How to Respect Other People's Boundaries
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- Опубліковано 29 вер 2024
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One part of the healthy boundary setting process is learning how to set our own boundaries, but it's also about learning how to respect other people's boundaries - which, if you're not used to, can be really difficult at first. Here's what you need to know about other people's boundaries, and how to make sure you are treating their boundaries with respect just as you want them to treat yours the same way.
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We are dangerous when we are not conscious of our responsibility for how we behave, think, and feel.
Marshall B. Rosenberg.
So true !The sooner we realise that, the better (for ourselves and everyone we deal with )!
You are so awesome and your words on boundaries are so true! Thank you for your wisdom and it is helping me to grow stronger with myself and others. What a joy you are to listen to! Blessings!
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I'm new here. You are amazing! I have been struggling with pretty much everything in all your videos and boundaries as well. Been on a path of destruction since a breakup that happened almost a year ago. Everything i have been holding back and not dealing with from the past 40 years hit me all at once. Have lost all hope and im self sabotaging my life to make sure no one will ever want me again because I dont deserve it anyways. I'm currently in therapy and have multiple years clean and have that program as well but still struggling to make any progress. So these videos and any information i can gather to help me get out of my mind prision is a blessing!! Thank you!
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Former shifter here. Thx Julia. ❤️
Fantastic message Julia!!! Love your suggestions, experience, strength & hope. I bought your book and highly recommend it to everyone.
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Yep same here people dont respect boundaries..
Some people view them as a goal post. 😮
Julia Kristina's eyes have changed colours. Very nice.
Thank you for this film.
In order to respect other people's boundaries, first you have to recognize it. It is wiser to recognize it, without stepping on it, first. Social grace.
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if u dnt have time to listen to the whole video just basically .. being mature enough to accept and respect their boundaries
Growing up with abusive parents I have no problem accepting boundaries from other people. In fact, thats my super power. That’s why I have to work really hard to set my own boundaries, because I’d much rather prioritize other people. It’s what feels safe and familiar. Working on it…
I have grown up with abousive parents too, and I struggle to respect my family boundaries. They don't respect mine so a lot of time I want to make them feel what they make me feel. I kmow that's wrong tho and that's why I'm watching this video
@@sophialeejhonson you’re doing good. 💛
First 🥰
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This is such a great topic because early on in my own recovery I had no idea that I was not recognizing other people’s boundaries. One thing that helped me is to be aware of when others stop maintaining eye contact. This is a simple way to see that the other person may be feeling uncomfortable or wanting to leave. Respecting people’s boundaries takes time so be gentle on yourself! Sometimes this takes awhile to recognize but keep at it! Thanks again Julia for great content!
I love this guide on respecting boundaries. I struggle socially and with my autism it’s more struggling. I have a boundary issue with my teacher. I cross her boundaries unintentionally without realizing. I agree boundaries are important because without them, the other person might want to be defensive and distant like it happened with my teacher. I have been watching UA-cam videos or researching articles on how to not cross boundaries.I have been doing what I can do to be better with boundaries
I failed at respecting other people's boundaries. I was taken to my boss's office with her and a high-ranking chef. The chef told me that I've been touching my coworkers too much. Not THAT type of touch, of course not! Just casual ones, like on arms or shoulders. I was always very outgoing at work. When I asked her if anyone complained, she said it didn't matter (so I assume yes). She told me that we need the workers to be comfortable in a good work environment, and that I pretty much shouldn't talk about anything other than work and school (I work at a university's catering service). She told me I shouldn't tell my stories because they may be inappropriate to my coworkers. Now yeah, I guess I do occasionally say "inappropriate" stuff at work, but not horribly nor intentionally. I only meant to joke around and have fun. I really didn't get specific information from the chef about what and whom. She likes that I'm outgoing, but she made it sound risky and in need of limits. And again, that I shouldn't touch anyone without consent. But seriously, I'm not a creep. I didn't mean to be so "handsy" (I say loosely). If I could make it up to whoever presumably reported me, I would. People condemn me on UA-cam comments and couldn't care less about my regret. Being right and truthful is worth more than them than my feelings.
This is important topic . I was searching about since a time. As in my culture we don't respect others boundaries 🎉🎉🎉🎉
Respecting boundaries is my goal at the moment, when my partner needs to go to bed I wake him up to cuddle and I don’t even think about how I’m gonna affect his sleep. I care about him. I want to be more considerate, for him to get his full 8 hours. I want to be more conscious in those moments and self soothe rather than fill that desire to be held
same bestie, same
I struggle with this as well.
A person's personal boundaries can be illogical or non-sensical to you, but you still must respect them.
However, another person cannot dictate to you what your own boundaries "should" be.
Absolutely! That’s why our boundaries need to reflect our choices not getting other people to change!
@@MichelleFarrismft Correct.
I searched " How do I respect others". This is the first video that answered the question. I have passed twenty others that spoke about getting respect.
I’m glad I found this video. One of my boundaries problem is talking about my life problems and musical interest. I need to learn that not everyone is a fan of classical believe it or not. Or trauma problems no matter how severe the ptsd is.
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Hi, I'm new here. Thank you for your content. I've had some comfort listening the past few days.
the membership program is really good. I just completed it and can highly recommend
I highly recommend the book Drive Your Own Darn Bus!!
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Honestly as a 20 year old man who lives with his parents, whether it’s family or not PLEASE shut the bathroom door when you’re in there. Period. Yes we all use the bathroom but it’s a matter of privacy and having some class. We are not simply carnal creatures mind you. My mom always leaves it open and doesn’t turn on the light and it makes me so upset when I walk in on her to use the bathroom myself not even knowing she was in there in the first place.
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What if their boundary clashes with your boundary or makes you feel uncomfortable?
Hi Julia! Catching up on this video! Thank you for making this too! That is one thing that I really want to learn myself...to be respectful of other people's boundaries...and also know not to take things personally, if someone I know messes with their own system. And to other's here, I do recommend Julia's book as well! It really is a great book, and it has exercise that you can do to practice the work or use them for journal prompts. To anyone who reads this, you are a worthy and valued person. You matter. ❤
I'm doing a lot of co-dependency work with CoDa and am also doing lots of marital counselling (for two years almost).
Boundaries have always been an issue for me, both mine and other people's. I'm just learning what they are and how to use them. This video is really part of that! Thank you so much for clarifying why I find other people's boundaries so threatening and why I've often been lax with my own. Wow!
Good for you Mary! This work takes so much courage.
Some people hate boundaries and limits Julia.
I'm newish. So glad to be called out about this by a pro before another fight gets started with a loved one.
Thanks, I've had a bunch of trouble respecting other's boundaries due to being in a house where a family member that still in the house didn't listen to mine. I like to touch others a lot but some people don't like to be touched so I've been working on that. Thank you :).
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I am laterally in trouble at school right now because I don't
I couldn't agree more with you Julia, there are times we want to other people respect our boundaries but sometimes we are unable to respect their ones. Thank you for this gentle reminder.
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Here because I have a history and a pattern of unhealthy relationships, and I met and started dating an incredible woman recently…last night I definitely upset her by not being true to my word with respect to her boundaries , and I can feel her second guessing and pulling back as a result… I told her her I don’t want this relationship to be anything like either of our pasts .. thank you for this video
Workplace boundaries....ie: busy bodies!
I think the first time I heard about boundaries was from the Beavis and Butthead movie where the teacher told the two of them to respect his boundaries :-). I wish though someone had taught the concept earlier in my life
I love this video
I like this video too
Well that's one good thing about being conflict-phobic; I never dare "correct" anyone. My boundaries often get kicked in though, but I do have your book Julia, and am working on how to have healthy interactions. Thanks!
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A question - how (or whether) to remain friends when someone *changes* a boundary.
Example: We used to share what we were learning about personal health and healing, and then, after several years, my friend decided that it was no longer OK.
I know they are allowed to set boundaries AND they are allowed to change their boundaries.
I know I need to accept that.
What is an appropriate way to share that their changing their boundaries has hurt me?
I'm autistic and I've lost almost all my friends because we are all actually wired so differently, it hurts to keep cutting ourselves down for the wrong people, I still don't have the right people around, it's all very hard I wish you well
This just hit home big time, thank you, I really needed to hear this, something I have lately been struggling with.
Hi Julia - interesting video to watch as boundaries in relationships are so important aren't they? And I appreciate you doing a video on respecting others' boundaries rather than just focusing on your own! Its good to see content related to respecting OTHERS!
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I needed this
I have a gay brother and I don't really respect her Acting I was most of the time homopobic thanks to this I totally respected every gender past and future 😊
I found in my own life in the interpersonal realm it starts with whether they have Respect for YOU as a person that determines whether they will respect any of your Boundaries. If their overall perception is skewed and for whatever reasons it may be that they either lost respect for you for some past experience/issue or just never had respect for you as most people whether they realize it or not will only start to respect any given individual over time as it has some type of conditional requirement in their mind that it is something that one earns over time like Trust. (I found this to be true in the workplace with the whole pecking order dynamic) hence if they don’t have any respect for YOU this in turn will be projected in how the respect your boundaries too.
Regarding the Peeing thing Lol. I thought the same way because with family it’s just not a bid deal but that’s the Catch right there….FAMILY. While yes, when one marries, their Spouse in essence becomes family their is a very delicate and fine line here in that the Spouse that is not comfortable with it has more to do with not wanting to see his or her Sexual partner in a Familial way in that sense. When people get too laid back like this in their marriages in all types of scenarios (some that can’t be avoided like getting sick and hearing someone throwing up or passing gas) some people will start to just feel Phileo Love for their partner and you end up feeling more like brothers or sisters or friends and the Eros starts to fade away. It does seem petty but it’s just simple human psychology. Two relationships I was in I couldn’t understand after a period of time why the fire went out and all I could feel was that I was with my best friend or a great brother in Christ. Once it got to this place I couldn’t even imagine being sexually intimate anymore because it just gave me this instinctual “ICK” sort of feeling and I withdrew in the area of sexual feelings because it just didn’t feel right anymore but I loved them both dearly as friends and it pained me to loose them as best friends and to hurt them in return. Now I see all the ways those two relationships didn’t have good boundaries and there was a good degree of enmeshment taking place with destroyed any dynamic tension and appropriate space that is the catalyst to desiring and longing for another. I also realize I didn't know myself and I also didn't understand the importance of what healthy space and boundaries where at all and what I thought was healthy (being enmeshed) was actually very unhealthy and toxic.
Sometimes my mother pushes me to my breaking point Julia.
Can you please make a video about how to deal with bullies in the workplace and in life? Thank you.
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Does your daughter ever feel like you’re pushing her to her breaking point Julia?
Setting and respecting boundaries is a good policy. Thanks!!
We all need boundaries because we all have a breaking point.❤
Is this black-and-white thinking?🤔
John 3:16 💚💚💚💚💚💚.
Thank you! I feel terrible this is a big issue in my releashionship with me and being codependent and coming from a bad back ground
This is helpful thank you 🤔❤🇺🇸
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Thank you! I really needed this. 💛
Great information
Wow, this one hit the nail! Yes I've been working on my boundaries and have experienced the hurt coming ng back. I'm m just starting to get others now, as my family dynamics were the same. As I saw others making boundaries I was taken back initially and even scared.
I have your book, but didn't give into at the time. Beautiful.
Dive into it.
I had the same situation regarding the bathroom. He thought it was ok to pass gas in front of me but I was supposed to close the door. That didn’t make any sense to me.
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I get the bathroom door, with young kids who just blast it open moments later that I have to remember to close it elsewhere.
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Great content as usual! You’re right - this IS a great topic!
Trevor Reali so helpful I havnt been the best at listening and good at respecting boundaries it really is eye opening
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Brilliant point to come across.
When setting boundaries it feels like stone, where some need to be some are a little more fluid.
Example : I am willing to drive an hour away from my house to run errands but anything further away I'm not comfortable with; I prefer to drive down the street, but I know that some things I need can't be found down the street so I go out of my way to make sure my necessity are met.
This shows what a more rounded boundary looks like.
Fluid Stone example is: I am not OK with abuse or neglect on any level. Yet I am aware people do it and they are around me, but if I ensue on repercussions there will adverse reactions possibly on me, this is where one integrates avoidance in moderation.
Stone example : I will not willing inflict harm or abuse on you.
If you are my love, I am unconditional in pursuit and love and understanding.
Being able to set a boundaries isn't just as simple and black and white as to yes and no. It's yes when you mean yes and no when you mean no.
Respecting someone else is knowing what they are OK with and not OK with and supporting that.
Also on a side note, when a person shares something with you that opens them up for scrutiny or makes them vulnerable, it's not your information to share. What someone shares with you in confidence doesn't give you permission to share, that's the burden of trust, nor does it give you permission to run with it like it's your own to claim. That's what's hard about what other people are open to, if it's not your idea then it doesn't belong to you. Sharing is caring but telling is stealing.
If you haven't had the opportunity to be a part of the Shift Society its an online membership program that is its own course. It's a great chance to try out an online course if you haven't.
Best of luck with you future endeavors Madame J and Lady Ella.
Wishing you all well and good luck again.
This is such a good reminder. I felt like I DO respect other boundaries, but I do also walk away feeling precious about it, which in itself needs unpacking. Thanks Julia!
This is what I needed. Thank you!
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Not bad but I feel like you spend to much time beating around the bush I learned a lot
Don't just accept it you could also respect it Everyone is going through all kinds of chit What's good for you is good for me Fortify don't attack a boundary
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Hi there, my name is Norm and I love this woman
Paddle-boarding is rather scary, even if the water is still, LOL! xD
Canadians country-wide are afraid of falling into cold-water, though, haaaaaaa! xD
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ThNk you!!! I’m getting the book
I want - so into self
I just do what I'm told to do I'm obedient owner
Shifter Denise
thanks!
Thank you.
thanks Julia. I bought your book "Drive your own darn bus"! I am currently reading it.
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It’s funny -the bathroom 🚽.
When I learned boundaries I realized I didn’t have any; like at all. Horrible I know. But I do now; yes!!!!!! And my family hates me for it. Every time we speak we argue and it’s been getting worse. Ugh so I guess I should let them go right?
Hey Nancy, at first family and friends might react negatively at first. Try empathizing with them by saying something like - I know this is maybe uncomfortable since I’m changing what I’m doing. This isn’t about you, I’m trying to impotence myself and make our relationship better.
@@MichelleFarrismft thank you for that advice I will try.
@@TwoJointsOneFilm remember that empathy can help make room for them to express why they feel that way but their reaction is more about them then it is about you. You’re not doing anything wrong. As long as your delivery is non-blaming and focuses more on what you are going to do rather than getting them to change, it’s healthy! Hope that helps!
Yes, thank you for this topic.
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𝐩𝓻Ỗ𝓂Ø𝓈Ｍ 🙃
exactly
💙
#2? Groce!! 😂
*Gross
I just need some quiet time sometimes Julia.
I love the title of your book Julia Drive Your Own Darn Bus.❤
Sometimes I just need space Julia.
Respect my boundaries I said you waffled about yourself so you would take that into consideration. Hope it was helpful.
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have a similar problem with my sister and her never flushing the toilet and there is just a nice pool of dark yellow and a bunch of toilet paper and i have to sit there and let the toilet flush before i can even use it.
starting to learn and need to fix so much about myself and boundaries. i just ended up getting lost in the passion of how much i wanted someone that i didnt respect boundaries at all thinking that i was and i sexually assaulted them.
your loosing me on the boundary thing. just humor
Tooo much waffle about you..
Unkind and unhelpful comment.
Deal with it. Julia does these videos for FREE.
I appreciate the light hearted and cheerful manner in which serious and informative topics are handled ....Thanks ,Julia !
She literally telling us her own journey to show us how to get to ours
This was so helpful. Thank you 🙏🏻
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