How Gentle Parenting Hurts Kids | Guest: Abigail Shrier | Ep 963
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- Опубліковано 15 чер 2024
- Today we're joined by author Abigail Shrier to discuss her newest book, "Bad Therapy: Why the Kids Aren't Growing Up." She dives into the unknown dangers of therapy for children, the differences between worry and anxiety, depression, and sadness and why therapy is different for adults. She also explains the dark motives that fuel some therapists and inevitably cause harm to the family unit as a whole. We discuss whether gentle parenting is a valid parenting style and the dangers of manipulative empathy. Abigail answers a few of the most pressing questions about mental health, such as: Is therapy the "responsible" thing to do? What is "social emotional learning," and why is it in our children's schools? And is the widespread use of antidepressants an example of social contagion?
Get Abigail's new book here: www.amazon.com/Bad-Therapy-Ki...
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Timecodes:
00:00 Intro
01:30 “Bad Therapy”
03:00 "Irreversible Damage"
04:30 Side effects of therapy
09:00 How therapy is different for adults
17:40 Group therapy
20:47 Therapy in schools
27:00 Empathy
36:25 Gentle parenting & its effects
58:34 Are there good things about therapy?
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How Gentle Parenting Hurts Kids | Guest: Abigail Shrier | Ep 963
Homemaking, homeschooling mom of four for eighteen years now. My best advice is to be loving with your kids but FIRM. Mean what you say and don’t feel guilty for saying no. Your kid doesn’t need you to be their therapist, they need you to love them enough to train them. Ignore the trends, and do what comes naturally as a mom.
Great advice !
Mom-ing does not come naturally to me. Hence videos like this one.
Yes!
It doesn’t come natural to me either. I want to raise my child completely opposite to how I was raised. I have chosen to go the gentle parenting route (not permissive parenting) and have no experience with it. I only know discipline to mean spanking, yelling, and isolation (time out). Now I’m parenting with discipline as a form of teaching, not harm. But it’s definitely hard and most of the work is me unlearning harmful behaviors such as reacting and exploding.
@@AandM8 exactly. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. It's Spirit -filled guidance which we model by imitating Christ. Those who grew up in angry households are breaking generational ruts and I'm right there with you. My kids get disciplined, trained, and instructed, not berated or humiliated. They know both love and justice. And it's the hardest thing I've ever done.
I’m 61 with 2 adult daughters who are self sufficient, helpful, others-centered women in their 20’s. We taught them that feelings are not reliable; you can’t stop them from rising up. What you can do is know right from wrong and choose. Choices are in your control, you can make choices no matter how you feel. Usually the choice to just choose to do the next right thing will bring feelings into line. Choice is the leader, feelings the follower; not the other way around.
Excellent, 2 great books of holocaust survivors wrote about it Chioce and Frankel
Sooo well said!!
Love this!!
This is a very practical perspective.
Why didn't Abigail descended earlier to us
I think the whole thing is that they'll grow out of their feelings, so don't make it the center of everything. Consistent and firm parenting will win the race.
Yup and it teaches that they are the center of the world.
Maybe, parents need to admit it is the hardest right thing to do. When I had my first child I was so full of myself I need to say that with my second I've found a blog and books who really helped me to do better, to be more sure that I can do it.
As a therapist, I found myself questioning the field as a whole because of the risks and potentials of harm and just the amount of power given therapists, so I stopped practicing for a while to try and figure out what the heck it's all about. Thankful for Abigail's work, it confirms a lot of what I was just sensing about the field honestly
Wow, can you expound a little? Have you gone back into the practicing? What is your view? Do you think there is a middle ground? Very interested in your brief thoughts(don’t want to take much of your time).
@@Snappypantsdance yes I'm happy to share more! I haven't gotten back into practicing actually. I just see so much harm and victimhood in people now, over diagnosis, self-diagnosis, therapist abuse of power (basically because you have clients who share everything with you and you don't share anything personal with them so it creates a major power imbalance that can and has gotten abused). And I realized if people knew how to be in relationships with other people and connect to others in a real , genuine way, they wouldn't need to spend heaps of money talking to therapists. I think people really need to learn how to be in relationships with other people and support each other and love each other and that that's what's missing in our world and that's what therapy is trying to fill, but ultimately won't, because it's a paid, one -sided relationship. I think we've become so disconnected from each other in today's world, and people rely on therapy to replace that organic human connection. So I'm not 100% sure now whether there are benefits that are worth the risks, but I haven't come to any definitive conclusions yet, and don't know the research on it that well (probably also some dissonance about the amount of time, work, money I put into being trained in this field lol as well as realizing I may not have actually been helping people as I thought).
I'm honestly still in a place of untangling what I learned in the field and what was helpful vs what was actually unhelpful - there has been a lot I have had to unpack and unlearn tbh!
Same boat. Former therapist who left to stay home and raise our kids. Zero desire to go back with where the therapeutic culture is at right now. There is a lot to untangle and discern.
Same here!@@softeningheartstherapy
That's so thoughtful and really brave! 🙏🏻 I'll go on and read your next comment now
One of my friends became a therapist in her forties and she's a wise woman, seven years older than me, I always seek her advise, as I know many of our values align and her kids are older, she's been through a lot.
I can't be her patient but that's an example of someone I see as authority I would trust.
But what about all the others? Not so sure
As a Christian therapist I appreciate this talk. Many of us faith based therapists/counselors agree with what you are saying.
Yea, but at the same time as a therapist, I'm sure you are aware that many kids are in homes that are dangerous for them and need to talk with you at times. Therapy has also saved countless lives from suicide I don't agree with demonising the profession and generalising.
I’m a CIT (will be LPC) and agree with some of what is being said but I don’t like the lumping of all therapists and therapies together. A counselor has a different philosophy than a psychologist who has a different philosophy than a social worker. A counselor (LPC) is working from a wellness model with a developmental approach that is going to say the angry teen might be angry just because teens are angry and then work on life skills to deal with it.
And many many who work in mental health are worried about over medication and the change in language.
In your professional opinion how do you know if you have a good therapist
Kids are DESPERATE for a leader. If parents won’t lead, you can be sure someone else will be happy to fill the void.
I got so lucky. I have real mental health issues, due to childhood abuse, genetics, and multiple health issues. When I started therapy as a teen in 1994; my therapist saw that my mother was the issue, but still held me accountable for my own feelings. People validated my trauma, but told me that I was responsible for my reactions and healing. I cannot imagine how bad off I would be, if I was a teen in therapy now! Therapy and family discipline are supposed to help you to become able to emotionally regulate and integrate with society. I LOVED the therapy agd and 12 step programs, because I received tools, and tough love. Im sad to see things that saved me ruined with a woke mentality.
Preschool teacher here... This might be the most important, culturally relevant conversation ever ...
I thought my parents were awful when I was a teenager up until I had a child in my late 30’s. I went to therapy for a number of years and instead of working on my own real issues the therapist blamed my mom, determined she was a narcissist and convinced me to not be in contact with her. My mom isn’t a narcissist, she was protective and wanted the best for me with tough love and now that I’m a mom I totally understand her. I don’t agree with every thing she said and did but I get it and I love my mom more than I ever did.
That is so sad that this therapist almost ruined your relationship. This is all over tik tok too- people giving all these kids advice to go “no contact” because they perceive expectations as toxic
Sorry that it was your experience but therapy worked brilliantly for me. There is a lot of research that goes into finding a good therapist to and finding one with the right specificiations.
Yeah, and it's all sort of like normal? I went through a phase too... Then I've got my own kids and was like "oh, I just hope I'll do as good as job as my parents! They are still together, my mom is a very involved grandma, her kids are ok, we both take care of our parents and each other. That's a good result!
I almost went down that path. I'm 33 and my dad still stresses me a lot but I love him to death and appreciate the sacrifices he made raising us. I had to work on things and learnt how to navigate our relationship. I'm not going to beat up an aging parent in his late 70s who worked 7 days a week to ensure that we were well fed, well clothed and well provided for. My job is to work on not repeating the mistakes my parents made. I strongly believe that my parents never once woke up and said, "today, we are going to be the worst parents to our children." We are all humans and make mistakes.😊
As a therapist, I agree with a lot of Abigail’s position (not relying on DSM diagnoses & conceptualization of them; focusing only on feelings). I do however want to make a case for those of us who look to help clients & families & do not adopt many of the principles she mentions. As a therapist
who works with kids (as well as teens & adults), I require meeting with the parents of kids because really we’re treating the system (the family). Often there’s a lot of work to be done with the parents (e.g., helping a mother understand why she feels guilty giving consequences to her children or even over-correction with harsh punishment, no grace). Typically it’s working with the root of the problem, so that we have better long-term outcomes.
Also, there are many children who come in who have relational/attachment trauma (neglect of parent(s); abuse history; foster care) who need to develop a feelings vocabulary to ask for needs. Most trauma based therapists know kids need structure, particularly those who have a trauma history, so not all therapists align with lack of boundaries & structure. They need an adult to be reliable & unchanging much like our reliance on God.
I said this in another comment but I’ll say it here too. As a counselor in training (future LPC) I picked the philosophy I wanted to study under carefully. Social Workers, Psychologists, Marriage & Family Therapists, and Counselors have very different philosophical underpinnings. LPC work from a wellness model, the rest from an illness model. That makes a huge difference.
Totally agree. Have you read the whole book? It’s very interesting. I think there are wonderful therapists out there for children, but what she shared about the school system and counselors in most schools, both public and private, and how they’ve fully embraced a therapeutic model that ultimately affects most children in this generation, even if they haven’t experienced the trauma that you would see in your kiddos.
Well said! As a Christian therapist, I agree with you completely. This is a wide sweeping opinion that doesn’t account for a therapist’s techniques or goals. It is unethical to magnify everyday issues for the sake a billing. A therapist could and SHOULD use their license for this behavior. It’s a bit infuriating to hear all of this bashing against caring for mental health.
@@Elizabeth-cg9xnwhat therapeutic model are we even talking about? She never says
I remember going to therapy as a young teenager and it was not helpful. I do remember the therapists trying to get me to develop a feelings vocabulary. I was a very difficult kid and was very stuck. my parents were stuck too, ultimately we terminated therapy.
So looking back at my experience my therapist may have been trying to do the right thing but was not successful.
Absolutely agree with this! Thank you Allie for talking about this. We are on Australia and this is being taught and pushed in the schools. I have 3 son's. One of my son's was a mess, so anxious couldn't get him out the car or to stay in the classroom. The school wanted me to get him a psychologist and get him labelled as adhd, autistic etc. They has us using occupational therapy and all sorts. They made me feel like I had no idea how to parent, that I was stupid.
My youngest was in his first year of school (5yrs & 6yr olds) and most days evacuated out of his class due to another child's violent behaviour. My son was bitten, a chair thrown at him, just to name a few. The school would not discipline the child but remove everyone else!
My eldest was I last year of primary school (12yr olds) and one day they sprung a coming out party for a child changing their gender. They did not let any of us parents know beforehand because that was what the child wanted. I was removed from volunteering because we spoke up about it.
We now homeschool our children and have for 2yrs, they are all thriving and doing well. My middle son no longer has anxiety or any learning difficulties, he is a different child out of that awful environment.
I've been in therapy since 2009(since I was 27). I have found that it's helped me to grow up, and helped me think of how my actions effect others. I think that one needs a balance between self-awareness & outward-facing issues being dealt with.
Really proud of you ❤ so thankful God has worked in your life through therapy!! Same for me. ❤
Mostly from what I’ve seen with “gentle parenting” is a lot of sassy and bratty kids yelling at their parents as they grow up. No respect at all. I think this is where the “wait til you have teenagers” line comes from. I have three so far and I absolutely love it! They are very respectful, they help well with their younger siblings, and none of them have yelled or even sassed back to either parent. I don’t think there’s ANY parent expert cause we all have different children, but as parents we can figure out what works for each child. One thing in my 16.5 yo of parenting I’ve realized at any age is consistency. You can’t just threaten something, always follow through with your word. Children learn quickly, mom means what she says. I love going out in public with all my children and having people shocked with how well behaved my kids are. “I only have two kids and I can’t control them, I don’t know how you do it?! I suppose with a lot of kids, they just HAVE to behave!” 🤣🤣 yes, they just naturally fall in line cause they know there’s a lot of us 🤦🏼♀️ if your kids have rules at home and can follow them, they will be able to in public too!
I’ve seen a little of that, but I’ve gotten feedback from older friends that they primarily observe the cause being a total LACK of parenting AT ALL.
🙄 Can’t stand rude kids
@@Shiboyscuz adults are never rude right
Judging kids as “sassy and bratty” says more about you than anything else
@@ides1red can't stand them even more! They produce rude little children! What is your point? It is obvious that they are at fault and are prime examples!
I've seen effective child therapy using cognitive/behavioral techniques that focuses on coping/calming techniques, identifying emotions, and ensuring that emotions are discussed in a healthy manner. My kids have learned to express their emotions openly, but without the "YOU NEVER" or "YOU ALWAYS" but rather, "Right now, I'm feeling X about Y actions." As a kid, I was raised to gaslight myself that I was fine with poor treatment or that I wasn't feeling what I was feeling or that my emotions weren't valid for whatever reason. It's been a blessing to have given my kids the opportunity to tune into themselves, self regulate, and then express themselves in a healthy manner. Oh, and we still ground them from screens when grades are down or there's ugly behavior on their end, lol.
Thank you for putting it into words. I love gentle parenting. It has helped me heal from my abusive, neglectful, emotionally repressive, etc "childhood". And my daughter will never have to bury her feelings until she falls apart like I did. Supporting my feelings has been very healing for me.
I really wish that people who believe this denialism weren't in care ministries or mental health fields. They will further damage severely traumatized victims. I know from trying biblical counselors. I was blamed for my ptsd, executive function issues, and physical illness.
Maybe this works for a time or for some who haven't been truly destroyed. But this will drain the color out of your life.
@@AlashliafamThere seem to be many interpretations to "gentle parenting". Being emotionally savvy as described above is not the same. "Gentle" parenting is horrific on the children because it puts the children in the adult seat and the adult in the kid seat. I wish you all the best. With that said, your children are not your therapists and it is abusive to them to use them as such. Figure yourself out asap and be the strong person they need for you to be.
@@juliafox52 You're talking about some other kind of parenting. Possibly permissive.
Who needs to get emotion checks frequently? It's nonsense. Your teens won't even go there with you, so you're pretending.
My parents gave me the best therapy. (I’m being facetious. They were just regular old-fashioned people trying their best to follow the Bible.)
I remember being young, 6 or 7 years old, and it was one of my chores to go outside and water our two raised bed gardens every day. They felt about 30’ long to me back then, and I had to wind the hose back up nicely when I was done. It was in one of those quiet moments by myself that I first seriously contemplated that I needed a personal Saviour.
“Empathy is neither necessary nor sufficient for doing good in this world.” Excellent line.
Jesus was empathetic, wasn’t he?
I listened to that about three times. I agree.
@@Lisasoundso He was also perfect and knew the truth. When he met the woman at the well, did he say that her sin was ok because he was empathetic? No, she was called out on her sin because of his love for her. There are times when Jesus and our Father God act out of empathy. But they are all-knowing. And sometimes they act out of wrath or righteous, depending on the situation. I think this video describes empathy well by calling it morally neutral. It isn’t right, wrong, necessary, nor sufficient to do good. It isn’t itself a (little g) god. But people have put it up on that pedestal as an idol as if Empathy is the measure of good we should compare ourselves to. It is not. Jesus is the measure and we are already condemned and saved by grace through faith.
@@abbybrunet in summary: God is love, but love is not mere empathy. Jesus is more than just empathy.
@@Lisasoundsoas was said in the interview, “empathy has to be submissive to Truth in order for it to be loving”. Such a perfect statement.
I was in a gym class yesterday. There was a new participant who was a woman around 20-25. After class, she told the teacher that she had social anxiety and was trying to find classes she liked. The teacher applauded her for trying the class. The young woman said that she doesn't have any trouble trying new things, she just was uncomfortable approaching new people one on one and having a conversation. And I thought, oh, she is a little shy. Like me. I'm shy and have lived 63 years. I've had to push myself into new situations my whole life. It's just a personality trait.
100 % correct. I'm a more shy person, but I've had to throw myself out there. And now I am reaching my more shy daughter to do the same.
This one made me think....because I, too, would not say I'm shy, but I tend to claim social anxiety. I would say I have a hard time chatting with new people (shy) and the people that I do chat with regularly I constantly overanalyze if I'm saying the right thing or being socially appropriate and having decorum. Maybe the latter example is more social anxiety or is this a common occurrence with shy people.
Yes! Every other person says they have anxiety. Ummmm…noooo. You might be anxious in some circumstances. That’s normal. You deal. It doesn’t have to be your identity though.
Everything that feels the slightest bit challenging these days is labelled 'anxiety' and requires therapy, essential oils, meditation, a service dog, and, possibly, chemical intervention.
@@citytrees1752Unfortunately, it's usually thr chemical intervention that is tried first.
Abigail Shrier is brilliant. I appreciate her curiosity about our society's problems and her willingness to honestly investigate. She is so articulate and has a lot of wisdom. She makes a very convincing case here.
As someone with early childcare experience, younger children especially need strong guidance and rules-they need to hear the word NO! We had so many behavioral issues from little ones, violent acts towards others and lying. When brought to parents, they accused teachers of lying or at the very best they’d say that they would “work on it” at home. Then come back the next day and tell teachers very loudly, “ohhh if little timmy hits today we wont get that big fire truck toy he wants” as if that’s going to work.
Gentle parenting seems like a big excuse to not have to really parent, but to just band aid the problem under the disguise of “feelings”
Ugh yes. I’ve seen this a lot. What does this teach those other kids who chose to behave the whole time? So wrong headed
The conversation on empathy was eye opening for me. Love these women.
I was a Nanny for 20 years and saw gentle parenting by lazy parents. I also saw traditional parenting. By far, the happiest kids were those parented traditionally. The parents had firm boundaries and consequences. You can parent traditionally and hold your kid accountable for their actions without yelling and shaming. You can give age appropriate consequences without being too harsh. People say," Gentle parenting isn't permissive parenting ". Ummm.....yes it is. People who practice gentle parenting are very permissive. It doesn't prepare kids for the real world. In the real world there are consequences....not just talking about feelings.
Many of us were raised in healthy homes with parents who were strict. I am so thankful for my parents and how they raised us.
Loved this episode.
The number one way to get depressed is to hyper focus on your feelings. Stop making feelings primary for your kids. Instead of asking my kids "how did that make you feel?" I ask "how will you fix this problem?" Equip and empower them. Stop victimizing them.
Excellent advice 💜💜💜
Yes!
Love this
Do you have any advice to balance those two? like sure, expecting them to fix the problem is good but what if they DO feel sad and just need to talk it out.
I've been on Zoloft for almost 10 years for PTSD due to childhood cancer treatments. My two year old son is my driving force to keep my emotions in check. I don't want him to go through what I went through. I've stayed home with him since he was born, so I'm his main model for how to handle his emotions. I pray to God he never goes through the same things I've gone through.
I am a faith informed and respecting Christian therapist. While I agree that we have overused trauma informed care and agree with several criticisms….
I also see daily that the family is in shambles, marriages are undermined, porn is rampant, gender roles (let alone identity) are upside down, schools are more tech focused than relationship taught, etc. The answer is not no therapy. The answer is better therapy. Not humanist focused but remembering the sin condition and how it infects our thoughts, beliefs, emotions, and behaviors. Helping to guide and remember repentance, forgiveness and walking in sanctification.
Yes!! I’m so grateful for gospel centered therapists! My husband leads a ministry which runs discipleship programs and occasionally we get students who arrive with trauma or true disorders that are beyond what our ministry staff are trained to walk someone through. We NEED as many Christian mental health professionals as possible! Thank you for your work!
Former therapist here. This is just my personal opinion, but I truly feel at some point Christian therapists are really going to have to break apart from their state licensure and professional associations (like the ACA). What you are talking about stands at odds with standards of practice that are rooted in a deeply secular and humanistic framework. When I was in grad school, Christian professionals in Nebraska were trying to obtain the right to refer clients who were seeking abortions to another provider as a matter of conscience. My professor told our class any provider who felt compelled to take such a measure was practicing client abandonment and had no business in the field. He said if the counselor could not separate their own values from the client’s they were not fit to be in the field. It has only grown worse with gender affirming care. As long as a therapist is tied to professional organizations and state licensure, there will be a liability for not practicing in the established framework. Of course this means that Christian therapists would lose the ability to receive insurance payments, but I think a sharp distinction needs to be made to protect Christian therapists from liability.
True repentance and submission to God and His word should allow one to not need a licensed therapist. You wouldn’t believe the trauma my husband has been through and not a single session was needed, just the work of the Lord.
I so appreciate you. YES we need Christian therapists. God has done so much work in my life through my Christian therapist. Truly, I am a different person because God worked through this therapist to help guide me through years of fear, misery, depression, perfectionism, and more.
Here, let's reframe the concept of sin, because you will not motivate secular folks with "obeying god." Sin is what separates us from our community. It's what undermines our connections to each other. It's bad. And even for a non religious person, the concept is sound, and should be what motivates our behaviour, not feelings.
This was a really interesting episode to listen to! As a Christian currently in a master's program to become a clinical mental health counselor, I feel convicted to share a few things. I tried ignoring the feeling but I know that's not what I am meant to do as a believer, so some of my thoughts are below:
- I think the general idea of therapy being a large component of why a generation isn't growing up is a bit unfair. I think it would be more accurate, although probably difficult, to identify the therapists whose clients could be categorized as "not wanting to grow up" and then determine what those therapists' do in therapy. This can consist of what theoretical orientation they're taking (if they're taking one at all, which it would be a problem if they weren't), if their practices can be considered ethical and abide by their governing body's code of ethics (such as the ACA for licensed counselors), and if the client is actually taking what is discussed from therapy into their every day life. A therapy session is typically only 50 minutes once a week - the client is expected to apply what has been learned outside of session, too.
- The idea of diagnosing someone with a mental illness is something many therapists/counselors don't like either! The standard to diagnose a mental illness in The US is to follow the most current version of the DSM and its guidelines to diagnose. It's important that if a clinician chooses to diagnose someone with a mental illness, to explain how they have reached that conclusion and how that piece of information will benefit the therapeutic process. In addition to this, oftentimes a mental illness needs to be "diagnosed" for insurance to cover therapy. If one is not identified and coded, then typically insurance won't cover the cost. This doesn't make it okay to throw diagnoses around, but it is a fact worth knowing I think.
- There is oversight in therapy, or at least there should be in an ethical practice! Clinicians are expected to have a supervisor and receive supervision in regard to their practice, their medical notes, etc. If you are a parent of a child going to therapy and you are concerned with the efficacy of their therapist's practice, you can definitely ask them who their supervisor is and raise your concerns. Also, you can definitely report a licensed clinciain, be it LPC, LCSW, PsyD, whatever, to their governing body if you believe they are practicing in a harmful manner. These things are in place to ensure a clinician remains in check and if need be, they can lose their license to practice.
- If in a classroom the reason they are sharing emotional stories is for the sake of just sharing emotional stories, that is so harmful! The intention of why that is taking place is necessary and must be kept in mind the whole time. If the intention is to show common experiences with one's classmates, or practice mindfulness, or identify what a certain emotion feels like, that all makes sense because there is a purpose in it. If there is no true beneficial intention, then it sounds cruel to me.
- I was under the impression that gentle parenting is still "authoritative," but it leans more on the child understanding why they're being told to do something in order for them to gain this internal desire to continue doing these things, as opposed to doing what they're told to do because they're scared of their parent. If someone's sole parenting style is to teach their children to do something because if not they will really dislike the punishment, someone will end up raising a very good liar; the child's goal in this scenario is typically to avoid having their parents be upset, creating very good liars, rather than the child's goal being to do the "right thing" based on their internal drive.
** my intention with sharing these thoughts is to shed light on some information about mental health clinicians that I think is relevant and important and to share my opinion on some points raised based on my studies in this field.
This entire video shows massive correlations, with no actual evidential links. Just assumptions after untested assumptions, and that's really frightening to see in this platform.
It is painfully clear what components are missing from this video: kids have massive amounts of access to information like never before. The late stage capitalism we live in today has destroyed their ability to have personal economic freedom - hence the lack of having kids in the future. Oh, and kids aren't driving as much and staying at home? It couldn't be because the cost of living is astronomically higher now than it was in their parents' day is it?
There's a reason these kids are so damaged, and it's the generations before them that created literally all of these problems. This entire podcast is a clearcut case of gaslighting and projection.
Fellow therapist here. Thank you for writing this. I feel there is a growing number of people in the conservative community especially criticizing therapy without much knowledge of it.
@@adriennemoore2380 I appreciate your response! God bless you :)
@zachormsby9619
Where there is a will, there is a way. My adult kids all bought houses in this market, on one income. They went to college, paid for schooling with kids of their own. All of them are law abiding, good people who grew up knowing that they are responsible for their own lives. They were taught to suck it up.
@@intheknow9794 this is very much all well and good. I'm happy that your family did not have the issues that the overwhelming majority of the population do have, and here are the most basic facts as they are:
Rent in 1990 was, on average, $500. Wages, on average, were $30,000.
Rent today is almost $2,000. Wages, on average, are $50,000.
Rents and mortgage payments have essentially quadruped in 30 years. Wages have not even doubled. This does not even take into account all other expenses in simply existing in 2024.
Given these facts alone, is it possible for you to have a bit of empathy and understanding for the current and future generations just getting their feet wet in the workforce? The job market is tightening, living expenses continue to increase, yet the wages associated do not keep up. Oh and let's not forget how corporate profits continue to skyrocket with increased margins and executive pay continues to outpace every other metric by entire orders of magnitude.
Something has to give, and the inequality we live in under the existing economic model is worse than the great depression, and in line with serfdom levels.
It is unsustainable, and will eventually lead to a collapse. This collapse will fall squarely on the younger generations. We need to prepare for this. There are no bootstraps that can be pulled hard enough to account for this.
Re: why have we gotten so much gentler? A friend of mine from high school became a therapist. She visited our home to reconnect after a long while. She disagreed with our parenting decisions and reminded us multiple times that she is a mandatory reporter to the state, and while she didn’t think anything we did warranted a report, that threat hung over our heads the whole time she was here. Creepy.
lol, something tells me that she hasn’t been invited back all that much ;)!
Wow what a weirdo. Your friend, not you. Why even bother mentioning that?? You were invited into someone else’s home. It’s like she was trying to get you to “shape up” or something
How weird ,I'd of told her where to go. 😂
I think the surveillance we're under at all times has affected our confidence as parents. There's always someone there ready to tattle, ready to post a video to social media, ready to tell the world or the powers that be that you're not complying. Tattle tales like your friend think of themselves as virtuous (well I'm a mandatory reporter!) when they're really just hall monitors on a power trip. She sounds like a nightmare.
Good bye friend. I would not be around them. I would be paranoid
This was a great discussion, but I would like to add one thing to the scenario of the boy hitting his sister. The message that the sister is receiving is that it is OK for boys to hit girls and that the parent doesn’t care enough to stop them from being hurt.
Work in a middle school. There is a "cell phone policy ", but reinforcing it is a huge challenge. And now with air pods, they don't even have to have their phones out. They kids have little to no vision. They are super lazy. They really believe they will be rich and or famous just for being themselves! As a grandmother, I see first hand this "gentle parenting " and I know my grandkids are heading the wrong way.
My mom works in a middle school and says the same thing. It’s so sad.
I work with middle schoolers at a local church just filming the youth announcements once a month. And you are spot on there was no spark in these kids. Couldn't get any feelings out of em and I would see them around outside of filming and still have that blankness. Pray for these kids 🙏
I’m not a parent but I’ve been helping take care of my two younger siblings pretty much since they were born and they are now 8th graders. They don’t take their phones to school and do just fine. Grades are great and always get positive feedback from their teachers. The only thing that trips them up is when they start hanging around the wrong “friends” but I try to steer them away from that. Thank God. They are really great young teenagers.
We affirmed the feelings of our children and now our grandchildren...but we still teach them how to respectfully communicate those feelings and still make good decisions and once we could say for certain they understood the lesson age appropriately we held them accountable. Feelings are a given...accountability has to be taught and highly valued.
Just came here for all the "That's not true gentle parenting" comments
Yes, how we define terms is important 👍
Here I am!😂
This comment is good, lol 😅
@Maddy-gl8yh That is because gentle parenting doesn't work. Their brains are not developed enough. I have a 5 year old and 2 year old. I have tried talking to them calmly, and it goes right over their heads... even my 5 year old. What works? Time out, room time, getting toys taken away, and on rare occasions when they just will not listen and nothing else is working 2 or 3 swats on the behind (I know that is controversial these days).
Like the "it's not true communism" argument...
We need to teach our kids that “Feelings” are not smart! They only feel. We can’t depend on them. We need to be rooted and grounded in the word of God! If your foundation and security is in Christ then you will not be easily swayed by your surrounding and others.
Very well said!👍
I agree with this. I'm always surprised to hear people constantly say "your feelings are valid" meaning let them rule your entire life. I had periods of heightened anxiety which was not actually rooted in reality- I was putting pressure on myself but was not chased by a tiger so actually that emotion was invalid lol
5 gentle parented. I think permissive parenting is really the issue.. Dr William Sears I think promoted the gentle parenting or attachment parenting idea. It was never to be permissive. It was to be bonded and close to your kids and then to teach your children right and wrong while being respectful in your parenting. All of his kids either worked with him or became doctors just like he was. But some people think that gentle parenting means to just let your kid do whatever they want
Just came here to tell you your makeup is flawless and you look beautiful!
Fantastic interview. I'm looking forward to reading her new book. Thanks for having Abigail on your show, Allie!
Such a great conversation. I was in the new age and loved gentle parenting... My child was crazy... Getting everything she wants, pandering to her every emotion, I was exhausted. When I came to faith God completely changed my view on how I should parent... Thank God whilst my girls are still young. Do not spare the rod (discipline) changed everything. My home is a much more stable place and I'm a single parent of 2 little ones!! I can't pander to both their constant emotions all day it's ridiculous. So grateful this us being highlighted here.
another great episode exposing the psychobabble that so many people are blind to
Really good episode! Parenting is hard and to me seems harder these days with so many different standards, all the new technology and judgement running rampant.
By the grace of God my sons turned out really well.. not that it was all sunshine and roses by any means.
My humble advice is love your kids, be strong in your rearing of them, don’t listen to so many “experts” and use Biblical principles as your guide.
I'm an adult 33 with my own children. 5+
The best thing my parents did for me was introduced me to Christ, placed that foundation. ✝️🥳
Were they perfect as parents, I don't think so, but neither will I be. I will be the parent God has assigned to my children, which is a tough love mama, as my parents were assigned to me. ♥️✝️
I want nothing more than to spend eternity with Jesus and worship him here with my being, may my son's and our generations have relationship with the one who created them. ♥️ In Jesus name, amen. 😊
@@GodSoLoved.Yeshua Excellent excellent advice and perspective! ❤️
Exactly. What does Christ require of us as parents? To walk in His ways, to imitate His life, and to train our children according to His word. We really overcomplicate things looking for methods and formulas.
May I ask if u spanked / disciplined ur kids? Sorry if the question is too invasive.
Thank you! I’m a Christian public school teacher and this year they are trying to get us to start every lesson with asking kids to identify how they’re feeling on a spectrum from angry to depressed to ecstatic. You know what happens every time? Kids that had previously been chipper and engaged identify the bad emotions, their expressions and attitudes change, and they start focusing on all the bad things that they perceive happening to them (most of the time it’s bad things that happen to us all- I woke up late, etc). Then for at least 20 minutes they milk it, wanting sympathy and pity from each other. It gets in the way of learning. And it teaches them to get attention for their perceived victimhood. This will lead to neurotic and narcissistic behavior.
We are keeping kids in their limbic brains by engaging in this practice . Not good .
Sorry, but isn't there like another thing after they tell all the bad things happened to them? like telling them it's gonna be alright and such
Public school teacher here-going on year 19 in the classroom. I can't tell you how much I have been preaching this & felt like it has been falling on deaf ears! Our kids need consequences at home. If they don't get them from parents, life and a police officer will be happy to teach them those consequences!
TAKE THE PHONES AWAY WHEN NEEDED. TAKE THE PHONES OUT OF SCHOOLS.
yes!! Society has made me feel guilty for disciplining my son and giving him consequences to his actions and behaviors.
@@brush412don’t let them guilt you. It’s their way of manipulating you. It’s getting insane.
I'm a therapist... I have had success with (over time) helping my teen clients grow in self acceptance and end I changing their minds in wanting to go the medical route. But, I do see many colleagues go the opposite direction in this conversation. But! We're out there...
That’s wonderful! I wish I could find one for myself.
Right. I'm a social worker and I actually make SEL lessons but they are not at all what she is describing. I actually incorporate morals and values that used to be learned at home that we seem to be lacking today.
How can one reverse the negative effects of bad counseling on a 20yo??
For most healthy children coming from good homes, introducing difficult topics isnt helpful unless they bring things up and want to talk or ask questions.
However, for children who have experienced real trauma they sometimes need an adult or professional to help them navigate unbelievably challenging hurts and damage. I still value the wakeup calls Christian, conservative therapists have given me - a great balance of "what happened is not OK" and "you can strengthen yourself and move on bc there is nothing inherently wrong with you"
In an attempt to normalize and make this essential help available to silent sufferers, maybe society has strayed to the opposite end of the spectrum to pathologizing everything. How do we help those who truly need support without harming those dont?
I have a 20 year old in this boat, but we didn’t do gentle parenting, I was an enabler and now trying to get off this ride. I see this so much as an educator and parent. My own issue was not having good boundaries, enabling, and healing from the pandemic. Thank you for this, interesting. I had no idea, I see risk aversion in so many.
I am so glad I started therapy and medication at 27 years old. I have lived enough to realize I DO need help. I am glad I wasn’t made to think of my problems as my identity as a teenager (and I would have) I see it happening with my teenage sister and her friends. Even just the fact they have a therapist solidifies their identity.
Sorry, stupid question but is it bad that I go to therapy and take meds as a 17 y.o?
Listening to this book the last couple days!! SO much truth!
So glad to finally hear someone speak on this.
Allie- the way you described your relationship with your parents and then your kids is EXACTLY how I feel.
I have been seeing a Christian based counselor for about two years. IDK how regular counseling works, but I really do feel that her counsel has helped me to love my parents and family more.
And understand that people aren't "out to get me".
I’m a therapist who came to the profession later than most, so I have a more Gen X philosophy when it comes to working with kids and their parents. Which is to say I encourage parents to tell their kids no and to set boundaries and basically not take any crap from their child because that child is living in their house. I encourage husbands to stand up for their wives when their sons or daughters are being disrespectful and vice versa. And it’s sad to hear and see parents continue to let themselves be walked on by their kids. I’ve even had parents push back and say they can’t bear the thought of their kid telling them they hate them for being told no.
I was so sad, in the 80’s, when stranger-danger started & I had to warn my kids & make them check in everytime they rode their bikes around the block. I felt like I was taking away their innocence.
But that was a outside danger. This is an ‘inside’ danger (& actually more scary because it is affecting most children today). It’s coming at them thro schools, therapists, even neighbors who follow these beliefs.
Parents beware!
My parents would let me stay at almost any friends house… that won’t happen with my kids and I’m super heartbroken about it. Some of my favorite memories are from sleep overs. Thankfully nothing happened to me and I chose friends whose beliefs aligned with our family. However, you just never know anymore.
I homeschool, but I have an aspergers child who is 14. He seems to take on feelings he sees on TV or if he sees suicide, he feels suicidal. If my son had to go to class and talk about trauma, it may actually trigger suicidal thoughts. I had to stop him from going over to my mother in laws house because she was allowing all kinds of inappropriate things to be watched on her TV, and when there was one thing on TV of someone cutting their wrist, she told my son "that's not how you do it" and then proceeded to tell my aspergers son how to actually cut your wrists to cause the most damage and bleeding. She's super depressing to be around and I had to keep my kids from being around her. I could not imagine sending my kids to class to go sit around talking about trauma and pain and then have at least one of my kids end the night in a huge meltdown having to call the mental hospital. That's the affect that sort of thing could have on my son.
So happy to have found your channel. Love to see well researched women discussing these important topics!
Just found this channel and subscribed. Holy. WOW. Please don’t stop banging this drum !! You’re onto something.
I just ordered her book! Loved the interview! I hope parents will take their rightful place and lovingly and firmly parent their kids!
I’m going to buy her book- thanks for sharing!! Love this!
Great interview! Thanks! Now we need to get the word out!
This was a great episode. It gave words to something that has bothered me, but I couldn't totally identify why. Everyone needs to listen to this!!
This was SO GOOD. Thank y'all.
Great episode! Thank you!!
Excellent interview and ideas!!
This was such a great conversation!
When my daughter was in ninth grade, she was required to read I NEVER PROMISED YOU A ROSE GARDEN by Joanne Greenberg. For days afterwards she was sad and depressed. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong until I read the book. Then her sadness made sense; what a dark story! It’s not good for a 14 year old to read something so depressing! That age student needs to be reading lovely literature that makes their spirits soar!
It's pretty apropiatte for her age. It's fine to feel sad sometimes.
My parents had a rule that I was not allowed to spend the night at a friend's house if that friend had an older brother. I often felt left out, restricted, and hurt. Now, hearing about things that happened to friends of mine, I am so grateful for their firmness in that particular (and other) decision.
The only house I was allowed to stay at was the home of a single mother. There was a slightly older brother, but we were all still young.
This conversation was so helpful to me!
Abigail- a woman of wisdom like her biblical namesake
Great episode, thanks!
Allie, I hope that you will allow for a balanced discussion on this topic and invite Flourishing Homes and Families on to your podcast for an interview.
I absolutely agree!! Flourishing Families has so much well researched content. I recently did a podcast episode on the misconceptions of gentle parenting… because there are so many videos like this one that are completely one sided!
I do get concerned with influencers like Allie because right now Gentle Parenting is “trending” and from a business perspective I can see why she keeps talking about it. I wish she would research both sides of it and bring a more well rounded approach. All I heard in this episode was permissive parenting.. which is not gentle parenting!
As I watched this interview, it was evident that both of these women were in their masculine energy.. and I wonder if they could soften into their feminine… could they see this from a different perspective??
All of that to say, I vote for her to have a gentle parenting “expert” like Flourishing Families on to bring a different perspective ❤️
🙄🙄
@@melaniewilliams2972 I guess I don’t understand why you’re rolling your eyes. Can you explain? I don’t want to assume that you’re being rude…
What is gentle parenting? It appears like a word parents will use differently. Meaning not every home will do it the same way.
@@slowishparentingoh stop. Everything doesn’t have to have a brand. Gentle parenting is completely made up which is why there is no set way to do it. Loving and understanding your kids is just that.
I'm a teacher finishing my 40th year of teaching. I am leaving the profession. I used to love teaching. But we have children being raised by adult children who have never grown up. So many parents in their 20s and early 30s are bat s*** crazy from being raised by a permissive Gen X parent. They are now raising little crazies. 80% of parents are scared of their elementary school children. 80%. Let that sink in. Done. Soooooo done! BTW, can't put your book down, Abigail!
I agree with this. I am a high school teacher and behind every kid who doesn’t do their work is a parent who buys them video games and then says, “I don’t know what to do.”
Our pastor told us that gentle parenting makes miserable kids, miserable parents, and friends who don't want to be around your terrible kids! 🤷♀️....several mothers and a few fathers didn't like hearing that! My kids know I will NOT mess around. But bc I've always been that way, I don't have to get too crazy too often 😆
I am so glad that we're talking about the potential harms of therapy. I always found therapy to exacerbate my symptoms and therefore didn't want to go. Then, I dated a psychiatrist who was EXTREMELY unwell. Obviously not all mental health professionals are mentally unstable, but that experience alone would make me very, very wary of them.
Wow! 2 intelligent women that talks real sense. Love this so much! I’m a parent of a teenager who exhibits some of the things discussed but we’re trying to be patient and reel her in to common sense, firm boundaries balanced with love
Very well said!!
Excited to read the book
We raised 8 children, including homeschooling. With our oldest we did some counseling. when she was acting up. She is now the only one raising softly (she has 7 children) . The oldest are fine with home life, not seeking independence not interested in starting families. I think your guest is spot on. Grandpa Hill of Grandpa Hill's True Stories.
I cannot gentle parent😂 but I try to be fair with my kids, listen, explain, apologize, hold them accountable and love them.
Never forget that in middle school my entire grade participated in something called mini Town. It was basically a camp where all of the students stayed at the school over a long weekend. I remember them being very very explicit in the instructions that once you entered many town you could not leave unless it was like a medical emergency or something like that. In many town we were sorted into cabins where we slept with other students of the same gender, and then also into small discussion groups that were co-ed. The discussion groups were led by high schoolers who had previously participated in many town as campers. It was essentially a group therapy session where we went around in a circle and the high schooler tried to pry into any possible trauma we may have had. Me and at least one other student in my group really doubled down and refused to give any kind of traumatic details about our lives, but almost all of the other students in the group completely broke down about something or other. Some of them had genuine legitimate trauma, like one boy who said that he thought his father was shot but he had no idea, but a lot of the other students seem like they were just making something up or leaning into something to make the counselor happy. We were also forced to segregate into groups based on race or other things that we identified as and make big signs with all of the nasty names that we had been called in relation to that thing. It was super weird and honestly traumatizing
MINI town, this is what I get for using voice to text and not proof reading
To add: I remember that in high school almost all of the books that my friends and I read valorized suicide or mental illness and some form or another. Pretty much any book by John Green or The Perks of being a wallflower. John Green hurts kids with his writing ❤
Wow! Thank you so much for sharing this…never thought about a LOT of this in the perspectives you’ve shared here. I was a teacher for over 15 years and I can vouch for what you are saying here and I just knew in my gut how wrong some of it was but the perspectives you bring are so eye opening! Thank you!!!!
I use gentle parenting but not permissive parenting. Its a building block we use to apply logic to why boundaries are there. Truth is upheld but in a gentle but firm unwavering way. We try to uphold biblical christian values, but our kids are on the more shy and gentle side. And too hard of an approach leaves them in a mindset where they cant learn from a situation, because they cry and get emotionally closed off.
- empathy goes alot deeper and much wiser than what is commonly understood
Probably a little too deep😂
I think you mean sympathy. Patient understanding of your child's feelings is great and makes you effective in communication. But empathy, actually feeling their feelings and getting into their pain, sadness, and immaturity is not helpful, and stunts growth of both parent and child. We can observe without having to absorb. Stand on the edge of that raging river, don't dive into it.
Home School Alí Beth ! It’s the best thing !
This is a perfectly timed conversation, I am a grandmother. I have adult children who all have therapists which I have known have been feeding into all types of insecurities and exacerbating and magnifying what I called “a yarn“.
All of your children? Seems like there's a pattern. Maybe it's not just them? Perhaps there truly is something to what they're saying, and you don't remember as well as you think you do. My mom doesn't remember telling me that my footsteps are cursed, but she still said that. Her father didn't remember beating the crap out of her for catching her smoking, but he still did that. Just making sure you've given it the benefit of the doubt vs just brushing the hurt of all of your children under the rug because one youtube video makes you feel validated.
@@sophiestephens5811yeah the pattern is society saying everyone needs a therapist .. everyone does not
@@sophiestephens5811couple things about memories .. they aren’t real .. you can not depend on a memory to be a 100 % correct .
@Kwildcat13 that is very correct. Not every person needs a therapist. But I have to say, if every one of my kids felt the need to get a therapist because of me then that would cause me to take pause and self reflect.
Maybe you're the problem
I have been to therapy for my anxiety and grief counseling after my mom died. Both of those were helpful to me, but I think we need to be mindful of the therapists we are seeing.
I have four (soon to be five) children. I am a strict mother, but I make sure my kids know I love them, and that rules are for their benefit because God calls me to teach them and keep them safe. My children don't have any devices, and they rarely even watch tv. I make them play together and talk, and they must work out their own skirmishes respectfully. They have to do chores as well. When they do wrong, they are punished appropriately. My husband is less naturally strict, but he is just as committed to Godly boundaries as I am and makes the extra effort to be a strong father, while making sure the kids feel loved.
When I bring my kids out, I do get some compliments on their behavior, but the thing I hear most often is, "Wow, your kids are just so happy!"
Strong boundaries don't just make your children more well- behaved, but they make them happier as well. If you love your children, you must be their parents, not their friends.
Amen! People always comment on the well behaved but also on how happy and well adjusted and friendly my kids are. I didn't use to understand what they meant by that until I volunteered with kids their age and realized alot of kids are not that way....I am not sure if it's because we homeschool and public school children get used to hiding themselves to blend into the crowd? Firm consistent parenting is one thing, but without the love it is pretty empty. That love, building up and actual guidance instead of just punishing is what makes firm parenting work. I am glad that God has been a firm parent to me....I wouldn't take back any of those times of discipline he's let me walk through because they've developed righteousness in me.
I'm about to have my fifth, too! Due in mid June.
How did you balance letting them figure things out on their own and being proactive?
@@gustavus0013It's a case by case issue, and it really depends on the extent of the argument and the consequences of it, as well as whether there are moral issues involved versus just disagreements in how things should be done, misunderstandings, little mistakes, etc. I always give Biblical moral advisement when necessary. It's just about watching/listening and using good judgment.
@@gustavus0013Obviously I expect better conflict resolution from my older children. When they're very, very young I intervene often, and I loosen the strings as they grow in maturity.
Needs shorts from this about gentle parenting!
Mr. Chazz Mr. Chazz recently put out a video responding to the argument of why gentle parenting doesnt work.
Its an excellent video. His main point was that a lot of people are turning to gentle parenting because of what they DON'T want to do (hit, shame, yell) but have no tools to know what to do instead.
He is a wonderful resource; my favourite ive found.
Also a reminder with gentle parenting to be gentle with yourself. We tend to resort back to how we were raised OR we become passive because we have no idea what else to do. Rather than feeling immense guilt, just know youre just missing the tools to know what to so instead. Mr. Chazz is super helpful.
The problem is that parents should not feel guilt when they discipline. Discipline does not feel good at the time for anyone. Our children not feeling good is not an indicator of our parenting. It’s inevitable. Centering a parenting ideology around emotions is just as bad as completely ignoring their existence.
@@entwifey the conviction of the Holy Spirit is a feeling
@@ngerstner753 the conviction of the Holy Spirit is a thing that can come along with feelings.
This is why we use knowledge of the word to parse out the difference in the Holy Spirit convicting you and anxiety.
Ms Shrier is right.
37:43 - 38:10
I cannot stress how much this clip mentions the reality: There are no parents other than the "gentle" variety.
Learn to establish boundaries. Tell your children "No!" and that "Because I said so." is more than enough.
This was so helpful for me as an adult.
I'm 28 weeks pregnant and have had a very emotional and distressing pregnancy. Lots of nightmares and anxiety. Blah blah blah.
I started seeing a therapist. The first appointment was all evaluation nonsense. She was asking me about bi polar, adhd, trauma, if I was thinking about offing myself, etc. I responded honestly with thoughts and waves of emotions I had been having, but we didn't talk about anything that was actually going on.
2nd appointment we talked about more that was going on, but I was trying to express that I didn't believe in diagnostics and that I was a Christian and spiritual person.
She still kept bringing up symptoms of all these disorders despite what I had said and then brought up postpartum psychosis. She told me if I was showing any signs of psychosis to go to the hospital.
Then I started getting paranoid that I was going crazy. My anxiety spiked, I was feeling even more sad. I quit doing all my labor prep exercises and chores. My nightmares got even more disturbing. I had a nightmare that my husband, who is the most gentle and caring man, was holding me down and pushing on my pregnant belly as if to harm the baby. My husband has never laid a hand on me, cussed me out, nothing. He has only ever been a supportive provider.
I have seen other therapists in the past, and it was not like this. I would be terrified to send my child to therapy considering this is the kind of "care" they could receive.
My point is the "empathy" and focus on the emotions were all being used to evaluate me as if I was a machine with a dysfunction. It was like, "oh I'm so sorry you've been feeling this way, have you also been feeling x y and z?" If so, you're at high risk of going crazy, harming your child, or offing yourself. Heres some crisis numbers you can call. Bye.
@@emilyann4549 Sorry if this sounds insensitive, and I'm sorry you had to go through that. But I think your therapist didn't have any ill intention. The point of it was to keep you in line.
@gustavus0013 She had no ill intention at all! She was very kind. My problem is that I spent $400 to be "evaluated" instead of being treated like a human being.
The obsession over diagnostics, while being given no real-life tools for handling anxiety, was counterproductive. She instilled more worries in me that I hadn't even thought about before. Again, I'm sure this is not her intention, but rather how she was educated to do her job.
Why give me 5 different crisis phone numbers, but not talk to me at all about methods I can actually use to calm down. It felt like if I had kept talking to her, I would have been led to an actual mental crisis.
ABIGAIL IS SO ACCURATE IN EVERYTHING SHE SAYS 🤓 AND ALSO IN CANADA 🇨🇦 THIS IS SOOO BIG NOW…
No matter how many times i watch these things i know ill always chose to be gentle as a person and in parenting.
I never enable my kids but im gentle in my tone .
They are fantastic . My parents punished me but never hit me.
I turned out good I should say.
The opposite is my husband who was raised with real tough parents...
He has issues.
The key is to know your kids and act accordingly
Not to be disagreeable, but we can really not say that we ourselves turned out pretty well. I’ve heard way too many emotionally ill people say just that. I just think we usually think that we ourselves are pretty great or balanced. Just food for thought.
@@Snappypantsdance my thoughts exactly. Maybe OP is fantastic. Or maybe has a fantastic amount of blind spots. My sister is a terrible narcissist who is certain she’s the best person who has existed.
Yes about the sorority sob story circle you mentioned Allie! It is the oppression Olympics! When we did that in my sorority, a girl “came out” as a lesbian for the first time to us much to everyone’s shock. She is now married to a man….
Oh my goodness that happened with my sorority as well! I was thinking about that the entire time!
In a Child Dev class our final was to stand up infront of the class and share our life story in a 15 min speech. It did feel like everyone was trying to one up each others story. I felt so uncomfortable sharing mine. Only a handful of people I trusted who also went through what I went through knew my story. I did not want to share with a group full of strangers my story. I skipped class the day that it was my turn even though it was my final!! I still ended up with a good grade because I had done so well all semester.
Thank you for this content. We have been struggling with enjoying our grandchildren who are never told no and are not being taught self control. Walking on eggshells in our own home when they visit for a few days because my husband once gently suggested they discipline one of the kids for her bad behavior and we were told how it's going to be. If there are other grandparents out there affected by this trend would you give this comment a thumbs up so I know we are not alone? Definitely keeps me in prayer for our family.
Ultimately they will have to deal with disrespectful children, if discipline for bad behavior does not happen.
Allie Beth, could you recommend some books for parenting? Or specifically raising daughters? Thank you!
I'm reading The Collapse of Parenting which talks about a lot of this generation's issues.
As a Christian therapist with a Master’s Degree in Social Work and all of this sounds like fear mongering to me. I would love to hear about the actual research.
14:11 therapist here 🙋🏻♀️ this is not true at least in my case. when i worked with kids and teens i was pre licensed and under supervision. my supervisor would ask me questions to ensure we weren’t doing more harm than good and from that i learned to continue to ask myself these questions now that i’m licensed. so yes, we do get training to track that and learn how to do it ourselves, at least in my case.
Self help accounts aren’t therapy but therapy helps immensely
Here goes another one mixing therapy, enabling with real gentle parenting ...
There is difference between gentle parenting and enabling children to get away with everything.
I think almost all of us are gentle parents without knowing it
It does not mean we don't punish our children.
I'm a gentle parent, I was raised by gentle parents. I'm empathetic towards PPL
My husband was always getting a beating and he can't connect too well with PPL.
The key is to know the balance. Gentle parenting does not mean don't punish your kids when it's really needed
It just means be kind most of the time and let them have room for open conversation.
I was thinking the same. Well said! 👏