Set your life free from Childhood PTSD! Order my new book RE-REGULATED here: bit.ly/3XiLsj2 And if you'd like to join our Members' Book Club (where we read books about CPTSD together) become a Member here: bit.ly/CCF-Membership
Man, you’re something else! I’m 52 and suffered so much my whole life. I was abandoned, neglected and physically abused on a high level as a kid. No love, no money and no family, but I have a wonderful marriage of 33 years and counting, a wonderful son and even a successful 23 year career in aviation… well at least until 2020 when I was laid off. Actually I’m currently looking for work which sucks, but you saved my quality of life. Just knowing what this is helps so much. I’ve been watching your videos and working on my re-regulations. It friggin works!!! I’m even starting to share this information with others. I feel so good today. Like I’ve been able to set down the baggage I’ve carried around so long. I and my family thank you. Bless your heart!!!❤❤❤
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Oh wow hi. Thank you so much. I’m in the process now of trying to save my sister. Thank you for the book offer as well. You are so sweet and kind. I’m a tough critic, but you are just special. You really pin pointed my issues and so many more that I didn’t even know I had. The unexplainable health problems for example. I don’t know what else to say really. Words aren’t enough.
This compilation was such a good one, Anna! Even though this video was primarily about dating relationships, a lot of the advice can be used for choosing friends, too. I've gotten to a place in my recovery where I carefully observe people's behavior, instead of just jumping right ahead into a friendship or relationship. I'm finally, at long last, understanding that I have a CHOICE as to who I allow close to me. I only want people in my life who care about and acknowledge my feelings, and who see me for who I really am. And I really understand now what you said about the problem isn't "who I'm attracting", but rather who I'm attracted to. So many things to ponder and digest! Thank you so much!
The rushing kills everything. Anyone who wants something special or significant is going to ensure that they get to know you and you them. It’s horrible to have sex with someone or with people who aren’t feeling the same way about us. I can identify so well with this woman. Being insecure can sabotage a could be relationship.
Thank you for saying that these feelings are normal.. it’s so validating and calming to hear when you’re second guessing everything and stressing about it. 😮💨
Confronting the parent can get you disowned, but it doesn't feel any different. You may not get an apology. But it can feel good to unload all that pain.
Sounds like the same attachment my partner has. I'm very anxious avoidant. He wanted to rush into things rapidly more so the vulnerability aspect, within a 2 month time frame. I explained to him that I am interested in meeting those different goals but we needed to move at a substantially slower pace because the way he wanted to rush into an intense emotional attachment, stressed me out and felt more like I was opening up out of coercion rather than safety. He apologized and worked on it, we only had to have one more conversation about it after the initial one and he made substantial improvements and has sustained them for the past 1.5 years. A huge positive point was having check-ins especially after disagreements and explaining our intentions, our feelings, and where we thought we went wrong when trying to express something. I.E I'm very conflict avoidant and when I feel like I've managed to hurt his feelings especially with poor wording on my part, I can't talk. It feels physically painful to try to. He thought that he had hurt my feelings and felt bad. We took space apart for 3 hrs to manage our emotions and then came back to discuss our differing perspectives. Usually we do physical touch check-ins more so after an argument when I'm going through a mute moment, like we tap each other on the wrist, arm, side to confirm that while we may be disagreeing there's no need to be concerned that the other person suddenly doesn't love us anymore.
I truly need to send you a letter. My cptsd involves two stolen children and a life of grief trying to wade thru the lies and acts of criminals doing harm to me for their own gain . Been frozen from telling my story for 50 years.
Yeah, there's something happening with Kirsty's mom. Not sure what the specifics are. Originally married because that was what was expected of her? Some aspects of that hit too close to home for me and my brain is s bit jammed by it. 😊 As for rationalizing...forgiving someone means not wishing harm or vengeance on them, NOT being a carpet for them hurting you.
I grew up with Insecure attachment. I have fallen in love. Only my attachment style is probably more transparent than I realize. Been married twice to women who did not have the same love I had. Right now I'm so heartbroken aching over someone. She has the signs she doesn't want me. Only friends. I'm having such a hard time moving on. I know in my heart that it's time to quit hanging out with her, it usually always involves a group. I really don't like her best friend. Why is it such a dilemma for me.
Hello and thanks a lot for the share, it is very interesting. I don't really understand the love you are talking about, I can feel unconditional love toward everything, I can also feel it trough empathy but, it's nothing like love, what people feels toward me is usualy more like some black gooey slim than the unconditional love I have toward creation, I can't find a match, people have this possessivity, this darkness in their love, it's repulsive to me, for a tiny fraction of them, maybe they just don't feel love at all, maybe they are like me, I don't know, but I can not feel good with this abominable emotion going on towards me. It is a very complicated topic for me.
I hope the first letter writer, the young girl, shows this video to her man. One of the hardest things to do when learning to navigate feelings is express them, let alone express them appropriately. Perhaps if she shows this to him it will help break the ice and learn to express what she's feeling/thinking.
Red flag: that "awareness teacher"....behaves like he is pushing Caitin beyong her boundaries.She does not feel free to speak up and it sounds like he could eventually turned into a raging monster if she ever says something he does not like. Besides that,he patologizes and pseudoanalizes her. That is a dangerous situation. I think she should get that guy out of her life as soon as possible.
I also think it's an absolute redflag to push the person you're dating to confront their extremely abusive parent in the way you are envisioning it?! He hopes, if she does this, she will be healed and able to love him the way he wants her to. He's not even considering, how traumatising this could be for her. Absolutely selfish and manipulativ.
I have the feeling that that Marc guy may be the typical wanna-be-guru who is being abusive,manipulative and going too far into patologizing Caiting. I would be veeeery careful with that kibd of person who is a guru ,a pastor,a psychiatrist or anyone who thinks he/she knows everything and everyobe else has to follow their words.
First letter: Based on this story, sounds like FA/DA dynamic. Her FA, him DA. He did admit in the beginning that hes afraid of commitment. If someone tells you that, believe them!!!! Once you work on the insecurities, youll most likely attract more secure partners.
I just hafta say something... LoL 🤣🤣 cuz I'm laughing so hard and I haven't even had coffee yet! If you look at the thread under "does anyone have an opinion? ." .... It's actually a good question but the back and forth at the end sounds exactly like what I would imagine, if ya put a bunch of codependent people with PTSD and all of the sub categories that fall under it in a little tiny room and some of y'all deleted your really nasty comments, I still stand on what I said but this is hilarious, all she wanted was advice and it was going smoothly til Miss I Own This Thread and need to be heard came in around 10? Or was it 9? I'd hafta look through the comments again and I'm tired & I still haven't finished watching the video even, and who ever highlighted the comment about me being a bot or whatever knows what they're doing, cuz it'll suck more people into a thread thats pretty much closed, yeh so that happened too!
? I want to preorder your book & I got it from Amazon. But what is the receipt you need? Is it the order number? If so when you click on it it reveals my information. 😬
Does anyone have an opinion: I hung out with a guy a few times. Suddenly he said he " wanted to talk about our relationship, or whatever this is." So we continued to hang out for a few months, never intimate. Then one day he called right as I got home from work and wanted to come over. I said I had just got home and was tired and was going to take a break. He said " ok. I'll stop bothering you, take care." I texted him right back and said he wasn't bothering me with a heart emoji. He went on to give me the silent treatment for a week. Finally I asked are you mad at me? He said " I'm just honoring your wishes, and I quote ' I need to take a break.'" He stopped talking to me after that. Problem is he's my neighbor! Is it me?
It sounds like miscommunication pure and simple. Tell him you wanted to take a break from your life at that moment because you were weary, not a break from time with him! It sounds like the word, 'break' is a trigger for him, like it is for a lot of people!
To be honest, it does not sound like it's you. They may be unaware of how their responses come off/ They may be fully aware and are trying to manipulate you slowly with guilt & discomfort. (As this is familiar language with me) It's important to ask or find out what someone means when one is not sure. If there isn't conversation, understanding, flexibility- there will likely be tension, misunderstandings, let downs and frustrations. I'm sorry you went through that. It sounds like the whole relationship could be as it begins sometimes. Much luck, love and comfort to you 🌎💚
You're probably being too needy. Grow in independence first, find yourself and path first and maybe being to learn about healing codependency and addiction to relationships. An AA group would be good for this as it offers free help. And id just stay out of any relationship for a while until you gain some healing and stability emotionally. I hope this helps. God bless. ❤
Sounds like you meant a break after getting home from work, and he took it as you meant a break from him. Whichever you meant, be clear in your communication. If you want a break, say how long that break will be. “I need an hour, then I’ll contact you.” Or “I need a few weeks. I’ll check in with you when I’m ready.”
Wait! Narcissists aren’t mentally ill? You say her mother had something else going on with her. Or are you suggesting that her mother might be narcissistic? I’m confused!
Unfortunately waiting 3 to 6 months to have sex is not always the best idea either. In that 3 to 6 months you might get very strong feelings to somebody, and then when you finally get physical, might realize that you were absolutely not physically compatible or their issues that cannot be overcome or something maybe that you don't want to deal with. Sexual compatibility is a real thing. And having to kind of break off dating somebody for 3 to 6 months because you realize that physically it's not going to work, that's almost impossible for myself. And I've been there. Unfortunately sometimes I feel like you really can't win, if you wait too long you might still lose and if you get physical too fast, you might get bonded to somebody that you don't trust or maybe isn't a best fit either.😢😢
Kirsty's mom is a Narcissist. No Vontact is the ONLY WAY for this Situation. I know I'm always beating the drum like there's only NARCISSISM in the world but no!! She checks all the boxes right off the bat and the keeping the kid close byand her doing everything for her and it's never enough and never apologizing and giving the silent treatment that one the last one is the real kicker for me that just says yeah that's narcissism and there's no cure for it your liver she'll never change so never say she's sorry everything will come to nothing in the end go no contact is my point of view on this one especially. I mean, it just goes on and on...the checklist is complete. Go No CONTACT!! Don't waste your life save yourself take it from one who didn't do this.
Not every person that does self centered things is a narcissist. You're seeing them everywhere because you're fixated on them. You want to see them before they see you and avoid abuse. But even if you use all your energy trying to sus out dangerous people, you will still be at times played. I suggest you focus on something more productive.
People that can go slow and just be friends first. Sex is power and energy. Don't give away your power and energy unless you're in a good headspace. No matter what is popular or trendy to do, rushing into sex when you're not in a good headspace is actually desperation
Why is it not realistic to not jump into bed with someone? Sex is a huge, intimate step in a relationship. Why take that step when you don't even know if this is a person you truly want to be in a relationship with? I dated someone a few years ago for 9 months. I never had sex with him, and when I realized he was not someone I wanted to be with (very manipulative, mind games, etc), because I wasn't bonded with him physically by sex, it was much easier to walk away from that bad relationship.
@@christinelamb1167 That is good for you and serves you. Some of us are, for better or worse, very physical people. We need touch as that is how we also connect to the person. I cannot imagine dating someone for months on end without being physically intimate.
Set your life free from Childhood PTSD! Order my new book RE-REGULATED here: bit.ly/3XiLsj2
And if you'd like to join our Members' Book Club (where we read books about CPTSD together) become a Member here: bit.ly/CCF-Membership
Wow so good, so glad I have finally found your site and healing videos, after 50 years, dealing with Family & relationship trauma
Man, you’re something else! I’m 52 and suffered so much my whole life. I was abandoned, neglected and physically abused on a high level as a kid. No love, no money and no family, but I have a wonderful marriage of 33 years and counting, a wonderful son and even a successful 23 year career in aviation… well at least until 2020 when I was laid off. Actually I’m currently looking for work which sucks, but you saved my quality of life. Just knowing what this is helps so much. I’ve been watching your videos and working on my re-regulations. It friggin works!!! I’m even starting to share this information with others. I feel so good today. Like I’ve been able to set down the baggage I’ve carried around so long. I and my family thank you. Bless your heart!!!❤❤❤
What happy news! Thanks for sharing with me.
This is amazing! So glad you're here, feel much better and shared this with us! Thank you!
Nika@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Oh wow hi. Thank you so much. I’m in the process now of trying to save my sister. Thank you for the book offer as well. You are so sweet and kind. I’m a tough critic, but you are just special. You really pin pointed my issues and so many more that I didn’t even know I had. The unexplainable health problems for example. I don’t know what else to say really. Words aren’t enough.
@@Tswa73 I know your choice of words was probably unintentional on your part, but you can't SAVE your sister. No one can save anyone else.
This compilation was such a good one, Anna! Even though this video was primarily about dating relationships, a lot of the advice can be used for choosing friends, too. I've gotten to a place in my recovery where I carefully observe people's behavior, instead of just jumping right ahead into a friendship or relationship. I'm finally, at long last, understanding that I have a CHOICE as to who I allow close to me. I only want people in my life who care about and acknowledge my feelings, and who see me for who I really am. And I really understand now what you said about the problem isn't "who I'm attracting", but rather who I'm attracted to.
So many things to ponder and digest! Thank you so much!
The rushing kills everything. Anyone who wants something special or significant is going to ensure that they get to know you and you them. It’s horrible to have sex with someone or with people who aren’t feeling the same way about us. I can identify so well with this woman. Being insecure can sabotage a could be relationship.
I really feel for Caitkin and my GOD her mother's attitude and treatment of her gets on my flaming t!ts! I really hope Caitlin finds happiness. ❤
😂🔥
I took three years with emotional abuse. Now I am single and think I am going to stay that way.
Same here... I can relate... Enough of the heartbreak and the games...
Thank you for these talks…..you are our free mental health fairy and are very much loved and appreciated! ❤❤❤❤❤❤
Thank you!
Thank you for saying that these feelings are normal.. it’s so validating and calming to hear when you’re second guessing everything and stressing about it. 😮💨
Confronting the parent can get you disowned, but it doesn't feel any different. You may not get an apology. But it can feel good to unload all that pain.
Sounds like the same attachment my partner has. I'm very anxious avoidant. He wanted to rush into things rapidly more so the vulnerability aspect, within a 2 month time frame. I explained to him that I am interested in meeting those different goals but we needed to move at a substantially slower pace because the way he wanted to rush into an intense emotional attachment, stressed me out and felt more like I was opening up out of coercion rather than safety. He apologized and worked on it, we only had to have one more conversation about it after the initial one and he made substantial improvements and has sustained them for the past 1.5 years.
A huge positive point was having check-ins especially after disagreements and explaining our intentions, our feelings, and where we thought we went wrong when trying to express something. I.E I'm very conflict avoidant and when I feel like I've managed to hurt his feelings especially with poor wording on my part, I can't talk. It feels physically painful to try to. He thought that he had hurt my feelings and felt bad. We took space apart for 3 hrs to manage our emotions and then came back to discuss our differing perspectives.
Usually we do physical touch check-ins more so after an argument when I'm going through a mute moment, like we tap each other on the wrist, arm, side to confirm that while we may be disagreeing there's no need to be concerned that the other person suddenly doesn't love us anymore.
Our dear fairy, your videos are incredibly apt and helpful. Thank you once again
Thank you for your kind words! I'm sure Anna will appreciate this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Whenever the negative thoughts start up and I can’t stop them I come and listen to one of your videos. It sooths me
So glad you've found this channel! Good luck on your healing journey!
Nika@TeamFairy
I truly need to send you a letter. My cptsd involves two stolen children and a life of grief trying to wade thru the lies and acts of criminals doing harm to me for their own gain .
Been frozen from telling my story for 50 years.
Two stolen children? 😢
So sorry you have experienced that. Please feel free to write an "Ask the Fairy" letter from here: bit.ly/CCF_Letters
Nika@TeamFairy
Clara, thank you so much for sharing your story. Anna, thank you for your observations and guidance.
Thanks for the video
Thanks for watching and taking the time to comment! -Calista@TeamFairy
Yeah, there's something happening with Kirsty's mom. Not sure what the specifics are. Originally married because that was what was expected of her? Some aspects of that hit too close to home for me and my brain is s bit jammed by it. 😊 As for rationalizing...forgiving someone means not wishing harm or vengeance on them, NOT being a carpet for them hurting you.
I grew up with Insecure attachment. I have fallen in love. Only my attachment style is probably more transparent than I realize. Been married twice to women who did not have the same love I had. Right now I'm so heartbroken aching over someone. She has the signs she doesn't want me. Only friends. I'm having such a hard time moving on. I know in my heart that it's time to quit hanging out with her, it usually always involves a group. I really don't like her best friend. Why is it such a dilemma for me.
Thank you 💜
Thanks for watching and taking the time to comment! -Calista@TeamFairy
I think a guy who is sleeping with someone should be able to give more in 2 months than what she’s getting
Thank you so much for these videos
Thank you for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Very helpful content
I'm so glad the video was helpful! -Calista@TeamFairy
Hello and thanks a lot for the share, it is very interesting.
I don't really understand the love you are talking about, I can feel unconditional love toward everything, I can also feel it trough empathy but, it's nothing like love, what people feels toward me is usualy more like some black gooey slim than the unconditional love I have toward creation, I can't find a match, people have this possessivity, this darkness in their love, it's repulsive to me, for a tiny fraction of them, maybe they just don't feel love at all, maybe they are like me, I don't know, but I can not feel good with this abominable emotion going on towards me.
It is a very complicated topic for me.
Your videos have helped me so much ❤
We're so glad!
Nika@TeamFairy
I hope the first letter writer, the young girl, shows this video to her man. One of the hardest things to do when learning to navigate feelings is express them, let alone express them appropriately. Perhaps if she shows this to him it will help break the ice and learn to express what she's feeling/thinking.
Red flag: that "awareness teacher"....behaves like he is pushing Caitin beyong her boundaries.She does not feel free to speak up and it sounds like he could eventually turned into a raging monster if she ever says something he does not like.
Besides that,he patologizes and pseudoanalizes her.
That is a dangerous situation.
I think she should get that guy out of her life as soon as possible.
I also think it's an absolute redflag to push the person you're dating to confront their extremely abusive parent in the way you are envisioning it?! He hopes, if she does this, she will be healed and able to love him the way he wants her to. He's not even considering, how traumatising this could be for her. Absolutely selfish and manipulativ.
Sad story.
I have the feeling that that Marc guy may be the typical wanna-be-guru who is being abusive,manipulative and going too far into patologizing Caiting.
I would be veeeery careful with that kibd of person who is a guru ,a pastor,a psychiatrist or anyone who thinks he/she knows everything and everyobe else has to follow their words.
Wolf in sheep's clothing, prob a covert narc
Thank you so much
You are amazing
Thank you for your kind words! -Calista@TeamFairy
Wow..So good thank you
First letter: Based on this story, sounds like FA/DA dynamic. Her FA, him DA. He did admit in the beginning that hes afraid of commitment. If someone tells you that, believe them!!!! Once you work on the insecurities, youll most likely attract more secure partners.
Thanks
Thanks for watching and taking the time to comment! -Calista@TeamFairy
I just hafta say something... LoL 🤣🤣 cuz I'm laughing so hard and I haven't even had coffee yet! If you look at the thread under "does anyone have an opinion? ." .... It's actually a good question but the back and forth at the end sounds exactly like what I would imagine, if ya put a bunch of codependent people with PTSD and all of the sub categories that fall under it in a little tiny room and some of y'all deleted your really nasty comments, I still stand on what I said but this is hilarious, all she wanted was advice and it was going smoothly til Miss I Own This Thread and need to be heard came in around 10? Or was it 9? I'd hafta look through the comments again and I'm tired & I still haven't finished watching the video even, and who ever highlighted the comment about me being a bot or whatever knows what they're doing, cuz it'll suck more people into a thread thats pretty much closed, yeh so that happened too!
? I want to preorder your book & I got it from Amazon. But what is the receipt you need? Is it the order number? If so when you click on it it reveals my information. 😬
Does anyone have an opinion: I hung out with a guy a few times. Suddenly he said he " wanted to talk about our relationship, or whatever this is." So we continued to hang out for a few months, never intimate. Then one day he called right as I got home from work and wanted to come over. I said I had just got home and was tired and was going to take a break. He said " ok. I'll stop bothering you, take care." I texted him right back and said he wasn't bothering me with a heart emoji. He went on to give me the silent treatment for a week. Finally I asked are you mad at me? He said " I'm just honoring your wishes, and I quote ' I need to take a break.'" He stopped talking to me after that. Problem is he's my neighbor! Is it me?
It sounds like miscommunication pure and simple.
Tell him you wanted to take a break from your life at that moment because you were weary, not a break from time with him!
It sounds like the word, 'break' is a trigger for him, like it is for a lot of people!
To be honest, it does not sound like it's you. They may be unaware of how their responses come off/ They may be fully aware and are trying to manipulate you slowly with guilt & discomfort. (As this is familiar language with me)
It's important to ask or find out what someone means when one is not sure. If there isn't conversation, understanding, flexibility-
there will likely be
tension, misunderstandings, let downs and frustrations.
I'm sorry you went through that. It sounds like the whole relationship could be as it begins sometimes.
Much luck, love and comfort to you 🌎💚
You're probably being too needy. Grow in independence first, find yourself and path first and maybe being to learn about healing codependency and addiction to relationships. An AA group would be good for this as it offers free help. And id just stay out of any relationship for a while until you gain some healing and stability emotionally. I hope this helps. God bless. ❤
@farfaraway97 I agree with your assessment !
Sounds like you meant a break after getting home from work, and he took it as you meant a break from him. Whichever you meant, be clear in your communication. If you want a break, say how long that break will be. “I need an hour, then I’ll contact you.” Or “I need a few weeks. I’ll check in with you when I’m ready.”
I read "health insurance-driven". Enough politics for today. 😄
Wait! Narcissists aren’t mentally ill? You say her mother had something else going on with her. Or are you suggesting that her mother might be narcissistic? I’m confused!
This is abuse push and pull , dump him
Unfortunately waiting 3 to 6 months to have sex is not always the best idea either. In that 3 to 6 months you might get very strong feelings to somebody, and then when you finally get physical, might realize that you were absolutely not physically compatible or their issues that cannot be overcome or something maybe that you don't want to deal with. Sexual compatibility is a real thing. And having to kind of break off dating somebody for 3 to 6 months because you realize that physically it's not going to work, that's almost impossible for myself. And I've been there. Unfortunately sometimes I feel like you really can't win, if you wait too long you might still lose and if you get physical too fast, you might get bonded to somebody that you don't trust or maybe isn't a best fit either.😢😢
Kirsty's mom is a Narcissist. No Vontact is the ONLY WAY for this Situation. I know I'm always beating the drum like there's only NARCISSISM in the world but no!! She checks all the boxes right off the bat and the keeping the kid close byand her doing everything for her and it's never enough and never apologizing and giving the silent treatment that one the last one is the real kicker for me that just says yeah that's narcissism and there's no cure for it your liver she'll never change so never say she's sorry everything will come to nothing in the end go no contact is my point of view on this one especially. I mean, it just goes on and on...the checklist is complete. Go No CONTACT!! Don't waste your life save yourself take it from one who didn't do this.
Not every person that does self centered things is a narcissist. You're seeing them everywhere because you're fixated on them. You want to see them before they see you and avoid abuse. But even if you use all your energy trying to sus out dangerous people, you will still be at times played. I suggest you focus on something more productive.
How is someone supposed to date someone for 3 to 6 months without sleeping with them, childhood fairy? That is not realistic. Who does that?
People who are protecting their peace and aren’t 🕳️’s
People that can go slow and just be friends first. Sex is power and energy. Don't give away your power and energy unless you're in a good headspace. No matter what is popular or trendy to do, rushing into sex when you're not in a good headspace is actually desperation
Why is it not realistic to not jump into bed with someone? Sex is a huge, intimate step in a relationship. Why take that step when you don't even know if this is a person you truly want to be in a relationship with?
I dated someone a few years ago for 9 months. I never had sex with him, and when I realized he was not someone I wanted to be with (very manipulative, mind games, etc), because I wasn't bonded with him physically by sex, it was much easier to walk away from that bad relationship.
@@christinelamb1167 That is good for you and serves you. Some of us are, for better or worse, very physical people. We need touch as that is how we also connect to the person. I cannot imagine dating someone for months on end without being physically intimate.
It can be done
But it will take practice and discipline
Thankyou so much. 💖
Thank you for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy