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Surviving a Friendship Break-Up: My 3 Truths After Getting Dumped
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- Опубліковано 10 жов 2018
- Do you feel disillusioned about friendship? Have you been hurt before and aren’t sure you want to trust again? Are you tempted to think that people who leave you feeling disappointed or hurt are bad people? The truth is that relationships can be full of disappointments and pain… but they are still worth it. In this honest video (the 1st of a 3-part series), Shasta Nelson, who typically teaches us how to make new friends or deepen existing friendships, shares with us the 3 Truths that guided her as she went through a recent break-up with a friend. Our goal when we’re hurting is to find the beliefs that will help us not only heal and recover, but also come through these painful times with more hope, joy, and love. May this video offer you some wisdom if you’re in the midst of some friendships that hurt.
For more on why it’s important to practice personal growth in the midst of disappointing friendships and how to best respond to such things as jealousy, judgment, and unhealthy friends, read section 3 of Shasta’s book Frientimacy: How to Deepen Friendships for Lifelong Health and Happiness.
Shasta Nelson, M.Div., speaks across the country for organizations and companies that want their people to develop better relationships and is a frequent contributor to the media appearing on TV shows such as Katie Couric and The Today Show, and in countless magazines and newspapers including The New York Times, Good Housekeeping, Health, and Forbes. She is also the author of two books: Frientimacy: How to Deepen Friendships for Lifelong Health and Happiness and Friendships Don’t Just Happen! The Guide to Creating a Meaningful Circle of GirlFriends and is the Founder of GirlFriendCircles.com, her tribe of women committed to creating more friendship in this world.
The worst is when you part ways with a friend and it really hurts you, but you see they are going on like they don't even care one way or the other.. it makes you realize they never cared in the first place.
The whole point is that it mattered. Even though it ended badly, that friendship mattered. You grew as a person through that relationship. Even though it ended badly. You have to hold on to the growth you made and the lessons you learned during that friendship. And take those lessons into the next friendship. I just got friend dumped for seemingly no reason and it makes me want to succumb to the darkness. But I won’t. Because I’ve grown, and I’m stronger than I used to be.
Don’t look at it. What helped me is to completely delete the contact info from my phone and delete her/unfollow her on all social media.
@@ghostie7790 i did it for one yr... i don't know y the hell she pops out of my head ...no idea ..
I hear you. It's really tough because you feel betrayed because you cared so much and see the opposite from their side. I hope whatever message you get that you see how caring you are and I know it's easy to assume they didn't because of their actions. We do need people who care in the world, and what a great way to find out your one of them.
I’m in the middle of a friendship break up right now. I was closer to her than I am to my own family. It just sucks when you really trust someone and you trust very few people. We were so so close and it was her decision to “break up”, not mine. It just hurts so bad. The years and years of friendship and you don’t even know what happened. She feels like a different person. 🙁
I going through the same. I think i expected so much from her..we are all human.
@Sachi Tayade ikr it hurts and their bitchy behavior towards you hurts the most.. Idk what to do. Just can't wait for the college to be over soon
@@ivakrizic7621 stay strong... That's life😞 I've learnt one thing during this whole time. And that is that not everyone has a heart like yours... Why do bad things happeb to good people-friends reference 😂never related to it more till now...
I know it sucks when you're in this position.. . Just have a week of college left. And then i hooe it'll not hurt as much as it does now...
@@ivakrizic7621 my GOD i had the same experience. It's so weird right. Like if you were in their position you would overlook the misunderstanding and be there for your "friend". I had my best friend for 4 years this this exact same thing like your friend and better yet my childhood bestie also backstabed me... It hurts like hellll and i tend to overthink alot so it's worse for me. I know exactly what you are going through. I feel you sister
Lacey Jackson same I saw a complete other side of my best friend since 2nd grade 😔
I never thought I’d ever search “how to break up with your best friend”, I’m crying while watching this.
Same
I feel you :(
It’s tough 🙁
This is exactly how I feel right now. 😢
I did I cried it hurts
So i sorta cried the whole video on my bathroom floor-
Danika im bawling& snotting up my freshly made bed linens. Wa, this sucks, i feel like a total joke to her.
Linda Clark lmao stay strong mans 😂💗💗
Plz help me...
Kim Garcia whats wrong? :(
Me too. Tears and vomit...
My friends left me. I dealt with depression and anxiety and the feeling of being left out.
It hurts that going through mental health some people abandon you and neevr give you a second chance
I feel you. 14 years....just stopped talking to me and I'm going through mental issues too. I do appreciate her and thank her for her support. I must be too much to bear and be around with :(
Me too. And it sucks bc going through depression and anxiety is when you need them the most
The same happened to me. I am having health and emotional problems, i was a bit too much for them. One friend said all the ugly things to me and left the group. But she said so much i did not expect and i did not even think she thinks so much ugly stuff about me😒
"Deep hurt cause it was deep love" that hit home
All endings are for the best. Everyone should be who they are and accepted for it. Those we are no longer compatible with should leave. No reason to feel bad. Just accept you're not compatible. You should not have to change for them and they should not have to change for you.
This makes so much sense. The fairytale of theres always that one person that will never fail you or hurt you os galse. True frienship survives failures and use them to makebrhe frienship stronger.
I feel bad because I've been trying to make my childhood friend break up with me so she'll think it was her idea. She's been through a lot but she is not a trustworthy person anymore, she's made a lot of poor choices and nobody wants anything to do with her anymore, even her own children. I did dump her 5 years ago and during that time, I grew a lot and developed skills that I get paid for now, photography and photo editing. I've started two businesses. I think that she views our friendship as having the same dynamic as when we were young but I've changed so much since then and she hasn't changed at all. She's very immature, tacky and it gets so much worse than that. I suspected because of something her son said when we were in the car at her Dad's funeral that she might have a substance abuse problem. Well a week ago, she admitted to me that she took 2 Xanax and slept all day. I know she's been through a lot but most women our age have been through a lot (loss of our parents, divorce etc.). I actually think I'm starting to see her true motives for wanting to be friends with me. She needed a place to stay after her home burnt down. She begrudgingly went to live with her adult daughter and grandson who live in a tiny little town out in the middle of nowhere. She thought I would let her live with me and knowing that she has abused drugs etc. is unemployed and on disability does not make her someone I would want for a roomate. Also, it's not even an option because I live with my Father who I'm a caregiver for since my Mom died. I do not trust her and haven't for a long time. Right now I've just practiced distancing emotionally from her and have kept things light and not personal when she reaches out to me. My daughter said I need to drop her and I totally agree. My daughter said she's manipulating you because she knows you're nice and kind hearted and she knows that you have a soft spot for your childhood friendship. But now she has been sending me messages on messenger again, I don't know if its a group message or what, maybe not just specifically for me. But I've ignored them so far. I really don't want her in my life anymore and I think she's exactly where she needs to be, helping her daughter take care of her son. I mean she has no intentions of trying to become employed again. I wouldn't hire her for my company, I don't trust her. She's already been acting out on my Facebook post. She tried to humiliate me in a comment on my Facebook post. I didn't say anything to her, I just deleted the whole post. I just wish she would unfriend me on Facebook, but she won't because she wants to see what I'm doing out of curiosity. Our lives took different directions and it's not the past. I think for now, I'll just exclude her from my Facebook posts on the privacy settings.
Ty
@@RPMcM09 Better to be a robot than to be stupid.
Thank you for this
It takes alot of maturity to think this way. It makes so much sense. I just experienced a breakup with a best friend of 20 years. Once We moved in together it all went sour. She was upset at me for things I had no idea bothered her. Then she made a choice without onsulting me as a rommate and expected me to just accept it. When I brought up my opinion evergthing just came out of how unhappy we were living together. I thought we made up and then the next day she started to treat me different. I felt so unwelcomed I picked my things up and moved out. We are both to blame yet I dont want to live in a place I dont feel welcomed. I go back and forth in my emotions and cry alot. This was the LAST person I expected this to happen with. I know I will heal and thanks for this video.
I just experienced the same last friday.. it hurts but i guess things happen for a reason. I moved out of the room as well, may be unfair, but i rather not have someone doing passive aggresive things to me..
I had a friend (who dumped me) who never told me when I did or said something she didn’t like. I thought we were close. that taught me - telling a friend how you feel is a type of investing - & if she isn’t doing the same in return, you’re over-investing which means the friendship will mean a lot to you, but might just be a convenience for her.
can relate
I needed this today so badly. It's been almost 3 months since my friendship breakup and the pain worsens every day.
chabash- Journey of a Shattered Heart Made Whole same here. 4 months 😭
@@z.kuwait5277 I'm so sorry to hear. Friendship breakups are so painful. I am finally getting to a point where I can get through the day without crying but I miss my buddy. May you find some peace and healing from the loss.
Your friendship is broken by your friend. Our you itself. Do u stop talking with your ego or your friend is not interested in talking. If it is second one then really sad for it. If it is your ego, try to talk with your friend
@@gathramajantha2594 The dynamics of my friendship breakup were complicated. Our friendship was not balanced in a healthy way. I tried talking things out but my friend was hurt by my pattern of behavior and unwilling to talk for over a year. Both of us had to find healing with God during that time apart. It hurt to lose a frienship that meant so much to me and my heart literally hurt from the pain. Thankfully God eventually restored my broken friendship and now the two of us have a much healthier friendship made stronger and more balanced from the trial. I wouldn't wish the pain of the time of loss on anyone but I am thankful for the growth the experience gave me inside.
I had a best friend break up this year after seven years of very intense closeness. I feel like I piece of me has changed. I have to heal and accept. It’s going to be ok.
This is happening to me now. 7 years wasted :(
I agree with taking ownership for mistakes but I disagree with trying to guess where you went wrong like saying “maybe she didn’t feel loved by me in this way” “maybe I can improve in other relationships” thats just a guess. If a person doesn’t communicate to you how you are going wrong then how can you possibly improve. This is the problem I have. People go through a friendship pretending all is good and well then “break up” with you over one mistake but actually it’s because they’ve taken issues over several things they just haven’t told you. I’m not about to start guessing what I’m doing wrong. If I knew it was wrong I wouldn’t do it! Just tell me where I’m going wrong and I’ll try to improve 😊 don’t wait till it gets to breaking point then leave!
I agree! I feel like sometimes I take on the blame when I didn't do anything. People projects their deep rooted issues onto others. They don't communicate this because they know its not about you.
Exactly. The same as my situation right now 😪💭
Exactly what just happened to me.
exactly my situation
my situation! shame that they just blocked me but i decided to leave them as well. i overthinked about my faults too
I wish I had watched this a year or two ago. A friendship I had died a slow, painful death and I handled it really badly, mainly because I didn't realise or understand what was happening until too late. I'm doing better, and I can feel grateful now for this friendship, but I still feel the pain, and these videos help a lot. They make me feel cared for. Thank you so much.
Ι wish i had watched the videos two years ago
I’m in a friendship breakup right now we were bffs for 7 years
i hope you’re doing better
We were bffs for 5 years..I feel you.
7 years. I feel ya. I felt she had lost interest in our friendship and it became superficial for the sake of "comfort".. or who knows. I broke it off. I hate fake.
Are you ok now?
" I can be a really really good person and still mess up... I can be loving and still fail people!"
That really hits home... I am so glad I heard it and will never forget it..
Thank you for these videos and for sharing 😔
My friend pushed me to my absolute limit by cancelling plans, not supporting me, breaking the girl code. I snapped eventually because I felt so unloved, and she dumped me and took all our mutual friends with her, now I have no one. I know I hurt her in the past and I did my best to try and fix these but I never thought she'd dig the knife in that deep and leave me with no one. It's only been a few days and I feel so much pain, some of the last words she said still play in my mind and hurt just as much as they did the first time. I hope this pain ends soon. Thanks for the video, I will continue to watch the rest of the series in the hope it helps
I JUST LOST MY BEST FRIEND SHE EVEN BLOCKED ME I AM BALLING MY EYES OUT!! 😰😫😭💔 I FEEL LIKE NOBODY EVEN CARES
I don't know you but I do know that people care about you. I know what u r going through you are not alone ❤
:(
Ι feel u
You’ll be ok, you’ll find peace.
Thanks for the video. Sometimes we have to embrace the loss of an old friend, rather than dwelling on the reasons.
This is the exact same situation I’m in rn! Down to the “I messed up in saying something that was taken out of context and I feel like I failed as a friend.” I always hear from the end of the friend who was hurt, but never from the one who messed up. The way he handled it wasn’t mature either, but I have to forgive and be grateful for what we had. It still hurts but this video was exactly what I needed.
Thank you!!!
3:20 1. Relationships hurt. They're also amazing.
6:33 2. I messed up, and I am not a bad person.
9:33 3. She's messed up, and she is not a bad person.
i had a friendship drift away and i dealt with it so badly. i wish i could go back and just get the nerve to actually change something and restore the friendhsip right there and then instead of going through all the pain i went through. let me tell u its so hard and maybe i was just to dependent so it affected me really badly but moral of the story is that right now me and my best friend are back and stronger than ever. keep going, dont give up
Recently my coworker friend seemed to no longer want to continue our friendship. She's in her 20s I'm in my 50s. She started working with us as a temp and got hired full time. She would search me out and ask me out to lunch and invite me to her house. Our kids would play together. We would spend a lot of time together at work and share our personal struggles. This year we had both been really busy and did not spend a lot of time together and then I noticed she started avoiding me. No longer inviting me to lunch and saying she had to go when I tried chatting with her. Anyhow I chose not to look into it as I could not think on ONE single thing that I did wrong as we never argued or disrespected each other in any way. I felt that I was ok with just being friendly coworkers and not really friends. I always wondered why she wanted to befriend so much older. Any how I wish her and her family the very best. I'm cutting my losses and respecting her decision. I dont want to feel like a victim I dont want to waste my time like that. I see her and greet her and am genuinely happy when I see her. This is the new norm for us. It happens.
You are so aware and so onto it that let's face it, you weren't the problem in the scenario you're talking about. Often only one person is owning the feelings and the other is avoiding it, being emotionally abusive in it (ignoring is a form of emotional abuse), continuing addictions even socially acceptable drinking habits to ignore the situation, avoiding taking responsibility, insisting on blame towards you. As an empath, this energetically looks dark and foggy to me. To keep the emotional body clear from hate, drama and substance abuse is one way to help in the heart ache of cutting cords, which as you say is a process of loss. Gratitude for what was and acknowledge that the loss feels sad. Yes you're 100% correct X
I recently am experiencing a friendship breakup myself after 5+ years. In the early years, we talked, hung out a lot and years later after they started a family, the friendship gradually waned and I was the one doing most of the work. One-sided relationships sucks and let me be honest with you all, it's painful
Thank you for this video. I am experiencing a similar situation. I was having a hard time to let go reviewing what happened, it was just unfortunate. We are both good people and it is ok to end now.
4:50 "Deep pain because there was deep love". Very helpful video! Been almost 2 years and still hurts. The love does not go away. Sending best wishes
I just got friend dumped by my Bestfreind (edit: it’s been 2 months and I still think about her I really miss her)
Victoria Akomolede I know 😩 I don’t miss her any more
Victoria Akomolede thank you for the advice I’ll always remember this 🖤
Does this mean that there is a slot open to be Shasta’s friend??? 😂😀🙌👋
Heather Berry haha!! Awwww you’re so sweet.... and yes, let’s definitely be friends!!! ❤️
Great response!!! Lol!! I’m thankful her friend broke up otherwise, we wouldn’t be learning this great information! It’s actually helping me in my recent breakup! He was a great person & I broke up with him.
Since perfect ppl don’t exist neither will perfect relationships.
I loved this perspective and appreciate that you took the time to process and came back with insight, Grace, and lightness. It takes a lot of maturity to let something go, to accept the pain and the negativity without self-hatred, and to wish people who have hurt you the best regardless of what happened between you two.
Great timing in finding this .... I have a friend that just Got Dumped .... and I was struggling with how to support her. I will share this video. When relationships change for me, I trust that the Universe is supporting my BROADER INTENTION.
Love this! It's the big, cozy chair discussions! Love your videos - they are like chatting with a friend, sharing lessons learned and feeling seen. Really appreciate all you share!
Your positive energy just saved me from the pain of losing my best friend. Thank you so much, it was very helpful
I was sobbing the whole time while watching this video😭
3 of my friends in the same friend group told me I was being so toxic to them and I didn’t even realize. They all told me at the same time they didn’t want to be friends anymore. I’m really struggling I feel so bad that I hurt them without realizing and being careless.
Thanks Shasta. Found this video very useful - with some great ways to move through a friendship break-up. Helped me step back from a difficult situation with new insights and compassion for myself and my friend.
Thank you so much for this video, I will always love my best friend and am so grateful for knowing him, it is a deep grief and loss not to know that beautiful bond, where we have the deepest trust, love and vulnerability. This resonates with how I have been healing. Looking within, growing, supporting and loving kindness.
Your videos are so healing! We all go through this and it's so much like a teenage high school boy breakup. So confusing but okay, it's life. Please never stop making videos. I love your realness.
Thank you for this. It has really helped with me thoughts feelings and emotions. I’m still confused as to what happened in the end but I have full gratitude for what I gained out of the friendship. I want nothing but the best for her and she will still be my friends at heart. I hope we get to meet again one day in the future and we are both at peace with one another. For now though i am grateful and will get through the grief with your advice xx
I just ended a friendship. I did communicate with her to no avail. Thank you, Shasta for helping me look at this from all sides. I never want to hurt anyone so my temptation was to contact her again and explain myself yet another time. I’m always to blame in her eyes, so this attempt would be to make her see it my way. I no longer feel that need thanks to your video.
Thank you so much this series came at the time I really needed it and your words have been so comforting ❤️
This is an excellent video!! Full of depth and truth and very comforting!!
This was SO good! Love every bit of it! Thank you for sharing!!!
Friendship expert?!?! What a great concept. Ms. Shasta shares some great wisdom born out of the reality of her life experiences. Thank you for this channel.
Thank you for sharing! I recently wanted to open up to a friend and work on our friendship, but unfortunately I never had a chance to express those things as the conversation to meet up blew up in my face. It wasn’t clear but I think the friendship is now over but I feel like I didn’t get closure and it feels like I wasn’t worth being heard. If anyone feels agitated like I did, I recommend saying everything you wanted to say in a mirror as if you were speaking to them and as Shasta mentioned praying for the best for them and for them to heal too. You’ll feel a little lighter and less hurt it’s still a journey 😊 go easy on yourself x
Just found your channel and I think it’s amazing ! We definitely need more videos like these you make . I’ve learned a lot about friendships this year. I also learned the more self aware and growth helps but it also hurts in friendships. I see now the more perfect I try to become in mental health people dislike me more . I also found that most friendship issues are fear of intimacy = sabotage jealousy, and control and manipulation overt and covert. But I see real love is what really holds a friendship and most people fail by loving people the way they want to be loved. Most friendships are missing humility you have to let people be right even when they are dead wrong. Feelings will always override logic
I was friendship dumped today, tears in my eyes, I feel so broken.....
I hope you've healed. You are loved, wanted, cared for more than you'll realize. 💞💞
It hurts. But life is just a bunch of lessons to learn from. Sometimes god brings us friends at a certain time in our life. And then we have to move on from that cycle in our life.
This is brilliant. Thank you for sharing it ❤
Shasta, I just "broke up" with my friend of over 5 years about 2 weeks ago. I think you made the best videos on the topic on UA-cam.
Great content!
The fact that she chose a person that we hated together and just became the kind of person that she hated the most. 😞
Shasta, thank you so much for making these videos. I've watched these a lot over the past year when I had nowhere to turn after losing close relationships and ending up in recovery to sort myself out. I was initially convinced I was a terrible person undeserving of love and friendship for mistakes I've made. Your insight helped me get through some of the worst losses I've experienced, and your wisdom and vulnerability really helped me process, rebuild my life and work on forgiving myself.
Dr Steve can actually help you attract someone you really love the most and want in your life. He once helped me and can help you too. Believe me I'm not bragging or trying to make unnecessary comment here, this was what really happened to me. he helped me attract (Jeremy) the guy I love and wanted in my life the most 💞💞☺️☺️💞💞
What sApp him
+2347030894892🙏🏾 🙏🏾
Hi, thank you so much for making the series. I am about to watch all of them right now.
I am not being able to grief being dumped by a friend and I be been looking to find more about.
I am filled with emotions of shame, guilt, anger, loss of hope... Lost of self-esteem.
I just wish I could have heard you when you were also dealing with your feelings... I just needed to meet someone at the same stage...
Very meaningful video Shasta, really, thanks a lot
Thank you so much for this video, I really needed this!
This helped me sooo much and i wanna say thank you🙏❤️
Thank you for the video. I want to be better during this time and be the best version of myself so that I never hurt her ever again if she opens up to me again.
I’m in the middle of losing someone I thought would be in my life forever. Her mother told me to leave her alone and so I have but I miss her more and more everyday. I trusted her so much and she was one of the only reasons I didn’t remove myself from the world month ago. Now that she’s gone I have no idea what to do with my life
I just want to take the time to say thank you. This is currently getting me through a lot of tear filled and sleepless nights. I hope to get out of this as poised and wise as you are right now. Thank you ❤️
I agree with all three truths you were stating. It’s how I went through my own friendship breakup as well.
finally someone saying what resonates in my mind
you are amazing! thank you 💗💗
this is soo helpful. thank you.
Thank you So So much, Shasta for using my idea of making this video about friend breakups! I think I remember you said you were going to use that topic after I contacted you about it, and in general I feel, a million times! You are a very caring person to help every woman out there who needs knowledge about friendships,, ( I keep all your videos ).. How did you become so knowledgeable? I know what you said about the 3 truths in friendship breakups, is the right thing to adhere to. , though I find it very hard to do so. , Guess I have to work on applying them as much as I can.! I find you are the number one speaker on friendship issues.., and I believe that that is the truth for me ! - Rosanna
Thank you Shasta
I’ve had so many problems with relationships my whole life and I’m happy to hear these words
Dr Steve can actually help you attract someone you really love the most and want in your life. He once helped me and can help you too. Believe me I'm not bragging or trying to make unnecessary comment here, this was what really happened to me. he helped me attract (Jeremy) the guy I love and wanted in my life the most 💞💞☺️☺️💞💞
What sApp him
+2347030894892🙏🏾 🙏🏾
Good morning and let me say I’m sorry for your loss. I understand firsthand the pain associated with that type of loss. Regarding your responsibility- My understanding of communication is that your total responsibility is your intent. Whatever you said, I’m going to assume your comment did not have a mal- intent. The fact that it was misinterpreted was less your issue and more her issue. Her responsibility was to communicate what she thought she heard so the miscommunication could be rectified (or verified). You did what you were supposed to do in that relationship. You communicated your thoughts and again I assume your comment Had good intentions behind it. Your friend, I guess like all of us, is somewhat damaged. Her refusal to let you know what the problem was did not allow your explanation of the miscommunication and try to rebuild. This says a lot more about her than it does about you. She can still be a nice person, but it’s obvious that whatever is going on in her life right now, or whoever she is that you didn’t see all those years, makes her not a good fit for you. It’s a hard and painful perspective to grow into but it’s a healthy one for you. Maybe you won’t say to someone else what you said to her, understanding it’s ramifications, but you can’t walk on eggshells with people and you wouldn’t want to be in a friendship with somebody who required you to walk on eggshells. Bottom line, your intent had good intentions, or at least not bad intentions, and she used her misinterpretation to end the friendship that probably wasn’t working for her. And she never communicated, the issues in the past that was causing distance between you and her. Ultimately you outgrew that relationship. You wish them well and you say goodbye. None of this minimizes the pain of losing someone that you love, but it takes a tremendous amount of onous off of you, having something wrong with you. It’s all about your intent at least that’s my perspective. You’re fully entitled to agree with it and I would respect that as well.
Thanks you for this, I am not even sure if I am loosing a friend. But I m hurt because I think she doesn’t want me to be her friend anymore but she doesn’t say anything. The worst thing is she’s now closer to a person who is someone that I told her about that hurt my feelings for accusing me of something I didn’t do. She will say to me sometimes but we’re not close as use to be. It hurts but I am afraid to ask her. What should I do?
Your videos are great ❤️
thank you for this :)
Thank you for sharing..I lost my best friend and don’t think I will ever be okay.
“They’re both true, there’s deep pain and that is because there was deep love, and I am so grateful for that”
4:50
Did not expect that my friend will badmouth me to the creep that took at as an enocuragement to harass, annoy and abuse me the whole weekend. Cant beleive that our friendship ended this way. Still miss the friendship, even though she would have never done it to me, if she cared, wouldn't she. She talks badly about me, and it hurts so much because I cared about her and had an expectation that she does too.
So what do I do now with all the pictures and videos of my ex best friend ? I’m going through the process right now. And not sure what to do
Shoot - I’ll be your friend. You seem like a really honest, authentic person. Wish you were my friend.
i needed this..
I finally dumped my best friend after 10 years. She was often flaky and it came to a point one day when an hour after our scheduled appointment, I called and said "Hey, I'm here at the restaurant. Where are you?", to which she responded, "Oh yeah, I'm not going. In a fight with my boyfriend." That wasn't even the final straw. I sympathized and moved on. After that, it happened a couple more times & I just blocked and deleted. I wanted to tell her about it, but when I brought it up in the past, she called me judgmental. So, I just left without saying a word. It is so hard to lose my one and only friend. I am in a new town, and have absolutely no friends. Just movies, books and my journal lol! I don't mind being the one initiating in a friendship, but the flakiness was just intolerable after a while.
rm513 how’d you cope with that? Give me some tips.. like are you still hurting ?
@@agumakec8034 I just remember that friendships don't last forever. We had a lot of good times & I'm grateful for that. Good memories.
I struggle with the "she's not a bad person" part. My friendship break up was similar to yours. I made unintentional mistakes here and there over the years (only some of which I was ever told about) which built up and up until she boiled over. But it wasn't just that she didn't talk to me about what was bothering her like an adult, but she was also trash talking me behind my back to all her friends, and also telling lies about me to them for months so they would start to hate me as much as possible.
Me and her friends were never super close, but I enjoyed spending time with them. And it was like a switch got flipped. One day, they are all acting like things are normal. Next day, they are saying none of them want anything to do with me and that my friend only put up with me for so many years because she's "too nice". Not to mention, this all happened basically immediately after I was no longer financially supporting her anymore. Basically confirming that she only pretended things were fine between us to keep getting my money for as long as possible.
So. Yeah, not seeing her as a bad person is such a struggle for me. And it's even harder to feel grateful for our friendship. It really feels like I wasted years of my life because of her...
Your a real one all respect
May I say that, you should not feel that you messed up. You are being yourself and if it hurts them, which is not your intention, and they took it the other way, you have to come to peace to accept it. I dont think you should be beating yourself up and saying that you messed up
While this is a positive attitude to have in the sense that you are looking into yourself, it is also true that some people are takers, and as much as we loved them, it takes a break up with a friend to realise that they were never really a friend but they had an agenda, to take what they could while they could. And there too, we learn. Especially when in the business of helping others it is easy to allow ourselves to let people in because we want to be "different" to what they've experienced before, believing them to possibly have been a victim. It takes the heartache of friendship breakup to realise that all the stories they spun quite possibly had two sides. I've made the mistake of taking into my friendship certain people who I helped with all that I am, who, having taken as much as I would give, realised that the pot was now empty. While I invested my love and time, they'd been secretly having a good laugh at the "idiot" that they had used until they couldn't any more. Now THAT hurts. Because you feel stupid, gullible, and yet you want to remain this kind hearted person Willing to invest in friendship. Personally, I won't easily trust again, ever, and it's been a while.
Literally going through this right now with a friend who was everything to me, always there for me and we just had to best time together but she’s said I got too intense after sending her some gifts to say thank you for something and I don’t know what’s happened, can you shed any light for me because I’m heartbroken 😢💔
Your videos are very good! 👍✌️
This video made such a difference for me in my healing process from an incredibly hard friend breakup a year ago. I truly can't thank you enough, Shasta. This is one of the most profound, insightful and healing pieces I have had the privilege of encountering.
People suck sometimes I had this best friend I though we had something real special shared alot of personal things and from one day to the other she just left for some random people she met online and it was like now i wasn't the best friend just another option never had time for me and always made excuses fuck... . It hurts alot made me feel useless, that no one likes me/cares it has been a couple of months now and it still hurts sometimes, I just hope anyone that goes through this, be strong you can overcome it ❤️❤️
Everything you’re saying a spot on. I’m wondering what happened in your story. 🤭
Thank you my childhood best friend choose her over me and he didn't know her for more then 2 mouths and I have known him for 10 years...
Thankyou so much
I lost a toxic buddy and was better off for it but it still felt awful.
Sorry for my english. I have a friend that offended me long time ago but he didn’t mean it I guess. I still have deep resentment and anger when I see him and he don’t know why I don’t want to talk to him. He tried to be nice to me make conversations but he NEVER asked me why I act like that and what he can do for it! I just need an apology!!! But he still act like he have done nothing wrong and that’s what’s makes me upset. Maybe after this words it would be easier to repair friendship we had..
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My god, it’s like you know me and my exact situation
We just say things that we wish we could take back, or not say those things at all. Knowing that she was in a relationship, i felt like i was in her way. But i felt like we would work out if we tried being more than friends, but she wouldn't because of our age gaps. So we stayed friends. But then i talked to her best friend and that was a big mistake. I messed up our friendship because i said things to her best friend that she was uncomfortable with. And i got to admit, it was a bad move on that part. And for that, she ended our 1 year friendship last night.
My bestfriend of 12 years left me behind after getting into a relationship i was to clingy and i had fucked it up its been 2 years since ive taled to him i really hope the situation that happened was for the best and not to just be a dilemma
So in my case, I think I didnt hurt my bestfriend... i just told him that I like him and then suddenly he said he wanted some space to process it because he was shocked about it and didnt expected it at all... and so I did gave him space...but until now he hasnt reached out to me yet.. maybe he just decided to end it already.. i dont know but it really hurts... and i dont wanna bother him anymore. Because i respect him so much that i wanted to give him the space he needed no matter how long it is... but i think it is also time to accept that the friendship is already ruined.. 😭 that’s why im here watching this video... to cope up from the pain.. 🥺
Yes, I messed up but still, it was uncalled for to block me on WhatsApp. And in the group, one other person also blocked me on WhatsApp. The other person, I would once in blue moon, and I mean that, would just leave a brief message "just checking in" The last message the second one mentioned how she was distressed about living in China and how she hates who she works with and hates her job. I responded, with empathy. She responded back at least she getting a holiday, and I reassured her that there are places to see, interesting places. Then....bam ....silence,......no returns and blocked me the same day the other friend did.
Why do I keep going back to toxic friendships? I constantly forgive my friends for there behaviour! And they then continue to take libertys! why cant my friends accept that I have boundaries? it always feels like it has to be all or nothing with my friends and I feel oppressed my needs aren't considered
Dr Steve can make your ex come back to you begging you for a second chance. He helped me restore back my broken relationship of 5 years by bringing back my ex Also Dr Steve always keep up with his words I strongly Advise you to seek help from him
What sApp him
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I have been going through this for years, and it has never gotten better,
It'll get better eventually, trust the process. Healing from it will be worth it.
Hugs to all
Did you ever try to reach out past her initial decline? And if so what happened and would you keep trying?
I pretty much got ghosted by someone who I thought was my friend for years 🙃
I could feel that the intimacy of our friendahip is alowly gone.. please help me to recover this situation. If anyone on this comment section read this.. please pray for me.. my heart if vulnerable .
I’ve just experienced a friendship break up