Extending the analogy: getting good demands that you pay attention to what you’re doing OFF the courts. You monitor diet, cross-train, etc. What you do out of bed matters at least as much: Are you creating a relationship where your partner feels heard? Are you making them a priority? Do you keep yourself in top mental and physical health to the best of your abilities? In other words - make sure you’re the kind of person your partner WANTS to play with!
I took Ruth's course a few months ago then had a 1:1 session recently and it has simply been life changing. I feel so connected with my husband of 18 years but also much happier and fulfilled in other areas of life - family, work, friendships. Thank you Ruth xxx
@@maikelkay9202 It seems love is a survival mechanism to make people have children, and for the man to stick around until the kid is relatively independent. Secretly, everything is a fight for resources. Environment->man->woman->embryo/child. Well, our ancestors, women are more independent now. But some people can get by their whole lives together. You talking romantic love, love of your fellow humans, love of your family, love of a mother for baby? There are a few different types.
Perfect analogy, Ruth. Sadly, my wife of 34 years was never interested in getting better. She had lack of confidence, no interest in giving me any joy and only used it as a means to an end...have children and then avoid this hobby as much as possible.
For the hobby method to work. Both partners have to have, a reasonable level of interest already. I’m many relationships, one partner will try anything, the other won’t even talk about it.
God, I wish I'd heard this talk when my wife was still alive and healthy. I would have shared this with her and could have helped us avoid so much emotional pain.
You’ll see her when your time is right and you can have a conversation with her. Keep your chin up ! use this energy and see if there’s something else with someone.
You can. But the other person has to put time and interest in the tennis journey too. You can find a new way of seeing a tennis match if your partner is willing to do some changes too, and try new things. We don't need different people, we need different mindsets. Tho, it's good to try playing with people that are open minded, so you can learn how to play and find joy in the journey
I know someone who's treated it like this for a long time, he and his polycule are some of the most open people about their needs I've ever known, and that goes far beyond their 'play'. Their levels of communication and respect for boundaries is phenomenal, if someone isn't in the mindset to handle something in the moment they understand how to handle that and return to the topic when they're better grounded for it. Nothing is completely off limits as long as it's approached respectfully and calmly. It's amazing being around people who truly are comfortable with sharing everything about themselves with their partners, it's a thing worth working toward for anyone in a relationship where that level of intimacy is avaliable.
Great to hear. Poly people and kink people tend to be super-hot on communication, openness and enthusiastic consent. The mainstream world could learn so much from them!
@@ruthramsay_ Absolutely Agree! That's been my experience being on the fringes of both communities too. The level of interest they expect before engaging in something is a big part of it. If they can't be sure you're really there for whatever they're patient and understanding in a way that was really healing to me after having been in an abusive relationship as a teen; it helped reframe many things into a much healthier place.
What a fantastic talk. I play tennis also so this talk really hit the spot. Instead of leaving it to chance, we owe it to our partners to practise something so essential in our relationships. This was a massive realisation for me. Thank you Ms. Ramsay.
3:20 Most of what we are told when we are young is what can go wrong. 4:15 Let's start thinking about it like a hobby. This is a positive affirmative. 6:05 Skill remember: Communication, creativity, empathy.
This is a big myth. Men being the low drive partner happens just as frequently as with women. The difference is that men have a much higher level of shame about it. They’re less likely to talk about or get help.
@@kbanghart For sure, I’m just saying on a population level men have more shame around their virility. It’s deeply connected to their ego. The media and society doesn’t help because the message sent is men want it constantly and women want it never. It hurts both sides because then men feel broken and inadequate for not being ready at the drop of a hat, and women feel undesired because their man is supposed to be all over them and isn’t. They’re left to wonder what’s wrong with them and what’s wrong with their partner. My point is this issue affects men and women equally. But to agree with the sentiment of the original comment- the party who needs to hear it isn’t the one watching these kinds of videos.
For many people it is not about the choice. Its about being with a person that does not turn you on but a person with who you have children and leaving is a high cost. I agree with the hobby statement.
@@schroederluck7984 we don't know what Future hold. I guess I'm a little bit tired of people acting like they don't have a choice. Humans Change and our bodies are changing as Well. Gainig weight can have a Lot of different reasons. Would be great if a Partner can help and motivate to Change a Lifestyle amd behavouir and sometimes accept a Situation If the reason are health issues for example. I guess I'm a little bit tired of people blaming others and acting like they don't have a choice. We tend to be lazy and are often not willing to change something even if we are not happy. Love and grattitude are powerful 🌤️💕 Wish you all the best
@@nnkaz1k856 not sure who you're talking about. I'm overly employed. I have a produce business. I grow produce and make canned goods and sell at the local farmers market. Also have a small herd of cows. An elderly mom and a sick wife that I try to take care of. I no longer get to do what I really enjoy. I would make time for that if it was available, just like I used to.
I approve of that plan. 🙂 In my experience, the challenge has been finding a suitable intimate partner who is also interested in making love at least twice a day. And I’m not saying that to throw shade at anyone. From what I’ve observed, most folks don’t have that level of drive.
YES RUTH. THATS MY FRIEND 😭😭 being the intelligent legend that she is 💜💜💜 follow her, BOOK HER COURSE. You will never find a safer space discussing these topics than you will with Ruth
Failure is part of the learning process. Especially joking about it aftwerwards. How can you figure out what works, without knowing what does not work ?
Tennis is also a lot of fun when playing doubles... Filming your matches is also nice, as you can learn by reviewing the recordings. It's also fun to watch other people play tennis.
Such an excellent reframing! Thank you. I was nearly there, as are many of the people I know, but mostly by happenstance - and you just delivered the recipe. I think a bit of scheduling and calling for some training sessions for the upcoming season would be cause for laughs - important! - and simply quite a lot of joy in these parts. I don't think it was mentioned in your talk but there is something powerful in converting expectation (with all the fraughts and perils) into anticipation and excitement (let's see what happens Tuesday).
@Relicarious yes! I love that - converting expectation into anticipation. There were hundreds... thousands... more things I'd have loved to say in the talk, but I only had six minutes. Next time! So glad you enjoyed it, thank you for sharing your thoughts.
@@ruthramsay_ I bet there was! And that conversion speaks to a lot of things also from the wisdom of Emily Nagoski - I assume you are familiar, if not, you will find something there with which I bet you will align very well - and for me is about moving out of the critical mindset and make space for creaticity and exploration. "Next time", you say - Yes! I will look forward to more of what you wish to share.
You need to fix your health first, and workout regularly, eat healthy. After you do all those things, come back here and listen to this, but you won’t gonna need it anymore
The Hobby analogy assumes that both partners have an interest in that Hobby. I married someone that later came out as asexual and can attest that this definitely is not always the case
@@thatoneguy1821 It doesn't assume both partners have an interest in the hobby, the video is just addressing the situation where they are both interested. The analogy still works if they aren't, it just assumes the connection is clear. If someone doesn't like tennis no one is making them play (hopefully).
@thatoneguy1821 mismatched interest in 'the hobby' is the most common issue people are describing in the comments under my talk... I will be preparing a workshop or resource around this soon. Thank you for sharing your situation.
Tell it to the ladies Ruth, after they're married. Tell it twice to them Ruth, after they've been pregnant. And tell it many times to the ladies, after menopause.
Wow hahaha this is exactly what my mom thought me when I was a teenager in the 2000’s. She thought me to see it as a hobby, like tennis! It was such a good lesson for me! ❤
It does. If your partner is checked out and that doesn’t chance, you can’t stay married to that person. And if you are dating, do not think of committing until you know you’re on the same page here.
It's a hobby indeed. But when you are looking for a partner who is a good fit, finding out that you shre other hobbies is a lot more important than this one if you are looking for compatibility in those areas as well. But let's not forget that compatibility in this hobby is important as well for a relationship to last. Thanks for the inspring moment. Oh, and: cool necklace of sorts, too. Somebody can be really proud of you.
This very much assumes both partners have a vague interest in tennis or want to talk about tennis. Sometimes you just have to accept that whilst your partner may used to have enjoyed tennis, they now hate it.
Interesting approach! We decided to take a hobby and never came back to sexe! Both our quality of lifes actually greatly improved in doing it. Yes indeed hobbies are great things to do.
I've always have done what she said and even treated it like a creative art form. I guess as a musician taking any subject, activity, sport whatever it's just seams so simple to just try and get creative in whatever you do and the most important part is have fun with it. I've don't that with many things I won't go into. But lol the hard part is finding a partner or people on the same page. Because with women one day they are on the same page and then down the rd, whoa, a totally different person and not into it with the same passion. Yeah I know we all get old and change but as the saying goes it take *two* to tango, and because of that reason what I have created solo wise is just well super epic! I always look forward to tomorrow - solo wise, so if a partner or my partner is not into it who cares! Solo will `always come first, the rest will just be a bonus, because I can always count on me lol being there... Peace
with you on that my friend. this message is really to women. men already get it. sadly and generally it falls on deaf ears. good thing that we can entertain ourselves no matter what 😎
@@cindyborcherding8927 @josephballard1 thank you... but so long as people are talking, that's the most important thing! The message will be seeping in slowly (and the algorithm will be taking the talk to more people!).
I love the analogy and the reframe…completely agree with you. But what if you have a spouse who does not believe in hobbies…literally. Doesn’t see the point.
I definitely recommend bringing your tennis partner to a different court every week. Playing the same game on different grounds is very exciting. Check its safe to play ball beforehand.
Thank you Ramsay for your epic bliss story. I'm an intermediate English learner. I've first heard most comprehensible talk in TED talk. I would like to make this video my textbook. But when I'd encounter that 3 letters, my solo violent activity would come not to be stopped even if I'd grit my teeth. I hope these three letter would be changed into 'it' or 'debate' or better stuff.
It’s ironic, I told my wife you can’t get better with out practice. Then I told her, just because you’re good at wall ball, doesn’t mean you’re good at tennis. I can’t approach this like a hobby, as my wife doesn’t like/enjoy/or even want to be involved in my hobby’s. I guess I’m just screwed no matter what I do….
Approach it in a way she might find interesting. My wife is bored to tears listening to me talk about politics, so I have to reframe it in the context of something she does care about. It's you and her vs the problem, not you vs her.
Extending the analogy: getting good demands that you pay attention to what you’re doing OFF the courts. You monitor diet, cross-train, etc. What you do out of bed matters at least as much: Are you creating a relationship where your partner feels heard? Are you making them a priority? Do you keep yourself in top mental and physical health to the best of your abilities? In other words - make sure you’re the kind of person your partner WANTS to play with!
Love this extension of the analogy - thank you for sharing!
Mae West said, "if I got married, I'd have to give up my hobby." I expected this talk to be more like that.
I took Ruth's course a few months ago then had a 1:1 session recently and it has simply been life changing. I feel so connected with my husband of 18 years but also much happier and fulfilled in other areas of life - family, work, friendships. Thank you Ruth xxx
Thank you @PriscilaHancock - it's been my honour to help.
I am absolutely looking up her course material.
Thanks!
How appropriate- I hit the 69th like.
❤❤❤
She literally said nothing
Variety with a partner you love and respect can bring you to a level of trust and excitement unimaginable.
Assuming your partner or yourself aren't too old and knackered for variety. Sorry baldeagle, time gets us all eventually.
There is no love in this world.
@@maikelkay9202 It seems love is a survival mechanism to make people have children, and for the man to stick around until the kid is relatively independent. Secretly, everything is a fight for resources. Environment->man->woman->embryo/child. Well, our ancestors, women are more independent now. But some people can get by their whole lives together. You talking romantic love, love of your fellow humans, love of your family, love of a mother for baby? There are a few different types.
Perfect analogy, Ruth. Sadly, my wife of 34 years was never interested in getting better. She had lack of confidence, no interest in giving me any joy and only used it as a means to an end...have children and then avoid this hobby as much as possible.
For the hobby method to work. Both partners have to have, a reasonable level of interest already. I’m many relationships, one partner will try anything, the other won’t even talk about it.
Amen!!
Sounds like incompatibility to me!
@@grote__juliasounds like 3 kids and 20 years together to me...
@@hanspersson9451 seems like that long together would lead to better communication skills!
@@grote__julia That too is something that requires a mutual interest. Life sometimes gets complicated along the way.
God, I wish I'd heard this talk when my wife was still alive and healthy. I would have shared this with her and could have helped us avoid so much emotional pain.
God bless you brother
You’ll see her when your time is right and you can have a conversation with her. Keep your chin up ! use this energy and see if there’s something else with someone.
😢😢
if you want to get better in tennis, you can't play with the same person every time 😅
Facts! 😂😂
That's absolutely not true... Clearly you don't know much about "tennis" 😂
Haraam
You can. But the other person has to put time and interest in the tennis journey too.
You can find a new way of seeing a tennis match if your partner is willing to do some changes too, and try new things.
We don't need different people, we need different mindsets.
Tho, it's good to try playing with people that are open minded, so you can learn how to play and find joy in the journey
Mixed double is the best game.😅
The best and more natural advices on this topic I´ve ever heard in my life!!
Thank you! I'm pleased you enjoyed it.
I know someone who's treated it like this for a long time, he and his polycule are some of the most open people about their needs I've ever known, and that goes far beyond their 'play'. Their levels of communication and respect for boundaries is phenomenal, if someone isn't in the mindset to handle something in the moment they understand how to handle that and return to the topic when they're better grounded for it.
Nothing is completely off limits as long as it's approached respectfully and calmly. It's amazing being around people who truly are comfortable with sharing everything about themselves with their partners, it's a thing worth working toward for anyone in a relationship where that level of intimacy is avaliable.
Polycule? Really? Did you just get that on Wordle and had to look it up, and now you have to use it every chance you get? FFS 🤦♂️
Great to hear. Poly people and kink people tend to be super-hot on communication, openness and enthusiastic consent. The mainstream world could learn so much from them!
@@ruthramsay_ Absolutely Agree!
That's been my experience being on the fringes of both communities too. The level of interest they expect before engaging in something is a big part of it. If they can't be sure you're really there for whatever they're patient and understanding in a way that was really healing to me after having been in an abusive relationship as a teen; it helped reframe many things into a much healthier place.
What a fantastic talk. I play tennis also so this talk really hit the spot.
Instead of leaving it to chance, we owe it to our partners to practise something so essential in our relationships. This was a massive realisation for me.
Thank you Ms. Ramsay.
3:20 Most of what we are told when we are young is what can go wrong.
4:15 Let's start thinking about it like a hobby. This is a positive affirmative.
6:05 Skill remember: Communication, creativity, empathy.
Completely agree with you...even Without changing our partner we may play better if we slightly change our priority👍
Couldn't agree more and such a perfect analogy to remove the stigma from thinking and talking about it. Great job!
thank you, I'm so glad you liked it!
Thanks for your advice. I’ve since started a tennis league. I have matches all week long now.
If people evolve constantly trying to do new things.... You dont need a new person, you renew yourself...
Step 1: find a partner
Thats asking alot these days haha
😂
Step 1: improve yourself and your appearance
Step 2: partners find you
Step 1: go to the gym
Step 2: take picture
Step 3: repeat
Virtually impossible for most men.
All I can say is - she found a platform to speak her fav hobby and also do business. 😄😃
Business for sure.
I have realized that is exactly what I was doing last several years , but I did not have words to explain, nice approach, thanks. 🙂
Thank you, I'm glad it gave you the words to describe your approach.
Sad thing is, this video will end up in the recommended feed of more men than women. Women in general, especially in marriage, need to hear this.
Good opportunity to share it with people you think would find it helpful 😄
Why married women in general?
This is a big myth. Men being the low drive partner happens just as frequently as with women. The difference is that men have a much higher level of shame about it. They’re less likely to talk about or get help.
@@invisiblespirit5476 I think it depends. I know several women who wouldn't want to talk about that kind of thing easily.
@@kbanghart For sure, I’m just saying on a population level men have more shame around their virility. It’s deeply connected to their ego. The media and society doesn’t help because the message sent is men want it constantly and women want it never. It hurts both sides because then men feel broken and inadequate for not being ready at the drop of a hat, and women feel undesired because their man is supposed to be all over them and isn’t. They’re left to wonder what’s wrong with them and what’s wrong with their partner.
My point is this issue affects men and women equally. But to agree with the sentiment of the original comment- the party who needs to hear it isn’t the one watching these kinds of videos.
Have been a practioneer of this idea for 50 years, she is correct.
Thank you for sharing your life experience, that's great to hear!
Absolutely communication is important with your partner. If you cant talk about what you want then you are with the wrong partner. 😉😊
I don't think she is promoting divorce or breaking up from a meaningful relationship .
Or you've been raised in a very conservative household.
Absolutely not true.
For many people it is not about the choice. Its about being with a person that does not turn you on but a person with who you have children and leaving is a high cost.
I agree with the hobby statement.
But you've chosen to have children and to be a Family?!
@@melmier3500consider the possibilities. Maybe their partner ballooned up to 300 pounds and are not physically attractive anymore.
@@schroederluck7984 we don't know what Future hold. I guess I'm a little bit tired of people acting like they don't have a choice. Humans Change and our bodies are changing as Well. Gainig weight can have a Lot of different reasons. Would be great if a Partner can help and motivate to Change a Lifestyle amd behavouir and sometimes accept a Situation If the reason are health issues for example. I guess I'm a little bit tired of people blaming others and acting like they don't have a choice. We tend to be lazy and are often not willing to change something even if we are not happy. Love and grattitude are powerful 🌤️💕 Wish you all the best
@@schroederluck7984 Exactly. The love is still there, but physical attraction is a real struggle.
@@schroederluck7984 MFT for couples therapy is an option.
My Love and I do the exact thing and have the exact attitude as she says. I feel so good that we follow unconsciously those best practices.
That's great to hear!
Want to live the dreams, Mr Pool
The planning part is easy. Every morning before breakfast. Every evening before sleep, and random times during the day.
This person is unemployed
@@nnkaz1k856 not sure who you're talking about. I'm overly employed. I have a produce business. I grow produce and make canned goods and sell at the local farmers market. Also have a small herd of cows. An elderly mom and a sick wife that I try to take care of. I no longer get to do what I really enjoy. I would make time for that if it was available, just like I used to.
I approve of that plan. 🙂
In my experience, the challenge has been finding a suitable intimate partner who is also interested in making love at least twice a day. And I’m not saying that to throw shade at anyone. From what I’ve observed, most folks don’t have that level of drive.
U have so much stamina bro , can you share some of 💡 idea@@1964JEDAGI
solo or with a partner?
So true, in a real relationship it’s all about being intentional and honest…
YES RUTH. THATS MY FRIEND 😭😭 being the intelligent legend that she is 💜💜💜
follow her, BOOK HER COURSE. You will never find a safer space discussing these topics than you will with Ruth
Brilliant talk! So beneficial to be able to communicate openly and overcome the shame.
thank you! So glad to hear you enjoyed it.
Never had it, and now I'm too old, I guess you don't miss what you never had. Not upset about it,I've always just accepted it
How old are you?
@@minni1094 63 in a few months
@@Pault3788 It's never too late!
@victoriajones8974 prostate issues,and pelvic floor disfunction prevent it
Try prostate massage?
Ironically, I have been practising solo so much that I got tennis elbow
😂 so funny..hope ypu find a tennis partner soon!
Failure is part of the learning process.
Especially joking about it aftwerwards.
How can you figure out what works, without knowing what does not work ?
The funniest in jokes with us are the failures. They can really get us laughing.
Good analogy Ruth, even experienced couples can get better with a little good coaching.
Tennis is also a lot of fun when playing doubles... Filming your matches is also nice, as you can learn by reviewing the recordings. It's also fun to watch other people play tennis.
You like to watch 2 men play tennis...
@@ketahoer23 Love All
Totally inspirational talk from an very inspirational woman. Amazing stuff Ruth ❤
Nice pic I bet you keep your men happy
Such an excellent reframing! Thank you. I was nearly there, as are many of the people I know, but mostly by happenstance - and you just delivered the recipe. I think a bit of scheduling and calling for some training sessions for the upcoming season would be cause for laughs - important! - and simply quite a lot of joy in these parts. I don't think it was mentioned in your talk but there is something powerful in converting expectation (with all the fraughts and perils) into anticipation and excitement (let's see what happens Tuesday).
@Relicarious yes! I love that - converting expectation into anticipation. There were hundreds... thousands... more things I'd have loved to say in the talk, but I only had six minutes. Next time! So glad you enjoyed it, thank you for sharing your thoughts.
@@ruthramsay_ I bet there was! And that conversion speaks to a lot of things also from the wisdom of Emily Nagoski - I assume you are familiar, if not, you will find something there with which I bet you will align very well - and for me is about moving out of the critical mindset and make space for creaticity and exploration. "Next time", you say - Yes! I will look forward to more of what you wish to share.
Thanks Ruth, well worded. It’s how I think about it, but didn’t have the words. This will help many❤
Sounds great ... assuming one has an appealing, compatible, willing partner. Too often, there's the rub [or lack of one].
You need to fix your health first, and workout regularly, eat healthy.
After you do all those things, come back here and listen to this, but you won’t gonna need it anymore
The Hobby analogy assumes that both partners have an interest in that Hobby. I married someone that later came out as asexual and can attest that this definitely is not always the case
Not everyone likes tennis either.
@@davidjennings2179 And?
@@thatoneguy1821 It doesn't assume both partners have an interest in the hobby, the video is just addressing the situation where they are both interested. The analogy still works if they aren't, it just assumes the connection is clear.
If someone doesn't like tennis no one is making them play (hopefully).
@thatoneguy1821 mismatched interest in 'the hobby' is the most common issue people are describing in the comments under my talk... I will be preparing a workshop or resource around this soon. Thank you for sharing your situation.
@@ruthramsay_ Interested to know if this workshop is called divorce and legal uncoupling
Tell it to the ladies Ruth, after they're married. Tell it twice to them Ruth, after they've been pregnant. And tell it many times to the ladies, after menopause.
I'm glad she mentioned "including solo."
Bravo! Positive, exceptional advice - I like that view! Thank you
"We just hope we'll spontaneously want it at the same time"
Wow hahaha this is exactly what my mom thought me when I was a teenager in the 2000’s. She thought me to see it as a hobby, like tennis! It was such a good lesson for me! ❤
That's amazing that your Mom described it this way!
It’s TAUGHT, not thought. Maybe she should have also taught you how to spell. 🤦♂️
@@RustyKnorrI tawt I taw a puddy tat
@@RustyKnorrbut she thought about that 😂
Sadly it takes two to make this happen as the one watching this is the only one who’s on board.
She did say, "Solo".
So true! Haha
It does. If your partner is checked out and that doesn’t chance, you can’t stay married to that person. And if you are dating, do not think of committing until you know you’re on the same page here.
Communication ,
Creativity,
Empathy
It's a hobby indeed. But when you are looking for a partner who is a good fit, finding out that you shre other hobbies is a lot more important than this one if you are looking for compatibility in those areas as well. But let's not forget that compatibility in this hobby is important as well for a relationship to last.
Thanks for the inspring moment. Oh, and: cool necklace of sorts, too. Somebody can be really proud of you.
@EricB256 thank you for sharing your thoughts and feedback. Yes compatibility across the board is so important!
That was SO eye opening and spot on ! Thank you 🙏
Ah, not a bad idea. Put it on the shelf with all the others that I'll never get around to doing. Hehe
As someone who paints abstract paintings by just splattering paint everywhere, as a hobby, I see this as an absolute win :-D
Amazingly well done Ruth, so proud of you!!!!
Nice pic
This very much assumes both partners have a vague interest in tennis or want to talk about tennis. Sometimes you just have to accept that whilst your partner may used to have enjoyed tennis, they now hate it.
The title is a a big exaggeration, but still she has some good points to look at.
@Szklana147 I'm glad you liked some of my points, I hope you enjoy putting them into practice 🙂
Onion news:
UA-cam video in misleading title shocker!
Amazingly conveyed❤❤,
A hobby and a Sport to be enjoyed! No guilt, no shame!
STD's are free.
Interesting approach! We decided to take a hobby and never came back to sexe! Both our quality of lifes actually greatly improved in doing it. Yes indeed hobbies are great things to do.
Please tell...what hobbies?
What hobby?
Hobby: side chick, 😂😂
In the 70s everyone played on a grass court but you only find hard courts these days.
Grass courts like in Wimbledon? I never played on grass before. My neighborhood only has hard courts.
😂
I would be concerned with clay courts... hshaha
When you play tennis with different partners, you also seemed to play the game better and enjoy it more
Very well explained and informative accurate video. Thank you for sharing
I am glad you found it useful, thank you for your feedback 🙂
This was great. Good stuff. I need to listen again so I can get better at tennis.
I really want ponroticacom hotsexmovies
This is my iñtrest request
I tried treating it like a hobby. Now I am banned from both Michaels and Hobby Lobby!
Brilliant Ruth- a really important message. Thank you x
This... seriously helped me. I wanna be more active with my wife
Ruth this is so amazing!!! You spoke so well x
Thank you Louise 🙂
We don't educate ourselves... correct 💯...
leave WE out of this discussion, i choose to look at similarities instead comparing...point finger at myself ,not at you....
Foi com esse vídeo que eu comecei a praticar tênis, mudou minha vida
It’s been 18 years for I have trauma and women now days do not feel safe with the heart
Nothing short of genius. Thanks for the knowledge.
@huub245 so happy it landed so well for you. Enjoy putting it into practice!
Looking at Ruth’s collar 👀🧐
I now disbelieve anyone who says “Science tells us” without providing the name of a study supporting the statement.
I had to submit links to the science studies to TED head office before they would approve this talk - they do double-check everything!
As you should.
probably the best tedx i've ever seen
I've always have done what she said and even treated it like a creative art form. I guess as a musician taking any subject, activity, sport whatever it's just seams so simple to just try and get creative in whatever you do and the most important part is have fun with it. I've don't that with many things I won't go into.
But lol the hard part is finding a partner or people on the same page. Because with women one day they are on the same page and then down the rd, whoa, a totally different person and not into it with the same passion.
Yeah I know we all get old and change but as the saying goes it take *two* to tango, and because of that reason what I have created solo wise is just well super epic!
I always look forward to tomorrow - solo wise, so if a partner or my partner is not into it who cares! Solo will `always come first, the rest will just be a bonus, because I can always count on me lol being there... Peace
We have a master debater here.
with you on that my friend. this message is really to women. men already get it. sadly and generally it falls on deaf ears. good thing that we can entertain ourselves no matter what 😎
@@mobilemcsmarty1466 Agreed!
This makes the movie Challengers make even more sense! 🎾💜🎾💜🎾
I did treat it like a hobby. Like building them model airplanes. I went with one model after another.
Somehow, my wife didn’t like it.
Having kids can really get in the way of a tennis game, too.
Too many people in here focusing on the metaphor and not the message.
EXACTLY!
My tennis racket is broken. It costs a lot of money for all the latest gear. Your only as good as your tools I understand. 😢
@@gregpendrey6711 the most valuable tool of all is your mind... 😉
@@cindyborcherding8927 @josephballard1 thank you... but so long as people are talking, that's the most important thing! The message will be seeping in slowly (and the algorithm will be taking the talk to more people!).
I’m always saying that a 2-handed backhand is the way to go
Totally makes sense, thanks for revamping.
I love the analogy and the reframe…completely agree with you. But what if you have a spouse who does not believe in hobbies…literally. Doesn’t see the point.
Absolutely love this reframe! Thank you for the valuable and inclusive work you do.
Unless they’re an Olympic pro
Great presentation!
This was very helpful. I’ve been married 32 years. So what ever to help me and my wife
Glad to hear it was helpfu!
must watch for everyone
Sounds good, but now what to do when one person want to play tennis and the other never wants to play tennis anymore.
I definitely recommend bringing your tennis partner to a different court every week. Playing the same game on different grounds is very exciting. Check its safe to play ball beforehand.
play with professionals.
Awesome analogy and talk thank you Ruth 😀
Happy you enjoyed it. Hope you have fun putting it into practice!
Interesting and inspiring approach❣
Thank you Ramsay for your epic bliss story.
I'm an intermediate English learner. I've first heard most comprehensible talk in TED talk.
I would like to make this video my textbook. But when I'd encounter that 3 letters, my solo violent activity would come not to be stopped even if I'd grit my teeth. I hope these three letter would be changed into 'it' or 'debate' or better stuff.
What about if your partner never ever wants to play tennis again? Would you find a new tennis partner?
Play Chess And you can play tennis with others
Explain to her that you WILL be playing tennis. You’d love her to be your partner but if she’s not going to play then you’ll find a new partner
@@tylerdurden5122easy to say when you don’t have children and a family to break up.
Thanks for enlightening us with your insights
It’s ironic, I told my wife you can’t get better with out practice. Then I told her, just because you’re good at wall ball, doesn’t mean you’re good at tennis. I can’t approach this like a hobby, as my wife doesn’t like/enjoy/or even want to be involved in my hobby’s. I guess I’m just screwed no matter what I do….
Approach it in a way she might find interesting. My wife is bored to tears listening to me talk about politics, so I have to reframe it in the context of something she does care about. It's you and her vs the problem, not you vs her.
@@JAndersonGhost0326 I haven’t thought about it like that. I may just try that approach. Thank you for the feedback.
find a lover lol
@@JAndersonGhost0326 this is such a great way of looking at it!
@@JAndersonGhost0326 love this, thank you for sharing!
Mixed doubles anyone?
What about if the other player doesn’t interested in sports at all 🤔
On that note, I'll start playing tune up matches with every good players i can find!!!
A good rally is always enjoyable
I've been practicing so much, I might turn pro
😂
Always important to practice the Drop Shot.
What does the “drop” shot mean?
@@nickgalvez4652 It's a tennis term. It means dink over the net.
Listen to Dr. Ruth
I always feel myself as Federer playing against Nadal because my wife is left handed.
Always has and is STILL my favorite hobby😉🔥💓