i was pregnant. now i'm not. | my story so far

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  • Опубліковано 26 чер 2024
  • 00:00 intro & disclaimer
    02:34 my fertility journey up until now
    13:19 the info i've never shared
    14:38 our first embryo transfer
    17:00 what i find out after
    19:00 our plan for the second transfer
    21:13 our second embryo transfer
    22:29 finding out i'm pregnant
    24:30 being pregnant
    30:38 finding out i lost the baby
    32:45 my d&c experience
    36:07 how i'm feeling, what's next
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    / chandlerainsley
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    FTC Disclosure: Links to products and books are affiliate links which means I make a small commission if you buy through these links. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchase.
    BUS INQ: chandler.ainsley@thestation.io

КОМЕНТАРІ • 625

  • @yelizavetas3915
    @yelizavetas3915 2 місяці тому +570

    Never thought I'd care so much for a person I don't know in real life

  • @hannalourathouz5726
    @hannalourathouz5726 2 місяці тому +531

    Hi Chandler I am the result of my mom's egg and donor sperm! My sister also does not have the same donor sperm as I do. Personally, my parents using donor sperm has honestly only made me closer to my dad. I cherish him so much and knowing that I am not technically biologically related to him but feeling biologically related to him is honestly a really beautiful thing. The idea that my sister is my half-sister is also like not even relevant to me. I barely even think about how we were made with different biological sperm. My dad wrote me this letter before I was born where he reflected on how he was sad that he couldn't give his biology to me, that he couldn't give me everything I may have wanted, but also how I came out more perfect than he could ever imagine. This letter I will cherish forever because it is evidence of how hard my parents tried and their neverending well of love for me. Anyways I hope I can provide a little insight into being the actual child (I'm still only 19 now) of a sperm donor and my mom's sperm. Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable

    • @chandlerainsleyvlogs
      @chandlerainsleyvlogs  2 місяці тому +126

      this is so sweet and i read this to haden. thank you for sharing ❤️

    • @Clumsylyd
      @Clumsylyd 2 місяці тому +45

      As someone who is a result of donor sperm (and sister with a different sperm donor), I resonate with the comment so much ❤️

    • @irenestrongrock4106
      @irenestrongrock4106 2 місяці тому +9

      This comment is amazing. My husband and I used donor sperm and my eggs, and we are very open with our daughter about where she was from and how deeply, completely, fervently she is loved and exactly who she was always meant to be. Reading your story makes me so so happy, this is exactly what we hope our daughter grows up and feels/knows. Thank you for sharing this!

    • @momomac3760
      @momomac3760 Місяць тому +6

      My situation is a little different, but my step father is the only paternal figure I've ever had. My biological father passed when I was young, but even if he had lived, based on his character, he wouldn't have been in my life much as he hadn't been around for my teenaged siblings. It is the same for my older brother. Our step dad has been his only paternal figure. Biology is just that: biology. A blood relation to a parent does not mean they will be a mother or a father. It is the intention, consistency, and dedication that makes a parent. I share no blood with my step dad but he is the only father I've ever had and ever will have. I am who I am today in part bc of him.

    • @thedouglaspodcast
      @thedouglaspodcast Місяць тому +5

      Is the letter a lie cause you said your dad said he wrote that *_before_* you were born……… but that he wrote _”you came out more perfect than he could’ve imagined”_ 😩

  • @kaylahaas
    @kaylahaas 2 місяці тому +199

    Pregnancy is the most terrifying experience. No matter how much we talk enough about the reality of pregnancy and childbirth, you truly just can’t fathom what the experience will be like until it’s you. You are so strong, Chandler. It cannot be overstated how resilient you are.

    • @SirenASMR_
      @SirenASMR_ Місяць тому +4

      This is why i decided not to have kids cuz I knew somehow it’s not healthy for a woman’s body and destroys it to become pregnant and give birth . Didn’t have a supportive family either so I did not want to do it alone . Sad but this is how it is . I will have cat kids once I am able to finish massage school and get away from my entire family

    • @harringt100
      @harringt100 6 днів тому

      ​@SirenASMR_ I totally respect your decision if you don't want to have kids. (It is really difficult. Not just the pregnancy and birth part.) But to say that pregnancy and birth "destroy a woman's body," is generally an exaggeration.
      I will be the first to admit that pregnancy (at least late pregnancy) was uncomfortable, labor was painful, and I was really scared when I was giving birth. Most women get through it okay, though, and recover within a few weeks. You may have some physical changes, but even in many cases those are minor, and barely visible, especially to anyone who's not paying super close attention.
      And, although pregnancy has a lot of immediate health risks it does have some long-term health benefits, as well. Women who've had children (and breastfed them, especially) have lower lifetime risks of breast and cervical cancer. Stem cells from the fetus sometimes move around the body and help repair injuries to the mother, etc. For women who might want to have a baby catastrophizing things as "Your body will be destroyed" is not very accurate and not helpful.

    • @kaylahaas
      @kaylahaas 5 днів тому

      @@harringt100287,000 women died during/after pregnancy in the year 2020 alone. I almost died in 2017 when I had my daughter. I’m sure you mean well, but I don’t think this comment is helpful. You’re not going to “um, actually” someone who’s made their mind up into having children. The reality is that the maternal mortality rate is unacceptably high, even now. This person is allowed to feel how they feel without being lectured lol.

    • @harringt100
      @harringt100 5 днів тому

      ​@kaylahaas Of course she's allowed to feel how she feels. Motherhood is not for everyone, and if you don't even have much family support I do not recommend it. It was never my intent to tell her to have children, and I explicitly stated that in the beginning. (I guess I used "you" to refer to a hypothetical person giving birth, which was a poor choice of words. Sorry. But if you think that was my goal, I'm afraid you really need to work on your reading comprehension.)
      And I don't know where you got the 287,000 figure from, but if that's worldwide, it's out of around 130 million births, so...that's statistically pretty rare. (Around 0.2%, and honestly, the majority would probably be in developing countries. The maternal mortality rate in the U.S. is around 1/10th of that.) I am sorry to read you had a near-death experience, but it makes no sense to pretend every pregnant woman reading this will. (People besides either of you I replied to may see these comments. Many women want to or are about to have children, and telling them they're likely to die doing it is neither accurate nor helpful to _them._ )

  • @lalunanova1
    @lalunanova1 2 місяці тому +327

    Hi Chandler, I've been a silent viewer for years now but I feel like I have to let you know how much I appreciate you sharing your story. I was also pregnant last month and now I'm not and I felt like nobody truly understood my grief. Watching this now, I relate to so many of the feelings you're sharing.
    Everyday since I have wished that I was still pregnant, but at the same time I know I'm not yet ready to try again. This time has shown me how important it is to have a partner you love and trust absolutely to lean on. I would not have been able to get through this time without my husband. I'm so glad you have Haden and I know you were both meant to be parents.
    When you get your rainbow, just know that this stranger on the internet is going to be so incredibly happy for you.

    • @chandlerainsleyvlogs
      @chandlerainsleyvlogs  2 місяці тому +100

      i’m so sorry for your loss. it’s not fair! one day we’ll both have kiddos, i’m sure of it ❤️

    • @lalunanova1
      @lalunanova1 2 місяці тому +19

      @@chandlerainsleyvlogs Thank you girly, yes we have so much to look forward to still! ❤

    • @glenngwenya1084
      @glenngwenya1084 Місяць тому

      ​@@lalunanova1I was also pregnant with twins until 2/03/24 when my water broke at 23 weeks and one of my girls was born still and her twin sister passed away after spending 5 days in the NICU. It is the most heart breaking event to happen to anyone and I don't think I will ever be the same😢😢. I am so sorry for your loss ladies.

    • @abie9203
      @abie9203 Місяць тому +1

      I appreciate you sharing your story❤ I can’t wait for your rainbow baby

  • @beatricelucas385
    @beatricelucas385 2 місяці тому +50

    “Bad things happen but I think good things happen too” YES THEY DO. Wishing you the best of luck with your rainbow baby 🌈 ❤

  • @ladyblakeney
    @ladyblakeney 2 місяці тому +104

    My parents had similar infertility issues and ultimately adopted myself and my sister. IVF was too expensive and not as successful in the 80s, and adoption was a lot more accessible. Definitely hard for both of them to work through, but they were amazing parents and I'm so thankful for them.
    My own experience with pregnancy loss happened two years ago. I was 30 weeks and developed eclampsia and lost him. Losing a pregnancy is so hard regardless of how far along you are, and everyone grieves that differently. As long as you remember to be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to grieve at your own pace, there's no wrong way to deal with loss.
    I truly thought I would never have a child after we lost our son, but two years later I'm sitting here with my perfect baby in my lap. The universe makes all things right in it's own time.

    • @harringt100
      @harringt100 5 днів тому

      Why is adoption less accessible now than in the 80s?
      ETA: I'm really sorry for your loss. I know even early miscarriages can be tough on people, but it must be really awful to get into the home stretch and then have to give birth to a dead baby.

  • @corinnabee1018
    @corinnabee1018 2 місяці тому +110

    As someone who has walked the infertility road, I am grieving with and for you. Our stories are different in many ways but the feeling of what if is the same. My third miscarriage was also a missed miscarriage - my protocol had me continuing progesterone until 12 weeks and I had an ultrasound at 11w5d where we discovered our baby had died appx 2 weeks before. I was so hopeful because I was literally two days away from stopping the progesterone. I ended up having a d&c as well in that case and as someone who has experienced both miscarrying naturally ( in the middle of a work day no less) and a d&c - totally agree that d&c is preferable and I feel terribly for those who don’t have access to one. All that to say, we have two children now who have made it all worth it and you will have yours someday too. You and Haden are so strong and will be such amazing parents. It’s the shittiest garbage to have to go through but I believe it has made me a better, more empathetic person and has made my husband and I even better as a team (also hs sweethearts - 15 years in, 7 yrs married) - I know it will be the same for you. Do you. Enjoy the things you love, eat the cookies, soak in those kitty boys, and know so many people are in your corner (even virtually 😂❤).

    • @chandlerainsleyvlogs
      @chandlerainsleyvlogs  2 місяці тому +41

      thank you for this. you’re spot on about the empathy. this whole process has changed me for the better.
      and i’m so glad you have your babies. it will be me too one day ❤️

  • @AbbyCarissimo
    @AbbyCarissimo 2 місяці тому +104

    I was tearing up through this entire thing, but “I hate that this is my reality” is where I really lost it. As someone in the beginning stages of the infertility process, it’s one of the things I think the most, and isn’t something I really ever hear people talk about or say. Sending you all the healing vibes.

  • @rochellemarkham7007
    @rochellemarkham7007 2 місяці тому +60

    I didn’t know it was possible to care so much about someone I don’t personally know. I am so sorry you are going through this, I love you❤

  • @maddiekopecki1614
    @maddiekopecki1614 2 місяці тому +24

    I lost a baby at 19 and the trauma was unreal. I know all of our angel babies are playing together somewhere 🥺🖤

  • @BlackCatBritt
    @BlackCatBritt 2 місяці тому +51

    As a childfree adult I feel I have no real place to say anything except for how proud I am of you and how strong you have been on this whole journey. I wish nothing but the best outcomes from here on out for you and your family 💗💗💗

  • @sherriewhite5348
    @sherriewhite5348 2 місяці тому +36

    I’m not really a hugger…but I wish I could hug you…I’ve experienced secondary infertility…only attempted clomid because our insurance didn’t cover anything else. Was thrilled to get pregnant. Made it to 12 weeks, even saw the heartbeat…but our levels started to slowly decrease. In the end, I had a d&c…I miss that baby…I stopped treatment and 5 years later, got pregnant with my rainbow baby. They’re 22 now.
    I have no doubt that however your children come to y’all, they will be the luckiest lil baby EVER! 💜💜💜

  • @xcitipopx
    @xcitipopx 2 місяці тому +152

    You are such a champion for overcoming everything you've been hit with. As a queer woman who knows IVF is in her future, I really appreciate you sharing your journey. I'm hoping for the best for you and Hayden!!

  • @emmabostian2608
    @emmabostian2608 2 місяці тому +69

    As someone who’s currently going through my eighth miscarriage you’re not alone, even if it feels like it

    • @amandalagerfeld6849
      @amandalagerfeld6849 2 місяці тому +21

      So so sorry for your loss. Wishing you brighter roads ahead.

    • @ZZhorses
      @ZZhorses 2 місяці тому

      Have you been checked for blood clotting disorders?

    • @emmabostian2608
      @emmabostian2608 2 місяці тому

      @@ZZhorses yes

    • @aprilsmithswe
      @aprilsmithswe 2 місяці тому +2

      Oh wow-I am so sorry!

    • @ezra7088
      @ezra7088 2 місяці тому +2

      You must be super strong and incredible (admit it, continuing on 8 times is incredible). Whatever u choose going forwards is valid. I've always been in favor of adoption, but I know that can be really expensive and complicated. Most importantly, miscarrying doesn't say anything about you as a person, it's not your fault. Sending you love and support❤❤

  • @MissManicMellie
    @MissManicMellie 2 місяці тому +19

    You’re so strong Chandler. I am childfree by choice and I cannot IMAGINE the emotional turmoil both you and Hayden are going through. I am so sorry for your loss, your rainbow baby will come when the time is right. Let Hayden know we all care for him too

  • @nikkiknack
    @nikkiknack 2 місяці тому +38

    I am so sorry for your and Haden's loss. Grief and invisible grief (grieving the possibility of something) are so hard and frankly not talked about enough. Thank you for sharing your journey with us

  • @currentlyreading_
    @currentlyreading_ 2 місяці тому +21

    The fact that you keep chugging forward …that’s the essence of being a mother. Looking forward to the day it happens for you. Sending love. ❤

  • @hypoverzum631
    @hypoverzum631 2 місяці тому +44

    it's so sad that you had to say in the beginning that 'please don't judge'. i don't even know nor want to know what kind of people would judge someone for these choices you made, i see nothing controversial, just a person researching and deciding what's best for them. you made the choice you needed to make, and it is all valid. in university, i had a course on IVF, and we had to write an essay so we could get grades. i chose to write about the ethical and moral dilemmas surrounding this topic, and let me tell you, i am of the firm belief that in these sensitive matters really really all choices are valid you make for yourself after careful consideration. it's really good to see how you do your research and think about the possibilities this deep. i really hope that you will achieve your goal! it is HUGE that you could get pregnant, i'm sure it will happen again! and always hope, it is an enormous boost! hope and 'happiness hormones' can raise your chances by a lot!
    best wishes 🧡

  • @kellieh4807
    @kellieh4807 2 місяці тому +90

    Chandler I am so sad to hear this. It's been such an uphill battle for you, this is heart breaking. I hope you have some people around who can support you in what ever way you need right now.

  • @shaylaatiles
    @shaylaatiles 2 місяці тому +24

    Chandler, I’m so proud of you. So endlessly proud of you and your resilience. You went through hell and high water. Absolutely incredible and selfless. I hope you and your husband are taking care of yourselves. Sending love your way 🤍

  • @morganingram3374
    @morganingram3374 2 місяці тому +17

    I had a missed miscarriage at 8.5 weeks, and one of the hardest parts for me is mourning that I won't have a baby this year. I was also going to have a newborn on my birthday, and it felt so right. I'm so sorry for your loss, you're so strong. Be kind to yourself when you start this process back up, I know it's different with IVF, but it just brings back up a lot of feelings. I'm only 2 months past mine, but sending you love for your future ❤

    • @jennycarter8982
      @jennycarter8982 18 днів тому

      I had a miscarriage technically at 17 weeks which is pretty close to a still birth. The baby was supposed to be born near my birthday which is quickly approaching. It makes it more difficult somehow and selfishly I feel my birthday is ruined.

  • @FourPawsandaBook
    @FourPawsandaBook 2 місяці тому +30

    I'm so sorry Chandler. The roller coaster of emotions you have been on is something few people can imagine. I appreciate you talking about trying to get back into life after this process. I went back to work 4 days after a D&E at 19 weeks. Was it the best thing for me? Probably not, but I couldn't imagine just laying in bed wondering what it could've been like. I think trying to move forward and figure out next steps is 100% a way to cope and for our brains to make sense of the trauma. I know you have people in your life and a strong support system, but my DMs are always open if you need

  • @chickentender1804
    @chickentender1804 Місяць тому +29

    I just lost my baby girl at 33weeks. I am so sorry for your loss. 😞 ❤

    • @madeleinet6224
      @madeleinet6224 Місяць тому +4

      I'm sorry for your loss😭, were you given a vaccine right before that happened?

    • @PomsNTomsMom92
      @PomsNTomsMom92 Місяць тому +3

      I'm sorry for your loss. 😔❤️

    • @CoreyViruz
      @CoreyViruz Місяць тому +2

      😭 I’m so sorry for your loss, heartbreaking ❤️‍🩹 to hear that at 33 weeks.

    • @juliastafflersjourney
      @juliastafflersjourney Місяць тому +3

      I am incredible sorry for your loss❤️‍🩹

  • @gingersnappedreads
    @gingersnappedreads 2 місяці тому +6

    you’re not alone 🤍 sending love your way, the strength you have just simply putting this out there for the world to see is amazing itself.

  • @MeganLarabee
    @MeganLarabee 2 місяці тому +6

    I am so so sorry for your loss, Chandler. Thank you for sharing your story with all of us and being so open and vulnerable. It will help others so much and I hope it helps in your healing journey as well.

  • @vitL826
    @vitL826 2 місяці тому +4

    I'm so sorry for what you've been through. I've followed your channel on and off in the last couple of years because of your book reviews and was surprised to hear you talking about your IVF experience. I've just finished my first cycle for unexplained infertility, fresh transfer failed and I'm preparing for a FET next. I feel your pain about your body betraying you and having to make peace with having to go through this. I can only say THANK YOU for talking about IVF, your loss, your choices and your experience so openly. I wish more people did.

  • @leemcclory7204
    @leemcclory7204 2 місяці тому +2

    Sending you love. It’s important to share stories like this, both for the people who have experienced this and for those who have never. I’m impressed by your strength.

  • @stephaniestrok7031
    @stephaniestrok7031 2 місяці тому +6

    I am so insanely sorry for your loss. Your resilience though is out of this world and is a true testament to the kind of absolute baddie of a mother you’re going to be in the future ❤

  • @HaleyJeanASMR
    @HaleyJeanASMR 2 місяці тому +9

    chandler, you are an absolute gem. thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your experience(s), i know it will impact and help many. hugs to you and Hayden. ❤🫂

  • @hannahmorgan5040
    @hannahmorgan5040 2 місяці тому +8

    I’m so unbelievably sorry, sending you guys so much love❤️ I had a pregnancy loss late last year after undergoing fertility treatments, it’s the most emotionally grueling thing I’ve ever gone through. I’m so glad you’re taking care of yourself.

  • @pleasemyplants3447
    @pleasemyplants3447 2 місяці тому +8

    You've got me crying at work. I know you said you love UA-cam and being able to have this outlet, but I want to say thank you. Thanks for letting us into your life and giving me a new perspective on things that I don't know that much about in my current stage of life.

  • @amymcquillan403
    @amymcquillan403 2 місяці тому +7

    Can I just say, that the disclaimer at the beginning was so well spoken while also setting boundaries. I’m so sorry for your loss ❤

  • @laurenmiller149
    @laurenmiller149 2 місяці тому +2

    Thank you for continuing to be so candid Chandler. I cannot imagine the spectrum of emotions you've both been going through; to articulate all this so succinctly and openly is incredible. As someone who may have to go through IVF in the future, I've learned so much and cannot thank you enough for sharing.

  • @samjz123
    @samjz123 27 днів тому +4

    I’m so sorry. I miscarried twin girls conceived with Letrozole after struggling with infertility. It’s been almost 5 months and it still hurts. There are no words that can take away the pain but I wish there was. Sending lots of positive thoughts your way.

  • @nomdeplume2213
    @nomdeplume2213 Місяць тому +25

    Im RH- so I've had 6 miscarriages.... and 2 daughters who are 18 and 10 ❤ 97% of women have had at least 1 miscarriage. Many don't even know they've had one they just think they had a late heavy period.... miscarriages are more common than pregnancy honestly and yet we act like it never happens.

    • @davyrantucci
      @davyrantucci Місяць тому +2

      Be sure to get the Rhogam after each loss too! I’m Rh- as well. 1 miscarriage but 9 children…however my miscarriage was my 3 rd pregnancy, and I didn’t know to get the shot after a loss too. It’s an easy oversight by doctors.

  • @Alcop0ps
    @Alcop0ps 2 місяці тому +4

    I started watching you late last year so I've heard a lot about this journey for you and I'm sending you so so much love. You're so strong and I appreciate you being so open with your experiences. You absolutely got this. I wish you and your husband luck for anything you decide to do in the future.

  • @NaomiElizabeth96
    @NaomiElizabeth96 2 місяці тому +40

    Honestly this woman is so strong and amazing , honestly any women going through this shit is amazing and strong and incredible
    I just adore this woman xx

  • @erinj3680
    @erinj3680 2 місяці тому +6

    I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending you and Hayden all the good vibes while you process and heal. 💚

  • @obsmama
    @obsmama 2 місяці тому +2

    Thank you for sharing and being so vulnerable. I’m rooting so hard for your family and feel so blessed to touched by your little corner of the internet.

  • @tash94
    @tash94 2 місяці тому +2

    I’m so sorry. There are no words. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story. You are not alone in this grief & heartbreak. We see you. We love you. We are with you.

  • @Kmob795
    @Kmob795 2 місяці тому +8

    I am so sorry to you and Haden both :( there are just no words. Sending you both love and healing energy 🤍 you both deserve the world and this is so heart breaking.

  • @maddyvogel4525
    @maddyvogel4525 2 місяці тому +3

    chandler i'm so sorry. i've been following your IVF journey from the beginning. my whole heart goes out to you. i wish you and haden the best

  • @hannahbowers3684
    @hannahbowers3684 2 місяці тому +1

    I’ve been watching you for years, You are a comfort creator for me and I hope that your community’s support brings you comfort and peace. In a parasocial way, I am here for you and if there was anything I could do I would!

  • @monoel2301
    @monoel2301 2 місяці тому +3

    So proud of you. Your decision to share your story will be such a help to others and help you on your journey thru grief as well. Love you. Can’t wait to see you with your perfect little baby someday soon! Sending so much love!! 💕

  • @losterthanlife
    @losterthanlife 2 місяці тому +3

    Thank you for being willing to share, I know you will help people by giving them this to relate to. I am proud of you, for whatever that means from an internet stranger who relates more than I ever wished to.

  • @jilltatro9324
    @jilltatro9324 2 місяці тому +3

    I’m so sorry for your loss and all of the struggle that goes with your journey. I appreciate your candid and honest account. I pray things work out for you in whatever way is best! ♥️♥️♥️

  • @gemojii
    @gemojii 2 місяці тому +1

    I so so appreciate you being so transparent with this. So many women go through this alone and only hear about the success stories. So much respect for you and your resilience. Sending so much love and hope to you and Haden ❤

  • @rachaeldaggett8087
    @rachaeldaggett8087 2 місяці тому +2

    This video couldn't have come at a better time. In a string of several dark days and feeling completely isolated and alone in this journey, your openness and honesty was amazing to hear. Thank you from the bottom of my heart ❤️

  • @RedtsunamiTed
    @RedtsunamiTed 2 місяці тому +3

    I have been through it and built up resilience same as you. That resilience has carried me through hard times in my life and allowed me to support others in a mindful and empathetic way. Thank you for sharing Chandler and I wish you and yours peace in the coming weeks.

  • @flaviaaalouise
    @flaviaaalouise 2 місяці тому +8

    Sending you all the love during this time in your life.
    I appreciate you and your honesty so much. 💜💜💜

  • @KalynAbridged
    @KalynAbridged 2 місяці тому +2

    Oh Chandler you are so stinking strong, I can’t fathom how difficult this whole process is. I’m crying for and with you, and sending you and your husband love. 💕

  • @samanthahubachek106
    @samanthahubachek106 2 місяці тому +2

    I’m so sorry that you guys had to go through this. It’s going to be very helpful for someone that you’re sharing this. I was blown away when I got pregnant how absolutely awful it was and how no one talks about it. It took us 10 years but we got there. All the luck to you both.

  • @dearD4NI
    @dearD4NI 2 місяці тому +5

    I’m so sorry for your loss, Chandler. Give Hayden our love too ❤️

  • @aubreyrusso8819
    @aubreyrusso8819 2 місяці тому +1

    I’m so sorry chandler, you’re strength is an inspiration

  • @nancymakeupify
    @nancymakeupify Місяць тому +5

    I’m so sorry for your loss 😢 I had an MMC earlier this year and I wouldn’t wish this pain on anyone. My baby stopped growing at 7 weeks and I didn’t find out until 13 weeks so I completely understand the terrible feeling of finding out your baby has been there but not and not even knowing it. I opted for medical management because I could start it right away rather than waiting for a D&C and spending longer knowing my baby was dead inside of me, but if I could have had surgery the day I found out, I would have.
    I’ve been having counselling and my counsellor ends every session by saying “take care of yourself” and she always emphasises the word care. So, take *care* of yourself xxx

  • @jenwullstein7908
    @jenwullstein7908 2 місяці тому +1

    I have been watching your videos for years and you continue to amaze me. I can't get over your eloquence even in the face of such sadness and adversity. To speak so openly and succinctly about your experience is helping so many who are currently (or afraid of) going through the same thing. I am also impressed (but not surprised) by the care and sensitivity you show your viewers. You are going to be a great Mom Chandler! I am sending you healing thoughts ❤

  • @CarrenaBoone
    @CarrenaBoone 2 місяці тому +2

    I’m so sorry Chandler. Sending you and Hayden so much love. Thank you for sharing your story!

  • @christinaburnett7166
    @christinaburnett7166 2 місяці тому +2

    Thank you for sharing! Despite it being a tough story and long uphill venture, its wonderful to hear updates. You got this

  • @tonyamariexo
    @tonyamariexo 2 місяці тому +2

    You are so inspiring to share your journey, especially so soon! Sending so much love and support 🫶

  • @tayloralexa6237
    @tayloralexa6237 2 місяці тому +1

    I am so sorry for your and Hayden’s loss. Thank you for sharing with us and wishing you the best of luck moving forward with your next transfer.

  • @katebethanreads
    @katebethanreads Місяць тому +1

    im sorry to you and anyone who has gone through this. you are an amazing strong woman. sending as much love and support your way as I can.

  • @danikaseide1468
    @danikaseide1468 2 місяці тому +1

    So sorry you two have been through all of this, you spoke so eloquently, my heart goes out to you. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

  • @kellyleber7657
    @kellyleber7657 2 місяці тому +5

    Your strength is incredible ❤

  • @rebeccamartin6849
    @rebeccamartin6849 2 місяці тому +34

    Hi. I stumbled across this video in my suggested feed. I have endometriosis, PCOS, pelvic floor dysfunction, fibro and and whole other bunch of issues. I was told from the time I was 14 that I would never get pregnant naturally, and if I were to get pregnant with medical intervention, I may not carry the pregnancy and definitely not to term. We’ll fast forward, I got pregnant at 24, and had my baby boy at 25, actually overdue lol. Then we found out that we were pregnant again in august, this last year, and we were very excited for our son to be a big brother. We had went in for an ultrasound at the end of October, and the heartbeat was so strong and babe was just a little jumping bean. Then we had set up a gender ultrasound at a private boutique because I couldn’t wait to find out, and luckily we didn’t wait. The anticipation and excitement was immense that day. I had been in the er the day before with influenza a, so I was very sick to begin with but we were doing the ultrasound.
    We get called back, and the tech, who did our ultrasound for George, she held the wand to my belly and I saw just for a second, and I knew…. I looked at my fiancé, who was grinning and he said what am I looking at, I instantly started bawling, and the tech said I need to give your doctors a call, and then that’s when he knew. She went and called, and then she came back in and said that the office would give us a call.
    I was 18 weeks and 2 days, but our baby had passed away at 14 weeks, just a couple days after we had last seen them and heard the heartbeat. We had a scheduled D&C that Monday and they sent the baby to pathology and to the geneticist because I wanted to know what they were, I needed to name that baby. We found out that there was nothing genetically wrong with the baby, which made it really hard for me because had they had the whole pregnancy, we’d have another healthy child. It was a malformation of the placenta. The genetic report came back and we had a little girl, and her name is Nora Ann, and her c-section date was the 8th and her due date is actually today.
    Hang in there mama, you’ll get your baby… we’re here for you love ❤️❤️

  • @samanthawheaton3276
    @samanthawheaton3276 2 місяці тому +1

    I'm so sorry. This is heartbreaking. You have been through so much emotionally and physically. Sharing all of your vulnerability here is incredible. Thank you for being willing to do that.

  • @janewaysmom
    @janewaysmom Місяць тому +2

    I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you are healing well emotionally speaking. I can't even imagine what you must be feeling right now.

  • @suezebee
    @suezebee 2 місяці тому

    Thank you for sharing your experience. You’re helping so many people feel seen and we are all sending you love! ❤️

  • @SillyCelly411
    @SillyCelly411 2 місяці тому +1

    I’m praying for you (and everyone else in this comment section) - I hope peace, comfort, empathy, courage, support, and gentleness finds you. You are doing so much just by sharing your story.

  • @smokeysapphire82
    @smokeysapphire82 2 місяці тому +2

    I don't really have words, but just want to give support and thank you for sharing. And i really appreciate and agree with you on not judging or speculating on how people cope with hard things.

  • @kaylamcabee6881
    @kaylamcabee6881 2 місяці тому +4

    My heart breaks hearing this…
    Thank you for always sharing your journey. The good and the bad! It educates those of us who haven’t been through something like this and how to care for those who have. Stay hopeful 🤍

  • @TheLoveLibrarian
    @TheLoveLibrarian 2 місяці тому

    You and Hayden are in my thoughts🤍. Pregnancy and pregnancy loss is hard and you’ve inspired so many people by sharing your journey to parenthood.

  • @PistachioGold
    @PistachioGold 2 місяці тому +2

    I cried for you Chandler, I am so so so sorry that it's being so hard 😢😢😢 sending you so much love and wishing that healthy baby into your future ❤❤

  • @sassysarahreads
    @sassysarahreads 2 місяці тому +1

    I’m sending so much love to you and Haden. I cried the entire video. Thank you for sharing your journey and being brave enough to set boundaries for yourself and this space to keep you safe. I can’t wait to see you continue to live your life because that’s also how I cope with trauma, and it can bring a lot of healing for those who need it. Wishing you all the best in your next part of the IVF journey. 💖

  • @katiebecker4022
    @katiebecker4022 2 місяці тому +2

    I truly hope the best for you! You are my favorite booktuber and I’m so sorry your going through such a hard time. I wish i could give you a big hug.im sending you all the love and support and postive vibes. Thank you for sharing such a hard thing. 💜💜💜

  • @sydneytalk_dewey_to_me9304
    @sydneytalk_dewey_to_me9304 2 місяці тому +2

    I’m so sorry to hear this. You’re an incredibly strong woman ❤

  • @tiana8300
    @tiana8300 2 місяці тому +1

    thank you for sharing your story and trusting us with this. you and Hayden have been in my thoughts and I am sending you both so much love. you both are such an inspiration to me and I'm manifesting a beautiful future for you both💕

  • @caitlyngarris8278
    @caitlyngarris8278 2 місяці тому +1

    Thank you for being so real! Thank you for showing that it is ok to be yourself and express your feelings. I always hide how I feel so others don’t judge. Your story has touched me. Not just because of your loss but how confident you are in just being yourself and embracing your feelings. Thank you for being so raw!!!!!

  • @Kekeaux
    @Kekeaux 2 місяці тому +1

    I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story. I know it's difficult to share and be so vulnerable.
    I hope one day that you have a successful pregnancy. You and Hayden will be great parents.

  • @brianahodgkinson474
    @brianahodgkinson474 2 місяці тому

    wishing you brighter roads ahead chandler and haydn. we'll be here for you the whole way 💕

  • @bibiguluspanova3229
    @bibiguluspanova3229 2 місяці тому +1

    I am so sorry for what you had to go through. I support you! and YES! CHOISE!

  • @lauf22
    @lauf22 Місяць тому +1

    Lots of love and support to both of you. This is a journey and it has not been easy but you guys are so brave to handle this and share it as well. I’m happy that you have supporting people around you and a doctor that understanding you. Good luck❤

  • @ashleyroldan642
    @ashleyroldan642 2 місяці тому

    Wow! Thank you for sharing & being so vulnerable with us. Life’s really so unpredictable & I wish you and your husband lots of love & healing.

  • @ericabolling8362
    @ericabolling8362 2 місяці тому +7

    I had 5 miscarriages before having my miracle baby and 10 months later I ended up getting pregnant again and by the grace of God I’m 19 weeks. What kept me going was hope and thinking positive. It’s amazing how resilient we as humans can be sometimes. I pray for you and your family. It’ll happen for you I just know it.
    Editing to add I actually did ivf as well and my first transfer didn’t work but my second did with a genetically normal embryo and I still miscarried and it was a grade B baby. My story is pretty crazy but I never once lost hope even when it seemed like I would never be a minx I just knew I would. All of that to say please don’t ever lose hope. It’ll happen.

  • @shannon98
    @shannon98 2 місяці тому +1

    Never did i think id be so invested and heartbroken for a stranger on the internet but here i am shedding tears. Chandler i am so, so sorry for your loss and I hope you have all the support you need around you to get through this♥️

  • @Day-dw2cs
    @Day-dw2cs 2 місяці тому +1

    I’m so sorry, Chandler. Hope you and Hayden heal at your own time, know that you have us and our prayers and thoughts always, thank you for sharing your story. Sending you so much love, I know in my heart everything is gonna work out ❤️‍🩹

  • @professor_reads
    @professor_reads 2 місяці тому

    Sending ❤ and healing through this screen. Appreciate your vulnerability and how much you share. I think it’s amazing that you’ve gone through so much already on this journey. I’m so glad you and Haden have a good support system and what sounds like great medical folks in your corner. I’m so sorry you’ve had to experience so much loss.

  • @hannahollihan
    @hannahollihan 2 місяці тому +1

    Oh Chandler, I'm so sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself. Sending love.

  • @nikafuller1047
    @nikafuller1047 2 місяці тому +1

    i don’t know you, i only know what you choose to share with us, but i just want to say i’m so proud of you. you are an incredible person to go through this and come on here and be so open and vulnerable.I really appreciate you sharing your story. that takes a lot of strength.

  • @laynie1620
    @laynie1620 Місяць тому +1

    i so admire your strength and your attitude in the face of hardship. i've never had any kind of experience even similar to what you've been through but i was crying right along with you! sending so much love to you and haden ♥

  • @musicgirl713
    @musicgirl713 2 місяці тому +1

    Thank you for sharing with us. I’m sending you lots of light, love and prayers for healing physically and emotionally.

  • @spicybeefsalad
    @spicybeefsalad 2 місяці тому +1

    Thank you for sharing your story, I'm going through my own infertility journey and hearing someone else, even some internet stranger say all the things that I've been feeling makes me feel so seen. It touched my heart in an indescribable way

  • @weichiehking
    @weichiehking 2 місяці тому

    I've been following you for years, and always amazed by your charisma and passion about things. You are stronger than you think and you can get through this, everything will be just alright. Have faith :) Sending you and your family lots of love and hugs

  • @crystalsbookishlife
    @crystalsbookishlife 2 місяці тому +1

    Sending you and Hayden so much love. I'm so so sorry for your loss. You have been through so much and you are so strong. Thank you for sharing this with us.

  • @frongsi536
    @frongsi536 2 місяці тому +1

    Thank you for sharing Chandler. All the best for your journey. ❤

  • @Secretgirl97
    @Secretgirl97 2 місяці тому +2

    Sending you guys so much love!!!
    Thank you for sharing, i only wish you the best going forward!!!

  • @adrianeannreads
    @adrianeannreads 2 місяці тому

    I’m so sorry Chandler!!! You will get through this!!! You are so brave and strong for sharing this journey. ❤Thank you!!

  • @WhittyReads
    @WhittyReads 2 місяці тому +2

    Sending you so much love Chandler 🤍🤍

  • @alliprokop8615
    @alliprokop8615 2 місяці тому

    I am so sorry you are going through this. Thank you for normalizing talking about all these struggles.

  • @blueclue57
    @blueclue57 2 місяці тому +1

    My feeling at the end here is a bit of joy.. you are getting so much experience. You are really building more and more strength. It is all good progress. Keep moving forward and keep pursuing your goal. What a good attitude you have. I am cheering for you!

  • @user-bg4ig7rl3d
    @user-bg4ig7rl3d 2 місяці тому +2

    Thank you so much for sharing - you are so brave to do so. I feel for you and have my own experiences as well and so I identify with many portions of your experience. Thank you and I look forward to continuing to follow you on UA-cam, love to see you and your husband and I wish you the best in your journey ahead.