I have a question, what counts as a faux apology and would this be considered one? The person I received this from is capable of setting them but then she in heat of moments when it's not quite an argument but not quite a friendly conversation she would say I don't know how boundaries work I recently stopped talking to this person after like almost 4 years of a relationship and the last five months were extremely difficult and complicated for me to get through I was holding on to a lot of things that I felt I couldn't talk to her about to the point she started changing certain things I wrote and I didn't like it. But I held my peace until the very end and then I finally broke and exploded. Keep in mind throughout this entire time I've made my fair share of mistakes. I have apologized for them but I just want to know if this is one of those types of faux. Apologies
These traits fall more into Sociopath than Narcissist. I think narcissists became the new, cool, and hip catch all word and people threw Sociopath behavior into Narcissism. There is overlap, no doubt, but what you described is a Sociopath not a Narcissist.
What happens when you walk away from a narcissist in the middle of a conversation? My stepfather will go on about "woe is me" I stopped talking to him but my mother asked me to talk to him again because it bothers him.
❤ 2:14 an apology, thats total bullsh1t.maybe if i say sorry then ill be able to do like i want, everything that hurt you,whatever im so sorry for.....im just saying it....bc im still gonna do as i deem doable....holy balls this hurts soul deep...wheres a miracle when you need one?
I believe you. It's heartbreaking to bear until your close ones come with the events that they have silently witnessed throughout the entire marriage. Yes truth always prevails in the end. Be happy. Go out..meet with the one that God had planned for you.
Totally, Iam feeling that right now. There ist a small child in me, that Always thinks: " ...but what if Iam the problem, that Iam the abuser and she is the victim..."
If u r ever “worried” u may be a narc? Great news my friend ! U r 99% HIGHLY UNLIKELY 2b a narc. They r all sociopaths who lack empathy/compassion/ any “normal/good/thoughtful” thoughts /feelings/brains. They r actually brain damaged…science is proving this slowly but surely.❤🎉👍🥳🎉🥰they care zero about anything that involves “sleepless nights of worries”.Or about anyone or anything that involves u feeling genuine human concern/Shame/guilt,etc that might make u a threat to others (like ALL NARCS ARE!! )They r the worst dangerously destructive heartless monsters still, unfortunately, walking free among us, blending in with real actual human beings. But I’m the end, they are the most pathetic miserable empty self-hating/self-destructive parasitic human vampires who feed off the kindness/love/trust of their innocent kind overly trusting/forgiving/generous empath victims. Too bad❤❤
Seasoned divorce lawyer here. Great video! Get educated about narcissistic personality disorder. If you get a sense that you are dating a narcissist, RUN. DO NOT MARRY THEM. Stay safe out there and live your best life!
Unfortunately you don’t know what you don’t know until it’s too late on these narcs. They could even tell you they are a narc and you cannot imagine how bad it can really be. Let me assure you to RUN 🏃♀️ away from a narc
@@jaydixson1731 One should always have boundaries up which prevent anyone from staying in your life who doesn't deserve to STAY there. The very moment you find out you are with someone Who cannot treat you with decency, consideration & respect You need to shut the door immediately. Stop offering second chances and thinking someone will change. People are who they are. If you put that boundary up for anyone it should protect you from these types of manipulative people in the future.
@@jamieseiple This is spot on!!! I was so broken when I met my ex and all hell broke loose. Now that I am in a better space and dating I can spot a toxic individual by the first date/ conversation.
True but if done right, their anger is your friend because if your not there to be angry at. They will be angry and attack their friends and family and drive them away. Total isolation is perfect for them. LOL
Great mine skipped steps, went straight to hoovering, skipped to playing the victim, then made false accusations, tried to get my address out of my mom, Idk or care whether she’s making a smear campaign or not. I’ve cut all ties to people who still speak to her and grey rocked family members who are still in contact. The less people who have any connections, and news from me to be able to be shared to her I want it next to none.
Narcissistic show selves the first time we meet them. They will Literally tell u what they plan on doing to you with a story about some incident they heard about and in the End? They tried that incident/ Scenarios On you! They can’t help but blurt put what they intend to do and are capable of doing. F someone is talking to u and the scenarios they talk about are Abusive? Mean? Drama? Get away that person. Normal people don’t dwell on drama
Never heard my mother, once in her entire life, that I was around her (49 years) apologise for a single thing. I never shed a tear for her in my entire life, not even when she died, but, I do thank her for helping make me become who I am today. Strong, very self assured, an empath, totally independent and not a narcissist.
Exactly my same experience. They just pretend like I never happened and expect things to go back to normal after saying hurtful things. When caught, they just back down for that instance, never acknowledging what they did. I’ve stopped expecting apologies because expecting something that will never come eats away at my soul. I’m learning to accept them for what they are and my life has been getting better. I’m never going to let them take my energy away. So much for family, ugh. Soulless creatures.
“There is simply no winning with a narcissist. They will treat you so horribly, that you will become withdrawn and depressed, and then they will turn around, & say, ‘You’re no fun any more, you’re always so depressed. I need to be with someone more positive.’” - Susan Williams🙏
Evelina yes 100% true . But I disagree with this video I knew a narc who lost control of me and could care less if I die never spoke to me again in over a year . Anyway you have the same hair as the absolute girl of my dreams , Agnetha Faltskog , she is very famous do you know who she is ?
@@RickDanner Greetings Sorry to hear you went through so much hurt & upsetting experiences with this person :- Yes i've heard they do indeed, c@llously just disreg@rd,pure & simple :-No conscience these types 😔🍃🙏 But we must do everything we can to keep strong 💪 Fight back where necessry & clear our n@mes,where some have used sme@r c@mp@igns on us The professionl ones are the most vindictive bec@use they hold much power, hence can @buse it But a step @ time we must fight back God bless you Sincerely hope lifes treating you extremely kindly now Yes i know of the Abba Singer😇🙏, God bless you 👍🍃🙏 They were my dear Mum's very favourite pop group :-Especi@lly she loved "Dancing👑 Queen" 🎶 Take very good care of you 👍🍃🙏
OMG!!! I Just ended my relationship with a very frustrated, angry, and constant belittling narcissist who is Saying Those EXACT WORDS TO ME! As an Empath I Knew who he was. My Compassion wanted to believe he would make serious changes for the sake of love. But he’s too selfish and I have been hearing how he’s Trying his Hardest to get into counseling and get on bipolar meds. That was 2 Yrs. ago. So I walked away. He actually told me that I would Never find Anyone who would treat me better than Him. I explained that I already Have met actual Men who treated me better, and that if his idea of calling me horrible names and telling me he hates me is what He considers treating me good, then I wouldn’t want it.
@@tammyblount3910 Omg what's with you ladies out here in the world, all the dogs get the girls but the good guys get left on the shelf lol, but stay safe though, It'd do my head in being with some crackpot
Never fight with them! They are parasites that thrive on your pain. Nothing will ever be resolved and you will just be more upset. Smile at them until you can dump them hard and never look back.
I NEEDED TO HEAR THIS!!! Going through this and I'm so desperate to leave. Things are suddenly changing for me though and the changes are making it possible for me to see myself out
"it's because you have empathy and you care about that person, so take all the kindness and compassion that you have and direct it towards yourself, that is where it's needed right now" 😍 This is good and so healing ! Thank you so much for this video!
The smear from abusers is hard to deal with. The abusers are terrified that their abuse will be known by others, so they will tell blatant lies, and turn the littlest things around to try and prove their lies to others. The most heart breaking part is when kids are involved
You're 100 percent right👍👏🙏God bless you :-It's so upsetting how they can get away with so much:-trnishing our nmes, blackening our chrcters etc😔They must not be allowed to get away with it continuously It can take a while, for lies to be brought to light💡even following the nrcissist being exposed But we must not give up, & we must continue our fight for justice, one step @ time➕🕯️🕊️✨☘️🙏Ple@se don't give up
I ran into a guy I had not seen in 15 years after I divorced my ex and I just said I do not know if you heard but R and I are divorced now and he gave me a really odd look and said Oh I heard all about it. R came up to see us and told us everything. Well something in me snapped and I said You know what? Everhy thing he says about me is true. Lying cheating whore that's me. This guy busted out laughing and said You must be very busy if it is all true - I coud not figure out how you had time to work and here you are. Broke the ice and it made me feel very free.
Nice so...I guess because I went too deep...I'm the narcissistic one... deleted my post of how I'm worried about the future now she has what wants...rather than help just delete it thanks. Yes you right matey kids should always be priority
"...so take all that kindness and compassion that you have, and direct it towards yourself. This is where it's needed right now." This was a powerful part for me.
Towards the end of the marriage, my wife did some truly toxic and disrespectful things to me. When I confronted her on these behaviors, she simply replied "That just shows you where our relationship is right now". That moment instantly killed any love I had left for her.
Sorry to hear you lived something like that. I kinda feel like the men feel lonely on these situations because women are better at this narcissistic game but it's like society thinks men are the nercissists when usually it's the other way.
I did this with my neighbor; I ignored her presence; her words; as though she didnt exist; most of the time i avoid her at all cost because she is deeply manipulative and toxic...however; one time i ran into her on accident and i didnt acknowledge her at all; the next day she was screaming at me through my open window in my kitchen...she looked like she had been up all night stewing over it! So i confronted her and exposed her and rebuked her and described to her in detail her demonic manipulative narcissistic attitude...i called her out on everything i could remember and said; "this is why i avoid you like the plague; because you have the demonic plagues of egypt inside you!" she hasnt spoke to me ever since and has avoided me...
You're so right I tried to tell my friends that but they insist on arguing with them which is a waste of time that makes us still engaged in negative behavior Therefore having no time to move on to a positive space
The narcissistic that gave birth to me , stopped speaking to me when I put boundaries up. So hurtful. She's never apologized once my entire life. ❤️ to everyone going through the same hurt.
My heart knows that pain! My dad was a Narcissist. And during my worst years with him...I found a scripture in the bible that I never forgot it. It said, "Though your Mother and Father abandon you, I will NOT forget you! See, I have engraved your name upon the palms of my hands..." (my paraphrase.) It meant so much to me, that GOD never forgot me. And 40 years later I can say he never has....He knows our suffering dear-heart. You are precious in His sight. xoxo
You deserve to be cherished and loved for the kindness you show. May God bring Many Positive and Beautiful people your way. The company we choose can make us or try to break us. I have PTSD as a result of so much trauma from very toxic people who took my love for granted and took advantage of my kindness on some extreme levels. Have almost been Murdered by 1 X who took his life in my home. That was 15 years ago. I still have my moments of depression and anxiety. But I am doing things to help heal through it all. ❤️🙏❤️
@@tammyblount3910 God bless you 🙏You've been through so much Pr@ise God, you live to tell the tale plus inspire others & give them hope & courage👍💪 it isn't simple is it, the healing process i could really kick myself for not recognising God trying to mke me aware of danger, through myLovedOnes, i simply thought they were worrying too much&tht no one could possibly be so cruel's to do the things i ws being forewarned of but extremely sdly, myLovedOnes were right & nowbit's taking a long time to clear the dmge, hurt, upset c@used by the nrcissist & their flying Monkeys, sme@r c@mp@ign etc naivety can create so much trouble & problems for us but a day @ time, we must not give up we must keep taking the steps, little by little & fighting for justice Ple@se keep strong & motivted💪🕊️✌️🙏
That's what my life became. I am out of that unhealthy relationship and seeing comments like this gives me hope that I will heal from the emotional abuse I went through
I’ve been married to a narcissist wife for a year now and it has become overbearing. We have one child together and she doesn’t even have time for him. I couldn’t understand why until I started researching narcissism more. She has checked all the boxes and now I know why this whole relationship is going downhill. Thanks for the video and wish me luck.
Good luck! I hope you do whatever's best for you. I just broke up with my boyfriend who checked most of the boxes, accused me that I'm a narcissist and a manipulator too. Fun times.. The worst thing about them is how nice and sweet they are all the time until they show their true colors. Truly heartbreaking.
@@rhysmillet yeah... and they're extremely mad at you for ending things, more false accusations arrive. It's like they always seek for something that has never even been there, and it's just so disturbing to even aknowledge they actually mean everything they say. Why would anyone purposely offend and mentally harm the person they loved? Does he think I had it easy ending things with him?.. Really?
@@volpeverde6441 They are the victim when truth shows up 100 percent , or they'll say ... why didn't you tell me ? then I could have done this, or that, so it's still your fault !
@keelerhastings7109 my teenage kids used to have to come shopping with us in the 90's....because their mother would say something....then later say....'I NEVER said that/I can't remember....' etc.... always gaslighting....fucking insane.... she'd say....' I saw your aunty (NAME) last Tuesday....' I would say to my aunty in conversation.... 'Oh ....you saw my missus last Tuesday....' looking puzzled....my aunty would she that she HADN'T SEEN my missus for over a year.... I told my missus she'd lied to me....but she used to do this demented chuckle and say.... 'I tell you what you want to hear....' to start another argument.... she would FEED us ALL - WRONG INFORMATION all the time, tell all the kids and me something different to confuse us and get us against each other....
Yup, my son did exactly that. Had the fit of rage, turned everything, projected, onto me the usual scapegoat, then tried yo justify it with a list of grievances and then he and h8s flying monkey and fellow narc father went on the smear campaign. My son in law was the first to notice their abusive ways towards my daughter and I, he opened our eyes and is happy we are away from them now. We are so much more at peace. Now my son and ex go around and tell everyone we cut him off, and we were the problems. God help my daughter in law. They have her head so full of crap she has no idea what is true and real and what isn't.
Man you all this stuff is no joke. Thank you for this video. 6 months with a narcissist. Every literal thing you said hit hard ASF. Shit takes a toll on your health BIG time. If your in one of these dynamics leaves immediately, you cannot afford to stay. Your health, mind and finance's can't afford what it's doing to your state of being it's absolute abuse on all levels and A narcissist vibration and frequency is very low, so it's like half the time they're getting body snatched by a lower Force or energy and they don't even realize what they've even done when they snap back. It's like they don't even remember or they didn't even do it or you're crazy for even saying they did! I truly do believe narcissistic personality disorder is not only a mental illness but leads open door to demonic possession
Yea it is demonic possession, sometimes children can also pick shitty characters from parents but they don’t feel good what they do or how they conducted themselves (takes accountability) wer as a full on piece of shit of narc enjoys on how much they can get away with Miss conduct & that power & control they possess on people. My ex partner when he walks in the room the internet plays up, or my children will be stimming & self harming. I’d also feel tightness on my throat. After years of all sorts of abuse we got rid of him, my babies r at peace, my internet or my lights don’t flicker. We all sleep through out the night. And I look 10 years younger.
I had an extremely narcissistic ex that told people I beat her. Her own mother called me to tell me that she was spreading lies about me. Her story changed from "he gave me a black eye and bloody lip" to "he attacked me but I overpowered him before he could actually hurt me", because her mother pointed out that she saw her every day throughout our relationship and she never saw any black eyes or hurt lips. I'm a 6'4, 200 pound man and she was about half my size. Her own mother calling her out didn't stop her from calling my workplace and telling our bartender that I beat her. I was chased out of a job for that. It's been almost a year and that still messes with me
Mine tried to leave me and when I doubled down and kicked her out, she forced my hand to call the police on her, then SHE called my job and tried to tell my boss that I was a pedophile. He laughed right in her face and now she’s a literal joke at my workplace 😂
Been all the way through that cycle years ago. Just remember if things seem off or don't add up it's because they are and they don't. Good people make an effort to make you feel comfortable. If you ever find yourself researching strange behaviors on the internet, it's a sign that you should have left the relationship already and you are wasting your time on someone who doesn't deserve your conscientiousness and care.
After I left him for 1yr. He married some lady who had a house and money. She left him after 3 years of marriage and sends him only $100 monthly. He thought he was going to get her money. Haha he got his KARMA...
Yes the total disconnect also disconnect without giving them any information giving them information only gives them tools to come back at you stronger And they will keep you in their lives
@@kbernieshoWthat's my next step when you do not talk to them l think it's the best my husband is the biggest narcissist he is angry of my achievements and l am the higher earner in the house he has turned one my sons against me he goes to neighbours houses yet l do not he is very lazy and always ringing me on video calls if l am in work.The worst part the police take him from the house and release him again l am so fed up he is trying to destroy me drives my car and gets speed tickets l really want him gone.
So true. When I'm having a disagreement with my narc woman and I raise my voice very slightly, I'm accused of "screaming" at her. Then she goes and tells others how I'm always screaming at her. Narcissism is a mental illness.
I deal with the exact same thing. If my voice raises even slightly, and I have a very strong voice normally, I immediately get yelled at by my wife telling me to "stop screaming at her." It drives me up the wall.
Stay emotionally distant from narcissits!! Omygoooodness I'm learning so much! Ugh. I don't show her any emotion or attention. I didn't fight back. I completely ignore her and we live under the same roof. Very stressful!! 😱😱😱
I’m currently separated from my wife of 12 years for about a year now and I got full custody of our 7 year old son. Everything you mentioned in this video I went trough 100% one day I woke up, and I just realized that she would never change so I left. It was just exhausting to feel like I had to walk on eggshells the entire time I have one life to live, and I feel like I was wasting my time with the wrong person
I’ve a bought a nice new lifted truck and my ex-wife had a burst of anger and scratched my truck causing 4K in damages. After this things weren’t the same anymore I knew I was not going to get over it
@@jesssegovia1135 I get it, 100%. You're not alone! They know who to target! They're heartless, completely self absorbed, and it's not our job to fix them. Wishing you ❤ and healing
This video is gold. "Don't fight ... don't give it to them." Incredibly packed with wisdom and sounds like it's drawn from experience. Gold, I tells ya, gold!
Best thing to do is keep yourself occupied with hobbies or people or something you love. Your focus on that over time, will make you realize there is alot more to life than giving them energy.
The number one thing they will do is discard you. Once you treat them like they treated you, wow its all over. So if you want out, just do that. Ignore them, minimize them, put them down....it wont take much, they absolutely can't take that.
I'm so happy having my former partner back , after being separated for months . All thanks to Mr Ehijator whom help me to get back my ex again , I will suggest y'all to get help from him and it works within 48hours...My husband behaved strangely again and then they let me go, so I decided to go, and then I found a doctor on the internet, everything was explained and he helped me get my husband back with his powers in just 12 hours, and my husband came back and told the children about others. Also, if you have a problem,.
You don't even have to and shouldn't go down in the dirt to do the same to them. It's totally sufficient to get a "no bs attitude", just don't take any nagging or similar from them and give them the silent treatment, when they nag you. They absolutely can't take that.
100% correct about the reaction. They want the fight. They NEED the emotional reaction. They thrive on creating instability in those they control. Keep them weak. Undermine their self-confidence. And when that doesn’t work, they unsettle them with wild accusations and ridiculous provocations.
I used to make all my romantic relationship into a hell in my 20s. Then I met a boss who is more narcissistic than me in my late 20s, and finally understood how horrible I was for my girlfriends. And I can tell you that the only thing a weak, childish, narcissist man want is an attention. Don't give it to him.
@@GoogleUser-pc6tu semantics, all humans need attention, communion and friendship, otherwise your are literally only living for yourself which is the epitome of selfishness.
Bullies are people who have been bullied, and abusers are people who have been abused. Not all narcissists are bullies. Abusers and bullies can be narcissists but they can also be neurotypical healthy and secure, believe it or not. Bullying and abuse can be visibly horrific and psychotic, or it can be non-physical and passive, so much so that it goes unnoticed. Anybody could potentially be a bully or an abuser at some point in their life whether they are at the lighter end where they don’t even realise what they’re doing, or they’re Adolph Bloody Hitler. These are learnt behaviours and they’re not chronic conditions. Those bullies and abusers that aren’t affected by personality disorders are perfectly capable of reflection and atonement, and they can change. Any act of bullying or abuse from these people is indefensible, and a reflection of their current unhappy and weakened state. FYI they only abuse the people who allow it, with the exception of children and vulnerable people. It’s nobody’s job to teach them how to behave in civilised society, but we all have a responsibility to ourselves and need to do everything we can to recognise and stop any abusive treatment we receive as soon as possible. I don’t say this to victim blame, but experience has taught me time and time again that if someone attempts to abuse us then we have to act the first time. There will never be an easier time to confront the abuser and they are most likely to respond positively at the very start. Easier said than done though. Narcissism is a completely different thing altogether, and while it can show up in the form of abuse and bullying, there is no exclusive link between the personality disorder and abusers/bullies so it’s not wise to brand any old person a narcissist and doing so would seriously misrepresent the 1% of humans that are narcissistic and would dismiss whatever circumstances may exist around bullies and abusers and would hinder any resolution.
I'm glad others are receiving this information, but unfortunately most end up here after the fact. I wish I had it years ago & am still learning everyday. The red flags become easier to spot not just for those looking for potential loves interests, but with new friendships as well. A narcissist bestriend can do just as much damage to you as your loved one.
My ex bff was a covert narcissist and let me tell you I didn't even know she was for the longest time until I set a boundary, and then I immediately went to the devalue stage and discard stage. Best thing that ever happened to me!
@@mojadah10 YES! Your intuition is #1 when dealing with narcs. I literally felt a sharp shock when I went to hug her right before the discard. She was already planning on how she was going to discard me, even while I had no idea about it. I'll never disregard my intuition again.
I just recently finished with a very messed up girlfriend. The non stop mood swings, the abusive comments, back handed comments, pulling away then blaming me for not being there for her, the pathological lying, the blame shifting, the defensiveness over asking her anything. One thing that struck me was how she would mirror me. She started saying words how I do, when we first met she never liked Eminem and suddenly that is all she listened to. If I did'nt drop everything last minute to go see her i was accused of seeing other girls. Never asked me about my day or my life in general. Got a new job and had zero congratulations and wasn't even asked how my first few days went. EVERYTHING was about her. Ohhh her dramas, ohh her childhood and how awful it was, how everybody leaves her, how life was so unfair, how all her ex boyfriends were narcissist and she even called me a narc for breaking up with her. Found out she has a history of self harm and eating disorders. Within 48hrs of breaking up she was suddenly pregnant and by magic fell down the stairs a week later and lost it. This is just the tip of the iceberg of how she behaved. All this happened within a few short months and i ran for the hills. Blocked her everywhere. I deserve so much better. Thank you for these amazing videos and help. There is zero wonder as to why her ex who is also the father of her kids left her. He escaped! Worse part of it all, she is oblivious to how she gets on and she blames everybody for her own problems in life. There is zero accountability at all. It is terrifying that people like this exist and they wonder why people run from them.
"the pathological lying, the blame shifting, the defensiveness over asking her anything" These people live in a delusional reality. They make stuff up in their minds, and then believe it as truth. They are so disconnected from objective reality, they live in a self generated fantasy. How dare anyone question what they believe as truth (sarcasm)!
You're spot on! I've been going through all that for several years with someone and had no idea what or who he was or what was even happening to me until I was stuck in it and screwed up in the head because of it. Found out I had cancer and got home from my appointment just to go to emergency room with him for pink eye and then listened to him bitch and whine all evening because his eye was bothering him! Then he started a fight, AGAIN, and left. Same night! That was tonight!! That was even lower than I even thought he would go. But I obviously gave that POS more credit than he was worth.
I could have wrote verbatim, everything you mentioned. In fact, did we dated, the same girl,? They are agents of choas. Once you come out of the "fog", they have no more power of you. Peace!
She does this because she truly believes that her problems are everyone else's fault. She does nothing wrong. Even tho she admits that all these guys left her, she doesn't see why. That many guys leaving her tells the story.please stay away from her.. She will never change. She will never apologize either cause she is never wrong. And the lies..OMG. I found a pair of sunglasses in my husbands glove compartment that had bling on sides and on front. When I showed them to my husband ( you won't believe this) he said they were HIS !!!!! Never blinked an eye. Lied, even tho it was so obvious they were for girls. And nothing girly about him. 6'2 , 200 lbs, truck driver..hunter..biker. And he thought that I would believe they were his??? This is how bad Narcissist can be. Stay away
One way to know that you're dealing with a narcissist is when they take, and take, leaving you feeling depleted. Whereas, you'll receive less, and less or nothing in return. 💙UA-camr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
My father is a really really bad narcissist. He does a lot of these things. It's hard separating from a parent in particular bc they have a lot of psychical control over you. My sister abandoned all of her belongings to move away and life a better life. I hope to be as strong as her one day.
Love bombing Devaluation Discard Hoover (Repeat as necessary).. That's the vicious cycle when dealing with a narc....the only revenge you can do to protect yourself....no contact....walk away ...focus on healing...and bettering yourself...
my mother told me she loved me 10,000 times...i hated to hear those words every time...she of course will live to 100...stole my father from me who lost his ego into her illness...one of the worst humans alive...
This is exactly how my divorce played out… thank you for this video. I’ve been struggling a lot with resentment and anger towards my ex for all the ways he played me and then proceeded to run a smear campaign against me. Sometimes watching videos like these and hearing someone else calmly and logically describe all of this just reminds me again that this is just wrong and childish. I can’t change what happened… but I am so glad it did. As it turned out, I dodged a major bullet and I am glad we didn’t have kids together. Sending love and prayers to anyone else going through relationships like these. It’s truly exhausting and I’ve had to work very hard at building up my self esteem again. Covert narcissists are dangerous.
Man, where was this video 9 years ago. 😅. I could have used this advice when I was going through a custody battle back then. I am a narcissist abuse survivor and it's taken YEARS to finally heal and break from his control completely. I did lose custody of my son to him and I even got remarried to a wonderful man....but the mental and emotional abuse dealt a hard and lasting blow. I'm still dealing with some issues, but this video helped me realize just how much I've healed because I have seen everything you mentioned here. The best is.... I'm not scared anymore and can look him in the eye when I have to face him now too. I can smile and be comfortable in my own skin and maybe I'm a little petty about it because it gives me so much satisfaction knowing he also knows he no longer has power over me 😊
I had an experience with a narcissist when her story changed all the time when I caught her lying and then would say “ I never said that!” trying to make me to believe her stories as she would change them in real time. It’s scary with these kind of evil.
This lady has saved my mental health I don't need these people watching my hacked phone I don't need any help I wish they would leave me alone I can't believe the lies and b.s. iv been through weirdo slandering...thanks for giving me facts about narcissist please leave me alone people
My first husband told me one time when he came over to pick up his children for visitation, "It's not fair; you are doing too good without me". I still feel what he did to me even though he has been dead for over 30 years.
It can last a lifetime because you can't understand how he could do those awful things to you?? Because yo never knew someone could be so cruel and punishing?
30 years is nothing...my 20 year old son committed suicide 33 years ago but to me it happened last week. Such trauma that you and I went thru never will go away. On top of my son passing, I lived with a narcissist for 35 years. Double whammy. But out 6 months now and I surprise myself at how happy I am. Peace
When I asked my narc ex_husband for my divorce he looked at me straight in the eyes and told me: "Don't you know to keep your friends close and your enemies closer?" That's when I knew I was doing the right thing.
The ONLY escape for me after 40 years will be with MY death which you just confirmed. Whether through adult sons and grandkids or old friends he will NEVER be out of my circle. Wish I knew about narcissism long before a few years ago.
So True and I wish I knew what I was going up against before I filed for divorce! This has been emotional draining and financially draining. He took me off the joint account, the phone service and lied about me not able to step foot in our home! Not to mention he took a big chuck out of his 401K and is claiming his mother bought everything in our home that is community property! Materialistic things I can re buy but my Son is my World. It was only my Son and I all the time. Lies come out in the end. His story is starting to fall apart. He doesn't remember his lies. All his text, emails, messages and voice-mails are becoming my evidence! To all the lies he swore under oath that I did! Please Pray for me, Roxann and my Son Jacob. That the Judge sees through him at court. Thank you💗
“Invalidation is about dismissing your experiences, thoughts and above all your emotions. Indeed the intention is to not even allow you to have those thoughts, experiences and emotions. It’s a way of invading your head and reprogramming it. It’s psychological abuse (messing with your thoughts) and emotional abuse (messing with your feelings).” - Danu Morrigan
Literally my second "boyfriend" when I was 24 and he was 35. We were seeing each other for 18 months and he took advantage of being the kid of my pastors.
I didnt give my narcissistic mother a chance I went no contact , not only with her but whole family unfortunately. Just remember they will manipulate those around them to get at you , so there control is absolute.
I went through the same tactics with a 9@y coworker. The clown tried to get me fired on several occasions and accused me of things I had no involvement in and use other coworkers against me. I discarded him after the first day working around him and the people in there that took his side. They finally fired him since he caused too much confusion.
#5 and #6 are happening for me right now. He's isolated me from our mutual friends.. they truly believe he's the victim. I'm being painted as a crazy woman and trouble maker He says in texts "no need to be aggressive" when I'm trying to have a calm conversation and uses the word abusive when I'm definitely not being abusive at all. It's all baiting and his attempts to make me react. Stay calm and don't react!
Mine likes to say out loud as If for an audience, “If you can’t be civil I won’t be able to talk to you!” As if he has any clue what civil even looks like and it always catches me off guard because it has absolutely nothing to do with what we were even talking about.
@@Mamma_Kel oooh how infuriating and confusing at the same time!! I feel for you x It's toxic and hard to stay positive when dealing with such a narcissist person. Chin up and all the best
The worst part of it all and what made me decide to leave is when we cuddled before going to sleep, 2 hours later woke up in the middle of the night, had sex, and the next morning she claimed it wasn't consensual. I can never trust her again. She manipulates me and uses the kids against me to get me to apologize. Been married 5 years. I don't deserve any of this and it's an awful feeling inside.
Thanks for creating this list. I just lived through every one of these, almost in this exact same order. It’s like there is a Narcissist Cookbook, and they are all following the same recipes.
Jason Doherty: Hahaha. Yes, the Narcissist's Cookbook! Indeed! Handed down from the Devil himself; the original narcissist! Hahahaha. Good one. Thanks. :)
I am grateful for the many lessons I learned from my time with a grandmaster narc. That 5 years was hell but I’m long into my recovery journey and things are better than ever. The more I learned towards the end of that relationship and through my recovery, the more I saw how important self growth and emotional maturity is. I would not be the person I am today if I’d never come across a narc. Still would advise against dating one. Water your own grass to the point that you yourself are happy being there.
I feel very bad for you. I hope you read a lot and gain a strong understanding of why and how she did this. And don’t take on any of the blame she made you feel. Best of luck 🤞🏼 and lots of love 💕
My narcissistic brother tried to reach out. When I didn't respond, he became angry and engaged in telling people that he's worried about me. He has engaged in slander. If you aren't there to defend yourself, you are an easy target. I'm shocked at how many people soak up slander and spread it.
I have found that because they are so bold about it and have no remorse for lying, people just automatically assume it's true. Unless they are able to be close to the narc for a longer period of time, they may never catch on, but ppl close to them do. And I've also noticed that the actual victim tends to stay quiet and isolated more, and doesn't speak up as much as the narc, so other people just kind of paint them any way they want-but In the same way, if they spent a lot of time with the victim, they would see that the lies aren't true
@@neena9202 If that's all it takes for someone to turn against me is someone else's slander without asking me my side of the story, the trash can go ahead and take itself out!
So accurate. Run don't walk from high-control people. 1. False apology "I'm sorry you feel I did something wrong." 2. Hoover. Best behavior. Recruitment. Stronger manipulation. 3. Chance encounter. More manipulation. 4. Emotional blackmail. Play the victim, play on your empathy. 5. False accusations. 6. Flying monkey smear campaign 7. Threats.
Since I have been alone and with God. He no longer has any power over me. I have been alone for so many years in my marriage that it doesn't phase me anymore. He tried to tell me his friends and family are mine but they never call hangout with me. So truth wins out everytime to his lies and gaslighting. God's with me everyday, never stabs me in the back or tell my secrets. I'm good.
If you are a good person and in need of friends that is the type of person the narcissist is looking for to abuse and manipulate. Some people in need of friends will be vulnerable to love bombing (which is insincere love) and subject to abusive manipulation. I am sort of like that and I want to believe that this person has a genuine interest in me as a friend but I have learned over many instances (I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt) that their love overtures are not always sincere and many of these types will abuse and manipulate you if you let them. I read a statement that said "nobody can ever manipulate you without your consent." I believe that is true, but it requires that we be honest with ourselves to identify manipulation and avoid it in every possible way in order to keep our sanity and self respect. It is not easy if we have somebody we care about, value and sometimes like , but do not want to admit to ourselves that they are manipulating us in bad ways. But we must admit to it in order to deal with it effectively and free ourselves of abusive behavior by a supposed friend. Otherwise it will just go on and on indefinitely being abused. They will not stop on their own. It is never a pleasant experience and at times requires letting go of shallow, manipulative 'friends'. A sad part of life but liberating once you get rid of the destructive manipulation that keeps you down. There are real friends in this world that will not treat you this way. We just need to find them. Let the narcissists take a walk out of your life.
The hoover stage has gotten me more than once. It was wonderful while it lasted. But after noticing a pattern i would get an uneasy feeling a few days in.. like something bad was going to happen, and BOOM the discard. Like clockwork. There was never a good reason. It was always just ugly and seemingly evil. Traumatizing for a guy that didn't understand and was truly in love.
This bro. She pops up in my line of sight at work. Stands there waiting for me to talk to her. I do and I think things are going well, and then the next day its avoiding eye contact and cold shoulder. So I move on and she throws these little fits, when I won't look her way or talk to her. She's always watching me now. The shit is fucking scary. And when you figure them out they band together to try to change the perception of everyone around you. They can't even look you in the eye once you know. They just watch you like voided puppets. And when you look at them they pretend they weren't and go back to work. Just looking at them is enough to satisfy them. I'M LOOKING AT YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE STARING AT ME AND IT'S FUCKING EERIE.
I have learned to look for the signs in advance. The moment I see a red flag in someone who is constantly looking to provoke me, who cannot take ownership of their own behavior and acts out manipulatively on a regular basis, I immediately shut them down, close the door and kick them out of my life. We can't prevent these people from showing up.. however we CAN educate ourselves and the moment we see the signs the door must be closed on them swiftly.
This so spot on. I was seeing a gal and found out that she is a narcissist, everything you said was exactly as she was and behaved to a damn T. Thankfully i saw it and said goodbye as much as i loved her and it definitely hurt it is so much better now. No more bs and drama. Thank you so much
It's insane how accurate all of these videos on narcissists are, even when I had no idea I was dealing with one until after the fact. All of these steps and manipulation tactics are exactly what I was dealing with, nearly to a tee. Even when I got out of the relationship, this video laid out exactly what I went through. 1. Fauxpology - I was "friends" with this person for years, never understanding why I would go through weeks or months of silent treatment over things I had no control over. Fights every few weeks, never being allowed to talk about anything and being forced to walk on eggshells. Whenever I told this person I needed space, she starts out saying "I'm sorry you've been feeling this way" and "I just wish we could go back to normal". Obviously, she never even acknowledged or understood WHAT I was upset about or why I needed space. And she stated that she just wanted to "go back to normal" which was code for "I want to be done talking about what I did wrong, and I just want to go back to having control over you without you speaking up about it." It's simply that she thought an "apology" was the best route to go in order to pacify me in the moment. 2. Hoovering - After I said I needed space, she gave me all but a single day before disrespecting the boundaries and saying "I really miss you and just want to go back to the way things were, etc." When I politely said I still needed space (and maintained my boundaries), she switched attitudes in an instant and said "Well I tried. I'll never fucking do that again." 3. Chance Encounter - Not exactly the same because I didn't give it much of a chance, but I dealt with this on occasions before where I wasn't "done" with the relationship. 4. & 5. Emotional Manipulation & False Accusations - She finally texts me again after a month or so and starts with "I don't like what you did to me." and saying things like "You always play these mental games", "I don't deal with this with any of my other friends", "You won't ever tell me how you feel" (as if she would ever let me speak before flying off the handle, shutting down the conversation and then giving me the silent treatment), and my favorite "I shut you out in the past so you should know how bad that made you feel, so why would you do it to me?" Just every tactic she could think of to make everything about me and my flaws, misrepresent every situation and play the victim. It's also ironic because her "not understanding what's going on" just demonstrated that her earlier apology was fake as she didn't really seem to even understand why I was even upset. I could go on, but you get the gist. Each step here is just the tactic that the narcissist thinks will work at the current point in time. None of it is real and it's all just an attempt to regain control and power. I just wish I understood all of this earlier.
The "chance encounter" that would occur in my space always made me so angry! Like I'd be in my yard working and the big dope would say he " was just driving by" and stopped to say hello. I Iive on a side road and there was no place he would have been going! That went on for a few years! He knew there was no future to it but it was just to try to disrupt my life.
Videos like this help me realize I’m actually *not* the manipulative narcissist I worry I am sometimes. We all have tendencies for sure, but I know I’m ok. People actually like me, I’m not tricking them into it. That sounds silly but it has taken me a long time to be secure in that
I fell for the fauxpology (I also had a young child whose parent had left us with no notice and was missing his daddy) so let daddy back in, knowing inside it did not feel right. What followed was 4 weeks of best behaviour and then it aaall returned and was even more vindictive and controlling. Took me another 5 years to get him out of my life. It was scary, psychologically weird, full of smear campaigns with my direct family who became convinced he was a poor victim of my horrible ways and I had to go silent, do lots of research and be very strategic. Don’t fall for the fauxpology!! Believe in yourself.
After I didn't let my narcissistic ex back in he told our children it's my fault I don't want the family together cause I wknt take him back. He did lie on me. He never stopped trying to get back together.
Dang! I'm on #7 and still ignoringing him. It works quite well. Took 11 years, 😮 but hey... I finally am feeling stronger. Threats, yes, I had to get a restraining order, but calling 911 definitely showed him I was serious! 🎉 Helps to have close friends who believe you and have your back, so do not isolate,that only allows him/her back in. God bless us all!❤
I needed this today! Time to break the cycle. Showing this to my 14-year-old daughter today after school. Knowledge is power. Thank you. XO peace and love. 💕💫
Thanks for being a good mom, she’s lucky. We want to teach our kids to watch out for narcissists but, I think it’s equally important to make sure they don’t become this way themselves. I hate people who their kid to have an advantage but don’t care about the possible damage their own kid could cause due to the parents shit personality and parenting.
I'm in the middle of the false accusations and smear campaign. I'm so thankful the people who know me know the truth and that is pissing her off all the more. I'm being told I'm crazy, a bully, I'm irratic, and won't speak to anyone about the issues. She managed to turn one couple against me who are now threatening me for being cruel to her. I'm so thankful I'm out. These videos are so validating because it let's me know that I'm not crazy.
Mine started apologizing, real apologies, but about stuff that I had forgotten, and never really cared about. That threw me. I told her I never cared about that, and she acted like everything was mended. As if that fake emergency last weekend didn't happen, but the missed trip from 10 years ago was so important. But don't bring up last weekend, because she's distraught about the old thing, the poor dear!
Cycles get quicker. Stay the course. It may get worse before it gets better, but it will eventually get better. But only if you stick to it. Solidarity! 🤗
Blocked caregiver mother from everything including my son!! I'm 40 he's 19. I'm her only child and he's her only grandchild. He hates her 🤦🤷we don't give a (BEEP) about lunatics. THE DEVIL DON'T TRUST THEM
Spot on! One weird one they used on me was accusing me of threatening them when no threat was ever made on my part. Everything you mentioned definitely happens at some point towards the end. Thanks for sharing
I dropped off a package at the back door knowing he has Ring camera I kinda waved and got back in my car and left. He sent me the package back with a note stating I stay away or he will consider it harassment. He has IED and Bipolar I’ve seen him threaten others just didn’t think he would do it to me.
Mine accused me of "gaslighting" them for literally repeating something they said about themselves just the day before. They were already mad because I had become unavailable to them and they started really showing their true colors. It was actually kind of scary. It wasn't unbelievable, though, because I had already been questioning her behavior. Like, she loved to, somehow, make everything my fault. What is unbelievable to me is how she thought I wanted to stay friends when she'd do this over and over. Of course I didn't want to hang around her as much... being around her was draining and I had to watch what I said to or did to her or it would be another behavior she had to "correct" in me.
I said "no" last minute to go for tea with her and her friends and she got so mad! She revealed herself by overreacting. I live in the same household as her. I got real sick a month after she moved in. My gut tells me she's capable of deleting me. She totally plays victim and seeks sympathy!! Thank you for this video!! I totally ignore her now. She accused me of stuff she does!! So frustrating! Thank you for letting me vent ❤❤❤
@@CommonEgo Thank you. Yes, I am getting counselling help which is giving me some tools to cope. I am also using your videos to learn too. This is a problem the world over, including here in the 🇬🇧
@@CommonEgo thank you! I too going through this. Two times already not sure if I am making an error. I just move and the neighbors around are mobbing I started saying hi to them they said bad word so I back off. They haven't stop I just noted that they have some days worst than others, I just keep ignoring them, I suspect the lady from the office she's always asking how is everything, I don't give details is good. I don't want to call the police I already know what they will say no we not doing that you know how this people are.
i showed up to work for months with bruises. My coworkers were always concerned and supportive, but I didn't talk about it much and I just wanted to ignore the situation. After this last time he beat me bad enough that I finally decided to leave. Now he texts and calls saying that I am the narcissist, I'm the one running a smear campaign against him and that's why nobody like him, and I'm making life soooo much harder for both of us by shutting him out. So yeah... I'm familiar with MANY of these tactics. I left only 3 weeks ago so wish me luck! I'm trying to stay strong for our infant son 💙
Stay strong and I promise if you can stay away you will be able to stand up to him if he shows up. My ex cried and begged and I felt nothing. He called and said he was going to kill himself if I did not come back. I called his cousin who lived nearby him and was an EMT and I explained what he had said and that I wondered if he would go check on him. He never tried that again.
Please don't fall for the " I've changed story, I'll get help, bla bla bla". My sister stayed and her two kids are crippled as adults. They do drugs to cope, and take anxiety meds. For your son, I hope you stay away
1. Fauxpology 2. Hoover and discard 3. “Chance” encounter 4. Emotional manipulation and emotional blackmail 5. Make false accusations (accuse you of gaslighting or being a narcissist) 6. Smear campaign 7. Threats Thank you 🤍
Perfect! I dealt with this for three years. I’m finally free from it. She was controlling and everything was about her. And when she tried to mold me into something I wasn’t and I pushed back because of my independence. I was told how I wasn’t a man and then she found reasons to discard me. I’m good! I’m way better off and happier without that in my life. When she started pulling her psychopathic bullshit, I packed a bag and got as far away from her as I could. And I will remain as far away from her as I can. I will never speak to her or apologize to her for anything.
Love this content ! Especially the Faupolgy. As mother use to say when you apologize leave at that because if the word But follows I’m sorry the apology is nullified because you are justifying what u just apologized for ! I’m glad I stumbled onto this channel ! Just came out of a 10 year relationship with a woman who was the classic vulnerable narcissist
I also question myself and wonder if I am the/a narc. Then she does or says something utterly ridiculous or makes an absurd and accusatory projection, and I’m like oh ya, never mind. Haha I still feel sorry for her but I need to just get her out of my house and life to the degree possible considering our little boy.
Oh my goodness, thank you for this. I've recently found myself on the receiving end of the false accusations tactics you described here. It's terrifying for me as a man, because she's created this outrageous narrative about how I was controlling, etc. None of it is grounded in reality, yet it's something she can convincingly sell to others. She's very good at making herself the victim and is now dragging me into it with things I never said or did. Thankfully the right people in my life know the truth, so I appreciate your guidance on *not* to fight it and to just avoid giving her the reaction she's looking for.
I was told in a store in a loud way,"so I am wrong again," I had said nothing of the sort. He came across like he was a victim (again).I walked away and at the end of the day I dropped him off and I was done.Much trying to control me and all situations had gone on and finally this. No contact x 5 months. Hoovering was attempted like nothing had ever occurred and I blocked him. It took time however I finally got who this person was. thanks Christina great video as always.
It's really funny how these monsters think they can just walk back into your life without even apologizing or promising not to do the wrong that they did. I used to tolerate that until I couldn't take it anymore
Extremely interesting that everyone who dealt with divorcing narcissist have went exactly through all these 7 things! Same exact strategy and even same exact words!
I'm so happy having my former partner back , after being separated for months . All thanks to Mr Ehijator whom help me to get back my ex again , I will suggest y'all to get help from him and it works within 48hours...My husband behaved strangely again and then they let me go, so I decided to go, and then I found a doctor on the internet, everything was explained and he helped me get my husband back with his powers in just 12 hours, and my husband came back and told the children about others. Also, if you have a problem,.
Great video and information!!! After my narc lost control and I took control she divorced me, we were married over 26 years. 15 months later of zero contact the phone rings, she told me how much she STILL loved me and my family of whom she isolated me from our whole marriage. Told her to leave me alone and blocked the new number she used. Next will be the love letter in the mail, narcs want your soul and spirit. I'm still healing but thank God my eyes were opened!!!!
Here it is my advice for you: you do not give any closure to the ex narc. You do not block, you do not tell her 'leave me alone'. You'll say: "maybe, some day, we will reconcile our love story..." And THEN you do not have more contact, you give no friendship, nothing. It's future faking you do to her. These people deserve to stay stuck in their own paranoia for life. You lock them in there, this time.
I used to be agnostic but I'm starting to see this as a spiritual battle too. I just recently blocked an ex-girlfriend who tried to Hoover me myself. They're so arrogant they think they can just keep baiting and switching on people. Well, not to me anymore!
I finally left my narc SA husband of 35 years. I was actually beginning to wonder if I was the narc. He started saying what i had been saying like I was losing weight because I couldn’t eat due to all the stress. Suddenly that became his story. He said I left him for no reason and that broke him. He cheated. It was so bad he even had to go on dating websites because I convinced him it was over and he was so lonely. I was still blind to what was going on and foolishly thought he’d fight for me. Nope! Instead he started dating. I stayed because of the kids and illness etc but the kids are all out on their own and even though I’m battling my way back from GBS I said enough! Enough social media cheating, lusting after all these women across every platform, getting caught and swearing he’d stop. Swearing he’d put more work into the marriage because he admitted he’d been slacking. Really whatever he thought i wanted to hear but I was done. I married him at 22 and it wasn’t all bad but now it’s over. I can’t do this any more. I will adjust, adapt, heal and be strong, healthy and happy again. I hear there really are good men out there. It’s not a myth. 🦄
I'm going through #4 with my nex who spent years pushing me away, lying, cheating, gaslighting me, basically ripping my mental health to fine shreds but hoo-wee is he ever the victim now. I've been out for 2 months but I'm still getting messages about how "cruel" and "unfair" I am for "just dumping him", as if it was sudden and for no reason lol. Apparently I was obligated to try couples counseling before leaving, and I _at least_ owe him friendship now so he doesn't have to feel so alone 🙄 Yeah right, that "friends" crap is exactly how he sucked me back in all the other times I tried to leave, not falling for that again. No contact is the ONLY way- don't respond, don't be friends, don't even open their messages. Stay strong and KNOW you did the right thing.
Couples counseling doesn't work with a narc. They will refuse to be held accountable and twist things around to make YOU the bad guy and paint themselves as the victim, using the counselor to gang up on you. Counseling is a waste of time and money with a narc.
I have been out for 5 months and I surprise myself as to how dam happy I am?! Yesterday he called me 7 times in an hour and half. Never answered because I don't need to answer the phone and get yelled at. So, he drives over to my house. I met him outside on porch. Next day, same thing. Again he drives over. Didn't answer the door and shut my phone off.I feel he will never leave me alone.one more step to being divorced! He can't get over that I really left for good this time
Right on. There will be no friendship...it will all be the same because unfortunately they will never change. If you do see some change, its only to suck you back in. Do not feel sorry for him. That's how they get us back in their web. Because we are natural born caretakers...we have empathy..we help less fortunate. Its just how we are and please do not change yourself. Its only been 5 months since I got out(35 years together) and I surprise myself at how happy I am. I am back to being Judy and I love her.
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I have a question, what counts as a faux apology and would this be considered one?
The person I received this from is capable of setting them but then she in heat of moments when it's not quite an argument but not quite a friendly conversation she would say
I don't know how boundaries work
I recently stopped talking to this person after like almost 4 years of a relationship and the last five months were extremely difficult and complicated for me to get through
I was holding on to a lot of things that I felt I couldn't talk to her about to the point she started changing certain things I wrote and I didn't like it. But I held my peace until the very end and then I finally broke and exploded. Keep in mind throughout this entire time I've made my fair share of mistakes. I have apologized for them but I just want to know if this is one of those types of faux. Apologies
These traits fall more into Sociopath than Narcissist. I think narcissists became the new, cool, and hip catch all word and people threw Sociopath behavior into Narcissism. There is overlap, no doubt, but what you described is a Sociopath not a Narcissist.
What happens when you walk away from a narcissist in the middle of a conversation? My stepfather will go on about "woe is me" I stopped talking to him but my mother asked me to talk to him again because it bothers him.
❤ 2:14 an apology, thats total bullsh1t.maybe if i say sorry then ill be able to do like i want, everything that hurt you,whatever im so sorry for.....im just saying it....bc im still gonna do as i deem doable....holy balls this hurts soul deep...wheres a miracle when you need one?
People at the city here
"They may even making you start thinking YOU'RE the narcissists" That hit me so hard.
I believe you. It's heartbreaking to bear until your close ones come with the events that they have silently witnessed throughout the entire marriage. Yes truth always prevails in the end. Be happy. Go out..meet with the one that God had planned for you.
Yes. I've heard this too.
Totally, Iam feeling that right now. There ist a small child in me, that Always thinks: " ...but what if Iam the problem, that Iam the abuser and she is the victim..."
If u r ever “worried” u may be a narc? Great news my friend ! U r 99% HIGHLY UNLIKELY 2b a narc.
They r all sociopaths who lack empathy/compassion/ any “normal/good/thoughtful” thoughts /feelings/brains. They r actually brain damaged…science is proving this slowly but surely.❤🎉👍🥳🎉🥰they care zero about anything that involves “sleepless nights of worries”.Or about anyone or anything that involves u feeling genuine human concern/Shame/guilt,etc that might make u a threat to others (like ALL NARCS ARE!! )They r the worst dangerously destructive heartless monsters still, unfortunately, walking free among us, blending in with real actual human beings. But I’m the end, they are the most pathetic miserable empty self-hating/self-destructive parasitic human vampires who feed off the kindness/love/trust of their innocent kind overly trusting/forgiving/generous empath victims. Too bad❤❤
I'm actually sitting here watching this video asking myself if I'm the narcissist.
Seasoned divorce lawyer here. Great video! Get educated about narcissistic personality disorder. If you get a sense that you are dating a narcissist, RUN. DO NOT MARRY THEM. Stay safe out there and live your best life!
Unfortunately you don’t know what you don’t know until it’s too late on these narcs. They could even tell you they are a narc and you cannot imagine how bad it can really be. Let me assure you to RUN 🏃♀️ away from a narc
Good advice! I’m sure you’ve seen your share of ended marriages and the impact of narcissistic personality disorders. Cannot be easy to negotiate
@@jaydixson1731 One should always have boundaries up which prevent anyone from staying in your life who doesn't deserve to STAY there. The very moment you find out you are with someone Who cannot treat you with decency, consideration & respect You need to shut the door immediately. Stop offering second chances and thinking someone will change. People are who they are. If you put that boundary up for anyone it should protect you from these types of manipulative people in the future.
@@jaydixson1731 Healthy people can spot a narcissist, abused people can not. We try to live and learn, sometimes the learning is hard...
@@jamieseiple This is spot on!!! I was so broken when I met my ex and all hell broke loose. Now that I am in a better space and dating I can spot a toxic individual by the first date/ conversation.
They get really mad when you just don’t give a crap anymore.
Big mad. 😊
supreme indifference is the key! (Gray rock) feel nothing....they dont matter
I used to feel bad when the narcissists got mad
The behavior of getting upset or feelings of shame when someone got mad I learned from my parents
They Broke every button, nothing works anymore. I Don't Care.
True but if done right, their anger is your friend because if your not there to be angry at. They will be angry and attack their friends and family and drive them away. Total isolation is perfect for them. LOL
1. Fauxpology
2. Hoover
3. Chance encounter
4. Play the victim / play on your empathy
5. Make false accusations
6. Smear campaign
7. Threaten you
This is every Saturday for me
Yes this happens to me at least once every weekend.
That's it
Sometimes there is no apology
Great mine skipped steps, went straight to hoovering, skipped to playing the victim, then made false accusations, tried to get my address out of my mom, Idk or care whether she’s making a smear campaign or not. I’ve cut all ties to people who still speak to her and grey rocked family members who are still in contact. The less people who have any connections, and news from me to be able to be shared to her I want it next to none.
If a relationship doesn't feel right, it's not right.
That, is the best advice I ever heard. Thank you for sharing.🦋🐛 🙏🏻
@elizabethbrown8833 honestly its just common sesne not even advice.
@@ArthurMorgansDeadHorseMany don't listen to their inner self, at least not straight away.
Simple as that
Narcissistic show selves the first time we meet them. They will Literally tell u what they plan on doing to you with a story about some incident they heard about and in the End? They tried that incident/ Scenarios On you! They can’t help but blurt put what they intend to do and are capable of doing. F someone is talking to u and the scenarios they talk about are Abusive? Mean? Drama? Get away that person. Normal people don’t dwell on drama
Never heard my mother, once in her entire life, that I was around her (49 years) apologise for a single thing. I never shed a tear for her in my entire life, not even when she died, but, I do thank her for helping make me become who I am today. Strong, very self assured, an empath, totally independent and not a narcissist.
❤❤❤
My mother is kind of the same.
Their apologies always start with “I’m sorry you…”
My mother too. Hear! Hear! It's not our fault we shouldn't feel guilty for defending and loving ourselves, man
Exactly my same experience. They just pretend like I never happened and expect things to go back to normal after saying hurtful things. When caught, they just back down for that instance, never acknowledging what they did.
I’ve stopped expecting apologies because expecting something that will never come eats away at my soul. I’m learning to accept them for what they are and my life has been getting better. I’m never going to let them take my energy away. So much for family, ugh. Soulless creatures.
“There is simply no winning with a narcissist. They will treat you so horribly, that you will become withdrawn and depressed, and then they will turn around, & say, ‘You’re no fun any more, you’re always so depressed. I need to be with someone more positive.’” - Susan Williams🙏
Evelina yes 100% true . But I disagree with this video I knew a narc who lost control of me and could care less if I die never spoke to me again in over a year . Anyway you have the same hair as the absolute girl of my dreams , Agnetha Faltskog , she is very famous do you know who she is ?
@@RickDanner Greetings
Sorry to hear you went through so much hurt & upsetting experiences with this person :- Yes i've heard they do indeed, c@llously just disreg@rd,pure & simple :-No conscience these types 😔🍃🙏
But we must do everything we can to keep strong 💪
Fight back where necessry & clear our n@mes,where some have used sme@r c@mp@igns on us
The professionl ones are the most vindictive bec@use they hold much power, hence can @buse it
But a step @ time we must fight back
God bless you
Sincerely hope lifes treating you extremely kindly now
Yes i know of the Abba Singer😇🙏, God bless you 👍🍃🙏
They were my dear Mum's very favourite pop group :-Especi@lly she loved "Dancing👑 Queen" 🎶
Take very good care of you 👍🍃🙏
OMG!!! I Just ended my relationship with a very frustrated, angry, and constant belittling narcissist who is Saying Those EXACT WORDS TO ME! As an Empath I Knew who he was. My Compassion wanted to believe he would make serious changes for the sake of love. But he’s too selfish and I have been hearing how he’s Trying his Hardest to get into counseling and get on bipolar meds. That was 2 Yrs. ago. So I walked away. He actually told me that I would Never find Anyone who would treat me better than Him. I explained that I already Have met actual Men who treated me better, and that if his idea of calling me horrible names and telling me he hates me is what He considers treating me good, then I wouldn’t want it.
@@tammyblount3910 Omg what's with you ladies out here in the world, all the dogs get the girls but the good guys get left on the shelf lol, but stay safe though, It'd do my head in being with some crackpot
So true. Been there but recoverd.
Never fight with them! They are parasites that thrive on your pain. Nothing will ever be resolved and you will just be more upset. Smile at them until you can dump them hard and never look back.
They are right n u are wrong
I NEEDED TO HEAR THIS!!!
Going through this and I'm so desperate to leave. Things are suddenly changing for me though and the changes are making it possible for me to see myself out
@@teflmadeez2021 Don't lose faith in yourself and stay quietly resolved until your chance comes to be free.
I did just that
Went away
And dumped them Long Distance
Lost everything I owned
But
I'm Free
@@renatatarnawski5974much love to you, you’ve got this I believe in you
"it's because you have empathy and you care about that person, so take all the kindness and compassion that you have and direct it towards yourself, that is where it's needed right now"
😍
This is good and so healing !
Thank you so much for this video!
I like this idea, I'm going to try to figure out how to read myself and do good things for me.
I agree ❤
@@springerworks002”It’s not you” by Dr Ramini is a great healing book
The smear from abusers is hard to deal with. The abusers are terrified that their abuse will be known by others, so they will tell blatant lies, and turn the littlest things around to try and prove their lies to others. The most heart breaking part is when kids are involved
You're 100 percent right👍👏🙏God bless you :-It's so upsetting how they can get away with so much:-trnishing our nmes, blackening our chrcters etc😔They must not be allowed to get away with it continuously
It can take a while, for lies to be brought to light💡even following the nrcissist being exposed
But we must not give up, & we must continue our fight for justice, one step @ time➕🕯️🕊️✨☘️🙏Ple@se don't give up
Yes
Indeed....I was the kid 😵💫
I ran into a guy I had not seen in 15 years after I divorced my ex and I just said I do not know if you heard but R and I are divorced now and he gave me a really odd look and said Oh I heard all about it. R came up to see us and told us everything. Well something in me snapped and I said You know what? Everhy thing he says about me is true. Lying cheating whore that's me. This guy busted out laughing and said You must be very busy if it is all true - I coud not figure out how you had time to work and here you are. Broke the ice and it made me feel very free.
Nice so...I guess because I went too deep...I'm the narcissistic one... deleted my post of how I'm worried about the future now she has what wants...rather than help just delete it thanks.
Yes you right matey kids should always be priority
"...so take all that kindness and compassion that you have, and direct it towards yourself. This is where it's needed right now." This was a powerful part for me.
I loved this part the most too! I am really, really working on how. Caring for self is soooo hard for me.
@@CynthiaSchoenbauer yeah it's tough, especially when you're used to beating yourself up because you think you deserve nothing more
that line really hit me.
@@LocAces yeah, i really need to hear things like that to remind myself of my worth
@@dkpretorius I wish you all the best. Truly.
Towards the end of the marriage, my wife did some truly toxic and disrespectful things to me. When I confronted her on these behaviors, she simply replied "That just shows you where our relationship is right now". That moment instantly killed any love I had left for her.
Oof
Sorry to hear you lived something like that. I kinda feel like the men feel lonely on these situations because women are better at this narcissistic game but it's like society thinks men are the nercissists when usually it's the other way.
I mean… where did her disrespect come from? I’m sure it didn’t come out of nowhere.
@@soulserenade.kcn1992ignorance incarnate
@soulserenade.kcn1992 i hope you fall in love with one
Dealing with narcissistic behavior is the worst for people who already struggle with mental health. Especially if it’s two main people in your life.
Ignore a narcissist no matter what they say! They want you to argue back, any attention is attention. Even if it’s negative. Try ignoring one , oh boy
I did this with my neighbor; I ignored her presence; her words; as though she didnt exist; most of the time i avoid her at all cost because she is deeply manipulative and toxic...however; one time i ran into her on accident and i didnt acknowledge her at all; the next day she was screaming at me through my open window in my kitchen...she looked like she had been up all night stewing over it!
So i confronted her and exposed her and rebuked her and described to her in detail her demonic manipulative narcissistic attitude...i called her out on everything i could remember and said; "this is why i avoid you like the plague; because you have the demonic plagues of egypt inside you!" she hasnt spoke to me ever since and has avoided me...
Egyptian demonic plagues are the worst 😂
You're so right
I tried to tell my friends that but they insist on arguing with them
which is a waste of time that makes us still engaged in negative behavior
Therefore having no time to move on to a positive space
@@IndioDeperla-m4xSo they ignored you? 😄
@@clarkkent3730Then that makes you a…psychopath, sociopath, Baptist preacher, or all 3.
The narcissistic that gave birth to me , stopped speaking to me when I put boundaries up. So hurtful. She's never apologized once my entire life. ❤️ to everyone going through the same hurt.
My heart knows that pain! My dad was a Narcissist. And during my worst years with him...I found a scripture in the bible that I never forgot it. It said, "Though your Mother and Father abandon you, I will NOT forget you! See, I have engraved your name upon the palms of my hands..." (my paraphrase.) It meant so much to me, that GOD never forgot me. And 40 years later I can say he never has....He knows our suffering dear-heart. You are precious in His sight. xoxo
Mine died a lonely woman but hey I married one , I was groomed to think it was normal
My mom said the same insult like 5 different ways and I didn’t respond and she said I’m sorry, still I gave no response.
🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
I feel pity for your Mom.She missed out on her own child.God Bless You and keep your faith
“Narcissistic love is riding on the rollercoaster of disaster filled with a heart full of tears.” - Sheree Griffin
@EXPOSED. Algerian satanic narcissist. Bilal lakama God bless you 😔🍀🙏So extremely true
Hope lifes treating you extremely kindly now
Funny you use the term rollercoaster. Exactly what it was.
You deserve to be cherished and loved for the kindness you show. May God bring Many Positive and Beautiful people your way. The company we choose can make us or try to break us. I have PTSD as a result of so much trauma from very toxic people who took my love for granted and took advantage of my kindness on some extreme levels. Have almost been Murdered by 1 X who took his life in my home. That was 15 years ago. I still have my moments of depression and anxiety. But I am doing things to help heal through it all. ❤️🙏❤️
@@tammyblount3910 God bless you 🙏You've been through so much Pr@ise God, you live to tell the tale plus inspire others & give them hope & courage👍💪
it isn't simple is it, the healing process
i could really kick myself for not recognising God trying to mke me aware of danger, through myLovedOnes, i simply thought they were worrying too much&tht no one could possibly be so cruel's to do the things i ws being forewarned of
but extremely sdly, myLovedOnes were right & nowbit's taking a long time to clear the dmge, hurt, upset c@used by the nrcissist & their flying Monkeys, sme@r c@mp@ign etc
naivety can create so much trouble & problems for us
but a day @ time, we must not give up
we must keep taking the steps, little by little & fighting for justice
Ple@se keep strong & motivted💪🕊️✌️🙏
That's what my life became. I am out of that unhealthy relationship and seeing comments like this gives me hope that I will heal from the emotional abuse I went through
I’ve been married to a narcissist wife for a year now and it has become overbearing. We have one child together and she doesn’t even have time for him. I couldn’t understand why until I started researching narcissism more. She has checked all the boxes and now I know why this whole relationship is going downhill.
Thanks for the video and wish me luck.
Good luck! I hope you do whatever's best for you. I just broke up with my boyfriend who checked most of the boxes, accused me that I'm a narcissist and a manipulator too. Fun times.. The worst thing about them is how nice and sweet they are all the time until they show their true colors. Truly heartbreaking.
@@bubusik8671 So true! Not only do you end up grieving for the relationship, you also grieve for person who was never real.
@@rhysmillet yeah... and they're extremely mad at you for ending things, more false accusations arrive. It's like they always seek for something that has never even been there, and it's just so disturbing to even aknowledge they actually mean everything they say. Why would anyone purposely offend and mentally harm the person they loved? Does he think I had it easy ending things with him?.. Really?
Get recordings. You'll need them for the divorce and family court.
Good luck 🍀
Narcissist 101! they don't apologize for anything!
So true
Sometimes they will pull that trick!
The only thing they're sorry for is that they got caught. Then they try and make you look like the crazy one by gaslighting you.
They’ll give you a faux apology, never taking true accountability and will continue to do the same disrespecting behavior
Yes.
Speaking of an apology , they will start the problem or argument , but they will stay angry with you until you , apologize to them
they will drop you in all kinds of shit....
then say....'why are you doing this to me....?'
@@volpeverde6441 They are the victim when truth shows up 100 percent , or they'll say ... why didn't you tell me ? then I could have done this, or that, so it's still your fault !
@keelerhastings7109
my teenage kids used to have to come shopping with us in the 90's....because their mother would say something....then later say....'I NEVER said that/I can't remember....' etc....
always gaslighting....fucking insane....
she'd say....' I saw your aunty (NAME) last Tuesday....'
I would say to my aunty in conversation....
'Oh ....you saw my missus last Tuesday....'
looking puzzled....my aunty would she that she HADN'T SEEN my missus for over a year....
I told my missus she'd lied to me....but she used to do this demented chuckle and say....
'I tell you what you want to hear....' to start another argument....
she would FEED us ALL - WRONG INFORMATION all the time, tell all the kids and me something different to confuse us and get us against each other....
Yup, my son did exactly that. Had the fit of rage, turned everything, projected, onto me the usual scapegoat, then tried yo justify it with a list of grievances and then he and h8s flying monkey and fellow narc father went on the smear campaign. My son in law was the first to notice their abusive ways towards my daughter and I, he opened our eyes and is happy we are away from them now. We are so much more at peace. Now my son and ex go around and tell everyone we cut him off, and we were the problems. God help my daughter in law. They have her head so full of crap she has no idea what is true and real and what isn't.
Man you all this stuff is no joke. Thank you for this video. 6 months with a narcissist. Every literal thing you said hit hard ASF. Shit takes a toll on your health BIG time. If your in one of these dynamics leaves immediately, you cannot afford to stay. Your health, mind and finance's can't afford what it's doing to your state of being it's absolute abuse on all levels and A narcissist vibration and frequency is very low, so it's like half the time they're getting body snatched by a lower Force or energy and they don't even realize what they've even done when they snap back. It's like they don't even remember or they didn't even do it or you're crazy for even saying they did! I truly do believe narcissistic personality disorder is not only a mental illness but leads open door to demonic possession
Omg I accused my gf of being evil before because of this behavior
Yea it is demonic possession, sometimes children can also pick shitty characters from parents but they don’t feel good what they do or how they conducted themselves (takes accountability) wer as a full on piece of shit of narc enjoys on how much they can get away with Miss conduct & that power & control they possess on people. My ex partner when he walks in the room the internet plays up, or my children will be stimming & self harming. I’d also feel tightness on my throat. After years of all sorts of abuse we got rid of him, my babies r at peace, my internet or my lights don’t flicker. We all sleep through out the night. And I look 10 years younger.
Wow, crazy stuff
Very true x dark forces take control of weak low vibrational people
Narcissists are like brand new tennis balls - nice neat and orderly outside with an empty dark center.
I had an extremely narcissistic ex that told people I beat her. Her own mother called me to tell me that she was spreading lies about me. Her story changed from "he gave me a black eye and bloody lip" to "he attacked me but I overpowered him before he could actually hurt me", because her mother pointed out that she saw her every day throughout our relationship and she never saw any black eyes or hurt lips. I'm a 6'4, 200 pound man and she was about half my size. Her own mother calling her out didn't stop her from calling my workplace and telling our bartender that I beat her. I was chased out of a job for that. It's been almost a year and that still messes with me
My mother called the police and told them I have beaten her !!!
Mine tried to leave me and when I doubled down and kicked her out, she forced my hand to call the police on her, then SHE called my job and tried to tell my boss that I was a pedophile.
He laughed right in her face and now she’s a literal joke at my workplace 😂
Wow that’s wicked asf these people are sickkk
I told my narcissist to go ahead and "expose" me. I had made peace with myself and prepared to lose everything. I disconnected his buttons to my fear.
I have done the same.
Me too. I mean it's a reflection on them as well. Double strike😂
The harder the accusations, which just accelerated, the more I learnt to relax because I knew my kids loved me and that was good enough
Well did you lose everything
EXCELLENT
Been all the way through that cycle years ago. Just remember if things seem off or don't add up it's because they are and they don't. Good people make an effort to make you feel comfortable. If you ever find yourself researching strange behaviors on the internet, it's a sign that you should have left the relationship already and you are wasting your time on someone who doesn't deserve your conscientiousness and care.
A little off to say the least! 😕
Stay in touch with your feelings. Don't do things that make you feel bad, guilty, uncomfortable or anything negative just to please anyone else.
Couldn’t have said it better myself!!!
Distance yourself , don’t talk to them , don’t call them and absolutely don’t marry them.
After I left him for 1yr. He married some lady who had a house and money. She left him after 3 years of marriage and sends him only $100 monthly. He thought he was going to get her money. Haha he got his KARMA...
Damn but she mom tho lol 😂 but u right one time I went 6 months cold turkey without talking to her boy she was going ballistic ..
Yes the total disconnect
also disconnect without giving them any information
giving them information only gives them tools to come back at you stronger
And they will keep you in their lives
@@kbernieshoWthat's my next step when you do not talk to them l think it's the best my husband is the biggest narcissist he is angry of my achievements and l am the higher earner in the house he has turned one my sons against me he goes to neighbours houses yet l do not he is very lazy and always ringing me on video calls if l am in work.The worst part the police take him from the house and release him again l am so fed up he is trying to destroy me drives my car and gets speed tickets l really want him gone.
@@TheMallyjoe that's what the idiot of my sister did. Now I have to deal with him.
So true. When I'm having a disagreement with my narc woman and I raise my voice very slightly, I'm accused of "screaming" at her. Then she goes and tells others how I'm always screaming at her. Narcissism is a mental illness.
I deal with the exact same thing. If my voice raises even slightly, and I have a very strong voice normally, I immediately get yelled at by my wife telling me to "stop screaming at her." It drives me up the wall.
💯
Sounds familiar!!! 😔
The gaslighting is truly phenomenal.
Yep
Stay emotionally distant from narcissits!! Omygoooodness I'm learning so much! Ugh. I don't show her any emotion or attention. I didn't fight back. I completely ignore her and we live under the same roof. Very stressful!! 😱😱😱
If you confront the narcissist don't expect anything but narcissistic behavior. They'll just invalidate whatever you say as narcissist do.
I’m currently separated from my wife of 12 years for about a year now and I got full custody of our 7 year old son. Everything you mentioned in this video I went trough 100% one day I woke up, and I just realized that she would never change so I left. It was just exhausting to feel like I had to walk on eggshells the entire time I have one life to live, and I feel like I was wasting my time with the wrong person
How were you able to walk out of the relationship?
I’ve a bought a nice new lifted truck and my ex-wife had a burst of anger and scratched my truck causing 4K in damages. After this things weren’t the same anymore I knew I was not going to get over it
@fernandodesousa9362 damn well glad you got out man. Them narc bimbos are something else
🤯...... as cliché as it's gonna sound, I didn't think there was anyone who knew exactly what im going thru currently, almost wrd for wrd!
@@jesssegovia1135 I get it, 100%. You're not alone! They know who to target! They're heartless, completely self absorbed, and it's not our job to fix them. Wishing you ❤ and healing
This video is gold. "Don't fight ... don't give it to them." Incredibly packed with wisdom and sounds like it's drawn from experience. Gold, I tells ya, gold!
Holler!!
Many will threaten physical violence if verbal threats don’t work and are usually unafraid to back up their threats of violence
Best thing to do is keep yourself occupied with hobbies or people or something you love. Your focus on that over time, will make you realize there is alot more to life than giving them energy.
The number one thing they will do is discard you. Once you treat them like they treated you, wow its all over. So if you want out, just do that. Ignore them, minimize them, put them down....it wont take much, they absolutely can't take that.
I'm so happy having my former partner back , after being separated for months . All thanks to Mr Ehijator whom help me to get back my ex again , I will suggest y'all to get help from him and it works within 48hours...My husband behaved strangely again and then they let me go, so I decided to go, and then I found a doctor on the internet, everything was explained and he helped me get my husband back with his powers in just 12 hours, and my husband came back and told the children about others. Also, if you have a problem,.
WatzaP
You don't even have to and shouldn't go down in the dirt to do the same to them. It's totally sufficient to get a "no bs attitude", just don't take any nagging or similar from them and give them the silent treatment, when they nag you. They absolutely can't take that.
It can be dangerous to minimize them.
@@MAM-zw5xv Of course, you have to plan your actions but it's still the best thing to do.
100% correct about the reaction. They want the fight. They NEED the emotional reaction. They thrive on creating instability in those they control. Keep them weak. Undermine their self-confidence. And when that doesn’t work, they unsettle them with wild accusations and ridiculous provocations.
I used to make all my romantic relationship into a hell in my 20s.
Then I met a boss who is more narcissistic than me in my late 20s, and finally understood how horrible I was for my girlfriends.
And I can tell you that the only thing a weak, childish, narcissist man want is an attention.
Don't give it to him.
Glad you were able to finally truly see yourself. Most never will.
Don’t we all want attention though?
@@sleepystar1638 Not at the expense of another’s psychological health
@@GoogleUser-pc6tu semantics, all humans need attention, communion and friendship, otherwise your are literally only living for yourself which is the epitome of selfishness.
Were you aware of what you were doing to them?
My best advice is to stay away from every person who is abusive. Most abusers lack empathy therefore they're narcissists. Plain and simple.
Bullies are 100% Narcissistic avoid bullies
@@cherobinson6371 Amen.
Bullies are people who have been bullied, and abusers are people who have been abused. Not all narcissists are bullies. Abusers and bullies can be narcissists but they can also be neurotypical healthy and secure, believe it or not. Bullying and abuse can be visibly horrific and psychotic, or it can be non-physical and passive, so much so that it goes unnoticed. Anybody could potentially be a bully or an abuser at some point in their life whether they are at the lighter end where they don’t even realise what they’re doing, or they’re Adolph Bloody Hitler. These are learnt behaviours and they’re not chronic conditions. Those bullies and abusers that aren’t affected by personality disorders are perfectly capable of reflection and atonement, and they can change. Any act of bullying or abuse from these people is indefensible, and a reflection of their current unhappy and weakened state. FYI they only abuse the people who allow it, with the exception of children and vulnerable people. It’s nobody’s job to teach them how to behave in civilised society, but we all have a responsibility to ourselves and need to do everything we can to recognise and stop any abusive treatment we receive as soon as possible. I don’t say this to victim blame, but experience has taught me time and time again that if someone attempts to abuse us then we have to act the first time. There will never be an easier time to confront the abuser and they are most likely to respond positively at the very start. Easier said than done though. Narcissism is a completely different thing altogether, and while it can show up in the form of abuse and bullying, there is no exclusive link between the personality disorder and abusers/bullies so it’s not wise to brand any old person a narcissist and doing so would seriously misrepresent the 1% of humans that are narcissistic and would dismiss whatever circumstances may exist around bullies and abusers and would hinder any resolution.
Low self esteem one person the other person is a controller every one has issues so sad but funny
What you describe is more of a psychopath. So no it's not that plain and simple. Those get confused a lot.
Nothing is their fault it’s always someone else
they mainly can be irresponsible, un-co-operative and exhausting.
I'm glad others are receiving this information, but unfortunately most end up here after the fact. I wish I had it years ago & am still learning everyday. The red flags become easier to spot not just for those looking for potential loves interests, but with new friendships as well. A narcissist bestriend can do just as much damage to you as your loved one.
My ex bff was a covert narcissist and let me tell you I didn't even know she was for the longest time until I set a boundary, and then I immediately went to the devalue stage and discard stage. Best thing that ever happened to me!
Never again though.
So true. My intuition told me something was off. I didn’t KNOW until nearly 15 years later. Better late than never.
@@mojadah10 YES! Your intuition is #1 when dealing with narcs. I literally felt a sharp shock when I went to hug her right before the discard. She was already planning on how she was going to discard me, even while I had no idea about it. I'll never disregard my intuition again.
My best friend was triangulating my wife. I had to dump my best friend of 30 years.
I just recently finished with a very messed up girlfriend. The non stop mood swings, the abusive comments, back handed comments, pulling away then blaming me for not being there for her, the pathological lying, the blame shifting, the defensiveness over asking her anything. One thing that struck me was how she would mirror me. She started saying words how I do, when we first met she never liked Eminem and suddenly that is all she listened to. If I did'nt drop everything last minute to go see her i was accused of seeing other girls. Never asked me about my day or my life in general. Got a new job and had zero congratulations and wasn't even asked how my first few days went. EVERYTHING was about her. Ohhh her dramas, ohh her childhood and how awful it was, how everybody leaves her, how life was so unfair, how all her ex boyfriends were narcissist and she even called me a narc for breaking up with her.
Found out she has a history of self harm and eating disorders. Within 48hrs of breaking up she was suddenly pregnant and by magic fell down the stairs a week later and lost it. This is just the tip of the iceberg of how she behaved. All this happened within a few short months and i ran for the hills. Blocked her everywhere. I deserve so much better. Thank you for these amazing videos and help. There is zero wonder as to why her ex who is also the father of her kids left her. He escaped!
Worse part of it all, she is oblivious to how she gets on and she blames everybody for her own problems in life. There is zero accountability at all. It is terrifying that people like this exist and they wonder why people run from them.
"the pathological lying, the blame shifting, the defensiveness over asking her anything" These people live in a delusional reality. They make stuff up in their minds, and then believe it as truth. They are so disconnected from objective reality, they live in a self generated fantasy. How dare anyone question what they believe as truth (sarcasm)!
You're spot on! I've been going through all that for several years with someone and had no idea what or who he was or what was even happening to me until I was stuck in it and screwed up in the head because of it. Found out I had cancer and got home from my appointment just to go to emergency room with him for pink eye and then listened to him bitch and whine all evening because his eye was bothering him! Then he started a fight, AGAIN, and left. Same night! That was tonight!! That was even lower than I even thought he would go. But I obviously gave that POS more credit than he was worth.
I could have wrote verbatim, everything you mentioned. In fact, did we dated, the same girl,? They are agents of choas. Once you come out of the "fog", they have no more power of you. Peace!
That sounds very similar to what I went through with a narc. Wow, they are weird people that have an amazing ability to mess with your mind.
She does this because she truly believes that her problems are everyone else's fault. She does nothing wrong. Even tho she admits that all these guys left her, she doesn't see why. That many guys leaving her tells the story.please stay away from her.. She will never change. She will never apologize either cause she is never wrong. And the lies..OMG. I found a pair of sunglasses in my husbands glove compartment that had bling on sides and on front. When I showed them to my husband ( you won't believe this) he said they were HIS !!!!! Never blinked an eye. Lied, even tho it was so obvious they were for girls. And nothing girly about him. 6'2 , 200 lbs, truck driver..hunter..biker. And he thought that I would believe they were his??? This is how bad Narcissist can be. Stay away
They don't say sorry. And they don't want to change.
One way to know that you're dealing with a narcissist is when they take, and take, leaving you feeling depleted. Whereas, you'll receive less, and less or nothing in return.
💙UA-camr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
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My father is a really really bad narcissist. He does a lot of these things. It's hard separating from a parent in particular bc they have a lot of psychical control over you. My sister abandoned all of her belongings to move away and life a better life. I hope to be as strong as her one day.
Do it, go no contact.
crazy how much a narcissist doesnt care about you and take advantage of how much you care about them
Love bombing
Devaluation
Discard
Hoover
(Repeat as necessary)..
That's the vicious cycle when dealing with a narc....the only revenge you can do to protect yourself....no contact....walk away ...focus on healing...and bettering yourself...
Yeppppp! Jackpot!
my mother told me she loved me 10,000 times...i hated to hear those words every time...she of course will live to 100...stole my father from me who lost his ego into her illness...one of the worst humans alive...
Don’t forget, triangulation and the flying monkeys
This is exactly how my divorce played out… thank you for this video. I’ve been struggling a lot with resentment and anger towards my ex for all the ways he played me and then proceeded to run a smear campaign against me. Sometimes watching videos like these and hearing someone else calmly and logically describe all of this just reminds me again that this is just wrong and childish. I can’t change what happened… but I am so glad it did. As it turned out, I dodged a major bullet and I am glad we didn’t have kids together.
Sending love and prayers to anyone else going through relationships like these. It’s truly exhausting and I’ve had to work very hard at building up my self esteem again. Covert narcissists are dangerous.
incredibly lucky not to have had children...
Man, where was this video 9 years ago. 😅. I could have used this advice when I was going through a custody battle back then. I am a narcissist abuse survivor and it's taken YEARS to finally heal and break from his control completely. I did lose custody of my son to him and I even got remarried to a wonderful man....but the mental and emotional abuse dealt a hard and lasting blow. I'm still dealing with some issues, but this video helped me realize just how much I've healed because I have seen everything you mentioned here. The best is.... I'm not scared anymore and can look him in the eye when I have to face him now too. I can smile and be comfortable in my own skin and maybe I'm a little petty about it because it gives me so much satisfaction knowing he also knows he no longer has power over me 😊
"So take all that kindness and compassion that you have and direct it toward yourself." (6:13)
I had an experience with a narcissist when her story changed all the time when I caught her lying and then would say “ I never said that!” trying to make me to believe her stories as she would change them in real time. It’s scary with these kind of evil.
mine would lie and when caught, would say "i misremembered it was so long ago cmon i have a terrible memory"
This lady has saved my mental health I don't need these people watching my hacked phone I don't need any help I wish they would leave me alone I can't believe the lies and b.s. iv been through weirdo slandering...thanks for giving me facts about narcissist please leave me alone people
My first husband told me one time when he came over to pick up his children for visitation, "It's not fair; you are doing too good without me". I still feel what he did to me even though he has been dead for over 30 years.
It can last a lifetime because you can't understand how he could do those awful things to you?? Because yo never knew someone could be so cruel and punishing?
You are finally FREE!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!
30 years is nothing...my 20 year old son committed suicide 33 years ago but to me it happened last week. Such trauma that you and I went thru never will go away. On top of my son passing, I lived with a narcissist for 35 years. Double whammy. But out 6 months now and I surprise myself at how happy I am. Peace
When I asked my narc ex_husband for my divorce he looked at me straight in the eyes and told me: "Don't you know to keep your friends close and your enemies closer?" That's when I knew I was doing the right thing.
The ONLY escape for me after 40 years will be with MY death which you just confirmed. Whether through adult sons and grandkids or old friends he will NEVER be out of my circle. Wish I knew about narcissism long before a few years ago.
If one is single and not married , a bit of advice. If you meet one knowing by their character traits. Go no contact. End it immediately.
It is SO difficult to stay brave in the face of a threat but tbh they are usually bluffing. Pathetic creatures! Stay strong, folks.
So True and I wish I knew what I was going up against before I filed for divorce! This has been emotional draining and financially draining. He took me off the joint account, the phone service and lied about me not able to step foot in our home! Not to mention he took a big chuck out of his 401K and is claiming his mother bought everything in our home that is community property! Materialistic things I can re buy but my Son is my World. It was only my Son and I all the time.
Lies come out in the end. His story is starting to fall apart. He doesn't remember his lies. All his text, emails, messages and voice-mails are becoming my evidence! To all the lies he swore under oath that I did!
Please Pray for me, Roxann and my Son Jacob. That the Judge sees through him at court. Thank you💗
All will be well. Trust in God
🙏🤥
“Invalidation is about dismissing your experiences, thoughts and above all your emotions. Indeed the intention is to not even allow you to have those thoughts, experiences and emotions. It’s a way of invading your head and reprogramming it. It’s psychological abuse (messing with your thoughts) and emotional abuse (messing with your feelings).” - Danu Morrigan
Good quote. Accurate.
It literally reminds me of the alien movies where they take over people's bodies.
@@franksimmons9242 Yes, this is an accurate way of describing it
I don't understnd why they need so much control
😔🍀🙏
Literally my second "boyfriend" when I was 24 and he was 35. We were seeing each other for 18 months and he took advantage of being the kid of my pastors.
@@priscillajimenez27Sorry you experienced this:-Hope life's being extremely good to you these dys✨☘️🙏
I didnt give my narcissistic mother a chance I went no contact , not only with her but whole family unfortunately.
Just remember they will manipulate those around them to get at you , so there control is absolute.
I went through the same tactics with a 9@y coworker. The clown tried to get me fired on several occasions and accused me of things I had no involvement in and use other coworkers against me. I discarded him after the first day working around him and the people in there that took his side. They finally fired him since he caused too much confusion.
@@Lonewolf-allthewayUP it’s good that us folk that have some self dignity can spot the troll beneath the bridge.
Many others are not so lucky.
#5 and #6 are happening for me right now. He's isolated me from our mutual friends.. they truly believe he's the victim. I'm being painted as a crazy woman and trouble maker
He says in texts "no need to be aggressive" when I'm trying to have a calm conversation and uses the word abusive when I'm definitely not being abusive at all. It's all baiting and his attempts to make me react.
Stay calm and don't react!
Mine likes to say out loud as If for an audience, “If you can’t be civil I won’t be able to talk to you!” As if he has any clue what civil even looks like and it always catches me off guard because it has absolutely nothing to do with what we were even talking about.
@@Mamma_Kel oooh how infuriating and confusing at the same time!! I feel for you x
It's toxic and hard to stay positive when dealing with such a narcissist person. Chin up and all the best
@@Mamma_Kelmaking you look nuts…
My wife is a narcissist and this helped me understand what I'm dealing with more and more. Sometimes i feel trapped.
Are you guys gonna go through therapy? Does she wanna work things out? Can her family and friends and you do an intervention to address it?
If you don't have kids leave
They get worse, I hope you can safely escape.
Goodluck with that. Their DEMONIC
The worst part of it all and what made me decide to leave is when we cuddled before going to sleep, 2 hours later woke up in the middle of the night, had sex, and the next morning she claimed it wasn't consensual. I can never trust her again. She manipulates me and uses the kids against me to get me to apologize. Been married 5 years. I don't deserve any of this and it's an awful feeling inside.
Going through number five right now. Exactly word for word. It’s mind blowing.
Thanks for creating this list. I just lived through every one of these, almost in this exact same order. It’s like there is a Narcissist Cookbook, and they are all following the same recipes.
I always say they seem to have a manual😙
Apparently it is their nature...Thankful we have retained our Souls throughout our abuse.
Of course, with some slight variation!
I've often said they all attend the same "Asshole Academy". Isn't it weird how when victims compare notes, it's like we all were with the same person?
Jason Doherty: Hahaha. Yes, the Narcissist's Cookbook! Indeed! Handed down from the Devil himself; the original narcissist! Hahahaha. Good one. Thanks. :)
I am grateful for the many lessons I learned from my time with a grandmaster narc. That 5 years was hell but I’m long into my recovery journey and things are better than ever. The more I learned towards the end of that relationship and through my recovery, the more I saw how important self growth and emotional maturity is. I would not be the person I am today if I’d never come across a narc. Still would advise against dating one. Water your own grass to the point that you yourself are happy being there.
I cannot begin to express my gratitude for this video. My mother has done every last one of these things since I was a teen.
I feel very bad for you. I hope you read a lot and gain a strong understanding of why and how she did this. And don’t take on any of the blame she made you feel. Best of luck 🤞🏼 and lots of love 💕
My narcissistic brother tried to reach out. When I didn't respond, he became angry and engaged in telling people that he's worried about me. He has engaged in slander. If you aren't there to defend yourself, you are an easy target. I'm shocked at how many people soak up slander and spread it.
I too am shocked at how many people soak up slander and spread it. It's a huge problem in the U.S.
I have found that because they are so bold about it and have no remorse for lying, people just automatically assume it's true. Unless they are able to be close to the narc for a longer period of time, they may never catch on, but ppl close to them do. And I've also noticed that the actual victim tends to stay quiet and isolated more, and doesn't speak up as much as the narc, so other people just kind of paint them any way they want-but In the same way, if they spent a lot of time with the victim, they would see that the lies aren't true
@@neena9202 If that's all it takes for someone to turn against me is someone else's slander without asking me my side of the story, the trash can go ahead and take itself out!
@@neena9202 Brilliant! Nicely said....
My 40 year old son said to my: WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF YOU IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS
So accurate. Run don't walk from high-control people. 1. False apology "I'm sorry you feel I did something wrong." 2. Hoover. Best behavior. Recruitment. Stronger manipulation. 3. Chance encounter. More manipulation. 4. Emotional blackmail. Play the victim, play on your empathy. 5. False accusations. 6. Flying monkey smear campaign 7. Threats.
Spot on, but my narcissistic relative has never apologised as they think they have nothing to apologise for ie they are never wrong...
Since I have been alone and with God. He no longer has any power over me. I have been alone for so many years in my marriage that it doesn't phase me anymore. He tried to tell me his friends and family are mine but they never call hangout with me. So truth wins out everytime to his lies and gaslighting. God's with me everyday, never stabs me in the back or tell my secrets. I'm good.
I never got a sorry🤣
They hate strength in you. They are manipulating people
If you are a good person and in need of friends that is the type of person the narcissist is looking for to abuse and manipulate. Some people in need of friends will be vulnerable to love bombing (which is insincere love) and subject to abusive manipulation. I am sort of like that and I want to believe that this person has a genuine interest in me as a friend but I have learned over many instances (I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt) that their love overtures are not always sincere and many of these types will abuse and manipulate you if you let them. I read a statement that said "nobody can ever manipulate you without your consent." I believe that is true, but it requires that we be honest with ourselves to identify manipulation and avoid it in every possible way in order to keep our sanity and self respect. It is not easy if we have somebody we care about, value and sometimes like , but do not want to admit to ourselves that they are manipulating us in bad ways. But we must admit to it in order to deal with it effectively and free ourselves of abusive behavior by a supposed friend. Otherwise it will just go on and on indefinitely being abused. They will not stop on their own. It is never a pleasant experience and at times requires letting go of shallow, manipulative 'friends'. A sad part of life but liberating once you get rid of the destructive manipulation that keeps you down. There are real friends in this world that will not treat you this way. We just need to find them. Let the narcissists take a walk out of your life.
The hoover stage has gotten me more than once. It was wonderful while it lasted. But after noticing a pattern i would get an uneasy feeling a few days in.. like something bad was going to happen, and BOOM the discard. Like clockwork. There was never a good reason. It was always just ugly and seemingly evil. Traumatizing for a guy that didn't understand and was truly in love.
This bro. She pops up in my line of sight at work. Stands there waiting for me to talk to her. I do and I think things are going well, and then the next day its avoiding eye contact and cold shoulder. So I move on and she throws these little fits, when I won't look her way or talk to her. She's always watching me now. The shit is fucking scary. And when you figure them out they band together to try to change the perception of everyone around you. They can't even look you in the eye once you know. They just watch you like voided puppets. And when you look at them they pretend they weren't and go back to work. Just looking at them is enough to satisfy them. I'M LOOKING AT YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE STARING AT ME AND IT'S FUCKING EERIE.
I have learned to look for the signs in advance. The moment I see a red flag in someone who is constantly looking to provoke me, who cannot take ownership of their own behavior and acts out manipulatively on a regular basis, I immediately shut them down, close the door and kick them out of my life. We can't prevent these people from showing up.. however we CAN educate ourselves and the moment we see the signs the door must be closed on them swiftly.
This so spot on. I was seeing a gal and found out that she is a narcissist, everything you said was exactly as she was and behaved to a damn T.
Thankfully i saw it and said goodbye as much as i loved her and it definitely hurt it is so much better now. No more bs and drama.
Thank you so much
It's insane how accurate all of these videos on narcissists are, even when I had no idea I was dealing with one until after the fact. All of these steps and manipulation tactics are exactly what I was dealing with, nearly to a tee. Even when I got out of the relationship, this video laid out exactly what I went through.
1. Fauxpology - I was "friends" with this person for years, never understanding why I would go through weeks or months of silent treatment over things I had no control over. Fights every few weeks, never being allowed to talk about anything and being forced to walk on eggshells. Whenever I told this person I needed space, she starts out saying "I'm sorry you've been feeling this way" and "I just wish we could go back to normal". Obviously, she never even acknowledged or understood WHAT I was upset about or why I needed space. And she stated that she just wanted to "go back to normal" which was code for "I want to be done talking about what I did wrong, and I just want to go back to having control over you without you speaking up about it." It's simply that she thought an "apology" was the best route to go in order to pacify me in the moment.
2. Hoovering - After I said I needed space, she gave me all but a single day before disrespecting the boundaries and saying "I really miss you and just want to go back to the way things were, etc." When I politely said I still needed space (and maintained my boundaries), she switched attitudes in an instant and said "Well I tried. I'll never fucking do that again."
3. Chance Encounter - Not exactly the same because I didn't give it much of a chance, but I dealt with this on occasions before where I wasn't "done" with the relationship.
4. & 5. Emotional Manipulation & False Accusations - She finally texts me again after a month or so and starts with "I don't like what you did to me." and saying things like "You always play these mental games", "I don't deal with this with any of my other friends", "You won't ever tell me how you feel" (as if she would ever let me speak before flying off the handle, shutting down the conversation and then giving me the silent treatment), and my favorite "I shut you out in the past so you should know how bad that made you feel, so why would you do it to me?" Just every tactic she could think of to make everything about me and my flaws, misrepresent every situation and play the victim. It's also ironic because her "not understanding what's going on" just demonstrated that her earlier apology was fake as she didn't really seem to even understand why I was even upset.
I could go on, but you get the gist. Each step here is just the tactic that the narcissist thinks will work at the current point in time. None of it is real and it's all just an attempt to regain control and power. I just wish I understood all of this earlier.
Same here. Hope you meet someone nice.
The "chance encounter" that would occur in my space always made me so angry! Like I'd be in my yard working and the big dope would say he " was just driving by" and stopped to say hello. I Iive on a side road and there was no place he would have been going! That went on for a few years! He knew there was no future to it but it was just to try to disrupt my life.
Videos like this help me realize I’m actually *not* the manipulative narcissist I worry I am sometimes. We all have tendencies for sure, but I know I’m ok. People actually like me, I’m not tricking them into it. That sounds silly but it has taken me a long time to be secure in that
I feel like the moment we might think we are the narcissist is the exact moment we should truly realize we aren’t AT ALL. The empathy says it all
I fell for the fauxpology (I also had a young child whose parent had left us with no notice and was missing his daddy) so let daddy back in, knowing inside it did not feel right. What followed was 4 weeks of best behaviour and then it aaall returned and was even more vindictive and controlling. Took me another 5 years to get him out of my life. It was scary, psychologically weird, full of smear campaigns with my direct family who became convinced he was a poor victim of my horrible ways and I had to go silent, do lots of research and be very strategic. Don’t fall for the fauxpology!! Believe in yourself.
After I didn't let my narcissistic ex back in he told our children it's my fault I don't want the family together cause I wknt take him back. He did lie on me. He never stopped trying to get back together.
Oh my God! I can't believe that I survived this for six years, but I'm glad it's all over now, and I am healing and reclaiming myself.
Me 15 years but now I am.back to myself
Dang! I'm on #7 and still ignoringing him. It works quite well.
Took 11 years, 😮 but hey... I finally am feeling stronger.
Threats, yes, I had to get a restraining order, but calling 911 definitely showed him I was serious! 🎉
Helps to have close friends who believe you and have your back, so do not isolate,that only allows him/her back in. God bless us all!❤
I'm a guy and let me tell you. So many of them are weirdos
I needed this today! Time to break the cycle. Showing this to my 14-year-old daughter today after school.
Knowledge is power. Thank you.
XO peace and love. 💕💫
ME and my son (40& 19)!!🙋 they are pathetic monsters that the devil himself don't trust!!
Had 2 share EVERYTHINH WITH MY 15YR SON, he was foin down the same confussing rd I did he now knows😁
Knowledge becomes true power when it's what is known and put into practice/use
Thanks for being a good mom, she’s lucky. We want to teach our kids to watch out for narcissists but, I think it’s equally important to make sure they don’t become this way themselves. I hate people who their kid to have an advantage but don’t care about the possible damage their own kid could cause due to the parents shit personality and parenting.
I'm a strong and smart dude and I could not get away from her until she did something drastic and I was forced to. Do your best to get out. Good luck
I'm in the middle of the false accusations and smear campaign. I'm so thankful the people who know me know the truth and that is pissing her off all the more. I'm being told I'm crazy, a bully, I'm irratic, and won't speak to anyone about the issues. She managed to turn one couple against me who are now threatening me for being cruel to her. I'm so thankful I'm out. These videos are so validating because it let's me know that I'm not crazy.
I can relate. Mine is doing the same thing
I experienced damn near all of this recently. We're all self-centered to an extent. Whether we look in the mirror or not is the line.
Mine started apologizing, real apologies, but about stuff that I had forgotten, and never really cared about. That threw me. I told her I never cared about that, and she acted like everything was mended. As if that fake emergency last weekend didn't happen, but the missed trip from 10 years ago was so important. But don't bring up last weekend, because she's distraught about the old thing, the poor dear!
This is where I am rn with the narcissist. This will help me prepare & cope better. Thanks so much for this info.
Good awarenesses! It helps you see where you are with the narcissist in your relationship.
This is the most accurate "narc" UA-cam clip I have seen every step was like tick, tick, tick ....
My husband did all of these in a matter of a week or two and goes back and forth and does them all again. I've been out for a month now!!
Cycles get quicker.
Stay the course. It may get worse before it gets better, but it will eventually get better. But only if you stick to it.
Solidarity! 🤗
Blocked caregiver mother from everything including my son!! I'm 40 he's 19. I'm her only child and he's her only grandchild. He hates her 🤦🤷we don't give a (BEEP) about lunatics. THE DEVIL DON'T TRUST THEM
It's annoying how some people can't be nice to others. It's not that hard, but some have such insecurity they must try and dominate others.
@@rwdchannel2901 THEY ARE JUST PLAIN OL,(BEEP) LUNATICS 🤦 THE DEVIL DOESN'T TRUST THESE MOTHA (BEEP)!!💁💪
My mother does this same stuff to my father he drove his truck front end into a semi after 26 years of it.
Spot on! One weird one they used on me was accusing me of threatening them when no threat was ever made on my part. Everything you mentioned definitely happens at some point towards the end. Thanks for sharing
Mine did the samething Pete
All 3 times haaa
Finally done
When you firmly call them out
They implode
They are manipulative parasites
Everything I say causes my narc to claim I threatened him. It would be funny if it wasn’t so maddening.
I dropped off a package at the back door knowing he has Ring camera I kinda waved and got back in my car and left. He sent me the package back with a note stating I stay away or he will consider it harassment. He has IED and Bipolar I’ve seen him threaten others just didn’t think he would do it to me.
Mine accused me of "gaslighting" them for literally repeating something they said about themselves just the day before. They were already mad because I had become unavailable to them and they started really showing their true colors. It was actually kind of scary. It wasn't unbelievable, though, because I had already been questioning her behavior. Like, she loved to, somehow, make everything my fault. What is unbelievable to me is how she thought I wanted to stay friends when she'd do this over and over. Of course I didn't want to hang around her as much... being around her was draining and I had to watch what I said to or did to her or it would be another behavior she had to "correct" in me.
I said "no" last minute to go for tea with her and her friends and she got so mad! She revealed herself by overreacting. I live in the same household as her. I got real sick a month after she moved in. My gut tells me she's capable of deleting me. She totally plays victim and seeks sympathy!! Thank you for this video!! I totally ignore her now. She accused me of stuff she does!! So frustrating! Thank you for letting me vent ❤❤❤
Hi, I am in exactly this situation. All seven things you talk about has/are happening to me. Thank you so much for this guidance and information. 🇬🇧
I'm sorry to hear that, and I hope you're starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel ❤️🙏
@@CommonEgo Thank you. Yes, I am getting counselling help which is giving me some tools to cope. I am also using your videos to learn too. This is a problem the world over, including here in the 🇬🇧
@@CommonEgo thank you! I too going through this. Two times already not sure if I am making an error. I just move and the neighbors around are mobbing I started saying hi to them they said bad word so I back off. They haven't stop I just noted that they have some days worst than others, I just keep ignoring them, I suspect the lady from the office she's always asking how is everything, I don't give details is good. I don't want to call the police I already know what they will say no we not doing that you know how this people are.
i showed up to work for months with bruises. My coworkers were always concerned and supportive, but I didn't talk about it much and I just wanted to ignore the situation. After this last time he beat me bad enough that I finally decided to leave. Now he texts and calls saying that I am the narcissist, I'm the one running a smear campaign against him and that's why nobody like him, and I'm making life soooo much harder for both of us by shutting him out. So yeah... I'm familiar with MANY of these tactics. I left only 3 weeks ago so wish me luck! I'm trying to stay strong for our infant son 💙
Make as much noise about it as you can. If the people around you see the truth they will help you
Stay strong and I promise if you can stay away you will be able to stand up to him if he shows up. My ex cried and begged and I felt nothing. He called and said he was going to kill himself if I did not come back. I called his cousin who lived nearby him and was an EMT and I explained what he had said and that I wondered if he would go check on him. He never tried that again.
Please don't fall for the " I've changed story, I'll get help, bla bla bla". My sister stayed and her two kids are crippled as adults. They do drugs to cope, and take anxiety meds. For your son, I hope you stay away
Thank you so much for this. When things you say click perfectly, I know I truly was dealing with narcissistic abuse.
1. Fauxpology
2. Hoover and discard
3. “Chance” encounter
4. Emotional manipulation and emotional blackmail
5. Make false accusations (accuse you of gaslighting or being a narcissist)
6. Smear campaign
7. Threats
Thank you 🤍
They also use kids as a weapon. They use them as being an excuse as to why you cannot break contact.
2,4,5,6 and 7 I had gone through. Glad I got out just in time.
My ex did all these things, so exhausting.
How do u tell the difference between someone sharing their experience vs someone lying about someone?
Thank you, Sadia. 👍💜🍀🌼
Thank you ! It is always short term gain winning the orchestrated battles but loose the war! The validation seeking is exhausting!
Perfect! I dealt with this for three years. I’m finally free from it. She was controlling and everything was about her. And when she tried to mold me into something I wasn’t and I pushed back because of my independence. I was told how I wasn’t a man and then she found reasons to discard me. I’m good! I’m way better off and happier without that in my life. When she started pulling her psychopathic bullshit, I packed a bag and got as far away from her as I could. And I will remain as far away from her as I can. I will never speak to her or apologize to her for anything.
Love this content ! Especially the Faupolgy. As mother use to say when you apologize leave at that because if the word But follows I’m sorry the apology is nullified because you are justifying what u just apologized for ! I’m glad I stumbled onto this channel ! Just came out of a 10 year relationship with a woman who was the classic vulnerable narcissist
Omg I’ve been questioning myself!!!! I’ve been asking if i am in fact the narcissist! 😂
Thankyou for this! 🙏
Get Out
Me too. I’m out of the relationship, but am still questioning whether I am a narc! It’s difficult, for sure.
I have been questioning myself to
I also question myself and wonder if I am the/a narc. Then she does or says something utterly ridiculous or makes an absurd and accusatory projection, and I’m like oh ya, never mind. Haha
I still feel sorry for her but I need to just get her out of my house and life to the degree possible considering our little boy.
I was wondering the same thing. In fact, she said I was a narcissist. If you're a good person and you know it then don't believe that bullshit.
Narcissists are like television sets. They have buttons that you could push to get varying levels of entertainment! They are my favourite toys. 😁
I would rather have root canal then deal with those empty vessels.
@@samscarletta7433 It's not so bad. Once you learn how to get a reaction of those mentally disabled creatures, they become very fun to play with.
Oh my goodness, thank you for this. I've recently found myself on the receiving end of the false accusations tactics you described here. It's terrifying for me as a man, because she's created this outrageous narrative about how I was controlling, etc. None of it is grounded in reality, yet it's something she can convincingly sell to others. She's very good at making herself the victim and is now dragging me into it with things I never said or did. Thankfully the right people in my life know the truth, so I appreciate your guidance on *not* to fight it and to just avoid giving her the reaction she's looking for.
I was told in a store in a loud way,"so I am wrong again," I had said nothing of the sort. He came across like he was a victim (again).I walked away and at the end of the day I dropped him off and I was done.Much trying to control me and all situations had gone on and finally this. No contact x 5 months. Hoovering was attempted like nothing had ever occurred and I blocked him. It took time however I finally got who this person was. thanks Christina great video as always.
It's really funny how these monsters think they can just walk back into your life without even apologizing or promising not to do the wrong that they did. I used to tolerate that until I couldn't take it anymore
thanks!
Extremely interesting that everyone who dealt with divorcing narcissist have went exactly through all these 7 things! Same exact strategy and even same exact words!
I'm so happy having my former partner back , after being separated for months . All thanks to Mr Ehijator whom help me to get back my ex again , I will suggest y'all to get help from him and it works within 48hours...My husband behaved strangely again and then they let me go, so I decided to go, and then I found a doctor on the internet, everything was explained and he helped me get my husband back with his powers in just 12 hours, and my husband came back and told the children about others. Also, if you have a problem,.
WatzaP
THank you. When you said to direct the kindness and compassiona nd empathy towards yourself. tears came to my eyes.
Great video and information!!! After my narc lost control and I took control she divorced me, we were married over 26 years. 15 months later of zero contact the phone rings, she told me how much she STILL loved me and my family of whom she isolated me from our whole marriage. Told her to leave me alone and blocked the new number she used. Next will be the love letter in the mail, narcs want your soul and spirit. I'm still healing but thank God my eyes were opened!!!!
Here it is my advice for you: you do not give any closure to the ex narc.
You do not block, you do not tell her 'leave me alone'.
You'll say: "maybe, some day, we will reconcile our love story..."
And THEN you do not have more contact, you give no friendship, nothing.
It's future faking you do to her. These people deserve to stay stuck in their own paranoia for life. You lock them in there, this time.
I used to be agnostic but I'm starting to see this as a spiritual battle too. I just recently blocked an ex-girlfriend who tried to Hoover me myself. They're so arrogant they think they can just keep baiting and switching on people. Well, not to me anymore!
I finally left my narc SA husband of 35 years. I was actually beginning to wonder if I was the narc. He started saying what i had been saying like I was losing weight because I couldn’t eat due to all the stress. Suddenly that became his story. He said I left him for no reason and that broke him. He cheated. It was so bad he even had to go on dating websites because I convinced him it was over and he was so lonely. I was still blind to what was going on and foolishly thought he’d fight for me. Nope! Instead he started dating. I stayed because of the kids and illness etc but the kids are all out on their own and even though I’m battling my way back from GBS I said enough! Enough social media cheating, lusting after all these women across every platform, getting caught and swearing he’d stop. Swearing he’d put more work into the marriage because he admitted he’d been slacking. Really whatever he thought i wanted to hear but I was done. I married him at 22 and it wasn’t all bad but now it’s over. I can’t do this any more. I will adjust, adapt, heal and be strong, healthy and happy again. I hear there really are good men out there. It’s not a myth. 🦄
@@fabiopapalia No, you shouldn't go down to his level. Just go NC / no contact.
I'm going through #4 with my nex who spent years pushing me away, lying, cheating, gaslighting me, basically ripping my mental health to fine shreds but hoo-wee is he ever the victim now. I've been out for 2 months but I'm still getting messages about how "cruel" and "unfair" I am for "just dumping him", as if it was sudden and for no reason lol. Apparently I was obligated to try couples counseling before leaving, and I _at least_ owe him friendship now so he doesn't have to feel so alone 🙄 Yeah right, that "friends" crap is exactly how he sucked me back in all the other times I tried to leave, not falling for that again. No contact is the ONLY way- don't respond, don't be friends, don't even open their messages. Stay strong and KNOW you did the right thing.
Your are right. Keep going 💪...narcs are lying creeps...I don't think they are humans. They are too evil to be humans.
Couples counseling doesn't work with a narc. They will refuse to be held accountable and twist things around to make YOU the bad guy and paint themselves as the victim, using the counselor to gang up on you. Counseling is a waste of time and money with a narc.
I have been out for 5 months and I surprise myself as to how dam happy I am?! Yesterday he called me 7 times in an hour and half. Never answered because I don't need to answer the phone and get yelled at. So, he drives over to my house. I met him outside on porch. Next day, same thing. Again he drives over. Didn't answer the door and shut my phone off.I feel he will never leave me alone.one more step to being divorced! He can't get over that I really left for good this time
Right on. There will be no friendship...it will all be the same because unfortunately they will never change. If you do see some change, its only to suck you back in. Do not feel sorry for him. That's how they get us back in their web. Because we are natural born caretakers...we have empathy..we help less fortunate. Its just how we are and please do not change yourself. Its only been 5 months since I got out(35 years together) and I surprise myself at how happy I am. I am back to being Judy and I love her.
@@judygutshall7282 35 years?! Wow how amazing it must feel to be free now! So happy for you :D
This video is a fundamental understanding of a narc, very well explained .