How To Get Kids To Study
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- Опубліковано 30 вер 2024
- Many parents struggle getting their kids to study or do their homework. Our job as parents is to love our kids no matter what and even if. Even if they don't perform well in their studies or do the things you don't agree with. To understand that will help us with our discussion today.
So how do we get our kids to study? My friend, Art Coombs, is here with me to share with you an amazing story that has instilled a strong why in his child.
Watch and Enjoy!
Dr. Paul Jenkins
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Oh my goodness. This is what I, a single mother, said to my teenage son many, many years ago. I did not take him to Walmart at 2 a.m., but most of it was certainly similar to what Art said. It was definitely not smooth sailing from there on, but upon graduating from high school, he received the Principal's Award which said, in part, "The student who has made the most academic, social, and emotional progress during his high school career" and "Seen as the student in his class as most likely to succeed." He put himself through college, and is a successful High School principal in Oakland, California today..
What a blessing!!!
Jen V, love this story. Thank you for sharing.
Every kid is different. Life is not always fair. There is always someone more talented than your kid. And grades don't always indicate intelligence. According to research there are so many types of intelligence. Modern education and grading system may not give fair importance to all of them.
People are caught up so much in making their kids 'succeed' so much that they forget what success really means.
Binoy Jayan, thank you for this post, it is helpful.
Binoy, can you please elaborate. I'd like to know more about it.
I have a 5 year old and I work at Walmart. I am not the bread winner of my family but I almost thought of not telling him where I work so he will grow up aiming for more. Even if you have trouble with your kids I think they is a valuable lesson if you are able to teach your child how hard it is getting to the top. Getting back to just love your kids no matter what is helpful. I didn't have a parent that cared what I did or knew where I was. Just being there and supporting somewhere in there dream is valuable.
Thank you for your reaffirming words, Amy Uplinger. It's an honor to have you at Live On Purpose TV.
I think people getting offended by the Walmart example are missing the point entirely. Not doing well in school LIMITS your options. Anybody working those menial jobs would do something else for MORE money in a heartbeat if they could. If it’s your dream to work there then nothing wrong with that but you will still be limited if you want to do something else or accomplish something else etc.
FernBot, yes, it is about the principle, not the store.
Exactly.
Yes, I agree with you! Thank you!
My father was smart. When I was in 7th grade I made the poorest grades. That summer my father made me and my brothers work our asses off in construction, and all I remember is that I didn’t want to do physical labor for the rest of my life after High School. This lasted every single consecutive summer until 11th grade when it was time to prepare for college entrance exams (SAT). Now, I’m a PhD candidate at UT Austin with a fellowship (paid tuition, housing, and stipend) and will graduate this May with a doctor of economics. I think if anything, my father instilled a sense of work-ethic in me by forcing me to work physical labor.
He does sound like a smart man, good luck with your career.
Guess I did not get it... How is construction n labour work related to your future academic stellar performance
How do you get young children to find their why? My boys are unmotivated by most anything, even with consequences. On time out they will pretend play out scenarios in their head even alone, no tv no problem they will play with their hands or fling the spiral doorstop for 15 minutes making a boing noise. They find anyway to alleviate boredom or other consequences. I’ve even explained that they could end up living on the streets, “ I love being outside” they would say. I have offered reinforcements, earning systems, tokens, verbal praise. The only thing that is slightly motivating is playing with friends but that is not something I can control. What are some ideas for seriously unmotivated/indifferent children?
Melissa, have you tried having them write or do chores? Something a little more active? Also, if the children are young, then they probably are not able to understand the concept of living on the streets.
this wouldn't work for me my son works part time at the super market and stock sleeves and he loves it ??? NOW WHAT
Thank you for watching, Colleen Ray. You might try asking him to think about further in his future, 10... 20 years. Does he want to stay in this same job? Would he like to become a manager at the store? Or is there anything else that interests him? Would his current job pay enough when he moves out on his own? Have him dig deeper so that he thinks about these kinds of things. If he realizes that his current employment can't financially support him for the rest of his life, getting good grades starts to look more important and relevant.
I understand the point of Art’s story however I too feel like it wasn’t very appropriate to single out a job like sweeping floors at Walmart at 2am. Honestly some people would be happy to get that job. Everyone’s story and lot in life is different. I just feel like maybe pointing out a homeless person begging for money on the street or something who doesn’t have a job would have been better. I have a friend who did ok in school but has been working for years at a store stocking shelves etc. and very happy doing it. I think the “why” should be to focus on the kid’s dream and taking a look at what grades they need to get in order to land that dream job or whatever their goal might be.
It really is about the child and the parent hopefully knows how to help their child.
Hey Michelle! I was going through comments looking for a comment like yours! I don’t want my kids or students to judge workers at Walmart, thinking that they are working here because they did not study hard or thought deeply in youth! Hey, they are working, we still can learn from them.
I normally take something from you're videos but I must admit I was a little offended by your presumption that those people stacking shelves didn't work hard at school. I live in the UK and I worked hard at school, I got high GCSEs, I passed A levels and went on to do a HND, Degree (with Hons) and City and Guilds Level1, 2 and 3 in dog grooming. I worked hard on the job as a dog groomer and became manager to many trainees helping in various salons to train the teams up. However, I had kids, I decided I wanted to be there for my family (because I love them no matter what and even if) and I chose to quit my grooming career and became an evening cleaner. That way I could be a stay at home mum for my children while my husband works in the day. I may earn less but we save so much in childcare costs. It actually makes me happy to spend as much time as I can with my children and I'm not in any rush to jump back into the crazy busy life of a dog groomer. Don't judge a book by its cover. Those people could be working along side a dream job to earn extra pennies or just trying to make good for their family or earn extra to cover medical expenses etc. Literally anything. Yes encourage your children to follow their dreams but don't belittle others in what they do in the process.
That is not what I meant, I am sorry you took that. I think this father knew his son and what would motivate him. I wish you the best.
I used a different approach on my son who went through a period of "not caring about anything in life, including consequences." First of all, in my house going to school is the children's job. Any negative reports from the teacher meant that they failed at their job. After all, if we the parents got reprimanded by our bosses and were fired, that would have a drastic impact on the family. Sometimes we don't like our job and prefer to stay home but it's about being dutiful for the greater good of the family. We applied this to the children going to school. Next, going to school was an opportunity to build endurance for life and also to explore interests and pathways to a career. Take for example, we the parents don't like to clean the bathroom nor are we particularly excited to do yard work on the weekends. But we do it otherwise the bathroom would get very disgusting and the curb appearance of our home would become embarrassing. Going to school is to build endurance for those moments in life when you'd rather sleep in. Tom Brady did not become the GOAT because he was the best quarterback at a young age. He became the GOAT because he had grit and endured. The Patriots were winning the Superbowls because other teams felt inferior and made their own mistakes. The team that can endure usually maintains confidence to win. And last, my son had this terrible addiction to video games. So I flipped the script on him. I said how did he intend to support his habit if he grew up to be jobless or have a low-paying job? Wouldn't life be sweeter if he could obtain a career that actually allowed him to have more time playing video games? That did the trick and changed his entire perspective.
n bay, awesome, you are the parent your child needs. Gold.
Everything was fine, till Covid came up. Now we struggle each day to build up even our own motivation. Online schooling has kind of narrowed our comfort zones and we struggle with motivating kids to study, concentrate on school and do their homework. The tips shared here helped a lot.
Fatima Syed, I am glad they helped, I really don't think this is going to go on forever, a while longer, but not forever.
I work for walmart. I usually love your videos. but this is sad. I am proud to be a productive citizen. is it my dream job, no. however it is a job. my son sees his only parent being responsible and going work. he knows at only 9 that my walmart job pays are way in life. lots of us that work there may agree this is not are dream job, but we all usually agree at least we can be happy to have a job. college was a option for me, but not what I wanted. I can not buckle down and get a degree in just one or two things, when I change my mind about what I like far to often still. or want a degree in 20 different things. not to mention the school structure never sat well with me.
A Mc, I'm so honored to be on your team, and I hope I haven't offended or sent the wrong message here. I'm so grateful that there are opportunities for good people like you to be productive and contribute in meaningful ways even if you're still sorting out what that dream job might eventually be and what it would take to get you there. I've been there too, working the night shift at the grocery store or the ladder factory while dreaming up better things to come, or to feed my kids while I work on school. I know Art was telling his son that the work they witnessed that night was good and honorable, and that it was certainly an option, and that he would continue to love him no matter what and even if. The point here is to help kids see their own reasons for taking care of their responsibilities like homework, rather than simply demanding that they do it our way. Thanks for chiming in! DrPaul
@@LiveOnPurposeTV It is very admirable that you took the time to reply👍🏾
A Mc it is a great video but they shouldn’t of named one store... some people have started sweeping floors and ended up as managers..
We are the results of our bad choises and after we want respect for not being able to follow our dreams! Please , dont try to convince yourself that you are doing a great job at the store. You could be much more than that
You know that and it sucks . Good luck ! All the best . Facing the truth is the best way of moving to a better place in life!!All the best !
I agree with it being hard honest work to work at a place such as Walmart I just think we may want more for our children if they want it for themselves. I don't think it's a bad thing to do jobs such as this some are very satisfied. It's just life in general is getting more expensive just to survive and especially support a family. It's nice to be able the idea of working hard but also working smarter not harder depending on the circumstances of every individual. Not everyone is on the same path but the struggle is real. Living paycheck to paycheck can be stressful and there is a possibility for many to not to have to live that way. So why not encourage our children to set higher goals for themselves and if they decide to work at Walmart that's ok to. I've known several people with college degrees that have left there careers to work at Walmart simply because they were happier with the work and environment. Money cant buy you comfort or happiness.
Not cool. I never leave a negative comment on channels, but getting a child up to exploit those workers like that is quite pretentious and shows such an air of arrogance and privilege. That man has no clue why someone is working there at 2 a.m. stocking shelves. That thinking can be detrimental to the larger society as a whole and needs to be reconsidered.
starveil101, sorry you didn't like the example, just sharing what one dad did. He got his son to study and take life a little more seriously.
I am a single mother of 2 great kids. When I was married, it was chaos with my husband and I ended up going to prison for 3 years. That meant my kids did time with me. They went to foster care because my husband was not their father nor was he fit to take care of children. Fast forward 3 years, I get out and hit the ground running with parenting classes, anger management, drug and alcohol classes. Got a job, an apartment and a vehicle all to get my babies back. When they came home, I felt nothing but guilt and shame for what I put them through so I spoiled the heck out of them for a very long time. Whatever they wanted, however late they wanted to stay up, whatever they wanted to eat, and now, I noticed they've learned nothing but bad habits. This video, I feel is going to help me because I don't want to be a "yelling" mom or a "mad all the time" mom. I want us all to be happy and loving. Because they are great kids and I am doing the best I can with what I have. Hopefully we all can come to some sort of agreement here in my home.. Thank you for this video. I look forward to watching more.
Glad you are here. You have experienced the truth that kids need two things, love and discipline.
This would be great advice except I did get excellent grades, I studied hard, I went to a top college and graduated from college. However, when I got out, I couldn't find a job. I struggled to get anyone to hire me. I couldn't understand why. I ended up taking jobs that didn't even require an education. Now I'm a server. I didn't need an education for that job. So how do I motivate my kids?
Find out what they are passionate about.
Thank you for sharing can I get personal contact for any of you? My 14 year old has more time for football than science he want to change to arts opinion but wants to be a pilot but have falling grades Ds and Fs what can I do I have used threats and others it's not working
He needs to experience consequences and they need to be consequences tied to the action. If he fails, then he does summer school or a different class. Help him research what the requirements are and set up a time he can talk to a pilot or two and find out what they needed to be successful. When he hears it from other people he will be more likely to listen.
This be ma American Culture? In some Mexican areas where I grew up, kids work on vacation or weekends. No matter their economic level. Even stores let the kids work there in this seasons. To pay our uniform and school supplies and entertainment. Some stores like waltmart let kids work stacking items. Other kids babysitting, other companies let their workers came to work with theirs kids. Some areas kids can work with their parents, easy jobs of course.
I grew up thinking that good grades was my responsibility. And parents have nothing to give me back for that. For me It doesn't makes sense because they ess giving me so much already. But.. now I live in America learning new ways to teach my American son 😁 I like this video so much. Thank you!
You are welcome, glad you are at the channel.
I love this! Any other examples (other than Walmart at 2am) for my 17 year old?
Jenny Heintz, show him example of how people have worked hard and where it has gotten them. Do you have some from your family? Try to find some as those closest to you will mean the most. Also, are there mentoring programs in your area?
Omg! I used those punishments. Inwill take away your …… I bribed, i the same thing happened 😔😔😔😔 so sad.
Thank you for watching and commenting.
Interesting...🙂....
Art Coomb's way of using Walmart as an example for his son to have a "WHY* may have worked. And I understand this video's about helping children in various aspects to become independent and do things however, I am not in full agreement with (some of) Art Coomb's reasons given about the jobs people are in, ie stacking shelves in Walmart or those kinds of jobs. Yes for some it's true but not all who stack shelves.
I know he meant well in every capacity but saying the people who stack the shelves "did not do their homework or that it was a consequence of them not doing well in their studies, is in many ways incorrectly. It also gives to marginalise the individuals in those jobs and that is a kind of "conditioning if the mind" that his son will have about people in those jobs.
Language barrier, disabilities, emigration, gender/racial discrimination etc to mention but a few are among a whole host of reasons as to why some people end up in the jobs they do.
Especially in this day and age where the economic climate dictates so much on how we live. "Having" or "holding" onto a job has almost become a basic necessity for the mass public just so as to make ends meet, feed the family, put a roof over their heads, maintain safety and etc.
I am an RN, and as a nurse trainee at Uni, I worked in unqualified jobs to make ends meet and I met people who held onto those jobs permanently.
I know someone who emigrated from their country of origin to the country I live in and despite being a qualified skilled professional, he couldn't get employment and ended up working night shifts in warehouse just to make ends meet until he got employment. That could have been him stacking shelves in a super market as he waited for the job he wanted.
🙏🏽, Thanks for sharing the video.
I get what you are saying, he was speaking to what his son knew and I hope no one is offended by that. Any labor done honorably is honorable.
How would you handle a child who is bipolar and does not want to go to school?? My son is 14 says he is “really going to school tomorrow” (so has good intentions and also seems positive about it) but “tomorrow” never happens. Either feels sick, or didn’t sleep all night and falling asleep in the morning before school, … I love my son and he is a lovely boy but he hasn’t been in school since quite a while and no matter what we try, he can’t get himself to go in the morning 😢
You may need to think about another form of schooling such as online that might work better for him or go see the doctor who can help get treatment for him.
"These are individuals who chose not to do their homework, I can promise you that."
Can you?
Maybe they're immigrants who are educated but their education is not recognized in this country.
Or maybe they aren't educated because they came from a country that didn't have universal primary education.
Or maybe they have an intellectual disability that limited their choices.
Or maybe they had an undiagnosed learning disability and cried themselves to sleep every night, assuming that they were "stupid" because they couldn't keep up in school.
Maybe they were going to go to university but their family declared bankruptcy due to medical debt and they could no longer afford to go.
Or maybe, blaming individuals making minimum wage in a non-union environment, despite working for the world's largest company by revenue is really an avoidance strategy so we don't have to challenge economic systems that perpetuate labor abuse.
By all means, talk to your children about how having an education opens up choices in their life, but don't let that conversation come at the expense of someone else's dignity
Thank you. Well said.
I mean, sometimes you can do everything right and still get a job stocking shelves at Walmart. I like the message, but I feel like if that kid grows up and ends up working at Walmart because there just isn't anything else available, because you got another right people at the right time nowadays, they might feel absolutely disappointed in themselves or betrayed or something
That is not what was meant. It is one father who know his child and what he want out of life and is capable of. Hopefully we all find our purpose, after all, that is what Live On Purpose is all about.
l don't give pocket money, but pay ~£5-10 if they do something useful, eg write an essay on a topic in science etc. son does it, but daughter who just wants the money without committing even a sec won't. is this a good idea?
It's up to you. She may be trying to wait you out. If you decide to do something different talk to the kid and let them know why.
What are consequences for a child in stage 1. My daughter doesn't even go to her room by herself if you ask her too when she is misbehaving. I've taken away toys but it seems impossible for her to get it back. I explain clearly wheat she needs to do. But she doesn't really listen just plays victim. I tell her, what does she need to do to get things back or earn X, but 99% of the time she doesn't do it.
Then the item would go away. Also, are you continuing to interact with her after the consequence is delivered? Don't engage and Argue. Matter of factly tell her how it Is and it is not up for discussion.
I am not a mom ,but I am a teacher who teach kids in Thailand and it was struggle sometime for teaching them. Your videos help me a lot thank you so much.
I'm so glad!
p.s. Even hard working middle class people who work at Walmart love their children no matter what and even if. No big epiphany there. Get over yourself and stop repeating yourself. Maybe open your mind a little bit and realize that you just insulted the majority of American parents.
anita sloane, I didn't mean to insult anyone, sorry.
This is great. I do want to add that some people are doing that because they are parents needing extra money because their job they got through education doesnt pay medical Bill's. It hapoens.
I understand it.
Problem i experience as an uncle is that my nephew would laugh it off if i would show him these (to me) terrible jobs… hes only 9 years but has a strong will. I know that I didn’t do my best in school aswel and i do question if the material they learn is really relevant today due to the fact that schools came about around the industrial revolution in which they needed just smart enough people to run the machines…
Richard, thank you for taking an interest in your nephew. I am sure he can learn a lot from you by your example as he grows.
You can come bottom at school and still achieve anything you want to! It just takes a little longer.
True, and it will be harder as well. I talk about hard/easy, easy/hard in this video: "How To Do Hard Things" - ua-cam.com/video/mM3rlPZWD4A/v-deo.html. Thanks for watching, Lesley Webster.
Parents these days have more pressure from other adults. The retired old farts down the street, their teachers who have no kids of their own etc. Parents are shamed if their kids don’t do the things they should do. It’s not easy
Tales by Firelight, it is not easy, amen to that.
I have to say that doing excellent job gets you compensated accordingly - this is unfortunate not true, I don't know maybe for men I s true, but for women it's not. I'm in my late 30s, tired of overwhelming myself with not only going an extra mile but doing an excellent job on it, my bosses simply dont appreciate and don't compensate accordingly, thus either will change job or most likely will be joining quiet quitting movement
There are some problems with inequality in pay. I hope you find a company or employer who appreciated your good work.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV thank you for your kind wishes to me
Plz make a vedio for kids of age 5years to 10years
How to make our child study
Erena Athaide, try to make it fun or have a reward at the end. Set the expectation and sit with the child every day while they do their work.
Do parents really need to be told they love their kids no matter what they choose or don’t chose. It’s hard for me to think a parent could not love their child no matter what. That blows my mind.
MichelleR, yes, sometimes they have not had the best examples growing up.
The end part of this video brings me tears. I really struggled on this issue. Saying and telling them “ i love you even you push that broom at 2am”😢 thanks for the powerful view on letting them find their why.
Honored to be on your team.
Thank you for this video with a father of four! I'm a grandma, helping my 11 years old grandson with techniques of learning and homework. Sometimes it's soooo hard. This video gave me a great idea. We have been talking about an example just like this, but seeing and understanding makes a big difference. Adore this teen, but sometimes I get an itch when it comes to homework.
Glad it was helpful! You are doing such an important work, Slavica. Thank you.
I have two daughters. 17 and 12. The older one is ok... but not the younger one.
Thank you. .. for sharing...😎 from Malaysia
Each child is different, so we get to adjust as parents to do what is most appropriate for each one. DrPaul
Hi Dr Paul, this video is great! I watched the other video where you talked about 3 stages of maturity for teens. I want to know if the ability to be motivated to working towards a future goal is part of the maturity as well?
I understand that for younger kids, they are mostly living in here and now. They are not quite able to think about the future, is that right? If you want them to do something that they could not see the results in here and now, they will not be able to have the motivation to do it.
So how old would children start to be old enough to think about the future and not be just focusing on here and now?
My son has just become a teenager (had his 13th birthday a week ago), but he does not care about any future consequences at all. Even the basic things like brush his teeth properly twice a day, he is not motivated to do and will skip it whenever he can. I’ve already tried to tell him the consequences if he doesn’t take good care about his oral health, but seems like, if those consequences are not happening to him right now, then he wouldn’t want to care about it at all. Just show him what’s happening to others doesn’t seem very effective because it’s not happening to him right now, so he has no idea what’s it like.
For get him motivated to study is difficult as well. So I can tell him what his life might be like in the future if he doesn’t put efforts in his studies, but it’s not happening to him right now, so he does not want to think about it.
Seems like only if he would really experience all the bad consequences right now, then he might want to think about to do things differently. But I don’t want him to finally decide to do things better when all the bad consequences had already happened, that’s just too late.
So what is the age that teens are starting to able to think ahead about the consequences in the future and not just focus on here and now? And what are the ways to help them think about the future and not just right now?
Actually it’s not just children right? Sometimes adults don’t care much about future consequences as well. Like if you tell some people to change to a healthier life style, they just don’t want to be bothered. Only if their health turn from bad to worse, then they might finally decide to change for the better. But they don’t want to think about it if they are not yet suffering from any possible consequences right now.
I guess this is hard even for adults...
Kay Huang, 13 is very young to think long term. This happens gradually through the late teens and you are correct, some adults have a hard time with thinking long-term.Think about it, many adults don't plan for retirement or watch their diets and have strokes and heart disease. We will experience consequences, those consequences have to be bad enough that it fosters change.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thanks for the reply Dr Paul. :) You mean it's normal for 13 year old not be thinking long term? So I don't need to do anything about it now and just wait till my son gets a bit older? And I don't want to wait till he experience very bad consequences to start wanting to change, is there anyway to let him willing to change for the better before bad consequence happens?
I've been having this conversation with my son since the age of 5.
Julian potatoe, keep up the conversations, good parenting.
You sounds like a priest - with all respect to Christian fellows and priests
Thank you?
I love every single video you produced.
Thanks Helen - so honored to be on your team! DrPaul
Yea kids have to want it for themselves not for their parents or out of fear. That’s the hard part. You can explain his example to them, but they have to want it. And if they fail, they have to learn from that. My 9 year old who is in middle school 4th grade does only the minimum by being forced. I told her I guess eventually she will be tired of being in the 4 th grade and then she will have to step up and do the work herself to move on.
Yes! Don't let her see you are annoyed by her not working. Encourage but step back and she will have learned a life lesson at a young age. Thank you, lisa gaeta.
My kids dad said that they don't need education if they are smart . He makes money without college lol and has a pretty good lifestyle .it's a matter of getting along with others ( master manipulator). He talks bad for people who went to college and says is a waste of time and money.
I believe in continually acquiring knowledge, and schooling is a good way to do that. There are other ways to gain an education, such as learning a trade (plumbing, electrical, etc.). Just do the best you can to encourage learning! Thanks for watching, E H.
Mom of 2 here looking for ways to help my children during covid quarantine 😐👀
Natalia L., you are not alone.
I still think consequences is important, especially with my grandkids that I’m raising because their father is in prison (I’m trying to make a connection) and when you choose wrong, there are consequences. I’ll try this as well 👍
Karen O, thank you for providing a loving and structured environment for your grandkids.
I can tell you in the society I came from, almost every parent told the kids, at some point in their life, that if they don’t study hard/work hard, they will not have the equal opportunities to choose the life they want to have as the others. We believe in hardworking. It’s not to offend anyone. But for many of us, if we have someone to tell us that in our early life, things might be different.
Yingya Wang, I like what you are saying, that we can tell kids there will be hard things, but doing the hard things will give us a payoff that will help us and others. Good message.
Watch in 1.5x speed. Pleasure
Thank you for the suggestion.
How about Teenager that is extremely unerreicht.?
Have a talk with a doctor and a nutritionist.
We’ve been Watching all your videos because we have a 13 year old daughter, who has no why, no intrinsic or extrinsic motivation, and seems to be scared of any type of work, physical or mental, and would rather give up anything and everything than apply herself. We also pay our kids for grades, and when her younger sisters are getting $80 She is content with nothing. My only fear about taking her to Walmart at 2 AM is that she will see how utterly mindless and easy that job is and want it. And no, I am not kidding.
Consider some counseling for her.
Thank you thank you thank you.
You are so welcome
Wow! Thanks for reminding us. You are awesome!
Thank you!
Hoo ! WOW! I was expecting he will be use at least as example a Homeless sleeping in the street under a bridge 🤷🏻♀️ not a hard working people ! That is Seriously snobbery wrongfully bad .
It wasn't meant to be, Lucy G. Sorry you are offended.
Live On Purpose TV no problem i understand now .-but still Sad 😔 he use that example to scared his son but there amazing persons who do that jobs in midnight and plus they study and pay his studies with there hard work and be super successful persons right now . . So this insult not me insults all kids who will hear him to and they may working hard to pay there school and get better pay job.
Can you believe this "doctor"? Should we be impressed with his title? Wow, he is obviously so much better than three quarters of the rest of us in America. Let's just hope his son doesn't become "middle class" because that would be a crying shame.
ayo any kids watching this?
Bully Jaze, seeing what your parents are watching? That's cool.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV lol
If you pay them they aren’t doing it for them.
Thanks for watching.
We love our kids no matter what, I have that so strong in my heart, my mother, father, grandparents used to tell me that always, it is a strong feeling.
Angela Ordonez, I love it. We want that feeling to stay with them, forever.
Any advice on motivating a child with a learning disability? I will try the why idea but it's just more difficult to motivate someone with a disability.
Charolette Moody, it depends on the disability and what motivates the child. My wife works with disabled children all the time and sometimes it is giving them some iPad time or allowing them some playtime.
I might have missed it, but I think you went straight to stage 2-3 in this video where you communicate and teach the why. My kid is 7 years old, and he does not seem to mind stacking shelves at 2.00 am when he is 50. Can you elaborate on the types of "consequences" to impose?
Also, Art's kid seems like the kind that you just bring him to walmart ONCE to see people stacking shelves at 2 am and then immediately develop the strong conviction to try that much harder to get good grades right that moment. I think, that doesn't apply for most people's kids. And, if everyday, I bring my grown up kid to see people doing badly as a result of poor choices earlier on, and even successful people who made the right choices, would they not think, "this is getting old dad, you ajn't gonna change me?"
Yulius Halim, think about the principle. There are multiple ways we can do this with our kids. If they admire someone's house, talk about what it takes to afford that house and the path that needs to be taken to earn the money for it. We are teaching our kids everyday, not just once. By the way, it sounds like your child is totally normal and where he should be for 7 years old. You might need to adjust your expectations.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Yes, I understand he is only 7 years old. That's why I am asking about what "consequences" to impose on him, if he doesn't listen. A 7 years old is in stage 1, isn't he?
Walmart is going to get a surge of customers during graveyard shift not buying anything 😂
Ramalingam, India
Great and appropriate advice for me
As you said it is STAGE not age.
My children are in stage ONE are 23 and 31. Both completed masters, younger employed, elder does not want to go for low paid job in her qualification, English literature. How to graduate them to stage THREE.
Honored to have you watching from India, Madhuri Dara! Please know that you can only influence, not control your children. Give them as many opportunities to be independent as possible and don't save them from the consequences of any poor choices they make. Show love and empathy, and share your knowledge and wisdom when they ask. Here are a couple videos that may give you more ideas:
"How To Motivate Lazy Young Adults" - ua-cam.com/video/1Fjp1zyLjjU/v-deo.html
"Teaching Kids Responsibility - Positive Parenting" - ua-cam.com/video/1SFIc2LsHyA/v-deo.html
You may want to share this video with your children:
"How To Be Good At Adulting" - ua-cam.com/video/QMHu4SxG_7E/v-deo.html
Im in tears. Art story was touching. I started telling my boys 3 days before watching this video. Id they dont study they will have to clean toilets when they older. Im seeing a slight shift in their behaviour. I loved the story. Thanx so much to you and Art.
glad to have you at the channel
Dr. Paul, thank you for the Maturity model. It is working wonders with my 12 year old. Once I played her the video and the audio file from the website she was surprised she checked all stage 1 boxes and was convinced hearing it from you. She said I thought you are being controlling but hearing it from you, she started changing for the better o can't thank you enough for it. Now I am watching this and I am sure your advice will be helpful. Thank you for helping us become better parents and making parenting a positive experience.
Alhan A, thank you for sharing, I am happy for you and your daughter. Better days ahead as she moves stages.
Very good video, thanks
Our pleasure.
I went on to further education after school myself, to eventually get a university degree in design. I’ve been made redundant so many times I’ve now fallen into delivery work for a supermarket. I’m quite ashamed of my job even though I shouldn’t be. I’m actually at a loss as to what I’d like to do for better paid work now. It’s not easy. I have children, one aged 7. It’s not easy when you’ve bills to pay.
Simon G, it isn't easy and it may take some time, applying for different jobs and interviewing. Don't give up until you get something that interests you. Network.
What’s a creative way to get 8,9,11 years old boys to get the “why” for school? Not sure if I want to take them to Walmart at 2am lol.
Thanks. I am a big fan of your channel. Also did the power parent course: super helpful!
Thank you, Julie Tran, this is just an example, I am sure you can come up with something that works for your family.
I was raised that way so to me it seems obvious, but I understand it's not for most people.
I was never "forced" or "bribed" in any way to study, but my father would occasionally say similar things: "if you don't want to study, that's fine, but you will end up doing these kinds of jobs".
Thank you for commenting.
I don’t think belittling other people is a good strategy.
I agree, Chris Trapper. Thanks for reminding us.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV lol
Ah lots of middle class ideals expressed here. Lots of kids who have dyslexia or dyslexia/ educationally /disadvantaged etc end up sweeping floors . The general idea is very good and effective but strong,loaded assumptions here. Am European so might be reason I think like this. Btw I think most of your talks are amazing.
Anne marie Neary, thank you for commenting.
i'm a kid and i need to educate myself, so i watch this
Toan Durong Manh, I am glad you are watching!
I love this! You got to the root of this and gave us parents a bottom line in 2 minutes! Came here for teaching strategies and realized approaching it in a loving manner is so important.❤ Help them create their own "why"!
You got this.
I needed this as I’m struggling with my 9 year old and getting her to do her homework.
Hope it was helpful Sarah - thanks for watching!
I have some problem. Pl can you help me pl
Sams here And now in this covid situation i m going mad
My mum showed the similar thing when I was young. I believe it worked for me. But when I talk about it to my 9 years old, he turned to be careless. He said I just want to be homeless, so I don't need to study and do stupid homework. I think I will take him to see instead of talking about it.
My 9year old perceive studying as a punishment...i am so confused and frustrated
Why was my mom watching this
I don't know. Ask her.
That worked for me ❤❤
Thanks for taking the time to let us know.
You promise your kid that all those Walmart workers at 2am ALL didn’t do their homework and THAT is why they are working there?? Really? None of those people were children of drug/alcohol addicts? None of those people were children from an abusive home? None of those people were children of parents that had to work multiple jobs to pay bills and put food on the table? Could be the case for some or many, but not all. Just because you do your homework doesn’t mean you will be successful, nor even get good grades! Perhaps some of those people had terrible teachers. Perhaps the education system teaches to the lowest common denominators because some people want their kids to feel successful and get their lame participation trophies.
Not saying that. It was an example that one dad used and I shared. There is no judgement, the dad knew his kids and knew what would work with him. Do what works for you.
Tried this.. It doesn't work
Tza Oriana if you tried it once it won’t work. It has to be part of our daily routine which can be a challenge.
Please don't give up, Tza Oriana. Keep at it and follow through. Change is possible.
I tried the midnight technique & showed & explained & its "I'll do the work & then a week later it's back to the same!" I've tried different techniques. I constantly say I'll help you. I love you no matter what.. But nothing working so now I've step back. I've have consequences & not work. She flips from stage 1, 2 & 3 all the tone
Parenting is a lot of work and like trying to hit a moving target. Stay consistent and keep watching videos like the ones we have here in the Positive Parenting playlist. You can do this! DrPaul
I have a neighbor, the whole family just came from Guatemala the sun is 15 years old and he doesn't speak any English so he's not doing his Zoom classes and I want to help her but I don't know how, can you give me advice on how to talk to him or what to say to motivate him to come to my house and and I can help him learn English and whatever I can help him with but I don't know how to talk to him without getting him to close up on me.
Martha Rhoades, I don't know what to tell you, be friendly and maybe you need to go to his house or meet outside to talk. Hopefully schools will be going back soon, I am hearing more and more of them are making plans to go back.
My son's why is that most of the millionaires were drop outs. Einstine as well. Please explain how to combat that. I am an accomplished author. I show hard work. I show dedication. I show how business classes have helped me. He has watched me grow. I have been the visual why yet he still gives the other why. I had a job at a theme park and was getting promoted every month. We moved states and live close to a theme park. He refuses to get a job. recently my daughter was un-enrolled from school because the state wouldn't do their part regarding immunization exemption because she has had severe reactions. This resulted in my son being pulled out to home school while I work. It's not fair to him even though he has messed around for years and wont graduate ever at the rate he is going. Did I mention I was a single mother? So I have a lot for him to do during the day for my daughter to learn and house hold things for him to do. I work 10 hr days. I told him that if he would do online courses I would pay for them. if he did well with the lists I would pay him child care expenses for taking care and teaching my daughter. He has no motivation. My daughter looks at the list and teaches herself . She is insanely smart. I can take the controllers away while I am at work but he will play games on his phone. A phone on a plan I pay for for all 4 kids. So I cant just turn his off and that is the only way for him to get a hold of me in an emergency. Taking courses on a computer is another problem, he just plays games. The only option I really have is to kick hi out and quit my job and live in the van. Not wanting to do that again. Please advise on what I can do.
Amy Stroble, if all the others are millionaires and it is so easy, why isn't he a millionaire. Shut that one down, when he has the funds he can do the talking. Until then, there are rules and he needs to live by them. You can shut down one phone on a plan without shutting down the whole plan, talk to your carrier. He can have your daughter call if there is an emergency. He can also go to the neighbors. I don't know how old all the kid are but what are you doing to get the kids back in school? Mistakes can be fixed and it sounds like he needs more structure. Think hard about what you can control.
how do you love you kids?
I love the experiences we have shared together and the closeness we feel when we converse.
I love all your videos.You are a very positive person.Thank you for sharing your valuable knowledge.This is helpful for us teachers also
So nice of you, Lekha Nambiar, I am glad we started the UA-cam channel and have been able to help so many people and connect.
I can't tell you on how many levels I am so disappointed in you, Dr. Jenkins. Have you sat for a second to think how your privilege and your entitlement have jaded your perspective of humanity? Who really is more mature , the teenager woken up in the middle of the night agreeing to go on some self-serving narcissistic adventure that his father demands, or the father who feels the need to instill some sort of superiority above the move middle class in his son? Just who exactly do you think your audience is, Dr. Jenkins? More than three quarters of Americans work in jobs that your good friend would probably believe is not worthy employment. Wow. Look in the mirror. We are no different than you. I am disgusted and I trusted you.
anita sloane, I did not mean the example as an insult. It was an example a father shared with me, I will consider using another.
Bribes, threats and job shaming. Not my favorite video on Live on Purpose TV. Stay on the path of uplifting content Dr. Paul! In the meantime, I love you no matter what and even if :)
That's good. Thanks, glad you are here. More to come.
A lot of people are butthurt. As a teacher you have to help them see the why. You are just too emotional about something that was personally shared by the guest speaker. Reality bites harder. Sympathy doesn't really feed any hungry mouths in the street. That was his son's why. Modify his example if you want but get his point straight.
Thank you for commenting, Apple Zshena.
They didn't get the point of the discussion. They were so quick to say something about demeaning the job. They forgot it was a personal example. His son DIDNT see himself to have that kind of job, not that it was degrading or anything less. It was about working on something you wish to have in the future and not just take actions after you've received consequences. I got that from this video. Was wondering why the comments were different from mine.
Great point! Am constantly telling my 9 years old who doesn't love school work or make effort that he will have hard life if je doesnt focuses on his school. I love your videos keep it coming! :)
I plan to keep them coming, Soha Noha. Thanks for watching.
Someone told me to let my kid fail and his actions of not working will be his own fault. His actions (or lack thereof) will have consequences. I don't want him to fail and them be the laughing stock of his grade and amongst his friends. He wants to do medicine but like he ain't gonna get into any university if he doesn't work and get good grades. Bottom line is we all want our kids to be successful and get good jobs and not struggle like we did or still do
I believe that is a fallacy, not everyone if they work hard gets what they deserve, and this economy in the society and culture we live in today that is very much factually incorrect.
Julie Vowles, I hope we are wanting the right things in life, not be another Bill Gates.
Some people might say it is wrong to pay for grades. What if a child is working hard, pushing his/her limits and still gets B or C. We are just people, we are not perfect at absolutely everything, so trying to push your child to be perfect at everything might be too much. I know this is just about money, you get more if you have A than when you have B. Shouldn't we rather praise the effort than the result only. One child might be excellent at math, but may really suck at English,and with lots of effort can only get B or C. Or otherwise,just use this system, but explain to your child, that it is ok to have B or C, because they worked so hard, and tell them they don't need straight As to be loved or to be successful. Sometimes the average ( those with Bs and Cs ) people are the ones with success, happiness and money in adult life. Grades are not everything. If you have good grades but are vulnerable and not confident, you are not much better than people with Bs or Cs who have less knowledge but better life skills. We have to care about our kids emotional health and their interests too. If your child is not going to be an artist or an athlete than let them focus on math if they love it. Sure you want them to be successful AND happy, so we always need to look for some balance and understanding. Teach them to do their best, whatever that means for them. There are some kids who are great at almost anything, but there are also those who are only great at some things, but both of them can be successfull if they find something they love to do and they are good at it.
Excellent insight Anna - thanks. Remember our job is to love them no matter what and even if! DrPaul
Anna Cecylia I 100% agree with you!!! These were my thoughts exactly!.....I was one of those children myself!
Anna Cecylia yeah! I think the same! I do not push my boys at all, I always tell them as long as they try their best,I do not look at the scores what they get I look at their mental health and physical health first! I do not want they get A or A+ by everything turn mental they will get sick by so much stress! So as long as they put their effort on it, I am ok! I do not care when they grow up they are ceos or drs or lawyers or work in Burger King or Starbucks , I just simply want they r happy and healthy! Making enough $ to make a living and pay bills, that is perfect for me! I do not need them to be famous and be millionaires, etc! No I do not want that, I just want they have a simple life !
😢😢😢😢love the vedeo
Thank you!
My job as a parent….is to enjoy being a parent. It is an experience that you can waste or cherish.
So true.
!
Thanks for watching.
Not everyone who works at 2:00 am did not do their homework or is lazy. They are working and taking care of their family.
Rev NV, you are right, some are doing the best they can and supporting a family or working a second job or going to school. This father found the way to make a point to his son that would sink in for him. It may be different for someone else.
I'm sure the man with the son knows that, he seems very intelligent. Often times it's from lack of schooling. He just wants his son to understand what he is doing is limiting his options.
My son always says studying is boring, why do we study
I was not able to tell him why but now I can tell him
Perfect! You got this!
It’s kind of odd.
Thank you for watching.
What if they want to be on sports and say they don’t need to study :-(
Thank you for watching Live On Purpose TV, Sabrina Louise. Perhaps you can ask your children what they want to be when they grow up, then you can do a little research and find out what it takes to be in that profession (even if it's sports). Tell them what you found out, and explain that studying/doing well in school will help them reach that goal.
I have a 7 years old son and I struggle to make him doing homework.
This video was great idea.
I was impressed. I recognized that I love him and that is what most important.
It really is. Thanks for watching.
Smart man. I'm from China. We don't have a channel like this. Love it.
I love the wider audience. Thanks for watching.
Going back to the principles, reminding ourselves of our roles. Love them , no matter what! If we have a strong why we could figure out the way to do it.
There is always a way.
I think the bottom line is learning work ethics. How to become a good productive person. As a kid I was not so good at learning through language and numbers. The best way for me to learn was through doing. I loved learning new things, but I would lose hope in myself not understanding how to learn in the way school wanted me to learn. I have learned so much more through life experiences and doing things. I love how you tell parents to love their children no matter what. I think it wouldn’t have taken so long to gain the confidence I have now, if my parents had been like that.
belight44, good point, children learn differently, we can't expect them all to thrive in one way of learning.
Our son has a negative attitude and had become lazy at school yet all the feedback from people in our community was in praise of his work ethic. We decided to do homeschooling for a semester and it seems to be helping him make up his mind about his priorities. He is only 9 but has some other health and genetic things going on that I think help him think logically. He was too emotional at school. I hope he is content at school this Fall!
Tiger dads?
It's real.
this advice is amateurish at best. using money as a source of motivation! and fear? are we still living in Flintstone age ?
Thank you for watching.
This guy should have a BILLION subsctibers
Sandra Myers, that would be awesome, we want the positive parenting and personal development message to get out to everyone we can.
Who else is a teen watching this
Finn, there have been lots over the years.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV oh sick thanks for replying!