My X was a saint around my friends and family. It wasn't until I recorded stuff, and my mom was at our house, in another room, and he came home and exploded on me, not knowing she was there, did she see it. I had to dump a few flying monkeys, that I thought were my friends. It's amazing, the victimhood they portray! My grandpa warned me about men that play the victim! He says that a real man will try to hide his problems, as not to worry you!
Oh lord.. uncovering the longterm smear campaign she implemented after our divorce was probably the most heartbreaking. I was all in and still thinking how great it was going to be when we "got past " the difficult period I thought we were going through. She managed to keep nearly all of our friends and community we'd been part of for 15 years. Men that I'd called my brothers.. and their wives or partners. Everyone wants to be on Team Amy! Is anyone shocked she's a trauma nurse? Traded our family and marriage for a fireman... it's a cliché for a reason I suppose.
@@kennethjorgensen6624 Oh! Yes they steal your friends...that gave my ex husband great joy. He even ended up, after 15 years divorced from me, "catching up" with my ex best friend and now they are living together! He is upset and can't understand why my daughter's won't except the relationship 🤪
When I was twenty I knew I could, before I was thirty I had grown wiser, the physical scara were gone long before the emotional ones, I'm over 70 now and the mental ones have not completly gone.
@@HAmatelot . I understand @Hmatelot, some scars can only be divinely healed and some stay in our psychy for a lifetime as a warning never to return to that situation ⚠️. regardless forgiveness is paramount to healing and the ability to do that is what separates us from the narssasist 🙏..
Thinking you can help them change is as fatal as trying to flap your wings after jumping off a tall building. Sigh. They don't change. They manipulate.
He has told me it's gonna get worst. Worst is a lot of stuff. I'm in love with him & love him.. just gonna have to ride it out. And hope he doesn't hurt or kill me
DEAR Amanda In Agreement with you Hun.very well said.may God Grant you your Hearts desires and may Your Dreams come TRUE Sweetheart in JESUS NAME With MUCH ❤ from somewhere in OKLAHOMA 🙏🌹🙏 God Bless.
@@kimhumiston2686 DEAR Kim In total agreement with you Hun.yes and don't look back.Blessings to you Sweetheart.hope your doing well.from somewhere in OKLAHOMA 🙏🌹🙏
thats bad advice, whatever happened to helping each other. at least trying if someone truly is a narc then yeah. but just dropping everyone and everything like hot potato everytime iy is not a fairytale is bad advice
Then, for me, after realizing this person is not who they are, the devastation of self wondering what my problem was falling in love with a hollow person. Why was I such a fool. How did I waste years thinking somehow I was at fault.
@@LittleTaiChiMermaid I just filed last month. I think this often but now I reset the tape I play un my head and at least I know it wasn't on me to fix him. Now I know there was nothing more I could have done. And now my conscience is clean
Some will say sorry for things they have no reason to be sorry for...but never for what they know they do to hurt people. It is a backwards laugh at you...see I do say sorry.
@@berrypatch5583 you are right about that! Yep, she apologizes (yes, I went back to the narc and now seeing these videos again!), and yet, I no longer believe her. JUST said "Lizzy, we are DONE!" (She'll play victim to her sister who is my friend, am sure.)
this is my mother - There is nothing wrong with me (my mother ) its everyone else that has a problem ( this includes 4 husbands and 4 children ) - Ive ( my mother )done nothing to anyone - I ( my mother) did everything for them - POOR ME ( my mother) I (my mother ) am the victim and on and on and on
My ex and my current husband are both narcs. My husband thinks he is smarter than me and that I would never know if he cheats on me, that was his opinion. I could read him like an open book when he’s lying to me. I could tell when he’s busy whoring around looking for women online.
We all do at the Come-to-Jesus moment. I promise you will survive and go on to live a good life if you go absolutely NO CONTACT, and from that moment start to construct a life with you, your life, your talents, and your boundaries at the center of your plan. Love to you.
Don't beat yourself up about it, many of us have been taken in by narcs. I can spot the signs a mile off now and I don't let them into my life at all, not even a little.
Narcissist's always want you to deal with their problems, but as soon as you criticize their choices they immediately flip the script and it's you that has the problem.
I didn't criticize what they had done (not illegal) although it would have gotten them in trouble with their wife , I only criticized that it was taking time I needed working on an application. Take a wild guess what the reaction was. I even attempted to complete what I was working on and this person harassed annoying everyone until I had no choice. It took having a third narcissist come into my life to realize what was happening, it's been a long, harsh road.
Yes. Funny that. That's why they cant grow or mature. The worst to deal with is a sickly 75 yr old person....Eesh. An immature adult with high entitlement and no empathy. May I always learn and grow and love.
agree - I have spent hours and hours and money , in the past, helping assisting etc at my parents request only to be told it was useless whatever i had done and I had wasted my time or they didnt need it now really destructive behaviour and they cant understand why i have no desire to communicate with them
The first truth you need to tell yourself is that they never loved you. Every word, emotion displayed was a lie. So once you start accepting that, you begin to heal and stop romanticising them and seeing them for who they are. They are just there for themselves and draining your good qualities to make up for their emptiness. The more you pour into a narc the emptier and depressed you are going to be.
You spoke right from my thoughts Dami. They don't understand sacrifices, they only do things that are convenient for them and if only they see themselves in the reward system or how they can control you with it later. If you have an addiction that makes you codependent on them like always needing sex,money, food, alcohol, attention etc, they are so going to keep controlling you with it if you don't set yourself free. Conversations can only be civil and sound meaningful once it is always about what they want, they don't care about what you want. They want to determine what makes you happy; you don't have the right to tell them what you want them to do that would make you happy. They never change habits, very predictable pattern of actions and reactions. They will term being rude, violent, vile foul words and being very disrespectful as being honest. If you don't let them have their way, they will look for others to lure in quickly to give them attention and make you look irrelevant. Once they keep doing that and see you are not moved and you can see through them after a while, they might come back acting like they are now changed and you can let down your guard. Falling for it will be your biggest mistake because they never get better. You come across to them as petty and over sensitive because they lack true emotions. It will be nice to meet you Dami.
“There is simply no winning with a narcissist. He will treat you so horribly that you will become withdrawn and depressed and then he will turn around and say, ‘You’re no fun anymore, you’re always so depressed. I need to be with someone more positive.’” - Susan Williams
True, they beat you up emotionally, rip your life to shreds, and then tell you that they're unhappy because you're not doing enough for them. It's not you, it's the narcissist. Get as far from them as you can get. If you can't leave at least practice compartmentalizing and showing no reaction to their verbal crap. Don't buy into their put-downs. If you do get away don't go back. If you have children or must speak to the narc try to do it through a third party, and have very little to say when you see them. Leave if they start their usual gaslighting. That's how I survived 3 decades of it.
1. You can be vulnerable with me = Give me information to use against you later 2. I've got your back = Being on your side is convenient for me at this time 3. It's not my fault = The world made me do it 4. It will get better = I am buying time 5. I am honest = Believe my lies 6. I am going to change = don't leave me/buying more time 7. I love you = I love how you make me feel
Would he really go so far as to marry me if his love isn't even real? 🤔 I shy away from placing labels as I'm not a psychologist but he says 1. it's my fault he cheated 2. No one understands his problems are worse than everyone else's...his struggle is the MOST profound and debilitating 3. I'm a covert narcissist 4. zero empathy...like a carved wooden man he actually is offended by show of any emotion and says I'm playing the victim 6. Calls me a liar 7. Won't take care of his own health or finances and gets mad if I don't take care of it for him gets mad if it's not how he wanted it 8. 3wks ago he took my only vehicle for work but he didn't go to work he quit his job stopped coming home and I haven't seen him since 5.
One very difficult thing for me after being in a relationship like this for a year and almost loosing my mind is that I don't have anyone to talk to. Sure, friends listen, but they don't even remotely get how devastating it was. Thank god for channels like this! To validate my experience.
Marko you do have me & others. You are not alone. All of us have issues. You have faced yours.They will not. Pray for them. They are insecure. You aren't. Ihave many issues. I turn them over to my Creator everyday or try to. Admitting is freedom!
Most people even your family and friends are ignorant about narcissism that's why when you bring your predicament to them they can not comprehend therefore you can not get an educational conversation . It's better to research in the internet where you can obtain reliable advice and information from authoritative psychologists , therapists , victims of narcissism and other narcissistic sources !
Yes it's very hard to talk to somebody about living with a narcissist because that person has no idea what you're talking about it just sounds like you're complaining they don't know how you isolate yourself because you've been made to feel like you're useless
Well stated. That's exactly what happened with me. Truly shocking when hearing all my dysfunctions shared at the top of her grandson's voice, when I was in bed sick.(which is often with all my chronic conditions) and especially if I didn't want to get involved with his criminal activity.
“When a toxic person can no longer control you, they will try to control how others see you. The misinformation will feel unfair, but you stay above it, trusting that other people will eventually see the truth just like you did.” - Jill Blakeway
Thank you! I needed this, i have a narcissist sister who cannot control me (i am a psychologist and behaviour analyst haha!) but I always hated the knowledge that she lies about me to my parents spilling venom about me, my dad sees the truth but my mom refuses and always looks to me to adapt my behavior to calm and quiet my raging sister and I am evil or selfish if i don’t. I needed to see this comment :) definitely reassuring that staying above it is the right thing and showing them by actions and lack of insults and negative words who is the toxic one
@@Hello11235 God bless you ➕🍀🙏Sounds like you're doing extremely well, despite your sister, God bless you 👍➕🍀🙏Well done & keep strong,,, You're brilliant
@@Hello11235 My sister has borderline personality disorder and is exactly the same , but 12 months ago got a psychologist degree and diagnoses everyone else with personality disorders smh. no one believed the mental and psychical abuse i received . Especially being male and 18 months older than her. The only escape was leaving home at 16
I met a hole circle ⭕️ of narcissistic people in PA , what you are saying is 100% on point, I - X out hole circle terminated my association with these fools. I rather be by myself then to be associated with these fools. They are demons from hell, very jealous and in-secured people, and they definitely put out false information on you to attempt to destroy your character. Watch the circle you are in Pay attention because it’s staring you in your face. Narcissistic people will get you killed just by false information they put on you, they do this to draw attention away from themselves. 💯🇱🇾 real talk. RUN LIKE hell and never look back.
That's called triangulation. It happened to me with divorce and custody battle. I found out it was a real thing. They talk shit about you (including me losing custody, new boyfriend, etc.) with anyone who will listen.
“A narcissist paints a picture of themselves as being the victim or innocent in all aspects. They will be offended by the truth. But what is done in the dark will come to light. Time has a way of showing people’s true colors.” - Karla Grimes
I’ve noticed narcissist NEVER take responsibility. In fact they twist their own sneaky deceptive behavior back on YOU, even telling their tales of your wrongdoing to other people. Woah. Sick. When I see this I know I loved or cared for a person who cares for no one but himself.
I was married to a narcissist for 13 years. One of her favorite tactics was to vent to her family about all my flaws/wrongdoing to color their perception of me. I finally got to the point that I started countering that by beating her to her family with the real facts. I hated airing out private stuff with them, but it had the effect of preventing her from manipulating their opinion of me and actually revealed her tactics to her family. Of course, the marriage didn't last too much longer after I started doing that because I wasn't letting her run her script.
@@dkindig Yup that’s my ex too. Running to family to say how bad I am to her and yet never take responsibility for all her actions of starting arguments and always so snappy at anything to do with me. It’s funny as the first 4 years I was man of the year to her year after year and she bragged about me to everyone and telling people I’m the best thing that’s happen to her in her life and her family said the same but then she flipped a whole 360 on me and now she is smear campaigning me all over the place saying I’m a bad man and did her wrong and I just shake my head. I don’t start shit with her I don’t go around belittling her or smear campaigning her all over town and the net like she does. She actually has others that don’t know me calling me narcissistic and Boy My family, friends and even my kids from a previous marriage laughed and all said she is the narcissist cause she’s mean as a snake, lies all the time and has to be center of attention. Thinks she knows everything like no one else knows more than her and she even tries to tell Drs their job and they eventually shut her up in facts and that PHD they have to her opinions that she thinks is facts. She is just a huge know it all and a huge flirt with other men. The flirting is the biggest problem I had with her not to mention all the guy friends she had andI didn’t like that cause I found out many of her male friends are ex’s that’s fine stuff with her. So yeah… NOPE not ok with that. We were engaged to be married too for years and glad I dodged that bullet. I even helped her win her kids back out the system. Everything I’ve done for her that no one else would do and yet she acts like I did nothing for her. Moved her outta a small drug infested neighborhood and a studio apartment into my house and that helped her look more stable to win her kids back. She was on probation for drug charges before I met her but didn’t judge her for it and stuck by her side through the other 4 years of her 5 year probation for drug charges. I’m anti drugs so her P.O. Loved me and told her she found a good man and be good to me and I’m a keeper. Well that didn’t stick 6 years later. It’s like once she got off that probation she changed. She’s just a good charming narcissist that is good at manipulating people but wasn’t good manipulating me in the long haul. The more I found out and the more I spoke up about stuff that I didn’t like she discarded me. Typical narcissist for ya. Once you figure them out they discard and smear campaign against he he’ll outta you.
Yeah. Mine said, ‘eye would never bring you to my country and leave you on the street without any help.’ Did exactly that. But thank goodness the YOUniverse came right in with the help of beyoutiful strangers who are now like family to me.
It's horrifying to see how common narcissism is and how many people have been affected, but it's equally reassuring to know you aren't the only person who got duped by a narc.
Try being due for 30 years and still freaking phone for it like an idiot cuz you feel desperate cuz you're so alone cuz they advisolated you away from everyone and turn them against you to make them think you're crazy when they're the ones that are messed up
@@debramattila2202 you are never alone there are alot of us going thru the same thing and struggle daily to stay or leave and then that good person shows up and toys with your mind again because that if the person who you fell for and care about and you live your life walking on pins and needles hoping that person stays but you just never know what will trigger them and then your left with the asshole who just insults you makes you question your self worth and truth is those people are never good for anyone but themselves. I am here for you
Sometimes wonder if it is just the majority of humans. The human state Now I will expect anyone to be one and instead of always seeing the good. I’ll be looking for the bad
Yes learning about narcissism and those with narcissistic traits has made sense of the behaviour of many people I've known over the years, family included.
I was in an emotionally abusive/narcissistic relationship with a man 13 years my senior. He was abusive to me but so kind, helpful and giving to others. People love him and he has a huge circle of friends but somehow I lost all of mine and myself dealing with him. Processing and healing has been a blessing though. Praying that everyone heals and forgives themselves for dealing with such a terrible situation.
@@losonsrenoster Dude, you were caught up in the excitement. Same for me. For those naïve to the ways of the narc, it's normal to RELISH the love bomb. How long/much of a devalue phase (if any) did you endure?
Desperately trying to restore a relationship you thought existed by debasing yourself. Not. It's demeaning and sadistic and they thrived on it. That realization made me run, thank the Good Lord.
My X (trauma nurse) admires accomplishment and prestige.. the insane thirst for validation from strangers, her absolute willingness to ignore or even misuse a faithful husband and her own children to win attention from others.. exhausting. I had no clue for too long.
They never see the harm they're inflicting upon others. They behave rude, condensendingly, and down right mean to their supply, over and over again. Then, when we finally decide to enforce our boundaries, they lie to all their pawns: "They hurt me!!!"
1. You can be vulnerable with me 2. You can rely on me 3. It’s not my fault 4. It will get better 5. I’m the most honest person 6. I’m going to change 7. I love you 8. You’re worthless
I was with a narcissist for 7 years dealt with all the signs and emotions that define a narcissist. Our on again off again relationship was finally coming to an end he looked at me and said "I will never be honest with you and I will never change". That's the only time he WAS honest. I knew I had to go no contact for my own sanity. Going no contact was the best thing I've ever done
"I'm NOT changing for U!!!" And: You have done EVERYTHING tht God has FORBIDDEN!(throwing my honesty about teenage experiances...while HE was the " Evil sinner & liar forever
You are SO RIGHT!!! I experienced this many times, not that it mattered. None of the lies by themselves did did--it was the sheer unbelievably monumental mountain of bullshit that put me in PTSD shock for a while. Satanic subterfuge amongst a parliament of WHORES! I mean fucking LITERALLY!!!
Just had this happen last night twice, brought up something they had said in the past and they acted as if that never happened 🤯🤦🏼♀️🤔😂 luckily, I have dealt with narcissists so much that I call him out on it all the time, I knew he was gaslighting me.
The biggest lie they tell you , the world and anyone else who will listen is that they are truly self confident and kind , ..for when you strip everything away they are the most miserably insecure and callous individual you could ever meet !
"You're worthless". Yep. Just heard that one yesterday. Not the first time. It's hard not to make excuses for them. Then when they see you are devastated, here comes the love bombing, and the cycle starts all over again.
Omg. Just ended things tonight with a guy i have been dating. Fell head over heels on first date as he told me to be vulnerable with him, that I'm really special, and started future planning right away...my gut kind of warned me but i ignored it because he was so gorgeous and charming and kind. Things went really fast for two weeks, always together and felt amazing. Things suddenly turned and he got very nasty and blamed me for his poor behaviour...i felt like i was going crazy! Cut that BS off right away, thank god, and this video has been so bloody affirming.
real people that feel deep feelings for you in my humble opinion, they dont future fake talk like that when you meet them early on...because if they valued you they actualy are taken back and are even a bit quiet around you. Being really chatty with you is friend zone.this is why people think they didnt know someone liked them because they wouldnt be all about them and all talk around them at all.
I know the "honesty" lie all too well...among most of the other things mentioned. It leaves you feeling like your soul needs a shower to clean the corruption off.
My ex-wife of 17 years was a narcissist. I am in such a better relationship at this point in my life. My current wife had narcissistic people in her life and she has been such a blessing in my life and so understanding!
The most horrifying thing to realize about my narcissist is that every time I told them they were loved or that they were worthy of love, they would have just assumed that I was lying and trying to manipulate them. They can't even understand what real love is. It's awful and there's nothing you can do to help them, except for protecting the people they would otherwise harm.
A narcissist might take responsibility but they will minimise it and use whataboutism quite a lot. My narc ex did that a lot when I pointed out the wrong things he did.
Oh yeah - I hear you! ‘Whataboutisms’, or being quick to point out any show of anger/annoyance (responsive to their crap) against you. Or gaslighting - ‘I don’t think that you remember things accurately…”
Being honest and open and trusting with a narcissist will always end up blowing up in your face. They always try to hurt you with the information and hold it against you if they believe you should be ashamed
Oof😢.. my story too. After the divorce, doing my best to try and understand what happened.. realized that the minute she graduated nursing school, got that BSN we both sacrificed so much to achieve, she began to detach and quietly set me up to be crazy and angry and unpredictable. The gaslighting was superb, really. Even though I was the target ( lost my family, father-role, and most of my friends ) I can detach enough to say she's fabulously unfeeling and incredibly committed to getting her way. We have children together, but outside of necessary communication regarding our adult children, it's zero contact and I moved 150 miles away for my own sanity and survival.
My narcissist husband and I would go to therapy. He was always so charming and nice. I was upset and intimidated. Anything I said he countered and made it look like i was the psycho one. And I was psycho: he made me crazy. Even went to therapy alone, the therapists would focus on my "past". They would not listen to what I had to say about my fabulous husband. My problems was not my past, but my chameleon, gas-lighting, manipulative husband.
I experienced that. I want to find a way to release myself from that horrible experience. And with other people too. No matter how nice and helpful I was, at the end of the day, it was always my fault. My ex-husband gaslighted me and wound up beating me when I called him out. Now he is on his fifth wife and pretty well of financially. I am alone and relatively poor. But I would rather be poor and alone than ever have to experience that again. It nearly broke my soul.
From some paper in some psychotherapy magazine: There are five kinds of apologies narcissists give. One is to try to be really nice for a moment as if nothing bad happened. Second one is to appeal to a good intention. Third is that they were overcome by events. Fourth is that they are horrified about what they did and you should console them. Fifth one is that you were part of the problem too, and once you admit this, you will be the only one at fault.
I had a narcissist tell me "l never lie". My response was "you just did." I am the type narcissists hate. I am comfortable in my own skin, am not afraid to call out BS when someone is trying to manipulate or control me, and if this one says "l always het the last word", l shrugged my shoulders and said ",Whatever" and walked away. She was livid ,screaming at me, and l just kept going. I have a feelin l am the type they hste, which is fine with me!!!
25 years of marriage! I have dealt with this craziness! Thank God I'm finally done! Now 52 and my children are grown and now it time for me to make me happy. It has been so long since my husband behavior was this mean and evil! But now I know with out a doubt he is broken! And he will never get fixed he doesn't see he has a problem! And now I dont care! Now Im focusing all my energy on me! I'm praying for me! I wasted 25 years and I was the dam fool, I saw the signs but I ignore them! I have to be accountable for my part!
Not trying to be nosey, but did you stay for the kids? I am in a similar situation and I cannot stand the thought of not seeing my children everyday/sharing custody.
I be honest I thought I didn't have the money to leave. But I could've had spousal support and I would not have mind the child custody. I did not have the courage nor the confidence to leave and when I would make up my mind to leave he would always have the right words to say that make me hope things would be different.
@@ihopeigetthroughthis6920 No...I did not stay for the children. I think staying for the children I not a good reason to stay in a toxic relationship. The children are effected by the toxic behavior. I didn't have money to leave and I was scared to leave! He was the bread winner I left my job back with my baby was three years old so I didn't have any money saved. But now I understand there is spousal and child support. I wasn't even think that at the time! I have learn to set healthy boundaries and I do not engage in any argues with him, but I'm no longer allow him to bully me. Now my children are adults, two are gone and one is home in college. Now I have my own business I'm building. Its critical that you have you own thing, your own money. Do not stay for the children...trust me I have parent guilt. They are amazing children considering. Please plan and stop worrying about sharing custody. How old are your child. Therapy and my faith is what helped me alot!
My narcissist husband was constantly telling me that I was a "manipulative game player". I was always trying to be as direct, and articulate as possible, yet he always accused me of being manipulative. One day I asked him how he can "tell" when I am being manipulative. He said when I say things that make him feel like crying. In other words, I was getting the message across that I was very unhappy, and he was rejecting it with all his might.
Narc ex told his therapists that he felt safer in Afghanistan than he did with me. But never served overseas and doesn't even have a passport. What he really doesn't feel safe with is the truth. The truth terrifies him.
You're either an addict (unfortunately, they pair well with addicts because they love bomb so well) or an empathetic person who keeps their word and expects others to. Or both. You'll be alright. No sex before marriage = no love bombing to draw you in.
All of them marinated with me. Especially the "I love you" part. I also said when I only wanted to be friends, how can someone be so cruel, give me the silent treatment, and then block me. I realized that person never loved me. And it took me 2 days with the curtains closed, tv turned off, no lights on, and prayer to get me out of depression. I was heavily depressed. The more I learn about my experience, the more I realize it was the best decision for me to walk away.
Sorry to hear about your 2 day depression... I just got out of 4 years depression and drink every single night.. Almost lost my mind and didn't want to wake up... Few days after I found this. But that's not what help me.. it confirmed what I thought, but could not break out of.. Good luck ua-cam.com/video/zX4DeCV31YY/v-deo.html
Tough duty man. These things happen. At least you're alive to complain. The world is still a good place and needs brave loving people. Peace and love from Boston rock on keep the faith.
Me too.. my mother and 3 X wives. I had to break MY patterns.. they were all just surviving, doing the shit Narcs do. But I called it "love " for 50 years because mom.😢
I agree but there are honest people who are not narcissists that will tell you they are honest and truly are. It is something to be proud of in today's world.
Most honest people I’ve dealt with don’t brag they are honest! Narcissistic people usually lay it on thick in the beginning and say whatever you need to hear to fall for their antics
Yes Im on here to make sure all my ps n qs are in order and who my friends are theoretically speaking for several reasons and it's good to be honest with yourself not believe your own hype there is good and there is bad id wreather be prepared and not to walk around hurting people basically.... ohh damn I'm on here watching these informational channels gotta check yourself before you wreck yourself I truly enjoyed your comment cheers to the good folks who follow the good road
Patricia you had a older sister like mine. I got married on Princess cruise Lines ( Grand Princess) first wedding they did at Sea by Captain. Anyways when I told Family that we were getting Married on ship. Any of them could go they would just have to PAY the fare. Inside cabins were like only a few $100 dollars very cheap. My sister started saying "I want to go" my wife to be, said "OK" just contact this person and that Princess would set everything up for them. I got the same you "OWE" me. Like we were to pay there FARES. I was stunned. I could NOT believe it. My Wife's side of Family, they all went. My Family NONE went. It was the old "you OWE me BS" and it's not like, none of them did not have any money. My Parents were travelers they traveled all over the world. It pisses me off to this day. The FACT that they thought my wife's family or ME was to pay for them to go on Cruise Ship. Anyway it was the greatest time of my Life. To have a Ships Captain Merry me. My Life's Dream. We just did are 20th. Anniversary on Princess, went to Alaska this time. Different Ship Name ( Ruby) same ship size. Saw the Glacier's. Neat city's in Alaska even did a snorkel Dive shore tour. The water was NOT that cold. There was a grandmother who even did it with her Daughter. I helped the Grandmother walk over the Rocks to get to Dive area.
I just commented this and didn't see your comment. It could be something that you believe is done from the bottom of their heart but you'll never live it down. It'll be throwing up in your face repeatedly. It's horrible I've been there
If anyone ever said 'you owe me' to me I would laugh in their face. If ever there was a line made up to dominate or control or manipulate someone that would be it (one of them). Anyone who actually thinks like that and says it? Dump. One way or another.
my older brother treated me like shit for so meny years at age 27 ive left thats it never coming back i am proud of 2 things 1 is that its been 4 years with no intrest too is when he overdosed and me slag mum tried to blame me because i wont take his abusive behaviour i thought it was funny asf also its been 2 years sence ive disowend me mum and she was looking at possible death i still refused to see her
The N's in my life only did things so that they could hold them over my head. My mom was that way. I have a difficult time taking anything from anyone because of it. Now I have my son here doing the same thing. I am so tired of it.
You are so young!And I'm 76! I only woke up to this 2 yrs ago. Every single you say here are 100% true in my case. I sent this to my adult daughters as I believe this from you will help them. Thank you
I had a friend who is a narcissistic. Sounds stupid, but it took me years to see how she was manipulating me, so controlling. Three years ago I cut her out of my like, but she still won’t leave me alone. She harasses my friends and family, slags me off to them, denies she’s done anything wrong and tells them she was only friends with me because I apparently have no life and she felt sorry for me. Then when I confront her she’s kissing my backside. She just does not get the message no matter what I say 🤦🏼♀️
It has been horrible Christina, being lied to ("I love you, darlin', I've never cheated on you and never would", swore on his beloved dad's grave. I found out he had been sleeping with/relationship with at least 3 women behind my back, still hoovering me when he could. I was so good to him but thanks to channels like yours can build my life up from here, him out my life forever. Just unbelievable how these lowlifes live. Thanks, Christina @CommonEgo 💕
My mother was sitting adjacent to me in the kitchen when my BIL hit me with closed fists in the back. Then she watched my sister tell me to “get out” while pushing me out the door. My mother was right behind her saying the same thing. I left and never went back. My “offense”? I was late for Easter dinner. Nobody could tell me what time.. even though i asked my narc mom on four occasions, she claimed not to know. Two weeks later it was Mother’s Day. My mother went to my BILs house for Mother’s Day. I had no idea. A week later I went to moms to retrieve something I’d forgotten. My narc mom said” I think I may have something to apologize for although I don’t know what it is”. Really? You witnessed someone assaulting me. In your house .You told me to “get out”. You never called to see whether I was okay. You then went to his house for Mother’s Day. You know what that narcs response was? In its entirety: “ well did you plan something for me for Mother’s Day?” That’s the day I realized that my mother was a narcissist and sick and twisted. That’s the day I realized I don’t really have “ a mother” that loved me. I had a mother that only loved herself. Ever. A lying cunning sick narcissist who has no allegiance to anyone, but will go wherever she can to get her supply, like an addict.
Next time don't go back. Whatever your "forgot" count it as stolen. You set yourself up for more abuse and reinforce their idea that you will continue to take it every time you go back, so don't.
@@thnkr0917 i hear ya, but that was impractical. It was my power washer. Originally Planned to retrieve it on easter . Was just gonna open the gate to the yard, get it out of the shed, where i left it LAST TIME I CLEANED HER PATIO. I needed to do my pool decking . SPRING.
I've been in nervous hospitals 4 times , I've been on every medication the Dr's pass out like Skittles . I've been a burner because of all this . I'm 62 now and , the saddest thing of all is that I 😢 know that I have to wait until my mother passes from this world . It's just the way that this is going to end . They've never loved me . I know that . This has been a living nightmare and , I'm so sorry 😞 about the way it has to end 😔 😢 💔 ...
When I was with my ex ...every one seemed to love him...friends family and all the people he worked with...nobody could see my side of things . He broke me down mentally physically and emotionally within 5years..the 5th year was the worst...I ended up not knowing who I was anymore...just a shell left ...took away my money my looks my hobbies my confidence...I was totally broken as a person..not knowing what had just happened...it was nothing to him to walk away...he never really cared ...he lied...and lied and lied ...and I believed him because I loved him even though he broke me...still recovering..not interested in anyone and more ...just want me back now .x
Hi same thing three years of marriage I left but stupidly told him I was filing for divorce he waited until I was asleep and beat me up. Just in total shock. I’m in a safe place but this was three years ago therapy didn’t help much, I’m still dealing with trauma and with Covid everybody is still isolated. Dealing with loneliness, but don’t trust people, don’t want to date either. I’ve never experienced these types of feelings before.
@@kylielogan8771 I am so sorry he did all this to you ..its really not fair ..when you put your heart and soul in to the relationship and it just all back fired..I just can't get over how cool and collected he acted after the break up..like I was the crazy one ..I cried and cried my heart out for months..everything seemed so unreal..it took me a long time to just go to a shop for food felt very uneasy and scared too ...I miss company but surely there is some nice guys out there..I am not going looking for one but I think if I ever do meet someone I will be more wiser and see the red flags ...at the moment I am looking after myself..like pampering with creams and lotions..all about me ...something he would never let me do ..not even wear lipstick ..now I wear different shades..if he came back my life would stop ...never let him back...look after yourself and people will start to notice how beautiful you are and the right person will notice you too .take care ❤
Hi, same here after 20year of being with a narcissist I finally got away. I too was broken mentally and physically. Three year on and I still find it upsetting to think that he never actually loved me I was just useful to him at the time.
Thinking about the past... How he cheated, all those future faking, gaslighting then triangulations ... it was brutal. So now I think if he ever.. even for one second considered me a human. A human with heart and soul. A human with emotions ... I guess NEVER. I was always a supply. It really hurts sometimes ... but I will recover someday completely. P.S.- Thank you Christina .. I really like your videos.
A lot of us get mad at ourselves for being gullible, Chalk it up to experience that hopefully you won't repeat. Life deserves a chance and there are too many missed opportunities due to fear of being screwed over again. Live and be happy.
@@richardcraigstewart698 True. We're actually dealing with different kind of subspecies, the goal is to survive mentally and physically to make it to the other side where original humans are free of these infected bloodlines, ...
Some don't say you're worthless but they make you feel they are the best things you can ever have, that you'll it get anyone better than them if you ever consider leaving them.
Wow, my covert narcissistic ex told me I could be vulnerable and told me stories from his past. He was an excellent listener and ask questions like he cared. I fell for the trap he set for me. He told everything that I told him to my coworkers during his smear campaign against me. Sick!
My fiance's mother...It used to hurt me to the core until I realized what and who she really is. I'm so grateful for people like you -that bring us awareness. I've realized that I must remove heartfelt emotions from my interactions with her and maintain boundaries. Thank you for your channel!
I had the worst monster-in-law, my ex’s mom who was a narc like him. It never got better, she was so mean to me, it never improved after we got married. I finally told him that his mom has always hated me and she is still mean, and it’s soul crushing. I told him he can visit her anytime he wants, go to what ever family thing, you name it. I just wanted no contact with her, I really didn’t need her crap. I read somewhere that if the in-laws don’t warm up to you it’s over, meaning they don’t get nicer the longer you’re with your boyfriend. They really don’t. That’s at least the lesson I learned.? A nasty mom or dad? Not marriage material.
Sometimes narcissistic people warn you of another narcissist ! The person they warn you against is dangerous BUT THEN they do to you usually different from the other. It's likely between them rivalry or uncertainty. I speak by experience.
My foolish husband’s line every year and it gets worse! I made sure that he knows I don’t believe every words he says that doesn’t line up with his actions.
Never complimenting you, and/or giving you a backward compliment ( "Thank you for keeping yourself in shape all of these years") is one way they "tell" you that you are worthless.
I had a female friend who used me and she lied. She kept saying that she had a business opportunity for me. She just kept making excuses telling me it was going to happen, she still to this day doesn't know that I set her up to see if she would lie to me and she did exactly that...she lied to me! I cut off all communication. God bless her.. I wish her well. But She will never use me again!
Narcissism is the root of evil not money, but the incentive behind the desire. It stems from that sense of self, ego. We all have an ego and a level or form of narcissism, but it's perspective , morality and sense of perception that divides narcissist from empathetic types
I've been trapped in a marriage with my narcissistic husband for 35 years and it's killing me. I'm trapped because I'm disabled and have no-one to help me escape. Domestic abuse charities here in England don't want to know unless a person can leave the home under their own steam, and I can't. I'm seriously considering the 'ultimate' as my only way out. He's broken me. I have no friends, and both of our families are his flying monkeys, who say I deserve how he is because of my health problems and the fact I can't have children. I wish more than anything that I could escape to somewhere none of them could find me. 😔💔
I worked with one that was also a stalker. After she was fired for stalking she then e-mailed me and other employees saying that we were the ones that caused her to be fired. They're LITERALLY scary. 😳
I've heard every single one of these lies for 20 years. Now I'm being shoved out the door and my name taken off everything we have gotten in marriage. You can't imagine how stupid I feel for falling for it.
My Friend is going through something similar. He just found out that the mother of his daughter not pretended to be another person with him... but she trapped him With a child smh its devastating to him.
Sadly we can’t trust anybody, have to live our lives with the trauma we’ve been through and avoid those mistakes again. Working on trust issue after the emotionally abused by a liar narc is so damn hard to trust ppl again and be the one with issue getting to know others with fully opened heart. Just commenting this makes me shaking and 😢
I understand that completely. I have been trying to get over the PTSD caused from being emotionally abused all of my life, starting with my family. Trusting yourself is the only way you can get to a place where you can really heal and move forward in your life. Wishing you all the best and I hope everything works out for you. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Take care 🙂
I was raised by a classic narcissist. She was also very physically abusive. I am 61 now and she is 83. She is the same and can justify anything she does or says. You will always be at fault, less than and damaged in her eyes. She will always be better than you.
I had a narcissist try to entrap me recently. He was nowhere near intelligent enough to do that, but I did get a fascinating insight into his techniques. For some reason he felt comfortable letting me in on how he manipulates and lies to other people. He's actually a fascinating case because of his low intelligence and poor social skills you just get a 101 textbook on narcissism with each conversation. He can still be dangerous, and has a history of bullying people into becoming his minions, but he's so overt (though ironically what you'd call a 'vulnerable' narc) that most people see all the way through him. "I swear to God I'm not on drugs!" followed by a 15 minute eye-locked crack cocaine fuelled rant about how you need to follow his example and obey the ten commandments doesn't tend to fly.
While watching your videos tears on my eyes because all that you said was true about them based on my personal experience! I know it's not easy to be healed but I know 1 day ill be fine. Thanks, Cristina, you help me to understand what is going on, I have been left confused ❓
Aww Marlena it will all be ok, as long as you have breath in your body you have a fighting chance to get this thing called life back on track, with love my sister
At first it was hurtful, mostly feeling sorry for myself asking what I did. But,,,,,I let her have our business, moved to another state, started a new job, at 72, and made friends. Last I heard, she ruined the business, her children won't talk to her, and God knows what else. I am happy again. I sincerely enjoy these talks.
I was adopted at 6 days old by a narcissistic adoptive mother. She spent 34 years abusing me sexually, emotionally, psychologically and physically. She played me off against my adoptive father, whom she was also abusing. A psychiatrist friend now believes she murdered him eventually when she thought she was losing control of him by messing with his epilepsy medication. In spite of warnings from her family because I had been brought up from a baby like this I didn’t realise what was really going on until an incident with a cop when I was 33 revealed her true nature and what I’d been through made sense. I left with only the clothes I stood up in, no friends, no direct contact with family for over three decades and a destroyed life and career. She reacted by immediately making a Will, disinheriting me and she rang round all possible allies calling me a liar and a sponger who would steal all their money. Thankfully some family members who knew her of old knew she was lying and helped me. I was given refuge by a kind lady and eventually met a very compassionate and patient girl who helped me recover. Now I do my passion for a living and I’m very happy, but I recognise everything here. It’s a message everyone needs to hear because the consequences of involvement with these psychopaths can be fatal…💔
I am sorry this happened to you, especially being an adopted new born. You said she sexually abused you for 34 years. Why didn't you resist her when you became an adult? Glad you are happy now.
@@kimalonzo3363 Hi. The sexual abuse stopped when I was 12, and resisted her. But the other forms of abuse continued unabated. I was terrified of her. My adoptive father and I looked after her in a rota system until he died, aged 58. I then took her on full time. She wouldn’t let me away from her more than 15 minutes a day and threatened suicide if I left. She intercepted my mail and phone calls and cut me off from all my friends. She had previously severed her own and my dads links with family and friends too and was fond of saying it was “us against the world”. Her gaslighting was terrible and although I am happy the abuse has left me emotionally scarred…
@@timshuker1302 I bet. Did the adoption agency ever find out? That is unbelievable. Did you have adoptive siblings? Do you know your biological mama? She would be devastated and maybe feel guilty. Of course I don't know the circumstances. I hope the rest of your life brings a lot more healing 💕
@@kimalonzo3363 No. The adoption agency never found out. My adoptive mother had been institutionalised as a paranoid schizophrenic three years before I was adopted. The family knew on both sides what she was. My adoptive dad wanted a divorce. The families got together and decided that adopting a child might stabilise her condition and save the marriage. So they hid her condition from the authorities to ensure it went through. I only found out about it after I escaped and her sister apologised to me for her part in the deception that landed me in hell. After I left she made a Will disinheriting me and telling lies about me. I’m fighting that will now…
@@kimalonzo3363 and no, my real mum never knew. I found who she was in 2015, but she had died in 2009. I know my half brother though and we get on well…
Knowing a narcissist is like the paranormal. No one will ever believe you until it happens to them😅😂😅
Omg I started to think I was really crazy
Awesome analogy.
im stealin' dat
No one ever believes you. I was trying to explain to my oldest sister about wife #1. My sister hung up on me and will not speak to me at all. ACK!!!
@@LahrySibley This is why documentation of any kind is important.
But video / audio recordings & photos help.
My X was a saint around my friends and family. It wasn't until I recorded stuff, and my mom was at our house, in another room, and he came home and exploded on me, not knowing she was there, did she see it. I had to dump a few flying monkeys, that I thought were my friends. It's amazing, the victimhood they portray! My grandpa warned me about men that play the victim! He says that a real man will try to hide his problems, as not to worry you!
Never open up to them, they take your deepest and hurtful experiences and throw them in your face!!!
Absolutely true!
Yes, my ex is the perfect example of how he used my deepest hurts as ammunition, no contact with him as been so freeing
Oh lord.. uncovering the longterm smear campaign she implemented after our divorce was probably the most heartbreaking. I was all in and still thinking how great it was going to be when we "got past " the difficult period I thought we were going through. She managed to keep nearly all of our friends and community we'd been part of for 15 years. Men that I'd called my brothers.. and their wives or partners. Everyone wants to be on Team Amy! Is anyone shocked she's a trauma nurse? Traded our family and marriage for a fireman... it's a cliché for a reason I suppose.
You got that right 👍
@@kennethjorgensen6624 Oh! Yes they steal your friends...that gave my ex husband great joy. He even ended up, after 15 years divorced from me, "catching up" with my ex best friend and now they are living together! He is upset and can't understand why my daughter's won't except the relationship 🤪
The only thing worse than being in love with a narcissist is believing you can change them 😔...
When I was twenty I knew I could, before I was thirty I had grown wiser, the physical scara were gone long before the emotional ones, I'm over 70 now and the mental ones have not completly gone.
@@HAmatelot .
I understand @Hmatelot, some scars can only be divinely healed and some stay in our psychy for a lifetime as a warning never to return to that situation ⚠️.
regardless forgiveness is paramount to healing and the ability to do that is what separates us from the narssasist 🙏..
Very true
... believing you can make them happy.
Thinking you can help them change is as fatal as trying to flap your wings after jumping off a tall building. Sigh.
They don't change. They manipulate.
Trust me guys. It only gets worse. Run and go no contact ASAP. It's the only way.
It took me 10 years to be able to run, I was financially & physically trapped 😢
Yup. Alot of people stay due to being trapped OR for fear of the brutal retaliation that comes with the break from them.
It's so brutal.
He has told me it's gonna get worst. Worst is a lot of stuff. I'm in love with him & love him.. just gonna have to ride it out. And hope he doesn't hurt or kill me
I told my ex after a long days work that my traps hurt and neck, she said it's because I hate my job.
Agreed. I had take charge and go no contact. Best choice of my life.
If being with somebody "Takes the sparkle out of you" don't walk away........RUN!!! That goes for family and friends as well.
DEAR Amanda
In Agreement with you Hun.very well said.may God Grant you your Hearts desires and may Your Dreams come TRUE Sweetheart in JESUS NAME With MUCH ❤ from somewhere in OKLAHOMA 🙏🌹🙏 God Bless.
That’s not realistic or healthy, life isn’t a bed of rose coloured glasses
Absolutely run! Narcissists will not change. They will just do their best to beat you down.
@@kimhumiston2686
DEAR Kim
In total agreement with you Hun.yes and don't look back.Blessings to you Sweetheart.hope your doing well.from somewhere in OKLAHOMA 🙏🌹🙏
thats bad advice, whatever happened to helping each other. at least trying if someone truly is a narc then yeah. but just dropping everyone and everything like hot potato everytime iy is not a fairytale is bad advice
And the biggest lie is the person you are in love with that does not exist.
Mm. Exactly…..
Then, for me, after realizing this person is not who they are, the devastation of self wondering what my problem was falling in love with a hollow person. Why was I such a fool. How did I waste years thinking somehow I was at fault.
So true, the hardest thing I have done is divorce a person, I loved, who never existed.
@@jelopata I still feel so stupid and foolish. In retrospect the signs were all there and I ignored them.
@@LittleTaiChiMermaid I just filed last month. I think this often but now I reset the tape I play un my head and at least I know it wasn't on me to fix him. Now I know there was nothing more I could have done. And now my conscience is clean
Stay away from any relationships if the person can NEVER say "I am sorry."
Some will say sorry for things they have no reason to be sorry for...but never for what they know they do to hurt people. It is a backwards laugh at you...see I do say sorry.
@@berrypatch5583 you are right about that! Yep, she apologizes (yes, I went back to the narc and now seeing these videos again!), and yet, I no longer believe her. JUST said "Lizzy, we are DONE!" (She'll play victim to her sister who is my friend, am sure.)
@Quintin Lemon yep
Does “I’m sorry you feel that way” also fall into this category?
My DEAR my devil( ex narc" said sorry every day i wanted it and it was just because he didnt want me to reject him...i had millions of promises
The prevalence of narcissism is horrifying. If a narcissist is talking,they’re lying.
Yes, you are absolutely right, sad to say!
I believe this to be true
Pretty much!
🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🎯💯
Right at this point it's narcissist calling other people narcissist, and coming to these videos to get weapons instead of healing
The biggest lie a narcissist could ever, ever tell:
#1 “I’m not a narcissist.” 🤥
this is my mother - There is nothing wrong with me (my mother ) its everyone else that has a problem ( this includes 4 husbands and 4 children ) - Ive ( my mother )done nothing to anyone - I ( my mother) did everything for them - POOR ME ( my mother) I (my mother ) am the victim and on and on and on
My ex and my current husband are both narcs. My husband thinks he is smarter than me and that I would never know if he cheats on me, that was his opinion. I could read him like an open book when he’s lying to me. I could tell when he’s busy whoring around looking for women online.
Stop,it
Or they’ll call you one
@@jeremyalcoser5742 "I'm not THE narcissist."
I feel empty because I let myself be treated like this.
Me too, but I'm taking steps now to get the hell away and am looking forward to a peace of mind.
Darling..it's NOT you, it's THEM. Get help here or where you can and go forward to your best life! ❤
We all do at the Come-to-Jesus moment. I promise you will survive and go on to live a good life if you go absolutely NO CONTACT, and from that moment start to construct a life with you, your life, your talents, and your boundaries at the center of your plan. Love to you.
❤ it's OK. We live and learn. That's why God loves you, because of the type of heart you have. ♥️
Don't beat yourself up about it, many of us have been taken in by narcs. I can spot the signs a mile off now and I don't let them into my life at all, not even a little.
Narcissist's always want you to deal with their problems, but as soon as you criticize their choices they immediately flip the script and it's you that has the problem.
@MyBad, Thats what you call "TURNING THE TABLE ON YOU"!
I didn't criticize what they had done (not illegal) although it would have gotten them in trouble with their wife , I only criticized that it was taking time I needed working on an application. Take a wild guess what the reaction was. I even attempted to complete what I was working on and this person harassed annoying everyone until I had no choice. It took having a third narcissist come into my life to realize what was happening, it's been a long, harsh road.
Yes. Funny that. That's why they cant grow or mature. The worst to deal with is a sickly 75 yr old person....Eesh. An immature adult with high entitlement and no empathy. May I always learn and grow and love.
Gaslighting you.
agree - I have spent hours and hours and money , in the past, helping assisting etc at my parents request only to be told it was useless whatever i had done and I had wasted my time or they didnt need it now really destructive behaviour and they cant understand why i have no desire to communicate with them
"After all I have done for you".... they never do SHIT for you. Nothing is done unless they perceive some benefit.
OMG here toooooooo!
💯💯💯💯💯💯
They sure talk a big game though - I've been promised the world over but I'm lucky if I get a sandwich twice a year 🤦♀️
@@Sar-ahG then why stay ?
This is so true. Always a mouth full of will you and a hand full of give me. Never doing anything for me.
The first truth you need to tell yourself is that they never loved you. Every word, emotion displayed was a lie. So once you start accepting that, you begin to heal and stop romanticising them and seeing them for who they are. They are just there for themselves and draining your good qualities to make up for their emptiness. The more you pour into a narc the emptier and depressed you are going to be.
Well said 💪💞
You spoke right from my thoughts Dami. They don't understand sacrifices, they only do things that are convenient for them and if only they see themselves in the reward system or how they can control you with it later. If you have an addiction that makes you codependent on them like always needing sex,money, food, alcohol, attention etc, they are so going to keep controlling you with it if you don't set yourself free. Conversations can only be civil and sound meaningful once it is always about what they want, they don't care about what you want. They want to determine what makes you happy; you don't have the right to tell them what you want them to do that would make you happy. They never change habits, very predictable pattern of actions and reactions. They will term being rude, violent, vile foul words and being very disrespectful as being honest. If you don't let them have their way, they will look for others to lure in quickly to give them attention and make you look irrelevant. Once they keep doing that and see you are not moved and you can see through them after a while, they might come back acting like they are now changed and you can let down your guard. Falling for it will be your biggest mistake because they never get better. You come across to them as petty and over sensitive because they lack true emotions. It will be nice to meet you Dami.
Found that out. But it took me 30 MISERABLE years. 🤪
This is so very true
I got beat my friend with the 30 by at least 10 years, it's never too late
Knowing they lack empathy and then telling you 'I Love You' is indeed a knife in the heart 💔
So true
"I love you". - Yes, of course, you do. That's why you conned me out of thousands of pounds you will never be able to repay.
They love using u
@@iamthelabel1 Ain't that the truth. I believe they're a subspecies of human!👾
I love you= I love what I gain from having you in my life
“There is simply no winning with a narcissist. He will treat you so horribly that you will become withdrawn and depressed and then he will turn around and say, ‘You’re no fun anymore, you’re always so depressed. I need to be with someone more positive.’” - Susan Williams
He? 🤣
Or she. My narcissist was a she. And she is up there with the worst.
I wonder if You're the Susan he use to triangulate me with 😮 I'm glad You survived it either way 🙏🏻 XOXO 😘
@tryingtobebetter4334
True, they beat you up emotionally, rip your life to shreds, and then tell you that they're unhappy because you're not doing enough for them. It's not you, it's the narcissist. Get as far from them as you can get. If you can't leave at least practice compartmentalizing and showing no reaction to their verbal crap. Don't buy into their put-downs. If you do get away don't go back. If you have children or must speak to the narc try to do it through a third party, and have very little to say when you see them. Leave if they start their usual gaslighting. That's how I survived 3 decades of it.
1. You can be vulnerable with me = Give me information to use against you later
2. I've got your back = Being on your side is convenient for me at this time
3. It's not my fault = The world made me do it
4. It will get better = I am buying time
5. I am honest = Believe my lies
6. I am going to change = don't leave me/buying more time
7. I love you = I love how you make me feel
Nailed it perfectly!
💯💯💯💯💯
2 yrs too long w/ a narc. I cannot bare an grin this cycle anymore. NO contact is a must. I am finding my strength
Would he really go so far as to marry me if his love isn't even real? 🤔 I shy away from placing labels as I'm not a psychologist but he says
1. it's my fault he cheated
2. No one understands his problems are worse than everyone else's...his struggle is the MOST profound and debilitating
3. I'm a covert narcissist
4. zero empathy...like a carved wooden man he actually is offended by show of any emotion and says I'm playing the victim
6. Calls me a liar
7. Won't take care of his own health or finances and gets mad if I don't take care of it for him gets mad if it's not how he wanted it
8. 3wks ago he took my only vehicle for work but he didn't go to work he quit his job stopped coming home and I haven't seen him since
5.
Going to change? They think they're perfect, nothing needs changing.
One very difficult thing for me after being in a relationship like this for a year and almost loosing my mind is that I don't have anyone to talk to. Sure, friends listen, but they don't even remotely get how devastating it was. Thank god for channels like this! To validate my experience.
Marko you do have me & others. You are not alone. All of us have issues. You have faced yours.They will not. Pray for them. They are insecure. You aren't. Ihave many issues. I turn them over to my Creator everyday or try to. Admitting is freedom!
@@davidfarley1902 I can talk about it. I know your frustration
So true
Most people even your family and friends are ignorant about narcissism that's why when you bring your predicament to them they can not comprehend therefore you can not get an educational conversation . It's better to research in the internet where you can obtain reliable advice and information from authoritative psychologists , therapists , victims of narcissism and other narcissistic sources !
Yes it's very hard to talk to somebody about living with a narcissist because that person has no idea what you're talking about it just sounds like you're complaining they don't know how you isolate yourself because you've been made to feel like you're useless
No vulnerabilities with the Narc it’s “data collection” to use as an emotional weapon later.
I used data to prove my biz partner narc was stealing money from the company.
Sadly, that's exactly what they do
Precisely, and sadly
Well stated. That's exactly what happened with me. Truly shocking when hearing all my dysfunctions shared at the top of her grandson's voice, when I was in bed sick.(which is often with all my chronic conditions) and especially if I didn't want to get involved with his criminal activity.
I soooo felt it, but I thought that being vulnerable would make it better.... big mistake❣💜💯
“When a toxic person can no longer control you, they will try to control how others see you. The misinformation will feel unfair, but you stay above it, trusting that other people will eventually see the truth just like you did.” - Jill Blakeway
Thank you! I needed this, i have a narcissist sister who cannot control me (i am a psychologist and behaviour analyst haha!) but I always hated the knowledge that she lies about me to my parents spilling venom about me, my dad sees the truth but my mom refuses and always looks to me to adapt my behavior to calm and quiet my raging sister and I am evil or selfish if i don’t. I needed to see this comment :) definitely reassuring that staying above it is the right thing and showing them by actions and lack of insults and negative words who is the toxic one
@@Hello11235 God bless you ➕🍀🙏Sounds like you're doing extremely well, despite your sister, God bless you 👍➕🍀🙏Well done & keep strong,,, You're brilliant
@@Hello11235 My sister has borderline personality disorder and is exactly the same , but 12 months ago got a psychologist degree and diagnoses everyone else with personality disorders smh. no one believed the mental and psychical abuse i received . Especially being male and 18 months older than her. The only escape was leaving home at 16
I met a hole circle ⭕️ of narcissistic people in PA , what you are saying is 100% on point, I - X out hole circle terminated my association with these fools. I rather be by myself then to be associated with these fools. They are demons from hell, very jealous and in-secured people, and they definitely put out false information on you to attempt to destroy your character. Watch the circle you are in Pay attention because it’s staring you in your face. Narcissistic people will get you killed just by false information they put on you, they do this to draw attention away from themselves. 💯🇱🇾 real talk. RUN LIKE hell and never look back.
That's called triangulation. It happened to me with divorce and custody battle. I found out it was a real thing. They talk shit about you (including me losing custody, new boyfriend, etc.) with anyone who will listen.
“A narcissist paints a picture of themselves as being the victim or innocent in all aspects. They will be offended by the truth. But what is done in the dark will come to light. Time has a way of showing people’s true colors.” - Karla Grimes
After they commit a crime.
@@audreydaleski1067
Yes Moral or legal
True. Still hearing it
I’ve noticed narcissist NEVER take responsibility. In fact they twist their own sneaky deceptive behavior back on YOU, even telling their tales of your wrongdoing to other people.
Woah.
Sick.
When I see this I know I loved or cared for a person who cares for no one but himself.
With me it was herself
It's a female narcissist in my case I dealt with for 6 years.
Narcicissts ate very skilled at truth twisting. The covert narc will go ballistic if you gently remind them that their lying. Hours !
I was married to a narcissist for 13 years. One of her favorite tactics was to vent to her family about all my flaws/wrongdoing to color their perception of me. I finally got to the point that I started countering that by beating her to her family with the real facts. I hated airing out private stuff with them, but it had the effect of preventing her from manipulating their opinion of me and actually revealed her tactics to her family. Of course, the marriage didn't last too much longer after I started doing that because I wasn't letting her run her script.
@@dkindig Yup that’s my ex too. Running to family to say how bad I am to her and yet never take responsibility for all her actions of starting arguments and always so snappy at anything to do with me. It’s funny as the first 4 years I was man of the year to her year after year and she bragged about me to everyone and telling people I’m the best thing that’s happen to her in her life and her family said the same but then she flipped a whole 360 on me and now she is smear campaigning me all over the place saying I’m a bad man and did her wrong and I just shake my head. I don’t start shit with her I don’t go around belittling her or smear campaigning her all over town and the net like she does. She actually has others that don’t know me calling me narcissistic and Boy My family, friends and even my kids from a previous marriage laughed and all said she is the narcissist cause she’s mean as a snake, lies all the time and has to be center of attention. Thinks she knows everything like no one else knows more than her and she even tries to tell Drs their job and they eventually shut her up in facts and that PHD they have to her opinions that she thinks is facts. She is just a huge know it all and a huge flirt with other men. The flirting is the biggest problem I had with her not to mention all the guy friends she had andI didn’t like that cause I found out many of her male friends are ex’s that’s fine stuff with her. So yeah… NOPE not ok with that. We were engaged to be married too for years and glad I dodged that bullet. I even helped her win her kids back out the system. Everything I’ve done for her that no one else would do and yet she acts like I did nothing for her. Moved her outta a small drug infested neighborhood and a studio apartment into my house and that helped her look more stable to win her kids back. She was on probation for drug charges before I met her but didn’t judge her for it and stuck by her side through the other 4 years of her 5 year probation for drug charges. I’m anti drugs so her P.O. Loved me and told her she found a good man and be good to me and I’m a keeper. Well that didn’t stick 6 years later. It’s like once she got off that probation she changed. She’s just a good charming narcissist that is good at manipulating people but wasn’t good manipulating me in the long haul. The more I found out and the more I spoke up about stuff that I didn’t like she discarded me. Typical narcissist for ya. Once you figure them out they discard and smear campaign against he he’ll outta you.
When you expose them publicly, they lose their minds. It's dangerous, but hilarious.
Publicly i
Omg yes!
Lol 😂 please tell us more
its cool when they do it themselves...just wait for it!
My ex narc used to tell me: I will never hurt you, I will never steal from you but he did all of these above . No matter what they say it's a lie.
Margaret, so True !
I will never ... is a red flag 🚩
of what’s to come
Yeah. Mine said, ‘eye would never bring you to my country and leave you on the street without any help.’ Did exactly that. But thank goodness the YOUniverse came right in with the help of beyoutiful strangers who are now like family to me.
Same
Never start a relationship with full disclosure...especially if you suspect narcissism...your painful experiences becomes ammunition.
Never ever!!!! It will be stored and pulled out to bully you forever!
It's horrifying to see how common narcissism is and how many people have been affected, but it's equally reassuring to know you aren't the only person who got duped by a narc.
Try being due for 30 years and still freaking phone for it like an idiot cuz you feel desperate cuz you're so alone cuz they advisolated you away from everyone and turn them against you to make them think you're crazy when they're the ones that are messed up
@@debramattila2202 you are never alone there are alot of us going thru the same thing and struggle daily to stay or leave and then that good person shows up and toys with your mind again because that if the person who you fell for and care about and you live your life walking on pins and needles hoping that person stays but you just never know what will trigger them and then your left with the asshole who just insults you makes you question your self worth and truth is those people are never good for anyone but themselves.
I am here for you
Sometimes wonder if it is just the majority of humans.
The human state
Now I will expect anyone to be one and instead of always seeing the good. I’ll be looking for the bad
Yes learning about narcissism and those with narcissistic traits has made sense of the behaviour of many people I've known over the years, family included.
I was in an emotionally abusive/narcissistic relationship with a man 13 years my senior. He was abusive to me but so kind, helpful and giving to others. People love him and he has a huge circle of friends but somehow I lost all of mine and myself dealing with him. Processing and healing has been a blessing though. Praying that everyone heals and forgives themselves for dealing with such a terrible situation.
It is amazing how so wonderful he is to everyone.....except you!
Your story..is so like my story too
Xx
Feel like I could have written this myself. Exact same situation.
Yes it is
I'm the the exact same situation. 13.5 years older and so do sweet to EVERYONE but ME
Everybody should watch this after the first 3 months of a relationship, that is when it will start showing up as lies.
💥🎯
I've read several times that love-bombs often last about 3 months. Mine did. Was that your experience, Johan?
@@left-handedstan4506 yes indeed. I thought I was a slow leearner.😅
@@losonsrenoster Dude, you were caught up in the excitement. Same for me. For those naïve to the ways of the narc, it's normal to RELISH the love bomb. How long/much of a devalue phase (if any) did you endure?
@@left-handedstan4506 not much, life goes on, if you don't take the L and carry on the swamp does...
They think you are worthless because you keep taking them back no matter what they do.
Desperately trying to restore a relationship you thought existed by debasing yourself. Not. It's demeaning and sadistic and they thrived on it. That realization made me run, thank the Good Lord.
My X (trauma nurse) admires accomplishment and prestige.. the insane thirst for validation from strangers, her absolute willingness to ignore or even misuse a faithful husband and her own children to win attention from others.. exhausting. I had no clue for too long.
Sometimes they won't leave...lol. Offered my ex a nice sep agreement and she won't sign. Hopefully I will get closure in the coming weeks.
They never see the harm they're inflicting upon others. They behave rude, condensendingly, and down right mean to their supply, over and over again. Then, when we finally decide to enforce our boundaries, they lie to all their pawns: "They hurt me!!!"
my ex has the exact same behavior you mentioned @M H
Same here. Always the smear campaign.
Most people will admit when they F up.A narcissist never will.They refuse to admit any mistakes period. 💯
Lying and control seems to be their thing!
Its all about control lying is just a way to get the control
Exaggeration is the resume, take is the deal u r screwed, get away from only pain and deception
They breath
They lie
This comment reminds me of an Alanis Morissette song 🎵 🙏❤
😀 I should write a song
You totally should 😆
Yes, pretty much sums it up!
1. You can be vulnerable with me
2. You can rely on me
3. It’s not my fault
4. It will get better
5. I’m the most honest person
6. I’m going to change
7. I love you
8. You’re worthless
#5 and #7 is my favorites 😂
Thank you
🚩.... Add to that:
9. I respect you
10. I'm Sorry.
another one. I'm a nice guy (gal)
Thanks for the list.
This rings so true with me, 42 years of this!
46 years for me, brother! It took several excruciatingly painful years to get free, but life is so much better now!
47 years for me. Has financial broken me. Trying to get out.
@@karenk2409congratulations on your new life
I was with a narcissist for 7 years dealt with all the signs and emotions that define a narcissist. Our on again off again relationship was finally coming to an end he looked at me and said "I will never be honest with you and I will never change". That's the only time he WAS honest. I knew I had to go no contact for my own sanity. Going no contact was the best thing I've ever done
"I'm NOT changing for U!!!"
And: You have done EVERYTHING tht God has FORBIDDEN!(throwing my honesty about teenage experiances...while HE was the " Evil sinner & liar forever
My Mother taught me to never trust a man who says “trust me.”
Samantha Jones,You are beautiful,Hope you are not with a narcissist....
YOUR MOM IS A SMART LADY.!!!
In a rare moment: they tell you a truth... Later on...they never said that,
you must be imagining things... And you need therapy...
You are SO RIGHT!!!
I experienced this many times, not that it mattered. None of the lies by themselves did did--it was the sheer unbelievably monumental mountain of bullshit that put me in PTSD shock for a while. Satanic subterfuge amongst a parliament of WHORES!
I mean fucking LITERALLY!!!
Gaslighting at it's finest
Just had this happen last night twice, brought up something they had said in the past and they acted as if that never happened 🤯🤦🏼♀️🤔😂 luckily, I have dealt with narcissists so much that I call him out on it all the time, I knew he was gaslighting me.
G.A.S.L.I.G.H.T.I.N.G‼️
My friends son keeps telling her that....she needs to be commited
The biggest lie they tell you , the world and anyone else who will listen is that they are truly self confident and kind , ..for when you strip everything away they are the most miserably insecure and callous individual you could ever meet !
Yes!
"You're worthless". Yep. Just heard that one yesterday. Not the first time. It's hard not to make excuses for them. Then when they see you are devastated, here comes the love bombing, and the cycle starts all over again.
Omg. Just ended things tonight with a guy i have been dating. Fell head over heels on first date as he told me to be vulnerable with him, that I'm really special, and started future planning right away...my gut kind of warned me but i ignored it because he was so gorgeous and charming and kind. Things went really fast for two weeks, always together and felt amazing. Things suddenly turned and he got very nasty and blamed me for his poor behaviour...i felt like i was going crazy! Cut that BS off right away, thank god, and this video has been so bloody affirming.
how this is so similar! I felt that u wrote my own words......🤦♀️
real people that feel deep feelings for you in my humble opinion, they dont future fake talk like that when you meet them early on...because if they valued you they actualy are taken back and are even a bit quiet around you. Being really chatty with you is friend zone.this is why people think they didnt know someone liked them because they wouldnt be all about them and all talk around them at all.
If on the first date he starts planning a future RUN RUN RUN FAST AS YOU CAN !!!!
"8 lies they tell"?
They are the Lie
I know the "honesty" lie all too well...among most of the other things mentioned. It leaves you feeling like your soul needs a shower to clean the corruption off.
More like you need to count the votes again
My ex Narc told me, "I promise, I'll up my game." He only upped his covert lying-cheating game ; )
Laura Leaver,You look cute 🌷🌹,You don’t need a narcissist in your life!
@@jackpetersen7545 No one does, even if they're not good looking
My ex-wife of 17 years was a narcissist. I am in such a better relationship at this point in my life. My current wife had narcissistic people in her life and she has been such a blessing in my life and so understanding!
Love to hear people having success after relationships with narcissists.
Yeah! DONT SPEAK TOO SOON YOU MIGHT BE SORRY ONE DAY 💁♀️
The most horrifying thing to realize about my narcissist is that every time I told them they were loved or that they were worthy of love, they would have just assumed that I was lying and trying to manipulate them. They can't even understand what real love is. It's awful and there's nothing you can do to help them, except for protecting the people they would otherwise harm.
factz
A narcissist might take responsibility but they will minimise it and use whataboutism quite a lot. My narc ex did that a lot when I pointed out the wrong things he did.
Oh yeah - I hear you! ‘Whataboutisms’, or being quick to point out any show of anger/annoyance (responsive to their crap) against you. Or gaslighting - ‘I don’t think that you remember things accurately…”
How about, "Let's go see such and such movie when it comes out?" Time goes by and you want to see the movie. "Oh, I already saw it."
I know! In my case though it's restaurants and private parties.
Damn woman! He was/is harsh! I love how flippant his reaction. And i bet he never apologized.
*Sorry for assuming you were a girl and talking about yr boyfriend. Please forgive me.
Being honest and open and trusting with a narcissist will always end up blowing up in your face. They always try to hurt you with the information and hold it against you if they believe you should be ashamed
“I’m the most honest person you’ll ever meet.” Man, have I heard that before!!
Can't even admit to their mistakes. Though your mistakes are unforgivable
They never give closure.
The few vulnerable things I shared with my ex were used against me as soon as she thought she had the upper hand.
Oof😢.. my story too. After the divorce, doing my best to try and understand what happened.. realized that the minute she graduated nursing school, got that BSN we both sacrificed so much to achieve, she began to detach and quietly set me up to be crazy and angry and unpredictable. The gaslighting was superb, really. Even though I was the target ( lost my family, father-role, and most of my friends ) I can detach enough to say she's fabulously unfeeling and incredibly committed to getting her way. We have children together, but outside of necessary communication regarding our adult children, it's zero contact and I moved 150 miles away for my own sanity and survival.
My narcissist husband and I would go to therapy. He was always so charming and nice. I was upset and intimidated. Anything I said he countered and made it look like i was the psycho one. And I was psycho: he made me crazy. Even went to therapy alone, the therapists would focus on my "past". They would not listen to what I had to say about my fabulous husband. My problems was not my past, but my chameleon, gas-lighting, manipulative husband.
Explaining the personality change amongst ppl was the hardest for me to get across to ppl.. it's like he doesn't act like this usually
You had a horrible "therapist." That's not how legitimate psychologists work. Find another one!
I experienced that. I want to find a way to release myself from that horrible experience. And with other people too. No matter how nice and helpful I was, at the end of the day, it was always my fault. My ex-husband gaslighted me and wound up beating me when I called him out. Now he is on his fifth wife and pretty well of financially. I am alone and relatively poor. But I would rather be poor and alone than ever have to experience that again. It nearly broke my soul.
From some paper in some psychotherapy magazine: There are five kinds of apologies narcissists give. One is to try to be really nice for a moment as if nothing bad happened. Second one is to appeal to a good intention. Third is that they were overcome by events. Fourth is that they are horrified about what they did and you should console them. Fifth one is that you were part of the problem too, and once you admit this, you will be the only one at fault.
I had a narcissist tell me "l never lie". My response was "you just did." I am the type narcissists hate. I am comfortable in my own skin, am not afraid to call out BS when someone is trying to manipulate or control me, and if this one says "l always het the last word", l shrugged my shoulders and said ",Whatever" and walked away. She was livid ,screaming at me, and l just kept going. I have a feelin l am the type they hste, which is fine with me!!!
Yup he used to always call me Worthless. One day I was the best person, the next I was worthless.
Projection on his part
Mind f...king
@@faweezahoorzook7001 exactly
25 years of marriage! I have dealt with this craziness! Thank God I'm finally done! Now 52 and my children are grown and now it time for me to make me happy. It has been so long since my husband behavior was this mean and evil! But now I know with out a doubt he is broken! And he will never get fixed he doesn't see he has a problem! And now I dont care! Now Im focusing all my energy on me! I'm praying for me! I wasted 25 years and I was the dam fool, I saw the signs but I ignore them! I have to be accountable for my part!
Not trying to be nosey, but did you stay for the kids? I am in a similar situation and I cannot stand the thought of not seeing my children everyday/sharing custody.
I be honest I thought I didn't have the money to leave. But I could've had spousal support and I would not have mind the child custody. I did not have the courage nor the confidence to leave and when I would make up my mind to leave he would always have the right words to say that make me hope things would be different.
@@ihopeigetthroughthis6920 No...I did not stay for the children. I think staying for the children I not a good reason to stay in a toxic relationship. The children are effected by the toxic behavior. I didn't have money to leave and I was scared to leave! He was the bread winner I left my job back with my baby was three years old so I didn't have any money saved. But now I understand there is spousal and child support. I wasn't even think that at the time! I have learn to set healthy boundaries and I do not engage in any argues with him, but I'm no longer allow him to bully me. Now my children are adults, two are gone and one is home in college. Now I have my own business I'm building. Its critical that you have you own thing, your own money. Do not stay for the children...trust me I have parent guilt. They are amazing children considering. Please plan and stop worrying about sharing custody. How old are your child. Therapy and my faith is what helped me alot!
15 years with one here brother she almost killed me and it is my fault...
We share the same thing. Now I am done with him too.. Thank u Lord, its not yet too late for us to be happy.....
“We’re all in this together!”
My narcissist husband was constantly telling me that I was a "manipulative game player". I was always trying to be as direct, and articulate as possible, yet he always accused me of being manipulative. One day I asked him how he can "tell" when I am being manipulative. He said when I say things that make him feel like crying. In other words, I was getting the message across that I was very unhappy, and he was rejecting it with all his might.
“Narcissistic love is riding on the rollercoaster of disaster filled with a heart full of tears.” - Sheree Griffin
Do not cry my father is old aged near by 60
@@munnalalkamlallu9625 God bless you
I don't know your father Hope everythings extremely kind to you now 👍🍀🙏
Narc ex told his therapists that he felt safer in Afghanistan than he did with me. But never served overseas and doesn't even have a passport.
What he really doesn't feel safe with is the truth. The truth terrifies him.
Mine says when i tell him the truth about himself, 'you are a confrontational bitch'.
Lol. I know when he says that, i have hit a sore spot.
I don't understand why I'm a narcissist magnet. They hover around me like vultures. Definitely prefer to be and stay a loner.
You're either an addict (unfortunately, they pair well with addicts because they love bomb so well) or an empathetic person who keeps their word and expects others to. Or both. You'll be alright. No sex before marriage = no love bombing to draw you in.
All of them marinated with me. Especially the "I love you" part. I also said when I only wanted to be friends, how can someone be so cruel, give me the silent treatment, and then block me. I realized that person never loved me. And it took me 2 days with the curtains closed, tv turned off, no lights on, and prayer to get me out of depression. I was heavily depressed. The more I learn about my experience, the more I realize it was the best decision for me to walk away.
Sorry to hear about your 2 day depression...
I just got out of 4 years depression and drink every single night..
Almost lost my mind and didn't want to wake up... Few days after I found this. But that's not what help me.. it confirmed what I thought, but could not break out of..
Good luck
ua-cam.com/video/zX4DeCV31YY/v-deo.html
Tough duty man. These things happen. At least you're alive to complain. The world is still a good place and needs brave loving people. Peace and love from Boston rock on keep the faith.
Watching these videos I realize I have been trauma bonded by four narcissists in my life, and I'm just now starting to heal
Me too.. my mother and 3 X wives. I had to break MY patterns.. they were all just surviving, doing the shit Narcs do. But I called it "love " for 50 years because mom.😢
The lack of empathy and compassion is unreal! They are so mean and nasty!
absolutely heartless. Always shocks people the things that will come from them when they don't get their way
I agree but there are honest people who are not narcissists that will tell you they are honest and truly are. It is something to be proud of in today's world.
Most honest people I’ve dealt with don’t brag they are honest!
Narcissistic people usually lay it on thick in the beginning and say whatever you need to hear to fall for their antics
Yes Im on here to make sure all my ps n qs are in order and who my friends are theoretically speaking for several reasons and it's good to be honest with yourself not believe your own hype there is good and there is bad id wreather be prepared and not to walk around hurting people basically.... ohh damn I'm on here watching these informational channels gotta check yourself before you wreck yourself I truly enjoyed your comment cheers to the good folks who follow the good road
Facts!❤
I’m the most honest person you’ll ever meet = I’m an open book, ask me anything! No. He’s not an open book..
"you owe me." is a line my older sister told me repeatedly. She denied ever saying it, though I know she did.
Patricia you had a older sister like mine. I got married on Princess cruise Lines ( Grand Princess) first wedding they did at Sea by Captain. Anyways when I told Family that we were getting Married on ship. Any of them could go they would just have to PAY the fare. Inside cabins were like only a few $100 dollars very cheap. My sister started saying "I want to go" my wife to be, said "OK" just contact this person and that Princess would set everything up for them. I got the same you "OWE" me. Like we were to pay there FARES. I was stunned. I could NOT believe it. My Wife's side of Family, they all went. My Family NONE went. It was the old "you OWE me BS" and it's not like, none of them did not have any money. My Parents were travelers they traveled all over the world. It pisses me off to this day. The FACT that they thought my wife's family or ME was to pay for them to go on Cruise Ship. Anyway it was the greatest time of my Life. To have a Ships Captain Merry me. My Life's Dream. We just did are 20th. Anniversary on Princess, went to Alaska this time. Different Ship Name ( Ruby) same ship size. Saw the Glacier's. Neat city's in Alaska even did a snorkel Dive shore tour. The water was NOT that cold. There was a grandmother who even did it with her Daughter. I helped the Grandmother walk over the Rocks to get to Dive area.
I just commented this and didn't see your comment. It could be something that you believe is done from the bottom of their heart but you'll never live it down. It'll be throwing up in your face repeatedly. It's horrible I've been there
If anyone ever said 'you owe me' to me I would laugh in their face. If ever there was a line made up to dominate or control or manipulate someone that would be it (one of them). Anyone who actually thinks like that and says it? Dump. One way or another.
my older brother treated me like shit for so meny years at age 27 ive left thats it never coming back i am proud of 2 things 1 is that its been 4 years with no intrest too is when he overdosed and me slag mum tried to blame me because i wont take his abusive behaviour i thought it was funny asf also its been 2 years sence ive disowend me mum and she was looking at possible death i still refused to see her
The N's in my life only did things so that they could hold them over my head. My mom was that way. I have a difficult time taking anything from anyone because of it. Now I have my son here doing the same thing. I am so tired of it.
You are so young!And I'm 76! I only woke up to this 2 yrs ago. Every single you say here are 100% true in my case. I sent this to my adult daughters as I believe this from you will help them. Thank you
I had a friend who is a narcissistic. Sounds stupid, but it took me years to see how she was manipulating me, so controlling. Three years ago I cut her out of my like, but she still won’t leave me alone. She harasses my friends and family, slags me off to them, denies she’s done anything wrong and tells them she was only friends with me because I apparently have no life and she felt sorry for me. Then when I confront her she’s kissing my backside. She just does not get the message no matter what I say 🤦🏼♀️
Watching these videos cause my chest to burn but i'm grateful to heal : ( Thank you.
It has been horrible Christina, being lied to ("I love you, darlin', I've never cheated on you and never would", swore on his beloved dad's grave. I found out he had been sleeping with/relationship with at least 3 women behind my back, still hoovering me when he could. I was so good to him but thanks to channels like yours can build my life up from here, him out my life forever. Just unbelievable how these lowlifes live. Thanks, Christina @CommonEgo 💕
My mother was sitting adjacent to me in the kitchen when my BIL hit me with closed fists in the back. Then she watched my sister tell me to “get out” while pushing me out the door. My mother was right behind her saying the same thing. I left and never went back. My “offense”? I was late for Easter dinner. Nobody could tell me what time.. even though i asked my narc mom on four occasions, she claimed not to know.
Two weeks later it was Mother’s Day. My mother went to my BILs house for Mother’s Day. I had no idea.
A week later I went to moms to retrieve something I’d forgotten.
My narc mom said” I think I may have something to apologize for although I don’t know what it is”.
Really? You witnessed someone assaulting me. In your house .You told me to “get out”. You never called to see whether I was okay. You then went to his house for Mother’s Day.
You know what that narcs response was? In its entirety:
“ well did you plan something for me for Mother’s Day?”
That’s the day I realized that my mother was a narcissist and sick and twisted. That’s the day I realized I don’t really have “ a mother” that loved me. I had a mother that only loved herself. Ever.
A lying cunning sick narcissist who has no allegiance to anyone, but will go wherever she can to get her supply, like an addict.
Next time don't go back. Whatever your "forgot" count it as stolen. You set yourself up for more abuse and reinforce their idea that you will continue to take it every time you go back, so don't.
@@thnkr0917 i hear ya, but that was impractical. It was my power washer. Originally Planned to retrieve it on easter .
Was just gonna open the gate to the yard, get it out of the shed, where i left it LAST TIME I CLEANED HER PATIO.
I needed to do my pool decking . SPRING.
What's a BIL?
@@seamusburke9101 brother in law
@@bigred4379 thanks Big Red.
Yes ,he is always too busy to listen and too busy to remember anything anything and keeps making choices without you .
I've been in nervous hospitals 4 times , I've been on every medication the Dr's pass out like Skittles . I've been a burner because of all this . I'm 62 now and , the saddest thing of all is that I 😢 know that I have to wait until my mother passes from this world . It's just the way that this is going to end .
They've never loved me . I know that . This has been a living nightmare and , I'm so sorry 😞 about the way it has to end 😔 😢 💔 ...
When I was with my ex ...every one seemed to love him...friends family and all the people he worked with...nobody could see my side of things . He broke me down mentally physically and emotionally within 5years..the 5th year was the worst...I ended up not knowing who I was anymore...just a shell left ...took away my money my looks my hobbies my confidence...I was totally broken as a person..not knowing what had just happened...it was nothing to him to walk away...he never really cared ...he lied...and lied and lied ...and I believed him because I loved him even though he broke me...still recovering..not interested in anyone and more ...just want me back now .x
Hi same thing three years of marriage I left but stupidly told him I was filing for divorce he waited until I was asleep and beat me up. Just in total shock. I’m in a safe place but this was three years ago therapy didn’t help much, I’m still dealing with trauma and with Covid everybody is still isolated. Dealing with loneliness, but don’t trust people, don’t want to date either. I’ve never experienced these types of feelings before.
@@kylielogan8771 I am so sorry he did all this to you ..its really not fair ..when you put your heart and soul in to the relationship and it just all back fired..I just can't get over how cool and collected he acted after the break up..like I was the crazy one ..I cried and cried my heart out for months..everything seemed so unreal..it took me a long time to just go to a shop for food felt very uneasy and scared too ...I miss company but surely there is some nice guys out there..I am not going looking for one but I think if I ever do meet someone I will be more wiser and see the red flags ...at the moment I am looking after myself..like pampering with creams and lotions..all about me ...something he would never let me do ..not even wear lipstick ..now I wear different shades..if he came back my life would stop ...never let him back...look after yourself and people will start to notice how beautiful you are and the right person will notice you too .take care ❤
@@maryomahony5648 needed that 😭❤ thank you.
@@SonShine-JC ❤
Hi, same here after 20year of being with a narcissist I finally got away. I too was broken mentally and physically. Three year on and I still find it upsetting to think that he never actually loved me I was just useful to him at the time.
Thinking about the past...
How he cheated, all those future faking, gaslighting then triangulations ... it was brutal.
So now I think if he ever.. even for one second considered me a human.
A human with heart and soul. A human with emotions ...
I guess NEVER.
I was always a supply.
It really hurts sometimes ... but I will recover someday completely.
P.S.- Thank you Christina .. I really like your videos.
Such a fantastic comment. Brilliant summary of life with a narc. Noone would knowingly choose that relationship.
Thank you.
I hear you. Same with me… and you WILL recover. Take care of yourself.
A lot of us get mad at ourselves for being gullible, Chalk it
up to experience that hopefully you won't repeat. Life
deserves a chance and there are too many missed opportunities
due to fear of being screwed over again. Live and be happy.
They aren't human if they can't feel, empathize or love, are they?
@@richardcraigstewart698 True. We're actually dealing with different kind of subspecies, the goal is to survive mentally and physically to make it to the other side where original humans are free of these infected bloodlines, ...
My narcissist, my mother, always has my back. I forget that most of the time she's got a butcher knife in her hand though.
Some don't say you're worthless but they make you feel they are the best things you can ever have, that you'll it get anyone better than them if you ever consider leaving them.
Leave anyways. Tell them "I'll take my chances"
don't know what you'll find after them. But you know that it aint them
Wow, my covert narcissistic ex told me I could be vulnerable and told me stories from his past. He was an excellent listener and ask questions like he cared. I fell for the trap he set for me. He told everything that I told him to my coworkers during his smear campaign against me. Sick!
🚩.... Add to that:
9. I respect you
10. I'm Sorry.
My fiance's mother...It used to hurt me to the core until I realized what and who she really is. I'm so grateful for people like you -that bring us awareness. I've realized that I must remove heartfelt emotions from my interactions with her and maintain boundaries. Thank you for your channel!
I had the worst monster-in-law, my ex’s mom who was a narc like him. It never got better, she was so mean to me, it never improved after we got married. I finally told him that his mom has always hated me and she is still mean, and it’s soul crushing. I told him he can visit her anytime he wants, go to what ever family thing, you name it. I
just wanted no contact with her, I really didn’t need her crap. I read somewhere that if the in-laws don’t warm up to you it’s over, meaning they don’t get nicer the longer you’re with your boyfriend. They really don’t. That’s at least the lesson I learned.? A nasty mom or dad? Not marriage material.
Sometimes narcissistic people warn you of another narcissist ! The person they warn you against is dangerous BUT THEN they do to you usually different from the other. It's likely between them rivalry or uncertainty.
I speak by experience.
When counseling begins to reveal their narcissism, they will quit, saying "this isn't working...."
I can't tell you how many times I heard "I promise I'll be a better man"
I felt like such a fool to believe that carrot lie.
Violet Light, You deserve better
My foolish husband’s line every year and it gets worse! I made sure that he knows I don’t believe every words he says that doesn’t line up with his actions.
Never complimenting you, and/or giving you a backward compliment ( "Thank you for keeping yourself in shape all of these years") is one way they "tell" you that you are worthless.
The narc used to say “you’re gonna lose a good man” 🤣🤣🤣
🤣🤣🤣🤣 I'm sure
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
And you will remember me.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I had a female friend who used me and she lied. She kept saying that she had a business opportunity for me. She just kept making excuses telling me it was going to happen, she still to this day doesn't know that I set her up to see if she would lie to me and she did exactly that...she lied to me! I cut off all communication. God bless her.. I wish her well. But She will never use me again!
Narcissism is the root of evil not money, but the incentive behind the desire. It stems from that sense of self, ego. We all have an ego and a level or form of narcissism, but it's perspective , morality and sense of perception that divides narcissist from empathetic types
I've been trapped in a marriage with my narcissistic husband for 35 years and it's killing me. I'm trapped because I'm disabled and have no-one to help me escape. Domestic abuse charities here in England don't want to know unless a person can leave the home under their own steam, and I can't. I'm seriously considering the 'ultimate' as my only way out. He's broken me. I have no friends, and both of our families are his flying monkeys, who say I deserve how he is because of my health problems and the fact I can't have children. I wish more than anything that I could escape to somewhere none of them could find me. 😔💔
I’ll pray for you! Do remember that you and your life are both invaluable! You are loved!!!
There is always a way out, don't let them crush you. Keep dogging the charities until they help
omg Sarah i’m heartbroken reading your comment. i’m in USA but how can we help you?
Yes, tell the charities or try to find a sympathetic carer who will back you up. Keep going! The world is with you.
You are sooo right. Its the same cycle over and over. Their lives are lies and weakness.
I worked with one that was also a stalker. After she was fired for stalking she then e-mailed me and other employees saying that we were the ones that caused her to be fired. They're LITERALLY scary. 😳
Their not scary their just little insecure little undisciplined kids thst r stuck in a grown persons body
I had the very se experience
I've heard every single one of these lies for 20 years. Now I'm being shoved out the door and my name taken off everything we have gotten in marriage. You can't imagine how stupid I feel for falling for it.
I'm going through the same thing. It's worth it to leave with only the clothes on my back just to have a peace of mind.
Stand up and fight for what is legally yours! You CAN do it!
My Friend is going through something similar. He just found out that the mother of his daughter not pretended to be another person with him... but she trapped him
With a child smh its devastating to him.
Been there and went through all the ups and downs. Happily single since 2011. It was the hardest but the best thing I ever did.
Sadly we can’t trust anybody, have to live our lives with the trauma we’ve been through and avoid those mistakes again. Working on trust issue after the emotionally abused by a liar narc is so damn hard to trust ppl again and be the one with issue getting to know others with fully opened heart. Just commenting this makes me shaking and 😢
I understand that completely. I have been trying to get over the PTSD caused from being emotionally abused all of my life, starting with my family. Trusting yourself is the only way you can get to a place where you can really heal and move forward in your life. Wishing you all the best and I hope everything works out for you. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Take care 🙂
@@amandasligar9269 thank you. It means a lot. I wish u all the best and happiness. Stay safe and take care :) hope u heal and feel better
Trust Jesus..you really can trust Him!
I was raised by a classic narcissist. She was also very physically abusive. I am 61 now and she is 83. She is the same and can justify anything she does or says. You will always be at fault, less than and damaged in her eyes. She will always be better than you.
I had a narcissist try to entrap me recently. He was nowhere near intelligent enough to do that, but I did get a fascinating insight into his techniques. For some reason he felt comfortable letting me in on how he manipulates and lies to other people.
He's actually a fascinating case because of his low intelligence and poor social skills you just get a 101 textbook on narcissism with each conversation. He can still be dangerous, and has a history of bullying people into becoming his minions, but he's so overt (though ironically what you'd call a 'vulnerable' narc) that most people see all the way through him.
"I swear to God I'm not on drugs!" followed by a 15 minute eye-locked crack cocaine fuelled rant about how you need to follow his example and obey the ten commandments doesn't tend to fly.
Narcs are dumb. They overestimate themselves and underestimate you.
While watching your videos tears on my eyes because all that you said was true about them based on my personal experience! I know it's not easy to be healed but I know 1 day ill be fine. Thanks, Cristina, you help me to understand what is going on, I have been left confused ❓
Aww Marlena it will all be ok, as long as you have breath in your body you have a fighting chance to get this thing called life back on track, with love my sister
@@vaughn7130 yes thank you sis I keep moving forward 🥰
Hopefully you have recovered from your time with the narcissist and found someone that truly loves you. Best wishes.
At first it was hurtful, mostly feeling sorry for myself asking what I did. But,,,,,I let her have our business, moved to another state, started a new job, at 72, and made friends. Last I heard, she ruined the business, her children won't talk to her, and God knows what else. I am happy again. I sincerely enjoy these talks.
I was adopted at 6 days old by a narcissistic adoptive mother. She spent 34 years abusing me sexually, emotionally, psychologically and physically. She played me off against my adoptive father, whom she was also abusing. A psychiatrist friend now believes she murdered him eventually when she thought she was losing control of him by messing with his epilepsy medication. In spite of warnings from her family because I had been brought up from a baby like this I didn’t realise what was really going on until an incident with a cop when I was 33 revealed her true nature and what I’d been through made sense. I left with only the clothes I stood up in, no friends, no direct contact with family for over three decades and a destroyed life and career. She reacted by immediately making a Will, disinheriting me and she rang round all possible allies calling me a liar and a sponger who would steal all their money. Thankfully some family members who knew her of old knew she was lying and helped me. I was given refuge by a kind lady and eventually met a very compassionate and patient girl who helped me recover. Now I do my passion for a living and I’m very happy, but I recognise everything here. It’s a message everyone needs to hear because the consequences of involvement with these psychopaths can be fatal…💔
I am sorry this happened to you, especially being an adopted new born. You said she sexually abused you for 34 years. Why didn't you resist her when you became an adult? Glad you are happy now.
@@kimalonzo3363 Hi. The sexual abuse stopped when I was 12, and resisted her. But the other forms of abuse continued unabated. I was terrified of her. My adoptive father and I looked after her in a rota system until he died, aged 58. I then took her on full time. She wouldn’t let me away from her more than 15 minutes a day and threatened suicide if I left. She intercepted my mail and phone calls and cut me off from all my friends. She had previously severed her own and my dads links with family and friends too and was fond of saying it was “us against the world”. Her gaslighting was terrible and although I am happy the abuse has left me emotionally scarred…
@@timshuker1302 I bet. Did the adoption agency ever find out? That is unbelievable. Did you have adoptive siblings? Do you know your biological mama? She would be devastated and maybe feel guilty. Of course I don't know the circumstances. I hope the rest of your life brings a lot more healing 💕
@@kimalonzo3363 No. The adoption agency never found out. My adoptive mother had been institutionalised as a paranoid schizophrenic three years before I was adopted. The family knew on both sides what she was. My adoptive dad wanted a divorce. The families got together and decided that adopting a child might stabilise her condition and save the marriage. So they hid her condition from the authorities to ensure it went through. I only found out about it after I escaped and her sister apologised to me for her part in the deception that landed me in hell. After I left she made a Will disinheriting me and telling lies about me. I’m fighting that will now…
@@kimalonzo3363 and no, my real mum never knew. I found who she was in 2015, but she had died in 2009. I know my half brother though and we get on well…