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Sexual Obsession With The Narcissist
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- Опубліковано 1 чер 2017
- One of the most common questions people ask me in private is about the sexual obsession they have with the narcissist even after the breakup. In this video I talk about sex with narcissists, why you might find yourself obsessed with them, why it’s so hard to move past that obsession, what is real intimacy (in comparison to sex with the narc) and what you can do to help yourself release the sexual obsession.
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NOTE: Meredith Miller is not a therapist or counselor. She is a holistic integration coach, helping you to self-heal and transform your life after narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships. Meredith teaches the mindsets and tactical skills to help with recovery. She works with a mind-body-spirit approach to wellness that is a valuable complement to traditional psychotherapy. Meredith recommends that you also seek out a licensed therapist who has experience with narcissistic abuse and relational trauma in order to help you with the complex-PTSD symptoms. Thank you for taking responsibility for yourself!
Sex seemed so good because we were so starved of genuine intimacy that even stale crumbs seemed like a feast.
As I think Back on it, that’s really all we had.
I’ve used that analogy as well 😔
Exactly :( well, I was desperate for human touch, didn't want sex, but he did that and he was so abusive from the first moment ... he won
Wow that’s exactly what I needed. I have been in a toxic relationship with a narcissistic. I really appreciate learning these strategies. I hope the thoughts will leave my head soon.
I know I am so stupid but I really don't think tell my husband is cheating on me and I don't know how to find out
Another way to know that you are in a sexual relationship with the narc is to pay attention to your body. There is always a feeling of being used, which will represent itself with endless infections: urinary, candida, etc...which is your bodies' message that someone is parasitizing on you. You will always feel that you do not feel relaxed and energized after sex which is the whole purpose of it, but mostly drained, even more tired and tensed. Since they have no deep connection, they are not empathetic with you, they do not know you and your body and it feels like a masturbation together. On a long run you start not wanting the sex at all with the narc, which he will happily use as an excuse for cheating.
omg! get out of my brain! so true...
Ouch. This hits home. I had one UTI after the other and chronic candida.
Exactly
Brilliant
I had a weird discharge...as soon as I was away from the narc no more issues. I didn't wear underwear before our relationship but after I had to in order to wear a pad for the discharge. Subconsciously, I knew. 😓
I don't miss it-- I no longer am a sex slave/blow up doll. I am a free-willed human being. Finally!
haha ms carol I think you should have pity for men who are affected like deers in the headlights. If it was my daughetrs i would kidnapp them back to sanity. Yes i think your healing will begin when the pain stops
Honestly it was the only thing I missed. Then after he cheated on me with the new supply (after he came hoovering and I gave into it and gave him another chance) we slept together again a few times, but it just didn’t feel the same anymore. I actually found it boring and didn’t feel anything towards him. But I’m glad I slept with him again (despite some regret), because I realized I was done with him for good!
I can honestly relate to that Elle. I have alot to express on this topic but after 4 years of dealing with a narcissist I learned the hard way. I can't believe I let a lowlife use me like that! But hey, he's someone else's problem and headache now! 😄😆😏🙌☝👍👊👏✌
Elle right on girl✊🏽
Wow thanks for this. i always think i crave sex with HIM but i am seeing it differently now.
I did the same ;)
Elle same.
You know whose not a narcissist? Dogs! Get a cute puppy dog!
I prefer not to have sex with a dog if you don't mind....
Anne Bos hahaha. The dog would be safe. I will never have the desire again. My narc, made sure of that.
My narc did get a puppy (for unconditional adoration / supply I presume). He got rid of it seven weeks later because he couldn’t look after it...and then blamed someone else!
Hell they are not + they crap all over everything.
😂😂😂😂
Yes, yes, yes! Everything you said is true for me. It makes so much sense! I thought I was crazy that I kept wanting to have sex with him after the breakup. It was the only intimacy I had with him. It was the only time I felt loved by him.
The only way to freedom is learning SELF LOVE!!!
They just were not "involved" or really there, with you. When you look into their eyes, there's nothing there - blank - empty - cold.
DoctorArt PhD - I was just thinking about this. There is no soul behind those eyes. Nothing. Just a void.
That's actually really sad.i have been lying to myself for 7 years. I thought he was really connecting with me
Yes, the eyes are empty.
I’ve noticed the blank , cold eyes on someone 😨
their actions are rote
That’s how I feel. Like sex and love will never be the same. I will never desire anyone else
I felt exactly the same way but it's the trauma bond that keeps us in that head space long after the narc has moved on. We must focus on healing and giving ourselves time
How are you now?
Its been 3 years, if u are still keeping up with this thread, has anyone been able to rekindle sexual desire in you since? I have to believe someone has! Hopefully! I totally thought id nvr find another partner with whom i enjoyed intimacy with as much. But after 3 years, might be 2 yrs, ive found someone even BETTER! Sex is intense, better, more intimate, more often...in fact, everything about the current lover is better than the last narc who entrapped me. And i appreciate him so much more prob bc ive been with 3 narcs previously. In comparison, hes pretty much perfect. Had i met him 20 years ago- i might have taken him for granted. I hope you have healed enough to attract and allow a better person to love you!
Can only be better than with a narcissist was honestly
Me too ! But then i remember i
Didnt even have control during sex !
They are the worst lovers ever. They get their supply by leaving their partner unsatisfied
Yes totally agree , covert s will say is gross and unecesary or lack of erotic intimacy when the devaluation begin.
Overt will do all to impacted your memory , but after devaluation as you explained, they will use that to make a currency of make the situationship unestastable and fuel them .
And they sometimes withdrew from sexual activity and use it for controlling, female and male narcs do that.
YOUNG WOMEN DO NOT WAIT, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. RUN.
I do not have any descendants. I blamed me for wanting intimacy ,then for wanting a baby , then for my illnesses, not matter how they say it, not matter, what they said to us, it is THEM , and Yes is US for reacting , for not knowing , for not loving ourselves enough, for believing in all the lies about their exes , for being naive,.
Please do not wait . They will leave you with nothing .
Going through this since 6 months currently and it sucks to 💀
This is valuable information. Thank you so much. The sexual obsession is terrible. It's like a shadow cast on all other potential relationships. It's good to withdraw and have a period of celibacy.
Very true it helped for me until I ran into another who pushed the relationship & sex agenda hard. (He knew I had a sex addiction from my youth and traumas caused by others in my life) Made threats of ending his life because so much had happened in his life and feeling lonely. This was directly after my sister commited suicide and he volunteered to be emotional support and let me crash for a few months. A few months turned into a year of misery. I wanted to leave and was financially enough to at one point but he always pulled me back to staying for fear of loosing another person in my life. Tore apart everything that absence and soul searching had achieved. Just goes to show you you have to make sure they're all out your life before you can truly heal, cause these people have no soul.
@@jeansmith7269 I pray that things are better for you now.
@@ladennayoung2939 Thank you so much. It has. I'm now living all the way on the opposite side of the city from him and have been able to heal some and thrive in his absence.
This video is spot on, wow. Im breaking up with the narc that was in my life. He is sexually obsessed and i would say that was the main reason i kept coming back. The sex was very intense and i felt that i could never get any better. But youre so right, when i looked back, it was robotic and predictable. He definitely used it as a tool.
Hmmm, note your own narcissistic behavior?
You NAILED it 👏
This is the absolute key to being ADDICTED to the Narcissist. That attraction that just doesn't go away. A pure sexual obsession!
Finally over the narc and his antics.
The best way to get over it is to get under a mentally healthy partner!
This is after you have done the work on yourself of course.
I never realized that the break up cycle was him withholding sex.
Wow.
Always more to learn.
For me it was the worst sex I've ever had, and yet I never had the courage to state how unsatisfactory it was. I still regret that.
Reach out just to say the sex was bad and give examples 😂 that should knock down some of that over confidence 😂
I left my journal on the table once rating him and asking myself why I was there. Well under sex he failed miserably. He wouldn't do anything about his erection problems and wanted to use toys and play games where he wins sexual favors...he always won and when I caught him cheating, he never played again and said I cheated. Whew! I'm so glad to be away but my body feels differently even though sex wasn't good or frequent.
Same but I said it I remember her reaction 😂
They never would have listened to you anyway. Narcissist have very fragile egos so fragile you can't have your own preferences.
I was aware that I was sexually addicted to the narc. I recently realized(ignored it in the past) that it was years of one sided, manipulative, mind fucking and that the "relationship" was never real. I've even said exactly what you've said " It'll never be that great with anyone else" This video helped me so much! I can look back and see it was all mechanical and rehearsed the same positions and outcome. He'd be a cheating, lying asshole, Id leave him alone he'd come back like nothing happened, blame it all on me, beg for sex, I'd give in, be fucked and sometimes immediately discarded after sex until he needed his fix again after weeks or months of silent treatments. A cycle of BS ill never give in again! Thank You!
Great video, thanks! I have given this some thought and it seems like it has to do with the kinds of chemicals that are released in your body, which become addictive. It took me about 3 years to get over my narcissist! I may just be slow, but this was a really hard process. I cried every night for about a year, and even after that, the feelings kept coming back. They begin to fade over time, and now I feel nothing when I think of him, except a little sadness (that he was never who I thought he was) and anger (at having been made a fool), but even these feelings are no longer very intense.
Deborah Armstrong exactly! I used to tell her- knowing from experience, “the more our sweat mixes the more addicted I’m getting” and that sex is very dangerous. And same here it took years to get over one- who still calls just in case I relapse, but only in exchange for a newer narc- 🤦🏽♀️
I hope u get this :( the guy I was with for 4 years I started seeing less because i liked this other guy, the other guy ended up hittin on a girl in front of me which brought up a lot of trauma of my ex narc who would explain in detail about other woman, so i cut that guy off as well as my narc, a month passed the narc was blocked on everything.....so he shows up at my door, i was half asleep and answered 🤦🏼 he goes on to talk about how great we are and here I get trapped and feeling arise again.....then tells me his divorce in finally finalized and then tells me I still cant see him because he was helping another woman🤦🏼🤦🏼🤦🏼 and it made me crazy all over again.....is that narcissism....if u dont answer lol its fine I just wonder how long it's going to take to get over them
Deborah Armstrong thank god there is hope
We all move at our own pace. Happy you got out.
Am fighting to get over the sex addiction,is the only part that is hunting me now,i still want to have more sex with her,crazy.
As an Empath, I was able to feel what he carries inside of him. I can’t imagine how someone could carry this weight every day in and out. Not only could I feel it but see its color, black, with no light insight. God have mercy on his soul.
So did I. During sex especially, I felt his soul inside me and I even told him that I felt all of his pain and that I would do it again one million times. Ugh...how stupid of me to say that, it's a narcissist's dream!
SGN2011 you’re not stupid, you genuinely care for him. The same way I did for the narc I knew. I would have walked through fire for him. Gosh I loved him so much. Its only after the discard could I only see what he truly was.
@@vanessaalvarado8048 Ugh, that's the problem with us empaths is that we care. I'd love to switch brains with a narc for one day and see the world through their eyes. I don't want to hate him because there's already so much hate out there. I always say that forgiveness is an attribute of the strong. I can forgive but I won't be fooled twice! :)
How I needed this video my experience with this particular covert narc was only dating/ talking to for 4 months so not long at all but my gosh I feel that so much of this video explained all the thoughts and desires I'm still experiencing now I feel so violated as she stated in the video the only time i felt connected to them was when we had sex but I felt so empty after as he would be distant, cold only wanna talk about himself and his interests. and I stated this too they would say things will get better it won't always be like this they had this family problem or this friends issue to deal with when really they just didn't give a fuck it was truly all about them and their needs and pleasure I told them I didn't like hookups and they said the same etc it got to a point where I was so frustrated I asked them one day to have sex with me i just wanted to feel that connection to them, they rejected, discarded me, ghosted me and I realised after that because I shut off the admiration and validation for them by asking for my physical/emotional in essence putting my needs 1st/ to be met it was almost like a slap in the face to them. Like how dare i ask for anything it has been the most brutal experience of my life and I can honestly say that I have been with an overt narc previously for 12 years had kids with them.
The 4 months was pure hell compared to the 12 years slowly working on myself and putting myself back together 😢 This video was a God send
With a covert it's so subtle so sinister you question and doubt your existence and reality it's truly brutal 😢
The narcissist turned me almost asexual...
Scorned Visionary yeah my Narc too, he turned me that too
same and then they had the nerve to say I need to use it or lose it.
Same
I couldn't stop nodding my head to everything you were saying!! everything was on point and so true! a sex fast is the best thing to do and NO casual sex!! and say no to what you don't want!! no more wasting your time! you did that long enough! now its about YOU!!!
thank you for this awesome video!
I'm dealing with this right now and its the hardest thing I've ever dealt with. I've been sexually addicted to my narcissist since I was 16 he was my first and now 10 years later I'm still Struggling with letting go. I haven't had sex with him in over a year but still fantasize about being with him, I need desperate help. Thanks for this video it's helping me and giving me more ideas of what I can do to get over this.
This is me!! I lost my v to him since I was 13 😭😭😭
@@VriendaGanguly I was 13 too and I went back a while back. I’m now 20
I’m in the same position.
I fell into this trap big time. Once you're done pleasing them they slowly discard you.
Sex with this narc was incredible amazing! He didn't have to ask what I wanted.. he just knew everything. I was his goddess, his peace, his life... then suddenly went cold and distant, when I confront him, he gaslighted me and finally he just ghosted me for weeks. So we spent from amazing sex to not talking at all. So cruel, so hurtfull. When I was getting better, he came back like if anything has happened! It's being very hard to stay in no contact. I still miss him, I still belive I'm never gonna have that amazing sex again. He left me ruined.
omg. very very same w what i experienced. gosh😢😢😢😢
Ditto
😢😢
Have we all been with the same man!!!
This is so dead on. I only feel emotionally attached when we have sex. And if we haven’t had sex for a few days, week, whatever...he withholds almost as if to punish me. I’m really putting all the pieces together now.
I believed I would never have that kind of sex again...it was absolutely amazing. But, I was wrong. Sex is great with non-Narcs and they really do enjoy pleasing me! And, yes the sex fast does work! I went 7 months. The casual sex has been the only thing that has helped me get past the pain of the Narc. I tried other things before that didnt work. This is what has worked with me. I don't want a deep relationship after having two Narc relationships.
I'm at 3 years and still not interested in sex... Dunno what's wrong with me
I hope I can say this one day
This is what the narc aims to achieve, that you’ll lose the desire to connect and be deeply intimate because they are unable to.
Hhhh
Aaaand now your body count is probably so high you're for the streets. Why do women always have to use their vaginas to lead the way through life
The sex fast comes naturally, sexual energy dies... grief takes over for some months because your body shuts down sensually and sexually..the break is necessary..after the break, your frame of mind is clearer and you're in a better place to connect with someone new. I didn't desire casual sex at all and had a break for almost 6 months after which my life changed, I dated again and found a much healthier relationship..💓. Wishing the best to all those healing from things they can't speak about, especially the super empaths💓
you may be kidding yourself if you think that the narc was the sick one and you are somehow a better person because u r an "empath" that is just a better sounding word than narc that we can kid ourself with, it takes 2 sick people to do this dance, the only difference is that the co-dependant has a better chance of changing the sick behaviors. Super Empath = Super people pleaser = dysfunctional, that is my take on it anyway as someone who used to use the word empath to describe myself in order to deny and elevate my own dysfunction and to even feel good about my own sick behaviors
I needed to hear these words so badly, and after hearing this I feel so much better already. As if the healing process just truly began, and it feels really good. Thank you, Meredith. Finding you was a blessing!
Soul ties effect us in so many different ways. I remember feeling like I had his handprints all over me. So used and like trash. An old toy he used and threw away. I was vulnerable with him and I was treated like a disposable object over and over. Yet I felt I only wanted him and then later wanted noone. I couldn't even think of being sexual with anyone without it sending me until a loop of depressing thoughts of being used. One time when we were having sex, I got an image of a demon in my head. I brushed it off. Looking back, I believe it was a warning. I believe he is fighting a demon and losing the battle.
Me too I really felt I have sex with the devil.
hi meredith,for me that obsession comes from how the sex becomes conflict resolution between us. whenever there's problem, she always goes for sex and if i reject her,she will get mad. and yeah you are right,towards the end of our relation,the sex becomes very scarce. Frustating,but i couldn't help myself falling for her again and again
I wonder why i always atract nacs? Dealing with one narc is more than enough.. but two in a row? I was end up with PTSD.
Bettering myself now, still on progress recover from all those madness. I will be fine.
You probably hadn't completely healed yourself before that second nars came in
Thank you, Meredith. This video was especially important to me. "The performance pattern" that you point out really hits home. My narc knew it was really all she had to offer the world, and used it in every way you mentioned.
Best video ive seen I broke up with a narcissist 17 months ago and keep going back as the sex is out of this world.Bonded with him.But theres no other connection when he falls out with me and calls me nasty words puts down my confidence about my body and my job.The relationship after 3 years goes no where no future just drama.It just doesmt feel the same sex with others.Im scared it will never feel as good.Its hard to give up the amazing sex.This video really helps theres no emotional intimacy.Seeing it as power makes sense.It is all about him.Thank you for this video!
I love how blunt and honest you are, we really do need to hear this. Thank you so much for being honest and authentic and true.
Good topic! Rarely covered.
For me it was the worst sex ever, but yes i was def stuck on it somehow.
Very robotic, very one sided, but always built up.
I took a couple years off from sex and masturbation. Worked very well.
Thank you for this. I've been trying and failing to pull away from my ex for the last year. I keep going back and i know im setting myself up for another silent treatment and more pain. I learned that she had narcissistic tendencies about 3 years ago but after seeing the only answer to the problem being "get out....FAST".....i put everything i had into HOPE that she wasnt this way. I couldnt handle the thought of leaving. Well, i moved out a year ago and the abuse is actually worse. I needed to hear this. I lie to myself often about how shallow and phony our relationship was, on her end, so having you put it right in front of me made it more concrete for me. Thanks again.
Woah!!!! Omg thank you for putting this video up! This helped me in more ways than the narcissistic answers I was looking for. I feel a little enlightened right now and can't even put into words what I am feeling after seeing this video! Thank you thank you!
Thank you for this video. It makes me realize that I have not experienced real intimacy in my life.
I felt the same when I watched this video.
10:15 OMG!!!! Your description of "True Intimacy" gave me absolute CHILLS!!!! YES THAT IS WHAT IVE BEEN CRAVING FOR 5 YEARS AND DID NOT KNOW IT! YES!!!!
I can’t thank you enough for this video. I thought there was something wrong with me that I couldn’t get that out of my head. Yes. Looking back it was robotic, thank you. I perceived this love bomb intensity was as good as it gets. After the dismissal I was obsessed with him. Now I know why that occurred within. There was such a disconnect outside of the bedroom.
You are the only person on youtube I would recommend for narcissistic abuse recovery, sending you a hug back!
KuruContinuum - add Richard Grannon! Meredith and him brought me back to sanity and life!!!!
I really don't like Richard, for many reasons.
DoctorRamani channel is pretty informative too
Meredith- I could watch you all day! You have such a gift to the world! What a connecting healer and teacher .. XO
Thank you Meredith, SO MUCH! This could not have come at a better time. Goin thru this right now after an intense and painful breakup w my ex who turned out to be a covert narc/very likely psychopath/sociopath (has most of the traits). Been a nightmare and "withdrawal" has been/is VERY tough as this turned into an ADDICTION for both myself as well as him, I know. One Day at a Time. Again, thank you for making this video today...I truly needed to hear this at this point. ✌️😊
Your videos have given me so much clarity. Thank you for sharing your wisdom ❤
Thank you for making this video! It was so helpful for me. I had no idea that I was seeking intimacy in all these situations.
Spot on!!!!! Been looking for this information for some time. Listen to this video more than once, it's so true
My ex was extremely submissive and I loved it
She wanted it to be extreme, spitting, slapping, name calling ect. but what it ended up doing was actually making me crave her and want her to a crazy level...She actually gained dominance over me thru submitting to me..sounds like an oxymoron but thats the way it went. To this day I miss it all so much.
Any tips to get over it?
Brother.. there are men out there who know EXACTLY what you're feeling, and I'm one of them.
It's how they ensnare you bit by bit and make you the one feeling the one without power, even though it seems impossible when she's the one being pounded in every hole and enthusiastically doing all the hottest shit and being dominated.
But there's another trick within their ways of making us weak, and that's not being able to take the thought of her doing all that with someone ELSE and I'm telling you, if she cheats, your mind and emotions will never be the same.
My wife tried the same on me but I had a few partners over my life and I knew it was not normal with the red flags she was dropping from the beginning. When she tried to bait and switch me....... I never went back. She moved into the spare bedroom expecting me to beg her back or I would sniff around her for sex but I never went back. She ended trying to entice me back into the bed but by that time I just did not trust her anymore so I never have. She started having affairs and has ended up with 3 stds now, so luckily I have missed those bullets. She is trying to replace me but at the age of 44 and 2 kids most of her relationships are her getting smashed for a month but they bore with her easily.
I am a woman and my ex withheld the sex. He knew I loves sex so that was how he "punished " me. Yet with his first wife he always wanted sex as she didn't like sex. It always confused me his bizarre behaviors and control issues.... I finally realized he is an extreme covert narcissist... I wish I had researched this years ago so I could have by passed years of pain
Thank You Meredith🌸 It is TRUE, THEY THINK They ARE the BEST at sex..,If there's no romance what's the point in being in a relationship with someone who's about their favorite subject their self these words include,,, (.... I...Me... My...&.....Mine ))!!
I really don't expect anyone to read this but I'm just brave enough to my Truth, give it a RANT.... IF BY ANY CHANCE WHEN I'M WRITING,,,,MAY SAVE A PERSON'S LIFE, to give my VEIW OF A NARC💙💦YES SELF RIGHTEOUS COVERT BLAME SHIFTING GASLIGHTING & PITTY PLOTS, FUTURE FAKING...
He was the son of a Self RIGHTEOUS
NARC PREACHER ,Ex was an only son..
He was beaten by his dad after church..
I can never let him know that I felt sorry for him, but he had to put on that mask to SURVIVE HIS CHILDHOOD~
He would Listen INTENSELY to what I loved, desired most👁️ THAT'S when he BEGAN to WITHHOLD ☠️ The main thing is that HE was INCONSISTENT FOR 2 YRS & 8 MTHS ☠️ They don't FEEL,,, don't know HOW to FEEL 👁️ !!!!
I Felt NULL & VIOD during the degrading SEXUAL ACT....HE DID JUST USE MY BODY TO MASTURBATE & ALWAYS FROM BEHIND ME, NEVER LOOK ME IN THE EYE NEVER HAD A ROMANTIC TIME, possibly 3 to 4 times while HE WAS LOVE BOMBING... He put on a BIG LOVING ACT !!!! NEVER DID IT MISSIONARY... He would FLIP ME to MY SIDE to use me..
He USED THE EXCUSE THAT HE HAS LOWER BACK PROBLEMS👽 I'VE BEEN in THERAPY FOR 8 MONTHS WAS HOSPITALIZED ONCE, NEVER HUGS... Gave short, non feeling hugs when he had a sexual urge...
I am an intelligent woman, I went to college I have common sense. I came from a narcissistic mother but never gave hugs I'm on my daddy. At 10 years old she push me back and told me that I was too big for that, to go on to bed 💦HE TRIGGERED ME & HE KNEW IT, HE KNEW MY STORY...! A N D
HE USED IT👽
WITH HOLDING A HUG TO HURT ME....I WAS 10 YEARS OLD AGAIN,,,.inside of me,,,,I am an empath I HAVE COGNITIVE DISSONANCE....
I Kept giving him 2nd, 3rd chances .
I felt sorry for him because he LOST HIS SON.. I WAS IN PAIN WITH MY KNEE ..
I NEEDED SURGERY.
I COULD BE IN ANY KINDA SEVERE PAIN FROM TIME TO TIME, NOT SEEKING ATTENTION , NEVER HAVE BEEN LIKE THAT !!!
HE USED MY KINDNESS, I was a divorced mother-of-2 grown children.. He knew I had a daughter with Cerebral Palsy and she @ 28 years, got too big for me to take care of her and it tore my body down not only looking at me.
I have always independent and loving and HE KNEW THIS !!!!
Hugs were a big issue , his AMMUNITION AGAINST ME & MY CHILDHOOD TRAUMA 💀
HE LOOK AT ME LIKE HE WAS IN ALIEN, NON EARTHLY ¿👽
WHEN IT WOULD BE MOST OBVIOUS TO ANYONE ELSE THAT I NEEDED HAS EMBRACE, A HUG.... SOME KIND OF COMPASSION¿☠️
ANYTIME OTHER THAN SEXUAL,,, HE NEVER HUGGED ME, WHEN IT WAS TRULY NEEDED, I WAS STAERVED EMOTIONALLY....
I remember the first several times needing a hug & asking him to hug me ¿ HE would have a SLIGHT SMERK ON THE OUTER CORNER OF HIS MOUTH ?👁️ HE HAD DISTAIN FOR ME... I KNEW WHAT TRUE ((((HATE))) WAS THEN💀
HE STILL WANTS TO GET BACK TOGETHER,.. WTF,
I HAVE BEEN GONE FROM HIM FOR 5 MONTHS NOT GOING BACK TOGETHER WITH HIM !!!!
HAVE NOT BEEN TO BED WITH HIM.. I AM FINISHED !!!! I HAVE BEEN WORKING ON MYSELF MY INTER CHILD ..I AM HEALING.. HE SENT ME A TEXT SAYING HOW MUCH HE KNOWS HE LOVES ((((( NOW)))) A N. D. HE'LL HUG ME
NOW 👁️
THEY ARE DEMONIC,☠️👽💀 THEY WILL KILL YOUR WILL TO LIVE ☠️
RUNNNNNN💦
Kathy this is my life. And I speak to his ex very occasionally on the phone over their shared child and she has told me when drinking and loose lipped that he was sexually obsessed with her, and how she hated it. “He bothered me every day, it was awful.” And I sat listening quietly, devastated inside. Because I adore sex and am very sexual and always have been , and he has mocked me, called me a nympho, and humiliated me. He doles it out like antidote. He is not sexually obsessed with me. Not by a long shot. For a long time I was so hurt because as shallow as it sounds I’m so much more attractive than her, and I couldn’t imagine what was wrong with me, why her, and not me. Then I began watching these videos. Whatever you want- sex, no sex- they will give you the opposite so they can control you. I went as far as getting bigger implants last year. She has huge breasts. Now so many men are noticing and appreciating them I’m so unhappy, because I don’t want anyone but him. And he could care less. I’m just some Jessica rabbit nympho. I’m a joke.
Thank you so much! this video helped me a lot, everything you said reflects perfectly my experience. I have never talked about it to anyone because of the shame and the confusion I felt inside. I really needed this. I send you big hug!
Inner Integration....HOLY CRAP!!!! You are verbally telling my life, out loud...I cannot believe how many things you say in this video that are EXACTLY things I experienced, thought and felt, absolutely amazing! I will be checking out all your other videos! I just stumbled on you, looking for some sort of emotional help, answers. Thank you!!!!
My narc is sex obsessed, porn obsessed, and self obsessed. He has stopped giving me any attention at all. Soon as I start detaching or when he and his new supply are spatting (lol, soooo fucking obvious) he tries to be nice and act like I exist. Thats the only time he has, in about 2 years payed me any mind is when he wants sex. Very robotic though when we did have sex. Not even intimate, no feeling to it just blah. I can give myself climax I dont need some asshole who thinks he is gods gift to everything do it for me. No spontinuity... Ive had this issue in the past, thinking of and wanting to give him sex and Im so glad that Im so sick and tired of being sick and tired.
...they are really good at pretending to be passionate, like everything else its an act.
...i wasnt very attracted to my hubby at first. Thats crazy, ive experienced all that. First time Ive heard how common this is...
Christy McKee yes girl...i got tired of being Tired!👍 buy detachable shower head frm beauty supply store folks.I know how i like it😀..Narc assholes..smh the juice AINT WORTH THE SQUEEZE!
OMG, thank you for covering details on this topic. I have tears running down my face, still. You described exactly what's happened to me. Your advice is so important to me as I prepare to leave this empty relationship. I'm sharing this to a few friends.
This hit home for me 😢
Six years later and it was still the best I’ve ever had. Nobody has made me feel like that since. Even my current partner, who is great otherwise. It’s even made me want to go back just for that.
6 years 🥺OMG don’t discourage me!!!
I have the same feeling😢
Great advice Ms. Miller. You have a depth of wisdom that we should all take to heart.
thank you so much. You really bring me alot of comfort through your words, advice and manner.
Omg!!! This is so helpful! I couldn't figure out why I lose interest and why it didn't feel the same as it did in the beginning. At times it made me felt like I was losing connection to her which is good but also made me wonder if i was ever going to have that intimate feeling towards someone again. Thank i for explaining this. Sending love and light. Namaste.
OMG. Tears just rolling down my face I experienced all of this. I need counseling seriously
This video is spot on and ironically links up with stuff i was watching earlier by vaknin and grannon talking narcs and sex.
This is so crazy spot on. Meredith, you are awesome. Great information and your presentation of it is easy to listen to and genuine. Thank you for these videos...sincerely.
If you are in a relationship only because of sex? the relationship it self is narcissistic, even though none of you might be narcissists.
You are 100% dead right on this. The sex was amazing and I've taken him back several times because of the sex, which actually got more fantastic over time. He could sense when I was pulling away, and used sex to keep me with him. He knew that sex would calm me down when I was angry. I still can't say for sure if he loved me for real or not because we were so close and intense during sex. But he definitely dominated and controlled me with it.
I could have written your comment Honor Ali... so here's my question, how long did it take to stop taking him back? I feel like I lost all willpower to say No, like in your case it became better with time but there was never true intimacy which is what I correctly long for. He's become a worse addiction than what I imagine crack addiction must be like and I am baffled, how can an attractive, educated, emotionally stable woman get herself into this kind of relationship but more importantly how long before I am healed from this devastating experience?
ditto
Thank you for sharing this. I've been listening to you for a while now and I definitely need you in my life. All my love to you
Love your work! All the videos and content you produce are amazing and extremely helpful. Thank you.
Great topic. It is one I have thought a lot about lately. My experience was somewhat different, by the end of the relationship I was so resentful when it came to sex. I was constantly pursued and could not possibly provide enough to satisfy him. Even during my pregnancy and postpartum I was pressured to be intimate at least four times a week. But the sex itself was weird and very controlling. After a while I felt like he was having sex with himself, staring in the mirror and just using my body. If I tried to take any control he would become unaroused. if I did not consent I would be punished with the silent treatment or made to feel prudish or inadequate, which was humiliating to me. There were also random periods where he would not be interested at all. Probably, he was having affairs. I will never know the truth around that and no longer care. I have not craved intimacy since we split almost two years ago. It is something I know I need to work on but it is a very interesting topic to reflect on.
This was the best video I have watched. It cleared the air on everything. Thank you
Sad that we - post trauma- have to have intimacy re-explained to us after sex with a npd. It is something I felt all along but thought "maybe if I love more" but no...and one time he even said after sex "I feel like a robot" --if I had known about npd that would've been HUGE flag. I had to learn the hard way. Thank you for reminding me I am not ruined and it was all a facade. I know if I dwell on it I will bring about an illness and stop me from moving forward. Yes, it is programming.This is so on point. He was hyper-sexual but when it came to cuddling or holding me (even and especially after asking for it), it was so forced and cold. There were many times I felt like I was dissociating during sex and imaging one of exes watching us, which was so bizarre for me. And thank you for suggesting the fast. I tried to self-help in that area and found myself bawling afterwards. Too much negative energy. Thank you for being a gift.
Ana Luisa i can relate so much specially on thr cuddling part....
I really needed to hear this so thank you from the bottom of my heart 💕
Wow you are one hell of a woman your words are right on the money
Thank you so much for your explanation..
I have dealt with this prob for the past 3 years and you have finally made the penny drop for me
Thank you Thank you so much x
Omg thank you so much for this video just more confirmation that this was the dynamic at work in my marriage and why no one else since feels good enough
Excellent video! I could relate to so much of it. I'd recommend giving up porn, that completely toxic industry, for good as well.
Sven Loach "Good guy😄"
This video helped me have answers to questions I didn't understand. Thank you for all your advice and knowledge .
Exactly. So well said. All of this! Thank you for talking about this! I was keeping all this to myself.
Thank you, you really gave me better understanding of what I went through while I was married to a narcissist. I've researched narcissism to be able to heal, and it has really helped me a lot. But I've missed the part about the sexual behavior of a narcissist. My husband lived for sex, everything was about sex. Even in a ordinary conversation he referred to sex... depending on the words that where used in that conversation... Thanks to your video I have a lot more clarity about what I went through. Thank you 🙏🏻💞
Thank you so much! For explaining something I've been feeling but was unable recognise exactly what it was. And thank you also for providing the tools to help me from falling back into what's not good for me. Just thank you xx
This advice can save peoples lives. Thankyou for this video.❤
This explains so much. Helps so much. Thank you.
Brilliant point, no casual sex-it it may trigger u to want to go back with the narcy...self love self love only.
You are an angel. I so needed to hear this. Thank you.
Your awesome at knowing this and your interventions make total sense. Thank you
Thanks Meredith, this is really helpful!!
Abstaining does work! Thanks for validating what I chose years ago during a breakup.
Excellent video, thank you Meredith x
Thank you so much for wonderful insights. Completely relatable and much needed. Many more likes to you and your content.
This video was SO helpful! I just wish I’d seen this sooner...in the middle of the narc storm right now :(
thanks so much for addressing this big elephant in the room that no one will talk about :) - also excellent insight into the realities associated with sexual relations with a narcissist
I'm still not able to see why sex with a narcissist is so marvelous - but I do know that the price for that great fun is ultimately too high to pay - odd business, difficult to fathom - you would
think that having sex with a person who was manipulating you, etc, would be unpleasant in some way, or that you would be able to sense something wrong about it - thanks again for giving us a video I really needed to see
Meredith... another great, insightful video from you. Thank you so much.
Thank you so much for posting this.i have been researching narc behaviors for the last few years.i always blamed me for everything,because she blamed me.you are so on point.i wasnt very attracted to her at first.she chased me down for a year,and i finally gave in.i decided at the time that i wanted to live right and be celebate.i met her in church.within a month,after trying to remain pure,i gave in to the sex and it was the strangest thing ive ever felt.she didnt even look human during the sex.i couldnt put my finger on it,but i knew something was wrong.she pushed all boundaries,then called me a freak.i married her,because i thought that was the "right" thing to do.i found out after two years,that she used to be a prostitute.i believed that everyone has a past,and anyone can change.i was wrong.so many red flags i ignored all the gut-feelings,and didnt listen to good advice from friends.i also found out she had affairs with men and women,while i stayed loyal throughout the marriage.there is so much i could say.i dealt with the lies,physical abuse,emotional abuse,and so much more.everything you have said is so true.i am an empath,and was always told i was too "sensitive." There is no doubt anymore that there was no intimate connection ever.i have been away for 8 months now and have been practicing celebesy.i refuse to think about the sex,because the whole relationship was fake.on her part.thanks again for sharing this video.
Hi Meredith....thank you for all your videos..you are very inspiring....
Know this is a old video , but thank you ! This was so accurate, that was the only thing in the relationship that resembled intamacy. And yet it still left void . Also there were more times that I realized though I was present , she was more often than not connected at all just into the act . And it wasn't reciprotary. Always needed to be recieving, though acting it was for you . Like everything else with the covert narcissist , everything is fragmented ,and the pieces they don't fit together , and you don't have a complete picture . Just unanswered questions
Great video. The best I've seen on this subject. Thankyou!
Meredith, you have helped me so much. Thank you!
I asked him after intimacy " if we had a connection or was this just a game" ... he said " he had no connection to me" ... things went quickly downhill from there but obviously its all my fault...
This is where I'm at right now. I was celibate for 11 years after coming out of an abusive relationship with a narcissist... and then I met another one. Casual sex is a trigger for me, for sure. This is a great video. Great advice. Thanx.
I hate that this happened to other people but I'm so glad I'm not the only one. I feel like I'm absolutely crazy.
What i realized from Narcastic is it's used like a drug, an addiction and it can even make you feel hallow afterwards. With true love it's not weaponized or used manipulatively. It's just icing on the already beautiful cake. It's connection, it adds onto the amazing bond you and your lover already share without sex.
You are such a beautiful soul Meredith
Thank you Meredith I really appreciate your videos, they have been very helpful in my healing
Wow thank you so much. I can’t believe I was mistaking sex for emotional intimacy actually believing it would draw us together and create a stronger bond when the narc was just using sex as a tool for power and control, it is so clear now . The narc was never committed emotionally to our relationship, that just made my cravings for emotional intimacy more intense, which I mistook for a project to get her to love me as much as I felt that I loved her, I can now see that that, was and is impossible. I have been used as supply but it is ok, I have to accept it and forgive myself and learn from all of this. I need to be able to recognise my own needs clearly and concisely. Emotionally, financially, mentally I gave everything to that relationship and received nothing in return, I gave more than I had to give and I am suffering the consequences of that still today, but bit by bit, every day I am recovering. I am stronger, wiser. Nofap, healthy eating, exercise, cold showers and meditation are what I will be focusing on now.
micsotonbrum mine would seem to try and hypnotize me during sex. saying “who do you love, who will take care of you, who is the only one you want sex with” over and over. your post resonated with me. thanks
Great video! Thank you for this. It makes soooo much sense!! ❤️💯
What a great video. I was I involved with a Psychopath from 22 until I was 42. I’ve recently been thinking about our sexual relationship. Yes the sex was good but the rest was disgusting. Thank you for reminding me of the big picture. No contact for years now🥰