You are and should be one of the number one sources on understanding narcissism because I’ve watched a lot of channels and yours is better than Dr R!! I like her, but I think she got it wrong in the beginning but everything I’ve watched that you have is spot on because especially covert narcissist are very difficult to spot!!
I just met my first malignant narcissist who I knew when I was only 24 years old. She had me isolated in New York, while I was visiting her. Her mask fell when I disagreed with her. I saw the malice and the enjoyment and the sadistic quality of her, enjoying my pain. The mask came off and on rotating the whole time I was there. Nice, mean cycle, I felt very afraid and had to play along with her game in order to get home safely. I sent her a letter thanking her for my visit and slowly pulled away, she is now blocked on everything. Horrifying realization most mentally disturbed person I’ve ever met.
Agreed!! I was married to a covert one!!! Don’t poke the tiger and sneak away as I played dumb and was truly ill and used that illness to fake more stuff to get out safe (he wasn’t violent only sometimes and it was like throwing things but with these People you can’t underestimate them!!!!
"I did what I had to do." I had one say this to me. I had another say, "I don't feel sorry for what I did and I'm not going to apologize." Needless to say that both are far away from me.
My father was a malignant narcissist. He destroyed the childhoods of me and my siblings. Unfortunately my mother was a toxic enabler and was herself a covert narcissist.
🎯 🎯 🎯 You described my sister exactly. Complete lack of conscience. Evil, paranoid and sadistic. Without these videos I’d still be trying to make sense out of the insanity. Thank you, Darren ☮️
For so long I excused my daughter’s behavior as ‘aspergers’ but her behavior escalated once I realized the truth and expressed it. She presents exactly as you described. I guess I didn’t want to believe it all those years . Once she realized we were onto her…. came the big discard. She knew she couldn’t control us any longer. Her emotional abuse was done ‘knowingly’ and that was the difference. It is one thing to hurt people and not be aware of doing it because of that lack of empathy but when you are aware and still do it and not care !!! That is something else altogether. Yes, sadly we lost our daughter but we are free of the abuse and can once again live with some dignity.
I'm free of the harm my narcissistic dad did to me through my entire life, I simply keep distance from his endless scapegoating and gaslighting. May you all heal and restart your lives positively and proactively.
"Their shattered self-image and whatever consequences..." My now deceased narcissistic father actually drank himself to mini-strokes, becoming permanently bedridden, and death when he reached this point in his life. It's real.
If I didn't have person experience with a few narcissistic, it would be difficult that such individuals actually exist, because I treat people the way that I would want to be treated.
Avoid induced conversation and whatever she said to get "something done" write an email about it, stating the "deal and conditions" even if you have to play fool...record it.
I really do appreciate your videos. Their detailed descriptions and examples are powerfully relatable and supportive. I'm currently living such experiences in France. I'm anglophone and I have to navigate everything in french which is very difficult when it comes to official "stuff". After 15/16yrs together, moving to France for him and 2 kids. I'm almost homeless! just because I began a course to further my integration. A lot of lies, manipulations, alienation, character assasination, lack of Respect, empath and remorse in every sense... The worst betral ever! Thank-you for your videos, I'm very grateful. What they provide for people like me, are priceless...
You have been this strong to survive his madness so far, so you will have SUPER STRENGTH to leave this Loser Now! Now is the time! You Deserve Better! God sees your pain, and will help you in your escape. Be Strong and Leave. Sending hugs and prayers of strength. You CAN do this!! 👍🙂
Mine denied that it was him, when he left his phone on and I heard him bad mouthing me. When that didn't work he dragged in his co-workers and said "you should hear what my employees say about their wives", then he berated me for raising my voice when asking him about it. Never did take responsibility. Huge red flag. He was married shortly thereafter to someone else, of course she was from out of town, so knew nothing about him, I hope she has a good therapist.
Brilliant! Thankyou so much for this eloquent description of this personality type. If there were a way of "screening" for these traits, in an accepted scientific way - maybe someday we'll get that far, not happening any time soon though, methinks ... When selecting people to work, or serve, in areas of responsability that affects the welfare, quality of life, and even life-expectancy of the average person on the street, (for example - politicians!), being able to scientifically wheedle out the baddies would be a big advantage! Bit utopian, maybe.
Since 2020 all governments, all mainstream media, health bureaucrats, they've all been exposed as just that. Thank God I know progaganda when I see it, I never fell for the lies on TV.
Yes indeed. Absolutely. Thinking USA politicians here. I think that wannabes like them. We are mostly nice people, but we sure have our fringies. Very, very LOUD fringies
My brother was about to out my cheating narcissist father to his second wife...he knocked him out cold! Then my poor mum had to pay the dentist bill to replace his front tooth afterwards. The kicker was dad still feels justified clocking him.😢
I find asking simple, direct, questions helpful. If one is actually entitled to something, one can explain why -- without unnecessary complication or leaving out key details of why they might not be. It's genuine confidence in one's own rationale. Anger isn't always irrational, either. But if questioned they can answer this too. Personally, the only time I ever get grumpy at a question is if it's insincere. They're typically easy to spot, though.
This hits the nail on the head for our son’s ex-fiancé. Thankfully, she had a psychotic break and a parent removed her with a choice, jail or a hospital. Our son was too embarrassed and hurt to tell us she had been physically abusing him. The door torn off of the hinges wasn’t an accident, but one of her rages…same for the hole in the wall his dad helped him repair. She ended up having an affair, leaving him, and then spreading lies that he had abused her. Her closest friends and her family knew it wasn’t true. She is now many states away. Thank the Lord. And, last we heard from her family she was wrecking the family by turning them against each other. How tragic and dark. She truly is a highly intelligent, evil person, and I find no joy in saying that. We had fallen in love with her. Now we have a grown son that is afraid to ever trust a woman again. And, he already had military induced PTSD.
💔. I believe these "people" are demonically possessed. & I am not particularly formally "religious". I was raised by one & it wasn't always easy to hold on to my soul..I'm so sorry for your son's experience.. ❤bless him❤
@@electricLuLulandI was raised by a malignant narcissist. They can make Oscar winners look sloppy once they get in role. She even kicked the wall n sprained her foot n said I caused it. Not hardly. She killed 2 hubby's with her insane greed n alkyschit. Totally indifferent to their medical seriousness of conditions. It's hard for me to deal with that family. This is adopted kids back before Children's services was a thing and child psychology was barely toddling yet. I'll only say that kids not dna related at all yet 1 adult is a malignant narcissist and almost seems schizzy at times. One of her kids sounds like a fruit from the same orchard. I almost have to laugh. Watch out for extreme fakery to elicit pity or martyrdom. There's no evidence of assassynashon. The case is closed. No dr rpt for either case. Think about all that security n ridiculous bs the public taxpayer is forking out n I'd like to sue for psychological damages. Sorry. It's been tedious with seemingly endless malignant narcissism and the way we been abused as a nation. Many blessings ya'll.
I don't know if this will help, but I have a sister almost like your son suffered. My other sister and I are not like her, and I hope he will learn that women like her are rarer than the internet would suggest. I would suggest the books Hidden Abuse by Shannon Thomas, and It's Not You by Ramani Durvasala. Both are available as audio books if your son's not a big reader (I listen while walking the dog 😊). It really is not him. Or women. It was her, and she's gone, and he has new possibilities ahead x
My mother is the narcissist for sure. No matter what happens - she always says: "Oh it doesnt bother me" - Her granddaughter recently had a child and named the baby after her but shortly thereafter changed her mind. When my mother learned of this - she said: "doesn't bother me none" - which is CRAZY!! WHO wouldn't be hurt that their granddaughter named a child after them but then changed it a few months later??????? My mother has four children (two of which are not communicating with her - the oldest and the youngest - me). My mother has 14 grandchildren and great grandchildren. Do you know how many she has a relationship with? ABSOLUTELY NONE! None of the grandchildren (4) nor great grandchildren (10) call her - NONE!!! Yet she STILL can't see her behavior as being the problem. She says: "it doesn't bother her". Lying to core!! I couldn't imagine having 4 children, 4 grandchildren and 10 great grandchildren - and only communicate with 2 of them!! That means out of 18 people of the next three generations - she only speaks with two of us!! And those two are the flying monkeys that allow themselves to be controlled by her and cant keep a job! She is now 82 with cancer and im sorry but im not coming around anymore.
The "them vs us" delusion is at its worst with a narcissist parent who is divorced from your other parent. They do everything they can to triangulate the child and drive a wedge between the kid and that other parent
Had a narcissistic colleague who "wrote" a letter to a supervisor saying I was "talking about them" could not say specifically what I said just ran out the room in tears. Even the letter she supposedly sent was vague in its accusations. She was one of the "them v us" types but shw knew how to manipulate managers. So easy to do, when I had the chance to "ghost" her several years later - after she had cost me my job though.
In my science - fiction story, the main character is an extraterrestrial who descends into madness as a result of isolation and malignant narcissism. He does appear as charming and lacks remorse, but will go to any length to cover up being angry when exposed, because of wrongdoings. It will appear to be very hard at times to detect possible anger in his character - as if, he simply does not care if a human attempts to hold him accountable. He wants you to think he is a new aegish ET, and thus uses the language of new age narcissists - a fluffy language to deceive others. Instead of creating conspiracy theories, he relies on past fears of all kinds of conspiracies, to humiliate people in public, among things. Its a common trait many narcissists in science - fiction share, such as Emperor Palpatine. He is not based on Palpatine´s character but instead on some of Rome´s leaders. Thanks for your video!! Best wishes from Iceland.
One time I had these crazy roommates in college. So the final week I was living with them I called the state police and got them all arrested. It was such a great feeling when I heard the police kicked in the door and hauled them all to the slammer. I was playing the long game.
The scariest part is when the malignant N knows that the jig is up and their lies aren’t going to work. That’s when they let the mask slip entirely and you see how dangerous and depraved they really are. I knew my malignant ex was a narc but I didn’t realize the extent of the depravity until I left and he realized I knew who he was.
Sad that people targeted by narcissist and sociopaths can be described as having almost every symptom in this description. The victim actually identifies with so many of these issues and yet is actually subjected to these abuses, then accused of being the one with the narcissistic issues. Only way to describe would be similar to hearing when a R*pe victim is told that they were asking for it to happen to them. Unless you've lived this kind of mental abuse especially they kind where the Narcissist has a group of people who are all involved in supporting and assisting, protecting the abusive Narcissist. It almost like being Gang R*ped! Then telling the targeted victim that they are deserving of it and they are the problem.
Wasband could remember, with rancor, grade school events. Let alone high school. He was 45 when we met. He PLOTTED how to sue employers. Bragged on his brains, took credit every way he could,, and avoided responsibility at every single opportunity. Shamelessly. Like he couldn't see any point but his
Omg.... Thank you. So spot on. I am the mother to f a malignant narcissist. I feel isolated. There is no teaching about this from my perspective. Would love some x
when my parents divorced, my father took my mother to court a total of three times and the third court case went all the way to the Supreme Court of Canada and this was back in the 80s, and I believe my parents divorce case was the seventh case to ever go to the Supreme Court of Canada my father is miserly and was fighting to get a better deal, and each time the new judge would always have the case win in my mother’s favour it was easy to see how insanely obsessed my father was, when it came to every dollar spent on household items my father still has Tupperware containers and tea towels in his kitchen that were bought back in the 60s and 70s his telephone answering machine is from the 90s he really does not like having to spend money on anything
My ex was exactly like this. 6 years together he discarded me after we signed a house loan. He didn't allow me to get the information I needed to sign myself off the house and the loan until it had been 4 months. I was in constant terror scared if I had dept after getting my life together i a new apartment by myself. When I finally was finished signing the legal process to get myself out of it he had made financial deals in my name earlier that year and letters showing up to my house. I had to break 4 months of no contact to ask him what this was only for him to say he was going to pay it, that missed me, that he regret leaving me, then explaining why we couldn't be together and that he had a heart disease. I finally got a lawyer and will do what I can to have it all stop..
Ugh my mother (laws for thee not for me was spot on😑) but her losing control after smear campaigns weren't working so well was to go demon crazy violent. I was there when she tried a smear campaign about me in front of a mental health worker, it failed and she put me in the car and rage drove away. It's kind of funny in retrospect, it was the first time I saw her absolutely not have it work.
My wife is a covert narcissist that I believe was collapsing into malignancy. A few days after I confronted her about it and told her our circle of friends knew, she claimed I was harassing her and slandering her. 4 days later she packed all hey clothes and left. She abandoned almost everything except her job and ran.
You just described my mother and brother exactly. May I please ask is this kind of abuse considered a form of DV in the way that intimate partner violence or elder violence is? Thank you
@@susantalebzadeh9741 thanks for clarifying. I think, that this side of DV is not talked of as much as intimate partner violence as people still put parents on a pedestal and don’t want to believe that parents can and do deliberately harm their children in dreadful ways that impact them for life.
@@rhondamock7628 I think it's important to acknowledge that the MAGAs are also Americans. We need to be aware of just how wide and deep these abhorrent ideas run in our society. Denial isn't an effective coping strategy and ridicule won't change their behavior. What will? I wish I knew!
I was an attempted perfectly crafted golden child of 37 against my brother until all the clues fit into place. Now we're trying to repair ourselves and help each other. My brother's girlfriend pointed out her malignant narcissism based on clues both he and I glossed over. Now you all on UA-cam are apparently "brainwashing" me. And my brother's probably jealous etc. according to Mom. :P
@@Ariadne76-k3d Oh she's still trying to work me. She's "there for me always" even though she's doing her usual tanking losses on purpose. Her phone bill recently hadn't been paid because she's been extravagantly spending with borrowed money from three or so different people. She is still trying to hurt my brother, but is having this weird..... psychological way to try to link me to him to get to him by remote. Which I'm not having any more, so I toss it off as Mom being silly. We're still friends, but she's outgrown her tricks and traps to the point her forgetfulness tells on her behavior.
Hi Darren. Can you please give some help on how to deal with a narcissistic neighbour in an apartment block. The malice and vindictiveness has been recorded but the landlord likes the unbroken rent payments. Thanks. Hi also from Northern Ireland 👍
My father is extremely disagreeable and saw in his child what he didn't have and wanted to destroy it. He doesn't fit this full spectrum because he didn't have the ability. Put simply, he wasn't clever enough. However, he could control his 5 year old! Destroy self confidence and act like a tyrant when he was in a mood. His rages were incredible, sadistic with eyes like a madman!
I have gone no contact with my malignant mil. If I had to have contact and she started her crap I would be prepared with telling her we remember things differently and I trust my memories. If talking about someone I would say sounds like we need to call that person and have a chat the three of us. If you can go no contact that is best.
Use the legal system because once you’ve got a restraining order then the deputies can act…. It’s how I finally got rid of mine & both those orders were worth it because he respected the police not me
I live with one absolutely charming - loving and fake . He is the greatest player - séductrice - Casanova and is living in fear of losing me ! As I serve a tangible purpose n his lise so the lies the cheating the love bombing . Thought this would stop when he discovered a life changing disease (reason I am still with him)... but not at all ! I sometime forget that PN or MN are just not "normal" people.
My husband has terrorized me for the past 30 years once my mother died yet to hear him tell it he's been the victim along. He also said with a straight face I contributed very little income for the 10 years I was sick enough to be on social security disability because all along he expected me to be the primary earner in the family. I finally have the funds to plan my exit from hell and escape is so close I can taste it.
Good luck, I am dealing with this type exactly and have been through a final discard at 34 years together. I found Darren, Sam Vaknin and Richard Grannon (i am currently doing Sir Richards amazing courses), great to listen to, plus Ross Rosenbergs codependency stuff. Stay strong, sending love ❤
Well the good news for me is my malignant narcissistic husband isn’t a top tier one it seems and doesn’t have all these traits. I was about to write qualities but there evil doing manipulations aren’t behaviours of quality. He’s got some good qualities inside I think he is just a deeply troubled individual who likes to be a puppet master when he can to gain control over things to make him feel better. He loves to bedazzle people and bask in their adulation before they get to know the real him. He’s one of those big fish in a small pond, and people like when people like him bring new and exiting experiences into their lives. He’s all about the good times in life and showing others a good time. That’s great for them but often it is at my expense and I don’t get to also have a good time. But then something’s wrong with me you see. Didn’t have problems socializing before I met and God forgive me, married him.
Are narcissistics capable of SA during relationships, or was i dealing with something else? I joined the military to escape bad move for me he ruined it. I got out a year later he took his own life. I just don't know what i was dealing with.
Oh, my goodness! It sounds as though you actually know my ex partner. It sounds as though you used him as your subject for this video. It took me about 6 years to extricate myself from a highly stressful, dangerous relationship. Things came to a head when he attacked me & broke my wrist, & I had to drive myself 18/19 miles to hospital. Whilst it was still plastered, he threatened to kill me. I went to a neighbour, called the police & had him arrested & charged with assault & threats to kill. He was fined, ordered to pay me damages, & bound over to keep the peace for 12 months. He controlled himself fairly well, until about a fortnight before his 12 month bindover period expired. He went absolutely berserk one night, when I was doing the ironing. He tried to attack me again, & shouted & screamed for almost two hours. Fortunately, the utility room was laid out such that I had my back to the wall with the ironing board in front of me ~ & the plug & socket behind me. I turned the iron setting to 'steam' & refilled the water reservoir as necessary, using the hot iron & jets of steam to fend him off. After this incident, I realised that I was living on borrowed time & secretly arranged to move out ~ although it was my house ~ because he would not go. This was no easy task, as I had two horses, three cats & four dogs. It was another two years before I was finally completely free of him, but at least I was safe. Thank you for posting this video.❤❤❤
My one parent had deaf parents so he was the adult then he continues to be king and my mother was the eldest and graduated high school and chased all her sisters away so she thinks she's still clean
They have been blocking my ability to comment and did so on this video but when I tried to record it they immediately stop. They are someone no one knows except their victims.
You have made your opinion about using the term 'paranoid' (outside of psychosis) clear, but please will you define the term? I am concerned that bullies, narcissists and doubtless others, use the term on their victims to secure unquestioning compliance. We must be clear that caution, sensitivity, etc., is never paranoia.
It is somewhat irrelevant in this particular scenario. Only because bullies, narcissists, and other toxic individuals use a plethora of terms, descriptions, phrases, and name calling to secure compliance and devalue the individual questioning their control.
A lot of people are saying it was a tremendously perfect description. No description in history has done more to describe the person you are referring to. 🤣🤣
Please can u make a vedio on scapegoat son relationship with his girlfriend My boyfriend is scapegoat of his family, he knows they r manipulating him, but he is in control of her mother, he don't want to marry me, even don't visit me, whenever he come at my place, he always worried about his home issues, we have 15 years relationship, but her mother don't give me validation, Even my bf can't take any decision of his life, they destroyed his career, then I gave him my all savings to starr again, im still giving all of my salary to him, still he don't think about my difficulties with his behaviour, we really love eachother, but bcz of his mother we don't have a good time, he ll not make a family with me only bcz his mother don't give him power n control to think abt it, she just looting his money, emotions, time everything, but I m ready to sacrifice my life for him, just wanted to live with him but it's seems impossible.
@@camelotenglishtuition6394 Politics does tend to attract people who crave power and prestige. But few are like Trump - if they were, our world would be too chaotic for humanity to survive.
It's interesting, people say that about Trump, but no one can ever point to anybody whose life he has ruined. He's a narcissist, no doubt, and what - Biden and that empty 😊headed Harris are not?!
Yup 🤦♀️ pushing & shoving often means hitting or strangling are next 🤷♀️ get out @ the first sign of abuse plz but also file a restraining order because it gives law enforcement an edge that can get him in trouble big time
He was going to hit me once. I was driving. I looked at him and thought if he did that, I was driving to the police station. He backed down, because I definitely would have.
@@tims9434eventually; if not towards you, towards objects. Mine smashed through an $1800.00 Mac laptop computer in his rage one time when I was helping him book flights for a group of kids he was coaching for sports. It escalated. It always escalates and if you are in denial of this you are in a very dangerous place
I'm completely baffled that his followers don't seem to remember his brainless sycophants STORMING Congress just a few years ago, making our magnificent country look like banana republic buffoons
Transcript available on Substack darrenfmagee.substack.com/p/what-happens-when-malignant-narcissists
Always spot on!! Thanks!!!
You are and should be one of the number one sources on understanding narcissism because I’ve watched a lot of channels and yours is better than Dr R!! I like her, but I think she got it wrong in the beginning but everything I’ve watched that you have is spot on because especially covert narcissist are very difficult to spot!!
So spot on. Once you start unravelling the lies you just uncover more and more of them and realise it's a never-ending rabbit hole of deception.
It’s insane how people really put them on a pedestal and protect them continuously.
Malignant narc father turned an attorney and guardian ad litem into flying monkeys and manipulated them to believe he was the victim of “alienation”.
I just met my first malignant narcissist who I knew when I was only 24 years old. She had me isolated in New York, while I was visiting her. Her mask fell when I disagreed with her. I saw the malice and the enjoyment and the sadistic quality of her, enjoying my pain. The mask came off and on rotating the whole time I was there. Nice, mean cycle, I felt very afraid and had to play along with her game in order to get home safely. I sent her a letter thanking her for my visit and slowly pulled away, she is now blocked on everything. Horrifying realization most mentally disturbed person I’ve ever met.
Agreed!! I was married to a covert one!!! Don’t poke the tiger and sneak away as I played dumb and was truly ill and used that illness to fake more stuff to get out safe (he wasn’t violent only sometimes and it was like throwing things but with these People you can’t underestimate them!!!!
Never have I heard it being explained so well. 😢😢😢
"I did what I had to do." I had one say this to me. I had another say, "I don't feel sorry for what I did and I'm not going to apologize." Needless to say that both are far away from me.
My father was a malignant narcissist. He destroyed the childhoods of me and my siblings. Unfortunately my mother was a toxic enabler and was herself a covert narcissist.
Did you ever go no contact ?
I know what you mean. They need a partner to go along with them. They suck.
I hear you. the damage they cause is life-long.
🎯 🎯 🎯 You described my sister exactly. Complete lack of conscience. Evil, paranoid and sadistic. Without these videos I’d still be trying to make sense out of the insanity. Thank you, Darren ☮️
Same-male sibling
Both parents & 2 sisters ❤️🩹 dangerous!
Same, pot pouri of family & friends they are legion.
Give them. A flush & go no contact 👍🙌
My sister😮😢
Same with my step brother, you're not alone.
For so long I excused my daughter’s behavior as ‘aspergers’ but her behavior escalated once I realized the truth and expressed it. She presents exactly as you described. I guess I didn’t want to believe it all those years . Once she realized we were onto her…. came the big discard. She knew she couldn’t control us any longer. Her emotional abuse was done ‘knowingly’ and that was the difference. It is one thing to hurt people and not be aware of doing it because of that lack of empathy but when you are aware and still do it and not care !!! That is something else altogether. Yes, sadly we lost our daughter but we are free of the abuse and can once again live with some dignity.
I'm free of the harm my narcissistic dad did to me through my entire life, I simply keep distance from his endless scapegoating and gaslighting. May you all heal and restart your lives positively and proactively.
You moved far away ?
"Their shattered self-image and whatever consequences..." My now deceased narcissistic father actually drank himself to mini-strokes, becoming permanently bedridden, and death when he reached this point in his life.
It's real.
If I didn't have person experience with a few narcissistic, it would be difficult that such individuals actually exist, because I treat people the way that I would want to be treated.
True, they are gutless wonders. If you stand up to them unwaveringly, it drives them nuts.
They know you've seen through them.
Explains why some people hate me. I see thru the bs!
Brilliant! So well explained. Thank you.
One of the most insightful summary presentations on NPD (ever).
“Without me life has no meaning. I’m the best friend you will ever have” jim jones
Yep!
One specific female coworker for the last 2,5 years. Ruthless and tireless with her daily smear campaigns.☹️
Avoid induced conversation and whatever she said to get "something done" write an email about it, stating the "deal and conditions" even if you have to play fool...record it.
You've described my sister in law perfectly.
I really do appreciate your videos.
Their detailed descriptions and examples are powerfully relatable and supportive.
I'm currently living such experiences in France.
I'm anglophone and I have to navigate everything in french which is very difficult when it comes to official "stuff".
After 15/16yrs together, moving to France for him and 2 kids. I'm almost homeless! just because I began a course to further my integration.
A lot of lies, manipulations, alienation, character assasination, lack of Respect, empath and remorse in every sense... The worst betral ever!
Thank-you for your videos, I'm very grateful. What they provide for people like me, are priceless...
You have been this strong to survive his madness so far, so you will have SUPER STRENGTH to leave this Loser Now! Now is the time! You Deserve Better! God sees your pain, and will help you in your escape. Be Strong and Leave. Sending hugs and prayers of strength. You CAN do this!! 👍🙂
🙏
@@foresthiker6707agreed! She needs to make a plan and leave!
Mine denied that it was him, when he left his phone on and I heard him bad mouthing me. When that didn't work he dragged in his co-workers and said "you should hear what my employees say about their wives", then he berated me for raising my voice when asking him about it. Never did take responsibility. Huge red flag. He was married shortly thereafter to someone else, of course she was from out of town, so knew nothing about him, I hope she has a good therapist.
This showed up just when I needed it ~ thank you
And how do we the survivors feel,,,such a scary situation.
Brilliant! Thankyou so much for this eloquent description of this personality type.
If there were a way of "screening" for these traits, in an accepted scientific way - maybe someday we'll get that far, not happening any time soon though, methinks ...
When selecting people to work, or serve, in areas of responsability that affects the welfare, quality of life, and even life-expectancy of the average person on the street, (for example - politicians!), being able to scientifically wheedle out the baddies would be a big advantage!
Bit utopian, maybe.
This describes my ex narc to a T! He is extremely dangerous and violent. Thankful to be free from him.
This is so validating. Every single word of this is true. Thank you.
Makes me think of politicians
Since 2020 all governments, all mainstream media, health bureaucrats, they've all been exposed as just that. Thank God I know progaganda when I see it, I never fell for the lies on TV.
Many of them are narcissists.
And lawyers.
Yes indeed. Absolutely. Thinking USA politicians here. I think that wannabes like them. We are mostly nice people, but we sure have our fringies. Very, very LOUD fringies
cult leaders and definitely several politicians around the world
In extreme cases, malig narcs will lash out physically
My brother was about to out my cheating narcissist father to his second wife...he knocked him out cold!
Then my poor mum had to pay the dentist bill to replace his front tooth afterwards.
The kicker was dad still feels justified clocking him.😢
I find asking simple, direct, questions helpful. If one is actually entitled to something, one can explain why -- without unnecessary complication or leaving out key details of why they might not be. It's genuine confidence in one's own rationale. Anger isn't always irrational, either. But if questioned they can answer this too. Personally, the only time I ever get grumpy at a question is if it's insincere. They're typically easy to spot, though.
This hits the nail on the head for our son’s ex-fiancé. Thankfully, she had a psychotic break and a parent removed her with a choice, jail or a hospital.
Our son was too embarrassed and hurt to tell us she had been physically abusing him.
The door torn off of the hinges wasn’t an accident, but one of her rages…same for the hole in the wall his dad helped him repair.
She ended up having an affair, leaving him, and then spreading lies that he had abused her. Her closest friends and her family knew it wasn’t true. She is now many states away. Thank the Lord. And, last we heard from her family she was wrecking the family by turning them against each other. How tragic and dark. She truly is a highly intelligent, evil person, and I find no joy in saying that. We had fallen in love with her. Now we have a grown son that is afraid to ever trust a woman again. And, he already had military induced PTSD.
Stay on the healing path; healing is possible!😊
💔. I believe these "people" are demonically possessed. & I am not particularly formally "religious".
I was raised by one & it wasn't always easy to hold on to my soul..I'm so sorry for your son's experience..
❤bless him❤
@@electricLuLulandit most definitely is a spiritual sickness.
@@electricLuLulandI was raised by a malignant narcissist. They can make Oscar winners look sloppy once they get in role. She even kicked the wall n sprained her foot n said I caused it. Not hardly. She killed 2 hubby's with her insane greed n alkyschit. Totally indifferent to their medical seriousness of conditions. It's hard for me to deal with that family. This is adopted kids back before Children's services was a thing and child psychology was barely toddling yet. I'll only say that kids not dna related at all yet 1 adult is a malignant narcissist and almost seems schizzy at times. One of her kids sounds like a fruit from the same orchard. I almost have to laugh. Watch out for extreme fakery to elicit pity or martyrdom. There's no evidence of assassynashon. The case is closed. No dr rpt for either case. Think about all that security n ridiculous bs the public taxpayer is forking out n I'd like to sue for psychological damages. Sorry. It's been tedious with seemingly endless malignant narcissism and the way we been abused as a nation. Many blessings ya'll.
I don't know if this will help, but I have a sister almost like your son suffered. My other sister and I are not like her, and I hope he will learn that women like her are rarer than the internet would suggest. I would suggest the books Hidden Abuse by Shannon Thomas, and It's Not You by Ramani Durvasala. Both are available as audio books if your son's not a big reader (I listen while walking the dog 😊). It really is not him. Or women. It was her, and she's gone, and he has new possibilities ahead x
This is my family. Mom and three siblings.......its insanity. No contact
Same here. My mother and my two siblings. 🤮
Did you move far away ?
My mother is the narcissist for sure. No matter what happens - she always says: "Oh it doesnt bother me" -
Her granddaughter recently had a child and named the baby after her but shortly thereafter changed her mind. When my mother learned of this - she said: "doesn't bother me none" - which is CRAZY!! WHO wouldn't be hurt that their granddaughter named a child after them but then changed it a few months later???????
My mother has four children (two of which are not communicating with her - the oldest and the youngest - me).
My mother has 14 grandchildren and great grandchildren. Do you know how many she has a relationship with? ABSOLUTELY NONE! None of the grandchildren (4) nor great grandchildren (10) call her - NONE!!!
Yet she STILL can't see her behavior as being the problem. She says: "it doesn't bother her".
Lying to core!! I couldn't imagine having 4 children, 4 grandchildren and 10 great grandchildren - and only communicate with 2 of them!! That means out of 18 people of the next three generations - she only speaks with two of us!! And those two are the flying monkeys that allow themselves to be controlled by her and cant keep a job!
She is now 82 with cancer and im sorry but im not coming around anymore.
I met one of these at work who I believed to be a “friend”, needless to say, I realised who they were after the fact.
Why's that lumpy pile of coats moving??.....Arghhhhh, it's a narcissist!! 😂Love it! Nice imagery
The "them vs us" delusion is at its worst with a narcissist parent who is divorced from your other parent. They do everything they can to triangulate the child and drive a wedge between the kid and that other parent
Seeing that dynamic..oh I mean heard about it!
Had a narcissistic colleague who "wrote" a letter to a supervisor saying I was "talking about them" could not say specifically what I said just ran out the room in tears. Even the letter she supposedly sent was vague in its accusations. She was one of the "them v us" types but shw knew how to manipulate managers. So easy to do, when I had the chance to "ghost" her several years later - after she had cost me my job though.
Sick 🤢 people! Sorry that happened!
In my science - fiction story, the main character is an extraterrestrial who descends into madness as a result of isolation and malignant narcissism. He does appear as charming and lacks remorse, but will go to any length to cover up being angry when exposed, because of wrongdoings. It will appear to be very hard at times to detect possible anger in his character - as if, he simply does not care if a human attempts to hold him accountable. He wants you to think he is a new aegish ET, and thus uses the language of new age narcissists - a fluffy language to deceive others. Instead of creating conspiracy theories, he relies on past fears of all kinds of conspiracies, to humiliate people in public, among things. Its a common trait many narcissists in science - fiction share, such as Emperor Palpatine. He is not based on Palpatine´s character but instead on some of Rome´s leaders. Thanks for your video!! Best wishes from Iceland.
One time I had these crazy roommates in college. So the final week I was living with them I called the state police and got them all arrested. It was such a great feeling when I heard the police kicked in the door and hauled them all to the slammer. I was playing the long game.
Irish madwoman here and let me tell you, the long game is what it's all about-they never see it coming. Kudos.😆
The scariest part is when the malignant N knows that the jig is up and their lies aren’t going to work. That’s when they let the mask slip entirely and you see how dangerous and depraved they really are.
I knew my malignant ex was a narc but I didn’t realize the extent of the depravity until I left and he realized I knew who he was.
I have 3 sisters and a mother - all narcissists. A cult. How did I get so lucky?
A wonderfully detailed and accurate portrayal of 45.
Sad that people targeted by narcissist and sociopaths can be described as having almost every symptom in this description. The victim actually identifies with so many of these issues and yet is actually subjected to these abuses, then accused of being the one with the narcissistic issues.
Only way to describe would be similar to hearing when a R*pe victim is told that they were asking for it to happen to them.
Unless you've lived this kind of mental abuse especially they kind where the Narcissist has a group of people who are all involved in supporting and assisting, protecting the abusive Narcissist.
It almost like being Gang R*ped! Then telling the targeted victim that they are deserving of it and they are the problem.
You see the face of the Devil in them. It's in the eyes.
Very accurate ❤
Wasband could remember, with rancor, grade school events. Let alone high school. He was 45 when we met. He PLOTTED how to sue employers. Bragged on his brains, took credit every way he could,, and avoided responsibility at every single opportunity. Shamelessly. Like he couldn't see any point but his
Omg.... Thank you. So spot on. I am the mother to f a malignant narcissist. I feel isolated. There is no teaching about this from my perspective. Would love some x
when my parents divorced, my father took my mother to court a total of three times and the third court case went all the way to the Supreme Court of Canada and this was back in the 80s, and I believe my parents divorce case was the seventh case to ever go to the Supreme Court of Canada
my father is miserly and was fighting to get a better deal, and each time the new judge would always have the case win in my mother’s favour
it was easy to see how insanely obsessed my father was, when it came to every dollar spent on household items
my father still has Tupperware containers and tea towels in his kitchen that were bought back in the 60s and 70s
his telephone answering machine is from the 90s
he really does not like having to spend money on anything
😳 You just described my ex.
My ex was exactly like this. 6 years together he discarded me after we signed a house loan.
He didn't allow me to get the information I needed to sign myself off the house and the loan until it had been 4 months. I was in constant terror scared if I had dept after getting my life together i a new apartment by myself.
When I finally was finished signing the legal process to get myself out of it he had made financial deals in my name earlier that year and letters showing up to my house. I had to break 4 months of no contact to ask him what this was only for him to say he was going to pay it, that missed me, that he regret leaving me, then explaining why we couldn't be together and that he had a heart disease. I finally got a lawyer and will do what I can to have it all stop..
What about someone who truly believes they are never wrong? And has no conscience?
Ugh my mother (laws for thee not for me was spot on😑) but her losing control after smear campaigns weren't working so well was to go demon crazy violent. I was there when she tried a smear campaign about me in front of a mental health worker, it failed and she put me in the car and rage drove away. It's kind of funny in retrospect, it was the first time I saw her absolutely not have it work.
My wife is a covert narcissist that I believe was collapsing into malignancy. A few days after I confronted her about it and told her our circle of friends knew, she claimed I was harassing her and slandering her. 4 days later she packed all hey clothes and left. She abandoned almost everything except her job and ran.
You just described my mother and brother exactly. May I please ask is this kind of abuse considered a form of DV in the way that intimate partner violence or elder violence is? Thank you
Yea it’s domestic violence! Abusive is abuse. In Canada in many provinces coercive control is the same as physical assault under the family law
@@susantalebzadeh9741 thanks for clarifying. I think, that this side of DV is not talked of as much as intimate partner violence as people still put parents on a pedestal and don’t want to believe that parents can and do deliberately harm their children in dreadful ways that impact them for life.
For we wrestle not with flesh and blood….
We're watching it happen on our screens all day, every day. And millions of us are in total support of him.
And no one needs to say his name to know exactly who you are talking about.
@@melikafeist9374 Like Beetlejuice... saying it will make it manifest!
Not millions of us, millions of “them”, but I’m feeling better about it, aren’t you?
@@melikafeist9374truth.
@@rhondamock7628 I think it's important to acknowledge that the MAGAs are also Americans. We need to be aware of just how wide and deep these abhorrent ideas run in our society. Denial isn't an effective coping strategy and ridicule won't change their behavior. What will? I wish I knew!
I was an attempted perfectly crafted golden child of 37 against my brother until all the clues fit into place. Now we're trying to repair ourselves and help each other. My brother's girlfriend pointed out her malignant narcissism based on clues both he and I glossed over. Now you all on UA-cam are apparently "brainwashing" me. And my brother's probably jealous etc. according to Mom. :P
I am impressed that you were willing to see the truth, despite losing the benefits of being the Golden Child!
@@Ariadne76-k3d Oh she's still trying to work me. She's "there for me always" even though she's doing her usual tanking losses on purpose. Her phone bill recently hadn't been paid because she's been extravagantly spending with borrowed money from three or so different people. She is still trying to hurt my brother, but is having this weird..... psychological way to try to link me to him to get to him by remote. Which I'm not having any more, so I toss it off as Mom being silly. We're still friends, but she's outgrown her tricks and traps to the point her forgetfulness tells on her behavior.
Hi Darren. Can you please give some help on how to deal with a narcissistic neighbour in an apartment block. The malice and vindictiveness has been recorded but the landlord likes the unbroken rent payments. Thanks. Hi also from Northern Ireland 👍
My father is extremely disagreeable and saw in his child what he didn't have and wanted to destroy it. He doesn't fit this full spectrum because he didn't have the ability. Put simply, he wasn't clever enough. However, he could control his 5 year old! Destroy self confidence and act like a tyrant when he was in a mood. His rages were incredible, sadistic with eyes like a madman!
Yikes..sounds like terror
It’s dangerous scary for women ❤️🩹
How do you combat a malignant narcissist Darren? Outside of total no contact and moving away, what can you do to defend yourself and children?
I have gone no contact with my malignant mil. If I had to have contact and she started her crap I would be prepared with telling her we remember things differently and I trust my memories. If talking about someone I would say sounds like we need to call that person and have a chat the three of us. If you can go no contact that is best.
Don't get involved in the first place. Set boundaries and don't tolerance if they don't expect them!
@@tims9434 difficult when they fooled you, you married them, and you have a child with them.
Use the legal system because once you’ve got a restraining order then the deputies can act…. It’s how I finally got rid of mine & both those orders were worth it because he respected the police not me
@@tims9434But she had kids 🤷♀️ Typical male response 🤦♀️ walk in a woman’s shoes plz before you dare to criticize a mother with dependent children
Very accurate. Thank you!
I live with one absolutely charming - loving and fake . He is the greatest player - séductrice - Casanova and is living in fear of losing me ! As I serve a tangible purpose n his lise so the lies the cheating the love bombing . Thought this would stop when he discovered a life changing disease (reason I am still with him)... but not at all ! I sometime forget that PN or MN are just not "normal" people.
My husband has terrorized me for the past 30 years once my mother died yet to hear him tell it he's been the victim along. He also said with a straight face I contributed very little income for the 10 years I was sick enough to be on social security disability because all along he expected me to be the primary earner in the family. I finally have the funds to plan my exit from hell and escape is so close I can taste it.
@f.frederickskitty2910 - Be careful and do it secretly. Don't let anyone know until you are a long distance and safely away.
I wish you well.
I am happy for you
Good luck, I am dealing with this type exactly and have been through a final discard at 34 years together. I found Darren, Sam Vaknin and Richard Grannon (i am currently doing Sir Richards amazing courses), great to listen to, plus Ross Rosenbergs codependency stuff. Stay strong, sending love ❤
Carnage
Well the good news for me is my malignant narcissistic husband isn’t a top tier one it seems and doesn’t have all these traits. I was about to write qualities but there evil doing manipulations aren’t behaviours of quality. He’s got some good qualities inside I think he is just a deeply troubled individual who likes to be a puppet master when he can to gain control over things to make him feel better. He loves to bedazzle people and bask in their adulation before they get to know the real him. He’s one of those big fish in a small pond, and people like when people like him bring new and exiting experiences into their lives. He’s all about the good times in life and showing others a good time. That’s great for them but often it is at my expense and I don’t get to also have a good time. But then something’s wrong with me you see. Didn’t have problems socializing before I met and God forgive me, married him.
They are so much fun ! Not !!!!
Yeah, that's actually how they behave.
Are narcissistics capable of SA during relationships, or was i dealing with something else? I joined the military to escape bad move for me he ruined it. I got out a year later he took his own life. I just don't know what i was dealing with.
Oh, my goodness! It sounds as though you actually know my ex partner. It sounds as though you used him as your subject for this video. It took me about 6 years to extricate myself from a highly stressful, dangerous relationship. Things came to a head when he attacked me & broke my wrist, & I had to drive myself 18/19 miles to hospital. Whilst it was still plastered, he threatened to kill me. I went to a neighbour, called the police & had him arrested & charged with assault & threats to kill. He was fined, ordered to pay me damages, & bound over to keep the peace for 12 months.
He controlled himself fairly well, until about a fortnight before his 12 month bindover period expired. He went absolutely berserk one night, when I was doing the ironing. He tried to attack me again, & shouted & screamed for almost two hours. Fortunately, the utility room was laid out such that I had my back to the wall with the ironing board in front of me ~ & the plug & socket behind me. I turned the iron setting to 'steam' & refilled the water reservoir as necessary, using the hot iron & jets of steam to fend him off.
After this incident, I realised that I was living on borrowed time & secretly arranged to move out ~ although it was my house ~ because he would not go. This was no easy task, as I had two horses, three cats & four dogs. It was another two years before I was finally completely free of him, but at least I was safe.
Thank you for posting this video.❤❤❤
My one parent had deaf parents so he was the adult then he continues to be king and my mother was the eldest and graduated high school and chased all her sisters away so she thinks she's still clean
Oh, and " No one will ever love you, like I do". What a egomaniac thing to say.....🙄
my father
They have been blocking my ability to comment and did so on this video but when I tried to record it they immediately stop. They are someone no one knows except their victims.
they just default to DARVO
Meaghan Markel
Dark triad response. Bat Sh!t Crazy
You have made your opinion about using the term 'paranoid' (outside of psychosis) clear, but please will you define the term?
I am concerned that bullies, narcissists and doubtless others, use the term on their victims to secure unquestioning compliance. We must be clear that caution, sensitivity, etc., is never paranoia.
It is somewhat irrelevant in this particular scenario. Only because bullies, narcissists, and other toxic individuals use a plethora of terms, descriptions, phrases, and name calling to secure compliance and devalue the individual questioning their control.
This sounds like Mormonism losing control
Ask Barry 😂
His mask fell off when someone ask for directions.
💯👍
You described a certain former world leader just perfectly!
A lot of people are saying it was a tremendously perfect description. No description in history has done more to describe the person you are referring to. 🤣🤣
That must be a reference to Biden, who used to be President.
@@bobtaylor170 Not quite. I’m pretty sure Biden is president now.
malignant narcissist need help, they need deliverance with power of the holy spirit
Dead on the money
Please can u make a vedio on scapegoat son relationship with his girlfriend
My boyfriend is scapegoat of his family, he knows they r manipulating him, but he is in control of her mother, he don't want to marry me, even don't visit me, whenever he come at my place, he always worried about his home issues, we have 15 years relationship, but her mother don't give me validation, Even my bf can't take any decision of his life, they destroyed his career, then I gave him my all savings to starr again, im still giving all of my salary to him, still he don't think about my difficulties with his behaviour, we really love eachother, but bcz of his mother we don't have a good time, he ll not make a family with me only bcz his mother don't give him power n control to think abt it, she just looting his money, emotions, time everything, but I m ready to sacrifice my life for him, just wanted to live with him but it's seems impossible.
You fully described DJT. Thank you
Diabolical behaviours
Living with the devil would be so much easier !!!.
FYI victim blaming & shaming will NOT be tolerated in the comments on this site
?
@@graham1102must apply to you?!
🎯
I wonder why I came to think of Trump
Because it's true?
* any politician ...they're all the same..
@@camelotenglishtuition6394 Politics does tend to attract people who crave power and prestige. But few are like Trump - if they were, our world would be too chaotic for humanity to survive.
TDS
It's interesting, people say that about Trump, but no one can ever point to anybody whose life he has ruined. He's a narcissist, no doubt, and what - Biden and that empty 😊headed Harris are not?!
You get hit
Yup 🤦♀️ pushing & shoving often means hitting or strangling are next 🤷♀️ get out @ the first sign of abuse plz but also file a restraining order because it gives law enforcement an edge that can get him in trouble big time
Not all use violence
@@tims9434 But most
He was going to hit me once. I was driving. I looked at him and thought if he did that, I was driving to the police station. He backed down, because I definitely would have.
@@tims9434eventually; if not towards you, towards objects. Mine smashed through an $1800.00 Mac laptop computer in his rage one time when I was helping him book flights for a group of kids he was coaching for sports. It escalated. It always escalates and if you are in denial of this you are in a very dangerous place
Sounds like Prince Harry and his wife. 😂🙄
You know the little boy who cried wolf?? Yeah not good
Sounds like a Colonialist...
You just described Israel.
it's trump to a t
I'm completely baffled that his followers don't seem to remember his brainless sycophants STORMING Congress just a few years ago, making our magnificent country look like banana republic buffoons
Anyone in politics*
Red, blue, two wings on the same bird, the hidden hand CONtrols all!
And Mark Rutte from Holland too😂
Sounds like Trump. almost word for word
Don the con Trump in a nutshell
Just ask Donald Trump.
Thank you for describing Donald Trump so well