10 Signs That A Narcissist Is Playing You For A Fool
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- Опубліковано 25 лис 2022
- Not only are narcissists not sincere, but they look for all sorts of ways to manipulate you for their gain. Dr. Les Carter identifies 10 of the most common ways narcissists will mess with you...and as you see their tactics for what they are, you can adjust accordingly.
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I dodged a bullet. I just about married a narcissist. I definitely felt panic the closer I got to my wedding date. I thank God that I didn't marry him. I'm sure God helped me see through the lies. Many of my fiance's lies were not even hidden. He even tried to get me to lie for him on many occasions. Praise God he watches out for me. I know what my ex fiance is. A wolf in sheep's clothing. He still has the wool pulled over many other people's eyes, but I know what he is, and I thank God for that.
🙏🏾
I was about to marry my narc. But for some reason I did not feel comfortable about it there was a great deal I would have to give up to be able to marry him. I can not put into words how grateful I am that Jesus Christ and Jehovah God kept me from moving forward with it. He the narc even bought land and had a house built on it. But I just couldn't do it. I should have been happy but I had feelings of doubt about it all the feelings I had was feelings I did not like. They made me feel like I didn't like I myself and I knew it was not right I had never had those feelings before not ever in my life. So I let go of him no contact at all. Once again I thank Jesus that I found out that he is a narc before I went thrrough with it. And yes I do feel like I doged a bullet and I am so grateful for it. Blessings to you all. Jesus said ask and it will be given unto you. I asked and was granted what I asked for. Amen & Amen.
Awe very brave. You are helping many people with this comment. Our niece had to cancel her wedding & it was her best idea! She's saved herself year's of strife. xoo 🙋
When anyone who is about to marry if for any reason you don't feel right in your sprit don't try to force it even if you are at the alter on the day of your wedding DON'T do it. When I had those bad feelings about getting married to my narc it felt like I was given a warning At first I didn't understand why I was feeling this way I should have been happy right. There was no happiness what I felt was dread and fear and I just ciuld not do it. I felt all these feelings in my sprit and I had to let go of him. All that I had gone through with him for 20 years + seems like everything became clear as day. So I will say if things doesn't not feel right
If it doesn't feel right don't do it no matter how much you are in love with him/ her Sure it will hurt but I feel Jesus can see down the road far ahead of us and he protected me from what would come if I did what I wanted to do. I thank Him everyday for giving me the strength to move on. No contact at all from me toward the narc.
They...
1. Appeal to their own positive traits and grossly minimize their own mistakes and flaws. (Often blame-shifting)
2. Are friendly towards you for doing what they want you to do. (Proving your usefulness).
3. Want, require the favored position. In the family, they want the favored position.
4. ... Whenever you start talking about personal problems, the defensiveness that can arise in the narcissist can be irrational.
5. Criticize other people to you, while you're next.
6. Have an unwillingness to be truly accountable to anyone. They keep a lot of secrets.
7. Love to play games with the truth. They give you half-truths. Very one-sided leaving themselves looking innocent.
8. Are almost impossible to discuss conflicts with.
9. Are quite willing to talk poorly about you behind your back.
10. Are constantly canvassing the crowd for someone better than you.
... Learn to trust your gut.
You take good notes!
❤
So you met my wife
😥😥😥
You describe my Narc Dad
When they talk bad about their other friends behind their backs, you can be sure they are talking bad about you when you're not there.
Right 👍
Sometimes when they are talking bad about other people, they really are talking about you!! You don't know it but your brain does 😮
Narcissists fool themselves into believing they are something they are not. It’s so silly, and sad to watch and they HATE being called out on it. And really hate people that can see through them, like myself.
Looking back, I can see how many times my (estranged, narcissistic) wife set me up to fall into her trap to get me to react and then react in horror when I did. Serious mind-game stuff. Yet carefully executed to come off as being the victim. Even placing a witness to my “abuse” in a location where they couldn’t see me, but could see her staged reaction and then lie about what they couldn’t see what she claims I did. That was my grey rock moment of realizing you cannot win by playing her game. So, game over. Marriage over. Relationship over. Wow, the freedom since then tastes great.
It's so liberating once you get that kind of perspective, Aaron!
Oh yes! It just happened to me today while picking our Christmas tree! Oh brother! It’s like seeing the banana peel and still slipping on it.
The whole set up so I get out of the truck frazzled no longer care what I look like or sound like I’m just feeling nuts! Then the pay off for the narcissist. “ I wish you hadn’t caused such a scene”
I think i know what you’re talking about, Aaron. My mum would bait me on the phone so that my dad would only hear her side of the conversation. She would do the whole “gasp, who? me?” thing to make it sound like i was attacking her. Lesson learned- no more phone calls unless i had a witness on my part.
@@luffypupperstien2706 Or them even going to the extreme of painting the floor yellow (with a few touches of brown) to hide that banana peel. And then causing your path to cross EXACTLY where that peel is, while they stand in a place where they can observe (and enjoy) everything.
@@AlwaysStampinVideos Yeah. You DO know what I'm talking about. I'd expect many here do as well, with a vast array of examples that were personalized just for them.
I was played for 40 years. I feel like, I’m waking from a bad dream. I could never understand the feeling in my gut,unaware of such evil.
In the movie of " Our lady of Fatima " 3 children saw the virgin Mary in their hometown and no one believed them. Mary told them to see the Monsieur and tell him the definition of a sinner is " one who loves evil ". So true.
Indeed, they "do you dirty" and laugh at your pain. No decency, no civility. Like a demon, no compassion and no mercy.
Sadistic
I am an empath who was utterly destroyed after my narcissist husband discarded me after 40 years of marriage. I though then that there couldn't possibly be a pain any worse. Then my adult son died at 38. I can assure you that what I thought had been the worst pain ever, totally paled in comparison to the loss of my son. That was just over 2 years ago. My daughter and I had to make a vow to each other not to hurt the other by taking our own life. My son recently came to me in a dream and told me that I need to do better. That lifted my soul to a point that I can do better. Some days I am more successful than others. Thank you for your videos - they continue to remind me that I was not imagining things.
Such pain is very difficult, but I hope you can adjust and keep moving forward. Thanks for sharing this, BK.
Sending you respect and strength.....I am sorry about your son.....take care......
@@Manipura__
God bless you and healing frequencies?
Please cut this bs. Thanks.
So sorry for your loss. Losing a child is devastating. Prayers God continues to give you comfort in the dark days. The compounded effect of dealing with a narcissist is a huge cross to bare. Peace and blessings to you. 🤗
@@Manipura__ Whatever someone else may think of your comment, please be assured that I look at intent. You were being kind and offering information regarding something I might find helpful. I appreciate those kinds of people. Trolls and someone who feels the need to be hateful on a comment board dealing with deep pain, not so much. Thank you for caring and I wish you the very best.
They ALL play you for a fool.
Goes with the territory of feeling superior !
The thing of it is it doesn't matter what you do. How hard you work to please them, the pain you endure for them. It will never be enough.
Facts. When I saw I was giving more, I realized the relationship was costing me too much. Emotional, spiritual, physical, and mental pain isn't worth it.
If you knew how they speak of you when your not present , you would no longer smile
A teen recently told his father “mom says things about you, but I don’t believe her”. His mom is a narc and when he was younger he would fall for her tricks and pick on the father because she spoke badly about him.
Thank you, doctor. I try to explain to friends who have never seen a narcissist operate: Narcissists are charming - until they're not. You can't always see their game at the beginning, so give yourself a break. They've been playing their game for a long time.
Yes, they’re very charming until they can’t get anything from you.
People who have never experienced a narcissist will never understand.
They put on false self that you like until they can drop the act.Then it's just manipulation and lies.
I had to pay for EVERYTHING. I DISCARDED HIM 11.5 YEARS AGO. Gaslit is another story. I picked up on it.
@@AnnieGrace777 HOW TRUE!
This is why I would rather just be by myself! So many people are narcissist!
Bonnie, I've come to this conclusion as well. It's almost mindblowing... How can this be...they are everywhere
I know! I found one who was such a puzzle that I put her “symptoms” in google and here we are. And then I discovered that there was another but more low key. Both do damaging things and everything is always about them. And then remembered some coworkers from a while back, wow.
Most of them are surrounding my empath friend though. I tend to ward them off more because I have healthier boundaries. Only thing is I had to learn to not feel guilty when I had to say no and I feel badly for hurting people’s feelings even years later.
Amazing how narcs always say no, even to kind small things for others - they must take more than they give, and if they can give zero, they do.
Yeah I'm staying single forever after my last relationship with 1.
Focus on my purpose and become a better human along the way
Ive had people like this in my life. They eat your kindness and generosity alive.
Get them out of your life
Love that “ I just want you to have your peace”. It is so peaceful when they are not around.
True! I feel very calm and peaceful!
Amen very peaceful without them feel like you can live a better life when they are not around!! Life is so much better
Exactly.... absolute peace
Yes it's peaceful when you are not with the narc. Wherever they are will be friction because they get fuel from conflict and chaos. Otherwise they're bored. They create drama to get supply. Therefore they will always create to get their fix. The only peace is away from them. You will always be incompatible. They want disruption & chaos to get fuel. You want peace. It's an unfixable incompatibility.
A peace that surpasses all understanding.
The narcissist likes to get you busy slaving for them and double down on your workload too. They feel entitled to your labor. They like the feeling of being the monarch.
What did you mean by double down... I am from Morocco and English is not my primary language... Thanks
@@rwdchannel2901 Yes thanks... I agree with it .. They tend to make it as a form of psychological torture
Not only the feeling of being the monarch it genuinely is the life! As they sit on a Throne with their goblet and feast. Well you do all the Slave work required to live.
Have no free time or interest of your own. As their person VIP Slave, your told what to do and how to do it. And it’s never enough!
As it’s the notion that you should be proud to serve their ever whim, just to be in their great presents. That is payment alone.
My boyfriend is a narcissist and tries to gaslight me thinking I'm not on to what he is doing. I'm looking for my own place because I'm exhausted having to deal with his narcissistic behavior. I always listen to him when he has problems but when I tell him about mine or how I feel, he says I'm always crying about stuff. He always leaves dirty dishes in the sink and when I wash them then go do something he will go make more and when I complain that I just finished washing dishes he doesn't understand why I'm mad and tells me it's my job to wash them. If I just leave the dirty dishes to see if he will wash them, I will go in the kitchen and see that they are still there. He will ask why I haven't washed them. I'm so done dealing with him.
@@theresaduvall6857 Narcissists will try to compete with you all the time. That's apart of the reason they like to disagree with you on almost everything. That and its reactive abuse because the narcissist is looking for your emotional reaction to feel in control of you seeing you are expressing a need for the narcissist's validation. The narcissist will be very passive aggressive too such as seeing you just finished the dishes then making more dirty dishes just to upset you. Those are the things to look for in a toxic narcissistic person: Envy of you, passive aggressive behavior, disagreeable on nearly everything you say and competing with you all the time. Run away if you can from him and save your sanity.
You get played until you break down so then they get to label you fragile
They can be relentless. So true...Stay strong
Narcs don't think you have any right to be more of a victim than they are.
Yes they love to break people as it makes them feel strong. Very sick! Blessings to you❤
Absolutely Golden Dolphin
Then they say “get your shit together or don’t talk to me,”
I was standing in our dark hallway, and i heard my husband say, " ive been married twice before, but SHE is the worst of them!" And pointed towards my direction. So then i stepped out of the shadows, and ive never seen so much denial and gaslighting in my life. I was deeply hurt because i was the one in his corner, unlike his previous wives. And from there, i knew he mustve back stabbed me more than once. My prince charming will never be trusted again. I have to mention that i only came into that position because i was going to get a drink of water and halted when i saw his arm pointing to where i was. So i stopped and observed. I was flabbergasted because we werent even fighting! It was a nice evening!
Same!
They don't do favors for you; every action is a transaction. So, any favor they've done for you, at some point, they use it against you, saying things like, "After all I've done for you" or "Don't come to me next time you want something."
They don't care about your needs; they're very dismissive of your needs. They expect you to be there for them, yet when you need them, they often leave you and disappear on you unless they can look good to those around you. They're only ever there for you when they want something from you, and when they don't want something from you, they disappear on you.
They put the bare minimal effort in, with generic messages and generic gifts, in order to get the desired attention from you. They don't talk with you; they talk at you. They bring the conversation to be about themselves. They lack genuine empathy and interest to care about you or share in your good news; they've done better sharing bad news.
You can be talking to them, and they just switch off, and it's not because they've got a lot on their mind or a lot on their plate; it's because they simply are not interested in what you have to say. As soon as the conversation is about them, away they go again.
They exaggerate who they are as a person.
They don't remember the good times, only when they can use the things they did for you against you to get their needs met by you.
They'd rather impress a stranger than take care of you. They're interested in that validation, attention, and adoration from those around them, so they would rather impress a stranger than care for their own family.
They're envious of your happiness. You can't share your plans or ideas with them because they discredit and dismiss them. You can't share your achievements with them because they mock and humiliate them. They're envious of the things you achieve, so they're never happy for you. They're only ever happy if your achievement benefits themselves.
That's exactl how I feel
AMEN AMEN!!
I read your post and I am floored how accurate you are. It's like you wrote a book about the last 18 months of my relationship with a narc. To know someone out there experienced a horrific process, brings me comfort. I'm grateful to have found your post. As sad as this sounds, I'm grateful for my relationship with my ex ( for many reasons ) but sad it ended so horribly. I wish these type of people weren't so selfish but they are.
@@clintonnagy1662 you’re very welcome for my post you stumbled across. I hope you have or will experience happiness now your relationship with your ex has ended. You seem as though you know a lot about Narcs anyway, but thank you for reading it and thank you for your time and effort you put in by replying to me personally and while doing so - being open and honest.
Take care!
@@LAB-LE3 I've dealt with many narcs in relationships. It seems that's all I attract but this last one really hurt me the worst. She seemed so nice and authentic. I was wrong. She just had different manipulation tactics I never dealt with so it through me off. Eventually I saw the pattern and solved the puzzle. She underestimated me. I still can't believe she is sick individual but I see her now for what she is.
The first sign is, they are happy with you.
They are only happy with you, when they are screwing you. Or when you are helping them screw someone else.
I believe youre right. She was only happy when I was 8 inches deep in her....very interesting.
My mother would laugh in the middle of trying to tell her how hurt I was. “Oh you are so sensitive “
My husband does that all the time, too. I tell him I’m happy I’m sensitive to others, and that he’s extremely insensitive.
My mother would describe me as "touchy" when I spoke up for myself.
@@elaineknox1023 Yes Elaine ! I’ve heard that too from mine.
My narcissistic friend did this. Posted laughing emojis when I told her how shockingly rude she has been to me.
@@elaineknox1023 Yup touchy. " Okay I will swallow my words from now on if that's what it takes to have some peace "
Narcissists are like dealing with small spoiled children in adult bodies. They have a very poor understanding of reality for what it is both for actual good or bad or indifferent, of which much of life plays to simply being indifferent.
One of the strongest counterplays to a narcissist's actions is to play to being indifferent, but with the capacity to inflict as much pain onto them as need be if their actions warrant it. Similar to how a hot stove is indifferent to whether a foolish child burns themselves on it or not.
A hot stove never seeks to burn anyone and it could care less when fool hurts themselves badly for not respecting it for what it is and can do if handled wrong.
Don't play to win with a narcissist, play for endless stalemates while holding the greatest level of indifference to how bad they may get burned by you for their own actions in the end.
When I approach the narcissist to try to address an issue he likes to say "that happened hours ago, why are you bringing it up now? Quit dwelling on it..." Other times when I try to talk to him he also likes to turn my concern about him right back on me and say I do whatever I am saying he does. Deny, project, deflect, excuses and passive aggressive, sarcasm... It's exhausting and depressing.😢
Yes it is. I confirm. Thank you for sharing. Stay Strong.
Narcissists unapologetically take advantage of others as a shortcut to achieving self esteem as a result of not having invested the time building their own character. Spare no expense steering clear of them.
Number One: You are still associating with them.
High-five there!
Yes!!
Learning the undertow of how these people these narcissists are... You have different communication with them and you know what to expect that way you can stay on top with peace dignity and respect in other words you don't need their approval for anything from them.. you may never teach them how to be different just don't get caught up and being like them on team healthy you are very special person 🤗
@@vickiparsons5698 you're still a fool
No compassion. No mercy.
I feel sorry for those who don't see through the narcissist's strategies....it's hard at first but once you are on to them, it's so freeing afterwards.
Or once you've figured them out, you think back to little things they said or did a while back, that at the time you thought nothing of, then all of sudden the more you see or hear, you start to piece it all together, all of sudden it all makes sense.
Yes.. it's like once you see it you can't un-see it!
@@jodizellmer994 You got that right! I can see clearly now and I don't take anything from these types of people!!
Well said , yes yes!
"offended when you want them to be accountable" yep nailed it
They are very evasive, and they love to twist everything around to make themselves to be the victim. I was married to a narcissist for over 40 years, and I could never get through to him, thinking I was the one at fault; Yes I can honestly say, I was played time and time again.
Been married 28 years to one. Still married.
@@reneebishop2880 ? You developing an exit plan?
Me too
I almost married a narcissist. So happy being alone, now.
Sometimes, it's best to take things slow.
As an 11 year old boy I was sexually abused by a scout leader. Now (after a 20 year marriage to a narcissist) I realize how I was drawn in to someone who overstepped boundaries and I got “played.”
Thankyou for sharing! This is one of the greatest elephants in the room. Children are tortured and forced to carry the burden of adults who could care less and have no remorse. I wish every child victim would expose the truth. Turns out the big bad cockroaches are afraid of the light. I hope you treat yourself like the diamond you are! Don't let another parasite near your beautiful diamonds.
I was abused by my stepfather and I see how that shaped my relationships as well. So sorry for what you went through, it's a tough journey.
Very sorry to hear about that. ;(
Every blessing to you, Gregory. G Ire
Well I’m glad u can talk about your trauma that’s a Goid sign that you are healing. I’m also happy that you escaped the Ex and still are young enough and wise enough to try to have a good life going forward
“We don’t talk about my negatives” …YES. This is spot on for every narcissist I’ve had the displeasure of dealing with.
Always. If you try, one of the things they coud do is start projecting and by the time they’re over it’s you who has issues
@@leonab545 blame shifting is such an art form for them. Blows my mind they can live with themselves, but that's the sickness. Run!!
Often with "after everything I done for you, you dare to criticise me?"
When you do call them out on their BS, the narc screams, "don't go there!!!" In the next breath, the narc screams 'Why can't WE discuss this like adults!???"🙄🙄🙄🙄
Depends what narc you are dealing with actually some narcs my get quite aggressive If you try to call them out.
First of all, the real narcissist will always accuse a person of being one !
Yet a non narc would never do that, wishing to avoid, at all cost, the explosion sure to ensue.
just ditched one today 🤸♂️🤸♀️🤸
First sign a narcissist is playing you for a fool, you're in the same room.
It's a mistake to believe they are thinking about you at all, thinking you are a fool, or whatever. They are NOT thinking of you at all, ever.
Only think of how they could use you
If he wrote: "I don't have any in exchange for you anymore", is that him outing himself? Right? And then he blocked me and my husband. It hurt, because we only wanted to be friends.
I got so played by an absolute narcissist! I thought he was more than a buddy. More like a best friend!
You can forgive twice but no more!
" Trust your gut ", the Dr. is so right!
I went through it. Only my narcissistic former friend was a lady. Everything in this video describes my her. I've talked about her in other comments. I'll refer to her as “Molly.” She definitely played me. I saw the warning signs early on even when she tried claimed that the people who had problems with her it was all a case of “misunderstanding” or people “not getting where she was coming from.” I should have trusted my gut instinct because I had a very uneasy feeling even in the beginning. Instead, I made the mistake of asking why she was always at the center of conflict and that everyone else around her can't be that dumb that they can't see the forest for the trees, essentially. Boy oh boy, did that lead to a blowout fight.
Everything you covered from only being friendly when she was grooming someone who had a resource she wanted to exploit, always believed she was entitled to be the center of attention and had to be in charge even if she didn't know what the heck she was doing (which was quite often), playing games with the truth or telling half truth or flat out lies, to minimizing her faults and metastasizing her positives (which were very few), slandering and libeling me behind my back to her flying monkeys (all of whom later on abandoned her) and anyone who would listen, total willingness to smack talk people to me airing out all of their dirty laundry which I later learned she was doing the same thing behind my back, having circular conversations in which she always tried to shift the focus back to her or turning back at me if I tried to hold her accountable for her atrocious behavior. This comes back to the whole telling half truths and absolute lies part. Molly even lied about having been abused by her older brother when she was a little girl, that her stepmom had beaten her and broken her jaw, that her one-time boyfriend that she had after her first marriage crumbled had abused and kicked her out miles away from family with nowhere to go and that she had had cancer. All of it was a lie. It was confirmed by one of her older sisters who I wrote on social media who said and I quote: “She's been a liar since she could talk!” completely incapable of discussing conflict like a rational adult (she was in her 40s when I met her and in her early '50s when I cut contact), I felt more like I was dealing with up temperamental adolescent middle school student, prone to temper tantrums and irrational rage whenever she didn't get her way.
And as far as grooming someone to take my place, she did. She pitted me against a very dear friend of mine and did projection. It succeeded and we didn't talk for a long while. We reconnected a few years ago and I was fortunately able to wake him up to what a toxic waste of space Molly is. He has also since gone no contact. Before doing so, he gave me an update on the dumpster fire that is Molly's life: her severely neglected son and daughter are now grown and have little if anything to do with her. Her daughter is a divorced single mother (I'll let you guess who contributed to Molly's daughter's marriage failing), her son got kicked out of the Navy for attacking a girl and saved himself from being court-martialed by faking a suicide attempt, Molly's marriage is on the rocks and she is now the around the clock caregiver for her husband's spiteful elderly mother-in-law. To say there is no love lost between these two women would be a gross understatement. Mother-in-law hates Molly's guts. It couldn't have anything to do with the fact that Molly baby trapped mother-in-law's son into marriage by claiming she was infertile or that Molly turned mother-in-law's grandson into a spoiled, entitled overgrown manchild completely incapable of functioning in the real world. Could it?
@@iononcantomascrivo She was an extreme narcissist and possibly a psychopath!
A lot of narcissist are in fact non violent psychopaths.
@@williamdillard8330I think so too. I have met other people who have had run-ins with her and they said and I quote “she's a crazy b¡tch” or “f*cking psycho!” I don't worry about retaliation because she would be extremely dumb to try to contact me because I have way too much dirt on her. Then again, she hasn't exactly demonstrated that she has good judgment. So anything is possible.
If you don't mind could you share more about your experience with this person ? Stories about narcissistic friends are hard to come by ,it's always the parent or the spouse.
@@Trollika_Devi Sure. Ask away.
Very true. I was treated like trash when I decided to further my career and not focus on him as much. The constant insults, then charming, lies, rages, gaslighting, silent treatment, breadcrumbing and triangulation increased to belittle me. Until I left the relationship. He wore me out when he noticed I was becoming more independent. I’m happy to be out of the relationship, but now starting to feel anger, difficulties sleeping and nightmares.
Keep going with Dr. Carter's videos. Watch the one on PTSD, especially. Most of us struggle with unending anger and are plagued by volumes of bad memories that keep opening up that pit of anger once again - the evidence of the PTSD we all developed due to years of struggling to survive a narcissist's abuse. Keep going, and get help from Dr. Carter individually if possible. Your exit from that relationship was the best possible start toward something new and better. Keep going forward.
@@susansheldon2707 This was a really helpful reminder of what we need to do to get over this. I too am now dealing with bad sleep patterns, nightmares and grief even though I'm grateful I'm out of the marriage. I never had sleep problems or nightmares before now.
I let my (ex) husband (definitely a narcissist) live in my head rent free for 4 years after the divorce. Then I realized it, and found the strength to say to people "He was a wife beater".
It was then I was able to get him out of my head and let go of what I allowed him to do. Taking responsibility for my (tiny) piece made the difference for me. I knew something was not right, but kept accepting it. Yes, it was him manipulating / gaslighting / all of those, and I was the "victim" of it..but I knew at 5 years and stayed 3 more. That's on me.
I moved him out of my head and then I could heal.
Everyone has a different path. That was mine.
I spent 4 years after the divorce being angry at how he treated me. Then I realized I was letting him still ruin my life by letting him live rent free in my head.
I took a deep breath and started to add my own internal voice. If something went wrong, I learned to just accept that things go wrong. If something went well, I gave myself a pat on the back. At some point, I evicted him from my head and remembered how to love myself.
It sounds silly, but giving yourself positivity in your own head...it helps.
Yes it's a total mindfuck
They paint you up to be someone they are. It's disturbing. They isolate you.
I'm an empath who married a narcissist when I was 18. Knew nothing about personality disorders. Four children later, looking back it was a miserable existence, before, during and after.
My son carried on the legacy of his father, my husband. He too is a narcissist.
There is more information today that is helping and I'm forever grateful for them. I'm not as bad as I felt most my married life. I never felt loved. I was an option not a priority.
women like bad boys, so no surprise that they end up in situations like you
I’m sorry about that. That’s tough. That’s the point of a husband and family but I guess to some, it’s just an accessory. I do hope you’re happy now. ❤
He went to Florida for a few days. When he came back he accused me of being jealous and said I thought he took someone with him. That was the farthest thing from my mind until he implanted it. Makes me think now he did take someone and he had a guilty conscience.
So basically, what they do is they'll tell all these stories multiple times, but then in the long run everytime they go back and tell those same stories and again and again they either edit what they said before, they'll add lib to what they didn't say the 1st time, or a combination of both. Therefore, the bottom line is their stories never add up. Furthermore, in person when good things happen to them, they take credit for everything and give no credit to nobody, then when something bad happens it's always somebody else's fault. And as soon as you leave them, they're gonna make up a false story about you as well as whoever they told you about before you left them.
My neighbor, a low-grade narcissist similar to Hyacinth Bucket on Keeping Up Appearances, talks poorly of our other neighbors to me. Those other neighbors are such genuine and kind people. That’s when I realized that she most likely does the same thing to me.
Yep. Sick people.
My neighbour is a narc and copies everything I do. I ran for the hills when I figured out how manipulative she was.
I love that show! 😀
My neighbour comes over to bitch about other neighbours. Then she goes to their place to talk about me. I laugh it off mostly but it's sickening when u think about it. I feel bad for her kids but now they're just like her. Also she probes and probes forever but wouldn't share anything about her.
Yes...those who speak about others to you....always speak about you to others. Every time.
Number two: you're still calling them family.
True. Immature manipulative bullies would be more accurate.
Just remember who you're talking to so you don't get caught up! I'm watching Dr Carter learning how to communicate differently so you don't get caught up in trapped with their intrusiveness and you know not to argue with these people because it doesn't do you any good 😆 you know where they're coming from now so even if you need their help cuz you know what they can do and even if you care about them. just remember who you're talking to.. with Dr Carter knowledge is power you can still maintain your peace just keep it real 🤗
@@vickiparsons5698 great comment . God Bless !
It is almost impossible to discuss conflict with these people. This is a great list. Affirmed a lot. This list is soooo helpful and great.
I’ve discovered it’s not the conflict. It’s the criticism. Anything you bring up, they receive it as criticism and can’t take it. Total core meltdown follows. Then stonewalling, silence after dump, then weaseling back in after a time as if nothing happened. At least in my mom’s case.
One of them it was impossible to discuss anything, apart from good morning or hello. Anything more would go straight into misogynistic, patronizing, denigrating from 1% to 100% until I finally learned at 14 that a rational and respectful conversation was totally impossible. Since then even under full responsible adult supervision it got up to 5% but then I’d cut it off. Until 2 yrs ago during a family tragedy he went straight into the 100% level each and every time coz I was now face to face near him, and around people. Early onset dementia makes the narcissist more decrepit in thought word and deed. The only solution was cutting all contact unless in written form. But since his undiagnosed Parkinson’s makes his hands shake so much - he won’t make any attempt to type any communication in writing coz that will expose his ‘true ugly’ if he types the way he has always spoken to me. Silence is golden ✌️
I started telling my family about what has happened.
None of them believed me. They have all decided to cancel me from the family. He was so careful not to let them see when he
was doing his abusive games.
They won't believe us. They're glad it's not them!
They’re horrible.
I have this horrible feeling that when I was a kid my mum would frighten me or manipulate things so I got upset.... and then I would need her more. It’s really sinister and creepy. To this day, even the thought of her makes me feel really uneasy.
It's easy to get lost in the weeds in trying to understand yoo deeply the behavior of these sick twisted souls....your gut is one the best indicators and one we should learn to recognize and trust more often....
@@domenicoricci5844 so true! yes, trying to keep up with their manipulation is too hard. but the gut feeling never lies....
Yes fully understand this trauma.
Yes, I can identify with you here. Exactly what I had with my sister. Took me till an adult to work it out.
I honestly believe my mom was too unavailable emotionally to engage in manipulative behaviors when I was a young child. I lea
This is so valuable as a reminder even though I already know that I was being played. It’s extremely enticing to “forget” over time and start to try to relate with the narcissist as if with a healthy person. I watch many of Dr. C’s videos repeatedly to reinforce the warning .
I agree. After having a narc mother in law for 20 yrs, then followed by 3 long term narc relationships & a son in law who is a narc. I always fall for....."the innocent act" and get pulled back in. Thankfully, I keep watching Dr. C's youtube videos as a "wake up" call/reminder that they (narc) are very manipulative. I was always naive, thinking they cld change. I'm about to turn 60 yrs old......I look back & am just realizing with astonishment, just how many people I know who have narc traits......sadly, I see them at church......(my ex). Thanks Dr. C for your dedication in keeping us informed. I'm truly afraid to trust myself to discern who I'm ever in a relationship with again. Thanks again Dr. C!!! 🙌 😊 🙏
When I went 'no contact" with Windy Cousin [after sixty years of Abuse]! she enlisted ten relatives to Coax., Nag! and Harass me " Carol, I hear you arent VERY NICE OR FRIENDLY".
@@cindyrobinson3882 Yeah, me too, Cindy. Trying to learn just what my gut is trying to tell me. Lol 🥲❤️
@marz I completely agree. I often listen multiple times. I feel as if I'm reprogramming myself after a lifetime of abuse and gaslighting. Really laying on the cure and opening my eyes. Healing is amazing ❤️
How tho?! 🤮
Experienced all 10 in my past relationship. It took me a year to get a clue and almost a year of no contact still trying to make peace with the anger, hurt, and resentment.
Very hard to forget such an angry person!
It takes a lot of time. Please give yourself grace. This was told to me and it so true. You are a warrior! Don’t forget it.
Team healthy, team foolproof!
These hit home so hard, I thought I was going crazy. I’m on medication, seen counselors. I’ve spent my entire marriage trying to figure out what’s wrong with me.
Did you ever try to figure out it’s not you and it’s them. Hope you’re doing well.
sounds like me
Yes, this makes me calmer in some way. It is me sitting here searching for answers and being confused after it all. They seem just fine... I am so confused. Am in meds and am about to talk to someone.
one infallible clue - their mouth is moving and sounds are coming out!!
That pretty much summarizes it, Patty.
Absolutely 💯 👍
Oh Hahaha, so true.
@@SurvivingNarcissism toward the end of my allowing him to come into my home, I got to where I didnt even hear him anymore. I just let his voice automatically go to the background and would have to ask him to repeat himself more and more often. I was annoyed at how he would come over with the same ole sorry excuses - and expect me to believe him - and I would just block his voice out. all I could ever hear is REO - Turn Some Pages. over and over and over. when his mouth started moving I heard REO! and I was really, really tired of the same old story. Not just from him - he was just the straw. it was my whole life and I still hadnt discovered what I now know. I just knew I wasnt going back to the same old story ever again. I've never dated another man since. its been 12 years. but I didnt start learning about myself until 2018. I stopped allowing employers abuse me in 2018 & began researching in earnest. a couple of years later, I found you. ❤🔥
They think people are stupid and easily swayed by their lies. It's total cringe.
Dr. C's facial expression seems to say something like "I kinda hate to tell you, but . . . ." Looking forward to this!
Thats cold, Sage, i haven't listened yet, but i tell ya, it sucks to be ugly, i turn into ugly, someone i hate , i feel my disfunction, the Doctor will help the disfunction, the Doctor will help, me know how to be ,surviveing narcissist a troubled soul, man us humans can walk and talk dog, what ever that means, shout out to me my 4 legged dog rules, and Gus is my good friend the doggie
It was like miss Sage rubbed salt on the wound, hec yea its rough being out of place, i know miss Sage, was making a little joke, she cares alot for Doctor Carter, go team healthy, i like ,Doctor Carter for being himself, i love his dog Gus ,a neat doggie for sure
Hey man hey man , thanks Doctor Carter, if i knew alot, about the tech machine, yes sir, i would be trying to get in your other community site apps, hey man Doctor Carter im very glad to be able to learn, we love ya, go team healthy
I must have sort of an allergy to narcissists. I seem to have been able to sniff this out in many relationships in my life, and move myself out of the way. I've warned others a bit... sometimes it helps, sometimes they won't listen. Then I shake my head while I watch it all fall down... But when someone has that entitlement, the lack of humility, and the very limited world view it is just such a 'turn off' for me. The person who pushes ahead, or wants, wants, wants, just makes me ill. I've never wanted to be their friend, let along be in a one-to-one relationship - no way. Ugh!!!
Thank you. I’m so sick to my stomach thinking of the years I’ve let various narcissists chisel away at my identity and self worth. No more.
This last holiday was confirmation of all you speak about. It was the first time I was able to neutrally observe being gaslit, shamed and scapegoated as well as the first time I was able to dismantle the pain within a day.
I wake up in the morning now
and remind myself I live in a Narcissistic shame-perfectionist based culture. It seems to be rampant in the family I have left as well as society at large.
It has deeply impacted the trajectory of my life.
Thank You for your invaluable work Dr C it has helped me tremendously and team healthy🙏💙💪
You are so welcome, Annie. Keep learning, and I'm glad the videos help! #TeamHealthy
Likewise with myself also Dr. C. I've learned to assess situations quicker and determine if they are healthy individuals to be engaged with.
Exactly. Decernment
I’m glad you’re pain free. Once you see it, it’s better and can be avoided in the future. And yes, society is ramped with them.
Dr Carter - I can't thank you enough for your videos. All of these patterns I was seeing - for years - have been explained in terms and hit at home examples I can both understand and relate to There are no therapists in my area that recognize or can treat my husband. In the end it was me being too critical or dramatic. Your videos gave me permission to let go of someone I could never be able to help at my constant expense. Thanks for saving my sanity. Now I need to rebuild it.
Keep leaning forward, SAL!
dear s
you can do this
Breath , relax, find yourself, find peace in
Silence. Life is not other people, especially dysfunctional and terrible people.
REBUILD!! Yes Sal🎉
I like that a lot🦋
"If I knew then what I know now"
These points are extremely powerful and a sure tell who you are or who you're with. Thank you Dr. C 💕
I wonder how I got here? Hits me right between the eyes!
You suffer in silence because no one will believe. You don't want to be viewed as a complainer and besides I felt that most people do not care.
I went to a therapist. The short off the long of it, my take away was to leave or live my life as a Pinata. Beat down more ways than one.
Husband passed. I'm a widow now for 9 years. Trust issue is the problem now.
Scared of the honesty coming.
But I'm sure it's needed.🤦♂️
I was scared at first it was my therapist that told me to watch Dr Carter especially during covid.. my goodness it opens so many doors of what was going on and I didn't have to get caught up it helped maintain the peace that I needed you don't have to run away from these people and you can stand your ground mentally you don't have to fight with these people especially if you know by watching Dr Carter and I mean I've binge watched his videos.. I even had work to do on my insides mentally knowledge is so powerful and there's team healthy if you have any questions Dr Carter can help some people on team healthy can help it could put you in a different space so you don't even have to fight with the unknown and maintain the peace by realizing what you're dealing with 🤗
Knowledge is power.
There is no selflessness and indeed no basic manners.
Any weakness I showed was used against me.
I can never tell him a secret. The next time We disagree, he’ll blurt out “Well, Nancy…. Can’t trust him.
I had made a first date with a man I met on a dating site. He suggested we meet for lunch, but he arrived with a book under his arm and acted extremely nervous. I realized then that he was sneaking around and cheating on his wife/girlfriend. The book was a prop he could use if he was spotted by someone his wife knew. He might say he was at the book store and happened to run into me, who was an old friend, etc. When I called him out on his behavior, he became irate and started calling ME a narcissist! Talk about gaslighting! I feel sorry for his wife.
Somehow during the last period before I left my N, I began to hear that what he was accusing me for actually was about him. I remember the last night sleeping beside him - him sleeping deeply - I looked at him and thought "this is a stranger". My husband since 13 1/2 years was suddenly a total stranger to me.
Noone can or noone does twist everything as they do. I mean at least 75% of what they are telling us are lies... or twisted.
Now when I'm sitting here by myself in my own appartment relaxed, calm and content with myself, my N's many affairs (unfaithful steps) turn up in my head and memory. Occasions that he so dearly denied. "You have to believe me" he said again and again "nothing has happened, I have done nothing".
But I'm not stupid, I was his wife. You know when something doesn't seem to be right, you can "feel" it in the air. And it has probably went on many times.
To realize this, to come to that conclusion without jealousy or tears calls for you getting to be totally independent and free from the N, which is a hard lesson to go through. These videos have been much help on my way out and f e being able to put the name narcissist - a non-changing ever diseas - on the person who has terrorised me for so many years! Thank's Dr Les.
Happy to know you're out. Waiting for my time. 🥲
Given time,all the little things that didn't add up......add up!
Sure is 36 years it to me to realise.
Now i know i was beening played.
I am an educated, professional woman who has been married to a covert narcissist for 30 years. This channel has been unbelievably helpful to stop the denial I have been in for 3 decades. I a wondering if you would address the sexual problems with narcissists? After we married, he was never interested in sexual or even affectionate intimacy. 30 years later, I'm finally realizing it wasn't me...
Time for you to leave!!!
I'd be surprised if he hasn't being getting his sexual satisfaction elseweher. Wether it's women,men.... Whatever. They're ultimately selfish people who get their needs met one way or another.
@@FirehorseG I was thinking the same thing. I was married to covert, and then had a relationship with a malignant after my marriage. The covert STILL wanted to have physical sex even though he was emotionally cheating. He didn’t really have time to physically cheat.. we have 4 children and I kept tabs on him.
The malignant however we love an hour apart… he’s obviously farther on the spectrum.. and he he was so cold and barely had feelings. He was not as interested in sex after the first two months. We were together for a year.. and yes he was definitely cheating.
Please help me understand this void we're sex is concern he put me out of our bed long ago said I can't do anything with you and he stated he was finish with sex . I often wondered if that was so bc he was really sexual active one day the next he's finish.i could not been happier bc I always felt like a used tramp when having. Sex with him no foreplay no nothing except I'm ready come on down here. I was so glad when he made the announcement that he was thru trying as if it was my fault but my gut said he's threw with you but I have other supply I really think he's sexual active with men.
I'm in your shoes. 30 years staying with him. I'm over it.
Once the game is up and truth comes out, they will go deep into victim mode. It's incredible the depths they will go to to "win" at all cost, including even at great detriment to themselves; what I call the "see you in hell" scenario, that last phrase uttered by the hero in an action movie when he cuts the rope tethering both him and the villain. Except in this case it's the villain cutting the rope.
You get it!
Sometimes being played for a fool works in your favor, especially if the truth has come out and they are now trying to unsuccessfully put the blame on you.
Exactly correct Dr C.
I WAS PLAYED by my ex wife.
" Do as I say my dear, not what I do"
The words ACCOUNTABILITY & IM SORRY are not in the Narcissest's vocabulary. EVASSIVENESS ➕ plus.
The overt and covert gaslighting and bamboozling I experienced from my mother was mind boggling. She had me trained to utterly accept ALL of her behaviour and always HER versionS of the "truth". Never my own. My mind had been completely taken over. Up until recently, I travelled through life utterly confused by everything. I didn't know what and who to trust, and I never trusted myself. I love the saying "you don't need to placate someone who has kicked you in the guts". Thanks Dr. C and Gus.
I am NOT the crazy one in this situation !!
Me either!!
Nor am l thanks to Dr.C
That makes (4) of us!!! And counting!! 👍
Narcissist will always fail at trying to master fakeness and as we experience narcissistic abuse in our lives we will become more and more authentic to ourselves. Good words of encouragement Mr.Carter.
BLEZZ#KEEP DA CHANGE
So basically yall are all fake.
Ironic timing. My sister “loves” me again, for now. I understand I WAS always a fool, but the tides are changing thanks to you Dr. Carter. I am just anticipating when the next long silent treatment will be. For now, it’s nice to pretend I have a sister (as unhealthy as that is).
Same situation here…..thanks for writing exactly what I was thinking
@@mcatl8842 I’m sorry. Hang in there. Imagine being clueless. It’s no wonder I stayed with bad people, always waiting for that INTERMITTENT “good treatment”. Now we know! That is good armor to have. Thank God for Dr. Carter. His patience is endless in explaining so much. We are fortunate in unfortunate circumstances. ❤
How does pretending make it ‘nice’ for you? Sounds like complete no contact and finding a good therapist to work on you would be better.
Sometimes it's the sweet, safe, honest friends that we meet who eventually become our true brothers and sisters.
I was married to a narcissist for 26 years until he left me and our 4 children for a much younger woman. During the marriage he even told me I was gullible. That was the only honest thing he ever said. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. I wasted my life on him.
My own child, Dr Carter..adult, married daughter with two teens. My son and I were both shamed, gaslit and psychologically and verbally abused. We stuck it out for years because we love the kids. Her husband encouraged the schism which now separates my family unit. As my husband, their father, is deceased, I feel like it is much easier for me to be the target of this abuse. Now, we (my son, his wife and child and I) are done. Thank you for your wonderful work on this channel.
That’s a lot of pain.
When I see parents complaining about their narc kids I just have one question- who raised them?
@@ST-yc7ujthat’s not really a fair statement when you don’t know the circumstances. It’s not always about how they were raised. Research it.
@@user-oj6ql8zi7z those kids need extra care which parents didn't recognise in time. Boils down to parents, sorry.
@@user-oj6ql8zi7z My four kids all have different personalities. Same parents, married for over 30 years now. Only one displays obvious narcissistic traits.
I was played for a fool. I had under my belt one year no contact, and cracked the door opened to this narc and heard his words of change and how much he missed , us and that he loved me.
I am ashamed of myself for believing those words and going against everything I have learn in that no contact years .
Your video is speaking everything I went through this weekend.
I feel worst then when I broke off this relationship a year ago. I'm starting all over. My healing journey.
I can't cry yet I'm in shock and am amazed that there is a play book I ignored .
Day one of no contact ugh
My mother is Narcissistic, both my ex husbands, as well my ex boyfriend who I broke up are all Narcissistic. I think my picker is broken I seem to always choose Narcissistic guys I'm hoping by watching your videos I'll avoid Narcissistic guys. Also, helping me to cope with my broken heart with your videos.
Thank you, for showing me the light. .
My mother was also a narcissist. I finally realized that I was choosing narcissistic men because it felt comfortable to me and what I was used to. It's the gift from the narcissist that keeps on giving. I was finally able to break out of that cycle. I have been married to a wonderful compassionate man for 26 years now. Education is the key.
@@Amanda-gg8yk I was thinking that same thing that's why I have been also choosing narcissistic guys. I won't say men because, of their maturity level at least with two of them were expressly since they seemed to lack maturity.
Same head count for me. I think having always been the scape goat growing up with a narc mother, and as someone who aimed to please and always seemed to fail…we both were prime narc targets. It took me too many years to get where I am now and too old now to stick my neck out again. I raised great children, surprisingly. And I don’t need a permanent brat to complete me.
Same here. Brought up by a covert narcissistic mother who physically and emotionally abused her daughters. my two ex husbands and two other long term relationships were incredibly toxic and abusive. I'm now free (although still healing and suffering ptsd) and been studying narcissist personality disorders for a few years and finally making sense of it all. The only good thing to come out of it all are my two adult children (thankfully I broke the cycle and was a good mother).
Me too! I want to know what's wrong with me. These people just fall into my life, I'm not learning the lesson.
I realized after a fourteen year marriage and catching my wife cheating I was being played. She tried to leave the relationship by saying “I need to work on some of my own feelings” she was going to move into an apartment and just separate, keep our checking account together. A few days before she moved out I caught her talking to someone she works with and I realized she was monkey branching to this person. I kicked her out at this point because I realized it was all a lie and she was actually going to use me to finance her new supply! After the divorce I was broke but almost a year later I am on my feet and just started trauma based therapy! Went no contact for five months now and starting to heal!
Just looked up the term “Monkey Branching” as I just experienced it.
From the article:
“Revenge
Narcissists hate losing. If they feel threatened in the relationship, it triggers their narcissistic rage.
As a result, they might start monkey branching to restore a sense of “winning the game.” With this strategy, they can feel more powerful and important.
They might also flirt or cheat to hurt you. If they believe you have wronged them (even if it’s completely untrue), the monkey branching “levels” their distorted playing field. “
The person even told me it was revenge & to hurt me.
I was also being used to finance the new supply. Do these people use the same playbook or what? 😹
Mother 88 and I 68 have been fighting since I was a baby. We live apart but speak almost daily . These calls start out quite well but soon I realise that she is trying to provoke a fight . Her anger gets greater as I shut down … then the hurtful words come out .
As a small only child it was difficult to cope with .. torn between needing love and attention and the need to climb up to the top of a tree .
I am so tired of being abused but I love her want her to be happy and well . Neither is the usual ..and It is only recently that I have begun to understand that I will have to accept it and move on in my heart . She was damaged as a child and I admire how well she has coped but I have been the whipping girl . Enough ! Dr C is teaching me how to deal with this . I am very grateful .
Same with me with 97 year old mother. Have been learning loving detachment and trying to disentangle for the past few years. Still helping to care for her but in such a way as I protect myself much better.
Speaking poorly about me behind my back?! Huh, no problem for that, as long as you don't do that in front of me of course!
The narcissist tried to get me to agree to go on a trip with him, go to where he lives, let him come to see me, etc. I refused. I did not want to meet him because I did not want someone in my home with me that I did not trust. None of the tactics that most narcs use occurred because I ignored this person when he ignored me. He then came back and I just went my own way. This is not a heartbreak or even really a loss. I should not have responded to him even rarely. What is done is done.
I recently started a relationship with a guy who started to show his narcissist side within 8 weeks of meeting him.
He was this wonderful, caring helpful and generous person to started with. On time and fun, with so it seemed lots in common.
It started with sexting by text with crude derogatory and demeaning comments that crossed my boundaries. Then lies, let downs at the last minutes, when questioned I got a poor me response, like his not well. And if he did apologise for upsetting or insulting me, it came with blaming me for him doing or saying it. I did not tolerate his behaviour so the relationship ended very quickly.
Well this just proves my husband is way down on the spectrum of narcissism because this is exactly what he does. I want to go for a walk yesterday I walked the dog for exercise and he asked to go with me. I should’ve said no and then he proceeds to want to talk to you about how long we’ve been together and how great it’s been and if I would’ve disagreed because I have disagreed said nothing but a nightmare for me he would have started a big fight and that’s what he wanted. He either wanted me to play fantasy time or have a giant argue with him out in public on the street with the dog I couldn’t escape obviously that’s what he likes when your trapped out in public and you can’t do anything about their snide little comments.
That poor suffering dog. I stopped walking with my narc a few years ago because she would complain the entire time about everything. She also insisted where, when, and how far to walk was up to her, if you disagree you are verbally assaulted. Exhausting to be near them Alice. P.S. the snide comments in public you mention are the reason I do not go anywhere in public with her anymore.
Girl iam going to start LAUGHING real hard at they butts, look up you can heal your life by lousie hay and pullin your own strings by dr wayne dyer, dmt breathing by wim hoff, Please speak up , learn to tell them in a nice southern way with manners, not cussin and good eye contact. and a SMILE. God bless now you hear.
they are all on you tube, and DOC SNIPES, GO ALICE GO.
My father used to do this to my mother. She put up with it to avoid drama in public until she finally dumped his ass (which ofcourse came with a price which we re paying decades later ) .
I got dragged in, took the ex, with my daughter, out to eat. I know better! He's the other parent. Drunk, swearing, calling me names, at Applebee's. Total Sh!TSHOW. Someone called the police, after I had to leave my vehicle to not take him home. They run their mouth, and you are expected to drive them home. Nope! Its a psychopath, I'm very sure of it.
This is a precise inventory of what will and has happened
She still reaches out and the main reason is to prove she’s a GOOD PERSON lol. It’s so important to her that I remember her persona and not the real version I spent 5 years arguing with … smh
I've been binge watching your videos. You've helped me understand what Narcissism is and opened my eyes to seeing the facts. Thank you
You are so welcome
Such a blessing right... You can just exhale while watching...and knowingly 🔴 gaslighting yourself...bc this is factual
I feel like the divorce attorneys, the therapists and professionals hired to help the kids, and other professionals have fallen for the narcissist. I see him 100% for what he is- and I'm surrounded by a bunch of suckers. It is really frustrating.
I'm at the point where I just want to cash out and never deal with him again. I deserve compensation for the nonsense he put me for- and the financial freedom to help the kids thrive. I don't care how that looks to outsiders- I'm focused on moving forward. Enough is enough.
@Twinkie989 I totally understand about the frustration of having everyone around you not be able to see, and not support you. It is happening to me too.
I find it noteworthy that you said several times, that these patterns are normal to some degree. That makes it possible for so many narcissistic people to "fly under the radar", and make you wonder (through projection) whether you are the narcissist. It requires a good amount of self-confidence to see the situation for what it is, which many (most?) people don't have. Otherwise it can take years of suffering until you can't take it anymore...
Thank you for the reminder that narcissistic communicators want their target to doubt their interpretations of real- life experiences. Thankfully, non-verbal communication is much more authentic and difficult to fake!! So, when the schemers try to gaslight, at least you have the objective reality of non-verbal communication behind your words.
Narcissists lost themselves very early on in their wicked upbringing because they couldn't be who they are. It's sad actually.
Sad creatures who will never experience an emotional connection with another human being, ever...yessss
It is super sad but despise how they treat others.
I was married for 30 years, got out into the dating pool and have run into nothing but narcissists ever since. Some I knew as a child, some fresh out of the box. I had studied Mindfullness for 15 years so never ever took the bait in the ridiculous scenarios they would setup. It was like being in a play and I didn't have a script. He would set different situations up always with lots of his flying monkeys present I never played my part. Pity...... rear view mirror now, after experiencing two discards in one pandemic. Lots of lessons learned. An experience I didn't need thats for sure. Beware of any man that plays the victim and never has anything nice to say about any of his exes. I am sure I am on the list now.
I have no problem empathising with your experiences, but perhaps you have just been unlucky with Narcissists. Remember, Narcissists can put together a pretty good "advertisement" for themselves on line, on paper, or in person, so they are going to seem like someone you are going to want to know. Try finding someone who perhaps doesn't "come up to scratch" and see where it leads.
The narcissist I knew was very very angry often, and when I would address the situation or want to have a conversation my jester was always met with anger. I would take a time to get the narcissist to clam down just to listen, it’s challenging because the narcissist would try putting it back on me. I’ve enjoyed your presentation. Thx 🙏
anger is their speciality.
Bingo! Does anyone notice a deficit in remembering relationship give and take, whatever you give and whatever they take don't count and are often forgotten.
It is what it is, I have been dealing with my ex wife.. I always knew she had bad behaviors and was using manipulation but I was of the opinion she was not a nasty person.. I was wrong. I was being toyed with. She is an ugly immature person. I have come to realize that she enjoys it when other people are in pain especially when those people don't do what she wants.i felt confused, how could someone who loves me treat me in such a way? I have accepted that I am better off now that I was discarded. This message is spot on..
Narcissists don't love anyone not even themselves!
@@nancykaczmarz8874 so true, I live day by day .. they show their true colors when the mask they wear falls off, the lies, threats, intimidation, accusations of mental instability, triangulation, smear campaigns, extortion, blackmail, police reports, claims of child abuse, neglect.. It is an ugly business.. I married her and now I must pay the consequences. I never would have believed it were possible, somehow she was able to craft a false impression that she was broken but understood pain and cared a great deal. but that was a lie. I was taken in hook, line and sinker. Thank God for Dr Carter and his books. I know now love is based on actions not promises.
Mine calls every morning and grunts. He doesn't say anything, waiting for me to either guess or start a conversation
If I ask him why he called, he'll either not say anything or ask if I've eaten. Then he begins talking about himself, his favorite topic. I'm bored 😴since he's said it all before. He wants me to play the guessing game for supply. When I don't play he makes up something I said or did and makes an outrageous statement about my character...about who I truly am. What he tells me is clearly describing himself so I say some pleasentry then end the call. He can carry on this game every day so I don't respond when he does have a real emergency. Dr.Carter thanks so much for confirming what games they entangle us in when we aren't vigilant.
I sometimes find myself thinking, "Do they think I'm stupid?" when someone is starting an argument or trying to play me. Another version is, "Did that really just happen?"The sad part is, the perpetrator NEVER admits the game they are playing and it goes on indefinitely. I have learned to set boundaries early in both personal and business relationships. If someone doesn't treat me the way I like or is gaslighting me I calmly bring it up and see how the other party responds. Once you set a simple boundary or question a narcissist they show their true selves and often they will end the relationship for you. If not, I end the relationship as soon as possible. Life to too short to be around people like that.
Exactly! Proud to be opposite of a narcissist!
No matter how intelligent you are, the Narcissist thinks they're more intelligent and consider you beneath them. When they make stupid statements or gaslight you in a simplistic way that is easily seen through, you are going to feel that their comments are an insult to your intelligence, and guess what? They are!
The best way to get a Narcissist off your back is to prove them wrong in front of their "flying monkeys". It won't change someone with NPD but they will treat you with more respect and avoid confrontation with you for fear of being futher exposed.
You have put into words only a person who has experienced would understand.
I know more than one person that does these things. They are the center of attention, theyll he nice until youre done with doing them a favor, theyre sneaky and suck you unto doing them favors, they come over without calling to get your ok first, they'll call you or come over a lot, theyll leave messages about what they'll do for you or concerned about you, sound so fake, then if youre not in to them and don't show your true sweet loving self and just are courgual and polite theyll start to act like their uoset, need to talk, be in a crisis and find a way to get you ti be there and interrupt your very imprtant priorities and for you to lose out on anything or to get to move away from them. You start to feel so dusgusted and careful with these people. Its amazing and so stressful and intrusive
Thank you Dr Les. ❤
So pleased to see that you get it!
You bet I feel that way and it cost me 48 thousand dollars. Now she (my sister) died a month ago and I did not go to the funeral. I am so angry at myself for being a fool. Soon as she got what she wanted she never called me again and stopped love bombing me. She used to tell me how lucky she was to have a brother like me and how she loved me. What a jerk I was and probably still are. I wont talk to anyone in my family again. I don’t get close to anyone anymore. I don’t want friendships either. I must be wearing a sign. I like being alone anyway. No problem. I love your youtube videos. They help me from even thinking about getting close to anyone for my own good.
I have learned to listen to my gut feelings,no more blindness,another great video Dr. Carter🙂
Smart!
I wish my friend did this. Instead I am watching him go do things against his wish, not knowing why or how to stop. If i interfere, I am the one who is “making things worse” by even talking about the problem of him being used. One day he is clear, the next he falls for the narc’s games and wants to empathize with the narc who is manufacturing lies about them being such a victim and that’s why they need him to do things for them and neglect his own needs
My mother, my sister, two of my ex-BFs. I lost all loving feelings for them and I will never get it back.
They are users and abusers. Once you accept this simple fact, you will not want to be bothered with them in any form and you won't even care.