Daughters and Sons of Narcissistic Mothers Learning to Let Go Needing Their Love
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- Опубліковано 27 лип 2024
- Narcissistic mothers sabotage their daughters and sons in many ways. Narcissistic mothers create shame, self-loathing, as well as anxiety and depression in their daughters. Narcissistic mothers project their narcissistic wounds upon their daughters and use love as a weapon.
Learning to heal from narcissistic abuse can take a lifetime. Narcissistic parents who deny and withhold love and validation from their children are abusing them on a soul level. Healing from this form of narcissistic abuse IS possible but you must become extremely self-aware in order to gain control over emotional triggers caused by narcissistic abuse.
This video is created for all children of narcissistic parents who withhold love and validation as a weapon. Know YOU ARE WORTHY and YOU WERE ALWAYS ENOUGH!
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Lisa A. Romano is a Life Coach and bestselling author who specializes in helping people reclaim their lives through ascending old thought patterns and healing faulty subconscious programs. She is an expert in the fields of codependency, narcissistic abuse, and elevating consciousness. She is also one of the most popular meditation teachers on Insight Timer and is the creator of the 12 Week Breakthrough Coaching Program. To her credit, Lisa creates online programs that help others organize their minds and create peace in their lives.
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this is exactly what i needed to hear in this moment, thank you so much for sharing this message. i felt like you were speaking directly to me and am going to be listening to this video several times just to let it all sink in. you are an angel of light and i am very thankful for discovering your channel. i hope you continue to make many videos because you are helping people and you are an amazing person. thank you from the bottom of my heart! subscribed
She makes you feel you're the bad one and she's the "victim". I know alllll too well.
It's crazy how similar the stories of narcissistic survivors are....it's like the narcissist rarely breaks out of their mold.......crazy
From Surviving To Thriving!! that's what I'm thinking. I always knew my mom was a narcissist but I never realized how it affected me, since joining support groups and hearing others stories yeah, it totally blows my mind... now I know why I'm the way I am for the most part...a nervous, uncentered loony too ;)
Ken Richard thanks that's an interesting perspective. I used to always run from confrontation but the more I learn to love myself I see meet confrontation face to face realizing that being an adult means being responsible or able to respond. :)
I allowed my mother to continue to abuse me throughout my adult life until she became ill with Alzheimer's. Biggest mistake of my life was to believe that because she was my mother, I had to continue our relationship. My message to younger women dealing with NPD mothers is to consider no contact. The toxicity of this relationship (even long distance) will permeate your life.
Sheila Williams Totally agree with you. Mother's do this to us. It was not until she passed away I really began to heal. I wanted constant approval and affirmation, which sadly I never got, even toward the end of her life, I moved her in with us. She caused mayhem between my whole family, only I kept hanging in there. I'm finally healing, and though sad to admit, her passing, her cruelty, her mixed up way of looking at things, has now finally gone x
Sheila Williams So true. I completely cut off contact with her. I cannot even bring myself to call her mother. It was that bad.
Sheila Williams Totally agree with you on this. My mother also had dementia - I had her come live with us, in thinking I was doing the right thing. The whole Family suffered as a result. All I ever wanted was her confirmation I was ok by her until after she passed, it really didn't matter. She clearly suffered her own traumas to inflict what she did to me and my brothers. x
She became even worse which is quite common.
Yes, Jake Benjamin. She was even worse. Apparently, this is quite common. No happy endings for adult children of Narcissists.
I could have won the Nobel prize and my dad wouldn't have been impressed.
Pete Sheehan - that's so sad. It's sad your dad couldn't recognize that.
"I was always enough and the problem was yours" WOW! A ha!
I'm 28 years old and keep getting sucked in every single time and it's starting to make me upset with myself. I distanced myself from my narc mother for a few days because the memory of the abuse and craziness came back and I wanted nothing to do with her. When she feels me pulling away she will try to make nice and have conversation with me. She plays nice very very well and I fall for it EVERYTIME... I'm just tired of it.
I'm 20 years old, and always wondered why I was never enough for my mother. Growing up, family was alway a huge deal for us. That's what my three sisters and I were always taught. I've always been the emotional one, and the odd ball out. Always the sister completely different from everyone else. I never got the validation that I was a good enough daughter, there was always something wrong with me. Whenever I disagreed with my mom, there was always a long list of things she "didn't have to provide for me" but obviously, were what mothers are supposed to do. like give me a house to live in, and food to eat. My mothers favorite thing to do, is turn siblings against each other. I was always the kid who took all of the unecessary hurt, because no one else would. my mom likes to blame Every one but her self. an example being, she can say as many hurtful things as she wants, and I say one hurtful thing, and I'm Satan. and can never be forgiven. even after I apologize constantly. I'm so glad I came across your videos. I literally cried my eyes out, in satisfaction. At the moment, no one in my family will speak to me, because me and my mother got into an arguement, not even a heated one. basically I disagreed with my mother, and she started to guilt trip me, with everything she's ever done for me, and how I'm so selfish and disobedient. she pitted all of my family against me. I've been so angry, and hurt, and literally asking myself if I was crazy. now, I know I'm not crazy. I have the right to feel the way I do. I'm a grown ass woman. I'm allowed to think for myself, and have my own opinions. I've begged, appoligized, and pleaded to try and mend anything that I did wrong. but, nothing can be mended, because I haven't done anything. I can't waste my time and my energy trying to fix something that doesn't want to be fixed. thank you so much for your videos, because now, I can finally grow into the woman I've always wanted to be. thank you so much.
I'm 40 and my mother is still doing that crap to me. I've come to this realization recently and the suffering through the toxic emotions of this truth. My mother is sick. Still working on learning to love myself. Currently have no contact with my mother for my protection until I can grow my wings. I am the over emotional crazy one in my family too. And my sisters are on her side too. It's like you know me. Thank you for this video. This is true validation! I ❤️ you for this gift.🙏🏼
My mom had the nerve to ask me how I ended up with a covert narcissist? She was the overt narcissist Madam who groomed me for the Pimp.
That's how.
I learned this TRUTH: Today May 27, 2016.
Love you Mom. But, I'm done being told I'm the Overly Sensitive One which was Code for CRAZY ONE!!!
Yes, she told my siblings I was crazy!!!
She actually called me crazy and tormented me throughout my entire life especially my teen years with threats to fight me for just asking her why she allowed my sisters to stay out later than
Me, why I did more chores,etc?
She even admitted Last Year that she should have NEVER HAD CHILDREN.😔😔😔
Thanks Mom... You are 6 kids and 60 years, too late.
it is nice to know that i am not alone having Narcisstic Mother, I always felt it was someting wrong with me.She was evel.
No dear one you are not alone...
How did we end up being nice good people when such lunatics raised us!? I only came to this realization at 59 years old (last year) and when I figured out what my mother was I went no contact after her last brutal verbal attack on me and after all the put downs she called ME a narcissist! As she was bringing up Everything she could think of to put me down about I decided to stay silent and let her ramble on until she finally hung up the phone on me because I knew in that moment I would never speak to her or listen to her again. I am still working on me and I am sure I will be until the day I die. If I get through this recovery to the point that I can deal with her again I will, but in this moment I find that highly unlikely and feel no desire to be subject to her abuse again because she will never change... you can't fix what you don't see as broke.
You look good without makeup.
These very thoughts came to me four weeks ago.
I have tried to be a good mother.
I would sometimes say to myself - I wish I had ME for a mother and laugh it off...
Then I thought...I CAN be! I REALLY CAN! It's not too late!
Nowadays, when any problem comes at me, no matter how small, I try to be quiet , find the new voice, the caring voice of wholeness and nurturing and I follow that path.
It is peaceful.
All my life I wanted peace.
Thank you Lisa, once again.
"My pain is valid"- something I've just started to realise, but so needed to hear. Always thought I was to sensitive as I was told. And for the last ten years I spent so much time and energy on trying to find out which mental illness I was suffering from. In a way my abusive ex-partner was a blessing, because it made me realise how toxic my parents are. It made me realise it was never me, that I don't have a mental illness and that my pain is valid. Thank you for your videos 💟
I've waited over 50 years to have my experience with a narcissistic mother, validated. Thank you, Lisa!
How do you replace the mother model you grew up with? I feel like once I realized my mother is a narcissist, I also realized that she is the only model of a mother I ever had. In many ways I took on several of her traits as an adult and I have been fighting to break away from these traits my whole adult life. I am even terrified of having children because I might subconsciously treat them the same way I was treated as I have no other example of what motherhood looks like.
lisa i cried while watching this video.i always thought there was something wrong with me being a sensitive empath.but its such a release to know that my feelings were never wrong.my inner child is right.thank u lisa, keep up the good work.
I am so grateful you are appreciating this work dear one...Namaste...
Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life Coach Inc. thank u lisa for saving my life
Hi, I'm 59 years old and I've had enough of my marcissistic mother. I'm breaking free. I am looking forward to reading your books
Hey, you're so right. I'm 51yrs old and only after my mother passed away last year did I realise and heal from a narcissistic mother. I see now the mental abuse was intolerable. At the time, as that child, that teenager, that young adult I thought it was what I deserved, what was normality. She gave more creditability to strangers. She did it to my elder brothers. The eldest, 14yrs older than me, detached. The other brother, 12yrs older than me continued to people please her. She told me continuously I was the biggest disappointment in her life. Told family, my brother's I was not answering her calls and I tried continuously. Myself, personally, I've only began to heal since she passed away last year. Please, if you're in that situation, walk away sooner. Maybe it was the era she was raised in, maybe it was her parents upbringing. We, no, no -one deserves this. We can overcome, only detachment is key. In my case it was her passing. When anyone, not understanding the truth, tells me, I'll meet her in the afterlife, I simply keep quiet and hope never x
I am enough!
I'm 64, and growing up I always thought a narcissist was just someone with a big ego. I had no idea that a mother could be someone incapable of loving her own daughter; no one did and that's what she counted on. I don't have children and I often think how lucky she was to have a child who just wanted to love her and be loved. Why in the world would anyone throw that opportunity away?
Lisa ... Thank you so much... I have been told I am the black sheep of the family. And I believed my mum for years. I'm 30 now and I'm getting to terms with no it's not me it's my Narcissistic mother controlling everyone in the family ... I have just detached myself from the family and on a higher healing route. Love & light to you .... Thank you for this video 💙💛💚❤️💜
My father died suddenly at 44 years old, I was 12 and was not allowed to grieve I had to look after my pathetic narc self absorbed 'mother' thank you for this invaluable information Lisa.
Wow I was really saddened when I read this dear one...sending you love xoxoxo
I was older but went through the same. Much love to you! And I discovered your channel a few days ago Lisa. Thank you so much for what you do!
I remember the day I started talking to my dad instead of my mom and when he asked me "how does that make you feel?" It was mind blowing, like no one has ever asked me that before I didn't even know what to say.
I figured out I'm surrounded by narcissists. I am basically someone to push around and be a doormat. and it's because they see that want / need for VALIDATION. I've been watching all types of lifecoaching videos and reading books and it is helping me see am this stuff I've been going through in black and white. VALIDATION and knowledge is power! I have been doing a LOT better!!!
The last few minutes of this talk TRULY spoke to me...I awoke and "came from the veil" and I do suffer from PTSD and this made me feel valid! I have a different story, but this let's me know that I'm not alone!
I was recently diagnosed with my third auto immune disease and my mother's reply was that I need to stop finding illnesses on Google. thanks mom. when I said that was a horrible thing to say, I was the mean one and I always attack her and I'm mean to her and and and. I'm 37, she's 72. I've been in narcissistic relationship with men all my life. never wanted children as in an other video I just watched from you. I'm sure all this stems from the horrors and indifference I experienced from my mom as a child and still do as a mom.
adult
Thank you for this video. My mother is a narc, controlling, opinionated, religious...we have never been very close because of this and because I think she always wanted me to be a mini version of herself. I am in my 40's and still feel like a 12 yr old when around her. Oh, and guess what? I married a covert narc. 17 years ago. Of course I didn't know this about him. He was very quiet, soft spoken and 'nice'. Until a few years in, when he didn't get his way or was otherwise challenged by me and discovered i had a brain and wasn't going to always be a submissive 'doormat'. Everything was 'fine' unless I questioned him. Then the mask fell off. We're separated now due his issues, he also is irresponsible with money and abuses alcohol. I'm glad I found your videos and some others here on youtube. I didn't even know what narcissism was until two years ago. I think they used to just call it being an a**hole. Anyway, nice to have info and advise on how to deal with these soul sucking crazy making people because it's so hard to recover from. It's very hard and very lonely for me also because I'm an only child and I didn't have kids probably due to my childhood, plus the marital problems.So, just tryng to find some peace.
Hey, lady: 530am and you look great. This content is priceless. Your morsels always hit the spot. This is huge work you've been put on this earth to do. Thank you for regularly reminding us of our worth, dignity, and pure love. 🌼🌺
no, no I'm 42 and just learning to love myself.. I love taking care of myself it's only when I get around my mom, I quit eating, quit drinking water, get extremely anxious :'( practice, practice, practice... much love thanks for the support!
My finger hovered over which youtube video to play next, given the algorithms that present themselves in the side bar of my screen, I had a few to choose from. The finger landed on you. It is a good thing. At 42 years old I am waking up to life time of psychological and emotional abuse. I believe my mother is a 'altruistic/compulsive gift-giving/ covert narcissist'. I am dealing with some very twisted psychology right now! There is a whole lot of anger, pain, clearing, observing, accepting, and loving to do. I have no contact with my mother right now. I do not know how to progress from here. I just know that I am terrible at faking it and I cannot associate with her and her partner. I may have to read your books to determine my next steps. Thank you for your message and I thank the cosmos for the internet!!
I needed to hear this SO MUCH today! Thank you!!
I loved this video Lisa. !!! I always thought it was my fault my mother never ever said she loved me . I would do everything to make her happy and nothing ever did . She died 5 years ago and I don't miss her at all . Actually I'm relieved and feel guilty . The only good thing is that my children are very loved by me and I tell them that everyday ! I can't imagine treating them like I was treated !
nancy leddy this makes me happy to see ! I want kids so bad but im always worried I'll be a crap mum because of what my mum did... you have given me hope and i have always said I will do the same for my kids ! X
Stunningly beautiful @ 5.30am x
Fiona Faery that's what I thought, I was like I def don't look that put together first thing!
definitely
It’s true you have to give up for your own good. The hardest one for me was my sister. I spent my childhood trying to protect her and it was a massive betrayal when she became in snared in her narcissistic relationship and saw me a stranger. And on my journey through recovery I gave up trying to get my dad to love me. It’s been so so good on the other side of it. So if you’re reading this be brave. Love yourself first.
Thank you for this video. I am 52 and just realized that I have a narcissistic mother. I am no longer able to deny it. I am blown away how obtuse my mother is. I have been her care taker since I was a child. I have bent over backwards for her yet it never seems to be enough. If I don't call her everyday I will hear "Thanks for all you know I could be dead and YOU would not even know" Or, "You feel awful and miss me when I am gone then you will know all the opportunities you missed by not calling then where will you be" Messed up right. This used to seem so normal to me and guilt would be overwhelming with a lot of anger attached to me. What kind of a daughter am I then feeling bad. Today I am able to see through this shit and am still working through the guilt process and setting boundaries between us. Man she can be so cutting emotionally. I would love to tell her to hit the road but at this point I can't. My mother has NOT ONE FRIEND. She is alone, my brother passed away and I am it. She is a widower now for 23 years. Anyway my gratitude and love to you for these video's as they help me to better understand and here truths that I have wanted to deny. You look beautiful and authentic at 5am ☺
Rising out of the ashes -- YESSS! I've often had the visual of the mythical Phoenix bird. Family. Warped mothering. Doing such a good job we look like the nut jobs/rude ones. All -- of -- this -- applies to my own experience, as well.
Thanks Lisa. This video is very helpful and has given me the ability to observe the narcissist for what they are. There is a bright "light" at the end of the tunnel (that represents the faith and rights I have within) in order to be healthy, positive, well rounded that my narc mother-in-law and narc sister-in-law put in round-the-clock efforts in trying to block my ability to see.
I am not wrong for telling them NO....and they are wrong for punishing me and making us believe that their behavior is love. When people love you, it is supposed to feel good... not full of agony, guilt, shame, tricked, harassed, or being manipulated.
Thanks so much for pulling my head out of the sand and allowing me opportunity to understand i am worth peace, understanding, and most importantly. .. loved. I do love myself enough to work hard to change the weakness within that is obstructing my ability to grow.
Thanks so much! Your videos are so genuine, hopeful, and well put.
ALSO. ... Are you kidding me? you are as beautiful at 5:30 in the morning as you are during noon, evening, and midnight. (thanks again for the videos, they have been a life-changing experience.
Thank you for your intelligence and insight- I have learned a lot from this channel.
my narc mother destroyed all my photos that I loved, whole albums of when I was growing up and simply burned them in a fire pit. She did not have any remorse; no empathy; no remorse and she didn't believe in life insurance; got rid of everything I ever owned and gave it away or threw it out or burned it. She had a sawed off shotgun so I couldn't stop her at the time and she felt her actions were perfectly right. She never said sorry; she's 90 years old and in the hospital at last. I spent the last 3 years trying to make my life better learned that I had multiple myeloma; and she didn't believe that I even had cancer; Now i learned from going through her stuff that she has systematically destroyed even my clothes. She's had a profound stroke and is in the hospital now. She has always told me from when I was little that she would die and make me cry and that was her narc feed; She did it so much that i become totally numb to her rants and trying to make me feel bad about her dying is done. I'm sorry for her, I love,, never liked her the way she pushed me away and never let me be me'; she'd rip the book right out of my hands and burn them. I was lucky she didn't blow my head off; I lived most of my life away from these people and coming back was hell. She's in the hospital now and as she's always been; she's refused all the help that people ever offered her and until 3 weeks ago when she had her stroke; i was still now allowed to cook in her house or take showers everyday and i am 55 years old. Can't say I miss; her much.
Danielle Bourbeau - that's just terrible. You didn't deserve that.
Hope you are doing better
My mother had all the pictures of me in a drawer.. my sister's were on display. Looking through my house, you'd never know I lived there. She would go through my closet all the time and throw my favorite clothes out. And within days of me moving out , both her and my sister went through my stuff and split it or throw it out. She was always emotionally distant and never told me she loved me. I was also denied medical help when I was really I'll. I went through all of this stuff.. she was also verbally abusive.. once out of the house.. she only visited me twice in the 12 years I lived in the city before I walked away. I had no idea about narcissists until a recent abusive marriage forced me into therapy. I haven't spoken to my " family" in 30 years now & good riddance.
They're so "messed up" that they get off on it, when I fail.
Most people don't know the shame, guilt, anger, and helplessness of having this kind of relationship with your mother... It's good to know there are others that understand. My relationship with her has been the biggest test of my life, I'm in my 30's and I still haven't come to the place of peace but we can all be strong and overcome 🙂
You look so beautiful with no makeup! Xoxo
wouldnt have coped without this today. God bless you x
I cried the whole time I watched this.......... I"m working on it and "almost there".......... thank you so much! Fuck it hurts! XO
Hope it's better today. 😙
Your videos and books have more than enlightened me. I am no contact and it has been difficult I just cannot be abused and manipulated anymore. Last attack was on my 18 year old son (her Grandson) that was the last straw. The terms she called him for defending me was horrific. If I couldn't walk away for me I can for him. I refuse to subject my young sons to that abuse. I'have shielded them from birth we visited my grandmother and she attacked us at my grandmothers. Thank you so much, much respect to you. You just told my experience without even meeting me.
Dear Lisa,
Your videos have helped me soooo much!! I am so grateful for you, your wisdom, kindness and love. You are a GEM and I am definitely working on my past...healing my soul....moving forward with more strength than ever!! And also protecting my boundaries...I want peace now and always!! THANK YOU again, from the bottom of my heart!!
Namaste. :)
Thank you for your video! I realized today, don't put yourself in the crossfire of someone else's toxic, emotionally destructive behavior. Just remove yourself from the battle, stop taking those bullets 🌟 They're the one that should be dealing with the consequences of their actions, not you.
I left home at 19 on bad terms with my mother 5 years ago. It was a year later that I realized that her behavior towards me and my significant other wasn't normal. And I've dealt with it for such a long time even after I've cut contact with her completely. I won't go into detail but she was most definitely a narcissist. And that realization shook me to my core. Her words still haunt me. But I want to remove myself from the crossfire, remove myself from that internal battle and live a happy life.
This really resonates with my soul. Thank you for inspiring all those in codependent relationships with their mothers, myself included!
I'm separating myself now. I told my mom I needed space for myself. My brother came into town for a visit, and I'm not seeing him. I didn't even go to a family reunion this weekend. It was a big deal to say no and to act and think instead of react. Thanks, Lisa!
This was so quietly affirming.
I went to my doctor for a mental health assessment because I need therapy for exactly all this, but he just didn't get it.
I would say. Complex PTSD, he asked me if it was on the DSM, I said it isn't, but I didn't back that up with how people are trying to get it in there.
We were taking about my entire life, but never menus anything before my teenage years... I was so upset that I was in shock for a day before I just cried and cried.
This s exactly what I was afraid of: reaching out for help and being treated like I didn't know what I was taking about.
And I got confused when he asked me if my parents were selfish, because that's a key trait of NPD. Going through my entire history and having all those memories brought up left me going. "are they selfish, really?". I think I was having an emotional flashback but I was trying so hard to figure out the point of the assessment and keep it together that I didn't realise how bad it was.
He ended up referring me to a psychiatrist to make a better assessment. I think he realised he was out of his depth.
Still, the overwhelming feeling from him was "you just need to get out more".
He doesn't know, he just can't understand it. He thinks I'm just bitching about my family.
To my own ears I know it sounds juvenile, but that is because I'm dealing with children in the bodies of emotionally absent adults.
I'm still afraid I'll talk to the psychiatrist and he won't be familiar with it either.
I want a professional because I can't work through this by myself while I'm still living with them.
I mistakenly Tried EMDR one night to see if it would do anything and I felt this will of terror start to bubble up and shut that down fast.
Now I write it, though, it is out of concern for my parents that I shut it down. Fucking great. They've programmed me "well".
Dear Lisa
Just want to thank you for being so passionate about us "dear ones", as you call us im going through a very rough patch right now, god only knows the pain. Your words and teaching are very soothing, first of all, and so illuminating.
If i could speak with you right now, i know i would find it so reassuring.
With much love and appreciation
Nux
I want to say, "I love you!" But that is strange and I really mean, I love what you're doing and am very happy for you-that you have come to this point in your life and are helping others. I have been doing a lot of higher thinking into the subconscious/ trying to figure out why people do things and whether or not to step back from what I'm doing wrong, or to step back from what others are doing wrong and learn to accept it, but never be okay with it or think it's normal. You're so right about the dual lives thing-it's like we have to live here with others that are like us (abused) and others that are not (the abusers). Though most people that are abusers are people who have been abused, some of us choose not to abuse others and to not continue that nasty cycle. It's hard to realize how people are and that it is wrong and that we are not the ones who should change or feel ashamed of who we are. Especially when everyone tells you you are crazy or a bad person, ignorant or selfish. I say it is not easy to realize things and how the world really is for a lot of people. It is hard to stay a good person and love yourself without your family in your corner. So hard. My boyfriend deals with so much hurt from having narcissistic mom and he is the scapegoat for sure. It is so sad. Sometimes he will admit it but other times he can't. He's definitely dependent on her and cares TOO MUCH about what others think to a point where sometimes he can't say no even if he wants to. He's such a good person. I understand now exactly why he does some of the things he does. I always knew he was good, just severely hurt. It's going to be a long fight. He's gone 25 years like this and I don't want him to go 1 more. Thank you for reaching out to others, even though I can't afford your program I am learning a lot from your videos so I just want to sincerely thank you for that! God Bless
Namaste dear one!!!!!!
This is excellent information. At 67 I'm just seeing the diagnosis of Narc as a possibility for my mother. Several months now with no contact. Healing some very old wounds. It took my third husband, a full total narc, to help me see the similarity.
Lisa this is a very enlightening video and THANK YOU! I grew up with a Mother who was mentally ill. I always excused her poor behavior and blamed it on her mental illness. I allowed her to treat me poorly because I thought she had an excuse and she couldn't help it. It was until I started to become more aware as an adult and really until watching your videos that I am realizing that my Mother was narcissistic because no matter what the reason is, it was always about her. I had to be her Mother, psychiatrist. I wasn't allowed to be upset because I was supposed to be strong and take care of her. I was angry and resentful for many many years because I didn't get my emotional needs met. I have learned that anger is only hurting me so instead I only see her when she needs my help and I do not spend time with her. It is very very sad. Thankfully I was perceptive enough to know what she did wrong so that I can give my children what I did not receive. Can you do a video on mental illness and the effects it has? I have dysthymia and anxiety. The depression adds to the negative programming and makes it even more difficult to raise yourself to that higher level of consciousness. I am in the process of divorcing my narcissistic spouse who of course is telling everyone that its my fault and I am sure he tells everyone about my difficult upbringing. This gets him off the hook. Can you offer any suggestions on this? Thank you.
Thank you for this video! Talk about confirmation........this video has brought so much clarity to my very confussing relationship with my narcissistic mother. I just couldn't pinpoint what the root of the matter was. I soooo understand now!!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!
Michelle Robinson
Thank you so much for posting this video and others. Through watching, I honestly am inspired to want to make changes/ set boundaries with my mother (who too is narcissistic) because of how much pain I am still enduring. I was awakened recently, early this year and it was an unfortunate blessing but being 20 years old, I feel lucky to have had this realization at this time in my life... the years where I am crossing over into adulthood and can no longer only see myself as the child but as an individual adult.
Have a great day and thanks again
TammiR. I am very happy for you that you have access to this information at your young age. Many of us had to wait till we were in our 50's and 60's to learn about NPD. I can tell you from my experience, the Narcissistic mother gets worse, not better as time goes on. The psychological and physical damage that she can inflict on you is something only another victimized daughter can comprehend. The Narcissist is like a shark, looking for a feeding frenzy...and if we allow her in our lives, we will be destroyed. Much love, strength and peace to you.
My children asked me very diplomatically to 'not go there' aged six and 8. They felt the vibes around grandma so I reduced contact which she was happy with at the time. Eventually she attacked them triangulated other grandchildren causing no family unity. NPD mothers have a life log pattern of abuse which my healthy children articulated sensitively to me.
Haven't talked to my mom for two years now. Ive been taking that space I need to detach from her. I'm finally realizing she and my father will never change and will never give me the validation I seek. It is still painful to me though. I guess I have more grieving to do. I cry almost every time I listen to your childhood trauma meditation video. I'm really thankful for your videos and currently working on being mindful of my thought patterns. It's been so freeing to refuse the negative ones and choose the thoughts I want to have. Thank you for teaching me that too
I'm the oldest, and only daughter of a narcissistic Italian mother. I'm now 52 and have come to terms that going no contact with her was the healthiest thing I could ever do. You are speaking to me, it's so close to home to what your experience was as well. Thank you for doing what you do! I just found your channel, so helpful!
Just got one more experience with my narcissistic mom - but one more time in awereness. Thanks god i was watching ur video !!!!!
AND i realized it's actually her, made me writing pop music my whole life. Coz something else couldnt trigger the value in me that got lost over the years. Thank YOU for ur output, really respect & appreachiate it.
Thank you so much, I bawled my eyes out to this and kept saying thank you so many time to things I agreed with you on.Grateful to have come upon your videos.was such an enlightening experience.
No apologies needed.
I've watched a few of your videos and they are so encouraging !
I have just come to the knowledge that my mother is a narcissist and has passed this to me. At age 35 Iam finally learning the truth about myself and my family.
Iam embarking on this road to recovery and its scary,just the thought of trying to separate myself from my mother makes my stomach hurt .
Hang in there dear one!
It's so hard trying to separate yourself from someone you where raised to think cares about you .. I haven't spoken to mom in almost 4 months. It just kinda happened that way, I put some boundaries down and she did not take it too well , that was the last time she called me. I miss her but I don't think it's really me that misses her, I think it's the guilt and the obligation . I know she is waiting for an apology which I've already told myself I'm not giving her.
So the silence goes on.. it's nice but uncomfortable all at the same time. I hate talking to her but not talking seems so wrong .
Thank you for your reply . It's hard working though all this or trying too 😔
It's nice to hear from someone that is there 😊
So true !
First of all, you look amazing, even at five am with no makeup. I usually look like a truck ran over me, the exhaustion is so overwhelming. My mind is always on guard from the crazy making gas-lighting I survived. This is exhausting, trying to hold on to sanity and truth.
Once i told my brother : " why do you think we ended up in such a crazy, fucked up family? Is it bad karma? Bad luck? " And he replied :" what the hell are you talking about? ! Do you know what shit families are like? Shut up "
I then doubted of myself and my perceiving and said to me i'm too sensitive and that i analize facts too much.
I realized months later that he is in denial and my perception was right, when i discovered Narcissistic abuse and all related stuff.Never heard about before, so i couldn't really focus on anything specific.It's been like a light bulb shining : clic k!
OMG is my mother is perfectly nice to everyone else and yes many times others think I'm the mad one ... thank you for this I'm so grateful I found you Lisa 🙏🏼💕
Thank you so much for the video. I can't stop crying, I have repressed my pain for too many years and my emotions are all over the place. My mother is a narcissist and I'm just now realizing it at the age of 44, she is elderly and disabled and I'm her caregiver, I want to just walk away and never see her again but I can't.
I keep crying whenever I watch your videos
Thank you for your help. I talked to my mother today. She asked me what's wrong and usually i tell her i am fine. today i was in extreme pain when she called. I told her I am passing a kidney stone. she said, ''well i hope you feel better thanksgivings this week''. oh she irks me.
So typically of the self centred narc! My mother lent me some money for an operation. I was really worried I would die. She asked me if she would get her money back if I died!
This hit me this morning.....straight on....THANK YOU LISA from the bottom of my heart.....
Thank You Lisa 💓
I'm dealing with my husband's
Family all his sisters and brother are narcs. I've know this family for more than 35 years. I met my husband when I was 16. I'M 53 years old and they are still trying to break us up. I stay no contact i don't speak to any of them. Unfortunately he speaks to his narc mom and sometimes to his sister. I only deal with them for funeral, or when one is on the hospital. I Hate it 😢😭 my husband is somewhat awake but he still fall for their games. It's extremely hard for me. Thank you lisa
Lisa, Thank you for giving words to my pain & suffering. I'm 47 & as a parentified oldest child I'm finally coming to understand my adverse position / vision to this world.
Thank you so much for this! I'm trying to stay positive and stay strong. It's hard when your own Mother wants to bring you down anytime you feel a tiny bit of happiness or confidence. She literally makes me sick. Always telling me I can't make it without man and being single is a death sentence. If I gain a pound then she always has to point it out and makes me feel unattractive. When I try to set boundaries with her it's always met with aggressive outburst from her. She isn't happy unless I'm miserable and on the point of suicide. I'm learning to be strong but it is so hard. The positive side of this is I know how NOT to treat my children and I will try to break this cycle of abuse.
Inspired! Thank you!
Thank you again for another amazing video
Thank you Lisa , perfectly stated .... ! - went through the same / similar / thing .... Love your videos - Thank you for YOUR TRANSPARENCY - keep shinning !
You still look great even at 5:30 in the morning 😇
Hi Lisa :) Re: your brother - I just had the exact same experience with my (older, goldenchild) brother recently! He's 41 and I'm 38. Our narcissistic mother has recently really begun using my brother's wife as her narcissistic supply because I am a) living 7500km away now, and b) learning to set boundaries. Luckily she's strong enough to handle her (and this is a HUGE reason why my brother loves her, and also why I love her for him), but my brother is FINALLY seeing that it is HER that is crazy and NOT ME! I can't tell you how meaningful that was to me. I didn't press him, and didn't say lay all of this "psychological stuff" on him, I just let him say what he thought and let it sit there. I could just feel him wanting to tell me "you were right, I'm sorry," and though he didn't say it, it was huge for me.
I will be watching this video again and again, even though it's 530am ;P You're beautiful in my eyes!
Thank you so much.
You look great and this is another great vid. Thank you Lisa.
Thank you so much for this video. I have done a lot of healing work in this area, but you are filling in the pieces that I need so badly, especially about narcisstic mothers. I love how real you are about this topic. It takes so much strength to love yourself enough to refuse to be treated badly by anyone, especially when that anyone is a parent. I especially love the integration of spiritual healing as well. Both psychology and spirituality offer healing, and combining the two in the way that you do is brilliant. Beautiful work! (I found you through Mary Kay and insight timer.)
Lisa, thank you soo much for all your wonderful insight. you have made me see the light after suffering for most of my life from this abuse. You are an amazingly intelligent woman. wished we could sit and chat over a cuppa!! xxxx
You can get out of my experience!!! haha! great! love that. great video. sorry you had to go through all this. x
Thank you so much for these videos. Sometimes it sounds like you were there watching everything that I went through. It has taken me years and I still don't feel over the abuse. I tried to talk to my mom about it before she died and she told me, " your my kid and it's your job to just take whatever I do or say to you". It was then I felt validated that I wasn't the crazy one and I was going to have to figure out a way to get over all this stuff. The day before she died she made sure to get in her last dig by telling me that she didn't love me and that yes she knew who I was, she said my name and you're my daughter. Thank you again for helping me.
You are awesome showing up real and going with it. Love it.
I am enough...because I am...so powerful...thank you...never thought I could validate myself...thank you so much for that...
Just discovered you; so glad! Thank you!
Huge thanks for your reply..... I will certainly passage with you through this recommended reading sequence, I've been sharing your information with various people who need you. Bless you and your transformational work Lisa! Following u with GRATITUDE and LOVE xxxxxxx
Love you, Lisa. Thank you!
this is amazing thanku u make so much sense and make me feel like I am not the crazy one.
Love your morning look! Couldn't resist leaving a comment:-) And thank you so much for all your videos!
I never emotionally connected with my mom.. I knew something was "wrong" even as a little girl. I didn't realize how dysfunctional my family was until my mid 20's. I'm now 31 and have pretty much maintained little contact since she kicked me out at 19. All the while I have 4 siblings- father who is her footman. I recently realized my father is slightly narcissist as well if only to fall in line with her thinking - or maybe not. I was a daddy's girl and I'm having to reckon with re-evaluating my memories where he is concerned. I realized when my cousin told me a few years back that my mom has always been severely jealous of me. My fathers only daughter- it is extremely exhausting emotionally and painful to feel cast out because of my sex/objectification by my mother. I try to remain detached but I find when I tap into objective facts like, "I will never be loved by my parents", I feel extremely emotional. Not because I want their love but I feel extreme pain and sadness when I do deserve that- it feels overwhelming at times to reckon with being a daughter of a narcissistic in a dysfunctional family. I try to work on myself and stay above my programming-- I workout and look for ways to improve my thinking and thus my opinion of myself by realizing I am capable and deserving. Thank you for your video. You looked great to me :)
i just found this video now and really needed this because im trying to cut ties definitely soon and people keep trying to gaslight me and make me think im being selfish, wrong or even brattish when i keep being told to shut up or said that im stupid, ungrateful, idiotic, a stupor and that my opinion doesn't matter. i know that i deserve better and i want better, i already have anxiety, ptsd and ocd to deal with from bullying in school while i was being narcissistically abused as a child without knowing it and told not to defend myself. thank you for reminding me that i was right and that they don't care about me and never had, i've always felt that they look and think of my existence as shameful just because i have mental illnesses due to all these events, i sometimes almost doubt myself but this reassured me because as victims we can't even bear to understand what goes on in these abusive minds.
Wow...I can't begin to tell you how this resonated....thank you for posting it.
Brilliant video, so validating, thank you
Thank you, needed this. I've watched so many videos of yours in the last 72 hours, going through this right now, unveiling all the crap and it feels so raw and emotional right now, I was worried this would never end, I would always be trapped and seen in bad light. I had a trigger moment the other day with parent and I was the trembling, frightened child and I couldn't understand why, I was overcome with anxiety almost a panic attack at home. I couldn't figure out why my inner child made an appearance - I had never thought about TRIGGERS. Bullets from the past. You've really helped me put things in perspective, thank you!
I am chronically ill, with three rare diseases, my NPD mother, who makes "Joan Crawford - in Mommy Dearest" a bloody saint. My Mom has done so much to me, that I suffer from Complex Post Traumatic Syndrome, very badly. My Mom finds out I am in the hospital, and totally Character Assassinates me, to the staff, and even goes as far, as to tell them that there is nothing wrong with me. I became so hyper-vigilant, that I have to put "Fire Walls Up", everywhere I am admitted, do business, where I get my meds, even has gone as far as to phone my doctor's and completely confuse them, as far as what I suffer from. She goes to great lengths to keep me underneath her, and to keep me away, from my hometown, where my son's life, so that "Cinderella doesn't come home". Right now I am going through terrible debt. problems and I believe my Mom, has been the one who instigated a "Covert attack on me", to make me so broke, I am unable to even go home for a visit or to have a nicer place than her, and keeps everything a secret just from me in the family, so I don't show up, for a funeral, or a big Birthday Celebration. I have had so many Nervous Breakdowns, caused by her, I have given up counting. My Mom is 82, and she is just as mean, actually, as NPD people get worse as they get older, gaslighting me, and making sure I don't receive and Inheritance left for me. She even paid herself back, for her part in sending my son to college, and right down to buying 20.00 worth of things from the second-hand store, out of money that is owed to me. I can't tell her anything, she will exploit me at every turn. No CONTACT is the only cure, just her voice will keep me up all night.
Thank u Lisa...I am happy I found u on you tube...you are a blessing y inspiration! I am learning so much...God bless u! Peace... :-)
great videos Lisa..I'm trying to go minimum contact with my mother, but she's laying on the guilt trip... she was physically, verbally and emotionally abusive all my young life and has only dropped the physical as I grew up. I've been diagnosed with ptsd and fibromyalgia. She denies all responsibility. The guilt I feel at abandoning a ninety year old is awful..