So some time ago I realized that particularly in America, we find someone we find physically attractive. We project onto them who we WANT them to be. We lie to ourselves about who they are to ourselves, we lie to them about who we are because we want them to like us. For a while that "honeymoon" hormone phase propels everything along. Eventually when that fades the spell is off of you and you hate them for not being the person they never actually were. And they resent you for not being the person you presented yourself as when you were just trying to impress them.
I totally relate to every thing you said. Dating definitely is scary for people who are introverts, shy or socially anxious. So focus on your goals and interests. Dont give up. I know rejection hurts like hell but its a calculated risk. Someone will come along when you least expect it.
Someone won’t come along when you least expect it. Focusing on yourself is great but focusing on your social life and relationships is just as important. All of that is especially true for people who struggle with friends and dates
@@minabotieso6944 There’s a person for everyone. I truly believe that. Don’t try and be someone you’re not. Nowadays people are so busy making ends meet that no one has much time for in-person socializing. That’s why chatting online is so popular
It's not that difficult, but it's like she says, you need to go to groups, events, social things, school, nerd clubs, therapy sessions...once you feel like a human talking to other humans, and you find someone that's attractive or interesting, do it like: >I fancy you. Are you single? >I am, and I fancy you, too. >I want/need X in my life, and I believe you're the perfect candidate for it. >hmm, I'm down for X, but I need a bit of Y. >I've never really considered Y, but I'll give it a thought if we engage in X, which we're both striving towards and want. >that went pretty well. I like doing X with you, and I feel you understand my need for Y, and wish to explore X and Y with you. >I agree. Let's meet up more often. Distil it down to your needs and wants, communicate those needs and wants, and give people the benefit of the doubt. Courting and flirting should be fun, not stressful. A rejection is only a rejection if it's done with some conviction. Over here on the man aisle, it's not uncommon for us to have to probe if we were really rejected, if it was nerves, if the idea is that we should chase, and a million other things. >how to keep a man's interest. Be kind, carefree, offer him your feminine energy, don't withhold bedroom acrobatics, return his trust in you with respect for him, don't hog all his time (mens' hormone balances change from prolonged exposure to women, so it's in everybody's best interest that he gets breaks from you), and give him a compliment from time to time. That's all there's to it. Now making a man actually commit to you, that's ten orders of magnitude more difficult.
What do you mean by introvert? Do you use it in original sense, ergo someone who explores himself, or the way internets describes it? Introvert and extravert are terms invented by profesor Carl Gustav Jung.
I'm turning 30 in a few weeks, and I've never dated. I used to also be very frustrated, first at the system, then at myself, for the lack of experience (which kinda is a Catch-22), but then I've been learning to let go since the pandemic began. No expectations, just focusing on myself, and meeting new people organically. It's not easy, and it will take time, but I have never been more content with where I am than any other time in my 20s. I hope you will find that space too.
So it sounds like how we used to date before there were apps and dating websites, we lived our lives, did things we enjoyed, and we met people we made connections with. Sometimes we would all get together with friends of friends and make new connections, and if we were lucky we found someone. Online is not real life, Dating Apps are for hooking up more than connecting. Good luck on your quest for love, don't give up and just be you!
Ah, yeah, that sounds wonderful 😭 Sadly I wasn't even around in that time. I wish I was alive and had the chance to date before modern casual dating culture
@@myrawest I love your videos and you are very artistic, even your rants have real personality. We all get sucked into Internet Culture but it isn't the real world, I have friends on facebook, twitter, Instagram I will likely never meet, nor do I really want to for the most part. Don't let yourself get sucked into what is online, you have the right idea when you say doing things you love and meeting people that share interests, isn't it really better to have people in your life with common interests? If I learned anything from being online it is people lie, they present their best self or what they want their best self to be which is very different often from what they are. Make yourself happy and you will find someone and make each other happy.
@@myrawest I was around back then and I know exactly what he's saying. All I can say is that the time we live in now is inferior and unnatural. Also one unfortunate side effect of social media and the internet is that everyone is the same now since ideas are spread so much quicker and so much wider.
Modern dating culture, to me, is very transactional, and relies on instant gratification such as the "entertainment" you described. It ties in with hookup culture as well: many people expect physical intimacy nearly immediately because that's the setup of this sort of dating. You enter a date with a stranger with the expectation of something more before you know anything about them, and if you don't quickly establish whether you're physically compatible, there isn't enough to keep investing energy for many people because you don't have a connection of any other sort yet. It takes a lot of energy and effort to build an emotional connection with someone, no matter how well you click initially (platonically or otherwise), but many people have become lazy and have unrealistically high expectations of romantic relationships and partners. On top of that, many people are traumatized by today's dating culture and thus project a lot onto new people with increasingly bizarre red flags and icks. Red flags should not be ignored, but it isn't a red flag if someone likes a certain brand of sneakers... I believe that it's best to meet people in places where you live your life organically and have a chance to build a connection over time with repeated exposure, as you described. There's no pressure surrounding the nature of the relationships you form with these people, you get a chance to adjust first impressions and open up slowly/see others open up as you get more comfortable etc. Many good romantic matches seem unlikely at the surface level, but then you get to know someone and you just click after a while - but "audition" dating doesn't allow such nuance because you don't have as much time or patience for things to unfold at a healthy pace. Up to a certain point in my life, I felt some self-pity regarding dating. But now I have made peace with the fact that I will have much fewer dates than some of my peers, and they will occur in ways that feel natural and healthy to me. Participating in modern dating culture will not bring me satisfaction - it just doesn't suit my personality or my values. I'd rather be single for a longer time and then have a small number of good partners than date throughout and have my heart and self-esteem shattered by shallow or lost people.
Wow, you voiced all my thoughts, but in a much more eloquent and well-spoken manner 😆 thank you for this. I agree wholeheartedly with every word. ....Except for that last part. I don't want to be alone for longer and have less options. I'm sick of waiting. I felt like I needed to take action or continue being single forever
@@myrawest I feel your present situation is comparatively advantageous to make all those things you desire happen. Just imagine others, who are possibly married to the "wrong" guy, have children with him and depend on him not only financially. You are still free to choose whoever you like and do what you want when you want it. By the way, Myra, in your videos and in your comments you gave me the best advice I ever got. Since I started listening to you my life gained in quality and I had many positive and encouraging encounters❣️🙋🏻♂️
@@myrawest I understand that you don't want to wait anymore. I felt that way too for a long time, until I entered (and very recently exited) my first relationship. I used to feel cursed in a way that it was taking so long for me to find love - my friends joked that my prince charming was riding a snail. But the reality of actually being in a relationship, especially one that wasn't right for me, helped dampen my *need* to find love quickly, adjusted my biased view of romantic love, and made me ultimately grateful that it took so long because I was actually ready for it. Before I started therapy last year, I had no idea to which extent my conscious and subconscious thoughts and experiences made it nearly impossible to have a healthy romantic relationship. If I had met "the one" just two years ago, I would undoubtedly have messed it up. The advice of focusing on oneself gets very annoying when it's all anyone says, and it can feel very invalidating of one's emotions when it's used as a cure-all of sorts. But since I've truly come to understand what a healthy relationship is, and the work we need to put in to be healthy ourselves, I've been able to take it to heart more - I should be happy and fulfilled in my individual life, and my partner should be the same, then we can add to each other's joy and create a life together that is better than when we're alone. No-one can complete us, and searching for someone to do that will only end in disappointment and resentment (especially for introverts and romantics like ourselves that generally have very high expectations of close relationships). Beyond that, being proactive is the way to go. I spend a lot of time improving my mind, but that won't attract me a partner if I sit in my room the whole day (very guilty of this). It's a bit contradictory to say in the same breath that love comes when you least expect it, but it's true - I met my ex when I was in the process of accepting that I might never marry and planning what I should do if I'm single at 40. This is partly because wanting something too much can actually push it away - obsession or desperation is unhealthy and attracts other unhealthy people while repelling healthy ones. A Buddhist teaching is that the root of all suffering is desire - desiring things, people, experiences etc. I do not fully agree with this because if we desire nothing, we might become complacent/stagnant and not move forward to build a fulfilling life. However, letting something have less power over your happiness is a liberating experience. If you choose to find contentment in your current situation, no matter how far from what you ultimately want, you can live a greater part of your life in contentment - rather than feeling like something is missing and you'd be happy if only you could have that one thing. Companionship is different - we as humans need companionship. But it doesn't *have* to be romantic - at least not now. At the moment, I find satisfaction in attempting to pursue new friendships and strengthening existing ones. If love crosses my path in the meantime, great. If not, I still would have enjoyed that time. I also hope to grow old with someone one day, and the thought of not having that makes me sad. I can't pretend that it's not important to me. But both of us are still young. We have a lot of time. I hope that helps a bit. I'm a bit lost myself surrounding love. But focusing on building a life I love, helps keep me hopeful for the future while enjoying the present.
@@louise19808 Very convincing. A very good and healthy attitude. Personally I'm living a similar life. I've been alone for a long time now. Still I'm very confident that I will be able to share my future with someone nice and sympathetic. You have a lot to give and I'm absolutely certain that your relaxed and objective approach will lead you into a fulfilled and happy future. Best wishes from Germany, Wolfgang
It's unnatural to date those you have never met. The date itself should be based on what brought you to the date on the first place. Internet dating from no familiarity is like the lottery.
How do i met women if i deal with nearly zero women everyday? Just because i choose a men profession and a men study field (for some reason women run away from STEM)...
@@Francisco-j1e Gotta do something besides work. Church, there is 100 ways to involve yourself, book clubs, nature clubs etc. Yes you have to be somewhat interested in the group that's how you build a base for a real relationship. Met my wife at church in a study group and found out there were many women interested in me because I was single and employed 🙃
Yep, this is a big part of the problem today. We used to have communities where we interacted frequently on a platonic level, which let you get to know people with less pressure, and gauge their personality, values, etc. before ever spending time alone with them. This was also how people made friends. But these communities are lacking today, especially for adults. Kids and teenagers have school and maybe sports, and not much else.
You are soo right that dating is like an audition. And in some cases they had someone else in mind for the girlfriend role, but still thought it would be fun to have people try out for the role they would never get.
I love how real you are. I’ve met my person but you sound so familiar, I’ve had these talks with my past self. You’ll find your person, it just may feel like it’s going to take forever. ❤
I never understood the dating culture either. Everyone I've dated are friends I've known for a very long time. I don't think it's normal for people to suddenly be their perfect self to impress someone meeting them for the first time. Just my thoughts~
It's difficult enough to make friends in the first place. I'd imagine once you have them, it'd be really tough to build up the courage to take things further, especially since it often jeopardizes the friendship if things don't work out. Doubly so if you guys are both in the same group and people feel the need to pick sides after the breakup.
I just wish someone to have a conversation with you in a coffee shop, because you are an amazing person just the way you are, of course, been ourselves and share experience, if you want. It important to be accepted just like we are, don’t worry to be rejected by someone who doesn’t like us like we really are, that’s a toxic life. It’s better to feel free, been accepted by people who care us.
@@ShaunCheah yesss exactly. Plus, as I often say, it is quite rare for me to like someone, so chances are slim that that someone would also be a friend. It really hasn't happened that way before for me
@@ShaunCheah I think if you are able to treat relationships as extended friendships, it is a lot easier to separate and stay friends afterwards. I've never experienced a terrible break up so I can't really give my thoughts on that but I can say that as long as you stay the same person throughout, it shouldn't normally turn out bad. Also I can see why it can be messy if you date people from friend groups. Hasn't been the case for me so...
Also, I feel like the whole setting doesn't always help. Most people go to a café or something on the first date. That makes it even more uncomfortable. Sitting next to each other, firing questions at the other person. If you want to go on a date anyways, I recommend to pick an activity which you love. Climbing, seeing a movie, a museum. It can be anything. It lowers the pressure and creates more fun. Even when the person turns out not meant to be.
You are a romantic person, Myra. That's why modern dating isn't made for you. You need natural, everyday situations. You might both be thunderstruck meeting in a bus or on a train, two total strangers, just by coincidence. Or you might get to know someone slowly and gradually, come closer when you do your mountain climbing or car racing or scating. For you it is important to be relaxed and to be totally yourself. The better you know someone, the better it will be. When you feel totally at ease with someone, when nothing is embarrassing, when you feel no "obligation" to behave in a certain way, then you 'll know that you' ve finally met Mr Right, Myra. This perfect moment will come totally unexpected, it will change jour life, and it might be much closer than you think. ❤️❤️❤️🙋🏻♂️
@@myrawest Aw, thank you very much, Myra. We've been knowing one another for a long time now. That's why we both know how we feel and what we need. The recommendations you gave me were certainly more valuable for me than the things I recommended you. It is always a win-win-situation. I'm always looking forward to your next video and you are cherished and esteemed by my whole family. We all keep our fingers crossed for you and we wish you all the luck in the world. 😉😄🙋🏻♂️
Hey Myra that part where you mentioned building genuine friendships with guys Look I'm not saying you shouldn't but I think it's a bad idea from experience, why have a guy waiting in your corner that you would never consider going out with? I don't get it, isn't that kinda selfish towards him if he really likes you.(keep in mind I say this kindly in the best way 😇) Maybe it's just me but I don't want that energy I guess it's cool if you have boundaries, but even then it might feel a little awkward like he's still trying to win you over in some cases Dose anybody agree?
@@blue_virgo7teen881 : first, I don't think she saw your post since you didn't @ her. Now onto your post directly, I believe she meant that she's into fostering friendships with guys, as opposed to romance-or-nothing.
When you're an introvert, or should I say "reserved", that is hard to go on "dates" when you do use apps. For me, that is ALREADY hard as hell, to open up to people I do talk to on a daily.. so imagine a total stranger that I've just meet. Awkward as hell. That is why I don't do dates. I don't want to show-off a person that I'm not. I don't want to SMILE, LAUGH, be EXTRA just for the sake of it. Or just because I'm scared of getting rejected or end up alone. Also, it never goes well, simply because.. The other person does expect me to be open, outgoing, or even.. rush the thingy straight to the sex part, and that isn't how I am. As your said at the beginning of the video, I need to feel safe in order to make a connection to the person and have some trust in them. And on top of that, what pisses me off the most.. Is when guys, do show this kind of mindset of "Oh well, they're pretty quiet and serious, let's see if I can break that shell.. and if I succeed, I win and I'm done with it, then lose interest and onto the next one". So exhausting.
You are so much right Myra! I had exactly the same experience. In the past I did a lot of dating also via internet. I learned 3 valuable life lesson. 1 - I felt in love on a picture, but not on a person. 2 - If you are searching you wil not find it, stop searching (stop dating) and it will come to you. 3 - Do the activities you enjoy in life and you will meet people with similar energetic frequency And so it happend. I found my partner during one of these activities, when I joined an ecstatic dance event. We got so much connected in a natural and completely unexpected way, that it it even surprised me. I call it a gift from the universe. And now we spend lots of quality time together, being totally out of the box and bringing both our life to a higher level. I wish you good luck Myra. I feel you are a wonderful person and you deserve someone that is a genuine match to you. xx
@@minabotieso6944It has nothing to do with magic, but with numbers, set and setting, and time. The more people you meet in situations and places you feel comfortable in, and all of that doing things you enjoy doing, the higher the likelihood that over time you will find someone with common interests, values, outlook on life. That's the kind of person right for you. If you do it often enough, eventually one of those right for will be attracted to you and/or you to them. Get to know each other and see if the chemistry happens or not.
Thank you for sharing your story of an organic meeting with your partner Andre. Although the universe has not brought a partner to me yet, i very much resignate with your experience and am working on myself until that person apears in my life to experience this journey together. 💚
For hundreds of thousands of years each person had mostly had 1 choice, maybe 2 or 3 and that was it. There was no "he's not tall enough" or a 100 other disqualifiers. Available? Yes. You? Yes. OK, let's be partners. OK. As the human population increased to have a few more choices we started picking mates. That task was almost always performed by parents because they were more experienced and rational than their 12-16 year-old kids needing partners. Puberty was the age of consent. Parents wanted kids partnered up before babies started appearing. Age of partnering increased, choices increased, many countries did away with parent involvement in partner picking. We passed laws for age of consent starting at 7 to 12 increasing to 16 only a century ago. More recently some areas 18. Since social media started it seems a lot of people think 40-50 is the right time to marry and have kids.
A friend once told me that the first date should always be somewhere unpleasant and very uncomfortable for both. He said that both could see who the other really was in that way. Dating is very unnatural. It should be organic and without words. Start with friendship and if it grows - it grows. Takes the pressure off too. Stop reading all that crap. You don’t need trick or gimmicks. The right partner will be crazy about even the mundane things you do.
Huge props to you for actually posting this video! This was definitely from the heart and a powerful video! Something a lot of people can relate to! Thank you!
You’re on to something here! Live your life and pursue your goals and dreams. Along that journey you will eventually meet and get to know the right person for you. You’re wise beyond your years and you have an incredible gift of being authentic, transparent and great at communicating.
Honestly, I completely get it. I'm not much older than yourself. All my best mate's are in relationship/married and/or having kids. I have tried the online dating as you have and had a very similar experience as it takes me a while to warm up to people. Though one thing the pandemic taught me is to be content in my own company and not put as much pressure on myself as I used too. Meeting new people and getting to know them takes time (some time frustrating slow) but I think far more worth it than trying through a dating app. Anyway, just trying to get across you're by far not alone with your experiences!
It’s nice to hear what goes on inside a woman’s mind about the dating scene. Because as a guy I feel similar on this issue. And the dating video rabbit hole for guys is also full of shit. There’s so much advice and we’re all in different areas. Not all advice works. It used to be you’d meet people in person and get to know people then pick someone after getting to know them. Now it’s all dating apps and fake out of touch standards with a dash of hookup culture. It’s depressing to look forward to.
She is absolutely correct. It's completely impossible to make any normal emotional and physical connection with other person unless you start feeling comfortable being with them and then you can open yourself. How many people in this planet doesn't get nervous on the first date ? only those who do it constantly , but then it becomes like a job. In my opinion those words one shot or one chance, shows how modern dating looks like. In general like clowns go to the circus and if they make silly mistake, they will get fired and will never be invited to the circus again, even if all of them are simple humans ...
The audition analogy is spot on. I've blown more than a few first dates over the years and totally understand the frustration. Go about your life and do things you enjoy. Meeting someone you have shared interests with is always better and more fun. BTW, that list of activities you're interested in was great! I do, or have done, most of those myself including auto racing. Keep an open mind, be yourself, and never give up! Love ya, Myra!
Dating isn't for everyone. I've seen it work for some people but I much prefer the more organic way myself. There are definitely some downsides to it though. Especially if you're the kind of person who doesn't have interest in doing a bunch of things that put yourself in situations to meet new people. It's just another example that people are different. We have to find what works best for us and no two people will have the exact same experience. I personally agree with you on how inorganic modern dating is. I am sure there will be people who also see this video and will disagree entirely but your frustrations are valid and I am confident many people, especially people in their 20's, will agree with the points you've made. Keep your head up! Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.
My disagreement is that while what she says is genuine and valid it is really focused on the women’s perspective. I think acknowledging the men’s perspective would help especially for a video. She talks a lot in her dating videos that men don’t pursue her. Why does the man have to always pursue? There are sadly way more men than women who are anxious about dating. Dating apps have way less results for men. At least she got some dates out of it
@@minabotieso6944 because. Women are taught by men for their entire lives that no man will be interested in them if they chase the man. I've had my fair share of personal experiences where I pursued a man and he was not interested. Or he was initially pursuing me when I was not interested in him and then once I became interested in them and reciprocated, suddenly the man lost interest. Women are taught that they must be a challenge for a man otherwise the man won't be attracted and will be bored and move on to the next.
@@myrawest Women might be taught this, but it still isn't true. At least not for all men, not by far. You will miss out on a lot of introvert and/or shy guys if you cling to that "lesson" once taught to you.
The most important thing is to be exactly who you are. If they don’t like exactly who you are, well….then you’ve saved yourself a long painful journey. Also, don’t limit yourself to race, height, age. You never know who you can be eliminating from your life.
I’m 27 and am in a similar position. It seems to be harder getting into a relationship nowadays. What you said about joining groups is my solution as well. I think getting in new scenes of people can help with the issue. I do want to give you credit for actually making an effort in asking a guy out. For some reason, there are girls out there that’ll have a crush and act as if it’s the guys job to make the first move, which makes no sense. If you have a crush and are a girl, ASK HIM OUT!!
Idk her situation and I totally respect her but it does seem like she is expecting the guy to pursue her. All her videos about dating talk about that. If she used a dating app, that’s not asking a guy out. She has a very genuine interesting perspective on dating and life but she tries to generalize what she says when to me it seems really specific to women and her
The best way I can describe dating apps, especially when filling out your profile bio is like a job application. Overtime, the less I worry and focus on dating, the more meaningful and interesting connections came about. Even though nothing substantial has happened, at 28 I’m not broken-hearted about rejection anymore and just learning to go about my life.
You know Myra, you are absolutely correct. Join groups that you are interested in and let things unfold naturally. Personally I've never dated but joining groups takes the focus off you being in the limelight. I've just participated in activities and eventually developed pretty good friends with like interests. No pressure and just have fun. Good Luck...
No one has ever explained to me how dating or attraction is supposed to work, but it all seems so forced to me. How are we supposed to know if we like someone or they like me without knowing any thing about them? That seems impossible to me. Online/ apps are no real substitute either. Dating seems to be so commodified too. From my experience, I trip up because I tried to move faster than I can deal with, which probably scared them away. I find this world is too fast paced in general. I wished everyone would just slow down and take moments as they come. If I ever meet someone special, it would probably be through some shared group activity or hobby. Also I can't stand the pressure of expectations either. Also speaking as a man, I think some men are afraid of opininated women, but I don't get it myself. Stay genuine.
I completely get where you’re coming from and your video reminded of events that happened in my life over the years. I resonate with your frustrations. The best advice I can give is just to not give up on the things that you want in life. There will be times you don’t feel like playing “the game” and dealing with the usual shit and that’s ok. Nothing takes the wind out of someone’s sails quicker than major disappointments. Keep being yourself and keep working on yourself and don’t ever give up on what is most important to you. You’re not alone by any means!
20 years old. I am an introvert myself and have really bad social anxiety. This video of yours is spot on! I do not like the idea of modern day dating AT ALL, relating to all of the reasons you mentioned in the video. I hate online dating too. I just wanna run into somebody, a girl who also has social anxiety and would understand me and would love me for myself and I'm willing to do anything to find that love of my life. I have watched every single video of yours and I feel like I'm so similar to you except maybe if I were a youtuber, I would title my video 'My Subconscious Fear/Distrust of Women || From a Psychological Standpoint' because sometimes I feel like I am not good enough for all the pretty girls out there. I am not the most confident person and lack flirting skills and I am usually the quiet one around people. I'm also vegan so I feel like that drastically reduces my chances of finding my girl. I have had one girlfriend so far in my life and the relationship didn't last very long. And I do not have any social skills or really anything to boast, physically and psychologically that would attract her. And girls don't like weak men. I know I can work on myself from a physical standpoint but psychologically?? IDK. I know the love of my life exists but I am unsure if I will ever get to live the day when we learn about each other and we embrace each other. I'm sorry if I sounded cheesy or cringe but my hopes of finding the love of my life are going in vain with each passing day. I also wanna let you know that you're not alone. I am with you.
Romantic love is a pile of horse manure. You can’t idealize someone you’re living with warts and all. I did a lot of dating, then a lot of whoring around as a sailor for 12 years, cancelled my scheduled wedding to a woman I thought I knew who turned out to be a drunken lunatic and a biter, then decided to just remain a bachelor. If the honeymoon lasts even a year that’s pretty much it. Most women are quite annoying once you really get to know them. And finally, if you’ve got a high IQ you eventually discover that most women are as dumb as a box of rocks, even if they went to college and have a good job. The dead giveaway is that anyone who doesn’t read outside of school is typically as vacuous as the void of space.
You BOMBED the audition! 😂 That analogy was halirious. All and all great video, hit the nail in the coffin or however that saying goes lol. I'm 25 and still single and I think I'll be like that for a while, like you said, someone eventually will arrive or found in a group of people.
Ugh this is the same exact issue I have! You spoke to my soul. I’m glad I’m not alone though. I had a great date with a guy I met on Hinge. We talked like a week on the app before the date, had a ton of similar values and interests. I was super nervous but I thought I did pretty good - we kissed a few times on the date and things went well. Then after the date, I get a text saying “I’m sorry but don’t feel the spark with you”. I was soo sad! It’s like, we are strangers, what kind of connection are we going to have based on 3 hours? He was clearly attracted to me at the start of the date so I don’t know what happened. 😅
Ohh no... this is heartbreaking 🥺 I'm so sorry. I totally totally feel this. This is basically what happened to me. I hate how confusing it is. You feel like you click before the date, you have so much in common, the guy expresses interest, you get super excited and you feel like the date goes pretty well... And then bam! For some reason the other person just blindsides you. Of course I don't believe that someone should be with you if they don't feel anything.... But how on earth can you get an accurate perception of someone just in a couple hours?? Sorry this happened to you, it's hard and confusing
@@myrawest Thank you so much ❤ yeah exactly, it’s easy to feel like you did something wrong too. It’s so shallow and disheartening but if they judge someone that quickly it’s probably for the best.
You know what's sad? When you're awkward, nervous, anxious, etc... And you happen to have a hard time dating... And you never get better at it... And then one day you wake up and now you're considered too old to date or attract pretty much anyone.
I always tell people the story of my mom. She met the love of her life when she was around 50. And they're going on 11 happy years married. They're perfect for each other and the guy is wonderful. So it can happen! My grandpa also got married at 84!!
This feeling you’re describing is exactly how you make a good first impression on a stranger. Every time I met someone cool it was at a moment when I couldn’t even bother showing up but I did and I was glad I did
I totally agree with everything you have said in this video. I want a natural connection with someone too. It never happens to me either. I always get one or two chances and that’s it. I try not to get my hopes up at all. I believe in forming a friendship too and don’t believe a connection can happen right away. It definitely does take time. You explained everything perfectly in this video!
hey Myra, i feel your frustration and hate for this. your completely right about everything you've said and I agree with you! i think this has to do with the simple reason that life isn't fair in general. The world doesn't work the way we want it to be so that we can be happy all the time. I guess we just have to do the best we can in this world. but i support your decisions as they are the same approaches that I have taken. like you said, you should live life the way you want to and do all the things you love and through your passions is how you should make new relationships. Because like you said it is NATURAL!! online dating and dating apps are stupid (dropped the mike).
Yes!!! Many of the current dating advice is all about playing games and manipulating the situation to get what you want. I can't believe my eyes. We live in crazy times. I don't understand why we are not advising to first love ourselves, learn to communicate, be authentic and actually learn how to navigate things in a descent way.
@@myrawest Hi! I saw in one of your videos that you wanted to be fearless. I feel you! So do I. Thank you for keeping things real and staying humble. It's much needed and appreciated ❤ Sending you much love and luck in your journey to fearlessness.
At 7:23. We live in a world where the number one dating app is Instagram. People post how fabulous their life is when behind closed doors they may be miserable and face a multitude of problems. I went to an event recently where it was a speed dating event. Men made up 20% of the participants. It was still pure excruciating pain to go through. It felt like an audition, as if you are not "X enough" (choose the category). You are right. You can't force love.
I also don't like the manufactured nature of dating. Relationships will eventually show the kind of people we're really like, including flaws. I agree with your approach to being in a relationship. I've usually got the advice of pursuing a friendship with someone first before pursuing a relationship with them. At the end of the day, it's that friendship that will carry a relationship no matter what. I appreciate the honesty you had in this video. Being real with ourselves is always helpful.
Dating is just getting worse and harder. So many studies ive come across of rise of single people, less marriages, less children, more isolation and lonelies. Its just sad. It seems like no one wants to give the effort to make relationships.
Mental health advice for women starts with the words YOU DESERVE... For men, it's YOU HAVE TO... Women get unlimited attention from men, while men feel they have to have to compete for a woman's attention. Because women get lots of offers, they go for the best they feel they deserve. That's the GigaChad with many other women in his rotation. Promiscuity has been destygmatized, so it's okay for a woman to share a high value man with other women. Men feel like the juice is not worth the squeeze, and check out of dating. So yes, many lonely unloved men, and many women in rotations salty about not being the main chick. In Myra's case, it could be her shyness and anxiety come across as passive-aggressive or lack of interest. She's not being rejected. Guys think she's rejecting them, so they move on. She could try telling a guy plainly and directly that she likes him and wants to see him again. She just has some issues she's working through. Most guys will be happy to hear that.
What’s funny is I actually love dating only if meet someone in real life but online dating apps specifically are terrible for me. Being shy absolutely makes things more difficult. The apps give you too many options so it’s easy to just ghost and go to the next person. They’ve truly made us less patient and less empathetic to other humans. It’s also unnatural in that there’s an expectation to be romantic so there’s more pressure. There are many issues with the apps I won’t go in to but generally I think dating can be really fun if it’s with people I’ve met naturally which is becoming harder to find these days
Absolutely right. And in these dating apps you also find a lot of fraud. There are fakes, false identities. First they make you fall in love with beautiful photos and flattering words and then they ask you for money. You just can't be too careful.
Myra, I really hope you see this. What you said about being in your shell when meeting new people really resonated with me as an introvert. It sometimes takes time for me to open up and become my authentic self, even as an 18 year old dude, so I can relate to that frustration with modern dating. For a while, I didn't really look for relationships and I figured they would just form organically since I hated online dating. Of all places, at my workplace I found someone that I realized I liked, and I found out that she liked me too. One night I decided fuck it, and asked her on a date. Fast forward a few months and we're now in a committed relationship, so please don't give up hope. Just keep focusing on enjoying life, and see what opportunities arise. You'll find someone, and it CAN happen organically!
Keeping yourself grounded and not overwhelming yourself with emotions can show you the most precise person you're talking with. People are never as amazing in real life as much as they are in our mind when we imagine them.
You don’t hate dating, you hate rejection. You are frustrated because you got rejected and that hurts now you are trying to avoid those feelings by avoiding dating. But you will experience rejection no matter what, you can’t scape it. Even if you do it the way you talking about rejections will happen and it might hurt even more cuz you might lose a friend not just a romantic interest. The solution is not to avoid negative feelings is to learn to overcome them. Btw I love the analogy of an auditions I always thought of it as an interview however I think you’re right. It is a mixture of the two.
Agree 100% I also feel a bit guarded at first because of getting rejected a lot in highschool and my parents did expect a lot from me. So i kinda feel i project an archetypical judge onto woman i am interested in. I believe they will have high expectations of myself to the point of having to be perfect. The dating game is all about playing with archetypes these days. Theres still hope i will meet someone genuine but it seems like a lot of people are broken by this system. The feeling of not wanting to mess it up is very real. Apps use the same addicitive tactics as casinos. Like you said its best to meet people in real life. Thanks for sharing your honest thoughts. I hope things work out for the best for you.
good video myra! i think a lot of us can relate to this frustration of feeling like you need a 'strategy' to get someone interested in you, not just romantically but also socially, how to make someone respect you, how to assert yourself, how to 'be interesting', but something I tell myself now is that even if you are a mess socially while you speak with someone new, if that person is attentive, they will recognise small signs of who you are that captivate them, if they don't, then we lose nothing from going separate ways. for example, it is instantly off putting for lots of women if men are 'insecure' or initially unable to be flirtatious or exciting to speak with, but these surface level traits will be small, irrelevant details to the right sort of person for you, for romance or friendships. again, good video, I enjoy your honest reactions to genuine problems!
I so relate to what you're saying. Every relationship I've had was with a co-worker or friend. We had the time to build trust with no expectations. No audition. I've never got a relationship out of a date and don't expect to. I expect to just live my life around like minded people and that's how it will happen.
I am socially anxious, so I have deleted all my dating apps, and it's a massive relief to be honest I've been ghosted so much and for no reason, but I usually find out the guy was married. That's so cruel but a lot of players out there. I am alone and finally ok with it. It's nothing but bullshit on dating apps, I'm done forever. Great video. You are so inspiring.
@@myrawest Oh, do you? Honestly, what you said made me think that humanity and mercy could lead to literally PATIENTS. So, I asked what it meant. I'm interested in English as an English teacher in Korea. I'm not so perfect in English, so I try watching English videos and get some inspiration. I love the way you talk and make a life on your own. See you again! Thank you for your videos!
I don't usually comment on videos, but I appreciate this video because it's validating in that I have this exact experience and reaction. I'm at a point where I just don't *try* to date, and just focus on my hobbies, interests, and goals because that's what I have control over and enjoy. I'm a guy too, so it's nice to know it's a similar experience on both sides of things. 99% of the time when it's online we don't ever even meet, and part of it is I get nervous and am not myself before we even meet. It's exhausting and I don't have much energy for it. Thanks for keeping it real as always, coming from a fellow introvert. It is really difficult out there and I hope someone comes along for us eventually. For now I'm just gonna live my life and try to accomplish things that satisfy me (for me it's creative things, art and music) and hope I happen to come across someone I vibe with along the way.
Her video rather pleasently surprised me. I agree with her and I'm only at the 5:44 mark. But the problem for so many now is we're so busy working or looking for work, we don't have much time to ourselves to do group activities. We're all rather stuck in a monotenous routine. And many of us are overly stressed out with life.
I totally get what you're saying. I'm dealing with this stuff and kind of thinking too so it's nice to know I'm not alone and I wanted to write this to let you know you're not alone with feeling this way. I'm completely with you on the, dating feels like an audition or a job interview and if you can't keep it up constantly then you're just dropped and they're off to the next person who they hope is more 'perfect' than you. As you said it's hard to develop that core relationship and if someone doesn't want to work on developing that but you do that's even harder. I'm like you, if I want to go on a date with you, even if we don't have the romantic spark after the date, I still think you're an awesome person and I want to be in your life, be there to support you and be your friend. I've found whenever I say 'Fuck it' and focused on things that I enjoyed and wanted to do life seemed to show me and introduce me to people that liked me more for me vs when I was actually 'looking' to date which is really fucking annoying lol. I will say that while online dating clearly hasn't worked for me the one thing that I do like is that, in THEORY, you at least know you find each other semi-attractive and want to talk to each other where when I'm in social settings and meeting new people I have no clue if they actually want to talk to me or if they do if they find me attractive. I need someone to smash me with a I'm 30 and thought I had found my person but as you said it seems like I always do something that seems to fuck it up. All my friends say there isn't anything I did wrong but holy hell it doesn't feel that way when like, as you said, it just keeps happening so it definitely feels like you're doing something wrong. I want to add that while I can relate to many of the things you're talking about there are elements of dating that I can't understand but I can empathize with, I'm a 6'4" identifying and presenting male and I realize there's a side of dating that I don't have to worry about and I always want to keep that in mind. I know this will likely get lost in the void of UA-cam comments but I just wanted to write this and let you know you're not alone
Hey! I read your comment! It didn't get lost 😊 awww thank you for complimenting my nails! That's so random but wonderful. I had actually painted them like a half hour before recording this 😄
What you say is so legit. I relate to this video more than a very large amount of other videos I have watched. Dunno, you just get it. Thanks for posting that.
Sorry to hear about your bad "dating" experience Myra. I agree that first dates can be super awkward and pressure filled...and it sucks when one person feels a connection but the other doesn't reciprocate...never force anything, don't place so much pressure on yourself or the situation, do your best to be yourself, even if it means being awkward or fumbling your words or whatever because if there is a mutual connection, you will both want to continue to want to get to know one another no matter how the date went. Don't put any pressure on yourself...go out, meet ppl, have fun...and before you know it, I am sure you will meet that someone special. Just live your best life for you. ;-)
Yes, yes, yes!!!! Everything u have said is very true !!!! Dating now a days is very difficult.. alot of ppl are superficial these days and dnt want to take the time to get to know you. Dnt wrry girlie just focus on yourself and the right persona will find there way to you ❤️
Just saw one of your videos and subscribed. You’re videos are great. And you are 100% correct about the dating world today. I’ve been on multiple dates online and each date was a flat out disaster. So a lot of things you mention on here I can relate to easily. Again great video.
Hey girl, I'm sorry it didn't work out but honestly it's for the better. My opinion is growing like for that person, than it doesn't grow to love and if you're not feeling that person and that person not feeling you..😱.I feel for you. Big hugs 🤗. Myra, we're young, give it time and when it happens, your gonna know. My mind set is if it's going to happen (the whole falling in love thing) I'm not in a rush because finding the right guy isn't always going to be the great outcome. Enjoy life, have fun, and always be yourself because the Way you sound on here, you would be a good friend. You're real and that's what makes you strong and I think they can't handle that. If I'm wrong from what I'm telling you, let me know. Keep your head up Myra. ✌️🖤
Man this girl is a million percent spot on regarding the bs of dating and texting. I always see these guide to texting videos that tell you text her like this and youll be irresistible lololol its absolutely absurd beyond comprehension If somones vision of you is based on texting body language well thats utterly ridiculous
The only way I've ever gotten into relationships was actually being friends with them first from a natural dynamic we were both in. I can't even imagine dating to find someone. That's how people get into shitty relationships bc they're with people they don't even like & would never be friends with outside of a relationship.
I totally agree. I don't want to date to find someone, or date just to date. If/when I get married one day, I want my wife to also be my best friend. And so, I have always had a similar mindset in regards to dating relationships in the sense that I would want to start off having had a foundation of friendship first with any woman I get into a romantic relationship with, and only get into such a relationship with her with the idea in mind of furthering our relationship of getting to know each other more with the idea of marriage in mind down the road. It may take a couple times, but the difference is there's a true purpose, intention, and aim instead of going on random dates and then attempting to build a foundation and friendship &/or relationship from scratch depending on whatever motives that person has.
I thought it was just me stressing out with all the dating video's. Thanks for saying everything i've felt. You just mentioned feelings, human connection and trust, and safety... wanting to get to know someone even if it's not romantic...This!! instead of feeling like your on an audition and will be discarded if you fail. I'm jaded too... it's so frustrating 😥
The problem with online dating is that it is primary centered around looks and attracts a lot of low brow people only looking for sex. If someone judges you for being nervous then they suck and aren’t for you. I have been trying myself and it’s so hard for me to find a girl who is just kind, smart, and caring - Finding someone with the core basic values is tough now even
I have never gone on a date with a mindset of love at first sight/meet. I feel that relationships are best when you know someone to their core. So, I don't blame you for how you're feeling towards dating. Dating sucks, I tried the apps and such and just wasnt for me. I always go into a relationship with knowing the first, and for a long time at that. So, with a bit of luck and years of chatting I found my person! I hope the best for your search. I am here as a friend if you ever need an ear to listen to your thoughts.
No negative comments here - thanks for posting & I think you make a lot of sense. "Focus on ME" will probably lead to a more confident & assured Myra that will naturally attract interesting people anyway. I'm totally with you when it comes to falling for people, it only ever happens for me with people that I've known & socialised with for some time. It does sometimes happen without that, but it rarely works out well!
Earlier, I forgot to thank you for posting this video. Sincerely thanks. I think you shared something important that needs to be heard and understood that maybe a little understated in society. I see a toughness in you of which if it is maintained may prove to be something that may pay off for you greatly. Keep pressing forward with an unshakable positive outlook. Sometimes things may seem a bit rough, and you may even be tempted to throw in the towel and give up on goals, ambitions, hopes, dreams, ect, ect. But what if this is only the final moments before the dawn of a new season? I declare to you, no. My dear and caring friend, this is not the time to give up. A time for a change in strategy? Perhaps. But as rough as it maybe for you momentarily and as hard as things may seem to get, until you have finally realized true joy and happiness let the fight continue and never doubt that you are closer to the fulfillment of that for which you have been hoping than you ever imagined. No, it's not time to give up. It's time to increase patience and it's time to hold on. It's not over yet. Again, thanks a lot for taking the time to make this video and for sharing your feelings with us. Keep hanging in there.
Beautiful girl with the beautiful spirit please be gentle with yourself. You didn't do anything wrong. He was the wrong one! The right one for you will see you're nervous and be empathetic and patient. Would you really want to be with someone whose so critical at first meet anyways? It's pretty basic knowledge people will be nervous on first dates and if he couldnt look past that he's superficial anyways. Be you and you'll attract the right one FOR YOU. In the end you'll save yourself a lot of heartache and wasted time. Don't try to entertain anyone's fantasy bc there's a guy out there for you and your his fantasy just the way you are!! If a dude has that kind of attitude let him know it's not going to work out and you wish him well but you're looking for someone more thoughtful and understanding. Let him be someone else's problem and tears. You deserve better.
If you think it's bad having to go through all those one and done auditions imagine how bad it is for the average guy who can't even get an audition or gets so few that it's numerically impossible to ever find someone compatible.
Dating is not easy and when we meet a stranger there is of course always a certain risk, but we have to take this risk every now and then to maybe find the right partner. I've learned for myself to approach such things in a much more relaxed manner without thinking too much about what could be, there's no such thing as a certainty. And in between, our many thoughts get in the way and then lead to making everything more complicated than actually necessary. It's important not to put yourself under so much pressure, today I absolutely have to find someone. Unfortunately, failures are just part of it and of course it's not that easy to stay calm, but it's a process and there's no one right way and then it runs by itself. As the saying goes, many roads lead to Rome, and that's true. Realistic standards are important and not succumbing to utopia, you only harm yourself by doing so. Online dating has never been my thing, I can't get used to it.
Hi Myra, I'm John, 35yo, french. Pardon me if my english is sometimes inaccurate. Your video makes me both sad and happy at the same time. It's sad of course to not fulfill something as a love relationship when you've (assumingly) done nothing wrong. And quite the contrary, you're thinking is very sane, hence my hapiness to hear you. I mostly wanted to share with you a snippet of my own road. When I was your age, I was on the same page. Except I wouldn't share this with anyone. In our times, for a man, it is even harder I think to admit you don't sleep with girls every now and then. I was shocked when my only close friend, at the time I was 25, told me he thought I was crazy and would end up a rapist or even worse. Being mostly a tough guy, when I think someone is bad (no integrity, no empathy, false modesty and such), which I only allow myself to judge after at least a year, I just need a few minutes to build the mind-set where I really believe that being near him or her is a mistake that I'll be happy to leave behind me. I left this so called friend. But I've almost never opened again to anyone about this stuff after that. I mean, the fact I hate this new culture. It's so easier to just pretend I use Tinder like everyone. I've learned to be happy by myslef, doing lots of stuff. And I still believe the right girl is somewhere. But yeah, hard to live by those crazy times, where people differentiate so much their soul from their body, like you can casually throw yourself like garbage, this impoverishes the mind and heart for most people. Patience. This has been my modo for a long time. I'm not talking about the waiting of the "soul-mate", so to speak. I'm talking about the virtue of taking the time, investing the time, building things gradually. As a matter of fact, I can be very seducing. When I cross path with a girl that strikes my eye, if she has some humor and spirit I sometimes let this charismatic and lovable me be, when not discouraged by thinking about my past bad experiences in the field. And, even though I've lived the hook-up culture and enjoyed parts of it, right now, what happens is, while the girl will fall for me very fast, that'll just repulse me... Yeah, I've been a dating master and kept some skills in me (maintain interest, being a lot of fun, etc.), but I can't stand this culture no more. So the girl will fall for me, she'll be open for some "crispy action", and she'll be shocked when I say "can we keep this for later, like three months maybe?" She'll think to herself "yeah, sure, like I'll wait this long when I can go on an app and have fun much sooner..." or "yeah, well this guy must have such a tiny weewee" or that kind of bullcrap. And the worst part is that a lot of those girls believe this is the normal thing, to hook up first, and maybe this'll lead to a serious relationship, a family and kids. And this is so wrong for so much reasons. No patience, all this whimsical adult kids that want it all right now, the whole package of happiness with no responsability whatsoever. So much divorces also, so much kids losing their minds, IQ decrease, and on and on... And there is absolutly no way to convince them, they know it all, I'm the one wrong if I talk about it, and of course they'll think I'm wrong even before I had the time to expose more than two or three points on the matter. The fog is too dense and it's like everyone think they should smoke into it. The times are extreme on the love side of things. I do believe it will equilibrate after some point. Slowly, people are realizing we've taken a wrong path. Slowly... This "hook up culture" makes people depressed, I see that everywhere. That's a complex issue I'd enjoy to discuss furthermore, but comment sections are a bit tiring for that. Thank you for sharing. Bravo for your courage, even though I can imagine it is also in your own interest to do this, which is fine. Sadly I don't have enough time to watch more of your videos, and most of my friends don't speak english, but I wish you'll be heard by a lot of people! Bye bye
The shitty dating advices are for a single type of people, but people are different. For a while, I also tried to convince myself that generic advice is good for me. You generally get better advice in mental health channels. There are other rabbit holes, but not all of them are misleading. Attachment theory - the 3 types of insecure attachment is a good one to know.
don't give up, the more practice you get, the more comfortable you will get in the situation. there will always be some degree of nervousness, but you will build confidence only through experience. to use the audition analogy, imagine any famous actor just gave up the first time they got rejected... they would never have gotten to the point they are at now. the key is to build up the strength to be able to handle the rejection without being so affected by it. when you achieve that, then you will be more confident in the situation, because there is not so much riding on it any more. the fact that it's affecting you this much means that you actually needed the rejection. once you "digest" this, then you will be more able to handle it better the next time (i know from experience, it's the same with guys). it's kind of like playing a video game. you made it to a certain point, then got "game over," but if you just give up out of frustration, then you will never make it any further, and never "beat the game" ...good luck
What she's brave about? Women love the attention, and they know 99% of people will tap them on the head for how great they are no matter what they say...😂 even if they make no sense.
I agree with you. It takes time to truly get to know someone, and it's not fair to judge someone and move on based on one's disappointments of his or her first impressions of a person. It can be a lonely feeling when you meet someone with whom you would like to spend a little more time, but that person doesn't feel the same way about you and he or she expresses his or her unwillingness to continue to get to know you. Among this instant generation of today, patience, it seems, is a rare attribute, and if it was sold as a commodity you could purchase over a counter it would probably rank amongst the most uncommon costly and expensive things ever sold on this planet. Having that in mind, I personally intend to increase that trait within my own person and character because I believe that having the willingness to give one's self a chance to actually get to know someone and learn how they really are without giving up on them so easily can prove to be a great benefit when it comes to meeting new people, making friends, and building and establishing meaningful and lasting relationships of all kinds.
Wait wait wait….you’re only 24?!! Change NOTHING about what you’re doing other than expecting to meet the one by 24!! It’s a long process sometimes and it takes some people into their 30s…their 40s. I’m single now at 35 but honestly my longest relationship didn’t even happen till 33.
Well if he ghosted you, thats already tells everything you need to know about the other person. Lack of integrity, and psychologicly abusive. Dodged a bullet!
5:16 This. It takes long but the good thing is that if you don't find anyone, you actually get some good community building experience. It's not just a waste of time.
In all my 30 years, I've had many romantic relationships and have never dated. I just run into someone who comes off as having an interesting personality and/or look to them and just get to know them. See where things go, if anywhere. Can't force things. Try not to get attached to outcomes.
I love hearing this, and I fully agree with you. Modern dating is a demoralizing and draining experience where the end goal seems to be a relationship without any labels or expectations.
I completely agree with you Myra. I just feel a sense of disgust towards modern dating ideas. I mean two people are two human beings not two machines. People have been meeting each other for billions of years. I mean shouldn't we all just take a proper look at our grandparents and great-grandparents and beyond? From how they met each other to the good quality of love life they shared with eachother? That was so wholesome! They all had something that most of us modern humans lack...... It's called "True love and Understanding"..... . Maybe I am mistaken but it seems to me that modern dating ideas originate from hate, insecurity, jealousy, pride, objectification and much more that I can't think of from the top of my head. I have never dated in my life, so I won't understand certain aspects about dating and relationships. I am not perfect and may never be but with what I have learned over the years, I have decided to focus on my long term life goals like staying fit, taking care of my mental health by learning to play piano and playing chess on the chess website and practicing math on a website called Brilliant not only for my mental health benefits but suppose I were to have kids one day I can help them with school work rather than spend money for tuition, focus on my moral values that my great-grandparents taught me when I was little. I would also like to experience life during my old age. These things bring joy into my life and I desire to pursue this true joy that takes me away from low quality desires like modern dating,etc...... If I do end up in a relationship in the future, my goal is to create good quality love and understanding with the other person together. But that's not my concern for now or the near future. I know you are getting hundreds of comments and most likely miss my comment but I thought I would share this with you and I really hope it helps you in at least in a small way. I am just an average soft spoken person who has only a few friends and is mostly unnoticed by many people including women but I have found my own destiny to joy after learning about myself over the years. I hope that my life experiences will help you too as your videos along with other channels have helped me to stay grounded in my purpose. All the best Myra 🙏
Dear Myra, this video of you felt super authentic and honest to me. In fact, I could identify with almost every part of what you said because I was thinking and feeling similar when I was around 20 years old. Now I am 25 (not that much older, I know), and I have realized a few things: 1. In a society, women are the gatekeepers. That means we as women should get to decide which man can enter our lives and which men can't. I know it sounds a little old-fashioned, but I think a man should pursue a woman first, and not the other way round. Why? Because most men have this hunting instinct, they want to pursue. If women make it to easy to them, they will not feel that instinct anymore and 'hunt' someone else. I know that this is stupid and doesnt seem modern at all, still it's reality and biology nobody can change. 2. If you find yourself being crazy about a man and feeling attracted to him, ask yourself why. What does he have that I don't have? Does a certain character trait of him fill a certain void inside of me? It thats the case, I recommend focusing on filling that void first by yourself. That will make you much more secure during dating and in life generally. I can give you an example: I was (and still am do a degree) a girl who loves daydreaming and always seeing how the world should be, i was super romantic about things and I the same time had a pretty chaotic unstable lifestyle. I lacked assertiveness. I refused ro deal with real world things (back then i was in college and didnt have a lot of serious work experience). Now I work two jobs I like, i am earning my own money, I pursue my hobbies, I try to organize my days (still working on it, I am still daydreaming a lot haha), and i can see more progress. I feel more stable and I have the feeling this attracts men. They see that I know what I want, that I have a plan and that they have to put in a little effort in order to be with me. So now its them who are asking for more dates in order to get to know me better. This is just my personal experiencenand I am sure it might maybe not apply to everyone, but as I could identify so much with my a few years younger self while watching this video, I just had to write this comment. I hope it helps at least a little bit. I wish you the best and especially many successful encounters with men in the future 🙂 (sorry for my english and any mistakes, its not my native language)
Sorry, but you don't hate dating. You LOVE dating. Because women love and are addicted to attention. You hate, that the top 1% guys that you ALL chase will NEVER settle down with you, because they can literally have a new you every single day of their life. Date a decent guy on your level, point out that you will share the bill until you know that you're actually willing to go some place with him (that way he knows you are not just abusing him for foody dates like most women do nowadays and therefor will not immediately stop dating you) and then you're golden. EVERY woman on this planet can find a husband within literally minutes if she wants to. My 38y old cousin found her husband (Porsche driver from her small 15k people town from a wealthy family!) while taking a shit-break after saving her 50% filled out dating profile and coming back to already 8 messages. Their son is 6 now. And she's not a 10 by any stretch of the imagination. She was a 5 at that point and objectively he was a 7. All the reasons you listed for why you are single are not the reason. "Being too nice" is not a thing for women, that is only a thing for men. Because women want drama. Men hate drama. Men want peace. If you really are super nice, that is a major plus. My best guess is that you never told that guy you are talking about that you are interested and after X dates of him buying you food without touch or clear state of intentions, he guessed you're just taking advantage of him like all the other women, so of course he ghosted you.
Thank you for this comment, it was what I was hoping someone would tell because if she is going for Chads and Tyrones only that explains her situation, maybe she doesnt like men that are not Chad and Tyrone.. there are alot of men that are looking for relationship but get rejected because of that 1% thing. When I see a pretty woman complain about no man wanting her sorry to say but I have a hard time believing her.
@@normaalewoon6740 No, that is not true. All data shows that we view the attractiveness of women in a perfect bell curve - as you would expect. Yes, we still TRY to get the hottest girl possible, but men in general are way more realistic about what level we are on and we are content getting a looks equivalent to us. And many men sacrifice looks for character as well, perfect examples on the upper end are male Hollywood Superstars with average looking women or on the lower end you can see it with female contestans of weight losing shows who have 600+ pounds but are still almost all married to average looking guys.
@@TheBazino Often times, things are more complicated than we like to acknowledge. I agree with you, but the majority of women aren't delusional either. They like guys who care about them and are understanding when it comes to financials. The extreme views that the internet brings to you are the real problem.
You should partner with someone that you already knew well from a young age. This idea of spontaneous love between two strangers is mostly a fiction of the modern era. For most of human history, marriage has been a strategic, pre-arranged merging of two families.
Totally agree regarding 'just be yourself' because of you're not yourself now, don't be surprised if you're not compatible with the other person when you pull your Scooby Doo disguise off down the line.
So some time ago I realized that particularly in America, we find someone we find physically attractive. We project onto them who we WANT them to be. We lie to ourselves about who they are to ourselves, we lie to them about who we are because we want them to like us. For a while that "honeymoon" hormone phase propels everything along. Eventually when that fades the spell is off of you and you hate them for not being the person they never actually were. And they resent you for not being the person you presented yourself as when you were just trying to impress them.
it's the entire planet not only america...
The great deception invariably leads to great disillusion.
I also see in America people wasting years of their life with the wrong person. And they also spend much effort hoping they will change.
This doesn't just apply to America. I think this is a pattern many of us fall into.
Thats typical for most of the world
I totally relate to every thing you said. Dating definitely is scary for people who are introverts, shy or socially anxious. So focus on your goals and interests. Dont give up. I know rejection hurts like hell but its a calculated risk. Someone will come along when you least expect it.
Yesss I'm a total introvert, I would NEVER go on an actual date the first time meeting a lady.
Someone won’t come along when you least expect it. Focusing on yourself is great but focusing on your social life and relationships is just as important. All of that is especially true for people who struggle with friends and dates
@@minabotieso6944 There’s a person for everyone. I truly believe that. Don’t try and be someone you’re not. Nowadays people are so busy making ends meet that no one has much time for in-person socializing. That’s why chatting online is so popular
It's not that difficult, but it's like she says, you need to go to groups, events, social things, school, nerd clubs, therapy sessions...once you feel like a human talking to other humans, and you find someone that's attractive or interesting, do it like:
>I fancy you. Are you single?
>I am, and I fancy you, too.
>I want/need X in my life, and I believe you're the perfect candidate for it.
>hmm, I'm down for X, but I need a bit of Y.
>I've never really considered Y, but I'll give it a thought if we engage in X, which we're both striving towards and want.
>that went pretty well. I like doing X with you, and I feel you understand my need for Y, and wish to explore X and Y with you.
>I agree. Let's meet up more often.
Distil it down to your needs and wants, communicate those needs and wants, and give people the benefit of the doubt. Courting and flirting should be fun, not stressful.
A rejection is only a rejection if it's done with some conviction. Over here on the man aisle, it's not uncommon for us to have to probe if we were really rejected, if it was nerves, if the idea is that we should chase, and a million other things.
>how to keep a man's interest.
Be kind, carefree, offer him your feminine energy, don't withhold bedroom acrobatics, return his trust in you with respect for him, don't hog all his time (mens' hormone balances change from prolonged exposure to women, so it's in everybody's best interest that he gets breaks from you), and give him a compliment from time to time. That's all there's to it.
Now making a man actually commit to you, that's ten orders of magnitude more difficult.
What do you mean by introvert? Do you use it in original sense, ergo someone who explores himself, or the way internets describes it? Introvert and extravert are terms invented by profesor Carl Gustav Jung.
"I'm so sick of it and I did it to myself". Words that cut very well.
Weeb
I'm turning 30 in a few weeks, and I've never dated. I used to also be very frustrated, first at the system, then at myself, for the lack of experience (which kinda is a Catch-22), but then I've been learning to let go since the pandemic began. No expectations, just focusing on myself, and meeting new people organically. It's not easy, and it will take time, but I have never been more content with where I am than any other time in my 20s. I hope you will find that space too.
I love this. I'm happy for you
Im 41 years old and dating is overrated and i will fail at it.@@myrawest
@acuerdox Not everyone wants kids dude
Seriously, being content is worth more than you think
So it sounds like how we used to date before there were apps and dating websites, we lived our lives, did things we enjoyed, and we met people we made connections with. Sometimes we would all get together with friends of friends and make new connections, and if we were lucky we found someone.
Online is not real life, Dating Apps are for hooking up more than connecting. Good luck on your quest for love, don't give up and just be you!
Ah, yeah, that sounds wonderful 😭 Sadly I wasn't even around in that time. I wish I was alive and had the chance to date before modern casual dating culture
@@myrawest I love your videos and you are very artistic, even your rants have real personality. We all get sucked into Internet Culture but it isn't the real world, I have friends on facebook, twitter, Instagram I will likely never meet, nor do I really want to for the most part.
Don't let yourself get sucked into what is online, you have the right idea when you say doing things you love and meeting people that share interests, isn't it really better to have people in your life with common interests? If I learned anything from being online it is people lie, they present their best self or what they want their best self to be which is very different often from what they are.
Make yourself happy and you will find someone and make each other happy.
@@myrawest I was around back then and I know exactly what he's saying. All I can say is that the time we live in now is inferior and unnatural.
Also one unfortunate side effect of social media and the internet is that everyone is the same now since ideas are spread so much quicker and so much wider.
Beautifully said
Online dating never felt right to me.
My best relationships were with someone I met organically and it just happened.
This… and when doing the soul work we are supposed to be doing .. attraction becomes more organic
Meet organically, meet organically here and there, would you please stop using trite buzz words, how about cold approach? How about third places?
I agree with you I always did the traditional way though friends
So good for you to be working these things out at such a young age and not in your 30s. You are so real and you are a blessing.
I've learned I'm pretty good at diagnosing problems, but not so good at finding the solutions 😅
@@myrawest yes yes lol
@@myrawest aren’t we all!
@@myrawestSame here.
You are not alone. Socially expectations are insane. People watch too much bs showing EXTREMELY high standards of what relationships are but are not.
Modern dating culture, to me, is very transactional, and relies on instant gratification such as the "entertainment" you described. It ties in with hookup culture as well: many people expect physical intimacy nearly immediately because that's the setup of this sort of dating. You enter a date with a stranger with the expectation of something more before you know anything about them, and if you don't quickly establish whether you're physically compatible, there isn't enough to keep investing energy for many people because you don't have a connection of any other sort yet. It takes a lot of energy and effort to build an emotional connection with someone, no matter how well you click initially (platonically or otherwise), but many people have become lazy and have unrealistically high expectations of romantic relationships and partners. On top of that, many people are traumatized by today's dating culture and thus project a lot onto new people with increasingly bizarre red flags and icks. Red flags should not be ignored, but it isn't a red flag if someone likes a certain brand of sneakers...
I believe that it's best to meet people in places where you live your life organically and have a chance to build a connection over time with repeated exposure, as you described. There's no pressure surrounding the nature of the relationships you form with these people, you get a chance to adjust first impressions and open up slowly/see others open up as you get more comfortable etc. Many good romantic matches seem unlikely at the surface level, but then you get to know someone and you just click after a while - but "audition" dating doesn't allow such nuance because you don't have as much time or patience for things to unfold at a healthy pace.
Up to a certain point in my life, I felt some self-pity regarding dating. But now I have made peace with the fact that I will have much fewer dates than some of my peers, and they will occur in ways that feel natural and healthy to me. Participating in modern dating culture will not bring me satisfaction - it just doesn't suit my personality or my values. I'd rather be single for a longer time and then have a small number of good partners than date throughout and have my heart and self-esteem shattered by shallow or lost people.
Wow, you voiced all my thoughts, but in a much more eloquent and well-spoken manner 😆 thank you for this. I agree wholeheartedly with every word.
....Except for that last part. I don't want to be alone for longer and have less options. I'm sick of waiting. I felt like I needed to take action or continue being single forever
So well said, this is exactly how I am now, although with additional internal debate as I'm considering quitting dating entirely
@@myrawest I feel your present situation is comparatively advantageous to make all those things you desire happen.
Just imagine others, who are possibly married to the "wrong" guy, have children with him and depend on him not only financially.
You are still free to choose whoever you like and do what you want when you want it.
By the way, Myra, in your videos and in your comments you gave me the best advice I ever got. Since I started listening to you my life gained in quality and I had many positive and encouraging encounters❣️🙋🏻♂️
@@myrawest I understand that you don't want to wait anymore. I felt that way too for a long time, until I entered (and very recently exited) my first relationship. I used to feel cursed in a way that it was taking so long for me to find love - my friends joked that my prince charming was riding a snail. But the reality of actually being in a relationship, especially one that wasn't right for me, helped dampen my *need* to find love quickly, adjusted my biased view of romantic love, and made me ultimately grateful that it took so long because I was actually ready for it. Before I started therapy last year, I had no idea to which extent my conscious and subconscious thoughts and experiences made it nearly impossible to have a healthy romantic relationship. If I had met "the one" just two years ago, I would undoubtedly have messed it up.
The advice of focusing on oneself gets very annoying when it's all anyone says, and it can feel very invalidating of one's emotions when it's used as a cure-all of sorts. But since I've truly come to understand what a healthy relationship is, and the work we need to put in to be healthy ourselves, I've been able to take it to heart more - I should be happy and fulfilled in my individual life, and my partner should be the same, then we can add to each other's joy and create a life together that is better than when we're alone. No-one can complete us, and searching for someone to do that will only end in disappointment and resentment (especially for introverts and romantics like ourselves that generally have very high expectations of close relationships).
Beyond that, being proactive is the way to go. I spend a lot of time improving my mind, but that won't attract me a partner if I sit in my room the whole day (very guilty of this). It's a bit contradictory to say in the same breath that love comes when you least expect it, but it's true - I met my ex when I was in the process of accepting that I might never marry and planning what I should do if I'm single at 40. This is partly because wanting something too much can actually push it away - obsession or desperation is unhealthy and attracts other unhealthy people while repelling healthy ones. A Buddhist teaching is that the root of all suffering is desire - desiring things, people, experiences etc. I do not fully agree with this because if we desire nothing, we might become complacent/stagnant and not move forward to build a fulfilling life. However, letting something have less power over your happiness is a liberating experience. If you choose to find contentment in your current situation, no matter how far from what you ultimately want, you can live a greater part of your life in contentment - rather than feeling like something is missing and you'd be happy if only you could have that one thing. Companionship is different - we as humans need companionship. But it doesn't *have* to be romantic - at least not now. At the moment, I find satisfaction in attempting to pursue new friendships and strengthening existing ones. If love crosses my path in the meantime, great. If not, I still would have enjoyed that time. I also hope to grow old with someone one day, and the thought of not having that makes me sad. I can't pretend that it's not important to me. But both of us are still young. We have a lot of time.
I hope that helps a bit. I'm a bit lost myself surrounding love. But focusing on building a life I love, helps keep me hopeful for the future while enjoying the present.
@@louise19808 Very convincing. A very good and healthy attitude. Personally I'm living a similar life. I've been alone for a long time now. Still I'm very confident that I will be able to share my future with someone nice and sympathetic.
You have a lot to give and I'm absolutely certain that your relaxed and objective approach will lead you into a fulfilled and happy future.
Best wishes from Germany,
Wolfgang
It's unnatural to date those you have never met. The date itself should be based on what brought you to the date on the first place. Internet dating from no familiarity is like the lottery.
How do i met women if i deal with nearly zero women everyday? Just because i choose a men profession and a men study field (for some reason women run away from STEM)...
@@Francisco-j1e Gotta do something besides work. Church, there is 100 ways to involve yourself, book clubs, nature clubs etc. Yes you have to be somewhat interested in the group that's how you build a base for a real relationship. Met my wife at church in a study group and found out there were many women interested in me because I was single and employed 🙃
Dating, period, is unnatural. It's completely artificial, and will be stamped out of existence as quickly as it came into being.
Interesting met my wife the same exact way...same thing my wife pointed out other women who were interested in me as well.
Yep, this is a big part of the problem today. We used to have communities where we interacted frequently on a platonic level, which let you get to know people with less pressure, and gauge their personality, values, etc. before ever spending time alone with them. This was also how people made friends. But these communities are lacking today, especially for adults. Kids and teenagers have school and maybe sports, and not much else.
You are soo right that dating is like an audition. And in some cases they had someone else in mind for the girlfriend role, but still thought it would be fun to have people try out for the role they would never get.
This is the best view of what dating should be like. I wish this video got more attention because I think a lot of people need to hear this
Well if you watch the video all the way through, you've done your part to show the algorithm it's worth making it more visible
Thanks for saying this
I love how real you are. I’ve met my person but you sound so familiar, I’ve had these talks with my past self. You’ll find your person, it just may feel like it’s going to take forever. ❤
I never understood the dating culture either. Everyone I've dated are friends I've known for a very long time. I don't think it's normal for people to suddenly be their perfect self to impress someone meeting them for the first time. Just my thoughts~
I could not agree more! I wish I could date friends! It's just so rare for me for that to align....
It's difficult enough to make friends in the first place. I'd imagine once you have them, it'd be really tough to build up the courage to take things further, especially since it often jeopardizes the friendship if things don't work out. Doubly so if you guys are both in the same group and people feel the need to pick sides after the breakup.
I just wish someone to have a conversation with you in a coffee shop, because you are an amazing person just the way you are, of course, been ourselves and share experience, if you want. It important to be accepted just like we are, don’t worry to be rejected by someone who doesn’t like us like we really are, that’s a toxic life. It’s better to feel free, been accepted by people who care us.
@@ShaunCheah yesss exactly. Plus, as I often say, it is quite rare for me to like someone, so chances are slim that that someone would also be a friend. It really hasn't happened that way before for me
@@ShaunCheah I think if you are able to treat relationships as extended friendships, it is a lot easier to separate and stay friends afterwards. I've never experienced a terrible break up so I can't really give my thoughts on that but I can say that as long as you stay the same person throughout, it shouldn't normally turn out bad. Also I can see why it can be messy if you date people from friend groups. Hasn't been the case for me so...
Also, I feel like the whole setting doesn't always help. Most people go to a café or something on the first date. That makes it even more uncomfortable. Sitting next to each other, firing questions at the other person. If you want to go on a date anyways, I recommend to pick an activity which you love. Climbing, seeing a movie, a museum. It can be anything. It lowers the pressure and creates more fun. Even when the person turns out not meant to be.
You are a romantic person, Myra. That's why modern dating isn't made for you. You need natural, everyday situations. You might both be thunderstruck meeting in a bus or on a train, two total strangers, just by coincidence. Or you might get to know someone slowly and gradually, come closer when you do your mountain climbing or car racing or scating.
For you it is important to be relaxed and to be totally yourself. The better you know someone, the better it will be. When you feel totally at ease with someone, when nothing is embarrassing, when you feel no "obligation" to behave in a certain way, then you 'll know that you' ve finally met Mr Right, Myra. This perfect moment will come totally unexpected, it will change jour life, and it might be much closer than you think. ❤️❤️❤️🙋🏻♂️
Aw I love this. You are spot on
@@myrawest Aw, thank you very much, Myra. We've been knowing one another for a long time now. That's why we both know how we feel and what we need. The recommendations you gave me were certainly more valuable for me than the things I recommended you. It is always a win-win-situation. I'm always looking forward to your next video and you are cherished and esteemed by my whole family. We all keep our fingers crossed for you and we wish you all the luck in the world. 😉😄🙋🏻♂️
From Wolfgang you gave excellent advice to Myra
Hey Myra that part where you mentioned building genuine friendships with guys
Look I'm not saying you shouldn't but I think it's a bad idea from experience, why have a guy waiting in your corner that you would never consider going out with?
I don't get it, isn't that kinda selfish towards him if he really likes you.(keep in mind I say this kindly in the best way 😇)
Maybe it's just me but I don't want that energy I guess it's cool if you have boundaries, but even then it might feel a little awkward like he's still trying to win you over in some cases
Dose anybody agree?
@@blue_virgo7teen881 : first, I don't think she saw your post since you didn't @ her. Now onto your post directly, I believe she meant that she's into fostering friendships with guys, as opposed to romance-or-nothing.
When you're an introvert, or should I say "reserved", that is hard to go on "dates" when you do use apps.
For me, that is ALREADY hard as hell, to open up to people I do talk to on a daily.. so imagine a total stranger that I've just meet. Awkward as hell. That is why I don't do dates.
I don't want to show-off a person that I'm not. I don't want to SMILE, LAUGH, be EXTRA just for the sake of it. Or just because I'm scared of getting rejected or end up alone.
Also, it never goes well, simply because.. The other person does expect me to be open, outgoing, or even.. rush the thingy straight to the sex part, and that isn't how I am. As your said at the beginning of the video, I need to feel safe in order to make a connection to the person and have some trust in them.
And on top of that, what pisses me off the most.. Is when guys, do show this kind of mindset of "Oh well, they're pretty quiet and serious, let's see if I can break that shell.. and if I succeed, I win and I'm done with it, then lose interest and onto the next one".
So exhausting.
You are so much right Myra! I had exactly the same experience. In the past I did a lot of dating also via internet. I learned 3 valuable life lesson.
1 - I felt in love on a picture, but not on a person.
2 - If you are searching you wil not find it, stop searching (stop dating) and it will come to you.
3 - Do the activities you enjoy in life and you will meet people with similar energetic frequency
And so it happend. I found my partner during one of these activities, when I joined an ecstatic dance event. We got so much connected in a natural and completely unexpected way, that it it even surprised me. I call it a gift from the universe. And now we spend lots of quality time together, being totally out of the box and bringing both our life to a higher level.
I wish you good luck Myra. I feel you are a wonderful person and you deserve someone that is a genuine match to you. xx
Aww I'm so happy to hear that! I love hearing the success stories!
It will not magically come to you especially for people struggling making friends and with dating.
@@minabotieso6944It has nothing to do with magic, but with numbers, set and setting, and time. The more people you meet in situations and places you feel comfortable in, and all of that doing things you enjoy doing, the higher the likelihood that over time you will find someone with common interests, values, outlook on life. That's the kind of person right for you. If you do it often enough, eventually one of those right for will be attracted to you and/or you to them. Get to know each other and see if the chemistry happens or not.
Thank you for sharing your story of an organic meeting with your partner Andre. Although the universe has not brought a partner to me yet, i very much resignate with your experience and am working on myself until that person apears in my life to experience this journey together. 💚
We managed fine as a species without online dating and UA-cam tutorials for the first several thousand years of our existence…
Hahaha yes
indeed 😅
I remember online dating like eharmony used to be looked as sad and borderline e pathetic to use. Now it’s the default
We where monkeys back then
For hundreds of thousands of years each person had mostly had 1 choice, maybe 2 or 3 and that was it. There was no "he's not tall enough" or a 100 other disqualifiers. Available? Yes. You? Yes. OK, let's be partners. OK.
As the human population increased to have a few more choices we started picking mates. That task was almost always performed by parents because they were more experienced and rational than their 12-16 year-old kids needing partners. Puberty was the age of consent. Parents wanted kids partnered up before babies started appearing.
Age of partnering increased, choices increased, many countries did away with parent involvement in partner picking. We passed laws for age of consent starting at 7 to 12 increasing to 16 only a century ago. More recently some areas 18. Since social media started it seems a lot of people think 40-50 is the right time to marry and have kids.
You have a gorgeous mind. So much critical thinking, layers on layers woven with a tapestry of emotion.
A friend once told me that the first date should always be somewhere unpleasant and very uncomfortable for both. He said that both could see who the other really was in that way. Dating is very unnatural. It should be organic and without words. Start with friendship and if it grows - it grows. Takes the pressure off too. Stop reading all that crap. You don’t need trick or gimmicks. The right partner will be crazy about even the mundane things you do.
People naturally bond through shared adversity.
Huge props to you for actually posting this video! This was definitely from the heart and a powerful video! Something a lot of people can relate to! Thank you!
You’re on to something here! Live your life and pursue your goals and dreams. Along that journey you will eventually meet and get to know the right person for you. You’re wise beyond your years and you have an incredible gift of being authentic, transparent and great at communicating.
Aww thank you 🙏
Honestly, I completely get it. I'm not much older than yourself. All my best mate's are in relationship/married and/or having kids. I have tried the online dating as you have and had a very similar experience as it takes me a while to warm up to people.
Though one thing the pandemic taught me is to be content in my own company and not put as much pressure on myself as I used too. Meeting new people and getting to know them takes time (some time frustrating slow) but I think far more worth it than trying through a dating app. Anyway, just trying to get across you're by far not alone with your experiences!
It’s nice to hear what goes on inside a woman’s mind about the dating scene. Because as a guy I feel similar on this issue. And the dating video rabbit hole for guys is also full of shit. There’s so much advice and we’re all in different areas. Not all advice works. It used to be you’d meet people in person and get to know people then pick someone after getting to know them. Now it’s all dating apps and fake out of touch standards with a dash of hookup culture. It’s depressing to look forward to.
She is absolutely correct. It's completely impossible to make any normal emotional and physical connection with other person unless you start feeling comfortable being with them and then you can open yourself. How many people in this planet doesn't get nervous on the first date ? only those who do it constantly , but then it becomes like a job. In my opinion those words one shot or one chance, shows how modern dating looks like. In general like clowns go to the circus and if they make silly mistake, they will get fired and will never be invited to the circus again, even if all of them are simple humans ...
Clowns are supposed to make mistakes. Them making the mistakes they do is what makes them the circus people in the first place.
The audition analogy is spot on. I've blown more than a few first dates over the years and totally understand the frustration. Go about your life and do things you enjoy. Meeting someone you have shared interests with is always better and more fun. BTW, that list of activities you're interested in was great! I do, or have done, most of those myself including auto racing. Keep an open mind, be yourself, and never give up! Love ya, Myra!
Dating isn't for everyone. I've seen it work for some people but I much prefer the more organic way myself. There are definitely some downsides to it though. Especially if you're the kind of person who doesn't have interest in doing a bunch of things that put yourself in situations to meet new people. It's just another example that people are different. We have to find what works best for us and no two people will have the exact same experience. I personally agree with you on how inorganic modern dating is. I am sure there will be people who also see this video and will disagree entirely but your frustrations are valid and I am confident many people, especially people in their 20's, will agree with the points you've made. Keep your head up! Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.
🙏❤️
My disagreement is that while what she says is genuine and valid it is really focused on the women’s perspective. I think acknowledging the men’s perspective would help especially for a video.
She talks a lot in her dating videos that men don’t pursue her. Why does the man have to always pursue? There are sadly way more men than women who are anxious about dating.
Dating apps have way less results for men. At least she got some dates out of it
@@minabotieso6944 because. Women are taught by men for their entire lives that no man will be interested in them if they chase the man. I've had my fair share of personal experiences where I pursued a man and he was not interested. Or he was initially pursuing me when I was not interested in him and then once I became interested in them and reciprocated, suddenly the man lost interest. Women are taught that they must be a challenge for a man otherwise the man won't be attracted and will be bored and move on to the next.
@@myrawest Women might be taught this, but it still isn't true. At least not for all men, not by far. You will miss out on a lot of introvert and/or shy guys if you cling to that "lesson" once taught to you.
The most important thing is to be exactly who you are. If they don’t like exactly who you are, well….then you’ve saved yourself a long painful journey. Also, don’t limit yourself to race, height, age. You never know who you can be eliminating from your life.
I’m 27 and am in a similar position. It seems to be harder getting into a relationship nowadays. What you said about joining groups is my solution as well. I think getting in new scenes of people can help with the issue.
I do want to give you credit for actually making an effort in asking a guy out. For some reason, there are girls out there that’ll have a crush and act as if it’s the guys job to make the first move, which makes no sense. If you have a crush and are a girl, ASK HIM OUT!!
Idk her situation and I totally respect her but it does seem like she is expecting the guy to pursue her. All her videos about dating talk about that. If she used a dating app, that’s not asking a guy out.
She has a very genuine interesting perspective on dating and life but she tries to generalize what she says when to me it seems really specific to women and her
The best way I can describe dating apps, especially when filling out your profile bio is like a job application. Overtime, the less I worry and focus on dating, the more meaningful and interesting connections came about. Even though nothing substantial has happened, at 28 I’m not broken-hearted about rejection anymore and just learning to go about my life.
You know Myra, you are absolutely correct. Join groups that you are interested in and let things unfold naturally. Personally I've never dated but joining groups takes the focus off you being in the limelight. I've just participated in activities and eventually developed pretty good friends with like interests. No pressure and just have fun. Good Luck...
No one has ever explained to me how dating or attraction is supposed to work, but it all seems so forced to me. How are we supposed to know if we like someone or they like me without knowing any thing about them? That seems impossible to me. Online/ apps are no real substitute either. Dating seems to be so commodified too. From my experience, I trip up because I tried to move faster than I can deal with, which probably scared them away. I find this world is too fast paced in general. I wished everyone would just slow down and take moments as they come. If I ever meet someone special, it would probably be through some shared group activity or hobby. Also I can't stand the pressure of expectations either.
Also speaking as a man, I think some men are afraid of opininated women, but I don't get it myself. Stay genuine.
I completely get where you’re coming from and your video reminded of events that happened in my life over the years. I resonate with your frustrations. The best advice I can give is just to not give up on the things that you want in life. There will be times you don’t feel like playing “the game” and dealing with the usual shit and that’s ok. Nothing takes the wind out of someone’s sails quicker than major disappointments. Keep being yourself and keep working on yourself and don’t ever give up on what is most important to you. You’re not alone by any means!
20 years old. I am an introvert myself and have really bad social anxiety. This video of yours is spot on! I do not like the idea of modern day dating AT ALL, relating to all of the reasons you mentioned in the video. I hate online dating too. I just wanna run into somebody, a girl who also has social anxiety and would understand me and would love me for myself and I'm willing to do anything to find that love of my life. I have watched every single video of yours and I feel like I'm so similar to you except maybe if I were a youtuber, I would title my video 'My Subconscious Fear/Distrust of Women || From a Psychological Standpoint' because sometimes I feel like I am not good enough for all the pretty girls out there. I am not the most confident person and lack flirting skills and I am usually the quiet one around people. I'm also vegan so I feel like that drastically reduces my chances of finding my girl. I have had one girlfriend so far in my life and the relationship didn't last very long. And I do not have any social skills or really anything to boast, physically and psychologically that would attract her. And girls don't like weak men. I know I can work on myself from a physical standpoint but psychologically?? IDK. I know the love of my life exists but I am unsure if I will ever get to live the day when we learn about each other and we embrace each other. I'm sorry if I sounded cheesy or cringe but my hopes of finding the love of my life are going in vain with each passing day. I also wanna let you know that you're not alone. I am with you.
Romantic love is a pile of horse manure. You can’t idealize someone you’re living with warts and all. I did a lot of dating, then a lot of whoring around as a sailor for 12 years, cancelled my scheduled wedding to a woman I thought I knew who turned out to be a drunken lunatic and a biter, then decided to just remain a bachelor. If the honeymoon lasts even a year that’s pretty much it. Most women are quite annoying once you really get to know them. And finally, if you’ve got a high IQ you eventually discover that most women are as dumb as a box of rocks, even if they went to college and have a good job. The dead giveaway is that anyone who doesn’t read outside of school is typically as vacuous as the void of space.
Man, you are only 20! Your adult life has just started... Just relax and take it easy. There are all kinds of women, many of them prefer weak men.
You BOMBED the audition! 😂 That analogy was halirious. All and all great video, hit the nail in the coffin or however that saying goes lol. I'm 25 and still single and I think I'll be like that for a while, like you said, someone eventually will arrive or found in a group of people.
Ugh this is the same exact issue I have! You spoke to my soul. I’m glad I’m not alone though. I had a great date with a guy I met on Hinge. We talked like a week on the app before the date, had a ton of similar values and interests. I was super nervous but I thought I did pretty good - we kissed a few times on the date and things went well. Then after the date, I get a text saying “I’m sorry but don’t feel the spark with you”. I was soo sad! It’s like, we are strangers, what kind of connection are we going to have based on 3 hours? He was clearly attracted to me at the start of the date so I don’t know what happened. 😅
Ohh no... this is heartbreaking 🥺 I'm so sorry. I totally totally feel this. This is basically what happened to me. I hate how confusing it is. You feel like you click before the date, you have so much in common, the guy expresses interest, you get super excited and you feel like the date goes pretty well... And then bam! For some reason the other person just blindsides you. Of course I don't believe that someone should be with you if they don't feel anything.... But how on earth can you get an accurate perception of someone just in a couple hours?? Sorry this happened to you, it's hard and confusing
@@myrawest Thank you so much ❤ yeah exactly, it’s easy to feel like you did something wrong too. It’s so shallow and disheartening but if they judge someone that quickly it’s probably for the best.
You know what's sad? When you're awkward, nervous, anxious, etc... And you happen to have a hard time dating... And you never get better at it... And then one day you wake up and now you're considered too old to date or attract pretty much anyone.
I'm sorry 😞
I always tell people the story of my mom. She met the love of her life when she was around 50. And they're going on 11 happy years married. They're perfect for each other and the guy is wonderful. So it can happen! My grandpa also got married at 84!!
@@myrawest oh wow God bless them
@@myrawest which is pretty awesome. Some people don't see the age thing. Others do. I have just resigned myself to being the old guy these days
You are never too old. Some people get together after their entire working life is over. It can happen any time.
To counterbalance all the possible "crappy comments", I'd genuinely like to say, well done for showing actual emotion, and being yourself...👏👏
Awww thank you! This is so appreciated! I'm always hoping my honesty on here does some good!
@@myrawestIt does.
This feeling you’re describing is exactly how you make a good first impression on a stranger. Every time I met someone cool it was at a moment when I couldn’t even bother showing up but I did and I was glad I did
I totally agree with everything you have said in this video. I want a natural connection with someone too. It never happens to me either. I always get one or two chances and that’s it. I try not to get my hopes up at all. I believe in forming a friendship too and don’t believe a connection can happen right away. It definitely does take time. You explained everything perfectly in this video!
hey Myra, i feel your frustration and hate for this. your completely right about everything you've said and I agree with you! i think this has to do with the simple reason that life isn't fair in general. The world doesn't work the way we want it to be so that we can be happy all the time. I guess we just have to do the best we can in this world. but i support your decisions as they are the same approaches that I have taken. like you said, you should live life the way you want to and do all the things you love and through your passions is how you should make new relationships. Because like you said it is NATURAL!! online dating and dating apps are stupid (dropped the mike).
Yes!!! Many of the current dating advice is all about playing games and manipulating the situation to get what you want. I can't believe my eyes. We live in crazy times. I don't understand why we are not advising to first love ourselves, learn to communicate, be authentic and actually learn how to navigate things in a descent way.
Yes to all of this
@@myrawest Hi! I saw in one of your videos that you wanted to be fearless. I feel you! So do I. Thank you for keeping things real and staying humble. It's much needed and appreciated ❤ Sending you much love and luck in your journey to fearlessness.
@@nmjr547 Thank you so much 😭❤️🙏
I found your channel randomly and this video is so refreshing and honest and relatable, thank you very much
At 7:23. We live in a world where the number one dating app is Instagram. People post how fabulous their life is when behind closed doors they may be miserable and face a multitude of problems. I went to an event recently where it was a speed dating event. Men made up 20% of the participants. It was still pure excruciating pain to go through. It felt like an audition, as if you are not "X enough" (choose the category). You are right. You can't force love.
I also don't like the manufactured nature of dating. Relationships will eventually show the kind of people we're really like, including flaws. I agree with your approach to being in a relationship. I've usually got the advice of pursuing a friendship with someone first before pursuing a relationship with them. At the end of the day, it's that friendship that will carry a relationship no matter what. I appreciate the honesty you had in this video. Being real with ourselves is always helpful.
being yourself is a good way of filtering people, if they stick good, if not meh
I agree! But my problem is that I am incapable of being myself the FIRST time I meet someone. So I don't get a chance to be myself :/
@@myrawest it's ok, by the force of chance, someone has to give you the time, so just do as you said i guess, take some time off this whole deal :3
Dating is just getting worse and harder. So many studies ive come across of rise of single people, less marriages, less children, more isolation and lonelies. Its just sad. It seems like no one wants to give the effort to make relationships.
Mental health advice for women starts with the words YOU DESERVE...
For men, it's YOU HAVE TO...
Women get unlimited attention from men, while men feel they have to have to compete for a woman's attention.
Because women get lots of offers, they go for the best they feel they deserve. That's the GigaChad with many other women in his rotation.
Promiscuity has been destygmatized, so it's okay for a woman to share a high value man with other women.
Men feel like the juice is not worth the squeeze, and check out of dating.
So yes, many lonely unloved men, and many women in rotations salty about not being the main chick.
In Myra's case, it could be her shyness and anxiety come across as passive-aggressive or lack of interest. She's not being rejected. Guys think she's rejecting them, so they move on.
She could try telling a guy plainly and directly that she likes him and wants to see him again. She just has some issues she's working through. Most guys will be happy to hear that.
What’s funny is I actually love dating only if meet someone in real life but online dating apps specifically are terrible for me. Being shy absolutely makes things more difficult. The apps give you too many options so it’s easy to just ghost and go to the next person. They’ve truly made us less patient and less empathetic to other humans. It’s also unnatural in that there’s an expectation to be romantic so there’s more pressure. There are many issues with the apps I won’t go in to but generally I think dating can be really fun if it’s with people I’ve met naturally which is becoming harder to find these days
Absolutely right. And in these dating apps you also find a lot of fraud. There are fakes, false identities. First they make you fall in love with beautiful photos and flattering words and then they ask you for money. You just can't be too careful.
Myra, I really hope you see this.
What you said about being in your shell when meeting new people really resonated with me as an introvert. It sometimes takes time for me to open up and become my authentic self, even as an 18 year old dude, so I can relate to that frustration with modern dating. For a while, I didn't really look for relationships and I figured they would just form organically since I hated online dating. Of all places, at my workplace I found someone that I realized I liked, and I found out that she liked me too. One night I decided fuck it, and asked her on a date. Fast forward a few months and we're now in a committed relationship, so please don't give up hope. Just keep focusing on enjoying life, and see what opportunities arise. You'll find someone, and it CAN happen organically!
Keeping yourself grounded and not overwhelming yourself with emotions can show you the most precise person you're talking with. People are never as amazing in real life as much as they are in our mind when we imagine them.
Girl I’ve been following you for years and every single video i relate to whole heartedly it’s so sad!!! Girl you are not alone I swear!!!! Omg
Aww I'm happy in a way that you can relate. Hope good things are happening for you in your life 🙏
You don’t hate dating, you hate rejection. You are frustrated because you got rejected and that hurts now you are trying to avoid those feelings by avoiding dating. But you will experience rejection no matter what, you can’t scape it. Even if you do it the way you talking about rejections will happen and it might hurt even more cuz you might lose a friend not just a romantic interest. The solution is not to avoid negative feelings is to learn to overcome them.
Btw I love the analogy of an auditions I always thought of it as an interview however I think you’re right. It is a mixture of the two.
Agree 100% I also feel a bit guarded at first because of getting rejected a lot in highschool and my parents did expect a lot from me. So i kinda feel i project an archetypical judge onto woman i am interested in. I believe they will have high expectations of myself to the point of having to be perfect.
The dating game is all about playing with archetypes these days. Theres still hope i will meet someone genuine but it seems like a lot of people are broken by this system. The feeling of not wanting to mess it up is very real. Apps use the same addicitive tactics as casinos. Like you said its best to meet people in real life.
Thanks for sharing your honest thoughts. I hope things work out for the best for you.
Never change. :) We want more shower rants.
good video myra! i think a lot of us can relate to this frustration of feeling like you need a 'strategy' to get someone interested in you, not just romantically but also socially, how to make someone respect you, how to assert yourself, how to 'be interesting', but something I tell myself now is that even if you are a mess socially while you speak with someone new, if that person is attentive, they will recognise small signs of who you are that captivate them, if they don't, then we lose nothing from going separate ways.
for example, it is instantly off putting for lots of women if men are 'insecure' or initially unable to be flirtatious or exciting to speak with, but these surface level traits will be small, irrelevant details to the right sort of person for you, for romance or friendships.
again, good video, I enjoy your honest reactions to genuine problems!
I so relate to what you're saying. Every relationship I've had was with a co-worker or friend. We had the time to build trust with no expectations. No audition. I've never got a relationship out of a date and don't expect to. I expect to just live my life around like minded people and that's how it will happen.
Yeah.....
I am socially anxious, so I have deleted all my dating apps, and it's a massive relief to be honest
I've been ghosted so much and for no reason, but I usually find out the guy was married. That's so cruel but a lot of players out there. I am alone and finally ok with it. It's nothing but bullshit on dating apps, I'm done forever. Great video. You are so inspiring.
What we all need is humanity and mercy for our self-esteem.
Yes, and patients with each other
@@myrawest You mean really patients, not patience?
@@would3984 ugh am I spelling it wrong? I always always struggle to spell it correctly
@@myrawest Oh, do you? Honestly, what you said made me think that humanity and mercy could lead to literally PATIENTS. So, I asked what it meant. I'm interested in English as an English teacher in Korea. I'm not so perfect in English, so I try watching English videos and get some inspiration. I love the way you talk and make a life on your own. See you again! Thank you for your videos!
I don't usually comment on videos, but I appreciate this video because it's validating in that I have this exact experience and reaction. I'm at a point where I just don't *try* to date, and just focus on my hobbies, interests, and goals because that's what I have control over and enjoy. I'm a guy too, so it's nice to know it's a similar experience on both sides of things. 99% of the time when it's online we don't ever even meet, and part of it is I get nervous and am not myself before we even meet. It's exhausting and I don't have much energy for it. Thanks for keeping it real as always, coming from a fellow introvert. It is really difficult out there and I hope someone comes along for us eventually. For now I'm just gonna live my life and try to accomplish things that satisfy me (for me it's creative things, art and music) and hope I happen to come across someone I vibe with along the way.
People are not here to love us, we are here to love them, if we want to.
Her video rather pleasently surprised me. I agree with her and I'm only at the 5:44 mark. But the problem for so many now is we're so busy working or looking for work, we don't have much time to ourselves to do group activities. We're all rather stuck in a monotenous routine. And many of us are overly stressed out with life.
I totally get what you're saying. I'm dealing with this stuff and kind of thinking too so it's nice to know I'm not alone and I wanted to write this to let you know you're not alone with feeling this way. I'm completely with you on the, dating feels like an audition or a job interview and if you can't keep it up constantly then you're just dropped and they're off to the next person who they hope is more 'perfect' than you. As you said it's hard to develop that core relationship and if someone doesn't want to work on developing that but you do that's even harder. I'm like you, if I want to go on a date with you, even if we don't have the romantic spark after the date, I still think you're an awesome person and I want to be in your life, be there to support you and be your friend.
I've found whenever I say 'Fuck it' and focused on things that I enjoyed and wanted to do life seemed to show me and introduce me to people that liked me more for me vs when I was actually 'looking' to date which is really fucking annoying lol. I will say that while online dating clearly hasn't worked for me the one thing that I do like is that, in THEORY, you at least know you find each other semi-attractive and want to talk to each other where when I'm in social settings and meeting new people I have no clue if they actually want to talk to me or if they do if they find me attractive. I need someone to smash me with a
I'm 30 and thought I had found my person but as you said it seems like I always do something that seems to fuck it up. All my friends say there isn't anything I did wrong but holy hell it doesn't feel that way when like, as you said, it just keeps happening so it definitely feels like you're doing something wrong. I want to add that while I can relate to many of the things you're talking about there are elements of dating that I can't understand but I can empathize with, I'm a 6'4" identifying and presenting male and I realize there's a side of dating that I don't have to worry about and I always want to keep that in mind.
I know this will likely get lost in the void of UA-cam comments but I just wanted to write this and let you know you're not alone
Hey! I read your comment! It didn't get lost 😊 awww thank you for complimenting my nails! That's so random but wonderful. I had actually painted them like a half hour before recording this 😄
@@myrawest Well they look amazing! I think I noticed one had a gem on it and was more sparkly than the others
What you say is so legit. I relate to this video more than a very large amount of other videos I have watched. Dunno, you just get it. Thanks for posting that.
How cold is it in your bathroom?
😆😅🤣😂maybe her bathroom is haunted full of demons that the temperature drops like crazy
Sorry to hear about your bad "dating" experience Myra. I agree that first dates can be super awkward and pressure filled...and it sucks when one person feels a connection but the other doesn't reciprocate...never force anything, don't place so much pressure on yourself or the situation, do your best to be yourself, even if it means being awkward or fumbling your words or whatever because if there is a mutual connection, you will both want to continue to want to get to know one another no matter how the date went. Don't put any pressure on yourself...go out, meet ppl, have fun...and before you know it, I am sure you will meet that someone special. Just live your best life for you. ;-)
Yes, yes, yes!!!! Everything u have said is very true !!!! Dating now a days is very difficult.. alot of ppl are superficial these days and dnt want to take the time to get to know you.
Dnt wrry girlie just focus on yourself and the right persona will find there way to you ❤️
Thank you ❤️❤️
Just saw one of your videos and subscribed. You’re videos are great. And you are 100% correct about the dating world today. I’ve been on multiple dates online and each date was a flat out disaster. So a lot of things you mention on here I can relate to easily. Again great video.
Hey girl, I'm sorry it didn't work out but honestly it's for the better. My opinion is growing like for that person, than it doesn't grow to love and if you're not feeling that person and that person not feeling you..😱.I feel for you. Big hugs 🤗.
Myra, we're young, give it time and when it happens, your gonna know. My mind set is if it's going to happen (the whole falling in love thing) I'm not in a rush because finding the right guy isn't always going to be the great outcome. Enjoy life, have fun, and always be yourself because the Way you sound on here, you would be a good friend. You're real and that's what makes you strong and I think they can't handle that. If I'm wrong from what I'm telling you, let me know. Keep your head up Myra. ✌️🖤
Aw thank you so much for the love. This is encouraging. You're great 😊
You should brace yourself for the potential you will never connect with someone, I'm a 60 year old guy and never did.
Man this girl is a million percent spot on regarding the bs of dating and texting. I always see these guide to texting videos that tell you text her like this and youll be irresistible lololol its absolutely absurd beyond comprehension
If somones vision of you is based on texting body language well thats utterly ridiculous
The only way I've ever gotten into relationships was actually being friends with them first from a natural dynamic we were both in. I can't even imagine dating to find someone. That's how people get into shitty relationships bc they're with people they don't even like & would never be friends with outside of a relationship.
I totally agree. I don't want to date to find someone, or date just to date. If/when I get married one day, I want my wife to also be my best friend. And so, I have always had a similar mindset in regards to dating relationships in the sense that I would want to start off having had a foundation of friendship first with any woman I get into a romantic relationship with, and only get into such a relationship with her with the idea in mind of furthering our relationship of getting to know each other more with the idea of marriage in mind down the road. It may take a couple times, but the difference is there's a true purpose, intention, and aim instead of going on random dates and then attempting to build a foundation and friendship &/or relationship from scratch depending on whatever motives that person has.
I thought it was just me stressing out with all the dating video's. Thanks for saying everything i've felt. You just mentioned feelings, human connection and trust, and safety... wanting to get to know someone even if it's not romantic...This!! instead of feeling like your on an audition and will be discarded if you fail. I'm jaded too... it's so frustrating 😥
The problem with online dating is that it is primary centered around looks and attracts a lot of low brow people only looking for sex.
If someone judges you for being nervous then they suck and aren’t for you.
I have been trying myself and it’s so hard for me to find a girl who is just kind, smart, and caring - Finding someone with the core basic values is tough now even
I have never gone on a date with a mindset of love at first sight/meet. I feel that relationships are best when you know someone to their core. So, I don't blame you for how you're feeling towards dating. Dating sucks, I tried the apps and such and just wasnt for me. I always go into a relationship with knowing the first, and for a long time at that. So, with a bit of luck and years of chatting I found my person! I hope the best for your search. I am here as a friend if you ever need an ear to listen to your thoughts.
No negative comments here - thanks for posting & I think you make a lot of sense. "Focus on ME" will probably lead to a more confident & assured Myra that will naturally attract interesting people anyway. I'm totally with you when it comes to falling for people, it only ever happens for me with people that I've known & socialised with for some time. It does sometimes happen without that, but it rarely works out well!
Earlier, I forgot to thank you for posting this video. Sincerely thanks. I think you shared something important that needs to be heard and understood that maybe a little understated in society. I see a toughness in you of which if it is maintained may prove to be something that may pay off for you greatly. Keep pressing forward with an unshakable positive outlook. Sometimes things may seem a bit rough, and you may even be tempted to throw in the towel and give up on goals, ambitions, hopes, dreams, ect, ect. But what if this is only the final moments before the dawn of a new season? I declare to you, no. My dear and caring friend, this is not the time to give up. A time for a change in strategy? Perhaps. But as rough as it maybe for you momentarily and as hard as things may seem to get, until you have finally realized true joy and happiness let the fight continue and never doubt that you are closer to the fulfillment of that for which you have been hoping than you ever imagined. No, it's not time to give up. It's time to increase patience and it's time to hold on. It's not over yet. Again, thanks a lot for taking the time to make this video and for sharing your feelings with us. Keep hanging in there.
The one that's for you, you'll be able to be yourself the second you meet him. He won't make you have to work for it 😇
I just love you right now, how you react in anger is so lovely, by being yourself you are just adorable ❤
Hahaha 😅
Beautiful girl with the beautiful spirit please be gentle with yourself. You didn't do anything wrong. He was the wrong one! The right one for you will see you're nervous and be empathetic and patient. Would you really want to be with someone whose so critical at first meet anyways? It's pretty basic knowledge people will be nervous on first dates and if he couldnt look past that he's superficial anyways. Be you and you'll attract the right one FOR YOU. In the end you'll save yourself a lot of heartache and wasted time. Don't try to entertain anyone's fantasy bc there's a guy out there for you and your his fantasy just the way you are!! If a dude has that kind of attitude let him know it's not going to work out and you wish him well but you're looking for someone more thoughtful and understanding. Let him be someone else's problem and tears. You deserve better.
If you think it's bad having to go through all those one and done auditions imagine how bad it is for the average guy who can't even get an audition or gets so few that it's numerically impossible to ever find someone compatible.
Dating is not easy and when we meet a stranger there is of course always a certain risk, but we have to take this risk every now and then to maybe find the right partner. I've learned for myself to approach such things in a much more relaxed manner without thinking too much about what could be, there's no such thing as a certainty. And in between, our many thoughts get in the way and then lead to making everything more complicated than actually necessary. It's important not to put yourself under so much pressure, today I absolutely have to find someone. Unfortunately, failures are just part of it and of course it's not that easy to stay calm, but it's a process and there's no one right way and then it runs by itself. As the saying goes, many roads lead to Rome, and that's true. Realistic standards are important and not succumbing to utopia, you only harm yourself by doing so.
Online dating has never been my thing, I can't get used to it.
Hi Myra, I'm John, 35yo, french. Pardon me if my english is sometimes inaccurate.
Your video makes me both sad and happy at the same time. It's sad of course to not fulfill something as a love relationship when you've (assumingly) done nothing wrong. And quite the contrary, you're thinking is very sane, hence my hapiness to hear you.
I mostly wanted to share with you a snippet of my own road. When I was your age, I was on the same page. Except I wouldn't share this with anyone. In our times, for a man, it is even harder I think to admit you don't sleep with girls every now and then. I was shocked when my only close friend, at the time I was 25, told me he thought I was crazy and would end up a rapist or even worse. Being mostly a tough guy, when I think someone is bad (no integrity, no empathy, false modesty and such), which I only allow myself to judge after at least a year, I just need a few minutes to build the mind-set where I really believe that being near him or her is a mistake that I'll be happy to leave behind me. I left this so called friend. But I've almost never opened again to anyone about this stuff after that. I mean, the fact I hate this new culture. It's so easier to just pretend I use Tinder like everyone. I've learned to be happy by myslef, doing lots of stuff. And I still believe the right girl is somewhere. But yeah, hard to live by those crazy times, where people differentiate so much their soul from their body, like you can casually throw yourself like garbage, this impoverishes the mind and heart for most people.
Patience. This has been my modo for a long time. I'm not talking about the waiting of the "soul-mate", so to speak. I'm talking about the virtue of taking the time, investing the time, building things gradually.
As a matter of fact, I can be very seducing. When I cross path with a girl that strikes my eye, if she has some humor and spirit I sometimes let this charismatic and lovable me be, when not discouraged by thinking about my past bad experiences in the field. And, even though I've lived the hook-up culture and enjoyed parts of it, right now, what happens is, while the girl will fall for me very fast, that'll just repulse me... Yeah, I've been a dating master and kept some skills in me (maintain interest, being a lot of fun, etc.), but I can't stand this culture no more. So the girl will fall for me, she'll be open for some "crispy action", and she'll be shocked when I say "can we keep this for later, like three months maybe?" She'll think to herself "yeah, sure, like I'll wait this long when I can go on an app and have fun much sooner..." or "yeah, well this guy must have such a tiny weewee" or that kind of bullcrap. And the worst part is that a lot of those girls believe this is the normal thing, to hook up first, and maybe this'll lead to a serious relationship, a family and kids. And this is so wrong for so much reasons. No patience, all this whimsical adult kids that want it all right now, the whole package of happiness with no responsability whatsoever. So much divorces also, so much kids losing their minds, IQ decrease, and on and on... And there is absolutly no way to convince them, they know it all, I'm the one wrong if I talk about it, and of course they'll think I'm wrong even before I had the time to expose more than two or three points on the matter.
The fog is too dense and it's like everyone think they should smoke into it.
The times are extreme on the love side of things. I do believe it will equilibrate after some point. Slowly, people are realizing we've taken a wrong path. Slowly... This "hook up culture" makes people depressed, I see that everywhere. That's a complex issue I'd enjoy to discuss furthermore, but comment sections are a bit tiring for that.
Thank you for sharing. Bravo for your courage, even though I can imagine it is also in your own interest to do this, which is fine.
Sadly I don't have enough time to watch more of your videos, and most of my friends don't speak english, but I wish you'll be heard by a lot of people!
Bye bye
The shitty dating advices are for a single type of people, but people are different. For a while, I also tried to convince myself that generic advice is good for me. You generally get better advice in mental health channels. There are other rabbit holes, but not all of them are misleading. Attachment theory - the 3 types of insecure attachment is a good one to know.
don't give up, the more practice you get, the more comfortable you will get in the situation. there will always be some degree of nervousness, but you will build confidence only through experience. to use the audition analogy, imagine any famous actor just gave up the first time they got rejected... they would never have gotten to the point they are at now. the key is to build up the strength to be able to handle the rejection without being so affected by it. when you achieve that, then you will be more confident in the situation, because there is not so much riding on it any more. the fact that it's affecting you this much means that you actually needed the rejection. once you "digest" this, then you will be more able to handle it better the next time (i know from experience, it's the same with guys). it's kind of like playing a video game. you made it to a certain point, then got "game over," but if you just give up out of frustration, then you will never make it any further, and never "beat the game"
...good luck
The game? Wtf?
You're not crazy. I admire your bravery.
What she's brave about? Women love the attention, and they know 99% of people will tap them on the head for how great they are no matter what they say...😂 even if they make no sense.
I agree with you. It takes time to truly get to know someone, and it's not fair to judge someone and move on based on one's disappointments of his or her first impressions of a person. It can be a lonely feeling when you meet someone with whom you would like to spend a little more time, but that person doesn't feel the same way about you and he or she expresses his or her unwillingness to continue to get to know you. Among this instant generation of today, patience, it seems, is a rare attribute, and if it was sold as a commodity you could purchase over a counter it would probably rank amongst the most uncommon costly and expensive things ever sold on this planet. Having that in mind, I personally intend to increase that trait within my own person and character because I believe that having the willingness to give one's self a chance to actually get to know someone and learn how they really are without giving up on them so easily can prove to be a great benefit when it comes to meeting new people, making friends, and building and establishing meaningful and lasting relationships of all kinds.
You worded this so well. I agree with all of this. Yes, yes, yes.
Wait wait wait….you’re only 24?!! Change NOTHING about what you’re doing other than expecting to meet the one by 24!! It’s a long process sometimes and it takes some people into their 30s…their 40s. I’m single now at 35 but honestly my longest relationship didn’t even happen till 33.
I think you nailed it here! Dating is very unnatural and it seems to be getting worse. Thanks for being opened and Raw! It's refreshing
Well if he ghosted you, thats already tells everything you need to know about the other person. Lack of integrity, and psychologicly abusive. Dodged a bullet!
5:16 This. It takes long but the good thing is that if you don't find anyone, you actually get some good community building experience. It's not just a waste of time.
In all my 30 years, I've had many romantic relationships and have never dated. I just run into someone who comes off as having an interesting personality and/or look to them and just get to know them. See where things go, if anywhere.
Can't force things. Try not to get attached to outcomes.
I love hearing this, and I fully agree with you. Modern dating is a demoralizing and draining experience where the end goal seems to be a relationship without any labels or expectations.
Yaaas Myra - agreed! Shy introvert, throwing up before my dates - I QUIT!!!!!
That's so hard. I also get sick to my stomach before dates, I can't eat
I completely agree with you Myra. I just feel a sense of disgust towards modern dating ideas. I mean two people are two human beings not two machines. People have been meeting each other for billions of years. I mean shouldn't we all just take a proper look at our grandparents and great-grandparents and beyond? From how they met each other to the good quality of love life they shared with eachother? That was so wholesome! They all had something that most of us modern humans lack...... It's called "True love and Understanding"..... . Maybe I am mistaken but it seems to me that modern dating ideas originate from hate, insecurity, jealousy, pride, objectification and much more that I can't think of from the top of my head. I have never dated in my life, so I won't understand certain aspects about dating and relationships. I am not perfect and may never be but with what I have learned over the years, I have decided to focus on my long term life goals like staying fit, taking care of my mental health by learning to play piano and playing chess on the chess website and practicing math on a website called Brilliant not only for my mental health benefits but suppose I were to have kids one day I can help them with school work rather than spend money for tuition, focus on my moral values that my great-grandparents taught me when I was little. I would also like to experience life during my old age. These things bring joy into my life and I desire to pursue this true joy that takes me away from low quality desires like modern dating,etc...... If I do end up in a relationship in the future, my goal is to create good quality love and understanding with the other person together. But that's not my concern for now or the near future. I know you are getting hundreds of comments and most likely miss my comment but I thought I would share this with you and I really hope it helps you in at least in a small way. I am just an average soft spoken person who has only a few friends and is mostly unnoticed by many people including women but I have found my own destiny to joy after learning about myself over the years. I hope that my life experiences will help you too as your videos along with other channels have helped me to stay grounded in my purpose. All the best Myra 🙏
So enjoy your perspectives on life. Keep it up.
Dear Myra, this video of you felt super authentic and honest to me. In fact, I could identify with almost every part of what you said because I was thinking and feeling similar when I was around 20 years old. Now I am 25 (not that much older, I know), and I have realized a few things:
1. In a society, women are the gatekeepers. That means we as women should get to decide which man can enter our lives and which men can't. I know it sounds a little old-fashioned, but I think a man should pursue a woman first, and not the other way round. Why? Because most men have this hunting instinct, they want to pursue. If women make it to easy to them, they will not feel that instinct anymore and 'hunt' someone else. I know that this is stupid and doesnt seem modern at all, still it's reality and biology nobody can change.
2. If you find yourself being crazy about a man and feeling attracted to him, ask yourself why. What does he have that I don't have? Does a certain character trait of him fill a certain void inside of me? It thats the case, I recommend focusing on filling that void first by yourself. That will make you much more secure during dating and in life generally.
I can give you an example: I was (and still am do a degree) a girl who loves daydreaming and always seeing how the world should be, i was super romantic about things and I the same time had a pretty chaotic unstable lifestyle. I lacked assertiveness. I refused ro deal with real world things (back then i was in college and didnt have a lot of serious work experience). Now I work two jobs I like, i am earning my own money, I pursue my hobbies, I try to organize my days (still working on it, I am still daydreaming a lot haha), and i can see more progress. I feel more stable and I have the feeling this attracts men. They see that I know what I want, that I have a plan and that they have to put in a little effort in order to be with me. So now its them who are asking for more dates in order to get to know me better.
This is just my personal experiencenand I am sure it might maybe not apply to everyone, but as I could identify so much with my a few years younger self while watching this video, I just had to write this comment. I hope it helps at least a little bit. I wish you the best and especially many successful encounters with men in the future 🙂
(sorry for my english and any mistakes, its not my native language)
Lady, I'm a 25 year old guy and most certainly do not have a "hunting instinct". I would have loved to have been asked out just once lol.
Sorry, but you don't hate dating. You LOVE dating. Because women love and are addicted to attention. You hate, that the top 1% guys that you ALL chase will NEVER settle down with you, because they can literally have a new you every single day of their life.
Date a decent guy on your level, point out that you will share the bill until you know that you're actually willing to go some place with him (that way he knows you are not just abusing him for foody dates like most women do nowadays and therefor will not immediately stop dating you) and then you're golden.
EVERY woman on this planet can find a husband within literally minutes if she wants to. My 38y old cousin found her husband (Porsche driver from her small 15k people town from a wealthy family!) while taking a shit-break after saving her 50% filled out dating profile and coming back to already 8 messages. Their son is 6 now. And she's not a 10 by any stretch of the imagination. She was a 5 at that point and objectively he was a 7.
All the reasons you listed for why you are single are not the reason. "Being too nice" is not a thing for women, that is only a thing for men. Because women want drama. Men hate drama. Men want peace. If you really are super nice, that is a major plus. My best guess is that you never told that guy you are talking about that you are interested and after X dates of him buying you food without touch or clear state of intentions, he guessed you're just taking advantage of him like all the other women, so of course he ghosted you.
Thank you for this comment, it was what I was hoping someone would tell because if she is going for Chads and Tyrones only that explains her situation, maybe she doesnt like men that are not Chad and Tyrone.. there are alot of men that are looking for relationship but get rejected because of that 1% thing. When I see a pretty woman complain about no man wanting her sorry to say but I have a hard time believing her.
This 👆
Honestly, the same is true for us guys. We only want the prettiest women and ignore the others as if they are not existing.
@@normaalewoon6740 No, that is not true. All data shows that we view the attractiveness of women in a perfect bell curve - as you would expect. Yes, we still TRY to get the hottest girl possible, but men in general are way more realistic about what level we are on and we are content getting a looks equivalent to us. And many men sacrifice looks for character as well, perfect examples on the upper end are male Hollywood Superstars with average looking women or on the lower end you can see it with female contestans of weight losing shows who have 600+ pounds but are still almost all married to average looking guys.
@@TheBazino Often times, things are more complicated than we like to acknowledge. I agree with you, but the majority of women aren't delusional either. They like guys who care about them and are understanding when it comes to financials. The extreme views that the internet brings to you are the real problem.
I feel the same way. Sick of the game and mind fuckery on both sides - no matter what you do or apply yourself authentically.
You should partner with someone that you already knew well from a young age. This idea of spontaneous love between two strangers is mostly a fiction of the modern era. For most of human history, marriage has been a strategic, pre-arranged merging of two families.
Totally agree regarding 'just be yourself' because of you're not yourself now, don't be surprised if you're not compatible with the other person when you pull your Scooby Doo disguise off down the line.