This was the BEST interview/talk/interaction and example I've watched (on UA-cam and beyond) on C-PTSD. Both interviewer and guest were great. It really resonated with me. It was hearing a description of my life. In many ways similar, like the religiosity part. And in other ways slightly different, however feelings and reactions to the experiences highly the same. It gave me so much validation and healing that I cried in various moments. 🙏🏽 The therapy part it's very true, and real. Finding the right therapist that is knowledge, but most importantly feels safe and attuned to us, is crucial. I've pretty much discovered on my own that I have been going thru cptsd, despite having been in therapy for many, many years. No therapist ever told me that the feelings and reactions/sensations/thoughts I was experiencing in my body - to the point of developing chronic illness-were due to unresolved trauma and C-PTSD. For me, what made this interview validating was Elizabeth's authenticity, vulnerability and realness. The way she speaks of her experiences going through C-PTSD. and from a therapist's perspective (have no doubt she's a great one). Her attunement to her somatic sensations and thoughts as she shares these experiences shows how much work she's done on herself. I enjoyed your interaction as a couple as well. Being attuned to each other, and how a trigger comment was mitigated with/thru truth, vulnerability and compassion. This was validating and reassuring to me that one can heal and come to the other side from C-PTSD. Thank you both for putting this content out there! 💖🦋🙏🏽
Mind blown, a lot of my life explained with this statement…”you never attune to the person that’s having the best time in the room. You attune to the person that’s having the shittiest time in the room. Because that’s how your little nervous system developing had to. You had to attune to the parent that was having the worst day. So you could monitor it and fix it.” 😮
I totally understand watching your mother’s every move, no matter how small! EVERY move. It really offered a solid education in reading every other person I’ve met. And, of course, it was my self-designated job to be who each one needed. That’s exhausting for a child! Now, I didn’t take the ACE test, but after years of therapy and crying I finally had a moment when I said to my therapist, “It was bad, wasn’t it?” Her “Yes” was confirmation and also sounded like “And now we can start.”
Story of my effing life. I'll never forget how "up" I felt after 9/11. If I had been young enuf to still join the armed forces, I would have. The shittier things are the more activated and engaged I am. If things are going well, I feel like crap, l'm depressed and withdrawn. I should have gone to work for FEMA.
I love this honest, intimate, vulnerable conversation. I'm 67 years old and am the first person in a family of six generations of incest, wife abuse, child abuse and alcoholism to stand up, speak out and begin the liberating work of therapy. My children are the first in the lineage of inter-generationational healing. They are awesome people despite their dysfunctional parents. Alas, I can see the wounds they carry from my own woundedness. But, thankfully, they are much healthier individuals than myself or my husband. Now, my grandson is the 2nd generation in a new legacy of health, wholeness and freedom. I benefitted immensely from this conversation and have shared it with five people already, including my son and daughter.
Rhonda, I am 45 and trying to break that cycle, too. But it hurts so much seeing my kids being affected emotionally, too. What do you think you did, despite your own emotional distress, differently so that your kids are now healthy and not traumatised? Or did you start your recovery before you had kids? My kids were 3,6 and 10 and my now 9 year old has had to learn to navigate my emotions, my 6 yo cannot regulate her own, my 13 yo shuts herself in, trying to cope with their mom being jumpy and burnt out, trying to heal her own childhood trauma. I hug them a lot, always apologise if I overreacted, but I cant always be there for them. But if you told me, "just focus on xyz" I would certainly try to add this to the hugs and apologies. Initially, my intent was to model self care but I am failing miserably. Walking away from their dad was self care by setting boundaries towards toxic people. But I have not been able to get beyond that.
I am also older and remember my aunt screaming my mother's name, mom's been dead over 20 years at the time, that my mother had caused her to be beaten to the point of blood running down my aunt's back from a father that had been dead over 70 years. Generational dysfunction comes back to haunt descending grandchildren and great grandchildren. I knew why mom was nuts, but that didn't help me sort out my problems.
I love the bit Elizabeth said about the power of just being sweet and soft and warm. It's so true! I think people can get way too focused on therapeutic strategy, when just being attuned with someone with soft warm loving energy is the gold dust.
I hate how bullying in school isnt seen as harmful in the long run. I was bullied very horribly from 4th to 7th grade to the point that I have repressed a lot of those memories and I now dissociate from reality whenever anything remotely stressful happens. Ive always hated telling people I was bullied cause the word almost makes it seem childish. Edit: thank you for the replies, they really mean a lot ❤️ I wish all of you the best
So sorry to hear that you were bullied like that. Bullying is SO traumatizing, it's unreal that it takes place in our school system the way that it does. 😟
I'm sorry to hear that... I see it as a serious issue. Remember the C in CPTSD stands for complex, not childhood. In majority of cases it stems from early childhood, but it doesn't have to. Everyone talks about family systems but I think it doesn't have to stem primarily from the family system either.
It is starting to be seen as serious now there are shows about it and everything I heard it used to be worse for kids growing up in the 80s which I could kind of see in the movie Heathers but aside from that movie I don't think people took bullying seriously
Oh boy, same here brother/sister, I lost my brother at 13 years old and at the same time was going through bullying on the 7th grade, I even had a group of kids grabbing me and burning my hand with a cigarette, I still have a small scar from it, but grieving and going through that and other things built the person I’m now. At the same time my mother was in a deep depression because of my brothers passing and always I got home I used to hide my pain so it didn’t affect her even more. Oh boy, I have so much still to overcome and I only feel comfortable talking about it on the internet. :/
I agree bullying in school is terribly harmful. I was bullied in the Girl Guides because I went to a different school from the others, but my Dad forced me to go because he had a great time in the Boy Scouts - he didn’t get that the Girl Guides back then was completely different from the Boy Scouts. We did go to camp in a field once, but the tents were set up for us and we didn’t do very much except for a few chores around camp. I got assigned emptying the Latrines by my Patrol leader who was the ring-leader of the bullying, I also got assigned to wash up the dishes regularly. The other Patrols had to take their turns, so I only had to empty Latrines for maybe 2 or 3 days, but leaving the decision to the Patrol leader was just an open invitation to bully the person in the group who was lowest on the totem pole. I never felt able to tell an adult that I was being bullied because I didn’t think I could rely on my parents and therefore by extension, I didn’t believe that any other adults could be trusted to take it seriously. We were also told to bring an old blanket with a hole cut in the middle which would serve as a kind of warm poncho when we were singing songs around the campfire. My parents refused to cut a hole in the blanket as they thought it was a waste. We weren’t short of old blankets or in the kind of poverty that would have made that blanket so important - in fact I don’t remember them ever using it. They insisted that I fold it so that it could be pinned together with a safety pin instead of cutting a hole. The parents were invited over to visit us one evening and they saw that I was the only child that had it safety-pinned - all the others had a hole cut as per the instructions that were sent home. They were embarrassed by the peer pressure of the other parents, so they did then cut a hole in it like everyone else had done. I was lucky that I was wasn’t bullied in school, which must be much worse. It upset me to see other kids being bullied and I felt bad for the weaker teachers who would be taunted by other girls in my class, one of whom was my best friend. She started to drift away from me and I think part of that was because I was too much of a “goody two shoes”. We were very close before puberty and she was generally a nice, fun person to be around. In fact she asked be to be her sponsor when she was confirmed which to me felt like I was really important to her. She had a strange streak which attracted her to some of the meaner girls and it felt like I ceased to exist when a couple of them were around. Those girls did bully me very mildly from time to time and she wouldn’t join in but she didn’t defend me either. Both my parents were extremely strict and had post- grad qualifications as teachers, so I was terrified of getting into trouble at school, more because I was afraid of the consequences when I got home but also the schools I went to were very strict, secondary school was Roman Catholic Convent School, which I was taken out of when I was 16 and put into mainstream school studying double Maths and Physics. I was one of only 2 girls in our Physics class and I wasn’t used to working alongside teenage boys. The other girl hung out with a male friend who she already knew from their previous school. I had to work in a group with two boys - also friends from their previous school and they would just takeover and do the experiments as though I wasn’t there, except on one occasion when they got stuck and let me have a go and I was able to make it work which was very gratifying, but I went totally inside myself and I couldn’t seem to make friends with any of the girls - I lost my social skills entirely as I expected to be rejected by my peers. I’d spend break times hiding in the toilets mostly because I didn’t want anybody to know that I had no friends. It was a large enough school that everybody assumed that I had friends that I was hanging out with elsewhere. I felt completely isolated as there was no point in trying to talk to my parents about anything - they’d just tell me it was something I had to get through and to try harder or imply that there was something faulty about me, mostly that came from my mother as she taught full-time as a Music Teacher in a secondary school and really didn’t have much time for her own children,she’s also a functioning alcoholic so she’d drink and fall asleep most evenings after a long day at work and cooking dinner (she’d start drinking around 6pm when she was cooking dinner unless she had an evening engagement when she’d usually take a tranquilliser as just about all of her after school activities involved playing the piano or the church organ and she’d be nervous playing in front of her peers). My Dad was a rageaholic and often violent as well as extremely insensitive and often said cruel things. He’d also buy a small chocolate bar for myself and my sister most Friday evenings and both parents had moments when they would be kind and loving. There was a lot of uncertainty about when one of them would take out their frustrations on us. I have the intense feelings of guilt and shame and I’m still stuck in my traumas in my 50s. I also fell into being a functional alcoholic and the treatment I received made it worse rather than better. That’s an ongoing battle. I found this video very useful. Thank you Elizabeth and how lovely to see the interaction between the two of you.
Getting to a point where you can create new, healthier, emotional regulatory habits with cptsd is exactly what Elizabeth said. It is grieving for the loss of your childhood innocence, expressing your anger about having to be your parent's parent (or any real or perceived wrongdoing), and trying to unmask your true self.
I really appreciate how she talks about having been in denial about the level of trauma based on comparison with her parents blatantly abusive childhood trauma. I can so relate to that! My struggles were always minimized and I was told I had a perfectly normal happy healthy childhood when that is just so false. But I believe it sometimes because of the lifelong gaslighting
"Managing your parents' emotions..." Wow. That's a substantial one because it becomes almost a constant, particularly if you're chronically managing and interpreting the emotions of both parents simultaneously.
Any parent who has problems or can't parent that well for whatever reason could still protect their kids to an extent if they reassured their kids that they are never the problem, and the problem is the parents themselves but most parents won't do that they'll let you think you're the problem
She described my CPTSD so well, I’ve never heard someone tell my story the way she has. Wow . I’m floored. I’ve had years and years of working on healing from my traumas and have never heard it so well put. Thank you 🙏🏼 wonderful conversation. I think you two are an amazing set of humans.
People used to think trauma had to be from war horrible abuse seeing an accident etc. but trauma is more about negative experiences and how they affect us and shape us but I know people would still dismiss most of us if we say we're traumatized
@bluelotus your comment is my comment, if I’d written one. Your words gave me that seed of hope each day needs to get to the next. I wish you well esp finding resources. I’m forever seeking the right therapist and continue I n-depth research as it’s my only validation I have. A year ago you wrote this and today it has significantly impacted another person’s life. I needed to tell you that and thank you.
You guys are adorable together. This is the first time I've met Elizabeth and I must say she reminds me so much of myself as also a "sweet" and tender HSP with CPTSD. Trying to explain myself when I "can't be around another nervous system" right now or feeling "sheer terror" when trying to tell others what I feel or need was summarized perfectly by her. I also "managed up" and was head parent to my own parents and siblings. Thank you both for this excellent session. It made me feel seen and validated…great job guys!
I’m thankful for what you are both doing. I am married now to a wonderful man. We have been together almost seven years. His willingness to hold space for me, accept me and love me for who I am has been so healing!
@@bandieboo8102 😂 He actually does but he moved away from his hometown when he was 18 and never went back. Not sure about his three single brothers’ abilities to do the same. 😂
I’m in my 60s and for most of my life I’ve realised something wasn’t right, that I was emotionally deeply fucked up. I’ve recently been listening to podcasts about CPTSD and slowly coming to the realisation that, yes, this is it. Your podcast has nailed it. Don’t know what I can do about it but thank you. I’m so happy that you have each other. I wish you both a long and rewarding life ❤️
Have you tried Hypnosis specifically for Trauma ~CPSTD (included, inner child healing, polyvagl, somatics, energy healing, holistic, though gets to the root, huge releases and you integrate new beliefs?. I do this and it's been life changing. I started at 48. Best of luck🙏❤
I'm 60, & just heard of cptsd 2 years ago. It explained decades of not-breathing, deep anguish when someone didn't call back, fury or fear when meeting someone else's irritability etc. It is sooo relieving (tho grievous) to see those behaviors in every decade of life, see how my parents' cptsd resurfaced in their last years, all of us like angry kids as i tried to take care of them. I've cried buckets of tears but am sooo glad to get free of this bit by bit, it doesn’t feel too late at all. We can do it!
Give a look at self administer EMDR. There's lots of UA-cam on it. It helps reprogram your brain. It's never too late to give yourself a great life. You might find a trauma/EMDR therapist. Best wishes.
Friends devalue me and I don't think it's intentional. When I tell them I suffer with Complex PTSD. They tell me no you don't you think you do because you've been told that. I try to ignore this, but it hurts when friends don't or can't understand what I have been through
Friends care, listen and don't denigrate friends truth. Seems your hoping they will hear you but you are ignoring your inner self, your true self that is crying for someone to hear you, witness your truth and help you to trust. Leave sweetheart or find a way to stand up to these emotional, psychological deniers or bullies.
Dear Lady of the Veil - it sounds like these so called friends are not friends.. True friends do not behave like that or say those things. I've had difficulty finding genuine friends, too, & learning more about cptsd and consequent behaviours helps understand why. There ARE folk who understand, & care, & we can mutually support each other etc.. finding our 'tribe' 🙏💕💖🤗
It's very possible that your 'friends' are denying this reality because they simply don't have the tools to help or provide support... that they may have cptsd of their own that they are also in denial of and to face your experience with you would necessarily bring their own similar experience to light such that they would have to go through the pain of dealing with that... or they're just recognizing that victim mentality isn't getting you good results and want you to move past brooding and into solutions... In other words, people can only guide or help others in the paths that they themselves have walked through. Sometimes cognitive dissonance is the only thing holding one's reality together and breaking everything down (everything that you know of yourself and life and base your personality and life attitudes/actions/habits) can feel too overwhelming and chaotic to handle without going completely off the rails and possibly never getting back on those rails again and thus feeling lost without a compass. Your friends may truly care about you but simply cannot help you here... much of healing is in fact a solo job anyway, nice to have hands to hold but only you can walk your path.
You've surrounded yourself with people that keep you feeling alienated and traumatized. Heal and you will find that you need more from people in your life.
My whole childhood trauma story is the biggest contributor to my entire life. Having to protect my mother from my abusive step-father, I learnt to read them as a child, I knew by their interactions with each other if there was going to be arguments and violence. I would stay awake and my instincts were always right. The minute I heard it escalate to a slap I would run into their room and stand in front of my mother so he wouldn't hit her again. She didn't protect me or my siblings from his violence and she abused us too. I still don't understand so much about why I protected her yet she failed to protect her children. So confusing always craving her love and acceptance but treated with contempt and jealous like behaviour, belittling me, unable to express love and to realise of recent times her inability to even say sorry for anything she did, including abandoning her kids to run off with the abusive bloke who became our stepfather. I have tried all my life to be loved by her and I don't think she's capable of loving me and we were not wanted. At 62yrs of age I am still highly damaged from all of it along with my messed up adulthood and finally only 5yrs ago to be diagnosed with so many conditions including CPTSD. I have had to try and live with all the crap before diagnoses and after. I could so relate to all of this, but I still feel so misunderstood and the sadness of so much of my life wasted because of my mental health illnesses caused by people who failed to protect me and damaged me severely including the education institutions that also abused me. Thankyou for talking about this so openly I could so relate to so much. Back to therapy again but I'm so tired of still dealing with all the crap.
Omg. I can so relate to your story. I’m 62 also and still trying to heal. It’s a tough journey and can be extremely painful/lonely. I really need to find a good group to heal with.
Big hugs! This is hard stuff.. I'm 63 and had finally gotten to an ok spot in life, not great but at least peaceful. And then I was kidnapped , held hostage and raped by my neighbor in an extremely rural area. Now I'm destroyed. All of it together was to much and my nervous system is so fried I can't handle anything anymore. Zero help available where I am
One day, I'd love to see people discuss long-term trauma from DV that happens in the 15-25 age span. I keep seeing people discuss childhood trauma and adult DV, and I'm really happy that's being talked about, but I also feel very left out of the conversations because nothing mirrors my experiences of grooming and DV.
This is the only perspective I have related to, making sense of CPTSD and can apply to flashbacks and rumination that has made a difference for the 1st time in my life. My childhood was lost in a sea where no one heard me. I learned to do everything on my own. I was drowning. The adults in my life watched when I was screaming and I watched my brother drowned. No one heard him, the experience caused a traumatic loss and a lesson that I had to save myself. I learned the fear, pain, and isolation would get better when I rescued myself. I took responsibility for all that happened to me even at the hands of others. I gave up on people after my brother died. The adults did not help him and watched him suffer. I closed myself off the day I lost my brother. I believed I was responsible for saving myself. The last 2 podcasts I watched were life changing. I do not say that lightly at all. I feel heard/understood, without being there in person. A light switch went on. I can see and accept the reality and pain.. it is not easy but there is life where I am now, I don't have to hide and deny my emotions. The reality is that I am a worthy person. All of us are worthy and.meant to have human connection with integrity and respect that does exist in this world. There is a new road for me to travel, I just began to journey down the road but it's so beautiful and full of life. I pray everyone finds the road that connects all of us ! 🌈❤️
@@dariamancini963 Thank you, I appreciate you're compassion. It means a great deal. It is a lesson I've learned to appreciate and not take for granted the kindness of another. I truly believe compassion and kindness change the world.
Rumination has a lot to do with actual trauma... People who don t make sense in your brain... Who have two realities... Liers, hypocrites, etc... Maybe a close member near you... Watch it out....
I appreciate when you said EMDR was not helpful because I had that and the therapist was blaming me. But I love that people like you are getting support and showing up, because I’m also really sweet and strive for space to accept what I need without intense humiliation over my self esteem.
Same here..,after 32 years of marriage to an abusive narcissist, watching a light go back and forth didn’t cut it for me..sadly I think we have to get ourselves out of it. Best wishes to all who are suffering in silence 🙏
@@oilselevated4808 after narcissistic abuse, emdr and other therapies can only work after you've already processed a lot and are ready for individuation. Sam Vaknins work has helped me a lot, perhaps youve come across him?
I had a conversation with my Aunt recently, while discussing why I've chosen not to have kids (I'm mid-30s), and I cited generational trauma (grandparents survived the holocaust) as a big reason- pointing out to her that yes, she was able to raise her kids without hunger, having clean clothes, no physical abuse etc. But emotionally... her daughter had anorexia and her son was an addict as teens. My mom (her sister) married a man who did not "spare the rod", so it is really no surprise my brother lived homeless and on drugs at 16, while I dealt by becoming a huge empathic doormat people pleaser to avoid conflict at all costs, and developed a bfrb (common comorbidity of cptsd). I remember learning to cry without making any noise as a kid so that my dad wouldn't continue to hit me. I never want to be a parent.
Can relate, I also decided to not have children in my late 30's in the 1990's because treatment for CPTSD was horrible and I saw no hope in healing and knew if I cannot take care of myself then I cannot burden a child. Plus, too many have children so they will have someone to love unconditionally when they would be better buying a dog due the selfish reasons many have children as a wound healer.
@@dylanmaxey2531 Was it difficult decision not to have kids? I am also cruising quickly to the end of my 30s but I'm just now slowly waking up to the realisation that I might want to have a kid despite of CPTSD because I feel there's hope for healing...Sometimes it takes THAT long to unlearn destructive patterns.
I sometimes think the people who actually have the self awareness to consider whether they would give a child what they need, would be much better parents than many of the people who have children.
I have cptsd and I have 4 children. I would never treat them the way my parents treated me. I got help, with counseling and support from my amazing husband and I know that my kids are happy and healthy. They are so wonderful. It can be done. Breaking generation trauma.
It is really something how similar our experiences can be. Thank you both. "A piece of you that is always trapped as a child when you are an adult." Yes. Yes. Yes.
I especially loved what she said about time. The main difference between a good and bad therapist is how clock-conscious they are. Some are brutal, and will pause you mid-sentence - which can cause fresh trauma in itself. I also think there is a very real need to be 'witnessed', as she said - if only to learn in so doing that another human being can take you in the raw - something family always taught you subliminally that they never could.
Agree , I was at a therapy session today and into some deep trauma work when she abruptly just stopped the session, felt very brutal and with total lack of empathy and compassion of what I was in the middle of. Kind of shock to my system, therapist should be training in how to bring people gently in and out safely of these states.
@@larsstougaard7097 I'm sorry you were treated like that. I think it may be time to move on if she's going to be so legalistic over a few moments. I don't see any reason why a session can't conclude in a more natural, appropriate way. These people are well paid, and whilst you can't pay anyone to genuinely care, I think that behaviour sends you the message that she's not a 'safe' person, -when the relationship needs to be based on trust. It's a tough one for any client to navigate, as we're so vulnerable and need to be able to trust our therapists. I hope you can address it with her, as it feels important.
@jennytaylor3324 thank you very much for your reply , I just think my therapist and other ones I have encountered don't have had deep trauma themselves. So they don't know what it feels like, they have only learned some practical approaches to deal with it and more general things. My dilemma is my therapist do some helpful somatic work I haven't found anywhere else. It's a jungle out there, so can be hard and stressful to start over and over again. And true I should try to address it after this summer break, but will consider if I should move on also. 😊🙏
Wow. Too bad! I hope your therapy situation is better now one way or another. Thank you for your lovely articulation of a therapist's responsibility to help people move gently into the present after deep trauma work and vice versa. @@larsstougaard7097
I cried through the first half of this video. The things Elizabeth describes are the words that I’ve never been able to express about my own childhood and current experiences.
Totally me too, it was an eye opener for real. I wish it didnt take me half my life to learn as much as i did here. Hope your doing ok and I hope this video helped you the way it did me. Hang in there and I hope your healing is letting you live the life you deserved the whole time. God bless you dear and stay strong and hopeful.
What a helpful and real conversation! I'm grateful for the increase in understanding of CPTSD and how it can look/feel to ourselves and others. I personally related strongly with Elizabeth and honor her willingness to be vulnerable. You are both rock stars!😁🙏🏻💜
It took me to get to the age 44 to see it. I had my light 💡 bulb moment, and have completely stepped away from all toxic family members, people and anything that does not serve me any safety and loving learning life lessons and surroundings. I had to teach myself boundaries. I pray for all and everyone to have blessings and I love at a distance. I am powerless and my life has become unmanageable and I believe in a higher power and it’s Jesus. Thank you so much for your share. A lot of childhood similarities. There is a gift in desperation. I changed, shifted my angle of view point and it has helped me grow. Also letting go and let life live clean and serene 🫶🏼💡💕
@@lavenderchai1613 I HAD to change. I was Desperate! And it worked! Yes, Jesus is a good, good friend. So are you, 2 Beautiful Rock Star souls, Forrest and Elizabeth!! Keep keepin' it So Real!! Thank you 💜👣
Most of me is trapped in the child that was hurt. I love that phrase! Both of my parents are narcissistic. Emotional regulation is extremely difficult even at 56.
Wow! It’s so validating that you are verbalizing the very same thought processes that I experience daily. Your words are parsing through the mushroom cloud in my mind… and all the workarounds I’ve invented to get through life with my crushing hypersensitivity (due to childhood trauma) I didn’t know how to separate this part from another part nor did I have any idea that someone else experienced the very same secret parts of me. Talk about making one feel less lonely. That’s where the loneliness happens when you’re hypersensitive. I have all these antennas and receptors and I receive everything that’s out there. The world is exhausting and people are even more exhausting because I feel every nuance of the interaction and I want to please and it just gets so thick that I can’t move one way or the other because so much is coming in and I can’t respond perfectly to it all so I might assure myself I will be loved. The hypervigilance alone is crippling and very hard to stop. When you just talked about not having to meet someone in the middle or halfway but they just appear in your living room. Wow!! No one would ever understand that unless they had experience a lifetime doing not only their part but most of the other persons part as well. I think we do that so that it doesn’t give the other person a chance to make us feel unimportant or not worthy. It’s a coping mechanism and a way to protect ourselves. it. By the way I felt the same with EMDR. I remember my therapist telling me that she liked me being her last appointment because I was not as emotional and draining as her other clients and it was good to have me at the end of the day. All I felt was that I’m not doing it right and I’m not good enough and I’m certainly not important. Anyway thank you for this lovely conversation. I love Forest abd his dad so much and I’m so glad you’re on today :-)
Wow! I resonate so much with what you shared here. Thanks for taking the time to write this out. It's so wonderful to feel resonance with this experience, particularly the sensitivity. :)
I have come to resent the “Your such a good patient” I am being praised for maladaptive behavior.. It is just an another way of feeling like the only way to survive is to not make any waves and hide who you are. That expressing that you’re in pain will make you just an annoyance. They say it like they are giving you a compliment. But it makes me not trust them. They basically just told you they find their other patients draining and a pain to deal with. Which causes further breakdown in feeling that you can be vulnerable and open with this person.
Hearing Elizabeth describe her reactions to others was so enlightening and affirming. I thought I was a bad person because I could/can't tolerate being around certain people because of tone of voice, mannerisms, even speech become triggers from childhood. I often feel like I am too much for others or ascribe traits to people that they do not possess and find that out the hard way. Thank you both for a brilliant conversation 👏 😊
I too have just found this interview and my entire life as the too much too dramatic too sensitive one is suddenly validated, giving me the first real, save, genuine stepping stone to support to get my life back. Thank you for your comment and I wish you all the best.
Being seen is fun! Intoxicating and addictive almost. I’m enjoying watching Elizabeth talk about her trauma because I’m relating so much and feeling seen myself. Holy smokes, TWO humans in the same room both understand this thief in my head and one of them has it and has learned to control it!
Ptsd is a traitor... Stress from trauma makes you do crazy stuff and have extra pains and fears... Calming, having fun, meditating, listening to calm music... Basically self parenting and listening to you as your parents never did has been totally helpful to me
That was the most comprehensive and relatable conversation I have heard on CPTSD. I felt as if I were the subject at times, the way it hit so close to my experience and then the tools given are actual things I will try for real. Thank you. I hope both of you will do this again soon.
This episode was fantastic and I wish the topic of CPTSD and recovery was more widely talked about. I have been on a healing journey for almost 35 years and I can confidently say, the commitment to the work pays off and there is joy and relief along the way. Elizabeth, you expressed so beautifully what is often times too difficult to put into words because there just aren't any. What longs for expression and release is trapped in sensation and nervous system reactivity. I have found relief in many different modalities with many different therapists. I would encourage folks to try different things. EMDR was successful for me during one season of my recovery but not in others. MBSR, mindfulness meditation, IFS, Attachment based therapy, NARM (NeuroAffective Relational Model), YOGA, Guided visualization, have all influenced my overall wellness. Pete Walker, Rick Hanson, Belleruth Naparstek, Bessel van der Kolk have all written amazing material that have influenced my healing journey. Thank you Elizabeth for sharing your experience and encouraging us all to keep going. May your sweetness never lose its power to heal. Many blessing to you.
I have CPTSD from childhood SA and growing up in a dysfunctional, unstable family. My father was an alcoholic with binge drinking issues. My mother enabled him, did nothing to protect us from his abuse. If my dad was drinking, my mom was drinking. I am a master of people pleasing and it’s been super difficult to stop “fawning” as an adult during conflict. My parents couldn’t solve issues without screaming, arguing, belittling. My dad and brothers were always punching holes in walls. I was always walking on eggshells. I couldn’t regulate my emotions at all as a child- if I cried I couldn’t stop- I was extremely sensitive. Now, as an adult with a child of my own, I am taking charge of healing my trauma. EMDR has helped tremendously. Along with mindfulness, meditation, somatic practices. I am finally learning to regulate my nervous system because nobody ever taught me how in childhood. My son’s only 9 months old and I am determined to build the healthiest life for him as possible. The intergenerational trauma stops with me! *** I was in denial for a very long time too. My parents deny all the SA even though I know it happened- the body keeps score. I am learning to find validation within because they will never take accountability.
This explains what my therapist did wrong. Sometimes she’d use CBT when I was having a trauma reaction.🙄🙄🙄 that would cause me to disassociate and feel confused and angry. Overtime I grew not to trust her, even though I knew she meant well. I appreciate Elizabeth talking about how she felt when he made a logical comment about her trauma while she was actually feeling it.
I completely resonated with all of what Elizabeth Ferreira said. After 51 years of living and suffering, and probably 30 years of self helping, I am so ready for THERAPY! But I am having so much trouble finding a “really good therapist”! I have reached out a few times before and have had very inert experiences, and have felt unsafe and unheard/unseen almost the whole time. I would really like to connect with Elizabeth either for therapy, and/or a referral. I hope you get this message.
I recently discovered I have Complex PTSD at 35, it had been causing me a great deal of confusion because I didn't know what I was suffering from but now that I have learned a bit about it I don't feel so alone and I feel I am on a better path now towards a greater understanding of myself and I am really working on self-compassion for myself and my inner child. Seeing that Elizabeth suffers from CPTSD but is also an amazing therapist helping others is incredibly inspiring! It can be scary to discover you have been suffering from something so intense and there is a tendency to have some anxiety when you have a sudden life-altering realisation, however I feel so reassured by the fact that there are such strong people out there who were willing to be this vulnerable and go through the process of healing and understanding. I relate so much to the hyper-vigilance and the instinctual lack of trust, the hypersensitivity, I really want to learn more about how to sit with these feelings and try to move towards a more trusting disposition, I think this is the key to unlocking some of the emotions I had been suppressing. I don't know enough right now but I feel maybe these feelings stay with you but that you need to work every day on allowing yourself to trust and not be so vigilant, it may take time but I know I can do it, knowing there are others are out there who have walked a path towards healing is really inspiring me. I also identify with how some therapies don't work for some people so I will seek out the most suitable version for myself (I'll try my best anyway!) Thanks guys :)
I would try mindfulness guided meditations (you can find them on UA-cam) that could help you with hyper vigilance and also shaking (I think it is somatic exercises) that helps you to release trauma stored in the body without doing sports or exercises that can make you more stuck in fight and flight response. That's what I'm doing now, learning to breathe slower and staying in my body.
I had very similar experiences as Elizabeth and was diagnosed with CPTSD and autism this year at 28 years old. Thank you for sharing this. It’s very validating and makes me feel less alone ❤
Thank You. I love my wife so much and i know she loves me. I just learned about c-PTSD last week. I've been looking for info related to relationships with c-PTSD and so happy i came across this video. It was just beautiful watching you two. Seeing a smart genuine couple in the moment discussing it is beyond valuable. I now see I've been doing everything so wrong for the last 15 years. Looking back i can't imagine how much pain I've caused her by not understanding. She keeps telling me about all the pain I've caused and I've been completely unable to understand what she's talking about. Especially, seeing the "trigger" moment on this video. Knowing that a trained, educated, very self aware therapist can get triggered by Forrest, with his soft and subtle voice. It's so eye opening to see how uncontrollable the trigger can be. So many times I've felt i said the right thing in the right way, and gotten such bad responses. I've often gotten defensive and responded with mean statements, telling her how she should feel or not feel. I know I still don't understand and probably never really will but i will rewatch this over and over and hopefully learn how to listen and be with her in her feelings. I love her so much and want so much for her to be happy. She's so great and so awesome in so many ways. I hope i can train myself to stop being so "direct" and jump right into "problem solving mode". If possible, it would be great for you to post resources for helping men train themselves on being better partners for someone with c-PTSD. I imagine it's more prevalent in women. And i Imagine that it's much harder for men to figure out how to be a good partner to someone with c-PTSD as we're not in touch with our emotions as much. I believe we care as much but don't know how. I've honestly been completely clueless for far too long.
Omgosh I so relate to this video. No matter what we have been told our entire lives, being very sensitive is a gift. We are the balance in this often hateful world full of suffering and cruelty. I am so grateful that you exist, that your sweetness and sensitivity exist in this world. ❤️
elizabeth i can relate to you so much. i make people uncomfortable because i’m kind and sweet. i’m alone most of the time it’s really hard to make connections because people don’t understand me.
Wow!! Thanks Elizabeth and Forrest for sharing this wonderful eye opening talk with us! I’m going to look up a therapist that works with this for me and my husband! We watched this together and had to pause it many times to discuss our childhood memories. I’m the youngest of 10, a crazy trauma family with lots of drugs & alcohol & anger. We got married 2 years ago and I thought I had found the man of my dreams after being single for 12 years. He comes from a family of 9 , he is the 7th kid. The family looked really good from the outside, but shortly after we were married I found out the family secret, that he never told to anyone until he told me. He had been physically,emotionally and sexually abused by his brother who was 13 years older than him since he was 4 and the brother was 17. And they shared the same bed every night til the older brother moved out when my husband was 12. So from age 4-12 this abuse went on, and when they were out milking cows the brother would beat him in the barn. I believe we both have exactly what you were talking about here. I feel like we were brought together to heal our little boy and little girl that never got to feel love or trust. We both realize that we have everything you were talking about and have felt emotionally unavailable for each other but didn’t know why. I’m so thankful for you being brave enough as a couple to talk about this! You’ve given us some hope for healing our childhood selves!!
I've cptsd. Alcoholic violent neglectful parents. I've ptsd from being attacked by most of the all boys school at 12 and then at 17 crashing a bike into a tractor head on and being in a coma for a few days. No therapy as I woke up and left the hospital. Until I looked in a mirror I thought I was OK....badly smashed left hand and an unrecognisable face. I've spent my life working with horses and women out in paddocks, which saved me. Gave me some meaning. I worry about hurting others. Physically or/and mentally as I won't ever let anyone 'push' me..ever. Single and 63
Thank you. I don't trust psychologists anymore. I've been interested in psychology/cognitive studies since I was 17. When I hear 'the same' questions to get superficial info and then have the professional be dismissive of your situation is devastating, especially when you've paid for it. I love your calm sensitivity. I feel it just listening to you. My role has always been 'balance' Take on everyone else's hurt, anger, fault and be strong enough for everyone to dump on. but since Covid, not being able to work I have fallen apart and I don't feel safe with anyone. I'm supposed to be the life and soul of the party but at this stage of my life I feel everyone laughing at me, never with me. So thank you for being so open and honest. It gives people like me, hope.
Thank you Forrest and Elizabeth. I am recovering from cptsd and this is one of the first times that I have heard someone articulate so clearly how I experience life. ❤
I could really relate to Elizabeth’s childhood trauma. For a long time I struggled to understand why I’m so “messed up”. There was no obvious trauma (big T trauma, as Gabor puts it). My parents did the best they could but were emotionally unavailable for various reasons, including one set of very toxic grandparents who neglected my mother. My mother, like Elizabeth’s, has been depressed for most of her life. I’ve always needed to suppress parts of myself in front of both of my parents. I loved the bit about accuracy and sensitivity, as I’ve struggled with this in relationships with men who go straight to logic and solutions! Thank you both, especially Elizabeth, for being so vulnerable, from a fellow therapist (person-centred).
Not just expressing your needs but also knowing that not everyone is going to meet you there and understand and possible rejection! I’m on this path… thank you so much 💜
Wow, listening to this very enlightening talk about recovering from Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) helped me to realize that where we fall on the spectrum of narcissistic and empathic personalities is symptomatic of a trauma response.
C-PTSD can be an inside job. Getting the inside out- is deceptively simple. But the whole process is extremely vexed, and seems impossible- at the outset. [Hence the term- "complex".] Out of this matrix I think we have people "with lived experience". I belong to ACA D-F within which we work with this situation. We have a cross-talk policy at our meetings where we get to hear each other out- but, more than anything else we get to hear ourselves out. This is healing.
I don’t know how I got so lucky to stumble upon this but I could not be more grateful. Not only have both of you renewed my faith that men & women in intimate partnership is possible, it’s can rise to the beautifully intricate level I always imagined it should when the two people are truly right for each other. For me personally, I’ve never seen it modeled-thank you so much for giving me a visual to attach to the dream. It was transcendental for me. Also, many thanks for giving me so much language I didn’t have. I’ve been in & out of failed ‘would be’, ‘was really hoping this time it could be’ relationships w/ therapists all my life trying to do the work on what I felt sure I needed to do if I was ever going to feel ok in my own skin. At 53, I’m so pissed I haven’t gotten this done yet & heartbroken I’ve been unable to avoid dragging my daughter thru the mess of dysfunction that shows up in the adult lives of parents with unresolved childhood trauma. You’ve inspired me to trudge on in my quest to be supported, heard & to advocate for myself so I’m not interrupted, re-directed, simply placated or my experience dismissed & never again will I settle for doing battle w/ a therapist who cannot help but turn the scope on their experiences instead of mine. Ugh. I have done a ton of legwork watching lectures & webinars, I have looked at all the traumatic experiences that shaped me, identified their origin & how it showed up in the lives of my parents & their parents before them. As the youngest of 4 adoptees all from different birth parents, a latchkey kid w/ divorced parents, a japanese american mother interned in prison camp during WWII fighting for recognition from the country she was born in who failed to recognize any other kind of trauma but her own & a resentful father who never signed up for raising kids in the first place, reunited & subsequently abandoned again by both my birth parents after a frustrating & ultimately painful 20+ yr relationship, divorced myself, a single mom & psychologically, emotionally & occasionally physically abused by a narcissist while being targeted & alienated from my daughter, I thought would has been a cause worthy of a dedicated effort by at least 1 of the 4 therapists I tried to at least hear me. Hear me & not stop me until I’m done because the reality of my experience has been questioned, discounted, gone unexpressed or dismissed entirely & my anger ‘issues’ made the primary focus my whole life. Pretty defeating. It has been so hard to find the right help. And I need it. My 19 yr old daughter who lives w/ me recently began verbally abusing me when she isn’t completely ignoring & dismissing me refusing to communicate by wearing headphones & closing doors in my face. Menopausal, depressed, shell shocked, startled by various unexpected noises that have me jumping out of my skin, I’m paralyzed by fear & doubt, no idea what I’m capable of or how to take any one step because I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m so sorry this is so long but I literally have no one to talk to I’m so isolated. This latest barrage of insults & stone walling by my daughter has sent me into a tailspin. My head is flooded with flashbacks & nightmares. Time is ticking away, the world outside passing me by. I feel old, insignificant & can’t even bare the thought of being seen in public sk I’ve started going to the grocery store in the middle of the night because I can’t sleep thru the night anyway. Don’t know why I turned on the TV in the middle of the day but I did. Thank you for giving me what I needed to hear today. It was a joy to see your respectful, kind, compassionate connection. I’m so happy for you both. Best wishes always, Tanya
Keep working on it. You deserve to be heard and helped. If you can't find a good therapist to help you with the CPTS, then maybe drag your daughter to a family therapist to work on your relationship with her. Also, check out attachment disorders. That really resonated with me.
Loved this interview! Elizabeth, feel your experience so deeply. When Forrest triggers Elizabeth, I literally had the same response to what he said. I practice Hakomi, so the way I’d describe what happened there is that he was too directive without getting the unconscious on board. Statements like that aren’t safe. And they can feel judgmental. The unconscious immediately will protect against that and now you’ve lost the opportunity to actually repair that trigger b/c the person’s unconscious is protecting instead of processing in safety. I’d also point out the word “protective” versus “defensive” as her response is protecting her. Saying “defensive” came off a bit as victim shaming and can be stigmatizing for the person experiencing it.
I'm so grateful for this conversation; it really highlighted some of the ways in which I was unable to receive my partner's support in past experiences due to my own defense response. 'Start by joining' is brilliant. Elizabeth is so relatable, but so is Forrest -- it's like the two parts of myself are having a dialogue with each other! Many thanks to you both for this
Wow, I am beyond thankful for this podcast. I can relate to so so many aspects of Elizabeths story and feelings. The first time I saw her in the video i thought „oh wow, she looks like a strong woman“. And a vew seconds later i could also sense her vulnerbility. Most time throughout my life i felt like weak person and till this moment thought that everybody perceives me as weak too. Even in times, when i actually felt strong, i thought my outside world still perceives this weak person. But right now this really healing thought came into my mind: „If i see such a strong woman in Elizabeth, maybe the people in my life see strengh in me too.“ Actually very healing for me right now. Thank you!
I know I’m late to the party, but what a power couple y’all are! I appreciate the mutual respect the two of you each have for one another. Chefs kiss 🤌🏼
This conversation was so helpful for me!!! I SO related to Elizabeth’s experience. I have newly been diagnosed with C-PTSD in the last year at the age of 55. This podcast has helped me understand what that diagnosis means and how I can begin to work with it. So many moments of “me too!”! Thank you Elizabeth and Forrest for giving us this gift! Sometimes it has felt like receiving the diagnosis was a little traumatizing and overwhelming. You helped me feel that the way forward is a little less scary. I will be listening to this many more times.
I got C-PTSD as a CIS man and your wife Elizabeth is totally right, that for us men it‘s so hard to even talk about our feelings and things hurt us. Just because society wants us to always be strong and be there for women. Thank you both for this valuable podcast ✌🏼
Holy smokes, my personal story is nearly a mirror of Elizabeth's. Neuro-Divergent - Homeschooled - "absent" father due to work - traumatized parents - etc... It's terrible to like knowing you have company is misery, but it is comforting none the less.
I can relate to some traits exposed here: I used to act defensive and hyper vigilant, I'm changing that but sometimes I don't know if I'm too rigid or too light
Great conversation covering topics that so many people can relate to. Thank you Elizabeth for sharing your story and insights. You're beautiful inside and out. Forrest, you two are great together, she's a keeper!
Absolutely the most helpful thing I've viewed on-line (& I've been spending 3 hrs. a day for 3 years at this, since I can't seem to find the right therapist) to help me understand what my challenges are, where they came from and some things to do about them. Thank you both very much. I related to her, since I share many of the challenges and to Forest b/c I've tried to help others in much the same ways he was doing with Elisabeth. Excellent to see a healthy couple relating in loving, understanding ways with each other, too. Not exactly something we see in society (especially in "entertainment" media) much, unless we are extremely lucky and were just born into a very healthy system. Please give more of these interviews.
For me, because of the degree of dissociation in my system, EMDR was not effective. There was a strong desire to feel better, less anger / bitterness and hatred. I’ve gradually developed more of a bodily connection and am better able to experience intense emotions. IFS has helped bc whatever is being expressed emotionally, can be understood to be coming from a Part as opposed to SELF.
Thank you for this episode and sweet personal story of self-discovery and transformation. I can relate to so many topics discussed here. Both of your work and love for each other shine through. I appreciate you modeling your sweetness, vulnerability and support. CPTSD has been difficult for me to manage and your podcast was comforting, validating and healing. Again, my gratitude. PS this was my first Being Well podcast.
This was so good. The two emotions y’all speak of are spot on. I wasn’t allowed to be mad. And being “sweet” made me and others uncomfortable because I was ignored a lot as a kid. “You’re fine” heard that a lot and “don’t cry” was another phrase I hear a lot as a kid. So I’d rather just shut down and be quiet. I’m almost 40 and I’m just now working on my behavior and breaking cycles so that I don’t repeat this cycle with my own kids. Thanks for this, it was very relatable.
Elizabeth hit the nail on the head about accuracy and sensitivity and how sometimes it’s better to be sensitive than accurate. I couldn’t articulate it but the way she said it makes sense. I really appreciate you guys discussing this. ❤ I never thought about how going straight into problem solving mode can be a way to avoid really sitting with the person, feeling their pain and helping them to feel heard. I guess this is why I’ve avoided male therapists in the past bc of the fear they would do this (though I know not all have that tendency). Problem solving can be helpful too but maybe not at initial appointments with clients? 🤔 definitely something to think about.
Wow, this speaks to me so much. I have felt like something is wrong with me because I have been doing therapy which has removed my dissociation which can be overwhelming because it has made me overwhelmed and hyper vigilant. I hadn't realized that I just need time to grieve. I need to allow myself room to breath and just be. Thanks for enlightening me more.
My therapist recently suggested that i might have cptsd. In my mind i dismissed that completely because of the idea that nothing "big and bad" happened to me, but honestly, my life has been a huge batch of small bads. And listening to her experience and her describing what it feels like to have cptsd made me realize.... Oh... I think I actually have this. I started going for adhd and one day I asked my therapist "why are my symptoms worse now as an adult than as a child?" And she said "well, youre kinda smart and resourceful and now your trauma has made it worse" so thats.... Lovely
Thank you for your braveness in opening up about your trauma/C-PTSD! I've struggled with this, compounded with sexual abuse (through ages 9-13, from my Aunts husband), got caught up 3 narcissistic relationships (1year no contact with the 3rd) just beginning the "healing" journey at 57yrs... it's been a very lonely life although filled with people, I've always felt I couldn't identify, much less articulate my feelings and fears. I feel guilt & shame for not being able to meet other peoples expectations of me, but mostly from realizing that I abandoned myself, unknowingly of course, tried to drown the pain with alcohol/drugs. Thankk you for your videos (therapy isn't an option financially at this time), thankful for the few family & friends that I can "join" with to the extent that I've been able to. Best wishes ✌️ ❤️ 🙏
So sad to hear about all you've gone through. I wish you all the best in your healing journey. I recommend the youtube channel Patrick Taehan, he talks a lot about dysfunctional family systems and I think that helps identify some of our unhealthy behaviors and where they come from. It's very hard to identify and articulate your feelings and fears if they're tied to stuff your brain has remembered as completely normal and not out of the ordinary. But once you spot how not normal and not ok those circumstances were you start seeing how these things influenced you and the more you can spot your reactions in your current everyday life. I think this helps with identifying and articulating our own feelings. And I also recommend the Andrew Huberman podcast. He has some podcasts on stress and on trauma. Using the everyday, biology based behavioral tools (for managing stress and trauma) he always makes sure to include in his podcast could help you make more out of self therapy. I wish you all the best!
The amount that I relate to Elizabeth’s story gives me chills and makes me feel so seen and connected and validated. Thank you for sharing your experiences and so eloquently putting words to your trauma. You are inspiring.
Pot of gold here, absolutely nailed it, you both. What a charming couple, thank you for your dialogue. I really loved it snd will definitely return back to learn more techniques and understand my own trauma n trauma that indirectly I passed onto both my children from not having addressed it through my parenting years, but it’s never too late to rediscover the parts of me that has been traumatised through childhood n the affects on my own children. I am much better through counselling over the years n I am so grateful for finding the services that are available now in person n through these digital outlets that we can connect so easily but again this service is not available to all unfortunately so not everyone will find the means to recover sadly. Thank you, your dad and Elizabeth for all the work you do n research that you all do individually n collectively to understand how we can flourish individually and collectively n better serve ourselves n others through our short stint here on earth! Bless you all!
WOW! This was the most unique video presentation I've ever seen on YT & I have watched a LOT of CPTSD ones. I admred the looks of affection & love between the two of you & would have loved to see a HUG at the end. I am an older woman w/ CPTSD & can tick all the boxes taht can be ticked. I have known for decades that I need the company of someone who would understand & that has always been missing so healing definitely takes longer. I did see a therapist about a yr. ago & we did EMDR among other modalites & that helped the most but there's no substitute for real understanding companionship or continuing therapy. Just as there is no substitute for God in my life which has really helped me thru hell & back. I mourn often when I'm working on something specific but I also do have joy in my life as well. Would love to see more of this type of video & yes, I benefitted from it & have take aways! Thank you!
Thank you Forrest for the amazing podcast! Watching you guys is so therapeutic! Please more episodes of you and lovely Elizabeth together! Sending lots of love 😘😘😘
This is the first time I have heard someone speak about their own CPTSD - it was very emotional for me to hear someone describe my inner world in such an articulate way. I too scored an 8 on the Aces test - and in my head Im like, im an 8 - im wreaked - this is the way life just has to be and the grief in that for my soul, that it was beyond my control that I had to suffer this condition, is somedays really really thick. I have been in therapy for over a year now with my most amazing therapist - it took 6 months for me to trully be myself with her as you say it takes a really long time to build that trust. She has been my saving grace from that grieving thick that still comes and knocks on my door but like you, it dosent visit long these days.. ..I love your grounding tools - will be adding to my fly little kit that I keep on standby...Your awesome lady! Thankyou so so much for standing in your power against the thick of CPTSD and sharing that part of you that I know - would have been hidden away for so long due to your needs not being met as a child...I love this!! And to be so real with your on the spot reaction to Forrest's comment - you fully rock!! You no doubt are a very effective therapist just like the one the Universe gifted to me....Beautiful.....x
I also cry at sweetness but it’s because I miss my dad and only ever revcjeved sweetness from him and my main trauma revolves around his suicide. What a wonderful conversation
Thank you so much to both of you lovely souls for doing the work that you do. Having access to the expertise, tenderness and relatability of people like you has seriously changed and saved my mental and emotional health and by extension, my life ❤️
Thank you. This has made so much sense to me.. I could never pin point major traumatic events specifically but lots of little things like you talked about being an emotional Councillor for my parents breaking up their arguments, father not being available.. Stuff like that and it really resonates. I really love the time does not exist idea!
hearing stories like Elizabeth's really helps ease the sense of "I am alone and no one can possibly understand me" that comes with C-PTSD. Your relational wounds run so deep that you simply can't trust people. Your logical brain just isn't at the same place as the deeper programming that happened before you even had words. So even when there is a possibility for safe bonding you often miss because you're still seeing through the eyes of that wounded child. I grew up in a military family and never learned how to make friends as a kid due to all of the moving around. Mom, my brother, and I were physically abused by my dad, who was gone for months. And when they WERE together, they'd fight constantly, so I had to be the little therapist for them both. Six-year-old me listening to them tell me how awful the other was and then saying whatever I needed to, to hold the house together. Being hypervigilant knowing my dad's laughter could be leading to getting slapped for some imagined sin. Endured constantly contorting myself into what they needed, only to get kicked out of the house when I stood up for myself for the first time as a young adult. It taught me no matter how good I was, I could never be good enough for love. So I armored myself even harder against love, only for C-PTSD to fully flower in my 20's as dissociation, depression, anxiety, and more. Despite it all, at age 41, I'm well on my way down the healing path due to integrating many of the techniques laid out in this video. Especially relating to myself through the IFS lens. Huge game-changer, softening my stance to my inner world. It's taken years and I'm not where I'd like to be - but I'm glad I never gave up on myself! Because I definitely had.
WoW, thank-you Forrest so very much for this discussion and interview. Hearing Elizabeth's story and her richly wise and compassionate self-awareness, has been so healing and empowering for me. This collaborative sharing has been true MEDICINE and has greatly helped me with my own healing path and journey. Thank-you both!
I relate to Elizabeth's childhood experience in almost every single way she describes. I will be sharing this videos with many people since its about a gazillion times easier to say, "watch this; this is me." then try to actually tell people out loud with my own voice all these things that I'm desperate for them to know about me.
Im utterly speechless, heartbroken, empathized with, nervous, feeling noticed and a bit optimistic for one day overcoming all thats happened and lost over the years. I always told everyone I had a great childhood...and then about a year ago I stumbled on one of these videos and my whole layer of protection and realization of what actually happened was shattered. I have all of the symptoms on a major level and can't beleive I didnt figure the truth out sooner. Weird thing is Ive always desired to work with kids, seniors, pets, cult survivors, sra detractors, anyone who endured any traumatic abuse and mentally handicapped of any age. For years I researched truth and strived to help anyone who needed it, and now at 43, i feel so stupid for not realizing why. Better yet, to know I am more in need of serious help than everyone I gave all my heart and attention to help fix, is a sad pill to swallow. The silver lining was listening to a young woman say things out loud that I have been feeling internally for a long time. Ive been a mess really since about a year now just trying to fix me alone in near isolation, with the exception of my 7 days a week working boyfriend of 7 years and a half paralyzed wild creature I found some time ago (the latter is a good listener who puts his paws on my hand and stares at me sweetly when he notices me crying). I pray God keeps throwing these helpful gifts at me at just the right times so I can build up the broken kid inside to take a chance at life again. Im really happy I was blessed with your video today. You two are so sweet and genuine and relateable, Im impressed and touched with how articulate, tender and forthcoming that it made me want another hour to watch unveil. Its also super cute to watch your relationship reach such a milestone was so cool. I hope you both are better than ever and no rush, but this world needs parents like you in it to help the generations ahead, sooooo if you guys wanna breed some really rounded and intelligent rock stars to lead humaniy, it would be great. Hehe. Any hooot, thanks you guys, its a whirlwind but after hearing you speak today, I believe its a whirlwind I will tame one day. God bless you and thanks for ssoooooo much you have no idea.....but of course you probably do I'm sure.
Thank You for sharing your life. It is speaking to my inner child and all that I went through to "raise" my parents. Thank you for validating the hardships of growing up in abusive families. This helps.
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Very insightful…. TY both❤️🔆❤️‼️
How soon or what is a good time to share this with a new partner.? From the beginning or wait..
She looks kinda like & reminds me of a young Marissa Tomei. What soulful eyes☹️
This was the BEST interview/talk/interaction and example I've watched (on UA-cam and beyond) on C-PTSD. Both interviewer and guest were great.
It really resonated with me. It was hearing a description of my life. In many ways similar, like the religiosity part. And in other ways slightly different, however feelings and reactions to the experiences highly the same. It gave me so much validation and healing that I cried in various moments. 🙏🏽
The therapy part it's very true, and real. Finding the right therapist that is knowledge, but most importantly feels safe and attuned to us, is crucial. I've pretty much discovered on my own that I have been going thru cptsd, despite having been in therapy for many, many years. No therapist ever told me that the feelings and reactions/sensations/thoughts I was experiencing in my body - to the point of developing chronic illness-were due to unresolved trauma and C-PTSD.
For me, what made this interview validating was Elizabeth's authenticity, vulnerability and realness. The way she speaks of her experiences going through C-PTSD. and from a therapist's perspective (have no doubt she's a great one).
Her attunement to her somatic sensations and thoughts as she shares these experiences shows how much work she's done on herself.
I enjoyed your interaction as a couple as well. Being attuned to each other, and how a trigger comment was mitigated with/thru truth, vulnerability and compassion.
This was validating and reassuring to me that one can heal and come to the other side from C-PTSD.
Thank you both for putting this content out there! 💖🦋🙏🏽
Mind blown, a lot of my life explained with this statement…”you never attune to the person that’s having the best time in the room. You attune to the person that’s having the shittiest time in the room. Because that’s how your little nervous system developing had to. You had to attune to the parent that was having the worst day. So you could monitor it and fix it.” 😮
Exactly. I am same ,too. Also , I realized I always sped time with not good people for me because my mom was also and is not good for me.
No way. I feel so validated
Very powerful wow
I totally understand watching your mother’s every move, no matter how small! EVERY move. It really offered a solid education in reading every other person I’ve met. And, of course, it was my self-designated job to be who each one needed. That’s exhausting for a child!
Now, I didn’t take the ACE test, but after years of therapy and crying I finally had a moment when I said to my therapist, “It was bad, wasn’t it?” Her “Yes” was confirmation and also sounded like “And now we can start.”
Story of my effing life. I'll never forget how "up" I felt after 9/11. If I had been young enuf to still join the armed forces, I would have. The shittier things are the more activated and engaged I am. If things are going well, I feel like crap, l'm depressed and withdrawn. I should have gone to work for FEMA.
I love this honest, intimate, vulnerable conversation.
I'm 67 years old and am the first person in a family of six generations of incest, wife abuse, child abuse and alcoholism to stand up, speak out and begin the liberating work of therapy.
My children are the first in the lineage of inter-generationational healing. They are awesome people despite their dysfunctional parents. Alas, I can see the wounds they carry from my own woundedness. But, thankfully, they are much healthier individuals than myself or my husband.
Now, my grandson is the 2nd generation in a new legacy of health, wholeness and freedom.
I benefitted immensely from this conversation and have shared it with five people already, including my son and daughter.
That's a beautiful testimony. The work you've done will benefit your family for generations. Godspeed.
much support for you. it takes strength. it will hopefully help in your healing.
Reading this comment made me cry. That is so beautiful.
Rhonda, I am 45 and trying to break that cycle, too. But it hurts so much seeing my kids being affected emotionally, too. What do you think you did, despite your own emotional distress, differently so that your kids are now healthy and not traumatised? Or did you start your recovery before you had kids? My kids were 3,6 and 10 and my now 9 year old has had to learn to navigate my emotions, my 6 yo cannot regulate her own, my 13 yo shuts herself in, trying to cope with their mom being jumpy and burnt out, trying to heal her own childhood trauma. I hug them a lot, always apologise if I overreacted, but I cant always be there for them. But if you told me, "just focus on xyz" I would certainly try to add this to the hugs and apologies. Initially, my intent was to model self care but I am failing miserably. Walking away from their dad was self care by setting boundaries towards toxic people. But I have not been able to get beyond that.
I am also older and remember my aunt screaming my mother's name, mom's been dead over 20 years at the time, that my mother had caused her to be beaten to the point of blood running down my aunt's back from a father that had been dead over 70 years. Generational dysfunction comes back to haunt descending grandchildren and great grandchildren. I knew why mom was nuts, but that didn't help me sort out my problems.
Hypersensitivity “is like a raw exposed nerve going out into the world” , that explains it perfectly!
Image your husband or bf listening to you like this for an hour. Can’t be more sweetness.
I love the bit Elizabeth said about the power of just being sweet and soft and warm. It's so true! I think people can get way too focused on therapeutic strategy, when just being attuned with someone with soft warm loving energy is the gold dust.
Totally agree and what an eye opener to hear her bring this up!
I hate how bullying in school isnt seen as harmful in the long run. I was bullied very horribly from 4th to 7th grade to the point that I have repressed a lot of those memories and I now dissociate from reality whenever anything remotely stressful happens. Ive always hated telling people I was bullied cause the word almost makes it seem childish.
Edit: thank you for the replies, they really mean a lot ❤️ I wish all of you the best
So sorry to hear that you were bullied like that. Bullying is SO traumatizing, it's unreal that it takes place in our school system the way that it does. 😟
I'm sorry to hear that... I see it as a serious issue. Remember the C in CPTSD stands for complex, not childhood. In majority of cases it stems from early childhood, but it doesn't have to. Everyone talks about family systems but I think it doesn't have to stem primarily from the family system either.
It is starting to be seen as serious now there are shows about it and everything I heard it used to be worse for kids growing up in the 80s which I could kind of see in the movie Heathers but aside from that movie I don't think people took bullying seriously
Oh boy, same here brother/sister, I lost my brother at 13 years old and at the same time was going through bullying on the 7th grade, I even had a group of kids grabbing me and burning my hand with a cigarette, I still have a small scar from it, but grieving and going through that and other things built the person I’m now. At the same time my mother was in a deep depression because of my brothers passing and always I got home I used to hide my pain so it didn’t affect her even more. Oh boy, I have so much still to overcome and I only feel comfortable talking about it on the internet. :/
I agree bullying in school is terribly harmful. I was bullied in the Girl Guides because I went to a different school from the others, but my Dad forced me to go because he had a great time in the Boy Scouts - he didn’t get that the Girl Guides back then was completely different from the Boy Scouts. We did go to camp in a field once, but the tents were set up for us and we didn’t do very much except for a few chores around camp. I got assigned emptying the Latrines by my Patrol leader who was the ring-leader of the bullying, I also got assigned to wash up the dishes regularly. The other Patrols had to take their turns, so I only had to empty Latrines for maybe 2 or 3 days, but leaving the decision to the Patrol leader was just an open invitation to bully the person in the group who was lowest on the totem pole. I never felt able to tell an adult that I was being bullied because I didn’t think I could rely on my parents and therefore by extension, I didn’t believe that any other adults could be trusted to take it seriously. We were also told to bring an old blanket with a hole cut in the middle which would serve as a kind of warm poncho when we were singing songs around the campfire. My parents refused to cut a hole in the blanket as they thought it was a waste. We weren’t short of old blankets or in the kind of poverty that would have made that blanket so important - in fact I don’t remember them ever using it. They insisted that I fold it so that it could be pinned together with a safety pin instead of cutting a hole. The parents were invited over to visit us one evening and they saw that I was the only child that had it safety-pinned - all the others had a hole cut as per the instructions that were sent home. They were embarrassed by the peer pressure of the other parents, so they did then cut a hole in it like everyone else had done.
I was lucky that I was wasn’t bullied in school, which must be much worse. It upset me to see other kids being bullied and I felt bad for the weaker teachers who would be taunted by other girls in my class, one of whom was my best friend. She started to drift away from me and I think part of that was because I was too much of a “goody two shoes”. We were very close before puberty and she was generally a nice, fun person to be around. In fact she asked be to be her sponsor when she was confirmed which to me felt like I was really important to her. She had a strange streak which attracted her to some of the meaner girls and it felt like I ceased to exist when a couple of them were around. Those girls did bully me very mildly from time to time and she wouldn’t join in but she didn’t defend me either. Both my parents were extremely strict and had post- grad qualifications as teachers, so I was terrified of getting into trouble at school, more because I was afraid of the consequences when I got home but also the schools I went to were very strict, secondary school was Roman Catholic Convent School, which I was taken out of when I was 16 and put into mainstream school studying double Maths and Physics. I was one of only 2 girls in our Physics class and I wasn’t used to working alongside teenage boys. The other girl hung out with a male friend who she already knew from their previous school. I had to work in a group with two boys - also friends from their previous school and they would just takeover and do the experiments as though I wasn’t there, except on one occasion when they got stuck and let me have a go and I was able to make it work which was very gratifying, but I went totally inside myself and I couldn’t seem to make friends with any of the girls - I lost my social skills entirely as I expected to be rejected by my peers. I’d spend break times hiding in the toilets mostly because I didn’t want anybody to know that I had no friends. It was a large enough school that everybody assumed that I had friends that I was hanging out with elsewhere. I felt completely isolated as there was no point in trying to talk to my parents about anything - they’d just tell me it was something I had to get through and to try harder or imply that there was something faulty about me, mostly that came from my mother as she taught full-time as a Music Teacher in a secondary school and really didn’t have much time for her own children,she’s also a functioning alcoholic so she’d drink and fall asleep most evenings after a long day at work and cooking dinner (she’d start drinking around 6pm when she was cooking dinner unless she had an evening engagement when she’d usually take a tranquilliser as just about all of her after school activities involved playing the piano or the church organ and she’d be nervous playing in front of her peers). My Dad was a rageaholic and often violent as well as extremely insensitive and often said cruel things. He’d also buy a small chocolate bar for myself and my sister most Friday evenings and both parents had moments when they would be kind and loving. There was a lot of uncertainty about when one of them would take out their frustrations on us.
I have the intense feelings of guilt and shame and I’m still stuck in my traumas in my 50s. I also fell into being a functional alcoholic and the treatment I received made it worse rather than better. That’s an ongoing battle.
I found this video very useful. Thank you Elizabeth and how lovely to see the interaction between the two of you.
Getting to a point where you can create new, healthier, emotional regulatory habits with cptsd is exactly what Elizabeth said. It is grieving for the loss of your childhood innocence, expressing your anger about having to be your parent's parent (or any real or perceived wrongdoing), and trying to unmask your true self.
I really appreciate how she talks about having been in denial about the level of trauma based on comparison with her parents blatantly abusive childhood trauma. I can so relate to that! My struggles were always minimized and I was told I had a perfectly normal happy healthy childhood when that is just so false. But I believe it sometimes because of the lifelong gaslighting
And yet, you saw through it..
Great work... We can heal! 🌹🌹
Me too...can relate.
Same here
"Managing your parents' emotions..." Wow. That's a substantial one because it becomes almost a constant, particularly if you're chronically managing and interpreting the emotions of both parents simultaneously.
Any parent who has problems or can't parent that well for whatever reason could still protect their kids to an extent if they reassured their kids that they are never the problem, and the problem is the parents themselves but most parents won't do that they'll let you think you're the problem
It s all about toxic parents... 🙅♀️🚴♀️🚴♀️🚴♀️🚴♀️
I’ve managed my parents mentions my entire life. This was so helpful. She was so well spoken and he was so kind.
She described my CPTSD so well, I’ve never heard someone tell my story the way she has. Wow . I’m floored. I’ve had years and years of working on healing from my traumas and have never heard it so well put. Thank you 🙏🏼 wonderful conversation.
I think you two are an amazing set of humans.
Ditto
People used to think trauma had to be from war horrible abuse seeing an accident etc. but trauma is more about negative experiences and how they affect us and shape us but I know people would still dismiss most of us if we say we're traumatized
@bluelotus your comment is my comment, if I’d written one. Your words gave me that seed of hope each day needs to get to the next. I wish you well esp finding resources. I’m forever seeking the right therapist and continue I n-depth research as it’s my only validation I have.
A year ago you wrote this and today it has significantly impacted another person’s life. I needed to tell you that and thank you.
Please have Elisabeth back again, I so relate to her experiences. Elisabeth is articulate and intelligent. Bravo you two are amazing.
Real people. No masks. Open and honest. Nurturing. Healing. Refreshing. Edifying. Thank you. ❤️
You guys are adorable together. This is the first time I've met Elizabeth and I must say she reminds me so much of myself as also a "sweet" and tender HSP with CPTSD. Trying to explain myself when I "can't be around another nervous system" right now or feeling "sheer terror" when trying to tell others what I feel or need was summarized perfectly by her. I also "managed up" and was head parent to my own parents and siblings. Thank you both for this excellent session. It made me feel seen and validated…great job guys!
I’m thankful for what you are both doing. I am married now to a wonderful man. We have been together almost seven years. His willingness to hold space for me, accept me and love me for who I am has been so healing!
Does he have a single brother 😆😘🤗
@@bandieboo8102 😂 He actually does but he moved away from his hometown when he was 18 and never went back. Not sure about his three single brothers’ abilities to do the same. 😂
I’m in my 60s and for most of my life I’ve realised something wasn’t right, that I was emotionally deeply fucked up. I’ve recently been listening to podcasts about CPTSD and slowly coming to the realisation that, yes, this is it. Your podcast has nailed it. Don’t know what I can do about it but thank you.
I’m so happy that you have each other. I wish you both a long and rewarding life ❤️
Have you tried Hypnosis specifically for Trauma ~CPSTD (included, inner child healing, polyvagl, somatics, energy healing, holistic, though gets to the root, huge releases and you integrate new beliefs?. I do this and it's been life changing. I started at 48. Best of luck🙏❤
I did EMDR. It helped greatly. I am diagnosed with this CPTSD due to narc abuse. I working to get out. I am in my mid 60s.
I'm 60, & just heard of cptsd 2 years ago. It explained decades of not-breathing, deep anguish when someone didn't call back, fury or fear when meeting someone else's irritability etc. It is sooo relieving (tho grievous) to see those behaviors in every decade of life, see how my parents' cptsd resurfaced in their last years, all of us like angry kids as i tried to take care of them. I've cried buckets of tears but am sooo glad to get free of this bit by bit, it doesn’t feel too late at all. We can do it!
Mushrooms
Give a look at self administer EMDR. There's lots of UA-cam on it. It helps reprogram your brain. It's never too late to give yourself a great life. You might find a trauma/EMDR therapist. Best wishes.
Friends devalue me and I don't think it's intentional. When I tell them I suffer with Complex PTSD. They tell me no you don't you think you do because you've been told that. I try to ignore this, but it hurts when friends don't or can't understand what I have been through
Friends care, listen and don't denigrate friends truth. Seems your hoping they will hear you but you are ignoring your inner self, your true self that is crying for someone to hear you, witness your truth and help you to trust. Leave sweetheart or find a way to stand up to these emotional, psychological deniers or bullies.
Dear Lady of the Veil - it sounds like these so called friends are not friends.. True friends do not behave like that or say those things. I've had difficulty finding genuine friends, too, & learning more about cptsd and consequent behaviours helps understand why. There ARE folk who understand, & care, & we can mutually support each other etc.. finding our 'tribe' 🙏💕💖🤗
@@manyBlessings2all ❤️🙏😘
It's very possible that your 'friends' are denying this reality because they simply don't have the tools to help or provide support... that they may have cptsd of their own that they are also in denial of and to face your experience with you would necessarily bring their own similar experience to light such that they would have to go through the pain of dealing with that... or they're just recognizing that victim mentality isn't getting you good results and want you to move past brooding and into solutions... In other words, people can only guide or help others in the paths that they themselves have walked through. Sometimes cognitive dissonance is the only thing holding one's reality together and breaking everything down (everything that you know of yourself and life and base your personality and life attitudes/actions/habits) can feel too overwhelming and chaotic to handle without going completely off the rails and possibly never getting back on those rails again and thus feeling lost without a compass. Your friends may truly care about you but simply cannot help you here... much of healing is in fact a solo job anyway, nice to have hands to hold but only you can walk your path.
You've surrounded yourself with people that keep you feeling alienated and traumatized. Heal and you will find that you need more from people in your life.
My whole childhood trauma story is the biggest contributor to my entire life. Having to protect my mother from my abusive step-father, I learnt to read them as a child, I knew by their interactions with each other if there was going to be arguments and violence. I would stay awake and my instincts were always right. The minute I heard it escalate to a slap I would run into their room and stand in front of my mother so he wouldn't hit her again. She didn't protect me or my siblings from his violence and she abused us too. I still don't understand so much about why I protected her yet she failed to protect her children. So confusing always craving her love and acceptance but treated with contempt and jealous like behaviour, belittling me, unable to express love and to realise of recent times her inability to even say sorry for anything she did, including abandoning her kids to run off with the abusive bloke who became our stepfather. I have tried all my life to be loved by her and I don't think she's capable of loving me and we were not wanted. At 62yrs of age I am still highly damaged from all of it along with my messed up adulthood and finally only 5yrs ago to be diagnosed with so many conditions including CPTSD. I have had to try and live with all the crap before diagnoses and after. I could so relate to all of this, but I still feel so misunderstood and the sadness of so much of my life wasted because of my mental health illnesses caused by people who failed to protect me and damaged me severely including the education institutions that also abused me. Thankyou for talking about this so openly I could so relate to so much. Back to therapy again but I'm so tired of still dealing with all the crap.
Omg. I can so relate to your story. I’m 62 also and still trying to heal. It’s a tough journey and can be extremely painful/lonely. I really need to find a good group to heal with.
@@joywilliams4014 agreed. Would be nice to have a good support group that would be helpful to heal from these wounds.
I can't even think of my child hood.😢77 yr old male.
@@joywilliams4014 tough is putting it mildly
Big hugs! This is hard stuff.. I'm 63 and had finally gotten to an ok spot in life, not great but at least peaceful. And then I was kidnapped , held hostage and raped by my neighbor in an extremely rural area. Now I'm destroyed. All of it together was to much and my nervous system is so fried I can't handle anything anymore. Zero help available where I am
One day, I'd love to see people discuss long-term trauma from DV that happens in the 15-25 age span. I keep seeing people discuss childhood trauma and adult DV, and I'm really happy that's being talked about, but I also feel very left out of the conversations because nothing mirrors my experiences of grooming and DV.
This is the only perspective I have related to, making sense of CPTSD and can apply to flashbacks and rumination that has made a difference for the 1st time in my life. My childhood was lost in a sea where no one heard me. I learned to do everything on my own. I was drowning. The adults in my life watched when I was screaming and I watched my brother drowned. No one heard him, the experience caused a traumatic loss and a lesson that I had to save myself. I learned the fear, pain, and isolation would get better when I rescued myself. I took responsibility for all that happened to me even at the hands of others. I gave up on people after my brother died. The adults did not help him and watched him suffer. I closed myself off the day I lost my brother. I believed I was responsible for saving myself. The last 2 podcasts I watched were life changing. I do not say that lightly at all. I feel heard/understood, without being there in person. A light switch went on. I can see and accept the reality and pain.. it is not easy but there is life where I am now, I don't have to hide and deny my emotions. The reality is that I am a worthy person. All of us are worthy and.meant to have human connection with integrity and respect that does exist in this world. There is a new road for me to travel, I just began to journey down the road but it's so beautiful and full of life. I pray everyone finds the road that connects all of us !
🌈❤️
This is such a hard thing to read. Your brother drowning like that is horrific. I'm so sorry that happened to him and you.
@@dariamancini963 Thank you, I appreciate you're compassion. It means a great deal. It is a lesson I've learned to appreciate and not take for granted the kindness of another. I truly believe compassion and kindness change the world.
Rumination has a lot to do with actual trauma... People who don t make sense in your brain... Who have two realities... Liers, hypocrites, etc... Maybe a close member near you... Watch it out....
❤
I appreciate when you said EMDR was not helpful because I had that and the therapist was blaming me. But I love that people like you are getting support and showing up, because I’m also really sweet and strive for space to accept what I need without intense humiliation over my self esteem.
Same EMDR didn’t help me at all.
Same here..,after 32 years of marriage to an abusive narcissist, watching a light go back and forth didn’t cut it for me..sadly I think we have to get ourselves out of it. Best wishes to all who are suffering in silence 🙏
@@oilselevated4808 after narcissistic abuse, emdr and other therapies can only work after you've already processed a lot and are ready for individuation. Sam Vaknins work has helped me a lot, perhaps youve come across him?
It did not help me either
I had a conversation with my Aunt recently, while discussing why I've chosen not to have kids (I'm mid-30s), and I cited generational trauma (grandparents survived the holocaust) as a big reason- pointing out to her that yes, she was able to raise her kids without hunger, having clean clothes, no physical abuse etc. But emotionally... her daughter had anorexia and her son was an addict as teens. My mom (her sister) married a man who did not "spare the rod", so it is really no surprise my brother lived homeless and on drugs at 16, while I dealt by becoming a huge empathic doormat people pleaser to avoid conflict at all costs, and developed a bfrb (common comorbidity of cptsd). I remember learning to cry without making any noise as a kid so that my dad wouldn't continue to hit me. I never want to be a parent.
wish you love and healing. Hugs
Can relate, I also decided to not have children in my late 30's in the 1990's because treatment for CPTSD was horrible and I saw no hope in healing and knew if I cannot take care of myself then I cannot burden a child. Plus, too many have children so they will have someone to love unconditionally when they would be better buying a dog due the selfish reasons many have children as a wound healer.
@@dylanmaxey2531 Was it difficult decision not to have kids? I am also cruising quickly to the end of my 30s but I'm just now slowly waking up to the realisation that I might want to have a kid despite of CPTSD because I feel there's hope for healing...Sometimes it takes THAT long to unlearn destructive patterns.
I sometimes think the people who actually have the self awareness to consider whether they would give a child what they need, would be much better parents than many of the people who have children.
I have cptsd and I have 4 children. I would never treat them the way my parents treated me. I got help, with counseling and support from my amazing husband and I know that my kids are happy and healthy. They are so wonderful. It can be done. Breaking generation trauma.
It is really something how similar our experiences can be. Thank you both. "A piece of you that is always trapped as a child when you are an adult." Yes. Yes. Yes.
I'm sorry that we can all relate, Eugene. Glad to see your comment; that quote resonated with me too...
My god I have never heard someone tell so accurately how it is living with C-PTSD and how important it is to find the right therapist.
I especially loved what she said about time. The main difference between a good and bad therapist is how clock-conscious they are. Some are brutal, and will pause you mid-sentence - which can cause fresh trauma in itself. I also think there is a very real need to be 'witnessed', as she said - if only to learn in so doing that another human being can take you in the raw - something family always taught you subliminally that they never could.
Agree , I was at a therapy session today and into some deep trauma work when she abruptly just stopped the session, felt very brutal and with total lack of empathy and compassion of what I was in the middle of. Kind of shock to my system, therapist should be training in how to bring people gently in and out safely of these states.
@@larsstougaard7097 I'm sorry you were treated like that. I think it may be time to move on if she's going to be so legalistic over a few moments. I don't see any reason why a session can't conclude in a more natural, appropriate way. These people are well paid, and whilst you can't pay anyone to genuinely care, I think that behaviour sends you the message that she's not a 'safe' person, -when the relationship needs to be based on trust. It's a tough one for any client to navigate, as we're so vulnerable and need to be able to trust our therapists. I hope you can address it with her, as it feels important.
@jennytaylor3324 thank you very much for your reply , I just think my therapist and other ones I have encountered don't have had deep trauma themselves. So they don't know what it feels like, they have only learned some practical approaches to deal with it and more general things. My dilemma is my therapist do some helpful somatic work I haven't found anywhere else. It's a jungle out there, so can be hard and stressful to start over and over again. And true I should try to address it after this summer break, but will consider if I should move on also. 😊🙏
Wow. Too bad! I hope your therapy situation is better now one way or another. Thank you for your lovely articulation of a therapist's responsibility to help people move gently into the present after deep trauma work and vice versa. @@larsstougaard7097
I cried through the first half of this video. The things Elizabeth describes are the words that I’ve never been able to express about my own childhood and current experiences.
Totally me too, it was an eye opener for real. I wish it didnt take me half my life to learn as much as i did here. Hope your doing ok and I hope this video helped you the way it did me. Hang in there and I hope your healing is letting you live the life you deserved the whole time. God bless you dear and stay strong and hopeful.
What a helpful and real conversation! I'm grateful for the increase in understanding of CPTSD and how it can look/feel to ourselves and others. I personally related strongly with Elizabeth and honor her willingness to be vulnerable. You are both rock stars!😁🙏🏻💜
Thank you Shari!
It took me to get to the age 44 to see it. I had my light 💡 bulb moment, and have completely stepped away from all toxic family members, people and anything that does not serve me any safety and loving learning life lessons and surroundings. I had to teach myself boundaries. I pray for all and everyone to have blessings and I love at a distance. I am powerless and my life has become unmanageable and I believe in a higher power and it’s Jesus. Thank you so much for your share. A lot of childhood similarities. There is a gift in desperation. I changed, shifted my angle of view point and it has helped me grow. Also letting go and let life live clean and serene 🫶🏼💡💕
@@lavenderchai1613 I HAD to change. I was Desperate! And it worked! Yes, Jesus is a good, good friend.
So are you, 2 Beautiful Rock Star souls, Forrest and Elizabeth!! Keep keepin' it So Real!! Thank you 💜👣
@@Sunny-vm4ry thank you for your sweet comment, you literally made my day 💝☺️🫶🏼 Jesus is best friend… a matter a fact he’s my only friend 💯🔑🩸
Most of me is trapped in the child that was hurt. I love that phrase! Both of my parents are narcissistic. Emotional regulation is extremely difficult even at 56.
I’d love for her to be my therapist, the best moments in therapy is just being attuned to, being seen, understood, and validated
Wow! It’s so validating that you are verbalizing the very same thought processes that I experience daily. Your words are parsing through the mushroom cloud in my mind… and all the workarounds I’ve invented to get through life with my crushing hypersensitivity (due to childhood trauma) I didn’t know how to separate this part from another part nor did I have any idea that someone else experienced the very same secret parts of me. Talk about making one feel less lonely. That’s where the loneliness happens when you’re hypersensitive. I have all these antennas and receptors and I receive everything that’s out there. The world is exhausting and people are even more exhausting because I feel every nuance of the interaction and I want to please and it just gets so thick that I can’t move one way or the other because so much is coming in and I can’t respond perfectly to it all so I might assure myself I will be loved.
The hypervigilance alone is crippling and very hard to stop.
When you just talked about not having to meet someone in the middle or halfway but they just appear in your living room. Wow!! No one would ever understand that unless they had experience a lifetime doing not only their part but most of the other persons part as well. I think we do that so that it doesn’t give the other person a chance to make us feel unimportant or not worthy. It’s a coping mechanism and a way to protect ourselves.
it. By the way I felt the same with EMDR. I remember my therapist telling me that she liked me being her last appointment because I was not as emotional and draining as her other clients and it was good to have me at the end of the day. All I felt was that I’m not doing it right and I’m not good enough and I’m certainly not important. Anyway thank you for this lovely conversation. I love Forest abd his dad so much and I’m so glad you’re on today :-)
Wow! I resonate so much with what you shared here. Thanks for taking the time to write this out. It's so wonderful to feel resonance with this experience, particularly the sensitivity. :)
Exactly my experience for 41 years.
I have come to resent the “Your such a good patient”
I am being praised for maladaptive behavior..
It is just an another way of feeling like the only way to survive is to not make any waves and hide who you are. That expressing that you’re in pain will make you just an annoyance. They say it like they are giving you a compliment. But it makes me not trust them. They basically just told you they find their other patients draining and a pain to deal with. Which causes further breakdown in feeling that you can be vulnerable and open with this person.
Hearing Elizabeth describe her reactions to others was so enlightening and affirming. I thought I was a bad person because I could/can't tolerate being around certain people because of tone of voice, mannerisms, even speech become triggers from childhood. I often feel like I am too much for others or ascribe traits to people that they do not possess and find that out the hard way. Thank you both for a brilliant conversation 👏 😊
I too have just found this interview and my entire life as the too much too dramatic too sensitive one is suddenly validated, giving me the first real, save, genuine stepping stone to support to get my life back. Thank you for your comment and I wish you all the best.
Wow, I really felt this episode. Didn't have parental safety. 66 year old man here. This took in many ways.
Thank you.
She's bang on!!!!!!! Really appreciated her introspective awareness and knowledge.
Being seen is fun! Intoxicating and addictive almost. I’m enjoying watching Elizabeth talk about her trauma because I’m relating so much and feeling seen myself. Holy smokes, TWO humans in the same room both understand this thief in my head and one of them has it and has learned to control it!
Ptsd is a traitor... Stress from trauma makes you do crazy stuff and have extra pains and fears... Calming, having fun, meditating, listening to calm music... Basically self parenting and listening to you as your parents never did has been totally helpful to me
That was the most comprehensive and relatable conversation I have heard on CPTSD. I felt as if I were the subject at times, the way it hit so close to my experience and then the tools given are actual things I will try for real. Thank you. I hope both of you will do this again soon.
I love Elizabeth. She's so honest, sweet and relatable
This episode was fantastic and I wish the topic of CPTSD and recovery was more widely talked about. I have been on a healing journey for almost 35 years and I can confidently say, the commitment to the work pays off and there is joy and relief along the way. Elizabeth, you expressed so beautifully what is often times too difficult to put into words because there just aren't any. What longs for expression and release is trapped in sensation and nervous system reactivity. I have found relief in many different modalities with many different therapists. I would encourage folks to try different things. EMDR was successful for me during one season of my recovery but not in others. MBSR, mindfulness meditation, IFS, Attachment based therapy, NARM (NeuroAffective Relational Model), YOGA, Guided visualization, have all influenced my overall wellness. Pete Walker, Rick Hanson, Belleruth Naparstek, Bessel van der Kolk have all written amazing material that have influenced my healing journey. Thank you Elizabeth for sharing your experience and encouraging us all to keep going. May your sweetness never lose its power to heal. Many blessing to you.
This is really lovely, thank you for sharing it
I have CPTSD from childhood SA and growing up in a dysfunctional, unstable family. My father was an alcoholic with binge drinking issues. My mother enabled him, did nothing to protect us from his abuse. If my dad was drinking, my mom was drinking. I am a master of people pleasing and it’s been super difficult to stop “fawning” as an adult during conflict. My parents couldn’t solve issues without screaming, arguing, belittling. My dad and brothers were always punching holes in walls. I was always walking on eggshells. I couldn’t regulate my emotions at all as a child- if I cried I couldn’t stop- I was extremely sensitive. Now, as an adult with a child of my own, I am taking charge of healing my trauma. EMDR has helped tremendously. Along with mindfulness, meditation, somatic practices. I am finally learning to regulate my nervous system because nobody ever taught me how in childhood. My son’s only 9 months old and I am determined to build the healthiest life for him as possible. The intergenerational trauma stops with me!
*** I was in denial for a very long time too. My parents deny all the SA even though I know it happened- the body keeps score. I am learning to find validation within because they will never take accountability.
This explains what my therapist did wrong. Sometimes she’d use CBT when I was having a trauma reaction.🙄🙄🙄 that would cause me to disassociate and feel confused and angry. Overtime I grew not to trust her, even though I knew she meant well. I appreciate Elizabeth talking about how she felt when he made a logical comment about her trauma while she was actually feeling it.
I completely resonated with all of what Elizabeth Ferreira said. After 51 years of living and suffering, and probably 30 years of self helping, I am so ready for THERAPY! But I am having so much trouble finding a “really good therapist”! I have reached out a few times before and have had very inert experiences, and have felt unsafe and unheard/unseen almost the whole time. I would really like to connect with Elizabeth either for therapy, and/or a referral. I hope you get this message.
How about self parenting? No one like yourself to heal yourself!! 🤗🤸♀️🤸♀️🙋♀️🌷🌷
I recently discovered I have Complex PTSD at 35, it had been causing me a great deal of confusion because I didn't know what I was suffering from but now that I have learned a bit about it I don't feel so alone and I feel I am on a better path now towards a greater understanding of myself and I am really working on self-compassion for myself and my inner child. Seeing that Elizabeth suffers from CPTSD but is also an amazing therapist helping others is incredibly inspiring! It can be scary to discover you have been suffering from something so intense and there is a tendency to have some anxiety when you have a sudden life-altering realisation, however I feel so reassured by the fact that there are such strong people out there who were willing to be this vulnerable and go through the process of healing and understanding. I relate so much to the hyper-vigilance and the instinctual lack of trust, the hypersensitivity, I really want to learn more about how to sit with these feelings and try to move towards a more trusting disposition, I think this is the key to unlocking some of the emotions I had been suppressing. I don't know enough right now but I feel maybe these feelings stay with you but that you need to work every day on allowing yourself to trust and not be so vigilant, it may take time but I know I can do it, knowing there are others are out there who have walked a path towards healing is really inspiring me. I also identify with how some therapies don't work for some people so I will seek out the most suitable version for myself (I'll try my best anyway!)
Thanks guys :)
I would try mindfulness guided meditations (you can find them on UA-cam) that could help you with hyper vigilance and also shaking (I think it is somatic exercises) that helps you to release trauma stored in the body without doing sports or exercises that can make you more stuck in fight and flight response.
That's what I'm doing now, learning to breathe slower and staying in my body.
What a woman; what a man. She is so blessed to have him as her partner. Couldn't leave that out;) Blessings! ✨ Oh, and thank you both:))
I had very similar experiences as Elizabeth and was diagnosed with CPTSD and autism this year at 28 years old. Thank you for sharing this. It’s very validating and makes me feel less alone ❤
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Thank You. I love my wife so much and i know she loves me. I just learned about c-PTSD last week. I've been looking for info related to relationships with c-PTSD and so happy i came across this video. It was just beautiful watching you two. Seeing a smart genuine couple in the moment discussing it is beyond valuable. I now see I've been doing everything so wrong for the last 15 years. Looking back i can't imagine how much pain I've caused her by not understanding. She keeps telling me about all the pain I've caused and I've been completely unable to understand what she's talking about. Especially, seeing the "trigger" moment on this video. Knowing that a trained, educated, very self aware therapist can get triggered by Forrest, with his soft and subtle voice. It's so eye opening to see how uncontrollable the trigger can be. So many times I've felt i said the right thing in the right way, and gotten such bad responses. I've often gotten defensive and responded with mean statements, telling her how she should feel or not feel. I know I still don't understand and probably never really will but i will rewatch this over and over and hopefully learn how to listen and be with her in her feelings. I love her so much and want so much for her to be happy. She's so great and so awesome in so many ways. I hope i can train myself to stop being so "direct" and jump right into "problem solving mode". If possible, it would be great for you to post resources for helping men train themselves on being better partners for someone with c-PTSD. I imagine it's more prevalent in women. And i Imagine that it's much harder for men to figure out how to be a good partner to someone with c-PTSD as we're not in touch with our emotions as much. I believe we care as much but don't know how. I've honestly been completely clueless for far too long.
What a beautiful voice this young man has. I love listening to it.
Omgosh I so relate to this video.
No matter what we have been told our entire lives, being very sensitive is a gift.
We are the balance in this often hateful world full of suffering and cruelty.
I am so grateful that you exist, that your sweetness and sensitivity exist in this world. ❤️
elizabeth i can relate to you so much. i make people uncomfortable because i’m kind and sweet. i’m alone most of the time it’s really hard to make connections because people don’t understand me.
@@XxmidnitesunxX that is so true, thank you 💚
Wow!! Thanks Elizabeth and Forrest for sharing this wonderful eye opening talk with us!
I’m going to look up a therapist that works with this for me and my husband!
We watched this together and had to pause it many times to discuss our childhood memories.
I’m the youngest of 10, a crazy trauma family with lots of drugs & alcohol & anger.
We got married 2 years ago and I thought I had found the man of my dreams after being single for 12 years.
He comes from a family of 9 , he is the 7th kid. The family looked really good from the outside, but shortly after we were married I found out the family secret, that he never told to anyone until he told me.
He had been physically,emotionally and sexually abused by his brother who was 13 years older than him since he was 4 and the brother was 17. And they shared the same bed every night til the older brother moved out when my husband was 12. So from age 4-12 this abuse went on, and when they were out milking cows the brother would beat him in the barn.
I believe we both have exactly what you were talking about here. I feel like we were brought together to heal our little boy and little girl that never got to feel love or trust. We both realize that we have everything you were talking about and have felt emotionally unavailable for each other but didn’t know why. I’m so thankful for you being brave enough as a couple to talk about this! You’ve given us some hope for healing our childhood selves!!
I've cptsd. Alcoholic violent neglectful parents.
I've ptsd from being attacked by most of the all boys school at 12 and then at 17 crashing a bike into a tractor head on and being in a coma for a few days. No therapy as I woke up and left the hospital. Until I looked in a mirror I thought I was OK....badly smashed left hand and an unrecognisable face.
I've spent my life working with horses and women out in paddocks, which saved me. Gave me some meaning.
I worry about hurting others.
Physically or/and mentally as I won't ever let anyone 'push' me..ever.
Single and 63
Seeing Elizabeth talking ….i feel she is ME… i wish i find someone who see me , hear me , and get me to the core …
Thank you. I don't trust psychologists anymore. I've been interested in psychology/cognitive studies since I was 17. When I hear 'the same' questions to get superficial info and then have the professional be dismissive of your situation is devastating, especially when you've paid for it. I love your calm sensitivity. I feel it just listening to you. My role has always been 'balance' Take on everyone else's hurt, anger, fault and be strong enough for everyone to dump on. but since Covid, not being able to work I have fallen apart and I don't feel safe with anyone. I'm supposed to be the life and soul of the party but at this stage of my life I feel everyone laughing at me, never with me. So thank you for being so open and honest. It gives people like me, hope.
Thank you Forrest and Elizabeth. I am recovering from cptsd and this is one of the first times that I have heard someone articulate so clearly how I experience life. ❤
Please, more of Elizabeth. She is telling the story of my life❤❤❤
I could really relate to Elizabeth’s childhood trauma. For a long time I struggled to understand why I’m so “messed up”. There was no obvious trauma (big T trauma, as Gabor puts it). My parents did the best they could but were emotionally unavailable for various reasons, including one set of very toxic grandparents who neglected my mother. My mother, like Elizabeth’s, has been depressed for most of her life. I’ve always needed to suppress parts of myself in front of both of my parents. I loved the bit about accuracy and sensitivity, as I’ve struggled with this in relationships with men who go straight to logic and solutions! Thank you both, especially Elizabeth, for being so vulnerable, from a fellow therapist (person-centred).
this conversation saved me today during an immense PMDD experience. from the bottom of my heart, thank you ♥️
Not just expressing your needs but also knowing that not everyone is going to meet you there and understand and possible rejection! I’m on this path… thank you so much 💜
Wow, listening to this very enlightening talk about recovering from Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) helped me to realize that where we fall on the spectrum of narcissistic and empathic personalities is symptomatic of a trauma response.
I love the honesty of this conversation and the real balance that the two of you bring to each other. So beautiful
12:23 HITS HOME. The comparison, leading to us as children feeling guilty - and suppressing emotions, layers and layers deep.
C-PTSD can be an inside job. Getting the inside out- is deceptively simple. But the whole process is extremely vexed, and seems impossible- at the outset. [Hence the term- "complex".] Out of this matrix I think we have people "with lived experience". I belong to ACA D-F within which we work with this situation. We have a cross-talk policy at our meetings where we get to hear each other out- but, more than anything else we get to hear ourselves out. This is healing.
I don’t know how I got so lucky to stumble upon this but I could not be more grateful.
Not only have both of you renewed my faith that men & women in intimate partnership is possible, it’s can rise to the beautifully intricate level I always imagined it should when the two people are truly right for each other.
For me personally, I’ve never seen it modeled-thank you so much for giving me a visual to attach to the dream. It was transcendental for me.
Also, many thanks for giving me so much language I didn’t have. I’ve been in & out of failed ‘would be’, ‘was really hoping this time it could be’ relationships w/ therapists all my life trying to do the work on what I felt sure I needed to do if I was ever going to feel ok in my own skin.
At 53, I’m so pissed I haven’t gotten this done yet & heartbroken I’ve been unable to avoid dragging my daughter thru the mess of dysfunction that shows up in the adult lives of parents with unresolved childhood trauma.
You’ve inspired me to trudge on in my quest to be supported, heard & to advocate for myself so I’m not interrupted, re-directed, simply placated or my experience dismissed & never again will I settle for doing battle w/ a therapist who cannot help but turn the scope on their experiences instead of mine. Ugh.
I have done a ton of legwork watching lectures & webinars, I have looked at all the traumatic experiences that shaped me, identified their origin & how it showed up in the lives of my parents & their parents before them. As the youngest of 4 adoptees all from different birth parents, a latchkey kid w/ divorced parents, a japanese american mother interned in prison camp during WWII fighting for recognition from the country she was born in who failed to recognize any other kind of trauma but her own & a resentful father who never signed up for raising kids in the first place, reunited & subsequently abandoned again by both my birth parents after a frustrating & ultimately painful 20+ yr relationship, divorced myself, a single mom & psychologically, emotionally & occasionally physically abused by a narcissist while being targeted & alienated from my daughter, I thought would has been a cause worthy of a dedicated effort by at least 1 of the 4 therapists I tried to at least hear me. Hear me & not stop me until I’m done because the reality of my experience has been questioned, discounted, gone unexpressed or dismissed entirely & my anger ‘issues’ made the primary focus my whole life.
Pretty defeating. It has been so hard to find the right help.
And I need it. My 19 yr old daughter who lives w/ me recently began verbally abusing me when she isn’t completely ignoring & dismissing me refusing to communicate by wearing headphones & closing doors in my face.
Menopausal, depressed, shell shocked, startled by various unexpected noises that have me jumping out of my skin, I’m paralyzed by fear & doubt, no idea what I’m capable of or how to take any one step because I don’t know who I am anymore.
I’m so sorry this is so long but I literally have no one to talk to I’m so isolated. This latest barrage of insults & stone walling by my daughter has sent me into a tailspin. My head is flooded with flashbacks & nightmares. Time is ticking away, the world outside passing me by. I feel old, insignificant & can’t even bare the thought of being seen in public sk I’ve started going to the grocery store in the middle of the night because I can’t sleep thru the night anyway.
Don’t know why I turned on the TV in the middle of the day but I did.
Thank you for giving me what I needed to hear today. It was a joy to see your respectful, kind, compassionate connection.
I’m so happy for you both.
Best wishes always,
Tanya
Keep working on it. You deserve to be heard and helped. If you can't find a good therapist to help you with the CPTS, then maybe drag your daughter to a family therapist to work on your relationship with her. Also, check out attachment disorders. That really resonated with me.
Yes finding our soul. Our true soul!😊💖
Loved this interview! Elizabeth, feel your experience so deeply. When Forrest triggers Elizabeth, I literally had the same response to what he said. I practice Hakomi, so the way I’d describe what happened there is that he was too directive without getting the unconscious on board. Statements like that aren’t safe. And they can feel judgmental. The unconscious immediately will protect against that and now you’ve lost the opportunity to actually repair that trigger b/c the person’s unconscious is protecting instead of processing in safety. I’d also point out the word “protective” versus “defensive” as her response is protecting her. Saying “defensive” came off a bit as victim shaming and can be stigmatizing for the person experiencing it.
Her voice is so soothing
I'm so grateful for this conversation; it really highlighted some of the ways in which I was unable to receive my partner's support in past experiences due to my own defense response. 'Start by joining' is brilliant. Elizabeth is so relatable, but so is Forrest -- it's like the two parts of myself are having a dialogue with each other! Many thanks to you both for this
Wow, I am beyond thankful for this podcast. I can relate to so so many aspects of Elizabeths story and feelings.
The first time I saw her in the video i thought „oh wow, she looks like a strong woman“. And a vew seconds later i could also sense her vulnerbility.
Most time throughout my life i felt like weak person and till this moment thought that everybody perceives me as weak too. Even in times, when i actually felt strong, i thought my outside world still perceives this weak person.
But right now this really healing thought came into my mind: „If i see such a strong woman in Elizabeth, maybe the people in my life see strengh in me too.“
Actually very healing for me right now.
Thank you!
I know I’m late to the party, but what a power couple y’all are! I appreciate the mutual respect the two of you each have for one another. Chefs kiss 🤌🏼
This conversation was so helpful for me!!! I SO related to Elizabeth’s experience. I have newly been diagnosed with C-PTSD in the last year at the age of 55. This podcast has helped me understand what that diagnosis means and how I can begin to work with it. So many moments of “me too!”! Thank you Elizabeth and Forrest for giving us this gift! Sometimes it has felt like receiving the diagnosis was a little traumatizing and overwhelming. You helped me feel that the way forward is a little less scary. I will be listening to this many more times.
I got C-PTSD as a CIS man and your wife Elizabeth is totally right, that for us men it‘s so hard to even talk about our feelings and things hurt us. Just because society wants us to always be strong and be there for women.
Thank you both for this valuable podcast ✌🏼
Holy smokes, my personal story is nearly a mirror of Elizabeth's.
Neuro-Divergent - Homeschooled - "absent" father due to work - traumatized parents - etc...
It's terrible to like knowing you have company is misery, but it is comforting none the less.
I can relate to some traits exposed here: I used to act defensive and hyper vigilant, I'm changing that but sometimes I don't know if I'm too rigid or too light
Great conversation covering topics that so many people can relate to. Thank you Elizabeth for sharing your story and insights. You're beautiful inside and out. Forrest, you two are great together, she's a keeper!
Absolutely the most helpful thing I've viewed on-line (& I've been spending 3 hrs. a day for 3 years at this, since I can't seem to find the right therapist) to help me understand what my challenges are, where they came from and some things to do about them. Thank you both very much. I related to her, since I share many of the challenges and to Forest b/c I've tried to help others in much the same ways he was doing with Elisabeth. Excellent to see a healthy couple relating in loving, understanding ways with each other, too. Not exactly something we see in society (especially in "entertainment" media) much, unless we are extremely lucky and were just born into a very healthy system. Please give more of these interviews.
For me, because of the degree of dissociation in my system, EMDR was not effective. There was a strong desire to feel better, less anger / bitterness and hatred. I’ve gradually developed more of a bodily connection and am better able to experience intense emotions. IFS has helped bc whatever is being expressed emotionally, can be understood to be coming from a Part as opposed to SELF.
Thank you for this episode and sweet personal story of self-discovery and transformation. I can relate to so many topics discussed here. Both of your work and love for each other shine through. I appreciate you modeling your sweetness, vulnerability and support. CPTSD has been difficult for me to manage and your podcast was comforting, validating and healing. Again, my gratitude. PS this was my first Being Well podcast.
Thanks for listening!
This was so good. The two emotions y’all speak of are spot on. I wasn’t allowed to be mad. And being “sweet” made me and others uncomfortable because I was ignored a lot as a kid. “You’re fine” heard that a lot and “don’t cry” was another phrase I hear a lot as a kid. So I’d rather just shut down and be quiet. I’m almost 40 and I’m just now working on my behavior and breaking cycles so that I don’t repeat this cycle with my own kids. Thanks for this, it was very relatable.
Elizabeth hit the nail on the head about accuracy and sensitivity and how sometimes it’s better to be sensitive than accurate. I couldn’t articulate it but the way she said it makes sense. I really appreciate you guys discussing this. ❤ I never thought about how going straight into problem solving mode can be a way to avoid really sitting with the person, feeling their pain and helping them to feel heard. I guess this is why I’ve avoided male therapists in the past bc of the fear they would do this (though I know not all have that tendency). Problem solving can be helpful too but maybe not at initial appointments with clients? 🤔 definitely something to think about.
Wow, this speaks to me so much. I have felt like something is wrong with me because I have been doing therapy which has removed my dissociation which can be overwhelming because it has made me overwhelmed and hyper vigilant. I hadn't realized that I just need time to grieve. I need to allow myself room to breath and just be. Thanks for enlightening me more.
My therapist recently suggested that i might have cptsd. In my mind i dismissed that completely because of the idea that nothing "big and bad" happened to me, but honestly, my life has been a huge batch of small bads. And listening to her experience and her describing what it feels like to have cptsd made me realize.... Oh... I think I actually have this.
I started going for adhd and one day I asked my therapist "why are my symptoms worse now as an adult than as a child?" And she said "well, youre kinda smart and resourceful and now your trauma has made it worse" so thats.... Lovely
Thank you for your braveness in opening up about your trauma/C-PTSD! I've struggled with this, compounded with sexual abuse (through ages 9-13, from my Aunts husband), got caught up 3 narcissistic relationships (1year no contact with the 3rd) just beginning the "healing" journey at 57yrs... it's been a very lonely life although filled with people, I've always felt I couldn't identify, much less articulate my feelings and fears. I feel guilt & shame for not being able to meet other peoples expectations of me, but mostly from realizing that I abandoned myself, unknowingly of course, tried to drown the pain with alcohol/drugs.
Thankk you for your videos (therapy isn't an option financially at this time), thankful for the few family & friends that I can "join" with to the extent that I've been able to.
Best wishes ✌️ ❤️ 🙏
So sad to hear about all you've gone through. I wish you all the best in your healing journey. I recommend the youtube channel Patrick Taehan, he talks a lot about dysfunctional family systems and I think that helps identify some of our unhealthy behaviors and where they come from. It's very hard to identify and articulate your feelings and fears if they're tied to stuff your brain has remembered as completely normal and not out of the ordinary. But once you spot how not normal and not ok those circumstances were you start seeing how these things influenced you and the more you can spot your reactions in your current everyday life. I think this helps with identifying and articulating our own feelings.
And I also recommend the Andrew Huberman podcast. He has some podcasts on stress and on trauma. Using the everyday, biology based behavioral tools (for managing stress and trauma) he always makes sure to include in his podcast could help you make more out of self therapy.
I wish you all the best!
She is so in tune with her feelings. I am like oh yes that is true
The amount that I relate to Elizabeth’s story gives me chills and makes me feel so seen and connected and validated. Thank you for sharing your experiences and so eloquently putting words to your trauma. You are inspiring.
Thank you both for sharing. So helpful to me both personally and professionally.
Pot of gold here, absolutely nailed it, you both. What a charming couple, thank you for your dialogue. I really loved it snd will definitely return back to learn more techniques and understand my own trauma n trauma that indirectly I passed onto both my children from not having addressed it through my parenting years, but it’s never too late to rediscover the parts of me that has been traumatised through childhood n the affects on my own children. I am much better through counselling over the years n I am so grateful for finding the services that are available now in person n through these digital outlets that we can connect so easily but again this service is not available to all unfortunately so not everyone will find the means to recover sadly. Thank you, your dad and Elizabeth for all the work you do n research that you all do individually n collectively to understand how we can flourish individually and collectively n better serve ourselves n others through our short stint here on earth! Bless you all!
I love these two and I love Rick Hanson. I learn so much from all of them and I have so much fun with them.
I really appreciate the inside view of this. It is beyond helpful.
I resonate with Elizabeth on a CELLULAR LEVEL!!!! omg. felt.
WOW! This was the most unique video presentation I've ever seen on YT & I have watched a LOT of CPTSD ones. I admred the looks of affection & love between the two of you & would have loved to see a HUG at the end. I am an older woman w/ CPTSD & can tick all the boxes taht can be ticked. I have known for decades that I need the company of someone who would understand & that has always been missing so healing definitely takes longer. I did see a therapist about a yr. ago & we did EMDR among other modalites & that helped the most but there's no substitute for real understanding companionship or continuing therapy. Just as there is no substitute for God in my life which has really helped me thru hell & back. I mourn often when I'm working on something specific but I also do have joy in my life as well. Would love to see more of this type of video & yes, I benefitted from it & have take aways! Thank you!
That "you're always attuned to the lowest in the room." ...hit me right in the feels.
Thank you Forrest for the amazing podcast! Watching you guys is so therapeutic! Please more episodes of you and lovely Elizabeth together! Sending lots of love 😘😘😘
This is the first time I have heard someone speak about their own CPTSD - it was very emotional for me to hear someone describe my inner world in such an articulate way. I too scored an 8 on the Aces test - and in my head Im like, im an 8 - im wreaked - this is the way life just has to be and the grief in that for my soul, that it was beyond my control that I had to suffer this condition, is somedays really really thick. I have been in therapy for over a year now with my most amazing therapist - it took 6 months for me to trully be myself with her as you say it takes a really long time to build that trust. She has been my saving grace from that grieving thick that still comes and knocks on my door but like you, it dosent visit long these days..
..I love your grounding tools - will be adding to my fly little kit that I keep on standby...Your awesome lady! Thankyou so so much for standing in your power against the thick of CPTSD and sharing that part of you that I know - would have been hidden away for so long due to your needs not being met as a child...I love this!! And to be so real with your on the spot reaction to Forrest's comment - you fully rock!! You no doubt are a very effective therapist just like the one the Universe gifted to me....Beautiful.....x
I also cry at sweetness but it’s because I miss my dad and only ever revcjeved sweetness from him and my main trauma revolves around his suicide. What a wonderful conversation
Thank you so much to both of you lovely souls for doing the work that you do. Having access to the expertise, tenderness and relatability of people like you has seriously changed and saved my mental and emotional health and by extension, my life ❤️
Thank you. This has made so much sense to me.. I could never pin point major traumatic events specifically but lots of little things like you talked about being an emotional Councillor for my parents breaking up their arguments, father not being available.. Stuff like that and it really resonates. I really love the time does not exist idea!
hearing stories like Elizabeth's really helps ease the sense of "I am alone and no one can possibly understand me" that comes with C-PTSD. Your relational wounds run so deep that you simply can't trust people. Your logical brain just isn't at the same place as the deeper programming that happened before you even had words. So even when there is a possibility for safe bonding you often miss because you're still seeing through the eyes of that wounded child.
I grew up in a military family and never learned how to make friends as a kid due to all of the moving around. Mom, my brother, and I were physically abused by my dad, who was gone for months. And when they WERE together, they'd fight constantly, so I had to be the little therapist for them both. Six-year-old me listening to them tell me how awful the other was and then saying whatever I needed to, to hold the house together. Being hypervigilant knowing my dad's laughter could be leading to getting slapped for some imagined sin. Endured constantly contorting myself into what they needed, only to get kicked out of the house when I stood up for myself for the first time as a young adult. It taught me no matter how good I was, I could never be good enough for love. So I armored myself even harder against love, only for C-PTSD to fully flower in my 20's as dissociation, depression, anxiety, and more.
Despite it all, at age 41, I'm well on my way down the healing path due to integrating many of the techniques laid out in this video. Especially relating to myself through the IFS lens. Huge game-changer, softening my stance to my inner world. It's taken years and I'm not where I'd like to be - but I'm glad I never gave up on myself! Because I definitely had.
It makes sense to those of us who experience the same thing. Thank you. It helps to hear others talking about this!
WoW, thank-you Forrest so very much for this discussion and interview. Hearing Elizabeth's story and her richly wise and compassionate self-awareness, has been so healing and empowering for me. This collaborative sharing has been true MEDICINE and has greatly helped me with my own healing path and journey. Thank-you both!
I relate to Elizabeth's childhood experience in almost every single way she describes. I will be sharing this videos with many people since its about a gazillion times easier to say, "watch this; this is me." then try to actually tell people out loud with my own voice all these things that I'm desperate for them to know about me.
Im utterly speechless, heartbroken, empathized with, nervous, feeling noticed and a bit optimistic for one day overcoming all thats happened and lost over the years. I always told everyone I had a great childhood...and then about a year ago I stumbled on one of these videos and my whole layer of protection and realization of what actually happened was shattered. I have all of the symptoms on a major level and can't beleive I didnt figure the truth out sooner. Weird thing is Ive always desired to work with kids, seniors, pets, cult survivors, sra detractors, anyone who endured any traumatic abuse and mentally handicapped of any age. For years I researched truth and strived to help anyone who needed it, and now at 43, i feel so stupid for not realizing why. Better yet, to know I am more in need of serious help than everyone I gave all my heart and attention to help fix, is a sad pill to swallow. The silver lining was listening to a young woman say things out loud that I have been feeling internally for a long time. Ive been a mess really since about a year now just trying to fix me alone in near isolation, with the exception of my 7 days a week working boyfriend of 7 years and a half paralyzed wild creature I found some time ago (the latter is a good listener who puts his paws on my hand and stares at me sweetly when he notices me crying). I pray God keeps throwing these helpful gifts at me at just the right times so I can build up the broken kid inside to take a chance at life again. Im really happy I was blessed with your video today. You two are so sweet and genuine and relateable, Im impressed and touched with how articulate, tender and forthcoming that it made me want another hour to watch unveil. Its also super cute to watch your relationship reach such a milestone was so cool. I hope you both are better than ever and no rush, but this world needs parents like you in it to help the generations ahead, sooooo if you guys wanna breed some really rounded and intelligent rock stars to lead humaniy, it would be great. Hehe. Any hooot, thanks you guys, its a whirlwind but after hearing you speak today, I believe its a whirlwind I will tame one day. God bless you and thanks for ssoooooo much you have no idea.....but of course you probably do I'm sure.
Thank You for sharing your life. It is speaking to my inner child and all that I went through to "raise" my parents. Thank you for validating the hardships of growing up in abusive families. This helps.
we see you Elizabeth !
thank you for your courage.
it helps others to see that the work can be very freeing.