Thank you! Rules for ALL family members: 1. Respect yourself and others (“be nice”) 2. Respect property (“be nice to stuff”) 3. Respect authority (“the one in charge”)
@@sherrilynnnelson703 I understand what you are saying. Yet I still think Authority is a good term for the rule. But it is imperative that the children be taught that there are spheres of authority. For example if a babysitter told them to do something that your child knew you would say No to, then they must obey you rather than the babysitter even if you are not home because your authority trumps the babysitter's. They must obey "the one in charge" but not if it violates the authority above it.
@@sherrilynnnelson703 No, God isn writing their paychecks and grading their papers. They need to respect authority. Now adding a rule #4 of respect God could be an idea for your home.
At some point it really gets aggravating having to repeat yourself. That's when boundaries + enforcing them can move the needle. "If you continue to yell at me I'm leaving the room because it doesn't feel respectful to me"
It has been just as hard for us parents to follow these rules at times. But we have changed a lot in the year or so since we implemented these 3. The children are often reminding eachother which rule is in danger of being broken, and a consequence is rarely argued about over these issues. They're GOLD!
I love this. I am excited to use it as my daughter begins to gain an understanding of our world. She's 2 but I know I can start small. This is a lesson for me as well. I don't do well with respecting things because I get overwhelmed by them. I'm constantly trying to figure out a home for everything while battling with my ADHD which is a recipe for disaster but I won't ever give up. I'm devoted to making myself a better person for myself, for my daughter, and for my husband. It would be great to find a balance between understanding that above all, my job is to love my daughter and raise her, and then after that, I can try my best to respect our things.
Please check out minimalism. It helps not to be overwhelmed by stuff. Best thing I found for myself. Spend to many years wondering why I’m having such a hard time dealing with all the things I own. Best of luck to you.
In a perfect world with no one looking to abuse children. I think respecting authority may leave kids following blindly an authority figure that is looking to abuse them. It is important to qualify that by telling them that although it’s important to be nice to others & respecting authority, it is not more important than making sure they are safe. If they ever feel unsafe with others or authority, then they need to know that it’s okay to yell, speak out about this and get help from an adult that can keep you safe.
Excellent video! We will be using these rules with our three boys. We are adding a rule 1.1- Respect your word! It definitely falls into rule one, but we want to emphasise the importance of always doing what you say you will. A rule us parents must strive to follow also. Thanks again for your uplifting content and practical advice!!
Love your videos, Dr Paul! I recently heard the phrase "Unsolicited advice is a form of criticism." It really got me thinking and researching. I was surprised to find how destructive it can be to give advice that isn't asked for. I would love to see a video with your take on this topic.
g5pm, thank you. I do say in some of my videos - especially the ones dealing with teenagers - that if the kids aren't asking for advice, they probably won't take it so think before you give it. Your phrase is thought-provoking, so I will add it to the list and consider it. : )
I’ve watched this video before and with moving and crazy life somehow our rules were lost and forgotten. On rewatching this I noticed your cat in the background. 😊
April Phister, I hope he agrees also and you two can become a united. It has helped our family so much when the kids were younger and has continued on.
Thank you! So grateful for your videos! Is there a video explaining what to do when any of these rules are not being followed, or at least not showing improvement fast enough?
arlynn alonzo, I don't have anything yet that addresses that specifically. I focus on principles and if a rule is broken, then consequences follow. Natural consequences are the best and you should maintain a calm face, calm voice and calm body.
I saved this in playlist to have my kids watch by the time but thi time my kids are 3yrs old and 8months old. I dont know why my tears dropped while watching this video.RULES is really hard when the parents grew in different way and have rules different. ..Weeks ago we had arguement of my husband at the park. Our 3yrs old standing ready to slide but there was kids playing down the slide so I told my daughter NO,YOU WAIT!Then my husband insisted that she can go slide kids knows how to adjust, then I told my western husband NO!The kids that playing down the slide they were the first before our daughter came, so JUB she needs to learn to be patient to wait,but my husband still insisted and said its OK you can go SLIDE JUBILLEE they can adjust but I was still making my voice loud telling my daughter NO YOU NEED TO WAIT or else go to other side of SLIDE... I WILL BE KEEP PLAYING THIS VIDEO TO MY DAUGHTER and have her keep hear this... Thank you soo much❤🙏❤
Nene Pobreng UA-camr, it is best to have these conversations away from your child with calm voice, calm face and calm body. I hope you are able to get on the same track where your daughter is concerned.
And a true parent will also be a friend to their child, even if it means standing up to them when they misbehave or spending time with them when they need connection. That’s what real friends do.
I love your content and teaching style, yet I'd have appreciated if you'd have also given examples for rule no. 2 regarding parents: the house is also "property" of the children imo as they have the right to express themselves or decorate/style the place they're living in... or what about respecting their privacy, i.e. not entering their room uninvited, etc... there are many ways adults sometimes disrespect the young and it's high time there would be some light shed on this... thanks anyways for the excellent content 👍
If a child has a neurodevelopmental problem like ADHD messiness is a consequence of impaired attention and focus. It will cause the child to feel shame if they are taught that they are not respectful of themselves or others. Parents have the responsibility to understand their child’s needs.
Thank you, Kaynat Naqvi. When children break the rules, the parents should administer discipline in the form of consequences. Here are a few videos on that: "Consequences For Misbehavior | 6 Specific Examples" - ua-cam.com/video/Fbcwp9na04Y/v-deo.html "How To Come Up With GOOD CONSEQUENCES" - ua-cam.com/video/C6E_1fv9BIs/v-deo.html "7 Ways To Discipline Your Child" - ua-cam.com/video/G3nu1QfOUqE/v-deo.html
Sounds nice when you're in La,la land,but in the rule#1. What you do with this: Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own conceit. Proverbs 26:5 KJV Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest thou also be like unto him. Proverbs 26:4 KJV
Joy Lee, thank you for being at Live On Purpose TV. Keep in mind that you cannot change your husband, only influence him. It might be useful to take some time and sit down with him to discuss appropriate ways to discipline the children. Let him know of your concern, and offer to show some videos from this channel if you wish. We have a Positive Parenting playlist: ua-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU.html . And if yelling is an issue, we have a “How To Get Kids To Listen Without Yelling | Five-Day Challenge” playlist: ua-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPAcEW3S3spSI62Xx0mEZwVS.html This might be a good one to start with: "Importance Of Positive Parenting" - ua-cam.com/video/___FsHd8UDE/v-deo.html
like you guys but not this one. Too much mindless social programming and too much wiggle room for how to define "respect" For my families as a therapist I suggest follow the 3 Rs Respect, Responsibility and Regulated emotions
I was hoping Hormones would be balanced in this discussion. Nope, all Estrogen. I enjoy the premise, however, While this may work somewhat, what happens when you get around those who don't follow the rules, or have a kid that will never obey the rules?
This is good but would like to hear 👂more on adult situations, it's like you're speaking mostly to kids , there's also a lot of adult bullies to , that's where the kids get it from, just saying!
I have 3 rules in my home too. Respect, awareness, and responsibility. I have had them since my daughter was little and now she is 13, I would like to add respect authority but that will make them 4 rules, do I need to be specific about respect. respect yourself and others do that not include authority too
Contact Nadine, you can make them whatever you want so that they serve your family well. Include it in respect and explain it to her as opportunities arise.
like you guys but not this one. Too much mindless social programming and too much wiggle room for how to define "respect" For my families as a therapist I suggest follow the 3 Rs Respect, Responsibility and Regulated emotions
I don’t know how to say ‘thank you’ where those words actually convey the weight of my gratitude. You will never know how you’re blessing my family, my life and my spirit. Now that just sounds like I’m exaggerating but I’m not. May God bless you and your family.
Make sure you're videos are 10mins 1 second. Get your ad revenue. You deserve it. I'm sure you're happy just to help people, but you can get a little more cash at the same time. 👍🏽
@@LiveOnPurposeTV you can place more than one ad in a video if it is more than 10mins long. More ads more money. I watch all ads. You're providing an actual service that costs money for people to receive in "the real world".
How do you set a rule without hypocrisy if you don't perfectly keep the rule? My husband and I still occasionally get into disagreements that result in angry raised voices. The good thing is it's not toxic - we are quick to apologize and let it go and return to the atmosphere of love and peace...but still, it wasn't respectful behavior in the heat of the moment! How can I tell my kid not to yell and be respectful if I'm not always respectful? I would say I'm definitely a respectful person 99% of the time - but there's still a 1%! I do my best, but realistically it's a process that takes some time; so how do we allow for grace - for both parents and kids as we all improve? I can definitely imagine speaking to kids about the fact that this is what we value in our home and we aren't perfect, but we all need to be working towards it. But then, if you want to set a consequence for when the kids aren't respectful, isn't it a bit hypocritical if the adults don't have to get a consequence when the parents don't get it perfectly right?
It is all about practice and you are practicing calm face, calm body, calm voice. Ask them to help you in this and be there for one another. Congrats or ice cream to all when you get through a day with no yelling.
I think the first two rules you give are excellent, but have to disagree with the last one. Authority figures can abuse their power and I wouldn't want to send the impression that my child should respect someone just because they are the one in charge. At the very least an addendum should be made to the third rule - Respect Authority, as long as that doesn't mean you are breaking rule 1 or 2. Really, the first two rules cover everything that needs covering though.
Loaded question that can be answered so many ways. We can work for change. That will look different depending on the situation. It isn't about rolling over and being taken advantage of, it is about not causing harm and challenging others when they are doing their job. This could be a whole other video.
This rules are smart but the last one is a bit tricky. Some adults in a small child's life can be abusive. How do you protect the child from abusive adults and teach them to respect authority also?
Ancuta Bontas, it is a lot of discussions with the child over their life. It is modeled in our behavior when the child is around and the things we say to them.
I became a single mom in the 90's when the kids were pre teens..I learned very quickly learned to choose my battles.... Certain things had to happen for us to survive..everyone had to help..ie turns cooking or dishes.. responsible for your own laundry..Keep the bathroom clean..early on they had responsibility for their homework.. no zeros no late papers..no skipping school.. If i cant skip work they couldn't skip either..No rules for kids that I didnt follow myself
I've been married for 33 years and we dated for 5 years before that. Our top rule is a form of respect which we interpret as politeness and manners. In other words: be nice! Manners lubricate all human interaction! Manners will take you anywhere you want to go in life. It's also a form of the Golden Rule: Treat others as you want to be treated.
I’ve been watching so many of your videos since 2 days till 3am learning how to do postive discipline! I’ve never heard of this approach and I am feeling so horrible as a Mom. I have a 5 year old boy and 3 yr old girl! I’ve yelled tons and tons of times, spanked, time outs, corners, and reward charts etc... I am trying so so hard to apply these videos. The problem I have is that I get so ANGRY quickly and I tried ur breathing method but it’s so hard to be calm with a child who’s constantly ignoring me and hitting! I thought kids have to have consequences and you said that the consequences is for the mom to be upset! I hope that it’s not too late for my son who’s 5 can learn from scratch all new parenting strategies. I really don’t know how to teach a child who’s hitting his sister and pulling her down the hallway by his hair and you just talk to him? And he just repeatedly does this... I get so crazy angry! 😭
Eman B, it is difficult to parent a different way, but it will be worth it in the long run. Make sure everyone is safe and then you can take a time out. You don't need to respond to the kids at the time everything is happening. You can wait a bit and then talk to them. They can learn a lot from that approach.
Nice!!!! Concise!!!! And a question for you: a 22 year old does not pay bus ticket... even though she/he have been fined repeatedly... What do you do????
Evangelia Karatza-Styliara, nothing. If they are 22, they need to be responsible for the ticket. It is their problem and there will be consequences. Be glad that it is just a bus ticket and hopefully when they experience the consequences they will learn that it is better to take care of these things early on.
New to yoir channel. Do you have any videos on moms who struggle with attachment and laughter due to their own childhood traumas and abuses? CTPSD where now children are teens and only short window left?
hopeseeker97, I don't think there is anything that specific. I would encourage you to watch videos and pay attention when I talk about principles. They can be applied to almost every situation, the application may be a bit different, but once we identify principles and live them, our lives change.
Love it! Great rules. Will do a search on your channel - how to disagree respectfully because sometimes authorities are wrong (me parent have been wrong many many times). And self advocacy. Sometimes must break the rules for personal health or if God forbid, the authority has bad intent and gives immoral directives. Thank you Drs. Jenkins for your positivity and sharing your experiences! The game for rule 1 is ingenious!
Awesome. When we first became parents we decided on rules of the house and I proposed the two I grew up with: be honest. Be respectful. If the behavior meets that criteria, all is typically well
Unless the person in charge is abusive which is often the piqwr dynamic in sexual abuse. Teach your kids they never ever need to be nice to someone who wants to touch or be touched or show their private areas even in the context of a game. Report anything that makes them uncomfortable or icky. They have a right to say NO! Know your rights! Is my kids rule to prevent sexual abuse. 95% of sexual abuse is preventable thru empowered kids and truly aware and protective parents. I've heard horror stories of babysitters or coaches abusing kids.
My 5 rules for my elementary classroom: 1. Respect people 2. Respect belongings 3. Respect the school building/surroundings 4. Raise your hand if you need something/have a question 5. Be quick in following directions **Of course, I reward for all good behaviors, and take privileges for not following the rules. And follow-through is very important on MY part, or the whole thing falls apart! We deeply discuss what respect for each of these areas looks like, so when I need to give reminders, I just ask them, "Is what you are doing respecting people, belongings, the building,etc?" They can usually answer that question themselves, which gives them the responsibility factor.
Lol.....so my daughter about three years ago decided she was going to write on her closet doors. I will admit that I kind of blew up, but after I calmed down, I figured out a way to stop her from ever thinking about doing it again. She had a choice, either no TV for two days, or she cleaned up the mess. She opted for no TV obviously, but after about three hours of no TV she reluctantly went upstairs and scrubbed her closet doors....😜. She NEVER colored on any surface in or outside the house again.
Thank you Sir 🙏🙏🙏........Sir I want to purchase your Power Parenting course .....I am from West Bengal of India. Could you please help me telling how much amount is to pay in India rupees. You can please help me providing your whatsapp number. Pls pls pls pls🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Make sense and it does cover everything! Thanks for this small bit of advice it's so easy remember and I don't think I will ever forget it. Definitely something I can pass along to my son and grandson for their kids!
I really like your videos, because you always make everything so simple and easy to understand. In this complex world that we live in today, that is so very helpful, because it brings us clarity and calmness (like an oasis of peace) in all the craziness that's going on around us a lot of times! I also like the facial expressions that you use to emphasize the points that you are making.
It might be a little difficult to explain “substances” to younger kids, but This a good video because it can be watched with kids and paused when you give scenarios to see what the kids think is thumbs up or down.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Great, thank you 😊 let me just clarify a little bit. I am confused how to teach a child to respect authority (parents, teachers etc) but also to not make him/her a blindly obedient person a long the way which might be problematic later in life if he/she doesn’t know how to say “no”. It seems so contradictory but I think both is important. How to balance that in parenting? Thanks so much for all your advice!
donna yorke, I like natural consequences, I think they are the best ones. Have a family conference and talk about this, get the kids input on what they think should happen, but you make the final decision.
@@jaynesh2008 That's a really good one. Kids can come up with other ideas. If you are still struggling to come up with consequences, here are some videos with ideas: "Consequences For Misbehavior | 6 Specific Examples" - ua-cam.com/video/Fbcwp9na04Y/v-deo.html "How To Come Up With GOOD CONSEQUENCES" - ua-cam.com/video/C6E_1fv9BIs/v-deo.html "How To Use Natural And Logical Consequences" - ua-cam.com/video/ZFZIIuqEVdY/v-deo.html
Awesome advice!! Wish I had known when my kids were little. I guess I did set rules but perhaps not very clearly, and y kids did very well in most cases. I can´t complain. However,, I really love your rule number 2, honestly even for myself. I think I failed at conveying that one to them and to be honest, even following it myself. I think as with everything else in life, it´s never too late to start applying something good and changing habits. I actually wrote your 3 rules down and plan to apply them in all settings at all times.
This caught my eye, and I'm grateful it did. My granddaughter and her two children live with my husband and myself. I will be following you both and encouraging my family to do the same. Not following these basic rules makes for a difficult family life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Hi! Loved the first rule -- the fact that it covers negative self-talk in addition to respecting others is brilliant! I have some thoughts about rules 2 and 3. For rule 2, just a simple suggestion to clarify that "property" doesn't always mean something that's privately owned, ie, it can also refer to the natural world/environment. For rule 3, I think including your thoughts on what to do when you disagree with authority should be included (I know you can't cover everything in every video, but especially in the times we live in, this seems pretty essential to include). Authority figures make mistakes (often) and kids need to feel empowered to speak up when that happens :)
The rule is respect Authority. That doesn’t mean obey authority. Ypu can respectfully question authority and the authority can respectfully revise or review as appropriate. I read the rule more as, the Authority is in charge which means they can also decide to negotiate.
What? I stick up for myself if I am bullied. BUT I love the bully for showing me how not to be; for showing me and others what kind of world we do not want. I forgive the bully because I do not want to carry hate inside me, since that would only hurt myself.
I want to know what to do if your child is almost 6 and we haven’t done this since birth. What to do if they break the rules or have bad habits of not cleaning up their toys or rooms.
I am dealing with the same thing right now and I'm finding as far as good habits go consistently having my son do what's right even if it means doing it with him. Helping him with chores, hygiene, etc.
Consequences and choices work for us. eg. After you put away toys, make the bed, pick up etc, you can watch TV etc. If you don’t want to clean up, it’s OK, I won’t get angry, it’s just you won’t be allowed to watch TV.
There was a video he did on not yelling where he said you can give choices. So in this case you would say “You can clean up your room or you can hire someone to do it. Then let them know how very expensive your rate is. If they don’t clean it, by default they hired you and pay the consequence.” I used it on my 6 year old son yesterday for the first time and it worked.
Thank you!
Rules for ALL family members:
1. Respect yourself and others (“be nice”)
2. Respect property (“be nice to stuff”)
3. Respect authority (“the one in charge”)
That's it! Honored to be on your team.
Thank you. Saved me 5 minutes of my life.
Maybe #3 should be "Respect Virtue" or "Respect God" because authority does not guarantee virtue
@@sherrilynnnelson703 I understand what you are saying. Yet I still think Authority is a good term for the rule. But it is imperative that the children be taught that there are spheres of authority. For example if a babysitter told them to do something that your child knew you would say No to, then they must obey you rather than the babysitter even if you are not home because your authority trumps the babysitter's. They must obey "the one in charge" but not if it violates the authority above it.
@@sherrilynnnelson703 No, God isn writing their paychecks and grading their papers. They need to respect authority. Now adding a rule #4 of respect God could be an idea for your home.
I have watched almost every show, so I knew where this was going. However, reminders and repetition are the best teacher.
Yes! Me too!! Everytime i get angry or lose control i hit over to this channel for reminder.
Haha, that's awesome, D Shannon! So honored to have you a part of the Live On Purpose family.
yusyaidah yusop, thank you - I'm so honored to be on your team!
At some point it really gets aggravating having to repeat yourself. That's when boundaries + enforcing them can move the needle. "If you continue to yell at me I'm leaving the room because it doesn't feel respectful to me"
It has been just as hard for us parents to follow these rules at times. But we have changed a lot in the year or so since we implemented these 3. The children are often reminding eachother which rule is in danger of being broken, and a consequence is rarely argued about over these issues. They're GOLD!
spacecoyote55, I appreciate you being at the channel and being a member of our community. You have been a great support.
Simple enough to understand it myself and explain it to children. Thank you!
Glad to hear that! Thank you! Please share our videos with others who could benefit.
I love this. I am excited to use it as my daughter begins to gain an understanding of our world. She's 2 but I know I can start small. This is a lesson for me as well. I don't do well with respecting things because I get overwhelmed by them. I'm constantly trying to figure out a home for everything while battling with my ADHD which is a recipe for disaster but I won't ever give up. I'm devoted to making myself a better person for myself, for my daughter, and for my husband. It would be great to find a balance between understanding that above all, my job is to love my daughter and raise her, and then after that, I can try my best to respect our things.
Doe eyed beauty, You are on the right track. Glad you will be implementing the rules in your family. Best of luck to you all.
Please check out minimalism. It helps not to be overwhelmed by stuff. Best thing I found for myself. Spend to many years wondering why I’m having such a hard time dealing with all the things I own. Best of luck to you.
Yes, BE NICE. A better way to address RESPECT. ☺️❤️
It really is.
In a perfect world with no one looking to abuse children. I think respecting authority may leave kids following blindly an authority figure that is looking to abuse them. It is important to qualify that by telling them that although it’s important to be nice to others & respecting authority, it is not more important than making sure they are safe. If they ever feel unsafe with others or authority, then they need to know that it’s okay to yell, speak out about this and get help from an adult that can keep you safe.
Rebeca Aragon, we are teaching children at the same time about being safe so it normally works and keeps them out of trouble.
Great thoughts! This covers a lot! Thank you for sharing!
You are so welcome!
Excellent video! We will be using these rules with our three boys. We are adding a rule 1.1- Respect your word! It definitely falls into rule one, but we want to emphasise the importance of always doing what you say you will. A rule us parents must strive to follow also. Thanks again for your uplifting content and practical advice!!
Fantastic! Adapt away for your family, Drew Hopper.
Love your videos, Dr Paul! I recently heard the phrase "Unsolicited advice is a form of criticism." It really got me thinking and researching. I was surprised to find how destructive it can be to give advice that isn't asked for. I would love to see a video with your take on this topic.
g5pm, thank you. I do say in some of my videos - especially the ones dealing with teenagers - that if the kids aren't asking for advice, they probably won't take it so think before you give it. Your phrase is thought-provoking, so I will add it to the list and consider it. : )
I agree, but criticism can be beneficial 💖
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These rules ROCK. Thank you.
You are welcome.
I’ve watched this video before and with moving and crazy life somehow our rules were lost and forgotten. On rewatching this I noticed your cat in the background. 😊
We are filming at the house the UA-cam people use. Vicki and I have two dogs, no cats. They are fun though.
Thank you, simple and sweet 🙏🏽👍🏾😊
You are very welcome.
Concise and memorable rules! Great. Thanks
Glad it was helpful!
Shared with my hubby. I hope he will agree with you and I on this subject.
April Phister, I hope he agrees also and you two can become a united. It has helped our family so much when the kids were younger and has continued on.
Thank you! So grateful for your videos! Is there a video explaining what to do when any of these rules are not being followed, or at least not showing improvement fast enough?
arlynn alonzo, I don't have anything yet that addresses that specifically. I focus on principles and if a rule is broken, then consequences follow. Natural consequences are the best and you should maintain a calm face, calm voice and calm body.
Thanks to you guys, have these hanging on the wall!
Great to hear!
Great ❤
Thank you!
I saved this in playlist to have my kids watch by the time but thi time my kids are 3yrs old and 8months old. I dont know why my tears dropped while watching this video.RULES is really hard when the parents grew in different way and have rules different. ..Weeks ago we had arguement of my husband at the park. Our 3yrs old standing ready to slide but there was kids playing down the slide so I told my daughter NO,YOU WAIT!Then my husband insisted that she can go slide kids knows how to adjust, then I told my western husband NO!The kids that playing down the slide they were the first before our daughter came, so JUB she needs to learn to be patient to wait,but my husband still insisted and said its OK you can go SLIDE JUBILLEE they can adjust but I was still making my voice loud telling my daughter NO YOU NEED TO WAIT or else go to other side of SLIDE... I WILL BE KEEP PLAYING THIS VIDEO TO MY DAUGHTER and have her keep hear this... Thank you soo much❤🙏❤
Nene Pobreng UA-camr, it is best to have these conversations away from your child with calm voice, calm face and calm body. I hope you are able to get on the same track where your daughter is concerned.
And a true parent will also be a friend to their child, even if it means standing up to them when they misbehave or spending time with them when they need connection. That’s what real friends do.
Lloyd Lee, thank you for watching and commenting.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thank you.
Way better than the long list of rules
It was effective in our family.
Awesome ..thanks
You are welcome!
I love your content and teaching style, yet I'd have appreciated if you'd have also given examples for rule no. 2 regarding parents: the house is also "property" of the children imo as they have the right to express themselves or decorate/style the place they're living in... or what about respecting their privacy, i.e. not entering their room uninvited, etc... there are many ways adults sometimes disrespect the young and it's high time there would be some light shed on this... thanks anyways for the excellent content 👍
mssummerrose1, good insight.
If a child has a neurodevelopmental problem like ADHD messiness is a consequence of impaired attention and focus. It will cause the child to feel shame if they are taught that they are not respectful of themselves or others. Parents have the responsibility to understand their child’s needs.
Parents are the best ones to know what their children need.
I hope you are able to get the child the help they need.
wonderful video, plz make a video on what to do when someone breaks the rule
Thank you, Kaynat Naqvi. When children break the rules, the parents should administer discipline in the form of consequences. Here are a few videos on that:
"Consequences For Misbehavior | 6 Specific Examples" - ua-cam.com/video/Fbcwp9na04Y/v-deo.html
"How To Come Up With GOOD CONSEQUENCES" - ua-cam.com/video/C6E_1fv9BIs/v-deo.html
"7 Ways To Discipline Your Child" - ua-cam.com/video/G3nu1QfOUqE/v-deo.html
@@LiveOnPurposeTV thank you so very
much
Thank you, very helpful :)
You're welcome!
Sounds nice when you're in La,la land,but in the rule#1. What you do with this:
Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own conceit.
Proverbs 26:5 KJV
Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest thou also be like unto him.
Proverbs 26:4 KJV
JReyes Moctezuma, these have worked in lots of families that I have worked with. Give it a try.
Hi Dr Paul, If my husband is too stubborn and authoritative, what should I do? I feel so bad for my kids
Joy Lee, thank you for being at Live On Purpose TV. Keep in mind that you cannot change your husband, only influence him. It might be useful to take some time and sit down with him to discuss appropriate ways to discipline the children. Let him know of your concern, and offer to show some videos from this channel if you wish. We have a Positive Parenting playlist: ua-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU.html . And if yelling is an issue, we have a “How To Get Kids To Listen Without Yelling | Five-Day Challenge” playlist: ua-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPAcEW3S3spSI62Xx0mEZwVS.html
This might be a good one to start with: "Importance Of Positive Parenting" - ua-cam.com/video/___FsHd8UDE/v-deo.html
What are the consequences?
Depends on what you control. Figure that out and then you know where to focus.
I thought at first this was Tina Fey.
Robyn Salaver, it would be fun to have her on the channel.
like you guys but not this one. Too much mindless social programming and too much wiggle room for how to define "respect"
For my families as a therapist I suggest follow the 3 Rs
Respect, Responsibility and Regulated emotions
Madeline Mahajan, thanks for letting me know.
I was hoping Hormones would be balanced in this discussion. Nope, all Estrogen. I enjoy the premise, however, While this may work somewhat, what happens when you get around those who don't follow the rules, or have a kid that will never obey the rules?
Consequences for those not following the rules.
This is good but would like to hear 👂more on adult situations, it's like you're speaking mostly to kids , there's also a lot of adult bullies to , that's where the kids get it from, just saying!
Clara Johnston, I hear you.
I have 3 rules in my home too. Respect, awareness, and responsibility. I have had them since my daughter was little and now she is 13, I would like to add respect authority but that will make them 4 rules, do I need to be specific about respect. respect yourself and others do that not include authority too
Contact Nadine, you can make them whatever you want so that they serve your family well. Include it in respect and explain it to her as opportunities arise.
like you guys but not this one. Too much mindless social programming and too much wiggle room for how to define "respect"
For my families as a therapist I suggest follow the 3 Rs
Respect, Responsibility and Regulated emotions
thank you.
Rule one, awesome
Rule two, awesome
Rule three, if it doesn't break rule one and two
LinkAndMe, if it works for you, go for it.
This is how teachers survive. Keep it short, simple and absolutely reasonable.
Jj Jackson, Vicki is a great influence here.
This is gold, thank u 🙏🏾 Parent education is usually so dry! U two make me chuckle, will check out ur courses 👶🏽
Please do! Azimuth Arts. You can review the principles as often as needed.
This is very helpful. I can use these rules in the classroom. It's powerful because it is simple. Thank you.
Glad it was helpful! david mundy, let us know how it goes.
I don’t know how to say ‘thank you’ where those words actually convey the weight of my gratitude.
You will never know how you’re blessing my family, my life and my spirit. Now that just sounds like I’m exaggerating but I’m not.
May God bless you and your family.
Wow, thank you, glad you are here.
You both make an adorable couple! 💑
Prismatic Charms, thanks. We love working together.
Make sure you're videos are 10mins 1 second. Get your ad revenue. You deserve it. I'm sure you're happy just to help people, but you can get a little more cash at the same time. 👍🏽
I haven't heard that before, Enter User Name Here. I am happy that the channel is helping people on a daily basis.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV you can place more than one ad in a video if it is more than 10mins long. More ads more money. I watch all ads. You're providing an actual service that costs money for people to receive in "the real world".
How do you set a rule without hypocrisy if you don't perfectly keep the rule? My husband and I still occasionally get into disagreements that result in angry raised voices. The good thing is it's not toxic - we are quick to apologize and let it go and return to the atmosphere of love and peace...but still, it wasn't respectful behavior in the heat of the moment! How can I tell my kid not to yell and be respectful if I'm not always respectful? I would say I'm definitely a respectful person 99% of the time - but there's still a 1%! I do my best, but realistically it's a process that takes some time; so how do we allow for grace - for both parents and kids as we all improve? I can definitely imagine speaking to kids about the fact that this is what we value in our home and we aren't perfect, but we all need to be working towards it. But then, if you want to set a consequence for when the kids aren't respectful, isn't it a bit hypocritical if the adults don't have to get a consequence when the parents don't get it perfectly right?
It is all about practice and you are practicing calm face, calm body, calm voice. Ask them to help you in this and be there for one another. Congrats or ice cream to all when you get through a day with no yelling.
I think the first two rules you give are excellent, but have to disagree with the last one. Authority figures can abuse their power and I wouldn't want to send the impression that my child should respect someone just because they are the one in charge. At the very least an addendum should be made to the third rule - Respect Authority, as long as that doesn't mean you are breaking rule 1 or 2. Really, the first two rules cover everything that needs covering though.
Quirky Wendy, I like that.
Lovely Video. I have a question, how about when authority doesn't respect themselves and others, are we still supposed to respect authority?
Loaded question that can be answered so many ways. We can work for change. That will look different depending on the situation. It isn't about rolling over and being taken advantage of, it is about not causing harm and challenging others when they are doing their job. This could be a whole other video.
This rules are smart but the last one is a bit tricky. Some adults in a small child's life can be abusive. How do you protect the child from abusive adults and teach them to respect authority also?
Ancuta Bontas, it is a lot of discussions with the child over their life. It is modeled in our behavior when the child is around and the things we say to them.
I became a single mom in the 90's when the kids were pre teens..I learned very quickly learned to choose my battles.... Certain things had to happen for us to survive..everyone had to help..ie turns cooking or dishes.. responsible for your own laundry..Keep the bathroom clean..early on they had responsibility for their homework.. no zeros no late papers..no skipping school.. If i cant skip work they couldn't skip either..No rules for kids that I didnt follow myself
Judy Setran, love it, no hypocrisy. Very wise to choose your battles.
I love these rules. Now I have to play with best translation to my language.
Wish I could help with that. Thank you.
Oh man I needed this the other day when my son was curious George and another kid thogiht be good ide take keys of keyboard
Wow! That is a good one. The stories we parents can tell...
I think you triggered your wife when you got to police and judges.
She is used to me.
Serial killers are “nice”. Respect is much more authentic.
Understood.
Just when I get started in teen years an answer to much prayer. 😅😅😅
We wish you the best!
I've been married for 33 years and we dated for 5 years before that. Our top rule is a form of respect which we interpret as politeness and manners. In other words: be nice! Manners lubricate all human interaction! Manners will take you anywhere you want to go in life. It's also a form of the Golden Rule: Treat others as you want to be treated.
Chip Hill, so true. We all need kindness, even if we are married, maybe especially then.
I’ve been watching so many of your videos since 2 days till 3am learning how to do postive discipline! I’ve never heard of this approach and I am feeling so horrible as a Mom. I have a 5 year old boy and 3 yr old girl! I’ve yelled tons and tons of times, spanked, time outs, corners, and reward charts etc... I am trying so so hard to apply these videos. The problem I have is that I get so ANGRY quickly and I tried ur breathing method but it’s so hard to be calm with a child who’s constantly ignoring me and hitting! I thought kids have to have consequences and you said that the consequences is for the mom to be upset! I hope that it’s not too late for my son who’s 5 can learn from scratch all new parenting strategies. I really don’t know how to teach a child who’s hitting his sister and pulling her down the hallway by his hair and you just talk to him? And he just repeatedly does this... I get so crazy angry! 😭
Eman B, it is difficult to parent a different way, but it will be worth it in the long run. Make sure everyone is safe and then you can take a time out. You don't need to respond to the kids at the time everything is happening. You can wait a bit and then talk to them. They can learn a lot from that approach.
Nice!!!! Concise!!!! And a question for you: a 22 year old does not pay bus ticket... even though she/he have been fined repeatedly... What do you do????
Evangelia Karatza-Styliara, nothing. If they are 22, they need to be responsible for the ticket. It is their problem and there will be consequences. Be glad that it is just a bus ticket and hopefully when they experience the consequences they will learn that it is better to take care of these things early on.
I always tell my daughter, "if you care for something, you take care of it" mostly for her toy's everywhere 🙃🤍
Love that!
I wish I’d had this tool when my sons were little. When is it too late to implement these?
Never too late, introduce them and begin using now.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Even with an 18 & 21 y. o.?
New to yoir channel. Do you have any videos on moms who struggle with attachment and laughter due to their own childhood traumas and abuses? CTPSD where now children are teens and only short window left?
hopeseeker97, I don't think there is anything that specific. I would encourage you to watch videos and pay attention when I talk about principles. They can be applied to almost every situation, the application may be a bit different, but once we identify principles and live them, our lives change.
Love it! Great rules. Will do a search on your channel - how to disagree respectfully because sometimes authorities are wrong (me parent have been wrong many many times). And self advocacy. Sometimes must break the rules for personal health or if God forbid, the authority has bad intent and gives immoral directives. Thank you Drs. Jenkins for your positivity and sharing your experiences! The game for rule 1 is ingenious!
Juniper Greene, thank you so much, honored to be on your team.
Yes we aren't Peer-ants we are parents.
I love it.
Thank You 🎉🎉
Our pleasure.
Awesome. When we first became parents we decided on rules of the house and I proposed the two I grew up with: be honest. Be respectful. If the behavior meets that criteria, all is typically well
Natedoc808, I like it, even more simplified
Unless the person in charge is abusive which is often the piqwr dynamic in sexual abuse. Teach your kids they never ever need to be nice to someone who wants to touch or be touched or show their private areas even in the context of a game. Report anything that makes them uncomfortable or icky. They have a right to say NO! Know your rights! Is my kids rule to prevent sexual abuse. 95% of sexual abuse is preventable thru empowered kids and truly aware and protective parents. I've heard horror stories of babysitters or coaches abusing kids.
It is horrible. We need to empower our children in this area.
My 5 rules for my elementary classroom:
1. Respect people
2. Respect belongings
3. Respect the school building/surroundings
4. Raise your hand if you need something/have a question
5. Be quick in following directions
**Of course, I reward for all good behaviors, and take privileges for not following the rules. And follow-through is very important on MY part, or the whole thing falls apart! We deeply discuss what respect for each of these areas looks like, so when I need to give reminders, I just ask them, "Is what you are doing respecting people, belongings, the building,etc?" They can usually answer that question themselves, which gives them the responsibility factor.
R. Jelly, love it. They are so similar.
Great rules! - I add 1 caveat to rule 3 (for older kids especially) which is “unless it conflicts with Rule 1” (and maybe…sometimes Rule 2).
Adrian Gunn, thanks.
Going to have this talk with my kiddos tonight. I’ve used a couple of your tips so far and they’ve ACTUALLY WORKED. I’m amazed.
Thank you for letting me know. Glad you are in our community of supportive parents.
Lol.....so my daughter about three years ago decided she was going to write on her closet doors. I will admit that I kind of blew up, but after I calmed down, I figured out a way to stop her from ever thinking about doing it again. She had a choice, either no TV for two days, or she cleaned up the mess. She opted for no TV obviously, but after about three hours of no TV she reluctantly went upstairs and scrubbed her closet doors....😜. She NEVER colored on any surface in or outside the house again.
nvaranavage, sounds like you know your daughter well.
You r so good 👍
Thank you, dibora taddise.
Awesome thank you ! Good for myself and to tech children.
Our pleasure!
Thank you
raryan11, My pleasure.
❤
Glad you enjoyed the rules.
Examples on authority.....pls.. ......🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏.. you give priceless gems 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Soyeta, authority could be a teacher at school, a group leader, older members of the family, bus driver, etc.
Thank you Sir 🙏🙏🙏........Sir I want to purchase your Power Parenting course .....I am from West Bengal of India. Could you please help me telling how much amount is to pay in India rupees. You can please help me providing your whatsapp number. Pls pls pls pls🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Make sense and it does cover everything! Thanks for this small bit of advice it's so easy remember and I don't think I will ever forget it. Definitely something I can pass along to my son and grandson for their kids!
Glad it was helpful!
Be nice to yourself and others
Respect property/ Be nice to taking good care of stuff
Respect authority whoever is in charge
Thank you for the summary, Zenaida Zarate.
I really like your videos, because you always make everything so simple and easy to understand. In this complex world that we live in today, that is so very helpful, because it brings us clarity and calmness (like an oasis of peace) in all the craziness that's going on around us a lot of times! I also like the facial expressions that you use to emphasize the points that you are making.
Sheryl777, we are honored to be on your team.
Always very awesome advices, Dr. Paul. thank you very much.
These 3 rules way is very simple and I can use it right now.
I hope it works well.
Glad it was helpful! Best of luck, Akifumi Inoue.
It might be a little difficult to explain “substances” to younger kids, but This a good video because it can be watched with kids and paused when you give scenarios to see what the kids think is thumbs up or down.
O K, I am glad you are pausing to clarify anything they may not understand.
What are the consequences in your home when the kids break any of these rules?
Depends on the child. Our kids are all grown. We had them do chores, they lost privileges, once they got a door taken off their room.
As always, great advice and perfect rules for everyone to live by. Even when they disagree there are ways to discuss or have a family meeting.
Yes, I believe this.
Thank you for an amazing video! Can you please make one about disagreeing with authority?
Great suggestion! It's on the list.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Great, thank you 😊 let me just clarify a little bit. I am confused how to teach a child to respect authority (parents, teachers etc) but also to not make him/her a blindly obedient person a long the way which might be problematic later in life if he/she doesn’t know how to say “no”. It seems so contradictory but I think both is important. How to balance that in parenting? Thanks so much for all your advice!
Being fair would be another one? Or is it included in respecting everyone?
Santiago Hernandez, it is included. Be careful about trying to make everything fair.
💗 such simple but great advice. Thank you dearly
You are so welcome! Remember, simple is not always easy, dorisdmw daddelt.
Four B’s.
Be respectful
Be responsible
Be safe
Be faithful.
So good! Thank you.
I love that!
Good one ,,practically covers everything
Glad you liked it, Dr Mandeep kaur PREET CHAHAL CLINIC ludhiana
So glad I found you two! I love your videos. God bless you!
Delfis Villaman, thank you!
Aaaaj this is perfect!!! 👏👏👏👏😁 thank you ❤️
I'm glad you like it
I made my kids watch this.. thank you
That's great! Easier to implement when everyone is on the same page, N Issa.
I would love to hear their opinion on unschooling.
Tiffany Williams, lots of learning happens with unschooling. When kids are paying attention and invested, learning happens.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV I appreciate you responding!
rule #2 4:32
rule #3 6:54
Roberto Roman, thanks.
What do you do if they violet them? Cause it s a lot to remember
donna yorke, I like natural consequences, I think they are the best ones. Have a family conference and talk about this, get the kids input on what they think should happen, but you make the final decision.
Live On Purpose TV I only ever switch the internet off because I know they hate that
@@jaynesh2008 That's a really good one. Kids can come up with other ideas. If you are still struggling to come up with consequences, here are some videos with ideas:
"Consequences For Misbehavior | 6 Specific Examples" - ua-cam.com/video/Fbcwp9na04Y/v-deo.html
"How To Come Up With GOOD CONSEQUENCES" - ua-cam.com/video/C6E_1fv9BIs/v-deo.html
"How To Use Natural And Logical Consequences" - ua-cam.com/video/ZFZIIuqEVdY/v-deo.html
Awesome advice!! Wish I had known when my kids were little. I guess I did set rules but perhaps not very clearly, and y kids did very well in most cases. I can´t complain. However,, I really love your rule number 2, honestly even for myself. I think I failed at conveying that one to them and to be honest, even following it myself. I think as with everything else in life, it´s never too late to start applying something good and changing habits. I actually wrote your 3 rules down and plan to apply them in all settings at all times.
It is never too late.
Another great video.
Glad you enjoyed it
Good advice
Glad it was helpful!
This caught my eye, and I'm grateful it did. My granddaughter and her two children live with my husband and myself. I will be following you both and encouraging my family to do the same. Not following these basic rules makes for a difficult family life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
You are so welcome! Good luck!
I love this!!
Thank you.
Hi! Loved the first rule -- the fact that it covers negative self-talk in addition to respecting others is brilliant! I have some thoughts about rules 2 and 3. For rule 2, just a simple suggestion to clarify that "property" doesn't always mean something that's privately owned, ie, it can also refer to the natural world/environment. For rule 3, I think including your thoughts on what to do when you disagree with authority should be included (I know you can't cover everything in every video, but especially in the times we live in, this seems pretty essential to include). Authority figures make mistakes (often) and kids need to feel empowered to speak up when that happens :)
Jessica Breen, very insightful, I will think about that.
The rule is respect Authority. That doesn’t mean obey authority. Ypu can respectfully question authority and the authority can respectfully revise or review as appropriate. I read the rule more as, the Authority is in charge which means they can also decide to negotiate.
Awesome! Respect all, properties and authority. Respect is higher than love because it's impossible to love someone we don't respect.
Virgie Mata, if our kids learn that, then the world would be a better, happier place.
What? I stick up for myself if I am bullied. BUT I love the bully for showing me how not to be; for showing me and others what kind of world we do not want. I forgive the bully because I do not want to carry hate inside me, since that would only hurt myself.
Wonderful: thank you.
Our pleasure!
These are two men
A_AM_A_MINIATURE_BULL-TERRIER, ?
I want to know what to do if your child is almost 6 and we haven’t done this since birth. What to do if they break the rules or have bad habits of not cleaning up their toys or rooms.
I am dealing with the same thing right now and I'm finding as far as good habits go consistently having my son do what's right even if it means doing it with him. Helping him with chores, hygiene, etc.
Same here! My son is 5
@@Psalm2710_ that does work well !
Consequences and choices work for us. eg. After you put away toys, make the bed, pick up etc, you can watch TV etc. If you don’t want to clean up, it’s OK, I won’t get angry, it’s just you won’t be allowed to watch TV.
There was a video he did on not yelling where he said you can give choices. So in this case you would say “You can clean up your room or you can hire someone to do it. Then let them know how very expensive your rate is. If they don’t clean it, by default they hired you and pay the consequence.” I used it on my 6 year old son yesterday for the first time and it worked.