309. Dumper's Validation (The Love Chat)
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- Опубліковано 7 вер 2021
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#NoContact #TheLoveChat #MentalHealth
No Contact, Rebound Relationships, Dating Advice, Love Advice, The Love Chat, Intrusive Thoughts, Mental Health, Casual Dating, Anhedonia, no contact rule, Limiting Beliefs, How to Overcome Limiting Beliefs, Fearful avoidant, Anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, no contact - Навчання та стиль
If you would like to work with me : www.thelovechat.net/coaching
If you would like Professional Therapy: www.BetterHelp.com/Rory (You receive a discount with this link - I am sponsored by BetterHelp and receive a commission!)
Thank you so much for this! I absolutely needed this-my ex came back asking for friendship after a long 3 years…and everything you said here is the truth! I now fully understand what’s going on with him and me and I’m now able to understand that me saying no to friends is ultimately the best for me despite how much I L word him and want him. He dumped me. He let me go. He absolutely loved my presence in his life when he wanted it and at his convenience. Well I thought after 3 years trying friends now would be different for me and it’s not. This video is so encouraging.That’s validation!
Do not accept!
My ex did the same...He even told me he loves me and can't make it go away...🙄 I implemented N/C immediately after he left and have kept him on the outside...This is the second time he's said "I love you" but I'm not moved at all... People who love people don't do what he did...
My ex apologized to me after breaking up with me on Christmas Eve and offered friendship I played it for a bit but it absolutely hurt me and I was so focused on her not my life
We were together for 3 years as well now that I stopped being friends my life has changed so dramatically in just 4 months!! Of not talking to her I love her yes and I’m open to working things out but I’m not gonna lower my standards or make it easy
Seriously Rory you changed my perspective I went in no contact unfollowed her from every possible social media platform and now mentally I feel more mature and peaceful compared to the time when I was dangling in between. I just feel my feeling and emotions have completely changed I don't think I'll ever find someone, to be honest and that does bother me sometimes though but I focus on my work a lot.
P.S- I'll forever be In debt to you. Thank You, Brother.
Cool, now get back to vacationing!
Sir yes sir!
Man it hit me right in the guts when she broke up end of April, I luckily was able to keep myself together (most of the time) and started NC almost immediatly. She hasn't reached out, which made me very uncomfortable in the beginning but at this point I'm quite happy that she doesn't. I'm doing things that I never did before (surfing/gym/socializing), got a well paid job and my motivation level has never been this high. I still miss her, I still have bad days,but I've decided that I wouldn't want her back now if she were to reach out. I'm becoming a better version of myself, maybe that's the good thing bound to this break-up.
Hope you're still doing well! Any updates?
yeah how's it going
Update: we haven’t been in touch since. I’m completely over her by now. I focused a lot on my career and am at a good place in life at the moment. I’ve met someone last year who I love a lot. I was cautious with new relationships in the beginning and held my guard up high, but I allowed myself to have someone in my life again as otherwise it would’ve been a sad way of life. I’m super happy with my girlfriend and can only say to people who are going through a breakup that it’ll get better!! Even if it doesn’t feel like it at the moment
You give advice in the best way possible. In a very intellectual un biased sort of way, you don’t take advantage of the reason most people watch your videos, pain. But you help them better understand why they are feeling the way they do which I think is most important of all. You’re like a therapist without the back and forth (besides the ones we have in our head). I just thought I should let you know that you do an amazing thing for a lot of people out there, and what’s great about it is you can hear the joy in your voice when you are giving out advice. Keep on being a great human. I wish you and anyone reading this going through a tough time an unlimited amount of happiness and peace ✌🏼
My ex reached out after 30 days regarding phone plan. Of course I had to respond, she was angry I didn't reach out over 30 days. Umm, you discarded me, kicked me out and I had to move yet again 8hrs away. Then proceeded if we could have dinner sometime. What!
You work fast, Rory! Thanks for the content!
Your videos are always strangely relatable!
Just received breadcrumbs from my ex
Deeply appreciate your videos
Love from Egypt♥️
Wow, Rory being the life savior again, but this time with the speed of light 😍. Constant uncertainty is damaging to your mental health... So true!!! Thanks so much Rory❤️. I'm sharing your videos with one of my heartbroken friend.
Thanks for this video. I finally told the guy who has been stringing me along for almost two years that I wanted to move on and he still insisted that he wanted me to be his friend, and I am too special for him to let go.
Great content and so relatable to my situation, mixed messages & hot and cold validation attempts are so frustrating. My ex has been showing signs of reconciliation then backed off all of a sudden which tends to be a repeat pattern. So I am now back in no contact again after the most recent hopeful communication. Self love & mental care comes first. They most likely will return but often not for the reasons we would like.
Rory, my long-distance ex reached out last night after 8 months of NC. My jaw hit the floor. We called for 2 hours and she flirted with me multiple times. We even scheduled a meetup in a few months. Thanks!
Amazing!
I’m in a similar situation. Did she rebound?
@@kungfukenny1540 I know she saw other people, but didn’t date anyone. I think she was just enjoying her freedom.
LDR is waste of time buddy.
@@shubh_21 most definitely if the distance isn’t closed
Right on time, Rory. My ex wants “closure and clarity” after cheating, monkey branching and telling me he wanted to be with her not me. When I don’t want to talk or grant him closure it seems he magically forgot. Smfh. Must be something in the air. Appreciate this as usual.
My ex totally ignored me and never reached out. And I am totally fine with this! HD was bad news! Thanks for these videos as always!
I love this. Thank you Rory !
My ex had been "one foot in one foot out" for over a year and it was exhausting.. finally moving on from him now
I hope that you will have a fantastic vacation. Even though I am over my ex who blindsided me with breaking up with me on New Year’s Day, I listen to your videos every now and then. You voice has such an calming, positive effect on me.
Thank you for that🤗🤗
I just got dumped on NYE too :')
Rory's advice is so great! I am three years out and I so appreciate the support! Things do get better folks.
How long it took you to move on from your ex? :)
I was friendzoned by my crush.
I ghosted her and moved 150 miles away.
She missed my narcissistic supply and somehow found-out where I was and her girlfriend approached me while she waited in the car. I advised her girlfriend that I was engaged and walked away again, now happily married for 30+ years 😌
He came dangling tryna talk like friends after hurting me immensely and thinking it’s ok , had to shut it down and he became rude and I still stood my ground and told him to leave me alone
Thank you rory ❤️!!
Personally, its better for you if you seize contact, especially if you feel they're stringing you along. They expect you to stay around, bc it benefits them
This is the third breakup im using these videos on. Got my ex back twice, didnt work out though. This breakup was different though, shes smart and thinks purely rationally. She loves me to bits and oh man the attraction was so there. But she doesnt see me as the father of her kids. Just a feeling she couldnt shake from the beginning. Now after nearly 2 years she broke up. Started nc immediately, lets hope.
Wishing you all the healing. Here is our support group if you would like extra support: discord.gg/UAgz2U4J
Well 5 months since the break up and i didn't hear from him he checked my insta once 2 months after the break up and that's it. I know i won't hear from him cause he's good in letting go of people. Still stings like a giant bee because he was the only man who ever treated me well and i think that's why it is so hard to let go and not to spiral down the here we go again i am not good enough hell. It's funny how you ride the roller-coaster with all its ups and downs over and over again even after 5 months. Especially when men (in my case) show you over and over again that they don't want to know you cause they're just interested in your body. Sad society these days
My ex texts me to tell me everything she has going on in her life. And always reaches out when she is sick. I am always polite with her but let her carry the conversation. She’s also posting more on social media and adding new followers daily. It seems like she is just seeking validation not only from me but from others on social media.
Hi Rory, my ex boke up (we were both busy and became distant) with me a month ago and we started texting back and forth for a couple of weeks. So far, the interaction has been positive and every time when things were going great, she would pull back and disappear. I asked if she wants to get coffee soon, she would say she's busy and disappear again. 4 days later, she messaged me and saying she want to share some good news (she did well for her exams) with me and even sent me an email (it was an inside joke) with her corporate email, without answering if she wants coffee. Am I being played??!
So we broke up 2 weeks ago, a few days after the breakup i told her that i am having a hard time letting go and want some space.
1.5 week later i contacted her again, we had a good conversation.
Then she only messaged me twice a day.
The day after i did not open her messages because i was very busy and now she ignores me
I begged and pleaded for him to come back for more than a month .after No contact he reached out after 4 days saying happy new year and then on the 5th day he said he missed me and he requested to do video call with me for the last time and then on 6th day he again requested me to do video call before he slept.
I said ok and we did for around 2min. And I ended the call.
If you’re in a band that does gigs, would writing a song count as breaking no contact?
Damnit. Knew it. And guess what? I gave it to her for awhile before finally having the balls to cut her off. I wonder if she’ll show up again.
and by telling them the truth does that mean being more straightforward and communicate with them or just going back into no contact?
Go no contact. She'll understand loudly.
My ex reached out a week after we broke up to say that he was thinking of me (we had a date scheduled for that day before he ended things) and he wasn't trying to hurt my feelings but wanted to let me know how he was feeling about things. He also hopes that I am doing well. Is he trying to seek validation? I dont know how to interpret this super confusing message.
That's quite selfish and manipulative of him. "I'm not going to date you but here, have a piece of my mind about the whole situation." How fricking generous of him.
Tell him to be straight with you or get lost. Trust me, the direct approach works best in these types of scenarios. If he doesn't want to come back, he won't either way. If he wants to, your straightforward words might set him straight. Don't worry, it's not going to spook him or anything - if he wants to be back, nothing you say will change that, and vice versa.
Can you please make a video about when you’ve communicated to your ex your not interested in friendship and they keep messaging you breadcrumbing you asking for sex telling you Gm basically not taking no for an answer do you continue to communicate with them or just cut it off
Dont answer them, thats the point of no contact man, keep pushing in your personal growth.
@@mariopasonfe I get it man but I’m still in love the false hope kind of pulls me in but your right
Tea tea we see wov up