When, what time, will it do any good for me as I divorced her the ninth time she walked out on me to be with her lover. You wonder how I'm so sure she has one. No, many, $3,200.00 in motel rooms she charged in 6 months. I have the statements. Could be more paid by her single Johns and some listed were through brokers like Travelocity. All lies from her. I done nothing wrong was all she would say.
That's true to point. However, in breaking your spirit that can have serious physiological repercussions that disrupt your health in (eventually) lethal ways. So many wives of narcissists end up with breast cancer, and some of those women die. When you hear someone has developed various kinds of cancer, look around that person for a narcissist in their lives (parent, spouse, partner, boss). Also, people who develop Chronic Fatigue Syndrome often come from homes where one or both parents were narcissists. Let's also not forget that children raised by narcissists often berate their own young children into developing narcissistic personalities in a kind of "conform or be cast out" into the role of scapegoat. Those are usually the people who do NOT develop physical illnesses, but at quite another psychological cost.
They will break your spirit if you let them. My narcissist neighbor is so bad at being a narcissist, she should take lessons on how to improve on her own evil.
You literally have to record every conversation with a narcissist because they twist every word to fit their current agenda and try to make you look less than in the process.
audio video recording of the events is something they will attack you on if you present that to them. You have to get to them when they are in their "calm" state. But it doesn't make lasting impressions. It can take years to affect some serious changes, if ever at all. It's Borderline Personality Disorder. Even most therapists won't deal with them. They will turn it around and make the therapist the cause of the problem. If any therapist does take on a case like that they usually do it only for 2 years at most. Try living with people like that?!!!!
Yep. And that’s what I FINALLY did! I could not figure out WHAT was going on with this used-to-be wonderful man I’d married. He was lying. Sneaking around. He would RAGE and call me disgusting names. Last straw was violence. Pushing me, chest-bumping me, spitting in my face and finally punching me. Perhaps someone might find this over-the-top, but go marry and live with a narcissist for decades (30+ years!) and you’ll say “should’ve done it sooner”. I hid cameras EVERYWHERE. Yes. Everywhere. I discovered he was watching porn EVERY moment he could get. (Yes, WE HAD SEX. Good sex.) He was masturbating as SOON as he got home from work. He was masturbating AT work. If the grandkids were visiting, he’d sneak off and masturbate to porn. He’d sneak away and eat fast food…ALONE…in a parking lot! He began to smoke, drink. When I FINALLY called the authorities, he spiraled out of control (emotionally) for about one week. When I showed him just a couple of snippets from the videos and he found out I knew all his dirty secrets-yep, you guessed it-I WAS the villain. HOWEVER, he is FINALLY LEAVING ME ALONE! Yes, we are divorcing. I cannot fix the past, but my future WILL BE BRIGHT!
I was married to a narcissist for 20 years! Gas lighting was his favorite tool. I literally thought I was crazy and I was on tons of pills. Fast forward to today, I divorced him, I’m pill free and the happiest that I’ve ever been! With much self love and inner work, there is life after the chaos. 🙌🏻❤️🌈🦋🙌🏻
The best comment I read today, I have to say it made my day. What a positive and inspirational story of reclaiming your power (that you always had) and of self love. Continued blessings and peace to you 🙌❤
Wish I could say the same. Took Prozac to please my dad, no progress with his approval. Took birth control to try and regulate my mood, almost died of pulmonary embolism at age 31. Turns out not only did he had personality disorders, Sis and I suspect he might have ADD/ADHD, since she and I just got diagnosed as such after going through two different tests when we started struggling with everyday life during the lockdown.
When pointing out true facts of something they did that clearly impended the relationship , they say “ Oh , ok , I’m just the bad person , I do all the wrong “ !!
👊🏽😁 Prov 26:4-5 Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you yourself will be just like him. Answer a fool according to his folly, or he will be wise in his own eyes.
@@locutusdborg126 I didn't forget ; I just could not recall the name even though I tried to do so. I never take credit for others' wisdom. Perhaps you could refresh my memory?
They care very deeply about what others think of them. For them, appearance is everything. It's not about being a good person. Just appearing to be one.
Just to add to the "I never said that" category, my ex-wife would regularly accuse me of "putting words in her mouth" when, in reality, I had just quoted word for word something she had actually said
Spot on! My dad was a narcissist, & so was my ex-fiancé. So glad I didn't marry him! Now I'm married to a man who treats me with respect & loves me whole-heartedly.
My dad, too! Never was he wrong about anything, ever! Even the very evidence of his guilt/wrongdoing he denied, finding ways, however illogical or stupid, to blame others for his bad choices--thereby deflecting the accusations, evading responsibility, every freaking time.
How would you tell if one is a extreme narcissists, however it's called. My ol' man isnt as full blown narcissist, to where my girlfriend who just divorced the Grand Pooh Bah of Narcissist !! (Narcissistic Sociopath with Egotistical
My mother was an extreme narcissist. She wanted to be the only one speaking and couldn't handle a conversation that wasn't centered on herself. And, yes, she constantly interrupted everything I tried to say.
I frequently get a corollary of this: "I can see that you are angry by the way you raised your voice." When I deny it, I get the "well it was the tone of your voice." This is used on me because I was raised to ALWAYS control my voice and my choice of words. So they are stuck with subjective claims. They also are relying on an old racist trope: the angry black man thing.
At the end of a heated discussion or arguement my ex husband used to tell me I had been yelling and using filthy language at him. This is impossible to disprove and as an honest person I would then have to question myself. I only found out years later this was classic gaslighting. I used to wonder if there was something wrong with me / my mind. Very cruel and has the potential to drive you crazy.
Bulls**t, it's called not being an interrupting, rude a**hole....when someone is talking, I don't interrupt that person, because my parents taught me how to show some respect...many women, on the other hand, will continually interrupt you when you're saying something she doesn't like, I'm talkin like 98% of women do this, and NOT ONE PERSON WHO KNOWS YOU LIKES WHEN YOU CUT THEM OFF RIGHT IN MIDDLE OF THEIR THOUGHT.....
@@glensalch3156 How would you feel if your 10th grade daughter became pregnant and when you confronted her, she "honestly" and "truthfully" answered you : "my boyfriend whom YOU introduced to me did it" ?
Eh thats a tough one because my wife will literally deflect or spin anything I confront her on like sexting a coworker and she'll say that she's a monster or to stop belittling her when... yah, I didn't say those things or give negative connotation when I literally asked why. :/
@@tikesplace you have to take it in context. Of course people say these things n aren't being narcissist. But when it becomes the norm you need to be aware.
i was in a relationship with a Narcissist for 20 years and I lost myself in that relationship. I didnt know what a Narcissist was until trying to recover. Then looking back it all made sense and I am sad that I allowed myself to be treated that way for so long and was so blind. Being a nice forgiving person is good but dont do it to your own detriment. Trying to get back to normal is hard following a relationship with a Narcissist. Love yourself and know that you deserve to be treated better. You are worthy!
We're twins, dealing with my person lead to depresssion, low self-esteem, self-sabotaging and destructive behaviors. I hadn't even heard of a narcissist, if I had, I would have run for my life. Now, I've lost decades I can not get back. All I can do is look forward.
I’ve just quit my job. 15 years. It also took me a long time to realise my boss was the issue and it wasn’t me going crazy. I was suicidal for a time. So, don’t feel bad about 20 years, feel awesome about every day from now on.
Ditto. My therapist assigned me a certain book MANY therapists recommend, "Co-Dependency No More" by Melody Beattie. I had previously done a couple of written assignments that made it enormously clear I was a Co-D. Co-Dependency is why the typical co-dependent put ups with deplorable behavior.
I have not heard a narcissist state any phrases where they use “I” statements. I grew up in a narcissistic family and went on to attract narcissistic friendships and romantic relationships…. Very damaging and insidious abuse. Been dealing with these psychos my entire life. I have however heard many victims of narcissistic abuse use the “I”statements written here to defend themselves. However I am slowly learning not to defend myself and it is a game changer. As hard as it is just be quiet. Observe but do not react or respond even if triggered .Narcissists will vomit from their mouth. If you must interact with them, cut them off by not giving any fuel….Words… Defending yourself …. Is fuel. Visualize tape on your mouth if you have to, if on phone…. Mute the phone. Don’t absorb their words, blaming, accusing, gaslighting, projecting, deflecting , etc. Narcissists need fuel. Do not give it to them. It will only fester and get worse. Ignore their ranting and know whatever they are saying is actually a reflection of who they are and their inner insecurities and struggles. Do not absorb, Just listen and observe. You will learn a lot. Ignore them triggering you. It is all intentional to feed themselves. Narcissists will reveal their intentions and who they are. Just listen and observe. A lot is revealed in what narcissists project. Reacting and defending is what narcissists want. Think of them as a shark in a feeding frenzy. Guard your heart, mind and soul from these diabolical predators. Narcissists are very dangerous predators and leave total destruction in their paths.
Ohhhh, I dunno, I have said that to people because............. .........Well because I never said certain things to them that they claimed I did. (There was no denial about it--it was just plain fact equivalent to 1+3=4!!)
I will agree SOMEWHAT with this comment because there ARE habitual liars who are in the habit of bullshitting so often about so much, (even when they have NO REASON to lie), that it could even be LAUGHABLE depending on context, (or just plain sad because the truth could really benefit them or make them happy, but their habitual bullshitting prevents them from seeing such.) Also, there are people who DON'T say something VERBATIM, (word for word), but due to their cleverness/quick wit with words, often IMPLY certain things, that they may deny later, by saying: "I NEVER said that!", which in a strictly VERBAL sense is TRUE, but there MAY have been a most definite IMPLICATION behind their rhetoric! Still, one does often have to be careful "reading between the lines" of others. (Sarcasm is sort of an example of what I'm referring to, but unless one suffers from strict literalism, most sarcasm most of the time is fairly easy to detect....Unless one is NOT a native speaker of the English language, whose natural language perhaps does not allow sarcasm as a part of their language, but I'm fairly certain a lot of languages other than English allow for sarcasm.)
0:00 Intro 1:00 1 - You Can Trust Me 2:43 2 - Stop Interrupting Me / Attacking Me 3:33 3 - I Don't Like The Way You Said That 4:08 4 - I Never Said That 6:08 5 - No One Else 6:32 6 - Everyone Else 7:20 7 and 8 - Always and Never
Rebecca about the always or never thing.....I did a test on my phone messages and did a search on always the word and counted how many times it was said by people close to me. It works!!! However, because of arguments I saw, there were words on my side that were somewhat like retaliation comments to show that they trigger me to say the same but the never....does that mean I am or is it just a product of upbringing or egocentrism because I live or grew up with them?
@@underfire2534 it doesn't necessarily mean you are. You can grow up in that type of environment & still make it out as a good person. My wife grew up with both parents being some real $hit-bag narcissists. They really wrecked her self-esteem. It has taken a while, and some councilors, but she's turning out just fine. Keep your head up & always watch out for these people, they can really weasel their way into relationships.
Nah I feel like alot of these can be said by the victim too. For instance, I disagree with the "No one else" and "everyone else". I've used this in an argument against a toxic bully and flat out told him "No, you're the problem. If you keep having arguments with everyone else and nobody gets along with you, then it's obvious YOU'RE the common denominator." I feel like these phrases are too general. They need more context. Like for instance, "stop interrupting me" could be a valid defense, if the victim isn't being allowed to speak bc the self-centered narc is dominating the convo and is too focused on what they want to say. The other one is "I never said that". A victim has every right to counter with this statement bc most narcs will gaslight and accuse the victim of saying something that they didn't say or didn't intend. Narcs love to twist your words. So these phrases are NOT spot on, bc they're way too broad and can be applied in multiple situations. These kinda videos only cause confusion, and try to pigeon hole narcissists according to what they say, instead of their overall behavior. The exact words/phrases inherently aren't important, it's the manipulative method in which they're used that we need to be wary of. Also, Aladdin told Jasmine "Trust me" and he turned out to be totally reliable - so idk what this lady is talking bout 😆
Nothing is by committee - they already know all the answers. “I already told you, remember” is another phrase they love to use. They are quick to take credit for victories, and always point their finger to others when things don’t go well.
Right, it is a shift blame game that excludes that person, the narcissist.from any wrong doings are shifty results minimizing the narcissist in any respect of needing to say I will admit I did do or say this and I was wrong.. I apologize. These words are non-existent in a narcissist's life. An issue that does involve them but they'll never own it; A common seen narcissistic behavior. .I am a psychology major and have studied within the six years of college and then in life experiences so many various avenues of behaviors; different personalities of people. The toxic ones that must be handled wisely and well understood. Like your reply. A good one. Jim!
My narcs favorite phrase was either "sorry I'm not perfect like you or nobody is perfect". That's how they get out of being held accountable for ANYTHING.
@@saralaurenadler When you have a Narcissistic Mother.... You attract Narcissists. Partners,Husbands,Wives,Bosses,Workmates,Friends even your Children... I give up...I've become very reclusive. Covid Lockdowns have worked for me.
@@goldilocks3593 Thank you. I know Burns’ book, I will go back.. I have learned about cognitive and emotional distortions and I see them happening now. I do feel so much more empowered to assert myself and redirect. We could use a book going into more detail like Rebecca’s talk on this. I just had a friend uses the ‘everybody’ on me and I stopped it by labeling it. Get learning the exact phrases is empowering-no default to self-doubt. Also, you are talking about the past. Either we shift or I don’t waste my energy…
@@susanforster Spot on! This is one of my ex’s favourite phrases, often used to the extreme. He’d regularly claim “That’s in the past” over an incident that had only occurred an hour before! Their thinking is irrational and illogical, no wonder it feels crazy making!! An alternative was/is “you’re holding a grudge!”.
Before listening... I'm gonna guess. These were my exs favorite phrases. "I don't remember". "I never said that". "This is your fault". "That happened a long time ago."(when it had only been 2 weeks). "Don't get mad at me, I'm already mad enough at myself". "You have a problem and need therapy."
Yes and everyone hates you and you are so lucky I put up with you and they tell you how to feel what shows you should enjoy what music etc. always has to be their taste you only exist to prop them up.
Said to me as a child by my mother: “You sound like a brick fell on your head.” Or “Have you lost your mind?” Or “I’ll knock you off that high horse.” Those hurt me so much.
Spot on. My daughter's ex-boyfriend said each and every one of these. Someone mentioned in the comments "stop yelling a me" That was another one that he would say. He picked and started fights and he would start yelling and stand over you. You would try and say something thing in a stern voice or slightly raised voice and you would hear "Stop yelling at me." then he has the nerve to say "I'm not yelling at you, the least you could do is respect me." Saying all while he is yelling at you. I just thank God every day that he is no longer in my daughters life.
Negotiating with a narcissist,isn't easy,could you trust them,what is your intuition saying,how would you respond,take responsibility of the situation,did they gaslight you,were you brainwashed,do you feel manipulated,at some point voice your concerns💥
“I can’t trust you!” But yet, you trusted your 5 kids to me to babysit at the drop of a hat, because we lived next door to you… but in the end, I’m the one who is crazy and was never a good friend…..yeah……lol……ok!
but there are many people who are so beat down from past relationships that they just expect to be treated like nothing. So the other person they are in a relationship with might not be a narcissist, but the one person 'feels' like they are treated like nothing. Phew, relationships are so complicated. . .
I'm talking to a girlfriend on the phone, while I'm telling her something important to me I can hear her typing on her phone key board and I say "are you typing on your phone?" No, she says immediately. Next time we're on the phone again, same thing and I ask again" are you typing/texting while we're talking?" No she says and I say what is that clicking noise, she says "I don't know". Then it happens a third time and I pushed for the truth and she got super defensive and gaslighted again. I told her "I'm hanging up now" and did. She started calling me back over and over and I needed time to cool down. After I cooled down I called her back and she said "Im sorry" in a sarcastic way. So I told her again "I'm hanging up" and did. She called again and this time had a whole new attitude and I said to her "when you text/type while I'm talking to you I feel unimportant when you are distracted deliberately and then when you lie, I feel insulted. Folks this is what narcissist do. They lie, deny and then give a mock apology and make it about you.
I was married to a narcissist for 28 years. By the time I knew I had to leave, I'd allowed myself to lose self-esteem, self-worth, etc., etc., etc. When I finally got the courage to leave, it felt like a ton of bricks was lifted from my shoulders.
I stayed for 33 years when I finally left I could not believe it all of a sudden I could feel the sun smell the flowers !!!! I knew I was miserable but of course I thought it was all my fault!! It's been 15 years since I freed myself I don't trust myself to get into another relationship so I am alone, maybe someday someone will really love me I don't know 🤔
My recent ex narc was always accusing me, so paranoid. He always made my head spin during arguments to his advantage to where I lost what I intended to say in the first place. He made me nuts. Thank God I am free!!!!
Yes! It’s the back tracking. A conversation I had one time: Him: “Women who are in healthy marriages don’t just go off for a whole weekend to hang out with friends for NO REASON.” Me: “Excuse me? Let me make sure I’m clear on what you really think about this. Did you just say I can’t go on a weekend trip without compromising our marriage? And that it’s uncommon to do so?” “No I don’t mean that. I just mean that most of the time those kind of women do it to get drunk and complain about their husbands…”
I think it's important to mention that anyone can use these expressions from time to time. Sometimes they fit. It doesn't mean everyone is a narcissist. Narcissism runs deeper.
It's true anyone could say any of these things in certain situations and not be a narcissist. But when they use many of them and use them a lot it gives them away as either being a narcissist.
Ruining your self confidence is what destroys you, mind and body, in my opinion. I am a survivor of an abusive marriage; I still have times I can hardly stop what's going on to use the bathroom, for fear of "looking stupid" because of the lessons he taught me. Don't underestimate what destroying self confidence can do to a person.
Spot on. I finally divorced my husband after I realizing that he is a covert narcissist, and I was never going to have a reciprocal relationship with him. I'm nearing 60 and I decided I had to take my life back. Now that it's done, I feel free and light, with the prospect of being able to celebrate myself and the things that matter to me.
I read that and asked the same thing! "...he is a covert narcissist..." I started reading these posts thinking "interesting stuff!" But I see am not sure anymore. There are so many variables, and there are two sides to any 20-plus year marriage. Much to easy to slap a label on someone, and call it a day.
Honourable mention for “It is what it is.” When I say that it’s to accept what I cannot change, when my ex said it it was to excuse what she was unwilling to change.
One day I told my x that she was depressing me , she said go see a shrink. I did, the funny thing was the professional I used turned out to be the most respected and revered mental health specialist. After a few months of office visits I asked him if we were making any progress. His replay was yes . You , meaning me, are an extremely well adjusted individual especially considering all that you have been through during your lifetime. That I definitely need to get a divorce. But he believes because of my personal sense of responsibility and integrity that I would be staying until my children were old enough to fend for themselves. Later I received a call for him asking me if it would be okay to Discuss my Case with a family member who was studying under him . I said no problem. The next time I saw that family member I was given a hug and a deeply felt apology for the problems created by my x.
My favourite way of thinking about a narcissist is that they could be walking down the street with a million dollars in their pocket and they would still find something to complain about.
@@tikesplace 😂it’s true! It’s just that this is all new to me, and I’m still so amused at how much the narcissists are so alike! We didn’t know from narcissism while I was growing up in the mess. I just knew that my mother was difficult , and an actress. Just THIS year I found dr Ramani . One of the things about living w a narc.. is that nobody believes us.. so when we chat on here.. we have the “me toos”. And can commiserate. Sure can’t complain in our lives cuz they re so two faced that other people don’t believe you anyways.
@@tikesplace you are probably not dealing w a narcissist! Lucky you! Because if you were, you’d realize that the reason we re commiserating here, on you tube. We aren’t able to talk about this AT ALL, ANYWHERE ELSE.
Spot on! I was a professional negotiator before we knew about narcissism. However, you could feel it in the room when you walked in. My body language was effective...not one word, but they shut that "bully" mode on the lowest volume. Narcissist can also be manipulated; their over blown egos make them vulnerable.
You CAN feel it in the room. My sister was visiting one time, and after my narc left to go to work she said “it feels like we can breathe now.” With a narc, you’re constantly holding your breath.
@@aegon9015 well in their deranged minds they are "entitled". Which means you must do everything for them. Or if they do something nice for you... "what are you going to do for me?"
@@lindahanna6577 oh totally. I had to do EVERYTHING and like picture perfect or else shed freak. And even if I did it was something else, or like… you nailed it. Entitled. She was shocked when I didn’t want to keep in touch, too. I’m like do you not realize the things you said and did were like not cool? lol
@@lindahanna6577 and if I tried to ask for the same things she asked for, or even just a fraction of it, it was like OMG LOOK WHAT I DO FOR YOU. It’s just like a sore loser and winner at all times. That’s the closest I’ve seen it besides a relationship, was in sports. People who just were never going to give you praise or admit fault
Narcissists really do have low self-esteem, don’t they? They KNOW they’re not trustworthy, so accuse their victims of not being trustworthy. ::sigh:: Good people always seem to be victimized by people with aberrant, narcissistic personalities. You forgot one of the catchphrases I’ve been hearing: “You’re talking about the past. That’s something I don’t do anymore.”
Or they bring it up in an attempt to guilt trip you. Another story, same family member which happened when she was 6 & I was 8: ‘YOU brought me a slice of bread 🍞 when I was running away.’ Yes I did; Twas dear ole mom’s idea not mine & couldn’t say no to N mom. No I didn’t tell her… no feeding the 🔥🔥🔥 … Speaking of which, around the same time she stood & watched dear ole N mom pick me up by the ears👂🏻👂🏻 & shake me for playing with matches when it was NOT me but was dear ole N sister. She’s a perfect example of the nature + (non) nurture combination of NPD. 🙄🙄🙄
Amazing parallels with my childhood! I tend to stop those who interrupt me though. I learned a phrase as a young adult that has served me well; “let me finish my sentences and I have allowed you to finish yours.” Said in a calm voice this is shocking to others.
Yes - I grew up constantly being interrupted so I use the *"let me finish"* ... and *"you interrupted me"* - the last on young agent (seeing me as old, uninteresting person!) showing apartments for rent at a time when people are desperate for accommodation ... who assumed I was stupid and answered question I hadn't asked. He did a bit more of that until I called him out on his behaviour ... and he changed his tune ... and became real chatty! 🥰 I've also used the *"I'm sorry you feel that way..."* on a giy who was picking a fight with me. Because I was in the way on one of his covert money-making schemes. Long story but my apology didn't work... and he managed to isolate me from a social group he was informally organising. Oh well! * I've met people who inspire me, who are patient, kind, devoted, loving, open-minded, interesting, mentally healthy, of service to others, having integrity, being straightforward ...playful, harmonious, mischievous (in a fun way, of course!) ... and I'm off to do a *u inspire me* meditation on Joe Dispenza channel to clear my mind ... and rewire my brain. It helps! 🧡
My wife soon to be x told Me when we first met she never lied. I looked at her and said everyone lies. It’s the level of deception that matters. I caught her in so many lies it was mind blowing and called her out. Told Her she was the worst liar I had ever met. So dishonest, no I rectory.
Omg, the stop interrupting me. I actually went grey rock and quit defending myself at all because he’d ask a question then say I interrupted if I tried to answer. I’d secretly run a timer on how long his monologues lasted just to cope. I hadn’t spoken in over 50 minutes and he lost his train of thought. He yelled “you interrupted me” anyways then realized I hadn’t spoken.
True, when we're the ones who are constantly interrupted and never allowed to say how we feel. They yell and scream or throw us on the floor, say incredibly hurtful things to let us know how little they think of us, as if we're not even human to them. Yet they constantly brag how everyone loves them. The constant bragging is so unnatural!
I once went mmhmm while my father was talking and he lost his shit. Started yelling that I was interrupting him and then I got cursed out and called every name in the book and we didn’t speak for two and a half years. My stupid ass reconnected with him and now trying to plot my escape.
@@misskogan I'm so sorry you're going through that with your father. Obviously, he doesn't have the proper wherewithal to connect with you in a proper manner. Just know that it's not your fault, he has a problem and if he can't face it you need to stay away.
Some of the best explanations I've heard. Having worked in the medical field for almost twenty years, I've learned that most of those in management that I've had to suffer under are raging narcissists. They make the workplace a living, toxic hell.
My catch phrase is that "work brings out the worst in people". Have heard it many times "he's not like that outside of work", and that's supposed to make me excuse him for being such a jerk at work? I wouldn't know if he's a "nice guy" outside of work because after dealing with him all day the last thing I would want to do is be anywhere with him after work. I suspect that "nice guy" outside of work is merely a front to try and garner some positive PR in a situation where he perceives there is something to be gained by acting nice, and nothing much to lose because he isn't being evaluated or sucking up like when at work.
My "favorite" tactic of the narcissist is what's referred to as "Irrelevant Argumentative Side-Baiting." That's where they avoid whatever issue is being discussed by dragging everything they can into the conversation~ the bush in the back yard, the water in the toilet, some breadcrumbs on a counter, a lightbulb that burned out ten years ago etc. Anything and everything to cause the conversation to break down in total disarray so nothing can be resolved. If you say, "please stick to the subject" they just shriek that they are and you're just being difficult and "we can't talk anymore!" Another tactic they use (with their flying monkeys) is to take an incident that happened and to twist the story so they turn out looking like some sort of superior and holier than thou sacred martyr and victim who would "never do anyone that way" and who has been done oh so wrong by you. That way they collect an "outrage" mob to attack you. It makes them feel smug and vindicated even though their feelings are based upon the twisted tales and lies they've told. It's all a part of the false face they wear.
Brilliant! Thank you for the comment. Recently a "friend" dropped the mask suddenly and brutally, and I got out and knew I would be no contact from that point forward. Got an email from her husband saying they were under a 5g attack and are just coming out of it. Unbelievable.
Spot on. I was married to one for 12 years and I slowly felt like I was losing myself. Until I found out that he was a narcissist, then everything fit and made sense. What was an eye opener today was the bit about interrupting. Wow, thank you.
I was married to a narcissist for 25 years. He almost killed me. The put-downs were constant at home but we had a business together and he relied on me to open new businesses and talk with the heads of those businesses. I was his trophy wife. I am divorced and happily alone but not lonely. Thank God we both got out of these horrific circumstances. Many people do not know how or cannot seem to break free. God bless you and may you never meet another narcissist.
seems awfully convenient to label an ex-partner as a narcissist in order to avoid owning up to one's-own participation in making a mess of a relationship... it does take two to tango...
@@benvwyk85, but narcissists don’t need help in ruining relationships. They can do that all by themselves. If you have ever been in a relationship with one, you would understand. The world revolves around them. If you don’t believe it, just ask them.
I asked them. What exactly did they do for me. They said, I put a roof over your head and not making you pay any of it... I said, well, I'm paying for that car out there, that's getting you back n forth to work n all the other things you do so.... he did not like that response. I had a very hard time keeping my trap shut when he would come at me... And if he was mad at anyone, or just in a mood, in general, he always tried dragging me into a fight. I finally caught on to that one, but still would mess up n get dragged into the fight before I realized what was going on... I got so used to being called explicits that when he'd get mad, I'd just say them before he could... like he'd start in and I'd say, I know I'm this, this this... or one time, near the end, he was on a roll about me n I went out n said, I did x,y z, then he started in on the how stupid I was... i stopped him n said, i just came to tell you what happened so you could chew me out n I could go back to doing what I needed to do. That stopped him, like dead in his tracks. He didn't say a word after that...
In divorce proceedings now but I heard many times, I stood by you during your surgery last year. He was there but drunk & asleep at hospital. Then threw it in my face about all he’d done for me. Gag! So glad I left him, narcissist & a drunk!
3:33 "I don't like the way you said that" is normally a response to something true / a fact. They can't dispute the content so they attack how it was said.
I was in business for many years with an older sibling, it took me more than twenty five years to realize that he was a narcissist. Everything point you made ticked a box perfectly. I cut off ALL contact ten years ago. I only regret not doing it forty years ago. My advice to anyone in any sort of a relationship with a narcissist is cut them out of your life and don’t look back. It’s the only way.
I work for two sisters who have told me the exact same thing ("You're too sensitive!") when I would call them on what I thought was unjustified anger or criticism toward me. On the one hand, they'd criticize me for not being assertive enough. On the other hand, my assertiveness toward them would get batted down by the "too sensitive" phrase. Fortunately, I've learned to call them on that, too.
My monster-in-law did all of these and then some. Problem for her was, I'm independent, don't bow down, don't need help, my self esteem/worth at 100% and her son stands by me! Because of his standing by me, I "brainwashed" him🤣🤣🤣 We've been married for 40 years, this whole time this horrible creature has done her best to interfere and failed. So, about 10 plus years ago, we decided to stay away and our life has become much more peaceful. Life is tough enough at times and no-one needs someone in their life who makes you miserable just because they are!
Married for 25 years and know my husband for 31 years but he’s her puppet. Never stood up for me and my kids with his family. I think I had enough of them all. My husband family are all broken and my mother in law just a year ago acknowledged my husband after her younger and favorite son passed but my foolish, ignorant husband cannot see that. She has to make decisions for him
Yes, and eventually while I was married to him (the narcissist), he'd tell friends in front of me and out loud "Don't talk to Jennifer, she doesn't know what she is talking about. "
@@whitesongs73 oh yes, it got worse, but this was only part if why he is an ex, has been since 2014. He messed me up, now, I can chat with guys, flirt a little, but I seem to have a fearful avoidant attachment style now. So I'll probably be single the rest of my life (turned 48 on the 14th).
"You can trust me" "Honestly" "To be honest" um, are you not being honest until you say this? "Stop interrupting me. Stop attacking me" "I never said that" me: you did. I wrote it down. "You're crazy. You're lying" I read a book called Loving the Self-Absorbed. Soooo helpful.
I know an awesome gal who began dating a guy she described as an Adonis. So he moved in with her n wanted her to use her waitress money to get a boob job, a nose job and on and on. She ended up having to change her locks n get a restraining order from the cops.
Oh my goodness. I have been around narcisistic behaviour all my life, but you actually nailed it in all you said....with the always, never, everyone else, no one else phrases. This has helped me immensely understanding why I get so suckered in. I end up second guessing myself, and feeling bad. Thankyou
Let's all remember its not the person, its a spirit behind them. Pray for them as you pack up a and go. The person behind that spirit is suffering and needs help
Actually, it's the opposite. A narcissist's human ego is what takes over their being completely, so their soul doesn't even have a chance to shine through. It's all the human, self-centered "me me me I want this I need attention I need drama." In other people it's more balanced. In narcissists, the ego runs free and grows from feeding on drama.
The best thing to do is forgive forgiveness doesn't mean saying what they done to you was okay because it wasn't it's so you could be free, after 20 years I learned to forgive, him and his family that helped him make me believe that I was crazy I was stupid I was worthless. And the Lord showed me how smart I was I started learning about nutrition and supplements and my new lease on life is to help those who are having problems with their health and what kind of supplements and how to change their eating habits. So now I have a new joy in life helping those around me.
@@punishinghammer2440 Yes! Eventually that feeling goes away. I was married to one for 10 years, dumped him when I found out he was cheating and stayed single for 19 years after that, but it was a very enjoyable 19 years. Then I met the man of my dreams, married him at 47 and at 75, still very happy together! There is light at the end of the tunnel! Good luck, don’t look back and enjoy the rest of your life - best wishes to you for a happier future, it’s totally possible!
I am surprised this one didn't make your list!!! " YOU made me do it" or " look at what YOU made me do ". I heard that one several times during the brief 10 months I spent dating a violent, drunk, full of rage narcissist. I also heard about how some minor thing I said or did, somehow "disrespected him".
Yes! You’re supposed to control your own emotions AND regulate theirs. They bear no personal responsibility for their emotions whatsoever. Mine says “you *made* me angry.” Also, eeeeeverything is chalked up to respect/disrespect. They absolutely demand blind, unquestioning respect (translation: obedience), while they disrespect you and everyone around them.
I’m starting to put the pieces together. My husband lately has been throwing the everyone else statement and they always and never statements at me. And everything I do chokes up to either I respected him, and that made him more loving to me, or I disrespected him and that’s why he got so angry and hurt me or threatened me or whatever. It’s a scary violent cycle I cannot be held responsible for regulating my own emotions, and my own reactions, and his as well.
Spot on! I came to this realization about my dad and my brother about a year ago. You're right. Life centers around them. They insist on you apologizing for everything: they're never wrong. They keep life stirred up. They're victims. They can't stand peace.
Every phrase you stated is used by my highly toxic narcissistic elderly mother. I didn't realize what she was and how dramatically it had affected me until decades into my adult life. But when I began to study this topic, I quickly realized I had been her emotionally abused scapegoat my entire life. I also realized just how negatively it had affected every relationship in my life, especially throughout adulthood after college. Part of my healing process (which likely will continue until I die) was to tell her what I have learned and what she is... but the result of that ALWAYS is just more gaslighting with denials, twisting the truth and outright lies. The ease with which they lie is both shocking and infuriating! And when called out for their unacceptable behavior and words, they NEVER take responsibility for anything. There's always an excuse or someone else to blame. When you understand all of this, you are in a position to begin healing yourself and making better choices that will lead to greater well being and happiness. And remember that 'no contact' is often the only solution. Many blessings to everyone who is watching this video and reading this because you are searching for answers.
You are so right! I have come to hate my egotistical mother and can’t deal with her attitude towards me anymore. She has always put me down and it keeps breaking my spirit. I’m 69 years old - for God’s sake, I don’t want anymore of her shit in my life. She’s 90, my wonderful husband died 10 years ago at age 62, and I have thought so many times, why wasn’t it her?!? I still need him everyday and we should happily be living our retirement together. I need peace, calmness and kindness, she is none of those!!! God help me…
@@sandramcgaughy5255 Sandra, I definitely can relate to your feelings. My mother passed away about a month after I posted my original message here. I was somewhat traumatized by the event of her death, only because I was caring for her and was with her when she passed. But beyond that, I really haven't missed her. It's been a relief knowing she no longer has the opportunity to do or say something hurtful. I think the fleeting moments of grief I've experienced have been only for the relationship that never was because she had no interest in trying to fix her own issues, which she inflicted on others. I really just see it now as a very unfortunate situation that I want to learn from and minimize my contact with similar people who do not contribute to my happiness going forward. Sometimes with a family member or a toxic work boss (very common) we are unable to just walk away and we have to manage the relationship the best we can. I could have done a much better job of that with my mother but I did the best I could and I forgive myself for my shortcomings. We can't change what they say or do, but we can change the way we react to them. I truly wish you the best with that while your mother is still alive. The best thing to do is whatever keeps you the most calm and the least angry - for your own health. It's not easy, that's for damn sure! 😃
It's about manipulation. One strategy to counter someone using manipulative language is to repeat back to them the same words or charges they use. For example, "I never support you?", "I always say that?", etc. When they make claims or accusations what they're really looking for is a footing and finding it they intend to keep the upper hand. When you REPEAT their own words back to them, skepticism about what they're saying is brought in to the mix and with it is the real possibility you could expose their intent. Peace.
And… add on “you’re CRAZY” before or after any of these. “I never said that, you’re crazy.” “You always …. You’re crazy” Basically direct gas lighting - deny, project, and then tell the other person that “they’re CrAzY.”
Yup my ex told me his other ex are all crazy and this one day I was crazy too like the others. And this I discovered what a narrsistic was. I can spot one in less than three seconds now.
My favorite is "See you're getting upset!" Um...we are texting and you can't read tone. I'm nowhere near upset. And then when you ask to meet in person, they come up with all kinds of excuses. Because they know you will call them out in person. They like the safety net of having a phone.
No they don't at all. Most will force a meeting on person because they feel it's easier to get you back under control....if without their tactics, fake and phony affection and even sex...
Modern tech is fun against the "I never said that" crowd. I was in a short fling with a woman who said this often, and then flipped out when I showed the text she sent saying exactly that.
@@mikebennett8051 If you have a narc wife, then please, make an exit plan, lawyer up, and GO. Steal away. Your sanity is worth more. Work hard for custody or joint custody. Then 🏃♂️ 🏃♂️ 🏃♂️
Just recently I received an email from my narcissist ex thanking me because he never knew love before he met me…he said he only thought of me and wanted to meek me happy and yet he’d pull me out of bed by my hair in the middle of the night because I didn’t make enough bread that day or I didn’t put enough ice cubes in his glass…no joke.
@@Jace28142 That sounds right. How awful! 😖 Mine bought me a cheap ring "to shut me up" but instead of giving it to me, hid it and "when I found it or when he felt like I deserved it, whichever came first, I could have it." Let's just say at least 2 months went by. Looking back I want to slap my old self. Then I tell myself everything happens for lessons to be learnt, even bad things. I definitely learned a lot of early warning signs, plus that I was stronger than I thought I was in the end. I saw a movie where a guy bought his girlfriend a ring and did the same thing, he told her he hid it and she'll get it when HE'S ready. That woman ended up killed by him (real life case) so I count my blessings. Narcs are unstable, vile creatures.
He often said "Let's start over" or " We should go on a first date " after arguments. I finally realized it is because he was good at the beginning of relationships but not at maintaining one. After many years of an off and on again relationship I left for good. The relationship never progressed. But that was also my saving grace. If I had stayed he would have emotional ruined me.
To the "Stop interrupting me", I got "Can I say something? Can I finish saying what I want to say?" I just say, "No you can't cuz all that comes out of your mouth are lies and 1/2 truths and I really don't care to hear it any more."
@@theresabent3804 - that "Rebecca Zung' you have responded to is a fraud. Check that account - no content. They are con artists trying to scam you. Others include a 'Felicia Martin', 'Muna Ednard' and 'Poppins Jane' who will tell you to ignore these vids and contact a Whats App number.
Hi David! I'd like to invite you to join us on September 16, 2021, at 4 PM PST. Rebecca has a New Live Q&A Masterclass called "The BREAK FREE FROM THE NARCISSIST." You don't want to miss this FREE LIVE event! Register here: bit.ly/3hxiCWB
YES! i JUST realized I hear that ALLLLL THE TIME from my mother. I usually say, “ well now is when I have the time and patience to deal with it, whether you participate or not, makes no difference to me. “
@@tikesplace doesn’t sound like you have much experience w narcissists , Heidi . What we are saying is this: doesn’t matter to them what you want to discuss or when you want to discuss it. If the conversation isn’t initiated by THEM they’re just not interested, and will be dismissive . You can try to meet with them , or choose a time, however , if it’s not entirely controlled by them, they will be dismissive “ I don’t want to talk about that right now” etc. THIS conversation I’m having w you, is EXACTLY why we don’t talk to outsiders about narcissists. They don’t understand it, and cannot see it . I’m not talking about a regular mother here Heidi. I suggest that you watch some videos by Dr Ramani so that you can grasp some understanding if you’re truly interested .
@@tikesplace Why would anyone want to "mend" their relationship w a Narc?! You're insane. Ex narc tried to kill me several times along w my children. You really need to educate yourself on the subject matter.
I was taught that interrupting people while they are talking is bad manners but now it’s the speaker’s narcissistic tendencies showing and not me being rude at all. Sweet!!!
I WISH I could. Unfortunately I didn't leave when I should've, & now have 2 young sons w him (as well as my oldest that he raised w me from 6yrs old- almost adult) that suffer from his narcissism as well. It's so sad.
How about this one: "I'm sorry you feel misunderstood by me." Um, no. I know you understand me. You just minimize how I feel and try to convince me it's not valid for me to feel it!
Spot on 👍🏼 “It’s always about you.” “I never get my way.” While at least 95% of the relationship had been his wants/needs/desires. Me waiting till ‘after this, after that, or next time- as in, “Next time we might do what you would like, just wait Baby Girl” 😵😵💫
Oftentimes, when I expressed a need or point of view, I was met with "the world doesn't revolve around you" argument. However, their needs and perspective were of paramount importance.
Yeah, early on my female parent used to say that I thought I was "the queen of the world." When she said that, I can remember thinking "what? I never thought like that" b/c they project onto others what they themselves are . . .
You are spot on! I think you're completely right about gaslighting being a covert narcissist's favorite tool. Mine does this all the time and loves to interrupt me to do so.
Great video!! My business partner is a full blown narcissists. I went for six years of therapy to deal with her and today we still in business. I talk to her but really don't 🤫😉
I feel like somebody should point out that every married couple ever has those "I never said that" and "we already talked about this" moments that are 100% legit. My wife and I both do very often.
I was thinking the same thing. I agree with so much of this, BUT there are times that some of the situations here are just life. Not everyone is out to manipulate you or a situation.
Yep. And when they get older and their hearing starts going, you hear yourself often saying - that's not what I said, but it really wasn't what I said. It was what they pieced together from the little bit they heard! And if they're tired or in a bad state of mind, they will always make it sound like you were saying something negative about them. Oh if only hearing aids weren't so expensive!
My ex always used these and if he used "to tell you the truth", I finally realized that meant all lies. He always made me feel insane for thinking things and expressing concerns. It is definitely like being brainwashed.
Most conversations with my x-husband. 19 years in I didn't know who I was. He left me to teach me a lesson. I didn't beg him to come back like all the other years.
Thank you for your videos! Education is the 1st step to realization! Reality is not in a narcissists life and I feel sorry for them. Have 3 in the family and 2 are covert narcissist and I love them all, with all my heart! Have heard every catch phrase you listed here. Since finding you, I have slowly found myself and self worth. Thee things they said and did used to bring me to my knees. Now, the only time I hit my knees is to pray for them. Thanks for your advice and knowledge!
Thank you so much for describing my wife of 10 years on tomorrow. I had to have a restraining order against her on August 31 and removed from me and our home. She heavily showed everything you described here and weakened me seizing my retirement money and I've now filed for divorce and thinking more peacefully and clearly.
🎓Want to learn more about the narcissists' favorite catchphrases? Join me on my free live masterclass right here 👉👉 www.icanslay.com 🙌
I am looking forward to meeting you there!
When, what time, will it do any good for me as I divorced her the ninth time she walked out on me to be with her lover. You wonder how I'm so sure she has one. No, many, $3,200.00 in motel rooms she charged in 6 months. I have the statements. Could be more paid by her single Johns and some listed were through brokers like Travelocity. All lies from her. I done nothing wrong was all she would say.
Someone left a number for me to call....I think your account has been hacked...
Outstanding thank you🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯💯
@@uriellevelupriley684 your welcome.?... Her account has been hacked,...for sure....
Narcissists don't break you physically, they break your spirit
That's true to point. However, in breaking your spirit that can have serious physiological repercussions that disrupt your health in (eventually) lethal ways.
So many wives of narcissists end up with breast cancer, and some of those women die. When you hear someone has developed various kinds of cancer, look around that person for a narcissist in their lives (parent, spouse, partner, boss). Also, people who develop Chronic Fatigue Syndrome often come from homes where one or both parents were narcissists. Let's also not forget that children raised by narcissists often berate their own young children into developing narcissistic personalities in a kind of "conform or be cast out" into the role of scapegoat. Those are usually the people who do NOT develop physical illnesses, but at quite another psychological cost.
Yes, soul crushing for sure!
Narcissists break you physically and they break your spirit.
@@stephanier6783 So many husbands and men also.
They will break your spirit if you let them. My narcissist neighbor is so bad at being a narcissist, she should take lessons on how to improve on her own evil.
You literally have to record every conversation with a narcissist because they twist every word to fit their current agenda and try to make you look less than in the process.
They'll still deny everything. I think most of us have seen evidence of that recently.
I have gone with solid irrefutable proof, and still some how it wasn't his fault, nothing is ever their fault just ask them!
audio video recording of the events is something they will attack you on if you present that to them. You have to get to them when they are in their "calm" state. But it doesn't make lasting impressions. It can take years to affect some serious changes, if ever at all. It's Borderline Personality Disorder. Even most therapists won't deal with them. They will turn it around and make the therapist the cause of the problem. If any therapist does take on a case like that they usually do it only for 2 years at most. Try living with people like that?!!!!
Omgggg this is exactly how I feel
Yep. And that’s what I FINALLY did!
I could not figure out WHAT was going on with this used-to-be wonderful man I’d married. He was lying. Sneaking around. He would RAGE and call me disgusting names. Last straw was violence. Pushing me, chest-bumping me, spitting in my face and finally punching me. Perhaps someone might find this over-the-top, but go marry and live with a narcissist for decades (30+ years!) and you’ll say “should’ve done it sooner”. I hid cameras EVERYWHERE. Yes. Everywhere. I discovered he was watching porn EVERY moment he could get. (Yes, WE HAD SEX. Good sex.) He was masturbating as SOON as he got home from work. He was masturbating AT work. If the grandkids were visiting, he’d sneak off and masturbate to porn. He’d sneak away and eat fast food…ALONE…in a parking lot! He began to smoke, drink. When I FINALLY called the authorities, he spiraled out of control (emotionally) for about one week. When I showed him just a couple of snippets from the videos and he found out I knew all his dirty secrets-yep, you guessed it-I WAS the villain. HOWEVER, he is FINALLY LEAVING ME ALONE! Yes, we are divorcing. I cannot fix the past, but my future WILL BE BRIGHT!
I was married to a narcissist for 20 years! Gas lighting was his favorite tool. I literally thought I was crazy and I was on tons of pills. Fast forward to today, I divorced him, I’m pill free and the happiest that I’ve ever been! With much self love and inner work, there is life after the chaos.
🙌🏻❤️🌈🦋🙌🏻
Yay! Happy for you.
You are bitter..... maybe you should have a Psychedelic mushroom trip 🍄. Escape your Ego for a few hours.
The best comment I read today, I have to say it made my day. What a positive and inspirational story of reclaiming your power (that you always had) and of self love. Continued blessings and peace to you 🙌❤
Wish I could say the same. Took Prozac to please my dad, no progress with his approval. Took birth control to try and regulate my mood, almost died of pulmonary embolism at age 31. Turns out not only did he had personality disorders, Sis and I suspect he might have ADD/ADHD, since she and I just got diagnosed as such after going through two different tests when we started struggling with everyday life during the lockdown.
I'm sorry he wasted so much of your life.
When pointing out true facts of something they did that clearly impended the relationship , they say
“ Oh , ok , I’m just the bad person , I do all the wrong “ !!
YES omg
"Sorry for being me"
You got it!!! 100% truth.
'Winning an argument with a smart person may be difficult. Winning an argument with a stupid person is impossible!'
Lol. If I think they are not worth arguing with, I don't.
Lol shooo weeee can't fix Stupid
👊🏽😁
Prov 26:4-5 Do not answer a fool according to his folly,
or you yourself will be just like him.
Answer a fool according to his folly,
or he will be wise in his own eyes.
You forgot to put the author of your quote.
@@locutusdborg126 I didn't forget ; I just could not recall the name even though I tried to do so. I never take credit for others' wisdom. Perhaps you could refresh my memory?
A narcissist is always the hero or the victim, but never the villain...
absolutely !
Well put
So on point!
👏👏👏👏👏👏
Well she played the victim ever since marrying Harry .
They are Angels on the streets and Devils in the home...
This is the most spot on statement.
Yes, I believe you" ...
I swear everyone loves my narc husband . Everyone. No one knows he's a tyrant at home.
@@tamarastone141 I’m sorry your husband is a Narc, I left 9 years ago and now feel free
They care very deeply about what others think of them. For them, appearance is everything. It's not about being a good person. Just appearing to be one.
Just to add to the "I never said that" category, my ex-wife would regularly accuse me of "putting words in her mouth" when, in reality, I had just quoted word for word something she had actually said
Same
My soon to be ex wife does the same thing
Hahaha what did she say then?
The narc can can say you are the narc when they actually say you said something that you never said. 🤔
Spot on! My dad was a narcissist, & so was my ex-fiancé. So glad I didn't marry him! Now I'm married to a man who treats me with respect & loves me whole-heartedly.
My dad, too! Never was he wrong about anything, ever! Even the very evidence of his guilt/wrongdoing he denied, finding ways, however illogical or stupid, to blame others for his bad choices--thereby deflecting the accusations, evading responsibility, every freaking time.
Good for you!!! Made the right choice.
How would you tell if one is a extreme narcissists, however it's called. My ol' man isnt as full blown narcissist, to where my girlfriend who just divorced the Grand Pooh Bah of Narcissist !! (Narcissistic Sociopath with Egotistical
My mother was an extreme narcissist. She wanted to be the only one speaking and couldn't handle a conversation that wasn't centered on herself. And, yes, she constantly interrupted everything I tried to say.
@@leelarson107 My husband has an aunt like that.
“Stop yelling at me!” when, in a normal tone of voice, you make a firm point that they don’t want to hear.
I frequently get a corollary of this: "I can see that you are angry by the way you raised your voice." When I deny it, I get the "well it was the tone of your voice." This is used on me because I was raised to ALWAYS control my voice and my choice of words. So they are stuck with subjective claims.
They also are relying on an old racist trope: the angry black man thing.
Whisper to them 24/7! 😄
Lol .. omg I hear this daily !!!! When I'm clearly not even yelling
Facts!
At the end of a heated discussion or arguement my ex husband used to tell me I had been yelling and using filthy language at him. This is impossible to disprove and as an honest person I would then have to question myself. I only found out years later this was classic gaslighting. I used to wonder if there was something wrong with me / my mind. Very cruel and has the potential to drive you crazy.
"You're interrupting me" simply translates to "you aren't letting me continue giving you a headache with my irrational bullshit"
YUP! 💯
I agree
Bulls**t, it's called not being an interrupting, rude a**hole....when someone is talking, I don't interrupt that person, because my parents taught me how to show some respect...many women, on the other hand, will continually interrupt you when you're saying something she doesn't like, I'm talkin like 98% of women do this, and NOT ONE PERSON WHO KNOWS YOU LIKES WHEN YOU CUT THEM OFF RIGHT IN MIDDLE OF THEIR THOUGHT.....
🤣🤣🤣 So TRUE!!
Yep
The best way to spot a Narcissist , is that they are always accusing others , in order to draw attention from themselves .
Obama - "It was Bush's fault." Biden - "It was Trump's fault."
@@oscargrouch7962 And Adam answered to God - " The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me that fruit and I ate it".
@@oscargrouch7962 Harris is always telling people to stop interrupting her and remember the”I was that little girl” BS. Playing the victim.
@@vb2430 that's not a catchphrase Vladimir.....it's an honest and truthful answer to a question.
@@glensalch3156 How would you feel if your 10th grade daughter became pregnant and when you confronted her, she "honestly" and "truthfully" answered you : "my boyfriend whom YOU introduced to me did it" ?
They can be charismatic, charming, always projecting how perfect they are & they can do no wrong unless "you made me do, say or act that way".
I AGREE..
Then they get violent..
Steel everything you have
Own you .
Own everything you own.
Then kick you to the side..
Bloody lovely
@@tracywalls-hill5621 Yes .
Exactly!
*I agree*
You made me laugh . You did that !
ugh
My wife that I've been separated from for 3 years always says...I never said that!!
Spot on
"I didn't say that"...."That's not how I said it"...."Well, That's not what I meant"...."I can't help it if you misunderstood me"....
Oh, and the famous, "Why are you always trying to start an argument with me?! Can't you live without drama?!" When you catch them on something.
Eh thats a tough one because my wife will literally deflect or spin anything I confront her on like sexting a coworker and she'll say that she's a monster or to stop belittling her when... yah, I didn't say those things or give negative connotation when I literally asked why. :/
Oh god I heard those every week... Its so creepy how they all have these same catchphrases... Do they go to school for this crap
@@tikesplace I agree. Sometimes things need clarification… if a person took something the wrong way or I didn’t state it well
@@tikesplace you have to take it in context. Of course people say these things n aren't being narcissist. But when it becomes the norm you need to be aware.
i was in a relationship with a Narcissist for 20 years and I lost myself in that relationship. I didnt know what a Narcissist was until trying to recover. Then looking back it all made sense and I am sad that I allowed myself to be treated that way for so long and was so blind. Being a nice forgiving person is good but dont do it to your own detriment. Trying to get back to normal is hard following a relationship with a Narcissist. Love yourself and know that you deserve to be treated better. You are worthy!
Thanks for your comment. It reflects my experience as well. Good luck in your recovery!
We're twins, dealing with my person lead to depresssion, low self-esteem, self-sabotaging and destructive behaviors. I hadn't even heard of a narcissist, if I had, I would have run for my life. Now, I've lost decades I can not get back. All I can do is look forward.
I’ve just quit my job. 15 years. It also took me a long time to realise my boss was the issue and it wasn’t me going crazy. I was suicidal for a time. So, don’t feel bad about 20 years, feel awesome about every day from now on.
Ditto. My therapist assigned me a certain book MANY therapists recommend, "Co-Dependency No More" by Melody Beattie. I had previously done a couple of written assignments that made it enormously clear I was a Co-D. Co-Dependency is why the typical co-dependent put ups with deplorable behavior.
I spent twenty years with someone who ended up trying to kill me and had an affair with a cop to get away with it. They are scary creatures.
#1 Never trust anyone who says “you can trust me.” They know they aren’t trustworthy and feel they need to convince you to do so.
Trust, but verify...
Learned this the hard way.☹️
Gandalf to Bilbo, "I am not trying to rob you! am trying to help you. Trust me like you once did!"
Steals the ring...
Totally disagree. That is way too bold of a statement. Lots of variables that could lead to the comment “you can trust me”.
@@ryanreese3674 I’ve never heard a person say it that had not gone on to prove themselves untrustworthy
They also say to you when calling them out, "Everything I do is wrong!" Another is "Damned if you do or damned if you don't!"
Wow. It’s like you’ve heard the fights I used to have with my mother
My wife is a hardcore narcissist and I've never heard her say that.
I have not heard a narcissist state any phrases where they use “I” statements. I grew up in a narcissistic family and went on to attract narcissistic friendships and romantic relationships…. Very damaging and insidious abuse. Been dealing with these psychos my entire life. I have however heard many victims of narcissistic abuse use the “I”statements written here to defend themselves. However I am slowly learning not to defend myself and it is a game changer. As hard as it is just be quiet. Observe but do not react or respond even if triggered .Narcissists will vomit from their mouth. If you must interact with them, cut them off by not giving any fuel….Words… Defending yourself …. Is fuel. Visualize tape on your mouth if you have to, if on phone…. Mute the phone. Don’t absorb their words, blaming, accusing, gaslighting, projecting, deflecting , etc. Narcissists need fuel. Do not give it to them. It will only fester and get worse. Ignore their ranting and know whatever they are saying is actually a reflection of who they are and their inner insecurities and struggles. Do not absorb, Just listen and observe. You will learn a lot. Ignore them triggering you. It is all intentional to feed themselves. Narcissists will reveal their intentions and who they are. Just listen and observe. A lot is revealed in what narcissists project. Reacting and defending is what narcissists want. Think of them as a shark in a feeding frenzy. Guard your heart, mind and soul from these diabolical predators. Narcissists are very dangerous predators and leave total destruction in their paths.
On point bc it's all about them portraying the victim.
But targets say that too
"I never said that" is total denial.
Ohhhh, I dunno, I have said that to people because.............
.........Well because I never said certain things to them that they claimed I did. (There was no denial about it--it was just plain fact equivalent to 1+3=4!!)
I didn't do that when I was there looking at him and he looking at me still he will lie evil bastard
I will agree SOMEWHAT with this comment because there ARE habitual liars who are in the habit of bullshitting so often about so much, (even when they have NO REASON to lie), that it could even be LAUGHABLE depending on context, (or just plain sad because the truth could really benefit them or make them happy, but their habitual bullshitting prevents them from seeing such.)
Also, there are people who DON'T say something VERBATIM, (word for word), but due to their cleverness/quick wit with words, often IMPLY certain things, that they may deny later, by saying: "I NEVER said that!", which in a strictly VERBAL sense is TRUE, but there MAY have been a most definite IMPLICATION behind their rhetoric! Still, one does often have to be careful "reading between the lines" of others.
(Sarcasm is sort of an example of what I'm referring to, but unless one suffers from strict literalism, most sarcasm most of the time is fairly easy to detect....Unless one is NOT a native speaker of the English language, whose natural language perhaps does not allow sarcasm as a part of their language, but I'm fairly certain a lot of languages other than English allow for sarcasm.)
Yes!!!
Denial Is a PURE DEAL BREAKER FOR ME
0:00 Intro
1:00 1 - You Can Trust Me
2:43 2 - Stop Interrupting Me / Attacking Me
3:33 3 - I Don't Like The Way You Said That
4:08 4 - I Never Said That
6:08 5 - No One Else
6:32 6 - Everyone Else
7:20 7 and 8 - Always and Never
Rebecca about the always or never thing.....I did a test on my phone messages and did a search on always the word and counted how many times it was said by people close to me. It works!!! However, because of arguments I saw, there were words on my side that were somewhat like retaliation comments to show that they trigger me to say the same but the never....does that mean I am or is it just a product of upbringing or egocentrism because I live or grew up with them?
thank u
@@underfire2534 it doesn't necessarily mean you are. You can grow up in that type of environment & still make it out as a good person. My wife grew up with both parents being some real $hit-bag narcissists. They really wrecked her
self-esteem. It has taken a while, and some councilors, but she's turning out just fine. Keep your head up & always watch out for these people, they can really weasel their way into relationships.
@@jiha003 You forgot "That's not the point."
Nah I feel like alot of these can be said by the victim too. For instance, I disagree with the "No one else" and "everyone else". I've used this in an argument against a toxic bully and flat out told him "No, you're the problem. If you keep having arguments with everyone else and nobody gets along with you, then it's obvious YOU'RE the common denominator." I feel like these phrases are too general. They need more context. Like for instance, "stop interrupting me" could be a valid defense, if the victim isn't being allowed to speak bc the self-centered narc is dominating the convo and is too focused on what they want to say. The other one is "I never said that". A victim has every right to counter with this statement bc most narcs will gaslight and accuse the victim of saying something that they didn't say or didn't intend. Narcs love to twist your words. So these phrases are NOT spot on, bc they're way too broad and can be applied in multiple situations. These kinda videos only cause confusion, and try to pigeon hole narcissists according to what they say, instead of their overall behavior. The exact words/phrases inherently aren't important, it's the manipulative method in which they're used that we need to be wary of. Also, Aladdin told Jasmine "Trust me" and he turned out to be totally reliable - so idk what this lady is talking bout 😆
Nothing is by committee - they already know all the answers. “I already told you, remember” is another phrase they love to use. They are quick to take credit for victories, and always point their finger to others when things don’t go well.
Social work Managers in the UK
Right, it is a shift blame game that excludes that person, the narcissist.from any wrong doings are shifty results minimizing the narcissist in any respect of needing to say I will admit I did do or say this and I was wrong.. I apologize. These words are non-existent in a narcissist's life. An issue that does involve them but they'll never own it; A common seen narcissistic behavior. .I am a psychology major and have studied within the six years of college and then in life experiences so many various avenues of behaviors; different personalities of people. The toxic ones that must be handled wisely and well understood. Like your reply. A good one. Jim!
Oh goodness yes. "I already told you" was deffinately a catch phrase used a lot.
Yes my narc used to say that wow
Everything is always my fault, even if the car breaks down, it is my fault. The fuel pump went last night, of course, it is my fault!!!!!
My narcs favorite phrase was either "sorry I'm not perfect like you or nobody is perfect". That's how they get out of being held accountable for ANYTHING.
So true!
Ha ha heard that the other day from my ex 🙄
OMG this is my motherrrrr. She’s infuriating.😒
@@saralaurenadler When you have a Narcissistic Mother....
You attract Narcissists.
Partners,Husbands,Wives,Bosses,Workmates,Friends even your Children...
I give up...I've become very reclusive.
Covid Lockdowns have worked for me.
Wow, you nailed that one. I also got the "I'm not perfect like your mother" in response to WEEKS of household neglect on her part.
My narcissist likes to say, " I know you better than you know yourself "
My narcissist mother's favorite bullsh*t.
Yes they do!!!
He don't know shit
they love to think and say that, they only know what triggers people. Its like putting salt in a wound and saying you're a docter.
Omg yas
I used to teach cognitive distortions at a community college. Everyone should learn these as narcissists use all of them.
What an amazing course to teach at a community college. I didn't even learn that stuff in an upper division psych of personality course at Cal.
Where can I get more information on this? Thanks.
@@goldilocks3593 Thank you. I know Burns’ book, I will go back.. I have learned about cognitive and emotional distortions and I see them happening now. I do feel so much more empowered to assert myself and redirect. We could use a book going into more detail like Rebecca’s talk on this. I just had a friend uses the ‘everybody’ on me and I stopped it by labeling it. Get learning the exact phrases is empowering-no default to self-doubt. Also, you are talking about the past. Either we shift or I don’t waste my energy…
@@susanforster Spot on! This is one of my ex’s favourite phrases, often used to the extreme. He’d regularly claim “That’s in the past” over an incident that had only occurred an hour before! Their thinking is irrational and illogical, no wonder it feels crazy making!! An alternative was/is “you’re holding a grudge!”.
True
"You'll need me before I'll need you"
"My way or the highway"
"Try me"
Kristy Kelly,You are beautiful 🌷,hope you are not with a narcissist 😈!
Spot on for the "one up you" - why should a partner want to one up? Not a partner.
@@christianpulisic7784 what the hell does that have to do with her comment and why is it about her appearance?
Before listening... I'm gonna guess. These were my exs favorite phrases. "I don't remember". "I never said that". "This is your fault". "That happened a long time ago."(when it had only been 2 weeks). "Don't get mad at me, I'm already mad enough at myself". "You have a problem and need therapy."
The" I'm mad @"..or " already mad at myself" thing.... Definitely heard that one a few times
The “I don’t remember” phrase sheesh...but see my ex has seizures so idk it’s hard to tell
My narc ex girlfriend said all this things too, along with constant gaslighting, were well rid of them, they do deserve bad Karma though
Oh yes…. “You have a problem and need therapy”. … Classic. Anything to deflect from their behavior.
Omg my boyfriend always says stop attacking him. I haven't attacked him at all
You're crazy is their favorite once you set a boundary!
I get told that almost on the daily by my wife. Along with # 2 and #3 I'm a fool
He had the audacity to tell me I have a problem my problem is him evil bastard
Yes and everyone hates you and you are so lucky I put up with you and they tell you how to feel what shows you should enjoy what music etc. always has to be their taste you only exist to prop them up.
@@AnnaLVajda that's it I have been propping him up for over 30 years
She told me this on some occasions when I pointed out somethings to her....wow
"I can't believe you don't trust me" and "You don't know what you're talking about" are among what was said to me A LOT.
"Everyone else trusts me except you!" "what's your problem?" "If you weren't so busy _feeling sorry for yourself_ you wouldn't be so negative"...
@@rg2027x They must take classes and compare notes or something 'cause they all say the same things 😂
@@katewithat Yea!! 👍 fr...
It's like they all go to the same *Asshole Academy* ! 😹
Said to me as a child by my mother: “You sound like a brick fell on your head.” Or “Have you lost your mind?” Or “I’ll knock you off that high horse.” Those hurt me so much.
Spot on. My daughter's ex-boyfriend said each and every one of these. Someone mentioned in the comments "stop yelling a me" That was another one that he would say. He picked and started fights and he would start yelling and stand over you. You would try and say something thing in a stern voice or slightly raised voice and you would hear "Stop yelling at me." then he has the nerve to say "I'm not yelling at you, the least you could do is respect me." Saying all while he is yelling at you. I just thank God every day that he is no longer in my daughters life.
Negotiating with a narcissist,isn't easy,could you trust them,what is your intuition saying,how would you respond,take responsibility of the situation,did they gaslight you,were you brainwashed,do you feel manipulated,at some point voice your concerns💥
Spot on
When they discard you for new supply:
“You’re not the person I thought you were.”
"You've changed!" Lol ok
Both are true! When you no longer put up with their crap...
“I can’t trust you!” But yet, you trusted your 5 kids to me to babysit at the drop of a hat, because we lived next door to you… but in the end, I’m the one who is crazy and was never a good friend…..yeah……lol……ok!
I haven't loved you for the past decade or so. It's also your fault because you did (whatever) 15+ years ago.
they say " every one else loves me"!
If someone makes you feel like Nothing, that's a big sign. Please find help ❤🙏
but there are many people who are so beat down from past relationships that they just expect to be treated like nothing. So the other person they are in a relationship with might not be a narcissist, but the one person 'feels' like they are treated like nothing. Phew, relationships are so complicated. . .
@@kimmilberg7867 I know the feeling. It's the feeling before suicide. Please find help❤
Big truth !!
Looking
@@treemoon6394 Working at the SPCA as a volunteer helped me a lot.
I'm talking to a girlfriend on the phone, while I'm telling her something important to me I can hear her typing on her phone key board and I say "are you typing on your phone?" No, she says immediately. Next time we're on the phone again, same thing and I ask again" are you typing/texting while we're talking?" No she says and I say what is that clicking noise, she says "I don't know". Then it happens a third time and I pushed for the truth and she got super defensive and gaslighted again. I told her "I'm hanging up now" and did. She started calling me back over and over and I needed time to cool down. After I cooled down I called her back and she said "Im sorry" in a sarcastic way. So I told her again "I'm hanging up" and did. She called again and this time had a whole new attitude and I said to her "when you text/type while I'm talking to you I feel unimportant when you are distracted deliberately and then when you lie, I feel insulted. Folks this is what narcissist do. They lie, deny and then give a mock apology and make it about you.
Don't wrestle with pigs, you'll just get dirty and muddy, and that's how they like it!
“I never said that.”
“You misunderstood.”
“Very candidly.”
I was told that I was confusing or that I was being vague and wanted claification
You are talking about my husband I'm sure of it 😂😂😂
Sometimes the narcissist lies and it’s true that I never said that though!!!
"I never said that... you're crazy."
"You can't take a joke."
@@4x4_Gal Oh exactly like my ex. He was just kidding, after he made me feel bad by his insult. Now my grandson says the same thing to me.
I was married to a narcissist for 28 years. By the time I knew I had to leave, I'd allowed myself to lose self-esteem, self-worth, etc., etc., etc. When I finally got the courage to leave, it felt like a ton of bricks was lifted from my shoulders.
I know that feeling after leaving a 19 year relationship with my narcissist ex
I am so proud of you and SO happy for you. It is a difficult thing to do. Cheers to your new adventures!
My life IMMEDIATELY improved once my ex was out of my life.
Good for you!👏👏😊💞💜💓👍👍I am so happy for Ur freedom! Yeaaa!🙌🙌🙌
I stayed for 33 years when I finally left I could not believe it all of a sudden I could feel the sun smell the flowers !!!! I knew I was miserable but of course I thought it was all my fault!! It's been 15 years since I freed myself I don't trust myself to get into another relationship so I am alone, maybe someday someone will really love me I don't know 🤔
My recent ex narc was always accusing me, so paranoid. He always made my head spin during arguments to his advantage to where I lost what I intended to say in the first place. He made me nuts. Thank God I am free!!!!
That’s called “word salad 🥗 “
Yep, it's awful...
Yes indeed. I'm an English teacher and he made me lose the power of speech. I was like a 2 year old trying to explain my point.
I never get any where because he flips every word I say around every time
Key word here, he’s your ex. , good for you. I’m happy for you.
N: 'I never said that'
Yes you did
N: 'No I didn't'
Yes you did, I have it recorded
N: 'Oh but that is not what I meant'
LMFAO
Yes! It’s the back tracking. A conversation I had one time:
Him: “Women who are in healthy marriages don’t just go off for a whole weekend to hang out with friends for NO REASON.”
Me: “Excuse me? Let me make sure I’m clear on what you really think about this. Did you just say I can’t go on a weekend trip without compromising our marriage? And that it’s uncommon to do so?”
“No I don’t mean that. I just mean that most of the time those kind of women do it to get drunk and complain about their husbands…”
Or good for you
yea, or "you can't prove my intention" god, i just love that one.
Wow! you must have been there the 1000 times I have heard and done that...including the recording
or they will also say "you can't prove my intention"
I think it's important to mention that anyone can use these expressions from time to time. Sometimes they fit. It doesn't mean everyone is a narcissist. Narcissism runs deeper.
Ur a narc
It's true anyone could say any of these things in certain situations and not be a narcissist. But when they use many of them and use them a lot it gives them away as either being a narcissist.
We all have ego thats the point calling someone a narcisist for say this things is stupid narcs are deeper than that
@@eddyalonsomoramorales6069 it's a continuous cycle with narcs. She not Talkin bout every now and again. This is habitual for narcissist
Said the Narcissist!
They say "it's not all about you" meaning it's all about them
My mom has said that.
Yes, it is all about them! I have a sibling who behaves this way.
I would put it differently: It's not so much questioning your mind, what they're doing is destroying your self confidence.
It's both. They're attempting to destroy your self confidence by way of getting you to question your own mind.
Ruining your self confidence is what destroys you, mind and body, in my opinion. I am a survivor of an abusive marriage; I still have times I can hardly stop what's going on to use the bathroom, for fear of "looking stupid" because of the lessons he taught me. Don't underestimate what destroying self confidence can do to a person.
@@g-mode5047, yes, by making you question your own mind, they maintain control and don’t have to take responsibility for anything.
Actually the narcissist is getting YOU to question YOUR mind. Why do you do that?
Spot on. I finally divorced my husband after I realizing that he is a covert narcissist, and I was never going to have a reciprocal relationship with him. I'm nearing 60 and I decided I had to take my life back. Now that it's done, I feel free and light, with the prospect of being able to celebrate myself and the things that matter to me.
congrats
@@cfinallyfree7576 Nice read Melania.
How is a covert narcissist different than a run of the mill narcissist?
I read that and asked the same thing! "...he is a covert narcissist..."
I started reading these posts thinking "interesting stuff!" But I see am not sure anymore. There are so many variables, and there are two sides to any 20-plus year marriage. Much to easy to slap a label on someone, and call it a day.
Life is too short to take crap from any narcissist. Kick em to thr curb and step on them when you walk out. Maybe even do a curb stomp on them.
Honourable mention for “It is what it is.” When I say that it’s to accept what I cannot change, when my ex said it it was to excuse what she was unwilling to change.
W•H•A•T•S•A•P•P
+•1•4•3•2)•3•6•0•3•6•6••3•
I•n•v•e•s•t•andm•a•k•eg•o•o•dp•r•o•f•i•t.
I hate that "it is what it is phrase"..ugh no accountabilty no personal responsibilty just it is what it is
@@Livelove111 , me too. It drives me crazy when people say that.
@@Livelove111 100%
"We shall see what we shall see." "It is what it is".......
Narcs only care about three: me, myself and I.
And guess what all three of them will end up in hell
@@1010QUEEN7
God will sort that out.
Yes. It's my way or the highway.
One day I told my x that she was depressing me , she said go see a shrink. I did, the funny thing was the professional I used turned out to be the most respected and revered mental health specialist. After a few months of office visits I asked him if we were making any progress. His replay was yes . You , meaning me, are an extremely well adjusted individual especially considering all that you have been through during your lifetime. That I definitely need to get a divorce. But he believes because of my personal sense of responsibility and integrity that I would be staying until my children were old enough to fend for themselves. Later I received a call for him asking me if it would be okay to Discuss my Case with a family member who was studying under him . I said no problem. The next time I saw that family member I was given a hug and a deeply felt apology for the problems created by my x.
You just described yourself and the rest of humanity.
My favourite way of thinking about a narcissist is that they could be walking down the street with a million dollars in their pocket and they would still find something to complain about.
Omg!! That’s what I say about my mom..
if I gave her a million dollars she’d complain about the denominations !
haha
@@bigred4379 Hilarious!
@@tikesplace 😂it’s true! It’s just that this is all new to me, and I’m still so amused at how much the narcissists are so alike! We didn’t know from narcissism while I was growing up in the mess. I just knew that my mother was difficult , and an actress. Just THIS year I found dr Ramani . One of the things about living w a narc.. is that nobody believes us.. so when we chat on here.. we have the “me toos”. And can commiserate. Sure can’t complain in our lives cuz they re so two faced that other people don’t believe you anyways.
@@tikesplace you are probably not dealing w a narcissist! Lucky you!
Because if you were, you’d realize that the reason we re commiserating here, on you tube. We aren’t able to talk about this AT ALL, ANYWHERE ELSE.
Spot on! I was a professional negotiator before we knew about narcissism. However, you could feel it in the room when you walked in. My body language was effective...not one word, but they shut that "bully" mode on the lowest volume. Narcissist can also be manipulated; their over blown egos make them vulnerable.
You CAN feel it in the room. My sister was visiting one time, and after my narc left to go to work she said “it feels like we can breathe now.” With a narc, you’re constantly holding your breath.
"See how I always do what you ask for? But you never do anything for me" I'm sooo tired of this stupid phrase
Esp when I do a lot for them LMAOOO
@@aegon9015 well in their deranged minds they are "entitled". Which means you must do everything for them. Or if they do something nice for you... "what are you going to do for me?"
@@lindahanna6577 oh totally. I had to do EVERYTHING and like picture perfect or else shed freak. And even if I did it was something else, or like… you nailed it. Entitled. She was shocked when I didn’t want to keep in touch, too. I’m like do you not realize the things you said and did were like not cool? lol
@@lindahanna6577 and if I tried to ask for the same things she asked for, or even just a fraction of it, it was like OMG LOOK WHAT I DO FOR YOU. It’s just like a sore loser and winner at all times. That’s the closest I’ve seen it besides a relationship, was in sports. People who just were never going to give you praise or admit fault
@@aegon9015 I'm still stuck in the relationship. I'm having a hard time leaving. I can't wait to be free
You'll never find anyone else as good as me. I found myself when I left. What more to I need?
This is maybe the best statement I have heard from a victim having set herself free! It is so very true. ♥️♥️♥️
@@aliceengland8576 thank you so much Alice. The better person I found was me. I'm a survivor. I'm not a victim anymore. Lots of love to you.
You were lost and now you're found : ) Go get 'em.
My narc told me “No one else will ever love you like I do.”
Goodness, I hope not.
Narcissists really do have low self-esteem, don’t they? They KNOW they’re not trustworthy, so accuse their victims of not being trustworthy. ::sigh:: Good people always seem to be victimized by people with aberrant, narcissistic personalities.
You forgot one of the catchphrases I’ve been hearing: “You’re talking about the past. That’s something I don’t do anymore.”
Uhhhhhh honestly. He’s always talking about how ‘real’ he is💀💀💀
Yesss omg
Anyone who professes anything to much is Huge RedFlag 🚨🚨🚨🚨
Or they bring it up in an attempt to guilt trip you. Another story, same family member which happened when she was 6 & I was 8: ‘YOU brought me a slice of bread 🍞 when I was running away.’ Yes I did; Twas dear ole mom’s idea not mine & couldn’t say no to N mom. No I didn’t tell her… no feeding the 🔥🔥🔥 … Speaking of which, around the same time she stood & watched dear ole N mom pick me up by the ears👂🏻👂🏻 & shake me for playing with matches when it was NOT me but was dear ole N sister. She’s a perfect example of the nature + (non) nurture combination of NPD. 🙄🙄🙄
They project more than a movie theater.
Amazing parallels with my childhood! I tend to stop those who interrupt me though. I learned a phrase as a young adult that has served me well; “let me finish my sentences and I have allowed you to finish yours.” Said in a calm voice this is shocking to others.
yes they almost fall over backwards through being made aware that their manipulation is up.
Yes - I grew up constantly being interrupted so I use the *"let me finish"* ... and *"you interrupted me"* - the last on young agent (seeing me as old, uninteresting person!) showing apartments for rent at a time when people are desperate for accommodation ... who assumed I was stupid and answered question I hadn't asked. He did a bit more of that until I called him out on his behaviour ... and he changed his tune ... and became real chatty! 🥰
I've also used the
*"I'm sorry you feel that way..."*
on a giy who was picking a fight with me. Because I was in the way on one of his covert money-making schemes.
Long story but my apology didn't work... and he managed to isolate me from a social group he was informally organising.
Oh well!
*
I've met people who inspire me, who are patient, kind, devoted, loving, open-minded, interesting, mentally healthy, of service to others, having integrity, being straightforward ...playful, harmonious, mischievous (in a fun way, of course!) ...
and
I'm off to do a *u inspire me* meditation on Joe Dispenza channel to clear my mind ... and rewire my brain. It helps!
🧡
The minute anyone tells me that I can trust them, I never trust them as far as I can throw them for the rest of time.
My wife soon to be x told
Me when we first met she never lied. I looked at her and said everyone lies. It’s the level of deception that matters. I caught her in so many lies it was mind blowing and called her out. Told
Her she was the worst liar I had ever met. So dishonest, no I rectory.
Amen
Like Biden
Like Trump.
His supporters turned his lie into a win
The worst kind of lie where the lie becomes the truth.
Omg, the stop interrupting me. I actually went grey rock and quit defending myself at all because he’d ask a question then say I interrupted if I tried to answer. I’d secretly run a timer on how long his monologues lasted just to cope. I hadn’t spoken in over 50 minutes and he lost his train of thought. He yelled “you interrupted me” anyways then realized I hadn’t spoken.
My ex wife said (says) that all the time!! She even did it in family law court the other day. While we were with the moderator.
True, when we're the ones who are constantly interrupted and never allowed to say how we feel. They yell and scream or throw us on the floor, say incredibly hurtful things to let us know how little they think of us, as if we're not even human to them. Yet they constantly brag how everyone loves them. The constant bragging is so unnatural!
My ex wife would say that. They do that but then will interrupt you.
I once went mmhmm while my father was talking and he lost his shit. Started yelling that I was interrupting him and then I got cursed out and called every name in the book and we didn’t speak for two and a half years. My stupid ass reconnected with him and now trying to plot my escape.
@@misskogan I'm so sorry you're going through that with your father. Obviously, he doesn't have the proper wherewithal to connect with you in a proper manner. Just know that it's not your fault, he has a problem and if he can't face it you need to stay away.
Some of the best explanations I've heard. Having worked in the medical field for almost twenty years, I've learned that most of those in management that I've had to suffer under are raging narcissists. They make the workplace a living, toxic hell.
Those are sociopaths
Yes! That was my experience.
~~~~~~
Hi,
Yes, and it is not just in the Medical field.
LOVE,
~~~~~~
My catch phrase is that "work brings out the worst in people". Have heard it many times "he's not like that outside of work", and that's supposed to make me excuse him for being such a jerk at work? I wouldn't know if he's a "nice guy" outside of work because after dealing with him all day the last thing I would want to do is be anywhere with him after work. I suspect that "nice guy" outside of work is merely a front to try and garner some positive PR in a situation where he perceives there is something to be gained by acting nice, and nothing much to lose because he isn't being evaluated or sucking up like when at work.
I agree! There is absolutely no excuse for meanness.
My "favorite" tactic of the narcissist is what's referred to as "Irrelevant Argumentative Side-Baiting." That's where they avoid whatever issue is being discussed by dragging everything they can into the conversation~ the bush in the back yard, the water in the toilet, some breadcrumbs on a counter, a lightbulb that burned out ten years ago etc. Anything and everything to cause the conversation to break down in total disarray so nothing can be resolved. If you say, "please stick to the subject" they just shriek that they are and you're just being difficult and "we can't talk anymore!"
Another tactic they use (with their flying monkeys) is to take an incident that happened and to twist the story so they turn out looking like some sort of superior and holier than thou sacred martyr and victim who would "never do anyone that way" and who has been done oh so wrong by you. That way they collect an "outrage" mob to attack you. It makes them feel smug and vindicated even though their feelings are based upon the twisted tales and lies they've told. It's all a part of the false face they wear.
Brilliant! Thank you for the comment. Recently a "friend" dropped the mask suddenly and brutally, and I got out and knew I would be no contact from that point forward. Got an email from her husband saying they were under a 5g attack and are just coming out of it. Unbelievable.
Spot on. I was married to one for 12 years and I slowly felt like I was losing myself. Until I found out that he was a narcissist, then everything fit and made sense. What was an eye opener today was the bit about interrupting. Wow, thank you.
I was married to a narcissist for 25 years. He almost killed me. The put-downs were constant at home but we had a business together and he relied on me to open new businesses and talk with the heads of those businesses. I was his trophy wife. I am divorced and happily alone but not lonely. Thank God we both got out of these horrific circumstances. Many people do not know how or cannot seem to break free. God bless you and may you never meet another narcissist.
There terrible people........
seems awfully convenient to label an ex-partner as a narcissist in order to avoid owning up to one's-own participation in making a mess of a relationship... it does take two to tango...
@@benvwyk85, but narcissists don’t need help in ruining relationships. They can do that all by themselves. If you have ever been in a relationship with one, you would understand. The world revolves around them. If you don’t believe it, just ask them.
Wait!....was Ben van Wyk married to B A Friend!!!?? WOW!!!
“After all I’ve done for you...”
Classic just what ex partner always used.
Oh yes
It makes them even angrier if you say you didn't ask them to do anything.
I asked them. What exactly did they do for me. They said, I put a roof over your head and not making you pay any of it... I said, well, I'm paying for that car out there, that's getting you back n forth to work n all the other things you do so.... he did not like that response.
I had a very hard time keeping my trap shut when he would come at me... And if he was mad at anyone, or just in a mood, in general, he always tried dragging me into a fight. I finally caught on to that one, but still would mess up n get dragged into the fight before I realized what was going on... I got so used to being called explicits that when he'd get mad, I'd just say them before he could... like he'd start in and I'd say, I know I'm this, this this... or one time, near the end, he was on a roll about me n I went out n said, I did x,y z, then he started in on the how stupid I was... i stopped him n said, i just came to tell you what happened so you could chew me out n I could go back to doing what I needed to do. That stopped him, like dead in his tracks. He didn't say a word after that...
In divorce proceedings now but I heard many times, I stood by you during your surgery last year. He was there but drunk & asleep at hospital. Then threw it in my face about all he’d done for me. Gag! So glad I left him,
narcissist & a drunk!
3:33 "I don't like the way you said that" is normally a response to something true / a fact. They can't dispute the content so they attack how it was said.
That may be true but people often say things sarcastically so there are actually nuisances to this
And sometimes, a tone can trigger reactions from previous interpersonal traumas. I have definitely experienced this.
I was in business for many years with an older sibling, it took me more than twenty five years to realize that he was a narcissist. Everything point you made ticked a box perfectly. I cut off ALL contact ten years ago. I only regret not doing it forty years ago. My advice to anyone in any sort of a relationship with a narcissist is cut them out of your life and don’t look back. It’s the only way.
My spouse tries to deny he’s gaslighting by attempting to convince me I’m too sensitive. 😂😂😂
Too sensitive is also gaslighting.
The last drop would be to mansplain to you what gaslighting is by denying he´s mansplaining and gaslighting you. :D
The worst: “Lighten up” or “Can’t you take a joke?”
Yes! Mine too
I work for two sisters who have told me the exact same thing ("You're too sensitive!") when I would call them on what I thought was unjustified anger or criticism toward me. On the one hand, they'd criticize me for not being assertive enough. On the other hand, my assertiveness toward them would get batted down by the "too sensitive" phrase. Fortunately, I've learned to call them on that, too.
My monster-in-law did all of these and then some. Problem for her was, I'm independent, don't bow down, don't need help, my self esteem/worth at 100% and her son stands by me! Because of his standing by me, I "brainwashed" him🤣🤣🤣 We've been married for 40 years, this whole time this horrible creature has done her best to interfere and failed. So, about 10 plus years ago, we decided to stay away and our life has become much more peaceful. Life is tough enough at times and no-one needs someone in their life who makes you miserable just because they are!
So good to hear, and you're so correct. We all need to live in peace, in our pursuit of happiness. I wish you and yours, the very best. God Bless
What a Conscious King . Awesome. That's what a husband is supposed to do .
Monster in law! 😂😂😂
Coach Greg Adams slang! Haha
Married for 25 years and know my husband for 31 years but he’s her puppet. Never stood up for me and my kids with his family. I think I had enough of them all. My husband family are all broken and my mother in law just a year ago acknowledged my husband after her younger and favorite son passed but my foolish, ignorant husband cannot see that. She has to make decisions for him
You forgot. "What do you mean, what are you talking about" when they a lie and you catch them red handed.
Yes, and eventually while I was married to him (the narcissist), he'd tell friends in front of me and out loud "Don't talk to Jennifer, she doesn't know what she is talking about. "
The other one they use is. What does that even mean?
while *looking away*
@@jenniferdeck5163 that was really rude of him to say that. He would even disrespect you in front of people like that?
@@whitesongs73 oh yes, it got worse, but this was only part if why he is an ex, has been since 2014. He messed me up, now, I can chat with guys, flirt a little, but I seem to have a fearful avoidant attachment style now. So I'll probably be single the rest of my life (turned 48 on the 14th).
"You can trust me"
"Honestly"
"To be honest" um, are you not being honest until you say this?
"Stop interrupting me. Stop attacking me"
"I never said that" me: you did. I wrote it down.
"You're crazy. You're lying"
I read a book called Loving the Self-Absorbed. Soooo helpful.
Who is the author, please?
Excellent
“I’m not perfect!”
“It was a joke!”
Or: And you’re so perfect!
My reply to “its a joke” is “your fat”. Then when she gets mad I simply say, “but honey, it’s joke!”😁
Well, just shoot me!
That sounds just like the michigan governor
@@gn1107 .... I seriously doubt that controlling liar is a hypocrit and a narcissist. C'mon man.
“YOU’RE HARASSING MEEEEE!!!!” When caught in a lie. LOL 😆🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
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100% fact!
I told him he takes me for granted a lot.. And that I don't like it. And he said "ok".
Omfg, this literally just happened.
"The IRS treats me very badly."
Narcissist come off as nice charming at first then into the relationship the mask comes off
I know an awesome gal who began dating a guy she described as an Adonis. So he moved in with her n wanted her to use her waitress money to get a boob job, a nose job and on and on. She ended up having to change her locks n get a restraining order from the cops.
Yesss girl..! Facts !!🧘🏽♀️✨🤍
🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯
Soundsjust like a politician!!!
Omg, reading this is so scary because that’s EXACTLY how it’s happening🤦🏾♀️
Oh my goodness. I have been around narcisistic behaviour all my life, but you actually nailed it in all you said....with the always, never, everyone else, no one else phrases. This has helped me immensely understanding why I get so suckered in. I end up second guessing myself, and feeling bad.
Thankyou
Let's all remember its not the person, its a spirit behind them. Pray for them as you pack up a and go. The person behind that spirit is suffering and needs help
Actually, it's the opposite. A narcissist's human ego is what takes over their being completely, so their soul doesn't even have a chance to shine through. It's all the human, self-centered "me me me I want this I need attention I need drama." In other people it's more balanced. In narcissists, the ego runs free and grows from feeding on drama.
I believe you're right. I'll start praying for my ex..
The best thing to do is forgive forgiveness doesn't mean saying what they done to you was okay because it wasn't it's so you could be free, after 20 years I learned to forgive, him and his family that helped him make me believe that I was crazy I was stupid I was worthless. And the Lord showed me how smart I was I started learning about nutrition and supplements and my new lease on life is to help those who are having problems with their health and what kind of supplements and how to change their eating habits. So now I have a new joy in life helping those around me.
They do need help! But will never get it and of course as long as they win you loose
Bull$hit. They are evil to the core.
I was married to one for way too long. I felt like i was going crazy at times!
Hello how are you doing 👋👋☺️👋👋☺️
Asking for a friend...does that feeling ever go away after a divorce?
I'm so sorry. It was a waste of your time and life.
Thanks be the most high he spared you Yes they hope to make you lose your mind so they can take over your whole life This is what satan is after
@@punishinghammer2440 Yes! Eventually that feeling goes away. I was married to one for 10 years, dumped him when I found out he was cheating and stayed single for 19 years after that, but it was a very enjoyable 19 years. Then I met the man of my dreams, married him at 47 and at 75, still very happy together! There is light at the end of the tunnel! Good luck, don’t look back and enjoy the rest of your life - best wishes to you for a happier future, it’s totally possible!
Unbelievably spot on. There should required junior high, high school, and college classes taught on this subject!
Narcissists should be exposed and people should be educated about narcissism.
Narcissism seems to be the true pandemic...
They would call this narcissist-ist
That's a wonderful idea...psychology 101! Sociology too!
I am surprised this one didn't make your list!!!
" YOU made me do it" or " look at what YOU made me do ".
I heard that one several times during the brief 10 months I spent dating a violent, drunk, full of rage narcissist. I also heard about how some minor thing I said or did, somehow "disrespected him".
Yes! You’re supposed to control your own emotions AND regulate theirs. They bear no personal responsibility for their emotions whatsoever. Mine says “you *made* me angry.”
Also, eeeeeverything is chalked up to respect/disrespect. They absolutely demand blind, unquestioning respect (translation: obedience), while they disrespect you and everyone around them.
I’m starting to put the pieces together. My husband lately has been throwing the everyone else statement and they always and never statements at me. And everything I do chokes up to either I respected him, and that made him more loving to me, or I disrespected him and that’s why he got so angry and hurt me or threatened me or whatever. It’s a scary violent cycle I cannot be held responsible for regulating my own emotions, and my own reactions, and his as well.
"If you didn't act/do or say that, then I wouldn't have started acting this way." Oh ok..
Spot on! I came to this realization about my dad and my brother about a year ago. You're right. Life centers around them. They insist on you apologizing for everything: they're never wrong. They keep life stirred up. They're victims. They can't stand peace.
Bev Taggart,You look stunning dear,hope you are not with a narcissist...
High-conflict, toxic manipulating a**holes! Drama is their oxygen...
So many men just don't realize, their life is NOT about THEM! It's about me...
They can't stand peace. That is IT. And they know we'll keep trying to make things good/right. Took me forever to realize that!
Whenever someone tells me how honest they are, I hold on to my wallet tighter than ever.
If anyone ever tells you they're anything, you can be sure they're the exact opposite of what they claim.
Aka "It's not about the money [or financials]".
@@Opethfeldt You are so right about that!
"You can trust me."
"I don't judge."
Heard these from a narc-ex-friend.
Liar!
Yes and yes!!! Or “Do you trust me”.
Every phrase you stated is used by my highly toxic narcissistic elderly mother. I didn't realize what she was and how dramatically it had affected me until decades into my adult life. But when I began to study this topic, I quickly realized I had been her emotionally abused scapegoat my entire life. I also realized just how negatively it had affected every relationship in my life, especially throughout adulthood after college. Part of my healing process (which likely will continue until I die) was to tell her what I have learned and what she is... but the result of that ALWAYS is just more gaslighting with denials, twisting the truth and outright lies. The ease with which they lie is both shocking and infuriating! And when called out for their unacceptable behavior and words, they NEVER take responsibility for anything. There's always an excuse or someone else to blame. When you understand all of this, you are in a position to begin healing yourself and making better choices that will lead to greater well being and happiness. And remember that 'no contact' is often the only solution. Many blessings to everyone who is watching this video and reading this because you are searching for answers.
You are so right! I have come to hate my egotistical mother and can’t deal with her attitude towards me anymore. She has always put me down and it keeps breaking my spirit. I’m 69 years old - for God’s sake, I don’t want anymore of her shit in my life. She’s 90, my wonderful husband died 10 years ago at age 62, and I have thought so many times, why wasn’t it her?!? I still need him everyday and we should happily be living our retirement together. I need peace, calmness and kindness, she is none of those!!! God help me…
Offering blessings without forgiveness is an oxymoron
@@sandramcgaughy5255 Sandra, I definitely can relate to your feelings. My mother passed away about a month after I posted my original message here. I was somewhat traumatized by the event of her death, only because I was caring for her and was with her when she passed. But beyond that, I really haven't missed her. It's been a relief knowing she no longer has the opportunity to do or say something hurtful. I think the fleeting moments of grief I've experienced have been only for the relationship that never was because she had no interest in trying to fix her own issues, which she inflicted on others. I really just see it now as a very unfortunate situation that I want to learn from and minimize my contact with similar people who do not contribute to my happiness going forward. Sometimes with a family member or a toxic work boss (very common) we are unable to just walk away and we have to manage the relationship the best we can. I could have done a much better job of that with my mother but I did the best I could and I forgive myself for my shortcomings. We can't change what they say or do, but we can change the way we react to them. I truly wish you the best with that while your mother is still alive. The best thing to do is whatever keeps you the most calm and the least angry - for your own health. It's not easy, that's for damn sure! 😃
It's about manipulation. One strategy to counter someone using manipulative language is to repeat back to them the same words or charges they use. For example, "I never support you?", "I always say that?", etc. When they make claims or accusations what they're really looking for is a footing and finding it they intend to keep the upper hand. When you REPEAT their own words back to them, skepticism about what they're saying is brought in to the mix and with it is the real possibility you could expose their intent. Peace.
And… add on “you’re CRAZY” before or after any of these.
“I never said that, you’re crazy.”
“You always …. You’re crazy”
Basically direct gas lighting - deny, project, and then tell the other person that “they’re CrAzY.”
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The line I always got was, "you're the one with the problem."
His was “you’re fucked in the head” 😒
Yup my ex told me his other ex are all crazy and this one day I was crazy too like the others. And this I discovered what a narrsistic was. I can spot one in less than three seconds now.
How about, "You need help" with any and all disagreements.
My favorite is "See you're getting upset!" Um...we are texting and you can't read tone. I'm nowhere near upset. And then when you ask to meet in person, they come up with all kinds of excuses. Because they know you will call them out in person. They like the safety net of having a phone.
Exactly!!! Very irritating and triggering.
Yeah. Texting is not a relationship. The dam* phone is just one more way to be deceptive
No they don't at all. Most will force a meeting on person because they feel it's easier to get you back under control....if without their tactics, fake and phony affection and even sex...
Modern tech is fun against the "I never said that" crowd. I was in a short fling with a woman who said this often, and then flipped out when I showed the text she sent saying exactly that.
The line I used to hear all the time was ‘let me finish’, ‘if you had let me finish’, ‘you didn’t let me finish’ (what I was saying)
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yup
I wish I had a dime for every time my wife says that
@@mikebennett8051 If you have a narc wife, then please, make an exit plan, lawyer up, and GO. Steal away. Your sanity is worth more. Work hard for custody or joint custody. Then 🏃♂️ 🏃♂️ 🏃♂️
Umm, stop interrupting so much maybe?
My experience, "I have NEVER been with anyone like you or have had this in my life "!
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Yes! Definitely at the beginning of the love-bombing stage.
Just recently I received an email from my narcissist ex thanking me because he never knew love before he met me…he said he only thought of me and wanted to meek me happy and yet he’d pull me out of bed by my hair in the middle of the night because I didn’t make enough bread that day or I didn’t put enough ice cubes in his glass…no joke.
@@Jace28142 That sounds right. How awful! 😖 Mine bought me a cheap ring "to shut me up" but instead of giving it to me, hid it and "when I found it or when he felt like I deserved it, whichever came first, I could have it." Let's just say at least 2 months went by. Looking back I want to slap my old self. Then I tell myself everything happens for lessons to be learnt, even bad things. I definitely learned a lot of early warning signs, plus that I was stronger than I thought I was in the end. I saw a movie where a guy bought his girlfriend a ring and did the same thing, he told her he hid it and she'll get it when HE'S ready. That woman ended up killed by him (real life case) so I count my blessings. Narcs are unstable, vile creatures.
Same here.
He often said "Let's start over" or " We should go on a first date " after arguments. I finally realized it is because he was good at the beginning of relationships but not at maintaining one. After many years of an off and on again relationship I left for good. The relationship never progressed. But that was also my saving grace. If I had stayed he would have emotional ruined me.
Hit that Reset Button like it owes you money.....
To the "Stop interrupting me", I got "Can I say something? Can I finish saying what I want to say?" I just say, "No you can't cuz all that comes out of your mouth are lies and 1/2 truths and I really don't care to hear it any more."
“This wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t do …..”
“You are wrong for thinking that”
@@rebeccazung9757 my narc has issued a restraining order against me 2 times now. I am hiding with my granddaughter ( she lives with me).
@@theresabent3804 - that "Rebecca Zung' you have responded to is a fraud. Check that account - no content. They are con artists trying to scam you. Others include a 'Felicia Martin', 'Muna Ednard' and 'Poppins Jane' who will tell you to ignore these vids and contact a Whats App number.
I see you met the Sibling from Heck and the PamperedCousin- the Toxic Gruesome Twosome in our Family.
ALWAYS THE blame shifting!
Being a narcissist survivor and now dealing with a co-worker who is a CLASSIC narcissist, you are spot on!
Hi David! I'd like to invite you to join us on September 16, 2021, at 4 PM PST. Rebecca has a New Live Q&A Masterclass called "The BREAK FREE FROM THE NARCISSIST." You don't want to miss this FREE LIVE event! Register here: bit.ly/3hxiCWB
I hear this one all the time … “I’m not worried about that right now!” Classic dismissal! Thanks for what you do, clarification is so helpful!
YES! i JUST realized I hear that ALLLLL THE TIME from my mother.
I usually say, “ well now is when I have the time and patience to deal with it, whether you participate or not, makes no difference to me. “
@@tikesplace doesn’t sound like you have much experience w narcissists , Heidi . What we are saying is this: doesn’t matter to them what you want to discuss or when you want to discuss it. If the conversation isn’t initiated by THEM they’re just not interested, and will be dismissive . You can try to meet with them , or choose a time, however , if it’s not entirely controlled by them, they will be dismissive “ I don’t want to talk about that right now” etc.
THIS conversation I’m having w you, is EXACTLY why we don’t talk to outsiders about narcissists. They don’t understand it, and cannot see it . I’m not talking about a regular mother here Heidi.
I suggest that you watch some videos by Dr Ramani so that you can grasp some understanding if you’re truly interested .
@@tikesplace hey I really appreciate your unsolicited advice. Thank you so much
@@tikesplace Why would anyone want to "mend" their relationship w a Narc?! You're insane. Ex narc tried to kill me several times along w my children. You really need to educate yourself on the subject matter.
@@tikesplace never said I was trying to mend a relationship w my mother. I have a relationship w her. It doesn’t need mending . It is what it is.
I was taught that interrupting people while they are talking is bad manners but now it’s the speaker’s narcissistic tendencies showing and not me being rude at all. Sweet!!!
“Just ask anybody” “everyone knows you’re crazy”. “Ha ha ha! Just look at you. You’re crazy!”
"you are too senstive"...."I never said/did that, you don;t remember things right"
After years I finally broke free from the narc. Thank God I found the strength an left even stopped all communication
Tonya Callahan,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🌺,you don't need a narc 😈 in your life!!
I WISH I could. Unfortunately I didn't leave when I should've, & now have 2 young sons w him (as well as my oldest that he raised w me from 6yrs old- almost adult) that suffer from his narcissism as well. It's so sad.
How about this one: "I'm sorry you feel misunderstood by me."
Um, no. I know you understand me. You just minimize how I feel and try to convince me it's not valid for me to feel it!
Spot on 👍🏼 “It’s always about you.” “I never get my way.” While at least 95% of the relationship had been his wants/needs/desires. Me waiting till ‘after this, after that, or next time- as in, “Next time we might do what you would like, just wait Baby Girl” 😵😵💫
Oftentimes, when I expressed a need or point of view, I was met with "the world doesn't revolve around you" argument. However, their needs and perspective were of paramount importance.
“I wasn’t talking about YOU.”
Yeah, early on my female parent used to say that I thought I was "the queen of the world." When she said that, I can remember thinking "what? I never thought like that" b/c they project onto others what they themselves are . . .
You are spot on! I think you're completely right about gaslighting being a covert narcissist's favorite tool. Mine does this all the time and loves to interrupt me to do so.
My ex narcissist used to tell me occasionally " I told you I was an asshole ". I should have believed him the first time!
Same with an abuser. If they say they'll beat you, slap you, kill you... believe them.
Great video!! My business partner is a full blown narcissists. I went for six years of therapy to deal with her and today we still in business.
I talk to her but really don't 🤫😉
I feel like somebody should point out that every married couple ever has those "I never said that" and "we already talked about this" moments that are 100% legit. My wife and I both do very often.
great point. So does that mean your both narcissist? I doubt it.
I was thinking the same thing. I agree with so much of this, BUT there are times that some of the situations here are just life. Not everyone is out to manipulate you or a situation.
Yep. And when they get older and their hearing starts going, you hear yourself often saying - that's not what I said, but it really wasn't what I said. It was what they pieced together from the little bit they heard! And if they're tired or in a bad state of mind, they will always make it sound like you were saying something negative about them. Oh if only hearing aids weren't so expensive!
My ex always used these and if he used "to tell you the truth", I finally realized that meant all lies. He always made me feel insane for thinking things and expressing concerns. It is definitely like being brainwashed.
Most conversations with my x-husband. 19 years in I didn't know who I was. He left me to teach me a lesson. I didn't beg him to come back like all the other years.
Good for you, he has lost grip on you!
.
Thank you for your videos! Education is the 1st step to realization! Reality is not in a narcissists life and I feel sorry for them. Have 3 in the family and 2 are covert narcissist and I love them all, with all my heart! Have heard every catch phrase you listed here. Since finding you, I have slowly found myself and self worth. Thee things they said and did used to bring me to my knees. Now, the only time I hit my knees is to pray for them. Thanks for your advice and knowledge!
Thank you so much for describing my wife of 10 years on tomorrow. I had to have a restraining order against her on August 31 and removed from me and our home. She heavily showed everything you described here and weakened me seizing my retirement money and I've now filed for divorce and thinking more peacefully and clearly.
Nothing says sleazy more than "cmon, you can trust me."
Righttttt, And the check's in the mail!!!!!!
Big red 🚩 flag. Run.
Spot on and one that I always heard is “ ok you’ve won” my response was this isn’t a competition!