Always felt deprived, upset and unfulfilled and in a permanent state of insecurity 😢 throughout entire relationship. So accurate. Became ill with fibromyalgia and knew time to end it all forever! Death by a 1000 cuts of rejection, bread crumbs and devaluation.
Currently experiencing this, I was angry at first, now it makes ME feel empowered after I learned that he’s a narc so I see it as a blessing in disguise. While he thinks I’m needing answers, I’m using the time to literally detach, heal and educate myself. He’s literally helping me, lol. no intimacy makes it even easier for me be he disgusts me now that I’m certain of who he really is.
Yes, this is true. I need to also remind myself of this & use this time to become strong enough to leave. Intimacy makes me feel a stronger bond (which no one needs from these mind playing individuals). I stay confused asking myself if actually a narcissist, but have saw several hot & cold signs throughout.
And the final nail in your emotional coffin is, after all of the years of withholding, he cheats and gives freely to a stranger what he withheld from you! After the shock and initial rage wears off, you come to your senses and realize that he is a narcissist and that you were nothing more to him than window dressing for his ego show! This is radical acceptance. It’s not you. HE IS THE PROBLEM! A problem that cannot be solved. It can only be discarded. Time to move on!
Once we were married our sex life came to a screeching halt. We went from 3x/weekly to 2x/monthly. I had no idea why. I thought he might be gay. I was young, attractive and willing and yet…virtually no interest from him. I discovered by accident that he had a very active sex life - WITH HIMSELF. He left the “evidence” all over a quilt on a bed in a spare room. I thought I was going to be sick. His excuses for not being intimate with me were, headaches, stomach aches, tired, blah, blah, blah. Truth was: he preferred Porn to me. He professed to loving me and I absolutely did not want to admit to my family that I had made a mistake in marrying him, so off we went to therapy. Total waste of time. He was an extremely covert narcissist, so he just agreed w/the therapist but had no intention of changing. Here’s the REALLY sad part - I stayed with him for 32 years! AND he was the one who found someone new and wanted the divorce. SMH. He quickly remarried (to a woman who had been married 4x previously. This is his 3rd marriage.) Not gonna lie - it’s taken me a good 4+ years to get over him. That’s what a crazy narc can do!
They only want to use you. And when they can’t do it anymore, they tighten the screws and you learn it’s either you or them. They are crazy, evil, sickos.
Damn!! I was in relationship with him for 5 years, we used to have amazing sex. however, after one month of our marriage we never had any intimacy. I found out he was addicted to porn and pleasure himself every morning. He doesnt even want to go therapy.. its almost been 2 years since our marriage. During our marriage, he was hot and cold and also I realised he wanted me only for my fathers money and reputation. I divorced him last month. but we had 1 boy together and its hard.. reading your comments, i know that im not alone and there are some people out there who went through like me.
I've experienced some of the same things, but I've only been married 2 1/2 years. I left him for the 2nd time in April and have been no contact for almost a month. I wanted to try therapy, but he always put it off. He only wanted to go after realizing that I left him for the 2nd time. The red flags started to come out slowly after we got married and have increased over the last year or so. I see so many sharing their stories and now I'm glad we didn't go to therapy and that I got out. He did became physically and verbally abusive on and off the last 8 months. My next step is to file for divorce (I'm already in counseling) and then start the healing process.
I hear that... mine refused to do anything for holidays. It seemed he picked the exact things like NYE and Valentines day to be extra sadistic. Leaving this week. Life is too short to continue with these kind of people. I'd rather be homeless and free.
I am hooked…line and sinker. Over a year with no intimacy…he says his shoulders etc. are in too much pain, so of course, I understand. I have gained weight from emotional eating….I hate my body…I need help but I don’t know where to get it….😢
It is horrible experience. Having someone make you feel like you are inadequate and you're questioning yourself, doubt, gaslighting yourself.. then you're just in a dark space, just LOST. I have not slept properly for a few months now. Just fighting to gather myself.
This started happening after we moved to his family's land. It was devastating to me, it was humiliating and all the other things you said. Our final break up was over him withholding. I SAW his behavior and tried (yet again) to ignore it until I just couldn't anymore. Yet, last night, I finally admitted to myself that I'm scared to be alone... yet I've been alone so often during our marriage. I want out, but afraid to be without him. I can't stand this!! Push pull even when I'm away from him... this is no way to live and I hate it!!
I feel your pain . I was in a realtionship with a narcissist for 6.5 years. It just ended 17 days ago when I walked away and blocked contact. I am beyond hurt and broken. I have let my physical and mental health deteriorate over the last 5 years. All the lies and manipulation has driven me to near insanity. I cant stop with the negative thoughts aand even worries about stds now as i found him cheating again. We have to take it one day at a time, talk about how you feel to loved ones who will listen and understand. Try to keep busy and do whatever you have to do to keep yout thoughts positive. I hope the best for you!
I totally understand you God came to my rescue call out to him and he will help you get out you dont deserve bred crumbs your are beatiful and are worthy❤️🙏 Blessinga
So sorry you’re experiencing this. I am in the exact same situation, yet I’ve started seeing signs early into this marriage as of 5 months now; I’m afraid to be alone for long, I try to work on healing myself & then I’m pulled back into the swing of things. I’m 33, no kids, & only getting older & was so ready for marriage that I jumped right into it thinking he loved me so much & this was it 🤦🏻♀️ looking back we didn’t even know each other yet!!
I tried for 12 years to figure out the problem. Trying everything i could think of to rekindle the passion. I have only learned in the last year that this also is a part of narcissism. It is very heartbreaking and degrading.
I was not allowed to touch him or I was accused of being a nymphomaniac he withheld intimacy and affection I had all these emotions you explained it was like I was not even there with him I blamed myself and my self respect and self asteem hit rock bottom mentality and physicaly ill I repulsed him so glad you made this video it explains so much to why he withheld in the devalue stage I am still healing more each day but it is not easy good days and bad thank you so much for this 💚💚💚
You hit it on the head Ann, I am almost thirty years married and now with our kids out of the house it’s like I don’t exist. I thought we would grow closer; it has become the exact opposite. I have turned to alcohol to deal with it but I know that will cause my health to deteriorate eventually so I know I’ve got to quit. But it’s so painful…. 💔
(((Hugs!!))) Same here. I had never been treated so dishonorably, disrespectfully, or been so horribly abused. He raped me as a form of abuse to teach me what was allowed and not allowed. He had to CONTROL everything. There was never intimacy, love, or acceptance. Everything was a lie, anything "good" was fake, and it was all 100% about him satisfying his own wants and needs using me as a mere worthless object in his eyes, to achieve that. Though we were in a relationship for a few months, I thank God I was only in a consensual relationship with him for a month. It was worse than a nightmare. I went into that relationship secure in my femininity and womanhood and sexuality and he devastated all of that. Now that I know that was indeed his goal, even over and above all the sex, attention, and possessions he got me to buy, I am able to see that BASTARD for the evil monster he is. I will never see him otherwise. Nor will I see those who believe his lies and support him as innocent again, because there are a few who KNOW, yet continue to support and promote him, while smearing me, as well as the other women who were victimized by him before me. I didn't know about them. But those flying monkeys of his most certainly do and yet they continue to support and promote him as "a great guy". The narc who raped me is a UA-camr. Many of my friendships with our mutual friends are destroyed because they believe him.
@@Zepster77 it is painful indeed. Please go to AA 12 steps meeting to seek support in healing without abusing your body with alcohol. Have self compassion. Treasure your body. Nurture your Child Within. Protect your health. Best wishes in healings.
My abusive spouse started withholding intimacy right after we got married. Many years later, during a devalue phase he admitted that he did this to make it easier for him to control me. 😮
During the stage of withholding intimacy it was devastating for me considering I am a very affectionate soul, however I knew this behavior wasn’t normal & I also was able to identify that something was very wrong with him, but couldn’t quite pin point it. Immediately I discovered this was some form of punishment, and refuse to feed into it. I called him out on it,and he admitted that it was a form of punishment for something I did or didn’t do let him tell it. I couldn’t believe what I had gotten myself into, among other things I started noticing the unfamiliar behavior unknown to me at the time such as gaslighting, the silent treatment & the most disturbing one of all the one that I’ll never forget is that smirk “I call it the stare of death” these individuals are demonic & possessed by the evil of darkness. In a long distance relationship for 4 years and living together for 1 was all I could bare I didn’t realize how much I’d embrace the discard & it was exactly what was needed for me to be whole & healed today…
So happy for you that you got out of that situation. It is sickening at how they stare at you when you’re pouring your heart out to them & I’ve found it’s because they are studying you to see how they can honestly break you down even more.. I pray God removes the pain of all who have endured these relationships including myself & makes me strong enough to get out of the marriage I previously mistakingly got into. I feel as if God has already started showing me signs 5 months into this.. from the lovebombing, hurriedly wanting to marry me, withholding of affection off & on, mood swings, etc.
I wish we could be actual friends and you could help guide me. This is EXACTLY what I'm in and I moved from coast to coast to marry him. My grandma who was my one relative other than my brother, she was all I had in the world and she died in the pandemic. Almost 4 years of marriage to him and he has reduced me so badly. Someone can only beat you down so long until you start believing the things they say about you. I am afraid to go but also terrified of staying.
Thank you. 25 years after my divorce, I still am impacted by the cruelty of his total withdrawal of all affection, sex, and emotional intimacy. He never really love-bombed me, but everything else you described exactly as it occurred. I was 22 and I thought I was the only woman whose husband refused to touch her. My self-esteem plummeted and my anxiety went through he roof. It was awful and I've never wanted to put myself in a situation where I could find that kind of rejection again. I've tried to date a few times, but I'd rather be alone than constantly rejected.
Even having a divorce when we both want one, is practically impossible. I truly doubt that I ever want any other relationship after the remnants of this are in the dustbin.
I understand it bc it created confusion. (Why would God create my own enemy?) Now you know that the devil has power and can send demons to you. And got trust issues. Protection of self is most important amen
@@gigiarmany it will be nice if you give me a clear answer instead of saying ((go educate ypur self)) . Ypu dont know me and youndont know what i have been tjrough. I have studying about narcissist for three years. I watched videos on arabic and english about narcisism. So i think i know a lot of narcissim now. I asked tje queqtion because i thought there will be something new we dodnt jear about in UA-cam videos
I would try to be affectionate with her and she would tell me to "Knock it off!" or try to make me feel guilty for wanting to be with her. To her there was ALWAYS a another reason (another woman) that I wanted to be with her. Many many many times she would just say things like "Just take care of yourself! I don't feel like it!" And even when we did it was always like it was a chore for her, but, after she basically broke me, she completely changed. That was absolutely confusing to me after twenty-three years of a dead fish and absolute rejection. These evil snakes really know how to absolutely destroy you.
Met him in 2001. Moved 100 miles to be with him. Then the sex stopped. I became another mum to him. I'm currently filing for divorce 22 years later. Enough is enough. My solicitor asked if he's gay. I don't know what he is? I'm not ugly, I just hope that I can find someone who will love me for me.
I hope you have been able to finalize things and start your new chapter. My ex husband started withholding some physical touch and sex in college, but it went to almost no touch and no sex on our wedding night and honeymoon. He didn't touch me that whole time and then maybe we had sex 2 times in the next few years. It was soul-crushing. I often wondered if he was gay and just using me as his cover. There were some clues that could have pointed to that. But then years later he married another woman, so who knows. I am sure 22 years has been so draining and hurtful. May the next phase be so much better.
A lot of narcs are gay or DL”down low “. They will marry a woman and have kids and use us women as a cover up. My soon to be ex husband is down low. Best to run!
All of the things you said was exactly what happened to me. So after the cold treatment and everything, I started writing a journal, then I searched what was really happening to him, his personality, his roots, everything! Then I analyzed everything, learned to gain my self respect again, love myself, until one day I am not affected anymore. I focused on myself more, focused on many things to do at home. Then I realized I was not hurt anymore.
the damage this does to children who have to witness 1 of their parents/caregivers do this to their spouse/the other parent is hard to explain. its very traumatizing and affects you into adulthood & all your relationships :(
Yup, it has affected me badly for like 10 years but now I am a boss at my demands and refuse to be strung along again and pushed in to withholding games, I will ghost any male who did, and I live life on my own terms now even will see other people the moment a narc even start the games. Time is too short to waste chasing a narc, they don't respect you and never will.
I am in the same situation. But his affection was only wanting sex. He did not want to cuddle or just hugg me. I had to beg for kisses. Now, where I know how he is manipulating me, I can't bare to be intimate. Why would I give him love if he is not returning anything.
@@zg6045 As a male who absolutely loves to give non-sexual affection this guy is just using you. The desire and want to give affection to make a woman feel safe, supported and respected is a must in order to have a wonderful connection. I will also tell you that I find that many women are now so shut down affectionately that all they want is sex but no meaningful connection. And I've left them because they were never relationship oriented.
Intimacy requires someone to share themselves. Narcissists have nothing to share because they have no real identity. Intimacy also requires vulnerability. The need to feel superior. You can't be vulnerable and superior at the same time.
THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR SHARING THIS I HAVE BEEN EMOTIONALLY ABUSED FOR OVER 8 YEARS BY AN OVERT MALIGANT NARCISSITS HE CONTINUES PUNISHING ME WITH MONTHS AND YEARS OF THE SILENT TREATMENT WITHHOLDING INTIAMCY IM NOT ALLOWED TO SEE HIM AND TREATING ME LIKE I DONT EXIST NARCISSITIC ABUSE IS THE WORSE FORM OF ABUSE THAT ANYONE CAN EVER EXPERIENCE.IM STRUGGLING TO DISCONNECT.
Crazy is the best answer I have--crazy and very sick. Why would they initiate a marriage and then immediately , and completely retreat. The answer was to USE you for your money and as a coverup for their insanity.
This is a wonderful video again Thank you so much I am,on my healing path now... You are giving me strength, courage and hope I was discarded and my wounds are deep Now I understand dynamic of my relationship with the Narcissist I appreciate your help very much
Thank you for the information. You have described the last 47 years of my life. I have experienced each of the four steps perfectly. Now I can accept the reality of my life and adapt to live a better one.
I'm so glad I found this video, I'm going through the end of a narcissist relationship. He broke up with me November 1st; this video is spot on! Thank you, Mr. Bashir! ❤
Thank u Danish. You are God sent. Since i came across your videos, i have learned alot n it has made me find healing n self acceptance n self discovering again after feeling lost n not knowing how to react from all the emotional confusion n doubt that the narc has taken me through. The withholding of intimacy was confusing to me. but from your videos, its all about control to a narc. They are really sick in the head.
Thank you for this. I am so very ill from the narcissistic abuse of my parents and I’m afraid I’m perpetuating the cycle by being afraid to open my heart again. I need to heal, thanks so much for your podcast, I really appreciate the guidance.
Esp the sexual component, … that was the most fantastic and the most hurtful therefore… the withholding of it after seducing me even years into the relationship and then stop mid way in the act and just leave.. saying ahh thats what you want? Forget it. Smirking. And also the sudden withholding of hugs or kisses and then suddenly sometimes kissing me again or hugging me, only for me later to find out he did that by accident cause he was doing it to his new supply and couldnt make the cold switch towards me on time… Masks falling. i could even see him correct his behaviour after he would by accident do this. And if I would announce my leaving he would be all sweet and stuff again, or after a period of silent treatment treat me nice again. He actually said the last time I ever saw him and told him his behaviour is appalling: ahh yes my hot and cold behaviour my punishment and sweetness, ah yes. You know me. And was laughing. My jaw dropped. It almost seemed sadistic on point. Who the fuck would say and do stuff like this on purpose a sadistic grandiose narc?! Five years. It ended last month. After I found a therapist and am now having EMDR for my ptsd
@@Gotoworkkk hell no. Out 18 months. After my last post a year ago already I see wow, I had intensive emdr (three times a week, and now a year later down to once a month) and dived into my childhood wounds (you have to if you want to break all ties and understand how to break a trauma bond) I am exhausted from the whole experience and the realisation how sick 🤢 the whole thing was. If youre in you are not able to see clearly. And once I was out, it took several attempts to get out cause i was trauma bonded, i was naucious and sick for months over the realisation how sick of an individual he is. It is really a mental disorder. Aka theyre sick in the head and heart. Thats why it takes so long to recognise the sickness in them cause we dont act or think like they do and just cant understand why. But the only answer to that is: theyre broken and sick. Get out. Distance yourself. And educate yourself get help. Emdr and update yourself on personality disorders. The therapist actually told me in the second session that I was dealing with a sociopath. It took me months to unravel his behaviour together with the therapist. He has a side that most other people see funny witty friendly smart helpful charming etc. And which he showed me most of time. So nobody believes he is a sociopath. Incl myself for a long time. But its the little slips he made, the horrific attitude in bed, the cheatinf, lying, the conning of other people, and the weird shit he would sometimes say (⁉️) in between nose and lips and the SMIRK!😏 that gives him away. They are oscar winner actors. Pay attention to these smirk and little slip ups: that is who they really are!! Dont doubt yourself. Run. I still struggle to make sense of it all in some days and am damaged by those years. The trauma bond is no joke. But. Everyday I think. Never ever again do I want to be treated or feel like that again. And that keeps me out and moving forward. Slowly becoming me again 💪🏻its one rough journey good luck everyone listen to your gut instinct
I think angels speak through your medium. Every word spoken by you is so true that it touches your heart. You are born to be a healer. Lots of power to you. God bless you.
It made me feel unworthy within myself; like I was a "non-person" or invisible. "What did I do?" Where did he GO?" "What's WRONG with ME????" I used to 'BELIEVE' that my father was the ONLY one who "understood" & 'knew' me/or where I came from. I thought that 'HE' was the ONLY one who could provide me with understanding of myself... (But a lot of it was Gaslighting that he did; & I didn't 'question' him at all...) I THREW him up on that Pedestal (because 'that's what I thought I was 'suPposed "to do) a long time ago & he enjoyed it immensely. (I hope this can help someone else in some small way).I "bought" all of his pronouncements, as if he were some kind of a god. I'd been in a bad accident as a teenager. He NEVER really 'hugged' me; rather it was a "PRETEND" hug. Iow, if someone saw it from far away, it might look like a real hug. But it was a "stiff-armed hug"; used for the 'outside world' ONLY. It definitely was NOT intimate or even restorative OR comforting. I was a "Show" (for 'other people's benefit'). Then I felt guilty for not feeling like I had a good relationship with my dad & mom, like other people BELIEVED that I had with them. My parents were never emotionally or physically demonstrative towards each other, my little sister or me. Thank you Danish for exposing some of the cracks in the narcissist's personality. It's illuminating & I feel the healing as I unload some of the boulders I've been carrying all these years.
Your videos are so perfect. I can’t even tell you brother you don’t miss 1 step. I hope you never stop making these videos. Every night before I go to sleep I watch at least 5-10 videos ad they make me stronger the next day to heal. Never stop making these. I support you 100%
Congratulations for your exceptional insight. You nailed the subject gracefully! Thank you, for your video serves as a sanity check for victims of this short of devastating abuse.
I have already listened to countless parts of the explanation about the behavior of narcissists, but this explanation brought tears to my eyes. And this after so many months. I wonder how you can describe it so accurately.It's probably the case that the pain I feel, which I don't think was there anymore, flares up again at such moments.
This is so accurate. Its a comfort to know his "loving companion " got the same. 16 years, 5 of it with abdominal lymphoma. His gift for compassion let's me know he was of no comfort to her. We took our granddaughters to lunch and he snapped at me because I missed something on the menu. They looked at me, shocked. Surprise girls, Papa let his guard down.
He stopped sleeping with me because he said he had a cold and snored. This was years into the relationship. Then he stopped showing any affection but occasional bought me things and showed a measure of attention. This hot and cold business went on for 16 months until I left him as he started flirting with someone else not to get into a relationship with but hurt me. This was only a segment of the abuse, by the time he had finished I lost all self worth and I was ashamed that I couldn’t make him happy. 20 years down the pan. Now he wants me back. I won’t have him back but I won’t be cruel either. I won’t be like him.
Yes, mine started also stopped sleeping togheter. Saying she want to but never tried. I think, as also in other areas they have a real hard time tolerating another person. No harmonizing is there. They are in their own bubble and only wish the other when they deem it suitable.
In my case she would stay up watching recorded TV dramas until after I fell asleep, then at about 3am she would come to bed. She also breadcrumbed me. As well as sometimes bring me something like chocolates or such from shopping... But she had long since stopped kissing me. Or hugging me. And sadly, there was a ton of emotional abuse on top of that. About not being like them, I understand your feelings on that. For us, it does not come naturally.
I just got divorce after 49 yrs of being married to a narcissist. The divorce took 2 yrs after I applied . During the divorce realized that I was married to a narcissist. This was an arranged marriage and my ex had seen me . But from the first day of marriage he showed very little interest in me . I am from India and married an Indian doctor who had lived in America for 3 yrs before he came back home for marriage . Then after marriage he returned to USA and did not communicate with me at all for 6 months . After I joined him in state after 6 months he was not happy with my arrival and and showed little interest in intimacy. It was always me which had to initiate . Then when ever I was pregnant dint want kids and wanted me to get abortion.he showed no affection , love , compassion ,care at all .I found out later that he having affairs with coworkers, secretaries and nurses behind my back but making up stories and lies to me and portraying he is so virtuous which I believed fro several years .then I found out that he was heavily involved in prostitution and pornography. Also this affected me and I was suicidal for a whIle but by grace of God I met a very pious lady who helped me to gain my self esteem, self worth , confidence and helped me to become strong in faith and also helped me to recover from this mental , emotional, psychological and financial abuse . 2 yrs ago after the children were all grown up I applied for divorce. He got a female attorney who was also a narcissistic and I went through hell with a very nasty process with motions and motions . During this time I came across some videos on tube about the hell any one goes through when divorcing a narcissist. One of the video mentioned that a you need a whole village to support during the divorce process .I felt like I got severely punished for wanting to get divorce from him .He did not maintain status quo and got away with it . His attorney also is a narcissist and it was double hard to go through the divorce process. Finally I just got divorced a week ago .in the settlement also he and his attorney made fraud expenses and settlement and hardly I got any thing at the end . My attorney said the best thing is to be free from this narcissistic slavery and be a free human being.
Thank you Danish for your great job. Thank you for helping human beings full of emotions and longing for love and true friendship to get free from the iron clutches of those emotionless, cold and alien energy extracting machines pretending to be your "loving" friend or even a spouse
Thank you for the video. I'm divorced now but oh the pain of having a marriage with withheld intimacy is devastating. You blame yourself and my self esteem hit rock bottom. I'm still trying to get it back 😊
Yes he kept withholding intimacy from me, no matter how much i tried to talk to him about it for us to be intimate he would tell me youre all i think about at work, but he would not do it anyway. He denied it to me until i got over it. Then he one day asked me why dont you ask for it this days?
If you marry a Narc, even a closet Narc, the most dangerous type, as soon as the ring is on their finger, and they feel secure, they will turn. You will come to understand that the marriage vows only ever went in one direction, in their favour. They will take until they kill you with takung, then expect to take mote. I wish I understood covert narcissisism 20 years ago.
@@sadiamufti8890 if your not out yet, I'd advise taking steps to get out, do it quietly and telling no one of your plans, not even your kids if you have them.
Narcissists really only engage in intimacy to fulfill their lustful desires. You can really only have one good time with them, which is usually the 1st. Then after that they completely lose interest and will often fabricate obstacles or have a list of routine excuses, such as; - "My favorite TV show is on and they're having a marathon with all my favorite episodes" - "I really want to see the final conclusion to this upcoming News story" - "Well....I had other activities planned for the day" - "I've got a lot of chores I need to catch up on and can't procrastinate any longer" - "I'm expecting an important phone call and I can't miss it" - "I need to get the laundry done, because I don't have anything clean to wear for tomorrow" - "Well, I invited So & So to come along with us and after having a good chat it would have been rude not to invite them" - "An old friend is in town for a couple of weeks and they'll be stopping by to visit when ever they have a chance" - "I let So & So borrow something and they'll be stopping by at some point today to return it" - "So & So invited us to dinner and they're expecting to see on time, so we'd better leave now to beat the traffic"
He is so busy! He had to mow the lawn.. go running....go to church.... get prepared for work. Run errands, and didnt have time for intimacy, but after I left for work in the morning, and in the middle of the night while he sleeping on the couch (because of a bad back), and on our anniversary, he is watching plenty of p*rn. Discovered how often and how much on old xfinity bills. He couldn't sleep in the same bed, because....bad back, wanted to watch old shows on TV, etc. The gall to say he loves me and want to stay in the marriage.... what kind of live is this???? It's so devastating. I hope I find a partner that wants me and I'm not left scratching my head trying to figure it out. I hope I heal and I hope everyone dies, too. The craziest part is that he thinks and assumes I'm going to be faithful and stay in the liveless mess. while he neglects. Crazy.
Today is the 4th of July and I’m going to treat it as my Independence Day from him. I broke up with my narc this morning via text telling him I could no longer stand the withholding of love and affection. Everything you laid out in this video was exactly how it unfolded. Plus we were supposedly “working on things” and he casually and coolly announced to me he was going to fly to another state to nurse one of his supplies through gal bladder surgery. He triangulated which was also the icing on the cake. I look terrible my mental and emotional and physical health is suffering. I have had constant diarrhea for two weeks and I’m worried something is wrong with my intestinal health. I just want myself and my health back. I know it will be a tough road back but I’m determined to heal from this. Thank you so much for this video ❤
She would always blame me for picking fights when in reality she picked fights out of the blue and used this as a reason for withholding. She became more and more reserved about her private life and kept me away from all of her friends. She had short-lived "guy friendships" that I didn't know about. I was of course not perfect either, but I owned my faults and worked on them. She just kept blaming me for her own problems.
My wife would do the same! And when she was out, sometimes we would text each other. But there was one question that she would never answer: "Where are you?"
@@ogawasanjuro my ex always said he was going out with “friends.” Eventually I caught an STD and realized it wasn’t friends at all. He was out on dates with other supplies - including my immediate replacement. They love to say they are just “out with friends.” It’s all lies.
I needed to see this because I was thinking maybe it was me the narcissist because I had no desire at all being with him. But I think it is just disgust.
I needed to see this video so bad. In so thankful i stumbled across this video. I hate my wife now for the person who she became. I wish i would've never met her.
His doing this to me now!! I was angry at first! But I’m starting to not care! It’s starting to fade away! Hoping to get out of this nightmare relationship 😪
Yes after the lombong he did. It made me feel confused and unattractive. Those feelings didn't last for long. I just didn't care anymore. I remember I was in the bedroom and came out of the shower wanting sex and I ran into living room. He was pissed as if how dare you reject me. I just didn't want to.
After less than a year he started making excuses for not sharing the bed. Saying he wasn't tired he'd stay up in the other room then sleep on the couch. He'd go out nights leaving me alone and lonely with our baby. 27 years later he claims I forced him out of the bed. Ridiculous! What spouse says Oh you go watch tv, you go out, you do whatever you want ill stay home alone and lonely with our baby, no no don't give me any breaks. No one! I remember wishing he was there to whisper to to hang out once child's asleep
She did me gaslight for 2 phases but on 3rd phase - I gave her own medicine face to face … so I never landed in phase 4 of depression & anxiety . Thanks to all lovely ladies I met before for their love they taught me❤️
In the beginning the love life was beyond compare, then came our wedding night. Awesome!! the day AFTER our wedding she became a cold fish, the switch went OFF. Always some lame excuse, in other terms ...NO!! I got to touch her ONCE in 26 months , her constant GIMME.. disrespect..emotional abuse, I'd had enough. I told her many times that if she kept on with her ways of treating me like shit I'd walk. I guess she thought I was kidding, I've been gone 2 weeks and I feel free!! She's tried gas lighting me,(doesn't work) and I told her so. I also told her to look up Sigma Empaths ( me ), I guess she believes me now!! I hope she's happy with throwing away the best thing that's ever entered her life!!
Been with my boyfriend for 10 years. He reduced intimacy 2 years ago when I bought our first home for us. He tells me to shut up on a weekly bases and trys to control my dog. Now there is zero intimacy this whole year and he keeps saying how sweet everyone elses girlfriends are. I've now moved into the spare bedroom and keep dropping hints for him to move out. He's not even trying to keep me, and when i mention it, he says "you're the one who moved into the spare room". Such a narc!! I just keep thinking and dreaming about being loved and adored by someone else. Being in a separate room has helped clear my head and detach from him though.
My husband was a joeckel & hyde. Out in public he would act like he adored me around others & at church. St home, behind closed doors, he could be a monster. He would get in s fight with me & head butt me with his head, put his mouth close to my ear & yell as loud as he could into my ear, push me into furniture, yell at the top of his lungs at me when he was being "hyde" I was very affectionate when we got married, but after tr
I just came across this video and I have been so frustrated and honestly in disbelief this just happened yesterday with my narc boyfriend he asked if he could come over last night to be intimate I told him no because I have to get up at 4 am for work but let’s meet up tomorrow he gets so angry and tells me he doesn’t want me anymore and that I’m probably seeing someone else and that he will never ask again mind you this man has not acknowledged my needs in yrs and only twice in 8 yrs have I said no. So now I’m in the discard mode like a repeated cycle I’m exhausted and so emotional how he treats me like he doesn’t have any feelings I am praying to move on and get my life back
I had a 7 year long relationship where from the beginning he kept telling me , he believes in intimacy only after marriage. But i had doubts that he was close to other women. Whenever I confronted him, he would deny it or call me insecure. Genuinely, i started feeling unworthy, unattractive. I lost my confidence.
So a clearing of your house and technology and buy new cloths and get a gym pass and don't skip a day of working out and get fit. Literally invest entirely in you only for at least 6 months and you will take all your power back. I just did that.
Looking back sex was always problematic.. and scripted but because i was in love i overlooked the signs…after about a year he did not want any sex anymore, and that lasted 8 !! long months , and i was so upset because he would be on porn websites and talk to prostitutes online … i was so insulted …. He slept next to me and hugged me but no sex ever …. This knot in my stomach was there 24/7 , a terrible feeling, i tried everything but he became worse telling me he prefered really young girls ( i was 25 lol) and would often stay out all night and come back in the morning only to tell me hey , girl , where is dinner ? Lower than low for real…. One day when he was not home i packed up everything and left to never return with a broken heart 💔💝never will i ever let any man treat me that way , i saw the signs but chose to ignore them, next time no second chances ❤🙊🙈🙉❤️‼️
It made me feel when he left us, that he did not want to be with me. I left. Then felt bad. So I confronted. He avoided answering why he did that. But managed to blame me. I finally woke up feeling free
First my wife s shows intimacy like roborts towards me since 1 and half year back from then to till now she stops and abandoned me like dustbin, is her intimacy completely die for me? Or she save it for others !
He did it to me for 8 years i finally cheated on him found someone else and booted him out of my life he didnt see it comming he thought he destroyed me lol it backfired in his face
She cheated, I was lost and took time to recover but then she witheld sex as if punishment for my delay.the anxiety has grown and,question if I am the narrcissist for having qtn
I was constantly told I am not of a man enough, that I have ED and many more things while my ex narcissistic wife had the real problem as she was not able to have intimate relations due to several restricting factors in her intimate parts; however I was to blame for a deffcient manhood.
I have expierienced exactly that....i had and still have self insecureties....i still feel unworthy, it made me feel ugly, because the narcisist told me - " why I don't want to get intemate with you? Just Look at you! " with an disgusted look in on it's face....😞 It was so devastating and pulled me even more down ....
An avoidant narcissist who withdrawls sexuality is a fun one. Because then it become you who is suffering who begins asking questions and then you are gaslighted that you are causing fights and disrupting peace.
Always felt deprived, upset and unfulfilled and in a permanent state of insecurity 😢 throughout entire relationship. So accurate. Became ill with fibromyalgia and knew time to end it all forever! Death by a 1000 cuts of rejection, bread crumbs and devaluation.
Currently experiencing this, I was angry at first, now it makes ME feel empowered after I learned that he’s a narc so I see it as a blessing in disguise. While he thinks I’m needing answers, I’m using the time to literally detach, heal and educate myself. He’s literally helping me, lol. no intimacy makes it even easier for me be he disgusts me now that I’m certain of who he really is.
Yes, this is true. I need to also remind myself of this & use this time to become strong enough to leave. Intimacy makes me feel a stronger bond (which no one needs from these mind playing individuals). I stay confused asking myself if actually a narcissist, but have saw several hot & cold signs throughout.
And the final nail in your emotional coffin is, after all of the years of withholding, he cheats and gives freely to a stranger what he withheld from you! After the shock and initial rage wears off, you come to your senses and realize that he is a narcissist and that you were nothing more to him than window dressing for his ego show! This is radical acceptance. It’s not you. HE IS THE PROBLEM! A problem that cannot be solved. It can only be discarded. Time to move on!
This happened to me. Now he is divorcing me in few days. I trusted him too much.
still very painful and angrying to realize they lied/wasted years of your life, that' evil...that's robbery @@terrywade3696
@@terrywade3696 you left him right?
Once we were married our sex life came to a screeching halt. We went from 3x/weekly to 2x/monthly. I had no idea why. I thought he might be gay. I was young, attractive and willing and yet…virtually no interest from him.
I discovered by accident that he had a very active sex life - WITH HIMSELF. He left the “evidence” all over a quilt on a bed in a spare room. I thought I was going to be sick. His excuses for not being intimate with me were, headaches, stomach aches, tired, blah, blah, blah. Truth was: he preferred Porn to me. He professed to loving me and I absolutely did not want to admit to my family that I had made a mistake in marrying him, so off we went to therapy. Total waste of time. He was an extremely covert narcissist, so he just agreed w/the therapist but had no intention of changing. Here’s the REALLY sad part - I stayed with him for 32 years! AND he was the one who found someone new and wanted the divorce. SMH. He quickly remarried (to a woman who had been married 4x previously. This is his 3rd marriage.)
Not gonna lie - it’s taken me a good 4+ years to get over him. That’s what a crazy narc can do!
They only want to use you. And when they can’t do it anymore, they tighten the screws and you learn it’s either you or them. They are crazy, evil, sickos.
Damn!! I was in relationship with him for 5 years, we used to have amazing sex. however, after one month of our marriage we never had any intimacy. I found out he was addicted to porn and pleasure himself every morning. He doesnt even want to go therapy.. its almost been 2 years since our marriage. During our marriage, he was hot and cold and also I realised he wanted me only for my fathers money and reputation. I divorced him last month. but we had 1 boy together and its hard.. reading your comments, i know that im not alone and there are some people out there who went through like me.
I have found that most are gay/bi & LOVE PORN
My story exactly except i was 34 years,and she had been married twice before.
I've experienced some of the same things, but I've only been married 2 1/2 years. I left him for the 2nd time in April and have been no contact for almost a month. I wanted to try therapy, but he always put it off. He only wanted to go after realizing that I left him for the 2nd time. The red flags started to come out slowly after we got married and have increased over the last year or so. I see so many sharing their stories and now I'm glad we didn't go to therapy and that I got out. He did became physically and verbally abusive on and off the last 8 months. My next step is to file for divorce (I'm already in counseling) and then start the healing process.
He withheld doing things I enjoyed. I made me feel used, humiliated, supremely insecure, and body shamed.
I hear that... mine refused to do anything for holidays. It seemed he picked the exact things like NYE and Valentines day to be extra sadistic. Leaving this week. Life is too short to continue with these kind of people. I'd rather be homeless and free.
That's how they are, once they are sure they have us trapped.
😢
I am hooked…line and sinker. Over a year with no intimacy…he says his shoulders etc. are in too much pain, so of course, I understand. I have gained weight from emotional eating….I hate my body…I need help but I don’t know where to get it….😢
@@barbaramoore5070mine is doing the same thing 😢😢 and I feel the same way.
This perfectly describes my last relationship. It was absolutely devastating and the most painful experience I've ever had with a partner.
Im going through it right now. 17 days no contact, i feel as if im going crazy with the repetitive thoughts.
Same and it was only an online relationship
@@jonhutchinson2902 you arent alone.. im going through it right now as well. We can make it and we will be the last one to laugh
@@teteisailo4604 thanks for your kind words. You are absolutely right.
Am happy you left
It is amazing how the things you don't want, they do more and the things you do want, they do less.
It is horrible experience. Having someone make you feel like you are inadequate and you're questioning yourself, doubt, gaslighting yourself.. then you're just in a dark space, just LOST. I have not slept properly for a few months now. Just fighting to gather myself.
This started happening after we moved to his family's land. It was devastating to me, it was humiliating and all the other things you said. Our final break up was over him withholding. I SAW his behavior and tried (yet again) to ignore it until I just couldn't anymore. Yet, last night, I finally admitted to myself that I'm scared to be alone... yet I've been alone so often during our marriage. I want out, but afraid to be without him. I can't stand this!! Push pull even when I'm away from him... this is no way to live and I hate it!!
I feel your pain .
I was in a realtionship with a narcissist for 6.5 years. It just ended 17 days ago when I walked away and blocked contact. I am beyond hurt and broken. I have let my physical and mental health deteriorate over the last 5 years. All the lies and manipulation has driven me to near insanity. I cant stop with the negative thoughts aand even worries about stds now as i found him cheating again. We have to take it one day at a time, talk about how you feel to loved ones who will listen and understand. Try to keep busy and do whatever you have to do to keep yout thoughts positive. I hope the best for you!
Know this pain...out almost 2 years after decades. Quite the journey
Living with a man like this is also lonely for you. Just make arrangements for your sustainability and move on.
I totally understand you God came to my rescue call out to him and he will help you get out you dont deserve bred crumbs your are beatiful and are worthy❤️🙏 Blessinga
So sorry you’re experiencing this. I am in the exact same situation, yet I’ve started seeing signs early into this marriage as of 5 months now; I’m afraid to be alone for long, I try to work on healing myself & then I’m pulled back into the swing of things. I’m 33, no kids, & only getting older & was so ready for marriage that I jumped right into it thinking he loved me so much & this was it 🤦🏻♀️ looking back we didn’t even know each other yet!!
I tried for 12 years to figure out the problem. Trying everything i could think of to rekindle the passion. I have only learned in the last year that this also is a part of narcissism. It is very heartbreaking and degrading.
I was not allowed to touch him or I was accused of being a nymphomaniac he withheld intimacy and affection I had all these emotions you explained it was like I was not even there with him I blamed myself and my self respect and self asteem hit rock bottom mentality and physicaly ill I repulsed him so glad you made this video it explains so much to why he withheld in the devalue stage I am still healing more each day but it is not easy good days and bad thank you so much for this 💚💚💚
You hit it on the head Ann, I am almost thirty years married and now with our kids out of the house it’s like I don’t exist. I thought we would grow closer; it has become the exact opposite. I have turned to alcohol to deal with it but I know that will cause my health to deteriorate eventually so I know I’ve got to quit. But it’s so painful…. 💔
@@Zepster77 take care
(((Hugs!!))) Same here. I had never been treated so dishonorably, disrespectfully, or been so horribly abused. He raped me as a form of abuse to teach me what was allowed and not allowed. He had to CONTROL everything. There was never intimacy, love, or acceptance. Everything was a lie, anything "good" was fake, and it was all 100% about him satisfying his own wants and needs using me as a mere worthless object in his eyes, to achieve that. Though we were in a relationship for a few months, I thank God I was only in a consensual relationship with him for a month. It was worse than a nightmare.
I went into that relationship secure in my femininity and womanhood and sexuality and he devastated all of that. Now that I know that was indeed his goal, even over and above all the sex, attention, and possessions he got me to buy, I am able to see that BASTARD for the evil monster he is. I will never see him otherwise. Nor will I see those who believe his lies and support him as innocent again, because there are a few who KNOW, yet continue to support and promote him, while smearing me, as well as the other women who were victimized by him before me. I didn't know about them. But those flying monkeys of his most certainly do and yet they continue to support and promote him as "a great guy".
The narc who raped me is a UA-camr. Many of my friendships with our mutual friends are destroyed because they believe him.
U2 Ann…. 🌠❤🔥🌠
@@Zepster77 it is painful indeed. Please go to AA 12 steps meeting to seek support in healing without abusing your body with alcohol. Have self compassion. Treasure your body. Nurture your Child Within. Protect your health. Best wishes in healings.
My abusive spouse started withholding intimacy right after we got married. Many years later, during a devalue phase he admitted that he did this to make it easier for him to control me. 😮
During the stage of withholding intimacy it was devastating for me considering I am a very affectionate soul, however I knew this behavior wasn’t normal & I also was able to identify that something was very wrong with him, but couldn’t quite pin point it. Immediately I discovered this was some form of punishment, and refuse to feed into it. I called him out on it,and he admitted that it was a form of punishment for something I did or didn’t do let him tell it. I couldn’t believe what I had gotten myself into, among other things I started noticing the unfamiliar behavior unknown to me at the time such as gaslighting, the silent treatment & the most disturbing one of all the one that I’ll never forget is that smirk “I call it the stare of death” these individuals are demonic & possessed by the evil of darkness. In a long distance relationship for 4 years and living together for 1 was all I could bare I didn’t realize how much I’d embrace the discard & it was exactly what was needed for me to be whole & healed today…
So happy for you that you got out of that situation. It is sickening at how they stare at you when you’re pouring your heart out to them & I’ve found it’s because they are studying you to see how they can honestly break you down even more.. I pray God removes the pain of all who have endured these relationships including myself & makes me strong enough to get out of the marriage I previously mistakingly got into. I feel as if God has already started showing me signs 5 months into this.. from the lovebombing, hurriedly wanting to marry me, withholding of affection off & on, mood swings, etc.
I used to be very affectionate - but it only meant instant sex to him. Zero affection
I wish we could be actual friends and you could help guide me. This is EXACTLY what I'm in and I moved from coast to coast to marry him. My grandma who was my one relative other than my brother, she was all I had in the world and she died in the pandemic. Almost 4 years of marriage to him and he has reduced me so badly. Someone can only beat you down so long until you start believing the things they say about you. I am afraid to go but also terrified of staying.
Thank you. 25 years after my divorce, I still am impacted by the cruelty of his total withdrawal of all affection, sex, and emotional intimacy. He never really love-bombed me, but everything else you described exactly as it occurred. I was 22 and I thought I was the only woman whose husband refused to touch her. My self-esteem plummeted and my anxiety went through he roof. It was awful and I've never wanted to put myself in a situation where I could find that kind of rejection again. I've tried to date a few times, but I'd rather be alone than constantly rejected.
I can totally relate. I am so sorry. ❤️🩹
Even having a divorce when we both want one, is practically impossible. I truly doubt that I ever want any other relationship after the remnants of this are in the dustbin.
Why its impossible?
@@lightspirt2686 get educated about narcissistic abuse, then you will know
@@lightspirt2686 You don't know this guy. He's not realistic, and pretty much opposed to clear communication.
I understand it bc it created confusion. (Why would God create my own enemy?) Now you know that the devil has power and can send demons to you. And got trust issues. Protection of self is most important amen
@@gigiarmany it will be nice if you give me a clear answer instead of saying ((go educate ypur self)) . Ypu dont know me and youndont know what i have been tjrough. I have studying about narcissist for three years. I watched videos on arabic and english about narcisism.
So i think i know a lot of narcissim now. I asked tje queqtion because i thought there will be something new we dodnt jear about in UA-cam videos
I would try to be affectionate with her and she would tell me to "Knock it off!" or try to make me feel guilty for wanting to be with her. To her there was ALWAYS a another reason (another woman) that I wanted to be with her. Many many many times she would just say things like "Just take care of yourself! I don't feel like it!" And even when we did it was always like it was a chore for her, but, after she basically broke me, she completely changed. That was absolutely confusing to me after twenty-three years of a dead fish and absolute rejection. These evil snakes really know how to absolutely destroy you.
20 years for me bro. The rejection felt brutal, same excuses and blaming it all on me..
Met him in 2001. Moved 100 miles to be with him. Then the sex stopped. I became another mum to him. I'm currently filing for divorce 22 years later. Enough is enough. My solicitor asked if he's gay. I don't know what he is? I'm not ugly, I just hope that I can find someone who will love me for me.
I hope you have been able to finalize things and start your new chapter. My ex husband started withholding some physical touch and sex in college, but it went to almost no touch and no sex on our wedding night and honeymoon. He didn't touch me that whole time and then maybe we had sex 2 times in the next few years. It was soul-crushing. I often wondered if he was gay and just using me as his cover. There were some clues that could have pointed to that. But then years later he married another woman, so who knows. I am sure 22 years has been so draining and hurtful. May the next phase be so much better.
Why latch on another man? It’s much better to spend time on yourself and make yourself happy.
A lot of narcs are gay or DL”down low “. They will marry a woman and have kids and use us women as a cover up. My soon to be ex husband is down low. Best to run!
All of the things you said was exactly what happened to me. So after the cold treatment and everything, I started writing a journal, then I searched what was really happening to him, his personality, his roots, everything! Then I analyzed everything, learned to gain my self respect again, love myself, until one day I am not affected anymore. I focused on myself more, focused on many things to do at home. Then I realized I was not hurt anymore.
the damage this does to children who have to witness 1 of their parents/caregivers do this to their spouse/the other parent is hard to explain. its very traumatizing and affects you into adulthood & all your relationships :(
So very true😢
So true i am in the same situation
Yup, it has affected me badly for like 10 years but now I am a boss at my demands and refuse to be strung along again and pushed in to withholding games, I will ghost any male who did, and I live life on my own terms now even will see other people the moment a narc even start the games. Time is too short to waste chasing a narc, they don't respect you and never will.
It wasn't my abuser that was withholding intimacy. I was the one who refused to be intimate with him
I am in the same situation. But his affection was only wanting sex. He did not want to cuddle or just hugg me. I had to beg for kisses. Now, where I know how he is manipulating me, I can't bare to be intimate. Why would I give him love if he is not returning anything.
@@zg6045 As a male who absolutely loves to give non-sexual affection this guy is just using you. The desire and want to give affection to make a woman feel safe, supported and respected is a must in order to have a wonderful connection. I will also tell you that I find that many women are now so shut down affectionately that all they want is sex but no meaningful connection. And I've left them because they were never relationship oriented.
When he did want sex,I was already so hurt and deprived I sadly said no.1000cuts of shame dont turn me on.
I got to that point because he made me feel dirty, and was always angry since I wouldn’t perform like a porn star
@@kathybrem880
us men are visual creatures. Why wouldn’t you want to explore with him? It makes things exciting in the bedroom.
When they are intimate with you it makes them feel more powerless to you and they want all the power.
For a guy with narcissistic wife, it’s called “starfish sex” 🫡🇺🇸🇬🇧
Avoidant narcissists
Intimacy requires someone to share themselves. Narcissists have nothing to share because they have no real identity. Intimacy also requires vulnerability. The need to feel superior. You can't be vulnerable and superior at the same time.
THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR SHARING THIS
I HAVE BEEN EMOTIONALLY ABUSED FOR OVER 8 YEARS BY AN OVERT MALIGANT NARCISSITS HE CONTINUES PUNISHING ME WITH MONTHS AND YEARS OF THE SILENT TREATMENT WITHHOLDING INTIAMCY IM NOT ALLOWED TO SEE HIM AND TREATING ME LIKE I DONT EXIST NARCISSITIC ABUSE IS THE WORSE FORM OF ABUSE THAT ANYONE CAN EVER EXPERIENCE.IM STRUGGLING TO DISCONNECT.
Crazy is the best answer I have--crazy and very sick. Why would they initiate a marriage and then immediately , and completely retreat. The answer was to USE you for your money and as a coverup for their insanity.
This is my marriage. Just got separated.
Great and informative discussion in under 10 minutes that perfectly explains/ describes the games of the narcissist and how we can start our healing
This is a wonderful video again
Thank you so much
I am,on my healing path now...
You are giving me strength, courage and hope
I was discarded and my wounds are deep
Now I understand dynamic of my relationship with the Narcissist
I appreciate your help very much
Thank you for the information.
You have described the last 47 years of my life.
I have experienced each of the four steps perfectly.
Now I can accept the reality of my life and adapt to live a better one.
Danish every word you speak is on point.
Please do videos on how we can heal.
Please.
Thank you!
I'm so glad I found this video, I'm going through the end of a narcissist relationship. He broke up with me November 1st; this video is spot on! Thank you, Mr. Bashir! ❤
This video is soooo appropriate! You are an expert sir!
Thank u Danish. You are God sent. Since i came across your videos, i have learned alot n it has made me find healing n self acceptance n self discovering again after feeling lost n not knowing how to react from all the emotional confusion n doubt that the narc has taken me through. The withholding of intimacy was confusing to me. but from your videos, its all about control to a narc. They are really sick in the head.
Thank you for this. I am so very ill from the narcissistic abuse of my parents and I’m afraid I’m perpetuating the cycle by being afraid to open my heart again. I need to heal, thanks so much for your podcast, I really appreciate the guidance.
Esp the sexual component, … that was the most fantastic and the most hurtful therefore… the withholding of it after seducing me even years into the relationship and then stop mid way in the act and just leave.. saying ahh thats what you want? Forget it. Smirking. And also the sudden withholding of hugs or kisses and then suddenly sometimes kissing me again or hugging me, only for me later to find out he did that by accident cause he was doing it to his new supply and couldnt make the cold switch towards me on time… Masks falling. i could even see him correct his behaviour after he would by accident do this. And if I would announce my leaving he would be all sweet and stuff again, or after a period of silent treatment treat me nice again. He actually said the last time I ever saw him and told him his behaviour is appalling: ahh yes my hot and cold behaviour my punishment and sweetness, ah yes. You know me. And was laughing.
My jaw dropped.
It almost seemed sadistic on point. Who the fuck would say and do stuff like this on purpose a sadistic grandiose narc?! Five years. It ended last month. After I found a therapist and am now having EMDR for my ptsd
Sadistic is true.
Good luck with the EMDR. I found it really helpful for my PTSD.
Are you still living with him?
@@Gotoworkkk hell no. Out 18 months. After my last post a year ago already I see wow, I had intensive emdr (three times a week, and now a year later down to once a month) and dived into my childhood wounds (you have to if you want to break all ties and understand how to break a trauma bond) I am exhausted from the whole experience and the realisation how sick 🤢 the whole thing was. If youre in you are not able to see clearly. And once I was out, it took several attempts to get out cause i was trauma bonded, i was naucious and sick for months over the realisation how sick of an individual he is. It is really a mental disorder. Aka theyre sick in the head and heart. Thats why it takes so long to recognise the sickness in them cause we dont act or think like they do and just cant understand why. But the only answer to that is: theyre broken and sick.
Get out. Distance yourself. And educate yourself get help. Emdr and update yourself on personality disorders. The therapist actually told me in the second session that I was dealing with a sociopath. It took me months to unravel his behaviour together with the therapist. He has a side that most other people see funny witty friendly smart helpful charming etc. And which he showed me most of time. So nobody believes he is a sociopath. Incl myself for a long time. But its the little slips he made, the horrific attitude in bed, the cheatinf, lying, the conning of other people, and the weird shit he would sometimes say (⁉️) in between nose and lips and the SMIRK!😏 that gives him away. They are oscar winner actors. Pay attention to these smirk and little slip ups: that is who they really are!! Dont doubt yourself. Run. I still struggle to make sense of it all in some days and am damaged by those years. The trauma bond is no joke.
But. Everyday I think. Never ever again do I want to be treated or feel like that again. And that keeps me out and moving forward. Slowly becoming me again 💪🏻its one rough journey good luck everyone listen to your gut instinct
@@JH-td4mn thanks, me too!
I think angels speak through your medium. Every word spoken by you is so true that it touches your heart.
You are born to be a healer.
Lots of power to you.
God bless you.
Ultimately it's for the better because you have now learned a lesson you'll never forget
It made me feel unworthy within myself; like I was a "non-person" or invisible. "What did I do?" Where did he GO?" "What's WRONG with ME????" I used to 'BELIEVE' that my father was the ONLY one who "understood" & 'knew' me/or where I came from. I thought that 'HE' was the ONLY one who could provide me with understanding of myself... (But a lot of it was Gaslighting that he did; & I didn't 'question' him at all...) I THREW him up on that Pedestal (because 'that's what I thought I was 'suPposed "to do) a long time ago & he enjoyed it immensely. (I hope this can help someone else in some small way).I "bought" all of his pronouncements, as if he were some kind of a god. I'd been in a bad accident as a teenager. He NEVER really 'hugged' me; rather it was a "PRETEND" hug. Iow, if someone saw it from far away, it might look like a real hug. But it was a "stiff-armed hug"; used for the 'outside world' ONLY. It definitely was NOT intimate or even restorative OR comforting. I was a "Show" (for 'other people's benefit'). Then I felt guilty for not feeling like I had a good relationship with my dad & mom, like other people BELIEVED that I had with them. My parents were never emotionally or physically demonstrative towards each other, my little sister or me. Thank you Danish for exposing some of the cracks in the narcissist's personality. It's illuminating & I feel the healing as I unload some of the boulders I've been carrying all these years.
you are so exact and precise about this kind of emotional abuse, it feels you are narrating my personal story.
Your videos are so perfect. I can’t even tell you brother you don’t miss 1 step. I hope you never stop making these videos. Every night before I go to sleep I watch at least 5-10 videos ad they make me stronger the next day to heal. Never stop making these. I support you 100%
Congratulations for your exceptional insight. You nailed the subject gracefully!
Thank you, for your video serves as a sanity check for victims of this short of devastating abuse.
I have already listened to countless parts of the explanation about the behavior of narcissists, but this explanation brought tears to my eyes. And this after so many months. I wonder how you can describe it so accurately.It's probably the case that the pain I feel, which I don't think was there anymore, flares up again at such moments.
This is so accurate. Its a comfort to know his "loving companion " got the same. 16 years, 5 of it with abdominal lymphoma. His gift for compassion let's me know he was of no comfort to her.
We took our granddaughters to lunch and he snapped at me because I missed something on the menu. They looked at me, shocked. Surprise girls, Papa let his guard down.
He stopped sleeping with me because he said he had a cold and snored. This was years into the relationship. Then he stopped showing any affection but occasional bought me things and showed a measure of attention. This hot and cold business went on for 16 months until I left him as he started flirting with someone else not to get into a relationship with but hurt me. This was only a segment of the abuse, by the time he had finished I lost all self worth and I was ashamed that I couldn’t make him happy. 20 years down the pan. Now he wants me back. I won’t have him back but I won’t be cruel either. I won’t be like him.
Yes, mine started also stopped sleeping togheter. Saying she want to but never tried. I think, as also in other areas they have a real hard time tolerating another person. No harmonizing is there. They are in their own bubble and only wish the other when they deem it suitable.
In my case she would stay up watching recorded TV dramas until after I fell asleep, then at about 3am she would come to bed. She also breadcrumbed me.
As well as sometimes bring me something like chocolates or such from shopping...
But she had long since stopped kissing me.
Or hugging me.
And sadly, there was a ton of emotional abuse on top of that.
About not being like them, I understand your feelings on that.
For us, it does not come naturally.
Similar to my story...
I just got divorce after 49 yrs of being married to a narcissist. The divorce took 2 yrs after I applied . During the divorce realized that I was married to a narcissist. This was an arranged marriage and my ex had seen me . But from the first day of marriage he showed very little interest in me . I am from India and married an Indian doctor who had lived in America for 3 yrs before he came back home for marriage . Then after marriage he returned to USA and did not communicate with me at all for 6 months . After I joined him in state after 6 months he was not happy with my arrival and and showed little interest in intimacy. It was always me which had to initiate . Then when ever I was pregnant dint want kids and wanted me to get abortion.he showed no affection , love , compassion ,care at all .I found out later that he having affairs with coworkers, secretaries and nurses behind my back but making up stories and lies to me and portraying he is so virtuous which I believed fro several years .then I found out that he was heavily involved in prostitution and pornography. Also this affected me and I was suicidal for a whIle but by grace of God I met a very pious lady who helped me to gain my self esteem, self worth , confidence and helped me to become strong in faith and also helped me to recover from this mental , emotional, psychological and financial abuse . 2 yrs ago after the children were all grown up I applied for divorce. He got a female attorney who was also a narcissistic and I went through hell with a very nasty process with motions and motions . During this time I came across some videos on tube about the hell any one goes through when divorcing a narcissist. One of the video mentioned that a you need a whole village to support during the divorce process .I felt like I got severely punished for wanting to get divorce from him .He did not maintain status quo and got away with it . His attorney also is a narcissist and it was double hard to go through the divorce process. Finally I just got divorced a week ago .in the settlement also he and his attorney made fraud expenses and settlement and hardly I got any thing at the end . My attorney said the best thing is to be free from this narcissistic slavery and be a free human being.
I felt like you were narrating my whole cycle...
Thank you Danish for your great job. Thank you for helping human beings full of emotions and longing for love and true friendship to get free from the iron clutches of those emotionless, cold and alien energy extracting machines pretending to be your "loving" friend or even a spouse
Thank you for the video. I'm divorced now but oh the pain of having a marriage with withheld intimacy is devastating. You blame yourself and my self esteem hit rock bottom. I'm still trying to get it back 😊
Yes he kept withholding intimacy from me, no matter how much i tried to talk to him about it for us to be intimate he would tell me youre all i think about at work, but he would not do it anyway.
He denied it to me until i got over it. Then he one day asked me why dont you ask for it this days?
If you marry a Narc, even a closet Narc, the most dangerous type, as soon as the ring is on their finger, and they feel secure, they will turn. You will come to understand that the marriage vows only ever went in one direction, in their favour. They will take until they kill you with takung, then expect to take mote.
I wish I understood covert narcissisism 20 years ago.
The ring, yes literally sauron 😂
Me too 😢😢😢
Same, covert narc, complete 180 after we married. Always taking, never giving. Complete emotional deprivation. Worse than being alone.
@@cherri_p Yeah devotion turns to emotional neglect and abuse.
Being alone is much better. I certainly don't miss him.
@@sadiamufti8890 if your not out yet, I'd advise taking steps to get out, do it quietly and telling no one of your plans, not even your kids if you have them.
Narcissists really only engage in intimacy to fulfill their lustful desires. You can really only have one good time with them, which is usually the 1st. Then after that they completely lose interest and will often fabricate obstacles or have a list of routine excuses, such as;
- "My favorite TV show is on and they're having a marathon with all my favorite episodes"
- "I really want to see the final conclusion to this upcoming News story"
- "Well....I had other activities planned for the day"
- "I've got a lot of chores I need to catch up on and can't procrastinate any longer"
- "I'm expecting an important phone call and I can't miss it"
- "I need to get the laundry done, because I don't have anything clean to wear for tomorrow"
- "Well, I invited So & So to come along with us and after having a good chat it would have been rude not to invite them"
- "An old friend is in town for a couple of weeks and they'll be stopping by to visit when ever they have a chance"
- "I let So & So borrow something and they'll be stopping by at some point today to return it"
- "So & So invited us to dinner and they're expecting to see on time, so we'd better leave now to beat the traffic"
He is so busy! He had to mow the lawn.. go running....go to church.... get prepared for work. Run errands, and didnt have time for intimacy, but after I left for work in the morning, and in the middle of the night while he sleeping on the couch (because of a bad back), and on our anniversary, he is watching plenty of p*rn. Discovered how often and how much on old xfinity bills.
He couldn't sleep in the same bed, because....bad back, wanted to watch old shows on TV, etc.
The gall to say he loves me and want to stay in the marriage.... what kind of live is this????
It's so devastating. I hope I find a partner that wants me and I'm not left scratching my head trying to figure it out. I hope I heal and I hope everyone dies, too.
The craziest part is that he thinks and assumes I'm going to be faithful and stay in the liveless mess. while he neglects. Crazy.
I have gone through all these stages and now I am out of it. But it's true that now I don't want to be in a relationship again.
Everything is true dear Danish ,Thank you so much !! God bless you dear !!
Thank you for this video. Helped me to gain some much needed closure on a past relationship.
Today is the 4th of July and I’m going to treat it as my Independence Day from him. I broke up with my narc this morning via text telling him I could no longer stand the withholding of love and affection. Everything you laid out in this video was exactly how it unfolded. Plus we were supposedly “working on things” and he casually and coolly announced to me he was going to fly to another state to nurse one of his supplies through gal bladder surgery. He triangulated which was also the icing on the cake. I look terrible my mental and emotional and physical health is suffering. I have had constant diarrhea for two weeks and I’m worried something is wrong with my intestinal health. I just want myself and my health back. I know it will be a tough road back but I’m determined to heal from this. Thank you so much for this video ❤
He sounds like a caring person that wanted to take care of her. It just sounds like things weren’t meant to be with you two…
This describes exactly what I was going through and am in the process of leaving.
Good for you. You will get there
She would always blame me for picking fights when in reality she picked fights out of the blue and used this as a reason for withholding. She became more and more reserved about her private life and kept me away from all of her friends. She had short-lived "guy friendships" that I didn't know about. I was of course not perfect either, but I owned my faults and worked on them. She just kept blaming me for her own problems.
Couldn’t have said it better!
Well said and so strange the patterns of behaviour are so similar. Keep it up.
My wife would do the same!
And when she was out, sometimes we would text each other.
But there was one question that she would never answer: "Where are you?"
@@ogawasanjuro my ex always said he was going out with “friends.” Eventually I caught an STD and realized it wasn’t friends at all. He was out on dates with other supplies - including my immediate replacement. They love to say they are just “out with friends.” It’s all lies.
@@rockybalboa4593 Narcissists will often blame YOU for giving them an STD, while in reality, it's them who caught it from their shenanigans.
Each and every word is true to core..!!Nobody can describe the way u do..Such detailing..!!most worst suffering ever anyone can go thru..!!
God Bless you for creating this channel. This is something that I've struggled with for over a decade to understand.
Gosh Danish! You nail it spot on every time! your understanding is next level a gift from God
Thank you so much for this Clarification!! This was a Huge problem.
Because they never had it to give in the first place!
Matching my life's situation so much...
I needed to see this because I was thinking maybe it was me the narcissist because I had no desire at all being with him.
But I think it is just disgust.
I needed to see this video so bad. In so thankful i stumbled across this video. I hate my wife now for the person who she became. I wish i would've never met her.
His doing this to me now!! I was angry at first! But I’m starting to not care! It’s starting to fade away! Hoping to get out of this nightmare relationship 😪
Yes after the lombong he did. It made me feel confused and unattractive. Those feelings didn't last for long. I just didn't care anymore. I remember I was in the bedroom and came out of the shower wanting sex and I ran into living room. He was pissed as if how dare you reject me. I just didn't want to.
That is what really hurts, he wants sex but there is no real romantic intimacy or connection!!
Thanks Danish!❤⚘
Your videos are great!
Learning with you!😊
The nasty push and pull 😢
Summarizes everything!
After less than a year he started making excuses for not sharing the bed. Saying he wasn't tired he'd stay up in the other room then sleep on the couch. He'd go out nights leaving me alone and lonely with our baby. 27 years later he claims I forced him out of the bed. Ridiculous! What spouse says Oh you go watch tv, you go out, you do whatever you want ill stay home alone and lonely with our baby, no no don't give me any breaks. No one! I remember wishing he was there to whisper to to hang out once child's asleep
Everything you said is true and happened in my relationship with a narc
She did me gaslight for 2 phases but on 3rd phase - I gave her own medicine face to face … so I never landed in phase 4 of depression & anxiety . Thanks to all lovely ladies I met before for their love they taught me❤️
This is soooo on point
First time I've listening to your podcast!It was excellant!
1000% true...those people are sick....
thank you soo much for sharing....🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Infact I don't even want him to touch me again
In the beginning the love life was beyond compare, then came our wedding night. Awesome!! the day AFTER our wedding she became a cold fish, the switch went OFF. Always some lame excuse, in other terms ...NO!! I got to touch her ONCE in 26 months , her constant GIMME.. disrespect..emotional abuse, I'd had enough. I told her many times that if she kept on with her ways of treating me like shit I'd walk. I guess she thought I was kidding, I've been gone 2 weeks and I feel free!! She's tried gas lighting me,(doesn't work) and I told her so. I also told her to look up Sigma Empaths ( me ), I guess she believes me now!! I hope she's happy with throwing away the best thing that's ever entered her life!!
Been with my boyfriend for 10 years. He reduced intimacy 2 years ago when I bought our first home for us. He tells me to shut up on a weekly bases and trys to control my dog. Now there is zero intimacy this whole year and he keeps saying how sweet everyone elses girlfriends are. I've now moved into the spare bedroom and keep dropping hints for him to move out. He's not even trying to keep me, and when i mention it, he says "you're the one who moved into the spare room". Such a narc!! I just keep thinking and dreaming about being loved and adored by someone else. Being in a separate room has helped clear my head and detach from him though.
Still not married right ?
@KBM20111112 No, not married.
I love you, Danish.We will spend eternity together because we have empathy.❤
This is really enlightening. I see it all now.
Thoroughly well explained Danish. Thank you for all your videos.
My husband was a joeckel & hyde. Out in public he would act like he adored me around others & at church. St home, behind closed doors, he could be a monster. He would get in s fight with me & head butt me with his head, put his mouth close to my ear & yell as loud as he could into my ear, push me into furniture, yell at the top of his lungs at me when he was being "hyde" I was very affectionate when we got married, but after tr
Yes. These Narcs are pathetic, excellent analysis 👏👍
I just came across this video and I have been so frustrated and honestly in disbelief this just happened yesterday with my narc boyfriend he asked if he could come over last night to be intimate I told him no because I have to get up at 4 am for work but let’s meet up tomorrow he gets so angry and tells me he doesn’t want me anymore and that I’m probably seeing someone else and that he will never ask again mind you this man has not acknowledged my needs in yrs and only twice in 8 yrs have I said no. So now I’m in the discard mode like a repeated cycle I’m exhausted and so emotional how he treats me like he doesn’t have any feelings I am praying to move on and get my life back
Thnks Danish for helping me to come out of a relationship from a narc..
I had a 7 year long relationship where from the beginning he kept telling me , he believes in intimacy only after marriage. But i had doubts that he was close to other women. Whenever I confronted him, he would deny it or call me insecure. Genuinely, i started feeling unworthy, unattractive. I lost my confidence.
So a clearing of your house and technology and buy new cloths and get a gym pass and don't skip a day of working out and get fit. Literally invest entirely in you only for at least 6 months and you will take all your power back. I just did that.
Looking back sex was always problematic.. and scripted but because i was in love i overlooked the signs…after about a year he did not want any sex anymore, and that lasted 8 !! long months , and i was so upset because he would be on porn websites and talk to prostitutes online … i was so insulted …. He slept next to me and hugged me but no sex ever …. This knot in my stomach was there 24/7 , a terrible feeling, i tried everything but he became worse telling me he prefered really young girls ( i was 25 lol) and would often stay out all night and come back in the morning only to tell me hey , girl , where is dinner ? Lower than low for real…. One day when he was not home i packed up everything and left to never return with a broken heart 💔💝never will i ever let any man treat me that way , i saw the signs but chose to ignore them, next time no second chances ❤🙊🙈🙉❤️‼️
It made me feel when he left us, that he did not want to be with me. I left. Then felt bad. So I confronted. He avoided answering why he did that. But managed to blame me. I finally woke up feeling free
Thank you
My current partner withholds affection, and attention and calls it him “processing” anytime they are going through something or overwhelmed.
It makes me feel like I’ve done something or that I need to do something more to help fix it, so that I can get what I need.
Each phases like 5mask. One by one sipping off..discarding next chapter. Will ɓe silent with exit on my behalf 🤔.,keepgoing bashir..
His gaslighting and anger abuse missed me up
I really appreciate your videos! You really put heart in them :3!
First my wife s shows intimacy like roborts towards me since 1 and half year back from then to till now she stops and abandoned me like dustbin, is her intimacy completely die for me? Or she save it for others !
Unrepairabley broken indeed.
He did it to me for 8 years i finally cheated on him found someone else and booted him out of my life he didnt see it comming he thought he destroyed me lol it backfired in his face
Same here i cheated in was so so good i told him he didn't believe me 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
She cheated, I was lost and took time to recover but then she witheld sex as if punishment for my delay.the anxiety has grown and,question if I am the narrcissist for having qtn
I believe this has happened to me…and I’m exhausted.
I was constantly told I am not of a man enough, that I have ED and many more things while my ex narcissistic wife had the real problem as she was not able to have intimate relations due to several restricting factors in her intimate parts; however I was to blame for a deffcient manhood.
I have expierienced exactly that....i had and still have self insecureties....i still feel unworthy, it made me feel ugly, because the narcisist told me - " why I don't want to get intemate with you? Just Look at you! " with an disgusted look in on it's face....😞 It was so devastating and pulled me even more down ....
Excellent!
An avoidant narcissist who withdrawls sexuality is a fun one. Because then it become you who is suffering who begins asking questions and then you are gaslighted that you are causing fights and disrupting peace.
This video perfectly captures my marriage.
Word by word so accurate