfectly healthy, sister got a job at a movie theater and my Mother called me ecstatic and so proud that my sister “counted her til” at the end of her shift.
This was really helpful! I am trying to go no contact, but she's 95. It won't go on for much longer. I thank you for showing me what I missed in having a mother like this. I ran away and got married at 21 to a CPAN, but I did break the cycle and have been a loving mother to my children!
My mom complimented my body when it was sexualized and expressed disgust when I went against beauty norms. I remember being 12 going through puberty and she made me wear a skin tight outfit in front of other adults, and she said "look at her curves!" When I didn't shave my legs she called me disgusting and would hit my face. When I was depressed and suicidal, she raged in front of my therapist calling me ungrateful, a liar, manipulative, and selfish. When I was anorexic she complimented my weight loss, and when I was recovering she insulted my weight gain.
My mother told anyone who'd listen that I was such a bad teenager. She enjoyed telling me how all her friends referred to me as her wayward daughter. I'm 50 now and still feel embarrassed about what she chose to tell others, whether true or made up. I can't defend myself when there's no telling what she said about me.
When we both contracted poliomyelitis in 1954. When we were both put into braces. Everyone left. Just us in the house. Later I thought maybe because she didn't want to care for them. We're talking about two humans who left and didn't come back until our braves needed realignment. That's really sick. Now I know that was sick. This was after the War. Parents hide away in their room if fighting was needed. My sister was thrown out of the house. I thought it was because she liked visiting the army camp. Which was walking distance. Oh, I can't talk about it anymore. Thanks for listening.
Oh, my gosh! YEEEESSSS!! To soooo much of this! I can check off way too many of these boxes. 😢 I could NEVER connect with my mother. She would always belittle me, criticize me and everything I did, micromanage me, and definitely withheld affection. She would constantly run and tell her friends and other family members about all my flaws and mistakes, embarrassing me and tarnishing others' outlook on me. I always second-guessed myself, and was always terrified that I was doing something wrong - it became something of a complex. I felt trapped and stifled, like I needed to escape her. If I was ever hurt or sick, the LAST person I wanted was my mother! The few times she did hug me or give me a compliment, it felt awkward, unnatural, and forced. My sister and I constantly say that we "survived" our mother. Our father, bless his heart, played the role of being the buffer between us and her over the years. I did realize relatively early in life that there was never gonna be a day or time that I would ever be able to please her, so I eventually just stopped trying. I'm extremely close with my 2 children, both teenagers. They're AWESOME, we have so much fun together, and genuinely enjoy each other's company. I'm grateful to my mother for teaching me exactly what NOT to do as a parent and what things were missing from my childhood that were incredibly important and necessary to incorporate into my parenting style and philosophy. She was AWFUL to me, but in a backwards, unfortunate, and painful way, she made me a super successful mother, and the reason I know that for sure is that #1) my children don't hate me, we have open and honest communication, and our home is not a place that they don't want to be; and #2) because my mother was constantly criticizing how I parented my children, telling me all the things I was doing wrong, could be doing better, should be doing but am not, and so on. If it's not her way, it's not the right way, bottom line. Thank the Lord I wasn't doing things the "right way", according to her standards! Who knew that parents and their teenagers don't have to despise one another, and that living with teenagers doesn't have to be reminiscent of a war zone!! To this day, I can't stand the phrase "do something productive" because of her. I know I still have plenty of residual emotional issues because of how she treated me, and because of what I wanted/needed from her but will never have, but I know one thing for sure - I knocked parenting outta the park!! Those two children know that they are loved unconditionally, flaws and all, that home is their soft place to fall, and that they can rely on me to be there for them until my dying day, among other things. I always made sure that my children knew that they taught me just as much, if not more, than I was teaching them; I modeled humility and was quick to admit when I was wrong about something, was never too proud to apologize, and never treated them as though they were somehow "less than" simply because they were young, no matter what their age. I always treated them as whole and complete individuals, who had feelings, thoughts, and emotions that were just as valid and important as an adult's. In fact, if you ask me, I believe that children have more wisdom and better insight than most adults, many times! I think that I really and truly grew up WITH my children, in many respects. I had them both by the time I was 22, and because my mother had broken my spirit to such a great degree, I was still learning who I was and what I believed, stood for, wanted, etc, well into my late 20s/early- mid 30s. I honestly believe that my children saved my life. I was spiraling, prior to their arrival, lost in a storm of emotional turmoil, being damaged by a toxic and codependent relationship with their father, and still feeling much like a rebellious teenager, doing reckless things just to spite my mother, not knowing how to manage the brokenness she'd caused inside me with all of her hurtful words and underhanded insults. She has one of the sharpest tongues out of anyyone I've ever known and has this unique and very skillful way of giving you what's supposed to be a compliment, but in reality is a dig. I don't quite know how to explain it accurately or with just the right words, but if you know, you know. Anyway, those babies breathed life back into some of the darkest, most wounded parts of my soul and gave me the motivation and desire to be, and do better for them. They literally grounded me. Thank the Lord for children! I hope and pray that I'm around children in one manner or another for the rest of my days!
We must be sisters because you describe the same experience. Fast forward to your adult life today, does she still try to pull you into past habits? What boundaries do you set when you see her. My mother likes to create drama for attention, everything in her life is like the world is ending. It is exhausting.
Absolutely Brilliant. No respect. Forgive and walk away. They are damage and we deserve more. Narcissistic mothers that remain in their cycle do not Want to be better. God bless those that help us understand her behavior not our fault and how we can live an amazing life. ❤
Hi dear Lisa .Being a cycle breaker is the best decision l ever took. Today l only feel grateful to be on the right path for me and for my children.thank you so much again.
My mother once said to me when i was a teenager or older "i did not think you would turn out as pretty as you did " and "i allways liked you more than your brother but that has changed now" i dont think this is normal behaviour. My mother have no physical boundaries putting her head super close in my face talking or screaming quickly away again. No eyecontact unless she yelled " look me in the eyes ". Thanks for the show
My mother started with this behavior when I was in 5th grade, school wanted to skip me to 6th grade because of my age and I was doing very well in my grades. She said No
I was in a similar situation, my teachers was saying I was doing pretty and want me to graduate a year early. While telling me college is the greatest thing since sliced bread
Survived by doing the opposite of what she did. She was so awful. Her behavior was embarrassing. when she was older she would belittle her so called friends. Will never understand what her life was about. She was so evil to everyone.
Anytime I sang solos in high school or college my mother would just say “Congratulations” in her fake, saving-face voice and give me a hug (which she never hugged me at home even if I was distressed). My dad would give me praise and celebrate my accomplishments, but my mother would perform the bare minimum to look good in front of crowds.
My mom was always so excited when I was in bad relationships, but she can’t stand seeing me with someone who loves me, kisses me in front of her…she runs away, puts him down, puts me down. She even started putting down my childhood successes she pretended to be proud of…
It is hard to be a Mother and even harder to be a Mother to a Daughter of a Narcissistic Mother, that sentence is as crazy as the relationship between my Mother and I. The older we get the stranger it gets.
Thank you for clarifying what I have been going through for 68 years. I understood "today" it is not my fault. I will no longer feel guilty from this day forward, for her insecurities and shortcomings. I choose to set my own boundary and go no contact with her until I heal. Thank you once again for helping me to see clearly.
I was a burden to my mother. She got divorced when I was four. She felt like a burden to her mother because she was born out of wedlock. She projected that on to me. She told me that she wished she could leave me because like turtles do. She claims she never said that…but she did. She resents my existence just like her mother did. I’m breaking the cycle. I’m getting my daughter therapy. Mom says that’s all my fault for my daughter being in therapy. I have to heal what my daughter was exposed to. ❤
My mother never gave me compliments! The only thing she ever said to me was “ your grandfather says “you’re pretty!” I sang in the choir in a Christmas program, at my grade school. I felt Proud , waiting for my mom to say something, she said “I didn’t Open my mouth wide enough!”😢!!
I have gone no contact with my mother but I guess I might need professional help to stop hating her. It would be very scary if I had to take care of her. I might treat her like she treated me.
I'm in the same boat Cannot look into her smug face & empty eyes...l only see contempt and sadly, l feel the same for her. At 83 she is THANKFULLY strong & vital & able to constantly bake in order to give to family and strangers, to gain validation and attention With me, the daughter of 4 that unluckily had to live with her, she plays the victim while ignoring my existence. I hope when her time comes that she passes in her sleep so l don't have to take care of her...makes my skin crawl. No guilt whatsoever in thinking this just a little residue of sadness that l never really had a loving relationship with her or her husband, my biological overt narc father figure
I pray your strength in the Lord in Jesus' name. I would suggest not calling yourself an evil twin. Because that isn't who you are. Nor do you want to speak that over yourself.
What I have come to realize is that my mother was severely abused by her parents as well. That is why some people become narcissists. Others like me become very empathetic and then end up being codependent. It’s a terrible situation and it continues on and on, for generations. All we can do is try to learn what happened and improve the situation.
Even after I went no contact with her before she died & saw her hatred when I told her why I was done with our relationship, I still thought she was codependent & my father was the real narcissist, but now I know that her covert narcissism was masked by the situation at home. I tried to support her at all times in some extraordinary ways only to be triangulated & smeared. She never loved any of us & finally disowned my younger sister as well as me by saying that HER daughters were our 2 older half sisters 🤦♀️ we were discarded along with a 30 year marriage 👩 she quit being our mother though we should serve her forever!
Same 💜 i thought it was my father who was the narcissist because of his drinking, now i know it was my mothers covert narcissism that drove my father to drink 😱. That must have taken alot of courage to go no contact with your mum before she died. My mother is now very frail, angry and im her caretaker 🥹
After my sisters and I were grown and away from home, my dad pulled me aside one day and apologized, saying that he never understood, but now that it was just him and my mom he realized that my mom was not happy unless she had someone to verbally abuse. While we were living at home, he’d always side with her just to keep the peace. My mom started me in Kindergarten at age 4. Then, I was skipped ahead a grade in 2nd/3rd grade. This was in a Christian school in the south in the ‘60s. I was in a combined class (2nd & 3rd) and had completed both grade levels by the end of the year, so was moved into 4th grade- a class of seven students where I was the only girl and a teacher who would put her head on her desk and cry. Following year we moved “up North” and I was enrolled in a public school. I was 8 yrs old going into 5 th grade. Extreme culture shock and the beginning of my downward spiral. By age 12/13, I started using drugs and ran away from home trying to escape the pressure. My parents finally had me arrested and put in a children’s home. I blamed myself for a long time. One day it dawned on me that no 12-year-old runs away from home if they have a secure and loving home. Years later, my sister told me that I was blamed for my parents hitting her and my other sisters. I am 67 now, and my mom is about to turn 90. It’s amazing that we have as good relationship as we do. There has been a lot of forgiveness, but I will never feel close to her in the way that every child dreams of being close to their parent. She has changed, but there are still core things that we just don’t discuss. She once asked me why I really ran away from home. I knew I had to answer carefully. So, I said, “ I just felt a lot of pressure.” She quickly became defensive and said, “well it certainly wasn’t from your home life.” I have healed to a degree, but my life still feels like a failure, and I don’t think I will ever truly be whole. I accept that and carry on the best I can.
After I went NO CONTACT, My mother called the place where I work and told them she was worried I was going to delete myself. I contacted a lawyer, the lawyer pretty much told me: “your mom is an American woman and can get away with a lot of sh*t.”
My mother hired 2 men to chainsaw my front and back yards when I finally went no contact. She did this after I had a torn ligament in my foot so it wouldn’t heal properly from me having to clean up the mess she paid for. The cops refused to listen to me or make a report.
Omg this is the most real content. I left home at 15, then mover city. Country and wanted to move continents. I thought it was me. Sin̈ce April 2023 she claimed I was a narcassist. My 1st boyfriend was common. 2st husband stupid and an alcoholic. 3rd husband love of my life was narcassistic. She convinced my family that I'm narcassistic. My therapist taught me no contact. My mother did sway my friends. I am healing, it's hard. I'm so much happier by retraining my brain to ignore the shameful and inner critic voice. Her voice turning her daughter into her toxic shame unit. She told me I was a mistake. I ruined her life. Her friends children were amazing. When I looked for a mother figure she went WW3
My mom has narcissistic traits I’m not sure she has these ones. She definitely has a grandiose sense of self and sees me as her servant. She started to overly praise me after I put up boundaries with her because of her constant judgement. It’s very odd and stressful
I left my home at 13. I was so tired of my mother. Married at 17 to a man who was also narcissistic. Stay with him 27 years. I have been healing for the last 13 years. I am feeling so much better. I know my worth and I am working on boundaries.
In 2002, we moved out of my mother's basement apartment and bought a house. Exhausted, we were going to finish up the odds and ends the next day. In the interim, my mother went into my apartment and took: all the lightbulbs so that we couldn't see, EVERY bra and panty and pair of shoes I owned, my husband's wedding band and Tag Heuer watch, her grandson's change bank and computer. She then put a note on the outside door telling us that we were trespassing and that she was going call the police.
@@jl3268 Nah! Materialism prevents spiritual growth. She got stuff and i got to love and be happy. I believe that when you die, God is going to judge you on what you had the opportunity to do but chose NOT to.
It's amazing how immature they can be. My old lady smashed two of my lasagne dishes, stole my lucky bamboo and for some reason known only to her, all our teaspoons... teaspoons... 😂
I HATED when my friends would say things like, "Your mom is so cool". I'd respond with, "Yeah? You don't have to live with her"
Yup
I think a lot of us who visit here regularly have had that experience - do you also get the shocked look on the face and the "Ohhh, noooo, that CAN'T be true" like WE are tge crazy ones?
@5150Targeted As if any abuser is going to show their true colors in front of company!
people would say to me, "oh your mom is so sweet!" and she would act soooo nice but she hated me. and so jealous. when it was just her and me it was a whole different story unless she wanted information from me to use as ammo against me later.
10000% true for m
Why is it, the sibling that does the most for their parents , gets the least amount of respect and approval?
no idea ???
I fell back and started focusing on me.
@Lightreign888 My parents are both in their 90s, at 55 years old, divorced, and on my own , I think I'll follow your advice.
Thanks for the feedback.
@@gregmacklin9758 you got this I’m 39 and it hurts so much but I have to be strong for me because if not they will break me and I can’t allow that to happen. It truly hurts so much . 💔😔
Im the oldest daughter of three. Im 56 and she is 80. I Never got approval. And recently, she was found to have low sodium, had a seizure, fractured her spine, with a concussion inducing a rapid onset of dementia. ..And she refuses to stop drinking.
Here I am, the only one taking care of her full time without pay and having been removed from her will. Make that make sense. Why can’t I just walk away?
Interestingly enough the narcissist mother will brag about you to other people frequently apparently but never ever praise you to your face. Not only never praise you to your face, but strategically attempt to break you emotionally mentally and spiritually. How sick is that!
They're actually envious . Very envious.
Up to a point but then they'll start talking bad about you and stuff like that and turn people against you and everything but I had to do with their political beliefs and religious beliefs too and that's basically what they're not telling us why they're narcissistic about it because it's all about them pushing their thing with these right-wingers are doing and it's the same thing why is it both narcissists are all right wingers
That's my mother spot on!! 😓
My mom did the exact same thing
With me, my mother would usurp the accomplishments that I had done and instead twisted it as if she was the sole reason of my accomplishments.
I cannot begin to imagine what it would feel like to have had a Mother who loved me and who I was not a burden to.
I remember someone saying to me when I was in my early 20's that my parent's did a great job raising me. I laughed and said I raised myself. So thank you.
Amen! I raised myself too.
It's crazy isn't it! I swear even in preverbal stages of life in some way I knew I couldn't rely on my mother. As an adult I found out other family members knew she just didn't care to mother me and they thought she had postpartum in part because I am a rainbow baby, having lost her first child. Idk if the postpartum depression is true but I do know that even at such a young age, that woman despised me. I'm the oldest so everything from cooking to washing my own clothes etc. I learned on my own. I tried to make sure there was never a reason for me to have to depend on her and it's so unfortunate. She surely helped my other siblings with all these things as well as finances. I've been orphaned my entire life.
Me too
@juicye_wink yes , sounds like my mother as well
I say the same thing! Lol
They are always so focused on appearance too. So weird.
That white picket fence exterior is their shield. When someone tries to tell on them, no one will believe the victim. They've made sure of it.
Appearance is first and foremost with them.
Absolutely. My nm just turned 81 and tells everyone she looks 70 and men still flirt with her. Both are untrue.
It was really hard on my mom.
She had been insanely atrractive in her youth and hated hearing, "You look good, for you age." 😂
Yeah like, "You're wearing THAT? You need to cut your hair. You shouldn't dye your hair black or wear it long."
On mother's day I got MYSELF a massage!
YAY!
That’s super awesome. I became a massage therapist and literally love taking care of others bodies. It’s a beautiful thing and so grateful.🙏🏻
I spoiled myself as well❤
Yay! I'm 58 years old and this last Mother's Day I finally got to have it entirely to myself. Tired of giving up my day and my children not being able to do anything with me or having the ability to. Coming home after spending an afternoon with my Moody mother only to find a Mother's Day gift on the kitchen table and open it myself . I'm so grateful for channels like yours who opened my eyes to what's been happening all along and I never even realized because when you're a loyal child you just keep doing what you do no matter what. But I'm opening my eyes. I'm 58 years old single woman by choice with a 96-year-old house and three furry roommates. I've never been more content in my life especially now that I've cut her out. And I don't care about the will. Being adopted, who knows if I was even in it it's not about money
I may need to consider doing something like that in the future. God says the same. Thanks for sharing. God bless. The joy of the LORD is your strength. AMEN. God truly does love and care for you AND SO DO I. AMEN. ❤❤❤
Let’s all heal from our mean mommies. I pray for any of you that are healing from narcissistic abuse.
Amen 🙏🏼
We all need to heel from narcissist mothers. I pray for peace of mind for people who have to live this way.
Yes this is healing. Nail on the head. I've lived in the shadow of my mother. No more.
Some Mothers are sadistic. My Mother enjoyed making me cry as a little girl. I've suffered from depression my entire life. When I asked for help from my Mother when I was 6 years old, she ridiculed me. Eventually, I figured out how much joy it brought her to make me cry and I put a stop to her sick behavior. I believe I was 10 years old. She's been terrified of me ever since, hateful and spiteful.
🍀
same experience from my sick "mother".
My mom actually bragged and made it a personal game of hers, she'd call her shot while driving with all four of her kids in the family van. She'd tell us, 'oh I bet I can make all four of you cry before I park the car.'
She succeeded many times. That's how it became a game.
So sorry! Very SICK!
i was verbally Abused when i asked for help, or asked my mom to teach me (how to cook), and mocked when i cried
I always knew the lights were on but no one was home.
I knew as a young child I was in the middle of something that was very wrong!
Ditto
yep! i knew she was not all there
They can SAY they're sorry but they literally NEVER mean it
Yeah
How many times my mom came to ask my forgiveness, and we made "peace" and for awhile it was OK, and then it started all over. Just futile
Asking for forgiveness but never apologizing for their behaviour.
My mom would say that to me/// “can we make a truce “ or “make peace” - what it means is I’m not gonna actually say sorry about what I did wrong and you had every right to get upset with me like you did, especially after all the years of u putting up with it and u being nice even when I was horrible to you, but …I need my supply back so can we just make peace so that I can further abuse you?? “
Some can't even do that.
Mine has NEVER apologized or has even said the word!!!
Yes, a narcissist will withhold love, praise, or compliments and lavish them on others in front of you. It's like pouring water on the ground in front of a thirsty soul.
yup. i remember being driven to an art show with a couple of my paintings and my older narc sister going on about her friend who was so gifted artist and never once said anything about me having some art in a show. later on she had mentioned she was jealous of me. but she still acts the same.
Anyone else have an awkward Mother’s Day? 😑
Oh yes
Yeah
A lot of flashbacks from very early my age
Neglect and total dismissal and even phisical abuse.
I think that mothers day should be changed to caregiver's day
More appropriate
*sigh* its always a dreaded occasion just like Christmas 😔
Could care less, doesn't exist for me. Tellin' it like it is.
I've stopped celebrating my mother and MIL. If they get to be selfish, I get to be selfish. I now celebrate myself, with MY children--not theirs--that day.
Most people have never met my mom. They’ve only met her mask
That's funny. 😂
Covert narcs...
They are full of shame and rage
They will target the child that sees through the mask and abuses them without guilt or conscience
They feed on others' pain & downfalls
It really isn't funny at all. @@nafeezabolia9724
Thank you
Good one !
mine will devalue things i'm good at to my face, but will brag about it to others when i'm not around because she wants to look good but doesn't want me to feel good about my talents
Yep
My ex-husband always did that.
oh yes! I can relate. I can't even begin to count the number of times my mother dimmed my light. Any time I did something creative she would tell me i was wasting my time. They don't want you to shine. They want to keep you feeling bad about yourself. It's disgusting.
Same !!
What hurts even more being a son of both parents who are emotionally unavailable or narcissistic . Having aunts , uncles , cousins who all act the same . Then you have fake friends who act similar too them like damned if you do damned if you don't .
When you find yourself in the midst of this reality, it's really tough. I lived it, and went no contact with these relatives and so-called friends. Having a therapist who understands was so helpful, as were and are YT channels like this one.
My cove😊rt nnarcississitic mothers hadmy licence taken away in ord e r to make sure I couldn't escape h er!
Yep , sounds like me
@@Jeanette-fz2kv 😢
@@Jeanette-fz2kvjust remember your id number and you’ll be fine. As long the id comes to you you can always use your id number. No need to always carry a hard copy
I went on a dogwalk with my 9yr old daughter the other day we got talking about my childhood. I shared my saddness at how my Mum treated me and told her 2 stories. My 9yr old cried and hugged me. 😢 I said its ok and said no it was not ok
Glad you have a beautiful daughter. That God created in order for you to have unconditional Love for the rest of your life. Your daughter is beautiful and caring.
@@Michelle-06💯 agree, I broke the cycle with my son, 20+ years later I chuckle whenever he doesn't like a comment my mother said, he says things like "sorry Nan but think that's inappropriate for you to say that!, might pay to think more than speak" I taught him that 😂😂 so proud of my son and allowing him to be his authentic self, love how comfortable he is in his own skin... He doesn't have much to see her because he has no patience to deal with her, and she offended his gf. So I stand with him, he's my light and he helped me remind myself I'm worthy of self love
This generation are breaking the cycle. Thank God for technology, community and connections and knowledge
@@laynahodgson4994 - exactly 👍♥️
Mothers can be inhuman. I have one .
Lisa , I can feel your pain from miles away. Such traumas never leave our soul.
No matter how hard we try .
True, I definitely agree 💯
What fixed it for me was raising my own daughter.
True
At 61 years old, I have only just understood that my mother who is 81 is a NARCISSIT. I have gone no contact. The ONLY compliment i have ever received from her was when I was 7 years old just before I was sent away to a girls boarding school convent. She mused that I had nice legs. After binge watching many videos on the subject it explains A LOT! My mother always looked like a stunning, perfectly classy movie star, and admiration and compliments followed her wherever she went. My friends and my brothers' friends adored her. Everything around her was her perfect foil, including her (best dressed children), and perfectly decorated home. I realized recently that we were never loved, and everything she was is just an image. Although a very attractive 81 year old, her looks diminishing, she has become so much WORSE...the mask has fallen off and she no longer cares how vindictive, selfish, spiteful, hateful and angry she is toward all her children and daughters in law. She is delusional with her accusations and name calling. It is so sad to know that our mother has no love or empathy for anyone. Just an empty shell. TRAGIC
Tragic, same experience here, sending a huge hug, I absolutely hate anyone who micro manages me, because mom was soooo controlling
Oooo, few thing worse to watch than an aging beauty queen narcissist! She’s always been so critical of others’ physical appearance. My sister and I have often asked her if she has a magic mirror. It’s ironic, but she doesn’t get it.
Your life is devastated with having narcissistic mother... In nutshell.
In my childhood, I still remember, when I was just 6-7 , when it was her time to come from office , I used to wait for her and would get happy seeing her but she showed bland expression and upon reaching home she used to scold me on silly things, that was not even required. Basically I was getting treatment of some servant, and as if I was her servant, never ever I felt i was her daughter. Now I put her in don't care zone.... Slowly eliminating connection altogether and that gives me real peace... I wasted a lot of time caring about someone who never bothered to care about me.
I recently told my mom during her last rage that she treats me like a personal assistant instead of a daughter.
People have to pass driving school and take a test to get a driver's license. Should every pregnant woman have to take a parenting course and pass the exam? Maybe so. Just the basic stuff, like don't ridicule your kids, don't beat them with wires, don't call them ugly names. Don't undermine everything they try to do. My mother would have failed that course and failed the exam.
That’s right I don’t remember my mother ever giving me a compliment ever ever. She was always very quick to insult me in front of other people and she got a big kick out of doing so.
Same here. Absolutely sick
Tell her I don't speak Lesbianese...😂
I recently got a publishing deal for my first book. My mother said to me, “I have no interest in reading anything you have to say since your head’s full of garbage.” At this point, I just have to laugh at her insanity.
Jesus Christ. Thanks, Mom! Nevermind that she's the one who put that garbage in your head. Ugh.
I'm so sorry. I will congratulate you on your book deal and validate you -- well done! Congratulations! That's a huge accomplishment and one to be proud of.
@@spacegirl226 Thank you. 🙏
Please share your book. I want to check it out ty
Bahaha. How utterly immature, delusional and childish. Good for you because yeah…’laugh hard!!!’
I would be like, you would if I made my first million dollars
Living with my mother and her constant raging was awful. I was constantly anxious and had a lot of behavioral problems at school. When I was 9 I started pulling out my eyebrows and eyelashes. When my mother discovered what I was doing she was mortified and said, “How can you do this to ME?!” This is just some of what I went through…
I’m sorry you went through this. I had a very similar experience
i attempted suicide to get away from my mom at 12 and was in icu. when my mother said "how could you do this to ME ? "
@@lorithomason8404 They’re really something…
Everything is about them you have no voice...or not allowed one ever
My mother tried to force me into an arranged marriage multiple times. When I told her no I am never doing that she said the same thing "How can you do this to ME?!!". These narc mothers are selfish and delusional.
My mother could never validate my feelings or experiences yet always used me as a receptacle for her emotional baggage of which a lot was grossly inappropriate to share with a child 😩
Yep. I relate.
Everything that happens to her is extremely important. If something happens to me...oh well.
THIS... I was told about how she was forced to watch her father drown her kitten in front of her, as a method of making me realize that my life wasn't so bad, as I cried about my parents fighting all the time, and her not being there for me. I mean the depth of sickness... How the hell do you lay that on an 8 yr old?
Wow, this really hit home for me. I have been living in France for 20 years and have to drink a full bottle of wine to even call my mother once a year. I can't stand her.
I mean, sounds kinda fun. I'm told French wine is spectacular. But maybe stop calling her? 🤣 jk... sorta
I have a narcissistic sister,ba year and a half older than me. I went no contact with her 20 or so years ago. Best thing I ever did. I should have done it earlier. Have you thought about going no contact? You can still enjoy the wine too! 😅
You're so lucky. I wish I could move out of the country, far away from her. I can relate entirely. When I lived away from my mother for a year I never went out of my way to call her. And i would literally have nightmares if she texted or tried calling me. My stomach would sink, my entire body would be affected. These toxic mothers have no idea how deep the wounds go and how much pain they have caused. I"m proud of you for getting physically away from her.
I'm the adult son of an abusive, narcissistic mother, but so much of this video resonated so deeply, with me. It's impossible to deal with her as a person. She doesn't see me as a person, as a human being. I'm a thing, a possession she can put on a shelf when she's tired of me. But I'm still expected to be her perfect little victim forever, sitting here and obediently suffering whatever she dishes out.
She constantly puts me down and tells me that everything I think is wrong (about my own life, no less. You know how cruel it is, having your entire existence be over-written, by another person?), all the while whining that I don't talk to her, yet when I do, all she does is attack and blame me, or just dismiss and ignore me.
There's no winning with these people, because they have no comprehension of their own responsibility for the problem.
It’s time to find your true self despite her.🦋🪽
When you said "everyday with you is so precious" i melted...i never felt that way with my mom.
No did I.
I didn't either. I didn't end up having children, but my fur baby rescue dog feels like my child and I feel that way every day about her. Thankfully we can re- parent ourselves and tell our inner child this every day
My fur baby is my only child too. My mother was so horrible to me that I didn't want to become a mother. So sad. I love that dog a million times more than she loved me.
I hear you, no compliments ,no encouragement. Do what you are told.😢😮😅
I hate when someone says " say hello to your mom" or " you look sa alike your mom" Makes me want to throw up
OMG! I had relatives say, "you look JUST like your mom" to me at a family reunion. I couldn't keep it to myself. I said "Oh God please no!" I just couldn't hold it in and I know they were probably thinking "oooh red flag this girl is toxic" but they just don't understand how much trauma this woman has put me through. I don't want to be associated with her :(
I had no idea how envious of me my mother was until my husband left me when I was in a health crisis and my family took his side and helped him bully me and destroy my life.
I am so sorry Dear One...You are ENOUGH!
Ur not alone...I'm sorry u experienced betrayal like that...I been there too
My husband was in prison and I got blamed by a narcissist aunt - my narcissistic mother was dead but the aunt said it's a good job she was gone because of the shame I brought on the family - I was the scapegoat, took everyone's shame even though I was the one abused in every way and they were the reason I ended up with a husband in prison 😢
@@anneboyle2240
Wow I am so sorry that you had to go through that is horrible. Just the hurt and pain you went through as a child. People need to be responsible for their own actions. Speak up for yourself and move on. The reason the family is toxic and they do not want to change for the better. You are always going to be the problem. In the eyes of narcissists they are just using you in order for narcissistic supply. Stop being a doormat you deserve so much better. You deserve to be loved by people who want to respect you as a person. God created for his purpose you are worthy because Jesus Christ died for your beautiful life. You are an amazing person.
@@Michelle-06 bless you sweetheart, thank you for your kind words and encouragement 🙏
I just want my kids to be happy, healthy and loved.
My mother would compliment other select children on how beautiful they were, but when toward me, it was expressed in a mocking way, and as if she were talking to a 2 yr old.
I hated it when my mum would refer to one of my cousins who was "perfect" in her eyes.... thank God I was able to recognise it as abnormal from a very young age so I never took it on board, but I would constantly beg her to stop it, cos it almost made me resent my cousin.... but she cant see the damage it can do, she thinks it should motivate me.
It all made sense when I realised her mother was much worse....
Same here, but it was my step mother
I know how you feel, I'm so sorry you went through this.
I understand and I'm sorry😢
@@Seeme-s6i Thank you
Once I understood it, it was worse than I thought it was and I hated her for withholding love that she freely gave to everybody else.
I get it!🙏
I’m currently 53. My mother just yelled at me bcuz I didn’t do exactly what she wanted me to do. Frickin ridiculous!!!!
WOW...time to start changing the way you view yourself Dear One, so you know you are enough!
Yep, my mother screamed at me I’m 60 . Had enough 😢
@@hoppyhoppy2262 Your not alone...same here.
I’m 46 and my parents talk to me like Il’m in school and still live with them. I’ve been low contact the last few years. My therapist helped me a lot.
I’m 43 she did me the same way
Once I tried to explain to my mother that my friends’ mothers are not like her, that they aren’t controlling and don’t try to manipulate their children’s lives. After I said that she went on a 30 minute tirade that I’m lying and that all mothers are like she is. She has meddled and sabotaged all my friendships and relationships.
Yeah… my mom interfered in every personal relationship I had with anyone on the planet until the day she died.
My mom never approved of anyone I was with but when the one guy and I had an argument and I was done, wanted to be away from him, she tried meddling. He stopped by amd she had him come in to her place (right next door). I wasnt home yet. She called me into her place and when I saw him, I was pissed. It was my business not hers.
As a small child one of my persistent nightmares was my mother was fake. her body would be plastic, or have foam inside like a soft doll, or her face was paper mache once.
My 4 yr old brain was figuring it out.
That’s so wild!! Especially because it was reoccurring. Hope your nightmares have subsided & you get peaceful rest now 🩵🩵🩵
interesting, my brother works in the music industry .. as I became more successful in the music industry (as a side-line in my life) my mum became very upset and did everything she could to sabotage it. It became obvious that she was doing this for my golden child brother.
I made strait A's in music all of my Jr high school high school and college yrs. I recieved a choir scholarship in college. I was a talented singer and told me that I could do anything thst I wanted but when it came time to graduate high school she told me that I wouldn't make it in college as a music major in college. I actually had to change majors because I had dyslexia and adhd and I wasn't aware of it. But I knew that I had a learning disability
Lisa my best friend thought I was misunderstanding my mom and said to her once, “she loves you very much” and my mom just BLASTED her, lol!
My friend was just in shock. She had a loving, supportive mom and just couldn’t fathom what I was saying…until that moment.
I'll say it again ~ search far and wide ~ you'll never find someone with better insights than Lisa A. Romano.
❤❤❤
My mother hated when people said I was pretty, or considered stunning and she lost her mind and would tell who ever said that “no she is not”, she is not pretty maybe cute but not pretty or stunning.
Youre happy ending is my great hope. I started with your 12 week breakthrough program EMDR therapy and I’m just beginning I’m 56 years old. It’s a lot of damage to recover and heal from. I wanted to find out why I stayed with that man for 30 years, but I realized I married my mother. I’m just trying to pick up the pieces so maybe I can break the cycle and make a difference to one of my two children, it’s a maybe❤
SAME!! I never would have guessed in a million years, that I had been dating and ultimately married all different versions of my mom. I thought that was some old joke that older generations of men maybe felt was relatable.
The communication patterns that the men I dated would use with me became more and more like my mother's, until one week I noticed my mother and a boyfriend both use the same tactic with me on the same day, both via message so written out clearly for review. 😂 At that point I had been studying it for 5 years I could not not see it.
Good luck to you, you can do it…. for you and your children.
Its an honor to have you as a member of our conscious healing community and I so hope you take full advantage of all The 12 Week Breakthrough Coaching Program offers and don't forget to join our Graduates Facebook Page
My mom praises me like a small child. When in truth she is small child.
My mother has told everyone all of my life that I am mentally crazy. I am now finally NO CONTACT at 66 years old (for 4 years now). I finally said to myself, "NO MORE." I can relate to 99% of what Lisa is saying. I didn't have a father in my life, so I don't know that aspect. Lisa, thank you for validating me. I send hugs and compassion to everyone who has suffered and still dealing with this abuse. xoxo
Same it’s going on 2 years since I went no contact with my mom I blocked her number and I changed my number
We had the same mom.
My mom thought I was crazy so she took me to a psychologist. I didn't talk much. She thought that it was my fault because we didn't get a long and my sisters and I didn't get a long. They'd calle names too. I was overweight and not as good with school as they were so of course I was treated like I was stupid.
Last comment. In 2008, my husband hit midlife crisis and i needed to get me and my 3 kids out of the house. I went and asked if I could come home for a couple of weeks. She told me that I could but I needed to call her before I left Long Island. Anybody want to guess? I had my 3 kids packed and ready to go and so I called her. She told me that *she changed her mind and we weren't welcome!* and then she hung up. This was the last time I spoke to her
That’s horrible.. I’m glad you went no contact. She did the worst possible thing, give you false hope that you had a place to stay then pull rug out from underneath you at last minute .. whereas if she had said no from the start you could have made other arrangements.
@@abigailkendrick Yeah! but what fun/cruelty is that? Hurt people, hurt people. Broken people break people. Outta spite alone, I wouldn't let her break me. She lost out, not me!
@@dawnconnors8205 you are so right
I'm so sorry that happened to you. It must have been devastating. Good for you for making it through such a betrayal. And kudos for recognizing how wrong of her that was, and for putting up boundaries to protect yourself. You are very brave and strong. Your life is better without having to deal with pain caused by the person that is supposed to love you unconditionally.
Maybe it was a blessing in disguise
YOU want to hear how my mom responded to my husband when be preposed?
" why do you want her? Noone else does
She never wanted me...those words will always stick witm me...the ultimate betrayel
She is projecting. That is actually how she feels about herself.
When I told my mom that my boyfriend had proposed, she said, “you’d better marry him quick before he changes his mind.” I did after only knowing him 2 months. We’ve been married 40 yrs, but it’s been extremely difficult. He had narcissistic tendencies, but saw them and has worked to “break the cycle” (his mom was a classic narcissist). It’s still a difficult marriage, but not without its rewards.
When my mom found out I was having a little girl that was 3 years of hell and her trying to drive a wedge between my wife and I. I thought she would be excited or happy for us. That was the moment I realized something was very wrong.
The mother of my daughter is a covert narcissist. Awful, truly awful. When you said you were 59, I was very surprised. You look two decades younger.
She does. She's 5 years younger than my own mom.
They are control freaks and when you stand up to them, game on, mine turned all relatives against me and anyone that would listen and take her side. I have been away from all them for years and I was told I had blossomed into a lovely person. Get rid of all the toxic people and you are free. Thank you Lisa for all your videos x
I feel as if my mother didn't have the capacity to love me, and now i don't have the capacity to love her. I recently reconnected with her after years of no contact a few weeks after i was diagnosed with cancer, and now she calls me every day and says that she loves me. I say it back, but I dont really feel it, and I honestly don't think I ever will. I don't know if I believe anything has really changed except we're both older, and she needs me now more than I need her. I don't really feel obliged to make much (if any) real effort. If i told her that, she would just point out everything she's ever done for me. I even try to steer her away from badmouthing everybody.
I'm darn sure not waiting for any acknowledgement or apologies that i know will never come, and to be honest, I've never wanted an apology. It's the denial and gaslighting that drives me batty.
I hope you have a full recovery, praying for you. ❤
People around me always act like I’m the weird one for never having my Mom come to visit me or never remembering when mother’s days is.
I don’t feel alone after reading all the comments. Thanks for making these videos to help us understand what happened to us as children.
What always stands out in my head is when I was very upset about some thing. My mom sat beside me, turned to me and said stop feeling sorry for yourself.
To this day, that’s saying triggers me, I hate that phrase and will never use it with anyone.
My now late "mother" didn't want to have sex with my "father" anymore, he was 36 years older than her, she was in her 30's I was 10. She literally sacrificed me to him for sex, and then blamed me for "stealing" her husband. Eventually I turned them both into the authorities, and then a little while later as an adult, I sued them both in court.
Good on you ! Sorry though, geez 😱
Holey moley. That is well beyond the typical narcissist. I’m glad you turned them in.
@mallariculp3551 Agreed. They should be behind bars, and in fact, the "mother" here is more evil for essentially sacrificing her own child to a PD file.
They both sound disgusting. I am glad you got some form of justice.
Your channel has been a blessing to me - thank you so very much ❤
You are so welcome
Me too, Lisa - no compliments ever. Funny though sometimes it could be way after a special family occasion, where I will get a "your hair looked nice up on that day." Her golden child dismissive firstborn is the same way (withholds love, affection & compliments.) Also, you hit the nail on the head when she calls "Aunt Susie & Uncle Mark" complaining & smear campaigning you, she leaves out all the crazy stuff she said before! LOL!!!! Crazy Town...#10 -Can't Say Sorry - 0-accountability - so damaging, invalidating
You are so kind to call us "Dear Ones." It's one of the nicest things anyone could say.
@@pattilee1475 much love you you Dear One❤️💕🙏
There can be no excuse for Narrissistic mother. They destroy the personality and confidence to no repair
Competition with everything!
❤❤❤
Especially with my child.
My mother and father were soldiers in WW2. They got married in uniform and never had a wedding. I was engaged at 20 and married at 21. My entire wedding was orchestrated by her. I had no input in anything. She said since she was paying she had full control this was 1972. Today I would have saved up to have the wedding I wanted. I hated it all including my dress. Had no idea what a controlling malignant narcissist she was until Lisa Romano. The wedding was just one example of what she did in my life. The marriage did not last. Turned out he was a covert narcissist just like her. It was familiar. You learn what you lived and then you live what you learned. Sad.😢
We are all in this together 💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚
❤❤❤
My mother was an absolutely horrific alcoholic, narcissistic monster... She tortured me/sold me/abused me/etc me, since I was 5 (although she started from infancy, but got MUCH worse after my dad left, which was "my fault").... Now, I am using my life/story to hopefully help others through their traumas.
😔💪
I’m experiencing first hand a narcissistic mother trying to destroy her oldest son.
It’s so painful to witness being that I’m a survivor of narcissist abuse.
He’s discovering this behavior has taken place most of his childhood & adult life, but now have put a name to this cruel disorder..I’ve share with him channels like this & life coaches that can bring some form of relief, but he refuses to seek out any help he’s come to terms with coping mechanisms that allows him to escape the pain.
That is what is So painful. When others gaslight you and tell you your mother is wonderful and you should be grateful. The day someone admitted my mother was like a queen bee was the first time in years I gained any relief from my situation and felt my feelings and needs were validated..
I wish I knew all of this info when I was 16 so I could leave, heal, and NEVER COME BACK to entertain her BS!!!
Better late than never. Thank you for your knowledge! New subscriber:)
Welcome, and it's never too late to begin finding the road back to the authentic self.
I pray your strength on the LORD IN JESUS' NAME. THE NAME ABOVE ALL NAMES. AMEN. ❤❤❤
Thank you, Lisa. This is exactly how my mother treated me. She also ensured my siblings' follwed suit by her example towards me.
I am now 62, and my siblings have been vicious to me to this day. When my father passed in 2020, I was finally able to cut them off. I had no other choice, as mentally, emotionally and physically I was completely broken.
I got engaged at 19 yrs old and married at 21 just to get away from them.
I thought I was in love, but as you say, knowing what we know now, it was too young, but it was my way of trying to get away from my family. I only lasted 26.5 yrs, because I jumped straight into the fire by marrying someone who I thought loved me with all his love boming, the love I never received from my my mother, she kept reminding me " You've made you bed, now lay in it"
As a child, I was constantly trying to please her so that she would be proud of me just as she was with all my other siblings. The bottom line was she was desperate to have a boy. When he was born, I was just 4 years old and she farmed me off to another family! Looking at old photos, she is never cuddling me, but when I see photos of her & younger brother. She is all over him, giving him lots of attention & love. My 3 elder sisters; 15 yrs, 12 yrs & 6 yrs respectively meant that their were 19 years between my eldest sister and my younger brother, she was just so desperate to have a boy. A son and heir to carry on the prestige and family name.
I was ready to emergrate, when I couldn’t take any more abuse ( Mentally, Emotionally and physically) from my then husband and 2 adult children after 26.5 yrs of marriage
If mum had still been alive, (she died in 1994), I would not have moved back to my dad's as he had insisted I should.
My soon to be Ex in 2009 said as I was leaving him; where are you going?" to which I replied "to my dad's "
He smuggly responded with oodles of sarcasm " What back to your family ? Good luck!"
According to his Aunt, she said to me that he (her nephew) thought he had me right where he wanted me to be; stuck with him, isolated from my friends and with no money & nowhere to go.
Before I took the courage to leave, rather than un-alive myself, because I was so desperately unhappy, I realised I had already lost my boys of 24 and 22 yr old at the time I left, that I had already lost them to their fathers attitude towards me and also women, seeing the treatment and followed suit.
You may be wondering what was my father was doing when I was younger, well he worked morning noon and night to provide for the family, 5 children and a wife who never worked but insisted in living in the life style she had been accustomed to.
In all honesty, the last 11 years spent with my dad, were the best 11 years in my whole life.
He was 98 (short of 3 months) when he died at home, in his bed in my arms.
I miss him dearly. 😢
💜💜💜💜
God bless you. I’m so happy for you getting those last years with your father!
Thank you for your kind words. ❤️
The void is so big now, I really don't know where to go or what to do.....
Sadly, I have no one just my UA-camr's videos where I am trying to find lots of research and self-help videos.
I do not even have anyone to put as my Next of Kin!
Though it will be 4 years in Aug 2024, it took 2 years for Probate to go through thanks to the ineptitude of dad's Solicitor, another one!Dad used to use my sister originally, and as time went on, he soon realised she was not being straight forward or indeed honest, so, I had to get my own legal representation. (I even have proof she shafted my dad!)
My brother and his wife are 'Kings Council' (I believe quite high in the legal field - whatever!), they were so vile to me. For example, my brother tried to report me to Social Servies [an organisation that keeps a vigil eye on the elderly]. He was allegedly concerned about our father's "Health Wealth and Well-being" !!! They did not help me care for our dad, but were tops at critising me at every turn. Plus, my last living sister, allegedly a lawyer (though I have never known a lawyer with So Many Fingers in So Many Pies!) It is farcical to me cos my father told me she was going into Mediation 🤣🤣 and yet she could not even talk to me or be even civil towards me! Anyways, her husband is / was a real lawyer, and I found paperwork in my dad's affaires excluding me from the Will ( all through the Company she was working with or for at that time! SHE ALSO tried to hide dad's property deeds! This was in the early 1980's when there was the introduction of electronic copies / files as opposed to paper ones, but she didn't put them through electronically! Instead, she hid them in her husbands place of work, another Solicitors Company, but he failed to pick them up (that God!) when he left that organisation 😱.
She was playing the long game for sure, even whilst my mum was alive. They thought they had gotten rid of me when I married very young, but did not expect my dad to plead with me to move back 'home'.
The reason I have written the above is bec' the lasting effects on abuse from those you would not expect it from, cuts deep leaving scars and trauma.
Videos like this help by letting us know we are not alone and it is OK to put one-self first, because clearly no one else will.
Love to you and thank you for being there. ❤️ xxx
In this case being an avoidant independent is good. I just dropped by mother like a hot potato. I am so used to fending for and entertaining myself, i have no problem standing alone if I have to. I do have a few really healthy long lasting loyal friendships. And don't allow neg or toxic people in my life.
My mother had me locked up in a mental hospital after lying to Police and the doctors because I was speaking up about my abuse as a child on social media. She also spent 45 minutes on the phone trying to get the police officers to somehow get me in trouble, thankfully the universe has divine timing and I happen to walk in to the police station on this day just after this Senia sergeant was hung up on by my mother, in order to find out how the police research was going on the death threats that I had been sent for templates of what looks like to be graves to be graves next to my car
My mother left me in Spain for almost a year when I was 9 months old so she could go to the US and introduce my stepfather to her parents. I didn't recognize her when she returned. My Spanish father had gone to Germany and left me with some neighbors. Apparently I was at a critical bonding age, and suffer from double abandonment issues. To this day, she cannot accept responsibility for any damage she caused.
I remember I was a store manager with a well known company. My Mother didn’t care one bit and always downplayed my successes. Then my younger, perfectly healthy, sister got a job at a movie theater and my Mother called me ecstatic and so proud that my sister “counted her til” at the end of her shift.
This was really helpful! I am trying to go no contact, but she's 95. It won't go on for much longer. I thank you for showing me what I missed in having a mother like this. I ran away and got married at 21 to a CPAN, but I did break the cycle and have been a loving mother to my children!
My mom complimented my body when it was sexualized and expressed disgust when I went against beauty norms. I remember being 12 going through puberty and she made me wear a skin tight outfit in front of other adults, and she said "look at her curves!" When I didn't shave my legs she called me disgusting and would hit my face. When I was depressed and suicidal, she raged in front of my therapist calling me ungrateful, a liar, manipulative, and selfish. When I was anorexic she complimented my weight loss, and when I was recovering she insulted my weight gain.
That is disgusting 🤮
i think mine is "on the scale". i don't think she's a full fledged narcissist, but she definitely has a lot of these traits and behaviors
My mother told anyone who'd listen that I was such a bad teenager. She enjoyed telling me how all her friends referred to me as her wayward daughter. I'm 50 now and still feel embarrassed about what she chose to tell others, whether true or made up. I can't defend myself when there's no telling what she said about me.
When we both contracted poliomyelitis in 1954. When we were both put into braces. Everyone left. Just us in the house. Later I thought maybe because she didn't want to care for them. We're talking about two humans who left and didn't come back until our braves needed realignment. That's really sick. Now I know that was sick. This was after the War. Parents hide away in their room if fighting was needed. My sister was thrown out of the house. I thought it was because she liked visiting the army camp. Which was walking distance. Oh, I can't talk about it anymore. Thanks for listening.
Oh, my gosh! YEEEESSSS!! To soooo much of this! I can check off way too many of these boxes. 😢 I could NEVER connect with my mother. She would always belittle me, criticize me and everything I did, micromanage me, and definitely withheld affection. She would constantly run and tell her friends and other family members about all my flaws and mistakes, embarrassing me and tarnishing others' outlook on me. I always second-guessed myself, and was always terrified that I was doing something wrong - it became something of a complex. I felt trapped and stifled, like I needed to escape her. If I was ever hurt or sick, the LAST person I wanted was my mother! The few times she did hug me or give me a compliment, it felt awkward, unnatural, and forced. My sister and I constantly say that we "survived" our mother. Our father, bless his heart, played the role of being the buffer between us and her over the years. I did realize relatively early in life that there was never gonna be a day or time that I would ever be able to please her, so I eventually just stopped trying. I'm extremely close with my 2 children, both teenagers. They're AWESOME, we have so much fun together, and genuinely enjoy each other's company. I'm grateful to my mother for teaching me exactly what NOT to do as a parent and what things were missing from my childhood that were incredibly important and necessary to incorporate into my parenting style and philosophy. She was AWFUL to me, but in a backwards, unfortunate, and painful way, she made me a super successful mother, and the reason I know that for sure is that #1) my children don't hate me, we have open and honest communication, and our home is not a place that they don't want to be; and #2) because my mother was constantly criticizing how I parented my children, telling me all the things I was doing wrong, could be doing better, should be doing but am not, and so on. If it's not her way, it's not the right way, bottom line. Thank the Lord I wasn't doing things the "right way", according to her standards! Who knew that parents and their teenagers don't have to despise one another, and that living with teenagers doesn't have to be reminiscent of a war zone!! To this day, I can't stand the phrase "do something productive" because of her. I know I still have plenty of residual emotional issues because of how she treated me, and because of what I wanted/needed from her but will never have, but I know one thing for sure - I knocked parenting outta the park!! Those two children know that they are loved unconditionally, flaws and all, that home is their soft place to fall, and that they can rely on me to be there for them until my dying day, among other things. I always made sure that my children knew that they taught me just as much, if not more, than I was teaching them; I modeled humility and was quick to admit when I was wrong about something, was never too proud to apologize, and never treated them as though they were somehow "less than" simply because they were young, no matter what their age. I always treated them as whole and complete individuals, who had feelings, thoughts, and emotions that were just as valid and important as an adult's. In fact, if you ask me, I believe that children have more wisdom and better insight than most adults, many times! I think that I really and truly grew up WITH my children, in many respects. I had them both by the time I was 22, and because my mother had broken my spirit to such a great degree, I was still learning who I was and what I believed, stood for, wanted, etc, well into my late 20s/early- mid 30s. I honestly believe that my children saved my life. I was spiraling, prior to their arrival, lost in a storm of emotional turmoil, being damaged by a toxic and codependent relationship with their father, and still feeling much like a rebellious teenager, doing reckless things just to spite my mother, not knowing how to manage the brokenness she'd caused inside me with all of her hurtful words and underhanded insults. She has one of the sharpest tongues out of anyyone I've ever known and has this unique and very skillful way of giving you what's supposed to be a compliment, but in reality is a dig. I don't quite know how to explain it accurately or with just the right words, but if you know, you know. Anyway, those babies breathed life back into some of the darkest, most wounded parts of my soul and gave me the motivation and desire to be, and do better for them. They literally grounded me. Thank the Lord for children! I hope and pray that I'm around children in one manner or another for the rest of my days!
We must be sisters because you describe the same experience. Fast forward to your adult life today, does she still try to pull you into past habits? What boundaries do you set when you see her. My mother likes to create drama for attention, everything in her life is like the world is ending. It is exhausting.
Absolutely Brilliant. No respect. Forgive and walk away. They are damage and we deserve more. Narcissistic mothers that remain in their cycle do not Want to be better. God bless those that help us understand her behavior not our fault and how we can live an amazing life. ❤
Hi dear Lisa .Being a cycle breaker is the best decision l ever took. Today l only feel grateful to be on the right path for me and for my children.thank you so much again.
My mother once said to me when i was a teenager or older "i did not think you would turn out as pretty as you did " and "i allways liked you more than your brother but that has changed now" i dont think this is normal behaviour. My mother have no physical boundaries putting her head super close in my face talking or screaming quickly away again. No eyecontact unless she yelled " look me in the eyes ". Thanks for the show
My mother started with this behavior when I was in 5th grade, school wanted to skip me to 6th grade because of my age and I was doing very well in my grades. She said No
I was in a similar situation, my teachers was saying I was doing pretty and want me to graduate a year early. While telling me college is the greatest thing since sliced bread
Survived by doing the opposite of what she did. She was so awful. Her behavior was embarrassing. when she was older she would belittle her so called friends. Will never understand what her life was about. She was so evil to everyone.
Anytime I sang solos in high school or college my mother would just say “Congratulations” in her fake, saving-face voice and give me a hug (which she never hugged me at home even if I was distressed). My dad would give me praise and celebrate my accomplishments, but my mother would perform the bare minimum to look good in front of crowds.
When I came down the stage, she always had recommendations how to do it better, without me asking her.
I stopped telling her, when we had concerts.
I am so sorry that happened to you :/
My mom was always so excited when I was in bad relationships, but she can’t stand seeing me with someone who loves me, kisses me in front of her…she runs away, puts him down, puts me down. She even started putting down my childhood successes she pretended to be proud of…
It is hard to be a Mother and even harder to be a Mother to a Daughter of a Narcissistic Mother, that sentence is as crazy as the relationship between my Mother and I. The older we get the stranger it gets.
Thank you for clarifying what I have been going through for 68 years. I understood "today" it is not my fault. I will no longer feel guilty from this day forward, for her insecurities and shortcomings. I choose to set my own boundary and go no contact with her until I heal. Thank you once again for helping me to see clearly.
I was a burden to my mother. She got divorced when I was four. She felt like a burden to her mother because she was born out of wedlock. She projected that on to me. She told me that she wished she could leave me because like turtles do. She claims she never said that…but she did. She resents my existence just like her mother did. I’m breaking the cycle. I’m getting my daughter therapy. Mom says that’s all my fault for my daughter being in therapy. I have to heal what my daughter was exposed to. ❤
Don’t tell her your business. She’ll use it against you.
My mother never gave me compliments! The only thing she ever said to me was “ your grandfather says “you’re pretty!” I sang in the choir in a Christmas program, at my grade school. I felt
Proud , waiting for my mom to say something, she said “I didn’t
Open my mouth wide enough!”😢!!
I have gone no contact with my mother but I guess I might need professional help to stop hating her. It would be very scary if I had to take care of her. I might treat her like she treated me.
That last fear you mention -- they call that "reactive abuse"
I'm in the same boat
Cannot look into her smug face & empty eyes...l only see contempt and sadly, l feel the same for her.
At 83 she is THANKFULLY strong & vital & able to constantly bake in order to give to family and strangers, to gain validation and attention
With me, the daughter of 4 that unluckily had to live with her, she plays the victim while ignoring my existence.
I hope when her time comes that she passes in her sleep so l don't have to take care of her...makes my skin crawl.
No guilt whatsoever in thinking this just a little residue of sadness that l never really had a loving relationship with her or her husband, my biological overt narc father figure
I pray your strength in the Lord in Jesus' name. I would suggest not calling yourself an evil twin. Because that isn't who you are. Nor do you want to speak that over yourself.
What I have come to realize is that my mother was severely abused by her parents as well. That is why some people become narcissists. Others like me become very empathetic and then end up being codependent. It’s a terrible situation and it continues on and on, for generations. All we can do is try to learn what happened and improve the situation.
I can relate, sadly to all you share, Lisa.
I started doing horse therapy, a womans group.
Finding it very healing and empowering ❤❤❤❤
Same thing. My friends always said "your mother is so great "!
My reply "When people are looking ".
It was father who was the narcissist but my mother never praised any of my success.
I struggled so much with the lack of the bond with my narc mom😮
Grief is huge
Even after I went no contact with her before she died & saw her hatred when I told her why I was done with our relationship, I still thought she was codependent & my father was the real narcissist, but now I know that her covert narcissism was masked by the situation at home. I tried to support her at all times in some extraordinary ways only to be triangulated & smeared. She never loved any of us & finally disowned my younger sister as well as me by saying that HER daughters were our 2 older half sisters 🤦♀️ we were discarded along with a 30 year marriage 👩 she quit being our mother though we should serve her forever!
Same 💜 i thought it was my father who was the narcissist because of his drinking, now i know it was my mothers covert narcissism that drove my father to drink 😱. That must have taken alot of courage to go no contact with your mum before she died. My mother is now very frail, angry and im her caretaker 🥹
After my sisters and I were grown and away from home, my dad pulled me aside one day and apologized, saying that he never understood, but now that it was just him and my mom he realized that my mom was not happy unless she had someone to verbally abuse. While we were living at home, he’d always side with her just to keep the peace.
My mom started me in Kindergarten at age 4. Then, I was skipped ahead a grade in 2nd/3rd grade. This was in a Christian school in the south in the ‘60s. I was in a combined class (2nd & 3rd) and had completed both grade levels by the end of the year, so was moved into 4th grade- a class of seven students where I was the only girl and a teacher who would put her head on her desk and cry. Following year we moved “up North” and I was enrolled in a public school. I was 8 yrs old going into 5 th grade. Extreme culture shock and the beginning of my downward spiral. By age 12/13, I started using drugs and ran away from home trying to escape the pressure. My parents finally had me arrested and put in a children’s home. I blamed myself for a long time. One day it dawned on me that no 12-year-old runs away from home if they have a secure and loving home. Years later, my sister told me that I was blamed for my parents hitting her and my other sisters. I am 67 now, and my mom is about to turn 90. It’s amazing that we have as good relationship as we do. There has been a lot of forgiveness, but I will never feel close to her in the way that every child dreams of being close to their parent. She has changed, but there are still core things that we just don’t discuss. She once asked me why I really ran away from home. I knew I had to answer carefully. So, I said, “ I just felt a lot of pressure.” She quickly became defensive and said, “well it certainly wasn’t from your home life.” I have healed to a degree, but my life still feels like a failure, and I don’t think I will ever truly be whole. I accept that and carry on the best I can.
After I went NO CONTACT, My mother called the place where I work and told them she was worried I was going to delete myself. I contacted a lawyer, the lawyer pretty much told me: “your mom is an American woman and can get away with a lot of sh*t.”
My mother hired 2 men to chainsaw my front and back yards when I finally went no contact. She did this after I had a torn ligament in my foot so it wouldn’t heal properly from me having to clean up the mess she paid for. The cops refused to listen to me or make a report.
This is common with these types. You had the audacity to pull away. She couldn't accept that. You must be punished. So sorry that happened to you.
@@jlcmsw - wow! that is extreme...so sorry for you...what a horrible trauma
Omg this is the most real content. I left home at 15, then mover city. Country and wanted to move continents. I thought it was me. Sin̈ce April 2023 she claimed I was a narcassist. My 1st boyfriend was common. 2st husband stupid and an alcoholic. 3rd husband love of my life was narcassistic. She convinced my family that I'm narcassistic. My therapist taught me no contact. My mother did sway my friends. I am healing, it's hard. I'm so much happier by retraining my brain to ignore the shameful and inner critic voice. Her voice turning her daughter into her toxic shame unit. She told me I was a mistake. I ruined her life. Her friends children were amazing. When I looked for a mother figure she went WW3
My mom has narcissistic traits I’m not sure she has these ones. She definitely has a grandiose sense of self and sees me as her servant. She started to overly praise me after I put up boundaries with her because of her constant judgement. It’s very odd and stressful
I left my home at 13. I was so tired of my mother. Married at 17 to a man who was also narcissistic. Stay with him 27 years. I have been healing for the last 13 years. I am feeling so much better. I know my worth and I am working on boundaries.
In 2002, we moved out of my mother's basement apartment and bought a house. Exhausted, we were going to finish up the odds and ends the next day. In the interim, my mother went into my apartment and took:
all the lightbulbs so that we couldn't see,
EVERY bra and panty and pair of shoes I owned,
my husband's wedding band and Tag Heuer watch,
her grandson's change bank and computer.
She then put a note on the outside door telling us that we were trespassing and that she was going call the police.
I hope you went to the police about this thief!
@@jl3268 Nah! Materialism prevents spiritual growth. She got stuff and i got to love and be happy. I believe that when you die, God is going to judge you on what you had the opportunity to do but chose NOT to.
What’s wrong with these kind of people?
It's amazing how immature they can be. My old lady smashed two of my lasagne dishes, stole my lucky bamboo and for some reason known only to her, all our teaspoons... teaspoons... 😂
My mother would always say sorry but never meant it.