I disowned my entire family 20 years ago. Best thing i ever did. They are toxic malignant narcissists to the max. Did many years of recovery process and incest recovery meetings and reading voraciously to get knowledge on this dynamic. I was the black sheep and scapegoat and actually punished for telling the truth. I was always pointing out the elephant in the living room. God bless all of you. This is not easy but u can do this. I am very sensitive also and an empath. I am the polar opposite of my parents.
Lara O'neal Wow similar and now I'm ready to move forward and go on with life . So now I'm tryn to work with my son with backstabbing family that help him move on and live his life... I would like to move away to grow....but this is right on time for me....
Omg its like I could've written your comment myself. Thank you for this. I was struggling with whether or not i should cut ties or just distance myself.
@@jesuslovesme8477 How so? My mom has ALWAYS told me that I was too sensitive. That I was weak, insecure and had low self-esteem. She doesn't listen to me when I tell her that she hurts me. She makes it seem like I am crazy or something. "Grow up, everyone has problems. You ain't the only one. Stop blaming your problems on other people. ". She just doesn't care that the words she says hurts me. Because she tells me to get out of her face.
That also gaslighting. Most times your not "too sensitive" at all. It's because they are narcissistic and don't want to take accountability for hurting you.
Ashley Ongweso same here. I have no friends that understand it and I feel alone. Still struggling that I made the decision two days ago to cut off my mom and sister. Recently cut off my dad
Krystal de Leon Hey, hows everything going now? I hope everything is good. Trust me it’s hard for a little while but you’ll realize you get happier and happier as you start stripping that negative energy away
rose968 thanks for following up. It’s still lonely but it’s a little better bc I’m developing self love and independence. I just pray to God that He brings me more friends and love to fill in that void I’ve had since I was a child
@@krystaldee22 I'm considering cutting off my mother and keeping my grandparents at a distance and only seeing them ever so often. It's difficult for me because they are the only people I have to turn to for love. Their toxic love is the only love I've ever known. Do you think cutting them off will become easier for me as I make new non-toxic friends, fall in love with someone, have children, etc. to look elsewhere for love?
People romanticize family too much, especially mothers. If a woman was emotionally immature before she got pregnant, she still will be after she gives birth. Pregnancy doesn’t magically make an unloving person loving
Pregnancy actually amplifies her shitty or healthy character, my aunt is an example, she always was bitchy but now her mouth just won't ever stop, but there are women who were motherly before and even more after...
Tiffany B I it's a myth that is handed down from one generation to the next. Also, there's a collective mindset in the black community where autonomy is frowned upon. This keeps them more enmeshed in the family in which conflict can be triggered. Their personal space is intruded by relatives and not respected
Totally my situation “they’ll house you and feed you but there’s a lot of petty things going on in the background.. manipulation,disrespect,gossip etc.”
It hurts especially when ur a forgiving person, because ideally you want a happy loving family, but every time you forgive them they hit you again. I need a video on how to cut them off and keep it that way. I have a toxic sister(even I can even call her a sister) she's four years older and I'm not sure if she's bipolar but she'll ridicule me and bring me down, berate me and come back tryna make amends(not genuinely tho) and I just forgive to keep on her good side. it's humiliating for me.
Yep they say blood is thicker than water but who cares about the consistency if the blood is toxic and needs water to survive? I would rather choose water (strangers) for my blood cells to be healthy instead of sticking to unhealthy toxic blood
I’m 15 years old and I have autism sometimes I don’t know how to control my emotions because I live with my mom and my drunk stepdad and I don’t try to disrespect my mom my family has had lots of talks with me about being respectful but my mother has been in a lot of abusive relationships and I feel like this is another one she is in but when she gets mad at me she calls me a bitch and all types of bad things and we have family time she says bad things about me I try my hardest to work with her because she is my mom and I love her I wanted to commit suicide to because like all she cares about is him and i cry every night
I cut my family off years ago and changed my entire name. I moved States and began to flourish for the first time in my life. I even discovered that people liked me and sought my company, which was quite foreign to me. Now, aged 65, I’m happy and healthy of mind. Oh, and my family were wrong about me 🥰
Invoke the 25th Amendment. I wish I could do that ....... sometimes I feel like everything my mom says about me is true ... but I know she’s just disrespecting me and trying to make me feel bad.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 thank you for sharing! I’m so happy for you! My family was wrong about me too! Imagine my surprise to discover I’m not just a selfish, lying, bad, loser. I’m actually kind hearted and creative and affectionate and sincere.
I ran away to NYC at 18, broke af. I was tricked into coming back home and a year passed and I was trapped again. Now I’m writing this from the airport as I have one plane ride left till NYC. It’s back to being homeless again. Back to the youth shelters and youth group homes again. This time without 4G or text messages on my phone. Round 2! Even tougher. When do I fight the big boss, ehh? Lol.)
THEY KNOW FULL WELL THE PROPAGANDA TECHNIQUES OF REPEATING A LIE OVER & OVER & OVER, LYING VIA OMISSION, GASLIGHTING, EGO PROJECTIONS BECAUSE DEEP DOWN BENEATH THEIR EGOS THEY CORRECTLY SEE THEMSELVES AS SUB HUMAN. THERE'S ONLY SO MUCH ABUSE EVEN THE STRONGEST OF MEN CAN TOLERATE.
@@estheradao Just like a blood clot can kill you, a family grouped together to kill you and wants to stop their own blood relative from moving freely or to be themselves
Reading the comments and watching these videos I'm constantly in aw to read and hear my life story repeated to me from strangers. . Right down to the exact words narcs use to hurt or manipulate. Its like they went to school for this shit and memorized a manual. To see and feel all your pain is to be finally seen
i started crying as soon as i read your comment, its not just you i promise!! we're the black sheep of the family, meant to be strong through the pain then move on
Yep it’s called karmic family. They are made to be difficult or abusive so that you can discover who you are and your inner greatness. You can break the soul contract by writing about them on a piece of paper and how you learned your lesson from them and burning it
This. This is my situation rn with my mom. I keep trying to explain it to her that she's hurting me but each time I do, she just gaslights me and makes me doubt my feelings/ make me feel bad. I don't know what to do anymore...
@@keijisbuffarms4791 I totally understand you! My mom is a narcissist. She laughs in my face when I'm going thru things. Just yesterday I didn't get any breakfast and I had somewhere to go (a trip with my youth club) but she kept wasting my time, telling me to do this and that, then she asked, "oh have u eaten?" And I said, "no" and the she laughed in my face about it. Like that freakin hurts. She does the most just to piss me off but still has the audacity to act like I'm the problem, and she's the victim. I've become so depressed over the years and I can't wait till I'm set free from this endless cycle of darkness and pain 😭😭😭
@@JerrenAnnah Thank you, it's nice to know I'm not the only one going through this 🥺❤️ At this point I have completely given up on her, and can't wait until I'm free from this horrific cycle.
@@keijisbuffarms4791 me too! Over quarantine I've been trying to find myself. Who am I? Who was I truly meant to be without the influence of a monster in my life? Anyway, I hope ur having a good day today 🥺 if u ever need to vent, talk, or need someone to just simply sit at the other side of the screen and just listen, I can do that for you ❤ my insta is jerren_annah (I'm currently leaving my house now but hopefully I'll be back soon enough if u decide to message me 🥺❤)
@@JerrenAnnah thank you sm 🥺❤️ I'll definitely give you a message later (it's night for me rn) my insta is ruto_shadowz! Have a good day and once again, thank you ❤️
I realized that I lived in an f-up family when I stayed at a friend's house and saw how a loving family interacts. i was 11 years old. As an adult, I tell everyone that my family are all dead. I haven't communicated with any of them in 20 years and it has definitely been the right decision. I could not be the successful person that I am today had I not cut off that toxicity.
I recently cut my entire family off. It took me my entire life to realize that, as much as I longed for a healthy family, MY family has been keeping me in this toxic loop of self destruction... but I'll always remain the "kcuf up"in their eyes, despite my many successes. I don't care anymore. Their reaction to me cutting ties just proves that I made the right decision. I cried for about a week, but now I feel so much RELIEF!!!
About to do it. Feeling scared for some reason. But the meanness I copped today.....is way beyond tolerable. My 92 yr old mother's funeral day... I could not go because of chronic health problem. I was promised oh so sweetly that live streaming was set up so I could feel part of the service. Felt good about that. Bottom line...1 hour before the service... I found I needed the confirmation email to access link so sent a request for it. Absolutely no response from anyone.... even the sweet fkn sister who had spoken to me hours earlier. I rang funeral home and they sent link so I hooked in on one device with the passcode. Minutes later I went to do the same on the iPad for better viewing. The code had been changed. Unbelievable. But unbeknown to them I could still watch it on the first device. It is 5 hours since finish and not one word from 5 siblings. This is so shocking....to me. I cannot conceive of being so mean to someone. I am feeling really sick tonight and in shock. And lost.
Lynda you have every right to feel how you feel that fact that they left you out like that on something so important was wrong. No one she feel emotional trauma from any one rather it’s family are not. Take care of you and everything else will fall into place.
Same here.. so good to know I’m not alone. There’s no going back! It almost destroyed me. But well, it seems to be so difficult to understand for people with a healthy family.. for me, it almost feels like a different world..
the fact that you said "they dont help you emotionally or mentally growing up they kind of abandon you .." hit me. 20year + of feeling alone in a family who would rather argue, hate, and create conflict between eachother is toxics. i felt like i had to parent myself through my whole life, made me become a independent person.. because THEY HAVE TAUGHT ME ALL THAT I DONT WANT TO EVER BE. i can honestly say that im hurt, to know that i never had a loving family.. thank you for this, i needed this during these holidays.
Wow, you two sound like the same situation I’ve dealt with my ENTIRE life as well..... this channel is awesome because it shows that NONE OF US ARE ALONE...and this UNIT of people that we are even crosses race and, gender....WE WILL GET THERE IN TIME❤️..balance, love and hope.
Lupeepee I agree totally with you. My parents taught me everything I don’t ever want to be also. Kudos to you for your independent thinking. It takes a strong person to be able to break the fantasy bond with parents who have never had your best interest at heart. Too many ppl give their parents undeserved loyalty and that needs to be broken so that you can be who you really are. Ppl only deserve loyalty as it is earned , not just because they are older than you or your parents. Look at your parents objectively and critically. It is unfortunately rare for many ppl to do this. God bless you many times over.
Lupeepee omg girl!! I love that you said that they taught you what not to be. I owe all of my success in life by doing the opposite of what my crazy ass family did and does
We basically spend our whole lives trying to get over what our childhood was. I totally agree with some people are just supposed to be in our lives for a season.
Yes, I agree it might feel hurtful at first to let go of certain people in our lives but through time one comes to realize that what hurt one the most was the way certain people made us feel.
@Cody Sagget I just read this and I was in the same situation. I promise once you make the jump your life will be so much more beautiful. Take the time to care for yourself in the beginning because being gay and rejected is the most toxic mentality to have. 😘😘😘😘
Having a dysfunctional family isn't just about name calling or direct abuse. It's also about having your feelings invalidated/downplayed and being held to a different standard than "more important" members. Some members may assist you in your times of need, but God forbid you show them tough love when that's clearly what they need...
I feel ya. Feelings were never validated or were met with opposition. No one acted like they gave a rat’s ass about the others. I got divorced a couple years ago, and no one called to check on me or ask me what happened. Like “wow...oh well” was about all they could come up with. Now my mom, who lives with me, can’t understand why I have so much anger and resentment towards her. She stresses me out so bad I can’t stand being in my own house with her.
Advice for the young ones who are unable to move out. Read lots of books and find a comfort area in your home where no one frequently visits. I did that. It worked perfectly. Now, reading the books will help you to escape the reality for a while and I must admit the perks are you will improve your vocabulary and developed a greatly as an intellectual. I am still in the healing process. However, I don't regret letting go. I keep all of us in my prayers.
Yes you need money . I saved my money from being a child to get out of my toxic childhood home. My childhood dream was to own my own house which nobody could throw me out of. I’ve owned by my house since the age of 23. I bless my younger self. ✨💞✨💞✨💞🎶💞💞🎶
I’m so dumb, I’m in my 30s with like $500 saved..two bachelors degrees later, one I recently went back for and no career job..I’m about to scream, and I know, pathetic I still live at home
It is global. Not black not white. It is human myth that we need to cut it off our self first. I am an Arab and I cut my family two months ago. I feel so sick and lonely and insecure. However, I am moving forward to whatever it takes. The past 29 years of my life wasn’t the life my self and my soul telling me about. I deserve love and respect and I will find my people and my real family. ❤️🙏 I believe I left bunsh of sick people so I can have space for the authentic ones.
It is global my mom is Mexican from Mexico and I feel her shortcomings were due to no one stroking her ego....her looks.us was not what she expected people kissing her a....s so she would take jabs at us no matter what the cost so we never developed respect for one other
This video finally gave me the courage to start applying for jobs to get out of the house. They make me feel like I'm still a child and dependent, but that is going to change.
Please have a plan far in advance. Save your money and don’t tell anyone what your planning to do because it will sabotaged. Act like your normal self until your exit
I've told my emotionally abusive mom, I plan to move out , and she told me how am I going to do that because I struggle with depression, etc., I'm going to save my money and work hard to get my own place because I can't stay here anymore at home.
@@chelseaspringer982 You can do it! I did it! It was not easy, I didn't tell anyone I was leaving for good. Start by saving, don't wait till you have a lot of money, you just need 2 months of the budget, everything else will work itself out because your survival mode will kick in.
I really needed this I’m shaking while watching this because I’m sick and tired of my family. Too toxic and I feel claustrophobic everyday. Thank you for this 🙏
First, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I get it. And random question but are you Ghanaian? (I assumed because of the "Boateng" in your name) If so, I am, too! I always feel even more alone because of it's culture surrounding "family togetherness" and subjects like this are so fucking taboo. It sucks...
Lilly Elboateng omg yes same I literally can’t talk to them or be myself fully around them and they know this but still don’t try to make amends or anything
Wow I wrote this 10 months ago, it feels like yesterday. Thank you for the likes and replies I didn’t see them. I left my family since then, I didn’t cut my mum off completely but the rest of my family I have. I couldn’t stay there any longer my mental health was deteriorating, I’m better but not fully there yet, I still struggle after leaving because I feel a sense of guilt, but i had to do what’s right for me. 💕
@@Nicole-bw2cu It's a hard decision but your health and sanity comes first👍Also I just decided to give a break to my family (mother /sibs)but I wouldn't mind fixing things with my siblings if possible because it's not their fault.I have tried with my sister but no luck because I think she's the "new"scapegoat.Hopefully you can set yourself Free without the guilt because if I had the courage to do earlier on I think my life would've been diffrent.
I am an anxious 20 year old who has decided to drop out of college and move to Seattle to escape my family. Its always been a difficult situation. My mental state is so bad from my parents that even if they hadnt caused me to loose my scholorship i cant continue college right now. In desperation a week ago i decided to take the money i had at the time and put it to a plane flight to seattle and an apartment. Im scared but i have to do this and go no contact with my family. I wanted to say your video helped so much.
I have done a similar thing last summer with a relative i was subject to narcassistic abusive with that i took a plain to Vegas and stayed there for the ret of the summer until school started back in August.
The Most High shows a way. I found a nice landlord who did not require a down payment and grabbed my two children and ran from my mom like the devil was chasing me and been a blessing ever since.
What I Have Come To Find Out Is That Family Is Not What We Have Been Programmed To Think... I Have Come To Find That They Are Just The Physical Vessels That We Entered This Physical World Through, And That Our Real Family Is Our Spiritual Family Which Is Forever And Not Everyone Has The Same Spirit Of Love, Truth, Light....
Moving away from my toxic family was the best thing ever I did. I cut them off in my social media and change my phone number. My parents never understood my vision in life and never appreciate what I do in life. Being around them disrupt my life emotionally and mentally. My mom even attempt to control who I date and who hangout with.
I used to feel alone about stuff like his, but I'm rly amazed at how many people have dealt with this kind of narcissistic dysfunctional family members. They all follow the same shitty patterns.
It makes me feel a little bit better and at least more “normal” that soooo many people have been through this shit. BUT at the same time I hate how so many people actually have went through this because I know how it feels and it’s awful.
It's amazing how much you get it. Wow. My mother was a provider, but that's about it. She lacks the emotional capacity to really be my mother because she's too busy sorting out her own emotional baggage. She has been my dark cloud since i was a kid. I'm so over it. Unfortunately, the situation is similar with my dad. As a kid, he never gave me the encouragement i needed. Always threatened to cut me off if i made poor decisions. One day, he actually did. It's never been the same ever since. He refuses to make any real effort to be a father. Only generic happy birthday's and happy thanksgivings. My relationships with both my parents is disappointing. But at 26, im finally ready to be free of their fuckery. Thank you for sharing.
I’m 13 years old, my whole family is toxic. I have no one else to go to, my mother has anger issues and constantly makes me feel unwanted, my grandmother DEMANDS respect from me but never respects me. My parents got divorced when I was 6 and my dad can’t take care of me. As soon as I’m 18, I’m out of here. I never want my children to feel this way, ever.
I am so sorry your going through this I wish I could help you . You will pull through and I am sending positive energy your way. You are strong and brilliant!!!
The best thing you can do for yourself is get the best grades possibles and get a job to save all of the money you can. What you do in high school and college truly does set up the entire rest of your life. All thru high school I worked during the school year and two jobs every summer so I could save up money for an apartment. I left at 18 and didn’t return until I was 30. In that time, they never changed for the better. You will find people to care for you and you can build a new life.
Please please please folks stop thinking that blood is thicker than water. I have people who are not in anyway family treat me better than my useless so called family. First and foremost I have not spoken to my mom in 3 years. she does not like me and I don't give a hoot anymore. She prefers my younger sister and dislikes me and I hate my entire family except my brother. My dad never liked to pay for rent, buy food clothes noootthhiinngg! he followed everything my mother said to avoid feeling uncomfortable in the house or end up getting kicked out. He was never man enough. I was attacked in every way possible. The house was toxic and I hated being there. I left and I never looked back. They are fake and I never ever want to them to get close to me because they are such an evil bunch. My brother, I love to death and that will never change. For the rest, to hell with them. I hope they fcae God and burn in hell. This spoke volumes to me. I needed something like this for years and this really touched me. Thank you
I finally decided to separate myself from my family this weekend. It's just as you said, they'll house and feed you, but do they truly care about your well being? I can honestly say, I've felt more cared for and respected by complete strangers than my own family.
You communicated this subject in the easiest terms for understanding. Best I’ve heard. You are easy to listen to and to the point. Thank you for your posts!
They're always trying to change your personality, your reality etc. So you feel like you can't trust yourself but honestly you are the one who's right and they have been putting you under manipulation and have been torturing you for years, like i was forced to lie about my marks on my face and body to everyone every single time it happened. Now I'm healing. I'm not scared to speak my mind anymore. I got my own back. I support myself. I'm not alone, I got myself. 😂
Growing up I always wondered why God gave me such a shitty family & I used to cry about it for nearly my entire life. But when you said some families are just karamic in nature & they are just there for you to teach you a lesson & moved on, my heart stopped beating for a second, because you described my family. My family only haves loyalty to certain family members, throws the word love & says empty promises all too often. We only get together for funerals & on top of that, when I was abused by my mother’s mother, they stuck their heads in the sand. So I turned myself into the always happy-go-lucky, smiling, everything is hunky dory person who always was in a bubble. After cutting my family off last year, I feel like I can finally take off the unnatural happy mask & breathe. Now whenever life gets too hard I pray & journal & talk to my Facebook group. Now my family is no longer in my thoughts
I feel more understood by others’ comments here than I ever have in my own family... thank you so much for creating material and a space like this, so we can find ways to heal and remember that others deal with this too, even if we’re too nervous or ashamed to share in person. ❤️
When you have to cross a line to keep family close and they could care less about you then they've done crossed a line . im disowning my hateful sister and its so painful . white black brown it doesn't matter feelings have no color but hate has its own recognition . just be strong for yourself . youll get thru
Dysfunctional craz: What l found was that You dont have to Leave the region to get away from them Biologicals... Just move to another part of it, BUT, Make it CRYSTAL CLEAR that You've SHUT THE DOOR on THEM...
When I turned 19 I moved to the other side of the planet. My life began from there. It took a great many years to detox from the history of abuse but I feel that it saved my life. I met my now wife's family and experienced family love for the first time. I still find that I am learning about family dynamics, but it's not toxic or abusive, so it's positive. Cut them out of your life, it will save you.
You go! Im 61 and "divorced" most of my family 25 years ago. Both parents were toxic and when they passed I felt nothing but relief. I have a loving husband, great kids and many wonderful "extended" family members that I choose once I was bold enough to leave the toxicity behind. You (we) are not alone and you are an inspiration my sister!
Im 24 and i know my life is going to be like yours. I have found my soulmate, unfortunately he also doesnt have contact with his family and im afraid that we will only have each other and wont find good friends since both of us dont get along with anybody. Thats why I'm afraid to let go of my family.. just not to be completely alone. Do you have any advice? I would love to hear your opinion and I wish you the best luck for your and your husbands life!
@@LuckyMelisse Hi Meli my name is Sharon. I'm trying to understand what did you mean about being alone? You and your soul mate have each other.. are you talking about having a community?
@@sheyg.395 yes. Im used to have a lot of people around me. I have a lot of cousins and i know when i leave my Relationship will also break with them. And thats the one thing that makes me sad
Meli M I’m losing my brother, sister in law, niece, nephews because I cut my mom and sister out. It’s hard. I miss them and always will. Get a dog,find people who are lonely or in need and serve them, try out a church, befriend an elderly person, make real friends, volunteer, be a Big Brother/Big Sister, join community interest groups, be patient with yourself ❤️
It's so sad that we had to go through this stuff and society ignores it. Our relatives generally know we are being destroyed by faulty parents who create faulty siblings for us and no one reaches out to protect us until we become so traumatised that we have to leave and rebuild ourselves. The worst part is that when we do get out and try to talk about it, people guilt us into taking these awful people back. The best thing is to shut them out and go your way. They will destroy every inch of you without remorse. I went no contact for years and people pushed me back only for my family to take revenge by pretending and then throwing the arrows in when I was vulnerable. I've spent so much time feeling bad about it and now I'm so glad I'm finally facing the fact that I can never go back. Evidence shows toxic people only become non-toxic 6ft under, so it's not even an option. I'm happy for you and myself for this change. I pray for you that things go well with you as I pray for myself.
Alan Grant relatives usually side with the abusers, particularly if children are involved. They have the mindset that families should remain in contact regardless of the abuse.
Alan Grant fam members forcing reconciliation often side with abusers, and they can be even more vicious and backstabbing. They are reporters because they report everything the victim says to their abusers in some cases
Any culture where respecting your elders is expected the sick narcissist parent will take full advantage of that i am W. African after a lifetime of abuse and i mean from birth after 47 years i had enough they can swim in their misery pool...all set here
Alan Grant my mother too. She told me the real reason why she abused me but she's a fucking liar. She text me we're sorry if we did abuse u in anyway we were just trying to discipline you if we made a mistake we're sorry. I forgave her but it's still hard to believe that shit because I went through so much fucking hell my family, what happens outside my family. But deep down they ain't shit
I cut off my family,and those i thought were my friends. Now,my life is calmer. Im not being sucked into no he says/she says bull,no drama, my husband is doing well,we save money,we got no problems.
A family can be like a cult, a culture...i walked away from he people i wanted to love, but could not love me back. My values are sensitivity, emotional, honesty, compassion, God, humor, Joy. I'm alone- but, i am finally at peace. It was painful, but, i learned how to care for and love myself.
This video confirms that I am not wrong for being upset with my mom for talking down on me and constantly being negative towards me from childhood til now. I moved out at 19 and went into a shelter situation til I got my apartment and yes it caused a strain and struggle. I couldnt save then leave cause the place was toxic and domestic violence was involved. its been 3 years ive been in my place but i still deal with anxiety and alot of stuff from past pain. My mom as a adult still talks down on me and talks shit about how i maintain to keep moving forward. Im 24, have had my real estate license since 21 and some courses away from my associates degree with so much more to accomplish. GOING BACK TO A DYSFUNCTIONAL HOME I COULD NEVER! money is the #1 thing keeping me a float! I got to keep myy family cut off til im 100000% stable. Its crazy LOL! thanks for this video seriously!!!! its all confirmation I got to keep going no matter what and to do me..
My family is very mentally/ emotionally abusive, they’re narcissistic and non comprehending it’s hard because I have no choice but to stay here, when I have a stable income I look to drop them out of my life, I want them out of my life for good.
I disowned my whole entire family after my father passed away in 2010.. he was my best friend!!! I honestly will never ever ever ever ever ever deal with them again I'm not even go to any of their funerals!!! Thanks for this!!! I totally agree with your point of view!!!!! Watching this video made me realize I'm not the only one....that in itself is a great comfort!!!! I recently deactivated my Facebook and Instagram to ensure they can never ever ever ever ever ever ever contact me!!!!! Black families are so fucking disfunctional!!!!
I graduated hs a year ago and I'm very confused about where to go. After quarantine, I'm getting my ID, permit, and I'm going to figure out how to leave.
Estranged from my mother for 4 years now. Best thing that could have happened to me. Stress levels way down, anxiety and depression gone. Great sense of freedom, like breathing again. I can now relax, enjoy my own company etc. Of course having a good mom is a wonderful thing, but in my case, it is not to be. I wish her well though. Take care Nu x
I know this video is old but your comment hit home and I feel the same way but people will try to judge you for making that decision. I stop caring about people's opinion cuz they weren't there through the years of depression or heart aches..good for you.
I'm in my 40s and with a dysfunctional family, it never ever changes. I have suffered with so much low self esteem. Even got involved with abusive and alcoholic men and then my family seemed happy at my failure. They seem unhappy when I'm doing well. I cut my family off, started to get better, left the alcoholic, but needed temporarily a place to stay. Went to stay with my mother and overheard her talking to relative on the phone (she was loud and knew I could hear) going on and on about "well guess who HAD to come home again? I know, don't worry I won't give her any money. Oh I know. I will be careful and no I'm not giving her any money." Ok, I hadn't asked for any money. I was in between jobs and had left this man was all. I actually earn a pretty decent living I just needed temporary help. I cried all night long hearing that and decided the next day to go visit some friends in a town about 2 hrs away and she was calling going crazy b/c she said I "stuck her with my cats." The cats were outside on a patio and not doing anything. Basically she felt if she was helping me by letting me stay there that I needed to sit there in the house with her 24/7 so she could lecture me I guess about my bad choices, IDK. So, my college daughter took my cats temporarily and I left and went freaking tent camping in different state parks for several weeks and then rented a room on airbnb once I started working again. It was hard, but I also had fun. I haven't talked to any of them since. I am now in my own place and working and rebuilding on my own. Sometimes I feel guilty not talking to any of them, but every time I try to give either my mother, my sister, or my father a chance to be n my life, they are so mean and nasty I have to walk away again. If anything when I have had the periods away from then go back (like what I just described with my mother) well then their behavior is just intolerable. I used to just suck it up and put up with it b/c I thought there was something wrong with me. But, when your own mother treats you like a some sort of crack addict who going to rob her? That was just too hurtful. I was already having a hard time losing everything from leaving that man. She knew I wasn't the one drinking and don't do drugs or anything. It was like she just wanted the attention from other people and for some reason they enjoy making me seem like a huge loser and a terrible person - that I am a bad person. I am working on myself now and working hard to feel better. Definitely don't want get involved with any sort of alcoholic man anymore. I really feel my involvement with him was (and the one before) directly tied to how my family treated me growing up and beyond. Trying to love myself more, but it's hard. Right now I just feel lonely and sad. Thank you for the video. Sorry for rambling on so much!
Kitty Walker omg I could have written this. It’s sad that family are the ones that bring you down the most but they’re miserable with themselves. I’m 29 and I’ve finally cut my family off for good except for the couple people who don’t try to hurt me and bring me down. I’ve come to the realization that I’ll never have the family that I want and I need to just move on for my own well-being. I have a husband who loves me and a baby on the way and his family adores me. I realize more and more that it’s not me that’s the problem, it’s them. It hurts but I know it’s for the best. I’m happy that things have important for you as well and I’m sorry for what you’ve had to go through.
i was never use any drugs or alcohol. But, they seem unhappy when i am doing well as well.. but, they use my children as weapons against me to hurt me. When they were little they made fun of them, they were horrible to my children. But, this false sense of family unity that was none existed kept me there. My sons paid the price. I am away from them as much as i can.
I am a twin and I never started issues, I was quite and obedient,but I still was the black sheep no matter how decent I was.The best thing is to give up on some people and find love elsewhere.
Almost win myself and I always have been bullied by my twin sister and my mother that's the day I cut my mom and my sister off until they trying to take custody of my kids and I will not have that Over My Dead Body I love my family but sometimes you just got to let you know you can pick me up at my family always make me feel guilty being the black sheep which I don't care anymore this is my time and my kids time and God's time is not their time anymore
Being rejected from my family has set me up for a long struggle with finding my place in this world… When you’re an outcast in your own family, sometimes it feels like you don’t fit in anywhere.. I’m slowly overcoming my childhood demons and rediscovering myself. It’s amazing how much I’ve learned about myself in the time I’ve had far away from my toxic family… I’m so much more myself
My idea of a good family is no longer where everyone is super supportive and loving, no that's too much to ask. I just want a family that is not abusive where people in the family actually want to grow up.
I had to put an ocean between me and my blood. I felt like I was being eaten alive and spat out, over and over and over, until I didn't have a choice to go as far as I could get. I had a chance to move to Scotland from St.Louis and took it. I didn't tell anybody, I just silently prepared for 3 yrs and left. Needless to say they were pissed that their scapegoat had the nerve to leave. I left in 2016, and am still not in a place to talk about exactly what happened. Especially when people innocently ask about St.Louis and family etc, I still choke up. I try not to think about it all, and try to just focus on getting to know a new culture, but I know at some juncture I'm goimg to have to go there. It's always just below the surface anyway. So needy of comfort but too raw to be embraced x
Nu Mindframe I love topic videos. With July passing, I was bringing awareness to minorities experiencing mental "illnesses". Topics like that peak my interest. Just your life experiences are insightful to share. Continue doing that!
Left Home as teenager from an abusive household where I was being molested. Im 24 now and to be honest I'm still not financially independent but I am engaged to be married/studying for grad school, and know that my financial independence will be on the way soon. Finally decided to cut the remaining strings of my dysfunctional family and I couldn't be happier.
I'm sorry about all of that and I'm really glad you are managing to move on!! Congratulations on your new life prospects and please take care of yourself ❤️❤️❤️❤️
When I first went to college, I was so confused. I didn't know what was right or wrong. I didn't know how to talk to people or make friends. See, my parents aren't only dysfunctional. They are manipulative to the highest degree. They convinced their friends that they are saints, while they convinced me that I am insane. It all FELT wrong, but I couldn't explain why or how that was. I am still in the process of convincing myself that I am not, nor ever was crazy, let alone opening up to the possibility of trusting myself. I only just found your channel an hour ago, but your insight and experiences are so, SO, relatable and clarifying. I love what you do and look forward to hearing what else you have to say. Just over a month ago, I asked my mother to stop contacting me. I recognized that just seeing a short message from her brought back so many memories I'd rather forget. She is an emotional rollercoaster and the last thing I need in my life. I know that the more research and reflection I do, the more clarity and peace I will find. Thank you so much for what you do.
I'm sure your first few statements were untrue - as you went through school learning those things and talking to many people and probably had friends. Don't put yourself down. And I'll be your friend!
Also - I wanted to let you know that IF you have to communicate with your mother, email her instead of calling. That's the only way you can get all your feelings, thoughts and words to her without her interrupting you or hanging up on you - like both of my parents do.
I'm leaving my family my family is so bad that i have no problem never seeing or speaking to them ever again even if they are dying i won't go see them.
Jonique, Two weeks ago, I cut off my family. At first, maybe I should have not done that. But as the days goes on, I see the light at the end of the tunnel. Enough is enough. I feel free, no longer have a need for them because they only want "money" from me. It just never ends. I have my own family. Brothers and sisters are all toxic. Never again.
Yep....my siblings used me and I admit I allowed myself to be sacrificed but, the catch is when I feel on hard times I was surely reminded how much they couldn't care less. It was a hard lesson thru 2017, 2018 I was healing 2019 I'm healed. They could never be in my space again with that nonsense. Good riddance!
My family on the outside seems like a respectable family, all my relatives have at least a bachelor’s degree and I have 8 doctors in my family, 2 engineers, and my brother has a PhD in Physics. Yet they are very abnormal behind closed doors. There is a lot of abusive behavior, lack of communication, and abandonment.
I come from a Russian family, and love or emotion is not something shown. Aggression and hatred is the norm. I've noticed this is a trend between Russians. It's hard, there's too much I want to say but thanks for the video.
I escaped from my family with no resources or plan. I stayed with my ex for a few months but it was super disfunctional, so I ended up homeless for a few months and then got into my own apartment. I recommend stacking at least 3-6 months of expenses including rent. It will be a smoother transition. If you gotta go, I get it, but if you dip with nothing, the struggle can be super intense. God will protect you if you are respectful and work hard to get out of it, but it's not easy. Trust me. And even when you run away, you still have to deal with them on some level. Get your bread right, so you have a spot and some stability. Keep your moves quiet as well bc they will try to sabotage you. Even now my mother, grandmother and aunts still try to manipulaten shame and sabotage me. They key is financial, mental and emotional stability. I know it's hard but you can do it. Just set a timeline, figure out how much you need to save each month and make it happen.
julie robinson 100% agree with you! She beautiful inside and out! With such wisdom at a young age! I’m in the final chapter of my life and my parents are in their 70’s for me it’s better late than never at all, be well x
I wanted let you know that I feel this toxic family issue is affecting black families the most. Many black families have been emotionally abused and they abuse each other with out realizing they are hurting others. I have no parents and Ive been distance from most of my family except for two family members. It is very hard being without family but I am happier without the toxic family. I've been cut off for 6 years.
I’m struggling with this so much right now. My body is starting to physically protest every time i go home by getting sick. Anybody else dealing with feelings of guilt?
I get that too. I now believe it is my greater self who knows it is really not good for me or my well being to be around them. I finally listened and stay away now.
I feel it everyday but I never had good relations with any of them to begin with which is why I left. They treated me badly and I don’t miss them. It just hurts knowing you have a family but also knowing you cannot count on them to care about you - your wants, your needs, your emotional well being. I get physically ill if I have to go anywhere near their house.
I’m turning 29, and feel so behind in life. I’ve realized that my feeling of being infantilized is through my upbringing. My family is so fragmented and has never been a source of joy for me. I am now taking the step towards independence, and creating community that will serve as family.
This is actually really true. I read almost 100 of the comments and it’s amazing how many of us are going through this. And the things you were saying were like you read a story of my life. Thanks for sharing.
Its been 3 years post going no contact with my whole family and almost every person I knew from that time...and I am still recovering. Most people will never understand that decision, good for them, but I think we are all deserving of happiness and stability.
I disowned my entire family 20 years ago. Best thing i ever did. They are toxic malignant narcissists to the max. Did many years of recovery process and incest recovery meetings and reading voraciously to get knowledge on this dynamic. I was the black sheep and scapegoat and actually punished for telling the truth. I was always pointing out the elephant in the living room. God bless all of you. This is not easy but u can do this. I am very sensitive also and an empath. I am the polar opposite of my parents.
Lara O'neal
Wow similar and now I'm ready to move forward and go on with life . So now I'm tryn to work with my son with backstabbing family that help him move on and live his life... I would like to move away to grow....but this is right on time for me....
Drachonetez Stegall Good for you. Be strong . Don’t have blind loyalty to anyone ever. God bless.
Drachonetez Stegall Props to you and God bless.
Thanks
Omg its like I could've written your comment myself. Thank you for this. I was struggling with whether or not i should cut ties or just distance myself.
the isolated family member is the one who is truly awake.
FinChX0X0 💯💯💯💯💯💯
FinChX0X0 YESSAHH!!💯💯🔥🔥🔥
FinChX0X0 Unfortunately🗣...
SO TRUE
Yes indeed!!
I am tired of being told that I am too sensitive. My feelings matter.
That's a bullying tactic....
@@jesuslovesme8477 How so? My mom has ALWAYS told me that I was too sensitive. That I was weak, insecure and had low self-esteem. She doesn't listen to me when I tell her that she hurts me. She makes it seem like I am crazy or something. "Grow up, everyone has problems. You ain't the only one. Stop blaming your problems on other people. ". She just doesn't care that the words she says hurts me. Because she tells me to get out of her face.
That also gaslighting. Most times your not "too sensitive" at all. It's because they are narcissistic and don't want to take accountability for hurting you.
Reading with Janae Marie your feelings do matter
Mon88 Ca that makes sense
I used to be embarrassed that i didn’t have a normal loving family. Now i know that I’m not alone.
Ashley Ongweso same here. I have no friends that understand it and I feel alone. Still struggling that I made the decision two days ago to cut off my mom and sister. Recently cut off my dad
Krystal de Leon Hey, hows everything going now? I hope everything is good. Trust me it’s hard for a little while but you’ll realize you get happier and happier as you start stripping that negative energy away
rose968 thanks for following up. It’s still lonely but it’s a little better bc I’m developing self love and independence. I just pray to God that He brings me more friends and love to fill in that void I’ve had since I was a child
@@krystaldee22 I'm considering cutting off my mother and keeping my grandparents at a distance and only seeing them ever so often. It's difficult for me because they are the only people I have to turn to for love. Their toxic love is the only love I've ever known. Do you think cutting them off will become easier for me as I make new non-toxic friends, fall in love with someone, have children, etc. to look elsewhere for love?
Your not alone my dear xxoo
People romanticize family too much, especially mothers. If a woman was emotionally immature before she got pregnant, she still will be after she gives birth. Pregnancy doesn’t magically make an unloving person loving
Exactly! Finally someone said it
Pregnancy actually amplifies her shitty or healthy character, my aunt is an example, she always was bitchy but now her mouth just won't ever stop, but there are women who were motherly before and even more after...
Exactly!!
Thanks for saying it. My mother was very abusive. I’m trying to be healthier and cut her and my older brother out of my life completely
You know it.
It hurts like hell when your family assassinates your character. I know who I am!
Of course you know who you are! ;) Their loss. Get on with your life, girl. Go make yourself happy! ;)
@Anon Anon yes.
@LeahWoodbury Yes I have another channel, check it out!
They all be lieing to each other instead of saying it to you
@@bev8200 yeah ikr
Black people think oh "we still family at the end of the day " that's so toxic you don't have to talk to your family people
Tiffany B that's right, energy don't lie.
Tiffany B ...not only black ;)
Tiffany B your right black families always do that and that shit is annoying
Tiffany B I it's a myth that is handed down from one generation to the next. Also, there's a collective mindset in the black community where autonomy is frowned upon. This keeps them more enmeshed in the family in which conflict can be triggered. Their personal space is intruded by relatives and not respected
Sadly but true
Totally my situation “they’ll house you and feed you but there’s a lot of petty things going on in the background.. manipulation,disrespect,gossip etc.”
So true took the words right out my mouth.
Yes preach ,but then they expect you to Go with the flow and accept this mental abuse😡
Wow. Yes then if you speak up your ungrateful. God forbid you actually remember the hurtful words & things. 😢
@@roseymarie6006 or disrespectful no matter how respectful you really are.
Searra Ann you need a plan... and a job to start saving .... if you can wait maybe go away to college ... that would be ideal
Family isn't blood, its people who loves you unconditionally.
Arvin Katoch that is so true, some of my family members are like bitches and all I look at them like is enraged strangers enraged abusive strangers
It hurts especially when ur a forgiving person, because ideally you want a happy loving family, but every time you forgive them they hit you again. I need a video on how to cut them off and keep it that way. I have a toxic sister(even I can even call her a sister) she's four years older and I'm not sure if she's bipolar but she'll ridicule me and bring me down, berate me and come back tryna make amends(not genuinely tho) and I just forgive to keep on her good side. it's humiliating for me.
Yep they say blood is thicker than water but who cares about the consistency if the blood is toxic and needs water to survive? I would rather choose water (strangers) for my blood cells to be healthy instead of sticking to unhealthy toxic blood
@@Layla-fr7mf I know that's right I'd choose the same because I'm steady living with a family member right now, right now and it's my eldest sibling
shout out to the boys, always taking time out their day to make sure im alright and including me
“If you have to take care of yourself emotionally and physically, then what’s the point of having people around” 🙌🏽
She said that perfectly. I could not agree more.
Sad but true!!! I’d rather be alone than around toxic people!
What a word!!! Thank you!❤
OKAY
I’m 15 years old and I have autism sometimes I don’t know how to control my emotions because I live with my mom and my drunk stepdad and I don’t try to disrespect my mom my family has had lots of talks with me about being respectful but my mother has been in a lot of abusive relationships and I feel like this is another one she is in but when she gets mad at me she calls me a bitch and all types of bad things and we have family time she says bad things about me I try my hardest to work with her because she is my mom and I love her I wanted to commit suicide to because like all she cares about is him and i cry every night
I cut my family off years ago and changed my entire name. I moved States and began to flourish for the first time in my life. I even discovered that people liked me and sought my company, which was quite foreign to me. Now, aged 65, I’m happy and healthy of mind. Oh, and my family were wrong about me 🥰
Invoke the 25th Amendment. I wish I could do that ....... sometimes I feel like everything my mom says about me is true ... but I know she’s just disrespecting me and trying to make me feel bad.
Great.
Amen. I have DISOWNED my fucking family-what a fucking relief. I told the fuckers never to contact me ever!!!! I don't care about these fuckers.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 thank you for sharing! I’m so happy for you! My family was wrong about me too! Imagine my surprise to discover I’m not just a selfish, lying, bad, loser. I’m actually kind hearted and creative and affectionate and sincere.
You should right a book
Advice to people too young to move out: please understand they are projecting. The negativity they speak ur way is not a reflection of u!!!
Hmmmm God bless you for telling these young ones... Honestly...I wish someone told me this many years ago... When I lived with my family.
Thank. You
@Baby thank you
I ran away to NYC at 18, broke af. I was tricked into coming back home and a year passed and I was trapped again. Now I’m writing this from the airport as I have one plane ride left till NYC. It’s back to being homeless again. Back to the youth shelters and youth group homes again. This time without 4G or text messages on my phone. Round 2! Even tougher. When do I fight the big boss, ehh? Lol.)
THEY KNOW FULL WELL THE PROPAGANDA TECHNIQUES OF REPEATING A LIE OVER & OVER & OVER, LYING VIA OMISSION, GASLIGHTING, EGO PROJECTIONS BECAUSE DEEP DOWN BENEATH THEIR EGOS THEY CORRECTLY SEE THEMSELVES AS SUB HUMAN.
THERE'S ONLY SO MUCH ABUSE EVEN THE STRONGEST OF MEN CAN TOLERATE.
“When you come from a dysfunctional family, you are trained to seek love outside of yourself” . So True
Indeed
Omg so true
Yes
This is so true
Yes.
I don't believe in family nor do I trust family Period. I'd rather deal with strangers and stray animals before I deal with family.
God bless you.we need more ppl like you❤❤❤
Same
Sometimes blood isn’t thicker than water
@@estheradao Just like a blood clot can kill you, a family grouped together to kill you and wants to stop their own blood relative from moving freely or to be themselves
Dashonda : You said it right , girl !
Just when you think your alone you read the comments and I'm not crazy..its not just me..
Tears....
LibraLife 47
So true! I use to think for most of my life that I was crazy....comes to reality! IM NOT!!!!!
❤️
Reading the comments and watching these videos I'm constantly in aw to read and hear my life story repeated to me from strangers. . Right down to the exact words narcs use to hurt or manipulate. Its like they went to school for this shit and memorized a manual. To see and feel all your pain is to be finally seen
i started crying as soon as i read your comment, its not just you i promise!! we're the black sheep of the family, meant to be strong through the pain then move on
LibraLife 47 😢❗️💯
Who is scrolling through the comments while watching the video?
Lol me I’m having trouble with my family too
Meeee😫😭
🙋♀️
“You’re family can teach you a lesson and you’re meant to move on from them” 🤯 changed my whole view on life...
JNeaves81 seriously! Or maybe they need to learn something from us in the long run. Even if that lesson comes in losing us
Word
Yep it’s called karmic family. They are made to be difficult or abusive so that you can discover who you are and your inner greatness. You can break the soul contract by writing about them on a piece of paper and how you learned your lesson from them and burning it
@@Layla-fr7mf😮 never thought of that
“They don’t help you emotionally or mentally. They clown you for being an Empath, being hyper sensitive.” I feel that
Absolutely. No attempt to understand what they don't understand.
Yup! If I had a dollar for every time my mom told me that I was too emotional I wouldn’t have to work at all
They make you feel
Guilty for being yourself, def not unconditional love which I originally thought
"hyper sensitive" thats called being a person with a heart and feelings, not hyper sensitivr
I was damaged so bad I’m not used to hugging people or saying I love you to my friends.
Same.
same same same. I felt this.
Yup!
Same 😔
I felt this!
It's like my parents are emotionally abusive and they don't even know that.
This. This is my situation rn with my mom.
I keep trying to explain it to her that she's hurting me but each time I do, she just gaslights me and makes me doubt my feelings/ make me feel bad.
I don't know what to do anymore...
@@keijisbuffarms4791 I totally understand you! My mom is a narcissist. She laughs in my face when I'm going thru things. Just yesterday I didn't get any breakfast and I had somewhere to go (a trip with my youth club) but she kept wasting my time, telling me to do this and that, then she asked, "oh have u eaten?" And I said, "no" and the she laughed in my face about it. Like that freakin hurts. She does the most just to piss me off but still has the audacity to act like I'm the problem, and she's the victim. I've become so depressed over the years and I can't wait till I'm set free from this endless cycle of darkness and pain 😭😭😭
@@JerrenAnnah Thank you, it's nice to know I'm not the only one going through this 🥺❤️
At this point I have completely given up on her, and can't wait until I'm free from this horrific cycle.
@@keijisbuffarms4791 me too! Over quarantine I've been trying to find myself. Who am I? Who was I truly meant to be without the influence of a monster in my life?
Anyway, I hope ur having a good day today 🥺 if u ever need to vent, talk, or need someone to just simply sit at the other side of the screen and just listen, I can do that for you ❤ my insta is jerren_annah (I'm currently leaving my house now but hopefully I'll be back soon enough if u decide to message me 🥺❤)
@@JerrenAnnah thank you sm 🥺❤️ I'll definitely give you a message later (it's night for me rn) my insta is ruto_shadowz!
Have a good day and once again, thank you ❤️
Money and spirituality will be your new family.
Zodac Bring it on!!! You made me laugh with that comment. Something I surely needed today. Blessings and heaps of bucks lol.
On God!!
Gideon Kes : I love BOTH ! Bring it on ! ! !
money is never gonna be your family, its a temporal tool meant to aid you here in this world, but its never gonna be your family
Paused in the middle of this vid to apply for a job so I can finally get myself out of this hell. Thanks for the advice.
good look with that job.
Sativa Skies good for you!
Congrats!!
Good fortune to you 🙏
so proud of you
I realized that I lived in an f-up family when I stayed at a friend's house and saw how a loving family interacts. i was 11 years old. As an adult, I tell everyone that my family are all dead. I haven't communicated with any of them in 20 years and it has definitely been the right decision. I could not be the successful person that I am today had I not cut off that toxicity.
I recently cut my entire family off. It took me my entire life to realize that, as much as I longed for a healthy family, MY family has been keeping me in this toxic loop of self destruction... but I'll always remain the "kcuf up"in their eyes, despite my many successes. I don't care anymore. Their reaction to me cutting ties just proves that I made the right decision. I cried for about a week, but now I feel so much RELIEF!!!
James R God bless you. Stay strong.
Treemarie God bless you. Stay strong.
@Shawny Monique Your organic tribe will reveal it self, don't worry💪😉🤗
Felt. When I was younger I used to refer to myself as an orphan. I was basically parenting myself. Still am
families never realize that they are the cause of some childhood traumas that lead into adulthood.
Absolutely 💯 ..but sometimes they do realize butbtgey just don't care
@@oleratomoile9480 that part
Indeed. They will never try to understand neither accept the fact.
I cut of both my parents and some other family members because of the constant emotion abuse. and financial draining they caused.
same here. they were making me physically ill due to stress they were casing me
About to do it. Feeling scared for some reason. But the meanness I copped today.....is way beyond tolerable. My 92 yr old mother's funeral day... I could not go because of chronic health problem. I was promised oh so sweetly that live streaming was set up so I could feel part of the service. Felt good about that. Bottom line...1 hour before the service... I found I needed the confirmation email to access link so sent a request for it.
Absolutely no response from anyone.... even the sweet fkn sister who had spoken to me hours earlier. I rang funeral home and they sent link so I hooked in on one device with the passcode. Minutes later I went to do the same on the iPad for better viewing. The code had been changed. Unbelievable. But unbeknown to them I could still watch it on the first device. It is 5 hours since finish and not one word from 5 siblings. This is so shocking....to me. I cannot conceive of being so mean to someone. I am feeling really sick tonight and in shock. And lost.
Lynda you have every right to feel how you feel that fact that they left you out like that on something so important was wrong. No one she feel emotional trauma from any one rather it’s family are not. Take care of you and everything else will fall into place.
sunny pavey Good for you.
Same here.. so good to know I’m not alone. There’s no going back! It almost destroyed me. But well, it seems to be so difficult to understand for people with a healthy family.. for me, it almost feels like a different world..
the fact that you said "they dont help you emotionally or mentally growing up they kind of abandon you .." hit me. 20year + of feeling alone in a family who would rather argue, hate, and create conflict between eachother is toxics. i felt like i had to parent myself through my whole life, made me become a independent person.. because THEY HAVE TAUGHT ME ALL THAT I DONT WANT TO EVER BE. i can honestly say that im hurt, to know that i never had a loving family.. thank you for this, i needed this during these holidays.
Wow, you two sound like the same situation I’ve dealt with my ENTIRE life as well..... this channel is awesome because it shows that NONE OF US ARE ALONE...and this UNIT of people that we are even crosses race and, gender....WE WILL GET THERE IN TIME❤️..balance, love and hope.
Lupeepee I agree totally with you. My parents taught me everything I don’t ever want to be also. Kudos to you for your independent thinking. It takes a strong person to be able to break the fantasy bond with parents who have never had your best interest at heart. Too many ppl give their parents undeserved loyalty and that needs to be broken so that you can be who you really are. Ppl only deserve loyalty as it is earned , not just because they are older than you or your parents. Look at your parents objectively and critically. It is unfortunately rare for many ppl to do this. God bless you many times over.
Lupeepee you're not alone. I never did either.
Lupeepee omg girl!! I love that you said that they taught you what not to be. I owe all of my success in life by doing the opposite of what my crazy ass family did and does
Lupeepee Sameee. Felt more of a parent to them than them to me😔. Did make me independent tho too and also want to be a better person from get go.
We basically spend our whole lives trying to get over what our childhood was. I totally agree with some people are just supposed to be in our lives for a season.
Well said ❤️
Dime Fever That Part!!!
Jonique Danniels What are you saying?
Yes, I agree it might feel hurtful at first to let go of certain people in our lives but through time one comes to realize that what hurt one the most was the way certain people made us feel.
Dime Fever exactly
it's feels like i'm living with two grown up bullies
I felt like that too. You are living with big bullies. When u leave heal and don’t go back
THISSSSS!!!!!!!! Pick on you any chance they get. Then say “you’re so sensitive” if you feel some type of way. I just wanna disappear
thank god one of my parents is a caring understanding person, but it feels like the POS has all the toxicity of a bakers dozen people
Siblings who bully is really hurtful too
Yeah it's better to cut them off 100% and move yourself far away, some of them are so unstable and narcissistic and they will stalk you.
@Cody Sagget I just read this and I was in the same situation. I promise once you make the jump your life will be so much more beautiful. Take the time to care for yourself in the beginning because being gay and rejected is the most toxic mentality to have. 😘😘😘😘
Cody Sagget, good for you. Please update how youre doing. Finish school and build a strong foundation for long term independence.
@Cody Sagget I wish I was that lucky but I can't get away I don't have the money and I can't get a job due to anxiety so I'm kinda stuck
@Tekisha Alston my family is not that crazy or care that much to stalk me if I moved away but if they ever ran into me It wouldn't be pretty
I’m going through that right now with my mom !
Having a dysfunctional family isn't just about name calling or direct abuse. It's also about having your feelings invalidated/downplayed and being held to a different standard than "more important" members. Some members may assist you in your times of need, but God forbid you show them tough love when that's clearly what they need...
Cyrano Crimson I feel this so much ❤️
I feel ya. Feelings were never validated or were met with opposition. No one acted like they gave a rat’s ass about the others. I got divorced a couple years ago, and no one called to check on me or ask me what happened. Like “wow...oh well” was about all they could come up with. Now my mom, who lives with me, can’t understand why I have so much anger and resentment towards her. She stresses me out so bad I can’t stand being in my own house with her.
BINGO!!! I am the family member that suffers from what you said.
Great comment!!! BIG FACTS...
@@rebeccacarraway480 Why is mama living with you??
Advice for the young ones who are unable to move out. Read lots of books and find a comfort area in your home where no one frequently visits. I did that. It worked perfectly. Now, reading the books will help you to escape the reality for a while and I must admit the perks are you will improve your vocabulary and developed a greatly as an intellectual.
I am still in the healing process. However, I don't regret letting go.
I keep all of us in my prayers.
Thalie Ferry 🙇♀️🙏🙇♀️
Thanks!
Adults need just as much guidance, love and support as children do.
Thank you so much for this!this is what I'm doing now. 💖😣
Self-help books saved me and continue to save my sanity until I have enough money to leave.
Yes you need money . I saved my money from being a child to get out of my toxic childhood home. My childhood dream was to own my own house which nobody could throw me out of. I’ve owned by my house since the age of 23. I bless my younger self. ✨💞✨💞✨💞🎶💞💞🎶
Im so happy for u god bless u ✨✨⭐⭐⭐
Wow!!
❤
And don't tell anyone your plans or that you are saving money
I’m so dumb, I’m in my 30s with like $500 saved..two bachelors degrees later, one I recently went back for and no career job..I’m about to scream, and I know, pathetic I still live at home
You’re so right about how constant trauma and stress ruins your immune system and reeks havoc on the nervous system.
this is how I feel. I really feel everything on my body from my mind. I start therapy tomorrow again. It is time for transition into healthy life.
It is global. Not black not white. It is human myth that we need to cut it off our self first. I am an Arab and I cut my family two months ago. I feel so sick and lonely and insecure. However, I am moving forward to whatever it takes. The past 29 years of my life wasn’t the life my self and my soul telling me about. I deserve love and respect and I will find my people and my real family. ❤️🙏 I believe I left bunsh of sick people so I can have space for the authentic ones.
Princess Ella you are loved. You are respected. Happy for you
good luck with life. i cut mine off 2 years ago. struggling but feel better reading all these comments
Ella I'm from Poland and you're right. It's not an ethnicity thing.
It is global my mom is Mexican from Mexico and I feel her shortcomings were due to no one stroking her ego....her looks.us was not what she expected people kissing her a....s so she would take jabs at us no matter what the cost so we never developed respect for one other
Princess Ella I hope things have gotten better for you 💜
This video finally gave me the courage to start applying for jobs to get out of the house. They make me feel like I'm still a child and dependent, but that is going to change.
This is so true. I hate that
Yes! Same girl 💕💕
Same girl I'm starting my own business
I wanna do the same and I’m going to get a job and leave but I’m so anxious about it
Do it you’ll be at peace ☮️
Please have a plan far in advance. Save your money and don’t tell anyone what your planning to do because it will sabotaged. Act like your normal self until your exit
I've told my emotionally abusive mom, I plan to move out , and she told me how am I going to do that because I struggle with depression, etc., I'm going to save my money and work hard to get my own place because I can't stay here anymore at home.
@@chelseaspringer982 You can do it! I did it!
It was not easy, I didn't tell anyone I was leaving for good.
Start by saving, don't wait till you have a lot of money, you just need 2 months of the budget, everything else will work itself out because your survival mode will kick in.
@@dancinginthepurplereign4126 thanks for this advice!
I really needed this I’m shaking while watching this because I’m sick and tired of my family. Too toxic and I feel claustrophobic everyday. Thank you for this 🙏
Keep your head up be you and follow your dreams lilly😍💘💪
First, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I get it. And random question but are you Ghanaian? (I assumed because of the "Boateng" in your name) If so, I am, too! I always feel even more alone because of it's culture surrounding "family togetherness" and subjects like this are so fucking taboo. It sucks...
Lilly Elboateng omg yes same I literally can’t talk to them or be myself fully around them and they know this but still don’t try to make amends or anything
@Lilly Elboateng Lily I feel the same way trying to finger out how to Exit this situation!.
Wow I wrote this 10 months ago, it feels like yesterday. Thank you for the likes and replies I didn’t see them. I left my family since then, I didn’t cut my mum off completely but the rest of my family I have. I couldn’t stay there any longer my mental health was deteriorating, I’m better but not fully there yet, I still struggle after leaving because I feel a sense of guilt, but i had to do what’s right for me. 💕
I have a 7 year old i never want him to feel like i felt! I’m trying my hardest ♥️
dyva lei that’s deep
All da best..
Same here mind is 8
the fact that you are aware that you might project your experience and your trying your best not to, is so admirable.
you're an amazing mom!
My family completely broke my heart
Gangsters love God too, I feel you. Godspeed.
Sending you love.
You'll heal over time, I promise. God bless ❤
same
Same
I wish there was a place where us rejects could all chat, connect and be there for one another.❤️
I was thinking the same thing
I was thinking about something like that, that would be nice! Need the emotional support!!
I was thinking the same! Maybe we can form a chat group
I think there's Reddit subs about this? It's not super close knit but it's still very helpful
Omg yes 🙌🏾🙏🏾
Girl yes!! I cut off my family years ago changed my number n haven't spoke to them in years! Healthiest I've ever been!
I am well on my way to doing that..
I envy you🙌🏿☝🏿
I’m doing it next week and I’m terrified
Nicole boswell Out of curiosity how did it go?You don’t have to answer if you feel uncomfortable
@@Nicole-bw2cu It's a hard decision but your health and sanity comes first👍Also I just decided to give a break to my family (mother /sibs)but I wouldn't mind fixing things with my siblings if possible because it's not their fault.I have tried with my sister but no luck because I think she's the "new"scapegoat.Hopefully you can set yourself Free without the guilt because if I had the courage to do earlier on I think my life would've been diffrent.
I am an anxious 20 year old who has decided to drop out of college and move to Seattle to escape my family. Its always been a difficult situation. My mental state is so bad from my parents that even if they hadnt caused me to loose my scholorship i cant continue college right now. In desperation a week ago i decided to take the money i had at the time and put it to a plane flight to seattle and an apartment. Im scared but i have to do this and go no contact with my family. I wanted to say your video helped so much.
Update ?
I'm in Seattle too.
Val Lalonde update ? How are you doing ?
I have done a similar thing last summer with a relative i was subject to narcassistic abusive with that i took a plain to Vegas and stayed there for the ret of the summer until school started back in August.
💖
The Most High shows a way. I found a nice landlord who did not require a down payment and grabbed my two children and ran from my mom like the devil was chasing me and been a blessing ever since.
I wish He'd come through for me. I stay tired
Amen I'm glad that you were able to run and cut them off. I was in that same boat some years ago. So glad I left them behind.
Diane Ferreira I’ll be glad when I can run away like that. I’m still waiting on TMH..
My family has trained me through the years to isolate myself and to feel inadequate
Hugs💙 I empathize...but you are NOT inadequate. You are beautifully different!
Same:/
What I Have Come To Find Out Is That Family Is Not What We Have Been Programmed To Think... I Have Come To Find That They Are Just The Physical Vessels That We Entered This Physical World Through, And That Our Real Family Is Our Spiritual Family Which Is Forever And Not Everyone Has The Same Spirit Of Love, Truth, Light....
Jonique Danniels I completely agree!
Nu Mindframe you're too sexy
Thank you:)
Jonique Danniels facts
Jonique Danniels I agree with you. I really don't feel like my family is my family, but distant acquaintances.
Moving away from my toxic family was the best thing ever I did. I cut them off in my social media and change my phone number. My parents never understood my vision in life and never appreciate what I do in life. Being around them disrupt my life emotionally and mentally. My mom even attempt to control who I date and who hangout with.
Keng Yang me too.
At what age did u move out?
Kent Yang another toxic trait is when family starts to compete with one another instead of being happy for your success.
I used to feel alone about stuff like his, but I'm rly amazed at how many people have dealt with this kind of narcissistic dysfunctional family members. They all follow the same shitty patterns.
I didn't know either until I started this channel. There are alot of us. We definitely need to stick together through our healing 💞
It makes me feel a little bit better and at least more “normal” that soooo many people have been through this shit. BUT at the same time I hate how so many people actually have went through this because I know how it feels and it’s awful.
Cherice Walloe yep watch ye back
Yeah sometimes family ain't shit.
Cherice Walloe it's quite typical, but most people deal with because of blood connections
"Family teaches you a lesson, then you move on". Well said and powerful. That's the truth.
Get a dog or cat. They're way better than family! In fact, make a pet your new family!
My mom lost my dog on purpose when I was 12, and told me to suck it up 😞
i got a hamster but he sleeps alot so..
It's amazing how much you get it. Wow. My mother was a provider, but that's about it. She lacks the emotional capacity to really be my mother because she's too busy sorting out her own emotional baggage. She has been my dark cloud since i was a kid. I'm so over it. Unfortunately, the situation is similar with my dad. As a kid, he never gave me the encouragement i needed. Always threatened to cut me off if i made poor decisions. One day, he actually did. It's never been the same ever since. He refuses to make any real effort to be a father. Only generic happy birthday's and happy thanksgivings. My relationships with both my parents is disappointing. But at 26, im finally ready to be free of their fuckery. Thank you for sharing.
Miss Williams wow the similarities. I cut mine off two years ago same thing with both my parents. Youre doing amazing sweetie, protect your peace
Congrats! You deserve love now.
Completely relate
I've decided to cut them off as well. I moved out a few months ago at the age of 26. Best decision I ever made for my peace of mind.
Miss Williams you go girl 💕
“We were born into families that were supposed to teach us something and help our souls grow, after that we move on with our lives” - PERFECT !!!
I’m 13 years old, my whole family is toxic. I have no one else to go to, my mother has anger issues and constantly makes me feel unwanted, my grandmother DEMANDS respect from me but never respects me. My parents got divorced when I was 6 and my dad can’t take care of me. As soon as I’m 18, I’m out of here. I never want my children to feel this way, ever.
Yes girl
same here. I wish the best for you bb
I am so sorry your going through this I wish I could help you . You will pull through and I am sending positive energy your way. You are strong and brilliant!!!
The best thing you can do for yourself is get the best grades possibles and get a job to save all of the money you can. What you do in high school and college truly does set up the entire rest of your life. All thru high school I worked during the school year and two jobs every summer so I could save up money for an apartment. I left at 18 and didn’t return until I was 30. In that time, they never changed for the better. You will find people to care for you and you can build a new life.
Praying that you are on the up and up, and moving to higher ground.
God bless us all! No contact from my family since 2/10/18, will not look back! Was the BLACK SHEEP of the family!!!!! I AM DONE!!!!
Barbara Harris I hope you are feeling good, strong and happy. Don’t look back only forward. Live the life you choose to. Much ❤️🇬🇧
Good for you👍💯🙏
I’m 16, graduating in a year and few months. I’m so scared to cut them off, especially with college. Any tips, I’m done with the abuse
Great. Family love to stay in poverty
Please please please folks stop thinking that blood is thicker than water. I have people who are not in anyway family treat me better than my useless so called family. First and foremost I have not spoken to my mom in 3 years. she does not like me and I don't give a hoot anymore. She prefers my younger sister and dislikes me and I hate my entire family except my brother. My dad never liked to pay for rent, buy food clothes noootthhiinngg! he followed everything my mother said to avoid feeling uncomfortable in the house or end up getting kicked out. He was never man enough. I was attacked in every way possible. The house was toxic and I hated being there. I left and I never looked back. They are fake and I never ever want to them to get close to me because they are such an evil bunch. My brother, I love to death and that will never change. For the rest, to hell with them. I hope they fcae God and burn in hell. This spoke volumes to me. I needed something like this for years and this really touched me. Thank you
my life in a comment
You have to forgive them for your peace but never look back
@@richbih7899 mine too
@@sarbjitkaur1384 definitely. but they dont deserve me x
Same except for liking my brother and hating my dad. I literally hate my mom and my brother.
I fell asleep listening to this. I kid you not, I felt like I was healing. I woke up feeling so great
Haha me too!
💖💖because it was healing
I finally decided to separate myself from my family this weekend. It's just as you said, they'll house and feed you, but do they truly care about your well being? I can honestly say, I've felt more cared for and respected by complete strangers than my own family.
Literally same. Its terrible that strangers are more kind to me than my fam :/
Me too
2 years later are you still separated from your family
You communicated this subject in the easiest terms for understanding. Best I’ve heard. You are easy to listen to and to the point. Thank you for your posts!
I am Arab and I come from a messed up family. I'm so embarrassed all the time from them. The second I turn 18, I will DEFINITELY will move out.
iconic antonio you can do it
Saaaame. Although I plan to move out at 15/16
iconic antonio let us know how it went. Save up all $ you can! Stay strong and move on, good for you ✊
I hope you find whatever it is your are looking for 💙 u can do it💪
“Things that are forced are not natural” 🙌🏾. Just an illusion
They're always trying to change your personality, your reality etc. So you feel like you can't trust yourself but honestly you are the one who's right and they have been putting you under manipulation and have been torturing you for years, like i was forced to lie about my marks on my face and body to everyone every single time it happened. Now I'm healing. I'm not scared to speak my mind anymore. I got my own back. I support myself. I'm not alone, I got myself. 😂
YASSSSS BOOOO YOU DO IM PROUD OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am soo proud of you!!
Growing up I always wondered why God gave me such a shitty family & I used to cry about it for nearly my entire life. But when you said some families are just karamic in nature & they are just there for you to teach you a lesson & moved on, my heart stopped beating for a second, because you described my family. My family only haves loyalty to certain family members, throws the word love & says empty promises all too often. We only get together for funerals & on top of that, when I was abused by my mother’s mother, they stuck their heads in the sand. So I turned myself into the always happy-go-lucky, smiling, everything is hunky dory person who always was in a bubble. After cutting my family off last year, I feel like I can finally take off the unnatural happy mask & breathe. Now whenever life gets too hard I pray & journal & talk to my Facebook group. Now my family is no longer in my thoughts
It’s simultaneously really painful but a learning experience..It makes me want to go into some kind of profession helping people, maybe a therapist
Perfectly timed. After years of abuse and making me feel I don't belong, I am done. My so called family and relatives can be out of my life for good.
serenity0324 Same here
Same!
We're on the same page.
I feel more understood by others’ comments here than I ever have in my own family... thank you so much for creating material and a space like this, so we can find ways to heal and remember that others deal with this too, even if we’re too nervous or ashamed to share in person. ❤️
dani G. Lovely comment. Yes I have nowhere in my physical world to feel safe at the moment and this site is a haven until I get stronger. Thanks.
When you have to cross a line to keep family close and they could care less about you then they've done crossed a line . im disowning my hateful sister and its so painful . white black brown it doesn't matter feelings have no color but hate has its own recognition . just be strong for yourself . youll get thru
God bless u ur not alone ⭐⭐⭐❤️❤️
@@tasmaniandevil7610 I’ve been there before and I’m sorry you experienced such betrayal. Sometimes family isn’t blood-related, and that’s okay.
Cut the MF'S off and move far away🐘
#RUNNNNNN😀
Dysfunctional craz: What l found was that You dont have to Leave the region to get away from them Biologicals... Just move to another part of it, BUT, Make it CRYSTAL CLEAR that You've SHUT THE DOOR on THEM...
I wish I could but I don't have the money and I can't get a job because of anxiety
When I turned 19 I moved to the other side of the planet. My life began from there. It took a great many years to detox from the history of abuse but I feel that it saved my life. I met my now wife's family and experienced family love for the first time. I still find that I am learning about family dynamics, but it's not toxic or abusive, so it's positive. Cut them out of your life, it will save you.
You go! Im 61 and "divorced" most of my family 25 years ago. Both parents were toxic and when they passed I felt nothing but relief. I have a loving husband, great kids and many wonderful "extended" family members that I choose once I was bold enough to leave the toxicity behind. You (we) are not alone and you are an inspiration my sister!
Im 24 and i know my life is going to be like yours. I have found my soulmate, unfortunately he also doesnt have contact with his family and im afraid that we will only have each other and wont find good friends since both of us dont get along with anybody. Thats why I'm afraid to let go of my family.. just not to be completely alone. Do you have any advice? I would love to hear your opinion and I wish you the best luck for your and your husbands life!
@@LuckyMelisse
Hi Meli my name is Sharon. I'm trying to understand what did you mean about being alone? You and your soul mate have each other.. are you talking about having a community?
@@sheyg.395 yes. Im used to have a lot of people around me. I have a lot of cousins and i know when i leave my Relationship will also break with them. And thats the one thing that makes me sad
@@LuckyMelisse I see what you mean.. it's hard. Follow your heart.
Meli M I’m losing my brother, sister in law, niece, nephews because I cut my mom and sister out. It’s hard. I miss them and always will. Get a dog,find people who are lonely or in need and serve them, try out a church, befriend an elderly person, make real friends, volunteer, be a Big Brother/Big Sister, join community interest groups, be patient with yourself ❤️
It's so sad that we had to go through this stuff and society ignores it. Our relatives generally know we are being destroyed by faulty parents who create faulty siblings for us and no one reaches out to protect us until we become so traumatised that we have to leave and rebuild ourselves.
The worst part is that when we do get out and try to talk about it, people guilt us into taking these awful people back. The best thing is to shut them out and go your way. They will destroy every inch of you without remorse.
I went no contact for years and people pushed me back only for my family to take revenge by pretending and then throwing the arrows in when I was vulnerable. I've spent so much time feeling bad about it and now I'm so glad I'm finally facing the fact that I can never go back. Evidence shows toxic people only become non-toxic 6ft under, so it's not even an option.
I'm happy for you and myself for this change. I pray for you that things go well with you as I pray for myself.
Alan Grant relatives usually side with the abusers, particularly if children are involved. They have the mindset that families should remain in contact regardless of the abuse.
Alan Grant fam members forcing reconciliation often side with abusers, and they can be even more vicious and backstabbing. They are reporters because they report everything the victim says to their abusers in some cases
Any culture where respecting your elders is expected the sick narcissist parent will take full advantage of that i am W. African after a lifetime of abuse and i mean from birth after 47 years i had enough they can swim in their misery pool...all set here
@@sammalone9079 they use elder respect for their own sick and sadistic agenda as a tactic to abuse and guilt trip children.
Alan Grant my mother too. She told me the real reason why she abused me but she's a fucking liar. She text me we're sorry if we did abuse u in anyway we were just trying to discipline you if we made a mistake we're sorry. I forgave her but it's still hard to believe that shit because I went through so much fucking hell my family, what happens outside my family. But deep down they ain't shit
I cut off my family,and those i thought were my friends. Now,my life is calmer.
Im not being sucked into no he says/she says bull,no drama, my husband is doing well,we save money,we got no problems.
rochelle thundercloud Feels A M A Z I N G don’t it? Feels F R E E & P E A C E F U L🤩🤩
Thats awesome!
What do you do?
A family can be like a cult, a culture...i walked away from he people i wanted to love, but could not love me back. My values are sensitivity, emotional, honesty, compassion, God, humor, Joy. I'm alone- but, i am finally at peace. It was painful, but, i learned how to care for and love myself.
👏👏👏👏👏👏🤗
Such a breath of fresh air
Girl you Ain't never lied Amen
@Sade Watkins
This video confirms that I am not wrong for being upset with my mom for talking down on me and constantly being negative towards me from childhood til now. I moved out at 19 and went into a shelter situation til I got my apartment and yes it caused a strain and struggle. I couldnt save then leave cause the place was toxic and domestic violence was involved. its been 3 years ive been in my place but i still deal with anxiety and alot of stuff from past pain. My mom as a adult still talks down on me and talks shit about how i maintain to keep moving forward. Im 24, have had my real estate license since 21 and some courses away from my associates degree with so much more to accomplish. GOING BACK TO A DYSFUNCTIONAL HOME I COULD NEVER! money is the #1 thing keeping me a float! I got to keep myy family cut off til im 100000% stable. Its crazy LOL! thanks for this video seriously!!!! its all confirmation I got to keep going no matter what and to do me..
they don't change.
Wow! Just wow! Many blessings....
MissRhane I deal with anxiety too !!
Wishing you love healing and light
@@deniseperkins5335 its sad
My family is very mentally/ emotionally abusive, they’re narcissistic and non comprehending it’s hard because I have no choice but to stay here, when I have a stable income I look to drop them out of my life, I want them out of my life for good.
same, stay strong if you haven't left yet ❤
"I understand why they're like they are but they will never get me." I felt that down to my toes. You are an amazing speaker. Thank you
Isn't she? I was so glad I found this channel a while back.
I disowned my whole entire family after my father passed away in 2010.. he was my best friend!!! I honestly will never ever ever ever ever ever deal with them again I'm not even go to any of their funerals!!! Thanks for this!!! I totally agree with your point of view!!!!! Watching this video made me realize I'm not the only one....that in itself is a great comfort!!!! I recently deactivated my Facebook and Instagram to ensure they can never ever ever ever ever ever ever contact me!!!!! Black families are so fucking disfunctional!!!!
You're not alone sister keep your head up, remember blood doesn't determine family.
I don’t blame you I don’t plan on going to most of my families funeral neither
Tasha Harris: Regards Black Families,
NOT, Sad but True...(note), Jezebel is the Alpha Spirit of This Age...
I think mine is the worst, I’m sorry we had to deal with this toxic nasty environment.
Tasha Harris Black families really gotta do better!🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️😒
So is the comment section a family? 🤗❤️❤️
Jess Vaughn Absolutely!💕💕💕
Yessss. It feels so good knowing you're not alone!
good point! I guess it is!
No.
Hell yesss
I'm planning to cut them off soon, I'm excited and nervous for this new blank page of my life
Jas K same
same
Woop woop! Lets goooo :)
We got this!! I'm trying to move out after the lock down asap.
I graduated hs a year ago and I'm very confused about where to go. After quarantine, I'm getting my ID, permit, and I'm going to figure out how to leave.
Exactly, people who would treat you like you are nothing are NOT your family
Estranged from my mother for 4 years now. Best thing that could have happened to me. Stress levels way down, anxiety and depression gone. Great sense of freedom, like breathing again. I can now relax, enjoy my own company etc. Of course having a good mom is a wonderful thing, but in my case, it is not to be. I wish her well though. Take care Nu x
I know this video is old but your comment hit home and I feel the same way but people will try to judge you for making that decision. I stop caring about people's opinion cuz they weren't there through the years of depression or heart aches..good for you.
I'm in my 40s and with a dysfunctional family, it never ever changes. I have suffered with so much low self esteem. Even got involved with abusive and alcoholic men and then my family seemed happy at my failure. They seem unhappy when I'm doing well. I cut my family off, started to get better, left the alcoholic, but needed temporarily a place to stay. Went to stay with my mother and overheard her talking to relative on the phone (she was loud and knew I could hear) going on and on about "well guess who HAD to come home again? I know, don't worry I won't give her any money. Oh I know. I will be careful and no I'm not giving her any money." Ok, I hadn't asked for any money. I was in between jobs and had left this man was all. I actually earn a pretty decent living I just needed temporary help. I cried all night long hearing that and decided the next day to go visit some friends in a town about 2 hrs away and she was calling going crazy b/c she said I "stuck her with my cats." The cats were outside on a patio and not doing anything. Basically she felt if she was helping me by letting me stay there that I needed to sit there in the house with her 24/7 so she could lecture me I guess about my bad choices, IDK. So, my college daughter took my cats temporarily and I left and went freaking tent camping in different state parks for several weeks and then rented a room on airbnb once I started working again. It was hard, but I also had fun. I haven't talked to any of them since. I am now in my own place and working and rebuilding on my own. Sometimes I feel guilty not talking to any of them, but every time I try to give either my mother, my sister, or my father a chance to be n my life, they are so mean and nasty I have to walk away again. If anything when I have had the periods away from then go back (like what I just described with my mother) well then their behavior is just intolerable. I used to just suck it up and put up with it b/c I thought there was something wrong with me. But, when your own mother treats you like a some sort of crack addict who going to rob her? That was just too hurtful. I was already having a hard time losing everything from leaving that man. She knew I wasn't the one drinking and don't do drugs or anything. It was like she just wanted the attention from other people and for some reason they enjoy making me seem like a huge loser and a terrible person - that I am a bad person. I am working on myself now and working hard to feel better. Definitely don't want get involved with any sort of alcoholic man anymore. I really feel my involvement with him was (and the one before) directly tied to how my family treated me growing up and beyond. Trying to love myself more, but it's hard. Right now I just feel lonely and sad. Thank you for the video. Sorry for rambling on so much!
Katie Walker Im inspired by you! I wish you the best
Kitty Walker omg I could have written this. It’s sad that family are the ones that bring you down the most but they’re miserable with themselves. I’m 29 and I’ve finally cut my family off for good except for the couple people who don’t try to hurt me and bring me down. I’ve come to the realization that I’ll never have the family that I want and I need to just move on for my own well-being. I have a husband who loves me and a baby on the way and his family adores me. I realize more and more that it’s not me that’s the problem, it’s them. It hurts but I know it’s for the best. I’m happy that things have important for you as well and I’m sorry for what you’ve had to go through.
i was never use any drugs or alcohol. But, they seem unhappy when i am doing well as well.. but, they use my children as weapons against me to hurt me. When they were little they made fun of them, they were horrible to my children. But, this false sense of family unity that was none existed kept me there. My sons paid the price. I am away from them as much as i can.
Kitty Walker wow blessings to you.
I am a twin and I never started issues, I was quite and obedient,but I still was the black sheep no matter how decent I was.The best thing is to give up on some people and find love elsewhere.
Jennifer Haynes me too. You are right.
Me two. You're not alone ladies.
Almost win myself and I always have been bullied by my twin sister and my mother that's the day I cut my mom and my sister off until they trying to take custody of my kids and I will not have that Over My Dead Body I love my family but sometimes you just got to let you know you can pick me up at my family always make me feel guilty being the black sheep which I don't care anymore this is my time and my kids time and God's time is not their time anymore
Same here, I am on the verge of cutting them out. I am drowning in pain. We deserve better than this.
@@gissellemoreno8757 Amen
Being rejected from my family has set me up for a long struggle with finding my place in this world… When you’re an outcast in your own family, sometimes it feels like you don’t fit in anywhere.. I’m slowly overcoming my childhood demons and rediscovering myself. It’s amazing how much I’ve learned about myself in the time I’ve had far away from my toxic family… I’m so much more myself
My idea of a good family is no longer where everyone is super supportive and loving, no that's too much to ask. I just want a family that is not abusive where people in the family actually want to grow up.
Stars & Smokes right on👏🏾👏🏾
I had to put an ocean between me and my blood. I felt like I was being eaten alive and spat out, over and over and over, until I didn't have a choice to go as far as I could get. I had a chance to move to Scotland from St.Louis and took it. I didn't tell anybody, I just silently prepared for 3 yrs and left. Needless to say they were pissed that their scapegoat had the nerve to leave.
I left in 2016, and am still not in a place to talk about exactly what happened. Especially when people innocently ask about St.Louis and family etc, I still choke up.
I try not to think about it all, and try to just focus on getting to know a new culture, but I know at some juncture I'm goimg to have to go there. It's always just below the surface anyway.
So needy of comfort but too raw to be embraced x
Seas _Wallace I hope Scotland is doing you well.. all the best 🙂
In the flight/fight response there is also FREEZE.
You're right!
Nu Mindframe I love topic videos. With July passing, I was bringing awareness to minorities experiencing mental "illnesses". Topics like that peak my interest. Just your life experiences are insightful to share. Continue doing that!
This Is So True!
Nea Lee yes, well said!
Good point!
Left Home as teenager from an abusive household where I was being molested. Im 24 now and to be honest I'm still not financially independent but I am engaged to be married/studying for grad school, and know that my financial independence will be on the way soon. Finally decided to cut the remaining strings of my dysfunctional family and I couldn't be happier.
I'm sorry about all of that and I'm really glad you are managing to move on!! Congratulations on your new life prospects and please take care of yourself ❤️❤️❤️❤️
“ you can get used to peace and happiness” it is definitely a transition!
I'm not alone...
When I first went to college, I was so confused. I didn't know what was right or wrong. I didn't know how to talk to people or make friends. See, my parents aren't only dysfunctional. They are manipulative to the highest degree. They convinced their friends that they are saints, while they convinced me that I am insane. It all FELT wrong, but I couldn't explain why or how that was. I am still in the process of convincing myself that I am not, nor ever was crazy, let alone opening up to the possibility of trusting myself. I only just found your channel an hour ago, but your insight and experiences are so, SO, relatable and clarifying. I love what you do and look forward to hearing what else you have to say.
Just over a month ago, I asked my mother to stop contacting me. I recognized that just seeing a short message from her brought back so many memories I'd rather forget. She is an emotional rollercoaster and the last thing I need in my life. I know that the more research and reflection I do, the more clarity and peace I will find. Thank you so much for what you do.
I'm sure your first few statements were untrue - as you went through school learning those things and talking to many people and probably had friends. Don't put yourself down. And I'll be your friend!
Also - I wanted to let you know that IF you have to communicate with your mother, email her instead of calling. That's the only way you can get all your feelings, thoughts and words to her without her interrupting you or hanging up on you - like both of my parents do.
I'm leaving my family my family is so bad that i have no problem never seeing or speaking to them ever again even if they are dying i won't go see them.
Sadly I’m the same way , I’m so numb to my family
Jonique, Two weeks ago, I cut off my family. At first, maybe I should have not done that. But as the days goes on, I see the light at the end of the tunnel. Enough is enough. I feel free, no longer have a need for them because they only want "money" from me. It just never ends. I have my own family. Brothers and sisters are all toxic. Never again.
admrn95 you are not alone
Yep....my siblings used me and I admit I allowed myself to be sacrificed but, the catch is when I feel on hard times I was surely reminded how much they couldn't care less. It was a hard lesson thru 2017, 2018 I was healing 2019 I'm healed. They could never be in my space again with that nonsense. Good riddance!
My family on the outside seems like a respectable family, all my relatives have at least a bachelor’s degree and I have 8 doctors in my family, 2 engineers, and my brother has a PhD in Physics. Yet they are very abnormal behind closed doors. There is a lot of abusive behavior, lack of communication, and abandonment.
I hear you. Appearances deceive almost always, from my experience.
Yeah! They're all professional idiot
I come from a Russian family, and love or emotion is not something shown. Aggression and hatred is the norm. I've noticed this is a trend between Russians. It's hard, there's too much I want to say but thanks for the video.
russians r racist
sorry to read about your family. HUGS!
There are people like that in every country, it's mankind's present sickness
@@richbih7899 some are, but many are not
Sorry for your suffering. Totally understand.
And I also know some wonderful Russian people, who saved my life.
I escaped from my family with no resources or plan. I stayed with my ex for a few months but it was super disfunctional, so I ended up homeless for a few months and then got into my own apartment. I recommend stacking at least 3-6 months of expenses including rent. It will be a smoother transition. If you gotta go, I get it, but if you dip with nothing, the struggle can be super intense. God will protect you if you are respectful and work hard to get out of it, but it's not easy. Trust me. And even when you run away, you still have to deal with them on some level. Get your bread right, so you have a spot and some stability. Keep your moves quiet as well bc they will try to sabotage you. Even now my mother, grandmother and aunts still try to manipulaten shame and sabotage me. They key is financial, mental and emotional stability. I know it's hard but you can do it. Just set a timeline, figure out how much you need to save each month and make it happen.
very bright woman at such a young age...I wish I knew this at her age...
julie robinson 100% agree with you! She beautiful inside and out! With such wisdom at a young age! I’m in the final chapter of my life and my parents are in their 70’s for me it’s better late than never at all, be well x
She is amazing , I don’t have words , I’m empath like her and she make me cry every time . I love her so much .
I wanted let you know that I feel this toxic family issue is affecting black families the most. Many black families have been emotionally abused and they abuse each other with out realizing they are hurting others. I have no parents and Ive been distance from most of my family except for two family members. It is very hard being without family but I am happier without the toxic family. I've been cut off for 6 years.
I agree black folk all over the planet
I’m struggling with this so much right now. My body is starting to physically protest every time i go home by getting sick.
Anybody else dealing with feelings of guilt?
I get INSTANT DEPRESSION when I have to go there. It's like someone is doing all they can to stop me.
I get that too. I now believe it is my greater self who knows it is really not good for me or my well being to be around them. I finally listened and stay away now.
Same but I'm moving out very soon!
I feel that and everything else from time to time, when I think about the past, think about all that old pain and disrespect.
I feel it everyday but I never had good relations with any of them to begin with which is why I left. They treated me badly and I don’t miss them. It just hurts knowing you have a family but also knowing you cannot count on them to care about you - your wants, your needs, your emotional well being. I get physically ill if I have to go anywhere near their house.
I’m turning 29, and feel so behind in life. I’ve realized that my feeling of being infantilized is through my upbringing. My family is so fragmented and has never been a source of joy for me. I am now taking the step towards independence, and creating community that will serve as family.
This is actually really true. I read almost 100 of the comments and it’s amazing how many of us are going through this. And the things you were saying were like you read a story of my life. Thanks for sharing.
Nu. I congratulate you for having the courage to do this. U deserve the best. Don’t let toxic ppl in your life ever.
i saw this.. i disowned my family and i am not blood either. so im good. blaming me for shit that happened before i was even born.
Nikki Gloom dump the toxic family.
wow. I just wrote this on another site. almost word for word.
Omg facts! So sorry for you
My mother does that too blaming her children for her husband leaving her : WTF. For the struggles she went through in life before I was even conceive
Its been 3 years post going no contact with my whole family and almost every person I knew from that time...and I am still recovering. Most people will never understand that decision, good for them, but I think we are all deserving of happiness and stability.
I alwas think , then whos going to bury mwe LOL... buy im doing it this year, just a matter of time