What Purity Culture Got Wrong | Guest: Dr. Lina AbuJamra | Ep 923
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- Опубліковано 19 чер 2024
- Today we're joined by pediatric ER doctor and founder of Living with Power Ministries Dr. Lina AbuJamra to discuss her book, "Don't Tell Anyone You're Reading This: A Christian Doctor's Thoughts on Sex, Shame, and Other Troublesome Issues." We start off with Lina's story of growing up in Lebanon, going to medical school, and her faith journey. She shares how her upbringing shaped her perspective on dating and how a relationship she had placed hope in didn't work out, leading her to feel betrayed by God. We discuss how she fell into the prosperity gospel of sex and marriage and how God redeemed this. Then, did purity culture fail the church? And what does it mean to walk in sexual purity and holiness, whether you're single, married, or engaged? We talk about the shame and stigma or purity and virginity even within the evangelical world and explain why it's more important than ever in our hypersexualized culture to understand that Jesus is worth facing these issues straight on.
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Timecodes:
0:00 Intro
02:13 Growing up in Lebanon & moving to the U.S.
15:23 Deconstruction / prosperity gospel
18:59 Purity culture
26:15 'Old Testament God' & laws
29:25 'Worse' sexual sins
38:00 Inerrancy of scripture
41:41 Christian leaders' sexual failures / Gen X leaders
56:20 Same sex-attraction
01:03:00 Response to sexual sin
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I’m a 46 year old virgin, and I don’t understand why so many Christians see this as being “impossible” or why so many seem to idolize sex. For me, the issue of discrimination against singles in the church is much harder to deal with than abstaining from sex.
Interesting. I have felt this before but not not sure if it was my church ( even if they didn't mean to make me or others feel that way) or my own insecurity.
Agreed!
-42yo virgin
So true, everyone always asking “When are you gonna date?” Or “Are you dating,” or “When are you getting married?” It’s rude and insensitive to reduce people to married or unmarried status. Then they tell you “Your gonna die alone” or “Who’s gonna take care of you when you’re old?” if you aren’t dating or married. Men don’t get this treatment. I’m not single or unmarried because I want to be but it’s not what God has in store for me at this time.
@@pepperpearl8944 Exactly. I tried to post an article about this, but I don't think youtube lets you post links to things. But if you google "singled out christena cleveland" a good article comes up that talks about exactly what you are saying. Also, Dani Treweek's book, "The Meaning of Singleness," talks a lot about this issue.
you might enjoy my book on singleness called Thrive. happy to send you a copy if you want one.
These complaints about purity culture are new to me. I never heard any of this growing up. I was taught that we should stay pure because it's God's will for our lives, and that His will is best for us. I never thought it would magically make my marriage amazing.
i'm curious your age group- are you a gen x'er or boomer? also, the issue in my opinion isn't even so much the purity culture, but the dissociation between what christian SAY we believe and what stats show we DO in our lives. read the book- it might explain my thoughts even better. thx for your comment!
@@labujamra1I'm an older millennial.
interesting. well, the purity culture has been part of the public sector evangelical conversation for the last several years - remember that joshua harris, the "leader" or forefront rep of it deconstructed and people have been talking about this quite a bit in recent times...@@letfreedomring7330
I'm 35 and feel the same way. I feel like my parents had a pretty good approach to dating overall. @@letfreedomring7330
That's a good thing, be blessed
I came to the Lord in my early 30s. I admire those of you who stay virgins for God and those of you who waited for marriage. I see so much beauty and light in your discipline. I would never wish for anyone to suffer the consequences of sexual sin the way I did. It's not worth it. Feeling cheap isn't sexy. Knowing your value is true beauty and what I pray my daughter will have. I'm going to read this book right now!
i love your comment. thank you.
I agree! I had the same experience, coming to Christ in my early 30s after I was married. My husband and I have had to go through a lot of obstacles with our history. I have 2 daughters and 1 son. I pray that they'll respect themselves and the Lord enough to make better choices.
Fantastic interview. I'm saved from homosexuality and now married ten years, but there was still a message in this for me. Thank you for your toughtful contemplation of these things. It is an under addressed topic.
🙌
My ex-boyfriend at the Christian college I went to was all about our purity as far as virginity goes, yet he looked at porn on the side and could not break his habit. He came down hard on people he knew had porn issues, but never was able to tame it himself and would often consider his virginity as a badge of righteousness. Needless to say, he judged those who the rumor mill had said had sex. That was a huge red flag. We broke up of course. I decided then I would rather have a husband who had slept with someone(s) and lived a truly repentant life than someone who paraded their virginity like a badge of honor yet continued to struggle with secret sin with no intention of changing. Purity encompasses many things and if we are being honest we all far short of perfection. We need to ask for forgiveness and remove the planks from our eyes before we judge others. Purity culture led to many seeing the speck in our brother's/sister's eyes without seeking the log in ours.
exactly. that's a problem. and his porn problem won't resolve with marriage. sex in the context of marriage does not fix the problem of lust. only Jesus does!
How did you know he had a secret porn habit without repentance? Just wondering because I've seen that accusation weaponized without evidence against men post-breakup in order to justify the breakup and subsequent hooking up with men that sleep around instead. Like where it's used without evidence to establish a kind of moral relativism that helps people justify their own behavior.
@@dv9360 cause he told me repeatedly over a everytime he watched porn and repentance is asking for forgiveness and turning away from your sin, yet no one new of it but me. I am mean, it's not that hard to figure out that, and using the term, "justifying a breakup" is stupid. As if someone would need to justify a breakup with their SO over something like porn. I would tell any girl to leave until he deals with the problem, cause porn is a heart issue that need brought to the Lord. I would tell any guy the same thing if they dated a girl with a porn addiction. Don't bring it into a marriage. Just dating someone with it wrecked my confidence pretty good.
"I decided then I would rather have a husband who had slept with someone(s) and lived a truly repentant life than someone who paraded their virginity like a badge of honor yet continued to struggle with secret sin with no intention of changing"-this is such a conviction. thank you for sharing!
@labujamra1 You are a virgin, right? By what authority do you write/speak as an expert on this? Please don’t take this wrong, I am a fan of purity. My understanding is that you have never come under the covering and authority of a husband. I assume this is because no man has met your standard. None will. I’ll tell you right now Dr., taking your lead would be courageous even for the best of us men;). You are intimidating,; no offense. I will submit that one cannot “teach” on the subject of purity and marriage until they have been pure until marriage and beyond. #insight
I have never understood the term “purity culture” (and I’m an older millennial so I supposedly grew up in it, and went to a small conservative Bible college) but I don’t understand how abstinence until marriage is not just a normal, Biblical, every generation, kind of thing to be teaching. I’m interested to
listen to this…
I didn't grow up with purity culture (and haven't finished the episode yet) but I've always heard that purity culture was more about teaching that if you sinned sexually, you were no longer "worthy" or something. So instead of repentance, grace, and redemption for those who've sinned, it was teaching that nobody would ever want you because you were ruined. And I think that there was a rather legalistic view of modesty too, and teaching girls that they were responsible for the sins of men. That's my understanding anyway, and I'm also curious as to what this episode will cover.
Yes
The crazy thing about purity culture is it had extreme fanatics hijack it and from that got a bad rap but really having been raised in it myself with Josh Harris books and all it was not just women that were going to struggle or not be pure if they had sex it was men too but you don't hear that hardly ever. Elizabeth Elliot has a great purity book with a lot of similar themes and you never hear about it 🤷 I remember it made sense to me when it came to modest talk.as I would get ready for a dance with my friends and the entire conversation surrounded getting the guys to notice them and get attention for dressing sexy..... Girls do that and yup that is a sin to purposefully flaunt your body like that...but today we say that is shaming girls, it's not a great take.
@@mktay2067 Is the book Passion and Purity? I read that one as young adult and enjoyed it. It's still helpful for me as a single woman in my later 20s.
Joys....yes that's the one!!!
While virginity doesn't equate purity just like heterosexual relationships don't always equate biblical. Only virginity before marriage is God's plan and only heterosexual marriages are God's plan for us. The push to erase shame for sinful behaviour in Christian circles is a very dangerous path. Should we address sin with love yup....but if you are a Christian That doesn't erase consequences for the past 🤷 purity cultures biggest fault was teaching that if you follow every step life will be perfect. Nope just like following Christ doesn't make life easy.
Well said!
Agree!
Well, said…as I 44 year old Christian who hasn’t even been kissed, I feel that the church has underlying shame for people like me.. it’s as if they are assuming that I am being legalistic or that just because I am trying and have tried to make biblical choices that somehow that makes me into someon who is less loved by god and definitely less loved by the church because the church expects people to not be chaste and therefore they don’t know how to deal with people who actually persevere….they are not comfortable with that paradigm. Obviously, I would prefer to be married but was never pursued so I have to continue in the state that I am in
Well said.
I admire u
Allie, your listening skills in this interview were excellent. You let your guest shine and facilitated her teachings with questions that kept the flow. Just amazing.
she is amazing indeed!!
I completely agree. Allie is very good at what she does. She is glorifying God.
THISSSSS. I am a 20 yr old virgin, but in my heart and in my mind I wasn’t for a long time. I was addicted to p*orn for 10+ years. A LOT of people in my generation think this way. I even have to remind myself that I may never get married and that’s okay.I hope your message reaches many ears. I still have sinful thoughts, BUT we make it an effort that because of Gods grace we want to live in His ways not because of what He can give us. He has already given us EVERYTHING. He gave us His Son. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Bruh why are kids watching porn at 8 years old? Your parents were really Christian yet never supervised your technology usage ?
Love this topic! 💖 I came to Christ in 2012 ( my mid-20s) and I just knew I didn’t want to keep living the way I had been. Each serious relationship that ended in breakup just literally broke me because I gave something away that was meant for marriage. I did NOT have a perfect walk by any means, but I met a Christian man who respected this concept and we waited until marriage. I truly thank God for that because neither of us were virgins, and we were tempted at times (and I definitely fantasized at times, not going to lie 🫢). But if you can just light-heartedly set some boundaries and agree with your partner that you’re not going to have sex before marriage, it’s easier to hold hold each other accountable. Not necessarily ‘easy’ but ‘easier’. ❤️
You will never regret obeying God. Sexual sin before marriage brings so many unwanted consequences. I very much enjoyed this topic. Purity should be taught. Abstinence is not impossible.
I think a distinction need to be made between purity & “purity culture.”
I agree with you, but purity culture was not about just teaching purity. They could have just told us to save sex for marriage and why, but they didn’t know the why, so instead they pornified it & taught girls that men only want sex from them and if they don’t dress modestly terrible things will happen. They taught us that girls having sexual thoughts and feelings was a sin and was reserved for boys/men. It basically brainwashed us to be terrified of sex, then told us we had to have sex with our husbands any time he wanted it, in any way he wanted it, or we were sinning and he’d leave us for someone who would. We were basically supposed to be our husbands personal pornstars, it was an act, not actually for us to become closer as a couple and definitely not for women’s pleasure. It took 20 years of marriage to undo some of this thinking. I thought my husband had been taught the same thing, but turns out, sex was never mentioned to him in church and had never heard the term purity culture.
Thanks so much for having Lina on! I hear her many times on the Moody Bible radio broadcast. She is so positive and up beat! One of the beautiful people out of Chicago! ❤❤❤
I am hearing this from so many women who say how terrible the purity culture was. I am so thankful that wasn’t part of my upbringing, but I feel like they are throwing the baby out with the bathwater. God command us to be sexually pure. That hasn’t changed.thoughts and feelings don’t change that.
Agreed. But I also hear ya . The baby out with the bathwater in this ( I believe) is the under acknowledged realization that the American churches Have seriously compromised themselves in reference to cultivating any worthwhile biblical purity bc they’ve focused themselves so much on being accepted by culture INSTEAD of being Influencial on culture. Instead of setting themselves apart they’ve compromised themselves on blending in. Their salt has lost its effectiveness bc of the compromise~in~action. The fruit of that reality is that the culture Has INFLUENCED more of the pulpits & its sanctuary doors instead of the culture BEING INFLUENCED BY the pulpits AND its sanctuary doors = the Christians that fill the sanctuaries.
"God command us to be sexually pure. That hasn’t changed thoughts and feelings don’t change that."
Hear! Hear! 👏👏👏👏
Only half way through and I am amazed! Please Allie, invite her back for part 2! What a great interview. I'm definitely buying her book. Sharing with everyone!
aw thank you!
Thank you for having Dr. Lina on, this was a very encoraging chat.
I grew up in purity culture, and over the last six years or so, I've had to define for myself what my convictions are, and I very quickly realized that there were major issues with some of the things that "purity culture" taught me, but I knew deep down that the Bible is ALWAYS right and the Bible clearly teaches purity (or holiness) in both the Old Testament and New Testament.
I think a distinction needs to Nobel made between purity and “purity culture.”
Such a great conversation! Thank you for sharing! As a single, divorced 50 year old woman, this is a topic I don’t hear to much about for my age group.
Such an excellent conversation that raises so many important points. I need to listen to this several times and send it to many of my Christian friends of ALL ages (35-80!!). Thanks you both and praise God for everything!
What a fantastic interview!! Thank you, both! I learned so much from this conversation. As the Body of Christ, we NEED this. Let's all be bolder in addressing these things.
Dr Lina is a talker even though she says she is an introvert. Love this convo. Good stuff to talk with my teens.
Being an introvert doesn’t preclude talking a lot…it just means that after you are done talking, you have to retreat away from people to refuel. I am an introvert and love talking…I love being around people…but then I love having a break from them too. 😊
true! @@whowhatwherewhy1434
I am an introvert, and when I speak about something I’m passionate about, I talk at this pace too. Then I have to go and sleep my socializing off. 😂😂😂
@@meganboesen3219That is SO me too! The hard part is when I play back my conversation in my brain asking myself why did I say all that and obsessing what do they think about me?
@@lt7378 Same! 😂😭😂
Absolutely loved this episode. So much to ponder about and such relevant topics! Well done everyone! I read her book Don't Tell Anyone You're Reading This together with my book club, and for the first time in our lives we were comfortable to talk openly about our struggles. Her book is very relatable and a must read!
Thank you so much for letting others know about how good the book is.
Thank you for having Dr. Lina on she has a wonderful ministry.
This is an excellent conversation. As a 50 year old married woman who came to Christ in my mid twenties living in Hermosa Beach I can't tell you the Whiplash I felt for becoming born again, to abstaining but also commiting sexual sin in my heart. I also really appreciate you touching on the topic of sex in marriage bc when you age, it changes and having sex as an idol and "not being happy" cuz you're not 20 anymore makes the Porn consuming industry what it is today.
Thank you for your vulnerability and I look forward to your book. And to all you folks who need it slower, the Lebanese talk fast because their brains think faster! My good friend is one. 😊
haha it's true- if you know one leb you know them all. everyone tells me we sound alike, and i can spot a lebanese american from the first letter they utter! very kind of you to say that. you should see when we talk in arabic!!
@@labujamra1oh my yes, the Arabic. She lived with me for awhile and she would call family and it sounded like she was always arguing but it's the way. Amazing people group and I loved the food too.
It’s true we always sound mad about something but we’re just usually sharing recipes or somethihg haha
I’m a 50 year old Virgin! 🤗😂❤
54 here.
I would rather be a married Mom, but that was not in God's plan for me. Have you ever been at an OBGYN appointment & told you need to see a psychiatrist because "obviously something is deeply wrong with you if you think waiting for sex is sane" ? That's been the most shocking and kind of sad response. This doctor needed for me to be crazy. Needless to say, I never went back. And had no exam. A pap smear is bad enough!
That and as someone mentioned about how we're even looked at like weirdos even in church - there's no Singles Sunday School if you're not in your 20s
at any church I've been to. It's very divided into kids, then College/20somethings, and classes with married couples. I never know where the can we just study the Bible class is.
Hopefully the Church will see that we exist. Not even just for us but to encourage others.
Meanwhile, I waited until I was 21 to have sex and I thought I was too old to be a virgin.
Thank you, Allie, for introducing me to this amazing woman 😊
I enjoyed this conversation, agreed with the insights, and found it encouraging to hear a topic I relate to discussed - thank you! 😊
Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful and spot on. Love this convo!
Loved this one. I want to listen again. Thank you, Allie Beth!
Great interview ladies. May God bless you both and the fruit of this podcast.
This is such a refreshing perspective! As a youth leader and parent of a teen, this is such an important topic! Thank you for this!
God bless her she’s talking reality! We need more of these type of messages being spoken in our Christian leaders.
Thank you for pointing out how purity culture was a form of prosperity gospel.
As a viR gin woman, I have to say that this path is not the easiest to take. I don’t think I am perfect but taking this path has certainly been a challenge in our modern times in which even the churches encourage silly things such as being a born again viR gin. Removing shame and pretending that the past can be erased is how people have been able to do whatever they want without any remorse. After all, they can just choose to become “pure” later in life, right?
Purity culture is often times a term used by liberals who are against the idea of se X ual purity. They are against any suggestion of abstinence until marriage and will directly say that such thing is actually wrong and that people should “experiment” before they get married and that there’s nothing wrong with that. They will even say that viR ginity doesn’t exist and that it’s a social construct. This is all demonic progressive language. Society has gone so far off the rails that now even churches are afraid to even suggest waiting until marriage.
We can turn to God at any age and at any time but the consequences of our actions will remain. I would much rather encourage a Biblical purity culture than the disgusting hookup culture than is the norm today. We need to encourage more se Xual purity, not less. To be a Christian is to be radical, compromises that bend the truth of God is evil.
It’s not just about “purity” for women but their sexual market value (to men). Every time. Women has sex with a different man she lowers her sexual market value-hence the propensity of women to lie about their sexual history. Every women (or most anyway) knows that men prefer virgins over “experienced” women. Not to mention that studies now indicating that a man’s sperm will release its DNA inside a woman’s body and stay there permanently-possibly influencing future pregnancy (for a future/different sexual partner). Just look at the importance that God placed on Marry being a virgin. He didn’t want that birth being influenced by any other man’s DNA. That same preference exists in every human father. If a woman actually cares about her future husband then she will abstain from sex for him and the benefits to her future progeny. And this is why families were so involved with spousal selection-it wasn’t about “romantic love” as we define it today. It was about actual love which is difficult.
correct. i agree with you whole heartedly.
I completely agree. Me, many friends and acquaintances have all very clearly suffered consequences from fornication and pre-marital sex. It is very obvious that it hurts us all. I think we have enough examples of it around us that remaining a virgin should seem like a delight and a beautiful alternative to the current perverted narratives flashed everywhere human eyes can see.
@@rickybobby9797 One thing I've noticed recently in some Christmas things now is how the idea of Mary as a pregnant, unwed mother is used to make her situation relatable to that of other pregnant, unwed mothers. Like "Mary was unjustly scandalized for being pregnant and unwed and so are you." It seems to ignore the important distinction that Mary had not sinned and was not pregnant by a man though.
I’m not sure men want virgins. I got dumped by the first guy I dated when he found out I was a virgin who had no boyfriends in my past. It was a turn off I guess. Said I was “too young and too innocent”, although he was only 2 years older than me.
She’s so right, more sexual sins outside of gay and porn need to be talked about. I’ve been victim. I consumed porn literature. I would love to help others with being free of that.
Surely not a victim of any abuse I hope? I don't think you can be victim of your own sins and it's consequences
There’s a whole fifty shades of grey generation that is not talked about women struggle with lust to
@@annb9029absolutely. That kind of literature had a huge impact on my views on sex. Still working on fixing my perspective.
@@happyhomeinholland I appreciate the concern, but no not that!
I love this woman! Such a great interview! Thank you, Allie.
*All of you thought she was speaking really fast, meanwhile I'm watching this in 2x speed lol*
that made me lol
I had to put this on .75x haha it was giving me anxiety otherwise haha
Awesome interview Allie thank you for allowing Lina to talk…Lina thank you for your wisdom and transparency I read your book and it was one of the best books I have ever read.. Thank you for writing it.
Thank you for acknowledging therapy is way too expensive for many Americans. Not to mention the trouble of finding a discerning christian therapist.
This was such a great interview!!!!
thanks
Thank you for having Dr. AbuJamra on your program, Allie. Her life’s story growing up in Lebanon then coming to the US is very interesting, and her insights on the topic of sexual purity are much appreciated. I’ll add her book to my wish list.
Dr. AbuJamra mentioned briefly serving the Syrian refugees in Lebanon as an ER doctor. Maybe you could invite her back one day to talk about this experience.
Blessings and Merry Christmas.
Hey. Thx for ur comment. Not briefly- we actually have ongoing work in Lebanon and have an office on the ground. We serve both Syrians and Lebanese year round!
@@labujamra1 I should have said that you “briefly mentioned” 😊, but it’s great to hear that this is an ongoing ministry. What is the best way to contact you if we’re able to support you in the future?
Loved this interview! Hope you have her on again!
I would have really seriously considered staying a virgin, pure, whatever, if anyone had even explained the choice was God honoring. I believe it would have changed my life at 16, and its trajectory drastically. I pray little boys and girls, youth, young men and women start getting this message. Most importantly this message without the prosperity aspect of choosing to protect themselves for marriage.
This is sooooo good! It’s why I talk about my sexual sin. I’m a Gen X woman almost 53 and I stand with Dr. Lina! Let’s start talking about and how God has dealt with us ❤
This was fabulous!
Great interview! I'm going to get her book after hearing this!
Thank you!
If you read the Bible then it is easier to not be fooled by stuff like this. The ultimate issue was biblical illiteracy.
I agree 💯 I also think some people are just culturally Christians. Meaning the go to church at Christmas and Easter time and think that makes them a Christian. Like you say, their not reading their Bibles and if the don’t read it then they won’t know God.
My wife and I (both virgins when we met) dated for roughly four years and remained celibate until we exchanged vows. The absolute key for any couple that wants to protect their chastity is to establish clear boundaries and never put themselves in situations where those boundaries can be crossed.
@RaceSheetsDFS💯🎯
Great conversation!
I am so tired of everyone giving every concept, life choice, sin, thought and action a cool name! Purity Culture, Christian Nationalism, Deconstruction, etc….STOP IT! Because Purity Culture is nuanced so it is not the same for any two people. Christian Nationalism is a way to pigeonhole Christian conservatives into a gaslit homegrown terrorist group, deconstruction is someone walking away from their faith and people do that in all different manners, while some have agendas, many do not. Why does everything need a trendy name that NO ONE fully understands EXCEPT for maybe the person that coined it. I’m old! I hate all this!
I’m 68 I totally agree also You said if beautifully
Bingo!!!!
This!
It can be annoying. It happens because of search engine optimization dynamics and how memetic humans are. It's also part of dealing with anything; having a name conferrs an identity, which is a container for attributes. It won't stop, so it might bring you more peace to accept it.
Great conversation! Have her back!
Some of these comments concern me as far as what the Lord (in His Word) calls us to and what i think we Christian’s prefer thinking. Use of the word ‘shame’ and ‘remorse’. How long are you suggesting others should live in shame and feel remorse? I have lived the forgiveness of the Lord, which means moving on by studying His Word and not living bound to the past. satan is always nearby to guilt and shame us, causing us to live in remorse and not moving forward in a walk with the Lord. And Christian’s are great at doing this to others as well. Lamentations 3:22,23 says because of the Lords great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning, great is His faithfulness.’ If an Almighty, all Holy God can do this for us sinners, how much more should we pass this on to each other. It is not our right to keep it to ourselves as though we are superior. Jesus said we would be known as His disciples by our love (John 13:34 and 35, Matt 5:44,45). John 15:8 Jesus says we should be known by our fruit (love, joy, peace, patience….). I feel much of the church thinks we should be known for our judgment. Paul told the Corinthians they were to forgive and comfort the offender (who had repented). It is not for us to bring consequences on others or to rejoice in any consequences. We need to watch our own hearts and minds that we don’t become proud and arrogant - another major problem in the church. Conveniently forgetting our own sin and our need for the blood of Jesus to cover us. What a fall that will be. 1 Samuel 15:23 arrogance is like the evil of idolatry. I remind myself of these things constantly. I know my sins. They are many. I remember them not to shame myself or live in remorse, but to keep myself from being ‘puffed up’ and thinking highly of myself. I rely on Gods mercies daily and pass them on gratefully. May we walk in the love of the Lord and share His beautiful news of forgiveness and mercy to all others. ❤
Praise God for his mercy and grace! I am hugely in favor of leaving shame at the cross! Jesus indeed paid it all. Ur spot on.
You are missing the point that the sin itself has shame which the Christian community in whole is trying to dismiss as the sin is happening. We have to stop pretending sin isn't sin in today's world. Also while Jesus does remove our sins as far as the East is from the West for us so we can be in heaven with him, we don't ever escape past consequences here in earth for what we have done. That is just reality.
This was an incredible episode!
So so good. Thank you.
Me listening to the episode twice now because it’s soo good
I thought this was a great conversation. She is bold and brave with her faith and her own
struggles.
Recognized your voice right away from radio! ❤
oh that's fun!
32:46 I’ve been thinking about this all day now and I think the doctor is really onto something
Enjoyed this interview. So good! Glad you had this speaker on too at this holiday time of year when it’s emotionally harder to avoid temptation.
Wow! What a brilliant lady. Good interview.
Thank you for this video
Great conversation
Very interesting conversation
Couldn't agree more about Redeeming Love.
All the girls were reading it so I asked to read it and my categorization of it is, "Christian porn".
None of the girls were happy to hear that. No more was i to say it.😢
my favorite interview
God's blessings from Bay City Michigan
Where is the link to Lina's book and social media handles that Allie said would be placed here?
What a wonderfully brave and Godly woman. I have the same status and I’ve been made to feel ashamed for waiting til marriage by relatives who claim to be Christian. It’s heartbreaking! 😢 when you know in your heart what’s right yet ridiculed for following the teachings of Jesus.
Fantastic!
I am a 24 year old married woman- I have been DEEPLY affected (negatively) by purity culture throughout my life growing up in the church. I am still in a healing process from much of it, and learning how beautiful my marriage is along with sex and true relationship. This is a wonderful interview and makes some great points that helped me. Thank you!
Allie. I enjoyed the interview that you had. with. Lina. She talked a little bit too fast for me but the. But it was very encouraging
The idolization of sex started with Rousseau and Freud and has infested the church. It is the elevation of self over Christ and temporal pleasure over eternal reward. Sadly, It has brought so many Christians into spiritual and even demonic bondage.
I'm old enough to have missed the "purity culture." And I never felt I had a gift of singleness - I experienced many years of loneliness and frustration. To me living in obedience and holiness (as much as possible) was always just about honoring Christ and being a person of integrity.
-- 63-year-old virgin :-)
I couldn’t sleep in the same bed as my ex husband. He really did snore, and wouldn’t help me with the baby. So I slept in the guest bedroom to try and get sleep. I think having two separate beds actually can help relationships. Sleep is so important. I dont see why we need the person waking us up every hour because…why?
while i certainly don't think it's sinful to sleep in separate rooms, i do think there is a oneness in marriage that is needed. sleeping together in the same bed does increase intimacy, which i believe is needed in marriage. i think the whole concept of marriage in the Biblical sense is self giving, not so much about what we get out of it but sacrificing self for the sake of the other. i'm sure many will disagree with me on this, but there you have it ;)
@@labujamra1completely agree. My husband snores and I’m the world’s lightest sleeper. I started sleeping in another room and we really started growing apart. It was strange. I missed him being next to me. We often would have conversations before bed. So I moved back in lol
My gramma and grampa slept in separate rooms their entire marriage. And it worked. Same thing… his snoring was so bad and could never be fixed after trying everything that she was unable to sleep and had a psychotic break due to deprivation.
Sometimes couples have to sleep in separate rooms. And that’s fine.
Unfortunately, I attended a Catholic high school where our younger teachers were "dating" their students. Talk about mixed messaging. I'm now saved and happily married...but I started out from a screwed up place. Thank Holy Father for you guidance.
I don't see a problem with dating students. That's a big pool of single young women that a young teacher is around. My grandpa's brother married his student.
@@claytonstangeland It depends on whether or not a teacher is doing it cereally and what the intentions are. It can also be a pool of young women easily manipulated by a supposed authoritu figure.
@@claytonstangeland And to be clear, they f---ing these young girls while teaching in an institution that (supposedly) encourages waiting until marriage.
This must’ve been a Catholic-in-name-only school. Any reputable school (public or private) wouldn’t allow faculty and staff to date students, even if the HS seniors are legal adults at 18.
57:47 Yep. I found myself in a dilemma of same-sex attraction until I started working on getting free from pornography.
I slipped up with it about a month or two ago, so it's still a temptation now and then, but I now understand and know that I'm definitely not gay.
Good on you!
@@labujamra1 Thank you, lovely Lina! Great interview and wisdom from you. God bless you! 💖
Somethings very off here, with all due respect. Engaged 2 times and walked away from both of them after agreeing to the engagements, then became a part of leadership in 2 churches who fell apart due to abuse of power. The discernment seems to be lacking in her life. For one, marrying someone isn't about finding the only person who is "perfect" for you but finding a person who is on the same page spiritually and building a life together. She is absolutely right that there is more to purity than not having sex and a cursory reading of scripture will absolutely tell you that, but society definitely doesn't want to deal with that... then when you look this woman up and see her reviews from her patients you see she's been completely condesending, talks over and and acts unloving toward them.. none of this leaves me feeling like she's got it figured out at all and may not be the best person to take advice from.
Agree. I actually had a real problem following her points and find her very hard to listen to. I never thought marriage would be perfect. Purity is part of what the Bible teaches and should be promoted by Christians.
She sounds totally unhinged. I wonder how many young people she has led astray.
I agree as well
Purity culture’s biggest flaw was not talking about sex the way God intended for it to be. Making sex a dirty thing to stay away from until you get married is saying something beautiful that God made is dirty until it’s time. Well there isn’t a magic fix in your brain and view on sex when you get married. That is the biggest flaw in purity culture. It’s a good thing to stay pure until marriage. That is how God intended for it to be.
yeah there is that too. good points!
How is it wrong for sex to be called dirty before marriage? It is just as dirty if you have an affair when married 🤷 I mean that makes sense to me. ........In marriage covenant sex is beautiful outside that defiled.
the bible does not give a lot of details about sex, 9 times out of 10 "the way God intended" boils down to the personal beliefs and issues of whomever the architect of the dogma is... then the whole idea of purity needs to0 be scrapped, its not real, you just did not have sex, its literally gone in an instant and nothing changes, it just becomes something you have done....
I disagree- the Bible is packed with Gods thoughts on sex and sexuality and singleness and marriage.
@@mktay2067 sex in it and of itself isn’t dirty. God created sex. Can it be misused for evil? Of course, like anything else that is good that gets twisted and used for evil. But sex isn’t dirty. Purity culture avoids the conversation of sex all together (even the good) and deems it evil until you get married.
A book that pops up in my mind is one written by the late 1980s ?? by the sister of Chuck Swindoll, Lucy Swindoll. Lucy, had a stellar career, if I remember correctly, as an engineer in the oil industry. Her book talk about the tests of her faith. Lucy Swindoll's book is titled: "Wide my World and Narrow my Bed."
Yes. higher education is very important in all Semetic cultures--including those from the Orient, who are also children of Shem
so many churches teach against the prosperity gospel yet they buy into it.... I shouted yes when she said this. I once heard a famous pastor say he never hires people to his staff that haven't been through a period of immense sorrow and suffering because he has found most people who haven't to be smug. I have found this to be so true, especially among young Christians whether they admit it or not if their lives are full and free of significant problems they think it is because they are "doing it right". Specifically young Christian parents. I am not saying proper Christian guidance is not a huge force in raising kids, it definitely is. I am saying to any young parent who would be quick to criticize any other parents over kids choices and outcomes. If you have children you are living in a glass house.
This is such a good topic. While purity culture has the right idea of teaching abstinence and keeping yourself before marriage and the culture did not allow for all topics of sexual sin and sexual thoughts or desires to be talked about. There were no safe spaces for anyone to be vulnerable and talk about what they were struggling with. You couldn’t even talk about the things you have seen through friends or television or the internet. I completely agree, they taught “If you keep yourself, you will have a great marriage”. That is not biblical and we should teach the Word for what it says. Glad this topic is being talked about!
I think the thought of not doing something makes you want it and focus on it. That happens, because we never learn how to be in a relationship without being physical.
I liked her point about the "why?" It's more important than people think. I ask people "why?" about everything and they take it as an affront, or jump to thinking that I'm "against" them. Somehow, asking why is not allowed, and yet the reason why is quite important.
My husband is Christian Lebanese ❤
yay!
The Grove City Psychologist study, what was the peer review journal that this was published in?
I'm 7 minutes from.the end and can't finish because I'm exhausted. ☺️
She makes some positive points but everything had to do with intimacy with God (or lack thereof).
I'm bushed. 😮💨
Somehow, I thankfully missed the memo that the purity culture held out promises for a better sexual life, marriage or anything else in this life. I thought it was about living a holy life to honour God and to experience intimacy with Him. I was physically a virgin when I got married, but my heart was not sexually pure according to His Word. My heart was divided between pleasing Him and pleasing myself and my fiancée. I repented and experienced God's forgiveness decades ago. However it is only now, after listening to this interview that God showed me how much I had hurt Him. I had repented of my sin, but not what it had done to my relationship with God. I now repent in a much deeper way for how I hurt my Lord. I wish I could go back and do better, but all I can really do is accept His grace and forgiveness and be thankful that He has washed me clean with His own precious blood and that I now have that intimacy with God restored. I never want to hurt Jesus like that again.
I love Gods grace. It’s ours daily if we receive it. Love hearing ur story.
You didn't do anything wrong though. It sounds like you're dealing w/ scrupulousity. You did everything right. You waited for marriage, got married and had sex w/in a holy union, sanctified by God, as it should be. Wanting to have that a good and pleasing relationship for your husband and yourself is the ultimate goal.
Without going into more detail, I assure you that I am not dealing with scrupulosity. My guilt is well-grounded in scripture. You don't have to perform the sex act to be guilty of sexual sin. Doing or even dwelling on things that arouse desires that cannot be fulfilled in righteousness is sin. Sin is not just actions, but is the condition of our hearts according to Jesus. Matthew 5:21-30 Whenever our loyalty to Jesus is usurped by our desires for self-gratification, we are in need of repentance and restoration.@@saintejeannedarc9460
@@saintejeannedarc9460No, that’s the whole point. That is not the ultimate goal, an intimate, obedient relationship with Jesus is the ultimate goal!
@@cynthiafisher9907 I'm talking about marriage. Having an intimate relationship w/ God the ultimate for every believer. Marriage is about the husband and wife too. I mentioned God in their marriage. Sounds like you're doing some pious virtue signaling.
Wow wow wow. I've been struggling on how to teach my children on how to have relationships once they start dating, because I grew up with purity culture doctrine that didn't make sense when I was dating! It's not Bible plus man's way, but Bible only. I get it! Thank you ladies!
She's so smart! Wow
Thank you. A few of the comments left me feeling kinda dumb haha . I appreciate u.
I’m a non believer. But I’ve spent sometime in family court being supportive to a family member. There’s a reason people shouldn’t be causal about who they sleep with! The kids born from unplanned pregnancy to single parents pay a high price.
I LOVE her and her sister, Diana Zahakian. Fabulous Christian ladies.
I've seen with the purity "culture," (not the Biblical teaching of purity) is that includes many other problematic ideas: the father chooses the husband, the wife submits even if the husband is wrong, abusive, unfaithful, or commits incest. And it is the wife's fault. If he sins, she did something wrong to cause him to sin, and if he doesn't repent, it's because she didn't fast and pray enough to patch the holes (his sins) in the umbrella (his authority.) It really has warped the thinking of a couple generations of dedicated Christians.
Or to make matters worse…the bride’s dad won’t pay if she chooses the wrong guy. Such arranged marriages are not allowed in Catholicism per the Council of Trent.
Wow so much I could comment on here. I was a 45 year old virgin when I got married. I used to wonder if I would die single and without sex! I struggled with a lot of bitterness over it. I really hope and pray that she does get married. She seems like a very good godly woman.
haha you and my mom both! thanks- pray for me.
24:31 I think of Jesus with the Samaritan woman talking about her improper relationships. He made it clear that she was sinning.
And yet he “proposes” to her anyway.
@@Me-hf4ii where are you getting this information from?
@@doreencaputo2942She is shunned by her own people. But she is not shunned by Him. He comes to her and asks her for a drink. She has no cup to offer him. But he says “if you knew what God offers, and who it is who asks you for a drink, you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living waters.” He offers her salvation and eternal life, living waters that will leave her never thirsting again.. in Hebrew marriage forms, the man offers the woman a cup to drink from as a sign of their marriage covenant. Many scholars over the centuries have picked up on this similarities between this tradition and Jesus’s encounter with the woman at the well. She, in her sin, saw who he was - and she dropped everything in faith - and forgiven - to alert all of Samaria that the Messiah had come. In that moment, her sin was washed away, and she became new in Messiah. Something 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 reiterates. The flesh profits nothing - spirit and truth are everything.
That is biblical ignorance
Psalm 138:2
Psalms 19:2 - I will worship toward thy holy temple, and praise thy name for thy lovingkindness and for thy truth: for thou hast magnified thy word above all thy name.
God has chosen to magnify His Word above His name
Holy crap I needed to hear all of this. Totally grew up in purity culture. Thank you guys
I encourage ALL Christians to look into a beautiful work that connects faith, sexuality, and God together in a way that's LIFE CHANGING, and it's called Theology of the Body. Christopher West is the leading teacher of this, and has an amazing channel where he digs into this. It is simply like no other.
Allie are you able to explain to me what you mean by “Grace is to compel us to obedience”?
when we rely on obedience to earn GOd's favor, it's the opposite of a life fueled by grace. Grace receives all the goodenss of God that was earned on our behalf through the sacrifice of GOd's son - Jesus - on the cross. Because of a sense of gratitude, and worship, and complete awe, a true understanding of this grace is the only lasting motivation for obedience. While God does want us to obey, obedience is a sign of our faith, not an earning of our faith. As dallas willard says it best, grace is not opposed to effort but to earning. the purity culture had as its undertone earning GOd's favor by obedience. hope this helps.
@@labujamra1 oh thank you much I was hoping to hear her interpretation of it
When I was growing up we didn’t use term “ purity culture “ we used the term holiness.
I feel like what’s missing from this discussion is that Christianity has failed (as has society at large) to alter the overwhelming stigma against single people. Anyone who has been single for any length of time can speak to this. There are spoken and unspoken judgments cast that if you’re single, you must not be “good enough” to attract a partner. It strikes at the core of many peoples’ sense of self worth and value. “Are you dating yet? You must be lonely. I don’t know how you do it. You’ll meet someone someday”. All these comments, while potentially well intentioned, can be very devastating for the recipient. Our whole society is framed around couples. For instance, the stigma of being “an old maid” has been with us for centuries. As a single person (for a long time) I can personally attest that there is tremendous shame involved. Sadly, the church has done nothing to dispel this view and, quite possibly, has reinforced it.
in many ways the church leads the pack on this approach! but praise God we know Jesus was single so we're in good company.
"Sadly, the church has done nothing to dispel this view and, quite possibly, has reinforced it."
Yes but in time it is the Holy Spirit who defines you!
That seems to be what is missing in your comment. (And yes. I am single who isn't struggling with shame.)
It is the Spirit of The Living God who defines us!
Hopefully more singles will accept that in time.
Who is that author they talked about in the last 10 minutes. Glenda .. ?