Narcissists Who Are Sexual Manipulators
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- Опубліковано 25 чер 2023
- A distinct way to discern if a person has strong narcissistic tendencies is to observe how they engage with others sexually. Dr. Les Carter describes how narcissists are so full of themselves that their exploitative tendencies are on full display when they wish to connect romantically or just physically.
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I think empaths are seeking emotional connection whereas narcissists pursue only physical gratification.
🎯❣
Hi I STATE, Holy truth!
Narcissists feed their ego always.
Sex slave 😉
It is a complete waste of time though ,as it ends up breaking us.
The coercive sex is what broke me. He wouldn’t take no for an answer. He made me feel like my body wasn’t my own. Like it was his and he was just lending it to me. Like he was entitled to it whenever and wherever. It altered me in the deepest way. Thankfully I’m out and I’m slowly reclaiming my sexuality.
So sorry to hear you went through that. 💛Narcs are very materialistic beings. I'm not a rich person, so this is the next best thing. Learning about narcissism I wised up & set boundaries for myself.
I had sex with my ex narc, but never made love, if I said no not tonight for whatever reason, I was raped.
Sex becomes a task instead of something to enjoy and share with eachother ,when i didn't want to have sex because he wanted it all the time , i got the cold shoulder ,so after a time i didn't want to anymore .
@@Nita_100 ❤️❤️❤️
My husband uses biblical references to coerce me into "being a godly wife" I know God never intended for me to feel like a used object.
Everything with the narc is superficial. Emotional or physical. Life with them is just a lonely existence
Exactly!
Absolutely
A one man show all the way! 😢
Yep. I kicked him out the other day when a dr diagnosed me with Bipolar 1...of course he said, "It's because you have Bipolar 1." I yelled at him to get out of my house ten times it took ten times for him to gtfo and even then he had to make more excuses to add to the psychological abuse he wanted to add to. "Oh I can't go home it's toxic at my house..." It's always something and I remember that day I was on my period and feeling awful and he could care less he made it once again all about him and tried to play with my hair. Nah I'm not playing those games. Glad I kicked him out. So I have been setting boundaries and he doesn't like that much. Also after 2 years he stopped having sex with me and when we did have sex it was all about him and for a while it was just me doing stuff to him he could care less about me so I'm just done. He is sick he can go find someone else to abuse. Oh well.
@@mariahconklin4150 they bring nothing but chaos,destruction and drama in your life and then blame you for it. Stay blessed and narc free.
This is so true. Sex is never about connection with a narcissist. It’s always either a weapon or a tool for manipulation.
If you all want to see a real life narcissistic psychopath who’s scamming people senselessly, check out Adam Magaña of Active Church in San Luis Obispo, California. He’s a fake pastor manipulating people and drowning in unbelievable narcissism. I’ve watched him scam people since 2nd grade. Crazy to sed what he’s become at 40 years old. Adam Magaña is a real life narcissistic psychopath and professional conman. He’s at his peak right now and it’s wild to watch people follow him. Biggest conman I’ve ever witnessed in my life. UNBELIEVABLE NARCISSISM AND MANIPULATION.
Wow. I totally heard THAT one. Tx
So true!
My ex used it as a weapon, a heck of a weapon. She knew that was an easy button to press, so she'd often make promises and break them, she'd often wait till she had broken me completely. I though I was just being impatient and was the bad guy, so I'd feel ashamed, but she was playing a game.
That also explains a lot, she didn't really want kisses ever, she didn't want to even talk about what our preferences were sexually. She was like a closed book, but I feel like two adults who are married should not be embarrassed to talk about their sexual desires and preferences.
I spent YEARS wondering why I felt r@ped by my husband when we had sex. After all, I agreed most of the time. He didn’t force me. He didn’t make it physically painful. So why did it feel like that?
I finally learned that there was supposed to be an emotional connection between us, and I learned about grooming. I was 15 when he started grooming me; he was 21. I was 16 when we started dating, and he pushed my sexual boundaries almost immediately. The sexual abuse has been, by far, the worst abuse I experienced at his hands, with the deepest consequences. I never want another man to touch me again.
This
Its a power trip for these types.
I hope you find a man who loves you as much as he loves jesus
And i hope the same for myself.
Me too it was like rape everytime .
Thank you for raising this delicate and extremely important topic especially in those abusive narcisistic relationships. There is no intimacy or emotional connection with those people. They feel entitled to exploit and abuse their partners sexually, there is no heart connection - there is no deep meaning in a sexual connection with those people, they do not think about the future at all. All you feel is exploitation and humiliation. Thank you again dr Carter.
You're quite welcome.
That's exactly the way it is!!! 😢
Dang brings back memories of my marriage
I am so glad he has raised this as well. I was in an abusive relationship with a female covert narc-psychopath last year, and the abuse extended sexually. It's been very difficult for me to accept that as a man, in a relationship where I was physically attracted to the person, that I have been sexually abused. We all need to speak up more about narcissistic abuse, it's truly terrifying
Thank you dr Carter you have exposed the sexual abuse of the narcissist ❤
The only friend a narcissist has is the person they see in a mirror.Avoid them like the plague.
The sex just stops one day, and then they turn it around and say its you that doesn't want sex (even if you've been begging for it and theyve been denying you of it for Years). They can make you feel like you are no longer worthy of sex, that no one would want you, and blame you for not wanting it. Its really confusing and abusive.
My exact experience
They think its your reward and if your not seen as worthy. They seek it elsewhere.
Mthrfkrs
It probably was not stopping for them.
Been there. Caught him watching porn because he truly enjoyed my tears. More
My face is what it is.
But my body
Im told is that of a swimsuit model.
It was not my fault
It was his supply to make my pain
This happened to me and I found out he still had a sex life. Porn and men.
I'll rather be loyal to one without sex than live with a cheater who always has "reasons" for his deceptive and self-servicing agendas.. The covet ones are worst
Hi, I had a beautiful, platonic, older and wise sage, male dear one for 11 Wonderful years before he crossed. I am so grateful for him, and I miss him dearly.❣️
My narc ex once told me “if I say no to him then this relationship will not work!” We were on vacation together. Then he went and cheated on me while we were still on vacation. These are evil evil people with zero regard for anyone except themselves.
I think that's called double standards!! Glad he's in your rearview mirror!
I have just left my almost 18-year marriage. My husband would at times compare me to his ex-girlfriends. He would tell me how good they were at satisfying him sexeually. He also tried to talk me into having a threesome as he missed out on an opportunity to have one with his ex-girlfriend.
When I put my boundaries on, he changed.
I told him what my beliefs were. I believed in monogamous I had no intention of changing that. I told him that if that is what he wants, he should go find it with someone else. Was I wrong for saying that.
He told me that I was giving him ultimatums, which made him resentful.
He would get angry when I said no and then the devaluation would start. At times I was accused of affairs that Waa untrue.
One thing I learned is that the narc treatment I get magically disappears when he wants a little “some-some”. The silent treatment ends quicker or the charm is turned on. Does he think I don’t see through it? 🤮
He simply doesnt care what you think.
Sad as that sounds.
It is that.
They will get you to "open up" and or if they take you on a date or do things for you, they expect YOU to give a cookie to them. When you turn them down they true colors show how disrespectful and manipulative can they are. You are not a meal ticket keep those standards up!!
If we just listen to them, they will tell us all we need to know about their true selves.
Yess. And when they turn something unhealthy they have uttered into a joke or pretend they were humorous, or playful, or just playing - it means they have blurted out the truth about their nature and now are trying to cover it up pretending they did not really mean the unhealthy thing they have just said. Run for the hills if you observe THAT.
This happened in my long ago marriage. Just when I thought I'd gotten somewhere with all the talking and have 'reconnected', I discovered that it was all a con for him to get what he wanted with a total disregard!
💜
Why was the narcissist so tired? He’d been running through his mind all day.
They lack regard in every area!
@@istateyourname4710 💜
@@sandrathomas2893 True❣
They completely ignore the character and decency of others with no regrets. They are truly in it for themselves and themselves only
Thank you for addressing this topic today, Dr C. My narcissistic husband's sexual behaviour reflects that of the maturity level of a 12 year old boy, by his words, needs, actions and attitude. There is zero emotional depth. So sad 😢
Yes. Sadly, I get that.
Sounds like we have the same husband
12 yr olds generally have a lot of emotion. Why does everyone say that narcissists act like toddlers who are also very emotional and loving?
@@kat-75not sure I understand what you mean here. Everyone has emotions. Some people, not all have learned how to understand and regulate them. Children are not emotionally fully developed. 18 yr olds cannot distinguish between a face showing surprise and one showing fear getting it correct 50% of the time as opposed to fully developed adults that get it correct 100%. The prefrontal cortex is still developing well into mid twenties. So when you say a toddler has emotions, yes they do, but not developed or understood like fully developed adults.
@@kat-75 Exactly. Not only does this type of talk excuse the bad behavior of men but also paints boys in a bad light. There are young boys who are both well-mannered and respect the boundaries of others. Giving an expected identity to boys of being young sexual predators is something that needs to stop. Teach and encourage rightness, principles...these husbands are merely predators and I wouldn't be surprised if they've sexually harassed or assaulted a female colleague or family member since the latter is more common. This "boys will be boys" and "teenage boys" talk is enabling and detrimental at best...worst it breeds rapists and sociopaths.
My ex malignant narc boyfriend kept files of women he'd "conquered" in his Google Drive. I also learned he'd secretly video women and send thise videos to coworkers and "friends". I literally felt I was with a psychopath when I found it. It was a shrine. Thank everything I got away and started my healing journey. Now, I'm with a beautiful man who is loving and kind and now we share children and a good, healthy relationship. You couldn't pay me millions of dollars to go back
The problem I have with that is that you even knew about that activity in the first place. Did he tell you for some reason? Or were you snooping? Because guess what, if I dedicated my free time into snooping into your private matters I guarantee I could find something compromising or embarrassing or shameful about you.
Horrible! Thank God you survived this individual.
It was because of this issue that I started wondering if it was possible for human beings to walk the planet with no soul within. Like just animated meatsuits walking around.
If you’re willing to offer sex in order to get love, you’ll always find someone who will promise love in order to get sex.
Good way to put it, Aaron.
In this case, that individual is not offering for love, they are offering for attachment, dependency, etc. It's not love.
@@MeribelMGoldwin I am very intentional on the words that I use. Please don’t misquote me in order to correct me. I’m on this channel because it’s happened too often.
I needed this. Thank you.
@@MeribelMGoldwin Not true. They offer for love.
My narc spouse told me that sex and marriage had nothing to do with each other! He also withheld sex, told me I could "ask" if I wanted it, and then would tell me NO. He would treat me like garbage when he WANTED sex....and would only treat me half-way decent AFTER I gave in to him. Talk about HELL. By the Way, I left him and filed for divorce on May 18, and he died of an aneurysm on June 19. My head is still spinning from it all, but at least I am free.
I'm 49, my 1st bf I was 15 & he was 19 when we met. That was all on his mind. When I turned 17 I got rid of him. He's the classic covert narcissist. I'm sorry for your loss & best wishes for your future.🌹💚
I'm 49, my 1st bf I was 15 & he was 19 when we met. That was all on his mind. When I turned 17 I got rid of him. He's the classic covert narcissist. I'm sorry for your loss & best wishes for your future.🌹💚
Woman damn, I am glad you finally got free. That anuerysm was years years late it sounds like. (We are empathetic but hard core narcs deserve none) Probly happened when he was still processing you ultimately taking ur life back & it put him in shock. Lol
This is so true. I've worshipped at the alter of a narcissist and it has all but broken me. He demands perverted acts, and believes it to be his right. He has also said it makes him feel dominant over me. It's made me feel cheap and worthless. These videos are slowly helping me to try and recover from all this. If I'd not come across this channel I would have continued to think I was totally to blame why he had no feelings for me. They are evil people.
Sorry to hear that...I hope you are out of that awful relationship!
Narcs seem so inhuman at times don't they? May you stay on the pathway of healing✌🏼💗
I hear you…
I ran away
I always come across one in the work force to. I worked at a job and the manager was evil I quit within a day. I'm 38 years old I won't put up with that kind of behavior. I told the lady how I felt and of course she never responded back. If I stayed I would have snapped and punc*ed the lady and no one needs that...all I need is to make it worse for me and go to jail. But yeah I'm done with this man and am so upset he has been psychologically abusive toward me for so damn long that I feel like a fool.
All the sexual problems were blamed on me, even his impotence.
I was with a covert narcissist where I was sexually assaulted several times. He was a liar, abusive and a cheater. He also tried to take my life by strangulation on Nov 20, 2022
I'm sorry to hear that... :(
@HandsofGlory1 💕
Coverts are the worst. Very evil dark and diabolical beings
Mine was the same except he wasn't covert about anything.
Talk about questionable choices. Best of luck in the future!
Yup. Sexual coercion, sexual assault and denying sex... within my marriage.
3 things I've noticed:
1. Inappropriate displays of public affection - to the point where they make others around them uncomfortable.
2. Starting sexual relationship number 2 before leaving relationship 1. They always have to have a relationship and cannot have a break between partners.
3. No respect for others' relationships (They will pry into your relationship, flirt with your partner or suggest a "girls night out" that involves flirting with other men - even if you are in a committed relationship.)
You so get it.
Omg yes he don't have over 4 year with anyone.
He don't say he's done he gradually stops calling or coming around them 'll sudden here he is - like her celebrating a victory of a win
Nailed it.
I would like to know more about older narcissistic men who do online dating. I'm widowed and in my 60's. I have had two horrific relationships from online dating. Both ended with me being terribly hurt and feeling so used. If I do an initial meet up date and later tell them I don't want to pursue further, they are downright mean about it. I've given up on dating for now. They all want sex on the first or second date. I've concluded that the only good ones left are either still married or dead.
I don't Do On Dating ITS The Wild Wild West
I have the gift of singleness.i enjoy my own company, good sleep and less cooking and laundry. 😊
Sad to hear that. Im 66 and been single for 17yrs and I would never act like a teen with women , but I found that if we clicked , I did not want anything physical until we could talk open and honest to see if we would be compatible sexually . And that was the giant wake up , that most women would not or could not talk about sex. I would tell them " I will not hold your hand or kiss you unless I know I will be compatible . Most men dont want to talk, but act, and most women dont want to talk or act . I'm glad now of being a older man who does not get controlled by his hormones or a woman .
Narcissists do not really like sex, what they love is the chase and the sweet lies that they are telling you beforehand but sex with them is robotic, soulless , manipulative and in fact boring cause it feels like an act they are putting on for you, never again , thanks, it is truely a waste of precious time and energy , and all one is getting out if it is suffering and craziness…. Noooo more
The empathy and tenderness element is missing.
Oh! They really do like sex. Only in the beginning and with as many partners as possible. This was my experience. But you're right, they can't sustain a normal long term sexual relationship.
I was married to a narc for 43 years left him because he had a sex addiction, after 10 years of recovery from that, have just found out his is a narc. I feel so stupid that I have been duped for 52 years of my life.
Because I went through so much trauma with the sex addiction and recovered from that. I feel I am healing quickly from the narc issue. I have an indifference to him, and I can at last finish of this huge jigsaw of my life.
I love that..'sex is about kindness, connection and healthy loyalty'. So true and important to keep in mind the good standard.
The abuser I was involved with deliberately denied me all sexual or physical contact. If I even tried to kiss his cheek, he'd make a face to indicate he was disgusted.
He sounds like he's a Cerebral Narc. They abhor sex openly. Other Narcs abhor it silently.
Also involves the withholding of affection and sex once they have found their next supply...
Oh yes. So degrading to go thru this. Blamed me for all of it whether he felt like he wasn’t getting his needs met or when he was withholding. He weaponized sex into a method of control and a means of devaluing. I am broken but working towards health and healing.
Narcissistic sexual manipulation destroyed my life. I dated someone that was entitled to cheat on me. It was horrible and she was lying the whole time.
Please don't think that it has ruined your life even though you rightfully feel that way now. I had an off and on relationship with a narc for 44 years. He was master with keeping his mask on and has always lived a double and sometimes triple life. I don't know how or why but I did not realize who he really was until the last couple of years. He abused me in every way possible except physically and was extremely neglectful with me and his children. He gave our daughter meth and did SA to her 2 weeks after she turned 18. I have said all of this to encourage you in your healing and putting it behind you. I thought my life was ruined also and tried twice to unalive myself. I have had minimal contact for the last year or so and no contact for the last 3 months. I cannot express to you the healing that happens after you get away. I am 60 yrs old and it is like I have just started my life. I didn't think I could ever be so peaceful and happy. It will happen for you also!!
That was the most confusing dissertation I have ever heard. Even as a college graduate, when we learned something in collage, you have taken a journey out of reality. However, I love your dog and understand its significance.
Being routinely sexually abused by your narcissistic father as a child makes life a living hell
That is so painful to hear. I can't imagine what it was to live through. You are so beautiful in speaking the truth. Prayer and love to you.
You just described my ex. My divorce final this year. Serial cheater, was even incarcerated for sex with a minor and on the sex offender registry. He has lost his family and I am now no contact. He has already moved on to his next victim.
Mine did the opposite...my drive is high, and he acted like it was ok, then overtime he would find any excuse to avoid me,....which would make me feel the worst kind of unwanted. Everytime it was brought up there was some excuse all while saying he wanted me. One day he said, looking and sounding hateful, "you just need you a wh-re"...and this was after me trying to get him to understand how frustrated I was getting, yet he NEVER had to ask for it, i wanted my BOYFRIEND, nobody else....and thats all he had to say smh. Would wait til he thought i was leaving to finally pay me some attention, then it was back to starving me for weeks/ months
Sweet little Gus is always there having your back. 🐕
The persistent disrespect to our commitment, pathological deception and dishonesty to keep it asksecret, and subsequent justification and minimization have been the most destructive and hurtful things I've ever experienced. The expectation to service him after such profound betrayal is mind boggling. This is what a completely broken heart feels like...🥺
My covert husband is all of this!! And it’s caused so much pain for me around sex. He literally looks at me like a piece of meat. And he now says “I wish you wouldn’t remember everything I’ve said when I was mad” ..which I think is really how dare you hold me accountable for my bad behavior.
My ex said the same thing to me! How ridiculous!
Hi😊😅
Where has this information been all our lives 😢
Dignity, Respect, and Civility, all day long, every day, now and always, Dr. C! Absolutely! Team Healthy thanks you!
Right! And there is no dignity, respect, or civility in demanding sex from a partner. And no love.
Withholding to get their way is the experience I have had.
Or too keep the partner frustrated and heartbroken
Oh yes...They expect you to be available at all times and blame you when you are not, as "you are there to fulfill my needs". Also they draw a picture of absolute fulfillment and satisfaction but then turn it around.
They need to be the one who initiates everything and when you do, you "graped" them, sure.....
Also they make you feel as if pleasuring yourself is a bad thing, as you are "even less" available for them.
Expected to perfom daily, as if you were multiple persons.
Oh yes and you need to be faithful (even looking at someone, even if it's absolutely not related to any sexual tension or sth, to them is "cheating"). They, however, can sleep around and try to justify it as "well you weren't there for me, so...."
Edit: Also, they equate sex with intimacy and when there is no sexual interaction, for them, there's no love and connection. When you don't sleep with them for whatever reason (even if you are sick, in pain or else), you "don't love them".
Yes! That is exactly how my ex husband was, even down to the "you don't love me" line. Nothing matters other than what they can get or take from you.
Very true.
True 💯
So true! My narc ex didn’t like the idea that I could pleasure myself, that I was able to climax without him. He was obsessed with my former sexual experiences and wanted to know that he was the best sexual partner I ever had.
Yup. I was FORBIDDEN to pleasure myself !! LoL. What an idiot
Thank you for this! My husband sexually abused me the most in our relationship. It was rape-like sex, eventually turned into martial rape.
Narcissist abuse makes you unsafe and uncomfortable in your own skin.
Sexual abuse… uncomfortable in your sexuality and gender.
Emotional abuse makes you question or uncomfortable in your emotional processes.
Physical abuse makes you feel uncomfortable in your own body. No longer feel safe in your skin, the world no longer feels safe.
Spiritual abuse you no longer feel comfortable with God. You question his love for you.
It was wrong to take it. I thought love and forgiveness would fix it. I was wrong. Thanks for your content.
I couldn't quite believe that a grown adult male could ever contemplate cohersing a vulnerable teenage boy into pleasuring him,..... the freak was a landlord and he still exists to this day in the very same role as before...he is protected by various family members as well as friends. How on earth do you bring someone like this to justice without credible witnesses etc, even if that same person was on bail some few years ago for physical mistreatment of children in a home yet not or never for the other heinous acts of sexual assaults on a 17 year old I lived in the same shared house.
We also need to talk about sexual withholding as a narcissistic control and abuse tactic. Forcing me to become involuntarily celibate in a marriage has been my experience...and it's been a cruel journey. I know many people in relationships with narcs who've gone through the same thing, sadly.
I went through this! Physical touch is my love language. I think he liked the fact that I would beg and plead with him “why won’t you touch me, Im literally STARVING!” I started eating my feelings and gained 100lbs then the no sex was my fault because I was fat. Absolutely heartbreaking, Im still messed up from this
@@areiljohnson739 I'm right there with you. I'm 40lbs up because the only men in my life who are good to me are Ben&Jerry. I'm so sorry we relate, but until I can escape, at least I have a little sweetness in my life, even if it's just ice cream. Hoping all this junk food won't give me a heart attack before I leave this relationship for good (I can't leave just yet, logistically). Please be kind to yourself, dear one -- healing will come and you deserve love...especially your own.
Sadly, we aren’t always aware of their past of being unfaithful until they’ve played a good role and we’ve fallen in love with them. Then they say they will never leave their souse.
He made me feel
Like I was auditioning for a part … he was very controlling and specific instructions on what I did with my legs even placing my hands in specific areas in he’s chest and arranging my legs . He was well endowed and liked robust action .. when I indicated my discomfort he scolded me for not relaxing enough and being too sweetish. Instead of adjusting or asking me he blamed me for nut relaxing. This last time after intimacy, he rolled over coldly and told me I was doing this on purpose and only focused in my own pleasure. I was shocked cause I literally tried yo please him in every way. After he refused to talk about it I simply got up dressed and told him I can’t do this I deserve to be valued not tolerated . In the Uber home I blocked and deleted him . My heart was a bit bruised I realized that I had fallen for a facade .. a persona… it saddened me that REAL person was indeed a broken manipulator . I’m grateful to escape the clutches of the narcissistic cycle.
I hope you can move forward with your self respect fully intact.
I'm so jealous that you got away. I sadly am married to one 5 years now and he makes me have sex with other men that he calls over whenever he gets drunk and high. He days that I have to fulfill his fantasy. What's worse is that he has filmed these encounters and that I am so afraid that he would use it for blackmail even though he claims he would not. I feel sick inside most days that I allowed him to coerce me into doing things that really are not withing my character . He literally says that he is a Satanic, sadistic person. He fronts that he is this nice, responsible, suburban husband , but it is all an act. Every time I say no or that I no longer want to participate in these sick threesomes anymore, he threatens divorce. Which may be a blessing for me , even though I'm 44 and have nothing of my own and would have to go live with my 70 year old mother. 😢😢😢
90% of the fuel for my husband's rage is my "rejection" of him. I owe him for working hard all day. The argument has been on repeat for 8 years. I finally set a boundary that he tries tirelessly to walk over. Pray for me! I feel so stuck here.
Praying for you right now!
The problem is that when a women isn't receptive to sexual activity and engaging with the man with some type of regularity, then he feels deprived. Once this happens there is nothing he can say that won't make him look bad. If he begs, he's pathetic or too pushy. If he tries to reason or leverage, then he's acting like you "owe" him. Now if there is a good reason to deprive him of sex that's one thing. But if you have no legitimate reason then you can't really blame him. He is a man after all.
@@preparedsurvivalist2245 Have the man asked himself what the problem is?
Your wife suddenly rejects you and instead of trying to figure why and be better, he is right because he is a man?
I totally understand what you are going through. My husband has been verbally abusive, manipulative, and controlling during our 35 Yr marriage.
He can't get into his head. Why I have told him no more sex because of his behaviour.
His rages got really bad.
I had to set a boundary for my own mental health.
Because we are married, he thinks he has an entitlement to my body.
He said to me it's different when you are married, in its OK to pester me for sex.
I have put up with his behavour for many of the 35yrs but no more, I come first now.
He still rants on about how I'm a good mother to our children but a bad wife.
We live in the same house, and the atmosphere and tension between us is not pleasant, especially when the kids aren't home.
I sleep in the spare room.
@preparedsurvivalist2245 the problem though is that there can be an addiction. You could have sex two nights in a row and 3 days later they are acting as if they are deprived. It's exhausting.
Thank you for this. The long-term damage pf exploitive sexual abuse is soul-crushing and takes a long time to heal from. Nowadays, when I see pics of him with yet another woman, I just feel sorry for her. I know what's coming. They don't change their basic nature.
Thank you so much for this video. It resonates with me 💯 percent. Im finally free of the nightmare i battled for so long. I used to go back and forth asking myself am i the problem. I just didnt believe he is a narcissist. In my favor, i had high intuition that something was wrong. I wasnt afraid to confront him or call him out. When i did, he went silent. I can write a book on my life with this jerk. All the things he said and done was unreal. He made it clear that i was only wanted for sex. Like most women i wanted the deep connection that you spoke of. Alot of time narcissists tell on themselves which is kind of funny now but my point is now i know that HE IS A NARCISSIST. Im finally out and have a much higher regard for myself. Ladies, get out while you can. They can strip you of so many things. Take the high road and don't let ANYONE treat you with such disrespect!!! Again, thank you! ❤
Could not have said it better 30 yrs of being with a very sick Narcissistic 👿 all about him and his way!! Thank you Dr. CARTER for helping in this journey of healing❤
thank you. I can still see my husband's face when I told him he had no rights to my body. He could not, well. He proceeded to make me miserable at 2am for years. SEVERAL times this conversation had come up. He laughed. I cried. We are separated and divorcing. Not crying now at 2am. Still waking up, checking doors, followed closely by the paw patrol.
You deserve so much better. Best wishes to you.
I thought my ex and I had worked out a house sitting arrangement. He worried about squatters getting into his home while he traveled extensively after retirement. It was to be platonic with him being gone. He stayed gone throughout our relationship, so I believed him. He also had pets to watch. I stored my stuff and gave notice on my apartment. No sooner had I settled in than he says he's too afraid to go. This guy was an OTR truck driver for 30 years. I have to save enough to relocate as I want to move to another state. So I've had to endure being with him 24-7. He's always angry, and he's a narcissist times ten. He has pressured me the entire time about sex. He's been with women of the night many times. I've told him no over and over, but every few days it comes up again. He acts like it's my duty to service him. Thank God I only have a few days left here.
Pressuring someone he’s not even married to. Hmm. Even if he were, consent has to go both ways or no way. Keeping my fingers crossed while you, um, wait it out.
Stay very strong & safe!
@@caroleminke6116 Thank you. I'm trying!
🙏🏼💔🙏🏼
Damn! What an elaborate scheme he did just to get you to "move in with him" when you thot u'd just be housesitting. You gotta get out asap with him turning into an instant predator under the same roof! I'm not sure what state ur in but in California you are a tenant now even if not on the contract, or if he owns the home- also if he threatens or makes you feel threatened he can be ordered out of his own home for your safety. Bet he doesn't know that! You call the police next time he makes you feel like he is breathing down ur neck or makes comments pressuring for "relations". Its considered harrassment & ur a roommate. He is an ex trucker, yeh they use pro's a lot. He has the attitude that u must service him becuz 1. Ur female & 2. ur in the home. (Like he provided a residence for you.) What a A-1 twisted jerk. I'd be so afraid he has secret cams in ur room & bathroom. He sounds like a serious creeper. Stay safe & sleep with locked door and pepper spray.
Proverbs 26:11
As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly.
2 Timothy Chapter 4
14Alexander the coppersmith did me much evil: the Lord reward him according to his works:
15Of whom be thou ware also; for he hath greatly withstood our words.
Jude 1:10
But these speak evil of those things which they know not: but what they know naturally, as brute beasts, in those things they corrupt themselves.
They are vile. Own gratification
Thanks doctor, also your dog is so adorable and well behaved.
Dr.C I wish I could give you a infinite thumbs up for this session.
Thanks, it's a topic that needs to be addressed!
Thank you so very much. What you shared is very helpful. I was severely sexually abused by my father when I was a baby and a child. He told my he interpreted my screams as pleasure. I did not become hyper sexualized by him but I didn't understand boundaries and kept a fairytale in my head. I'm 61 and just learning how to protect myself from narcissists. Sad and heavy. But it's not too late.
My God... I'm truly sorry for what you have been through...if you're willing to do therapy that could be a huge help ..some wounds are not easier to repair by ourselves only. I hope you're doing better ❤️❤️
My experience was that he used sex as a tool for control. He knew I wanted it, this connection, giving him a vehicle to be mean, intentionally, intentionally depriving support and kindness. Not so much as a hug, the last 8 years of his life, and smirking at my reactions. When he looked up at all. This while we lived far from home town and friends, while I earned the living, in what he knew was a stressful job. And he acted surprised when I said this was not working. Well it was for him.
I can identify so deeply with what you just shared 💔
Thank you for sharing this. I am an intern psychologist working for a narcissist boss (also a psychologist). Two weeks ago he cornered me and asked me to have sex with him after work. I said no as he is married and I have no desire in that way. Now he devalues my work in front of others and puts me down whenever he can.
Can you get away from that situation? I hope you stay safe.
@@AnnePerkins-po5jo I am trying to finish my internship. He has more power in the situation because the Psychology Board requires that he signs off on my placement, so I feel there are limitations to what I can do.
You need to document, document, document. Every inappropriate thing he has done and said. If he is doing this to you, I guarantee he has done it to others before and will do it again. Keep careful documentation include dates, times, anyone who is present. A rejected narcissist never, ever forgets, very vindictive. You both will be in the same profession. Protect your future reputation. So sorry you are going through this.
He needs to be reported to the Board IMMEDIATELY!!!
Record him. He probably will still give you a bad reference, narcs like to do that for power. And consider the damage staying will do to you. Please talk to some experts about this.
I had hope for 40 years that he would see me and hear me. I was not touched unless he looked at porn first or in the presence of another woman. It resulted in CPTSD. The trauma response is exhausting. When I would tell him how it made me feel, he always said “ it don’t make me feel that way”. The day he told me he never had empathy for me…. I left!
This aspect of narcissism is at the root of the so-called "pedophile" crisis in the Catholic Church and in religious circles. There are so many narcissists who are clergy and bear these terrible homosexual proclivities and pounce on any vulnerable mind they come across.
Narcissism, homosexuality, and pedophilia are distributed evenly throughout society, not just within the Catholic church or religious circles. I suggest you do more research to learn the truth of this. New movie coming out on July 4th detailing the true story of a man that exposed the global sex-trafficking pedophile ring involving our very own CIA.
They rape more than their bodies. Children are the easy target for any coward, church gov family. They are paranoid monster toddlers emotionally
So insightful. Thank you! Watch TV shows that exhibit narc sexual behaviors as some kind of standard. Sad how women hop in and out of bed with strangers, etc., and the show makes it seem totally normal. Terrible message to young girls (and boys).
Narcissist I was with sexually abused me one thing I learned from this is they have no morals they do not care how they hurt people with this and how it destroys I almost felt like I was done in the side when this happened to me and thank you for talking about this because it helps me to understand the way they think when it comes to sex thank you so much
Well they have no clue what intimacy even is so you're basically their human...you know what!
My x couldn't comprehend me not desiring sex with him when I'm 5 months pregnant and just discovered he's been in another "relationship " behind the scenes for a year.
Say no more!!
My ex would not look at me with no clothes on when I was pregnant. He looked at me like an alien. Then, after the baby was born 'shouldn't we be getting back to normal'
I'm sorry you've had to go through this!
I was pregnant and On bedrest and I was told if I couldn’t satisfy his sexual needs hed just have to go somewhere else. That somewhere else was the latest work slut. With him for 15 years and I can’t count how many times I caught him begging other women for sex or texting and messaging other women. And just he couldn’t understand why I was so anger and bitter at the end.
@@krystalgardiner5591 Good God! I had just got home from giving birth with no episiodomy and he forced himself on me.
# not human. Period!
@@amandaliverpool3374 Thank you dear one!
It's the most shocking experience all the way around!
Sadly, my son's in it now alone and without me! I pray 24/7 🙏
@@sandrathomas2893 🙏❤
I am so happy someone (You, Dr. Carter) finally mentioned the issue of narcs abusing children in this regard.Thank you. I think there is truly a need for more discussion about this. These men (usually) can cause life long trauma to children. it's absolutely diabolical!
I agreee!
My first husband exploited me and used me before we got married. After we got married, he made sure i knew he no longer desired me with why we had no sex life - "i just didnt think of it." Really? A way to put me down and make sure i feel less than.
Same here. Fantastic sex life before we got married. Cut off afterwards. Celibate since my thirty’s… mine is a neglectful narcissist. Treats me like im invisible
The Narc in my life was an addict. Many so called affairs, but know now it was an addiction. These women got no better than I did from a relationship w/ him.
Sad senerio .......
This video came as such a blessing to me today. It feels like a big hug and confirmation from the Holy Spirit. I’m not the one to blame. I’m in an impossible situation with a very broken husband.
I'm glad you saw this video. I believe like you it was a gift from God. I'm in a similar situation.
God Bless you. I got divorced,there's only so much you can take And it affects the children.
Someone told me that I had the right to say no. Really? Not in my case! The Holy Spirit is your comforter, keep your healthy boundaries, get help! I thought everyone cried, sometimes sobbed after sex...nope. Not normal 😥
I sobbed during sex. It never stopped him. He would just go harder and I could only pray. GET a Fin nut,please.
I am amazed at how few people are willing to get to know each other prior to sex. I think it's an indication of deep insecurity on both sides.
It is not always the case. You may think you know someone until you really know you didnt know 😅
Some people are masters at masking.
The first person one needs to know is oneself so as we know what is wrong or right for us. That is where the abuser (narcissist) traps the accomodative prey (empath).
I think if both parties are exercising self-care and there is mutuality in the relationship there is a much higher likelihood that it will be a loving experience.
@@mre9208 Who told otherwise? But narcissist doesnt love, neither self cares, just as much as the empath who relunctantly self cares because is most likely a people pleaser who erases ones needs to satisfy the attention seeker with ones outpouring love.
Lack of self Care IS their common ground.
Dr C recommends that empaths develop boundaries.
@@mre9208 Yes and it is the only way apart from the discernement through The Holy Spirit. But you don't know you are an empath until you fall prey to an abuser. Until then you believe everybody is the same as you and it is extremely difficult to realise that because of the high top tolerance tank empaths are gifted with. Once they (empaths) are completely depleted of hope for a better tomorrow with the opponent (to call them nicely) they will automatically shift to good presevation bounderies habits. It took me 18 years of labour to come to terms with that functionnality.
I left my marriage of 33 year to what I thought was just an alcoholic when I starting feeling unsafe. I also realized at the age of 61, he had no intention of caring for me in my later years. What I didn't know till over a year later was that he was a covert narcissist (not just an antagonistic a--hole.) Sex was my marital duty and was boring at best. He stopped initiating sex a few years and five kids in because I had said no a few to many times and he became the "wounded" little boy after that with snide remarks like "I guess when you said I do, you meant I don't". Unfortunately, I missed some pretty significant red flags like a massive collection of porn that he resisted getting rid of, a predilection for sex acts I found demeaning and he had to masturbate daily (even when the sex was plentiful). There was also a period of a few months where he would wake me in the middle of the night for very aggressive sex in a very impersonal position and then claim he didn't remember anything the next morning. I felt like it was not normal (and for any one who knows their mans body parts, it was not!) and it felt like there was some sort of anger behind it. Looking back now, I honestly think it was marital rape in his eyes, like taking what's owed him and how dare I deny him. I would never had called it rape back then because I complied each time and he just claimed the stress of his job was making him "sleepwalk" for sex.
I'm not sure about this. I don't doubt he was a narc, but too many women are judgmental about male sexuality and quick to label their partner as perverted and weird, when the reality is that their male partner falls within a spectrum of normalcy when it comes to male sexuality. Yes, some men like rape play and aggression. Some possess porn...I know, imagine that. Some have rare and atypical fetishes too. What I've gathered about women is that as soon as a male's preference for sexual activity exceeds the woman's comfort zone then he is automatically viewed as a pervert or weirdo.
Oh, you are a sicko as well! When the woman doesn’t want, rape, play or whatever you call it in aggressiveness, then no means no. what are you a sex therapist? Probably not. the lady that put down her story of what she went through didn’t ask you for your opinion about twisted sex.
I beg to differ with the very invalidating response this preparedsurvivalist guy said. In my opinion, what you have described IS marital rape. In the opinion of normal, empathetic, non sexist people in the world, it is disrespectful and selfish at best, and borderline rape at worst. And it is NOT OKAY. No one should have to go through that and I'm deeply sorry that you did. Just because the sexual exploitation of women is normalized in our sexist society, doesn't make that exploitation normal or okay. Just because society normalized it, doesn't suddenly defy logic and mean that now it won't affect you and traumatize you as a person. Men's sexualities are not misunderstood in my opinion, but even if they were, that is not relevant here, nor an excuse or justification.
I’m absolutely appalled! You literally wrote the book (descriptively) on how my 18 year marriage played out. It’s beyond life shattering that I had to experience every single bit of that. But to know that another precious woman had to endure that evil is just incompressible. And I tell you that anyone capable of doing things like this is pure evil! My ex husband wouldn’t go to therapy long enough to be diagnosed. But he’s on the far spectrum of covert malignant narcissism. And I believe that your abuser may very well be one too. I’m so very sorry for how you were treated. Please know that you never for one second deserved to be mistreated in any way. And I hope life brings you so much peace, love, and joy that your cup overflows❤️
This video provides a much needed discussion that brings intelligence and good sense to this topic.
I feel jealous of the wives that had husbands who wanted them.
They are available out there, but are you willing to meet them and be with them?
My Narcissist ex told everyone I was a porn addict but He was not me! Everyone believed him! I lost all family and friends.
Its the snear campaign. The best thing you can do is by doing nothing. They will comeback.
They want come back because my Narc father who has destroyed me now again in my golden years, is a multimillionaire and I know I have been disinherited. I am now on welware, He set me up 10 years ago, he and my narc husband of 36 years. My story is unbelievable@@manifesting1428
Are you ok now?
Did your family and friends returned?
My life is back to normal, thank goodness. I got rid of the trauma bonds and have a better life now. I never go back to her, neither with a narcistic person.
When they say they can buy you ? Evaluate what that really means. Abusive behaviors come with that sort if intimate connection. Value yourself as being more than they can BUY
The narcissist I knew once blurted out she had cheated on her long term partner with an ex. When she saw the look of horror on my face, she said, "I tried to stop him but he just carried on". Yeah, right. As if a woman who behaves in public like a self important Karen would allow herself to be sexually assaulted. I heard a couple of years later her and the partner married. Dear help him if he thought putting a ring on her finger would make her behave. Thanks for another great video, Dr C
I have always equated Narcissism with sexual perversion......even my father, who i am realizing was a Narcissist, did several things that were sexually offensive.
That is a dangerous equation to make. There are lots of narcissitic people who pride themselves on how moral they are- and it isn't always just talk. While I think this is somewhat rare, these kinds of people do exist. By saying narcissism=sexual perversion you are making a boundary which would leave some people confused, namely those who have been with the more communal narcissists.
We need to be very careful in these conversations because a lot of us missed so many signs because they were not within the confines of the stereotypical narcissistic purview.
I think once we get to the upper end of sexual perversion (which needs to be defined, because what is perverse to one person may be totally acceptable to another) we are no longer looking at NPD or just narcissism- I think we are dealing with ASPD. Narcissists, horrible as they can be, do often have lines that they will not cross.
@deeh5126 interesting. The 2 instances in my experience were both highly Narcistic. Are you suggesting my ex was more ASPD than Narcistic? He was a porn watcher, and I suspect he had sexusl encounters over the phone/ video. That seems highly perverted to me.
@@teresacotton7923 So I looked up the word "perverted" and these are the definitions: characterized by sexually abnormal and unacceptable practices or tendencies/ having been corrupted or distorted from its original course, meaning, or state.
Now we can parse things and say that certain behaviors that were once unacceptable are now normal, but I don't think that really benefits the discussion. For me, personally, I consider thigs that are sexually deviant to be perverted. So phone sex and porn are not some big bad guy in my book. But the more I think about it, I know how destructive and addicting porn can be (and by extension, some forms of digital/phone sex). Though I think it is harmful to define those things as "perverted", because lots of kids and young people stumble onto, are intrigued by and occasionally consume porn. That is not, imo, perverted. It is the chronic and debasing use that is perverted. Likewise, I think it is misguided to label all phone/video sex as perverted, because so many couples use this as part of their intimacy dance- and within loving, committed relationships it is perfectly acceptable (again, my opinion).
Regarding your asking about your ex possibly being ASPD: I can't really make an assessment. What I can say is that I think there are a lot more ASPD people walking around than we think. And just like narcissism, personality is on a spectrum, or rather, multiple levels that all exist on spectrums. If you think he may be ASPD, I would suggest maybe doing some reading about what ASPD looks like in the varying degrees. You may get the benefit of learning how to avoid people who are like that.
Teresa,You lived it and know the facts.Anyone presuming to know better than you is arrogant at best and not worth any effort.❤
@clairejohnson6522 I suspect they may be a narcissist
When my hormones receeded my brain kicked in - thank God!
This couldn't have some at a better time for me. Thank you, Dr. Carter, for addressing this topic in such an honest and healthy manner.
BOUNDARIES
I have experienced similar situation with a personal employee who is a Covert vulnerable narcissist
He was trying to cross boundaries
And get extra friendly
Once you see it, you can't unsee
Narcissists are sexual predators
I told my husband I'm not comfortable having sex during period or when we have guests around. He replied " I don't care, why you care?".
Thank you so much for addressing this topic, it is such an important part of the narcissistic pattern.🌷
I have discovered with sociopaths like my ex (not merely narcs) he was sexually manipulated when he was like 10 or 11 he said and an adult woman who was a family friend started molesting him then had sex with him. He didn’t seem to think it was wrong what happened to him and from that point on it seemed he was hyper sexual. Which all sociopaths are. Since our breakup in February after a six month long relationship from hell, I discovered that most if not all abusive sociopaths had some early sexual encounter similar to this. It’s bizarre and I know somehow it’s not a coincidence. Perhaps it emotionally damages them to a point where it disables their empathy receptors on top of probably having a chaotic or abusive parent.
Yes I agree. I was a new widow and dated a charming fun guy (both in our mid fifties). And he was hyper sexual (and as you guessed) with a childhood past where an older neighbor girl seduced him to sex when he was 12. He is a horrible person now and being with him was a one time event - pure torture. Totally selfish and cruel. Of course all his previous charm was gone
@@evanna8005this was similar to my experience. My ex was also cruel and would abuse his dog for entertainment. Was also hyper sexual. I believe it’s spiritual and demonic in nature 👹
Adhd, bipolar are usually hypersexual. Dont be assinging this only to those evil freaks.
@@KatErina-ii6rusounds like you would, wouldnt you now. Fcking scientists. Dont think too hard coz you could hurt yourself one day as the force of logic isnt that strong with you. Sometimes...
My ex used to brag about how he had a girlfriend 8 years older than him, later I found out he was 13 at that time and she was 21... The most horrible thing is that his parents knew about it and were ok with it.🤦🏻♀As a result he was hypersexual and at the same time carried a lot of shame about his sexuality. This almost ruined me too, but fortunately I got out.
OMGosh! You nailed it, Dr. C. I watched our new narcissist business owner sexually harass a co-worker for 18 months. He finally "took" what she wouldn't provide. The entire biz is now in jeopardy. I quit along with the other office person. The trial is set for August. But, my narcissistic sister also used her knock-out body to manipulate and control men. Wow. All of this is just so insane.
sex used as an emotional wepon all the time! and then i got blamed for it!
Dr. C, I am so glad you made this video. For a long time I couldn't figure out what was going on. I know now, thanks to your insight!!❤ He would use coercion and alcohol to get what he wanted. He was fulfilling his own desires and fantasies, giving nothing in return. One time I was tired and said that he should just go please himself. His answer? "What am I married for?" On my road to healing from this sick, twisted individual!
That question has entitlement all over it.
He was never "mine" but he proclaimed that he will never limit himself on with whom he will go to bed. I told him I don't want person like that and considered what we had was just a friendship but then he started to act like he wants only me, that he needs me, like a dog, waiting to meet his mistress after day that feels like 7 days of separation. Sweet? He proclaimed he wants to build a life together despite we lived in different countries and luckily never met each other physically. Then he found out he has tumour in his brain that was making him unavailable to get into the right mood anymore. I felt terribly sorry for him and wanted to support him during a treatment that was intense and made him sick a lot. While I was also deprived by months of yearning during which he showed no affection in these sphere, he once started to tell me how he had opportunity to go to bed with a girl and he didn’t because he didn’t want to. "Didn't you go with her because you realised it would hurt me if you do?" I asked shaking with mixed emotions from impact of his words. And what he replied showed me how much he doesn't care about my feelings nor me in general: "No, just because I didn’t feel like that."
Does that need any more explanation?
this video actually just helped me so much in a way I wasn’t expecting. I’ve been so confused trying to figure out if maybe one of us in my relationship is narcissistic, despite therapy telling me no, I really thought it was me. I’m just now realizing though the fact that I’m sitting here feeling bad for narcissistic people for the way they feel, and how that must affect them, I’m finally able to tell myself I don’t think I’m narcissistic
So pleased you're working it out. Keep learning!!
In 13 yrs of marriage "affirmative sex" never occurred once. My ex considered me an extension of his own body. Maybe even an appliance to be used for self-gratification. When I got tired of being used, he countered that I was "never any good at sex" anyway and that I was becoming tiresome and too difficult to please. This gave him the justification he needed to embark on quests for fulfillment elsewhere. Not so surprisingly, it was a relief for me. But the funny thing was, he was totally mystified when women weren't lining up to be used.
My ex literally told me « your body completes me » I wasn’t sure how to understand this strange phrasing…
Oh really so ugh
And my thoughts are not negative. They are empowering!!!
I encountered a serial narcissist manipulator who was persistent in trying to maintain a relationship as a text pal with me despite getting married to a woman he thought he could manipulate. Fast forward 9 years later, the woman walked out & left him, he tried to reconnect with me, but I was highly skeptical of him as I kept getting strange vibes & didn't trust him. He's been posting relationship videos with Bible scriptures & narcissistic tips on multiple social media platforms to unsuspecting women in hopes of attracting his 4th wife/new supply. He still wears a wedding band to portray a false married good guy image & stated that he gets approached alot more by women when he's wearing a wedding band. (Manipulative) Not sure how much truth there is to that statement, but ladies, don't be fooled by fake dreams & smoke screens of false prophets! Do your own due diligence to avoid falling into a narcissistic trap!
I did not, in fact, refrain from getting hoovered after your video the other day. Now, unfortunately, I need this well-timed video and a thousand baths. Thank you, good sir.
Oh my gosh, I could really benefit from all these classes.
I was a live-in housekeeper & cook, over several months, after my husband passed away, for a now-ex friend (of my late husband & me), who is old enough to be my father. He tried grooming me, to accept his increasingly inappropriate propositions & behaviors, including sex & sexual activity. He sexually assaulted me, several times. He also got his gang of flying monkeys after me, who stalked, drugged, gangraped me & trafficked me, as revenge against me, for "denying him what HE needed", because i had absolutely zero romantic or physical attraction to him & continued to reject his propositions.
So basically they act like animals, on every level.
It can certainly happen. Base instinct and little else.
Animals are often much more loving and compassionate.
Please don't insult animals like that! 😂😂😂
Thanks Doc. The gaslighting, the convincing the normal spouse, that there is something wrong with them for not enjoying their sexual exploitation, that they would do for them the exploitive degrading behavior they want from you if it would turn you on is so destructive to the soul and the relationship that is supposed to be full of mutual love and respect. It is a shaming behavior on their part and the victim trusts very few people with the truth of what they have been through. Even decades after, in a true loving relationship the memories can still bring tears and anger. We are not alone, and there are people such as yourself who understand, even though others who were in a position to help after having been confided in did little to help or reassure the victim they were normal.
I hate that I know this, but my narcissistic mother was manipulative this way and she thought it was fun telling me about her powers.
That messed me up a little bit.
Exploiting is horrible
Thank you Dr Carter
This seminar was very helpful
42 years ago I was sexually abused by a very narcissistic Tae Kwon Do instructor
The fear and anxiety that I experienced at that time was just immense I was assaulted
This is a delicate topic. But thank you for addressing this
I was only 19 at the time But sometimes there are still flashbacks
Your seminar brought comfort to me. Thank you
You are a remarkable person Dr Carter Please keep up the good work