I'm not a parent, I'm a teenager, but I still love waching these videos. I feel bad for my parents alot of times, and I like knowing how to make things easier for them.
I like the "do over" - I've done that before and my daughter looked at me like I was insane, and was mad.. but she eventually gave in and smiled at me.
I cannot thank you enough for all the clarification I got from your videos. I have four children and the eldest is a teenager, so this is my first encounter with the demands of parenting a teenager, which indeed is a turbulent ride. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for showing me how to enjoy the ride, despite the fact how bumpy it can often be.
Teenagers are a whole different animal - ooh you are so right Dr Paul! Thank you both for your advice and examples. Having a hard time at the moment with my 14 yrs old. You have open my mind "Enjoy the moment, enjoy them! Honour their experience"
I have a 12 year old Son and he’s already pushing boundaries!!! Thank you so much for your videos. I tried the “do over” with him last night and it went really well.
Hi. I am a 15 year old girl. Here’s some tips and insight... for what it’s worth I guess. I found this video in a group chat my mom is in with a lot of my friends moms.. “empathy” does not all of a sudden “kick in”... there are no stages. The term “stages” suggests that our emotions and outlooks progress in one direction as if we are not human beings with ever changing perspectives and emotions based upon events in our lives and what is going on in our head. Also, nobody likes to be referred to as an “animal” or a “different animal”. Many teenagers feel misunderstood. Try to relate to them. I wish I could say more but it’s hard to generalize a huge group of people. Also, I agree with the do over concept. Being a teenager is incredibly frustrating because we are told to act like adults yet feel that we are treated like children. I hope I was able to provide at least a little bit of a picture of some teenagers minds as a 15 year old.
Hey Paul and Vicki. Thanks so much for posting this. I really needed to see this today. I've had a horrible day, in lockdown, with my boy/girl twins today. They are at a stage where they join forces against me at the moment and they are so hurtful. Your tips and perspective advice is very helpful.
Mids Fam, I am so glad you found the video helpful. It's tough right now, I know. If you haven't already, please check out our Positive Parenting playlist for more tips and help: ua-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU.html. If you want to give your children something productive to do, perhaps you could have them watch some of the videos on our "Just for kids and teens" playlist: ua-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCicx6xcJ5ZJzVe9UBlRTQV.html. Thank you for watching - it's an honor to be on your team.
Junior high teacher here. THANK YOU ❤️ for all you do. Watching you inspired me to look back at my psychology and human development textbooks to read and explore tiny bit more in order to prepare myself well to serve my 120 students the best I can. Love you both. You are my angels! ❤️
Recap: 1. Understand control and maturity 2. Keep a positive perspective 3. Convey liking and enjoyment 4. Do do overs 5. Honor their experience and intelligence Happy parenting everyone.
You two have helped me so much. As I sat here crying, because I'm asking myself where is my little girl. Why is she acting like this, she is 13 turning 14 in a month. I had to take a moment to gather my emotions. But I still didnt know what to do with the way was acting, yelling at me, and asking help with homework. Then nevermind I know bow to do this...goes on. But I want to " thank you, both because I learned alot then I have learned lastnight with my 13 almost 14 outburst. You two gave some Good advice. Thanks again! For sharing your knowledge to help improve the relationship with family's
Please. I hope it’s not too late. Our twins are going off to college this summer. Our oldest twin is sooooo disrespectful. Damn if I do.. damn if I don’t. She calls me names, stomps around the house and makes demands. I am fighting this with love. I am in tears EVERY DAY. It hurts.
Tanya, you do not deserve to be treated in this manner. Please let her know that you expect her to treat you as she wanted to be treated. You may have to take away a few things to get her to listen.
Live On Purpose TV thank you. I will do this! We are in counseling. I am also trying to work on being a better parent and listener. It is a 2 way street and I want better for us. I love her very much. It does not help when my husband says nothing. All one sided parenting. I am appreciative of your videos. I am binge watching and taking notes. Your insight is very helpful.
Tanya, I feel for you. Going thru a similar situation myself. Accepting that the only person I can change is myself, along with being an example & consistency has helped a lot. Taking baby steps when needed with my 14 has begun to take affect. We aren't where I want to be but we aren't where we used to be! Keep going and don't back down. It's a process but you will see the light at the end of the tunnel!
Thank you for including the advice to enjoy the adventure and appreciate that your child is maybe not the same child as they transition through adolescence and to acknowledge the intensity and reality of their feelings. It's hard being a teenager and as parents we are so afraid for our kids and the inevitable pain of these years but they have to experience it for themselves and if we can be there to validate their experience it will make us a support to them instead of always a critic.
Thanks, Dr. Paul. Dealing with teens are difficult for sure. I have raised two, but stepping into a new relationship with my fianceé who has a 17 year old, who is a giant, has been more difficult, as he seems to try to use his size to intimidate his mom and then curses at her and is extremely disrespectful. He has never disrespected me, but as I am only there half-time, she struggles sometimes coming up with consequences that affects him. Once we are married, I am confident I can deal with it (thanks to your videos and his interactions with me when I am around), but in the meantime, she is struggling between being worn out from his behavior and trying to figure out how to deal with him without me and without dealing with the authorities (he isn't violent ... yet), just extremely ugly to his mother. I will continue to watch and learn!
Trannon Goble, have your fiance get clear on what she controls and what she doesn't. Don't go into a battle over what she doesn't control and control the rest. Be a support. Let him know that he will be responsible for his behavior.
The most helpful idea I got from this is the Do Over suggestion. Wish I had done this from the start but will start now. Thanks for these insightful videos.
I'm struggling with what to do about my teens hanging out with bad influences. I don't want to control their friends, but on the other hand I feel a need to protect them when they're young and vulnerable. Any advice?
SAME!!! Literally the day she turned 13, she became a woman (poor thing 😔) & her whole attitude and behavior was like night and day! I was like," where's my babygirl? I didn't give birth to you! Who are you?" And, "what did you do with my kid?" Now she's about to be 14...😬 Why do I feel like it's going to Be a long ride ? help!! 😆 I am not going to loose my 💩 💩 🙉🙈🙊😤🤬👽! Positive parenting self talk!!!! I can do this with ur help! Thanks y'all 😘
My daughter when she was young even send it to three years old I never went to the terrible twos are the trying threes or the 10 from fours she was just perfect and then at about 12 years old things started to change and when she started having her woman thing about nine months later everything just seems like it went downhill we are born again Christians she’s been raised in a Christian home she knows God we pray but none of that seem to matter now ( which I know is not true )she questions everything but these videos although they are not God centered they are very helpful because my daughter is actually my granddaughter whom We have had from birth these days and times are much different than when my children that I Birthed were growing up and they were struggles or two it was a hard time I wish I had known about some of this I just want to cry because everything makes sense and it’s not common sense to just realize that this is a process we take it personal and we feel like we failed as parents why is my child acting this way because somehow we failed and it’s not what it’s about they’re changing their finding themselves they are developing their own mind and their own feelings about things and even if we don’t agree with them the Bible says we are to train a child in the way they should go train is not control it’s guidance
@@MMESTETH8301 My daughter sounds similar - she turned 13 recently. Sometimes I think "does she even need me?" - of course, yes, very much, but it feels sometimes like she doesn't want us (not in a horrible way). I note your comment about your daughter being "perfect" - I would almost say the same, not much bother, liked to get things right, the odd meltdown but an apology later etc. I think that is it - the being in control and mastering things are not "enough" because, at this age/stage, they feel all over the place and don't know how to handle it. I think being around but allowing them space is crucial. Also, allowing time for conversations if they feel like it (not to push it). My daughter left her mobile at home when we went to the shops last week so I said how nice that was, ie I had hef attention more and we chatted more. Children often lack confidence although they appear to be streetwise, and they often need more praise and encouragement. I am trying to avoid being critical but explaining why I have a certain view (eg eating more fruit and less sugary stuff, reading and spending less time on devices). This is as much a reminder to myself as anything! Some days are difficult, others ok. I get the thing about faith too - my daughter is questioning everything ie science says there is "no proof" etc. I remind myself that it is quite normal - and good - at this stage to question things, and I say "of course there is not proof - it's not about proof".
"the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the glory of God" Habbakuk 2:14 Thanks again for all your selfless assistance, love to you both from England. I'm prepping way before the teen years arrive!! 🙏🙏
I always enjoy your content. Your channel is the first I visit when looking for parenting advice. I'd really love to see more teen content in the future please😊
Thank you for watching and trying to be a positive parent, Ezekiel 36. We have several resources for you. These 2 videos may be useful: "How Do You Deal With A Lazy Teenager?" - ua-cam.com/video/ndMhwIEzzUQ/v-deo.html "How To Motivate A Lazy Teenager" - ua-cam.com/video/pCK1FYW3z4o/v-deo.html There are others ideas on the Positive Parenting playlist: ua-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU.html We also have a free 25 minute parenting breakthrough call available with one of our Live On Purpose coaches. If you would like to take advantage of that, please schedule here: DrPaulJenkins.com/breakthroughcall
I'm so glad you're here, X & D Life. We have more for you on our Positive Parenting playlist: ua-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU.html Honored to have you at Live On Purpose TV!
I have a stage 3 girl at 16 and a stage 1 girl, sometimes like a 2 year old and hates me and blames me for her Papa passing from cancer 2 years ago. That child is making our life hell!
Claire PITSENBERGER, I am sincerely sorry for your loss. Having a close loved one pass away can be traumatic, especially for a younger person. Your daughter may need some coaching or counseling. We have a free 25 minute call with one of our Live On Purpose coaches. If you would like to take advantage of that, please go here to schedule a call: DrPaulJenkins.com/breakthroughcall Whether or not you choose that, we have a few videos that might be helpful in this particular situation: "How To Heal From A Traumatic Experience" - ua-cam.com/video/wZmfA2VYTrU/v-deo.html "How To Help My Daughter With Depression" - ua-cam.com/video/Ss6BYl2ngg8/v-deo.html "Teaching Kids Responsibility - Positive Parenting" - ua-cam.com/video/1SFIc2LsHyA/v-deo.html Thank you for watching; I hope we can be of service to you.
I am desperate. My daughter has done no school work since school shut down with COVID. She is on the path to failing Grade 10. She has been lying to us all this time about doing her work. We finally caught on when her teachers reached out. I have tried the nice positive route but I am completely at my wits end. My husband and I have busy jobs and are still working full time from home. I have two other kids to home school. I wish she would step up but she is not. We’ve arranged for calls with her teachers to prioritize her assignments and still she’s done nothing. When I try to help or try to take some control to help her set a schedule she completely shuts down. She won’t engage in anything else. The more I try to put consequences in front of her the more she pushes me away and shuts down. I fear there’s something else going on. HELP!!!!
Chantal MacLean, I understand your situation, this is difficult for everyone. Please remember that you cannot control your daughter's choices. I encourage you to continue trying consequences, but perhaps you can ask her for her input. This may seem strange, but find out what motivates her. If she can't come up with anything - that's fine, you can use your consequences. These videos may have additional ideas for you: "Didn't Plan on HOMESCHOOLING? Here's What To Do!" - ua-cam.com/video/MwrITq0Kbwo/v-deo.html "How To Get Kids To Study" - ua-cam.com/video/G-rJkgGsCVE/v-deo.html Here is another one that might be useful: "How To Motivate A Lazy Teenager" - ua-cam.com/video/pCK1FYW3z4o/v-deo.html Because you cannot control your daughter, please consider lowering your expectations of her. Otherwise you will end up very frustrated. Of course, as parents we don't want to do nothing. You can have that conversation with her where you explain what happens if she continues down this road, which possibly means repeating 10th grade, resulting in her friends moving up to 11th grade without her, loss of privileges at home, and anything else you know will be affected. Remember to show love and sympathy. Try to come up with solutions instead of focusing solely on the problem.
Hi doc...pls upload video abt controlling phone addiction in teenagers...this chap got hurt by mother's harsh words & prefer to go without food... for 3 days now... won't study even a week before public exams.
How would you teach an 11yr old preteen to handle internal and external expectations. I heard an interview by Robert kiyosaki with Gretchen Rubin, author of “The Four Tendencies,”. Could you cover how to develop good ways to handle expectations?
I was a teenager once , but i was raised with a cain in school and discipline at home , and today Im a Man . I have a teenage Son , and we parents have to understand them , love them , be scared of them and all that nonsense . i tell my Son .... do all the crap you want when you can afford to live on your own . Get married , have children and continue with the crap with your wife as well , as long as you do it in Your home . Not in my time . THEY CANT CAUSE , THEY ARE ALL BULLIES !! GIRLS OR BOYS !! Make military school a MUST then we will not need Gurus to tell us how to raise these opportunist kids . Amen
Im raising my grandson. Im ready to turn him over as a ward of the court!!! I have tried it all!!! He purposely does things to get me upset!!!! The thought that he does this makes me angry, because he purposelly wants to cause me to get upset!!! He doesn't let up!!! It doesnt matter what I do!!! He wants to be dufficult, he will be oppositional, in any little thing!!! Its fucking maddening!!! He'll pretend to compromise to get what he wants ,then he'll fuck me off!!! He purposely keeps the dishes he uses in his room til we dont have what we need. When I ask him to bring those dishes down, he'll throw out drama saying he doesn't have any dishes in his room!!! I tell him if he doesn't bring them down, Im going to, go to his room and get them myself! He tries to intimidate me!!! I take him 100% seriously!!! Then he'll tell me to shut up, he's just playing! Funny how he's just a kid and its okay for him to act the way he does , Im a grown ass adult and acting the way I do because of what he's doing.... Whats my problem, he says in a very mean manner! He has sociopathic or physcopathic tendencies! He is defiant, doesnt care what I say! He leaves after telling him no! Ive locked him out! He's not going to school, he doesnt come home by 11. Ive locked him out, he kicks the doors ,the windows, banging and hitting them!!! I called the police! They told me ,I couldnt lock him out! He is a minor and I cant get in trouble , go to jail for locking him out! Then he needs to get home before 11!!! He needs to followcthe rules or there will be consequences!!! I told them to take me to jail then!!! I have had police scolding me!!! All in front of him! Now he basically feels he can do any fucking thing he wants! Because the police wont do shit to him. I can call them he says because they aren't going to listen to me, they think Im crazy and they know I lie!!! He gets in my face, yells at me tells me if I touch him he's going to punch me so hard it will kill me!!! He's going to pick my ass up and throw me out onto the street so hard if I touch him, this while he is pushing me out the way because Im standing in his way!!! When he threatens me, or threatens to destroy my property I call the police. They come reluctantly now. Telling me I need to discipline him, one cop was more concerned that he was here a prior time when I had locked my grandson out ,did I remember him? Instead of the reason why I had called this time, which was he had taken the router ,the home hub and roku, because he wasn't allowed to use wifi, then he had punched a whole in the wall. But, what triggered was he was angry that his brother and sister were going to come and visit, thinking that it was going to mess up his plans to go visit out were they lived at his step grandmothers!!! He pops pills, smokes marijuana, drinks. Hes dirty purposelly goes into the fridge without washing his hands because it bothets me!!! Instead of just washing his hands, he wants to argue with me that he already washed them before getting to the house!!! I basically avoid him, I cant stand him!!! It doesnt matter what I do, he wants to provoke an argument, push my buttons!!! I tell him, Im not in the mood for your shit! Take your sick shit somewhere else!! I smile and let him do what he does, knowing he's doing everything to push my buttons!!! By making a mess in the kitchen purposely, leaving crumbs spilt juice whatever!!! If I dont tell him to clean up, he wont ,he doesnt even when I tell him to! He'll deny he did it!!! Saying it was already there! If he does clean it up its very little effort and not clean at all. He will, over react and go on and on about everything I follow through with!!! There are some things I will not let slide, everything os a battle with him! He wants to cause me harm, he said he was going to put me through hell before he turns 18 and leaves here! He scares me!!! The kind of scared that if he attempts to harm me ,I will fight for my life!! If I cant get away!!! Its killing me raising this boy!!! All the reasons I took guardianship of him have been for nothing!!! I e done everything Ive needed to do to give him the opportunity to succede, he has done nothing but, faught me ,going against everything that I have attempted to do to help him!!! I feel like i have failed him!!! I feel like , It was all for nothing!!! I was willing wanting to do this for my grandson!!! The reward was going to be his success! Over comming the tough behinning he had and succeding with my help and support , providing a stable home , environment ,his needs being met and building our relationship. He tells me I wasnt a good guardian! I have ruined his hole life!!! I felt like slapping him!!! I have sacraficed having a relationship! Traveling, staying home, making sure I was available for him! Because no one wanted to babysit him!! Je was thrown out of the after school program!!! I was dropped from a job training program twice because I had to miss , dealing with issues he was having at school!!! Funny how it was the times I was working to better myself. Now he'll yell all kinds of disrespecful things to me!!! I dont do shit all day ,sitting on my ass sewing!!! He says he doesnt have to clean up, I dont do shit , I dont go anywhere ,I can clean up!!! I tell him he's out of his mind!!! He will clean up after himself! Help!
Thanks for watching, Rachel Raya. I hear you and understand that your grandson's behaviors are frustrating to you. We have other videos on the Positive Parenting playlist at ua-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU.html. Unfortunately, you cannot control his actions and behavior. We do have success with the strategies in my videos, but there does have to be some willingness on the child's part to change. I give you tools in the videos and encourage you to try them. We even have a free 25 minute call with one of our Live On Purpose coaches available, if you want to try more specific helping strategies. To schedule the call, please go to DrPaulJenkins.com/breakthroughcall. As another option (perhaps less desirable), is to contact social services and see what they suggest as far as child counseling or another living placement goes. Best wishes to you. As a side note, we try to maintain a family-friendly environment here at Live On Purpose TV. In the future, please refrain from using profanity in the comments. I understand your frustration, and I ask that you please respect my request. Thank you.
I had a customer who sent her daughter to an attitude adjustment camp for two weeks. She went to a college prep school and developed a sassy attitude and started listening crude music. The camp was a therapy/survival week long hike in rough terrain. They had water and sandwiches. No electronics. They had to earn extra food for good manners. The daughter came back a new person! Talk to a child psychiatrist from a good background. I believe it's my way or the highway. One is not supposed to give a belt whoopin anymore. Take him to the county jail for a tour. He needs serious intervention. Maybe, a better school. However, he might be learning disabled and have serious emotional issues. No excuse. It seems like he hangs around bad kids that smoke. I wouldn't let him have anything, but a bed and five sets of clothes. Make him earn it back. Do not let him listen to low-income music like rap and hard tock. Have him run to get out and excercise until he's tired. Make sure he eats good nutrition. No chips, Takis, Gatorade, and soda. Plus a daily vitamin and a B complex. Tell him that he is too smart to act like a thug. Life is hard and it's not fair, but he needs a better life and job in the future.
My almost 13 year old daughter hates therapy, but I think she needs it because she has trouble communicating with teachers at school. She does communicate with me. She also has struggles with anxiety because she is the youngest in her 7th grade class. The school counselor mentioned that she was showing signs of depression but, I defenitly do not agree with him. I just think that she is very hard headed just like me. My husband said to my daughter that she does not to go to therapy if she does not want to do it, me on the other hand think that she needs her, but I do not want to force her. What do you think I should do?
K G Our kids become what we believe about them. If he is a step son, he has already gone through harrowing experience of broken relationships (whatever the reason) and most likely stuck in a defense mode to ineffectively shield himself from further trauma. Please believe in goodness he has in him. Much love to you, your family and your step son.
I have the same issue but he lost his birth mom and doesnt accept me .I made clear I am not his mom but he still has to respect me and listen to me as I also have to do the same.it needs to be mutual.really difficult as I have 3 children myself in different stages and they need and want my attention.a lot of peace and meditation needed to keep calm ;)
New subscriber. I’m desperate for advice mom of a rebellious teen 😫🤯🤯🤯I’m binge watching all videos on parenting for teens. 😅hopefully I can make changes before she’s 18
My teenage boy who is 14 years old is not as good with people as we want him to be. We don’t really let him go out except when we are with him. He’s always been shy around others since he was a kid. Our other children who are older and have already moved out, have never had these issues although they walked to and back to school. He gets great grades and everything and he always asks us to hang out with his friends but we are scared that something can happen to him. He has just recently turned to a stage 2 and talks to us less and less and only says his manners around the house like please and thank you but that’s it. Are we doing something wrong?
The more experiences he has, the better he will become. Figure out what interests him and get him in a group where he will be able to interact with others, make mistakes and learn from them.
Im hoping for some advice on what to do with a teen diagnosed with depression that is giving up on school. He's failing most classes and is starting to ditch classes. We try to take away xbox and tv, etc but then he tries to runaway to live with his grandma? His grandma is elderly and is in no shape to take him in. We dont want to give up on him. He seems like he's stuck on quitting school and being rebellious. Everything seems to be going downhill. We also have an 8 year old daughter and dont want this kind of behavior rubbing off on her. Should we call the police if he tries to runaway again? He's been in therapy before but it didnt seem to do much good. I still made him an appointment with a different therapist next week. Any help/advice is greatly appreciated.
What are you trying to accomplish by calling the police? They don't have much to offer. Try a different therapist and you can join our group at go.liveonpurposecentral.com.
My eldest is only ten but oh boy, one would think he's fifteen by his behavior. His father and I are divorced. I remarried and my husband has been raising my eldest since he was eleven months old. He uses my ex-husband against us and accuses us of abuse when he doesn't get his way. We've been doing positive parenting for about four years now and I feel like it's not working. Honestly, I'm not the greatest example of a gentle parent, but I do my best. I'm ashamed to admit that I have spanked him more than I would like to. Since my eldest has hit puberty he's ran away twice, accused my husband and I of abuse and neglect to the point where we had to go to court, screams at my husband and I and hits the walls and windows in our house when he gets in trouble for breaking the rules, hits and throws things at his brothers (1yo &4yo), and refuses to do his schoolwork (he's homeschooled). I'm emotionally and physically exhausted from trying to get him to understand that he doesn't get to do whatever he wants. He's only ten for crying out loud! I've tried having him sit on his hands, having him stand with his nose on the wall, taking privileges from him, AND the positive parenting tools I know. Nothing's working and I don't know what to do. Do you have any advise for a desperate and embarrassed mother?? Thank you
My daughter is now 17, but when she was 16 she decided to go live with her dad permanently (we had joined custody with equal time). He is the more lenient parent, I had more rules and expectations from her. She now only contacts me if she needs or wants something, but also has the attitude that she doesn’t need to listen to me anymore. I’m not sure how to turn things around. I want to help and do things for and with her, but I feel used. Do I let her use me or cut her off since she made the decision to go live with dad?
Keep the door open, lisa gaeta. That doesn't mean she gets to use you. Decide what you want to do for her and do it. Don't let her dictate what you need to do. If there is something the both of you enjoy, like a movie, do it together. Set limits and be firm with boundaries so you don't feel used. She will grow up.
Hi Liza, I’m in the exact same situation right now, EXACTLY. My daughter is 16 and just recently decided to pull away from me and consider her dad her main parent, and source of advice, I hold no control with her or influence. It’s been over a week since she left and today she told me she’s coming over basically to dictate the terms for the future. I feel so lost, alone, confused, rejected, angry,. I’m afraid I’m going to react badly, am terrified at losing her forever. Thanks for your comment, I’ve been scouring the internet for some form of advice or help.
rita henson, like I always say, it is about stage, not age. When they are being responsible and taking care of themselves, they will get more privilege and be treated like an adult since they are acting like one. Lots to say, not much space in a UA-cam Comment. Consider go.liveonpurposecentral.com.
Norma Miller, get clear on what you control and what you don't. You can't control what goes into your son's body, but maybe other things. I would seek help from a mental behavioral counselor who has more experience with what a parent can do.
My son is over 20 now . My husband is pushing him to join his business and my son is not yet ready to take responsibilities it seems . I have tried to convince my husband to be little easy on him ,let it be a gradual process but he and his parents dont get it . They want him to join and start tackling and learning whole thing . My son has problem to express himself before his father and grand parents ,he confines in me but that too not much . Recently when he spoke to me he looked helpless (he expressed he doesnt want to be part of this ). I am worried about him . I know he can do it but at his own pace , He has joined office just a month back and his father doesnt want him to take things so easily . I dont know what to tell my son and talking to my husband is useless ,i have done it many times ,which didnt work . Can you pls guide me on this . His father has kind of dominating tendency .
reena singh, you are being placed in the middle of a situation that is between your son and his father. He needs to let him know that he is not interested in the office and ask for his father's help in the career path he wants. You can consider some family counseling to sort out the situation.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV thank u sir for your quick reply . I have spoken to my husband at different times but it has not worked . I just want my husband to understand that let him move at his own pace rather than telling our boy that you dont have any other choice than listening to what we want you to do .
Do you have any resources to help guide me through having a blended family and having a young underdeveloped 18 year old daughter living with us that has no boundaries set. ??? I really need help to lead and guide my new family!!
Yes I can, Shawn Weaver. We offer coaching for individuals and families, www.drpauljenkins.com/breakthroughcall. You could consider a membership to Live On Purpose Central also, go.liveonpurposecentral.com. One membership will do for the whole family.
Yesterday my mother got home from work and realize that the trash was not taken out and blows wind out her mouth by telling and screaming and shouting so at heights at her 13 year old grandson throwing a argument and I got in and told her to call down not to yell ask him nicely but people defended that this is her apartment that she could tell and that things were not being done in the house that it's her right excuse to flight fight like too uncalmly.
Mom blew her top and so grandson was so tired what was happening 13 year old boy blew his top and throw a plastic plate right beside his mom it broke. Who cause is it?
Joyce A, I hear your frustration at what happened. I don't think yelling at someone is appropriate, no matter who where you are, just my opinion. Thank you for watching.
I'm in blended family with 2 different parenting perspectives. I have 4 young adults and my wife has 2 one 27 and a daughter at 18 which will be moving in with us, im more purposeful and she is way more passive. I'm about setting boundaries due to watching her daughters behavior and selfishness yet I want to create an atmosphere of safe and respectful as well as preparing her to manage money without running to family and her dad to give her money without responsibility and ownership,. Do you have any tools for me
Shawn Weaver, you are in a different place with step children and won't have as much impact on them. Allow your wife to parent. If you step in right away, your step daughter will resent you and it will lead to more strife in your home.
Hi, love your videos. Just one request. My 15 year old won't clean his teeth despite a recent abscess and a visit to the hospital. He still will not clean them. I've explained over and over the dangers and risks. He isn't rude, he stalls says he forgot, goes off and does something else. He tries everything humanly possible with so many excuses to avoid doing it, and when I confront him, he cries. Please can you help?
brandon sanders, let him know that he can do this. Let him know you have confidence in him and want the best for him. It is ultimately his choice. You might try to reward him.
My 14 year daughter has autism and she has been bullied at school for almost 2 years now. I'm starting to think she takes it out on me and her brother. She gets made really easly and then brakes down and twll me she had another bad day at school. I don't know what to do. Advice??
Hang in there Deidra - I've had other questions along these lines, and have invited an autism specialist to come in for a few videos in our September set. In the mean time, have you checked out our Parenting Power-up course? Free pre-listen here: parentingpowerup.com DrPaul
@@wendyloo4679 I have very few friends. My husband is my best friend. I don't have close friends. I have been stabbed in the back alot so I don't trust people. We have a policy is our schools against bullies, but does not necessarily work that well. You are from Malaysia? That's really cool! I also was in a very mentally abusive relationship with my ex husband and emotional from my parents. So it's been rough. I do go to therapy.
Hi. My 14 year old son has had it easy all his life, good grades with minimal effort. I am unable to motivate him now to put in more effort to go from good to excellent! Please help!
@@ceriblack9654 my parents are exactly like that and I want to get better grades like all A's and I inly get to play my ps4 on 2 to 4 hours a week its fustrating
Abhraleena Sanyal, we need to praise our kids for their effort, not their grades. This needs to be done early. Unfortunately in our society, kids know what the minimum they need to reach is and for some, that is enough. He will find what he is passionate about and excel in that. He may not be passionate about grades, but sounds like an amazing kid.
I believe in punishment for bad behavior. Take everything away starting with the phone. Everything, but the bed and five sets of cloths. Make them earn it back one at a time..
Removing access is a great way to discipline, Rather B Fishing. Personally, my non-negotiable items are love, air, water, food (meaning nutritious food, preferred food is negotiable), and shelter (not necessarily their own room or preferred clothing). Everything else is a privilege. Thanks for being at Live On Purpose TV.
Oh the games we play starting from an early age. The young child feels forced to eat vegetables at dinner time (parents in control), but the child is waiting to get the upper hand, by not co-operating during toilet training (when the child is in control). 'I will make you beg for it' says the child in their mind. The same type of game will be played at a later stage in life (teenager). You need to love me, that is your role - restricting access to technological gadgets/games is not true love - it is conditional, tantamount to abuse - hence teenager decides to leave home.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV I do agree with you. Some young people however have a way of choosing not to see the love and to appreciate the discipline - wanting to have things their own way, perhaps this indicates some psychological issues. Kind regards
From 15 to 18 and my daughter is still on the selfish self-centered stage. I hope that changes soon but I don’t for see that coming anytime soon. Y’all reason why she likes being as she refers to an adult is staying out late and partying she doesn’t want any responsibilities as an adult never has never will. Will be starting anger management courses soon and checking in with her probation officer. Yeah good times parenting is a shit show
I’m sorry Teenagers sucks. They know everything, they are powerful and the most wise creatures in the universe , very demanding yet they are fully dependent of the same people ( parents ) they take for granted. Many times very disrespectful.
Haha. I have 3 angry teenagers in our home who dictate the chores when I ask them to clean up 😂 their bathroom that they use. That's not my chore they say. It's been super frustrating 😣. we're calling their side of the house the ghetto. Lol
Hahaha jajaja hahaha, the ghetto 😂🤣😅😂🤣😅 I shouldn't be laughing here, I'm sorry! We shared one bathroom with 3 teens so I truly have sympathy. It's been my experience that the smell eventually goes with them! You're doing great!
June Myres, I wonder why they don't see it as their chore. Maybe have one of them in charge one day a week to clean it up? You can decide to let them live in it and bulldoze when they leave home. haha.
Sometimes i wonder i never thT none of these teaching just know u are to obey and honour your parents ,however I am here I am a boys mom thinking how I did it ,it will be the same ,how foolish
Sooo…..2 things………1.) I recommend you look up the definition of the word animal 2.) I’m not sure what kind of teens you have or know. But mine can go from being a beautifully curious butterfly to a bull with horns in literally half a second or one missed meal. Ha!
I'm not a parent, I'm a teenager, but I still love waching these videos. I feel bad for my parents alot of times, and I like knowing how to make things easier for them.
Mae, now that is Stage 3 behavior. You are going places.
I had a crush on L.
Awww
That's so sweet
Finally! We finally have the instruction videos that God forgot to send with our children when they were born! Priceless. LOL. Thanks Dr. Paul.
Haha, I'm not sure everyone would read the instructions if God did send them with the kiddos. ; ) I'm glad you're here though! Thanks again.
💯
I like the "do over" - I've done that before and my daughter looked at me like I was insane, and was mad.. but she eventually gave in and smiled at me.
Charlotte White, Awesome, it is such an effective tool. Kids get it.
Wow the do-over part really blew me away. The humility and maturity of this approach. Vicki, that was really powerful. 🙏🌱✨
mapahiyumon, isn't she great!
I cannot thank you enough for all the clarification I got from your videos. I have four children and the eldest is a teenager, so this is my first encounter with the demands of parenting a teenager, which indeed is a turbulent ride. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for showing me how to enjoy the ride, despite the fact how bumpy it can often be.
Natasa Vasic, I am glad you enjoying the journey, there will always be bumps, but we can weather them together.
Teenagers are a whole different animal - ooh you are so right Dr Paul! Thank you both for your advice and examples. Having a hard time at the moment with my 14 yrs old. You have open my mind "Enjoy the moment, enjoy them! Honour their experience"
Glad you enjoyed the video, Lan. Thanks for commenting.
I have a 12 year old Son and he’s already pushing boundaries!!! Thank you so much for your videos. I tried the “do over” with him last night and it went really well.
You got this!
Hi. I am a 15 year old girl. Here’s some tips and insight... for what it’s worth I guess.
I found this video in a group chat my mom is in with a lot of my friends moms.. “empathy” does not all of a sudden “kick in”... there are no stages. The term “stages” suggests that our emotions and outlooks progress in one direction as if we are not human beings with ever changing perspectives and emotions based upon events in our lives and what is going on in our head. Also, nobody likes to be referred to as an “animal” or a “different animal”.
Many teenagers feel misunderstood. Try to relate to them. I wish I could say more but it’s hard to generalize a huge group of people. Also, I agree with the do over concept. Being a teenager is incredibly frustrating because we are told to act like adults yet feel that we are treated like children. I hope I was able to provide at least a little bit of a picture of some teenagers minds as a 15 year old.
Linda Harper, thank you for commenting and giving everyone some perspective. You did great.
Linda Harper, you did an amazing job of articulating your point of view. Thank you for your insight & courage to say how you felt.
Raising a teenager is like being pecked to death by a chicken!
Ha ha, Lorry Ann. I hope there are some fun times also.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV I wouldn't trade my teenager for anything in this world or the next. She's the light of my life. ❤
Lorry Ann 💕 for real! 😂
My mom had this saying in the kitchen when we were growning up. It up set my sister so much.
Have to be consistent and be the parent, not their best friend.
Hey Paul and Vicki. Thanks so much for posting this. I really needed to see this today. I've had a horrible day, in lockdown, with my boy/girl twins today. They are at a stage where they join forces against me at the moment and they are so hurtful. Your tips and perspective advice is very helpful.
Mids Fam, I am so glad you found the video helpful. It's tough right now, I know. If you haven't already, please check out our Positive Parenting playlist for more tips and help: ua-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU.html. If you want to give your children something productive to do, perhaps you could have them watch some of the videos on our "Just for kids and teens" playlist: ua-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCicx6xcJ5ZJzVe9UBlRTQV.html. Thank you for watching - it's an honor to be on your team.
Junior high teacher here. THANK YOU ❤️ for all you do. Watching you inspired me to look back at my psychology and human development textbooks to read and explore tiny bit more in order to prepare myself well to serve my 120 students the best I can. Love you both. You are my angels! ❤️
That is awesome! You are a hero for working in Junior High. It is an interesting time in child development.
Recap:
1. Understand control and maturity
2. Keep a positive perspective
3. Convey liking and enjoyment
4. Do do overs
5. Honor their experience and intelligence
Happy parenting everyone.
Makiyoutube, honored to have you at Live On Purpose Parenting.
You two have helped me so much. As I sat here crying, because I'm asking myself where is my little girl. Why is she acting like this, she is 13 turning 14 in a month. I had to take a moment to gather my emotions. But I still didnt know what to do with the way was acting, yelling at me, and asking help with homework. Then nevermind I know bow to do this...goes on. But I want to " thank you, both because I learned alot then I have learned lastnight with my 13 almost 14 outburst. You two gave some Good advice. Thanks again! For sharing your knowledge to help improve the relationship with family's
Hang in there, Corina Zell, these are tough years, but we can get through them together (with our sanity).
I am in same boat now
I feel you girl I have twin girls who just turned 14 and two days after one twin just showed a whole different side .. 😭
Please. I hope it’s not too late. Our twins are going off to college this summer. Our oldest twin is sooooo disrespectful. Damn if I do.. damn if I don’t. She calls me names, stomps around the house and makes demands. I am fighting this with love. I am in tears EVERY DAY. It hurts.
Tanya, you do not deserve to be treated in this manner. Please let her know that you expect her to treat you as she wanted to be treated. You may have to take away a few things to get her to listen.
Live On Purpose TV thank you. I will do this! We are in counseling. I am also trying to work on being a better parent and listener. It is a 2 way street and I want better for us. I love her very much. It does not help when my husband says nothing. All one sided parenting. I am appreciative of your videos. I am binge watching and taking notes. Your insight is very helpful.
Tanya, I feel for you. Going thru a similar situation myself. Accepting that the only person I can change is myself, along with being an example & consistency has helped a lot. Taking baby steps when needed with my 14 has begun to take affect. We aren't where I want to be but we aren't where we used to be! Keep going and don't back down. It's a process but you will see the light at the end of the tunnel!
Thank you for including the advice to enjoy the adventure and appreciate that your child is maybe not the same child as they transition through adolescence and to acknowledge the intensity and reality of their feelings. It's hard being a teenager and as parents we are so afraid for our kids and the inevitable pain of these years but they have to experience it for themselves and if we can be there to validate their experience it will make us a support to them instead of always a critic.
alyson Maxwell, honored to be on your team.
Thanks, Dr. Paul. Dealing with teens are difficult for sure. I have raised two, but stepping into a new relationship with my fianceé who has a 17 year old, who is a giant, has been more difficult, as he seems to try to use his size to intimidate his mom and then curses at her and is extremely disrespectful. He has never disrespected me, but as I am only there half-time, she struggles sometimes coming up with consequences that affects him. Once we are married, I am confident I can deal with it (thanks to your videos and his interactions with me when I am around), but in the meantime, she is struggling between being worn out from his behavior and trying to figure out how to deal with him without me and without dealing with the authorities (he isn't violent ... yet), just extremely ugly to his mother. I will continue to watch and learn!
Trannon Goble, have your fiance get clear on what she controls and what she doesn't. Don't go into a battle over what she doesn't control and control the rest. Be a support. Let him know that he will be responsible for his behavior.
This is life giving! Thank you for sharing this wisdom. It is an answer to prayer! Bless you!
You are so welcome
The most helpful idea I got from this is the Do Over suggestion. Wish I had done this from the start but will start now. Thanks for these insightful videos.
Glad it was helpful!
I'm struggling with what to do about my teens hanging out with bad influences. I don't want to control their friends, but on the other hand I feel a need to protect them when they're young and vulnerable. Any advice?
azhotmom, have a good relationship and tell them you have some ideas and if they want to hear them to ask you.
Luv your videos thankgod you admitted that you jumped down his throat. I love your honesty... ❤️💛💖
So glad you are at Live On Purpose, Sarah Brennan.
Live On Purpose TV We love it... and truly enjoy your videos 🙏🏻💛
Yes my daughter was an Angel right up until teenager stage 🤦🏽♀️
donna yorke, I have heard that.
SAME!!! Literally the day she turned 13, she became a woman (poor thing 😔) & her whole attitude and behavior was like night and day!
I was like," where's my babygirl? I didn't give birth to you! Who are you?"
And, "what did you do with my kid?" Now she's about to be 14...😬
Why do I feel like it's going to Be a long ride ?
help!! 😆
I am not going to loose my 💩 💩 🙉🙈🙊😤🤬👽! Positive parenting self talk!!!! I can do this with ur help!
Thanks y'all 😘
My daughter when she was young even send it to three years old I never went to the terrible twos are the trying threes or the 10 from fours she was just perfect and then at about 12 years old things started to change and when she started having her woman thing about nine months later everything just seems like it went downhill we are born again Christians she’s been raised in a Christian home she knows God we pray but none of that seem to matter now ( which I know is not true )she questions everything but these videos although they are not God centered they are very helpful because my daughter is actually my granddaughter whom We have had from birth these days and times are much different than when my children that I Birthed were growing up and they were struggles or two it was a hard time I wish I had known about some of this I just want to cry because everything makes sense and it’s not common sense to just realize that this is a process we take it personal and we feel like we failed as parents why is my child acting this way because somehow we failed and it’s not what it’s about they’re changing their finding themselves they are developing their own mind and their own feelings about things and even if we don’t agree with them the Bible says we are to train a child in the way they should go train is not control it’s guidance
@@MMESTETH8301 My daughter sounds similar - she turned 13 recently. Sometimes I think "does she even need me?" - of course, yes, very much, but it feels sometimes like she doesn't want us (not in a horrible way). I note your comment about your daughter being "perfect" - I would almost say the same, not much bother, liked to get things right, the odd meltdown but an apology later etc. I think that is it - the being in control and mastering things are not "enough" because, at this age/stage, they feel all over the place and don't know how to handle it. I think being around but allowing them space is crucial. Also, allowing time for conversations if they feel like it (not to push it). My daughter left her mobile at home when we went to the shops last week so I said how nice that was, ie I had hef attention more and we chatted more. Children often lack confidence although they appear to be streetwise, and they often need more praise and encouragement. I am trying to avoid being critical but explaining why I have a certain view (eg eating more fruit and less sugary stuff, reading and spending less time on devices). This is as much a reminder to myself as anything! Some days are difficult, others ok. I get the thing about faith too - my daughter is questioning everything ie science says there is "no proof" etc. I remind myself that it is quite normal - and good - at this stage to question things, and I say "of course there is not proof - it's not about proof".
Thank you..2023 and so good for me
You are welcome.
You two are an absolutely beautiful example.. subscribed!
Thank you for subscribing, Mother Magical. You are a part of a wonderful community now.
A
Do overs, sound like a great idea.
Really enjoy your videos. Thanks to both of you
CAROLYN M SCOTTI, we are honored to be on your team.
Another wonderful video !
Thank you.
A great majority of people want to be a good parent , but don't know how , because they themselves came from a dysfunctional family .
Dr . A . Rosenberg, yes, we are seeking to change the programming and come up with something more positive and hopeful. We can do this.
"the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the glory of God" Habbakuk 2:14
Thanks again for all your selfless assistance, love to you both from England. I'm prepping way before the teen years arrive!! 🙏🙏
Wish I would have found this channel 4 years ago.
S. B., so do I. Glad we met up now. Please share with others who might benefit so they don't have to wait as long.
I always enjoy your content.
Your channel is the first I visit when looking for parenting advice. I'd really love to see more teen content in the future please😊
whatever it takes, thank you for the input
EXACTLY MY KIDS
Amal Cooper, we are here for you. Thanks for watching.
Oh, I really appreciate it!!!!! Thanks and congratulations from Brazil
You are welcome, Deivid Paulino! Honored to be on your team.
Wow! Asking for a do over, I can do that thank you
Tammy, it is a game changer.
I needed this a while back ....but it's super useful now thank you
Deborah Wood, you are welcome. Please consider sharing with someone who may need it now.
I like the do over part
It is a game changer.
Dr. Paul is like that really cool teacher majority of us had in high school 😁 you guys are a great couple. Thank you for all the advice!
Our pleasure! Thank you for being in our positive community.
Thank. You.
You are welcome.
Great and clear information. Thank you for honest and beautiful work.
You are welcome, Clarin 2019. Honored to be on your team!
Really appreciate the emphasis on liking and appreciating my teenager.
I love teenagers, Aveline B. There is so much to like and appreciate.
This was the video of advice I needed today, Thanks!
Happy to help!
My teen is lazy rude and obnoxious. I used to adore the kid but I find it difficult to like him now. How do I move on from here?
Thank you for watching and trying to be a positive parent, Ezekiel 36. We have several resources for you. These 2 videos may be useful:
"How Do You Deal With A Lazy Teenager?" - ua-cam.com/video/ndMhwIEzzUQ/v-deo.html
"How To Motivate A Lazy Teenager" - ua-cam.com/video/pCK1FYW3z4o/v-deo.html
There are others ideas on the Positive Parenting playlist: ua-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU.html
We also have a free 25 minute parenting breakthrough call available with one of our Live On Purpose coaches. If you would like to take advantage of that, please schedule here: DrPaulJenkins.com/breakthroughcall
Parenting is frustrating, especially when it's just one parent! I might get to stage 2 then back on 1 on my 14 yr old!
Alondra, I agree. Parenting is frustrating, stick with it, your child won't be 14 forever.
Perfect timing coming across your videos... i will try to incorporate this in our home. Feel like I yell and fuss at him all the time
I'm so glad you're here, X & D Life. We have more for you on our Positive Parenting playlist: ua-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU.html
Honored to have you at Live On Purpose TV!
@@LiveOnPurposeTV thank you
Thank you ❤❤❤
You're welcome 😊
I wish you have more topics on young adult situation w/c I think is harder for us a parents to tackle 😒🙁
VFit BHAPPY, I hear you, we are working on this, more videos and adding more content, including a course to Live On Purpose Central.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Great to hear that, Doc ! Can’t wait. Watching your videos make me feel like a stronger mindful parent. Thank you.
VFit BHAPPY I mean I'm a teen just love them give them a hug even if we act like we don't want it we need it
@@caitlinmc2831 🤔 thanks for the reminding of hugging them.
Great advices..thanks..
You're welcome, Daicy & Mia Luv.
This is amazing. Thank you so much
You're very welcome!
I have a stage 3 girl at 16 and a stage 1 girl, sometimes like a 2 year old and hates me and blames me for her Papa passing from cancer 2 years ago. That child is making our life hell!
Claire PITSENBERGER, I am sincerely sorry for your loss.
Having a close loved one pass away can be traumatic, especially for a younger person. Your daughter may need some coaching or counseling. We have a free 25 minute call with one of our Live On Purpose coaches. If you would like to take advantage of that, please go here to schedule a call: DrPaulJenkins.com/breakthroughcall
Whether or not you choose that, we have a few videos that might be helpful in this particular situation:
"How To Heal From A Traumatic Experience" - ua-cam.com/video/wZmfA2VYTrU/v-deo.html
"How To Help My Daughter With Depression" - ua-cam.com/video/Ss6BYl2ngg8/v-deo.html
"Teaching Kids Responsibility - Positive Parenting" - ua-cam.com/video/1SFIc2LsHyA/v-deo.html
Thank you for watching; I hope we can be of service to you.
I am desperate. My daughter has done no school work since school shut down with COVID. She is on the path to failing Grade 10. She has been lying to us all this time about doing her work. We finally caught on when her teachers reached out. I have tried the nice positive route but I am completely at my wits end. My husband and I have busy jobs and are still working full time from home. I have two other kids to home school. I wish she would step up but she is not. We’ve arranged for calls with her teachers to prioritize her assignments and still she’s done nothing. When I try to help or try to take some control to help her set a schedule she completely shuts down. She won’t engage in anything else. The more I try to put consequences in front of her the more she pushes me away and shuts down. I fear there’s something else going on. HELP!!!!
Chantal MacLean, I understand your situation, this is difficult for everyone. Please remember that you cannot control your daughter's choices. I encourage you to continue trying consequences, but perhaps you can ask her for her input. This may seem strange, but find out what motivates her. If she can't come up with anything - that's fine, you can use your consequences. These videos may have additional ideas for you:
"Didn't Plan on HOMESCHOOLING? Here's What To Do!" - ua-cam.com/video/MwrITq0Kbwo/v-deo.html
"How To Get Kids To Study" - ua-cam.com/video/G-rJkgGsCVE/v-deo.html
Here is another one that might be useful:
"How To Motivate A Lazy Teenager" - ua-cam.com/video/pCK1FYW3z4o/v-deo.html
Because you cannot control your daughter, please consider lowering your expectations of her. Otherwise you will end up very frustrated. Of course, as parents we don't want to do nothing. You can have that conversation with her where you explain what happens if she continues down this road, which possibly means repeating 10th grade, resulting in her friends moving up to 11th grade without her, loss of privileges at home, and anything else you know will be affected. Remember to show love and sympathy. Try to come up with solutions instead of focusing solely on the problem.
In stage one. It’s hard - how did this happen? Do we even really ever know our son? 😔
Rob K, teens seem to change. They can be at stage 1 in something and 3 in another. Stay with them, the real person is emerging.
Hi doc...pls upload video abt controlling phone addiction in teenagers...this chap got hurt by mother's harsh words & prefer to go without food... for 3 days now... won't study even a week before public exams.
Search the playlist for teens, we have a few videos on there dealing with phones.
How would you teach an 11yr old preteen to handle internal and external expectations. I heard an interview by Robert kiyosaki with Gretchen Rubin, author of “The Four Tendencies,”. Could you cover how to develop good ways to handle expectations?
I don't want a channel I'm just commenting, thank you for the idea, I will add it to the development list.
I was a teenager once , but i was raised with a cain in school and discipline at home , and today Im a Man . I have a teenage Son , and we parents have to understand them , love them , be scared of them and all that nonsense . i tell my Son .... do all the crap you want when you can afford to live on your own . Get married , have children and continue with the crap with your wife as well , as long as you do it in Your home . Not in my time . THEY CANT CAUSE , THEY ARE ALL BULLIES !! GIRLS OR BOYS !! Make military school a MUST then we will not need Gurus to tell us how to raise these opportunist kids . Amen
kbk, thank you for watching and commenting.
Im raising my grandson.
Im ready to turn him over as a ward of the court!!!
I have tried it all!!!
He purposely does things to get me upset!!!!
The thought that he does this makes me angry, because he purposelly wants to cause me to get upset!!!
He doesn't let up!!!
It doesnt matter what I do!!!
He wants to be dufficult, he will be oppositional, in any little thing!!!
Its fucking maddening!!!
He'll pretend to compromise to get what he wants ,then he'll fuck me off!!! He purposely keeps the dishes he uses in his room til we dont have what we need. When I ask him to bring those dishes down, he'll throw out drama saying he doesn't have any dishes in his room!!!
I tell him if he doesn't bring them down, Im going to, go to his room and get them myself!
He tries to intimidate me!!!
I take him 100% seriously!!!
Then he'll tell me to shut up, he's just playing!
Funny how he's just a kid and its okay for him to act the way he does , Im a grown ass adult and acting the way I do because of what he's doing....
Whats my problem, he says in a very mean manner!
He has sociopathic or physcopathic tendencies!
He is defiant, doesnt care what I say! He leaves after telling him no! Ive locked him out! He's not going to school, he doesnt come home by 11. Ive locked him out, he kicks the doors ,the windows, banging and hitting them!!! I called the police! They told me ,I couldnt lock him out! He is a minor and I cant get in trouble , go to jail for locking him out!
Then he needs to get home before 11!!! He needs to followcthe rules or there will be consequences!!!
I told them to take me to jail then!!!
I have had police scolding me!!! All in front of him! Now he basically feels he can do any fucking thing he wants! Because the police wont do shit to him. I can call them he says because they aren't going to listen to me, they think Im crazy and they know I lie!!!
He gets in my face, yells at me tells me if I touch him he's going to punch me so hard it will kill me!!! He's going to pick my ass up and throw me out onto the street so hard if I touch him, this while he is pushing me out the way because Im standing in his way!!!
When he threatens me, or threatens to destroy my property I call the police. They come reluctantly now. Telling me I need to discipline him, one cop was more concerned that he was here a prior time when I had locked my grandson out ,did I remember him?
Instead of the reason why I had called this time, which was he had taken the router ,the home hub and roku, because he wasn't allowed to use wifi, then he had punched a whole in the wall. But, what triggered was he was angry that his brother and sister were going to come and visit, thinking that it was going to mess up his plans to go visit out were they lived at his step grandmothers!!!
He pops pills, smokes marijuana, drinks. Hes dirty purposelly goes into the fridge without washing his hands because it bothets me!!! Instead of just washing his hands, he wants to argue with me that he already washed them before getting to the house!!!
I basically avoid him, I cant stand him!!! It doesnt matter what I do, he wants to provoke an argument, push my buttons!!!
I tell him, Im not in the mood for your shit! Take your sick shit somewhere else!!
I smile and let him do what he does, knowing he's doing everything to push my buttons!!!
By making a mess in the kitchen purposely, leaving crumbs spilt juice whatever!!! If I dont tell him to clean up, he wont ,he doesnt even when I tell him to! He'll deny he did it!!! Saying it was already there! If he does clean it up its very little effort and not clean at all.
He will, over react and go on and on about everything I follow through with!!!
There are some things I will not let slide, everything os a battle with him! He wants to cause me harm, he said he was going to put me through hell before he turns 18 and leaves here!
He scares me!!! The kind of scared that if he attempts to harm me ,I will fight for my life!! If I cant get away!!!
Its killing me raising this boy!!! All the reasons I took guardianship of him have been for nothing!!! I e done everything Ive needed to do to give him the opportunity to succede, he has done nothing but, faught me ,going against everything that I have attempted to do to help him!!!
I feel like i have failed him!!! I feel like , It was all for nothing!!!
I was willing wanting to do this for my grandson!!! The reward was going to be his success! Over comming the tough behinning he had and succeding with my help and support , providing a stable home , environment ,his needs being met and building our relationship.
He tells me I wasnt a good guardian! I have ruined his hole life!!! I felt like slapping him!!! I have sacraficed having a relationship! Traveling, staying home, making sure I was available for him! Because no one wanted to babysit him!! Je was thrown out of the after school program!!! I was dropped from a job training program twice because I had to miss , dealing with issues he was having at school!!! Funny how it was the times I was working to better myself.
Now he'll yell all kinds of disrespecful things to me!!! I dont do shit all day ,sitting on my ass sewing!!!
He says he doesnt have to clean up, I dont do shit , I dont go anywhere ,I can clean up!!!
I tell him he's out of his mind!!! He will clean up after himself!
Help!
Thanks for watching, Rachel Raya. I hear you and understand that your grandson's behaviors are frustrating to you. We have other videos on the Positive Parenting playlist at ua-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU.html.
Unfortunately, you cannot control his actions and behavior. We do have success with the strategies in my videos, but there does have to be some willingness on the child's part to change. I give you tools in the videos and encourage you to try them. We even have a free 25 minute call with one of our Live On Purpose coaches available, if you want to try more specific helping strategies. To schedule the call, please go to DrPaulJenkins.com/breakthroughcall.
As another option (perhaps less desirable), is to contact social services and see what they suggest as far as child counseling or another living placement goes. Best wishes to you.
As a side note, we try to maintain a family-friendly environment here at Live On Purpose TV. In the future, please refrain from using profanity in the comments. I understand your frustration, and I ask that you please respect my request. Thank you.
Please watch Ricky smiley on you tube on disrespectful teens
I had a customer who sent her daughter to an attitude adjustment camp for two weeks. She went to a college prep school and developed a sassy attitude and started listening crude music. The camp was a therapy/survival week long hike in rough terrain. They had water and sandwiches. No electronics. They had to earn extra food for good manners. The daughter came back a new person! Talk to a child psychiatrist from a good background. I believe it's my way or the highway. One is not supposed to give a belt whoopin anymore. Take him to the county jail for a tour. He needs serious intervention. Maybe, a better school. However, he might be learning disabled and have serious emotional issues. No excuse. It seems like he hangs around bad kids that smoke. I wouldn't let him have anything, but a bed and five sets of clothes. Make him earn it back. Do not let him listen to low-income music like rap and hard tock. Have him run to get out and excercise until he's tired. Make sure he eats good nutrition. No chips, Takis, Gatorade, and soda. Plus a daily vitamin and a B complex. Tell him that he is too smart to act like a thug. Life is hard and it's not fair, but he needs a better life and job in the future.
My almost 13 year old daughter hates therapy, but I think she needs it because she has trouble communicating with teachers at school. She does communicate with me. She also has struggles with anxiety because she is the youngest in her 7th grade class. The school counselor mentioned that she was showing signs of depression but, I defenitly do not agree with him. I just think that she is very hard headed just like me. My husband said to my daughter that she does not to go to therapy if she does not want to do it, me on the other hand think that she needs her, but I do not want to force her. What do you think I should do?
If she is against it she probably won't get much out of it.
Great dialogue! Thanks!
Thanks, Isabel Gil. Glad to have you at the channel.
Step son is still in stage one because he is narcissist behavior... He doesn't have empathy
Ugh! Keep at it, K G. He will hopefully step up his game soon.
K G Our kids become what we believe about them. If he is a step son, he has already gone through harrowing experience of broken relationships (whatever the reason) and most likely stuck in a defense mode to ineffectively shield himself from further trauma. Please believe in goodness he has in him. Much love to you, your family and your step son.
I have the same issue but he lost his birth mom and doesnt accept me .I made clear I am not his mom but he still has to respect me and listen to me as I also have to do the same.it needs to be mutual.really difficult as I have 3 children myself in different stages and they need and want my attention.a lot of peace and meditation needed to keep calm ;)
Do over is the best thing ever:)
paminhenan, we have used it in our family, it does.
New subscriber. I’m desperate for advice mom of a rebellious teen 😫🤯🤯🤯I’m binge watching all videos on parenting for teens. 😅hopefully I can make changes before she’s 18
Bla Bla, welcome to Live On Purpose TV, glad you are here.
My 13 year old nearly 6ft tall and acts like a grown man..yet, his kid self is in there somewhere..he struggling fitting in ANYWHERE
Christina P, 13 is such a tough age. Hang in there, everything will make more sense to you and him soon.
How do we encourage Teenagers to share their ideas in the Classroom situation?
It has to be safe for teens to speak out. They need to know they won't be mocked or teased. Set up some rules and enforce them.
Thanx so much.
Shireen Hendricks, you are welcome.
My teenage boy who is 14 years old is not as good with people as we want him to be. We don’t really let him go out except when we are with him. He’s always been shy around others since he was a kid. Our other children who are older and have already moved out, have never had these issues although they walked to and back to school. He gets great grades and everything and he always asks us to hang out with his friends but we are scared that something can happen to him. He has just recently turned to a stage 2 and talks to us less and less and only says his manners around the house like please and thank you but that’s it. Are we doing something wrong?
The more experiences he has, the better he will become. Figure out what interests him and get him in a group where he will be able to interact with others, make mistakes and learn from them.
Im hoping for some advice on what to do with a teen diagnosed with depression that is giving up on school. He's failing most classes and is starting to ditch classes. We try to take away xbox and tv, etc but then he tries to runaway to live with his grandma? His grandma is elderly and is in no shape to take him in. We dont want to give up on him. He seems like he's stuck on quitting school and being rebellious. Everything seems to be going downhill. We also have an 8 year old daughter and dont want this kind of behavior rubbing off on her. Should we call the police if he tries to runaway again? He's been in therapy before but it didnt seem to do much good. I still made him an appointment with a different therapist next week. Any help/advice is greatly appreciated.
What are you trying to accomplish by calling the police? They don't have much to offer. Try a different therapist and you can join our group at go.liveonpurposecentral.com.
My eldest is only ten but oh boy, one would think he's fifteen by his behavior. His father and I are divorced. I remarried and my husband has been raising my eldest since he was eleven months old. He uses my ex-husband against us and accuses us of abuse when he doesn't get his way. We've been doing positive parenting for about four years now and I feel like it's not working. Honestly, I'm not the greatest example of a gentle parent, but I do my best. I'm ashamed to admit that I have spanked him more than I would like to. Since my eldest has hit puberty he's ran away twice, accused my husband and I of abuse and neglect to the point where we had to go to court, screams at my husband and I and hits the walls and windows in our house when he gets in trouble for breaking the rules, hits and throws things at his brothers (1yo &4yo), and refuses to do his schoolwork (he's homeschooled). I'm emotionally and physically exhausted from trying to get him to understand that he doesn't get to do whatever he wants. He's only ten for crying out loud! I've tried having him sit on his hands, having him stand with his nose on the wall, taking privileges from him, AND the positive parenting tools I know. Nothing's working and I don't know what to do. Do you have any advise for a desperate and embarrassed mother?? Thank you
Ashley Redden, time to get him evaluated and into counseling.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV evaluated for what?
Thank you very much 🙏
You are welcome, Helo Castilho.
My daughter is now 17, but when she was 16 she decided to go live with her dad permanently (we had joined custody with equal time). He is the more lenient parent, I had more rules and expectations from her. She now only contacts me if she needs or wants something, but also has the attitude that she doesn’t need to listen to me anymore. I’m not sure how to turn things around. I want to help and do things for and with her, but I feel used. Do I let her use me or cut her off since she made the decision to go live with dad?
Keep the door open, lisa gaeta. That doesn't mean she gets to use you. Decide what you want to do for her and do it. Don't let her dictate what you need to do. If there is something the both of you enjoy, like a movie, do it together. Set limits and be firm with boundaries so you don't feel used. She will grow up.
Hi Liza, I’m in the exact same situation right now, EXACTLY. My daughter is 16 and just recently decided to pull away from me and consider her dad her main parent, and source of advice, I hold no control with her or influence. It’s been over a week since she left and today she told me she’s coming over basically to dictate the terms for the future. I feel so lost, alone, confused, rejected, angry,.
I’m afraid I’m going to react badly, am terrified at losing her forever. Thanks for your comment, I’ve been scouring the internet for some form of advice or help.
great vid, but pls fix your audio problems. The video suddenly turns down in volume every now and then. A little annoying and distracting
Thank you for the feedback, Tracey Wright. I will talk to my team.
Damn this is the real tea ☕️
Elle Marie, honored to be on your team.
Do you have advice for adult children with special needs who are behaving like a teenager wanting to be treated like an adult?
rita henson, like I always say, it is about stage, not age. When they are being responsible and taking care of themselves, they will get more privilege and be treated like an adult since they are acting like one. Lots to say, not much space in a UA-cam Comment. Consider go.liveonpurposecentral.com.
True, teens are not kids. Different animal different strategy.
Yep, just as we think we have a stage figured out, bam! they change on us. Parenting is fluid.
I love my teen no matter what but how do I deal with my teen coming home strung on drugs? Since I can't control the drug use?
Norma Miller, get clear on what you control and what you don't. You can't control what goes into your son's body, but maybe other things. I would seek help from a mental behavioral counselor who has more experience with what a parent can do.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV why we specifically a mental behavioural counselor?
norma watch Ricky smiley on you tube on disrespectful Teens .
I just found you. My kids are 15 and 13. I wish I had started watching your stuff soooo much earlier! You’re fantastic!
Thanks so much!!
My son is over 20 now . My husband is pushing him to join his business and my son is not yet ready to take responsibilities it seems . I have tried to convince my husband to be little easy on him ,let it be a gradual process but he and his parents dont get it . They want him to join and start tackling and learning whole thing . My son has problem to express himself before his father and grand parents ,he confines in me but that too not much . Recently when he spoke to me he looked helpless (he expressed he doesnt want to be part of this ). I am worried about him . I know he can do it but at his own pace , He has joined office just a month back and his father doesnt want him to take things so easily . I dont know what to tell my son and talking to my husband is useless ,i have done it many times ,which didnt work . Can you pls guide me on this . His father has kind of dominating tendency .
reena singh, you are being placed in the middle of a situation that is between your son and his father. He needs to let him know that he is not interested in the office and ask for his father's help in the career path he wants. You can consider some family counseling to sort out the situation.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV thank u sir for your quick reply . I have spoken to my husband at different times but it has not worked . I just want my husband to understand that let him move at his own pace rather than telling our boy that you dont have any other choice than listening to what we want you to do .
Do you have any resources to help guide me through having a blended family and having a young underdeveloped 18 year old daughter living with us that has no boundaries set. ??? I really need help to lead and guide my new family!!
Yes I can, Shawn Weaver. We offer coaching for individuals and families, www.drpauljenkins.com/breakthroughcall. You could consider a membership to Live On Purpose Central also, go.liveonpurposecentral.com. One membership will do for the whole family.
Yesterday my mother got home from work and realize that the trash was not taken out and blows wind out her mouth by telling and screaming and shouting so at heights at her 13 year old grandson throwing a argument and I got in and told her to call down not to yell ask him nicely but people defended that this is her apartment that she could tell and that things were not being done in the house that it's her right excuse to flight fight like too uncalmly.
That it's mom apartment she could yell if she wants to.
My older brother is 28 would defend for her.
Mom blew her top and so grandson was so tired what was happening 13 year old boy blew his top and throw a plastic plate right beside his mom it broke. Who cause is it?
Breaking things a plate.
Joyce A, I hear your frustration at what happened. I don't think yelling at someone is appropriate, no matter who where you are, just my opinion. Thank you for watching.
I'm in blended family with 2 different parenting perspectives. I have 4 young adults and my wife has 2 one 27 and a daughter at 18 which will be moving in with us, im more purposeful and she is way more passive. I'm about setting boundaries due to watching her daughters behavior and selfishness yet I want to create an atmosphere of safe and respectful as well as preparing her to manage money without running to family and her dad to give her money without responsibility and ownership,. Do you have any tools for me
Shawn Weaver, you are in a different place with step children and won't have as much impact on them. Allow your wife to parent. If you step in right away, your step daughter will resent you and it will lead to more strife in your home.
Hi, love your videos. Just one request. My 15 year old won't clean his teeth despite a recent abscess and a visit to the hospital. He still will not clean them. I've explained over and over the dangers and risks. He isn't rude, he stalls says he forgot, goes off and does something else. He tries everything humanly possible with so many excuses to avoid doing it, and when I confront him, he cries. Please can you help?
brandon sanders, let him know that he can do this. Let him know you have confidence in him and want the best for him. It is ultimately his choice. You might try to reward him.
Hi, any tips on how to make teenagers put down their phones and do something else ?
Sara od, phones are turned in after school until the chores are done.
The world would be a much better place if more adults were in stage 3.
Agreed!!!
I love the word convey.l had similar experienced ...sis Vicky. Sometimes they are like King Kong.Ha! ha!. Thank you!(lovely couple) from Malaysia 😎
Thanks Wendy - so glad you're still watching! DrPaul
Still waiting for stage 3
Mar-C Diaz, hang in there.
Love the do over.... I've made plenty of mistakes... Some a bit bad. We so talk it out. But a do over is good. Wish I could do over the last 5 years
We all need do overs, that is why we get to wake up to a new day, Susan Ripton. Hang in there.
your wife is awesome! I like her advice, and she's funny, makes me laugh
Charlotte White, thanks, I love it when she gets to join me, we are taping again in two days. There will be lots of outtakes.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV We live in Maryland e s. t. , what day n time do you think you'll be posting? or are you doing something live?
My 14 year daughter has autism and she has been bullied at school for almost 2 years now. I'm starting to think she takes it out on me and her brother. She gets made really easly and then brakes down and twll me she had another bad day at school. I don't know what to do. Advice??
Hang in there Deidra - I've had other questions along these lines, and have invited an autism specialist to come in for a few videos in our September set. In the mean time, have you checked out our Parenting Power-up course? Free pre-listen here: parentingpowerup.com
DrPaul
Hi l'm Wendy .. do watch Dr Paul Jenkins video 😎 don't give up.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thank you
@@wendyloo4679 Thank you!
@@wendyloo4679 I have very few friends. My husband is my best friend. I don't have close friends. I have been stabbed in the back alot so I don't trust people. We have a policy is our schools against bullies, but does not necessarily work that well. You are from Malaysia? That's really cool! I also was in a very mentally abusive relationship with my ex husband and emotional from my parents. So it's been rough. I do go to therapy.
Hi. My 14 year old son has had it easy all his life, good grades with minimal effort. I am unable to motivate him now to put in more effort to go from good to excellent! Please help!
For goodness sake, if he has good grades and good behaviour, leave him alone - putting the pressure on will turn him off and make him angry.
@@ceriblack9654 my parents are exactly like that and I want to get better grades like all A's and I inly get to play my ps4 on 2 to 4 hours a week its fustrating
Abhraleena Sanyal, we need to praise our kids for their effort, not their grades. This needs to be done early. Unfortunately in our society, kids know what the minimum they need to reach is and for some, that is enough. He will find what he is passionate about and excel in that. He may not be passionate about grades, but sounds like an amazing kid.
How about Teenager that is extremely underweight?
Do they need food therapy? Start with your doctor.
I really appreciate you guys
Thank you, Stacey Boling, and I appreciate the UA-cam audience and subscribers. This has been a rewarding experience.
I believe in punishment for bad behavior. Take everything away starting with the phone. Everything, but the bed and five sets of cloths. Make them earn it back one at a time..
Removing access is a great way to discipline, Rather B Fishing. Personally, my non-negotiable items are love, air, water, food (meaning nutritious food, preferred food is negotiable), and shelter (not necessarily their own room or preferred clothing). Everything else is a privilege. Thanks for being at Live On Purpose TV.
Omg enjoy the ride it’s a house of terror now!
La MAMÁ PANDA, it can feel that way. Hang in there.
Oh the games we play starting from an early age. The young child feels forced to eat vegetables at dinner time (parents in control), but the child is waiting to get the upper hand, by not co-operating during toilet training (when the child is in control). 'I will make you beg for it' says the child in their mind. The same type of game will be played at a later stage in life (teenager). You need to love me, that is your role - restricting access to technological gadgets/games is not true love - it is conditional, tantamount to abuse - hence teenager decides to leave home.
Study Coach UK, I don't equate restricting access to games as abuse. When it is done with love, it is discipline.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV I do agree with you. Some young people however have a way of choosing not to see the love and to appreciate the discipline - wanting to have things their own way, perhaps this indicates some psychological issues. Kind regards
From 15 to 18 and my daughter is still on the selfish self-centered stage. I hope that changes soon but I don’t for see that coming anytime soon. Y’all reason why she likes being as she refers to an adult is staying out late and partying she doesn’t want any responsibilities as an adult never has never will. Will be starting anger management courses soon and checking in with her probation officer. Yeah good times parenting is a shit show
Hang in there.
I’m sorry Teenagers sucks. They know everything, they are powerful and the most wise creatures in the universe , very demanding yet they are fully dependent of the same people ( parents ) they take for granted. Many times very disrespectful.
Thanks for watching, Vicky, hopefully they learn a thing or two as they come out of the teenage years.
Screammmmm!!!!
Speakup, I hear you.
Don’t have kids yet, but I should prepare myself for war because I will lose many battles.
Wise, very wise.
yoooo i cant imagine how many 15yolds r watching thiss to see how to gwt throgh their parents lmao thts me
Glad you watched!
Haha. I have 3 angry teenagers in our home who dictate the chores when I ask them to clean up 😂 their bathroom that they use. That's not my chore they say. It's been super frustrating 😣. we're calling their side of the house the ghetto. Lol
Hahaha jajaja hahaha, the ghetto 😂🤣😅😂🤣😅
I shouldn't be laughing here, I'm sorry!
We shared one bathroom with 3 teens so I truly have sympathy. It's been my experience that the smell eventually goes with them! You're doing great!
June Myres, I wonder why they don't see it as their chore. Maybe have one of them in charge one day a week to clean it up? You can decide to let them live in it and bulldoze when they leave home. haha.
dough nut hole, I chuckled also.
this doesn't help me at all
So sorry, check out some of the other videos on our platform.
i like your video
Thank you, Lori Merchant. I like making them.
Sometimes i wonder i never thT none of these teaching just know u are to obey and honour your parents ,however I am here I am a boys mom thinking how I did it ,it will be the same ,how foolish
I wish you well.
Hey UA-cam can we play video faster than 2x speed please?
Shaurya Legacy, You will have to address that the UA-cam. I don't know if it is possible.
"Teenagers are kind of a unique animal", 🤣 they are not animals stop! 😞
Sooo…..2 things………1.) I recommend you look up the definition of the word animal 2.) I’m not sure what kind of teens you have or know. But mine can go from being a beautifully curious butterfly to a bull with horns in literally half a second or one missed meal. Ha!
Mar A, just sharing my experience. Having been one and having raised 4.