*Think you may have had a relationship with a narcissist?* Download the FREE checklist to see how your experience stacks up to the phases of narcissistic abuse: www.commonego.com/checklist
I have a big question for you. Are narcissists simply mentally handicapped in a similar way a sufferer of ASPD lacks functionality in the part of the brain responsible for empathy, or are narcissists outright villains by nature beyond help and best avoided when found? I ask this because I hear everywhere about those abused by narcs, support going out to their victims as it should, but I hear nothing about narcissists being urged to seek help, let alone redeem themselves, I.E the agreed upon stance I've seen so far is narcissists are inherently villains and monsters and are lost causes due to lacking the will to be capable of being anything less. Thats why I ask? Are they lost souls that can be rehabilitated and redeemed, or are they monsters to the core?
They also have crazy fetishes. Mine had a fetish of drinking pee. It will get him aroused, but he will not be sexual. He was a compulsive liar. I found out he would go on websites looking for women to pee on in, in his mouth and in his car. He would also ride around looking for places where pee spots are. He blamed me for a lot of things, but he will never take responsibility of his actions and will never apologize for his wrong. He was crazier than I thought.
My wife is beautiful and sexy with mad chef skills... so yes, color me addicted. Unfortunately, she does not know how to love or participate in a romance where both partners attempt to put each other first. It doesn't matter that I've taken her all over the world and bought her whatever she wants, she thinks her insecurities are best addressed through controlling behavior, false accusations of infidelity (while she openly flirts infront of me and denies it) domestic violence (she is a violent alchoholic), and demeaning, belittling comments which include body shaming me by comparing me to how her ex's were endowed🫏, and telling me that her ex's who repeatedly cheated on her and only came back to her to use her body were better than me - they're better men than me. She does however have no complaints about the number of orgasms in her life, but she writes that off as me just using her for sex and her cooking. I wouldn't use the word "using", but yes, no complaints there. Her mistake in picking me as a source is that I know who I am. I am a Christian, non- toxic, Alpha Male Warrior, 21 year combat vet, father of 5 combat Vets including my daughter. I've never had any complaints about Sexual performance (just the opposite) and already have been through the attempted character assassination, financial and life destruction event that is the mother of my children after she cheated on me while I was deployed for the umpteenth time (for a year at a time) in combat. Why are you still with your current wife you might ask? Because I am, too the best of my abilities, a Christian in Word and deed. I believe in the sanctity of marraige, that it should not be entered into or left in haste and that what God has brought together let no man put asunder. There are things I love about her that I want in my life, things about her I do not want to lose. She is the best daughter, sister, mother, and grandmother I know. I can't imagine being in a knife fight with anyone else at my back, she is the walking breathing epitome of having a tiger by the tail - in every way imaginable. When things are good, they're great - we love, laugh, enjoy each other's grandbabies, and are polically and spiritually in synch. But when things are bad, I feel like I need a professional exorcist. I literally feel like I'm dancing with the devil, and when I look into those demonic eyes, I know why she never had to spank any of her 4 kids. And those 4 kids and their kids are as awesome as mine, and I love them like I love my own... but she has now poisoned them to me. She keeps taking things away, the cooking, the sex, the family, all while trying to make me feel guilty for wanting to spend time with my family. When it comes to being a wife and life partner engaged in a romance for the ages... let's just say being increasingly verbally and physically abused, having false allegations of DV resulting in two trips to jail that threaten my security clearance (I still advise the military) has never on my list of "must haves" in a relationship...and at this point, I'm pretty sure I know what an eternity in hell is going to be like and I do not want to go there - or go back to jail, that was just disgusting. Altho I do believe I have a future in prison ministry and have grown exponentially in the Godly traits of forgiveness, mercy, patience and long-suffering... Silver linings... I may be the only "type" of man who can help her... but now, after watching these videos (mind blowing) and knowing exactly what I'm up against for the first time (thank you) and reading the comments here where everyone is saying don't just run, but run fast and don't look back, I'm like WTF? Now that I'm familiar with both the disorder and the childhood trauma that likely caused it (sexually abused by family member, date raped at 14, pregnancy, abortion... what kind of real man leaves when the going gets tough? All I know for a fact, is that everything here in this life is temporary, everything in the next is eternal, and we are admonished by the Creator of the universe to lay our treasure up for the next life (heaven) where moth and rust do not destroy. I have newfound respect for what you and your profession do to help those dealing with this and other disorders... I love her...help?
One I worked for asked me multiple times if my family was inbred. I don't think he thought I was smart enough to know what that meant. But the fact he kept asking...poking.
Because you wanted it. Always hiding behind the choices you have to make in life, but letting you verbally make a desicion. So they can blame you when things are sometimes a bit hard. " It was what You wanted" I've heard him say those words more than once.
I SOLVED THAT PROBLEM, MULTIPLE TIMES! JSUT TOLD THE; = ' ' - ALRIGHT? - ' ' = HAVE IT YOUR WAY. - ' ' THEY WILL CHOKE ON THEIR OWN ARROGANCE & STUBBERNNES! TRY IT? DO IT??! IT ALWAYS WORKS TO ME!!
#1- NOT, QUITE SO?!! - #2 - HAVE IT YOUR WAY!! AND THIRD? - #3 - I JUST LEAVE THINGS QUIETLY @ THAT, AND I LEAVE!! THE LAST / #3 REALY TEALLY HURTS THEM! NOT, QUIT, AS MUCH, AS EAERLIER THEY DID HURT = M E! = IT WORKS, DARN WELL TO ME!!
@@jasonforsyth6191I was referring to the comment / reply under yours. Sorry if I offended you. Was not my intention. I was attempting to point out that when she said "so you teach them" and "he goes from narc to normal but he's trying" . I was just trying to tell her to basically quit being taken for a fool. And to be honest with you, I think that shows that I do in fact have empathy! Blessings!
I asked my dark empath mother for 3 months of therapy told everyone that she started therapy. She went 1 time and didn't go back because she doesn't know why I am so mad at her and if I could just call....
So glad to hear people using they. Birds of a feather certainly do flock together. And a narcissist also who has someone else there will not allow you to move on either. They will always find you and act like or tell everyone else your the psycho or narcissist and keep you socially isolated. They will say their "overs" only after they sink you financially and think you can't get anywhere else and if you do They will just keep finding you bringing you down th their level.
They are cheaters in many ways. They will find another person to focus on and want to be around and get feelings for when that person is already in a relationship with you. They are cheaters.
Dont engage, don't engage I've learned to not engage. Instead I've disengaged. Remember not all people you let go of are losses AND Karma never loses any address. Walking away lifted the weight of the world off my shoulders.
It's sooooo hard because he left me a year ago then 2weeks ago he came back and we were intermite but now has blocked me but lives next door and it really really hurts 😢😢😢😢😢
They are the most exhausting people on the planet. They do not stop wanting attention, and people to fall all over them and follow their lead and make them feel superior. It never ends. It is totally exhausting. That’s why mostly I stay by myself and try to go on with my life, and I have so many different interests to keep myself busy and away from them. I find that that is the only solution among all the chaos that they cause. I try to find peace away from them, and a better quality of life.
I was married for 54 years to one who was an egomaniac and wanted to be in the mob. And was a coorrrupt construction worker. Who has the law backing him up!
Yes! This is my situation you describe it perfectly. It has been 16 weeks since I went no contact and I never imagined the relief it would bring, to be not have sMother’s voice in my head every day.
I know... my ex husband started to call me a psychopath. I was like what? I am kind and helpful. Well I went to library to borrow all the books about psychopathy and I realized they were describing him... it is called mirroring
Is true … my ex boyfriend left me come back after 3 months . I took him back but nothing was the same … I tried hard .. I left him a lot of times after that I decided to leave him forever and he always says that is me blaming him for everything … which is crazy … he says that I’m very bossy which is not true but he wants me to believe that … I just pray to god ti help me to forget him … and continue life without him … is sad that everyone wants to put the fault in you ..
Found out after the discard. And im so drained havent been able to work att all no income and sure no energy to start running. For 10 long years i was stuck in this hell. Unable to work for 3... lets not talk avout trust issues. Pretty sure im done having a partner. I rather die alone than with just another psycho...
@@mikaellindqvist5599 Me too. It's been over 4 months. They say we're going to "get over it" and "stop worrying." And "leave it alone" etc. And I'm WTF NO! It fucking HURT like shit!!!!!
My sister is a narc, I loved her but now I'm done with her she always wants to be on spotlight, arrogant, a dictator she is unforgiving, a manipulater I'm so sick of her ,she no longer has a place in my heart I do not want to be used any more
@@kathy7124 🤣🤣🤣 maybe ,I vowed to myself that I can't give her another chance against me, she has gaslighted several times and l remained calm now she pretends to be nice on texts msgs 🙄as if she cares.... Nothing can make a narc change accept for God ,they are wolves in sheep's clothing,they change colors off.
@@John-tp5gc noway my dear thanks to the technology, Im equipped ready to protect my inner peace ,mental health is more important than anything else , boundaries, no contact ,they won't change but you have to protect your self and loved ones.
Give them absolutely - NO emotions ! They cannot read folks that do this & it leaves them totally on their own - which will result in them showing their true colors. I personally been there, done it & saw it all unfold before my eyes. It’s the most powerful & simplest tool to use
Oh God YES! They cannot STAND not getting a rise out of you! It irritates them so much and they absolutely start showing their true colors then bc they push reeeeaally hard at that point to try to break you....but no emotion drives them up the wall.
When one of her closest friends died in a car accident, she said something like "such pity, he was so useful." in a completely cold tone, like one of her favorite cups broke, but it's no big deal because she can just order another one from Ikea. I'll never forget that moment, it still evokes feeling of terror and dismay, to know that someone operates on this level. Luckily I was quick to escape that relationship not long after that event.
Yes, like Kathy Lee Gifford THREW A PARTY when her husband died! He'd had an affair with a flight attendant, 20 years earlier, and she NEVER forgave him. ("THEY" never do!) She figured if she left him, some other woman would marry him, and get all he had in the end. So she stayed with him and ALWAYS said the most insulting things about him, publicly. She took an apartment in town...NYC...to stay away from him as much as possible, and even had the nerve to ask for her segment on the Today Show moved to California...so she "could be close to where my son goes to college"...not caring if the entire CREW would have to move there too, or fly home to NYC every weekend, to be with their families! (You can bet her son WAS in California to get as far away from her as possible!) Her husband "dropped dead" and in 24 hours he had been cremated...no doctor exam...no autopsy...JUST DONE AWAY WITH! Then, the witch THROWS A PARTY!...to "celebrate life"...yeah...HERS! It was because her husband WAS Frank Gifford, that she even married him in the first place, and WHY she even became known! But..."THEY"...never forgive...and "THEY" WILL GET WHAT IS THEIRS! On one Today Show, they had cleaned up all the offices of the people who worked there. But Kathy Lee's office needed no clean-up. When Kathy and Hoda were talking about how neat all the offices were made...Hoda made the comment to Kathy, about how clean her office was, saying..."YOU ALWAYS GET RID OF THE THINGS YOU DON'T WANT!"...and there was this, very evil look, Kathy looked at Hoda with. She KNEW exactly WHAT Hoda was referring to...how quickly Frank had been DONE AWAY WITH! Hoda said she called Kathy when she heard about Frank, and Kathy told her not to come see her. But she did anyway. Hoda was bawling her head off, while that cold fish Kathy had nary a tear. Then a few days later...SHE THROWS PARTY! WHO DOES THAT?? ONLY A NARC! The way it all went down, Hoda KNEW what happened to Frank. I wonder how much the doctors, the coroner and the cops got. This isn't the first time this type of thing happens with the "jet set"...$$$$ can buy your freedom! But everyone is innocent until proven guilty, so this is just one person's opinion...and everyone has one, and everyone IS entitled to that.
I ran away ten years ago. I lost everything I had spent my whole life working so hard for. Losing my house and all my belongings was really hard but the hardest part was losing myself. It damages you in so many ways. The guilt i have for the damage it did to my children will never leave me. I have spent the last ten years hiding away from the world because of him. I recently met the man of my dreams. I am not hiding anymore. I am worthy of love. Infact, I always was. I always thought i must be weak and pathetic. He said it so often. But I am actually strong. 💪 it took me ten years of fear to get over the daily abuse. Love has finally set me free! It is incredible being with a kind caring person. 💖✨good luck everyone. You are worthy 💖💖💖
I am very happy for you ! Everyone deserves to have someone special ❤️ in their life. If this man makes you feel like the one person who cares about you and loves you, treasure him back with care and love and respect 🙏 and if this relationship continues to grow sincere. Then, always know that God put him in your life. God has done it for me ! He has put together with me a good Christian loving ❤️ and caring wife. There's nothing coincidenual about it. You will know for sure if that's the case. She also believes that God brought us together. I hope your relationship is good and always getting better. When Christ is in the marriage, it makes the relationship more important and stronger. I wish you the very best 👌
I hear you. Same here. I even lost custody and believed I would not recover from the more than a decade long nightmare. Another decade later and w/only one kid still being a minor ( I win 50/50 parenting time back certainly) I have outgrown my own expectations of what fundamental recalibration can look and feel like. However the children will have to deal a life time with this. I am here living a content peaceful life in which I have been able to change paradigms. Kids and I are closer than ever, nothing can change that. At one time they might learn it for themselves. I am no longer a participant of my own enabling and enmeshment and have really solid helpful strong boundaries established. I feel better and no longer suffer. It is a long road but you all CAN heal. ❤
No! .. They twist everything skillfully and draw conclusions from themselves about others. These are manipulations to confuse you... that you can manipulate better. We only notice later... when everything is over (without feelings)... what the narcissist did to you)... otherwise we would be discovered more quickly.
She even threatened suicide as a way to get my attention... if you block a narcissist do not even read text messages... silence is key. I walked away and took my power back and I am in my energy now.
Yeah. Its a very demonic sickness. When you live with it and others find it hard to believe such evil can be within someone you think you know. Its an ugly miserable existence for the narc and you must feel some gratitude for not having to walk in their shoes. Love and live your life!😊
She would tell her mother everything about me. At first it was a shock and I learned to deal with it. Then her mother started criticizing me for things only my ex knew from me. Right then I knew things went too far so I left the relationship. If that wasn't bad enough I had to deal with her 7 year old son bullying me with his nasty comments. I started to see the family dynamic was a breed of vipers. That's when I used the staff of GOD to strike the head of the snake, and move on. Jesus gave me the power to leave that relationship until the next snake Slithers around my ankles. Sad world we live in. Born into a war between good and evil and we chose what side we want by the way we live. Its a hard concept to grasp but very true or narcissts wouldn't be around to change our coarse to heaven.
And your coworkers playing at your jobs like a lil girl with a pacifier who needs severe attention 🤷🏾♀️ nothing is ever that serious to play with people's livelihood especially after you're already stealing from them 🤷🏾♀️ wish their looney ahh the worst & let karma sort it out. It is what it is & idgaf about em
I was raised in a very narcissistic home, and I can tell you from first hand experience that it is all based on "over-reacting" emotionally to thier tactics. Because the narcissist loves toxic drama!!
me too.....even when I said nothing he would find something to criticize me for.....It has been a hellish 3 years,,,but when he wanted to be nice he was so nice.....and the sex was amazing most of the time......
Spot on Christina. 😊 Staying cool as a cucumber and giving the narcisists neither positive nor negative emotions will mean NOT feeding the monsters and that is the goal. Thank you❤
They need to control themselves & stop showing their mental illness. It's really embarrassing to witness & they feel superior being weird because it's "evil" no it's cowardly & soft AF. Who would be afraid of their scary ahh with nothing better to do with their miserable ahh lives. If they were the evil threat they fantasize about then they wouldn't have targets they don't even know & stalk electronically because their goofy ahh would be in the real world ✌🏽 not taking these LAMES seriously. I'm from the show me state & calling their bluff. All their moves are COWARDLY & INDIRECT. Get a life & grow TF up
💯 Yep. The push Harder to gain power and control over you. Best thing to do is to 1,000% remove yourself. Block. Go cold turkey. Completely leave and never look back.
Yes my husband is out of control because I caught him in lies and betrayal and the backstabbing and I told him I won’t tolerate it anymore and I ain’t and man he’s getting even meaner I called the police on him yesterday because he started throwing my clothes out in the front yard I’m so shocked on what he’s really been doing to me in the last months.
It hell ye, they say it straight out” But but but!! The thing is I cannot CONTROL you!” Then you answer back” excimer, what did you say? What kind of control?? You already know where I am, what I m doing all the time, and who I m connected to, - so WHAT kind of control?? It’s not that I doesn’t agree that we must hold on to each other and we should know what The other person is doing, that’s ok in a relationship, but when was I dishonest?? Tell me WHAT kind of control????😮 Then The N doesn’t f answer you back!! That’s when you feel something cold shivering down your back cause this ain’t normal, there’s something crazy about it, and they don’t answer your questions!! Oh boy you must experience it to UNDERSTAND hot it splits you into pieces of mental pain confusion and fear.
Narcissists love controlling you. All the day to day stuff, yes of course, but specifically controlling your emotions because it allows them to ignore their own. They were taught happiness is control when instead vulnerability is the key.
😮I resonate with this one…they will hold grudges even when you didn’t know what you did wrong…long story short I was sick for a whole week couldn’t go to work and my husband at the time was not working and I was the sole bread winner and everyday he would get up and left the house for the whole day when he could spend the time with me. After some time I asked what was that about? He said because the last time he was sick I didn’t give him the attention he deserved 😮 after two years together I kicked him out of the house cut all contacts. Narcs have zero empathy 🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿 for this informative video
They “do hate themselves. They just don’t let themselves access that level of feeling that they would need to actually admit that to themselves.” WOW yes. That’s spot on. And when we empaths feel-and point out-what the narcs refuse to feel in themselves… that’s a bumpy ride. 😬
Use the Block button on phone FB and emails set firm physical no contact boundries ..They will trash you to your friends ..do not respond ..just let them ..the more you react the more in control they are of you !!
@@robertgalea1562Oh my, why didn't I think to do that before?!!! Thank you! Here I was feeling such guilt for not responding, to this current tx mess. he just sent, after 6mo. since, I've moved on... from the friendship. He's a nice guy... really! But, I started to recognize some of the traits, (that I needed to learn) from previous mistakes I've made. After I read your comment, I went to my recent phone list, it had been two weeks. I hadn't responded but, still felt guilty... So, I 🚫 his number! Truly thank you, I feel more peaceful now, I'm far too old to go down that road again, but not tech savvy enough I'm afraid, to utilize all the tools that are available! 😉 God bless you, Robert 😇 you gave me a wonderful gift, and Merry Christmas, Sir. 🌲
It’s a tragedy to be born to a narcissist. The biological female I used to call my mother has tormented me all my life. I used to have hope that things would get better until I started learning about malignant narcissism. The crowning achievement of this despicable woman is to recently announce to my older brother and me that she is cutting us out of her will, and leaving her two million dollar property to her youngest (demonic) child. Yet she thinks my brother and I shouldn’t feel anything at all about her decision; that we should be genuinely happy about it. She harasses me with texts saying, “Let’s spend time together in innocence and love,” and other such drivel that makes no sense. I’m pretty sure I will have to block her number, because like all narcissists, she wants to harm me and yet still be in contact with me. Maybe she wants to check I’m still in pain, so she can feed off it some more. Narcissists are vile and violent.
I feel this. I cut contact with narc mother & entire family almost a year ago. Narc mother had the audacity to call my ex husband (divorced over 20 years ago) to see if my son & I are still alive…& then she proceeded to tell him that I’ve been taken out of their will. Typical narc behavior. I didn’t want a penny from them either way. That’s blood money imo & I refuse to sell my soul for their money. I wish you the very best in dealing with all of this 💜
She AlReady Cut you Out GO NO CONTACT These Demonic People CanNot Be Helped In Any Way The Sooner you Are Completely Free The Sooner you Will Feel A Hapiness you Have Not Known Peace To you 🙏
Crazy how accurate this was omg I didn't realize until she had the mask slip off and breakup with me for pointing out her tendencies and immediately saying "your yesterday's trash"
OMG! You are describing a woman I am dating, that`s incredible and I am shocked! She is acting exactly how you describe in this video! Thank you so much, you have opened my eyes!
Expecting me to be super grateful for doing the bare minimum is definitely right. I remember the ultimate way she tried to guilt me for not appreciating the breadcrumbs she would throw at me. I having a mental breakdown crying due to her just shutting me out for the last several weeks. She just sits on the couch looking at her phone and occasionally giving me the narcissistic stare. Not long after, she comes to me and says “I make you coffee every day to show that I love you”
@@AlanaBradley-m3tno it can't. It's called guilt shaming when they overestimate your empathy & expected to not to take up for yourself. Ignore the projection & shine the mirror on them where it belongs
I get lost in rabbit holes on this topic quite frequently. I can honestly say I have never heard someone speak so clearly & logically about understanding narc behavior than explain it all in a super easy to understand & relate kind of way. Thank you!! Also, thank you for getting right to the content immediately. Absolute UA-cam GOLD!!! 😁
I could never get a goal out of him. He was, always, going on about everything being so horrible. I have said it was exhausting!! Gonna watch the video. Ty great video.
To your first point, willingness to self destruct as long as they take you down too….if they tell a lie in an attempt to Hoover you back into their crazy world, they would choose to die rather than to admit that they lied. Crazy, right? Fair minded people can simply not wrap their heads around that, and it will make you crazy trying to figure them out. Walk away and don’t look back!
You got the projection part almost perfectly : ) You left it there clear for everyone to see. Not many recognize this, but I guess because it takes an extremely disagreeable empath, to read this and understand it clearly for what it is. What is actually happening in those situations is just them telling you how they're truly feeling about themselves, that's their subconscious exposing them to everyone, ironically, except to them. Their projection is just an extreme form of their lack of accountability. Especially when their accusation sounds like nonsense. When they throw some accusation that no human with a functioning brain can see that these can not apply to you. Even the practically impossible, they will sound so silly saying them. Sometimes they'd even say that the same thing that you are accusing them of doing (projection) was in fact is committed by you : ) It takes you back to your toddler years and having silly arguments early in school with other children. They will exhaust you one way or another, even sounding like a complete lunatic is fine as long as they don't admit to a mistake. We have an Arabic maxim that describes this devious strategy perfectly. ضربني وبكى سبقني واشتكى They hit me and cried, and ran claiming I hit them. No one performs this strategy as maliciously as they do, and to be honest, no one does it as well as them. They can fool the majority of people because they do it so well, and they're bullies too, so people try to avoid any problems with them and either consciously or unconsciously side with them to avoid their wrath. That's what flying monkeys do.
The list of narcissists that, unfortunately, I dealt with and brought me a lot of destruction: a chronic cheater who did everything to hide it (gaslighting, triangulation, smear campaign, etc), the psychopathic bosses who enjoyed abusing and bullying people they did not like or they felt threatened by, the scorned, rejected co-workers, the frenemies (insecure females) who launched smear campaigns through vicious gossip to get rid of potential competition (mean girls on steroids), family members who cannot accept you doing better than them. The world is full of narcissists, unfortunately, and empaths are their primary target.😢
Nobody gives a fuck 🤷🏾♀️ so called "mean girls" are more worried than "empaths" 🤷🏾♀️ what's the talk still about? Take ya weird ahh behavior & get ya jealous ahh on lil girl tf you still here for watching me like a scary reject? Stop exposing your weaknesses & walk away with some form of dignity. You're losing your mind & nee to talk to God not me. I said what I said tf on from my life
my mother manipulated me and my life this way. I noticed that she used tactics that worked on me as a child, this was starting to get ridiculous in my adult life, (i.e. manipulation by humiliation and inducing a sense of shame). It's terrible because you realize that they are monsters, they destroy your energy terribly. It's true that they feed on emotions, I noticed that my narcissistic mother loved to watch TV programs showing people suffering, at that time I didn't understand where it came from, but I knew there was something wrong with her, it disgusted me. The problem started when I saw a strange smile on her face when I was suffering, or when she made me suffer. I realized that this woman was sick and I had to cut myself off permanently, which was a tragedy for me, because she was my mother.
My generic mother was horribly neglectful in every way. Saved at 9 yo, my real father was outstanding, but my step mother was a bit narcissistic. Eventually I gave up any contact with her at all. My first real relationship was 6 years with a narcissist girlfriend. I think I learned in a twisted way, that this was how love worked. Lies, manipulation, cruelty and abuse all for a sense of control ... Somehow became green signs to me instead of "run like hell" signs
Wow I so relate to this a little. My mom would get this smirk on her face when I would get hurt, or fail, or she had even bought something for herself that was more my style than hers… on and on. So done with it. I finally cut her off this year at my age of 45! They are sick.
Yes! This is a narcissism. You know the topic. (Sometimes I read comments which make me doubt people are speaking about narcissists. F.ex. "my ex told I am overemotional, but thats he who made me be that way" - well no evidence from such comment your ex was a narcissist) My mother is a Covert narcissist - the Mother Theresa type. and she loves murder serials. all the details You ae speaking of I also noticed with my mother. a year ago went no contact. I should have done it at 18. but I at least did it at 45.
If only I had found you sooner and learned all this after I was discarded by (who I thought was) the love of my life, I could have saved myself 21 YEARS of isolation, devastating loneliness and depression. He broke my heart, spirit, faith in relationships and trust in men. Thank you so, so much.
23 years and his affair with a married woman 30 years younger brought obvious behaviors...lies, disrespect, cruel discard...5 years no contact but still ruminate coz I was so blindsided and had so much faith in his love for me. Don't want him..just angry coz i never got to say anything...at all....Rage, hate, blame and denial. Hang tough, you and me and ALL OF US deserve better. God bless your guys. It's hard but it will get better. Believe in you, work on you!
It doesn't matter if they work on themselves. They NEVER change permanently and always goes back to original behavior. They cannot be cured no matter what anyone says. I have had some self admitted narcissists say they use to be a narcissist. What do you mean "use to be"?? Once a narcissist always a narcissist.
@@LethalWeapon73 Yes I think if in long term therapy but it the therapy stops they will go right back. From everything I've read it's NOT curable. This is their personality. You can't change that. They always need to stay in therapy.
@@skibunny2257 You are correct. They can never change, nor really feel they need to change. It says in the Bible..."Can a leopard change its spots?" Jer 13:23 They simply have no empathy. They KNOW how one is supposed to act in any given situation...they are great actors...but they simply do not have the true feelings that belong to any given situation. One man wrote that he is a narcissist and he's proud to be one! He said why should he have to have all those "messy emotions to deal with" when he can come and go as he pleases. If he hurts anyone, well, that's their problem to deal with, thank you! Narcissist say they do not "feel" the emotions other people display, so they act as if they do...do what they know is expected, all the while being an empty shell with no responsibilities for the damage they create. Being "nice" to them is a joke to them and adds up to them having control over someone. They do not have any guilt feelings because they do not have any normal human feelings. Actually, I believe they are possessed by a demon and THAT is WHY they cannot be "cured". As an example of demon possession of narcissists, I was the assistant manager at our court house. I had over 150 regular customers, people who were employed at the courthouse. I treated every one of my customers like gold. But I had one customer, a legal secretary, who had this very snotty attitude toward me. I simply ignored it and always treated her with the same courtesy as all my other customers. One morning she came to the snack bar with an even more sour expression on her face than usual. I asked her if she was okay and she told me she had a headache she couldn't get rid of. I told her I did reflexology and I could get rid of her headache for her. (I always had customers asking me to do some reflexology for a headache or other symptom.) I came around the counter, took her right hand in my hand and lightly held it, as I explained how reflexology could get rid of her headache, by pressing on a particular spot on her hand, which would send an electrical impulse to her headache to get rid of it, something like acupressure, except without needles! As I lightly held her hand, and had not yet done the reflex, I glanced over at her and noticed her eyelids were fluttering very fast. I asked her if she was okay, and she said, "I feel strange."...and with that, she shot over two feet off the floor...straight up in the air, something humanly impossible!...and slammed down hard on her back on the tile floor! She immediately went into horrible convulsions, slamming the back her head over and over on the floor, while her arms and legs were jerking insanely! Her eyes had rolled back in her head too, and I inwardly was freaking out! About 7 or 8 other customers rushed over to help hold her down and it was like trying to hold a tiger! This went on for several minutes, when she suddenly stopped moving, and looked up at us, with an expression as if to say, "What am I doing on the floor?" We all helped her up and put her in a chair. She was very flushed so I ran to get a cold towel to put on the back of her neck. We told her she had just had a convulsion, and she should see her doctor very soon, to which she replied, "I've NEVER had a convulsion in my life!" And she got up and stomped out of the snack bar! The next morning, she came back to the snack bar... wearing something I'd NEVER seen...a SMILE! I asked her how she felt and she said she never felt better! I asked if she had any bumps on her head and she said there were none! And from that day forward, that lady became one of my nicest, warmest, most friendly customers I had, for the next year I worked there! This lady had been possessed by a demon! When demons come out, they throw the person around, sometimes they vomit (I had one of those before!) and it seems they are doing terrible harm to their victim! But the formerly possessed person never has any adverse effects and is, from then on, a new and healed individual! So, this is WHY narcissists cannot be "healed"...they must have their devil cast out...period! If you have a narcissist in your life, understand that you are dealing with an EVIL SPIRIT and unless it's CAST OUT...they will...can never...change! The demon lives in their victim, enjoying itself, hurting everyone around them, and using that person's body to do what they love to do...hurt, destroy and cause as much pain as possible, whenever possible, be it overtly, or covertly! For Big TRUTH! kristi
I have been living with a covert narc mom for 44 years - without being aware of that. She did not recognize when I was sexually abused at the age of 8 by a stranger at a lake. She also did not recognize, that I was autistic. She was NEVER emotionally nurturing - but always draining. I will finally move out now at the age of 44 after many decades of exhausting parentification.
Obviously their remedial ahh is obsessed & delusional af lmao let God deal with them. I'm DONE & laughing at their corny ahh 😂😂 they gotta be holding onto hope cus ain't NO WAY ✌🏽
Agreed, in fact I've found walking away gets easier. I quit a job after a week after realizing the narcistic traits of 1 manager. After telling the other manager at the end of my shift I was quitting. He made an attempt to tell me I was taking her behavior the wrong way.
There is always that one person who will treat you like dirt, they obviously seen you as a threat, maybe jealous of you, you had smarter clothes on than them. I see it and receive it very often,
After working in an office for 11 years, I finally started learning what I was dealing with. Narcissism. Boss, coworker, and the boss's family flying monkeys. Kudos to you for quitting right away. Wished I'd known about narcissists sooner.
Don't EVER, EVER trust them enough to share a personal experience with them. The entire world will know as soon as the narc feels like they are losing control.
For 10 years I put up with all the changing goalpost, ultimatums, and I always did what she asked. She triangulated my family, cut me off from friends, and by the time she left I had no one. My only sin, the first time in 10 years I said I wasn’t happy either during one of her rants, she love bombed me for 6 months before leaving me for new supply. I filed for divorce 2 weeks into the discard, skipped triangulation, and before she knew what happened I had the house, 50/50 kids, no child support, no alimony, and she’s stuck with the nearest low hanging fruit she could find.
I was with someone for almost 8 years that was a narc. She ended up having a secret gambling addiction on top of being an alcoholic. Once she was close to being found out about her financial sabotage to our lives she faked a suicide attempt to get sympathy and try and hold on to the relationship. It backfired. I made sure that her family was going to get her the help she needed and I went zero contact and relocated across the country to make a fresh start. I am much happier now and mentally healthy again and not subject to daily abuse. I am not in a hurry at all to date and I am working on being a better person and making goals for myself again. I really want to rub it in that I am happy now and in a city I love (I hated where I moved from), but it would invite her back into my life and open myself up to her manipulation again. No thanks.
My narc passed away 2.3 years ago, Thank You God For The Best Blessing Of My Life. I was paying for two cell phone lines on my plan. Every now and then my gut would tell me to check the phone he was using. I'd check the history and that told me everything I needed to know. He went to a local hook up site and when I confronted him he said it was a pop up and he didn't know what it was so he clicked on it. After the first time, you know good and well what the pop ups are so why keep clicking on them, right? I took the phone away from him and suspended the line and told him I wasn't paying for his online entertainment anymore and that was the first time he ever told me, "I hate your fucking guts!" I said back to him, "I know you do, your actions speak louder than words."
I've been with a Narcissist for 8 years and she's like a drug addiction. Every time I try to leave her she destroys me mentally and I'm a grown man and she can make me blame myself every time I catch her in lies. I'm going to counseling but she has so much power over me.
I know exactly how you feel. I’ve been ten years with mine. When I catch him in lies or he berates, gaslights, and verbally abuses me I’m the one who always ends up feeling guilty like it’s all my fault. Every time it happens I lose a bit more of my love for him and one of these days he will succeed in losing me. It almost seems like that’s what he wants 😞
I feel sorry for those who've been through years with a narcissist. The last 7.5 months have been a lie, and it hurts, but I have hope to heal and find someone better when I'm ready.
He got so paranoid and angry...it got sooo badd. He would show everybdy that he was so christ like and friendly to everyone until we weren't around anyone when we were alone or i was away at my own house then the verbal abuse would start and in morning it was like he fliped the switch and good morning my beautiful queen. Absolute craziness
I confronted my narc sister on her rudeness to me , her hostility towards me, and her deceptions. she accused ME of projecting. So she was projecting projecting??? It boggles the mind. After going no contact I discovered so many lies and some of them very serious in nature. Breaks my heart.
At the end of my 27 year marriage my narc ex-husband would yell at me that I knew just how to push his buttons, which I did not understand because I didn’t know what buttons he was talking about. He also would admit that he projected, but I was somehow responsible for that, (I knew I wasn’t). You completely explained my ex. Thank you!!
I'm afraid of this. My girls are 3 and 10, separate narc dads that actually have began to pin my oldest against me. They work together. They actually kept the girls from me fkr Halloween to all go out together. I haven't seen my oldest since October 28th, my one year sober from alcohol, day after I turned 38. Oh. And her father is a registered sex offender, he became one when she was 2. CPS handed her to him while I got sober and out of the toxic relationship with my youngests dad. I did everything I was supposed to. Didn't matter. They had attorneys to request my case be closed and the magistrate agreed. They don't follow the orders they left us with. No Judge to monitor or help with decision-making or hold any of us accountable, really.
Go to a guardian ad litem office. Speak with one. They are a government agency now. No longer a program. They can petition a judge and open a new case.
I thought Knew everything about my narc after 8 years (who I just left) but this part about them holding a grudge for months that you didn’t even know you caused, WOW and make makes sense when I witnessed him being angry for weeks and he wouldn’t let up. OMG. What the hell ! Thanks GOD I finally stopped making excuses for his childhood abuse and realized it’s not my job to fix him.
The truth?! I'm the narcissist, listening to the things you say remind me not to hurt people or myself!!! Yes, I know Truth! The first step toward recovery!
The abuse quickly ramped up during discard! The anger that spewed from her could have won an academy award!!! It was like watching a scene from the shining!
Same here. Despite me just doing her a massive favor she found a way to pick a fight & I finally saw the narc rage others told me about. It was like she finally felt she could say all the despicable things she thought of me. Honestly it felt like she rehearsed it because it was cutting so deep touching on any & everything I shared with her over the course of the entire relationship. The next day she was shocked I unfriended her. Like wtf. She blocked me on facebook a week ago yet is still reaching out through text. Doing that bullshit where they just text "Hi" wanting to act as if we didn't just have a massive falling out where her true colors were shown.
I was never the type of person who thought my revenge was from walking away. I'd have loved to have done a lot of things to him. One thought I did have was sticking his photo around saying that he was wanted for murder - I didn't, I settled for hacking into his account and then finding out where he targeted his woman and he was a member of every chat site possible. I remember looking at a message saying "hello, your fit, can I have your number?" I think that just told me a lot and I ended up leaving it - it just opened my eyes to the sort of person he was and I didn't want to be around him - and, I may add, battling a trauma bond out
The more I learn about narcissists the more I realize it was me giving them power. Sure in the beginning I didn't know any better and during the middle, I was trying to hold onto my "best in people" mentality but even now in my current chapter knowing exactly what they are and having rid myself of them. I see that i allow new ones into my life like Mischone from the Walking Dead.
I saw through her after 3 month when she did her first discard attempt (attempt because i immediatelly showed her iam willing to walk and she came back crying within days) After taking her back, i approached the relationship in "getting out of it what is good" which was the good sex. So i defended myself harder, kept an emotional distance. Worked out another 4 month, but the good times were less and less, the devalue attempts and fights got worse. I could clearly see a trend in the wrong direction. Despite objectivly knowing all this, it was insanely hard to break the traumabond after just 7 month. The only way to keep NC in the first days was trust in myself that in 1 week i will feel different. And it turned out to be like that but it was hard. After 10 days NC i see a clearer picture. The sex was basicly the only good time between us, therefore it felt special. Props to those people who break free after years. My gut started to hurt after just 7 month. No clue how ppl stay years with such people. I deliberately took her back. To learn. In hindsight quite risky, but iam grateful. I saw narc traits in realtime, learned to enforce and defend my boundaries. I learned the flaws of beeing too empathic and so much more.
Thanks for Shining Your Experience. ... I'm 10 Months in this Relationship. ... Agree with Everything. ... Great Sex, fighting Worsening & it Hard to Break Lose. ... Sound Like You Broke Lose?
@@tonyespinoza4738 Went back one more time. But didnt commit fully. Only took her 4 days to show me her true face again. Actually i never regreted taking her back alltogether 3 times. Everytime i got more objective about the situation, with less emotions involved and it felt like iam stepping out step by step which felt easier for me personally. But it might not be the recipe for everybody. Found out mine is also rather BPD than narcissist. So essentially a little less evil intentions, but compareable in their behaviour. Afterall you have to judge/treat them by their actions, not their words. They will twist reality in ways beyons imagination if they want to. For me personally i simple assest that their behaviour is too toxic for me to plan long term. But the ending is never easy.. i know
I did the same thing. I was raised to never cater to woman and at a young age have always been very good with woman. I saw the red flags with my ex but I knew emotionally I was way stronger than her evil games so I took her back after I walked away for 2 months. During that time I had a so much fun going out meeting people and after 2 months she came back begging with a inferior motive to "try" to destroy me. I took it personal so before I left her again and for good this time I messed her up mentally, physically and emotionally. I had dated narcissistic woman mostly my whole life before I even knew what that was but luckily I'm one of the very few that can date a narcissist and come out with no damage. I think I'm a bigger narc so when a narcissist comes Into my life thinking I'm the next victim their the ones that leave devastated 😂
My ex was a friend of 25 years, met in our early teens. When we "romantically" reconnected in our late thirties, I never anticipated what he was going to put me through. He'd come in as a "hero" and good friend when my dad passed away. Over the next few years.. I watched a grown man throw tantrums, tell obvious lies and grandiose stories, mirrored me, future faked, manipulated, gaslit and lied to my face. I was deeply trauma-bonded and knew his childhood trauma and went back for a number of cycles. He was exposed in May '21 juggling me with a woman he'd told me was just a friend and he'd never date because she was 12 years younger with two kids. Talked a lot of trash about her. When I found out he'd been juggling, I cut ties. Over the next year, he reached out a few times but I didn't bite. I reached out on his birthday in May '22 and found out he had a then four month old son with her. Unplanned, he knew her for three months. (I found out much later there was a third woman he'd told me he'd split with almost a year before). She took her son and her kids and moved out of state. He told me everything he'd been through made him see how he hadn't valued me like he should have, started dropping the "love" word and said he wanted a family with me. I saw what a trap that was. A month after saying this to me, he cut me off completely when I asked him to stop doing something that was confusing me (sending deep love songs and then saying it wasn't how he felt, it was just a "pretty song". This man listens to heavy metal). He told me he didn't need another headache from a woman and.. that was it. That was over a year ago, never another word. He knows I have abandonment issues and he'd ghost to punish me. I thank God, spirit, the All that he discarded me like yesterday's garbage. No more confusion, no more energy vampirism (I won't even get started on that, I was very spiritually sick), and no more time or energy wasted feeding a bottomless pit.
Wow. Parallel universe experience here. I feel like you wrote it all out for me! God bless you. Keep commenting and inspiring others, warrior! Much love ❤️
Thx, Christina! So helpful once again. Two weeks post breakup and I’m doing better every day! Yes, very reactive and I’d say emotionally unregulated master projectors and false blame and shame projection. Wow wow my eyes are wide open thx to you.
I had developed an irregular heart beat for no apparent reason, (after decades of trying to help a younger sibling get through life.). I had all the follow up heart testing at the same time realizing that I was dealing with a narcissist. After all the tests came back normal and going no contact with the sibling, I had blessed peace in my life, and all my heart is back in a normal rhythm again. Bingo!
This is one of the best explaining a narcissist video that I have seen. Thank you, I appreciate this so much. I am currently divorcing my husband. No, he never thought I would do it because he thought he had control over me. I am praying for peace when this is done.
Oh, I tried the whole "avoid emotional reactions" thing. My narcissist noticed, and accused me of being abusive. For what? Being a nice kind helpful person that just isn't showing emotional reactions to her ridiculous stories any more. Crazy. She actually said the whole "You need to make me feel X" thing - you know, that thing that the psychologists repeatedly say is an unhealthy attitude. No lady, I can be kind and helpful, but I can't make you feel anything in particular on demand - that bit is your arena.
*Think you may have had a relationship with a narcissist?* Download the FREE checklist to see how your experience stacks up to the phases of narcissistic abuse: www.commonego.com/checklist
I have a big question for you. Are narcissists simply mentally handicapped in a similar way a sufferer of ASPD lacks functionality in the part of the brain responsible for empathy, or are narcissists outright villains by nature beyond help and best avoided when found?
I ask this because I hear everywhere about those abused by narcs, support going out to their victims as it should, but I hear nothing about narcissists being urged to seek help, let alone redeem themselves, I.E the agreed upon stance I've seen so far is narcissists are inherently villains and monsters and are lost causes due to lacking the will to be capable of being anything less. Thats why I ask? Are they lost souls that can be rehabilitated and redeemed, or are they monsters to the core?
They also have crazy fetishes. Mine had a fetish of drinking pee. It will get him aroused, but he will not be sexual. He was a compulsive liar. I found out he would go on websites looking for women to pee on in, in his mouth and in his car. He would also ride around looking for places where pee spots are. He blamed me for a lot of things, but he will never take responsibility of his actions and will never apologize for his wrong. He was crazier than I thought.
Yes I was physically exhausted by narcissists.I now move on quickly.
This is very true
My wife is beautiful and sexy with mad chef skills... so yes, color me addicted. Unfortunately, she does not know how to love or participate in a romance where both partners attempt to put each other first. It doesn't matter that I've taken her all over the world and bought her whatever she wants, she thinks her insecurities are best addressed through controlling behavior, false accusations of infidelity (while she openly flirts infront of me and denies it) domestic violence (she is a violent alchoholic), and demeaning, belittling comments which include body shaming me by comparing me to how her ex's were endowed🫏, and telling me that her ex's who repeatedly cheated on her and only came back to her to use her body were better than me - they're better men than me. She does however have no complaints about the number of orgasms in her life, but she writes that off as me just using her for sex and her cooking. I wouldn't use the word "using", but yes, no complaints there. Her mistake in picking me as a source is that I know who I am. I am a Christian, non- toxic, Alpha Male Warrior, 21 year combat vet, father of 5 combat Vets including my daughter. I've never had any complaints about Sexual performance (just the opposite) and already have been through the attempted character assassination, financial and life destruction event that is the mother of my children after she cheated on me while I was deployed for the umpteenth time (for a year at a time) in combat. Why are you still with your current wife you might ask? Because I am, too the best of my abilities, a Christian in Word and deed. I believe in the sanctity of marraige, that it should not be entered into or left in haste and that what God has brought together let no man put asunder. There are things I love about her that I want in my life, things about her I do not want to lose. She is the best daughter, sister, mother, and grandmother I know. I can't imagine being in a knife fight with anyone else at my back, she is the walking breathing epitome of having a tiger by the tail - in every way imaginable. When things are good, they're great - we love, laugh, enjoy each other's grandbabies, and are polically and spiritually in synch. But when things are bad, I feel like I need a professional exorcist. I literally feel like I'm dancing with the devil, and when I look into those demonic eyes, I know why she never had to spank any of her 4 kids. And those 4 kids and their kids are as awesome as mine, and I love them like I love my own... but she has now poisoned them to me. She keeps taking things away, the cooking, the sex, the family, all while trying to make me feel guilty for wanting to spend time with my family. When it comes to being a wife and life partner engaged in a romance for the ages... let's just say being increasingly verbally and physically abused, having false allegations of DV resulting in two trips to jail that threaten my security clearance (I still advise the military) has never on my list of "must haves" in a relationship...and at this point, I'm pretty sure I know what an eternity in hell is going to be like and I do not want to go there - or go back to jail, that was just disgusting. Altho I do believe I have a future in prison ministry and have grown exponentially in the Godly traits of forgiveness, mercy, patience and long-suffering... Silver linings...
I may be the only "type" of man who can help her... but now, after watching these videos (mind blowing) and knowing exactly what I'm up against for the first time (thank you) and reading the comments here where everyone is saying don't just run, but run fast and don't look back, I'm like WTF? Now that I'm familiar with both the disorder and the childhood trauma that likely caused it (sexually abused by family member, date raped at 14, pregnancy, abortion... what kind of real man leaves when the going gets tough? All I know for a fact, is that everything here in this life is temporary, everything in the next is eternal, and we are admonished by the Creator of the universe to lay our treasure up for the next life (heaven) where moth and rust do not destroy.
I have newfound respect for what you and your profession do to help those dealing with this and other disorders...
I love her...help?
They poke and poke until you react.
One I worked for asked me multiple times if my family was inbred. I don't think he thought I was smart enough to know what that meant. But the fact he kept asking...poking.
Got that right, open door walk out, never look back.
It's not your monkey...
And then they tell you that you love causing drama and they pretend to be offended by your reaction
My mother used to do this and then be like ahh that’s the real you when she had me at the end of my tether !
My mother -evil
The best is no reaction, no contact, silence..
Doing this now
Gift of your silence
But don’t you get that all the time from them
But that what they want lol. They give that and they with your to hurt you they don’t care if you go lol
Yes so glad i left
When the Devil can't reach you he sends a NARCISSIST!!
Oooppp
Hope there ready for a narc slayer then 🤣🤣🤣🤣🙏
I think it's God because he's a jealous God. And you can't love someone "more" than him.
Wow that is true 🙏
Real Talk
Narcs always tells on themselves, it's up to you, to pay attention.
So true
Indeed
Because you wanted it. Always hiding behind the choices you have to make in life, but letting you verbally make a desicion. So they can blame you when things are sometimes a bit hard.
" It was what You wanted"
I've heard him say those words more than once.
yeah....
"narcissists are a walking contradiction." Truer words have never been spoken.
I SOLVED THAT PROBLEM, MULTIPLE TIMES! JSUT TOLD THE; = ' ' - ALRIGHT? - ' ' = HAVE IT YOUR WAY. - ' ' THEY WILL CHOKE ON THEIR OWN ARROGANCE & STUBBERNNES! TRY IT? DO IT??! IT ALWAYS WORKS TO ME!!
#1- NOT, QUITE SO?!! - #2 - HAVE IT YOUR WAY!! AND THIRD? - #3 - I JUST LEAVE THINGS QUIETLY @ THAT, AND I LEAVE!! THE LAST / #3 REALY TEALLY HURTS THEM! NOT, QUIT, AS MUCH, AS EAERLIER THEY DID HURT = M E! = IT WORKS, DARN WELL TO ME!!
You mentioned the lack of Empathy, it is my belief that they don't realize others have real Empathy.
So you teach them
Ive done It
He grew sympathy for me and for others
He switches sometimes from Narc mode to Normal mode but he keeps working on It
Nah... That's just another game they are playing on you!
@@dianecarroll6384 or maybe you lack Empathy as well.
@@jasonforsyth6191I was referring to the comment / reply under yours. Sorry if I offended you. Was not my intention. I was attempting to point out that when she said "so you teach them" and "he goes from narc to normal but he's trying" . I was just trying to tell her to basically quit being taken for a fool. And to be honest with you, I think that shows that I do in fact have empathy! Blessings!
@@jasonforsyth6191 and I happen to agree with your original comment at least to some degree.
They use what hurts them against others. They hate the silent treatment because it hurts them. They use shame and guilt because that’s what they hate.
It's because they themselves are, hate, guilt, n shame
Can’t give someone something you don’t have and some people have nothing but hurt
@@demitrifearron658 exactly.
I asked my dark empath mother for 3 months of therapy told everyone that she started therapy.
She went 1 time and didn't go back because she doesn't know why I am so mad at her and if I could just call....
Toxic hope = hopium!
Here’s a big one you should always expect from a Narcissist, THERE WILL ALWAYS BE SOMEONE ELSE! Always!
Triangulation
truth
So glad to hear people using they. Birds of a feather certainly do flock together. And a narcissist also who has someone else there will not allow you to move on either. They will always find you and act like or tell everyone else your the psycho or narcissist and keep you socially isolated. They will say their "overs" only after they sink you financially and think you can't get anywhere else and if you do They will just keep finding you bringing you down th their level.
From early on when he'd get drunk he'd say "no matter what anyone says, you're the only one" and I didn't understand...until I did! 😢
They are cheaters in many ways. They will find another person to focus on and want to be around and get feelings for when that person is already in a relationship with you. They are cheaters.
They are very draining, and love to talk about other people like they dont do anything wrong. It's so crazy. 🤐😬😤😖🤯
I realised this lately...will speak about ppl as though they do no wrong
😳😳 sooooo!! right!!
They can do no wrong they are perfect
🎯
They are the biggest pain in the behind if you ask me
Dont engage, don't engage I've learned to not engage. Instead I've disengaged. Remember not all people you let go of are losses AND Karma never loses any address. Walking away lifted the weight of the world off my shoulders.
This comment right here is everything!!!!!
Walk away! They want your energy
I always said I lost 185 pounds when I extracted myself from my (ex) narcissist husband.
Glad you broke free! I did too! 😊 = no contact is freedom. 🎉
It's sooooo hard because he left me a year ago then 2weeks ago he came back and we were intermite but now has blocked me but lives next door and it really really hurts 😢😢😢😢😢
They are the most exhausting people on the planet. They do not stop wanting attention, and people to fall all over them and follow their lead and make them feel superior. It never ends. It is totally exhausting. That’s why mostly I stay by myself and try to go on with my life, and I have so many different interests to keep myself busy and away from them. I find that that is the only solution among all the chaos that they cause. I try to find peace away from them, and a better quality of life.
Try to be married to one that became a surgeon!!!!
😳... the ego
@@joe7665 ...can't be worse than a lawyer😈
OMG you are so right -being alone is difficult hard at least in doesn't drain you
I was married for 54 years to one who was an egomaniac and wanted to be in the mob. And was a coorrrupt construction worker. Who has the law backing him up!
Yes! This is my situation you describe it perfectly. It has been 16 weeks since I went no contact and I never imagined the relief it would bring, to be not have sMother’s voice in my head every day.
I know... my ex husband started to call me a psychopath. I was like what? I am kind and helpful. Well I went to library to borrow all the books about psychopathy and I realized they were describing him... it is called mirroring
Mirroring is when they pretend to like the same things as you do.
Accusing you of what they are is called Projecting
It's called projection
exactly that ..
My narc is the biggest hoover mirror er
It's also how they blame you or accuse you of doing what they do.
As soon as you find out they're a narcissist. Run a mile before you get any feelings for them.
Exactly!
Is true … my ex boyfriend left me come back after 3 months . I took him back but nothing was the same … I tried hard .. I left him a lot of times after that I decided to leave him forever and he always says that is me blaming him for everything … which is crazy … he says that I’m very bossy which is not true but he wants me to believe that … I just pray to god ti help me to forget him … and continue life without him … is sad that everyone wants to put the fault in you ..
Found out after the discard. And im so drained havent been able to work att all no income and sure no energy to start running.
For 10 long years i was stuck in this hell. Unable to work for 3... lets not talk avout trust issues. Pretty sure im done having a partner. I rather die alone than with just another psycho...
Run 2 miles. 💥💯
@@mikaellindqvist5599 Me too. It's been over 4 months. They say we're going to "get over it" and "stop worrying." And "leave it alone" etc. And I'm WTF NO! It fucking HURT like shit!!!!!
Retaliation? That's sophomoric to me. I just want to stop the pain, be free, and get my life back!
My sister is a narc, I loved her but now I'm done with her she always wants to be on spotlight, arrogant, a dictator she is unforgiving, a manipulater I'm so sick of her ,she no longer has a place in my heart I do not want to be used any more
Are we cousins ?😂 you are talking about my sister, a therapist 😂
@@kathy7124 🤣🤣🤣 maybe ,I vowed to myself that I can't give her another chance against me, she has gaslighted several times and l remained calm now she pretends to be nice on texts msgs 🙄as if she cares.... Nothing can make a narc change accept for God ,they are wolves in sheep's clothing,they change colors off.
@@talita88862 Once they realize you are finally done with them they will hoover and love bomb in an effort to bring you back.
@@John-tp5gc noway my dear thanks to the technology, Im equipped ready to protect my inner peace ,mental health is more important than anything else , boundaries, no contact ,they won't change but you have to protect your self and loved ones.
Are we siblings?
Our mum is even her flying monkey. Even takes all her manipulative tactics hook, line and sinker.
Give them absolutely - NO emotions ! They cannot read folks that do this & it leaves them totally on their own - which will result in them showing their true colors. I personally been there, done it & saw it all unfold before my eyes. It’s the most powerful & simplest tool to use
Oh God YES! They cannot STAND not getting a rise out of you! It irritates them so much and they absolutely start showing their true colors then bc they push reeeeaally hard at that point to try to break you....but no emotion drives them up the wall.
When one of her closest friends died in a car accident, she said something like "such pity, he was so useful." in a completely cold tone, like one of her favorite cups broke, but it's no big deal because she can just order another one from Ikea. I'll never forget that moment, it still evokes feeling of terror and dismay, to know that someone operates on this level. Luckily I was quick to escape that relationship not long after that event.
Yes, like Kathy Lee Gifford THREW A PARTY when her husband died! He'd had an affair with a flight attendant, 20 years earlier, and she NEVER forgave him. ("THEY" never do!) She figured if she left him, some other woman would marry him, and get all he had in the end. So she stayed with him and ALWAYS said the most insulting things about him, publicly. She took an apartment in town...NYC...to stay away from him as much as possible, and even had the nerve to ask for her segment on the Today Show moved to California...so she "could be close to where my son goes to college"...not caring if the entire CREW would have to move there too, or fly home to NYC every weekend, to be with their families! (You can bet her son WAS in California to get as far away from her as possible!) Her husband "dropped dead" and in 24 hours he had been cremated...no doctor exam...no autopsy...JUST DONE AWAY WITH! Then, the witch THROWS A PARTY!...to "celebrate life"...yeah...HERS! It was because her husband WAS Frank Gifford, that she even married him in the first place, and WHY she even became known! But..."THEY"...never forgive...and "THEY" WILL GET WHAT IS THEIRS! On one Today Show, they had cleaned up all the offices of the people who worked there. But Kathy Lee's office needed no clean-up. When Kathy and Hoda were talking about how neat all the offices were made...Hoda made the comment to Kathy, about how clean her office was, saying..."YOU ALWAYS GET RID OF THE THINGS YOU DON'T WANT!"...and there was this, very evil look, Kathy looked at Hoda with. She KNEW exactly WHAT Hoda was referring to...how quickly Frank had been DONE AWAY WITH! Hoda said she called Kathy when she heard about Frank, and Kathy told her not to come see her. But she did anyway. Hoda was bawling her head off, while that cold fish Kathy had nary a tear. Then a few days later...SHE THROWS PARTY! WHO DOES THAT?? ONLY A NARC! The way it all went down, Hoda KNEW what happened to Frank. I wonder how much the doctors, the coroner and the cops got. This isn't the first time this type of thing happens with the "jet set"...$$$$ can buy your freedom! But everyone is innocent until proven guilty, so this is just one person's opinion...and everyone has one, and everyone IS entitled to that.
I ran away ten years ago. I lost everything I had spent my whole life working so hard for. Losing my house and all my belongings was really hard but the hardest part was losing myself. It damages you in so many ways. The guilt i have for the damage it did to my children will never leave me. I have spent the last ten years hiding away from the world because of him. I recently met the man of my dreams. I am not hiding anymore. I am worthy of love. Infact, I always was. I always thought i must be weak and pathetic. He said it so often. But I am actually strong. 💪 it took me ten years of fear to get over the daily abuse. Love has finally set me free! It is incredible being with a kind caring person. 💖✨good luck everyone. You are worthy 💖💖💖
Sure he’s not a just a new narc?
I am very happy for you ! Everyone deserves to have someone special ❤️ in their life. If this man makes you feel like the one person who cares about you and loves you, treasure him back with care and love and respect 🙏 and if this relationship continues to grow sincere. Then, always know that God put him in your life. God has done it for me ! He has put together with me a good Christian loving ❤️ and caring wife. There's nothing coincidenual about it. You will know for sure if that's the case. She also believes that God brought us together. I hope your relationship is good and always getting better. When Christ is in the marriage, it makes the relationship more important and stronger. I wish you the very best 👌
Wao, I’m glad you are in a better place now. I ran away two months ago. I can’t imagine what you went through.
I hear you. Same here. I even lost custody and believed I would not recover from the more than a decade long nightmare.
Another decade later and w/only one kid still being a minor ( I win 50/50 parenting time back certainly) I have outgrown my own expectations of what fundamental recalibration can look and feel like. However the children will have to deal a life time with this. I am here living a content peaceful life in which I have been able to change paradigms. Kids and I are closer than ever, nothing can change that. At one time they might learn it for themselves. I am no longer a participant of my own enabling and enmeshment and have really solid helpful strong boundaries established. I feel better and no longer suffer. It is a long road but you all CAN heal. ❤
My ex always said I’m too emotionally unstable but yet he’s the one that cause me to be like this.
Of course, they refuse to take accountability.
No one can "make" you be anything. Just food for thought.
Your excuses make you seem like a nark.
No! .. They twist everything skillfully and draw conclusions from themselves about others. These are manipulations to confuse you... that you can manipulate better.
We only notice later... when everything is over (without feelings)... what the narcissist did to you)... otherwise we would be discovered more quickly.
Yep! It's never about their actions, just our reactions. Infuriating!
She even threatened suicide as a way to get my attention... if you block a narcissist do not even read text messages... silence is key. I walked away and took my power back and I am in my energy now.
Yeah. Its a very demonic sickness. When you live with it and others find it hard to believe such evil can be within someone you think you know. Its an ugly miserable existence for the narc and you must feel some gratitude for not having to walk in their shoes. Love and live your life!😊
Once they realize they can no longer control you, they will start to trash you to your family and friends
And on Social media, how you have no money, how much you have aged...Blah blah. Let them, truth always rises. x
She would tell her mother everything about me. At first it was a shock and I learned to deal with it. Then her mother started criticizing me for things only my ex knew from me. Right then I knew things went too far so I left the relationship.
If that wasn't bad enough I had to deal with her 7 year old son bullying me with his nasty comments. I started to see the family dynamic was a breed of vipers. That's when I used the staff of GOD to strike the head of the snake, and move on. Jesus gave me the power to leave that relationship until the next snake Slithers around my ankles. Sad world we live in. Born into a war between good and evil and we chose what side we want by the way we live. Its a hard concept to grasp but very true or narcissts wouldn't be around to change our coarse to heaven.
PREACH @@clintonnagy1662
Absolutely, but I've learnt to ignore and stay far from that person.
And your coworkers playing at your jobs like a lil girl with a pacifier who needs severe attention 🤷🏾♀️ nothing is ever that serious to play with people's livelihood especially after you're already stealing from them 🤷🏾♀️ wish their looney ahh the worst & let karma sort it out. It is what it is & idgaf about em
I was raised in a very narcissistic home, and I can tell you from first hand experience that it is all based on "over-reacting" emotionally to thier tactics. Because the narcissist loves toxic drama!!
Me too, my mother. She has gotten worse & worse. It is so hurtful but I broke away from her for 10 years, best years of my Life
I learned to keep my deepest feelings shut down
Such truth. My mother's picture should be next to narcissist in the dictionary.
I had to WATCH EVERY SINGLE WORD I Said to The Covert Narc. Talk about walking on eggshells...Sick! SICK SICK.
me too.....even when I said nothing he would find something to criticize me for.....It has been a hellish 3 years,,,but when he wanted to be nice he was so nice.....and the sex was amazing most of the time......
Spot on Christina. 😊 Staying cool as a cucumber and giving the narcisists neither positive nor negative emotions will mean NOT feeding the monsters and that is the goal. Thank you❤
I am getting cukes, lettuce, tomatoes, onions, peppers, some meat and cheese and make myself some delish salads, literally!
😎💯😎
It works.
@@jackilynpyzocha662 I love that 😂
@jackilynpyzocha662 ❤best comment ❤❤❤❤
When the narcissist can't control you they get out of control. All hell break lose .
They need to control themselves & stop showing their mental illness. It's really embarrassing to witness & they feel superior being weird because it's "evil" no it's cowardly & soft AF. Who would be afraid of their scary ahh with nothing better to do with their miserable ahh lives. If they were the evil threat they fantasize about then they wouldn't have targets they don't even know & stalk electronically because their goofy ahh would be in the real world ✌🏽 not taking these LAMES seriously. I'm from the show me state & calling their bluff. All their moves are COWARDLY & INDIRECT. Get a life & grow TF up
💯 Yep. The push Harder to gain power and control over you. Best thing to do is to 1,000% remove yourself. Block. Go cold turkey. Completely leave and never look back.
Yes my husband is out of control because I caught him in lies and betrayal and the backstabbing and I told him I won’t tolerate it anymore and I ain’t and man he’s getting even meaner I called the police on him yesterday because he started throwing my clothes out in the front yard I’m so shocked on what he’s really been doing to me in the last months.
@kellyreed9640 My one pull out the cupboard to slam dunk me.
It hell ye, they say it straight out” But but but!! The thing is I cannot CONTROL you!” Then you answer back” excimer, what did you say? What kind of control?? You already know where I am, what I m doing all the time, and who I m connected to, - so WHAT kind of control??
It’s not that I doesn’t agree that we must hold on to each other and we should know what The other person is doing, that’s ok in a relationship, but when was I dishonest?? Tell me WHAT kind of control????😮
Then
The N doesn’t f answer you back!!
That’s when you feel something cold shivering down your back cause this ain’t normal, there’s something crazy about it, and they don’t answer your questions!!
Oh boy you must experience it to UNDERSTAND hot it splits you into pieces of mental pain confusion and fear.
Narcissists love controlling you. All the day to day stuff, yes of course, but specifically controlling your emotions because it allows them to ignore their own. They were taught happiness is control when instead vulnerability is the key.
So who has the vulnerability, the victim or the narcissist?
Yeap the two women that work at the city of cottonwood
I can't they want to take my dog
Narcissists morbidly fear vulnerability more than death itself.
@@caragare3214ah yes the common government "worker", a whole other animal
the narcissist breaks off first, so true.
“Do not feed the narcissist.” Love it!
I wish you would talk about physical abuse when they are in their rage.
😮I resonate with this one…they will hold grudges even when you didn’t know what you did wrong…long story short I was sick for a whole week couldn’t go to work and my husband at the time was not working and I was the sole bread winner and everyday he would get up and left the house for the whole day when he could spend the time with me. After some time I asked what was that about? He said because the last time he was sick I didn’t give him the attention he deserved 😮 after two years together I kicked him out of the house cut all contacts. Narcs have zero empathy 🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿 for this informative video
They “do hate themselves. They just don’t let themselves access that level of feeling that they would need to actually admit that to themselves.” WOW yes. That’s spot on. And when we empaths feel-and point out-what the narcs refuse to feel in themselves… that’s a bumpy ride. 😬
😎💯😎
totally!!!
They do pretend to admit wrong for purposes of power, they admit the wrongs they do to trigger you , it is amazing
Yes!!!
I’m awfully glad I’m not a very vengeful person. I just want them to leave me alone. 😅
Use the Block button on phone FB and emails set firm physical no contact boundries ..They will trash you to your friends ..do not respond ..just let them ..the more you react the more in control they are of you !!
@@robertgalea1562Oh my, why didn't I think to do that before?!!! Thank you!
Here I was feeling such guilt for not responding, to this current tx mess. he just sent, after 6mo. since, I've moved on... from the friendship.
He's a nice guy... really! But, I started to recognize some of the traits, (that I needed to learn) from previous mistakes I've made.
After I read your comment, I went to my recent phone list, it had been two weeks. I hadn't responded but, still felt guilty... So, I 🚫 his number! Truly thank you, I feel more peaceful now, I'm far too old to go down that road again, but not tech savvy enough I'm afraid, to utilize all the tools that are available! 😉
God bless you, Robert 😇 you gave me a wonderful gift, and Merry Christmas, Sir. 🌲
Same
"All relationships are transactional."
- AMEN
Glad people are starting to realize this. 'Unconditional love' has created a massively toxic cycle that lets people exploit others.
Amen, my friend
It’s a tragedy to be born to a narcissist. The biological female I used to call my mother has tormented me all my life. I used to have hope that things would get better until I started learning about malignant narcissism.
The crowning achievement of this despicable woman is to recently announce to my older brother and me that she is cutting us out of her will, and leaving her two million dollar property to her youngest (demonic) child.
Yet she thinks my brother and I shouldn’t feel anything at all about her decision; that we should be genuinely happy about it.
She harasses me with texts saying, “Let’s spend time together in innocence and love,” and other such drivel that makes no sense. I’m pretty sure I will have to block her number, because like all narcissists, she wants to harm me and yet still be in contact with me.
Maybe she wants to check I’m still in pain, so she can feed off it some more. Narcissists are vile and violent.
Oh goodness. Sorry to hear this. Be safe, wishing you wholeness soon.
I feel this. I cut contact with narc mother & entire family almost a year ago. Narc mother had the audacity to call my ex husband (divorced over 20 years ago) to see if my son & I are still alive…& then she proceeded to tell him that I’ve been taken out of their will. Typical narc behavior. I didn’t want a penny from them either way. That’s blood money imo & I refuse to sell my soul for their money. I wish you the very best in dealing with all of this 💜
HOw awful!
@@gem7078
She AlReady Cut you Out
GO NO CONTACT
These Demonic People CanNot Be Helped In Any Way
The Sooner you Are Completely Free The Sooner you Will Feel A Hapiness you Have Not Known
Peace To you 🙏
@@gem7078 thanks for your kind wishes. I wish you the very best too. It’s a tragedy to have a narcissist instead of a mother.
Crazy how accurate this was omg I didn't realize until she had the mask slip off and breakup with me for pointing out her tendencies and immediately saying "your yesterday's trash"
OMG! You are describing a woman I am dating, that`s incredible and I am shocked! She is acting exactly how you describe in this video! Thank you so much, you have opened my eyes!
Expecting me to be super grateful for doing the bare minimum is definitely right. I remember the ultimate way she tried to guilt me for not appreciating the breadcrumbs she would throw at me. I having a mental breakdown crying due to her just shutting me out for the last several weeks. She just sits on the couch looking at her phone and occasionally giving me the narcissistic stare. Not long after, she comes to me and says “I make you coffee every day to show that I love you”
the worst kind of narcissist is the type that provokes others into becoming a narcissist.
then once they have provoked your reaction, they shame you for reacting.
Omg, can that happen?
It’s called reactive abuse. It’s literally textbook 😢
Yep, I looked in the mirror and see myself turning into them... It's not who I am. I left to regain myself and be a better person.😊
@@AlanaBradley-m3tno it can't. It's called guilt shaming when they overestimate your empathy & expected to not to take up for yourself. Ignore the projection & shine the mirror on them where it belongs
43 yrs of marriage with him but I feel much better to walk away and I am doing much better
I get lost in rabbit holes on this topic quite frequently. I can honestly say I have never heard someone speak so clearly & logically about understanding narc behavior than explain it all in a super easy to understand & relate kind of way. Thank you!!
Also, thank you for getting right to the content immediately.
Absolute UA-cam GOLD!!! 😁
😎💯😎
💯💯💯
Yes, I agree ... right on point😮
I have no enough words to express how thankful I am to you 🙏🙏🙏
I could never get a goal out of him. He was, always, going on about everything being so horrible. I have said it was exhausting!! Gonna watch the video. Ty great video.
To your first point, willingness to self destruct as long as they take you down too….if they tell a lie in an attempt to Hoover you back into their crazy world, they would choose to die rather than to admit that they lied. Crazy, right? Fair minded people can simply not wrap their heads around that, and it will make you crazy trying to figure them out.
Walk away and don’t look back!
You got the projection part almost perfectly : ) You left it there clear for everyone to see. Not many recognize this, but I guess because it takes an extremely disagreeable empath, to read this and understand it clearly for what it is.
What is actually happening in those situations is just them telling you how they're truly feeling about themselves, that's their subconscious exposing them to everyone, ironically, except to them. Their projection is just an extreme form of their lack of accountability. Especially when their accusation sounds like nonsense. When they throw some accusation that no human with a functioning brain can see that these can not apply to you. Even the practically impossible, they will sound so silly saying them. Sometimes they'd even say that the same thing that you are accusing them of doing (projection) was in fact is committed by you : ) It takes you back to your toddler years and having silly arguments early in school with other children. They will exhaust you one way or another, even sounding like a complete lunatic is fine as long as they don't admit to a mistake.
We have an Arabic maxim that describes this devious strategy perfectly.
ضربني وبكى سبقني واشتكى
They hit me and cried, and ran claiming I hit them.
No one performs this strategy as maliciously as they do, and to be honest, no one does it as well as them. They can fool the majority of people because they do it so well, and they're bullies too, so people try to avoid any problems with them and either consciously or unconsciously side with them to avoid their wrath. That's what flying monkeys do.
I live with a covert narcissist, I don't get physically tired, but I do get mentally tired.
It's aa demon... and THEY never tire!
The list of narcissists that, unfortunately, I dealt with and brought me a lot of destruction: a chronic cheater who did everything to hide it (gaslighting, triangulation, smear campaign, etc), the psychopathic bosses who enjoyed abusing and bullying people they did not like or they felt threatened by, the scorned, rejected co-workers, the frenemies (insecure females) who launched smear campaigns through vicious gossip to get rid of potential competition (mean girls on steroids), family members who cannot accept you doing better than them. The world is full of narcissists, unfortunately, and empaths are their primary target.😢
Nobody gives a fuck 🤷🏾♀️ so called "mean girls" are more worried than "empaths" 🤷🏾♀️ what's the talk still about? Take ya weird ahh behavior & get ya jealous ahh on lil girl tf you still here for watching me like a scary reject? Stop exposing your weaknesses & walk away with some form of dignity. You're losing your mind & nee to talk to God not me. I said what I said tf on from my life
Narcissists don’t say things they feel. If they see your not up to speed, they’ll use it against you.
my mother manipulated me and my life this way. I noticed that she used tactics that worked on me as a child, this was starting to get ridiculous in my adult life, (i.e. manipulation by humiliation and inducing a sense of shame). It's terrible because you realize that they are monsters, they destroy your energy terribly. It's true that they feed on emotions, I noticed that my narcissistic mother loved to watch TV programs showing people suffering, at that time I didn't understand where it came from, but I knew there was something wrong with her, it disgusted me. The problem started when I saw a strange smile on her face when I was suffering, or when she made me suffer. I realized that this woman was sick and I had to cut myself off permanently, which was a tragedy for me, because she was my mother.
It is painful. I am grieving what I once believed to be possible. You have been given love on their terms that wasn't love at all.
I am sorry that you have to experience that, my heart goes out to you.
My generic mother was horribly neglectful in every way. Saved at 9 yo, my real father was outstanding, but my step mother was a bit narcissistic. Eventually I gave up any contact with her at all. My first real relationship was 6 years with a narcissist girlfriend. I think I learned in a twisted way, that this was how love worked. Lies, manipulation, cruelty and abuse all for a sense of control ... Somehow became green signs to me instead of "run like hell" signs
Wow I so relate to this a little. My mom would get this smirk on her face when I would get hurt, or fail, or she had even bought something for herself that was more my style than hers… on and on. So done with it. I finally cut her off this year at my age of 45! They are sick.
Yes! This is a narcissism. You know the topic.
(Sometimes I read comments which make me doubt people are speaking about narcissists. F.ex. "my ex told I am overemotional, but thats he who made me be that way" - well no evidence from such comment your ex was a narcissist)
My mother is a Covert narcissist - the Mother Theresa type. and she loves murder serials.
all the details You ae speaking of I also noticed with my mother. a year ago went no contact. I should have done it at 18. but I at least did it at 45.
If only I had found you sooner and learned all this after I was discarded by (who I thought was) the love of my life, I could have saved myself 21 YEARS of isolation, devastating loneliness and depression. He broke my heart, spirit, faith in relationships and trust in men. Thank you so, so much.
I feel for you❤ I've been married to a LIE for 12 years,he brutally discarded me back in May.
Similar experience 23 years 2 years plus healing. Love on your healing journey
I had a few years. I can't imagine decades with one 😢😢
Exactly wish I knew all this 20 years ago.
23 years and his affair with a married woman 30 years younger brought obvious behaviors...lies, disrespect, cruel discard...5 years no contact but still ruminate coz I was so blindsided and had so much faith in his love for me. Don't want him..just angry coz i never got to say anything...at all....Rage, hate, blame and denial. Hang tough, you and me and ALL OF US deserve better. God bless your guys. It's hard but it will get better. Believe in you, work on you!
Extremely nuts, and lots of projection. You said everything that I go through with my husband. 😢 Omg.
It doesn't matter if they work on themselves. They NEVER change permanently and always goes back to original behavior. They cannot be cured no matter what anyone says. I have had some self admitted narcissists say they use to be a narcissist. What do you mean "use to be"?? Once a narcissist always a narcissist.
Yes but some do change by staying in therapy. Lee from Mental Healness is changed.
@@LethalWeapon73 Yes I think if in long term therapy but it the therapy stops they will go right back. From everything I've read it's NOT curable. This is their personality. You can't change that. They always need to stay in therapy.
@@LethalWeapon73 Right but that's my point. Therapy must be forever and most will not do that so the behavior will return
@@skibunny2257 You are correct. They can never change, nor really feel they need to change. It says in the Bible..."Can a leopard change its spots?" Jer 13:23 They simply have no empathy. They KNOW how one is supposed to act in any given situation...they are great actors...but they simply do not have the true feelings that belong to any given situation. One man wrote that he is a narcissist and he's proud to be one! He said why should he have to have all those "messy emotions to deal with" when he can come and go as he pleases. If he hurts anyone, well, that's their problem to deal with, thank you! Narcissist say they do not "feel" the emotions other people display, so they act as if they do...do what they know is expected, all the while being an empty shell with no responsibilities for the damage they create. Being "nice" to them is a joke to them and adds up to them having control over someone. They do not have any guilt feelings because they do not have any normal human feelings. Actually, I believe they are possessed by a demon and THAT is WHY they cannot be "cured". As an example of demon possession of narcissists, I was the assistant manager at our court house. I had over 150 regular customers, people who were employed at the courthouse. I treated every one of my customers like gold. But I had one customer, a legal secretary, who had this very snotty attitude toward me. I simply ignored it and always treated her with the same courtesy as all my other customers. One morning she came to the snack bar with an even more sour expression on her face than usual. I asked her if she was okay and she told me she had a headache she couldn't get rid of. I told her I did reflexology and I could get rid of her headache for her. (I always had customers asking me to do some reflexology for a headache or other symptom.) I came around the counter, took her right hand in my hand and lightly held it, as I explained how reflexology could get rid of her headache, by pressing on a particular spot on her hand, which would send an electrical impulse to her headache to get rid of it, something like acupressure, except without needles! As I lightly held her hand, and had not yet done the reflex, I glanced over at her and noticed her eyelids were fluttering very fast. I asked her if she was okay, and she said, "I feel strange."...and with that, she shot over two feet off the floor...straight up in the air, something humanly impossible!...and slammed down hard on her back on the tile floor! She immediately went into horrible convulsions, slamming the back her head over and over on the floor, while her arms and legs were jerking insanely! Her eyes had rolled back in her head too, and I inwardly was freaking out! About 7 or 8 other customers rushed over to help hold her down and it was like trying to hold a tiger! This went on for several minutes, when she suddenly stopped moving, and looked up at us, with an expression as if to say, "What am I doing on the floor?" We all helped her up and put her in a chair. She was very flushed so I ran to get a cold towel to put on the back of her neck. We told her she had just had a convulsion, and she should see her doctor very soon, to which she replied, "I've NEVER had a convulsion in my life!" And she got up and stomped out of the snack bar! The next morning, she came back to the snack bar... wearing something I'd NEVER seen...a SMILE! I asked her how she felt and she said she never felt better! I asked if she had any bumps on her head and she said there were none! And from that day forward, that lady became one of my nicest, warmest, most friendly customers I had, for the next year I worked there! This lady had been possessed by a demon! When demons come out, they throw the person around, sometimes they vomit (I had one of those before!) and it seems they are doing terrible harm to their victim! But the formerly possessed person never has any adverse effects and is, from then on, a new and healed individual! So, this is WHY narcissists cannot be "healed"...they must have their devil cast out...period! If you have a narcissist in your life, understand that you are dealing with an EVIL SPIRIT and unless it's CAST OUT...they will...can never...change! The demon lives in their victim, enjoying itself, hurting everyone around them, and using that person's body to do what they love to do...hurt, destroy and cause as much pain as possible, whenever possible, be it overtly, or covertly! For Big TRUTH! kristi
And those are traits. Not full blown NPD.
You cant walk away when there is the threat of never seeing your kids again.
I have been living with a covert narc mom for 44 years - without being aware of that. She did not recognize when I was sexually abused at the age of 8 by a stranger at a lake. She also did not recognize, that I was autistic. She was NEVER emotionally nurturing - but always draining. I will finally move out now at the age of 44 after many decades of exhausting parentification.
Rough story man. I wish you well, stay strong.
44?
Seriously?
Are you disabled?
You had me at “protect your peace people”. So hard to learn this lesson but please listen.
The best way to get back at a narcissist is to get away and live a happy life.
They can't stand losing control over you and they will never be happy.
Obviously their remedial ahh is obsessed & delusional af lmao let God deal with them. I'm DONE & laughing at their corny ahh 😂😂 they gotta be holding onto hope cus ain't NO WAY ✌🏽
"Its the narcissist that always checks out first"
Agreed, in fact I've found walking away gets easier. I quit a job after a week after realizing the narcistic traits of 1 manager. After telling the other manager at the end of my shift I was quitting. He made an attempt to tell me I was taking her behavior the wrong way.
I have had to walk away from both parents, extended family and even "friends". You are right! It does get easier.
There is always that one person who will treat you like dirt, they obviously seen you as a threat, maybe jealous of you, you had smarter clothes on than them. I see it and receive it very often,
After working in an office for 11 years, I finally started learning what I was dealing with. Narcissism. Boss, coworker, and the boss's family flying monkeys. Kudos to you for quitting right away. Wished I'd known about narcissists sooner.
You are spot on. Thank you! I dont think one I knew would even try to come back. I out smarted the one I knew.
Don't EVER, EVER trust them enough to share a personal experience with them. The entire world will know as soon as the narc feels like they are losing control.
For 10 years I put up with all the changing goalpost, ultimatums, and I always did what she asked. She triangulated my family, cut me off from friends, and by the time she left I had no one. My only sin, the first time in 10 years I said I wasn’t happy either during one of her rants, she love bombed me for 6 months before leaving me for new supply. I filed for divorce 2 weeks into the discard, skipped triangulation, and before she knew what happened I had the house, 50/50 kids, no child support, no alimony, and she’s stuck with the nearest low hanging fruit she could find.
I was with someone for almost 8 years that was a narc. She ended up having a secret gambling addiction on top of being an alcoholic. Once she was close to being found out about her financial sabotage to our lives she faked a suicide attempt to get sympathy and try and hold on to the relationship. It backfired. I made sure that her family was going to get her the help she needed and I went zero contact and relocated across the country to make a fresh start. I am much happier now and mentally healthy again and not subject to daily abuse. I am not in a hurry at all to date and I am working on being a better person and making goals for myself again. I really want to rub it in that I am happy now and in a city I love (I hated where I moved from), but it would invite her back into my life and open myself up to her manipulation again. No thanks.
My narc passed away 2.3 years ago, Thank You God For The Best Blessing Of My Life. I was paying for two cell phone lines on my plan. Every now and then my gut would tell me to check the phone he was using. I'd check the history and that told me everything I needed to know. He went to a local hook up site and when I confronted him he said it was a pop up and he didn't know what it was so he clicked on it. After the first time, you know good and well what the pop ups are so why keep clicking on them, right? I took the phone away from him and suspended the line and told him I wasn't paying for his online entertainment anymore and that was the first time he ever told me, "I hate your fucking guts!" I said back to him, "I know you do, your actions speak louder than words."
Horrible. Some people are just dead inside.
I’m happy for you.
Yes, dangerous but also fragile and vulnerable - as all low vibration is. Always remember, your integrity and courage (together) is your super power.
I've been with a Narcissist for 8 years and she's like a drug addiction. Every time I try to leave her she destroys me mentally and I'm a grown man and she can make me blame myself every time I catch her in lies. I'm going to counseling but she has so much power over me.
I know exactly how you feel. I’ve been ten years with mine. When I catch him in lies or he berates, gaslights, and verbally abuses me I’m the one who always ends up feeling guilty like it’s all my fault. Every time it happens I lose a bit more of my love for him and one of these days he will succeed in losing me. It almost seems like that’s what he wants 😞
I feel sorry for those who've been through years with a narcissist. The last 7.5 months have been a lie, and it hurts, but I have hope to heal and find someone better when I'm ready.
Hey Mike if been with him for 40 years and only finding out now what a narc is and what gaslighting is .
Evil people,there is no doubt.
He got so paranoid and angry...it got sooo badd. He would show everybdy that he was so christ like and friendly to everyone until we weren't around anyone when we were alone or i was away at my own house then the verbal abuse would start and in morning it was like he fliped the switch and good morning my beautiful queen. Absolute craziness
I confronted my narc sister on her rudeness to me , her hostility towards me, and her deceptions. she accused ME of projecting. So she was projecting projecting??? It boggles the mind. After going no contact I discovered so many lies and some of them very serious in nature. Breaks my heart.
At the end of my 27 year marriage my narc ex-husband would yell at me that I knew just how to push his buttons, which I did not understand because I didn’t know what buttons he was talking about. He also would admit that he projected, but I was somehow responsible for that, (I knew I wasn’t). You completely explained my ex. Thank you!!
Everything you said a narcissist did to me and the secrets make 100% sense. Thanks a lot for sharing
Block them everywhere and be done with it
Im an open book. I have no secrets. The true truth will prevail and true love will rule.
& if they never tell you “I love you” it’s because “I use you”… is how they really feel..💔
That's very right 💯👍
They aren't capable of loving.
My narc never told me " I love you "...I knew something was indifferent. She made excuses for any withdrawal of emotional content. Smh.
Thank you! I was tormented by my narcissistic daughter! I do no contact! Hard but I did it! Thank you! ❤️
That's kind of funny if you know how narcissists are created and it's usually prior to the age of 5.
Sure YOU aren’t the narc?
@@aWomanFreedseriously???
I'm afraid of this. My girls are 3 and 10, separate narc dads that actually have began to pin my oldest against me. They work together. They actually kept the girls from me fkr Halloween to all go out together. I haven't seen my oldest since October 28th, my one year sober from alcohol, day after I turned 38. Oh. And her father is a registered sex offender, he became one when she was 2. CPS handed her to him while I got sober and out of the toxic relationship with my youngests dad. I did everything I was supposed to. Didn't matter. They had attorneys to request my case be closed and the magistrate agreed. They don't follow the orders they left us with. No Judge to monitor or help with decision-making or hold any of us accountable, really.
Go to a guardian ad litem office.
Speak with one. They are a government agency now.
No longer a program.
They can petition a judge and open a new case.
I thought Knew everything about my narc after 8 years (who I just left) but this part about them holding a grudge for months that you didn’t even know you caused, WOW and make makes sense when I witnessed him being angry for weeks and he wouldn’t let up. OMG. What the hell ! Thanks GOD I finally stopped making excuses for his childhood abuse and realized it’s not my job to fix him.
I feel like this video recited my whole relationship. Thank you for this video.
The truth?! I'm the narcissist, listening to the things you say remind me not to hurt people or myself!!! Yes, I know Truth! The first step toward recovery!
came to pick her up after her shift and felt all the colleagues eyes judging me... really horrible energy
Revenge makes you into them
You're my favourite narc explainer. Everything is always spot on. (With a calm and soothing voice as bonus). 😊
The abuse quickly ramped up during discard! The anger that spewed from her could have won an academy award!!! It was like watching a scene from the shining!
Same here. Despite me just doing her a massive favor she found a way to pick a fight & I finally saw the narc rage others told me about. It was like she finally felt she could say all the despicable things she thought of me. Honestly it felt like she rehearsed it because it was cutting so deep touching on any & everything I shared with her over the course of the entire relationship. The next day she was shocked I unfriended her. Like wtf.
She blocked me on facebook a week ago yet is still reaching out through text. Doing that bullshit where they just text "Hi" wanting to act as if we didn't just have a massive falling out where her true colors were shown.
😂😂😂😂 I understand 😂😂
I was never the type of person who thought my revenge was from walking away. I'd have loved to have done a lot of things to him. One thought I did have was sticking his photo around saying that he was wanted for murder - I didn't, I settled for hacking into his account and then finding out where he targeted his woman and he was a member of every chat site possible. I remember looking at a message saying "hello, your fit, can I have your number?" I think that just told me a lot and I ended up leaving it - it just opened my eyes to the sort of person he was and I didn't want to be around him - and, I may add, battling a trauma bond out
The more I learn about narcissists the more I realize it was me giving them power. Sure in the beginning I didn't know any better and during the middle, I was trying to hold onto my "best in people" mentality but even now in my current chapter knowing exactly what they are and having rid myself of them.
I see that i allow new ones into my life like Mischone from the Walking Dead.
💯 this is my story.
I saw through her after 3 month when she did her first discard attempt (attempt because i immediatelly showed her iam willing to walk and she came back crying within days)
After taking her back, i approached the relationship in "getting out of it what is good" which was the good sex. So i defended myself harder, kept an emotional distance. Worked out another 4 month, but the good times were less and less, the devalue attempts and fights got worse.
I could clearly see a trend in the wrong direction. Despite objectivly knowing all this, it was insanely hard to break the traumabond after just 7 month. The only way to keep NC in the first days was trust in myself that in 1 week i will feel different. And it turned out to be like that but it was hard. After 10 days NC i see a clearer picture. The sex was basicly the only good time between us, therefore it felt special.
Props to those people who break free after years. My gut started to hurt after just 7 month. No clue how ppl stay years with such people.
I deliberately took her back. To learn. In hindsight quite risky, but iam grateful. I saw narc traits in realtime, learned to enforce and defend my boundaries. I learned the flaws of beeing too empathic and so much more.
A high price to pay for SEX
Thanks for Shining Your Experience. ... I'm 10 Months in this Relationship. ... Agree with Everything. ... Great Sex, fighting Worsening & it Hard to Break Lose. ... Sound Like You Broke Lose?
It's "months" if there's more than one month.
@@tonyespinoza4738
Went back one more time. But didnt commit fully. Only took her 4 days to show me her true face again.
Actually i never regreted taking her back alltogether 3 times. Everytime i got more objective about the situation, with less emotions involved and it felt like iam stepping out step by step which felt easier for me personally.
But it might not be the recipe for everybody. Found out mine is also rather BPD than narcissist. So essentially a little less evil intentions, but compareable in their behaviour.
Afterall you have to judge/treat them by their actions, not their words. They will twist reality in ways beyons imagination if they want to.
For me personally i simple assest that their behaviour is too toxic for me to plan long term.
But the ending is never easy.. i know
I did the same thing. I was raised to never cater to woman and at a young age have always been very good with woman. I saw the red flags with my ex but I knew emotionally I was way stronger than her evil games so I took her back after I walked away for 2 months. During that time I had a so much fun going out meeting people and after 2 months she came back begging with a inferior motive to "try" to destroy me. I took it personal so before I left her again and for good this time I messed her up mentally, physically and emotionally. I had dated narcissistic woman mostly my whole life before I even knew what that was but luckily I'm one of the very few that can date a narcissist and come out with no damage. I think I'm a bigger narc so when a narcissist comes Into my life thinking I'm the next victim their the ones that leave devastated 😂
I am learning to take that step back, when he rages, and use it as a clue to figure out what HE DID, that he's ashamed of. It's been very eye opening.
I love your content! It's so helpful after going no contact with my ex friend. Helps me to know I'm not crazy! Thank you!!
My ex was a friend of 25 years, met in our early teens. When we "romantically" reconnected in our late thirties, I never anticipated what he was going to put me through. He'd come in as a "hero" and good friend when my dad passed away. Over the next few years..
I watched a grown man throw tantrums, tell obvious lies and grandiose stories, mirrored me, future faked, manipulated, gaslit and lied to my face. I was deeply trauma-bonded and knew his childhood trauma and went back for a number of cycles.
He was exposed in May '21 juggling me with a woman he'd told me was just a friend and he'd never date because she was 12 years younger with two kids. Talked a lot of trash about her. When I found out he'd been juggling, I cut ties. Over the next year, he reached out a few times but I didn't bite. I reached out on his birthday in May '22 and found out he had a then four month old son with her. Unplanned, he knew her for three months. (I found out much later there was a third woman he'd told me he'd split with almost a year before). She took her son and her kids and moved out of state. He told me everything he'd been through made him see how he hadn't valued me like he should have, started dropping the "love" word and said he wanted a family with me. I saw what a trap that was. A month after saying this to me, he cut me off completely when I asked him to stop doing something that was confusing me (sending deep love songs and then saying it wasn't how he felt, it was just a "pretty song". This man listens to heavy metal). He told me he didn't need another headache from a woman and.. that was it. That was over a year ago, never another word. He knows I have abandonment issues and he'd ghost to punish me. I thank God, spirit, the All that he discarded me like yesterday's garbage. No more confusion, no more energy vampirism (I won't even get started on that, I was very spiritually sick), and no more time or energy wasted feeding a bottomless pit.
There is a block button on your phone and face book and emails ..use them ..
I feel like reading my own story
@@nature9872 It's crazy how many people can relate with similar experiences
Wow. Parallel universe experience here. I feel like you wrote it all out for me! God bless you. Keep commenting and inspiring others, warrior! Much love ❤️
Thx, Christina! So helpful once again. Two weeks post breakup and I’m doing better every day! Yes, very reactive and I’d say emotionally unregulated master projectors and false blame and shame projection. Wow wow my eyes are wide open thx to you.
When you call them out and educate your they ain't coming back nor hoover. Consider it a blessing
Never willing to work on their selves. Yes
They don't have a "self"...their "self" is a demon, and I mean that literally!
@@kristilindley7849 truth!
I had developed an irregular heart beat for no apparent reason, (after decades of trying to help a younger sibling get through life.). I had all the follow up heart testing at the same time realizing that I was dealing with a narcissist. After all the tests came back normal and going no contact with the sibling, I had blessed peace in my life, and all my heart is back in a normal rhythm again. Bingo!
They may not, truthfully, know themselves, though they actively attempt to get you to not know yourselves.
Ding ding ding
Thank you for the clip. It's a life saver.
This is one of the best explaining a narcissist video that I have seen. Thank you, I appreciate this so much. I am currently divorcing my husband. No, he never thought I would do it because he thought he had control over me. I am praying for peace when this is done.
This validated so many of the experiences I’ve had.. I’m blown away by the accuracy.
Oh, I tried the whole "avoid emotional reactions" thing. My narcissist noticed, and accused me of being abusive. For what? Being a nice kind helpful person that just isn't showing emotional reactions to her ridiculous stories any more. Crazy. She actually said the whole "You need to make me feel X" thing - you know, that thing that the psychologists repeatedly say is an unhealthy attitude. No lady, I can be kind and helpful, but I can't make you feel anything in particular on demand - that bit is your arena.
No lady 😂😂
You are absolutely correct in what you are saying with them coming back into your life an saying they need you, even saying no to him. "My husband "
Oh my goodness... every word of this hits home for me!