Narcissistic rock bottom
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- Опубліковано 13 чер 2024
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
They live at the bottom every day of their lives.. and drag everyone down there with them.
Yeah... bucket of crabs 🦀😓
so true
Yeah isn’t is terribly sad that the only way they can experience some level of happiness is to bring ppl down other people. I’d hate to be so sad that other other people’s sadness makes me happy. Sad.
Yes yes and yes
Misery loves company.
My ex narc hit rock bottom and used me, my money, my home, my car, my sanity, my body and soul to pull himself up. Now he's making money and thinks he's all that. Thank God he is gone so I can finally heal and move on. Never underestimate how evil these people are.
Dealing with them lets evil into our lives, we didn't need it, they could have kept it, they only care about themselves!
I hate them i went through the same Heather so disappointing
@GeneralCurtis3LeMay It's you tube that does it to popular videos, the creators don't have control over it. I agree - it's very annoying.
Just because you don't like your ex doesn't mean he's evil sweetheart
You sound like me
Their rock bottom is when you realize what they are, and you give up. They lose all control, and they know that the jig is up.
I believe they hit rock bottom when they realize they can't control their former victims. When they realize they have lost their power over others... It's quite pathetic. I don't feel sympathy for them. They're dangerous and destructive people. Our planet is dying because of the narcissism of the people in the industrialized world. Narcissism is the root of all the problems humanity is afflicted with, including genocide and rape.
I have zero empathy with narcissists. And I had to work hard to reach this point. I used to feel sorry for narcissists few years ago! My heart would break for them. But not anymore! Enough is enough. And that's how I know I'm healing. :)
It kills them because they have no one to suck on and step on. If they have no one to spray their venom at, their venom will heat up their heads from the inside and their heads will explode.
Yep spot on! I'm going through this now, been with the narcissist for 17 years and have a ten-year-old child. It is so messed up because I knew he was a manipulative jerk but I always thought he would be faithful. His mask slipped about 4 months ago when he cheated on me. Now he's gaslighting the hell out of me and I told him we'll just agree to disagree and both move on. I'll never believe you or trust you again and we're done! He is flipping his lid right now about to go over the edge and I actually feel bad for him it's sad to watch! 😔
Is that really a rock bottom tho? They keep supply on hand 'in case', never to be lonely. So it's more of a 'tantrum' than a true rock bottom imo.
I am done” fixing “all of their lives.
It’s my life ! Time to live it . Good People ,I love you .
Thank you and you have my energy, those that get what I do!! Live your life ♥️
I could like this 1000X!
They're never sorry, satisfied, or happy. Bottom line. And it ain't their fault.
_And it ain't their fault_ - and this part is the hardest to feel and understand
@@ceciliarm2078 npd is a maladaptive coping mechanism adopted by abused or neglected children. Doesn't mean we don't have the right to keep ourselves safe
Mine 5 minutes ago called me stupid and that I need to grow up” I said” I’m sorry” sarcastically and he said “yes you are sorry”. He’s 51 and homeless meanwhile I have a house a son a job I go to medical school. And he lived here for free for 2 years.
@@lukaszkoziol8302 of course not silly. It’s our fault!! 🤣
@@lukaszkoziol8302 IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!
The big problem is that victims of narcissists don't hit rock bottom quickly enough, so that they can stop being abused.
I can personally attest that this statement is one of the top reasons out there. I myself went through it. I resisted hitting rock bottom so hard, that it led to diagnosed Ptsd, and a battle through cognitive dissonance with a PhD therapist. My own issues with boundaries and my drive to "do good" despite someone smashing me repeatedly led to this. Teach your kids boundaries. Teach them self respect. Teach them to never compromise themselves for anyone else.
Hitting rock bottom finally gave me the push to leave. Now I regret not leaving sooner.
Because people are innately resilient and powerful. Which is a good thing if your parents (as you can't choose your parents) are both sociopaths
I agree
Yes, I was too used to narcissistic abuse from my parents, to see what was going on. Hitting my rock bottom wasn't nice, but in hindsight it felt like burning alive and rising from my ashes.
I found myself imitating my narcissist, going for the silent treatment in minor instances because it felt normal. I watched other people discuss their conflicts, gave it much thought and pushed appropriate phases into my brain so that I would not be at a loss for words. This was my rehab, I do not allow myself to rage or be violent, I know as an adult I do not have to be a victim of my environment.
I am leaving a covert narcissist after 45 years. Divorcing him is my freedom of choice. My family is divided, and have no friends. Now I have abandoned, and exposed him for what he truly is. Now I can heal and move on with my life!
OMG i could never wait 45 years i will die. Well done you go!!!
Good on you.. bet you feel peace
I'm 46 yrs. He is In a panic. Always got by with everything he did now sending me money etc. Not going to work for me, I'm done being used for supply.
WOW ... 45 YEARS 💥
Congrats on your next step. 💯🫶🏾🙌🏾
Narcissists crave that feeling of power over the defenseless. They have zero empathy for the suffering they cause you.
You will never have a mutually loving and giving relationship with a narcissist.
This comment is fucked up.
Don't just assume people are narcissist and therefore beyond help.
Also people who are narcissistic don't always "crave power over the defenseless" lmao, why don't you lighten up.
Anytime people talk about how evil people are that belong to a certain group, they're usually wrong.
Yup, confronting my father over his abuse got insincere apologies (no attempts to rectify), justification, blame, victimization etc
Yes they love abusing people and covering their tracks
Exactly!!!
You need to specify narcissistic ABUSERS.
I am a narcissist - recovering, have had my rock bottom - but I have never abused anyone. I myself have been abused by many people, including narcissisic abusers. I've been many things - selfish, callous, even downright rude or mean - but never have I taken pleasure in kicking someone when they were down or hurting the more vulnerable. At my worst I felt either defensive of the vulnerable or quietly disgusted by them, depending on how much they displayed traits I disliked about myself. I never felt the desire to hurt them. If anything it was people in authority who mistreated people I tended to direct my narc traits at - I loathe authority and injustice.
They just get meaner, weirder, and more grandiose. Their lies get more unbelievable and they just repel people with their neurosis.
They are vampires sucking out traits and energy instead of blood. No emotions
Trying to get through this right now...my narc is a mess. I'm near my wits end.
...This.
@@zootownmama i know exactly how you feel.my narc ran off into the night blind drunk with her so called best male friend.she thinks because she is upset,and to be honest this time she has a good reason but nothing to do with anything i have done.anyway she returned with no shame or appology whatsoever but actually expects me to just take the abuse without a word.she has even tried to blame me for it.regardless to say i have had enough and am moving out yet she is still trying to control me and flies into a rage when i wont play ball with any of it.stick to your guns.this time next year it will all be over.best of luck to you.
They just use the true victims as Scapegoats
A warm feeling comes over me when I hear about a narcissist suffering
Same
Oh how the turns tables
@@Max_G43 love the office reference
@@Max_G43 Oh ,they will always turn… & when they turn they turn ! KARMA is real🙏🏽
same!
The more I hear about unaware narcissists, the worse I feel for them. Their relationships are shallow, many people will leave them for their own sanity, their manipulation and fighting are constant, and they're afraid to exist as themselves. What an awful life to lead, it must be extremely lonely.
I feel this way right now
Good lol
@ryandunn837 how u feeling now? Have u sort counselling?
They're not tht unaware..they hve behaviours they hide and change when pple they may need something from are present.
Fear of getting sick, but they make others sick.
Sorry, I have like NO patience anymore.
Thank you for sharing. When you heal enough all the LOVE in you starts coming back. I have empathy for my narcissistic sibling because I witnessed the abuse he endured as a child. I stood before him and protected him from abuse. He is not in my life but each day I wish the best for him. I do not like seeing anyone or anything suffer and want the best for all. My sibling did not ask to be abused and have mental and emotional issues they were given to him without his consent. I wish one day he will LOVE himself as much as I LOVE him. I would not be me if not for him as he saved me mentally and emotionally when we were young children.
My narc has hit rock bottom. Karma strikes. She had three felony charges pending.. This weekend, add a fourth felony child abuse charge. Narcissists are self destructive, and outwardly destructive. They always ultimately destroy themselves. The key is to stay out of their path and let them meet their end at their own hand.
Proverbs 4:14 Enter not into the path of the wicked,
and go not in the way of evil men.
Did u file those charges?
Very sad but true. I don't want to be there to see it. I've walked away
@@Bo00si33 my five year old daughter spoke to police as she directly told me she feared her mother and could clearly articulate multiple incidents over time with effective detail. She's a smart little girl. I filed a statement in addition to hers.
My ex has a long and bad history. Assaulting multiple men. I have ptsd from her. A permanent eye injury from a hurled object. The three felonies for her are pending trial. Assault, kidnap, witness intimidation. I was the victim there. Now my daughter and the child abuse charge now. My narcissist is despicable, and a child abuser.
I'm sad to say. The government failed my daughter. Ignored the abuse. Purposefully. Blatantly. Consciously. Literally knowingly ignored it. All to protect their political gender world view paradigm. I live in Massachusetts. Let's just say the social system in this state is nationally recognized as corrupt and ineffective. Social sevices was gutted less than a decade ago due to many systemic child deaths, it isn't much better now. I spoke to many lawyers social workers around the nation who concur. MA state social series is among the worst in the US. But by no means the only one this bad.
We will be OK I think. The truth has come out. If they ignore my little girl they will blatantly be enabling child abuse and therefore an accessory.
When you say my narc you still imply she has control and influence over you
She tried to destroy me, and came close, but she ended up destroying herself.
Same experience here. He took me to hell and back and in his desire to destroy me, he really destroyed himself. He lost his job, about to lose his certification for his job, lost his apartment, and no one wants to hire him in his field due to the consequences of the physical, mental, and emotional abuse he put me through that resulted in legal action. The real him was exposed to the public. He had so many people fooled and he was so charismatic and had people drinking from his cup. No more, because I put him all the way on blast. Tell the truth and shame the devil.
Like me..
Mine just lost his job & apt himself . Will they ever learn ☹️💔
I see this so often
@@marybethborylo918 I don't ever think so. My narc aunt lost her job, lost her money, friends. And now she did an unforgivable mistake to our family who were the only ones that accepted her from all her mistakes in the past. They never learn, the way to peace is to avoid them.
I made the break from my sister and she was about to call the cops on me claiming she was worried about me. I live in LA and the lives in VA. There is nothing wrong with me. I’m a success executive with a fulfilling life. I moved far away many years ago to remove myself from toxic family. Seeing their rage reminds me why I left early.
Had a narcissist friend who would always treat me like crap. But would never recognize it. And would play the victim. Pure toxic poison
When the narcissist hits rock bottom they quickly get out of their situation and meet a new group of ppl and abuse all over again. They cant change.
Well....the Dr just said they can change so perhaps you're wishful thinking.
They literally crowd surf/jump...you can become a psychological private detective if so desire and watch as they gain more influence and leave a outre good story but rot underneath...generally found in the helping fields they have this guise to keep up the front. Watch they are very slick. I agree with you completely. I think anyone can change its desire that is the issue.
I think they can, cuz i did and still trying to do better. Actually im not sure if i was or am narc, some things she describes stick to me, but not everything. I did never abuse others money or cheat, but i was narc on mouth. Liked to make a jokes and caught attention and validation, but i never cheated or abused anyone, at least not financially.Also i never tried to harm anybody at work to get somebody fired, i always felt its not right, but i think i still was narc because did not care much about others problems etc. Religion did help me alot, im trying to get validation from God instead of people, but even now im worried that i write a comment to get attention, now im doubting in any actions i make.
I tend to agree. I think they find new places to prey on, like the church. They find lots of sympathy and feed off the empathy and praise they get from others in churches. They look like they hit rock bottom and they’ve changed, but really they’re just continuing their control, superficiality, and abuse in a new setting.
My ex narc hit rock bottom when I found out about all the affairs/prostitutes and seedy hidden ‘other life’, and told him I’d had enough and was leaving. We had a lovely lifestyle on the surface mainly due to my efforts and job, a Lovely house in a lovely neighbourhood, new cars, fabulous neighbours, friends and admiring family’s. He successfully hid his sleazy other life from everyone including me due to the nature of his job. Once I found out and blew it all wide open, he imploded. He attempted suicide but it failed. He spent a spell in hospital. After that his lovely house was sold, he had to downgrade his car, the neighbours pitied him, friends and family started to shun him. He had no choice but to flee and start over. He up’ed and moved to a completely new country on the other side of the world. He now lives in a place renowned for its beautiful prostitutes and sleazy red light districts. As the saying goes, in the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king. He could never change, he wouldn’t want to. He wouldn’t want to do the work. He would never want to look inside because he knows what’s in there. It’s much easier to flee and start over if caught.
I've never heard it put that way;
"Narcissists are disgusted by their own vilnerability."
My father and Ex to a T
I have. They go to great lengths to "one-up" anyone they perceive as more intelligent than themselves. For example, I was a victim of a terrible narcissist who was a so-called older "friend" of my daughter's. This person would try using vocabulary outside of the typical vocabulary she usually used to try to impress me (I realized this later). However, she used those words incorrectly. Also, if she was ever told that something she said or did was wrong, she'd fly into a rage! She was literally an adult throwing a tantrum like a toddler! She didn't want her vulnerabilities pointed out to her.
@@loanicastillo3327 so true!
Mine likes to seem vulnerable on his own terms. Like tearing up at a TV and making sure I see how sensitive he is.
@@leahlilly4916 this is a really quite interesting take that I don’t think I’ve ever heard from a narc victim. What bothers you so much about them crying? How does their vulnerability hurt you? I think that should be your next question for your OWN self. “Why does my husband crying at a movie, bother me, so much so that I make a comment on yt about it.”
This sounds like a you problem that you should figure out.
My ex-wife insisted that she could change when I said I was leaving. She said I was too pessimistic and needed forgive and let go of things she said. Maybe she could have changed but I really don’t think so. It would have taken a major, constant effort on her part. She hated going to marriage counseling, admitted that she dreaded it. Always remember how they act.
As a self aware narcissist I think Doctor Ramani is describing every second of my relationships/situationships . These videos really helped me to stop behaviors that really hurt others. So thank you Dr you literally save my life. But I think now I need more info on how a narcissist should see the world. Its almost like we are color blind and I wanna know what color is a rose flower. Thanks again
❤
Maybe start therapy
And don’t manipulate your therapist…
I’ve been realizing I was married to a narc
I have Narc tendencies that EXPLODED when we got together
It was unnerving how a person I barely knew and got deeply entangled with (we made babies)
Could trigger something in me that was so vile and full of hate.
It’s like I was possessed
I learned about mirroring
Learned to stop doing that shit
While his Narc was adopted through cptsd
Mine was just young girl stupid issues that got on steroids as a reaction to his issues
to learn what a narc was 16 years into a marriage blew me away.
We trauma bonded and decided to fucking waste 16 years of our kids life fighting
It taught me many hard lessons and I have had to work through guilt and shame for not stepping up quicker and getting away from him.
So
For your sake
Don’t do this alone
I was isolated by him and only started to see the light
When we were separated
AND I had completely quit drinking
I see a therapist and openly talk about issues people have with me so I can never ever repeat that ever to anybody
My husband almost killed me
Through me committing suicide
Because I wanted his manipulation to just stop.
Don’t do that to anybody
"one of the things that enables narcissistic behavior, is the lack of consequences" (7:12). I am so grateful to all the amazing people on this channel who are 'being the change we want to see in the world' (Gandhi), by creating real consequences for the narcs in our lives! every time one of us leaves a narc, we are saying "your way of being is unacceptable and I'm no longer willing to enable it". just think: if everyone in the narc's life did this, so many more would hit 'rock bottom' which would offer so many more, a real opportunity to change!
Mine had consequences, he was arrested for shoplifting… But when he retold the story it was because of me even though they have him on video doing it. As long as the word blame shifting exist they will never be held responsible bc even with consequences it’ll still be somebody else’s crime or debt “they” are paying for poor them.
The legal system is a key perpetrator in the enablement of narcissists.. a lack of accountability is at the core of what enables their depravity.
We need to create, foster a system - legal, biomedical, mental health, political, educational - that views narcissism as a real problem and a real obstacle for healthy living. For those who are professionals and academics in these areas, and who are aware of the problems narcissists pose for society in general and individuals in particular, we need you to begin working on informing the public about this and, particularly for those in legal and political areas, we need legislation and CONSEQUENCES for narcissistic abuse.
@@001101011010 This ❤🙏🏾
@@garyweston3269 And of course the legal system has a disproportionate number of Narcissists.
Most narcissists I’ve met are addicts, to work, the gym, drinking, or even sex. They are addicts at heart hence their need for supply
He works throughout. No vacation, no off days, no birthday presents or celebration. Boring spouse of 19 years.
Or drugs
@@immaculatedocnato2054 the narc from my past didn't observe any special occasions either. It's one major red flag that they do not care at all. And he wouldn't find and couldn't keep jobs. Trying to get him to find work and stay there was like pulling teeth with no novacain. Never again. Not ever. Falling on hard times is one thing, but it's all together different when it's always hard times if you know what I'm saying. People need to grow and progress. If they don't they have stunted and it's not a good thing. I am always learning new things and developing new skills. Stagnation leads to decay.
@@kdavis4910 I never knew such people existed. I can now write a book of 600 pages on Narcissism. Gosh!
Sex/alcohol addiction. Porn, phone sex..he'll find a new supply, it's easy.
Girl I love you. This was me. I was a drug and alcohol counselor. I grew up as the scape goat. However having to learn to survive with a covert narcissist. When I started to figure this out, I shaved my head and didn't wear make-up for 2 years. I finally got real. What I found was myself. I had to lose everything to get aligned. Now I take my psychological back ground and teach narcissistic abuse combined with addiction. You are SO INVALUABLE to all of us who needed to heal. I did this work on my own but your conformation gave me SO MUCH COMFORT!
just love you!
🙏🙏🙏
I can relate to this as the scape goat. I found myself shaving my head too every so may years around the covert mother I had.
Congratulations!
You warrior! Thank you for your work
@@renzlo9747 You do not know how much I needed to hear that today. 😭 Thank you! 🙏🙏🙏
@@InHerVision you probably won't get a reply from the narcissist. His supply was filled by writing a ''loving comment '' not forgetting to add that only some people ''need'' to heal. :)
They deliberately rebuff your boundaries. My new (narc) boyfriend showed up at my property one early morning without notice. I was disgusted that he did that. I told him to never show up without my permission. Two days later he did it again and I refused to see him. I texted him to leave immediately. Of course he was very enraged. How could I treat him like crap!? I knew nothing about narcissism and realized that was my first red flag. it was all over after his 2nd tantrum. Stand your ground gals.
A person who has nothing to lose can be a dangerous person.
A person who has a lot to loose also ...
@@geertruivanbroekhoven7209 Definitely true as well
Play stupid mind games and win death prizes. Narcissist may not be wrapped too tight, but neither are people who are sick of their shit.
I agree!! Scary!
Today is one of the bad days when I have a really nasty headache because of the exploitative narcissists in my life. I fail to understand how they are able to sleep a sound sleep after hurting others. The level of moral decay is mind-boggling.
They often don't sleep very well even if they say they do because they are so troubled.
Try gray rock method this method help me to shut up my narc mouth. And also take care yourself. Bless you
It’s because they love and enjoy what they do
They sleep, their mission accomplished, sick accomplished sociopaths!
Bad days come and go... And this too shall pass. Hang in there ❤️
As an elementary educator of 32 years and a person involved 18 years with a covert narcissist, all of this makes me very sad. Children are being raised in such a stressful society and challenging environments. I believe that all of this is just so unfair to them , since many of them will inevitably grow to lack empathy and will struggle with a life as a narcissist.. So very disheartening.
The kids is who I worry about also just retired from
Children services 😮😮😮😮😢😢😢😢mental hospitals 😮
I saw a narcissist I was involved with hit rock bottom. I saw him become aware of how his fears and insecurity ran his life and created self-sabotage. I saw him trying to practice self-love, instead of self-hatred when he made a mistake. I saw him becoming aware of all the people he had hurt. I saw him even able to laugh at how silly it was that he blamed others, “bad luck” and the world, for his self-induced misery.
And then, after about 6 months, he relapsed.
This video has helped me make sense of what I saw. I didn’t see the typical short-lasting period of “good behavior”, “love bombing” etc. I saw him admit fear of vulnerability and honesty and then attempt it, and be amazed that nothing bad happened to him. I saw him increase his tolerance for being able to regulate himself when remembering childhood abuse. I saw him apologizing and taking accountability moments or hours after he had been hurtful, rather than weeks of invalidating and gaslighting after being asked for accountability.
I have been close to other Narcissistic people and I had not seen this.
But under stress - the stress of actually seeing good things happening as a result of his changes, the fear that he would “ruin” it, the shame of not fully “deserving it”, and the increased responsibility that came with actually following through on things- caused a relapse.
It was very much the same as the disappointment and grief of seeing an addict you love hit rock bottom, wake up, decide on their own to change, and then suddenly relapse.
And like with addiction and relapse, he also didn’t think he needed as much support as he actually did. He thought he could do the majority of it on his own.
I also wonder what could help Narcissists stay in recovery? I do think the 12 steps could be a powerful model, but with changes to the model for these specific people.
However, I’m not going to dwell to much on that, as I am tending to my own grief and healing process.
Heart point,You don't need a narcissist in your life......
I have had this same experience, with someone I love very deeply who wound up in prison. It was astounding how much he healed and grew, but then relapsed at the first taste of freedom. I am still unsure how this story will end.
That was beautifully written! It is so heart wrenching to see a relapse no matter what it is from.
And as you said, I’ve spent enough years crying for something I now know I was never going to get and never had in the first place and that is a significant other that loved me with empathy in his heart. ❤😢
As I read all the improvements you were listing, my brain just kept saying “when is the relapse coming?” Because it almost ALWAYS does.
As I tell folks, Narcs do not evolve, they REVOLVE. They, at best, will CYCLE in and out of that bad behavior and life style. TRUST ME, those revolutions can take YEARS to complete a cycle.
This sounds like bpd
Yes, lack of consequences! Who wants to live a life tiptoeing and stepping over landminds constantly. I walked away from this situation on Friday, the inner peace that you feel not being in their presence is the greatest gift of all.
Best of luck sugar, enjoy your new found freedom!
Yes! It will get so much better from here! A huge weight is off your shoulders! Congratulations!!!
Good on you enjoy the rest of your life .
@@tranlee8752 Narcs have a way of making you believe that you're the narc. Dr Ramani has talked about this in several of her videos. Dr Les Carter is also very good to listen to, his channel is called: Surviving Narcissism. From your comment I feel that you are most definitely not a narc! And your partner does not sound like an empath to me at all. Keep watching these videos, you'll figure it out. And then you can decide to claim your life back.
Yeah and it is immediately palpable once you do go.
My father was one, died alone in his office, burned every bridge there was to burn. My mom is one too, lives in solitude with my grandmother struggling with the fact she is losing her looks, my current ex gf is obsessed with trying to find a rich man (older, way older man) and constantly gets burnt. Both she and my mom have a alcohol problem although my mom is sober now the behavior stays the same. Extreme behavior, temporary reward, crash and burn, depression, rinse repeat. Eternal agony. Wouldn’t want to walk in their shoes. No amount of money or validation is worth your soul.
Aren't you wise!
My mother is one and the rest of my family are flying monkeys. And she just told me that she hopes I make her proud before she dies. Bitch. I have a 17 year old son that I raised alone and he’s awesome. I’m a nurse and going to school finishing my bachelors and start my masters in April Like wtf
Current ex-girlfriend. I get it but the relief you feel when they become your past ex-girlfriend. Aka not your problem anymore. Nothing better. You got this my man.
So true. Mine was an cyclical alcoholic and gambling fiend that was draining my finances and energy. Kicked her out after over a yr of random drama few months ago. Just called and told me she got a DUI and wrecked her car while driving w/out insurance. She's staying w/ her enabler/savior ex before me now who always band-aided her bullshit misdeeds financially. Now she's his problem and I count myself lucky to be the hell out of her life.
Narks make a decision when they're young 11-12 years old they make a decision and go off the rails past the point of no return in their mind Sign a contract with the devil and they lose their soul.... Then they become bitter and it's like a drug to them They definitely Have a turning point.
I went bullet-proof no contact on my narc ten years ago. I was the last person here in Boston who would have anything to do with him---he had immolated every single relationship he ever had since coming here for college in 1978. Not long after I cut him off he moved to Seattle. I heard recently that he had died. The comment threads on social media are absolutely off the charts with what a wonderful person he was---generous, funny, always kind, a true friend, such a loss of a stupendously wonderful person, and I'm thinking WHAT? The guy was a freaking monster of rage and abuse who very nearly destroyed me and who left me with deep and lasting scars, how on earth did he fool so many people? Is it possible that he hit his bottom when he realized he was completely alone here, and found the insight to re-create himself in another city?
they fool most sadly
That’s exactly what they do and it’s their dream come true. A fresh start and a whole new story to tell all new people. He’s learned from his mistakes he’s made and he honed in on perfecting his manipulative behavior. Just deplorable.
Fake for him 😂
For every three people saying nice things about deceased narcissistic people, there are probably six more with horror stories about abuse and mistreatment at the narcs' hands. But people never want to "speak ill of the dead".
When they were a toxic, abusive person, telling the details about them isn't badmouthing them, it's just telling the truth.
I wish people could see that.
Short answer: yes
As a child, I had to witness my mom repeatedly beat my sister with a broom. She allowed my sister to get abused by my dad and when my sister tried to tell the school, my mom had her put in special education. I'm now 31, soon to be 32. About to cut ties with her this year. She acts like an innocent golden girl now that she's older and sober but she really messed up our lives. I really want nothing to do w/ her and I know when I leave she'll be devastated and try to hurt me (emotionally). We're not friends.
I identify as a recovering narcissist and let me tell you, THIS VIDEO is SO ACCURATE. I hit my narcissistic rock bottom 3 years ago and it shook me into reality. I've been working to become a better person ever since.
Be aware that. people will find it hard to trust this change in you.
I agree. My comment was intended to inform her, not diminish her
May God be with you.
Are you still mean and manipulative with a huge ego.?
A leopard never changes it’s spots!
I honestly thought my narc had hit rock bottom at the beginning of last year 2020. The alleged remorse, weeping, asking for forgiveness, etc.
At the time I did not even know what narcissm is.
It's only later I found this was all a hoovering act!
And I fell for it.
Wasted another year until drastically, dramatically discarded.
THEN I got to find out what narcissm is.
Been 4 months of no contact!
Thank you Dr. Ramani!
I'm curious, specifically, what was it that made you realize this person's remorse was a "hoovering act"?
Congratulations on your new life!
Good job.
Me too
My narcissist never did displays of remorse. I came back of my own accord, wishing I could stop loving him, as he treated me like an afterthought. I know everything that he does and yet I can't seem to let go of the dream it seemed like at first, and all the shared plans we had. I want signs of remorse from him, but I know I will never get them. I gave everything to be with him (moved to a new continent, got to know his daughter, learned a new language, integrated into the society, handled his ex wife, handled his trauma and abuse) - and it still wasn't enough.
I have to agree that “ seeking validation” is the narcs addiction. When we were young our mother would “run the roads” visiting people in the community to have coffee and gossip. I’ve watched this pattern for 60 years and when my Dad passed away she managed to collect a few ladies to meet for coffee for 1 hour a day. She told me how much she needed those coffee ladies. I knew that her need was positive validation and that she could only hold herself together for that short 1 hour. She has always needed to hold court in a small group for a short visit. Yet behind closed doors, we were her punching bags.
I am healing from an narcissistic relationship and omg the part on the ageing….so true. My ex was 14 years older than me and when he decided to discard me he called me “ancient” behind my back. I couldn’t help to laugh.
Paranoia is the cornerstone of narcissism.
Why ? I have a friend who sometimes becomes a bit paranoid, but she is not a narcissist. I know more then one narcissist but none of them is paranoid. So what do you mean by this ?
@@localyokel83 abuse survivers can reduce any paranoia w a decent therapist.
The victims of Narcissistic abuse can be paranoid too.
@@vacationeyes6430 My observation is survivors of narcissistic abuse have had to be “paranoid” during the time they lived with their abusers because they never knew when the next onslaught was coming! It was a survival tactic! Think about that!
@@lindabermudez-hafer5440 Sorry I misunderstood your original statement. I thought you were pointing to the fact that Narcissists are paranoid themselves. They should be. They lie all the time and they have to be worried someone will find out.
I am pretty sure, that when person with narcississtic personality disorder hits rock bottom - they don't change and become better person. People with narcissistic personality disorder have strong and enduring patterns of avoiding resoponsibility for their actions. Without admitting responsibility - true change is impossible. Maybe they shift their mask for more adaptable, maybe they transform from overt to covert or vice versa, but they don't change internally. That is the tragedy of this personality disorder. With people with some narcissistic traits - some self-reflection and change is possible, especially when they are in their early twenties and they have long lasting positive influences from their important people and negative consequences of their bad behaviours.
Why do you think this? Do you maybe have an example of a narcissist you know who hit rock bottom and "didn't change"?
Yup, this! They don’t ever really change much. At most, they may learn to adapt how they express their sadism and malignancy so that they’re less likely to get caught out. Not to mention that all cluster b types are always on the lookout for people that they KNOW will tolerate a lot of shit from them. I’ve been better at holding my boundaries now and calling people out for what they are and I’ve noticed that the red flag type people will try to see how much they can gaslight and manipulate me to disbelieve my own instinct about them, and once they realise they can’t at all, they just leave to look for people that they CAN con. They’re just predators with no respect, grace or dignity or morals. That never changes
They never change, they only look for people they can manipulate
I believe, and this is from my own experience, they get worse as they age. Mine loves himself to death and would never harm himself
@@skylaralexis7699 so well said!
A narcissist is like having an unwanted app on your device that always wants updates, your photos, your location, and unfunctional when you restrict your privacy and all those other access points.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Borrowing this.
Plus its code is so poorly written and full of bugs it will drain the battery then blame you for using it.
She has such a soothing voice. And, she is such a knowledgeable person about NPD.
Great video. I’ve hit rock bottom and it is a scary and humiliating place to be. Sending strength to anyone who sincerely wants to make changes in their life.
Not humiliating at all
Bless you for 'seeing the Light'................. It's still a beautiful world and you can still make a difference for what matters.................... We've all been the 'torturer and the tortured' from a reincarnational perspective.....................
Good Luck
What was it that made you want to change? And what would you recommend for someone that needs help and therapy.
@@leypon My rock bottom was having a psychotic break that involved persecutory delusions. I was terrified and committed to a psychiatric ward for two months. The root causes were extreme lack of self worth and fear of abandonment.
To anyone wanting to make a change I would recommend first seeing the truth of your own powerlessness and recognizing what you can and can’t control. The Serenity Prayer from AA is helpful here. Secondly, be emotionally honest with yourself about what you’re actually feeling, rather than what society tells you you should be feeling. Third, get in touch with the core wounds and root causes that are making you feel this way (we’ve all got them). Fourth, find a trusted professional who can bear witness to what you’re feeling and experiencing without judgment and can help you find your North Star so that you can begin to pave a new path. Fifth, give yourself the time and grace to make changes, make mistakes, and course correct as needed. 💙🌿
Sincere thanks to you for sharing this.
How brave of you
Your comments will truly help others
It is so ironic that they bring on their narcissistic anxiety themselves with their thought patterns that causes their own suffering!
Yeah they're their own worst enemy
@@knightbrucie actually honey. All humans are their own worst enemy
@@theenchantedforester4661 People thinking this only happens to narcissistic and evil people. Actually, it's very unlikely.
More likely their victims hit rock bottom and snap.
@@Sarablueunicorn this is what im trying to find out am I an abuser wich karma got to me or am I a victim. Sometimes i dont know real from fake. I starded doing drugs so everyone says its rhe seug but i feel i was being manipulated and gaslighted and felt i was going crazy. I fell into depression and anxiety couldnt sleep at night. I feel people took advantage of me when i was depressed cause i became a people pleaser and never stood up for myself. So, now when I stand up for myself people think I have anger issues always feel guilt and end up apologizen all the time. For that reason I dont know wether im right or wrong.
@@RicardoLopez-ty4kn that really resonates with me too. People have told me for years I'm the problem when all I'm trying to do is set up boundaries and call people out on their bullshit.
"the celebrity whose brand is compassion and kindness gets called out for being harsh and unkind" Ellen
Wow, then my narcissist mother has hit rock bottom countless times across many of these things: lost her business, been fired, been evicted, lost a lawsuit, had a partner leave, lost ties to only adult child, was the target of a public humiliating news story, etc. I never even considered these to be rock bottom moments because each is always just a bump in the road for her and nothing changes. I never realized this was the case because as you said, nothing sticks to her and she’s able to get almost everyone to believe it’s someone else’s fault. And now yes, she’s resentful, sullen, angry at the world, victimized, and rageful, which has left her lonely and isolated with all bridges burned, again just as you said. Thank you for these insights.
How old is she?
"Weak people revenge, Strong people forgive, Intelligent people ignore". Albert Einstein. (for me npd abuse has been an addiction to people i wanted to love, a lifetime; but, could not love me back. The compulsion to get unavailable love; repeat my parents inability to model reciprocatory love)
I have managed to find a lot of peace via a place I call "Revenge by success and through rebellious joy". And what I mean by that is that yeah, you ignore your narcissist and leave them behind and try to thrive and find your meaning for success. However the revenge part comes on uplifting your empaths, finding new people in life who feel you are a positive influence and are grateful for your presence and thoughts. This brings a very special kind of happiness that is so toxic for narcissists that it helps you become more immune, empower others to leave or to revalue their own relationships and take ownership in what is it that you want to give to this world. No narcissist can not react to that kind of survivorship, in the end we have to see this also through the lens of social change, what kind of society we want is going to be dictated by who we enable and support into thriving and having a voice. That is power, let's take it away from the narcissists.
Mmm .. I wouldn't choose A. Einstein as an inspiration on this subject. The man had some serious narcissistic traits himself.
Yes they love their imagines revenge they can’t move on with life and stalk people forever and believe themselves to be messiahs of goodness
@@geertruivanbroekhoven7209 Einstein was so intelligent partially because he vibrated around the same resonance of love on the scale of consciousness. He was beginning to figure this out around the time of his passing. Love resonates around 500 on the scale of consciousness. We all have narcissistic traits.
@@LeBronJames-yr8ku Hi Blake, love is certainly a high frequency vibration. And yes, highly gifted/intelligent people are born with the gift to vibrate at a high frequency on the scale of consciousness. But that doesn't mean that they ALWAYS vibrate high on that scale.
'If one combines a high frequency state with a certain subject, then the person 'loves' that subject (a thing, a person, an action, ...). But when that same person combines a low frequency state with a certain subject, then that person does not 'love' that subject.
It is wel known that A. Einstein was not 'high frequency' on all subjects.
It is also known that as far as his relations with women are concerned he was more in the 'desire' frequency ... and when he was done with the 'desire' (the fulfilling of his needs), he would discard women in a cold and harsh way.
This is not some kind of 'opinion' of my own, it has been well documented in many of his own handwritten letters how he thought of women, how he treated them and what he demanded of them. Also the way he treated his children wasn't that 'high frequency' either. He was barely interested in them.
I know that we all have narcissistic traits. But there are big differences in intensity, quantity and acting or not acting out those narcissistic traits. I wrote that A. Einstein had some SERIOUS narcissistic traits concerning the subject of personal and "love" relationships, and that I wouldn't take him as an example on THIS subject (referring to what was written in the posted message).
I don't know in what context A. Einstein made the remark ""Weak people revenge, Strong people forgive, Intelligent people ignore", but as far as personal relationships are concerned, he was definately not strong enough to forgive. And as far as the 'ignoring' goes ... he regularly 'ignored' basic needs and feelings of other people quite coldly. That may be 'intelligent' when one's goal is only to get what one wants/needs for whatever reason. But it certainly is not very high frequency 'loving'.
Wow. I think, maybe, my ex-husband is close to rock bottom. I left him about 10 months ago. He panicked and seems to be in a downward spiral..he took an overdose of pills three days after our first divorce court appearance. His poor daughter found him. He has voluntarily entered the psych ward, and has been there for a month. His family feels that he is hiding from the mess that his business and his life have become. It’s a good place to avoid all his responsibilities. To face the consequences of his actions without someone to take the blame is not something he is used to. But, I don’t know. It could be part of a scheme, narcissists are good a pulling rabbits out of hats, and he is very good at it. I’ve not communicated with him for many months, and I’m not going to start now. I’m so glad to be out. It’s kind of amazing that I did.
Congratulations! That could not have been easy. You are very strong.
Your strength, courage, self-love, and insight just made my day! Thanks so much for posting.
Congratulations!
I dont know the full story here but theres no evidence I see in this that doesnt make you the narcissist and them the victim. Can you elaborate your point a bit please?
@@env0x from the story, he doesnot sound like a narcissist. A really narcissist after 10 months of divorce should be having photos of new supply everywhere on Facebook, they would not be breaking down and having pills etc.
the real victim at the month of 10th would still be missing the narcissist and living with trauma bond. You don’t heal and feel amazing so soon after that break-up as victim would be dealing with post trauma distress.
I believe that it is possible to recover from narcissism after hitting rock bottom. I did, I am. I have had a lot of therapy to help me through it. And, you are right, it is daily work to recover. It is have been 4 years since I hit rock bottom, and I still catch myself falling into old habits. I do it less and less, and the more I learn and the better behaviors I gain, the easier it gets.
We all have a bit of narcissism is us which we must work on. I’m glad you’re able to admit it and work on it.
It's really true that narcs are miserable and insecure. My diagnosed NPD mother is a miserable, fragile person who is addicted to attention and validation. It's on her mind 24/7. She is also addicted to control..at ANY cost. Dad is a narc but not as high level as mom. He used overwork to feel important but when he retired he felt like he had no purpose in life. He is able to handle things better than mom but is angry and withdrawn. Mom weeps, she has always been weepy and always upset about random things behind closed doors. She expected to be coddled but never cared when I hurt (I rarely showed pain because she seemed to like and gain power from my pain). She only cares about her wants, needs and expects others to orbit around her. I won't do it. I did it as a kid and she is a bottomless pit of need. Her rock bottom is being older and watching her enablers fade off. She scrambles for more supply. I am no longer the scapegoat because I stay away. My parents live in their big home, the only symbol left of "superiority". But money is tight since the fancy jobs are gone. It's a huge ego blow to them for sure. Mom seeks therapy when bottomed out so I am glad. They play victim a lot but they only did it to themselves. I must stay away for my health but have given them contact numbers for help when needed since they don't use the internet. Old narcs are very miserable people.
I have never seen one improve when they get old. Just way more covert
More lies than before.
Mom's ageing and out right insane behaviour, this time totally towards me is how I was able to make sense of her long life of insanity "Maglinant narcissism", a total menace and head of our family which she destroyed!
Thank you, i really truly appreciate your comment ❤
I think they get more overt.
@@ajae... depends who's around!
67 narcissistics disliked this video... Dr. Ramani you are amazing ❤️ keep doing what you do 👌
😂😂😂😂 lololol 😂 satisfied to think of that tantrum moment.
disliking a video doesn’t necessarily make an individual a narcissist
@@nasreenbari2765 Wanna bet?
There having adult tantrums I am sure 😂
@@derekhugh agreed ❤👍
This actually made me cry.. Most of these people are narcissistic as a trauma response and their internal life has to be pure hell.. And they can't help but push everyone away.. I wish there was something I could do to make their pain go away..
Me too! I know he is a sick man not a bad man. And really you could replace man with boy because that’s where he got stuck at. A very hurt little boy in a man’s body. 😢
that's what I had said to mine a few months before I left, I said if there was anything I could change about him, it would be the pain he went through that made him this way 💔.
Be CAREFUL friend. You have empathy,Narcs love that.
It is it's called intercession prayers 🙏 he has to seek the kingdom of righteousness and everything else will fall into place
My narcissistic husband took his own life when he hit ‘rock bottom’ he had entered into a terrible depression. He admitted he’d been having an affair (again) and knew he had his last chance the last time. So not to face loosing everything (house/wife/kids) he chose to take the only way out he could see for himself. It really does happen, so everyone be aware of this. I wouldn’t have stayed with him, but I would’ve made sure he’d gotten help if I’d known what he was planning to do. 😞
You are saying you would have allowed him to torture you because you feel empathy for those in pain enough to kill themselves. Realize your love can’t and won’t save anyone. He would have happily let you and anyone else suffer because he chose to never face himself.He was a coward in life and death there’s nothing you could do about that❤ You don’t get a medal for being stupid. It’s stupid to ALLOW others to hurt you when you know they have at every opportunity.
Be free and do your best to grieve him. Much Love
Narcissistic vulnerability can also show itself as coercive control of those closest to them. The more out-of-control and threatened by exposure the narcissist feels, the more some narcissists will try to claim power by exerting control over others, whom they also fear will expose them. It's an ugly, dangerous dynamic.
That's interesting. I've experienced the control on numerous occasions with my ex lover. It was subtle at first, but enough to make me annoyed and lash out. I see our behaviors are wrong. The relationship ended on a sour note. I regret my reactions. I should of had better self control. She blames me for ruining the relationship. In some ways...I believe she is correct.
I love that you are calling these people out without using names.
...it"d be easier if she used names! 😁👍
I think she should call it out. Problem is, shes in a highly paid position and works among some of the biggest heavy hitting sleazy pseudoscience executioners of non consensual research on the human brain type of narcs. (Not all, but some) She ain't crazy or brave enough to call them out by name. Shes gotta do it kinda low key. She knows her limitations.
She's awesome
Yep it's a complete change in personality or Consciousness or if you like rebirth. I just had a strange though what if all religious texts were ways to get rid of narcissism personally. They can be demons LOL got to think way Outside the Lines
@@christopher.m.dickinson0315 problem with that is you have to ignore all of "gods" horribly narcissistic traits...
I am narcissistic and “dated” a narcissist for 13 years, lost a very lucrative career, became alcohol dependent, lost interest in all my hobbies, and suffered until I found this channel and another channel on autism. I have a narcissistic family, friends, and coworkers, but as a recovering narcissist, I have empathy for them. I know I can’t save them, or guide them to/suggest this channel but I can/do politely point out how we can both be more empathetic when the opportunity presents itself.
I think because of my autism, the career choices I made, and pure luck I made choices that have set me up to be able to choose almost any path I want now. It’s lonely, but I have the tools to deal with all of my emotions now and I know I don’t need to hide them anymore, even the unpleasant ones.
Good luck everyone, and keep improving.
Thank you for telling us❤️🔥🙏🏼 proud of you and Jesus is too
When you realized that you are narcissistic? Are you high on the spectrum? How long you been in recovery? Do you feel love for someone?
Wow, it’s like you just described my life.
A survivor of a narcissistic parent here. As an aspiring therapist I personally think there are too many people and outlets for the narcissist in todays society to reasonably tackle at the societal level. I think empowering people with the knowledge so they can protect themself is the best option
We’re you “home schooled” ??
@@marianatequiero28 no why
knowledge dispels fear
My ex had it all with me and the children. He destroyed it all and refused any offer of mine to give him space, support, and love to better himself and treat us with respect- I was left with no choice, but to move on. His worst enemy is himself.
They don't think they need to better themselves. We are supposed to revolve around them at all times.
You offered to give him space and he refused? Or you wanted space? Sorry for my lack of comprehension.
@@Nancy-yw1rr i found this out the hard way. Leaving my narc cheating husband and he is so resistant to therapy - so glad I’m leaving
My ex truly hit rock bottom after I left. A month after our papers were signed, he was finally fired. Then, his best friend committed suicide. Then, his (remaining) parent died. Then during COVID (when he was unemployed and had no narcissistic supply) his dog died. It’s been four years, and he’s working me as hard as he can...I’m his only remaining supply. It so hard....I’m there for him when I can, but I refuse to get sucked back in. This is HIS journey, not mine, and it’s not my job to fix. It’s been among the hardest times I’ve faced with him because I’m so empathic. I truly believe he is at rock bottom, and I steadfastly refuse to save him. This time, he must save himself.
Please dont come back
Hope you didn't go back
Do you have kids with this person? If not, just cut the cord and leave them forever
You sound like a sociopath.
So why are you giving him the time of day when he never respected you to begin with? Stop feeling sorry for him and reclaim that respect back to yourself. You deserve it. You deserve peace of mind. You deserve to block his number, social media accounts and all other various accounts. You deserve to go No Contact on him. You definitely have a lot of empathy and he’s going to forever feed off of this. You deserve the upmost respect and love. Set yourself free to love yourself again.
Sending so much love to you 💖🌟💖
It has now been 9 mths since the Narcissist died . I have done as you have said Dr. R. The Deep Dive. Digging into the past and surfacingy the disappointment, heart break over and over, love bombing, discards , ect.
Making list of all the horable ways he treated me.....was painful but.....reality faced and gas lighting myself has stopped . Tears of sadness fall infrequently now. But Freedom has come. Thank you Dr. R. Your help has been invaluable . God Bless!!
Was your narc a spouse or a parent?
Mine died too leaving me to figure out.... why? I have been lost since! Been 5 years now learning all I can. I have peace now but... as to all the questions I still have...He took all answers to his grave. I'm still sorta lost finding me again. I've changed so much from the person I was.
Thank you for these videos. I was raised in a very abusive family and nearly went down the same path. My mother is a horrible narcissist, for years a raging alcoholic who would belligerently and viciously attack people on video poker when she could no longer go to bars. I despised her, every time she went to the bathroom I had to pour out alcohol so she wouldn't drink herself to death. Eventually, I got a job that allowed me to travel and everything came to a head and I could bo longer swallow my feelings and nearly died myself. Thanks to a great healthcare system and therapy, I am healthy and recovering. Learning how to love myself has been a great challenge and this past year, for the first time in my life I feel loved.
I’m so proud of you August. This was inspiration, thank you so much for sharing. Love and light
Indeed, it is a very rare occurrence to witness universal karma paying back the narc. And, despite all the emotional damage they have caused, it is not pleasurable to see them suffer.
This!
I remember writing in an old diary "And as I observe the ways karma ravages the people who hurt me the most, I ask myself: Why am I not pleased?"
It was such a profound discovery because I was finally able to accept and let go of any notion that I was the source of their problems, but was doomed to watch them slowly destroy themselves with their actions. I know it is not my fault, but it feels so slimy to just be on the sideline. I even tried to enjoy the show, but it was much too graphic.
Whoever's fault it is, they have a personality disorder. We can't fix that. Walk away
👍💯💯💯
Yeah being a narcissist comes with multiple different mental disorders. There sociopaths, psychopaths multiple personalities in one. Yes I agree we simply cannot reason with a person with multiple personalities. Because that means there multiple people all in one. U may reason with one of them but certainly not all of them. There broken people.
THEY NEVER ADMIT WHEN THEY ARE WRONG
First of all, thank you for making this video. I hope it helped others as much as it helped me understand. So I am fairly confident that I was a narcissist up until a couple of years ago. My rock bottom hit hard, but looking back it's what I needed and I'm thankful for it. First my home and entire city was wiped out after Hurricaine Katrina, then I lost my wife and kids, then I went a year and a half without being able to see my kids, then I lost my job, went unemployed for a couple years. Lost my house, went hungry most days, went into a deep depression for years. Disconnected from friends and family. It changed my perspective on life I started to feel empathy for the first time ever. I'm not complaining, I was a horrible person and I deserved what I got. The things I went thru was a direct result of my own actions. It's overwhelming sometimes thinking about how to make up for the person I was and the damage I've caused to other ppl. I've reached out to ppl to apologize and I've tried to make up for things, but honestly, it would take a special person to forgive someone like I was, I don't blame anyone but myself.
Anyway, I've been so confused about this for awhile now, about what was happening, the changes in perspective that occurred. I didn't think it was possible to bed a narcissist and change. The thing that caught my attention the most was empathy. It first happened while watching a movie and I cried. I really felt sad like the person in the movie and that never in my life happened before. Anyway, everything u just explained just gave me understanding and I thank u for that.
Thank you for sharing about your journey. Are you in therapy? are you back on your feet?
I feel for you on many levels. The crying…wow. That is significant. My (estranged) bf was in a Fed Penitentiary for 20 years for drugs. He told me he hadn’t cried that whole time. Said if he did, it was when he was sentenced. He said he “may have shed a tear.”
I pray he has the experience you did-I pray he feels that much for someone/something else-other than that which directly effects him-and maybe he will become more of a carbon-based individual like us other humans.
(But I’m not waiting around for that to happen-he doesn’t see a problem with not crying. Ever. It’s MY PROBLEM. He says it’s weakness and anyone who cries is weak. He calls me a cry baby…Can you imagine what it must be like to not be around the opposite sex that many years? Of course, he learned that weakness theory in prison from all the other well-adjusted men he lived with. I’m sure it’s true in that environment. It’s another world there. They are lost, fearful animals when they come out of there.)
Lonely, angry, and resentful is exactly how I have ended up because of a life of narcissist relationships. I was a truth tellers as a child and still can see even now when something is "off", but only recently did I learn what narcissist really is. At least it's good to finally have an explanation for what I always knew was wrong I just didn't know what exactly.
Same
We're very fortunate for Dr. Ramani!
I understand you, but I refuse to be resentful. It’s hard sometimes but I’ve seen what bitterness and resentment do to people. I’m moving on and claiming my joy!
Why did you give up telling truth? I am a truth teller in every statement I ever make to this day and will be until I die.
Same. We victims of narcissistic abuse should start a social club.
I think my narc is gonna hit rock bottom soon. He thought I'd never leave him but I finalllllyyyy am! He's totally shocked and devastated bc he never thought I'd do this to him.
Tbh I'm not leaving him to harm him or bring him misery and have no joy about it since I'm an empath. But he brought this upon himself and I cannot help it.. 😔
That's the thing they'll never understand. We don't leave them to hurt them, we leave so we get a chance at surviving and living a healthy life.
@@birdgirl8390 yes 💯
Yes you got to go. I don't know how long you were with him but. A week is too long. I was with my ex for 4 months. And that was about a year ago. It's still kind of pisses me off how I let him treat me.
@@Donita1213 you won't believe it.. Almost 8 years! I was never going to leave until he just crossed all boundaries which I'm gladdd he did.
I sometimes feel like throwing up thinking about all the things he did to me and I tolerated them 🤮
@@hamdlillah101 8 years??? All I can say is you got nerves of steel. I would have killed myself or him if I had to deal with that long of a Time.
Isn't it strange. I got married late in life but it lasted for 20 years. And I had a couple of relationships before that and the couple after. But I've never experienced such a hell. And they're so sneaky about it.
I'm so glad you're deciding to get out. Believe me you feel like you've been born again. Yeah but like me you'll probably be pissed off for a while. Watching these videos really help a lot.
My nephew died of addiction. And you are so right. Every time the Narcissist is called out they go crazy. Mine cried when she was exposed and I was so shocked. I did not expect that. It made me feel so bad.
Doctor Ramani, I can’t thank you enough for all of your work on narcissism. Ultimately life changing ❤
I suspect the narcissist I walked away from has hit rock bottom several times in her life, but she seems to keep rising again and continues to create even more chaos, heartbreak and broken relationships.
I'm so happy to be out of her sphere. As much as I hate what she's done, I feel her punishment is having to be her, to live in her own head. She'll never be truly happy or content in life. She'll never have enough and she'll always blame others.
Amen
Marie Borchardt,You don't deserve to be with a narc 😈!
They’re at rock bottom from the beginning. They’re never content.
Not necessarily. And most people here who believe they had or have a narcissist with NPD really probably had a ASPD or BD with narcissistic tendencies.
The beginning of what? Of time or their life?
My alcohol abuse to rock bottom was a progression in direct relation to my mothers narcissistic abuse. I stopped coping maladaptively when I started to suffer my own losses after beginning to see the narcissism. Now I’m 18 months sober and no contact (she also has abandoned again even after I got sober LOL because she hates I can do it and she can’t but I made it clear after the abandonment that she was the one being abandoned by me now that she showed true) bye ✌️
This video hits it on the nose!!!! It’s crazy how much a non narcissistic person can understand to much about the NPD illness and exactly what goes on.
maybe she isn't a non-narc.
My father is literally living in his car right now because he has severely broken all of his relationships over and over again. We have a restraining order against him. He is still spending his time and money trying to keep up appearances while homeless. He won’t make smart decisions to take care of himself. And everything is still not his fault. He is still trying to manipulate all of us about how we need him. When really he’s desperate to get back in somehow so we will continue to take care of him while he sucks the money and life out of us. My sister and I have always been amazed by his capacity to keep going despite everything that he has destroyed and failed at. I think change is impossible for him.
The fact he can't say "I need you". He's that narcissistic he's saying "you need me".
My dad lived on a park bench for a while, he let his lucrative business fall apart, oh well, variety is the spice of life as they say!
Narcissistic mortification. I did this to mine before I knew what it was. All it took was for me to be myself finally, call her on her shit, and set up boundaries.
Super example.
You have to do this to them to be set free of their crap cause they won't quit until they've destroyed you totally
that is COMPLETELY 100% true...
Any kind of "outpatient" Abstract Behavior Analysis, Psychological Intervention & Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is NOT a "good idea" if a person asks to be "released" from it. for GOOOOOD reasons.
Having a blue day. Just grieving the gravity and weight of my childhood and living survivor mode majority of my life. I am not in survivor mode anymore, but as a result now in a place to really process and grieve the losses. Just grieving, and that is okay, and is quite honestly necessary. You are always so validating and educating. Maybe an interesting topic for you is to discuss grieving and the fact that it is okay and part of the process, and just may be necessary for some as part of the letting go of the past.
❤️ you Dr. Ramani!
I keep waiting for one of the networks to pick this up as a daily show! Dr. R. makes Dr. Phil look like Jerry Springer! She is so helpful, intelligent, clear, and understanding (not forgetting empathic!)
she doesn't coddle or.make excuses for narcissism like.Phil does so mainstream wouldn't like her.
Those who are raised and emotionally abused by a malignant narcissist become tough as a coconut. Like you said, nothing sticks to them.
They’re also human who can’t keep talking trash from anybody and everybody.
I wish this were true for me. Their words continue to affect my emotional wellbeing
@@kiralee169 It is my opinion that men and women react differently to abuse, cruel words and actions from a parent or sibling. Women tend to be more social and stick to their social circles and relationships whether they like it or not.
Everything you say about narcissistic depression is so true of me.
I can’t get help.
Savannah Banks,You look stunning 🌹🥀,hope you are not with a narc 😈!
This page sounds like help to me
No one, no human being, could get me clean & sober. It was rock bottom for me, I surrendered to my disease. My life had become unmanageable in every aspect of the word. But I had a willingness, I never had before. It wasn't easy, but so rewarding. One day at a time.
Thank you for your videos. They're so incredibly helpful ❤😊
'The gift' on Netflix is pretty satisfying if you want a narc takedown thriller.
Thanks! I'm gonna check it out. Lol
Sleeping With the Enemy is a pretty accurate narc portrayal IMO.
@@MM-nh8ez Great point, excellent portrayal in thes film, the husband is a horrid NPD abuser. Its slightly dated but the writers really nail a dangerous NPD.Also what is evident in the film is the portrayal of the former wifes resulting trauma, (I do mean Julie Roberts's portrayal and she had to go full speed incognito to become an ex! Its so much what it can feel like when you try and leave them- maybe less 'hollywoodised'). the viewer is left however wondering if she truly heals later. it ends well - I hesitate to say ends "well" but unless you can truly get off their radar, and they are sociopathic enough to continue to pursue the victim, the way the film ends his character is overdramatic, as hollywood usually is! but it does seem to drive the point home. in the film, the perp is finally gone, but you wonder about the victims wellbeing in the future.
@@oppressednolonger1497 Yes, I was diagnosed with PTSD as a result of the physical, mental, and emotional trauma I experienced at the hands of my ex-narc
@@MM-nh8ez Enough is a great movie too and she escapes and triumphs over an extremely malignant narcissist!
The experience of being abused by a narcissist (my rock bottom) eventually resulted in my being able to identify my own need for validation, my need to be admired and/or desired, my understanding that no one cares as much about me as I think they do. I’m thankful for all the pain I went through which woke me up to my own flaws and conceits. It’s like waking up when you didn’t know you were asleep. And the mere awareness of these things helps me to remain self reflective and catch myself when I feel like I’m slipping back into these patterns. No one likes a self absorbed individual. We’ve got to be outward focused, developing/cultivating a real love for others. Not easy but not impossible with small steps and victories. ❤️
"It's like waking up when you didn't know you were asleep." --- very profound. I get that. I appreciate what you've shared. I hope your growth spurt has continued. For me the process of self reflection, emotional growth, and improvement is a life long endeavor. I started when I was 14 (bought first self help book) and I'm 62 now.... so many skills to cultivate & fears to overcome. I just wish I would have known much earlier that we are never a finished product. I sustained a lot of disappointment in myself because I didn't know that fire many years. I get it now, and I hope i don't forget it. We have a saying in 12-step groups "Progress not Perfection".
However, it's mind boggling to know that many people see no benefit from such personal growth effort or even know that it's a thing.
I commend you and wish you continued success in growth! I'm watching Star Trek right now so it seems appropriate to say, "Live long & prosper." ☆•••☆
I think living with narcissistic individuals long term DOES make you focused on your own wounds, insecurities, fears … it’s like an infection. And my healing process has involved a sort of rehabilitation. Wounded people wound others. Like an abused animal that bites when you try to pet them. I think it’s a grey area between the healthy you and the wounded you. At least for me …
Thanks for this very detailed contribution.
You literally wrote about me, this was me for so many years, until God healed me through people like Dr Ramani.
I’m a whole new person now, with a new and different perspective.
Wide Awake- by Katy Perry
It definitely is possible. I've seen it happen with my mother in law. We cut off contact with her for months. The final straw was her being treated that same way she was treating everyone else and it broke her entitlement. She still at times tries to push her boundaries but will stop before it gets too extreme
So glad I discovered your channel. Your helping me unravel this nightmare. I am seeking counciling as well. But your channel helps me understand that it's not my fault 😭
Empaths, of which I am one, also need to change the way we deal with people. We let people treat us badly. We must advocate for ourselves better. This is a fault of our own.
If there's one final prayer I could have,I pray all the narcs see their karma and we empaths just stand quiet watching that.They see how much we went through,if not with regret at least with punishment
But knowing us empaths... although we would know that justice is served, we would still feel badly for them. It breaks my heart to know they are the person who hold the keys to their jail cell and all they have to do is turn the key and do their deep dive to learning and healing... not dissimilar to what we survivors experience. Only we have the key and once we turn the key a walk away for good from the narc (our jail cell) our freedom begins immediately with some therapy.
It's possible but you need to forgive them and forgive yourself (for not being kind to yourself). You cannot forgive others unless you've forgiven yourself first. That's why Jesus is the ultimate empath. He embodied forgiveness and compassion. Show compassion and forgiveness towards yourself. This is what accelerates karma. Ultimately forgiveness is for yourself because you're gifting peace to your own being.
I’m positive that mine would still be standing there arguing that he was right all along. I noticed early in our marriage that he always placed blame on anyone but him. There were times when it was so blatantly him and ironically then he would drop the subject. I never saw the man take responsibility one time.
Yep mine got arrested in the navy exchange for shop lifting which was just I guess the grandiose of the thrill and was in the navy, the navy has it on video and he got bursted pay and probationers he (so we families in the navy world ) couldn’t leave town for a year and when we did We went to visit family and I overheard him tell his parents we were on probation bc it was me who did the shoplifting. Wow this was how I began to see the patterns of his behavior... smh
@@daleswain9520 Wow. My dad was an officer in the Navy (EOD). I grew up in that world and am familiar with the Navy Exchange and commissary. I cannot imagine how hard that must be for you. The military does not take kindly to such actions. I’m sorry you went through all that. How are you handling the stress of it all?
Zero empathy for these demons, most of that behaviour sounds like midlife crisis/narcissism
Everything depends.
No midlife crisis isnt like this.Even if they are completely fine they have this pathological envy towards you.
I grew up with a narcissist and I was slowly becoming a covert narcissist because of the abuse I suffered that turned into a victim mindset. I lost my best friend of over 14 years and it caused me to look at myself and to start taking responsibility for my life. No, it was not my fault that I had a terrible childhood but it also didn’t mean that the world owed me anything. Leaving a narcissist behind can be the best thing for them. Leave so that you can grow but to also give them a chance to grow.
I am still with my narcissistic husband and couldn’t leave because my child and I have nowhere to go. He and his mom believe in conspiracy theories and that president orange is the solution to everything. I can’t talk to him anything under the sun because it turns into belittling me, simple questions which are answerable with only a “yes” or a “no” turns into him getting all worked up, he thinks he’s better than the scientists or doctors because of the conspiracy theories that he read or watched, I could go on and on…It is so frustrating and I couldn’t do anything. I have fallen into depression- a lot of times. The happy and peaceful me is gone.
The emotional damage my ex left on me was astounding. I’ve had 3 serious relationships at age 26. But none have affected me like my narcissistic ex, it was an emotionally painful experience that was so dark. The hurt and pain I feel from being used is almost like a violated feeling. The lack of emotions, empathy, the huge ego, the manipulation, it was a wreck.
Not soon after did she find her new supply whom she got matching tattoos with, the same design I refused to get with her months ago. She is such an empty, miserable soul.
Addicts are only loyal to their addictions my guy, just like a vampire, they can't help it when they sense blood, youd see it in their eyes. Offer them blood and they'll be ever so very attentive and would do ANYTHING to get access to that blood.
I wish you well ❣️ I know it's hard and it's okay if it's hard.Its normal,it's okay .Wishing you well
I feel bad for her same for mine
I just turned 26 and I’ve had 2 relationships, my third one (my ex) was the worst and still is the worst experience I’m battling. The words, the lies, the abuse, the rage, the cycle! I feel violated too man. I can’t wait for the day when I don’t care about a darn thing about her.
Yes.... she is... she won’t change... enjoy your freedom!
I could see them using rock bottom for more attention and pity and using it to pull everyone else down even harder
you don't know every person in the world. Your experience may be knowing three or four narcissists, and watching UA-cam videos doesn't make you an expert in the field nor a therapist. I'm a narcissist and I am miserable. I struggle to change but I need to do it because I'm in love with someone I do not want to harm or push away with my envy and vulnerability to criticism. I have learned to love his achievements, even tho he works in the same field and is having some great promotions and a lot of luck and good karma cause he's full of talent and has worked really hard. I am learning that I don't have to see myself in black and white and that other people feel like I do. When I was younger I faked listening and didn't really care about other people's lives. I always thought I was above all that. But life showed me I am not special, entitled, not even interesting. And now I'm getting better at not being a jerk. I also judge less now, and I don't classify people internally. So please, don't write something so discouraging. I'm working really hard to be normal.
Omgosh 😮 funny that you mentioned Teflon. My ex-husband (27 years of alcoholic, malignant abuse) called himself Teflon Bob for 20 years, because...as he says, "nothing sticks to me...slides right off!" He's eating those words, 7 years after our divorce! He's definitely hit rock bottom and can't even find one more woman to put up with his insanity. 💯💯💯
Dreene, You don't need a narcissist in your life.....
I have had difficulty in relationships but I have also had a difficult life....I have to admit that I started watching these episodes after I learned I was with a narcissist who made me feel bonkers....the situation made me realize that I allowed it to happen and how could I heal myself so that I did not attract more of the same insanity. It's amazing to become self aware, not just of the positive aspects of ourselves, but the not so desirable aspects as well as the areas where we need healing. Thank you for this channel and tha k you to counseling everywhere. We can be healed and be healthy mentally.
This message may give hope to anyone who has a narcissist in their life, however I have never known or known anyone who has known a narc to change , majority of narcs just get worse in different ways as they grow older.
You have the right knowledge.They dont change and dont expect anyone to change.
Talk to them at face value
I have managed to find a lot of peace via a place I call "Revenge by success and through rebellious joy". And what I mean by that is that yeah, you ignore your narcissist and leave them behind and try to thrive and find your meaning for success. However the revenge part comes on uplifting your empaths, finding new people in life who feel you are a positive influence and are grateful for your presence and thoughts. This brings a very special kind of happiness that is so toxic for narcissists that it helps you become more immune, empower others to leave or to revalue their own relationships and take ownership in what is it that you want to give to this world. No narcissist can not react to that kind of survivorship, in the end we have to see this also through the lens of social change, what kind of society we want is going to be dictated by who we enable and support into thriving and having a voice. That is power, let's take it away from the narcissists.
Well said!
Absolutely beautifully said . 👏👏👏
As usual, just fantastic.
Not a narc here my ex she was a covert narc.
Through my experience and understanding I'm far better off alone and single.
My health is improved, income improving better relationship with my son.
It's been nothing but good since we split up. She left me at my lowest and now accuses me of horrible things.
I'm so greatful I learned what she truly is.
Life is so much better being alone.
In 'my reality'...just to BE a Narcissist...IS ROCK BOTTOM!!!
They do alot of evil..and destroy everything they touch...I can't imagine how they do it on a daily basis
Easily. They are spawn of Satan masquerading as pitiful lambs. Horrible people.
@@chriscunningham8807 Correct!!
how they sleep at night
I patiently waited for the “rock bottom”, as I was lead to believe my ex’s only issues were sex/porn addiction and alcohol overindulgence. That rock bottom has not occurred. I don’t think it ever will. Mostly because no one, especially professionals, court, and family, hold him accountable. In fact, then enable and embolden.
He will hit rock bottom when his new gf secretly watches porn and cheats on him.
Enablers wanted me to believe that my every attempt at self care was selfishness...that coerced my presence until I realized they were using me as a shield. Vested interest at its finest.
Ewww, get those people out your ear and your life.
Thank you Dr Ramani. Im at 6 years of sobriety . First time looking at the parallels of addiction to narcissism. This is so eye opening studies. As a pathway and a better roadmap to healthy healing recovery