This was brilliant, especially your insight around 'if you don't get in touch with your anger, you'll be anxious and you won't be able to set boundaries' - wow, super impressed :))
Amazing, thank you. I have been journaling tons for years and it isn't really getting anywhere. I believe that what you speak of is the way forward. It's so helpful to see your example. Oh my days, yes, I am one of the people who is frequently seething with rage, constantly repressing it, and completely unable to be assertive and set boundaries because of dissociating and shutting down.
Wow thank you so much! I’ve been anxious, codependent and numb my whole life due to trauma. After ten years of hard work with my dissociation and fear my anger/rage started showing up in my body. This video is a life saver and I used the tools which helped a lot since I can’t scream without feeling self aware and worried my neighbours might hear through the wall (I acknowledge that part of me). Pushing against a wall while fueling all my energy and grunting felt awesome! I feel so validated, alive and powerful - like a real human being! Thank you!!!
" since I can’t scream worried my neighbours might hear through the wall " I see it like this - if we see Wheel of Emotions chart - we will notice that all other emotions other than Anger - we handle them. We process them without any trouble at all. We do not make fuss about them much, we learned how to handle them - fear for example. IT may be problem in our adolescent years - but after 20 years of going to job and facing people - we will eventually learn to live with fear and to process it. So processing emotions like happiness and confusion and disgust - we naturally do them all. We simply need to process in the same way anger, too. Like we did all other emotions. It means - we do not need to scream out loud - we do not laugh at our full opera loudspeaker sound out - we learned to laugh in normal way without being loud. So we can scream in anger - without being loud so that our neighbors will hear. Integrating anger means - handling this emotion like we do it with all other emotions that we learned to handle.
Only you explained it in the way I could understand, guided through sensations in a very much practical way, finally I can start doing something about it, instead of just listening about how important it is to be in touch with anger… Thank you 🙏
Thank you for this.. I have been releasing various stages of repressed unconscious & conscious anger & painful emotions in the last 20 years from this lifetime & now from past lifetimes.. It was so so intense & very often for the first dozen years & since not as much, but still doing it.. But once it is said done & experienced,, I've come out feeling More, Love, Unconditional Love,, More easiness to Forgive others, the past & My SELF!,, lol,, More Harmony Understanding, Patience & Faith.. A lot of physical ailments disappearing & even gone for good.. Meditating A Lot & stretching brought a lot up & healed .. I was a sex addict because of The unconscious anger.. Thank you my friend, this video is of great service to humanity..
This is what I am discovering - allowing my anger did not turn me into screaming hysterical lunatic at all as I was scared that I will turn into my parents and rude and angry people in my ambient. The totally opposite happened - I am calm - and toxic people do not trigger me anymore. Neither from my past shocking experiences that replay in my mind as flashbacks intrusive memories nor in the present time when I need to be in contact with someone who is annoying, irritating, unfair, intrusive and toxic.
Ok so I'm autistic (recently diagnosed at 34), I come from a family of addicts and cluster b personality types, and it's been years of trying to get myself out and into a safe/healthy way of life. I have hella ptsd but lucky to have some support systems. I have been meditating and doing somatic work now for all these years and the anger/rage always trips me up. It consumes me and ruins many of my relationships, and just doesn't stop coming up. I can sit with it, express it, it's always still there. And any time there are major world events/war/injustice I just feel it washing over me again (so like, constantly now). Hearing you say how many hours/layers you had to work through was actually very validating and I needed to hear that. Thank you.
Hey, thanks for your comment. Glad it was helpful. Yes, I found it AMAZING how much rage was down there. Feeling and expressing it (remaining in the body is key during this) is half of it. I've learned that healing the wound underneath is also important. Meeting the need of the hurt that is behind the anger. You might want to consider exploring that angle. I've written a more detailed guide to anger here check it out: www.drunkenbuddha.net/repressed-anger Good luck :)
@@drunkenbuddha4456 thank you, that was a great article. I have a habit of dissociating so I'll probably have to discuss more with my therapist. Hope you're doing well on your journey.
What I discovered for myself - that I ran autistic test twice. The first time I imagined myself when I feel toxic stress, when I feel afraid, when I feel hurt and shocked by toxic people - I can recreate my mentality since I journal and blog my social anxiety - so it is easy for me since I know my triggers very well (angry clerk, when asking for help and person is brute and rude and mean to me for example). And the test - told that I have medium to high level of autism. Then I made test once again. Now I imagined my mentality , my thinking patterns, my feelings - in psychological security, when I feel calm, when I am in Ventral Vagal state - no hypervigilance, no hypo-vigilance - I just feel ok. And now - test showed that I have no autism at all. Self reporting and psychiatry is not working. All psychiatry concept needs to be deconstructed - it misleads us and it leads to hyper-cognition (misdiagnosis and providing wrong labels for what we experience).
I just tried the first time to do that by myself… was avoiding so much this practice for a few days, had to take a beer and watch a lot of cute cats video to bargain with myself to do it in the end… Was not as painful as I expected so far, but seems like I shifted something inside… was roaring with a closed mouth from inside of my chest, jumping and stomping floor, pressing against the wall and roaring, which angry tense lips. I liked the glimpse of animal energy inside - nice contrast to feeling vulnerable and powerless. Feeling sweaty, hopefully it’s a sign of some release of emotions even this first time
Buddhist practitionner here and I've been curious to explore anger a bit more, took inspiration from what you said and a few days of practice I already notice anger manifesting randomly without a clear trigger, definitely unsettling and challenging for now
Awesome stuff! Yes, it can be challenging but that is a 'good' sign that the repressed anger is starting to feel safe enough to come to the surface - it was there all along, but now you have a chance to integrate it. A pitfall along the Buddhist path (at least certain interpretations of it) is that there is no place for anger and if you're feeling angry you're not 'enlightened enough' - from this view it's impossible to process our anger (ironically, making us much more irritable cos we're full of repressed rage!).
@@drunkenbuddha4456 The experience was definitely worthwhile as unsettling as it was, yet at some point I felt like adjustements were needed, in my practice I learn to accept that seeds of all kinds are present within oneself, that means that there is no removing anger, sadness, joy etc.. and I don't believe that buddhahood involves the removal of mental states but a change in relationship to suffering itself, work can only go in our reaction to it and on some of the conditions even though ultimately it is impossible to remove aversion from your life as all states are fleeting and conditionned, yet that being said, anger within the practice is particular as it doesn't represent a state per say but more so an expression, discontent is the source, hurt is the source and anger is the reaction to this, I also believe that anger is dangerous in that it waters the anger in others as well and destroys compassion. This is why making a habit out of venting, expressing anger through actions can be harmful on the longrun as it can creates unsafe habits for yourself and others, yet there is also wisdom in learning to handle anger from the inside of it, repression in never the answer, I do believe there is a middle way between repression and expression, that's where I tend to direct my practice these days, accepting aversion/anger, hearing it out yet doing it with "skillful means" as to create healthy and safe patterns to protect myself and others, I also through my own experiences believe in the possibility to establish boundaries without relying on anger. Still with all that being said, it's always interesting to experiment and repressing is definitely not the answer
Wow, I needed this video so much! Thank you for sharing it in details, I want to practice this, in spite of my subconscious resistance, already feeling a headache from just idea I have to do this. Thank you so so much!!!!!!❤
thank you for making this. bit of a taboo topic. im impressed that you were able to be intentional with the anger. i find mine becomes blind rage so quickly and has a forest fire affect. hard to be centered within it. also find myself mentally spiral with judgements and stories whenever it comes up. doesnt feel "appropriate" to express as a woman (yet so many reasons we have intense rage from boundary crossings). probably worse now as im only feeling/expressing it for the first time at 26yrs old. glad you found some peace- its a deeply unpleasant emotional cycle to be stuck in. ur success will bring some hope im sure
Thanks Tess - I hear you. It's a skill to learn to be with our anger and work through the defences to it (judgements etc.). It's well worth the effort to reintegrate our anger , I've got more details in a long article I wrote since filming this you might like: www.drunkenbuddha.net/repressed-anger
Yeah - this is common problem. We are all brainwashed by society and media that anger is equal to rage and fury. It isn't. WE can see in Wheel of emotion chart - that anger does not mean neither rage nor fury nor being hysterical at all. Anger is neutral actually. Society provide us with wrong description of anger - and hence coerce us into either pushing it down or becoming mass shooter lunatic. And we are all scared of harming other people and going to jail - so we push it down without being aware that anger is not the same as rage and fury and being hysterical...
Thanks for this video Ben, massive help. It’s been a few years now and I am only just reaching the anger, do you mind sharing a timescale on how long it took you to finally heal? Or an approx. timescale.
Hey Mr Patrick - it doesn't really work like that. Healing is a lifestyle...it's just a new way we move through the world. It's like getting physically fit. You don't just 'get fit' and then start eating pizza and sitting on the couch all day like you never have to do anything. That said, things do get a hell of a lot better and start to 'even out' at a certain point (less crazy ups and downs) but it's so different for each person. For real transformation years are required, for sure. (But these will be the most fulfilling and purposeful years of your life, not just a random slog!). This much I can tell you for free: firstly, you get out what you put in; secondly, it's worth it a thousand fold. If you're asking 'how long will it take' that's not the mindset that will take you where you want to go. Just go for it. Trust yourself.
The thing I struggle with, when I try to connect to my anger I feel really tense and a bit anti social, I tend to go back to surpressing it so I can function and so people will stop avoiding me
That's fine and normal. We want to learn to feel and contain our anger in private, by ourselves. We don't want to unleash it on other people (that is not containing or feeling; that is acting it out). We just feel it bit by bit and work through, eventually there is less and less 'in the tank' so to speak, so we get less triggered by others.
@@FreeBrunoPowroznik If we believe it is not toxic people who trigger our anger - then we have suppressed anger so much, since we do not even allow ourselves to label intrusive people as toxic. Instead we rationalize and have toxic empathy instead of our anger. And not calling toxic as toxic but some other buffer word which will help us block our anger. I am not sure you understand this suppressed anger issue. You got the definitions but you do not understand it really. Anger is about self expression. To react to something that is harmful for us. We do not need to declare war is someone is intrusive to us when it is not big deal BUT in the same time is it necessary for our mental health to label intrusive people as toxic - which may include description of uncaring people who lack empathy and concern for well being of others so much that they trigger our anger reaction.
@@ranc1977 Totally incorrect. People can accidentally cross your boundaries and since anger is your natural self-protection/defence mechanism, a modicum of anger is needed to stand up for yourself and enforce a boundary. Also, it could be us who are the toxic person. Toxic people often get triggered into anger by non-toxic people, narcissists for example, via the oversensitive fight-response. To view everyone who makes you angry as toxic, suggests you are projecting your repressed anger onto others.
I’ve expressed my anger towards my mother and my sister like massively. I raged at them… it’s not that i like being like that but anger is a defense mechanism in situations you feel threatened. I used to hold myself in but this time i just exploded. I must tell, it was a massive release. I do hope that i can become more like indifferent towards these people! I wish that these triggers are history…
Hey Rik Key - I feel you, it's tricky. The extremes (either holding it in or raging/exploding) aren't too helpful - they hurt us and others. We need to learn to contain our anger (bit by bit). This is best done in our 'free time' so to speak, when we aren't super triggered. We take time out of our lives to specifically get in touch with our anger, acknowledge it, feel it and allow it - but without it exploding or overwhelming us. DM
There is a difference between rage and anger. We are brainwashed and gaslighted by patriarchy society and sick media that anger is the equal to rage/fury and being aggressive. IT isn't. Anger is neutral emotion. Rage is conscious choice to harm other people verbally and physically. Huge difference - but we glue it together, we fuse anger and rage without knowing that these are not needed to be magnetically drown to each other immediately. We can actually express our anger through other ways that of rage. We can do it in art, with stating facts, being objective, with love, with care, with concern, with compassion. we can express our anger in scientific way, sanitized way, as if in laboratory, in curious way, in childish way, in cartoonish way, in non threatening way, in empathic way - these are all outlets of anger that neither CBT nor media nor society ever told us are possible because we live in patriarchy system of rat race and competition and crab mentality, and king of the hill and dogs in manger mentality. Forcing us to fuse our anger with rage - and then feel bad and guilty for feeling and expressing our anger.
"People will constantly tell you to be yourself but when you do, they will still say "not like that!" If the world truly wanted you to be real, they wouldn't make their disapproval of you so clear once you are. The truth is that people only want you to be real to the extent that they are comfortable with and in a way that they can approve of." (YT sclera 74)
I am angry of not being able to get angry, it’s a weird feeling, you know its there but you dont have access to it, it makes me feel desperate and hopeless 😔
I hear you - it's difficult. Try softer approaches first - treat your body and the protector parts with love (without denying your frustration and desperation) - bring safety to them (see my resourcing video for help or send me an email). Then they can start to open up and the deeper emotions become more accessible. Good luck!
For me - learning about Complex Trauma - did the trick. Learning about narcissistic abuse and then seeing that I experienced it in my life - peeled off the layer of denial - and to my surprise anger pop up. I had no idea that I had so much anger inside me. I was convinced that I am unable to feel anger - that my personality type is empath and HSP and that anger means rage and fury, being aggressive to other people - all of which I do not neither feel nor encourage in myself. I had no idea that anger also means experiencing injustice, mate crime, when people do not listen to us - when they turn their back without giving us chance for us to say our side of story, to defend myself from false accusations. These situations all trigger anger - and I was convinced that social anxiety is the only reaction that I have. I was convinced that rush of heart is fear and that I am experiencing panic - and that this is my problem. CBT reinforced this false narrative. This fear and panic and social anxiety - was actually anger all the time. Self help books that I read to learn what I am feeling mislead me and misdiagnosed anger as cowardice and lack of social skills and god knows what other crap.
Hey Anna, yes it's tricky. You often need to gently investigate the layers of protective parts first that are covering the anger (freeze, numbness, dissociation etc.). It takes time, but with enough safety, skill and space the anger can start to come up. Reach out to me if you want to know more ben@drunkenbuddha.net :) good luck!
Just look at Wheel of emotions chart - see images to know what it looks like. You will see that all other emotions - we tap into them intuitively without therapy. We learned how to label them, we learned how to process them and how to feel them, the same process is needed for anger too. You do not learn this in books. Nobody taught us to feel Disgust emotion - we simply feel it when we eat something acid or rotten - we do not analyze in our mind - we simply spat out disgusting food or drink. Too much salty pancakes - you will not chew it - you will automatically spit it out. The same process is for anger - sometimes it is enough to say I am angry, this makes me angry - and this will provide our brain enough of information to figure out how to integrate this new data in its planning and long term decision making. Just by feeling anger - is what our brain needs - so that it knows where to pay attention and educate itself how to handle toxic people who trigger our anger - and to learn how to make wiser better decisions in life -
@@ranc1977 the thing is that the anger is inappropriate big in certain situations (like relationships with men) and its destroying my relationships, I dont have a problem to feel it.... Its just too big and it scares me, its something whats been building up up for 40 years, then I experienced some kind od shock and it has shaken me into core but with this also i anyhow opened up the bottle .... But I am learning to live with it, learning to release the anger separately and not on the people if its not appropriate to the situation, but its very very challenging... Thanks for your comment anyway.
@@annamaria9899 "the anger is inappropriate big" This is the problem itself. Our definitions of anger. Our perception of what is anger. It is totally wrong. Anger is not big. It is neutral. Anger is not inappropriate at all - we make it such. Anger can be expressed with love and curiosity and cold and in scientific way, and without any show of rage and fury at all. This is why DBT works well for borderliners - because DBT is teaching hysterical people that they are allowed to have two opposite emotions in the same time - to feel anger and love simultaneously. We learn due to media that anger is rage and fury and it has nothing to do with love and our concern and our safety and our curiosity. WE label anger as rage and explosions and aggression and being intrusive and rude. And this is what makes anger being blocked and suppressed - we falsely believe anger is dangerous. It is not. Our wrong explanations, our thwarted convictions about anger - make it so.
Hi, quick question, when practicing these exercises, you mentioned nausea, if someone is also physically sick/vomit, from doing them (stomach liquid coming up), is that a sign of defensive mechnisms or relieving the symptoms or potentially both? Any potential meaning behind this? I have benefitted from this video, thank you for creating it.
Hi Rory, I think this would depend entirely on the situation. Generally, however, you've probably gone too far if you're throwing up! I would back off before that point and go more gently. However, it is true that people purge emotional residue through all kinds of ways, including vomiting. I have had it once that another facilitator I was facilitating threw up a tiny bit (they were experienced enough to go there and know it was helpful - I wouldn't do this with a client). And of course it's very common in ayahuasca ceremonies (although it feels very different to 'normal' throwing up in that context). What is more common is a kind of dry retching/gagging, which happens quite a lot and seems to be helpful to release things energetically/emotionally. But nothing is physically coming up. If the dry retching comes up I would see if you can slowly go with it (staying within your limits or near them) if it gets physical I would back off. Thanks for the question.
Sounds like accumulated acid in stomach. I am not sure that if we feel medical symptoms - that we do not seek doctor help first, someone who is professional in physical medical symptoms.
This was brilliant, especially your insight around 'if you don't get in touch with your anger, you'll be anxious and you won't be able to set boundaries' - wow, super impressed :))
Thank you :)
No awareness of our anger means plenty of social anxiety.
Amazing, thank you. I have been journaling tons for years and it isn't really getting anywhere. I believe that what you speak of is the way forward. It's so helpful to see your example. Oh my days, yes, I am one of the people who is frequently seething with rage, constantly repressing it, and completely unable to be assertive and set boundaries because of dissociating and shutting down.
Yes, no amount of journalling will help you shift lots of repressed rage! Good luck learning to connect to it - reach out if you want support.
@@drunkenbuddha4456 👍🙏Thanks
Wow thank you so much! I’ve been anxious, codependent and numb my whole life due to trauma. After ten years of hard work with my dissociation and fear my anger/rage started showing up in my body.
This video is a life saver and I used the tools which helped a lot since I can’t scream without feeling self aware and worried my neighbours might hear through the wall (I acknowledge that part of me).
Pushing against a wall while fueling all my energy and grunting felt awesome! I feel so validated, alive and powerful - like a real human being! Thank you!!!
Amazing - that's exactly it! Congrats on your long journey ;)
@@drunkenbuddha4456 thank you, and same to you friend! :)
The first part is so relatable. Thank you!
" since I can’t scream worried my neighbours might hear through the wall "
I see it like this -
if we see Wheel of Emotions chart -
we will notice that all other emotions other than Anger - we handle them. We process them without any trouble at all.
We do not make fuss about them much, we learned how to handle them - fear for example. IT may be problem in our adolescent years - but after 20 years of going to job and facing people - we will eventually learn to live with fear and to process it. So processing emotions like happiness and confusion and disgust - we naturally do them all.
We simply need to process in the same way anger, too. Like we did all other emotions.
It means - we do not need to scream out loud -
we do not laugh at our full opera loudspeaker sound out - we learned to laugh in normal way without being loud.
So we can scream in anger - without being loud so that our neighbors will hear.
Integrating anger means - handling this emotion like we do it with all other emotions that we learned to handle.
Only you explained it in the way I could understand, guided through sensations in a very much practical way, finally I can start doing something about it, instead of just listening about how important it is to be in touch with anger… Thank you 🙏
Great, thank you :)
Thank you for this.. I have been releasing various stages of repressed unconscious & conscious anger & painful emotions in the last 20 years from this lifetime & now from past lifetimes.. It was so so intense & very often for the first dozen years & since not as much, but still doing it.. But once it is said done & experienced,, I've come out feeling More, Love, Unconditional Love,, More easiness to Forgive others, the past & My SELF!,, lol,, More Harmony Understanding, Patience & Faith.. A lot of physical ailments disappearing & even gone for good.. Meditating A Lot & stretching brought a lot up & healed .. I was a sex addict because of The unconscious anger.. Thank you my friend, this video is of great service to humanity..
Wonderful to hear thanks for sharing. That is my experience too. Anger is deeply transformative
This is what I am discovering -
allowing my anger did not turn me into screaming hysterical lunatic at all as I was scared that I will turn into my parents and rude and angry people in my ambient. The totally opposite happened - I am calm -
and toxic people do not trigger me anymore. Neither from my past shocking experiences that replay in my mind as flashbacks intrusive memories nor in the present time when I need to be in contact with someone who is annoying, irritating, unfair, intrusive and toxic.
Such a valuable transmission. Thanks.Love.
You're so welcome
Ok so I'm autistic (recently diagnosed at 34), I come from a family of addicts and cluster b personality types, and it's been years of trying to get myself out and into a safe/healthy way of life. I have hella ptsd but lucky to have some support systems.
I have been meditating and doing somatic work now for all these years and the anger/rage always trips me up. It consumes me and ruins many of my relationships, and just doesn't stop coming up. I can sit with it, express it, it's always still there. And any time there are major world events/war/injustice I just feel it washing over me again (so like, constantly now).
Hearing you say how many hours/layers you had to work through was actually very validating and I needed to hear that. Thank you.
Hey, thanks for your comment. Glad it was helpful. Yes, I found it AMAZING how much rage was down there. Feeling and expressing it (remaining in the body is key during this) is half of it. I've learned that healing the wound underneath is also important. Meeting the need of the hurt that is behind the anger. You might want to consider exploring that angle.
I've written a more detailed guide to anger here check it out: www.drunkenbuddha.net/repressed-anger
Good luck :)
@@drunkenbuddha4456 thank you, that was a great article. I have a habit of dissociating so I'll probably have to discuss more with my therapist. Hope you're doing well on your journey.
@@mmhmmmificate You're welcome - likewise, good luck!
What I discovered for myself - that I ran autistic test twice.
The first time I imagined myself when I feel toxic stress, when I feel afraid, when I feel hurt and shocked by toxic people - I can recreate my mentality since I journal and blog my social anxiety - so it is easy for me since I know my triggers very well (angry clerk, when asking for help and person is brute and rude and mean to me for example).
And the test - told that I have medium to high level of autism.
Then
I made test once again.
Now I imagined my mentality , my thinking patterns, my feelings - in psychological security, when I feel calm, when I am in Ventral Vagal state - no hypervigilance, no hypo-vigilance - I just feel ok.
And now - test showed that I have no autism at all.
Self reporting and psychiatry is not working. All psychiatry concept needs to be deconstructed - it misleads us and it leads to hyper-cognition (misdiagnosis and providing wrong labels for what we experience).
I just tried the first time to do that by myself… was avoiding so much this practice for a few days, had to take a beer and watch a lot of cute cats video to bargain with myself to do it in the end… Was not as painful as I expected so far, but seems like I shifted something inside… was roaring with a closed mouth from inside of my chest, jumping and stomping floor, pressing against the wall and roaring, which angry tense lips.
I liked the glimpse of animal energy inside - nice contrast to feeling vulnerable and powerless. Feeling sweaty, hopefully it’s a sign of some release of emotions even this first time
Yes, new sensations and energies arising is good. Unlcoking something new :) great work!
Buddhist practitionner here and I've been curious to explore anger a bit more, took inspiration from what you said and a few days of practice I already notice anger manifesting randomly without a clear trigger, definitely unsettling and challenging for now
Awesome stuff! Yes, it can be challenging but that is a 'good' sign that the repressed anger is starting to feel safe enough to come to the surface - it was there all along, but now you have a chance to integrate it. A pitfall along the Buddhist path (at least certain interpretations of it) is that there is no place for anger and if you're feeling angry you're not 'enlightened enough' - from this view it's impossible to process our anger (ironically, making us much more irritable cos we're full of repressed rage!).
@@drunkenbuddha4456 The experience was definitely worthwhile as unsettling as it was, yet at some point I felt like adjustements were needed, in my practice I learn to accept that seeds of all kinds are present within oneself, that means that there is no removing anger, sadness, joy etc.. and I don't believe that buddhahood involves the removal of mental states but a change in relationship to suffering itself, work can only go in our reaction to it and on some of the conditions even though ultimately it is impossible to remove aversion from your life as all states are fleeting and conditionned, yet that being said, anger within the practice is particular as it doesn't represent a state per say but more so an expression, discontent is the source, hurt is the source and anger is the reaction to this, I also believe that anger is dangerous in that it waters the anger in others as well and destroys compassion.
This is why making a habit out of venting, expressing anger through actions can be harmful on the longrun as it can creates unsafe habits for yourself and others, yet there is also wisdom in learning to handle anger from the inside of it, repression in never the answer, I do believe there is a middle way between repression and expression, that's where I tend to direct my practice these days, accepting aversion/anger, hearing it out yet doing it with "skillful means" as to create healthy and safe patterns to protect myself and others, I also through my own experiences believe in the possibility to establish boundaries without relying on anger.
Still with all that being said, it's always interesting to experiment and repressing is definitely not the answer
Thank you🥹🙏 the repressed anger that I have shows up as perfectionism and cellulite. I want to embody heal and release. Thank you so much
I hear you! Sounds like a plan to me :) if you want more info or support check out my links in the description.
Wow, I needed this video so much! Thank you for sharing it in details, I want to practice this, in spite of my subconscious resistance, already feeling a headache from just idea I have to do this. Thank you so so much!!!!!!❤
This is really good my friend. Thank you for lending voice to this.
Thank you :)
My anger is connected with living in the worst shithole in Europe and my delay in quitting it due to peer pressure
Ben, this is so brilliant. It resonates so clearly with me you absolute star.
I'm glad :)
thank you for making this. bit of a taboo topic. im impressed that you were able to be intentional with the anger. i find mine becomes blind rage so quickly and has a forest fire affect. hard to be centered within it. also find myself mentally spiral with judgements and stories whenever it comes up. doesnt feel "appropriate" to express as a woman (yet so many reasons we have intense rage from boundary crossings). probably worse now as im only feeling/expressing it for the first time at 26yrs old. glad you found some peace- its a deeply unpleasant emotional cycle to be stuck in. ur success will bring some hope im sure
Thanks Tess - I hear you. It's a skill to learn to be with our anger and work through the defences to it (judgements etc.). It's well worth the effort to reintegrate our anger , I've got more details in a long article I wrote since filming this you might like: www.drunkenbuddha.net/repressed-anger
Yeah - this is common problem.
We are all brainwashed by society and media that anger is equal to rage and fury. It isn't.
WE can see in Wheel of emotion chart - that anger does not mean neither rage nor fury nor being hysterical at all.
Anger is neutral actually.
Society provide us with wrong description of anger - and hence coerce us into either pushing it down or becoming mass shooter lunatic. And we are all scared of harming other people and going to jail - so we push it down
without being aware that anger is not the same as rage and fury and being hysterical...
This is great. Many thanks for explaining this 😤
You're welcome Nick :)
Very helpful for me, thank you!
Thanks you're welcome :)
This was extremely helpful!! Thank you so much!!
You're welcome :)
It was fun to watch you try to walk through the wall Good job!😀
Thanks for this video Ben, massive help.
It’s been a few years now and I am only just reaching the anger, do you mind sharing a timescale on how long it took you to finally heal? Or an approx. timescale.
Hey Mr Patrick - it doesn't really work like that. Healing is a lifestyle...it's just a new way we move through the world.
It's like getting physically fit. You don't just 'get fit' and then start eating pizza and sitting on the couch all day like you never have to do anything.
That said, things do get a hell of a lot better and start to 'even out' at a certain point (less crazy ups and downs) but it's so different for each person. For real transformation years are required, for sure. (But these will be the most fulfilling and purposeful years of your life, not just a random slog!).
This much I can tell you for free: firstly, you get out what you put in; secondly, it's worth it a thousand fold.
If you're asking 'how long will it take' that's not the mindset that will take you where you want to go. Just go for it. Trust yourself.
Beautiful, thank you.
The thing I struggle with, when I try to connect to my anger I feel really tense and a bit anti social, I tend to go back to surpressing it so I can function and so people will stop avoiding me
That's fine and normal. We want to learn to feel and contain our anger in private, by ourselves. We don't want to unleash it on other people (that is not containing or feeling; that is acting it out). We just feel it bit by bit and work through, eventually there is less and less 'in the tank' so to speak, so we get less triggered by others.
Maybe losing toxic people who trigger our anger in the first place - is not such bad thing?
@@ranc1977No, but it's not just toxic people who trigger it
@@FreeBrunoPowroznik If we believe it is not toxic people who trigger our anger - then we have suppressed anger so much, since we do not even allow ourselves to label intrusive people as toxic.
Instead we rationalize and have toxic empathy instead of our anger. And not calling toxic as toxic but some other buffer word which will help us block our anger.
I am not sure you understand this suppressed anger issue. You got the definitions but you do not understand it really.
Anger is about self expression. To react to something that is harmful for us.
We do not need to declare war is someone is intrusive to us when it is not big deal BUT in the same time is it necessary for our mental health to label intrusive people as toxic - which may include description of uncaring people who lack empathy and concern for well being of others so much that they trigger our anger reaction.
@@ranc1977 Totally incorrect. People can accidentally cross your boundaries and since anger is your natural self-protection/defence mechanism, a modicum of anger is needed to stand up for yourself and enforce a boundary.
Also, it could be us who are the toxic person. Toxic people often get triggered into anger by non-toxic people, narcissists for example, via the oversensitive fight-response.
To view everyone who makes you angry as toxic, suggests you are projecting your repressed anger onto others.
I’ve expressed my anger towards my mother and my sister like massively. I raged at them… it’s not that i like being like that but anger is a defense mechanism in situations you feel threatened. I used to hold myself in but this time i just exploded. I must tell, it was a massive release. I do hope that i can become more like indifferent towards these people! I wish that these triggers are history…
Hey Rik Key - I feel you, it's tricky. The extremes (either holding it in or raging/exploding) aren't too helpful - they hurt us and others. We need to learn to contain our anger (bit by bit). This is best done in our 'free time' so to speak, when we aren't super triggered. We take time out of our lives to specifically get in touch with our anger, acknowledge it, feel it and allow it - but without it exploding or overwhelming us. DM
There is a difference between rage and anger. We are brainwashed and gaslighted by patriarchy society and sick media that anger is the equal to rage/fury and being aggressive. IT isn't.
Anger is neutral emotion. Rage is conscious choice to harm other people verbally and physically.
Huge difference - but we glue it together, we fuse anger and rage without knowing that these are not needed to be magnetically drown to each other immediately.
We can actually express our anger through other ways that of rage.
We can do it in art, with stating facts, being objective, with love, with care, with concern, with compassion. we can express our anger in scientific way, sanitized way, as if in laboratory, in curious way, in childish way, in cartoonish way, in non threatening way, in empathic way - these are all outlets of anger that neither CBT nor media nor society ever told us are possible
because we live in patriarchy system of rat race and competition and crab mentality, and king of the hill and dogs in manger mentality. Forcing us to fuse our anger with rage - and then feel bad and guilty for feeling and expressing our anger.
I sooo eagerly want myself to get angry then and there when they say some BS , and not at later time
"People will constantly tell you to be yourself but when you do, they will still say "not like that!" If the world truly wanted you to be real, they wouldn't make their disapproval of you so clear once you are. The truth is that people only want you to be real to the extent that they are comfortable with and in a way that they can approve of."
(YT sclera 74)
Well said.
thank you
Thank you!
I am angry of not being able to get angry, it’s a weird feeling, you know its there but you dont have access to it, it makes me feel desperate and hopeless 😔
I hear you - it's difficult. Try softer approaches first - treat your body and the protector parts with love (without denying your frustration and desperation) - bring safety to them (see my resourcing video for help or send me an email). Then they can start to open up and the deeper emotions become more accessible. Good luck!
For me - learning about Complex Trauma - did the trick. Learning about narcissistic abuse and then seeing that I experienced it in my life - peeled off the layer of denial - and to my surprise anger pop up.
I had no idea that I had so much anger inside me. I was convinced that I am unable to feel anger - that my personality type is empath and HSP and that anger means rage and fury, being aggressive to other people - all of which I do not neither feel nor encourage in myself.
I had no idea that anger also means experiencing injustice, mate crime, when people do not listen to us - when they turn their back without giving us chance for us to say our side of story, to defend myself from false accusations. These situations all trigger anger - and I was convinced that social anxiety is the only reaction that I have.
I was convinced that rush of heart is fear and that I am experiencing panic - and that this is my problem.
CBT reinforced this false narrative. This fear and panic and social anxiety - was actually anger all the time. Self help books that I read to learn what I am feeling mislead me and misdiagnosed anger as cowardice and lack of social skills and god knows what other crap.
I Wish I could release it... I know I have repressed anger but anyhow its still in me. I cant tap into it so easily.
Hey Anna, yes it's tricky. You often need to gently investigate the layers of protective parts first that are covering the anger (freeze, numbness, dissociation etc.). It takes time, but with enough safety, skill and space the anger can start to come up. Reach out to me if you want to know more ben@drunkenbuddha.net :) good luck!
@@drunkenbuddha4456 the thing is that I would prefer personal meeting not online, dont know if this helps too...
Just look at Wheel of emotions chart - see images to know what it looks like.
You will see that all other emotions - we tap into them intuitively without therapy. We learned how to label them, we learned how to process them and how to feel them,
the same process is needed for anger too.
You do not learn this in books. Nobody taught us to feel Disgust emotion - we simply feel it when we eat something acid or rotten - we do not analyze in our mind - we simply spat out disgusting food or drink. Too much salty pancakes - you will not chew it - you will automatically spit it out.
The same process is for anger - sometimes it is enough to say I am angry, this makes me angry -
and this will provide our brain enough of information to figure out how to integrate this new data in its planning and long term decision making. Just by feeling anger - is what our brain needs - so that it knows where to pay attention and educate itself how to handle toxic people who trigger our anger - and to learn how to make wiser better decisions in life -
@@ranc1977 the thing is that the anger is inappropriate big in certain situations (like relationships with men) and its destroying my relationships, I dont have a problem to feel it.... Its just too big and it scares me, its something whats been building up up for 40 years, then I experienced some kind od shock and it has shaken me into core but with this also i anyhow opened up the bottle .... But I am learning to live with it, learning to release the anger separately and not on the people if its not appropriate to the situation, but its very very challenging... Thanks for your comment anyway.
@@annamaria9899 "the anger is inappropriate big"
This is the problem itself.
Our definitions of anger.
Our perception of what is anger.
It is totally wrong.
Anger is not big. It is neutral.
Anger is not inappropriate at all - we make it such.
Anger can be expressed with love and curiosity and cold and in scientific way, and without any show of rage and fury at all.
This is why DBT works well for borderliners - because DBT is teaching hysterical people that they are allowed to have two opposite emotions in the same time -
to feel anger and love simultaneously.
We learn due to media that anger is rage and fury and it has nothing to do with love and our concern and our safety and our curiosity.
WE label anger as rage and explosions and aggression and being intrusive and rude.
And this is what makes anger being blocked and suppressed - we falsely believe anger is dangerous. It is not. Our wrong explanations, our thwarted convictions about anger - make it so.
thank you so much
Thanks ;)
Hi, quick question, when practicing these exercises, you mentioned nausea, if someone is also physically sick/vomit, from doing them (stomach liquid coming up), is that a sign of defensive mechnisms or relieving the symptoms or potentially both? Any potential meaning behind this?
I have benefitted from this video, thank you for creating it.
Hi Rory, I think this would depend entirely on the situation. Generally, however, you've probably gone too far if you're throwing up! I would back off before that point and go more gently.
However, it is true that people purge emotional residue through all kinds of ways, including vomiting. I have had it once that another facilitator I was facilitating threw up a tiny bit (they were experienced enough to go there and know it was helpful - I wouldn't do this with a client). And of course it's very common in ayahuasca ceremonies (although it feels very different to 'normal' throwing up in that context).
What is more common is a kind of dry retching/gagging, which happens quite a lot and seems to be helpful to release things energetically/emotionally. But nothing is physically coming up. If the dry retching comes up I would see if you can slowly go with it (staying within your limits or near them) if it gets physical I would back off.
Thanks for the question.
@@drunkenbuddha4456 Thank you, I appreciate that info, regards Rory.
@@rory3627 You're welcome Rory
Sounds like accumulated acid in stomach.
I am not sure that if we feel medical symptoms - that we do not seek doctor help first, someone who is professional in physical medical symptoms.
Commenting for the sake of the algorithm ;)
Yes, Tony! Haha. I will be the next PewDiePie for sure.
@@bentannahill8038 Children in the future will lock themselves in their room and do your anger repression techniques 😁
my soul feels raped
I am submerged in darkness
please Jesus, heal me
and turn my life around
in beautiful miraculous ways
Better your pronunciation and remove room reverberance to improve your sound quality for your subscribers