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My mom said the saddest thing to me. She has spent too much of her life trying to survive than to live. She didnt have time to figure out what she wanted. She could only figure out how to survive. She gave up on being "normal" a long time ago.
I am 53 right now, and when I look back at my early 30s I realize that’s right when my life truly “began.” I didn’t meet my husband until I was 37. Had our son when I was 42. Lost my husband to cancer when I was 47. Began studying music when I was 48. Started my band when I was 52. Am about to direct my first film in the Spring. I am NOT saying that I don’t still struggle emotionally, mentally, physically…all the struggles. I’m just saying, that I should remind myself that someone in their 70’s is probably saying “wow, what I wouldn’t give to be in my 50’s.” It’s not ever, ever, ever, ever too late. 🙏
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I appreciate seeing you respond to some of these comments. It shows how truly you care and want to be there for us. You really are changing the world. I love you Anna!
I changed careers at 40 years old! I was a school teacher and became a therapist. It took 6+ years, and here I am in my own private practice at 56 years old. I’m patiently preparing for my FINAL romantic partner in life. It WILL happen and I just need to be truly ready when he gets here.🥰
@@VictheChick- please see if there are any scholarships for the field you are interested in. Many do a payment plan, and some states offer help starting as well. If you have a job training center around I would start with asking them. Sending positive vibes ✨💫🧎♀️➡️🤗🦋
I finally got what I wanted. Retired with a life of ease, with few tasks, in nature, feeding wild squirrels. I feel this way of living is a stress response though since it is perceived by my narcissistic family as "doing nothing with my life" even though I worked as a Social Worker. my nerves are shot, had to retire early with a disability. I feel im living the life everyone wants deep inside although Im living this way to heal as my system cant handle much anymore.
@diannarimer8705 this is me too, except I'm still looking for my piece of nature to escape to. I dream of communing with nature and building trust with local wildlife. Living in tune with nature and my spirit. This would be my ideal sanctuary, a place to allow healing from life's traumas.
Narc’s are jealous of your PEACE ! I am so happy for you ❤ I do believe most people would love the peace and connection to our wild world. We deserve it too. ✨🦋🧎♀️➡️🥰🤗
At any age you might be "too old" for certain things just practically and societally speaking. But you are never too old to live a happy and fulfilling life. Life begins whenever you are ready. Keep rediscovering each day with the fresh and curious eyes of a child.
What about being to old to start a family? To meet someone, when you don’t have a job or career, you can’t leave the house and you’re turning 40? What’s your solution?
@@laurelosborne8984 I'm 58 and I'm there! I just want to die, all I do is survive minute by minute. I went through menopause at 42, have no kids, never married, both parents are dead -- I have nobody and I'm scared.
@@chrt9411 I'm so sorry you feel this way. I think we just never know when our life is going to change but we can prepare for it by taking the best care of ourselves we can so if and when we have that life-changing event, we are ready, and who knows, in the process of self-care alone, our lives could be changing like we never dreamed. Please try to eliminate negative language from your self-talk. You are your own last line of defense, you must be able to rely on yourself to love you. It's the best relationship you can ever have. Why? Because you will never leave yourself!
Boy, can I relate….I’ve never really known what I want. My entire life has been about surviving. Always anxious, waiting on the other show to fall. “Prepare for the worst and hope for the best” theology. It’s exhausting and I’m so very tired. Divorced and still don’t know what I want….constantly “worried” about the what ifs. 😞
Thank you for watching and sharing your experience with us. A good way to get clear about what you really want is through the Daily Practice. Here’s the link to the free course if you’re interested: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy
I was pushed into a teaching career and I too hated the environment. I also lost my college sweetheart. Looking back from my old age, I see how I was able to make the best of teaching by using my creativity. Because I taught in a good college I was encouraged. I also had free time and stability. I married at 35 and had one child. In my 60s I learned that my college sweetheart who I trusted completely, had been cheating on me when we were together years ago. My point is that life is not as controllable as we think. Maybe you’ll write books in your free time, or paint, and become famous. ❤ Maybe you’ll just spend time at the beach. 😊
I'm in a similar situation in that I was also pushed into teaching, and I'm starting to hate it. Were you able to find a way to stick with teaching, or did you change jobs entirely?
This resonated with me. I was raised in a high control religion and we were taught to be constantly busy in the lord. I decided to leave after 35 years and chose what everyone else considered ‘death’, but that was better to me because I could finally just exist the way I wanted to without the pressure. Many times that’s just sitting at or walking by the beach. Sometimes art. Sometimes cooking. No matter what it is, it is my time and my life. ❤
For people like us, it's so hard to differentiate between the things we think we're supposed to want and the things we genuinely want. I'm 47 and it's still almost impossible for me to grasp, what I actually want, because my entire life my brain told me, that I had to like things in order to please others and their expectations.
I felt the same for many years! but recently i am recovering bit by bit by accepting what i feel interesting to try though it is not very common or i stop listening to my fear ❤ Hope you can do the same for you..
Really resonates with me. Now in my sixties out of an abusive thirty year marriage, my life is very insecure especially my living situation. I made some decisions which had a very negative impact on my life and now I find it hard to make any decision at all, small or large.
Thank you for watching! You may like the Daily Practice. It is a great way to process fears and resentment. If you’re interested, you can try it for free here: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy
Her story resonates with me so much. Except that I am almost 60 now and that I don’t have a “lost love”. I was married for 30 years to an emotionally abusive man. My tolerance for BS is really high. Now menopause has taken its toll and I feel like I’m better off being alone now because I have no motivation or tolerance for stress to meet anyone. Some days I just want to give up. I need someone to hold my hand daily and tell me the things you’ve said in this video. But I don’t want to be a burden. It’s not a great space to exist in.
I hope you get the support you deserve. Ask for help and have a faith..take it easy on yourself though you've been through enough all alone. It's so very hard. But you're obviously a survivor and are still here for a reason.
This video resonated with me too. Like you, I’m older, my kids are grown and was together & married to a man for around 30 years, but we divorced by our 23rd year of marriage. He was an alcoholic & used drugs to excess. Never was physical but a lot of emotional toll took place. Now at pushing 60, I’m *still* working on myself and trying to figure things out and make sense of what and where my life goes from here.
I don’t understand how people stay with abusive people for that long… I could never… both of my relationships (I’m 26) lasted a year and a half because that was my threshold. I thank god that my coping mechanisms took that turn instead of causing me to stay in a bad relationship for decades 🤯😟
"Invisible glass panel" between me and other people is sooooo familiar. Argh! Thanks, Fairy. I really appreciate your POV on this and questioning whether a thing amounts to "self-sabotage" or a deep internal preference that we've lost touch with.
I remember telling a coworker on my 40th birthday that I felt so old .... She was in her fifties and told me her life began at 40. She was right; the best was yet to come.
I’m 34 and feel like I’ve wasted so much of my life in trauma brain that there’s nowhere to look in reality for actual help. The help isn’t actually helpful so here I am, on UA-cam trying to find what I’ve missed…
I can totally relate . Thank you..62 years later .. I'm feeling the same. Regardless of knowing I'm my own worse enemy. I had a childhood of truama and dysfunction. I appreciate this video. ❤
Did a career change from working in hospitality/selling food to nursing at 36. Fast forward to now and I'm finishing a bachelor of nursing. Never to late to change careers. Trust me, 34 is still really young haha.
the timing of this could not be more perfect for me because i just turned 34 today and seeing other fellow 34 year olds in the comments gives me some comfort. i've always struggled with feeling very behind on many things i think i should already have by my age like having a loving partner, children, stable income from a fulfilling career. i'm only now starting to get ideas to consider for moving closer to self employment because i know i don't want to work any kind of customer service job for the rest of my life because people are just awful and i'm too sensitive to deal with their verbal abuse. i recently took on a scrap/junk journaling hobby and that got me think of how could i repurpose all the paper lying around my apartment and then suddenly felt inspired to get into book binding and paper making! its really random but in my heart, after all these years of feeling lost and unsure about what i want to do, somehow this endeavor feels right. i want to at least try and remember to give myself some grace and start off with small projects and then learn and grow from there.
Your story sounds so much like my son's. He is 36, never married, no children and can't work due to mental illness. He has been living with me off and on for years. He just got on disability and I thought things would get better, but that hasn't happened yet. He always compares himself to his friends that have gone to college, are married and have kids. It's heartbreaking. I'm sending you hugs and hope you are extremely successful with your new passion. I'm a crafter too 😊
Thanks for sharing your story! I will be 35 this year, and, although I have a great husband, I share your “behind” feeling. We struggle with infertility, and it’s so hard to feel good when even family members push their expectations. We want kids, but it’s up to God what happens. Life is hard-it can feel like we’re finally “catching up” and then we look around and everyone else seems miles away! I love your eagerness to pursue what interests you! Book binding and paper making sound super interesting and fun! I hope you are continuing to find what drives you. We’ll all get through this! ❤
Well hello, I'm also 34 years old and I've been through the same thoughts as you. Sometimes it even saddens me how many meaningful things I've missed out on that many others my age have achieved. For other people, life seems to go according to plan, while I have trouble even understanding what I even want or hope for in life. I just have this feeling that I'm missing something. Recently, I have tried to listen to myself better so that I could find what I really want and I have received some indications of what these would be. . I just can't figure out how to put those elements into my own life... 😑
I’m 64 and this is so relatable. Those of you who are in your 30’s…trust me, you’re at a perfect age to figure this out and live a wonderful and fulfilling life. Sending love and support to all who feel this way. ❤️
@BeeKaye I'm 53, and feel my time for love may have passed. I struggle with a sense of purpose, too. I don't know the answers, but I care and hope you find your path soon 💖
34 here and starting over. I was also a high achiever in high school. And in college i was drained anymore so I hated academics. Dropped out when i was in 4th year if uni and self-taught myself design and sewing. More than 10 years later, here i am still designing but spent the previous years healing from cptsd and all childhood traumas. Then my younger brother passed away from an accident on February this year and now I'm back to square one. The huge realization is that I got no one to please, life can be unexpectedly cut off so I am listing down everything I want to have, to eat, to feel, to experience and I use my grief from death and letting go of limerent objects as fuel to finally take a chance on myself and LIVE. Live the life i truly want and deserve. Hugs to everyone ❤️
I’m 51 and despite 5 degrees in 3 streams including a master, I’ve been pensioned out of the workforce now thanks to PTSD. I’m not allowed to work but what I’m doing is focusing on my physical health. Small goals. I’m hoping with physical health, better sleep I can figure out what I want to be when I grow up.
I LITERALLY just had a feeling to check my notifications. This is SO pertinent right now. I just finished texting a close friend whom I really really trust. I asked her to tell me what i should do. Because I'm very very lost at this point. I'm in university ft, I'm no contact with narcissistic boyfriend and I've had a problem with drug use. And not a little one. A huge one. Bio family threw me away when I was little and recently so did my adoptive family. Not sure what I'm doing, why no one will keep me. Breaking up w bf seems to have brought all these past things to the forefront, all at once. I really feel like I have no purpose and no sense of who I am. I can't focus long enough to make a decision on next steps. I'm looking forward to watching this. Thank you.
I am many decades older, but I can relate to your story. I found that gratitude was the key to changing my reality. I began to repeat this every day, several times a day as it arose : "Thank you God for everything in my life exactly as it is right now". This one affirmation made such a massive difference for me. Gratitude, even vague gratitude, holds profound power. Let your mantra be "thank you". Replace complaints and past stories with "thank you" and watch what changes. Stop repeating stories of your past. Forgive and release them. Truly, you know exactly what you want-- to FEEL GOOD. Chase the feelings you want, not the situations (for now) and the future will begin to improve. If you want to feel cheerful, watch cartoons or comedies that make you laugh til it hurts. Feel it and more opportunities to feel it again will show up. I promise. You have much more power over your life that anyone ever told you. Victimhood is (ultimately) an illusion. Holding on to being a victim is the same as wearing chains. STOP it. Your soul is huge and powerful and eternal and inseparable from you. I promise. Keep your chin up. Only the strong and courageous can survive such a harsh early environment. I survived and so did you. Use your hard-won strength and courage to access your power to serve others from the heart. That will make you feel incredible as you pay it forward. You are love in a human body, please direct that love to SELF. Speak to self the way you wish others would. Say "I love you" to your heart every day, because ONLY YOUR love matters to your heart. Once you truly love you, you are unstoppable. Mwah! 🙏🏼❤
I know a few people who found great help by doing retreats with buddhist monasteries. My sister goes to Great Vow in Oregon which is particularly women friendly. They have online retreats as well.
You are in the right place! We are all a work in progress…I can relate to your story/pain! Using drugs or alcohol is only a symptom of what’s happening in your life at the moment-you are trying to escape from something…once you recognize that-you can start to fix what’s happening…sending positive thoughts and energy your way ❤
I love this. 34 is so young especially these days. Sounds like she’s independent and ambitious woman. Good things must happen here, just feels like she wants to be in control too much.
34 years old is not old...the issue is not loving yourself and feeling like a phony because you don't know who you are and don't tryst your own judgment. I've 50 and I can't go back (no kids, family, career- agism). Everytime I made a decision to change my life, others have beytrayed me. I also was a high achiever which masks a lot of things. We don't believe we deserve.
Am 39 and at 34yrs I felt what this woman feels. I used to call it being in stuckyville. I was feeling so stuck and lost. Hated my job, hated my life. Now am 39yrs . I changed jobs but I still don't enjoy it as much,it does pay well and it's a leadership position. I still feel I could do more than am doing. I recently started a UA-cam channel to help me explore my capabilities a little more. I also went back to school to do counselling psychology. I am slowly getting to doing things I like.
26:20 "The next thing is to heal the trauma, so you can start to have a match/an alignment between what's good for you and you really want, and what feels happy and satisfying in the moment. So you don't have a giant mismatch of just, like, 'here's the thing you always wanted' and 'ugh, aversion!'" Wow, this is worded so well and might be life-changing for me. Thanks, Anna.
I’m twice the age of this lady. I feel that I could have written this letter about myself, minus a good guy ever in my life ever and the terrible childhood. My dad left when 12 years old and from then on I feel every decision I have ever made was wrong and my life has been terrible due to myself. It is awful!
I hear you. I'm 58 and feel the same. 2 failed marriages. After bringing up 3 children practically on my own, my career went down the pan. I don't own my own house and I'm struggling to make ends meet. With no support network, every day is like climbing Everest! I wonder what is the point. I stay as I have a 20 year old still at home and a rescue cat.
Whew! This sure hits home. I too really realized something was really wrong in my mid-30s. I've made some strides but not as many as I would like now in my late 50s. I got my M.D. for very similar reasons as she became a teacher, although didn't realize my motivations at the time. I didn't really realize until the last few years that I did it to get the approval and validation from my parents that I don't feel I got otherwise. Now they are both gone but I'm still stuck having gone down a path that was not right for me and is very hard to turn around. All of that said, I still keep trying since you're not defeated until you're dead.
I'm 35 working part time retail and couldnt relationship more. Literally listening to this on my smoke break crying because I'm completely hopeless, no future. Spent my entire life taking cwre of my old and sick family members slowly abandoning my life, nothing to show for myself
I started to change my life at 33 because of depression which suddenly appeared. Today happy married a few years and 39. It's definitely not late. It's never too late. I guess the depression and living in the past is her biggest issue which she needs to overcome. Being myself from the south of Europe. Is also a big culture thing of needing to be married to be worthy. It's completely bulls... no, we are worthy with or without a man. She needs to get healthy really bad. I pray for her 😢 and the guy wasn't the one but the "almost" the real guy or great on paper. Hopefully she finds her way. ❤
I’m glad I came across your channel. I’m 47 and I could relate with Cristina. You said a lot of things that shifted my perspective on past choices I’ve made. Thank you so much. You are such a blessing to me.
Yes, I agree...but I felt "too old" at 26! ...and at 34, boy I was like her... coming from a sick \ toxic family, now at 54, I understand ( due to the environment I grew up in) that : it coild not be different...😞❤🩹❤🩹
Saying someone is young just minimizes their pain. As tho someone's age should change the amount of suffering they experience. As tho certain ages mean you're problems just aren't real or as important or depressing. I say this as someone who's your age, stop minimizing people's pain because of their age.
Such a good response Anna so helpful for all the self doubters, I also see a lot of merit in this woman and please I am 44 and I started a degree this year, I am not feeling old, this ageism of this society is nuts! I am a single mum also and I am nurturing my own self to really find a person who I can really call a partner.. there's so much life after 34!! Haha ❤
I’m 62, trauma and abuse survivor, childhood and beyond, and I’m beginning to finally build a life for myself to speak of. I’m excited about the future! It’s never too late.
I’m right here now, seeking to resume after all of the “fragmentation, incompletion and disorganization”. I relate strongly to being indecisive, particularly with all the background “stuff”. Overall, though, incredibly excited, which is my true nature.
I think most of the time when we think our self sabotage/trauma is causing us to not work out with someone, it’s actually that we deep down don’t want it and we’re forcing it because of a fear of not meeting someone else. That’s always been the case for me.
Perfect video at the perfect time. My mother always shamed me for normal human emotions and actions, so I learned to repress everything to the point where I couldn't recognize an emotion if it clobbered me upside the head. Now in my fifties, I have a lot of education without a ton of emotional awareness (unless the emotion is shame). The Daily Practice makes that space for small urges to speak up and quiets my logic so I can hear them. Now in the last half of life, I am learning to follow those urges, no matter how small (unless obviously destructive). I have never felt this good and I am so grateful my psychoanalyst recommended the Fairy to me.
I am 66 and just figured this out. I thought I was crazy. These help me so much. I am very low income disability or I’d take the class. Been divorced 35 years. Again of all relationships. 😮
“You didn’t have the chance to make mistakes based on your own choices” makes so much sense about my Aboulomania! (I only learned that word today by watching your video) So many gems of knowledge in this answer to Christina’s letter. It’s helpful to so many, so thank you
This is how I’ve been feeling for the longest. It’s like a disconnect between what I want or think I want or “should” want. Or even trying to sort of “feel” God and being “led” to a better place in life. Like my gut knows better than my head and God knows the beginning from the end. I feel like pre major trauma I had that. But now I feel like I lost that “radar” or like I can’t tap into it anymore. Aka “intuition.” Right now it’s specifically about not being able to settle on where to move to. It’s just more like lack of purpose. Everything just seems blah to me. Like the soda always goes flat and nothing is “satisfying.” Like any spark in me already died and I wonder if it can ever be reignited.
Yes, it can be reignited. If you're interested, you can try the Daily Practice. It can be a first good step. It is a free course that provides the technique that led to Anna's own healing and she uses it to this day. Here's a link if you'd like to give it a try: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy
I love Anna's advice for 3 years now. Always resonates as someone w/CPTSD. However, one thing I've studied a lot in the last couple of years is attachment theory. As a Fearful avoidant (disorganized attachment style) which carries the biggest trauma load (choatic upbringing, alcoholism, narcissism), I have learned & also experienced that our nervous systems make us attracted to inconsistent, emotionally unavailable ppl & will generally see the nice guys as boring. It is possible that she let one get away because of the rough childhood (as have I in my life - now 59 & alone not knowing my gifts, no career.)
very good point! i was wondering if the person who wrote the letter is possibly dealing with avoidant attachment, since her story seems to strongly resonate with those tendencies. Childhood really does have such a huge impact on how we form relationships.
What a beautiful letter. Thank you Christina and thank you crappy childhood fairy for the loving way you answered her letter. I don't have the same path but boy has this all resonated with me.
48 years old. I've only had jobs that have "fell into my lap" and always felt unfulfilled because of it (relationships too sadly). This last job was managerial but also soul sucking (doting on rich people) so I am recently unemployed again. This time it has to be something I actually choose but the fear of rejection looms so large
My coping mechanism is cleaning. I'm not an organised person, I usually hate cleaning. But when I need to make a decision or I'm upset I clean my house spotless. It makes me feel focused, like I have a grip on my life. I still don't know what to do with my life and I'm going to be 30 soon. I am married, have a child, have a job...but I also know that I'm not doing my best in/with any of them. I keep questioning if I'm a good person, questioning every decision I make. All I wish is to raise my child better then my parents raised me so she wont end up like me.
I relate to this deeply. 50, near miss experience a couple years ago, hysterectomy a year ago and a data analyst that walked away from a toxic work environment. Spent 10 months exploring what do I want to do and what is the essence of things that make me happy. Reconnecting with who you are and what makes you happy is essential to healing CPTSD. I still struggle with deep existential questions but when you do what you love, things just start to click. Thanks for all the encouragement that you give to us!
Greetings from Mr Axel Vasa the west coast wizard himself, I got the something essential to share with you, When life gets tough, remember that diamonds are made under pressure. Love you very much. ❤️
I self sabotage because I am scared of everything and sooo scared of failure and people finding out out I am rubbish at things that I would rather do something with a low bar and be good at that, than do something good and be bad at it. I know this is sad but it has been my life for 54 years now. Also really having the time to really think about what you want is difficult to find
I hear you! I encourage you to try The Daily Practice (free course). It is a great way to process fears and resentment and a good way to get clear about what you really want. Here’s the link if you’d like to give it a try: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy
So good. I agree with every word of Anna's advice and input in this video. 31:08 "If you are in action (surrendering your fear and resentment, healing your mind, sharing the truth with a therapist and friends and perhaps groups), progress is going to happen--whether you design it or not. Progress is going to happen. And you're going to discover it. When you're regular in these ways of supporting yourself ... 31:54 "The goal here not just to feel better--not just to get the man, not just to find the right job, but to become your real self. It's in using that real self and the gifts that you've been given to bring into the world , where your satisfaction lies." Beautiful.
WOW - I am exactly like Christina except I'm not smart, I struggled through school, always tried so hard to learn but I was so anxious my brain never relaxed long enough to absorb the information. And if I did do well I was bullied by my own parents, "you just think you are smart", "you think you know everything". I literally couldn't wait to move away and after I did, it was so hard and still is. I'm afraid I will die all alone and depressed. I keep getting fired or laid off from jobs, I can't connect to people. I cry all the time and just want to die.
Don't give up, you can still heal! If you're interested, try Anna's free course, the Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice. Additionally, Anna has a whole course on connecting with people called ‘Connection Bootcamp’. Here’s a link if you want to check it out: bit.ly/CCF_Connection Nika@TeamFairy
Thank you Anna for your channel! Listening to your videos and always reading the comment section gives me a deep appreciation and an even deeper understanding of how we all have to face our "inner enemy" on a daily basis and "re-train" ourselves to come to accept the many traumas we face in life that seemingly derail us into believing we cannot change. As a 58 yr old I come from a terrible path of survival, like so many of us here. Having gone through years of therapy and diagnosed with PTSD, no surprise there, having survived a suicide attempt, experiencing war, losing everything in my life that was dear to me, I now am aware of the triggers that keep setting me off. Throughout my life I have learned to acquire many tools to help come to a better understanding, like keeping a journal, learning astrology and psychology, music ( I play the piano which has helped me beyond words), painting, motorcycles, keeping fit ( my military years encouraged me to do so), and so many others. I have kept myself isolated for the last 16 years and have made use of every day to become a better human being. I guess what I want to share is Gratitude. Gratitude for a very difficult life that has taught me compassion, understanding and acceptance. I might be a cracked vase, but the cracks are what makes me a better human being. So to all of you out there, take heart, let go, embrace your wounds and know that these cracks of ours produce the most beautiful moments of growth that make us better human beings! Thank you Anna and to all of you who are shining your Light, for that is what we are: Light.
You can be 20 and feel old because of how much you have suffered. Let's not invalidate her feelings please. 34 can be old when you haven't processed childhood trauma and of course there's hope for her. She will one day realize 34 is a young age. She just needs our love and support❤
I just want to say, as I'm watching this video. I can see the joy pour out of you as you are passing along this wisdon. It seems like you have so much compassion and empathy for this person and you can really see a wholesome future for them. You are so appreciated for the knowledge you share. I feel like I know that look. As a therapist now who dealt with my own trauma, it's a feeling of seeing the person for who they truly are, unconditionally, inviting them into that freedom that is so attainable for them. Than you! :)
31:37 was an important point for me right now. i was fortunate to meet a tutor who told me about your journal exercise to discover what i wanted in life and it was a game changer for me! now a few months later, i have started multiple new things inspired by this exercise but finding myself questioning if they’re right and back in the doubts and ‘shouds’ that were plaguing me all over again! so i remind myself - life is not that serious. a week ago i was thinking about how for the first time in my life i feel stable and content emotionally (a huge win) and because i had a relapse im convinced no progress was made. but it has been made and i can still change the course i’m on - taking with me new knowledge from the new experiences i accrued
No no Anna!! I share the same experience with almost every guy that likes me! I have a little bit of Avoidant attachment style. I feel her pain and can relate. 34....at least she is recognizing now. I hope she digs into personal development and relationship coaching for support. I hope she steps away from traditional counseling once she gets stronger. 🙏 Career...once again, I have been hoping to change my career for over 20 years! Dear God, I pray i make it happen this year. Good luck to this young lady. Hard work ahead but worth it!
I’ve never had anything other than my beautiful children. They are grown and gone except for my youngest son who has been abused and abused with psychiatry & psych hospitals. Trauma for him and for me for past 10 years and now he’s home at age 29. Never had a chance at adult life. I’ve had to fight for his very life in hospitals that only torture people. It’s so bad and scary! My husband is always angry and more. I had some determination when I was younger but now there is nothing left of me. I’ve lost everything good about me. My personality and looks are gone. I hate to see my son suffer daily. We both home Isolated. This is NO life.
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. It sounds hard but you both can still heal. Daily Practice (a free course) can be a good first step. It is the technique that led to Anna’s own healing, and she uses it to this day. Here’s a link if you’re interested: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy
Oh my… I can relate to so many things she talked about. While the struggle is REAL it’s so good to know I’m not alone and that there is hope. I am done letting my childhood circumstances define me, especially the things I had no control over.
I self sabotaged my entire life. Now 59. I have no education, no career, no friends left because I’ve been through more trauma for past 10 years. I have nothing left. I’m isolating. I’m suffering
I love this letter. It is so lovely to see how far Christina's instincts and coping mechanisms brought her. I feel her pain and relate very much to her experience. I hope she's doing well. Anna, you're so good at articulating what it's like to have CPTSD. You're like the wise mom that we all needed when we were kids. God bless you
What I really like about your videos is that you don’t tell people that they attract negative situations but rather that you bring situations up as an opportunity to heal
Yep, totally agree. The issue was that she thought she 'should'. That does happen to everyone. I married the guy I didn't love and my child has paid for it through a divorce and painful custody battles. Her gut refused to let her make that type of mistake. I always say that I should have gone to therapy instead of getting married.
This year, the woman I always thought to end up with (or not?) became pregnant from another man she is in love with. We helped each other a lot for a decade, but we were never single at the same time and when we were, it just did not happen. She entered a new relationship as I did. Mine ended and she got pregnant. She is happy, and I'm happy for her, but it hurt, for a while, but for some reason not as bad as I thought it would. Yes, I suffered a bit, but I realized something. Why did we not end up together? Because we were not in love with each other. We were friends. That's it. Other people never even joked about us as a pair. We were different, in so many ways. It would have made sense on paper, but not each other's heads. We talked about our problems and traumas, but we were not in love. She wasn't, and I never went for it, because deep down, I wasn't as well. I never cried my eyes out about her, and neither did she about me. The same with THE job I wanted. Covid prevented it from happening and since then I heard so much crap about the reality of the profession, that I'm actually kinda glad, I did not end up there. Yes, in the past I made decisions motivated by fear, but I did also so much risky stuff, that I can fairly say, that it was not my main motivator. I'm more conscious about fear as motivator now, but my wish for the security I never had is also valid. There must be a middle way. But the feeling of a piece of glass between me and the world is familiar. I described it as if I was walking in a space suit in public. Like an astronaut on and alien world.
Anna!! Awesome video as always. I just have to say, I can't believe you used to be a Biz Analyst!! 🙈 I feel so seen. I've been a corporate project manager (working with BAs) for the past 5 years and I know this is not for me. Ironically enough, my company is doing a mass layoff after being acquired in Sept and we got the layoff notice 2 weeks ago. So this is the time for me to get clear and honest about what I really want to do. I know exactly what I want, but I'm scared to death to actually make it happen. I've always struggled with being my authentic self after years of trying to be someone else to satisfy my family, friends, teachers, society, etc. But following your advice, I did a small action that I've always wanted to do, which is teach myself fishing. I've always wanted to learn how to fish and lately been very inspired by a fisherwoman youtuber since I'm a woman too. Already I feel so much more empowered and "free" since getting my layoff notice, but even though this is not fixing my work situation. 😂 Well I'll just try to trust this feeling and go with it!
THIS was not only validating. This was inspiring! I can relate to everything you said 🥹 I love the exercise you suggested! Thank you for sharing all of this with us.
I will be 57 in January. I am exactly like this woman, completely!!! But because I have been this way too long, I feel it is too late. I have no ability to have relationships. I once thought life was out there, but I have gone through too much abuse even in this world. I am completely alone and diagnosed with adhd years ago. I suffer the symptoms, and I take a low dose med if only for depression because I can't tolerate any antidepressant. I had a man like this for decades, and when I finally allowed this guy in my life, he beat me, broke bones, and tried to destroy my entire life. My life was already broken, but now it's gone. I want out.
Trauma-driven thinking can be discouraging. But never forget: Healing is possible, and it's not too late for you! If you're interested, try Anna's free course The Daily Practice. It is a great way to process fears and resentment, and many people around the world have benefited from it: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy
I must admire you ladies, I'm going to be 55 in a few weeks and I know it's too late, I'll never be loved. I don't write this to get sympathy or answers. But some of us are just not good enough
@@arianedhaese5206 the mind is an incredible thing feed it kindness feed it, hope because whether you think you can or you think you can’t either way you are right praying you write a beautiful ending
Dear Anna, thank you for your videos, so helpful. This one resonates with the experience of many here, I can see. The advice you give here is, in my view, very relevant. I just wanted to give some personal feedback about the daily practice. I've watched so many of your videos and was willing to try the daily practice because you mention it so often and it was such a tremendous help for you. But I don't know why, I could not start ! I did it a few days ago and I must say that I already feel better. After the practice I feel somewhat relieved and free but it really has to be done regularly. Thank you Anna for the excellent advice. And thanks a lot to the community for sharing, it's also a relief to know you're not alone. Bon courage à tous and one step at a time.
I’m not yet in my thirties, but I’m getting closer. This letter was sooooo relatable. For a long time, I used academic to mask my deep emotions since I was a child . That’s just ring an alarm in my head . Also I’m in the field which I’m not satisfied too. I definitely related to her . But I think writing down your crazy dreams and goals , it does open your eyes up for sure !
Your advice re the “lost love” was the opposite of my former therapist’s, and YOU WERE RIGHT! It’s hard when the guy pops up in the news now and then, for good things. But you’re right. Move on. Hard as it is. (I admit I’m still hanging on to a couple of his love letters, though😂.) (Or maybe 😢?)
Hey, Anna! Thank you so much for what you do. Watching your and Patrick's videos opened up the healing process for me by identifying CPTSD at 28 years old. It helped me to gain courage to find a therapist and I have been working hard on myself for the last 6 months. I wondered if you have ever thought about doing hypno videos, like self-hypno for calming anxiety etc (working together with a hypno experienced specialist, of course)? Why I ask that is because your voice and your (virtual) presence has become a safe space for many people, for sure- including myself. And my therapist says that's when it works the best. You probably have a lot on your plate already but curiosity made me ask 🙂
my mom always told me what to do and i don’t think i loved the things i did when i was a child even though i said i did. when i finally went off to college and thought i was doing what i wanted, things fell through and relationship trauma happened where my mom said “i told you so”; now i have a hard time finding what i truly want
I hear you. If you're interested, you might like The Daily Practice. It is a good way to get clear about what you really want. Here’s the link to the free course if you’d like to give it a try: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy
Sometimes our choices aren’t our own when we have a family and then you are trying to make the “right” decision for everyone. I think it also can take the pressure off the perfect solution. I really relate to her though when I was single.
Oh...yeah that's how I felt at 34...and now Im 47. In spite of struggle to improve my worst fears all came true. Still feel that way. Sometimes there are good days.
I wish CCF was around when I was 34! It’s definitely not too late. It’s possible to start a new career and to find a relationship. I’m 63 and about to start online dating! Not looking to have children and I’m feeling much better about the future than I did at 34 when I was fussing about getting someone to have a baby with etc. none of that is on my agenda now. You got qualifications and a bit of security from your present job so you can take your time to train as a coach or something else. Good luck
*Take my free Daily Practice course: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
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My mom said the saddest thing to me. She has spent too much of her life trying to survive than to live. She didnt have time to figure out what she wanted. She could only figure out how to survive. She gave up on being "normal" a long time ago.
Aw. I hope she gets a break. Maybe the book?
I totally get your mom. It makes me feel I’m not alone in this. That helps
I feel this and it hurts to say but there's comfort in knowing I'm not the only one.
So sorry for your mom. My mom too said three months before she died (86). I have lived all my life in fear 😢.
That's how i feel at 56 😢
I am 53 right now, and when I look back at my early 30s I realize that’s right when my life truly “began.” I didn’t meet my husband until I was 37. Had our son when I was 42. Lost my husband to cancer when I was 47. Began studying music when I was 48. Started my band when I was 52. Am about to direct my first film in the Spring. I am NOT saying that I don’t still struggle emotionally, mentally, physically…all the struggles. I’m just saying, that I should remind myself that someone in their 70’s is probably saying “wow, what I wouldn’t give to be in my 50’s.” It’s not ever, ever, ever, ever too late. 🙏
Thank you for normalizing so many things people find “impossible” and giving people hope for the future. No time like the present. Thank you!
Aamiin. I just began my 50 here
Thank you!
I’m 64. I started to live as me last year. Fell in love for the first time last year. Never too late to find oneself and truly live.
That's wonderful! Thank you for sharing this with us! It's a beautiful encouragement to other folks here!
Nika@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I appreciate seeing you respond to some of these comments. It shows how truly you care and want to be there for us. You really are changing the world. I love you Anna!
thank u for this...you guys gave this hopeless girl hope
I’m 63 and finally have the time to figure out who I am and what I want. Late bloomer. ☺️
Yes! Gives me hope. Sometimes I feel like it’s too late for me but if you can do it so can we …
I changed careers at 40 years old! I was a school teacher and became a therapist. It took 6+ years, and here I am in my own private practice at 56 years old. I’m patiently preparing for my FINAL romantic partner in life. It WILL happen and I just need to be truly ready when he gets here.🥰
I love your attitude! Good luck with everything!
Nika@TeamFairy
Not everyones timeline means life is set by 25! Its all about mindset. And your story is inspiring and helps us to think realistically ❤
How were you able to afford that career change? Seriously, I am curious.
@@VictheChick- please see if there are any scholarships for the field you are interested in. Many do a payment plan, and some states offer help starting as well. If you have a job training center around I would start with asking them.
Sending positive vibes ✨💫🧎♀️➡️🤗🦋
I finally got what I wanted. Retired with a life of ease, with few tasks, in nature, feeding wild squirrels. I feel this way of living is a stress response though since it is perceived by my narcissistic family as "doing nothing with my life" even though I worked as a Social Worker. my nerves are shot, had to retire early with a disability. I feel im living the life everyone wants deep inside although Im living this way to heal as my system cant handle much anymore.
Sounds wonderful. I can't wait to retire - I have 9 years to go.
@diannarimer8705 this is me too, except I'm still looking for my piece of nature to escape to. I dream of communing with nature and building trust with local wildlife. Living in tune with nature and my spirit. This would be my ideal sanctuary, a place to allow healing from life's traumas.
Narc’s are jealous of your PEACE ! I am so happy for you ❤ I do believe most people would love the peace and connection to our wild world. We deserve it too. ✨🦋🧎♀️➡️🥰🤗
Soak it in, they are jealous. And so am I lol
Reducing "demands" is incredibly healing! You deserve as much as anyone else to be >>healthy & happy
I hate how much I saw this title and thumbnail and knew I had to watch it instantaneously
So now what/
At any age you might be "too old" for certain things just practically and societally speaking. But you are never too old to live a happy and fulfilling life. Life begins whenever you are ready. Keep rediscovering each day with the fresh and curious eyes of a child.
What about being to old to start a family? To meet someone, when you don’t have a job or career, you can’t leave the house and you’re turning 40? What’s your solution?
♥️
@@laurelosborne8984 I'm 58 and I'm there! I just want to die, all I do is survive minute by minute. I went through menopause at 42, have no kids, never married, both parents are dead -- I have nobody and I'm scared.
@@chrt9411 I'm so sorry you feel this way. I think we just never know when our life is going to change but we can prepare for it by taking the best care of ourselves we can so if and when we have that life-changing event, we are ready, and who knows, in the process of self-care alone, our lives could be changing like we never dreamed. Please try to eliminate negative language from your self-talk. You are your own last line of defense, you must be able to rely on yourself to love you. It's the best relationship you can ever have. Why? Because you will never leave yourself!
56 CPTSD survivor & I have been doing this my whole life. Masking & Surving ;
Boy, can I relate….I’ve never really known what I want. My entire life has been about surviving. Always anxious, waiting on the other show to fall. “Prepare for the worst and hope for the best” theology. It’s exhausting and I’m so very tired. Divorced and still don’t know what I want….constantly “worried” about the what ifs. 😞
Thank you for watching and sharing your experience with us. A good way to get clear about what you really want is through the Daily Practice. Here’s the link to the free course if you’re interested: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
Same here 100%
You're not alone! There's many, many of us! There's healing strength in numbers!
Same here. Maybe we should all get together and figure out how to start living. The aloneness certainly doesn’t help!
I'm in the same place
I'm sitting on the bus balling my eyes out😢😢😢😢😢! I resonate with 90% of her story. Worse yet, I'm 57😢. I can't stop crying!!!
Did you make it to your destination! Crying is healing!!!!
I agree
❤❤❤
I was pushed into a teaching career and I too hated the environment. I also lost my college sweetheart. Looking back from my old age, I see how I was able to make the best of teaching by using my creativity. Because I taught in a good college I was encouraged. I also had free time and stability. I married at 35 and had one child. In my 60s I learned that my college sweetheart who I trusted completely, had been cheating on me when we were together years ago. My point is that life is not as controllable as we think. Maybe you’ll write books in your free time, or paint, and become famous. ❤ Maybe you’ll just spend time at the beach. 😊
I'm in a similar situation in that I was also pushed into teaching, and I'm starting to hate it. Were you able to find a way to stick with teaching, or did you change jobs entirely?
“maybe you'll just spend time at the beach”
i love it, whatever we end up doing- it's more than enough
This resonated with me. I was raised in a high control religion and we were taught to be constantly busy in the lord. I decided to leave after 35 years and chose what everyone else considered ‘death’, but that was better to me because I could finally just exist the way I wanted to without the pressure. Many times that’s just sitting at or walking by the beach. Sometimes art. Sometimes cooking. No matter what it is, it is my time and my life. ❤
For people like us, it's so hard to differentiate between the things we think we're supposed to want and the things we genuinely want. I'm 47 and it's still almost impossible for me to grasp, what I actually want, because my entire life my brain told me, that I had to like things in order to please others and their expectations.
I felt the same for many years! but recently i am recovering bit by bit by accepting what i feel interesting to try though it is not very common or i stop listening to my fear ❤
Hope you can do the same for you..
Really resonates with me. Now in my sixties out of an abusive thirty year marriage, my life is very insecure especially my living situation. I made some decisions which had a very negative impact on my life and now I find it hard to make any decision at all, small or large.
Thank you for watching! You may like the Daily Practice. It is a great way to process fears and resentment. If you’re interested, you can try it for free here: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
Her story resonates with me so much. Except that I am almost 60 now and that I don’t have a “lost love”. I was married for 30 years to an emotionally abusive man. My tolerance for BS is really high. Now menopause has taken its toll and I feel like I’m better off being alone now because I have no motivation or tolerance for stress to meet anyone. Some days I just want to give up. I need someone to hold my hand daily and tell me the things you’ve said in this video. But I don’t want to be a burden. It’s not a great space to exist in.
I hope you get the support you deserve. Ask for help and have a faith..take it easy on yourself though you've been through enough all alone. It's so very hard. But you're obviously a survivor and are still here for a reason.
This video resonated with me too. Like you, I’m older, my kids are grown and was together & married to a man for around 30 years, but we divorced by our 23rd year of marriage. He was an alcoholic & used drugs to excess. Never was physical but a lot of emotional toll took place. Now at pushing 60, I’m *still* working on myself and trying to figure things out and make sense of what and where my life goes from here.
I don’t understand how people stay with abusive people for that long… I could never… both of my relationships (I’m 26) lasted a year and a half because that was my threshold. I thank god that my coping mechanisms took that turn instead of causing me to stay in a bad relationship for decades 🤯😟
@@thecommonsensecapricornwhy don’t you do more research on why people do then. 😊 Definitely sounds like you need to.
I’m in a similar situation and feels so alone/lonely at 64. I need a way to step back into land of the living again
"Invisible glass panel" between me and other people is sooooo familiar. Argh! Thanks, Fairy. I really appreciate your POV on this and questioning whether a thing amounts to "self-sabotage" or a deep internal preference that we've lost touch with.
Too old at 34??? ❤😂 Nothing has ever been more absurd. She’s got her whole life ahead, and the best is yet to come.
I remember telling a coworker on my 40th birthday that I felt so old .... She was in her fifties and told me her life began at 40. She was right; the best was yet to come.
@ ☺️💖⭐️ heck yes!
If she’s mentally stuck life and time can fly
I’m 34 and feel like I’ve wasted so much of my life in trauma brain that there’s nowhere to look in reality for actual help. The help isn’t actually helpful so here I am, on UA-cam trying to find what I’ve missed…
every day is a chance for new beginnings. Peace to you! Find your peace in knowing you are in charge.
I can totally relate . Thank you..62 years later .. I'm feeling the same. Regardless of knowing I'm my own worse enemy. I had a childhood of truama and dysfunction. I appreciate this video. ❤
Did a career change from working in hospitality/selling food to nursing at 36. Fast forward to now and I'm finishing a bachelor of nursing. Never to late to change careers. Trust me, 34 is still really young haha.
Thank you for sharing your encouragement with us and the letter-writer!
Nika@TeamFairy
Haha and I am here trying to get out of nursing!
the timing of this could not be more perfect for me because i just turned 34 today and seeing other fellow 34 year olds in the comments gives me some comfort. i've always struggled with feeling very behind on many things i think i should already have by my age like having a loving partner, children, stable income from a fulfilling career. i'm only now starting to get ideas to consider for moving closer to self employment because i know i don't want to work any kind of customer service job for the rest of my life because people are just awful and i'm too sensitive to deal with their verbal abuse. i recently took on a scrap/junk journaling hobby and that got me think of how could i repurpose all the paper lying around my apartment and then suddenly felt inspired to get into book binding and paper making! its really random but in my heart, after all these years of feeling lost and unsure about what i want to do, somehow this endeavor feels right. i want to at least try and remember to give myself some grace and start off with small projects and then learn and grow from there.
Your story sounds so much like my son's. He is 36, never married, no children and can't work due to mental illness. He has been living with me off and on for years. He just got on disability and I thought things would get better, but that hasn't happened yet. He always compares himself to his friends that have gone to college, are married and have kids. It's heartbreaking. I'm sending you hugs and hope you are extremely successful with your new passion. I'm a crafter too 😊
Thanks for sharing your story! I will be 35 this year, and, although I have a great husband, I share your “behind” feeling. We struggle with infertility, and it’s so hard to feel good when even family members push their expectations. We want kids, but it’s up to God what happens. Life is hard-it can feel like we’re finally “catching up” and then we look around and everyone else seems miles away! I love your eagerness to pursue what interests you! Book binding and paper making sound super interesting and fun! I hope you are continuing to find what drives you. We’ll all get through this! ❤
Well hello, I'm also 34 years old and I've been through the same thoughts as you. Sometimes it even saddens me how many meaningful things I've missed out on that many others my age have achieved. For other people, life seems to go according to plan, while I have trouble even understanding what I even want or hope for in life. I just have this feeling that I'm missing something. Recently, I have tried to listen to myself better so that I could find what I really want and I have received some indications of what these would be. . I just can't figure out how to put those elements into my own life... 😑
Happy belated birthday, my friend.
I’m 64 and this is so relatable. Those of you who are in your 30’s…trust me, you’re at a perfect age to figure this out and live a wonderful and fulfilling life. Sending love and support to all who feel this way. ❤️
I'm 38 and have felt this way for over 10 years. I'm at a breaking point, how does one choose a path?!
@BeeKaye I'm 53, and feel my time for love may have passed. I struggle with a sense of purpose, too. I don't know the answers, but I care and hope you find your path soon 💖
@seratonin7004 thank you and I hope you find companionship and purpose too.
34 here and starting over. I was also a high achiever in high school. And in college i was drained anymore so I hated academics. Dropped out when i was in 4th year if uni and self-taught myself design and sewing. More than 10 years later, here i am still designing but spent the previous years healing from cptsd and all childhood traumas. Then my younger brother passed away from an accident on February this year and now I'm back to square one. The huge realization is that I got no one to please, life can be unexpectedly cut off so I am listing down everything I want to have, to eat, to feel, to experience and I use my grief from death and letting go of limerent objects as fuel to finally take a chance on myself and LIVE. Live the life i truly want and deserve. Hugs to everyone ❤️
So sorry for your loss. Hope Anna's content will help you heal.
Nika@TeamFairy
This video title was an immediate bullseye direct on the nerve. I’m eager to watch this so much
same
Glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy
I’m 51 and despite 5 degrees in 3 streams including a master, I’ve been pensioned out of the workforce now thanks to PTSD. I’m not allowed to work but what I’m doing is focusing on my physical health. Small goals. I’m hoping with physical health, better sleep I can figure out what I want to be when I grow up.
I LITERALLY just had a feeling to check my notifications.
This is SO pertinent right now. I just finished texting a close friend whom I really really trust. I asked her to tell me what i should do. Because I'm very very lost at this point. I'm in university ft, I'm no contact with narcissistic boyfriend and I've had a problem with drug use. And not a little one. A huge one. Bio family threw me away when I was little and recently so did my adoptive family. Not sure what I'm doing, why no one will keep me. Breaking up w bf seems to have brought all these past things to the forefront, all at once.
I really feel like I have no purpose and no sense of who I am. I can't focus long enough to make a decision on next steps.
I'm looking forward to watching this.
Thank you.
Much love and support for another trauma adopted adult!
It seems to be a struggle we trauma adopted adults have!
I am many decades older, but I can relate to your story. I found that gratitude was the key to changing my reality. I began to repeat this every day, several times a day as it arose : "Thank you God for everything in my life exactly as it is right now". This one affirmation made such a massive difference for me. Gratitude, even vague gratitude, holds profound power. Let your mantra be "thank you". Replace complaints and past stories with "thank you" and watch what changes. Stop repeating stories of your past. Forgive and release them. Truly, you know exactly what you want-- to FEEL GOOD. Chase the feelings you want, not the situations (for now) and the future will begin to improve. If you want to feel cheerful, watch cartoons or comedies that make you laugh til it hurts. Feel it and more opportunities to feel it again will show up. I promise. You have much more power over your life that anyone ever told you. Victimhood is (ultimately) an illusion. Holding on to being a victim is the same as wearing chains. STOP it. Your soul is huge and powerful and eternal and inseparable from you. I promise. Keep your chin up. Only the strong and courageous can survive such a harsh early environment. I survived and so did you. Use your hard-won strength and courage to access your power to serve others from the heart. That will make you feel incredible as you pay it forward. You are love in a human body, please direct that love to SELF. Speak to self the way you wish others would. Say "I love you" to your heart every day, because ONLY YOUR love matters to your heart. Once you truly love you, you are unstoppable. Mwah! 🙏🏼❤
I know a few people who found great help by doing retreats with buddhist monasteries. My sister goes to Great Vow in Oregon which is particularly women friendly. They have online retreats as well.
You are in the right place! We are all a work in progress…I can relate to your story/pain! Using drugs or alcohol is only a symptom of what’s happening in your life at the moment-you are trying to escape from something…once you recognize that-you can start to fix what’s happening…sending positive thoughts and energy your way ❤
I love this. 34 is so young especially these days. Sounds like she’s independent and ambitious woman. Good things must happen here, just feels like she wants to be in control too much.
34 years old is not old...the issue is not loving yourself and feeling like a phony because you don't know who you are and don't tryst your own judgment. I've 50 and I can't go back (no kids, family, career- agism). Everytime I made a decision to change my life, others have beytrayed me. I also was a high achiever which masks a lot of things. We don't believe we deserve.
Am 39 and at 34yrs I felt what this woman feels. I used to call it being in stuckyville. I was feeling so stuck and lost. Hated my job, hated my life. Now am 39yrs . I changed jobs but I still don't enjoy it as much,it does pay well and it's a leadership position. I still feel I could do more than am doing. I recently started a UA-cam channel to help me explore my capabilities a little more. I also went back to school to do counselling psychology. I am slowly getting to doing things I like.
Boy do I relate. Always second guessing my decisions.
anna, I've only watched 2 of your videos and I already feel like I'm receiving a hug and understanding. thanks for your kindness.
Thank you thank you for taking this letter. I am 50 and still confused about who I am and what I want. It does make for a career of disappointment.
26:20 "The next thing is to heal the trauma, so you can start to have a match/an alignment between what's good for you and you really want, and what feels happy and satisfying in the moment. So you don't have a giant mismatch of just, like, 'here's the thing you always wanted' and 'ugh, aversion!'" Wow, this is worded so well and might be life-changing for me. Thanks, Anna.
I’m twice the age of this lady. I feel that I could have written this letter about myself, minus a good guy ever in my life ever and the terrible childhood. My dad left when 12 years old and from then on I feel every decision I have ever made was wrong and my life has been terrible due to myself. It is awful!
Hang in there! You can still heal.
Nika@TeamFairy
I hear you. I'm 58 and feel the same. 2 failed marriages. After bringing up 3 children practically on my own, my career went down the pan.
I don't own my own house and I'm struggling to make ends meet. With no support network, every day is like climbing Everest! I wonder what is the point. I stay as I have a 20 year old still at home and a rescue cat.
Whew! This sure hits home. I too really realized something was really wrong in my mid-30s. I've made some strides but not as many as I would like now in my late 50s. I got my M.D. for very similar reasons as she became a teacher, although didn't realize my motivations at the time. I didn't really realize until the last few years that I did it to get the approval and validation from my parents that I don't feel I got otherwise. Now they are both gone but I'm still stuck having gone down a path that was not right for me and is very hard to turn around. All of that said, I still keep trying since you're not defeated until you're dead.
I'm 35 working part time retail and couldnt relationship more. Literally listening to this on my smoke break crying because I'm completely hopeless, no future. Spent my entire life taking cwre of my old and sick family members slowly abandoning my life, nothing to show for myself
17:05 This idea, "write down your wildest dream and take a baby step there today", is genius, it's exactly what I needed today. Thank you
You got this!
Nika@TeamFairy
I started to change my life at 33 because of depression which suddenly appeared. Today happy married a few years and 39. It's definitely not late. It's never too late. I guess the depression and living in the past is her biggest issue which she needs to overcome. Being myself from the south of Europe. Is also a big culture thing of needing to be married to be worthy. It's completely bulls... no, we are worthy with or without a man. She needs to get healthy really bad. I pray for her 😢 and the guy wasn't the one but the "almost" the real guy or great on paper. Hopefully she finds her way. ❤
I’m glad I came across your channel. I’m 47 and I could relate with Cristina. You said a lot of things that shifted my perspective on past choices I’ve made. Thank you so much. You are such a blessing to me.
34 is soooo young. I say this as a 44 year old who really identified with this letter.
Yes, I agree...but I felt "too old" at 26! ...and at 34, boy I was like her... coming from a sick \ toxic family, now at 54, I understand ( due to the environment I grew up in) that : it coild not be different...😞❤🩹❤🩹
Saying someone is young just minimizes their pain. As tho someone's age should change the amount of suffering they experience. As tho certain ages mean you're problems just aren't real or as important or depressing. I say this as someone who's your age, stop minimizing people's pain because of their age.
41
Such a good response Anna so helpful for all the self doubters, I also see a lot of merit in this woman and please I am 44 and I started a degree this year, I am not feeling old, this ageism of this society is nuts! I am a single mum also and I am nurturing my own self to really find a person who I can really call a partner.. there's so much life after 34!! Haha ❤
I’m 62, trauma and abuse survivor, childhood and beyond, and I’m beginning to finally build a life for myself to speak of. I’m excited about the future! It’s never too late.
I’m right here now, seeking to resume after all of the “fragmentation, incompletion and disorganization”.
I relate strongly to being indecisive, particularly with all the background “stuff”.
Overall, though, incredibly excited, which is my true nature.
I think most of the time when we think our self sabotage/trauma is causing us to not work out with someone, it’s actually that we deep down don’t want it and we’re forcing it because of a fear of not meeting someone else. That’s always been the case for me.
Perfect video at the perfect time. My mother always shamed me for normal human emotions and actions, so I learned to repress everything to the point where I couldn't recognize an emotion if it clobbered me upside the head. Now in my fifties, I have a lot of education without a ton of emotional awareness (unless the emotion is shame). The Daily Practice makes that space for small urges to speak up and quiets my logic so I can hear them. Now in the last half of life, I am learning to follow those urges, no matter how small (unless obviously destructive). I have never felt this good and I am so grateful my psychoanalyst recommended the Fairy to me.
Wow I can relate and I am 67. Thanks Anna for your perspective it is so helpful!😊
I am 66 and just figured this out. I thought I was crazy. These help me so much. I am very low income disability or I’d take the class. Been divorced 35 years. Again of all relationships. 😮
Meant afraid.
I'm so glad the video was helpful! -Calista@TeamFairy
❤
This video is so helpful for me, thank you Anna, you are such a calming influence and bring such a great perspective.
I'm so glad!
“You didn’t have the chance to make mistakes based on your own choices” makes so much sense about my Aboulomania! (I only learned that word today by watching your video) So many gems of knowledge in this answer to Christina’s letter. It’s helpful to so many, so thank you
This is how I’ve been feeling for the longest. It’s like a disconnect between what I want or think I want or “should” want. Or even trying to sort of “feel” God and being “led” to a better place in life. Like my gut knows better than my head and God knows the beginning from the end. I feel like pre major trauma I had that. But now I feel like I lost that “radar” or like I can’t tap into it anymore. Aka “intuition.” Right now it’s specifically about not being able to settle on where to move to. It’s just more like lack of purpose. Everything just seems blah to me. Like the soda always goes flat and nothing is “satisfying.” Like any spark in me already died and I wonder if it can ever be reignited.
Yes, it can be reignited. If you're interested, you can try the Daily Practice. It can be a first good step. It is a free course that provides the technique that led to Anna's own healing and she uses it to this day. Here's a link if you'd like to give it a try: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
I love Anna's advice for 3 years now. Always resonates as someone w/CPTSD. However, one thing I've studied a lot in the last couple of years is attachment theory. As a Fearful avoidant (disorganized attachment style) which carries the biggest trauma load (choatic upbringing, alcoholism, narcissism), I have learned & also experienced that our nervous systems make us attracted to inconsistent, emotionally unavailable ppl & will generally see the nice guys as boring. It is possible that she let one get away because of the rough childhood (as have I in my life - now 59 & alone not knowing my gifts, no career.)
very good point! i was wondering if the person who wrote the letter is possibly dealing with avoidant attachment, since her story seems to strongly resonate with those tendencies. Childhood really does have such a huge impact on how we form relationships.
What a beautiful letter. Thank you Christina and thank you crappy childhood fairy for the loving way you answered her letter. I don't have the same path but boy has this all resonated with me.
48 years old. I've only had jobs that have "fell into my lap" and always felt unfulfilled because of it (relationships too sadly). This last job was managerial but also soul sucking (doting on rich people) so I am recently unemployed again. This time it has to be something I actually choose but the fear of rejection looms so large
My coping mechanism is cleaning. I'm not an organised person, I usually hate cleaning. But when I need to make a decision or I'm upset I clean my house spotless. It makes me feel focused, like I have a grip on my life. I still don't know what to do with my life and I'm going to be 30 soon. I am married, have a child, have a job...but I also know that I'm not doing my best in/with any of them. I keep questioning if I'm a good person, questioning every decision I make. All I wish is to raise my child better then my parents raised me so she wont end up like me.
I relate to this deeply. 50, near miss experience a couple years ago, hysterectomy a year ago and a data analyst that walked away from a toxic work environment. Spent 10 months exploring what do I want to do and what is the essence of things that make me happy. Reconnecting with who you are and what makes you happy is essential to healing CPTSD. I still struggle with deep existential questions but when you do what you love, things just start to click. Thanks for all the encouragement that you give to us!
This is me. At 65 years old. Wrong career, wrong decisions. I feel so worthless.
Greetings from Mr Axel Vasa the west coast wizard himself, I got the something essential to share with you, When life gets tough, remember that diamonds are made under pressure. Love you very much. ❤️
I relate I am 67
Understandable as I’m there too. Sad and stuck
I self sabotage because I am scared of everything and sooo scared of failure and people finding out out I am rubbish at things that I would rather do something with a low bar and be good at that, than do something good and be bad at it. I know this is sad but it has been my life for 54 years now. Also really having the time to really think about what you want is difficult to find
I hear you! I encourage you to try The Daily Practice (free course). It is a great way to process fears and resentment and a good way to get clear about what you really want. Here’s the link if you’d like to give it a try: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
Im glad you left the analyst job! Anna you are so brilliant in what you do for others!
So good. I agree with every word of Anna's advice and input in this video.
31:08 "If you are in action (surrendering your fear and resentment, healing your mind, sharing the truth with a therapist and friends and perhaps groups), progress is going to happen--whether you design it or not. Progress is going to happen. And you're going to discover it. When you're regular in these ways of supporting yourself ...
31:54 "The goal here not just to feel better--not just to get the man, not just to find the right job, but to become your real self. It's in using that real self and the gifts that you've been given to bring into the world , where your satisfaction lies."
Beautiful.
WOW - I am exactly like Christina except I'm not smart, I struggled through school, always tried so hard to learn but I was so anxious my brain never relaxed long enough to absorb the information. And if I did do well I was bullied by my own parents, "you just think you are smart", "you think you know everything". I literally couldn't wait to move away and after I did, it was so hard and still is. I'm afraid I will die all alone and depressed. I keep getting fired or laid off from jobs, I can't connect to people. I cry all the time and just want to die.
Don't give up, you can still heal! If you're interested, try Anna's free course, the Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice. Additionally, Anna has a whole course on connecting with people called ‘Connection Bootcamp’. Here’s a link if you want to check it out: bit.ly/CCF_Connection
Nika@TeamFairy
Thank you Anna for your channel! Listening to your videos and always reading the comment section gives me a deep appreciation and an even deeper understanding of how we all have to face our "inner enemy" on a daily basis and "re-train" ourselves to come to accept the many traumas we face in life that seemingly derail us into believing we cannot change. As a 58 yr old I come from a terrible path of survival, like so many of us here. Having gone through years of therapy and diagnosed with PTSD, no surprise there, having survived a suicide attempt, experiencing war, losing everything in my life that was dear to me, I now am aware of the triggers that keep setting me off. Throughout my life I have learned to acquire many tools to help come to a better understanding, like keeping a journal, learning astrology and psychology, music ( I play the piano which has helped me beyond words), painting, motorcycles, keeping fit ( my military years encouraged me to do so), and so many others. I have kept myself isolated for the last 16 years and have made use of every day to become a better human being. I guess what I want to share is Gratitude. Gratitude for a very difficult life that has taught me compassion, understanding and acceptance. I might be a cracked vase, but the cracks are what makes me a better human being. So to all of you out there, take heart, let go, embrace your wounds and know that these cracks of ours produce the most beautiful moments of growth that make us better human beings! Thank you Anna and to all of you who are shining your Light, for that is what we are: Light.
You can be 20 and feel old because of how much you have suffered. Let's not invalidate her feelings please. 34 can be old when you haven't processed childhood trauma and of course there's hope for her. She will one day realize 34 is a young age. She just needs our love and support❤
The way you speak is really soothing. It reminds me a lot of one my fav singers, Suzanne vega
It isn’t too late! 30’s is a great time to begin again! I’m 57 and feel much like you do…I understand completely
That 20-min Google session is a great idea! I never could think of questions for the search bar. Thank-you, Fairy 🕊️
She needs to learn to live in the present... Because the present is a present 🎁 ...
That was my line in a school presentation 😅
I just want to say, as I'm watching this video. I can see the joy pour out of you as you are passing along this wisdon. It seems like you have so much compassion and empathy for this person and you can really see a wholesome future for them. You are so appreciated for the knowledge you share. I feel like I know that look. As a therapist now who dealt with my own trauma, it's a feeling of seeing the person for who they truly are, unconditionally, inviting them into that freedom that is so attainable for them. Than you! :)
31:37 was an important point for me right now. i was fortunate to meet a tutor who told me about your journal exercise to discover what i wanted in life and it was a game changer for me! now a few months later, i have started multiple new things inspired by this exercise but finding myself questioning if they’re right and back in the doubts and ‘shouds’ that were plaguing me all over again! so i remind myself - life is not that serious. a week ago i was thinking about how for the first time in my life i feel stable and content emotionally (a huge win) and because i had a relapse im convinced no progress was made. but it has been made and i can still change the course i’m on - taking with me new knowledge from the new experiences i accrued
Anna, your blog has changed my life. Thank you.
Wonderful! Thank you for your comment!
Nika@TeamFairy
I am also 34 and unsure of what I want to do in terms of a career. So happy that I found this video.
I wasn't happy in life until I was 37.
No no Anna!! I share the same experience with almost every guy that likes me! I have a little bit of Avoidant attachment style.
I feel her pain and can relate.
34....at least she is recognizing now. I hope she digs into personal development and relationship coaching for support. I hope she steps away from traditional counseling once she gets stronger. 🙏
Career...once again, I have been hoping to change my career for over 20 years! Dear God, I pray i make it happen this year.
Good luck to this young lady. Hard work ahead but worth it!
Thank you for these messages and comments, I feel better.
I’ve never had anything other than my beautiful children. They are grown and gone except for my youngest son who has been abused and abused with psychiatry & psych hospitals. Trauma for him and for me for past 10 years and now he’s home at age 29. Never had a chance at adult life. I’ve had to fight for his very life in hospitals that only torture people. It’s so bad and scary! My husband is always angry and more. I had some determination when I was younger but now there is nothing left of me. I’ve lost everything good about me. My personality and looks are gone. I hate to see my son suffer daily. We both home
Isolated. This is NO life.
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. It sounds hard but you both can still heal. Daily Practice (a free course) can be a good first step. It is the technique that led to Anna’s own healing, and she uses it to this day. Here’s a link if you’re interested: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
Oh my… I can relate to so many things she talked about. While the struggle is REAL it’s so good to know I’m not alone and that there is hope. I am done letting my childhood circumstances define me, especially the things I had no control over.
Never too late, I'm late 40's in a career change
I'm so glad you did this one. This is so close to my story!! Love this and am loving your book, Anna ❤️❤️
I self sabotaged my entire life. Now 59. I have no education, no career, no friends left because I’ve been through more trauma for past 10 years. I have nothing left. I’m isolating. I’m suffering
Same here, @gracegrace1896
So much hurt here, love and light to you all.
I love this letter. It is so lovely to see how far Christina's instincts and coping mechanisms brought her. I feel her pain and relate very much to her experience. I hope she's doing well. Anna, you're so good at articulating what it's like to have CPTSD. You're like the wise mom that we all needed when we were kids. God bless you
Thanks for sharing these kind words :) -Calista@TeamFairy
This letter cuts so deep. God bless this beautiful woman. My heart breaks for her and I relate to her story so much.
We're so glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
What I really like about your videos is that you don’t tell people that they attract negative situations but rather that you bring situations up as an opportunity to heal
Bingo.
Yep, totally agree. The issue was that she thought she 'should'. That does happen to everyone. I married the guy I didn't love and my child has paid for it through a divorce and painful custody battles. Her gut refused to let her make that type of mistake. I always say that I should have gone to therapy instead of getting married.
This year, the woman I always thought to end up with (or not?) became pregnant from another man she is in love with. We helped each other a lot for a decade, but we were never single at the same time and when we were, it just did not happen. She entered a new relationship as I did. Mine ended and she got pregnant. She is happy, and I'm happy for her, but it hurt, for a while, but for some reason not as bad as I thought it would.
Yes, I suffered a bit, but I realized something. Why did we not end up together? Because we were not in love with each other. We were friends. That's it. Other people never even joked about us as a pair. We were different, in so many ways. It would have made sense on paper, but not each other's heads. We talked about our problems and traumas, but we were not in love. She wasn't, and I never went for it, because deep down, I wasn't as well. I never cried my eyes out about her, and neither did she about me.
The same with THE job I wanted. Covid prevented it from happening and since then I heard so much crap about the reality of the profession, that I'm actually kinda glad, I did not end up there.
Yes, in the past I made decisions motivated by fear, but I did also so much risky stuff, that I can fairly say, that it was not my main motivator. I'm more conscious about fear as motivator now, but my wish for the security I never had is also valid. There must be a middle way.
But the feeling of a piece of glass between me and the world is familiar. I described it as if I was walking in a space suit in public. Like an astronaut on and alien world.
This resonates sooooo much.. I'm 47 and have experienced so much of her story...
I totally agree- it just sounds like Christina just wasn’t into him!
I resonate with this so much. Your words on it are not what I expected and it was really reassuring to hear today. Thank you.
I had to rewatch this - it is SO applicable to where I’m at in life! Thank you!❤
This is something I've started about a week now, and those small steps help bcus I feel comfortable recognizing them as small victories. Thank you.
We're all rooting for you! -Calista@TeamFairy
Anna you are a healer as well as a teacher 🎉😊
Glad you think so!
Nika@TeamFairy
Anna!! Awesome video as always. I just have to say, I can't believe you used to be a Biz Analyst!! 🙈 I feel so seen. I've been a corporate project manager (working with BAs) for the past 5 years and I know this is not for me. Ironically enough, my company is doing a mass layoff after being acquired in Sept and we got the layoff notice 2 weeks ago. So this is the time for me to get clear and honest about what I really want to do. I know exactly what I want, but I'm scared to death to actually make it happen. I've always struggled with being my authentic self after years of trying to be someone else to satisfy my family, friends, teachers, society, etc. But following your advice, I did a small action that I've always wanted to do, which is teach myself fishing. I've always wanted to learn how to fish and lately been very inspired by a fisherwoman youtuber since I'm a woman too. Already I feel so much more empowered and "free" since getting my layoff notice, but even though this is not fixing my work situation. 😂 Well I'll just try to trust this feeling and go with it!
THIS was not only validating. This was inspiring! I can relate to everything you said 🥹 I love the exercise you suggested! Thank you for sharing all of this with us.
I will be 57 in January. I am exactly like this woman, completely!!!
But because I have been this way too long, I feel it is too late. I have no ability to have relationships. I once thought life was out there, but I have gone through too much abuse even in this world. I am completely alone and diagnosed with adhd years ago. I suffer the symptoms, and I take a low dose med if only for depression because I can't tolerate any antidepressant.
I had a man like this for decades, and when I finally allowed this guy in my life, he beat me, broke bones, and tried to destroy my entire life. My life was already broken, but now it's gone. I want out.
Trauma-driven thinking can be discouraging. But never forget: Healing is possible, and it's not too late for you! If you're interested, try Anna's free course The Daily Practice. It is a great way to process fears and resentment, and many people around the world have benefited from it: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
58 is old !! But I’m still hopeful
I’m 59. It’s never too late.
@@tammysummerswoodbeck1353 🤍
I must admire you ladies, I'm going to be 55 in a few weeks and I know it's too late, I'll never be loved. I don't write this to get sympathy or answers. But some of us are just not good enough
@@arianedhaese5206 the mind is an incredible thing feed it kindness feed it, hope because whether you think you can or you think you can’t either way you are right praying you write a beautiful ending
@@arianedhaese5206 I'm 55 in a few weeks too, and I'm in the same place.
Dear Anna, thank you for your videos, so helpful. This one resonates with the experience of many here, I can see. The advice you give here is, in my view, very relevant. I just wanted to give some personal feedback about the daily practice. I've watched so many of your videos and was willing to try the daily practice because you mention it so often and it was such a tremendous help for you. But I don't know why, I could not start ! I did it a few days ago and I must say that I already feel better. After the practice I feel somewhat relieved and free but it really has to be done regularly. Thank you Anna for the excellent advice. And thanks a lot to the community for sharing, it's also a relief to know you're not alone. Bon courage à tous and one step at a time.
I’m not yet in my thirties, but I’m getting closer. This letter was sooooo relatable. For a long time, I used academic to mask my deep emotions since I was a child . That’s just ring an alarm in my head .
Also I’m in the field which I’m not satisfied too. I definitely related to her . But I think writing down your crazy dreams and goals , it does open your eyes up for sure !
Thanks for sharing :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Your advice re the “lost love” was the opposite of my former therapist’s, and YOU WERE RIGHT! It’s hard when the guy pops up in the news now and then, for good things. But you’re right. Move on. Hard as it is. (I admit I’m still hanging on to a couple of his love letters, though😂.) (Or maybe 😢?)
Let go, and I know it is hard. It is the past and not you now. Let the letters go.
Hey, Anna! Thank you so much for what you do. Watching your and Patrick's videos opened up the healing process for me by identifying CPTSD at 28 years old. It helped me to gain courage to find a therapist and I have been working hard on myself for the last 6 months.
I wondered if you have ever thought about doing hypno videos, like self-hypno for calming anxiety etc (working together with a hypno experienced specialist, of course)? Why I ask that is because your voice and your (virtual) presence has become a safe space for many people, for sure- including myself. And my therapist says that's when it works the best. You probably have a lot on your plate already but curiosity made me ask 🙂
my mom always told me what to do and i don’t think i loved the things i did when i was a child even though i said i did. when i finally went off to college and thought i was doing what i wanted, things fell through and relationship trauma happened where my mom said “i told you so”; now i have a hard time finding what i truly want
I hear you. If you're interested, you might like The Daily Practice. It is a good way to get clear about what you really want. Here’s the link to the free course if you’d like to give it a try: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
Sometimes our choices aren’t our own when we have a family and then you are trying to make the “right” decision for everyone. I think it also can take the pressure off the perfect solution. I really relate to her though when I was single.
Oh...yeah that's how I felt at 34...and now Im 47. In spite of struggle to improve my worst fears all came true. Still feel that way. Sometimes there are good days.
I wish CCF was around when I was 34! It’s definitely not too late. It’s possible to start a new career and to find a relationship. I’m 63 and about to start online dating! Not looking to have children and I’m feeling much better about the future than I did at 34 when I was fussing about getting someone to have a baby with etc. none of that is on my agenda now. You got qualifications and a bit of security from your present job so you can take your time to train as a coach or something else. Good luck