I’m the cautionary warning of pushing yourself too hard. I loved my job as a bereavement counselor. I specialized in young adult grief. I developed programs, presented to National orgs and provided grief support for my clients. I was also working on a book chapter. Factor in an unhealthy management team with an unrealistic and nearly impossible system to earn raises each year. Additionally, to counter balance the intense emotional work (and make enough money to live in the Bay Area) I also stage managed concerts and award shows on weekends and occasionally after work and wrote for a music publication. I found myself pushing harder and harder and I *did* break. I ignored the symptoms you mentioned-forgetfulness, word seeking issues, fatigue, etc. and kept pushing until my autonomic nervous system literally broke. My heart rate and blood pressure rose and fell like a roller coaster. I was passing out and having falls. I was so fatigued I could barely get out of bed. If I stood up, my HR and BP would sky rocket to dangerous levels. If I tried to walk or exercise, it would go so high I would pass out. I used to run 6 miles before work every morning, lead hikes throughout the Bay Area, and dance regularly. After doctors at UCSF, Stanford, and Pittsburgh couldn’t diagnose me, I was accepted at Mayo Clinic for a week where I was diagnosed with Hyperadrenergic Dysautonomia. Burn out is very real and stress is not something to take lightly. In our culture, it has seriously been downplayed, but the reality is that stress can cause serious and permanent health issues. I now walk (short distances) with a cane so I don’t fall over, am on permanent disability, and am having to find new passions because my old ones aren’t possible for me to do anymore. Financially, I’m having to live on a fraction of what I earned before I got sick. I’m glad you listened to your body. I wish I had listened to mine.
Same here. It's hard when you realise you're on the other side of the break and heart breaking seeing things retrospectively. I believe and hope you will eventually have some improvement, although it will never be near like before.
I have a similar story, it's a very hard journey! I don't know the details of your situation but with me, I refused to accept it as permanent, and learnt it is possible to heal the nervous system and the other body systems, and I've done it, I am miles more well than I was and still getting better. Raelan Agle's channel helped me a lot, she interviews lots people who have recovered from ME/CFS and health professionals who can help. ❤
Same. Pushed myself so hard I ended up in Autistic burnout before being diagnosed Autistic ADHD. Consequently I developed POTS and Psoriatic Arthritis. I can't function anymore and I hate it.
As an older ADHDer (I'm 40) I want to caution the young folks that as you age you can't push yourself the way you used to when you were younger. The consequences to your health are greater and more likely to be permanent. Just because you could do it ten years ago doesn't mean you can do it now!
I fully agree! And yet, when I am passionate about a project, it is hard to surrender to this reality. The burnout is harder on me, but the adreneline and dopamine rush of the hyperfocus stage doesn't align with my age. I still feel just as enthusiastic in the process, but the crash is much harder. Then, any follow-up tasks or finishing touches are that much more difficult.
Thank you for saying this. I am still relatively young, but I hit 31 and I just don't have the energy I used to. It's a really important thing to acknowledge
Advice I got once: if you don’t give your body breaks, your body will force you to take one. Either getting sick, or mental state problems, your body will stop you when you’ve pushed it too far. In my experience, I have a hard time knowing where that line is, when to push though or when to pull back. The classic “you just need to try harder” playing on in the back of my mind… I’m working on now trying to find my own limitations rather than trying to meet those of others. If I need to leave, I’m leaving. If I need a day off, I’m taking one. No one knows your body better than you do, if you feel the need to rest, take a break and rest.
I experienced this when writing my master thesis. It was supposed to be a 6 month project but after 6 months were over and I was already done from pushing myself every day I got the feedback "well you've made a nice start". Me being a bit overconfident and wanting to secure a good future had already signed a contract at a company were I would start working in four months. Then I thought, "well, this is a bit of a setback, but if I work extra hard (while already being practically burned out), I still have two months to make the deadline, two months to recover from it and start working and have a fresh start." So those two months turned into four months, having worked for 10 months straight without holidays or breaks, almost losing the relationship that I was in because of the little time I was spending outside of writing my thesis. Then I could finally defend my thesis two whole days before my new job would start. It actually held out for five months at the new job before my body gave out and I had to take two whole months of sick-leave. During that time I could barely leave my bed and I am now (a year later) still experiencing some of the harm I did to my body during that time. Thanks for getting through my story, please take good care of yourself and be well ❤
I'm here because my ADHD symptoms deepened after burning myself out in high school. I ended up dropping out of college because I lost the ability to focus for long stretches. That was four years ago and I'm still making progress on my recovery. Happy to hear my situation isn't uncommon.
Sounds like my experience with uni. Except, I was told to my face that I can't have burnout because I'm too lazy to push myself to that point. So I kept pushing myself, until my concentration gave out and I crashed my car (nothing bad psychically, but my mom yelled at me for being lazy. Not because of the crash, but because some things that I deemed "unimportant enough to wait until next month, when I cleaned out my old room")
Good luck with your journey. I had kind of the same issue, like burning out in my youth. Took me years to get back to some level I'm comfortable with, but still not where I was in my youth. That will never come again for me, obviously. But I feel more confident in what I can do now.
I burnt out in high school because I had no support despite having a diagnosis even! It took me ten years to get better enough to give education a second chance It’s a good thing in the end because now I have my boundaries and I’m old enough to feel secure in saying “this is too much we have to fix it”. Best of luck to you too, you’re not alone! ❤
I spent years pushing myself too hard. One day i couldn't do it anymore.. it's been 2 and a half years since then and I've never recovered. I struggle to perform basic self care now. Taking a shower on the same day as a Dr's appointment is pushing myself too hard now. I appreciate you bringing attention to this issue ❤
@@smokey5lbc1 I hope you do. I was diagnosed with ME/CFS a couple of weeks ago. So, my odds aren't great but I still hope for a recovery. I didn't push myself because I didn't have dreams and aspirations =J good luck to you ❤️
I remember having that exact problem 3 years ago. I desperately wanted to be productive but i felt completely drained after taking a shower....i had to take a nap before my doctors appt (which was virtual but still too much for me). I couldnt believe how depleted i felt...my life only 4 years prior had been high achieving ... and here I was barely finding the energy to attend a virtual appt.
Huh. Thank you for this comment, it prompted me to identify the time at which it became a challenge to have a shower and a doctor appointment in the same day... Turns out it was much earlier than when I *thought* I'd first begun to be disabled. So I guess you've lent me insight, and given me an ability to better forgive myself for not meeting my own unrealistic expectations. Thank you again, a lot!
I pushed myself too hard and ended Up hospitalized at 25 for digestive problems. I'm 31 and didn't Fully recover, yet. The gastroenterologist explained to me, that the digestive tract is like our second brain. Had a stoma for 4 years, at 25 yo, IT was a big choc
I remember pulling an all-nighter at work (36 hours programming) and my boss expecting me to take one day off then go back. Not possible. I hated her and I hated myself.
@@barzaka12 Thank you very much. Luckily I managed a lateral transfer and got away from her. Hope you can, too. (Btw, that was 40 years ago, still tired.)
At uni, after I submitted every single big project, I would always have a MASSIVE meltdown after the fact. I'm adhd, but I also had a lot of other things going on emotionally. I'd cry, get incredibly depressed, find myself unable to cope with being at a loose end. So I can totally see how this could be incredibly detrimental to a brain!
Yes! Thank you for talking about this! This is serious! I'm actually in the psychiatric hospital after 2 years of the crunch... It's not worth it. Take breaks! My signs that I ignored: 1) lack of sleep, to the point that I cannot remember days worth of memories and still not being able to fall asleep after the project is over because my brain keeps on going 2) I actively talk about how bad I feel physically and mentally without allowing myself to process what that actually means. "Yeah I'm waayyyy past my limits, hehe! ANYWAYS!!!" 3) I cannot have fun. It always has to be productive or with a goal... Like a robot. 4) a lot of ADHD symptoms getting worse, kind of like you said in the video! This is from the top of my head. I'll add more later!
@@figure15skater It was in the last few years that I learned the word "anhedonia." And yes, there is no longer any hyperfocus that is euphoric, only grim and driven.
My two warning signs are I get extremely irritable/B****y and my self care/Home organization starts to slip. Once those start to happen I know I’m about to nosedive. And I’m glad this video popped up on my feed - because I have been pushing myself insanely hard over the last few months. I’m taking this as a sign to slow down immediately ❤
Oh, yeah I get super irritable when I'm at my limit, too. Whether it's from pushing myself too hard physically, mentally, or just forgetting to pay attention to my emotions. Usually it gets better after I just cry in the shower for a while (if it's short term) just so I can sort everything out, but I'm not quite sure how to deal with long-term stuff yet. I'm pretty sure I'm currently dealing with burnout from school, and I can't really take and days off right now. I'm not even that far into the school year yet and I already feel awful. :( Hopefully we can both get a break of some kind soon and feel a bit better (if you haven't already) :)
As a journeyman electrician in construction this video resonates with me. (I'm also a fantasy book author) I've been working my construction job for 67-84 hours per week since early February this year and days off are hard to get. You get judged and even ridiculed for not working 10-12 hrs EVERYDAY (Sunday is double pay for us, $86/hr, thank you IBEW) but I keep trying to teach my fellow brothers and sisters on the job, there's more to life than work, I understand we have deadlines to meet in construction but it's not helpful general contractors keep making unrealistic promises to clients to build these buildings and then get mad when people burn themselves out. Never let your employer take your autonomy from you. Never let them guilt you. That's why I turned down the overtime this weekend, I might get laid off but 🤷♂️ I've worked 1200 hours within 4 months, that's enough. So thank you Jessica for making this! Keep being a fantastic human being 😊
60hour weeks are fine for doctors and architects etc. Because they get paid for idle time at work. You will burn out as a craftsman with those hours. Your body will stop
Managers shouldnt push for stuff like that. I work on the other side of construction, working for clients. The company i work for is moving up deadlines on projects and i see the construction guys double timing to get it done. I see cut corners and more. Its absurd. No construction project is important enough to bypass health and safety. Not a single one.
Deadlines are fine, but they should be REALISTIC. This country needs a reboot. The workers have the real power, we were just brainwashed into thinking we didn't. I normally get off work at 4:30 & had to work until 6:10 the other day because my work came up two hours later than normal. I resented the heck out of it, but stayed late & finished it, & filled out an overtime voucher. (First overtime in months) Today my supervisor comes around, clueless as usual, pissing & moaning about it today. "Why? What happened? Why'd you have to work late? Read the voucher lady, it's on there. 🤬
I pushed myself so hard in college, for years. I never gave myself a day off in 4 years. One day I just couldn't get out of bed. 20 years later, I still have chronic fatigue syndrome, mostly housebound and unable to work. Please listen to your body when it's screaming for a rest. I really regret not listening.
I'm so glad to see you talk about this because I've had 5 burn-outs myself and now at 51 I'm done. My window of tolerance has become so small that it really doesn't take much to genuinely get me upset to the point where I become unreasonable and react to others almost like an animal that's been hurt. It is really disappointing to see how little I can manage these days compared to even just a few years ago. This is no joke, I *hope* I will be able to recover to a somewhat functioning state but right now I'm jobless and just incapable of holding a job (I had a job as a consultant in IT and made up to 100K/year). Now I am truly burned out and am getting professional support to keep me going.
@@smlorrin I much appreciate your response. Sorry to hear you can relate though. I have finally found great professional help (but paid for by me of course...) and I am once again carefully hopeful it will be alright but never the same. I try not to complain though, just to warn and let others know not to underestimate this danger. Thanks again and best wishes to you too.
I am exactly where you are, but a few years older. I worked 14 hour days for two years. I finally broke in February and had a major meltdown at work. This led me to an ADHD diagnosis at 57. I was let go from my job and it has taken me four months to feel like my brain is functioning normally again, but now the depression has set it. I have to find a job to support myself, but am afraid I can’t handle any level of stress without losing it. I am working with an ADHD coach and a trauma therapist to help me develop better habits and tools, but only time will tell if I can heal enough to be a good team member again. Good luck on your journey!
I’m right there with you. 51 years old and after ongoing cycles of burnout until I switched jobs to do it over & over again, and I just can’t continue. Diagnosed with ADHD in my 40s once I hit maximum overwhelm & since Covid, I just do see that it’s NOT worth it. So I’ve “retired” and moved out of the U.S. - not sure that I’ll be completely retired forever, but I socked away enough $ that I don’t have to do anything for a year. Not possible for most, but I’m truly grateful. My body was starting to break down - diagnosed with lupus, Covid 3 times… life isn’t promised, so I’m not gonna work like a robot anymore.
Just seeing the title, feel like this is me everyday. Every day I’m so burnt out & exhausted & I can’t maintain relationships as a result because I procrastinate responding to people. I wait til the end of the day to reply & by then convos are too overwhelming and I have no gas left. Then suddenly it’s 3 months til I’ve talking to family/friends and I have 64 unread texts. Ergh. Corporate life/40 hour work weeks/working for someone else then trying to function in my own life & push for hitting my own goals, is just not working… also medicated, but dose is low, have been on it for a few months, thinking I need a higher dose, and to allow myself to just rest instead of pushing so hard that my brain forces me to out of pure burnout… always feel way behind everyone no matter how hard I’m trying. Definitely plan to leave the corporate world and work for myself in the next 1-2 years where I can go at my own pace but trying to get there is rough.
Similar here ... am so worn out by the emptiness of work, there's nothing left for people and doing things for me ... which means there's no recharge ... which means everything feels like an effort with no reward etc etc
I am also in the midst of trying to leave the corporate world, and having a rough go of it… Some days I’m feeling totally okay with the process, and other days I don’t respond to anything or anyone (not just texts; but also emails, phone calls, my husband asking just the simplest of chores, or even my kids trying to just tell me about their day at school while I stare at them blankly…) Today, I’m having the former, so - Hang in there, know that you are not alone, and that we CAN get through this!! ❤
Yep... I was a school teacher and burned out mostly because I felt I couldn't stop otherwise I'd crash, and eventually I did. Now I'm starting a new career and finding out it's more demanding than I thought, and now I'm terrified I'll let other people's demands push me over the edge again. So I'm working on setting up boundaries and be more attentive to those first signs ❤
Your last sentence is so true!!! Usually people don’t mind if you ask for help so being able to recognize those moments and being able to turn down extra obligations is so important! Saying no is really hard (saying it from experience :P) but it’s so much worse to say yes to something and then forget to do it or not have the mental energy to do it well. I hope your new career goes well and is more fulfilling!
Bad management is rarely worth sticking around for- move on when possible in those situations. Wish I'd have learned that sooner. What on earth was I thinking?!
I completely burnt out in my social work career and at one point was looking at changing careers to teaching, but realised the demands were pretty much just as great! I am still yet to learn how to put decent boundaries in place in a career setting, but am much more attentive to the signs of burnout. Good luck 😊
I started to like this change of pace of videos. It's more of self reflecting and I feel that I grow together with you the more you talk about your experiences with ADHD the more it resonates with me
I’m AuDHD. I went undiagnosed until I was 38. I’m 40 now. I burned out after years of pushing myself in film making and working a “regular” full time job. I had a full fledged breakdown, and I’ve been recovering for almost 5 years. I hope someday I’m able to participate in society again, but for now, I just can’t.
I'm coming up near that time now, trying to find a job that won't put me back in that condition when I'm no longer able to do what I could and being conscious of what's happening instead of confused why nothing was helping. I still can't wrap my head around the vast majority of people that just think that everything is okay and that society as it is is how it should be.
@@Onthe9thlife3730 Agree. Look at what various societies, including the US, are sliding into. I'd say we do have a "mental health crisis" worldwide, and it ain't about overdiagnosis of ADHD and autism. It does have something to do with decades of pushing "productivity" to the limits of people's endurance...and beyond. But, hey, the best possible outcome is whatever produces the lowest possible price for consumers, right? That's what many economists say, so it must be true. (I'm AuDHD with breakdowns too. Climbed out of the first one, in 2016...second one, TBD. It's been years now, and progress is slow, so I can relate.)
@@Onthe9thlife3730 I hope you’re able to find a job that suits you. I really enjoyed being a body piercer, but I worked for too many misogynistic men in the body mod industry, and it did a number on me. Society as it is, is definitely not okay.
Totally! I work in tech and the shortest I ever worked at a company was 11 months. I would burn out like clockwork every 2-3 months. Crash for a couple weeks and do terrible work, then start back up again. 3 cycles of that and I needed out. There is always a limit. I loved the “you can’t run from a bear every day” sentiment.
I feel this so much it hurts because of the population I work with it squeezes every oz of my brain daily. I have days where I get home and the only thing I feel like I can do is stare into space. But also the grind is really good and productive for a month or so and then for the next week or so after I can barely read an email. Adulting is hard with ADHD..
Jessica, I just want to thank you so much for creating this content for everyone in the world. Today I got my diagnosis for ADHD thanks to your channel, which motivated me to talk to a specialist and figure my head out. For the first time in my life, I feel understood by someone else, like a belong somewhere and that I can take advantage of the potential I know I have. Honestly, God bless you
I do know what happens when you push too far. I burned completely out & it is taking YEARS to alleviate the symptoms you talked about, forgetting entire interactions, not making sense nor being able to figure out simple things. Having to take a year off work to tend to a broken brain and the emotional damage that I caused myself was brutal. I’m slowly, slowly learning to recognize when I’ve pushed to far, how my body feels, where my emotions go, how much I start relying on artificial dopamine hits to just survive the work day. Self care is a journey & a bumpy one. Thanks for highlighting such important topics for ADHD’ers. 💜
I’ve hit that a few times. Whew, what a wreck that is. The first time I remember waking up and not knowing where I was, what a clock was, who my roommate was, anything. There is emotional damage. You also lose more and more touch with friends, family. They move on.
What type of therapy are you receiving? I'm in the same situation, off work for 2 years, can't fathom going back to that job but also fear not being able to get another job.
How were you able to get off work for 2 years and not be homeless. I was forced back to working after each leave because there was no money. I'm spiraling out of control and just trying not to get found out how terrible a job I'm doing at this new job. Thankfully, the people I work with now are empathetic and mind their business. My old co-workers tore me down and tattled on everything single thing I did and did not do as if it was their job to monitor my every move. I almost killed myself.
@@candiceh6211 My job has a long-term disability plan so I get 70% of my salary. And my spouse also has a good earning job. It's still tough, what with the whole inflation that affects every single thing, but I'm not near homelessness thankfully.
I went back to college at 52, after a small stroke and my ADHD. 15 weeks of multiple classes. I had to drop one of the classes, it was too much. You're exactly correct. It's exhausting and so hard. Kudos to you! ❤ congratulations 🎊
You were able to go back to college? How on earth … ??? I’d have to start over from scratch and redo everything from the beginning. I wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD until ~20 years after failing out for the second time. And it was a further ~15 before the idea that we need to learn *about* our ADHD was even a thing. (That’s thanks to randomly coming across a video on this channel and hearing phrase “pills don’t equal skills” and that blew my mind; also led to serious downward spiral of regret and self-recrimination) I don’t get how anyone can even do things like buy/own a car, or a house, or be self-employed, or find a doctor.
@@rusticitas I did go back to a Community College and I re-did the high school level Math and English with help from their tutors. That was a few years back. I was diagnosed when I was 28. Then I stopped college for a guy, who turned out to be nuts. So I'm trying again. Hang in there! ❤️
I recently became aware that I was on permanent high stress levels because of my high standards, controlling issues and perfectionism. I finally took the step to get a six session coaching for my neurodiversity and this toxic trinity of stress. I finally managed to take one beautiful silly step of deleting... (don't laugh) my entire wishlist on steam... And it gave me so much freedom and energy.. I have not touched my computer since! My garden is messy and colorful, my bills are paid (I hate my bills and adulting) and I have rediscovered my passion for cooking. Even the silliest of steps to reduce stressful "to-do lists for seemingly fun activities" can be life altering.
This is such an important topic for ADHD. Burnout from hyper fixation can feel terrible. But it ISN'T permanent. You might feel it is, but it does get better. I've felt the effects of years-long recovery and it really isn't worth it. As amazing as the hyperfixation can feel in the moment, it's ultimately a trick by your body. Finding balance with breaks, at least in my experience, makes the final project better. :) Thanks for sharing!
I just think hyper fixation is some sort of coping and self help mechanism when living in society where you have little support. When I am hyper fixated for once I feel I can feel my own worth and its heavenly feeling, why would I rent and face peoples apathy? No wonder we burn ourselves to death
I'm an ADHDer with late stage diagnosis in my late 20s. I burnt out over the course of several not so great workplaces. I didn't even know I needed accommodation or needed to manage myself bc i didn't even know I had ADHD. You're so right, if you can help it, avoid burnout. I've burned out & it's a long, traumatic, slow road to recovery for me (idk if the end is near) but especially for us neuro-divergent people.
When you started describing letting yourself hyper focus, even before you got to the extension bit I had a sinking feeling in my stomach and thought "oh no". I've been burnt out for years, struggling to make it as an independent in a creative field, and I'm very familiar with the cognitive decline that happens when you push yourself too hard. I've been there many times and I'm honestly constantly toeing the line because I never have enough time to fully recover. But I know when I start almost putting toothpaste in my armpit instead of deodorant and slurring words, I'm in really bad shape and need to hit the breaks asap. I'm so glad you're on the mend though, I really hope you'll be fully back to where you were with your health before the burnout.
This is SUCH an important video. I finished my masters degree during peak covid after studying and working basically 6 days a week the entire two years, including during the summer, with at the time undiagnosed ADHD. After I finished my thesis and graduated, I was so exhausted it genuinely took me three or four months to feel normal again. I've learned since that even if that kind of schedule could've been sustainable for some people with a week off here and there, it's not for me, and now I have a work schedule built around my brain so I'm not burning out that hard.
I knew someone who works at an emergency services call center. 12 hour shifts, high stress, fast pace, plus weekly rotating schedules days/nights. Turnover was already high when they started, and people being on medical leave for stress was a known problem. Watching them burn out and fall apart and become a worse person was absolutely heartbreaking, especially because they refused to ever have a conversation about it. It's high pay and they found it very fulfilling to help people, but refused to see how it was slowly killing them.
It can get bad- REALLY bad, when you push yourself too hard. Burnout I think is the most common side effect. I burned out at work last year around this time, and I can feel myself approaching burnout again this year (there is one particular aspect of my job that causes me more stress and anxiety than any other and I can’t wait until I don’t have to do it anymore). But the most damaging thing I’ve ever done to my brain happened back in 2004 or 2005. At the time I was homeless, and working at a construction and general labor temp agency. I was so desperate to impress anyone enough to give me a full time job that I stayed up for 10 days straight. I hyper focused to a degree I never have before or since. I’d get back from a job, shower, eat, and go back to the temp agency and put my name on the list to go back out again. The only thing keeping me going was an obscene amount of coffee, cigarettes and adrenaline. Around day four I noticed a strong metallic taste in my mouth, around day seven I began hallucinating from sleep deprivation. On day ten I came back from a job, went to put my name back on the list and the temp agency owner was there and saw me. It must have been obvious I was a safety hazard at this point, because he asked me when the last time I’d slept was and I said I didn’t remember. He told me to go home and sleep for at least 8 hours. I rented a cheap motel room and didn’t wake up for nearly 48 hours. I never recovered mentally from that. I’ve experienced memory problems that were worse than they already were since then. Mood regulation is more difficult too. Now, I can tell when I’m hitting the limit because I become gradually more grumpy and crabby, and my willingness to bite my tongue goes away entirely. But I firmly believe that one of the worst things that I ever did to myself that did more harm than good for me was that 10 day stint with no sleep. A number of years later I did 16 hours a day at a restaurant for two months straight and was effectively burnt out by the end of it (I didn’t have a single day off in that time). The damage you do to your brain from pushing too hard can be permanent, so be very careful with how close you get to the edge. Once you do permanent damage there is no going back
Wow, I had no idea it was even possible to stay up for that long without dying.. I'm glad you're at least figuring out limits, and I hope you don't have push yourself to that much of an extent again for anything. I'm glad you're still here, even if you're not able to do the things you used to. I will be sure to heed your warning, and I'm sorry you had to go through that ❤
I'm AuDHD, but went undiagnosed until 45 (autism) and 50 (ADHD). My burnout came from parenting and home educating my 2 kids, both of whom are also ND. In fact it probably started even earlier, with pregnancy and several pregnancy losses - the sensory issues, emotional roller coaster and body and hormonal changes. By the time the children were toddlers, I was barely making it through a week and desperately needed my husband to take over - and if possible take them out for most of the weekend - just so I could recover enough to get through the next week. If my husband wanted to do something for himself at the weekend (a long walk with the dog or a bike ride, say) that he needed for his own mental and physical health, if it didn't bring on a meltdown, I'd absorb it so the next meltdown would be worse. Once I just walked out of the house without a word to anyone and drove myself to A&E - not that they could do anything for me. I didn't know what was wrong with me, why I wasn't coping better and neither did my husband (though he's been amazingly supportive throughout to the best of his ability). It's only been in the last couple of years that I've understood I've been constantly in or on the edge of autistic burnout since about 2002/3 and been able to let myself give myself what I need - lots of rest, licence to stim (I'm still working on that), fulfilment of sensory needs and boundaries (another work in progress). I don't know if I'll ever feel much better than now. I've had some physical health problems to cope with as well as a major bereavement in recent years and even relatively small stresses can throw me right off balance, despite now being on some medication that helps a lot. My kids still need me (they're unlikely to be able to live independently for some years yet), my husband still struggles to understand and deal with the kids' ND issues, so I still need to be the go-between and bear a lot of the emotional labour load and that leaves me very little energy for anything else. Obviously, I wouldn't ever think that raising my children, or even home educating them, wasn't "worth" it! (The school system is *not* a good place for ND kids here in the UK). But there is so little support for parents, especially when we and/or our children can't easily be crammed into society's mold of what we should be. In the past, I never thought of myself as disabled. At the age of 53, I am very definitely disabled now.
I pushed BEYOND my limits for 1.5yrs and I entered a kind of "brain fog" that ended up causing me to make a bad decision. That led to me having a nasty 12 foot fall which left me with permanent Spinal Nerve Damage. I was 23 when I had that fall and it totally ruined me. It ruined my future, my life, my happiness, and left me with crippling pain that I will have FOREVER. That is what overdoing it cost me. From 1 single mis-judgement. It's not worth it no matter how much you may think it IS worth it at the time. The truth is you aren't thinking straight (and not in the "normal thinking" kind of way), just like you may feel alert and capable when you are drunk (or totally plastered) but your judgement is waaaay off. I learnt that lesson the hard way, and I hope MY story helps YOU to not make the same mistake. 🙏
I'm "sobbing." Thank you! This is me trying to finish grad school while teaching full-time. BTW One of the things that me about my times of weeks of working "nonstop" and not getting enough sleep was learning about research that shows that the plaque that is associated with dementia later in life is routinely removed during normal (healthy. enough) sleep, sooooooo going long periods for long periods of NOT sleeping enough can actually lead to your brain NOT having the plaque removed in a timely manner so that it keeps up with it... soooo doing these stints can, in this way, lead to plaque buildup in our brains... which as of now (there is contradictory research) seems to be highly correlated to dementia later in life... So.... we give up life now to "get it done," and we give up life later when our brain can no longer "get it done."
At my last place of employment, I was put in a bad position (not working with my strengths but making me struggle with my weaknesses), it got to the point that I was literally yelling at my monitors for hours a day. Subsequently, I left that job and have been self employed, trying to recover for over a year now. Finally starting to feel like myself again. The squeeze was definitely not worth the juice.
10 years back I got into a bad cycle that got me crashing. I was still in university and had a semester with two self-absorbed professors that openly said, that they think their projects are the most important and we should just take the other courses planed for that semester on a later date. Well I wated to finish my studies in the reccomended intervall so I did both. Further I had a job on campus to finance my life and was getting into setting up DIY shows. So my weekdays were basically leaving for uni and work at 7 in the morning, being on campus, leaving at 7 in the evening. Depending on if there was a party on that day (because I also had bad fomo when it came to parties at that time), I either went celebrating or worked on my university projects until 23:00 or 24:00. I mostly slept for about 4-5 hours a night. At one point I got up at 3:00 in the night to work on University stuff, because I had to hand it in and I just could not concentrate during that day. On the weekends I was also working on my University projects and was setting up shows, helping out at other shows or was partying. Lasted for 3 months, then I just fell down and could not properly get up. My roommate called an ambulance. The stress messed with my sence of balance. Spend some days at the hospital to make sure that there was no lasting damage. I had quite the vertigo for a week. I don't know if that strictly fits the theme of the video, but I had to think about that time. Nowadays when I reach the point of nearly crashing my ears are the first to warn me, certain frequencies get way louder and distorted. I was just diagnosed with ADHD this winter, so I am still in the process of figuring out how to counteract the constant overburdening.
Are you still in the cycle? How long is the turnaround? I'm seeing some similarities with stuff I've experienced, so I'm trying to get information on this crash cycle. I pushed myself very hard, too, but had my own specific other circumstances.
I pushed myself to the limit for six years. It's been 2.5 years now, and I still struggle with it. Exhaustion phases, and so on. The problem with this whole situation is that in Germany, I have to wait one to one and a half years for an appointment with a therapist. After waiting for a year, I finally have an appointment in 30 days. The journey so far has been hellish.
Wow. The timing of this video is amazing. I just went through the same thing last week with my thesis. I handed in my thesis after two weeks of hyperfocus, passed and then realised I missed one class. So I wasn't finished and I broke down. So scared of long term harm and knowing that I was genuinely too exhausted to even think about picking up that class. My first instinct? Pushing myself back into hyperfocus untill I passed that class. Mind you: at that point I had been hysterically crying for hours with no end in sight. No idea what made me think going back into hyperfocus was a proper plan. Thankfully I live with my parents so they have helped me recover enough to see I cannot go into hyperfocus for the forseeable future and need to take things REALLY slow.
Thank you for explaining the feeling of burnout so clearly. I struggle with it on a regular basis. I just landed my first job and I discovered that I cannot work full time. If work more than 25h/week I consistently experience a crash on the weekend: speaking slow, lethargic, confused, slow moving. I couldn’t even dress myself. My boss agreed to let me work part time with a fixed schedule and I feel so much better now.
one day in late 2021 there were three separate people who asked me if I had ADHD. one of them was a support worker who I asked to just "stand with me while I clean the clutter from this table. i don't need you to do anything, I just need someone with me so I can get it done". then my friend came over briefly that evening. they had to leave but I could NOT stop talking. then, my evening support worker came over, and asked me again if I'm considering the fact that I might have ADHD. I was fed up at that point!! my response every time was "ummm, no?". I asked why people kept asking me that today, and I explained the situation with the table. my support worker then put on one of your videos about body doubling. I cannot tell you how embarrassing that was! hahah. then they put on a few more of your videos for me. I realised there was really no doubt I had ADHD. I kept learning, kept talking to others with ADHD, and then a couple of months ago I got my assessment. 18/18 criterion were met. I just started my medication a week ago. thank you so much for your help
I didn't realize how long you've been gone for, but now that you're back I realize I missed you by how good it is to have your counsel. Hope the book becomes everything you have hoped for it!
I was finally diagnosed within the last two years with ADHD, which explains a lot of my life. You said something within the video that hit me kind of hard. You said something along the lines of, "take years to recover from burnout." I feel like I have been constantly burnt out for the last 5 or 6 years of my life. I am constantly working, and even if I am "relaxing" like playing game or going on walks, I am going over ideas and plans in my head constantly. Trying to figure out ways to finally break into the field I want to be in and find success and happiness. I think that, as a result, I never actually fully recover and am in a constant state of tired, lethargic mess that feels lazy but wants to do things. I just wish my brain would hush for a month.
Thank you som much for talking about this. Currently experiencing my 3 rd burnout and got an ADHD diagnosis. Some things I noticed, i become frustrated and resentment builds. It affects my relationships at work and home. So glad you were able to see the signs, clearly I did not!! Something I need to work on.
Thank you so much for this - I agree I struggle with burning out and pushing myself to the limit for work and multiple other areas of life. I notice when I’m reaching my limit, I am on the verge of tears often, I don’t listen to music and often sit in silence without realizing it and then I begin to lose my appetite!
6:08 I had an english teacher who changed the rubric of an assignment during the class it was due (just because she didn’t like what students submitted) and it caused my assignment i spent 15 hours and lost sleep over on to drop from a 95% to a 15%. And she didn’t understand why I started crying in class. After this happened a few times and she accused me of faking crying, I ended up sobbing in the girl’s bathroom. Someone told the school counselor and she took me to her office and said she’d help me drop the class. The teacher tried to argue I shouldn’t be allowed because “nobody’s ever dropped her class before” but thankfully the counselor didn’t buy it.
Signs for me that I'm pushing myself too hard: -Perpetually fatigued even if I'm sleeping well -Persistent anxiety/worry likely linked to the forgetfulness -Difficulty focusing on anything that requires more than a little brain power -Things I care about start getting skipped or cancelled (Mass, workouts, home-cooked meals, etc.) -Mindless eating/snacking Signs I'm past my breaking point: -Difficulty sleeping even if I'm exhausted -Hair falling out -Skin problems (breakouts/acne, dull complexion, less resiliency) -Short temper -Emotional -Easily overwhelmed How I recover: -Sleep -Silence (no tv/tablet/iPhone) -Sunshine -Socialization (in-person, no screens) Like you, I have found that the longer I push myself to or beyond my breaking point, the longer I need to recover.
I’ve had to take a temporary (maybe permanent) withdrawal from university recently because my needs weren’t being met and I was constantly pushing myself past my limit just to keep up with others. I’ve been feeling really down over the whole experience but I’m trying to take time now to recover and reevaluate what I want and how to get there. Thank you for your video 💜
Ii do not know what is right for you but I hope you find a way forward that inspires you and that is sustainable! From experience I can say it’s so much better to find a new path forward than stubbornly clinging on if it just hurts you. Wish you the best!
If it helps, my experience is that it's possible to go back and succeed after burnouts, if you have enough space and time to recover before attempting to start back, and especially if you can adapt the situation to make a repeat burnout less likely. Happened with both my degrees and also in work more recently. Finding strategies to reduce workload and/or stress, and increase structure and support/supervision/accountability helps a lot. Currently working reduced hours but managing to sustain that level pretty well. (No diagnosis yet but pretty sure I have inattentive ADHD. Also anxiety & depression).
I took about 4 breaks from my degree… took years but I got there in the end. I think it’s important to not push yourself beyond what you can cope with. In time you might decide it’s right for you to go back to it. Will still be there.
I went thru a burnout in college after I pushed myself to go from academic probation to the honor list in a cramped semester, after that I went thru a small burnout and my grades starting dropping again then it got so bad I flunked I even lost my job then and that was 2 years ago and im still now going through a very traumatic burnout till this day. I didn’t know till recently what was going on with me. When u have the people around you that you love bashing you and calling you lazy and names it made me give up more but after watching your videos I’m motivated to keep pushing and working to get back to that motivated mindset and myself
What's it like to crash? Sponsored by co-pilot! 😂😂 Congratulations on finishing your book!!!! Thank you so much for sharing this. I'm not sure if you meant it, but I'm also hearing notes of your previous videos about forcing yourself to meet neurotypical standards, or living up to other people's expectations, and why you shouldn't. I've set many expectations of myself that I wasn't able to meet, and it's really hard, especially when it happens repeatedly. In retrospect, those expectations were set based on how other people act and without consideration to what my needs are outside the actual task I'm setting the goal for. I've had great difficulty pushing myself beyond my limits for specific tasks, because even when hyperfocusing, my brain will simply become unable to function when it needs a break. That's not to say I don't have other problems when I'm pushing myself. I'll tend to neglect unrelated tasks and relationships, I'll start to have difficulty getting places on time (more than usual), I'll panic at things and get upset more easily, etc. I guess I should feel a bit lucky, because I feel like if there's one part of my brain that works well, it's that aspect of overload management. My brain literally just drops things I'm not focusing on when it starts to get overloaded, and then it stops functioning even within the focused-on task when it's had too much. I try to never get to that point because important tasks just getting dropped for months isn't great, but I've never been worried about breaking my brain over things. I hope you feel better soon. You've been so helpful to many of us. ♥️
Thanks a lot for speaking up about this, and for this channel. I'm a software dev who started at 21, and I'm now 33. Years of hyperfixation driven long hours, sustained pressure, no vacation & then the pandemic has now pushed me to a medically diagnosed depression & burnout. Had to take a step back in my position, work part time, and a pay cut. Now I am at a stage where I cannot get my concentration (i.e. sustained concentration that's necessary for my work) to get through anything. Hoping a formal diagnosis & proper medication would help.
My therapist recently told me about post-performance crash (I think that was the phrase?) I guess after a period of reinforcement of high activity/performance with mice in research, the mice always get sick. And man... After recently pushing myself hard for weeks to finish some big goals and meet some important family obligations, I'm definitely still in crash mode. It has surprised me how long it has been taking to bounce back.
Please listen to Jessica’s words in this video 💚 My journey recovering from “crash out” is just beginning. I’ve done permanent damage to my brain and body. Returning to some semblance of “normal” will take years. Thank you for spreading this info, How to ADHD team! You’re saving lives and QUALITY of life for many. (also, so many congrats and kudos on finishing a whole ding dang book!!!)
My signs of approaching burnout: Loved ones desperately trying to get me to slow down. My grandma doesn’t know how academia works, but she knew ME. I wish I had honored her knowledge, instead of dismissing her concerns because she didn’t understand the work I was doing. The same for co-workers, friends, the rest of my family, etc.
I am actually interested in that deep dive you were talking about. Lately I have been speculating and making connections to the effects of pushing my own self very hard especially at the end of my school career in order to graduate high school. I'm even concidering a theoretical connection between ADHD and burnout. If you learn anything about that and discover any interesting knowledge about the effects of not putting on the breaks after going peddle to the metal, please share it.
In my experience, the sad thing about ADHD is that you can get burnt-out from just trying to do things even when you don't actually end up with anything to show for it! The combination of procrastination, distractibility, low (or non-existent) motivation, and difficulty organizing complex projects means that you might empty your gas tank driving in circles. I really hope medication will help me break out of this cycle.
this hits close to home. My nervous breakdown that ultimately led me to get diagnosed last year was caused by exactly that. And while being on medication literally changed my life for the better I still need to learn how not to push myself this far, constantly. I'm passionate about my work and knowing I have ADHD and being able to rely on my meds I'm able to work much faster and more efficient, but I just realized I never learned to rest, I just switched to taking on much bigger workload. Thank you for this video, it really opened my eyes to some things.
I had a burnout recently. It took a month to get back to a relatively normal functioning. The pressure at home and work was intense and I just broke, I had panic attacks, I had migraines and I blacked out.
Thank you for this video and speaking about your experience. I can speak to "breaking the brain." Last year when I was undiagnosed, I moved from one job where I was pushing myself to keep things together since the start of the pandemic to an even more challenging role. I kept pushing myself until I literally cracked. My behavior/demeanor changed for the worse, to the point where I emotionally hurt the people I love. Thought of harming myself, being forgetful way more than usual, and getting confused with mundane tasks (like driving). Luckily I had the good sense to finally see a doctor, and several months later (this year) found out that I have ADHD with a slightly severe comorbidity friend. 😐 It has been almost a year, and I do not feel fully recovered, and I'm periodically experiencing new sensations (like flashing lights bothering me). So to add to the cautionary notes that others have written, take care of your brain by being more mindful of what your body is saying and caring for yourself. Because no one else will...
I burned out at the end of 2021 and did not stop. It took a year to recover. Don't recommend not listening to yourself. Good work for taking care of yourself.
This is how I finished my PhD thesis and while the work came out excellent I’m still recovering from the fallout/burnout 3 years later. My work process was so unusual and caused so much suffering that it led me to finally work out that I’m autistic/adhd, but at the time I had no methods or support to keep myself well. I had only ever worked last minute to deadlines under the fear of some existential threat, and it turns out the culmination of a PhD is way too big a task to complete that way and stay healthy.
This was great! I'm currently burned out. I like 9hrs, I get 5 or 6hrs of sleep. I'm a carpenter and a dad. I'm 30 I haven't seen a Dr since I was 16. This channel is a huge help!
Thank you for talking about this! I pushed WAY too hard in the second half of my PhD. I discovered science communication as a career and went 100% in on that, but ya know...wanted to finish the PhD too. I literally crashed in bed for two entire weeks afterward and it took almost three years to feel mostly back to normal. Listen to your body, take breaks and prioritize your rest. I promise it's not worth pushing it too far.
When I push myself too far, I will end up yelling at people I love for interrupting me, I will rage quit when one little thing goes wrong (especially when I'm so close to the end of the work/day), then I will be laid up in bed for days. I absolutely hate when I got like that, I was going through those kinds of cycles for 9 years and couldn't figure out what was wrong till I was diagnosed with ADHD last year. Since discovering this channel and getting my diagnosis, I haven't been laid up in bed for days on end, but there are definitely still days when I'm slower and days I choose to take "off." I don't freak out nearly as often. I have to take frequent breaks throughout the day, but I feel less guilty. Taking those breaks and allowing myself to actually take my mind off the things I need to do, helps me go back and do more than if i don't stop. Being able to not shame myself for taking breaks from things that are important has been a game changer for me. Before, I would just think "I need to get that done or I'm going to upset people and myself, what's wrong with me? Why can't I just get mad enough to do the thing? Why can't I just do it?" and that was making my wall of awful bigger as I was trying to climb it. I wasn't fully putting down the things I needed to do in order for my breaks to be effective and actually give me the energy needed to get things done. It's been a while since I've gotten hyper focused, I feel like I don't really have anything going on that interests me that much. I only ever allowed myself to hyperfocus without shame once, that was last year. But it was actually quite rejuvenating for me. Since then I have been coasting, I guess. Waiting for my next wave.
I did the same with video game programming. I hyperfocused on it for half a year every day. I don't want to see another line of code ever again. I still get the itch to create something, but the moment i open the software i get this revolting feeling, then i close everything and just sit there. It's still fun to guess how things in other games have been programmed, but i just can't code anymore.
I am 50 are recently self diagnosed. I didnt understand Adhd till i started watching your channel. Which means i didnt understand myself. I have just recently gotten healthcare so i am seeking professional help. Without your channel i wouldnt understand myself as well as i do now. You are a Hero. You make Lives Better!!!
Thank you for talking about so many important things that we have to deal with! I don't always watch your videos because I tend to struggle facing the reality of life with ADHD, but I'm trying to be better, and I'm glad I have this resource I can come back too whenever I'm ready to acknowledge the hard facts!
Thank you for sharing this! I just went through a period where I pushed myself for months (while working 2 jobs, managing kids, etc.) on a project, only to burn out and crash into what probably was a depressive episode. Ironically enough, through this experience, I finally connected the dots after 25 years of trying to understand the nature of my mind and formally received a diagnosis of ADHD. I'm slowly learning to accept my limits, appreciate my healthy routines, and know when to ask for help!
I really appreciate your openness in this video. I have ADHD also, but am suffering with issues stemming from a COVID infection I had last year. Thinking about the usual struggle with focus, organization, and general executive dysfunction as an ADHDer, with the added struggle of brain fog and post-exertion malaise (PEM) I now deal with from long-COVID, is a literal nightmare. Some days I cannot process well things I'm reading or writing; or, my body actively goes into a heightened state of stress, tachycardia, and other physical symptoms from simple physical tasks that would have NEVER caused such a response before I had COVID (e.g., sweeping the floor - I used to ride my bike 14 miles a week and run, but now just cleaning the house wears me down). I know this is a bit different than what you're addressing in this video re: hyperfocus, drive, etc., but I really resonated with recognizing when you've had enough, and when you need to just... stop. I have had to take stock recently of what I am physically and mentally able to do safely without hurting my body and brain in the process. Those lessons are ongoing and I try to adjust weekly. But I often wonder whether trying to keep up with my work responsibilities will continue to worsen if I don't take small steps back and rest when my body and brain is telling me I need it. Or, if in the future, I may be unable to work anymore... I wish anyone else struggling with this or more so much strength and power and grace to recognize when you need a break! Thanks for the video.
Hi! 👋 I’m new to your channel , I was recently over the year diagnosed with ADHD and have struggled with an anxiety attack disorder since the 8th grade. I just wanna thank you. I felt that my entire life was never understood. I’m someone who has pushed myself in my passions and multiple projects / jobs since I was 14. At first, these were escapes away from the anxiety until my brand expanded and I was able to have a career on it. But working alone leads to countless deadlines, and hours of work that 24 hours in a day is simply just… not enough. I sleep like a baby at night cuz of how tired I get. I’m now learning about concerta, my medication and how it works. I struggle to focus and seem to get sleepy / crash around 3-4pm. But then at night I get a full on boost and will sometimes work til 3 in the morning. I want to continue practicing self compassion and love for myself and my brain’s health. I don’t fully understand ADHD and how my brain works since my entire life I was either “too lazy” or “overwork too hard” so this was very reassuring. I’m going to binge watch your videos so thank you! i also am unable to relax, it leads me to panic attacks and ruminating thoughts. It got way worse after a minor surgery I had early this year. It feels like since then, my anxiety and brain have changed. Even its symptoms. Its unpredictable and I’ve started back from level 1. Just when I thought I finally understood myself. Recently , I got diagnosed with Urtricaria (chronic hives) that your body tends to go into fight or flight from the immune system when it feels it is being compromised. It comes in the morning, hurts, extremely itchy and leaves you mentally and physically exhausted. It can take weeks, months, and sometimes years to go back to sleep until it flares up again. Itms my second flare up (first in 2018) that came after surgery. It seems to be worse whenever I crash. So this video explains a lot to me. This is a lot 😂 I may have been hyperfocused. even though you probably won’t see this, just know this video, and your latest one today really touched me. Thank you 😊❤
I have done this, I didn't know that I had ADHD. Treat challenges like times and seasons. Thank God that you were able to have help and support during this time. That is wonderful.
Congrats on finishing a book! I can't wait to put my paws on it :D And thanks for speaking loudly about so many issues, it really helps to know you're not alone in this or that.
I am going through this right now, in the last year and a half my mother got really sick and moved in, my husband moved out, I am 99% finished with my hi-set (TN version of the GED), started college, lost my home and had 10 days to find a camper and move myself, my mother, and 5 kids into a camper, had to kick my mother out for being verbally abusive and really toxic to my children, and long story short after pushing that long and hard for a year I am failing my college semester and I'm going to have to retake it. My brain just flat out says "no more, it doesn't matter how hard you study or how many times you go over the work, I cannot absorb ANYTHING else." I also homeschool, it has been so hard and stressful and I finally just accepted that I am going to fail this semester and that is OKAY I can do it again. I gave myself and the kids the summer off and I'm praying that will be enough.
I feel this video right now. I was studying so hard for a certification test that I felt like my brain was literally melting. Fortunately I passed the test! Huge accomplishment for me.
I've been pushing, pushing, pushing, for the past 5 years. I took over a company, I became a caretaker for my father, I moved into a really nice house in a great neighborhood. In the past 3 months, I lost the company, had to move my dad out of the house because I couldn't manage his care anymore, am on the verge of losing the house (and my marriage), and my entire life is in a shambles. I haven't been able to work, and, honestly, I've seriously considered checking out permanently. I don't know when or if I'll be able to work again. I've decided to get in shape and hike the Pacific Crest Trail next season, if my body survives the training process. 5 months of just walking each and every day sounds like about the only thing I can handle right now... Crashing out is a thing, and it sucks.
Congrats on finishing your book! I burned out from the veterinary field last year. I was the only tech in my office for almost two years, and I ran myself ragged. Eventually I was getting migraines, drinking every day, and became isolated and withdrawn. I had to take a mental health leave, but I finally realized I didn’t want to go back, so I didn’t. I think I’m still recovering from that burnout, but therapy and meds have helped a lot. I just wished I had listened to my body earlier.
I'm so glad you listened to and are continuing to listen to your needs. Growing up with both parents in the veterinary field I saw a lot of how brutal it can be. ❤
I have been a veterinarian for 30+ years. I am currently not working and I’m not sure that I want to go back, but it’s hard to start a new career at my age (62) and I’m not able to retire yet. The field has definitely changed in the last 30 years due to the corporate takeover and focus on profit.
What happens is me...I wish someone had told me this ages ago before I got here. Thank you for helping me keep from inflicting more damage to myself and learn healthy limits.
I've learned to manage my ADHD well but this is one thing I really struggle with. I'm going through it now having just finished the biggest project of my career. I rebuilt my company's file server infrastructure by myself. This is an infrastructure servicing 30k employees across 1200 branches so it took almost three months. I checked every box, worked out every problem we used to have, and simplified management for our support tean. It went almost perfectly. I'm super proud but now i feel like i finished the race and ran the race car into the wall. No idea how to bounce back.
Thank you so much for talking about this. I'm struggling to find that balance myself after recovering from burnout/crash as a teenager/early 20s, at the same time escaping a really toxic relationship. I think I'm finally getting back to myself, but it's been a long and hard road. The most important thing I've discovered (in my experience) is to listen to my body and to work with it rather than against it. I had to change my work schedule to accommodate my messed up sleep schedule, and since letting my body sleep when it needs to and not fighting it, I've come back to life a lot. Translating that practically to other areas of life has seemed to help a lot too.
I am a recently diagnosed ADHDer (past few years) and a new mom. I quit my "great opportunity", high-paying job because it was taking everything out of me and I had nothing left for my husband and baby after working overtime without extra pay. It may end up being a blessing in the end, but I was slurring words, dropping things, forgetting simple items I needed. My tank was EMPTY. Listen to yourself, even when you don't always have the control. You have to find your control again to be healthy and happy.
Thanks so much for talking about this one; and I REALLY want to see your deep dive into hyperfocus and burnout danger. Because I let myself do this and didn't have the words to describe it. And now I do.
Feeling this so acutely right now. Final year PhD student, been pushing myself to the limit for the last 3 months trying to get everything done on time. I have to go into the lab today (Saturday) and I’m struggling to even get myself out of bed and into the shower. I only have 3 more months to go before my thesis submission deadline and trying to write anything on days I have even the smallest bit of lab work to do is basically impossible. My brain refuses to do both on the same day, even when I clearly have the time to do so
This video uploading today feels like a sign. Today was my last day of seriously overworking myself for a couple of months, like I do several times a year because I started on what is my career today way before I was diagnosed and now it feels impossible to keep living like I do. I aced every exam as a student through lack of sleep and "punishments" (not eating until I do x, not going to the bathroom until I reach x unit), a terrible system but I was young and didn't feel it so much. As I worked these last three weeks (working 15+ hours a day, at the office and at home, sleeping about 3-4 hours each night, getting dizzy, confused, many muscles aching from the stress and tension, powering through crying mini breakdowns, sometimes having problems to articulate words, complete lack of appetite, irregular heartbeat) I kept thinking: "this has to be the last time". I truly feel like I am killing myself just to keep my head above water because I love this job and I have worked for years to get where I am, but doing things like this... it has to stop. Thank you so much for this video. I know the risks of a burnout, but hearing it out loud from someone in your same situation feels different. And it came at the right time. Thank you.
I feel like I’ve experienced something similar with my ADHD, and I just want to say: you can still keep the job you love & thrive in the job you love without burning yourself out. For me, it took a lot of work with a therapist (and I’m still trying to get it right) - but you don’t have to choose between the job you worked hard for and the mental/physical peace you deserve. I wish you so much luck 💜
@@katiez1442 Thank you so much, this is turning into such a hard time and your kindness is really appreciated. I am resolved to try my best and keep my health on the top of my priorities. Thank you again, friend 🙏
I just watched this episode. I was only diagnosed with ADHD at the start of the year and I’m 45. I crossed the line and hit a huge huge burnout about a month ago. I’m still trying to recover to this day. Right now I’m focusing on rebuilding routines to help prevent it again in the future.
I've only recently been identified as ADHD. This video reminded me of a time, years ago, when I was in nursing school full time, working part-time , and raising teenagers. One day I came to and I was pulling into the parking lot of the dojo where I taught classes. I didn't remember getting in the car, but my brain knew I needed to be there on time and put me on autopilot. I took it as a sign that I was exhausted and asked my now ex and my kids to be more independent.
Thanks! My biggest problem is to understand when my body speaks, indeed. Not because of myself, because I was raised to think that every body sign of mine could just be drama and that what I’m feeling is normal. Anyway, working on improving it!
I really resonate with this! I'm a professional film director and hyper-focus my way through projects for months upon months of 10-16hour days and in a constant state of overwhelm. I've just finished a project where I reached breaking point and haven't given myself a break after to recover, now going into my next project - this is the reminder to stop. My signals of burnout coming are: not being able to sleep because my brain can't stop; being in a constant stress state; my body shaking and feeling weak; feeling lightheaded; feeling like I'm not even in my body; being very forgetful and struggling to string a sentence together; being emotionally up and down - depressive one day and ok the next; feeling overwhelmed constantly; a general feeling that I can't keep going or my body will give up on me, like I'm in a survival state that can't go on; stomach aches and bloating; every simple task feels like too much work and is overwhelming; I become very indecisive; it's hard to have fun anymore. And what helps? Tuning into deep breaths and meditating makes a big difference in moments of stress and overwhelm. Exercise, a good night's sleep and socialising with friends in nature are very healing. This has been such a good reminder to listen to my body's signals and actually stop. ADHDers tend to think EVERYTHING is soooo important and must be done NOW and PERFECTLY!! We can change this mindset and put things into perspective. Our health and happiness are way more important than any project. Look after yourselves beautiful people and let your hyper focus be the making of you, not the breaking of you! xx p.s. please do a deep dive long scientific video on this!!!! I'd love to learn more and it's a big problem!
Thanks so much for addressing this. I've been pushing myself like this for years fueled both by ADHD as well as the imposter syndrome that loves to hang out in my brain. My wife feared that I'd suffer from Adrenal Fatigue if I continued at my usual pace. I would have long stretches of 12-16 hour days and crash hard with a ton of irritability. Yelling at everyone in the house for little things wasn't worth the amount of work and money. I've taken a serious step back and doing less work. I'm not making as much as I was, but I'm much happier and I'm not yelling and raging anymore. My family life is way more fun and peaceful. Running a mental marathon for long periods of time really can cause permanent damage.
I hear this SO SO MUCH. I'm in the midst of managing being a single parent, my final year of graduate school, and a home renovation upon which my mortgage and living situation depends. It's an ENORMOUS amount of pressure. I'm finding that I just can't push every single moment of every single day, my body just absolutely won't handle it.
I'm building a (big) tiny house and that's a really big project. I'm currently on unpaid leave and I thought that I would make a lot more progress. Thank you for the reminder to not push myself over my limit. For me the first signs are headaches and dizziness (like even less coordination in my arms and legs than usually), but taking a break to recover is really difficult when there is still so much to do :/
How many likes can I give this??? I am so grateful for this. I understand myself now! I moved from a very high stress job to a minimal to no stress job. One would think I would be so rested, feel on top of things, feel like I have my act together, etc. I feel like I have crashed, fatigued, more unfocused, feel like a failure that I had to decide to leave a "better position" for a lesser one because of burn out, and then a failure because I can't get focused and motivated enough to work on a creative project I have wanted to finish, etc. I really feel like my brain is broken. Maybe I am ok. It's only been a few weeks since this change. Maybe I should just allow myself to be crashed if that's what it is now and be ok with it. Congratulations on your book!!!!
So proud that you listened to your body (yes, also that you did it of course).. I feel like this is such an important learning and you are not the only one “riding the line” and almost crashing
I’m the cautionary warning of pushing yourself too hard. I loved my job as a bereavement counselor. I specialized in young adult grief. I developed programs, presented to National orgs and provided grief support for my clients. I was also working on a book chapter. Factor in an unhealthy management team with an unrealistic and nearly impossible system to earn raises each year. Additionally, to counter balance the intense emotional work (and make enough money to live in the Bay Area) I also stage managed concerts and award shows on weekends and occasionally after work and wrote for a music publication. I found myself pushing harder and harder and I *did* break. I ignored the symptoms you mentioned-forgetfulness, word seeking issues, fatigue, etc. and kept pushing until my autonomic nervous system literally broke. My heart rate and blood pressure rose and fell like a roller coaster. I was passing out and having falls. I was so fatigued I could barely get out of bed. If I stood up, my HR and BP would sky rocket to dangerous levels. If I tried to walk or exercise, it would go so high I would pass out. I used to run 6 miles before work every morning, lead hikes throughout the Bay Area, and dance regularly. After doctors at UCSF, Stanford, and Pittsburgh couldn’t diagnose me, I was accepted at Mayo Clinic for a week where I was diagnosed with Hyperadrenergic Dysautonomia. Burn out is very real and stress is not something to take lightly. In our culture, it has seriously been downplayed, but the reality is that stress can cause serious and permanent health issues. I now walk (short distances) with a cane so I don’t fall over, am on permanent disability, and am having to find new passions because my old ones aren’t possible for me to do anymore. Financially, I’m having to live on a fraction of what I earned before I got sick. I’m glad you listened to your body. I wish I had listened to mine.
I'm so sorry that this happened to you. I've also done permanent damage to my body. ☹
Same here. It's hard when you realise you're on the other side of the break and heart breaking seeing things retrospectively. I believe and hope you will eventually have some improvement, although it will never be near like before.
@@ya-chandesu6340 Thank you! That means a lot. 🌺
I have a similar story, it's a very hard journey! I don't know the details of your situation but with me, I refused to accept it as permanent, and learnt it is possible to heal the nervous system and the other body systems, and I've done it, I am miles more well than I was and still getting better. Raelan Agle's channel helped me a lot, she interviews lots people who have recovered from ME/CFS and health professionals who can help. ❤
Same. Pushed myself so hard I ended up in Autistic burnout before being diagnosed Autistic ADHD. Consequently I developed POTS and Psoriatic Arthritis. I can't function anymore and I hate it.
As an older ADHDer (I'm 40) I want to caution the young folks that as you age you can't push yourself the way you used to when you were younger. The consequences to your health are greater and more likely to be permanent. Just because you could do it ten years ago doesn't mean you can do it now!
I fully agree! And yet, when I am passionate about a project, it is hard to surrender to this reality. The burnout is harder on me, but the adreneline and dopamine rush of the hyperfocus stage doesn't align with my age. I still feel just as enthusiastic in the process, but the crash is much harder. Then, any follow-up tasks or finishing touches are that much more difficult.
Thank you for saying this. I am still relatively young, but I hit 31 and I just don't have the energy I used to. It's a really important thing to acknowledge
I did NOT know how true this was until this year.
Had many a tech breatherin found dead at their desk in the morning
I'm 39 and now I'm even more worried.
Advice I got once: if you don’t give your body breaks, your body will force you to take one. Either getting sick, or mental state problems, your body will stop you when you’ve pushed it too far.
In my experience, I have a hard time knowing where that line is, when to push though or when to pull back. The classic “you just need to try harder” playing on in the back of my mind…
I’m working on now trying to find my own limitations rather than trying to meet those of others. If I need to leave, I’m leaving. If I need a day off, I’m taking one.
No one knows your body better than you do, if you feel the need to rest, take a break and rest.
My body is forcing me to stop. I have a wicked sore throat, my ears hurt. Time to take time off to sleep.
I experienced this when writing my master thesis. It was supposed to be a 6 month project but after 6 months were over and I was already done from pushing myself every day I got the feedback "well you've made a nice start". Me being a bit overconfident and wanting to secure a good future had already signed a contract at a company were I would start working in four months. Then I thought, "well, this is a bit of a setback, but if I work extra hard (while already being practically burned out), I still have two months to make the deadline, two months to recover from it and start working and have a fresh start."
So those two months turned into four months, having worked for 10 months straight without holidays or breaks, almost losing the relationship that I was in because of the little time I was spending outside of writing my thesis. Then I could finally defend my thesis two whole days before my new job would start.
It actually held out for five months at the new job before my body gave out and I had to take two whole months of sick-leave. During that time I could barely leave my bed and I am now (a year later) still experiencing some of the harm I did to my body during that time.
Thanks for getting through my story, please take good care of yourself and be well ❤
This makes me not feel so bad about having to quit college.
It took me 7 years to finish my Master's including thesis. Been there ❤
You are not alone ❤ I have experienced burn out. And my thesis is still unfinished
after being pushed so much as a child, it feels like I'm now in this eternal "crashing out" mode
Yeah, I have so much less stamina than I used to have and I don't know why
F, i relate
I'm here because my ADHD symptoms deepened after burning myself out in high school. I ended up dropping out of college because I lost the ability to focus for long stretches. That was four years ago and I'm still making progress on my recovery. Happy to hear my situation isn't uncommon.
Sounds like my experience with uni. Except, I was told to my face that I can't have burnout because I'm too lazy to push myself to that point. So I kept pushing myself, until my concentration gave out and I crashed my car (nothing bad psychically, but my mom yelled at me for being lazy. Not because of the crash, but because some things that I deemed "unimportant enough to wait until next month, when I cleaned out my old room")
Good luck with your journey. I had kind of the same issue, like burning out in my youth. Took me years to get back to some level I'm comfortable with, but still not where I was in my youth. That will never come again for me, obviously. But I feel more confident in what I can do now.
Good luck with your recovery. It doesn't need to be perfect, as long as you are happy.
💜🫂
I burnt out in high school because I had no support despite having a diagnosis even!
It took me ten years to get better enough to give education a second chance
It’s a good thing in the end because now I have my boundaries and I’m old enough to feel secure in saying “this is too much we have to fix it”.
Best of luck to you too, you’re not alone! ❤
I spent years pushing myself too hard. One day i couldn't do it anymore.. it's been 2 and a half years since then and I've never recovered. I struggle to perform basic self care now. Taking a shower on the same day as a Dr's appointment is pushing myself too hard now. I appreciate you bringing attention to this issue ❤
100% can relate. Wondering if I’ll ever fully recover. 😕
@@smokey5lbc1 I hope you do. I was diagnosed with ME/CFS a couple of weeks ago. So, my odds aren't great but I still hope for a recovery. I didn't push myself because I didn't have dreams and aspirations =J good luck to you ❤️
I remember having that exact problem 3 years ago. I desperately wanted to be productive but i felt completely drained after taking a shower....i had to take a nap before my doctors appt (which was virtual but still too much for me). I couldnt believe how depleted i felt...my life only 4 years prior had been high achieving ... and here I was barely finding the energy to attend a virtual appt.
Huh. Thank you for this comment, it prompted me to identify the time at which it became a challenge to have a shower and a doctor appointment in the same day...
Turns out it was much earlier than when I *thought* I'd first begun to be disabled.
So I guess you've lent me insight, and given me an ability to better forgive myself for not meeting my own unrealistic expectations.
Thank you again, a lot!
I pushed myself too hard and ended Up hospitalized at 25 for digestive problems. I'm 31 and didn't Fully recover, yet.
The gastroenterologist explained to me, that the digestive tract is like our second brain.
Had a stoma for 4 years, at 25 yo, IT was a big choc
Thanks for talking about this, as a previous tech employee who got burned out and had a quarter life crisis.
I remember pulling an all-nighter at work (36 hours programming) and my boss expecting me to take one day off then go back. Not possible. I hated her and I hated myself.
You got to a quarter, mine was at 20 and still ongoing. Hope you are doing better!
@@barzaka12 Thank you very much. Luckily I managed a lateral transfer and got away from her. Hope you can, too. (Btw, that was 40 years ago, still tired.)
@@TheSuzberry the thing is I don't want to. It's just so interesting and different every day, but also a bit too much
Former tech employee here too. Pretty much the same story
At uni, after I submitted every single big project, I would always have a MASSIVE meltdown after the fact. I'm adhd, but I also had a lot of other things going on emotionally. I'd cry, get incredibly depressed, find myself unable to cope with being at a loose end. So I can totally see how this could be incredibly detrimental to a brain!
Yes! Thank you for talking about this! This is serious! I'm actually in the psychiatric hospital after 2 years of the crunch... It's not worth it. Take breaks!
My signs that I ignored:
1) lack of sleep, to the point that I cannot remember days worth of memories and still not being able to fall asleep after the project is over because my brain keeps on going
2) I actively talk about how bad I feel physically and mentally without allowing myself to process what that actually means. "Yeah I'm waayyyy past my limits, hehe! ANYWAYS!!!"
3) I cannot have fun. It always has to be productive or with a goal... Like a robot.
4) a lot of ADHD symptoms getting worse, kind of like you said in the video!
This is from the top of my head. I'll add more later!
And then one day you just crashed and weren't able to go any further?
Number 2 hits home so damn hard.
#3 for me has been a struggle most of my life.
@@figure15skater It was in the last few years that I learned the word "anhedonia." And yes, there is no longer any hyperfocus that is euphoric, only grim and driven.
*Hugs* Keep strong! it's a hard road to get healthy. Be proud for fighting to get back to healthy
My two warning signs are I get extremely irritable/B****y and my self care/Home organization starts to slip. Once those start to happen I know I’m about to nosedive. And I’m glad this video popped up on my feed - because I have been pushing myself insanely hard over the last few months. I’m taking this as a sign to slow down immediately ❤
YES
Oh, yeah I get super irritable when I'm at my limit, too. Whether it's from pushing myself too hard physically, mentally, or just forgetting to pay attention to my emotions.
Usually it gets better after I just cry in the shower for a while (if it's short term) just so I can sort everything out, but I'm not quite sure how to deal with long-term stuff yet.
I'm pretty sure I'm currently dealing with burnout from school, and I can't really take and days off right now. I'm not even that far into the school year yet and I already feel awful. :(
Hopefully we can both get a break of some kind soon and feel a bit better (if you haven't already) :)
Same for me. What strategy you put in place to slow down?
As a journeyman electrician in construction this video resonates with me. (I'm also a fantasy book author) I've been working my construction job for 67-84 hours per week since early February this year and days off are hard to get. You get judged and even ridiculed for not working 10-12 hrs EVERYDAY (Sunday is double pay for us, $86/hr, thank you IBEW) but I keep trying to teach my fellow brothers and sisters on the job, there's more to life than work, I understand we have deadlines to meet in construction but it's not helpful general contractors keep making unrealistic promises to clients to build these buildings and then get mad when people burn themselves out. Never let your employer take your autonomy from you. Never let them guilt you. That's why I turned down the overtime this weekend, I might get laid off but 🤷♂️ I've worked 1200 hours within 4 months, that's enough. So thank you Jessica for making this! Keep being a fantastic human being 😊
60hour weeks are fine for doctors and architects etc. Because they get paid for idle time at work.
You will burn out as a craftsman with those hours. Your body will stop
Managers shouldnt push for stuff like that. I work on the other side of construction, working for clients. The company i work for is moving up deadlines on projects and i see the construction guys double timing to get it done. I see cut corners and more. Its absurd. No construction project is important enough to bypass health and safety. Not a single one.
Deadlines are fine, but they should be REALISTIC. This country needs a reboot. The workers have the real power, we were just brainwashed into thinking we didn't.
I normally get off work at 4:30 & had to work until 6:10 the other day because my work came up two hours later than normal. I resented the heck out of it, but stayed late & finished it, & filled out an overtime voucher. (First overtime in months) Today my supervisor comes around, clueless as usual, pissing & moaning about it today. "Why? What happened? Why'd you have to work late? Read the voucher lady, it's on there. 🤬
Dang! What local are you in?
@@joycebrandon IBEW local 68
I pushed myself so hard in college, for years. I never gave myself a day off in 4 years. One day I just couldn't get out of bed. 20 years later, I still have chronic fatigue syndrome, mostly housebound and unable to work. Please listen to your body when it's screaming for a rest. I really regret not listening.
I'm so glad to see you talk about this because I've had 5 burn-outs myself and now at 51 I'm done. My window of tolerance has become so small that it really doesn't take much to genuinely get me upset to the point where I become unreasonable and react to others almost like an animal that's been hurt. It is really disappointing to see how little I can manage these days compared to even just a few years ago. This is no joke, I *hope* I will be able to recover to a somewhat functioning state but right now I'm jobless and just incapable of holding a job (I had a job as a consultant in IT and made up to 100K/year). Now I am truly burned out and am getting professional support to keep me going.
As a software engineer, I can relate to everything you said. I hope things get better for you soon.
@@smlorrin I much appreciate your response. Sorry to hear you can relate though. I have finally found great professional help (but paid for by me of course...) and I am once again carefully hopeful it will be alright but never the same. I try not to complain though, just to warn and let others know not to underestimate this danger. Thanks again and best wishes to you too.
I am exactly where you are, but a few years older. I worked 14 hour days for two years. I finally broke in February and had a major meltdown at work. This led me to an ADHD diagnosis at 57. I was let go from my job and it has taken me four months to feel like my brain is functioning normally again, but now the depression has set it. I have to find a job to support myself, but am afraid I can’t handle any level of stress without losing it. I am working with an ADHD coach and a trauma therapist to help me develop better habits and tools, but only time will tell if I can heal enough to be a good team member again. Good luck on your journey!
@@sherrigarrett3649 I'm so sorry that this happened to you. Wishing you luck in finding the perfect job for your needs! ❤
I’m right there with you. 51 years old and after ongoing cycles of burnout until I switched jobs to do it over & over again, and I just can’t continue. Diagnosed with ADHD in my 40s once I hit maximum overwhelm & since Covid, I just do see that it’s NOT worth it. So I’ve “retired” and moved out of the U.S. - not sure that I’ll be completely retired forever, but I socked away enough $ that I don’t have to do anything for a year. Not possible for most, but I’m truly grateful. My body was starting to break down - diagnosed with lupus, Covid 3 times… life isn’t promised, so I’m not gonna work like a robot anymore.
Just seeing the title, feel like this is me everyday. Every day I’m so burnt out & exhausted & I can’t maintain relationships as a result because I procrastinate responding to people. I wait til the end of the day to reply & by then convos are too overwhelming and I have no gas left. Then suddenly it’s 3 months til I’ve talking to family/friends and I have 64 unread texts. Ergh. Corporate life/40 hour work weeks/working for someone else then trying to function in my own life & push for hitting my own goals, is just not working… also medicated, but dose is low, have been on it for a few months, thinking I need a higher dose, and to allow myself to just rest instead of pushing so hard that my brain forces me to out of pure burnout… always feel way behind everyone no matter how hard I’m trying. Definitely plan to leave the corporate world and work for myself in the next 1-2 years where I can go at my own pace but trying to get there is rough.
❤❤
I feel so seen by your comment about leaving texts unread. I truly thought that was just me who did that 😭
Similar here ... am so worn out by the emptiness of work, there's nothing left for people and doing things for me ... which means there's no recharge ... which means everything feels like an effort with no reward etc etc
I am also in the midst of trying to leave the corporate world, and having a rough go of it…
Some days I’m feeling totally okay with the process, and other days I don’t respond to anything or anyone (not just texts; but also emails, phone calls, my husband asking just the simplest of chores, or even my kids trying to just tell me about their day at school while I stare at them blankly…)
Today, I’m having the former, so - Hang in there, know that you are not alone, and that we CAN get through this!! ❤
Yep... I was a school teacher and burned out mostly because I felt I couldn't stop otherwise I'd crash, and eventually I did. Now I'm starting a new career and finding out it's more demanding than I thought, and now I'm terrified I'll let other people's demands push me over the edge again. So I'm working on setting up boundaries and be more attentive to those first signs ❤
Your last sentence is so true!!! Usually people don’t mind if you ask for help so being able to recognize those moments and being able to turn down extra obligations is so important!
Saying no is really hard (saying it from experience :P) but it’s so much worse to say yes to something and then forget to do it or not have the mental energy to do it well.
I hope your new career goes well and is more fulfilling!
Bad management is rarely worth sticking around for- move on when possible in those situations. Wish I'd have learned that sooner. What on earth was I thinking?!
I completely burnt out in my social work career and at one point was looking at changing careers to teaching, but realised the demands were pretty much just as great! I am still yet to learn how to put decent boundaries in place in a career setting, but am much more attentive to the signs of burnout. Good luck 😊
Thank you for listening to yourself, Jessica. You’re more important to us than a book.
+
I started to like this change of pace of videos. It's more of self reflecting and I feel that I grow together with you the more you talk about your experiences with ADHD the more it resonates with me
Me too! It's funny because I think the cute informational ones with the animations drew me in but I love these kinds of videos more now.
I’m AuDHD. I went undiagnosed until I was 38. I’m 40 now. I burned out after years of pushing myself in film making and working a “regular” full time job. I had a full fledged breakdown, and I’ve been recovering for almost 5 years. I hope someday I’m able to participate in society again, but for now, I just can’t.
I'm coming up near that time now, trying to find a job that won't put me back in that condition when I'm no longer able to do what I could and being conscious of what's happening instead of confused why nothing was helping.
I still can't wrap my head around the vast majority of people that just think that everything is okay and that society as it is is how it should be.
So sorry you are having such a hard time.😢
@@Onthe9thlife3730 Agree. Look at what various societies, including the US, are sliding into. I'd say we do have a "mental health crisis" worldwide, and it ain't about overdiagnosis of ADHD and autism. It does have something to do with decades of pushing "productivity" to the limits of people's endurance...and beyond. But, hey, the best possible outcome is whatever produces the lowest possible price for consumers, right? That's what many economists say, so it must be true.
(I'm AuDHD with breakdowns too. Climbed out of the first one, in 2016...second one, TBD. It's been years now, and progress is slow, so I can relate.)
@@Onthe9thlife3730 I hope you’re able to find a job that suits you. I really enjoyed being a body piercer, but I worked for too many misogynistic men in the body mod industry, and it did a number on me. Society as it is, is definitely not okay.
@@angelas.goodman9891 Thank you.
Totally! I work in tech and the shortest I ever worked at a company was 11 months. I would burn out like clockwork every 2-3 months. Crash for a couple weeks and do terrible work, then start back up again. 3 cycles of that and I needed out. There is always a limit. I loved the “you can’t run from a bear every day” sentiment.
I feel this so much it hurts because of the population I work with it squeezes every oz of my brain daily. I have days where I get home and the only thing I feel like I can do is stare into space. But also the grind is really good and productive for a month or so and then for the next week or so after I can barely read an email. Adulting is hard with ADHD..
Casey, what are you doing now that you're away from tech?
Jessica, I just want to thank you so much for creating this content for everyone in the world. Today I got my diagnosis for ADHD thanks to your channel, which motivated me to talk to a specialist and figure my head out. For the first time in my life, I feel understood by someone else, like a belong somewhere and that I can take advantage of the potential I know I have. Honestly, God bless you
Welcome to the neurotribe 🤗
@@HowtoADHD I love that term, “neurotribe”! 😊
It's a pretty cool term 😎!
I do know what happens when you push too far. I burned completely out & it is taking YEARS to alleviate the symptoms you talked about, forgetting entire interactions, not making sense nor being able to figure out simple things. Having to take a year off work to tend to a broken brain and the emotional damage that I caused myself was brutal. I’m slowly, slowly learning to recognize when I’ve pushed to far, how my body feels, where my emotions go, how much I start relying on artificial dopamine hits to just survive the work day. Self care is a journey & a bumpy one. Thanks for highlighting such important topics for ADHD’ers. 💜
I’ve hit that a few times. Whew, what a wreck that is. The first time I remember waking up and not knowing where I was, what a clock was, who my roommate was, anything. There is emotional damage. You also lose more and more touch with friends, family. They move on.
What type of therapy are you receiving? I'm in the same situation, off work for 2 years, can't fathom going back to that job but also fear not being able to get another job.
How were you able to get off work for 2 years and not be homeless. I was forced back to working after each leave because there was no money. I'm spiraling out of control and just trying not to get found out how terrible a job I'm doing at this new job. Thankfully, the people I work with now are empathetic and mind their business. My old co-workers tore me down and tattled on everything single thing I did and did not do as if it was their job to monitor my every move. I almost killed myself.
@@candiceh6211 My job has a long-term disability plan so I get 70% of my salary. And my spouse also has a good earning job. It's still tough, what with the whole inflation that affects every single thing, but I'm not near homelessness thankfully.
I went back to college at 52, after a small stroke and my ADHD. 15 weeks of multiple classes. I had to drop one of the classes, it was too much. You're exactly correct. It's exhausting and so hard. Kudos to you! ❤ congratulations 🎊
You were able to go back to college? How on earth … ??? I’d have to start over from scratch and redo everything from the beginning. I wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD until ~20 years after failing out for the second time. And it was a further ~15 before the idea that we need to learn *about* our ADHD was even a thing. (That’s thanks to randomly coming across a video on this channel and hearing phrase “pills don’t equal skills” and that blew my mind; also led to serious downward spiral of regret and self-recrimination)
I don’t get how anyone can even do things like buy/own a car, or a house, or be self-employed, or find a doctor.
@@rusticitas I did go back to a Community College and I re-did the high school level Math and English with help from their tutors. That was a few years back. I was diagnosed when I was 28. Then I stopped college for a guy, who turned out to be nuts. So I'm trying again. Hang in there! ❤️
At 53? Why?!
@@feels6233 For real? I don't want to get too personal. 😫 I'm sorry if you don't understand.
@@CarieGurl I would go back in a heartbeat, if I had the $$$. I always thought being a professional student would be kind of cool.
I recently became aware that I was on permanent high stress levels because of my high standards, controlling issues and perfectionism. I finally took the step to get a six session coaching for my neurodiversity and this toxic trinity of stress. I finally managed to take one beautiful silly step of deleting... (don't laugh) my entire wishlist on steam... And it gave me so much freedom and energy.. I have not touched my computer since! My garden is messy and colorful, my bills are paid (I hate my bills and adulting) and I have rediscovered my passion for cooking.
Even the silliest of steps to reduce stressful "to-do lists for seemingly fun activities" can be life altering.
This is such an important topic for ADHD. Burnout from hyper fixation can feel terrible. But it ISN'T permanent. You might feel it is, but it does get better. I've felt the effects of years-long recovery and it really isn't worth it.
As amazing as the hyperfixation can feel in the moment, it's ultimately a trick by your body. Finding balance with breaks, at least in my experience, makes the final project better. :)
Thanks for sharing!
Can I ask but how is it possible to take break when you hyper fixated? I dont see any window of possibility of that when I am in that mental s
Space*
I just think hyper fixation is some sort of coping and self help mechanism when living in society where you have little support. When I am hyper fixated for once I feel I can feel my own worth and its heavenly feeling, why would I rent and face peoples apathy? No wonder we burn ourselves to death
I'm an ADHDer with late stage diagnosis in my late 20s. I burnt out over the course of several not so great workplaces. I didn't even know I needed accommodation or needed to manage myself bc i didn't even know I had ADHD. You're so right, if you can help it, avoid burnout. I've burned out & it's a long, traumatic, slow road to recovery for me (idk if the end is near) but especially for us neuro-divergent people.
When you started describing letting yourself hyper focus, even before you got to the extension bit I had a sinking feeling in my stomach and thought "oh no". I've been burnt out for years, struggling to make it as an independent in a creative field, and I'm very familiar with the cognitive decline that happens when you push yourself too hard. I've been there many times and I'm honestly constantly toeing the line because I never have enough time to fully recover. But I know when I start almost putting toothpaste in my armpit instead of deodorant and slurring words, I'm in really bad shape and need to hit the breaks asap.
I'm so glad you're on the mend though, I really hope you'll be fully back to where you were with your health before the burnout.
Got yourself a nice little breaks/brakes eggcorn there.
This is SUCH an important video. I finished my masters degree during peak covid after studying and working basically 6 days a week the entire two years, including during the summer, with at the time undiagnosed ADHD. After I finished my thesis and graduated, I was so exhausted it genuinely took me three or four months to feel normal again. I've learned since that even if that kind of schedule could've been sustainable for some people with a week off here and there, it's not for me, and now I have a work schedule built around my brain so I'm not burning out that hard.
I knew someone who works at an emergency services call center. 12 hour shifts, high stress, fast pace, plus weekly rotating schedules days/nights. Turnover was already high when they started, and people being on medical leave for stress was a known problem. Watching them burn out and fall apart and become a worse person was absolutely heartbreaking, especially because they refused to ever have a conversation about it. It's high pay and they found it very fulfilling to help people, but refused to see how it was slowly killing them.
It can get bad- REALLY bad, when you push yourself too hard. Burnout I think is the most common side effect. I burned out at work last year around this time, and I can feel myself approaching burnout again this year (there is one particular aspect of my job that causes me more stress and anxiety than any other and I can’t wait until I don’t have to do it anymore). But the most damaging thing I’ve ever done to my brain happened back in 2004 or 2005. At the time I was homeless, and working at a construction and general labor temp agency. I was so desperate to impress anyone enough to give me a full time job that I stayed up for 10 days straight. I hyper focused to a degree I never have before or since. I’d get back from a job, shower, eat, and go back to the temp agency and put my name on the list to go back out again. The only thing keeping me going was an obscene amount of coffee, cigarettes and adrenaline. Around day four I noticed a strong metallic taste in my mouth, around day seven I began hallucinating from sleep deprivation. On day ten I came back from a job, went to put my name back on the list and the temp agency owner was there and saw me. It must have been obvious I was a safety hazard at this point, because he asked me when the last time I’d slept was and I said I didn’t remember. He told me to go home and sleep for at least 8 hours. I rented a cheap motel room and didn’t wake up for nearly 48 hours. I never recovered mentally from that. I’ve experienced memory problems that were worse than they already were since then. Mood regulation is more difficult too. Now, I can tell when I’m hitting the limit because I become gradually more grumpy and crabby, and my willingness to bite my tongue goes away entirely. But I firmly believe that one of the worst things that I ever did to myself that did more harm than good for me was that 10 day stint with no sleep. A number of years later I did 16 hours a day at a restaurant for two months straight and was effectively burnt out by the end of it (I didn’t have a single day off in that time). The damage you do to your brain from pushing too hard can be permanent, so be very careful with how close you get to the edge. Once you do permanent damage there is no going back
Wow, I had no idea it was even possible to stay up for that long without dying.. I'm glad you're at least figuring out limits, and I hope you don't have push yourself to that much of an extent again for anything. I'm glad you're still here, even if you're not able to do the things you used to.
I will be sure to heed your warning, and I'm sorry you had to go through that ❤
I'm AuDHD, but went undiagnosed until 45 (autism) and 50 (ADHD). My burnout came from parenting and home educating my 2 kids, both of whom are also ND. In fact it probably started even earlier, with pregnancy and several pregnancy losses - the sensory issues, emotional roller coaster and body and hormonal changes. By the time the children were toddlers, I was barely making it through a week and desperately needed my husband to take over - and if possible take them out for most of the weekend - just so I could recover enough to get through the next week. If my husband wanted to do something for himself at the weekend (a long walk with the dog or a bike ride, say) that he needed for his own mental and physical health, if it didn't bring on a meltdown, I'd absorb it so the next meltdown would be worse. Once I just walked out of the house without a word to anyone and drove myself to A&E - not that they could do anything for me. I didn't know what was wrong with me, why I wasn't coping better and neither did my husband (though he's been amazingly supportive throughout to the best of his ability). It's only been in the last couple of years that I've understood I've been constantly in or on the edge of autistic burnout since about 2002/3 and been able to let myself give myself what I need - lots of rest, licence to stim (I'm still working on that), fulfilment of sensory needs and boundaries (another work in progress). I don't know if I'll ever feel much better than now. I've had some physical health problems to cope with as well as a major bereavement in recent years and even relatively small stresses can throw me right off balance, despite now being on some medication that helps a lot. My kids still need me (they're unlikely to be able to live independently for some years yet), my husband still struggles to understand and deal with the kids' ND issues, so I still need to be the go-between and bear a lot of the emotional labour load and that leaves me very little energy for anything else.
Obviously, I wouldn't ever think that raising my children, or even home educating them, wasn't "worth" it! (The school system is *not* a good place for ND kids here in the UK). But there is so little support for parents, especially when we and/or our children can't easily be crammed into society's mold of what we should be. In the past, I never thought of myself as disabled. At the age of 53, I am very definitely disabled now.
I pushed BEYOND my limits for 1.5yrs and I entered a kind of "brain fog" that ended up causing me to make a bad decision.
That led to me having a nasty 12 foot fall which left me with permanent Spinal Nerve Damage.
I was 23 when I had that fall and it totally ruined me.
It ruined my future, my life, my happiness, and left me with crippling pain that I will have FOREVER.
That is what overdoing it cost me.
From 1 single mis-judgement.
It's not worth it no matter how much you may think it IS worth it at the time.
The truth is you aren't thinking straight (and not in the "normal thinking" kind of way), just like you may feel alert and capable when you are drunk (or totally plastered) but your judgement is waaaay off.
I learnt that lesson the hard way, and I hope MY story helps YOU to not make the same mistake. 🙏
I'm "sobbing." Thank you! This is me trying to finish grad school while teaching full-time.
BTW One of the things that me about my times of weeks of working "nonstop" and not getting enough sleep was learning about research that shows that the plaque that is associated with dementia later in life is routinely removed during normal (healthy. enough) sleep, sooooooo going long periods for long periods of NOT sleeping enough can actually lead to your brain NOT having the plaque removed in a timely manner so that it keeps up with it... soooo doing these stints can, in this way, lead to plaque buildup in our brains... which as of now (there is contradictory research) seems to be highly correlated to dementia later in life... So.... we give up life now to "get it done," and we give up life later when our brain can no longer "get it done."
At my last place of employment, I was put in a bad position (not working with my strengths but making me struggle with my weaknesses), it got to the point that I was literally yelling at my monitors for hours a day. Subsequently, I left that job and have been self employed, trying to recover for over a year now. Finally starting to feel like myself again. The squeeze was definitely not worth the juice.
10 years back I got into a bad cycle that got me crashing. I was still in university and had a semester with two self-absorbed professors that openly said, that they think their projects are the most important and we should just take the other courses planed for that semester on a later date. Well I wated to finish my studies in the reccomended intervall so I did both. Further I had a job on campus to finance my life and was getting into setting up DIY shows. So my weekdays were basically leaving for uni and work at 7 in the morning, being on campus, leaving at 7 in the evening. Depending on if there was a party on that day (because I also had bad fomo when it came to parties at that time), I either went celebrating or worked on my university projects until 23:00 or 24:00. I mostly slept for about 4-5 hours a night. At one point I got up at 3:00 in the night to work on University stuff, because I had to hand it in and I just could not concentrate during that day. On the weekends I was also working on my University projects and was setting up shows, helping out at other shows or was partying. Lasted for 3 months, then I just fell down and could not properly get up. My roommate called an ambulance. The stress messed with my sence of balance. Spend some days at the hospital to make sure that there was no lasting damage. I had quite the vertigo for a week. I don't know if that strictly fits the theme of the video, but I had to think about that time.
Nowadays when I reach the point of nearly crashing my ears are the first to warn me, certain frequencies get way louder and distorted. I was just diagnosed with ADHD this winter, so I am still in the process of figuring out how to counteract the constant overburdening.
Are you still in the cycle? How long is the turnaround? I'm seeing some similarities with stuff I've experienced, so I'm trying to get information on this crash cycle. I pushed myself very hard, too, but had my own specific other circumstances.
I pushed myself to the limit for six years. It's been 2.5 years now, and I still struggle with it. Exhaustion phases, and so on. The problem with this whole situation is that in Germany, I have to wait one to one and a half years for an appointment with a therapist. After waiting for a year, I finally have an appointment in 30 days. The journey so far has been hellish.
Wow. The timing of this video is amazing. I just went through the same thing last week with my thesis. I handed in my thesis after two weeks of hyperfocus, passed and then realised I missed one class. So I wasn't finished and I broke down. So scared of long term harm and knowing that I was genuinely too exhausted to even think about picking up that class. My first instinct? Pushing myself back into hyperfocus untill I passed that class. Mind you: at that point I had been hysterically crying for hours with no end in sight. No idea what made me think going back into hyperfocus was a proper plan. Thankfully I live with my parents so they have helped me recover enough to see I cannot go into hyperfocus for the forseeable future and need to take things REALLY slow.
Thank you for explaining the feeling of burnout so clearly.
I struggle with it on a regular basis. I just landed my first job and I discovered that I cannot work full time. If work more than 25h/week I consistently experience a crash on the weekend: speaking slow, lethargic, confused, slow moving. I couldn’t even dress myself.
My boss agreed to let me work part time with a fixed schedule and I feel so much better now.
It becomes harder with children because when you are at that point your children still need you and are always worth it.
Absolutely. I'm struggling with that today.
My girls are so worth it and yet my brain feels broken and my body can't take those steps.
Amen.
And that’s how and when you find out if your partner is the right one for you. 😅
one day in late 2021 there were three separate people who asked me if I had ADHD. one of them was a support worker who I asked to just "stand with me while I clean the clutter from this table. i don't need you to do anything, I just need someone with me so I can get it done". then my friend came over briefly that evening. they had to leave but I could NOT stop talking. then, my evening support worker came over, and asked me again if I'm considering the fact that I might have ADHD. I was fed up at that point!! my response every time was "ummm, no?". I asked why people kept asking me that today, and I explained the situation with the table. my support worker then put on one of your videos about body doubling. I cannot tell you how embarrassing that was! hahah. then they put on a few more of your videos for me. I realised there was really no doubt I had ADHD. I kept learning, kept talking to others with ADHD, and then a couple of months ago I got my assessment. 18/18 criterion were met. I just started my medication a week ago. thank you so much for your help
I didn't realize how long you've been gone for, but now that you're back I realize I missed you by how good it is to have your counsel. Hope the book becomes everything you have hoped for it!
I was finally diagnosed within the last two years with ADHD, which explains a lot of my life. You said something within the video that hit me kind of hard. You said something along the lines of, "take years to recover from burnout." I feel like I have been constantly burnt out for the last 5 or 6 years of my life. I am constantly working, and even if I am "relaxing" like playing game or going on walks, I am going over ideas and plans in my head constantly. Trying to figure out ways to finally break into the field I want to be in and find success and happiness. I think that, as a result, I never actually fully recover and am in a constant state of tired, lethargic mess that feels lazy but wants to do things. I just wish my brain would hush for a month.
'Normal' to us NDs is worrying about doing damage. NTs don't quite get that. We need Disney to do an ADHD sequel to Inside Out.
Thank you som much for talking about this. Currently experiencing my 3 rd burnout and got an ADHD diagnosis. Some things I noticed, i become frustrated and resentment builds. It affects my relationships at work and home. So glad you were able to see the signs, clearly I did not!! Something I need to work on.
Thank you so much for this - I agree I struggle with burning out and pushing myself to the limit for work and multiple other areas of life. I notice when I’m reaching my limit, I am on the verge of tears often, I don’t listen to music and often sit in silence without realizing it and then I begin to lose my appetite!
6:08 I had an english teacher who changed the rubric of an assignment during the class it was due (just because she didn’t like what students submitted) and it caused my assignment i spent 15 hours and lost sleep over on to drop from a 95% to a 15%. And she didn’t understand why I started crying in class. After this happened a few times and she accused me of faking crying, I ended up sobbing in the girl’s bathroom. Someone told the school counselor and she took me to her office and said she’d help me drop the class. The teacher tried to argue I shouldn’t be allowed because “nobody’s ever dropped her class before” but thankfully the counselor didn’t buy it.
Take care! You are not replaceable.
Signs for me that I'm pushing myself too hard:
-Perpetually fatigued even if I'm sleeping well
-Persistent anxiety/worry likely linked to the forgetfulness
-Difficulty focusing on anything that requires more than a little brain power
-Things I care about start getting skipped or cancelled (Mass, workouts, home-cooked meals, etc.)
-Mindless eating/snacking
Signs I'm past my breaking point:
-Difficulty sleeping even if I'm exhausted
-Hair falling out
-Skin problems (breakouts/acne, dull complexion, less resiliency)
-Short temper
-Emotional
-Easily overwhelmed
How I recover:
-Sleep
-Silence (no tv/tablet/iPhone)
-Sunshine
-Socialization (in-person, no screens)
Like you, I have found that the longer I push myself to or beyond my breaking point, the longer I need to recover.
I’ve had to take a temporary (maybe permanent) withdrawal from university recently because my needs weren’t being met and I was constantly pushing myself past my limit just to keep up with others. I’ve been feeling really down over the whole experience but I’m trying to take time now to recover and reevaluate what I want and how to get there. Thank you for your video 💜
Ii do not know what is right for you but I hope you find a way forward that inspires you and that is sustainable! From experience I can say it’s so much better to find a new path forward than stubbornly clinging on if it just hurts you. Wish you the best!
If it helps, my experience is that it's possible to go back and succeed after burnouts, if you have enough space and time to recover before attempting to start back, and especially if you can adapt the situation to make a repeat burnout less likely. Happened with both my degrees and also in work more recently. Finding strategies to reduce workload and/or stress, and increase structure and support/supervision/accountability helps a lot. Currently working reduced hours but managing to sustain that level pretty well.
(No diagnosis yet but pretty sure I have inattentive ADHD. Also anxiety & depression).
I took about 4 breaks from my degree… took years but I got there in the end. I think it’s important to not push yourself beyond what you can cope with. In time you might decide it’s right for you to go back to it. Will still be there.
I went thru a burnout in college after I pushed myself to go from academic probation to the honor list in a cramped semester, after that I went thru a small burnout and my grades starting dropping again then it got so bad I flunked I even lost my job then and that was 2 years ago and im still now going through a very traumatic burnout till this day. I didn’t know till recently what was going on with me. When u have the people around you that you love bashing you and calling you lazy and names it made me give up more but after watching your videos I’m motivated to keep pushing and working to get back to that motivated mindset and myself
What's it like to crash? Sponsored by co-pilot! 😂😂
Congratulations on finishing your book!!!!
Thank you so much for sharing this. I'm not sure if you meant it, but I'm also hearing notes of your previous videos about forcing yourself to meet neurotypical standards, or living up to other people's expectations, and why you shouldn't. I've set many expectations of myself that I wasn't able to meet, and it's really hard, especially when it happens repeatedly. In retrospect, those expectations were set based on how other people act and without consideration to what my needs are outside the actual task I'm setting the goal for.
I've had great difficulty pushing myself beyond my limits for specific tasks, because even when hyperfocusing, my brain will simply become unable to function when it needs a break. That's not to say I don't have other problems when I'm pushing myself. I'll tend to neglect unrelated tasks and relationships, I'll start to have difficulty getting places on time (more than usual), I'll panic at things and get upset more easily, etc. I guess I should feel a bit lucky, because I feel like if there's one part of my brain that works well, it's that aspect of overload management. My brain literally just drops things I'm not focusing on when it starts to get overloaded, and then it stops functioning even within the focused-on task when it's had too much.
I try to never get to that point because important tasks just getting dropped for months isn't great, but I've never been worried about breaking my brain over things.
I hope you feel better soon. You've been so helpful to many of us. ♥️
Thanks a lot for speaking up about this, and for this channel. I'm a software dev who started at 21, and I'm now 33. Years of hyperfixation driven long hours, sustained pressure, no vacation & then the pandemic has now pushed me to a medically diagnosed depression & burnout. Had to take a step back in my position, work part time, and a pay cut. Now I am at a stage where I cannot get my concentration (i.e. sustained concentration that's necessary for my work) to get through anything. Hoping a formal diagnosis & proper medication would help.
My therapist recently told me about post-performance crash (I think that was the phrase?) I guess after a period of reinforcement of high activity/performance with mice in research, the mice always get sick. And man... After recently pushing myself hard for weeks to finish some big goals and meet some important family obligations, I'm definitely still in crash mode. It has surprised me how long it has been taking to bounce back.
Please listen to Jessica’s words in this video 💚
My journey recovering from “crash out” is just beginning. I’ve done permanent damage to my brain and body. Returning to some semblance of “normal” will take years.
Thank you for spreading this info, How to ADHD team! You’re saving lives and QUALITY of life for many.
(also, so many congrats and kudos on finishing a whole ding dang book!!!)
My signs of approaching burnout:
Loved ones desperately trying to get me to slow down.
My grandma doesn’t know how academia works, but she knew ME.
I wish I had honored her knowledge, instead of dismissing her concerns because she didn’t understand the work I was doing.
The same for co-workers, friends, the rest of my family, etc.
What are you doing to help you function?
I am actually interested in that deep dive you were talking about. Lately I have been speculating and making connections to the effects of pushing my own self very hard especially at the end of my school career in order to graduate high school. I'm even concidering a theoretical connection between ADHD and burnout. If you learn anything about that and discover any interesting knowledge about the effects of not putting on the breaks after going peddle to the metal, please share it.
Congrats on finishing the book! As a fellow person with ADHD, I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for you. I can't wait to read it!
In my experience, the sad thing about ADHD is that you can get burnt-out from just trying to do things even when you don't actually end up with anything to show for it! The combination of procrastination, distractibility, low (or non-existent) motivation, and difficulty organizing complex projects means that you might empty your gas tank driving in circles. I really hope medication will help me break out of this cycle.
this hits close to home. My nervous breakdown that ultimately led me to get diagnosed last year was caused by exactly that. And while being on medication literally changed my life for the better I still need to learn how not to push myself this far, constantly. I'm passionate about my work and knowing I have ADHD and being able to rely on my meds I'm able to work much faster and more efficient, but I just realized I never learned to rest, I just switched to taking on much bigger workload. Thank you for this video, it really opened my eyes to some things.
I had a burnout recently. It took a month to get back to a relatively normal functioning. The pressure at home and work was intense and I just broke, I had panic attacks, I had migraines and I blacked out.
Thank you for this video and speaking about your experience.
I can speak to "breaking the brain." Last year when I was undiagnosed, I moved from one job where I was pushing myself to keep things together since the start of the pandemic to an even more challenging role.
I kept pushing myself until I literally cracked. My behavior/demeanor changed for the worse, to the point where I emotionally hurt the people I love. Thought of harming myself, being forgetful way more than usual, and getting confused with mundane tasks (like driving).
Luckily I had the good sense to finally see a doctor, and several months later (this year) found out that I have ADHD with a slightly severe comorbidity friend. 😐
It has been almost a year, and I do not feel fully recovered, and I'm periodically experiencing new sensations (like flashing lights bothering me).
So to add to the cautionary notes that others have written, take care of your brain by being more mindful of what your body is saying and caring for yourself. Because no one else will...
I burned out at the end of 2021 and did not stop. It took a year to recover. Don't recommend not listening to yourself. Good work for taking care of yourself.
This is how I finished my PhD thesis and while the work came out excellent I’m still recovering from the fallout/burnout 3 years later. My work process was so unusual and caused so much suffering that it led me to finally work out that I’m autistic/adhd, but at the time I had no methods or support to keep myself well. I had only ever worked last minute to deadlines under the fear of some existential threat, and it turns out the culmination of a PhD is way too big a task to complete that way and stay healthy.
This was great! I'm currently burned out. I like 9hrs, I get 5 or 6hrs of sleep. I'm a carpenter and a dad. I'm 30 I haven't seen a Dr since I was 16. This channel is a huge help!
Thank you for talking about this! I pushed WAY too hard in the second half of my PhD. I discovered science communication as a career and went 100% in on that, but ya know...wanted to finish the PhD too. I literally crashed in bed for two entire weeks afterward and it took almost three years to feel mostly back to normal.
Listen to your body, take breaks and prioritize your rest. I promise it's not worth pushing it too far.
When I push myself too far, I will end up yelling at people I love for interrupting me, I will rage quit when one little thing goes wrong (especially when I'm so close to the end of the work/day), then I will be laid up in bed for days. I absolutely hate when I got like that, I was going through those kinds of cycles for 9 years and couldn't figure out what was wrong till I was diagnosed with ADHD last year. Since discovering this channel and getting my diagnosis, I haven't been laid up in bed for days on end, but there are definitely still days when I'm slower and days I choose to take "off." I don't freak out nearly as often. I have to take frequent breaks throughout the day, but I feel less guilty. Taking those breaks and allowing myself to actually take my mind off the things I need to do, helps me go back and do more than if i don't stop. Being able to not shame myself for taking breaks from things that are important has been a game changer for me. Before, I would just think "I need to get that done or I'm going to upset people and myself, what's wrong with me? Why can't I just get mad enough to do the thing? Why can't I just do it?" and that was making my wall of awful bigger as I was trying to climb it. I wasn't fully putting down the things I needed to do in order for my breaks to be effective and actually give me the energy needed to get things done.
It's been a while since I've gotten hyper focused, I feel like I don't really have anything going on that interests me that much. I only ever allowed myself to hyperfocus without shame once, that was last year. But it was actually quite rejuvenating for me. Since then I have been coasting, I guess. Waiting for my next wave.
I did the same with video game programming. I hyperfocused on it for half a year every day. I don't want to see another line of code ever again. I still get the itch to create something, but the moment i open the software i get this revolting feeling, then i close everything and just sit there. It's still fun to guess how things in other games have been programmed, but i just can't code anymore.
I am 50 are recently self diagnosed. I didnt understand Adhd till i started watching your channel. Which means i didnt understand myself. I have just recently gotten healthcare so i am seeking professional help. Without your channel i wouldnt understand myself as well as i do now. You are a Hero. You make Lives Better!!!
Great job, Jess! I'm proud of you! Congratulations!
Be kind to yourself, you lovely human.
Thank you for talking about so many important things that we have to deal with! I don't always watch your videos because I tend to struggle facing the reality of life with ADHD, but I'm trying to be better, and I'm glad I have this resource I can come back too whenever I'm ready to acknowledge the hard facts!
Thank you for sharing this! I just went through a period where I pushed myself for months (while working 2 jobs, managing kids, etc.) on a project, only to burn out and crash into what probably was a depressive episode. Ironically enough, through this experience, I finally connected the dots after 25 years of trying to understand the nature of my mind and formally received a diagnosis of ADHD. I'm slowly learning to accept my limits, appreciate my healthy routines, and know when to ask for help!
I really appreciate your openness in this video. I have ADHD also, but am suffering with issues stemming from a COVID infection I had last year. Thinking about the usual struggle with focus, organization, and general executive dysfunction as an ADHDer, with the added struggle of brain fog and post-exertion malaise (PEM) I now deal with from long-COVID, is a literal nightmare. Some days I cannot process well things I'm reading or writing; or, my body actively goes into a heightened state of stress, tachycardia, and other physical symptoms from simple physical tasks that would have NEVER caused such a response before I had COVID (e.g., sweeping the floor - I used to ride my bike 14 miles a week and run, but now just cleaning the house wears me down). I know this is a bit different than what you're addressing in this video re: hyperfocus, drive, etc., but I really resonated with recognizing when you've had enough, and when you need to just... stop.
I have had to take stock recently of what I am physically and mentally able to do safely without hurting my body and brain in the process. Those lessons are ongoing and I try to adjust weekly. But I often wonder whether trying to keep up with my work responsibilities will continue to worsen if I don't take small steps back and rest when my body and brain is telling me I need it. Or, if in the future, I may be unable to work anymore... I wish anyone else struggling with this or more so much strength and power and grace to recognize when you need a break! Thanks for the video.
Hi! 👋 I’m new to your channel , I was recently over the year diagnosed with ADHD and have struggled with an anxiety attack disorder since the 8th grade.
I just wanna thank you. I felt that my entire life was never understood. I’m someone who has pushed myself in my passions and multiple projects / jobs since I was 14. At first, these were escapes away from the anxiety until my brand expanded and I was able to have a career on it. But working alone leads to countless deadlines, and hours of work that 24 hours in a day is simply just… not enough. I sleep like a baby at night cuz of how tired I get. I’m now learning about concerta, my medication and how it works. I struggle to focus and seem to get sleepy / crash around 3-4pm. But then at night I get a full on boost and will sometimes work til 3 in the morning. I want to continue practicing self compassion and love for myself and my brain’s health. I don’t fully understand ADHD and how my brain works since my entire life I was either “too lazy” or “overwork too hard” so this was very reassuring. I’m going to binge watch your videos so thank you!
i also am unable to relax, it leads me to panic attacks and ruminating thoughts. It got way worse after a minor surgery I had early this year. It feels like since then, my anxiety and brain have changed. Even its symptoms. Its unpredictable and I’ve started back from level 1. Just when I thought I finally understood myself.
Recently , I got diagnosed with Urtricaria (chronic hives) that your body tends to go into fight or flight from the immune system when it feels it is being compromised. It comes in the morning, hurts, extremely itchy and leaves you mentally and physically exhausted. It can take weeks, months, and sometimes years to go back to sleep until it flares up again. Itms my second flare up (first in 2018) that came after surgery. It seems to be worse whenever I crash. So this video explains a lot to me.
This is a lot 😂 I may have been hyperfocused. even though you probably won’t see this, just know this video, and your latest one today really touched me. Thank you 😊❤
I have done this, I didn't know that I had ADHD. Treat challenges like times and seasons. Thank God that you were able to have help and support during this time. That is wonderful.
I'm a event planner and each years I'm on a 'mini' break down for two months after my big event.
I feel you.
Congrats on finishing a book! I can't wait to put my paws on it :D And thanks for speaking loudly about so many issues, it really helps to know you're not alone in this or that.
I am going through this right now, in the last year and a half my mother got really sick and moved in, my husband moved out, I am 99% finished with my hi-set (TN version of the GED), started college, lost my home and had 10 days to find a camper and move myself, my mother, and 5 kids into a camper, had to kick my mother out for being verbally abusive and really toxic to my children, and long story short after pushing that long and hard for a year I am failing my college semester and I'm going to have to retake it. My brain just flat out says "no more, it doesn't matter how hard you study or how many times you go over the work, I cannot absorb ANYTHING else." I also homeschool, it has been so hard and stressful and I finally just accepted that I am going to fail this semester and that is OKAY I can do it again. I gave myself and the kids the summer off and I'm praying that will be enough.
I feel this video right now. I was studying so hard for a certification test that I felt like my brain was literally melting. Fortunately I passed the test! Huge accomplishment for me.
Congrats!!
congrats! And omg, that was me too earlier today. Brain frying after studying for a certification
I've been pushing, pushing, pushing, for the past 5 years. I took over a company, I became a caretaker for my father, I moved into a really nice house in a great neighborhood. In the past 3 months, I lost the company, had to move my dad out of the house because I couldn't manage his care anymore, am on the verge of losing the house (and my marriage), and my entire life is in a shambles. I haven't been able to work, and, honestly, I've seriously considered checking out permanently. I don't know when or if I'll be able to work again. I've decided to get in shape and hike the Pacific Crest Trail next season, if my body survives the training process. 5 months of just walking each and every day sounds like about the only thing I can handle right now... Crashing out is a thing, and it sucks.
Congrats on finishing your book!
I burned out from the veterinary field last year. I was the only tech in my office for almost two years, and I ran myself ragged. Eventually I was getting migraines, drinking every day, and became isolated and withdrawn. I had to take a mental health leave, but I finally realized I didn’t want to go back, so I didn’t. I think I’m still recovering from that burnout, but therapy and meds have helped a lot. I just wished I had listened to my body earlier.
I'm so glad you listened to and are continuing to listen to your needs. Growing up with both parents in the veterinary field I saw a lot of how brutal it can be. ❤
I have been a veterinarian for 30+ years. I am currently not working and I’m not sure that I want to go back, but it’s hard to start a new career at my age (62) and I’m not able to retire yet. The field has definitely changed in the last 30 years due to the corporate takeover and focus on profit.
I totally get this. I just wish society was more accessible. If I don't hustle, my family doesn't eat. I can't take a break from that.
What happens is me...I wish someone had told me this ages ago before I got here. Thank you for helping me keep from inflicting more damage to myself and learn healthy limits.
I've learned to manage my ADHD well but this is one thing I really struggle with. I'm going through it now having just finished the biggest project of my career.
I rebuilt my company's file server infrastructure by myself. This is an infrastructure servicing 30k employees across 1200 branches so it took almost three months.
I checked every box, worked out every problem we used to have, and simplified management for our support tean. It went almost perfectly.
I'm super proud but now i feel like i finished the race and ran the race car into the wall. No idea how to bounce back.
Thank you so much for talking about this. I'm struggling to find that balance myself after recovering from burnout/crash as a teenager/early 20s, at the same time escaping a really toxic relationship. I think I'm finally getting back to myself, but it's been a long and hard road. The most important thing I've discovered (in my experience) is to listen to my body and to work with it rather than against it. I had to change my work schedule to accommodate my messed up sleep schedule, and since letting my body sleep when it needs to and not fighting it, I've come back to life a lot. Translating that practically to other areas of life has seemed to help a lot too.
I am a recently diagnosed ADHDer (past few years) and a new mom. I quit my "great opportunity", high-paying job because it was taking everything out of me and I had nothing left for my husband and baby after working overtime without extra pay. It may end up being a blessing in the end, but I was slurring words, dropping things, forgetting simple items I needed. My tank was EMPTY. Listen to yourself, even when you don't always have the control. You have to find your control again to be healthy and happy.
Thanks so much for talking about this one; and I REALLY want to see your deep dive into hyperfocus and burnout danger. Because I let myself do this and didn't have the words to describe it. And now I do.
I want to hear about solutions that work and that are doable even when you're so broken you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Feeling this so acutely right now. Final year PhD student, been pushing myself to the limit for the last 3 months trying to get everything done on time. I have to go into the lab today (Saturday) and I’m struggling to even get myself out of bed and into the shower. I only have 3 more months to go before my thesis submission deadline and trying to write anything on days I have even the smallest bit of lab work to do is basically impossible. My brain refuses to do both on the same day, even when I clearly have the time to do so
This video uploading today feels like a sign. Today was my last day of seriously overworking myself for a couple of months, like I do several times a year because I started on what is my career today way before I was diagnosed and now it feels impossible to keep living like I do. I aced every exam as a student through lack of sleep and "punishments" (not eating until I do x, not going to the bathroom until I reach x unit), a terrible system but I was young and didn't feel it so much. As I worked these last three weeks (working 15+ hours a day, at the office and at home, sleeping about 3-4 hours each night, getting dizzy, confused, many muscles aching from the stress and tension, powering through crying mini breakdowns, sometimes having problems to articulate words, complete lack of appetite, irregular heartbeat) I kept thinking: "this has to be the last time". I truly feel like I am killing myself just to keep my head above water because I love this job and I have worked for years to get where I am, but doing things like this... it has to stop. Thank you so much for this video. I know the risks of a burnout, but hearing it out loud from someone in your same situation feels different. And it came at the right time. Thank you.
I feel like I’ve experienced something similar with my ADHD, and I just want to say: you can still keep the job you love & thrive in the job you love without burning yourself out. For me, it took a lot of work with a therapist (and I’m still trying to get it right) - but you don’t have to choose between the job you worked hard for and the mental/physical peace you deserve. I wish you so much luck 💜
@@katiez1442 Thank you so much, this is turning into such a hard time and your kindness is really appreciated. I am resolved to try my best and keep my health on the top of my priorities. Thank you again, friend 🙏
This is a frightening accurate description of what I've been going through. I hope it gets better for both of us ❤
I just watched this episode. I was only diagnosed with ADHD at the start of the year and I’m 45.
I crossed the line and hit a huge huge burnout about a month ago. I’m still trying to recover to this day. Right now I’m focusing on rebuilding routines to help prevent it again in the future.
Congratulations on your milestone Jessica. ❤️
I've only recently been identified as ADHD. This video reminded me of a time, years ago, when I was in nursing school full time, working part-time , and raising teenagers. One day I came to and I was pulling into the parking lot of the dojo where I taught classes. I didn't remember getting in the car, but my brain knew I needed to be there on time and put me on autopilot. I took it as a sign that I was exhausted and asked my now ex and my kids to be more independent.
Thanks! My biggest problem is to understand when my body speaks, indeed. Not because of myself, because I was raised to think that every body sign of mine could just be drama and that what I’m feeling is normal. Anyway, working on improving it!
I really resonate with this! I'm a professional film director and hyper-focus my way through projects for months upon months of 10-16hour days and in a constant state of overwhelm. I've just finished a project where I reached breaking point and haven't given myself a break after to recover, now going into my next project - this is the reminder to stop. My signals of burnout coming are: not being able to sleep because my brain can't stop; being in a constant stress state; my body shaking and feeling weak; feeling lightheaded; feeling like I'm not even in my body; being very forgetful and struggling to string a sentence together; being emotionally up and down - depressive one day and ok the next; feeling overwhelmed constantly; a general feeling that I can't keep going or my body will give up on me, like I'm in a survival state that can't go on; stomach aches and bloating; every simple task feels like too much work and is overwhelming; I become very indecisive; it's hard to have fun anymore.
And what helps? Tuning into deep breaths and meditating makes a big difference in moments of stress and overwhelm. Exercise, a good night's sleep and socialising with friends in nature are very healing. This has been such a good reminder to listen to my body's signals and actually stop. ADHDers tend to think EVERYTHING is soooo important and must be done NOW and PERFECTLY!! We can change this mindset and put things into perspective. Our health and happiness are way more important than any project. Look after yourselves beautiful people and let your hyper focus be the making of you, not the breaking of you! xx
p.s. please do a deep dive long scientific video on this!!!! I'd love to learn more and it's a big problem!
Thanks so much for addressing this. I've been pushing myself like this for years fueled both by ADHD as well as the imposter syndrome that loves to hang out in my brain. My wife feared that I'd suffer from Adrenal Fatigue if I continued at my usual pace. I would have long stretches of 12-16 hour days and crash hard with a ton of irritability. Yelling at everyone in the house for little things wasn't worth the amount of work and money. I've taken a serious step back and doing less work. I'm not making as much as I was, but I'm much happier and I'm not yelling and raging anymore. My family life is way more fun and peaceful. Running a mental marathon for long periods of time really can cause permanent damage.
Super glad your better. Physical exhaustion sneaks up super fast... like a ninja!
You’re starting a family??!? Congratulations!!
I hear this SO SO MUCH. I'm in the midst of managing being a single parent, my final year of graduate school, and a home renovation upon which my mortgage and living situation depends. It's an ENORMOUS amount of pressure. I'm finding that I just can't push every single moment of every single day, my body just absolutely won't handle it.
I'm building a (big) tiny house and that's a really big project. I'm currently on unpaid leave and I thought that I would make a lot more progress. Thank you for the reminder to not push myself over my limit. For me the first signs are headaches and dizziness (like even less coordination in my arms and legs than usually), but taking a break to recover is really difficult when there is still so much to do :/
How many likes can I give this??? I am so grateful for this. I understand myself now! I moved from a very high stress job to a minimal to no stress job. One would think I would be so rested, feel on top of things, feel like I have my act together, etc. I feel like I have crashed, fatigued, more unfocused, feel like a failure that I had to decide to leave a "better position" for a lesser one because of burn out, and then a failure because I can't get focused and motivated enough to work on a creative project I have wanted to finish, etc. I really feel like my brain is broken. Maybe I am ok. It's only been a few weeks since this change. Maybe I should just allow myself to be crashed if that's what it is now and be ok with it.
Congratulations on your book!!!!
So proud that you listened to your body (yes, also that you did it of course).. I feel like this is such an important learning and you are not the only one “riding the line” and almost crashing