My guess, cause it's in her name AND it's a loophole to keep him monitored. He might be a lazy young adult without priorities, but he didn't get there on his own accord!
Why is his mom checking his bank account? This is helicopter parent to the extreme. She worried about him influence on her 21. She should be embarrassed.
Hah, that’s exactly what I thought when I heard it…it’s kind of like “I don’t know what to do because I am afraid that when my younger child goes poopoo and peepee he can accidentally could see something on the phone of my 24 year old child who is constantly sitting in the living room… -Oh yeah, it’s concerning…how old is your younger child? - He is my boy he is…twenty one! The lady’s on fire 🔥 😂😂😂
As a mother of 9 kids 10 thru 22 year’s old, I could not agree more! Listening to this was INSANE. I expect more responsibility from my 10 year old son than she apparently expects from her husband let alone her son! It was unbelievable to hear what this family has been doing. It is mind boggling! Heck I can’t figure out the older two managed to move out at all.
Dude this Mom needed a reality check. You can't have your cake and eat it too. Shes saying that she does not like his behavior but then turns around and makes him dinner and helps clean his room??? He's 24?!?!
And he likely has NEVER been accountable for these things. It's a parental failure, as harsh as it sounds. She could sit him down: "I know I haven't taught you how to adult, but going forward these things need to change...". I'll never understand how a parent can provide such shortcomings and then throw their child (grown or not) under the bus, "I have no idea how they got this way!!(?)" You know, YOU KNOW!
@@katrina3560 I honestly don't think it's harsh, you have to be just as tough on the parents. But she can still turn it around if she's willing, but she has the change her mind set. He has a job and he's been saving money he should be able to rent a studio apartment in Bakersfield California for a reasonable price. Come up with a plan and be consistent and he should be fine 🤙🤙
Is clean room code for snooping through his stuff? Because she is embarrassed if her other children should happen to visit? I think that the mom might need to get more active in her life as well. All her children are raised and she is still locked in the same role. Hobbies or work. Maybe volunteering. She could take some classes that interest her. She could be fearing the dreaded empty nest but there is more for her to do out in the big world.
She is co-dependent and likely overbearing. You could tell she didn’t like John’s advice. She wanted John to say the way to fix the child was to control his life further. When he said the way to fix him was to actually let him go free, and develop into an adult, you could hear her voice drop and her demeanor change. She’s the reason her kids are like this and she low key loves it. Her identity is “I’m a mother” and she doesn’t know how to transition into “I have my own life.” She isn’t going to take John’s advice. She’s going to keep smothering both of her children.
He’s actually not that bad, he probably has a health savings & simply needs to be taught how to communicate with women in real life, and cleaning skills. Easily can be fixed in a month. He pays rent so he does contribute
He’s 24-years-old, and she’s checking his phone, and knows how much he spends on whatever. Maybe he needs to be out on his own, but she sounds like a control freak.
She called her 21 year old a “younger child” and is afraid the 24 year old is influencing him? Wtf these are adults not children. MOVE OUT and get away from that overbearing mom
Exactly but easier said then done as is just get a job for some of us Husband meant he needs help perhaps about depression not the prn so 1 of the rare times I disagree with john however it's his own phone and yes the moms over stepping and out of touch with adult reality even If those sites are hit n miss some is better then other stuff
This is interesting. I don’t see living with your parents at 24 as something incredibly weird because of how I grew up culturally. I’m hispanic and in our culture it’s very common to live with your parents until you finish college and/or get married. However, we are very respectful with our parents’ rules, we work hard and we’re not lazy. If you are going to live with your parents, you should help around the house and follow some rules. If you don’t like those rules, you should leave. I’m 22 and I go to university while living at home and I also work, and most of my friends from my hometown also live with their parents and go to school. It’s just a small cultural difference because we tend to be more family-oriented, while Americans tend to be more individualistic :) Nothing wrong with either of those, I’m just stating our differences ❤️ My mom doesn’t mind me living with her because she wants me to be as debt free as I can, and I think that’s beautiful! I really appreciate her support; however, I also admire that Americans work hard and often make it possible to move out by the young age of 18 😮🤗
That's not the norm in the United States. 18-year-olds generally aren't kicked out and told good luck. However it's very common for 18 year olds to live on campus at a University. At many universities in the United States freshmans are expected to live on campus their first year. My husband and I have five children and we are okay with them staying at home in their twenties if it means they're going to school and getting an education. I don't want my children to accrue debt to live on campus or out of state just for the sake of an education. Not every American is "individualistic", and there are many many more Americans who are all about family and the well-being of their children.
My husband, my son, and I live with his parents. We both work full time and pay all of our bills. His parents are thrilled to let us save money on rent and save for a house instead. And we are white as mayonnaise. 😅
@@annarocha3254 I know there's plenty of families who are family oriented like that! I guess I was saying that it's more common for Americans to move out young than it is in Latin countries or cultures
@@momofmany9954 Thanks for replying! I appreciate your words. I know not all Americans are the same, it's just that when I watched this video it surprised me how ridiculously shocked Dr. John was when she said her 24 year old son was living home still. I know not everyone is like this, I just got surprised cause that isn't weird for me 😅
Mentally I feel like he's still a teenager and thats because his parents are co signing his behavior. He needs to come up with a blueprint for his life and his parents need to give him 2 months at most to come up with it and have him move out.
@@1740ryguy omg you took the words right out of my head. He’s depressed because mentally he knows he’s a man and can’t function without mommy. He would have 8 weeks top to find a small place and get out of my house. He needs to be and feel like a man.
@@TheeMrsChampion Agreed. The sense of fulfillment he will have just coming up with a plan on his own words can't describe. It's about building his self esteem and gaining confidence, and I am not just talking about career wise. He needs to branch out from his home and family and expand on his social skills. We thrive off human connection he needs more then just his family. He needs to experience life. Go on adventures, meet new friends, make memories. Life is too short, 24 will turn quickly into 44 and he's going to look back and wonder where it all went.
“Why is he living at home hes 24” yall must live out in the middle of nowhere or texas cause everything is so expensive you cant move out on your own in most places
I’m 24 and still living at home after I had to move back in I have about seven friends who are in the same boat as me and we all are going to school and are not bums. But it’s an insecurity that we all deal with. Hearing John say that bothered me and made me feel embarrassed.
The issue is he is still acting like a frickn child because he is being treated like a child. 24 and having mommy clean your room and cook for you is a recipe for apathy and disaster
I think he wants to get out of there as soon as possible, he just can’t because of the way the economy is right now. Rent is ridiculous and inflation is making everything more expensive.
@@TheeMrsChampion lol RIGHT! he obviously not feeling too smothered is he? he still finds the road, driveway and door easily enough back to his moms house at the end of the day with no problems...
@@TheeMrsChampion He might think that he can’t do life on his own. Roommates can be good or bad but always an adventure. Maybe he has trouble socializing. His mom didn’t mention friends and he is not going to meet anyone in his current job.
24 and 21 at home, they aren't taking care of themselves because she's stunting them. I feel sorry for them because mommy always needed her babies around. She never taught them the life skills they needed.
He works and saves money. He is doing better than MOST young adults his age. If he is paying rent he is entitled to some freedom and privacy. If there are some concerns, talk with him not at him and get him checked out One’s mental health is just as important as physical health and you want to set your child up for success.
I dont understand why dr delony is so incredulous that a 24 year old guy is living at home during a pandemic Does he have a job or is he going to school?
I’m a victim of parents who subconsciously crippled me and didn’t want me to ever be an independent adult. It really is hard to realize what’s happening and leave the situation. My brother is 39 and still living at home. The parent will never change - unfortunately it’s the adult child who has to get sick of being treated like a toddler. Personally, I went to a recruiter and joined the Military and didn’t ask my parents first. It was my only way out. Best decision of my life.
But then you found another "parent" to control you in the form of the military? Although I applaud you leaving, don't get me wrong. But I always get a bit sad if people leave one controlling situation for another. Who knows, maybe I'm projecting.
The cost of living is so high no wonder why so many people In their 20s live with their parents. We need to find ways to help people prepare than judge
Yeah she said in-n-out, which means he lives in an expensive state (most likely California). In order to qualify to rent a STUDIO apartment in my county in California, you need to make $65,000, when the median income is $35,000. It’s not easy.
Where there is a will, there's a way. Only 6 yrs again I got out on my own in Bay Area, CA at that age, making about 35k. It's scary going on your own, but worth ot for the growth & mental health. If parents want to be there, they can by being a shoulder to lean on & offering a weekly yummy meal.
I mean I’m only 3 minutes in to the video but if I got that kind of response from John I probably wouldn’t either. He should’ve pumped the breaks and tried to see why is her kid like this and also not made her feel like a POS mom like it’s her fault without trying to understand what’s going on here.
In today's economy I don't think it's weird to live at home at 24. If you are working and or in school or saving, paying off student loans saving for a down payment whatever. But going into your 24 year Olds phone or invading your privacy is bizarre. Mom's the problem. She's making a Norman Bates 🎉
She was already dismissive of his advice right when he started interrupting her to ask questions. I feel it in my gut that she's really controlling such as cleaning up his room because it is embarrassing to her that it's a mess, unless she does something. I hope she allows Dr John's advice to affect her actions and to also seek therapy to grieve and let go of her control
It's the context and I see what you are saying. They will always be her children but they are not children. She speaks in a way in which she still considers them as actual children.
This is a way more consequential issue than we talk about. I recommend Gail Dines' Ted Talk, "Growing Up In A Pornified Culture." No wonder this kid is depressed, it takes following 15 Brazilian ig models throughout the day and probably watching hours of videos every night to get any kind of reasonable dopamine release.
Right? That was so weird. I assumed she was saying that because she was the stepmom, but she’s indeed this young man’s mom so... why the weird wording? Continued through the rest of the call too.
Yeah I was and still am confused. Is it her bio son or not? That could make a difference to this discussion tbh. Also I thought they weren't married anymore and the son was living with dad at first after that statement??🤔
What’s the problem with being 24 and living at home? I live in Toronto and the cost of housing is insane. A normal home in my city cost an average of $1mil +. It’s normal to live with your parents until a later age because of the cost.
Living at home is fine if you treat your parents with respect. This guy is not cleaning and letting his mom do stuff for him. He has no plans for the future. He's an adult with a teenager mentality. The goal should be to move out. Cost of the living is always brought up but that's no excuse to just ride the coat tails of your parents cost life is to expensive. Figure it out, make a plan and stop coasting on your mom to clean up your mess.
I like my parents and plan to live with them indefinitely. I think north America really shines a negative light on ppl living with their parents for no real reason. If u have a non-abusive dynamic with them, then I'd say that it makes the most sense to stay. More cost effective, and much better than living in a pod apartment somewhere. Also u can help your parents as they grow older.
My mom let's me live with her and I save my money. Whenever I get enough money move out. There's nothing wrong living with your parents, but you have to have goals.
This was the case with me, although I was stunted a little by my parents b/c of thier codependency. Though, I did have plans I went after for my life. I payed down on debts some and then left. Later than I wanted, but I left.
I don’t see anything wrong my with living with parents if you contribute and nobody’s taking advantage of each other. Asian People where I live when they first came here used to live together in big families and save all their money then buy a business. There are too many people in the world for every single person to have their own place. And there’s upsides to living in groups. Also living in this new world of social isolation it’s making people crazy. People are anti social and depressed and enslaved in these smart prisons and we just ignore it as a society because it’s convenient.
He wants her to kick the guy out with an Amazon job? Do you know how expensive rent is these days?! It's not the 90s anymore lmao. I don't see a problem with the son being at home except her serving his food and cleaning for him, that's definitely a no. Doing drugs and bringing women to the home would also be a big no.
this segment cemented my opinion on the show. The psychologist just loves to rip into men. It's his mother that has the problem not necessarily the son. I moved out at 18 because I like my freedom but what she’s describing is a normal young man. He looks at porn and likes to order out food. She’s overbearing and controlling and yet you shamed this young man for something that you probably do right now. This show is a joke.
I agree with the kicking him out if he has a job but if he doesn't have a job give him 2 months to get a job and start paying rent. But also stop babying him he's an Adult. Now I have listened to the rest and heard he has a job and he's paying rent what's the issue? If you don't want him kick him out but stop babying him with food and searching his phone
My friend is 23 and he didn’t know the bank login bc his mom takes care of it. He had no email, no amazon account, no Starbucks account because mommy and sister order everything for him. It’s sad...
@@donaldlyons17 they are killing him and grooming him to end with a narcissist woman who will wreck his life. They are creating a perfect codependent for predators
@@dearbrave4183 I don’t think him not knowing anything is bad until or unless he needs to know. But as long as someone always does it for him it will never be a problem either. He does not need to do what he doesn’t need to do.
@@donaldlyons17He is developing a muscle of finding control normal. I'm talking from experience. As someone who had to fight to finally buy my own clothes at 19. And after leaving, realising I have no ability to say no to others or function on my own so naturally I found myself surrounded with overbearing and controlling people. It took time but I learnt to create boundaries, take care of myself and now I am better off. He needs to get out ASAP
I want to ask this lady if she does all these things for her husband as well. Did these kids learn this from watching their father have their mom _mother_ him?
This is not her child. She called him her husband's son. She is controlling and belittling. He needs to leave but his stepmother is a big part of his problem.
Well im brazilian and honestly grew up with it being normal (staying with your parents into ur 20s). It goes without saying that whatever rules my parents or my grandparents set, me and my parents followed. I always had a job, and in school, but honestly just cant stay any longer. Have great relationship with my mom with whom i live, but man, i think its time to go. The solution i came up with is i ser a budget plan for me to move out by the end of the year. Sat with my mom and we actually planned it together. I see living w parents in 20s as setting yourself for a junp in life. U better be pulling that spring tho, or else ur literally wasting your life.
preach john! these kind of mothers ruin lives - they ruin sons lives by spoiling them with smothering love and ruin daughters lives by being being cows and ripping their self esteem to shreds
Why are these adults living at home??? This is the root of helicopter parenting issues today. You created this useless lump honey, its all your fault. FAILED PARENTING 100%
What if someone has difficulty with their spending habits? I’m 28, and although my dad doesn’t track my bank account like he used to, he still has access to it, and can see everything that I spend. He just wants to be sure I’m making wise decisions. Nothing wrong with that.
You sound like a parent who would let their adult child do whatever they want. I’m 28, and my dad pays for my phone bill, and has access to my bank account. I hated it awhile back, but I understand that he just wants to make sure I am spending my money wisely. Get a grip lady! Not really that big of a deal. It’s a different world we live in today.
This lady is controlling... If he is paying for his phone she has no right to take his phone. I understand he has the porn addiction but you can't take something he is paying for I disagree with John on that.
The only thing I disagree about is 24 is still really young. Living with your parents at 24 shouldn't be instantly met with "why?". Obviously this scenario is bad, but if they'd just finished university or something, or if they're working full time and taking good care of the house and their room etc, then living with parents shouldn't be an issue. It's financially sensible. That doesn't all apply to this situation, but it did all apply at the start when the only thing he knew was his age, and the instant reply was "why?"
Why is a 24 year old still living? Because if he wasn’t he’d be on the streets due to how expensive everything is, unless you’re content living with a roommates in a crappy apartment the best you can hope for is to be living independently when you’re 30. Most one bedroom apartments are like $800- $1,000 just to rent so you lucky if they move out at 20 without a roommate and it’s easier to live with parents than a roommate.
Haha sounds like my step brother 25 year old man child. I lived at home until 24 but it’s not like I was a deadbeat I worked 60 a week and helped them pay for things then I got married and moved out
Well at least he's working. That's help in the right direction, but it's really hard for a lot of moms to just kick their kids out of their home. There's that fear that if something bad happens, then it will all be their fault. We all will reach this breaking point where we either completely crash or finally make the changes we need to get better.
Live with my parents and I’m 36 but not by choice I’m a disabled veteran. Moved out at 18 it was amazing the freedom and life lessons you learn along the way. I don’t know why someone would stay with there parents that long except for school and illness.
Yes! How about to save money and travel? I’m 28, live at home with my parents, and save all my money I earn from my full time job on travel. I am not charged rent at all either.
Just once I’d like you guys to realize that with mental issues “ kick them out” isn’t an answer. Unless u don’t care if they die or they ruin their financial future you have to mop up. Many of us are like this caller and we’re stuck. How about showing us this worked.
porn aint the problem here she has no concrete evidence that he watches porn that jist how i act if anyone looks at my phone i could be watchin cartoons or john wayne ill still do the same the problem is she treats the man like a child now i get livin with the parents if your saven up to buy a house and you dont wanna piss away money on rent but this aint it shes stiflin the man and hes gotta be able to get out
It's so funny when they say "HE'S 24!!" like they're saying he's 50 😄😄 He's just trying to save money until he's young and single, relax dudes!! But I live in Italy, what do I know about America.
You still can't treat your parents house like your a teenager. Just because your saving money does not mean your an adult . The point of moving out is so you have your own sense of responsibility, life is short. Don't waste time.
He’s non functioning. No goal building, no aspirations, no job, not paying rent, can’t even cook food, his mother has to feed him. Wont clean the house he’s living in rent free. This is textbook failure to launch. That’s much different from a young man who is behaving like a real adult saving money by rooming with his parents for the short term.
@@The_Food_Police Actually as an American I can tell you you're very wrong and confused. The expectation is actually to grow up and be self sufficient.
@@The_Food_Police thats not accurate at all. Many people move out and still live close to there parents. It's about independence. I have a great relationship with my parents but I like having my own place separate from my parents. Some people move states away and that's fine too. There's nothing wrong with living your parents but if your not respecting there house then it's time for a change, and that's what this woman was goimg through.
@@kindasoupie because I bought in 2011 when things still haven't recovered from 2008, new home buyer loan no down payment, and I'd been working full time since 19 so I was making about $17/hr working in a machine shop.
There's nothing wrong with son living at home. You probably catered to him, when he was younger, and he wasn't taught chores and other stuff. My parents made us do chores from the time I was age 8. I had a once a month job with my mom at age 10. We never got allowance. After college I paid rent to my parents. I had 2 college scholarships to a local commuter college.
I respectfully disagree with this one. Kicking him out seems a little extreme in this case. He works and pays rent. All they need to do is reach an agreement, he pays one or a couple hundred more for his room and bathroom and access to kitchen. At least for the time being until he saves enough to get his own place. Simple as that. Not an uncommon practice at all in Europe.
Maybe a question to ask is, “what led him down this path in the first place?” His 27 year old brother seems fine. What is the real root, what John said may be the root, but maybe it’s something else too (hopeless for marriage, etc)
One does not have to have prospects for marriage to live independently, especially a man. If anything him having nothing he is building towards of his own will lower his chances of that significantly.
Mom serving him his very own special din din, John nailed this one! Indeed, this is the perfect engine to drive depression, he's so right. Mommy needs some work herself. Possibly major work, because I feel she's never cutting him loose.
This story literally described me to a T. We are the same age and both work at Amazon. I struggle with everything this mother described but I always wanted to move out on my own. Recently did that. While it’s been great and I’ve definitely grown a ton from this transition. Although in a lot of ways I’m still the same depressed person. Outside of when I’m at work I’m just at my apartment either laying in bed or sleeping. While I agree he needs to get kicked out so he can learn how to fend for himself and be an adult. The depression and the low self esteem are the real root cause of his behaviors. Those need to be adressed
Alot pf depression is in the processed foods and sugar which lead to mood disregulation. Fish oil helps the brain a ton. Situational depression you have to learn your triggers amd some life hack to navigate those. Also, accepting that depression will ebb and flow, so a healthy routine best to get through the wave.
John deloney is wild, Amazon jobs are hard and he probably still wouldn’t be able to afford an apartment without multiple roommates. I just feel like he doesn’t understand what life is like for the average American. Most make 32 k a year but to get approved for an apartment you need to say you make 3x that.
Listening to your podcast it's like the best birth control out there. Not a single person on this show is ever given me one good reason to have kids. They only give me reasons of why I don't want to have kids
The mom is wondering why their 24 year old son is still acting like a child? Because she keeps treating him like a child!!
Why is his phone being searched by his mother at 24 when he’s paying the bill?
Right? Thats whack
My guess, cause it's in her name AND it's a loophole to keep him monitored. He might be a lazy young adult without priorities, but he didn't get there on his own accord!
And she’s monitoring his bank transactions too? This seems weird. Maybe he continues acting like a child because she treats him like one
Why is his mom checking his bank account? This is helicopter parent to the extreme. She worried about him influence on her 21. She should be embarrassed.
If he moves out of his mother’s house he wouldn’t have to worry about her snooping
Just to clarify, “a younger child” is not 21 years old. They’re adults.
😂
😂😂😂😭😭😭
Hah, that’s exactly what I thought when I heard it…it’s kind of like “I don’t know what to do because I am afraid that when my younger child goes poopoo and peepee he can accidentally could see something on the phone of my 24 year old child who is constantly sitting in the living room…
-Oh yeah, it’s concerning…how old is your younger child?
- He is my boy he is…twenty one!
The lady’s on fire 🔥
😂😂😂
As a mother of 9 kids 10 thru 22 year’s old, I could not agree more! Listening to this was INSANE. I expect more responsibility from my 10 year old son than she apparently expects from her husband let alone her son! It was unbelievable to hear what this family has been doing. It is mind boggling! Heck I can’t figure out the older two managed to move out at all.
uhm no not really. Maybe 30 years ago, but people in their twenties now have the same mentality as teenagers.
Dude this Mom needed a reality check. You can't have your cake and eat it too. Shes saying that she does not like his behavior but then turns around and makes him dinner and helps clean his room??? He's 24?!?!
And he likely has NEVER been accountable for these things. It's a parental failure, as harsh as it sounds. She could sit him down: "I know I haven't taught you how to adult, but going forward these things need to change...". I'll never understand how a parent can provide such shortcomings and then throw their child (grown or not) under the bus, "I have no idea how they got this way!!(?)" You know, YOU KNOW!
@@katrina3560 I honestly don't think it's harsh, you have to be just as tough on the parents. But she can still turn it around if she's willing, but she has the change her mind set. He has a job and he's been saving money he should be able to rent a studio apartment in Bakersfield California for a reasonable price. Come up with a plan and be consistent and he should be fine 🤙🤙
@Victoria Anderson Nicee every parent isn't the same you do know that right?
She could have emotionally blackmailed him to stay. Parents can do that. And now facing the consequences.
Is clean room code for snooping through his stuff? Because she is embarrassed if her other children should happen to visit? I think that the mom might need to get more active in her life as well. All her children are raised and she is still locked in the same role. Hobbies or work. Maybe volunteering. She could take some classes that interest her. She could be fearing the dreaded empty nest but there is more for her to do out in the big world.
She is co-dependent and likely overbearing. You could tell she didn’t like John’s advice. She wanted John to say the way to fix the child was to control his life further. When he said the way to fix him was to actually let him go free, and develop into an adult, you could hear her voice drop and her demeanor change. She’s the reason her kids are like this and she low key loves it. Her identity is “I’m a mother” and she doesn’t know how to transition into “I have my own life.” She isn’t going to take John’s advice. She’s going to keep smothering both of her children.
Exactly what I was thinking 🤔🤔
He’s actually not that bad, he probably has a health savings & simply needs to be taught how to communicate with women in real life, and cleaning skills. Easily can be fixed in a month. He pays rent so he does contribute
Exactly. The fact that she's even aware of her 24 year olds sex life says everything
Yup
That’s a pretty harsh solution
He’s 24-years-old, and she’s checking his phone, and knows how much he spends on whatever. Maybe he needs to be out on his own, but she sounds like a control freak.
Seriously, they wonder why he acts like a child, because the mom treats him like a child
Right. He has about the same level of privacy and responsibility as my 8 year old niece.
Time to let him make his own mistakes
Yeah if I’m paying for everything I control EVERYTHING. It’s basic logic 101.
@@fembot521 they’ll give a 24 year old three meals and a place to sleep in prison too. All it costs is freedom. No wonder he’s depressed.
21 and 24 are not kids 😭😭😭
Grown adults
She called her 21 year old a “younger child” and is afraid the 24 year old is influencing him? Wtf these are adults not children. MOVE OUT and get away from that overbearing mom
Exactly but easier said then done as is just get a job for some of us
Husband meant he needs help perhaps about depression not the prn so 1 of the rare times I disagree with john however it's his own phone and yes the moms over stepping and out of touch with adult reality even If those sites are hit n miss some is better then other stuff
This is interesting. I don’t see living with your parents at 24 as something incredibly weird because of how I grew up culturally. I’m hispanic and in our culture it’s very common to live with your parents until you finish college and/or get married. However, we are very respectful with our parents’ rules, we work hard and we’re not lazy. If you are going to live with your parents, you should help around the house and follow some rules. If you don’t like those rules, you should leave. I’m 22 and I go to university while living at home and I also work, and most of my friends from my hometown also live with their parents and go to school. It’s just a small cultural difference because we tend to be more family-oriented, while Americans tend to be more individualistic :) Nothing wrong with either of those, I’m just stating our differences ❤️ My mom doesn’t mind me living with her because she wants me to be as debt free as I can, and I think that’s beautiful! I really appreciate her support; however, I also admire that Americans work hard and often make it possible to move out by the young age of 18 😮🤗
That's not the norm in the United States. 18-year-olds generally aren't kicked out and told good luck. However it's very common for 18 year olds to live on campus at a University. At many universities in the United States freshmans are expected to live on campus their first year.
My husband and I have five children and we are okay with them staying at home in their twenties if it means they're going to school and getting an education. I don't want my children to accrue debt to live on campus or out of state just for the sake of an education.
Not every American is "individualistic", and there are many many more Americans who are all about family and the well-being of their children.
@@momofmany9954 Go bless you. You're doing the right thing! Much love to you and your family
My husband, my son, and I live with his parents. We both work full time and pay all of our bills. His parents are thrilled to let us save money on rent and save for a house instead. And we are white as mayonnaise. 😅
@@annarocha3254 I know there's plenty of families who are family oriented like that! I guess I was saying that it's more common for Americans to move out young than it is in Latin countries or cultures
@@momofmany9954 Thanks for replying! I appreciate your words. I know not all Americans are the same, it's just that when I watched this video it surprised me how ridiculously shocked Dr. John was when she said her 24 year old son was living home still. I know not everyone is like this, I just got surprised cause that isn't weird for me 😅
I would have depression too if I was still living with my parents at 24.
Mentally I feel like he's still a teenager and thats because his parents are co signing his behavior. He needs to come up with a blueprint for his life and his parents need to give him 2 months at most to come up with it and have him move out.
@@1740ryguy omg you took the words right out of my head. He’s depressed because mentally he knows he’s a man and can’t function without mommy. He would have 8 weeks top to find a small place and get out of my house. He needs to be and feel like a man.
@@TheeMrsChampion Agreed. The sense of fulfillment he will have just coming up with a plan on his own words can't describe. It's about building his self esteem and gaining confidence, and I am not just talking about career wise. He needs to branch out from his home and family and expand on his social skills. We thrive off human connection he needs more then just his family. He needs to experience life. Go on adventures, meet new friends, make memories. Life is too short, 24 will turn quickly into 44 and he's going to look back and wonder where it all went.
@@1740ryguy you aren’t lying. I agree with you completely.
What if he's not financially stable and depressed?
“Why is he living at home hes 24” yall must live out in the middle of nowhere or texas cause everything is so expensive you cant move out on your own in most places
Omg thank you I thought I was the only one thinking this 😭
That's because all the old people hog the wealth and blame the youth for all the subsequent problems.
Yeah that line kinda struck me as odd. In this economy it's definitely not strange to live with your parents at such an age.
In this economy no ones moving out until theyre 34, some people need a reality check lol
I’m 24 and still living at home after I had to move back in I have about seven friends who are in the same boat as me and we all are going to school and are not bums. But it’s an insecurity that we all deal with. Hearing John say that bothered me and made me feel embarrassed.
He works and he contributes to the rent and food. And he saves the rest of his money. What's the issue?
Exactly. She mentioned that pretty late in the call
The only issue left is him needing to take that money and put it on a deposit for an apartment.
The issue is he is still acting like a frickn child because he is being treated like a child. 24 and having mommy clean your room and cook for you is a recipe for apathy and disaster
I think he wants to get out of there as soon as possible, he just can’t because of the way the economy is right now. Rent is ridiculous and inflation is making everything more expensive.
Mommy Dearest doesn't approve of him looking at naughty films.
I guess the dad was never allowed to look at them either.
His phone and bank account are none of her business. Poor guy at 24 still being smothered by his mother.
He can always get out and live on his own if he feels smothered.
@@TheeMrsChampion lol RIGHT! he obviously not feeling too smothered is he? he still finds the road, driveway and door easily enough back to his moms house at the end of the day with no problems...
Then he should move out
@@TheeMrsChampion no he doesn't have to leave for his phone to be personal property. This woman is overbearing
@@TheeMrsChampion He might think that he can’t do life on his own. Roommates can be good or bad but always an adventure. Maybe he has trouble socializing. His mom didn’t mention friends and he is not going to meet anyone in his current job.
24 and 21 at home, they aren't taking care of themselves because she's stunting them. I feel sorry for them because mommy always needed her babies around. She never taught them the life skills they needed.
"He's 24, why's he living at home" - Must be nice to be so detached to the economic hardships the younger generation are facing.
He works and saves money. He is doing better than MOST young adults his age. If he is paying rent he is entitled to some freedom and privacy. If there are some concerns, talk with him not at him and get him checked out One’s mental health is just as important as physical health and you want to set your child up for success.
@@kathrynlroh5700 yeah but you are not everybody you were lucky
@@kathrynlroh5700
You don’t do it on your own if you’re married.
That’s two incomes right there.
I’m there with you. Most people like to blame their misfortune on anything but themselves
I dont understand why dr delony is so incredulous that a 24 year old guy is living at home during a pandemic
Does he have a job or is he going to school?
These guys don’t realize half of people in their 20s live at home
Because grown men need to support themselves.
They said he works at Amazon
My brother was sleeping on his mother’s couch at 27 and is a millionaire at 32 today.
@@itrain4real 😹😹😹
I’m a victim of parents who subconsciously crippled me and didn’t want me to ever be an independent adult. It really is hard to realize what’s happening and leave the situation. My brother is 39 and still living at home. The parent will never change - unfortunately it’s the adult child who has to get sick of being treated like a toddler. Personally, I went to a recruiter and joined the Military and didn’t ask my parents first. It was my only way out. Best decision of my life.
I understand you♥️ and congratulations!
Absolutely can be a real problem. I have a BIL like this. His parents love it though because he still needs to be actively parented at 42.
I'm stuck and don't know what to do. I'm too old for the military in my country.
@@mairahmanzini2928 get a job and work your way up.
But then you found another "parent" to control you in the form of the military? Although I applaud you leaving, don't get me wrong. But I always get a bit sad if people leave one controlling situation for another. Who knows, maybe I'm projecting.
The cost of living is so high no wonder why so many people In their 20s live with their parents.
We need to find ways to help people prepare than judge
Yeah she said in-n-out, which means he lives in an expensive state (most likely California). In order to qualify to rent a STUDIO apartment in my county in California, you need to make $65,000, when the median income is $35,000. It’s not easy.
Underrated comment right here.
Where there is a will, there's a way. Only 6 yrs again I got out on my own in Bay Area, CA at that age, making about 35k. It's scary going on your own, but worth ot for the growth & mental health. If parents want to be there, they can by being a shoulder to lean on & offering a weekly yummy meal.
@@yeliah9968 The problem is encore vs. expenses. 100$ in food does not offset 1,000$ bills.
even if housing was cheap I still would not move out. I like living with my parents, if I move out I would be lonely.
You see how quiet she got after he told her to kick him out.
She’s not going to kick him out.
I mean I’m only 3 minutes in to the video but if I got that kind of response from John I probably wouldn’t either. He should’ve pumped the breaks and tried to see why is her kid like this and also not made her feel like a POS mom like it’s her fault without trying to understand what’s going on here.
In today's economy I don't think it's weird to live at home at 24. If you are working and or in school or saving, paying off student loans saving for a down payment whatever. But going into your 24 year Olds phone or invading your privacy is bizarre. Mom's the problem. She's making a Norman Bates 🎉
She was already dismissive of his advice right when he started interrupting her to ask questions. I feel it in my gut that she's really controlling such as cleaning up his room because it is embarrassing to her that it's a mess, unless she does something. I hope she allows Dr John's advice to affect her actions and to also seek therapy to grieve and let go of her control
Ummmm he’s an adult lady, back off lol. Why are you in his account?
He sure isn’t an adult. He’s on par with a 16 year old child. How about gain some aspirations to better himself like actual adults his age.
I don't even help my 9 year old clean his room or do his chores because I know he's capable of doing it himself.
You're fantastic for that!
He pay her rent and his own bill and she spy her phone? ... this is crazy ! ... She is the wrong one here ...
Am I missing something? Why is she referring to her 24 year old and 21 year old as children?
They are her children.
They came out of her
It's the context and I see what you are saying. They will always be her children but they are not children. She speaks in a way in which she still considers them as actual children.
@@godpilled9077 Sons , daughters is more appropriate for adult children
@@dearbrave4183 That's just your opinion.
Only Fans coming up hahaha
I doubt a couple subscriptions is an addiction...
This is a way more consequential issue than we talk about. I recommend Gail Dines' Ted Talk, "Growing Up In A Pornified Culture." No wonder this kid is depressed, it takes following 15 Brazilian ig models throughout the day and probably watching hours of videos every night to get any kind of reasonable dopamine release.
You can tell she on some other ish by the way she starts the conversation, "living with his dad, my husband"
Right? That was so weird. I assumed she was saying that because she was the stepmom, but she’s indeed this young man’s mom so... why the weird wording? Continued through the rest of the call too.
So it’s her stepson?
Yeah I was and still am confused. Is it her bio son or not? That could make a difference to this discussion tbh. Also I thought they weren't married anymore and the son was living with dad at first after that statement??🤔
What’s the problem with being 24 and living at home? I live in Toronto and the cost of housing is insane. A normal home in my city cost an average of $1mil +. It’s normal to live with your parents until a later age because of the cost.
Living at home is fine if you treat your parents with respect. This guy is not cleaning and letting his mom do stuff for him. He has no plans for the future. He's an adult with a teenager mentality. The goal should be to move out. Cost of the living is always brought up but that's no excuse to just ride the coat tails of your parents cost life is to expensive. Figure it out, make a plan and stop coasting on your mom to clean up your mess.
I like my parents and plan to live with them indefinitely. I think north America really shines a negative light on ppl living with their parents for no real reason. If u have a non-abusive dynamic with them, then I'd say that it makes the most sense to stay. More cost effective, and much better than living in a pod apartment somewhere. Also u can help your parents as they grow older.
@@1740ryguy If his parents are ok with it what is the problem? not everyone needs to have "plans for the future" to be happy.
Very normal in Europe.
@@gokumetrix80you probably should have some sort of plan then
Controlling parenting is enabling parenting :)
True
My mom let's me live with her and I save my money. Whenever I get enough money move out. There's nothing wrong living with your parents, but you have to have goals.
This was the case with me, although I was stunted a little by my parents b/c of thier codependency. Though, I did have plans I went after for my life. I payed down on debts some and then left. Later than I wanted, but I left.
Exactly. You sacrifice some of your independence in order to save money. It’s responsible, not shameful.
That is sensible
I don’t see anything wrong my with living with parents if you contribute and nobody’s taking advantage of each other. Asian People where I live when they first came here used to live together in big families and save all their money then buy a business. There are too many people in the world for every single person to have their own place. And there’s upsides to living in groups. Also living in this new world of social isolation it’s making people crazy. People are anti social and depressed and enslaved in these smart prisons and we just ignore it as a society because it’s convenient.
Exactly this!
Group economics
He wants her to kick the guy out with an Amazon job? Do you know how expensive rent is these days?! It's not the 90s anymore lmao. I don't see a problem with the son being at home except her serving his food and cleaning for him, that's definitely a no. Doing drugs and bringing women to the home would also be a big no.
this segment cemented my opinion on the show. The psychologist just loves to rip into men. It's his mother that has the problem not necessarily the son. I moved out at 18 because I like my freedom but what she’s describing is a normal young man. He looks at porn and likes to order out food. She’s overbearing and controlling and yet you shamed this young man for something that you probably do right now. This show is a joke.
You think the son’s behavior is normal? 😳 yikes
I hate that she has adult kids and calls them children.
Yeah she should just say their age and son/daughter.
I agree with the kicking him out if he has a job but if he doesn't have a job give him 2 months to get a job and start paying rent. But also stop babying him he's an Adult.
Now I have listened to the rest and heard he has a job and he's paying rent what's the issue? If you don't want him kick him out but stop babying him with food and searching his phone
My friend is 23 and he didn’t know the bank login bc his mom takes care of it. He had no email, no amazon account, no Starbucks account because mommy and sister order everything for him. It’s sad...
I like his mom and sister. They are looking out for their brother.
@@donaldlyons17 they are killing him and grooming him to end with a narcissist woman who will wreck his life. They are creating a perfect codependent for predators
@@dearbrave4183 I don’t think him not knowing anything is bad until or unless he needs to know. But as long as someone always does it for him it will never be a problem either. He does not need to do what he doesn’t need to do.
@@donaldlyons17He is developing a muscle of finding control normal. I'm talking from experience. As someone who had to fight to finally buy my own clothes at 19. And after leaving, realising I have no ability to say no to others or function on my own so naturally I found myself surrounded with overbearing and controlling people. It took time but I learnt to create boundaries, take care of myself and now I am better off. He needs to get out ASAP
@@donaldlyons17 no. A grown man needs to be responsible for his own finances, not have other people do it. That's a case of inappropriate boundaries.
Um why is she treating him like he's 12?
I want to ask this lady if she does all these things for her husband as well. Did these kids learn this from watching their father have their mom _mother_ him?
This is not her child. She called him her husband's son. She is controlling and belittling. He needs to leave but his stepmother is a big part of his problem.
My ex-boyfriend’s mom could be making this call. It isn’t her, but it’s the exact same situation. SO glad I put “ex” in that sentence a year ago.
He must have been a burden lol I feel for you
She’s a control freak why does she need to know how much he spends he’s 24!!
Maybe because he's 24 and still living at home like a child who is underage?
@@nezzyt4409 not sure what people don’t understand about this. My house, my rules. Get out if you don’t like it!
@@TheeMrsChampion not if your son has a job and helping you pay bills.
Like father like son, as JLP would say.......BAAAAAAYYYDUUUUH
Well im brazilian and honestly grew up with it being normal (staying with your parents into ur 20s). It goes without saying that whatever rules my parents or my grandparents set, me and my parents followed. I always had a job, and in school, but honestly just cant stay any longer. Have great relationship with my mom with whom i live, but man, i think its time to go. The solution i came up with is i ser a budget plan for me to move out by the end of the year. Sat with my mom and we actually planned it together. I see living w parents in 20s as setting yourself for a junp in life. U better be pulling that spring tho, or else ur literally wasting your life.
Very well stated and meaningful advice. My biggest fear is that I couldn’t make it on my own and I would HAVE TO MOVE BACK HOME. I never did….
This is what Jordan Peterson refers to as "The Devouring Mother".
preach john! these kind of mothers ruin lives - they ruin sons lives by spoiling them with smothering love and ruin daughters lives by being being cows and ripping their self esteem to shreds
Most out of touch with reality advice I’ve ever seen, poor dude hope momma didn’t listen
Why are these adults living at home??? This is the root of helicopter parenting issues today. You created this useless lump honey, its all your fault. FAILED PARENTING 100%
I did not know 21 was a young child?
Lol.
I couldn’t imagine my phone and expenses being tracked as an adult wth?
What if someone has difficulty with their spending habits? I’m 28, and although my dad doesn’t track my bank account like he used to, he still has access to it, and can see everything that I spend. He just wants to be sure I’m making wise decisions. Nothing wrong with that.
They're not kids. They're men! I have no access to or concern for what my son has in his bank account. Omg. She's too much!
And my son is 20.
You sound like a parent who would let their adult child do whatever they want. I’m 28, and my dad pays for my phone bill, and has access to my bank account. I hated it awhile back, but I understand that he just wants to make sure I am spending my money wisely. Get a grip lady! Not really that big of a deal. It’s a different world we live in today.
This lady is controlling... If he is paying for his phone she has no right to take his phone. I understand he has the porn addiction but you can't take something he is paying for I disagree with John on that.
The only thing I disagree about is 24 is still really young. Living with your parents at 24 shouldn't be instantly met with "why?". Obviously this scenario is bad, but if they'd just finished university or something, or if they're working full time and taking good care of the house and their room etc, then living with parents shouldn't be an issue. It's financially sensible. That doesn't all apply to this situation, but it did all apply at the start when the only thing he knew was his age, and the instant reply was "why?"
I’m surprised dad is in the picture here. Mom must completely steamroll him.
Better to fix this issue at 24 than when he's 34. It's not too late for him
I moved home at 23 because I lost my job due to covid and couldn’t afford my apartment in 2020. I moved back out a year later. Rent is expensive
Why is a 24 year old still living? Because if he wasn’t he’d be on the streets due to how expensive everything is, unless you’re content living with a roommates in a crappy apartment the best you can hope for is to be living independently when you’re 30. Most one bedroom apartments are like $800- $1,000 just to rent so you lucky if they move out at 20 without a roommate and it’s easier to live with parents than a roommate.
She even knows she's an enabler. No wonder we live in a generation of sheep.
Haha sounds like my step brother 25 year old man child. I lived at home until 24 but it’s not like I was a deadbeat I worked 60 a week and helped them pay for things then I got married and moved out
Why would you did or did not do have to do with anyone else.
At least this kid doesn't have over 100k student loan debt like Dr. Deloney did at that age
Stagnation can definitely lead to feelings of depression. Expect more from him and watch him rise to the occasion!
Well at least he's working. That's help in the right direction, but it's really hard for a lot of moms to just kick their kids out of their home. There's that fear that if something bad happens, then it will all be their fault. We all will reach this breaking point where we either completely crash or finally make the changes we need to get better.
And many end up in jail/prison too. Changes that are not effective will lead to even more problems.
I have the smallest amount of patience for the grown man child/enabler, co-dependent parent dynamic. Gross.
Live with my parents and I’m 36 but not by choice I’m a disabled veteran. Moved out at 18 it was amazing the freedom and life lessons you learn along the way. I don’t know why someone would stay with there parents that long except for school and illness.
Can’t understand why people would want to stay at home? Why not? WTF there must be a million reasons to stay!!!
Yes! How about to save money and travel? I’m 28, live at home with my parents, and save all my money I earn from my full time job on travel. I am not charged rent at all either.
Oh John!! I love you! I was saying this very thing-kick him out. This mom needs help. Bless her heart, but she is stifling him.
2:00 why are we already judging the dude hardcore without knowing anything about what might have led to the addiction? Pump the breaks
We don't know if he even has an addiction. It sounds like this is a major control issue about the mom. She won't let him do anything.
I’m 17 and REALLY wanna move out as soon as i turn 18
Just once I’d like you guys to realize that with mental issues “ kick them out” isn’t an answer. Unless u don’t care if they die or they ruin their financial future you have to mop up. Many of us are like this caller and we’re stuck. How about showing us this worked.
Bruh people live at home at 24 because MONEY
porn aint the problem here
she has no concrete evidence that he watches porn that jist how i act if anyone looks at my phone i could be watchin cartoons or john wayne ill still do the same
the problem is she treats the man like a child
now i get livin with the parents if your saven up to buy a house and you dont wanna piss away money on rent
but this aint it
shes stiflin the man and hes gotta be able to get out
It's so funny when they say "HE'S 24!!" like they're saying he's 50 😄😄 He's just trying to save money until he's young and single, relax dudes!! But I live in Italy, what do I know about America.
You still can't treat your parents house like your a teenager. Just because your saving money does not mean your an adult . The point of moving out is so you have your own sense of responsibility, life is short. Don't waste time.
He’s non functioning. No goal building, no aspirations, no job, not paying rent, can’t even cook food, his mother has to feed him. Wont clean the house he’s living in rent free. This is textbook failure to launch. That’s much different from a young man who is behaving like a real adult saving money by rooming with his parents for the short term.
Americans hate when ppl live with their parents bc the expectation is for them to move several states away from parents once they enroll in college.
@@The_Food_Police Actually as an American I can tell you you're very wrong and confused. The expectation is actually to grow up and be self sufficient.
@@The_Food_Police thats not accurate at all. Many people move out and still live close to there parents. It's about independence. I have a great relationship with my parents but I like having my own place separate from my parents. Some people move states away and that's fine too. There's nothing wrong with living your parents but if your not respecting there house then it's time for a change, and that's what this woman was goimg through.
What?! She has a young child who is 21🤣 oh my God! these kids will amount to nothing if they stay with their smothering mother.
Why is a mom looking at her 24 year olds bank statements, and why is she letting him live at home?
I owned a house at 24 🤔. Why does his mom see his bank account?
Bro how 😭
@@kindasoupie because I bought in 2011 when things still haven't recovered from 2008, new home buyer loan no down payment, and I'd been working full time since 19 so I was making about $17/hr working in a machine shop.
@@zachdarr7605 congratulations!!
This is what happens when you become a parent and you have no idea what 'right parenting' looks like smh
The problem is the mother. Let this son have a life.
Depression can take any form and adapt to any situation if he moves out the depression will only adapt to that situation.
Well it’s two years later which means her son is now 26. I would love to know what the update is on his life. Did he ever gain his independence?
There's nothing wrong with son living at home.
You probably catered to him, when he was younger, and he wasn't taught chores and other stuff.
My parents made us do chores from the time I was age 8. I had a once a month job with my mom at age 10.
We never got allowance. After college I paid rent to my parents.
I had 2 college scholarships to a local commuter college.
I respectfully disagree with this one. Kicking him out seems a little extreme in this case. He works and pays rent. All they need to do is reach an agreement, he pays one or a couple hundred more for his room and bathroom and access to kitchen. At least for the time being until he saves enough to get his own place. Simple as that. Not an uncommon practice at all in Europe.
Maybe a question to ask is, “what led him down this path in the first place?” His 27 year old brother seems fine. What is the real root, what John said may be the root, but maybe it’s something else too (hopeless for marriage, etc)
One does not have to have prospects for marriage to live independently, especially a man. If anything him having nothing he is building towards of his own will lower his chances of that significantly.
Why on earth will you tell your sons struggle to the world and be publicly open about it ?, he will never forgive you for that
Mom serving him his very own special din din, John nailed this one! Indeed, this is the perfect engine to drive depression, he's so right.
Mommy needs some work herself. Possibly major work, because I feel she's never cutting him loose.
24 year old watching Porn ??? Shocker
Spending 20$ isn't addiction.
So having a great life leads to depression? The f*ck?
This mother sounds like the problem
“he won’t eat unless i give it to him” is actually the most egregious thing ive heard on this show😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
it is the moms fault for sure. This is not depression. This is enabling laziness.
This story literally described me to a T. We are the same age and both work at Amazon. I struggle with everything this mother described but I always wanted to move out on my own. Recently did that. While it’s been great and I’ve definitely grown a ton from this transition. Although in a lot of ways I’m still the same depressed person. Outside of when I’m at work I’m just at my apartment either laying in bed or sleeping. While I agree he needs to get kicked out so he can learn how to fend for himself and be an adult. The depression and the low self esteem are the real root cause of his behaviors. Those need to be adressed
Alot pf depression is in the processed foods and sugar which lead to mood disregulation. Fish oil helps the brain a ton. Situational depression you have to learn your triggers amd some life hack to navigate those. Also, accepting that depression will ebb and flow, so a healthy routine best to get through the wave.
They may be your “children” but they’re full grown adults!
This is why you can’t put your onlyfans charges on an account your mom can look at lol
21 and 24 year old children?
John deloney is wild, Amazon jobs are hard and he probably still wouldn’t be able to afford an apartment without multiple roommates. I just feel like he doesn’t understand what life is like for the average American. Most make 32 k a year but to get approved for an apartment you need to say you make 3x that.
Or people live in very cheap apartments... like $700 per month places.....
@@Pasquer515 As far as I know I only have found 1 out of several in my area… but for some reason cheap places tend to be sketchy!!!
Husband is a beta.
He is leaving his In-and-Out burger bag in his room for God sake 🤷🏻♂️
He needs to be addicted to God, problem solved
Listening to your podcast it's like the best birth control out there. Not a single person on this show is ever given me one good reason to have kids. They only give me reasons of why I don't want to have kids
That is definitely true
Sounds like a normal guy to me
Kick him out??? Wait till you’re old and your kids throw u in a retirement home ..