Why It's So Hard To CHANGE

Why is it so hard to change?
Because change is a kind of DEATH to part of us. And so there is strong resistance from that part that is on death row.
Part of us simply doesn’t want to change. Even as another part does.
As we go through life, we take on patterns of identification and behaviour in order to help us survive and meet our psychological needs for approval, control, safety etc.
If something works, we repeat it again and again and it gets woven into our nervous system, becoming part of us physically as well as psychologically.
In this way, humans are very homeostatic, which means that we try to stay the same. Once we find something that works, we stick with it.
Our survival in the world feels like it depends on us NOT changing. This is why it’s so hard to change :).
Even if certain behaviours become dysfunctional, we will stick with it. Even as we complain about them, we don't really want to change. Deep down.
And the reasons behind this are often counterintuitive. For example, I have one client who wants to let go of her anxiety. But when we examined it more closely, she was really AFRAID of letting go of it, because then she feared her family wouldn’t take her seriously and would think she had been ‘making it up’ all along and that she would be a disappointment to them. This fear was holding the anxiety in place.
There are ALWAYS deeper reasons why we are holding onto seemingly dysfunctional ways of being.
So how do we change? We have to investigate those deeper reasons.
This means asking questions like:
- What do I get out of holding onto this pattern/behaviour
- What do I fear would happen if I let go of this pattern/behaviour?
Once we find the emotions at the root that are keeping that behaviour in place (fear, shame etc.) we can feel and integrate them. Then the behaviours linked with them may have a chance to relax and transform.
If you want a hand investigating where you are clinging on for dear life to your own suffering, send me a DM :).

[@anaa123anaa]

tqsm🙏🙏

[@blanksheet6627]

Damn good job man