NEVER Argue Or Fight With A Narcissist... DO THIS Instead To Take Your Power Back! | Dr. Ramani
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- Опубліковано 6 тра 2024
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Let’s be real guys, we all have to face a narcissist at some point or another, and so we need to be ready to deal with narcissists in all sorts of situations, from the workplace and professional settings, to family, friendships and romantic partners.
Today’s episode of Women of Impact will arm you with the strategies you need to come out of each encounter without losing yourself.
World renowned psychologist & narcissist expert Dr. Ramani is BACK and BETTER THAN EVER and she’s got even more wisdom to share from her 20+ years of experience studying narcissists and working with narcissistic abuse survivors.
With sooo much love and compassion, Dr. Ramani is giving us the advice we need, but might not WANT to hear when it comes to THAT narcissist in our lives.
In this episode, we’re going deep into:
- Why you MUST DISENGAGE with the narcissist when they are playing the victim
- How “soul distancing” can protect your well-being when the narcissist is gaslighting and invalidating you
- The counter-intuitive way to take your power back & ending a narcissistic relationship
- Why you need to learn to listen to your body for the red flags
- How to effectively deal with the charm AND lack of empathy of a narcissist
- Dr. Ramani’s 3 steps to narcissistic resistance so you can break free from the abuse
- & MORE!
Be sure to order your copy of Dr. Ramani's new book, “It’s Not You” here: a.co/d/7qYmF0f
Chapter Markers: 🚶♂️
🧠 [00:00] Tactics to put the narcissist in their place
🐅 [14:50] Going into the tiger’s cage
📚 [26:37] When the shelf breaks
❌ [40:30] Dealing with the repeated victimized narrative of the narcissist
😖 [49:57] Divorcing the narcissist
🪞 [56:37] Thin Skin & Charming or Charismatic?
💪 [01:06:13] Becoming narcissistic-resistant
👉 [1:28:49] Bonus Episode: Tracy Tutor
***Bonus Episode: Stand up for Yourself with Tracy Tutor***
If you want to stand up for yourself when someone disrespects you, keep watching for a BONUS conversation with the confident badass Tracy Tutor, and she’s built confidence from her failures, recovered from betrayal, and redefined what marriage and her relationships mean to her.
💣💣 DR. RAMANI’S NARCISSISTIC TRUTH BOMBS 💣💣
“Gaslighting is saying there's something wrong with you. You must have some sort of memory problem or some other psychiatric issue. You need help.".
"Having any form of relationship with a narcissist is like forever having to listen to an annoying podcast because they're not listening to you.".
"They want to dominate you. They don't want to understand you.”
"Narcissistic people are very, very sensitive...They react very strongly to any form of feedback or criticism.".
"To become gaslight resistant you have to give yourself permission to own your reality."
“I'd say to anyone in a narcissistic relationship, if you're going to stick it out, then you do what feels right to you. But you better have a plan B in place for when you get sick because I can promise you one thing, this person ain't changing your adult diapers."
Follow Dr. Ramani:
Website: doctor-ramani.com/
UA-cam: / @doctorramani
Order “It’s Not You”: a.co/d/7qYmF0f
Follow Tracy Tutor:
Website: www.tracytutor.com/
Instagram: / tracytutor
Facebook: / tracytutorofficial
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Website: www.radicalconfidence.com/
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X: / lisabilyeu
If you want to dive deeper into my content, search through every episode, find specific topics I've covered, and ask me questions. Go to my Dexa page: dexa.ai/lisabilyeu
Themes: Confidence, Relationships, Business, Mental Health, Self-Improvement - Розваги
WARNING: I will never ask for your contact info in the comments section, that is someone impersonating me!
They are many leaving comments sadly!!
I had that experience on FB and reported it
I've experienced that a few times ⏲️ I ignore them.
Yup. We know. 💯😊✊💥good looking out though. 😎👈🏻
Lisa why do I feel like you are in a Narcissistic relationship with your husband. Your reaction to doctor ramani explanation hits you so hard. Dealing with Narcs myself whenever I hear something that I experience with a love one, it really do hits deep. So Lisa if this is true you already know what to do. It's OK we don't judge you if you decide to divorce. It could be for whatever reason you want it to be. We are not in your bedroom we won't know if it is a lie or not .
When you are chronically exhausted you are with a narcissist! Trust me!
So true,the stress theses vile creature put you through is unreal..such a travesty we have to fall as their prey .
When you feel as though you are crazy and doubt yourself you are definitely with a narcissist
💯🎯
When you don’t know if your coming or going you know your with a narc.
@@happyhealthyblessed Haven't heard this one yet, but so true! I remember the yearly [sometimes skipped a year haha] evaluationconversations at my job.As if I had said nothing [carefully explaining my points]] she sat there, staring at me. Giving me the idea that I was bothering her ..
Useless conversation.
Did not know about narcissism then....
Narcissists are the enemies of empaths.
Yes they are,being too nice gets u no where ..I once had a neighbour saying your son too nice to people,just cos he helped her do the garden I thought wtf,but I think she was a narc .didn’t realise being nice is bad thing,but it can get u into trouble ..narcs like a victim to bear the brunt of their insecurities and when they feel pissed if they take it out on u..too many of thses scum bags out there.they torture u.
"They don't want to understand you - they want to dominate you". Great advice, Dr Ramani.
Explaining makes it worse
They want to own you mind body and soul
I’m finally leaving my narcissistic husband. I move into my new place Friday. He has no idea. Ladies remember never let them know you are leaving.‼️
Amen to that!!! Go someplace for a few days under a name NOBODY KNOWS. Rest, relax, breathe heal without fear. Gather your strength. Then go to your new home, armed, ready to convince thrm they are not welcome there. IGNORE THEIR WORDS, DO NOT ALLOW THEM TO APPROACH YOU. I fired a shot besude his head , on the second step I shot closer. He yelled I FELT THAT. I said in a calm dead voice 3rd won't miss. He drove over my mailbox leaving but I've never seen him since !!!
Good luck. Hope you are doing well :-)
Hard to do when you want to keep your home for you and your children… 😢
Yes! I made that mistake
I am so happy for you 💗
Don’t go DEEP:
Don’t Defend
Don’t Engag
Don’t Explain
Don’t Personalize
Lol yeh be a dummy great,!
@@CScriptureI know right 😮
Best advice ever and it works great!!!
It was never about you.
I need to carry this with me everywhere I go
I've been a psychotherapist for 20 years. I find Dr.R to be one of the most superior practical therapists.
💖💖💖 Doctor Ramani. Tim Fletcher also has fantastic videos on UA-cam.
Im done with being neglected and now abandoned for the 2nd time. Why.? Because how dare i call out my grown childrens disrespectful behaviors in my house. It doesn't count cause we rent so me im not a man because of paying the bills for 35 yrs that has no count.. so disrespect me cause im not rich. I don't earn enough to be respected thats for rich men. Not men who live right.
That is so amazing and brave. It takes so much strength and courage to do what you did. Stay strong!❤
@@jeffreybarberich5787your right about all this. My daughter is same way. She thinks it's all my fault because I won't support her financially. However she doesn't want to work. She wants someone to take care of her. I just couldn't anymore. She can't come live with me.
@@jeffreybarberich5787 Narcissists hate people who live right. They're jealous of them. You "not being rich" is not the reason for the attacks, it's just a pretence they use to take out their anger at you.
If you were rich they'd use something else for "justifying" their resentments towards you.
The Bible says, don't resist an evil person... I didn't get it till now... you don't engage, don't defend, don't explain.. you just say OK and leave it at that! Makes so much sense and I believe it!
💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯
Good point I must admit.
Resist the devil, and he will flee.
Never defend youself as in never defend yourself by arguing. But never hesitate to defend yourself physically if things gets violent.
@delaw2xoxo269 resist the devil and he will flee. Draw near to God and he will draw near (neigh) to you.
You resist the devil (spiritual being) by drawing near to God. This also applies to narcissistic ppl, by drawing near to God (on your own/personal relationship).
But when it comes to people, do not resist or argue with them.
When I asked the divorce, I was supposed to receive 40k of the house, and my narcissist husband only gave me 25k in payments, and I couldn't get any of the furniture of the house. His excuse was everything of the house was out of his money when we both paid everything with our paychecks! Yeah, he did that to me. We were married for 24 years. It took me by surprise how greedy he was, and I took our youngest child with me, who at that point he was five years old. It's been almost fifteen years, and I chose to attend school, and very soon I will earn my bachelor's degree in psychology!
Wow!! That is so amazing and inspiring to me! I really needed to see your post!❤ This sounds very similar to me- I was in an 11yr narc abusive marriage, left when my child was young. And I, too, am working to finish my degree!
It has been 3 years since we left him and moved in with family hoping for emotional support while getting on our feet. But we are still struggling so much in so many unexpected ways in the aftermath, the resulting damage from years of smear campaigns, and his efforts to sabotage my family relationships while we were married.
What has made the damage last is that there is another narc in my own family circle who has continued the smear campaigns of my ex, tells me I am the cause, and has really enjoyed “wing-clipping” any small progress my daughter and I make along the way-complete with flying monkeys- attempting to cause more isolation for my daughter and I. So, to my sadness, there hasn’t been much family or support just yet, it’s very hard. But your story is very inspiring and you give me hope. ❤
That was my experience out of three very cheap very much for themselves they didn't even care about the kids they seriously only cared about t h e i r ugly ass self and they do turn ugly
Congrats & God bless you 🙏
Good on you, mom! ❤
A narcissist loves money and uses people
they not only don't care, they resent you for wasting their time with YOUR feelings
Dont engage.. thats the answer right.. if we engage we walk into the narrative.. just go silent and fade away nice and quietly
Ramani has preyed on strangers, violated, exploited, targeted, defamed, stalked, and enslaved strangers for years to build her platform, and she calls those strangers "narcissists." There is no option to disengage when abusive frauds have 24/7 access to your life and continue abuse for years. It's like saying "disengage when someone is stealing your car.....disengage when a person is raping you," and disengaging is not possible. It's ridiculous Ramani and Lisa force strangers into abusive situations for years. They perpetuate abuse for years. They have benefited from all of their lies for years. However, when their abuse and all of their actions are addressed, they say "covert narcissists play the victim," to gaslight, shift blame, and dismiss their abuse. Now, they say "don't argue or fight with narcissists, go DEEP with narcissists," as another way to shift blame, gaslight, and deny their abuse. When their abuse is addressed, they don't have to acknowledge any of their actions because they say "don't engage," and they continue abuse. They speak about disengaging when they have created and perpetuated the entire situation. They can say "disengage" when they are fully engaged, when they have worked around the clock, 24/7 for years, to create and perpetuate abuse.
Lesson learned ❤! I get it now. Silence or 1 word only. This is hilarious 😆
He was telling me some date 2/28 - I said what date is that? He said date we started our relationship! I said, oh and I LOVED it 😊
Bingo!✨💕
@@1fancychik4God Perfect!👍 💯💅
But sometimes they get crazier & crazier til you do engage... You can feel them winding up tight as clock & ready to ring. ⏰ Sometimes I give him just enough to satisfy him. It all gets so boring, I just pop off on him & drive away to read in my car for awhile. Get back & he's satisfied that he pissed me off & met his quota for now.
My regret was and always will be not leaving sooner.
Same here. I always say overstayed in my marriage.
Don’t regret dear friend. Don’t blame yourself or beat yourself up for a single thing in life. You left at the right time, who knows if you left him sooner, you might have had a change of heart and returned to him? You left exactly when you were the strongest. ❤
Me too
Me too!
Me too 💜
He NEVER asks me, "how was your day?". And yes Im now to the point I dont share stuff, because I know it will be used against me in a court of narc.
😂😂Court of narc!! 😂😂😂😂😅
Please dont misunderstand, not devaluing your statement in anyway, its just so wierdly familiar and truuee.....
I literally just told my partner this but they want you to know about there and give feedback back n stroke there ego n consign what they say and do I’m going quiet very non chalant yes no nod my head I will not dicuss my plans goals nor my children and hell no I’m unable to run errands or link up ima study my ass off yep Ik they gonna be like she wasn’t studying before now she so focus surely am even if I ain’t for them I will be I’m putting myself first as they always did with me
I can totally relate! I tell him nothing anymore, good or bad!
Start a moving out fund. If you can, put it in a trusted person's name with you authorized as a signer so he can't find it. Even if you don't plan on leaving, get it started just in case.
If someone is being narcissistic toward you and you ignore them, you are not being mean, you're doing the right thing
Questioning yourself is the first sign that your with a narcissist. If your constantly questioning yourself your under the gaslighting phase.
Wow, she confirms everything Ive learned from living with a narcissist. Dont share personal information with a narc. Its used against you or to hurt you.
Toxic people can fake genuineness
💯💯💯
Yes, but they are terrible at it
Faked genuineness has a smell. ('Has a smell' concept from Jocko Willink)
You must raise your senses, smell, observe and judge critically. Trust your instincts.
@@jamestang96 Learning from experience is key 👍
You can sense fake ness from microexpressions. Or just get the vibe from someone that something feels off. Get this a lot from my narc sister. Being in the same room, zaps me out, a strange heavy feeling. Dementor?
When ppl show you who they are 👀 Believe Them ~
old school Mayangalo 😉😎😘
This. I tried to live this too.
BEFORE Her Saying IT ......Was TRUE! She Got IT From Seeing n Hearing Passed Down Generations.
My narcissistic dad just died. Funeral tomorrow. Hospice was a shit show with mom and sister. I've mourned the loss of those 3 relationships for 49 years at this point. Now that my dad has finally left my mom.. I feel free. I never have to return to the family that consistently throws me under the bus because of jealousy and narcissistic behaviors. I'm a healer and empath and I'm starting a new chapter in life... spreading love, encouragement, and inspiration to those that most likely need it most! I hope all of you empaths out there continue spreading your bright light and joy and love for life! Don't let anyone steer you off your course! All empaths need to team up and find each other... help lift each other up! 💞
OMG ... Dr. Ramani is describing my 29 year marriage to a T. He said he wanted to leave, was shocked I expected half of our assets, and then decided he would stay. I told him we'll have to just be roommates because I'm NEVER sleeping with him again. He has lied, cheated, given me an STI, and completely dismissed everything I've done for him and our children. Thanks to Dr. Ramani, I don't expect him to EVER change. I can't leave yet, but one day I will. ❤️
Ouch. Pinch me tight.
There's no amount of $$ worth your piece of mind and safety. I'd pay twice what family court cost me if I could go back in time and give him the money to leave me alone.
Stay strong. 💪
OMG....take care of yourself.
That is VERY scary- and I have been there! My ex is a malignant narcissist, and those last 6 months living in the same house with him (before I was able to leave safely with my child), were truly a nightmare. I constantly feared for the safety of myself and my child-every moment… Meaning, I rarely slept at all during those final months… even when my child and I slept in a separate room down the hall from him every night during that time. Some of the most terrifying moments of my life.
Get out a soon as you can.🙏❤️
If you don’t engage with them then they can’t argue with you. They can’t argue with themself. This brings peace, start to plan to leave.
God bless you ❤️ 🙏
Exactly. I went DEEP when I got gaslighted in my previous job, and then I declined to renew the contract.
🏃♂💨💨
It’s “EXHAUSTING “…..they slowly and painfully destroy you, your life, your family, everything…..they suck out your energy, vitality, joy, spirit…PREPARE, WORK , SAVE, LEAVE….
VERY TRUE WORDS!!!!
And learn to meditate to calm your sympathetic nervous system that wants to bring you to fight and express your anger, it's futile! Save your energy to create your new life. Yes, without him. Go to therapy to release abandonment beliefs. Celebrate that you will not abandon you🎉❤.
I@@ilovemytube2010
I'm about to get a second job soon, and save money so I can leave him. I'm very much ready to start my life, on my own terms.
I’m not going to lie. This is 10000% easier said than done ! Cause in the moment they are looking at you with a straight face projecting their reality on to you. The one that they firmly believe. Events that happened. How you behaved. When you both were there. You both know the truth but only one of you is being truthful. When they call you names that are so beyond your character. When they lie about things that happened infront of your family.
This was the hardest part of this relationship with me. It’s the lack of truth and the antagonism.
Although it took some time after i asked for a divorce i went no contact and suddenly the noise just stopped.
Its the only way.
Dr Ramani has great advice n all that she’s saying is so True!!! ‘They want to dominate, not understand’
I completely agree with you. So true.
Ramani has preyed on strangers, violated, exploited, targeted, defamed, stalked, and enslaved strangers to build her platform for years, and she calls those *strangers* "narcissists." Ramani projected who she is and described herself by saying "narcissists want to dominate and not understand." She has enslaved strangers for years. She has thrived on abuse for years, has thrived on enslavement, has built her platform stalking strangers 24/7 for years, and has told perpetual lies about strangers she doesn't know on her public platform for years. She has dominated, and she never had to understand, never had to ask those strangers one question to try to understand anything. She has told endless lies to dominate, over years, and her platform is built on lies. It's so ridiculous people claim she's telling the truth when she's literally describing who she is, especially when her actions never mattered. None of this matters
@@patricehoward9831 stop with your copy and paste comments on all the videos
💯💯💯💯💯💯💯
I need God best therapist I. My life now I don’t have the money to pay but I got insurance
"Dont personalise.. they would do it to anyone in your position" so interesting.
They will NEVER change. It took me the best part of 18 years to realise this. I cant leave yet but i will. Its a life of misery and madness to be married/live with a narcissist.
I left.
15 years. No kids thank goodness.
Silently
two years ago. I sofa surf among family and work two jobs . I don't mind sleeping in my car either. I do what I must.
I'm tired
but I'm free and content now.
I don't have much except my freedom and my mental health.
It's an upgrade!
It's enough for now.i wish you the best. Be brave and very silent. Just go if you can!
Im so happy that these demonse are being exposed!!!!!!
Thanks Dr Ramani!!
Hello , me too. The more I hear The more I want hear from Those Monsters , They being Moving around Hurting and Taking Advantage of good Human beings and No Consequences ! Some use The word Karma , what I think What way to live !
There U have , That you Karma .
I actually saw one that looked like my narcissist mom who was a demon and I pray the "Our Father" to remove that vision from my sight.
Same, only they’re not demons because demon = intelligent beings
Omg! When you talk about being callus I went through that for 55 years…my husband never gave a damn and I knew that!!!!!!! It’s the most horrible feeling in the world. I was sick all my life but it was because of living with a Narcissist! Had I got out I maybe would have healed. Today I am still here but I have watched a lot of videos and I am my own person and avoid him and do not react. I learned to be alone. I spent my whole marriage alone. This session helped me to see that there are people who understand. ❤
I am going through the same thing. There were red flags. I am in a 8 year marriage. I am 69 yrs and he is 77. He was married 3 times before we got married. Red flags I have missed, with deep regret. I listen to this program.
I have lived with a narcissist for 36 years! I just started listening to you Dr. Ramani. Thank you!
I was with mine 47 yrs, im out two yrs now, wish I'd left yrs ago. I was so afraid.
@😢bridgetwalker5249
@@bridgetwalker5249just be careful ur don’t meet another one off she’s rejects ,sounds like there a lot of them out there .
This is so true. This is why my narc left. We only texted so whenever he blamed me for something, I just tell him to scroll up. Whenever he wanted to know my day, I kept it vague. And whenever he hinted some kind interest for my info, I just wait till he asked. Then he left and said, "I dont understand you." And ghosted me. It wasn't until months later I realized that he was really saying was, "I cant manipulate you to get what I want so I'm leaving." Best day of my life. ❤
When I didn't engage, he became irate. So you could never win with a narcissist
I naturally have low blood pressure and my blood pressure will go so high and I feel hot and feel dizzy.
I love this! I have spent 16 years with this madness. I keep my peace by keeping my distance. I feel so much better now. Ear plugs and loud music has been a life saver. You cannot confide in these people!
Is it a spouse or family member!? I'm just curious what makes you stay.
Totally get you been using my AirPods and loud music to cope with many things as a wife and mother feeling this way with my husband and his family 🙄🫠🥹🥲😔. Music has been my outlet and TikTok as well .
@@YadiraEspitiaVelazco87 , listening to positive people like Les Brown. I found out about Lisa on @TrentShelton podcast. She is amazing! Now this PhD is bringing the full picture in clear view!
I too cannot confide, he tells his adult kids everything that is my personal private business. Disappointing. It's been 9 years, still does it.
@@joyceadamothralls4858 , they can’t help themselves. It is their pathology. When I did it back, it was so pathetic to see how weak and small they are. Not worth it because I was acting like the very thing I despise. It didn’t make me feel better.
The only way to take control from a narcissist is to get yourself from their domain first. You wont be able to figure out anything until and unless you are out of the hellish world. I will tell you one of my favourite stories. Once a King was too disturbed by everything that was happening around him. He felt as if no one was loyal to him and he was always afraid of his kingdom being attacked by perpetrators. He lost his sleep and his life had become hell. So he thought of taking a brief sojourn in the countryside. He passed through lush green fields and picturesque landscapes. The silent breeze that brushed through his hair filled his heart with joy. That is when he saw a farmer who was putting fence around his farmland. But his farmland had weeds all over and they hardly had any crops. This intrigued the King. He asked the farmer as to why was he putting a fence around the farm when the farm itself was covered with weeds. To this the farmer said that the farm was his own so he could get rid of the weeds whenever he liked. But he cant stop the stray dogs from running over his fields and destroying them. That is why he was putting the fence. To stop the stray dogs from venturing into the field. Once he was very assured about the security of his fields he can work on clearing the weeds and planting crops. On hearing this the King somewhat got the answer which he had been searching for. The human mind is also like the field. You cant control assholes from fiddling with your mind or saying bullshit. But you can definitely put a fence ( figuratively) so that these assholes cant influence you. And until and unless you dont put a fence you can never work on yourself. Once you have distanced yourself from toxic people then you can work on the healing process. Same is the case with narcs. Narcs are these stray dogs who suck your energy emotionally. They play mind games for fun because their mind wants melodrama. They hurt the very people who love them. So total isolation from these narcs is absolutely essential for the well being of your Mind. Once you are out of their mind games you can take decisions rationally. Narcs try to drain you emotionally. So everytime you respond to their low vibrations you tend to come to their level. But when you react confidently without panicking and without responding to their negative vibrations that is when you Win. When someone realises that you arent being influenced or being manipulated by their actions they will get tired of it. And after cutting them off completely from your lives you should work on your healing process. Work on clearing your mental clutter and keep yourself preoccupied. Read books and most importantly try to find your Purpose in life. When you find your Purpose you will be able to bear any pain in this World. Most importantly help others in need. When you find someone else who is stuck with a narc help them to get out of that. I feel this is the way to take control from a narcissist. P.S: I hardly find people around me who know about emotional abuse. But I think everyone should read and know about it. In today’s mean world you will find a lot of people who try to influence you or demoralise you using the sweetest of words. Its about identifying these covert manipulators and distancing yourself from them. I have immense respect for people who have survived narcissistic partners. They happen to be the most strongheaded and emotionally stable people you can come across. I learn a lot of things from them. Truly the broken will always be the most beautiful. What ever you do, don’t attempt to tail your spouse in the hopes of catching him or her cheating. Get a professional to do it for you Metaspyhub@gmail. com Ethical remote App - particularly if you need this evidence to file for divorce and damages.
I loved reading this❤️
I absolutely enjoyed reading your message ❤
Beautifully written and truthfully accurate ~ Abundant Blessings 🕊️💕
Beautifully written and I love the analogy of the farmer and stray dogs.
I have survived 2 narcissistic relationships, the last one being a covert narcissist.
The story of the king...was really so good. Thank you.
Is there on google a search for this story?
I would like to print it out.
Your explanation is gold.
But not easy. It takes long to get there.
I am tired, so i try to avoid all people alltogether...
Stray dogs are the best.
They know what real friendship is and behave in a way, where you feel for the first time real genuine companionship and genuine friendship for life. They know how to love.
Stray dogs...i would not make a fence against them. Ever.❤
It's so exhausting ALWAYS being on guard with a familial narcissist. I have been no contact. I'm done and my life if better for it!
At minute 53. Wow. Before he left, my ex husband threatened to put me out on the street with a divorce. He said this in front of our 3 children, too. Who says that? Who goes from saying they wanted to fix our marriage and a few weeks later threatens you that way? So glad I'm out of that.
As long as you have the kids in common to care for YOU are vulnerable to abuse. Expect to face continued challenges even escalating actions. BE SAFE.
I was separating from my ex and he said he still loved me and called me a peace of shit in the same breath. It's so screwed
It is a spirit that is operating in these people. Much deeper than we think.
I agree after experiencing this behavior of a narcissistic from my x wife I truly believe that there was a evil spirit that had to be controlling her actions.
@@troybrown4147 nah its just them. Regular people just being pure assholes
It's the way they were raised. It affected them in a way that developed this horrid personality.
@@troybrown4147Do not make excuses for narc poor choices to choose the Devil ways
The self is broken and with it went its humanity.... that left a void which filled up with something we don't quite understand. It is more a "not-being" than a spirit, a void (of light? of the odem? of the godly spark?) but yes, it does have a quality of its own. It's a quality of lack, of something missing, of resentment. .
It is what makes us feel we are dealing with a black hole that sucks in everything and gives nothing back.
I argued yesterday. I felt terrible. I had gone a month without engaging then I slipped up. He disrespected me and threw daggers.
A whole month! Good for you! You're learning & getting stronger.
I just nod and smile, nod and smile, than when insulted I I smile real BIG and say "I love you" in a very gentle creepy calm voice, one it creeps them out and two how can they turn that around without looking like a jerk 😂 especially when in public, be the calm one, the nice one, the one who never steps out of line, become above reproach, establish a good reputation and let the narc go off in public lose his temper in public and that's how ya expose the narcissist, what scares them is calm, what scares them is the uncertainty, what scares a narcissist is that you could be more dangerous underneath the calm like a psychopath, become calm, quiet and uncaring, become cold and fake nice, they notice it freaks them out
Same here.
@@randideelancaster9904IT Also Depends On Which Nut You Dealing With. SOME You Can't Tease Will Think You Dissing Them. Creativity Has Saved Plenty From Savage Rapist/ Killers. Know WHEN To Fight, Flight Or Chill In Whatever.
@@randideelancaster9904💯
I am seeing a counsellor because I needed help to manage the problems in my marriage. He is now saying I'm seeing a counsellor because I have "personality disorder, or psychotic "
I resorted to being silent, and now he is accusing me of abusing him because I'm giving him the silent treatment. I've learned that when I tried to explain myself or defend myself, he would call me angry or aggressive or abusive.
He has a tendency to taunting me. Saying hurtful things about my late mother. And when I reacted, he would call me psychotic
Sorry this is happening to you. Is leaving an option?
Number 1. rule..when he opens his mouth to say something....WALK AWAY. 2. No eye contact..at all. Keep your own thoughts to yourself.
After the cheating and having my Heart torn out..I stopped TRYING.I HATE my husband, can't stand to be in the same room...and this has been going for 25 yrs. So stop talking, eye contact...It's hard to live like this..if you can leave..leave...I can't at the moment..so I've gone on my own way of enjoying my life because my husband hates anything I do.and now it's fine because now I have REAL things that I fill my life with now.....and leave that asshole sitting in a chair talking to himself...I treat him like a roommate that you don't need to engage with..he's nothing!
@janpressler1491 I just left and have sense of relief. Peaceful mornings. I enjoy my peace and quiet. I hope you can start planning on getting out. If you unable to leave keep your friends and family close. Do not isolate yourself
I'm sorry
I had a similar problem. Don’t tell him anything at all about how you feel or any vulnerability you have. It’s probably ptsd if anything which is probably from him in the first place
Thank you ladies I’m in tears at work just used my last to do an apt app and starting over is scary already say a prayer for me all the stories in this comment area gave me hope he literally makes my hands shake
❤
It is only Fear F=Face E=everything A=and R= Recover This is my motto to move on. Better place, I will always stand by this. Praying for all leaving. It is scary.
Be very CAREFUL about what you do and how you do it. Some narcissists will do almost anything to keep their convenient supply. It’s the most dangerous time to better your life. I’m saying Dangerous for a reason.
@@valleygirl2530 I made it out 🤞🏾 I’m staying with family until my money is saved we have a child so we talk but I’m solid and working through the pain of it all still in shock and it was getting aggressive slammed doors and screaming I truly believe I left right in time. Thank you so much
Stay strong, it will get better🙏🏻
Arguing with a narcissist, you are only adding more fuel to the fire. You will only end up feeling drained trying to reason with someone who thrives on drama. Your mental health and energy is more important than wasting your time on these energy vampires. Focus on what truly matters to you while they revel in their own chaos.
They'll end up turning things around and blaming you of what you accuse of them.
@@jzen1455That is true. They’ll make you apologize for something you didn’t do wrong.
I did find taking a stand with a colleague meant she shut up hassling me so much. However, she's by nature deeply manipulative, so I'm minimising contact & hoping she just doesn't find me satisfying to hassle so much anymore!
Let them revel in their own chaos . That's a good saying
The quiet ones are the worst....never understood how that was possible.
Until I learnt what covert narcissism is...❤
Honestly, you must leave and dont look back. You cant win.
A narcissist doesnt love.
Cant give or receive it.
Life is short.
People think they will put the narc in their place. THEY DONT CARE - is right. Explaining, telling them off is like talking to a wall ..
The hypervigilance and the lack of trust in people, and selfdoubt, is something really hard to carry as an adult when you grew up with a narcisistic parent. Unpredictability is a source of power for them and really messes you up growing up walking on eggshelds to avoid sudden reactivity out of the blue. Then, years later, body reacts much faster than the mind does and tons hard emotions can hit in within less than a second for any reason
I did the don't go deep method and learn to grey rock. Now without me holding up the relationship emotionally, It revealed a great void on his end of seeming to be almost inept at connection/empathy.
Currently experiencing this
He would scream “Why won’t you talk to me!” I would say ok, sure. Then he just stares blankly and goes on repeat,
Yup. The strategy is to PROTECT YOUR ENERGY.
You are so right. When I’m on the phone with her she’ll say ‘tell me something about yourself now, I’m tired of talking’… so i start a story which she interrupts within a couple of sentences and takes over. Now I’m on the phone w her going on and on, periodically asking ‘you still there?’ And then continuing on. This is so comical and predictable that it happens every time. So now if i have to talk to her I’ll just say ‘I don’t have any stories’.
She has adhd
My friend got like this when was manic on antidepressants.
@@user-cd4bn9tg2e Narcissism can look like ADHD. Narcissists have selective ADHD where they can focus if it's about them but otherwise lose interest.
Anything you say can and will be used against you.
She is absolutely right. When you walk around being someone's narcissistic chew toy for years like I have, then you need to equip yourself or absolutely lose yourself.
"He would be 100% OK with you being homeless" made me cry. I know that from my mom and as a daughter 😪 Thank you Dr. Ramani, you're a TREASURE to all survivors.
You're just not taking the bait anymore ~ you're grounded
You're tapping out 😉😎
I am currently involved in a political campaign where I have been targeted by 2 lower level members of the campaign. I volunteer. They are paid. These men, in the past targeted me, separately.
A few days ago they targeted me in front of many people. This time they ganged up on me.
When they tried to gaslight me while yelling at me, I just looked them in the eye and said, "Your yelling at me, and behavior is not only unacceptable to me, but I feel disrespected."
Apparently someone told the candidate who later, in a very diplomatic fashion called them out, in front of me, for losing their cool, and not setting an example. The candidate didn't mention me, but it was obvious to everyone.
The next day, when one of them started to raise his voice to me, he stopped himself and said "You shouldn't be offended by what I say."
I just looked at him, and didn't verbally respond.
To me they are bullies.
54:00 - 100%. Apathy is worse than anger, malice, etc. It's hellish when you grow up with both, then attract mostly careless people. It's painful - really actually scary.
I can't ever watch Doctor Ramani's videos enough. Tim Fletcher has fantastic videos on UA-cam too.
He breaks down shame, complex trauma, codependency, narcissism, inner critic and much more. They are both great at what they teach💖
Second!
After 42 years I disengaged, grey rocked and didn’t succumb to the victim mode. They didn’t leave, the escalated to suicide threats which was their go-to when I had tried before. I ended up calling the police to help him but it was me who HAD to leave before I was lost.
Those suicide threats are horrific! My narcissistic mother frequently did that to me as a teenager…💔💔💔 I was too young to figure out how to deal with it so first I ran away. She wanted an apology FROM ME when I returned. After another one of her dramas where she was going to “kill herself because she hated me”, I took an overdose of an antibiotic 🤭 then called someone to take me to the emergency room where they had to call home for consent. I drank syrup of epicac, vomited 🤮 the contents & listened to a nurse ADMONISH ME. Mother appeared in a kerchief & dark sunglasses & gave me the silent treatment for at least a month. It’s all about their IMAGE on the outside but behind closed doors… Wish I had known/thought of calling the police for her suicidal threats!!! At least the information is available now… back then I’d probably be the one locked up! I’m 70+ now so times have changed.
@user-ly8ft2wb1c you're right- times have changed- back in the early '70s when I first tried to leave my abusive parents, they got the police & I got the option of a home for bad children or go home to the devil I knew. There were no school counsellors or social services that would or could help - it was all: "good parents bad kids".
@@elipotter369 - at least we’ve evolved to a certain degree but our childhood was horrible.
@@user-ly8ft2wb1c you're right. I've had a lot of counselling and it seems a long long time ago down the road I've travelled. I hope you have some nice and lovely things and activities to enjoy now.
Wow MY NARC husband did the same thing! He told me that he would kill himself if I didn’t come back I honestly felt like he were. He hung up in my face . I kept calling him back. I got no answer. So I ended up calling police. Eventually he ended up calling me back angry that I had the police come to the house 🤦🏾♀️
I literally learned that today. Don’t give them too much . I told her so much about my bad day at work and she didn’t care. I’m done confiding
You know I always thought it was weird that he’d call me several times throughout the work day and immediately start talking about whatever it was HE was doing, working on, whatever. Never ever just says Hello first or anything like it. Just immediately talking non stop about himself, his work day etc.,,
Dr Ramani - without you , I would have remain lost and broke forever. Thanks for being my guiding light..❤
I am so glad Tracy is talking about how women are our own worst enemies. I have found this to be true for so much of my life. I was quite literally a child of the 60's and a teenager of the 70's. Sooo by the time I entered young adulthood I had no choice but to enter into the workforce and was met with resentment from every direction. The Air Force men hated me for "taking a man's job" and their wives all assumed I was a whore because I worked with their husbands .. who were not only trying to sabotage my career but also trying to treat themselves to me and my precious time.. huh. I never dated those idiots and frankly always figured if the wives knew half the stuff I did, they wouldn't want those men either. (I used to just listen to them talking at work). In civilian work life every time I ended up working with women they ganged up on me and did the most atrocious things... I've changed jobs many times. I've never understood why women are so hateful to one another. I'm 65 now and still don't see how the burning of bra's by women in the 60s ever helped me. They took away my opportunity to ever really have my idea of a marriage because everyone, men AND women were so confused after that era, nobody could figure out where we stood or what we should be doing. The entire aftermath of the 60s left everyone discombobulated.
I'm sorry you went through that. Same happened to me at so many corporate jobs... You have a good point re: feminist movement. Battle of the sexes is at an all time high right now. I also blame the feminist movement & don't feel it benefited me either bc I'm a nurturer & am happy being home raising my children. Praying you find your peace & happiness.
Who could guess, bra burners wouldn't turn out supportive?
Absolutely they leave .because you just disengage and they are exposed. They cannot tolerate that. I live with a 100% narcissist. The insanity is off the charts. And Dr. RAMANI nails these people everytime. Im anazed at how right she is everytime.
For Narcissists it’s about “Lesson Teaching” and proving they’re right about you and everything. They have no qualms about destroying your life to teach you “lessons” and prove they’re the true victim. STAY AWAY NO EXCEPTIONS
I remember my late father saying to my mother : you have no heart, and calling her crazy, and Saint Claudette when he was mad at her. That meant he knew what she is. I just wrote her an email telling her I know who she is. She is doing another smear campaign on me. I have cut her out of my life since July 2023, I am in that emotional transition now. God is helping me go through this. Hearing Dr Ramani explaining what narcissistic people are at core is too. God bless all the people who had a to deal with people like that. We are survivors! We are strong 💪!
My narc brother has a dangerous temper. Anytime he pushes me, thus leading me to explain my feelings and get my point across, it triggers him to verbally torture me. "I have a problem. I need help. I'm naive. I'm wrong." Those are things he shoves in my face. It's NEVER his fault. He loves to make me cry.
It's a dangerous game we play. I feel physically sick when my brother tries to push my buttons just to get under my skin.
When our parents are gone, he's out of my life.
Don’t put up,with that..just go..could be years ur stuck around with him .
Dr. RAMANI,
Thanks. I have been married for 56 years and this broadcast has "opened my eyes" betrayal isn't always sexual.
In my case it was my values and what I believe in
God bless you ❤️ 🙏
My ex LITERALLY lost his job and threatened to come after me for money (he waited until I was able to get a 'good' job) so he wouldn't have to give me spousal support. He was out of work for a while and had to start at the bottom again, all to not let me have any of 'his' money. They are CRAZY.
Ty for this. I started doing this when he started blaming me for how i was being mistreated at work and i stopped telling him real time truths. I just kept it vague and boring and eventually he got bored of me and discard me. So glad my plan worked. 11 months and counting of no contact! Hurrah to me! ❤
My ex-husband did his best for years to force me to live in a cardboard box after our divorce. He has passed away, now, but his adult sons followed very well in his footsteps. He taught them well about how I, their mother, should be treated. He thought I deserved nothing in life, that was the example he enacted throughout our entire marriage. Therefore, his adult sons have followed suit. Radical acceptance is the way I deal with this. Some things cannot be changed.
Sending love your way.. none absolutely none deserves to be treated like they don't matter..infact we should look within ourselves, know what we want, then it should reflect on how we engage others. Respect and of high value.
I'm sorry you went through all of this. Nurture friendships and other people in your life that make you feel good and safe 💛
Sending virtual hugs 🫂
Have you seen the southern lady on TickTock that pretends to speak to him at his funeral? DAUUMMM. If you find it funny, you’re welcome. If it upsets you, I’m sorry for my dark humor,
That person who had been gaslighting me for yrs had always been egging me to engage more so "people would respect me" more despite so many times that NOTHING WILL CHANGE. He is forcing me to be like him who always want to fight with people. Until finally I accepted that he is part of the problem, if not, THE problem. Finally find the courage to cut tie with that family-member but only over a month, I've turned so many tables in my life. Without him who was secretly sabotaging my plans, it's just moving so smoothly with my hard work. Tho it's still a long journey to get back on my feet, it's a lot more peaceful.
Sounds wonderful- hope it keeps getting better for you.
My ex was so manipulative and at the time I just didn't see it - I was so naive I thought we were on the same team.
Ignore a Narcissist.....
Hi Sue, how's your day going with you?
Yes yes yes ~ disengage by keeping your distance in a delicate balance of showing enough interest to keep them inflated enough to leave you alone.
Once you're wise to their antics playing along to get along keeps you out of the ring so to speak.
Well said!!
Th father of my children, and my husband, threatened to burn the house down if I went after it in the divorce even if that meant his children had no place to live in. He wouldn't pay child support for his 2 children. Never because it would mean giving me money. So I built my career and when I could support my children without child support, I left him. He never took his children for weekends. He saw them at dinners at his parents. He chatted with them but it was a superficial relationship. He eventually passed away from cancer. He said he had his funeral arrangements taken care of and a 250k life insurance policy for his children. There were no funeral arrangements made and the insurance was 50k. There was a small policy at a bank and my children sold his suv for a good sum. The house we bought for 95k was mortgaged for 199k and in foreclosure when he died. It was truly disgusting but not surprising. He had all addictions except sexual. He thought of no one but himself.
Even though we were just friends. When I took my power back and left... The grief still hurts so bad. I felt like they did die. I did feel like I put them in the ground 6 feet under.
That’s what we need to do to people who make us feel that we are not worthy of the dust under their feet.
I can relate. We're way too empathetic for our own good. Even when we leave for our own sake, we still feel bad about hurting them.
@@christelleny omg in going through this right now... awake watching this video because of it
He agreed to stay in the home for the younger kids but separate bedrooms for us.
But I have to organise everything.. ordered the bed , put it together... I want to decorate the room in his style but older kids say don't bother... he wanted to go so let him do it himself.
They have a point. .. I think its just me so caring too much... being a bit of a fool maybe
@@jenster29 I wouldn't bother. I also started this way. He had a new supply within weeks and left. They'll never put the kids first.
@@christellenywow..a few weeks.
I guess I could see him leaving soon anyway .. his agreeing to stay was a very 'hero of the day' scene.
Yeah OK I won't bother... cheers for the advice. 😉
Dr. Ramani’s book is amazing! If you want to understand narcissistic abuse from the “victim‘s” point of view, this book is it. I have followed her since 2020. I was married to NPD man who, after 24 yrs left us with nothing. I’ve come a long way thanks to her. But this book highlights and validates many of my experiences. All I can say is: educate yourself, listen to yourself/ your body, believe others who share their stories of abuse. It’s ok to have a separate reality than theirs. You’re entitled to your own subjective experiences. Don’t allow them or anyone invalidate them. You can do this… you’ll be alright. It’s a journey but when you begin to trust in yourself you’ll be proud of who you’re becoming. ❤
'giving up on a love story' hit so hard for me. Could not be truer words.
1:15:33 My now ex narcissist said then, not to start my own channel. He was very jealous and knew it would take time and attention away from him… I’ve been wanting to do and planning for this for years. He said it’s a dumb idea (dumb or not, I just hit 41k total views). You Lisa ❤️ and guests like Dr. R. have not only empowered me to grow and heal after a tumultuous break up, but have likely saved my life. Maybe others here as well. You’re helping me silence the negative voice installed by my ex and giving me a megaphone for my tiny voice of positive affirmations. Doing well in your own life is the BEST REVENGE!!
When it's time, and the abuse has gone on for too long, too much, too hard to collaborate: No Contact. It's not even worth it to try to explain defend connect nor personalize. Narcissistic pity projections are absolutely vile. F Pity. Thank you so very much for this podcast Lisa and Dr Ramani.
He didnt discard me because I wasn’t functional or broken.. it was because I became so good at hiding my emotions and unmasked him. I guess he had to get supply from elsewhere.
Kinda the same for me. I was waiting for him to do the discard or to let it seem that way, but I had closed my heart and moved forward when he sent me the lousy text, hahaha. I haven't replied since. Totally radio silence. I will never look back.
I discarded,I set the stage implemented the day 1-1-24.
After 24 yrs relapse/recovery his last relapse metabolic steroids gym adoration porn social media.
He was pretty busy……. Never saw it coming. Happy New Year
I never looked back our lives are worth so much more. I’m 73 & fearless 💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻
I discarded him as knew he was a DV covert narcissist and had tapped out many weeks before I finally told him to we were done. Lies, gaslighting, mind fks, deflection, projection, anger issues etc. sad to see it play out but after 3months I was done and told him it was over. Peace
Even Dr Ramani doesn't mention when the narcissist is your child. Having to deal with this with my only child is the worst of these gastly set of issues. This is a fantastic interview. What insight!
I share the same frustration that living with a narcissistic adult son there is not a lot of info about this situation - a lot more needs to be explored about this dynamic - as quite different of being with partner.
However, there are some very useful tips in Dr Ramani's talks that are very helpful....
@coraldodsworth9206 Definitely. You actually live w an adult narcissist son as well. It's not a common topic. Probably because to some extent, parents are culpable. Sometimes, the guilt is crushing, and grayrocking does wear thin at times. Dr Ramnie has supplied life sustaing information for sure.
Most times the child learned it from the parent
@@snaazir6099 And inherited the tendency.
Love the “having different experiences”, it works. Used it a number of months ago with my daughter’s father-in-law. He didn’t know how to respond. Five minutes later he called for his wife from the front door, “we’re leaving, NOW” and they left the family gathering.
It is unbelievable how someone can have so much power over another person. It is a form of slavery! I enjoy this interview so much! I love that Lisa allows her guests to explain their responses to the questions without interruptions! She is the best listener ever! ❤
"We're having different experiences." PERFECT!
Dr. Is sooo right. I locked myself in my bedroom my entire childhood to keep away from my mother. She was always criticizing me and doing things to upset me. She made me and my siblings see a psychologist when she was the one that needed it. They will talk circles around you. My sister got sucked into it and is now a druggy because my mom almost killed her. Dr.is so on top of this. She has clarified that Indid the right thing by not engaging. The problem is both my sister and brother are damaged because they wanted the validation of approval.
This is the third time I am listening to this video. Having been in therapy 34 years, and still triggering, seriously triggering, I understand I have to figure this out. Tapping Faster EFT, staying on my feet, breathing very deeply, and listening to heart brain coherence videos, listening to Jose Silva videos...... Raising eyes and looking left right, left right....is the only thing that seemed to help.
Finally, I was able to cry, releasing so much pain... I couldn't talk without crying. Taught crying is the safest release of pent up emotion. Grateful I could cry so much out. Body very stiff, with pilates and yoga. Going to start trigger point therapy. My sister has discovered working on veterans with extreme trigger points, massaging their trigger points, actually triggers traumatic memories in them. Makes sense more now. I am realising I have tons of trigger points Just decided getting my trigger points worked on professionally may have a great benefit.
VERY GRATEFUL!
OMG this is my x wife to a T. I was with my wife for 8 years Married for 6 years and I had no idea of what this behavior was until I seen this show with Dr Ramani,thank you both for the education
My mother used to do this to me. She never let me talk. She would talk over me and I would ask her numerous times let me talk. Let me finish and it got to the point where I was out of the house and I was able to hang up on her because I couldn't take it anymore. And I would walk away from my narcissistic parents. When they were verbally abusive, I just walked out the door went to my house. It was so freeing. And then they would call my brother or sister to try to gang up on me. My brother wouldn't fall for my sister. Would ask what happened? I told her and she's like well. You know how mom is. But my sister was also a bully and she would take my mother's side. I had no one but God on my side. I think being an introvert saved me in a lot of ways because I was quiet. And the best thing to do is not make eye contact. I made eye contact and I. Saw the dirty looks and snares of these demons. If you don't make eye contact it really bugs. Them cause they can't feed into your energy.
Now I just have to remember this the next time I speak to him. I already know that ‘my main narc ex’ has to have the last word, the last text, say k, or now ignore me fight fight fight! I’m not this person-my next Hoover experience I will act like I’m being disposed of again. I said way too much the last time 😢and yes, I feel like a fool. Him-“We said we wouldn’t talk about that anymore” 🙉
Stopping the engagement when the bait trap is emotionally set they lose their power. I have to do this with Mom. When I don’t engage she can’t use me as the reason for her victimhood. Forgiving her was not for her benefit or saying that what she has done was okay. Forgiving her released me from a spiritual prison.
Not everyone can go ~ not all is lost is well said 👌🏼
You can stay and be empowered for short intervals like coming up for air ...sad but true.
One becomes resilient to endure the constant onslaught for those ensnared in the inextricably intertwined circumstances that requires a slow and steady strategic exit that only those who share similar experiences will understand.
4 more years to go
Staying would be like living in a house populated by covid virus. Needing to not only wear a mask but protecting your soul from becoming sick too.
Literally. They made me sick enough that the doctors thought I would die. I got out before I died and after 10 years of hard work to heal myself I am well and peaceful and very happy with my life. I bet they hate that! I don't really care what they think at all any of them anymore
@@dianawelles1726
Thank you for sharing your experience so others know there is always Hope 🙏🏼 A renewal of happiness awaits you on the other side of narcissistic entanglements 😅😘
Relieved you made it out safely and doing well 🙏🏼💗 🕊️
@@idid138
Thankfully there is light at the end of the tunnel 😅😘
I love watching Dr Ramani explain more about this abuse because i live with a malignant narcissistic father and everyday it keeps getting harder and harder. Your advice helps me to reinforce the thinking that i'm on the right side and that when he dies i'll live worry free. But it's hard living with that kind of abuse because nobody believes you or cares that you're being abused 24/7.
I have the same situation with my father and I'm moving out next week.
Stay strong. This, too, shall pass. You will be free at some point.
@@sweetmag7congratulations!
The sooner you can move the better. I had to live with my parents until I was 21. I made little money. I had a car payment. When the car was paid off, I immediately moved out. Was poor as dirt, but I had peace. I saw my parents Thanksgiving and Christmas. Growing up was hell! I did have some bad relationships after I moved out. Did not date when I lived at home. Guess you are searching out relationships like you had with the bad parent trying to fix it. Finally met a great guy and married. BUT I did not know what a narcissist was. Was “friends” with a sister that was also a narcissist. Took years to figure out she was just like my dad and stabbing me in the back behind my back with my other siblings for years and taking advantage of me. I’m now rid of her and happier than ever! I’m in my 60’s. Save yourself from a life of being beat up! Walk away and you will be much better off!!!
I believe you❤
I love Dr.Ramani. She is the best. Keep preaching Dr.Ramani, this information is changing peoples lives.
I left 7 months ago. It has been real how accurate all theses videos have been for my situation. Stalking, endless lawyer fees about complete lies, hidden money, escorts, lies, lies, and yet- I live in an empty apartment with my son. At least I have a peace for the first time in years. Complete no contact, restraining order, and he just got an inheritance that I know every dollar will be used to make me suffer. It’s been unbelievable- he is being who he is- I hope the court will see it too. It’s not likely……. But that’s the little hope I have left. To all of you going through this…. Prepare prepare if you can because this is not a system designed for the weak. Know your value and accept your awesomeness, and know the only closure you will get WILL BE FROM INSIDE YOU. Love you all
This interview crystallized what I'm dealing with within my _so-called_ family. ...A father and one brother, both extreme narcissists, and one other more milder narcissistic brother.
Why should I become more and more afraid of narcissists while spending more time in my room obsessively cleaning it too? There is only so much cleaning of our rooms and only so many videos of sitcoms to watch for something to do no longer continues to be enough exercise for us to do when no longer for example having the common cold. One very good lawyer I had told my enemies that if they didn't lay off then I would be telling more details about the truth. That was the only thing which caused them to back off.
Wondered about a sibling & their spouse but enough was toxic that I went no contact. Looking back the need for control, gaslighting, sharp outbursts of anger, manipulation, need for over praise - yup. Not worth it.
This helped so much. I have exhausted all my efforts. I 100 percent acknowledge that nothing I change about myself will reap positive connections with this person. I am finally there. That was one hard road. But I'm finally done.
I really like how the duality of choosing to live in the delusion or waking up to reality both involve pain. There’s no escaping pain in life. I think I’m at a point where I rather grieve the loss of an idea, the hope I had for a future with her, the effort I put in, than endure the pain of not really being seen as person, until they ultimately discard me.
There's no going back to what was when the illusion been shattered. He wants who you once were but outgrew and you connected to someone who appreciates you as you are 🕊️💕
When I express any grievance with my partner, he minimizes my irritation, and argues that he “didn’t do that” then I get triggered and tell him “that’s gaslighting” then I try to explain my feelings.(which you should never do) and then it creates a bigger problem, of him justifying his behavior and taking no stock in my pain. Then I get mad and blow up. Raising my voice. He then threatens to dump me saying “I don’t deserve this shit, I’m a good guy, what I did wasn’t that bad, I’m done with you” and whatever plans w may have had, he threatens to take away. An example of a recent one is movie tickets we had prepaid. Then he leaves for a while and comes back still full of rage and panic. I try to help him calm down, but he just wants to run off. And he’s almost got me convinced that’s the solution. Should I accept him leaving every time I tell him he hurt my feelings? Or is that a manipulation tactic to make me shut up?
Leave he full on making you chase him apologize and shift blame.
I build myself up before work, feeling amazing. I am constantly dodging toxic folks at my work place. By the end of my day I’m usually in a bad place mentally and have to start over again the next day. I’m not being paid for how much space this takes up in my head so it’s just not worth it. It’s so hard to find a great work place with people who are rooting for each other instead gunning for you.
Had cancer and he said I was "lucky" because most men would leave. It was awful
An oncology nurse once told me that husbands leave their sick wives. If the husband is sick, the wife takes care of him and when he recovers he thanks her by leaving to go find himself. She thinks marriage makes people ill