How To Heal The Wounds From Narcissistic Mothers
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- Опубліковано 20 вер 2017
- In this Thriver TV episode today, I want to deeply acknowledge with you the devastating effects of Mother wounds and the trauma this has caused for so many of you in this Community.
Within this video we investigate the dynamics of Mother wounds, the associated fears not allowing you to say “no”, as well as how to heal from these deep primal wounds to become your True Self.
If you are suffering Mother wounds, it is my deepest hope that this Thriver TV episode holds for you the key of how to heal, to finally set you free.
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Anyone can give birth It takes a real woman to be a Mom
True words, true words. Those who can love their children the right way, are often the people hardest and hurts the most out of any wounds we've taken. A wound can heal, a scar can sting, you can take pain, and be numbed by the pain of punches and wounds that others without empathy scream and cry from and not even notice a wound, but what really hurts the most sometimes is just seeing what could have been, and yet being so far from it. Seeing loving families love their kids, to want so despretely to something that's always been taught as the 'normal', a loving child, a laughing smile of a child, a hug from a bewildered parent, a exchange of hands. Vs the nightmare of seeing fists come out, screeches, and self devouring monsters attacking their own kin and blood. And to grow up, always thinking "I just have to be better, i just have to be better", attaining it all, and then realizing.
That we were always just trying to fill in a void that never had a silver lining to it. Anyone can give birth, and be a biological sex vessel that was never a part of their child's life in a good way, but it takes true heart and love to be a father or a mother, to provide for your kids and give a better life that raises them right in the world. So many people have that, and yet, when you grow up in hate and fear and abuse and neglect, it was all you've ever known, and unlike a schoolyard bully where you can look forward to the next year, or outgrow them, or outtrain them, or get the duties in place, these people never really truly change.
80 years of it, no matter what happens in the end, you can't go back and erase the past, but you can learn from it, and vow to be better. And for that, all i want to do, is when i someday grow up, to learn from their mistakes, heal, and give my children, the life that i wish i had gotten as a kid with the opportunities and carefree nature that we wish we could have had.
True
Ryt
Love this.
I wouldn't minimize the incredible and arduous task of pregnancy and childbirth, but caring for a child's soul takes great love and contentious effort for sure!
I was visiting my mother and she went into one of her rage behaviors that used to scare me out of my wits as a child. I was triggered and suddenly remembered all the times when I was a toddler and small child when she told me she was going to kill me. I realized that she had abused me all my life, and trained me to think it was my fault. It was late and I simply went to bed.
The next day when I got up, I packed and got ready to leave. She came out of her room and I looked at her and felt nothing. No love, no desire to please, no guilt, nothing. As far as I was concerned, she was a stranger to me and I knew I would never see her again after that morning. She knew by the look on my face that I was done with her, and she looked scared for the first time.
Later I heard she was smearing me to the family and friends, and I didn't care. It was enough that she knew I had shut that door and it would never open again. She knew she no longer controlled me and that enraged her. She died a few years later without seeing or talking to me after that day, and I'm fine with that.
I understand - basically my scenario too
Oh wow…. Being threatened to be killed
As a child…. Oh my gosh… you did the right thing and I hope you’re healing ❤
So....how to do the healing??
This happened to me. I moved home during Covid and she went into these rages and started screaming and saying the meanest things to me. It reminded me of my childhood being trapped with her and how bad she treated me. I haven’t spoken to her in a year but I still feel guilt she conditioned me so hard that she was some sacrificing women and because of that it was okay she abused me
I've realized that my mother is my worst enemy
Me too and I don’t know how deal with it. It took me 40 years to work it out
Michael Bruneau me too she hates herself and she portrays that and her insecurities on me
I realized that too. It was liberating.
@@agnesseery8860 Accept that she has a Personality disorder and you can't fix it and it's not your fault.
Value yourself and surround yourself with positive people who make you feel good.
Have boundaries!
Boundaries will help to keep toxic people out of your life.💐
me too... i had to go No Contact to deal with it...
Mine is guilt. I feel like I would be abandoning her if I leave her alone altogether. I know it is necessary. Because she is a deeply wounded individual. That refuses to get help, and refuse to heal. All she do is talk down on others. But she never acknowledge or accept her own shortcomings. It is draining, and very hard to be around her.
I have the same issues.
same! whenever shes around, i can literaly feel her negative energy.
@@tothemoon5108 they make the people around then ill. Cancer, chronic illness, mental illness. The narc won't stop till everyone is dyjng around her.
Me too. It’s so painful.
Omg I agree with you. I regret not moving to Minneapolis in 2020 because I felt guilty of leaving my mom to pay her mortgage and utility bill. Fast forward to 2022 I plan on moving out of nyc. My mom is trying to guilt trip me to stay again by putting fear in my heart but I am not going to allow her to have that kind of control over me again
I always had an emotionally unavailable Mother she never gave me the respect I deserve
Same here. You’re not alone. 💖
Me too!
Same 😢
same.
@Sadia Sharmeen true. My mother will say "well you always looked perfect at school", as is that makes up for her abuse.
Wow. This is my reality. My mom is sadly emotionally unhealthy... I had to go no contact. My family sided with her, and I’m working to accept that fact. I will heal by myself, which is a good thing. Maybe my siblings will come around some day and I will be better equipped to guide their healing process.
My heart goes out to you ABCDE, a narcissistic mother is just about as painful as it gets. Your siblings have come around as you heal yourself hun xoxox
I am in exactly the same place. I am the Family Scapegoat.
ABCDE FGHIJK We are not alone in our stories, so beautiful to see other black sheep
Me too! Thank you for sharing. Just coming to terms with it all
same.
I've walked away and im finally happy, of course my siblings have accused me of abandoning her. I'm the eldest and the one she used as her scapegoat, I have memories of her emotional and psychological abuse from as young as 2.
I remember being 2 and being left completely alone at home!
I'm gonna have to do the same....I wish I did it years ago
Me 6 months
I decided to love myself and give the love to myself that I never had. Now my mother looks so pathetic in my eyes. That alone has healed me.
I actually understand 100 percent what you mean
@@sarahbari1985 I think you gave us the cheat codes for our soul contract task. To happy Ascension for all!
Yes i did the same
@dmorgan0628 thank you.
My narcissistic mother abused me constantly, disregarding all good things that I did and amplifying my weaknesses and insecurities (I am physically disabled). The day I got my first job her attitude changed towards me but I saw that this was just an act coz she realizes I will no longer stand her abuse as I no longer needed her and she needed to keep me close. I told myself 2020 I will limit my visits to home. She has since apologized but you can see she’s only apologizing just so you can get out of her. There’s no remorse or regret
congrats on your self empowerment!🎉
👏👏👏 best of luck!
Nna I’m still dealing with her. I’m literally in the process of cutting her off because I’m really fed up. I need to heal and recover for the better and I know that having her close won’t do me any good.
Keep your distance
Talking from experience that I wish I did sooner, you need to make your own life AWAY from your mother!!! Save as much money as you can feel no guilt and don't listen to anything she tells you and leave! You don't live to fulfil your mother's needs and life you have to know that...move away and heal. Don't take anyone's advice about your mother....you know the situation and that it's not right...she might seem lovely to other family or friends. They don't know what you have been through!
Im 23. Has been depressed for years. I always feel empty without knowing whike. Until 4 days ago when I realized my family is toxic and neglecting
go dig deeper and heal yourself :) you're lucky to be young and know the situation
After many years I finally went no contact with ALL my family. (About five years ago now) My siblings two brothers were embedded enablers. When I was a teenager 17 she (my mother) ran a smear campaign which included the Principal of the Art College that I was attending at the time and then proceded to trample on my first love relationship. I had several narcissitic relationships after that. I am in my 60s now and after watching your video about losing your best years to the Narcisist. I feel that my best years are just starting.
Blamed for being born here! I ruined HER life!! I would remind her that I never asked to be born. It explains so much about my life. I never stood a chance in that family, I finally realize this. Right down to my children! I never want to pass another life with that destructive witch!!
Yes exactly. I never asked to be born. These selfish evil people should never have children.
My sister once told my mum that. "I didn't send you a letter to ask to be born. Don't blame me."
She didn't hit her or anything.
If I'd said the same thing I would've been toast.
My mom never held or kissed us.. No hugs.. Just yelling.
I hugged my mother before after a long rift with her but it came up as akward because she didn't hug me back.
@@guipao1197 let that be the first and last hug
Wow. Same for me too. My mother never said i love you, showed affection, hugged us, have us deep advice or showed any other emotions really other than anger. At a young age, me, my sister & brother knew that she had deep internal issues, the rest of my 4 siblings are in denial. I've been on my healing journey for 3 years now. 💗
Bruh
@@guipao1197 trauma create trauma. Pattern goes generation to generation. From the story you tell, i can say maybe your Mother is never feel that too from her parents, so when u hug her she feel weird because that was the things that she never know. You should break the pattern bro
No contact with her for the last 4 months. Its been so hard when your own mother blocked my number from her contacts. I find that cold and heartless., all i wanted was a loving mother that was apologetic and normal like other mothers. Maybe in my next life.
yes it is a loss but sometimes we don't get the ideal circumstances... just make the best of the life you have that's what i try to do.
Yes, if a mother can't humble herself, she has issues of her own. What matters is that you genuinely express love and apologies to your children and not humiliate or hate them.
I’m going through the same thing, month 2 for me. I hope you are feeling better ❤️😘
pixiexyb 🦄❤️🦄❤️You as well lady
Idk! I felt like the Lord advised me to pull back from my mom. Because I have discovered that she is narcissistic. Anyway lately she have been calling me acting as if she saw my number on her phone. I was like ah I haven't called you. I just think it is away of her calling me out for not calling her or something. It's crazy really.
Dear Melanie I have been struggling for 28 years to understand why I am treated this way by my own mother.Your video has given me so much hope today that I can heal you are an angel god sent. Thank you.
Awww Krysha, I am so pleased that this helped. Thank you for your beautiful words - it takes one to see one! xoxo
I'm a victim of this kind of mother too. I decided to be childfree now than to do this kind of thing to my future children.
I never wanted children going through that hell. I was gonna join the Marines after high school during the height of the Iraq war. Just those 3 years before bootcamp was a living nightmare seeing her neurotic crying and fake tears so I wouldn't join and die. I don't even know where to begin with my healing, I'm starting with Jesus again though.
@top awesome
So am I, and I did as well. I found myself picking another narcissist who has torn open my childhood wounds, and my soul is exhausted.🥺
I'm so tired of trying desperately to have a loving relationship with people who are devoid of empathy and see me as a servant.
Fabulous video. This woman speaks the truth. There is no halfway with narcissist mothers. I personally don’t believe in limited contact and setting boundaries. The narcissist will never comply and respect this situation. Only full no contact was what worked for me to heal and regain my inner energy and self esteem. Good luck.
I am coming to this realization.
I know my mother will use this no contact to "prove" to other people that I am the the "selfish bastard" she has always made me out to be. I don't care about that anymore, I don't need external approval or validation from these people to feel good about myself the way I used to.
If they choose to believe the Narcissists narrative about why we leave for good without considering any deeper reasons for it, then so be it.
I've tried to go limited contact and my mom threw multiple fits, leaving me mentally and physically sick.
They are determined to destroy you.
I don’t know what to do I don’t think I can have full no contact due to other family members involvement
I am 22 and I stopped all contact when I was 19. It is the best choice I ever made but when I randomly see her over time or I get a birthday card, it’s like i’m reliving it all over again
Wow! I just watched again. I got so much more out of it'! My aging narcissist mother is the mother who is childlike and carrying all the wounds of anscestors, the mother described in this video. She has told me how cruel and unloving her own mother was, what a pattern to carry.
For me the key was forgiveness... I've modified or gone no contact (she believes she's done nothing wrong) but forgiveness was key to moving on! I am focused on my own healing and return to wholeness. Great video!
I always knew I was an “accident”. But my mother couldn’t even take responsibility for that, she seemed to forget that she’d given birth to me, and considered me an intruder or freeloader. My equally narcissistic oldest sister always held a grudge against me for intruding in her life. I came home from school one day to my mother yelling “You know, Lois, we didn’t think we’d still be raising kids at our age, we thought we’d be free to enjoy ourselves!”. I’m now 66 years old and iit still hurts.
I feel so sad for you. I was unwanted child, my parents married 2 days before my birth. They married because of me and she especially hated me for that, to that measure that she cursed the day I was born, cursed my whole life and wished me lifelong unhappiness. She told me she regrets having married my father, because otherwise she could have married some rich man, and I was only 6 years old as she said that. So imagine having to live your whole life with that knowledge. Her hatred almost killed me.
@@sleepingcinderella i’m so sorry that happened. i wish i could just take away all of your pain and let you know that you are so wanted and loved but sometimes those scars are really deep and its hard to understand how valuable you are after someone told you the opposite and beat you down for so long. no one should ever be treated that way and i’m proud of you for watching videos and trying to get help.
The story is that I was supposedly planned, wanted, and even requested by my siblings. I was still treated as an intruder by all of them. Hugs to all of us, we didn't deserve this. And it is clear that narcissists will hurt you in any way they can
Mine is 95 and still complaining about washing my diapers. (No pampers back then.)
Thanks for sharing this, Lois. I'm 35, but I'm starting to accept that this is a wound that, at least for me, will likely never heal. And to just move on, and stop being ruled by the pain and wishing for a different outcome.
I was an accident, too. Mom was 17. In my late teen years, she told me the story of how she actually planned to abort me, had the money and everything. She went in some department store and saw baby clothes and stuff and "just couldn't do it". I think her intention was to tell this story to say "hey - I saved your life, because I love you." But the message I heard was - "I felt too guilty to kill you, so I decided to keep you so I don't have to live with that guilt. But I never really wanted you."
That was nearly 20 years ago that she told me that. I'm still haunted by it.
I am in Hawaii right now, trying to heal from trauma in my life. Coincidentally, I just got a disheartening text from my damaged mother asking me how I'm able to afford this trip. Since messaging with her this morning, I was letting my mother get me down on my second day here with my husband and my young children. I think my sudden change in mood was getting them down today too, and it is so unfortunate. After watching this, i was immediately able to recognize her controling actions for what they are! We are in paradise, and I was starting to let her jealousy get me down. You reminded me not to do that, and instead heal, heal, heal. Thank you for making this video (Your videos change lives!) and thank you for simply setting me back on track to enjoying my life in the moment. Now... on with the rest of my vacation and "honoring the serenity of my soul!" Thank you so much! Love and Light to you dear soul😎
Melanie Tonia Evans, you saved the day! This notification couldn't have come at a more optimal time! From the bottom of my heart I'm grateful for your work❤
You are so welcome Jennifer and thank you for your comments. Have a great vacation, guilt free! xoxox
Wish you all the power, love and gentleness for you and your family if you are still in hawaii.
Go No contact
Pretty picture! Nice comment. Have a blessed day. God loves you, and so do I. 😊
I left home when I was 17 to get away from my mother. I had children, and did vigilantly my best to not even remotely how my mother treated me. I was also battered by my mother, and refused to batter my children. These days when she tries her games, I just hang up on her and have put thousands of miles between us. My mother makes absolutely no sense to me. Glad I'm nowhere near her
This video was right on time for me.
I can relate
Yeh, I ended up marrying "my mum", and my first real friend❤️... turned out to be 💔 "my mum".
Your amazing! Thank you for your message!
I absolutely hate my so called mom. I feel bad that I feel this way but she purposely does things to make my life a living hell.
I gel the same so you are not alone at all
Don't feel bad. I don't love my so called mother either. Only other daughters of narcissistic mothers understand this feeling.
@@k8tina I understand how you feel, however, you are not right in this. We need to forgive in our hearts in order to heal... I carried that feeling, tried sorting it out with her, found out as much as I can about her childhood. It was painful and brootal. Got stabbed in the back after she apologised... Then I understood, she's a wounded child, that never had the strength and knowledge to heal, so she gets by how she can... Let us be the generation that stops this family curse, because it does go from generation to generation. The fact that you are watching this, you are getting help. Our mothers didn't have this access to information. Forgive and understand that inside she's a child. My mother gets very angry very quickly, yours probably too, it's because they didn't get healthy emotional development and skipped a stage, they can't process emotions like normal people, they just can't. It's very hard to change an older person... For me, I struggled all my life with believe that someone could really love me, because I didn't feel that from my mom. I got to the point where I had to understand, that my life will never be good, unless I understand and forgive her and love her. Now I believe and allow to feel loved. We need to do this to live life that has some joy, otherwise the pain will take over. I still get that feeling time to time, but I can manage to push it away by reminding myself that she is a damaged child. It helps me, I hope you can use that too. And if everything else fails, remember God loves us unconditionally. God bless you and I wish you and everyone else who has that pain to heal 🙏
Join the club!
@@kristinajackson5862 Thank you.
I’ve been pushed so hard and the harder life pushes the more I am trusting myself. Growth-mindset and self emotional-regulation are required for a fulfilling and peaceful life 🙏🏻honor yourself, speak your truth, set boundaries, communicate your needs... love is a verb 💜
My 91 year old mother is still at it. I have lost my entire family because she assigned me as the scapegoat child.
Lots of love to you, fellow scapegoat. Most importantly, don't believe it yourself. Do the work and healing in the quiet peace gifted to you. End the cycle of abuse with yourself at least, and try hard to not pass it down your line.
@@staceykrech3950 Thank you for your words of wisdom. 🙏🏼
I have a severe narc mother. I endured the worst child hood and even through adult hood. Ive been healing four years and still not trauma cleared
It’s so sad that my own mother is a narcissist. It’s so hard to accept that sometimes your own mother and father is a narcissist and you have to let go.
I’ve been trying to sell myself the story that I can fix her and hopefully she will change. Hasn’t happened for over 10 years.
She’s had a hard upbringing and came to Australia as a teenager but I feel from those wounds she became a narcissistic and decided to have kids to inflict those wounds.
Me and my siblings are close but I always feel she is trying to create tension between us and make us fight.
Very annoying and very frustrating and sad.
Thank you for this- you put it more in perspective as I did loose everything “financial, brother, sister” because I went no contact with my mother. I’m 57 and have tried and tried every time I saw her it was just like being stabbed in the heart. It’s not me- it’s her. Still heartbreaking though.
Ayahuasca can begin to heal this deep soul wound. I'm so sorry for everyone else who has suffered this abuse like I have. What a terrible pain we have.
Richelle Onyschtschuk Great comfort to know we are not alone .
Healing and freedom to all of us !*
San Pedro cactus very powerful for healing too, and much more accessible than Ayahuasca.
@@trembling3674 Yes San Pedro contains mescaline like Peyote. Peyote hard to find, San Pedro very common.
This is why I’m doing ayahuasca in Peru at the end of the year.
Narc mothers will put all their childhood trauma onto you and expect you to have empathy and sympathy for them but they will never give the same to you.
You have helped me unravel so much of the chaos that has been tormenting me my entire life. I have gone no contact with my family of origin just recently by a happy accident of circumstances that made it easy. I feel at ease. Thank you for your invaluable work! My mother will not torment me.
You are so welcome Nunya. If you want to shift the wounds completely Nunya, I would love you to have the New Life starter pack where you will learn everything to free yourself some more xoxox www.melanietoniaevans.com/freestarterpackage.htm
Yes 😢😢😢
I’ve been NC for two years and that has been helpful.. but I am just now realizing how deeply she has affected me- it affects nearly every aspect of my life. I am so angry at her and I don’t know what to do.
Some part of me is glad that I'm not alone in having a mother like this, but another huge part of me is so sad that I'm not alone in it :c
Not only did my narcissistic mother never showing respect but was very verbally and sometimes physically abusive - making me feel guilty for something I shouldn't be. Once, she hit me so hard with a high heel shoe that the heel cut through very deep in my thigh and it was bleeding so much. My mother has always been hurtful towards me even though I never said a word or went against what she wanted. But once I became a teenager, the abuse got worse. I started to go against her and that made her become more abusive towards me. I was so shameful of myself and my self-esteem was tripped from me. I felt worthless and defenceless.
Now still in my teens, I still feel like I can’t escape her. My mother shows her affection to my siblings, all are younger but to me, she never has once acknowledged me for anything I done for her. I feel like I her maid or slave. I feel like I am never good enough for her. I feel like I am a horrible and useless elder daughter for her. I have learned to keep my emotions to myself and never express myself to her otherwise she will get very angry. I have tried to be the “perfect daughter” that she always says she wants, but sadly, it never came true. She wants to look good in other people’s eyes and she will do anything to get that.
When I see other people, they are kind to me, and I feel like I don’t deserve their love. I have also seen how other parents treat their children with such kindness, compassion and understanding but for me, I never got that treatment from her ever. She is also so kind to my younger siblings but she treats me like I am garbage.
I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I am stuck in her selfish world and can’t escape her grip.
Hi Blossom, I hear you and my heart reaches out to sweetheart. Please know that you're not alone. I know so many people in this community who have been through similar and true healing is more than possible - I promise. Please can you sign up for my free healing webinar so I can help you to learn more about all of this and most vitally how you truly can heal from within so you can go free. The miracle is possible. And I'd so love that for you. You can participate in two shifts with my healing system Quanta Freedom Healing in the webinar so you can experience it for yourself. melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar Love and blessings xoxox
@@MelanieToniaEvans Thank you, Melanie
Not even my worst enemy would never say or do half of the things my mother has. She steals from me constantly, lies and treat my children terrible. Yet I can't seem to cut her completely out. Always forgiving and hoping for better behavior, it's hard
I got my own place, and began to do really good for myself, leaving my childhood trauma and abysmally low self confidence behind me. Some mismanagement of money happened on my fiancee's part and we wound up getting evicted from our apartment. I'm almost 30 and had to go back home to my mother, and I'm having to relive this horror all over again. Haven't had hardly any suicidal thoughts since I moved out of my parents house, now I feel like all of those thoughts are coming crashing back into my brain. I wish I could make it stop. I want out of here.
Katherine my heart goes out to you, and please know there is a way out of this. I'd love you to come into my free webinar to learn how to get relief and your power back www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar I hope this can help xoxox
@@rjohnson8675 I did decide to be homeless. I was adamant I wasn't going back to my toxic family.
Well, I’m glad she attempted to hurt me and did by saying I could never go back home but she allowed of my siblings back
Being with someone who destroys your financial security and puts you back in a mentally unstable situation that you grew up in means you probably need to rethink this marriage. That’s not something you overlook
Keep application for jobs on indeed...take any fucking job save up AND GO!!!!!?
I did not choose that my life purpose should be healing from the abuse of narcissistic mom and other narcs that followed. It seems to me that the whole life is wasted for such a stupid issue. Everything that should be normal is double or tripple problematic because of this. I did not choose my life. I did not want this thing to dominate my life so badly. I did not want my life to look like this and I did not want to have a need to collect this information. It took all my youth, vecause I did not have the information. It is thanks to youtube and the internet why I now, when I am 52, see that my life has been nonsense, useless waste of time struggling with this issue. If I felt ok, I would have used this time this video took, looking something more nice, like studying gardening, arts, or something nice! So, directly said: my mom stole my life from me. She took the time I could have used to be successful.
After this, I just try to forget this issue and really do something nicer in my life, like gardening. Half an hour for gardening instead of giving that time for the sake of a mom who did not care at all!
It takes as long as it takes. Be kind to yourself, healing from childhood trauma can literally take decades of work.
I hear you Linda!! We are about the same age & they sure took the 1st 5 decades from us😢. Now where do we go??
Oops I meant Sanna not Linda
I'm 45 and feel the same way.
I totally agree! I am 59 and spent my entire life in mental institutions and E.R.'s from suicide attempts! I desperately wanted to die! DESPERATELY! That's what narcissistic parents do to you. They destroy your entire life. I was considered extraordinarily beautiful, had a ballerina body, 1st in all my classes in school and also in multiple extracurricular classes. It amounted to nothing because of them. All you can do is learn and carry on
Wow 3mins and 47secs into this video, and you nailed the story of my life right to the wall!! 100% correct description of my narc mother's treatment!! Even at 42yrs old I am still dealing with this disgusting continuous narcissistic abuse!! I am exhausted and ready to throw in the towel and walk away... I feel trapped by her behavior and the rest of my family just expects me too accept her ugly behavior. Anyways long story short I am glad that I have found out that there is a name for this type of abuse and that there is help out there to be able to recover from such trauma. What's important is making sure that history DOES NOT REPEAT ITSELF!!! Knowledge is the key too being successful. Thank you for your Video!!
As the only adopted child of a narcissistic mother, my head will literally fall off if she asks me one more time why I don't have any self confidence or worth. Ummm.....😳🤯✌🙏
@@gordonfreeman5312 brother from another mother. Some women are simply not cut out for the mom job. No malice intended. Just a fact.
My mom has full-blown NPD. As a result I used to have extreme manic depression. Cognitive therapy got rid of about half the trauma in 15 years. But I'd hit a wall and there were things conventional therapy could never touch. I took Mel's NARP program and it got rid of the remaining trauma in a little over a year. Her program is easily 10 times more effective than conventional therapy. If you suffer from narcissistic/pyschopath/borderline/sociopath abuse, you owe it to yourself to heal and her program is the key. You will feel soooooooo much better and happier. You'll make better decisions in life and see the world more clearly and compassionately, but you'll also have boundaries so that you have self-respect and dignity. Thanks Mel!
Thank you so much Ryan, I am delighted NARP has helped you and you are a true Thriver! xoxox
Its amazing what education and reparenting can do!
It's written in Law books, that taking actions, even if they in and of themselves are not illegal, but the intention is to cause another distress, those actions are A CRIME. Even if they're not wrong, but their intent is to cause another human being distress, it is a Federal Crime. WHY DO WE NEVER HEAR OF A LEGAL CASE AGAINST THESE MONSTERS.? They've caused their daughters to commit suicide for crying out loud. (a common outcome that sucks because it's like a gift to them) Someone make a precedent, one that humiliates the c*** who's daughter kills herself by finding her responsible, and see how powerful she feels in stripes for life. These women need to be punished, and with public humiliation imposed upon them forever. The ones who stay off the radar should see what their behavior could do to THEM, their reputation and their life in prison.
Laura Dee how would you prove it tho if it’s a parent and was done to you in childhood? I agree w you, just think it would be so hard to nail them on
Good grief..It's because they're human too...and the only reason they passed it on is because they were hurt, too. They were just too afraid and fragile to 1) take ownership and 2) pursue learning and healing. The resources available in our generation weren't available in past ones. Demonizing them is like punishing cancer patients. I don't deny the damage done, but I know full well the different types of torture both my parents endured. Them marrying each other was the perfect storm. Only my covert, guilt-inducing mother could control my alcoholic, raging father. Back when he was drinking, her narcissistic behavior kept him from beating us to a pulp. I have plenty wounds as a result, but then again a wise person once told me, "Your biggest problem is that you think you shouldn't have one." Pain has always been my best motivator to grow. Without pain, I have no motive not to sit and stagnate. Demonizing people..failing to see them as other flawed human beings..is a sign of narcissism in itself.
@@elizabethf8078 it's called ABUSE. Child abuse is ILLEGAL.
Just went permanently NC today. I will have to do a lot of work on me to get rid of the negative energy that accompanies me, whenever I go no contact in the past. I am a Narp gold member.
Thank you Melanie for doing this video on the Mother Wound. Words do not suffice for conveying my gratitude to you, as it is due primarily to the NARP program, and later fine-tuning my mother-wound recovery with the Healing Family of Origin Wounds program - that I have finally healed, both internally and externally, as you note: "People organically start accepting our decisions and stop attacking us. We got it - *they* follow." You not only talk the talk, but walk the walk alongside all of us, giving everyone who wishes to do so - tools to heal, to nurture inwardly, to empower ourselves and ultimately thrive. And when the time comes, when our wings are healed, you encourage everyone to fly towards their own destiny, creating individual paths. I am proud to have acquired my 'NARP wings', as they are literally taking me higher :)
Awww Iva I am so thrilled and happy for you lovely lady that you have your Angel Wings. You SO deserve them! xoxox
Iva Tijan do u think going no contact with narc mother is mandatory to heal?
Halleluja, amen, and everything good! Thanks again for the enlightenment. Especially for shaking awake the collective slumber of society, about family as a "holy entity". It`s definitely time to wake up and smell the crumbling effects on health and soul- life, from staying with certain families of origin. It is shockingly ingrained, that conditioning, guilt and shame. Thank you again, for speaking so comprehensively, and for being so warm and beautiful. Take care, and all the best.
I was starting to sympathize with my nmom and she has been tearing me apart. I have been watching videos to push me to make this move. This video really shook me and helped me make up my mind. I need to do what is best for me thank you for this
Thank you 😊 these wounds are very hurtful I cannot talk to my narcissist mother who would go out with my step dad when I was 8 years old and abandon me to spend the weekend with him and we had no idea where she went. I told her I was abused by my grandfather (her dad) for years and when I told her she didn’t care and said I was lying. She would kick me out of the house when she didn’t want to see me. She then accused me of sleeping with her husband, she would call me a bad names and she would not be happy when I graduated college she would not watch my daughter when I was going to school to better myself. I just had my other child and she doesn’t care at all all she wants is for people to care about her and she talks about her coworker like she was her daughter this is really traumatic
This is eye opening and resonates with me regarding my unconscious choices. I believe my mom was narcisstic due to chemical dependency. What rings true is that she was wounded by my grandmother who raised me who was wounded and verbally abusive. Which means I was raised by two narcisstic women who wounded. Interestingly, me and my mother ended our relationship at the age 5 when she and my dad divorced. He left her for another woman and she to discarded me by leaving me with my grandmother to raise. My dad was there for me emotionally although he was a chemical dependent as well. However, when he and I did interact, he instilled love in me and supported me emotionally. Because of this, I feel I have two sides. I feel that I am codependent however, I have boundaries and know when things aren't right. But it takes me too long to leave. I also suffer from trusting my choices to leave because family and friends often said that I was too hard and I took their opinions into account, I guess for validation(?) and it always turned out wrong and then I validate myself thru psychology articles and you tube videos to prove myself right. Me and my mother never had a relationship. We didn't talk for a great majority of her life until after my grandmother passed and soon after I took care of her from a distance and then she passed a few years after. Such a very sad story. I am viewed as being strong and a survivor. But sometimes I feel like I live with edge in my attitude. Or let's say very overprotective of someone using me or hurting me. So I guess defensively or the fear that I will make a mistake and trust the wrong person or not trusting myself....Thank you Mel! I'm starting the Narc program.
Aww Carla you have been through a rough time and you have been a five star survivor in life. Now, that you have NARP (Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Programme) you will move on to be a Thriver! xoxox
Melanie Tonia Evans.. Thank you Melanie & I'm looking forward to it! :).. Although I'm successful in my career (my false self thrives here)....I always felt empty in interpersonal relationships. Before I didn't know ...Now I'm conscious! 🤗😘...Thank you for sharing your knowledge and wisdom.
What is NARP please!! Whee can I find that? Thank you
You ARE a survivor. You survived a narc mother. You made it out. Neglect, abuse (verbal and potentially physical), no affection or love... I have a narc mother as well and just recently cut her off when I turned 18 as it was suggested. Narc mothers (or narc people in general) do not get better. It is still so so hard for me not seeing my mom in about 2-3 months, I’m still so young 😔 we are survivors though❤️
Amen!! I’ve gone no contact w/ my mom for 2 years now & she’s trying really hard to get me to crack! Those guilt trips are real! Thank you for this video...❤️
Well done ❤
I am 62 and my mother still pulls this stuff on me and I get so upset. She never apologizes or says she is sorry. She will argue and tell me I'm wrong or a liar, because she is always right and could never be wrong. I married a narcissistic man and stayed for 20 years. He got me to do things that were against my inner being. My daughter is married to a narcissistic man and I worry my son will also repeat this as well as my grandchildren.
Abuse is the love and attention she got, and given to you even stronger. Take care all who got poisned.
Melanie, thank you so much for the video! Your NARP program is absolutely awesome. I've been working the modules since last July 2018. Now Feb. 2019, I am on the brink, making plans to go NO CONTACT! The real emotional support in the NARP Forum is so valuable, too! To other commenters, please know that you are not alone, and IT'S NOT TOO LATE TO HEAL! I am nearly 50, and the I am the co-dependent Scapegoat. My life journey with a narc mother was patterned with several suicide attempts, psychiatrists and therapists, mental hospital stays, heart problems and other health issues, and so many psych drugs to make me feel even foggier than London in autumn. It's been a journey of complete denial of the abuse, then, with Melanie's help, a real breakdown, then slowly learning about my true self. It's peeling back layers of decades of betrayal, unfairness, and pain. You can do it! As long as you're alive, you can! Think of it this way, if you can tolerate the poison of your narc mother, then you most certainly can 'tolerate' your own Truth and Joy!
10 years has passed since I cut contact with my narcissist mother. I had 2 children without a word from her (She adored my siblings children) 2 children she never met. Then 3 years ago she died. So 7 years without my mother (her alive) and 3 years ( without her alive. ) my pain is deep. I feel unsure of what and whom I am. A young woman who had to guide herself through motherhood alone promising not to be the same as her. Once my daughter was born 9 months after her passing I felt a wave of goodness sweep into my heart. I felt like I will make this better through her. I will always suffer a deep hurt unfathomable to the NORMALLY LOVED person. A sense of emptiness, not being good enough. But I will hold my head high and dream of a better life for myself and others.
My mother is a narcissistic. I'm the last person she has in her life left, without me she will find nobody else to abuse, and she is long past the point of change. The truth is, she's going to be very lonely all by herself, it breaks my heart but the line was crossed 10 years ago. Fuck it, I give up.
" They've been trained to regress to back to the powerless child who will do anything to minimize the wrath and criticism and pain, twisting themselves into a pretzel to try to appease narcissistic matriarchs." I see myself in this sentence and used to resent my covert narcissist mom so much that she took advantage of my insecurities, my desire to create a bond to her with her, my kindness. isn't she my mother? Today, I try to be as cold as possible.... if you are dying, I will help you to call 911
it breaks my heart that i have to be cold to someone who was supposed to be my protector and my best friend.
Melanie, your videos and wisdom have helped me identify the ongoing "difficult" relationship with my mother. I just saw the light after listening to you. I am so grateful for the wisdom and the time you take to do your program. I started reading your wonderful book as well. Well done!
Remember too, folks, in analyzing and clearing your damage, there's often comorbidity with borderline personality disorder and narcissism, so the parent may well have both. And/or dissociative identity disorder (which is more common and less identified than most people realize; most people with DID function well in our compartmentalized society, so they don't get recognized as such for many years in most cases). There can also be sadistic elements in the personality structure, making them a "malignant" narcissist. Know what you are dealing with. One can have a covert versus an overt narc as well. To understand ourselves, we need to understand what kind of torture we were subjected to. This can also make clearer why we need to step away and set boundaries, work on ourselves, fight the brainwashing, etc.
I'm definitely looking forward to your narcissistic mother-in-law video!
I know this is serious but this comment made me laugh...
Nobody has ever told me that before - Thank You.
Thank You very much.
My pleasure Spike xoxox
This spoke to me so much I had to share it on my facebook, but on a restricted level. I don't need everyone in the world knowing I'm going through this. Then again I suppose my comment here just let me out. I got done cleaning out an entire cabinet in an hour's time. My elderly Mom said to me, "You get a gold star" while poking my chest. I'd normally take that as a compliment. Later on I went back in to finish up and she asked, "how's it all going?" I said, "Great! I'm almost done. I just need to get my camera." That's where it got sour. She said, "That's stupid. Why take a picture of that..a thing people normally do? Let me guess you're going to post it to facebook." I responded calmly, "I can archive it, post it, edit it, or add it to whatever I want. No idea is stupid." It boggled her for a moment and she responded silently, "No, no idea is stupid." I know she's been abused growing up and never got help for it and it's not good enough I hear about it constantly over and fucking over again, but this too. So you're darn right I went to the store and got some beer after that to wash it down. Not the best thing in most people's opinion, but I get to shut myself away from it and listen to good music and watch good videos to relax. I can't with this though and I don't see myself living this way for the rest of my life.
My mother never seemed to be 'present'.... and emotionally dismissive and disregard to and abuse or bullying I received. I became trauma bonded and invalidated and now when I need her most she still isn't there in the way I need. This video helps as despite everything I carry guilt for mine and her wounds BUT watching these helps me realize I can't fix everything and it's not my responsibility (the healing or NOT) is hers..... 😊🙋🙋
This amazing episode so forcefully brought me back to all the abuse , being the scapegoat , blamed for any thing and everything , being the bad person in the family who who is the responsible and creating all the problems in this family making my sister hate and rejecting me to appease her mom and be hew "darling" who does no wrong the sense of not belonging the "Not good enough" which haunted me chronically and the ignorant perception of any one what a bad person , ungrateful daughter i was by not showing the utmost love and admiration to a mother who showed herself as the most devoted sacrificing mother .
Its heartbreaking that I had a Mother which i discovered she has this Narcissistic Personality, Its been 5 months since I let her go and go to No Contact with her at all since it was really toxic and im actually starting to have my own family and its very hard to live with a NArc mother. Im her only child but it brraks my heart bcoz she is always angry with me and my husband is also living in hell bcoz of all her drama, ! Iam now in the process of accepting that i need to be happy and choose people that really love me and live a happy life with self respect as my mom didnt give that to me. I was mentally and emotionally abused by my mom . I know and God knows i love my mom but i need to love myself and wont be like her
I'm sorry for what you & your husband are going through. However, please remember that you are deserving of having loving & positive relationships in your life. So it doesn't matter if it's your mom or anyone, no one has the right to abuse you; no one! So maybe looking at it from that perspective will help you to realize that it's healthy to put yourself first & to be around people who will treat you with love & respect.
I've distanced myself from my parents & many members of my family because not only are my parents narcissists but so are cousins & other relatives. I'm realizing that it is ok to have no contact or limited with family members, esp. if they're abusive & unrepentant of their behavior. So always choose healthy love, as when we grow up with narcissistic family we tend to think our needs & feelings don't matter as that's the way they programmed us to think. But that's all a lie; we're important & so are our feelings & needs. So anyone who treats us in a way that's contradictory to that aren't deserving of being us being in a relationship with them! Wishing you love & light.
It’s taken me 42 years to realised and acknowledge that my mother is narcissistic. I think she is covert/introverted narcissist, that’s why it’s hard to see. I finally broke free after she insulted me and sent me into exile. I didn’t see that I was her scapegoat until it became really obvious. It’s tragic, but I’m free now. The feelings of pity for her are diminishing daily through my new power of seeing the truth of her abusive reign. She was a superb actor, and had me fooled for so long. Also I know that I am helping her by walking away, and I wish that she will become free one day through my stopping the enabling. Possibly in her next life…
This was a very helpful talk for me. So much I really needed to hear. Love the way you articulate, enunciate, and express your message. Genuinely appreciated. 💓
Totally makes sense. I cannot think about my mother as being a narcisist. But I feel like almost she never existed. Like she was never there, although she was present physically. She was not really agressive. She had a few really big scenes of guilt tripping with silent treatment and similar. I was yearning for feminine all my life. I have really big struggles to feel feminine part of me, to express it. I feel like my father completely "ate" her. That she became almost zero. I feel like she loved me. I saw that in her eyes. I still see it. But there was so much pain as well. She lost her father at a young age. She was explaining my whole life how her family was really loving. I felt like my father totally ruined her soul. The family of my father was cold and very patriarchal. I thing she was constantly repeating sentence that would covertly influence on my thinking to think that. At an age of 4 I felt sorry for her. I started to protect her unconsciously.... My family was 3 guys and 1 woman. I still feel like she was feeling totally alone and powerless. Guilt tripping was the only way she could get attention. I have tears in my eyes writing this. I feel so sorry that a soul, who was so creative, so gentle, never lived her life..... each year she is more bitter and agressive now. Exploding for all kinds of small things........ I felt like her soul was always in the past with her family (mother, father, grandmother etc...)... she always talked about that with a sparkle in her eyes, with a lot of yearning for those days. I felt like she doesn't belong to this family. We talked a lot about my father, how she is planning to live him. She talked about it for more than 30 years. I sometimes imagined hiw would it be if she was with some other man. I almost hoped that she would find someone more gentle. My father never hit her. Never even yeald at her. But I just felt like he has total power and control over all three of us. Specially over joy and gentleness that was inside of us. Mostly without even saying anything. I gathered so much hate over the years towards him. And so much protection for my mother. What was actual truth I still don't know.......... but i do believe now, that ONLY FEMININE WILL SAVE THE WORLD. Feminine in all of us.
I can totally relate to you this patriarchal society shaped the internal misogyny and narcissism in our mother, they tortured their souls. Literally fuck all the toxic men out there, this world needs Feminine 🙏
Wow you are speaking my life right now...
You just perfectly explained my mother, grandmother, & husband.
My husband at least acknowledges his narcissistic traits and tries to confront them, my mother and grandmother blame each other for being horrible and act like victims.
Thank you for making this video ❤. I recently had to cut off my narcissistic mother because she encouraged my stepfather to abuse me physically and emotionally when she was angry at me.
I knew my mother was messed up but I couldn’t understand. I do now. It was horrible. Melanie is so right. It’s a family curse. I became the codependent. I made a vow to myself to keep going, to seek answers, and never give up. I’ve made a lot of choices that hurt terribly, toward myself and sometimes toward others. My mother died 37 years ago. She was alive long enough to show me how I didn’t want to be. I’ve made a lot mistakes that were very similar to hers, BUT I realized many of these and did what I had to do to look at myself and break the pattern. My son has reminded me that I am helping change our family’s future. I’m so grateful that I can make choices and grow. Life is good. The patterns may be set, patterns can be changed. I had to look at the similarities to make the changes, so I can be happy and free. I’ll never be perfect. Thank God I am free to start becoming who I am in my soul. It’s never too late.
Revisiting this video one year later and it’s still so, so relevant and helpful in my life. Thank you so much 🙏
Lady, you're singing my song! Every. Single. Word you said hit the nail straight on the head.
*Epigenetic wounds* ... Yes! That's why I'm always going to stay in counseling and remain mindful of my own behaviors, to try not to pass ALL that my grandmother passed down to my mother that my mother passed down to me... down to my own daughter. I am affected by it, but I'm not going to let it go unbridled and totally come down on my daughter for her entire upbringing. I WILL improve, more and more and more. I will not ever give up.
As a child, my dream was that my mother would just cut off her mother & sister and her whole toxic family, quit dragging us through their toxicity and just be kind to/ present with my father and myself, her only child. Instead of making us live for her toxic family and calling us selfish for wanting some peace from them in our lives. I couldn't make my mother walk away from her family's toxicity. She was far too inmeshed with them.
But I can do it, myself. I can free myself and my daughter of toxic inmeshment with my mother and her flying monkeys. It's time to put my money where my mouth is. Especially now that my mother has assumed the grand matriarch roll. She's been the main narc in control of the family ever since my grandma died, which was actually a long time ago, now. My mother lives for that power and control. The only way I could have remained in her life would have been as one of her pawns. Just a perpetually pathetic urchin.
I went no contact with my mother. It hurt to have to. But I had to. With my mother still pulling all the strings in my life, still keeping me off balance, I couldn't think straight.
Now I can at least have a fighting chance to make a real change.
As you said: "Lose it all to gain it all."
To everyone who shared a story here, thank It you. I appreciate it deeply.
Hello again Melanie, you recommended this video to me after I told my story in another video and it has taught me so much! You see, I have Epilepsy and I can't drive because of my seizures so I need to stay home most of the time. I've been through a cycle of her saying she 'cares about me and only wants the best' and I got scammed into believing it. This video taught me that she wants me to succeed at all costs but not actually succeed on my own. I now understand not to feel for her if she attempts to play the victim and say "so what" when she talks about her past. Thanks so much, love from Canada
I was forced to be the parent when growing up. I never had a childhood or allowed to have needs. I never had an identity, her abundance of needs always came first..after being left out of every family event & holidays, where my X narc husband was always invited to, I discovered that they were sleeping together..I can't tell you what that does to a soul!
Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine. You can heal and you will 💓
@@sosoretro I think it was the hardest thing I had to face. Forgiveness is for me so I can move forward. Thank you for your kind words. It means a lot ❤️🤗 hugz
💛
Today Was the hardest day in my life putting on an restricting warrent to my father due to continoues verbal vilolence from him and harresment that sucked all life from me.
When we were kids he used to beat me and my sisters very hard daily and lock us for whole days and nights without water and food, he turned to verbal viloence in the past years and today I put a stop for this madness.
A glouerious yet super hard day...
Better days are ahead!
Amen! Best of luck on your journey🙏🏻
I’m sorry for what you had to go through. All the best going forward.
@@ashleight4976 Thanks so much I am so better now :)
@@daisyx1002 Thank you Since then I am feeling so good :)
That reincarnation bit hit hard. Not another damn lifetime!!
Thank you so much for this information. I want to be responsible for my health and break this narcissist cycle.
This is absolutely fantastic spot on !!! Everything i needed to hear Thankyou 💗💗
It doesn't have to be narcissistic parents. They might just be unhealed.
Mine is not narcissistic. But she was raised by a very immature and narcissistic mother. Who never grew up until she died.
I'm glad to say my mother takes steps to become a better person. And for that I'm grateful.
I’m currently 22 and I’ve been mentally , emotionally and psychically abused since young !!! My mother is someone who struggles with a addiction for almost my whole 22 years with alcoholism!! Since I was young I remember her yelling her sabotaging words !!! Her fights with my siblings !! I felt trapped stuck since I’m the last of 5 in which I finally moved out away from her ! Yet I still feel this deep empty hole !! I never got the mother love that I wish she would’ve gave me knowing that we never had a father figured !! This is something terrible that I continue to live with !! Yet I still struggle with it ! I want to be mentally emotionally free from this !! Yet when I see my mother it’s always something negative that she has to say !! I try to work on it but yet it seems so hard ! Because she’s my mother the one who’s there when no one is but yet she’s not there mentally, emotionally she’s always been there emotionally!! She’s never gave anything but a house food clothes till I was 17 ! First job and now I needed to buy my own things !! No help no gifts no I seen this for you ! Nothing , yet I’m hear ranting about someone who I love and hate !! !
Omg! It's like you've been spying on my exact life!
Thank you. I am the daughter of a covert narcissistic mother and I suffer from PTSD. I am currently in EMDR therapy for a year now, and am much better, but I am forced to see my mother often when she attends my children's events. I have tried to prevent her from knowing when they all are, but she looked them up on the school website, so now she's at every one. She sits right by me, touches me a lot and is constantly looking at me. Every time I look her way, I see her staring at me. I have started to go "grey rock" and ignore her for the most part, but she seems to be just increasing her efforts. She rarely communicates with my teenage daughters (thankfully) but seems to focus solely on me. My brother lives 1,000 miles away, and was always the golden child, so he is still in denial about her being a narcissist. She, of course, triangulates often, but I have managed to keep a good relationship with my brother despite this. [side note - my dad was a Vietnam veteran with what I think was undiagnosed PTSD, who completely ignored me. My parents divorced when I was 18.] Anyway, I wanted to thank you for your videos. Taking control of what I can, which is ME and me alone, is a great reminder. (it also feels good to type this out and get it out) Thanks again!
You are so welcome Tara xoxox
Tara Hay-Dusanek I feel your pain. I cut contact with my narcissistic mother. She then proceeded to drive several hundred miles to attend events she knew I was at. Always very shocking and uncomfortable being forced to interact with someone you actively try to cut contact with.
Tara Hay-Dusanek a year of emdr? Good to know it works, but I am shocked it takes so long .. What about now, could you share how are results 2 years later?
@@marinaom8641 I did EMDR for about a year and a half and I was getting huge results. There is a LOT to process with 18 years of constant abuse and another 25 years of continued abuse when I was out of the house. The ONLY reason I stopped was that my counselor moved, so I got a new counselor in the same practice and it was not a good fit. I have now just started therapy again, and know I need to process through much more trauma. EMDR is not ever a one and done, unless maybe uppity had ONE traumatic experience. I wish I would have continued, because I feel as though I regressed. Hopefully this new counselor will be a good fit. The EMDR I was doing was LIFE CHANGING.
Tara Hay-Dusanek thanks for responding! Having very similar situation considering number of years of life to be sorted out . So yes one can expect that dealing with this long-time burden can’t be done in a quick time. Just sooo tired of looking for solution. And it is hard to believe that such a simple thing as “eye moving” can make difference. That’s why I’m interested in finding information about it. Could you also specify about what’s the difference now after the course: is it something like much less emotional flashbacks?
Wow. I got mixed up with a narcissistic misogynist who destroyed me as a teenager because he rejected me. I’ve never heard anyone state it so well, but this was exactly it. I had narcissistic parents and I’m sure he did too.
Thank you Mel. What an excellent Video by you. I have just gone through yet another revelation, that my NPD Gone Wild Mother, has yet done it again, with now my G.P. I totally knew at the core of my being, that she was, and had been attacking me from behind. This time, I didn't go to overboard (as best as I could muster), at my outrage, that she had been able to manipulate her way past the reception desk, but I wasn't as suprised. I have just spent the last month, very sick, and I realized that I am so done with it all. I realized, I must go no contact, with my brother's, as well, who are helping her, and giving her weapon supply, to go after me. I made it very well known, at this Doctor's, how sick SHE is, despite, 5 years, of telling them over, and over, not TO TAKE HER CALLS. I have won this battle, without, ending this relationship, I so badly need in my life. Thank God, for your Video's, that have HELPED me so much. xoLeanne
I am so pleased it helped Leanne xoxox
The threats don't matter anymore.
True.
Sometime in April/May my mum threatened me with cutting me off.
And I told her to dare.
So now she knows I won't take that.
my narcissistic mother pitted my two younger brothers against me (i was the scapegoat; first born to her at age 17). the hardest part is coping with the notion that she will never apologize and thinks she's right.
I’m sorry for you 💖 I know how that is… I don’t think they can admit the truth to themselves, the lie will crumble. I wish you the best !! You deserve it
I pray for all us, that we can heal all those wounds, and in my case I want to get away as far as posible....
Your video was very enlightening to watch, esp., as I'm in the healing phase of moving forward & loving myself fully from having both of my parents (who're in their 60s) are narcissist. You're doing a wonderful thing by doing videos like this, esp. as UA-cam may be the only place that some people can learn & understand what narcissists are like & how to heal & move forward in their lives. For many people like me, I've dealt with it my entire life, but thank God I had the courage to fight back & not allow my parents to emotionally destroy me!! Sadly, many people become hopeless & fall into self-destructive behaviors because of the abuse they had from narcissistic parents, family, romantic partners, etc.
I've always had the feeling as a child and adult that something wasn't right with them as they were not willing to accept responsibility when they're wrong; they showed zero remorse when they've done or said hurtful things; my mom would show care on one hand & in the next moment berate & put me down; my father was never consistently in my life & he always made it seem that it was because of my mom keeping him away from me. However, in the past 2 years, I've come to realize that he is a pathological liar & only pretends to love me & others for "show" of his ego. In addition, I've come to realize that my mom is no different than my dad, as although she raised me & provided material things, her verbal abuse (sometimes physical as a child) was just as destructive.
Both of my parents seem charming & wonderful to the outside world which I'm learning that that is a part of the facade they put on to hide how messed up they truly are! I'm also learning about being the scapegoat or black sheep in the family, as that's how I am treated in mine. My narcissist mom throughout my entire life has always verbally abused me, esp. in moments when I'm the most vulnerable or need her help.
I've learned that narcissist thrive on a person's weakness or vulnerability. So the best thing that I or any survivor can do is to set healthy boundaries, avoid being around them so they don't have the chance to abuse you, & focus on your happiness & being the best person you can be!! Ultimately, that is the biggest revenge on anyone who tries to manipulate & put others down: become the best you can be in all aspects of your life so they'll know you don't need them, you are an amazing, & successful person on your own!! So this is what I want to encourage every person to focus on who is a survivor of narcissistic parents, family, romantic partner, etc. You are lovable, courageous, intelligent, beautiful, & deserving of happiness. So don't let the sick & messed up narcissist bring you down & make you think you're not worthy of good things or a successful & happy life, as you are deserving of everything that is Good!! Wishing you all love & light.
Very grateful I found you in this moment! Much LOVE for your clarity.
Wonderful stuff, thank you! I think it is great how you tell us about understandings.
Thank you Sandra, it's my pleasure xoxox
Explained perfectly! Xx they will never change...its a vicous circle no contact is the only way x stay strong..it's hard but you will heal x
I was raised by a narcissistic mother. I "woke" up 3 years ago. I have 3 almost adult children. I want to be the loving mother they deserve! I imagine it, I feel it! When I go to bond and give them the love and compassion they deserve I clam up and become impatient. Please help 😔
Hi Sarah, hun I want you to know that when we come home and begin to heal ourselves our children heal too. It is truly the most powerful thing we can do and the most precious gift. To experience a healing you can sign up for my free webinar hun, and see if you think NARP would resonate with you. melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar Love and blessings xoxox
I don't believe that hurt people hurt people, they are very conscience of their actions. At some point, their hurt goes away and they become selfish and purposely vindictive.
Melanie this amazing ,my mother was a total gunslinging destroyed me in many ways
« Our inner love imprint is these people » that hit home.
I recently started watching your videos and man did I learn alot from you, and even started to feel a a shift in my consciousness.I have been keeping my fingers cross on the day that I would see a video from tou3 on the topic of narcissist abuse from our mothers. I found that whether they are lovers, parents or friends they all seens to have very simple traits. But it's good to see a video on a topic that you have experience first hand. Narcissistic abuse from a mother is painful on a different level, because you struggle really bad with the feelings of guilt for going no contact but like you said deep inside you know that it is essential to do so to save yourself from these soulless beings. Thank you so much. You very appreciated for your work. You are helping many of us to heal from such painful experiences with these king of individuals. The things that they have done will take a year to speak about.
Kay darling lady, you are so welcome and I am so happy that my resources are helping you! Love and blessings xoxox
I'm a the son of a narcisist mother doing my healing work. I found this video. The title says "how to heal the wounds....". I reached minute 4 of detailed descriptions of abuse, no healing told already. On minute 11 abuse is still being described in crude detail. Some of it stirred my darkest memories, other things just make me feel terrified for the people who had to endure those abuses. No healing options are being explained. The video hurt me because it did what narcissists do: they promise one thing, lower your defenses, and hit you with something crude and painful. At the least edit the title in the line of "Wounds from Narcissistic Mothers". At the most, revise yourself and the way you communicate ideas.
I'm so tired of my narsassistic mother turning up at my door, ive asked her nicely to stay away ,she still won't admit her lies n faults regarding my childhood trauma
I definitely needed this video. Thank you! 🙏🏾