Why Is Your Partner Suddenly Distant? What to Do!
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- Опубліковано 23 лис 2021
- //Why is your partner suddenly distant? What to do!// If you’re wondering why your partner shuts down after months of dating, here is your answer - and what to do about it.
If your girlfriend or boyfriend is acting distant and you can’t figure out why, take this relationship advice. Emotionally unavailable men or women can make you question your entire relationship and you wonder why, suddenly, your girlfriend or boyfriend is acting distant but says they love you. Here’s what to do when a man pulls away and the best dating advice for anyone dealing with this confusing situation.
Watch the full video to learn more.
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Is your partner emotionally distant? I'd love to hear your biggest take-aways from this video. I read all comments and your feedback helps me to create future content!
Your wisdom is so valuable. Thank you!
Now I see why they are called Dismissive Avoidant.
Brianna got the timeline exactly correct. After a 3 month period, the next 3 months were dismissive followed by abandoned ( similarities to the Narcissist discard).....
I wonder how much of this process is unconscious and how much is conscious.
But in the end anyway we are left "holding the bag" and trying to put the pieces of the puzzle. Lucky we have Brianna and others to help us, otherwise in my case, I would never get any clarity on what has happened.!
Thank you for your video 🙏 what helped me the most is the information, that the first 3 month arent to be taken as an Image of the future relationship. Thats exactly what has happened to me. The first 3 month he was all in, taking me on holidays, to business meetings and introduced me to his family and Kids. Then i fell pregnant and everything has turned. Hot cold hot cold. Wanting me when i finally give up and finish and getting cold once iam letting me lured back. The most cruel and heartbreaking relationship i have had. Hope for change has kept me going. Thank you for your last words also: let love go that doesnt serve you, the earlier you leave, the earlier you find the love that does. Love is everywhere to find 🙏♥️
I'm emotionally distant.
Yep, My Rolling Stone showed up at 3-4 months in! I had no idea what was happening, I started having so much anxiety, sleepless nights & over thinking. After 10 months I ended the relationship (I never dreamt I'd be the one to end it). She wasn't interested in any changing behavior, to work together with & nor looking at attachment styles.
Exactly what happened with me, pretty much exactly 3 months in she started to be more detached and distant, and I started freaking out. I didn't have the tools necessary to deal with it and it created more detachment, and frustration on my side. I should've given her her space immediately if I knew what was going on, which is easy to see now in retrospect.
The reason I kept chasing her was because it was so loving and caring in the beginning, so I attributed that way of being to her, when in fact that wasn't really how she was when things cooled down, the expressions of love and initiation from her. It created this uneven dynamic because I kept the ball rolling with my strong infatuation, my feelings just kept getting stronger and my intensity that I also had the first few months kept getting stronger while she started to cool down a little bit. I saw and felt like that was a red flag for the relationship, and in retrospect I realise it wasn't at all, it was just the natural development for her when things started to get more serious but I thought her cooling down with the affection and she needing more space meant that she lost affection and love for me and I started freaking out more and more, getting frustrated when my love no longer didn't feel as reciprocated in terms of the romantic expressions and so on. So it lead to me suffocating her a lot, not giving her her space that she needed and I crossed boundaries due to me coming off as controlling since I always wondered what was going on and she felt too pressured by that.
I have an anxious attachment style so as time went by I just kept getting more intertwined and dependent on her for love and care, like I was used to the first few months, so it made me feel more anxious and worried about the whole relationship.
After watching countless of hours of your videos and a lot of other relationship and psychology videos I do realise the mistakes I made, big time, and what kind of attachment style I have and why I often reacted like I did. So I'm 100x times more well equipped to deal with these situations in the future and I've grown tremendously as a person and as a potential relationship partner because of it. It's all about understanding, it's so hard finding someone who's just like you, and would you want that? Probably not. So understanding the different situations and attachment styles and the psychology behind a working relationship and most important, understanding your partner, it's invaluable and also provides a lot more confidence as a partner. Because I didn't know how to handle the situation and it made me even more insecure.
How can you be certain she wasnt dating a new guy, or talking to an ex boyfriend again? When a girl withdraws, 99.999% of the time it’s because there’s another dude in the picture. It has nothing to do with attachment style. She simply found someone else that she likes, and due to your needy behavior, you pushed her right into his arms. This happens all the time. Next time just let her go distant, let her do all the pursuing when it happens. If you stay cool, the girl will usually come back to you when she gets bored of the new guy.
Again, this has nothing to do with being an avoidant. This is just what women do, it’s natural for them. You’re trying to justify her actions when all that happened is she lost interest in you and wanted to date other guys and test you
sounds like my relationship too!
@@user-kg8uq9es3u "when an girl withdraws, 99.999% it's because there's an other dude in the picture " lol, I'd love to see your stats on that.
I noticed a marked shift in my own progress and self-confidence in future relationships when I stopped spending my time trying to understand the other insecure attachment types and how to "make it work" with them and changed my investment entirely to understanding and healing my own. It's great that if you're already stuck in a marriage with a dismissive avoidant partner and there is a lot at stake, there are ways to heal these partnerships over time. But personally I'd much rather become secure and exclusively seek out secure partners. There isn't enough juice in return for the squeeze when it comes to avoidant partner relationships.
Well said. Please share some ways you are learning to become secure. 🙏 best on your journey
@@jadegreen1554 Mainly, learning from good resources and doing the work. The more time I give myself to turn off all the distractions, sit quietly, and really be with myself, the more I get in touch with what my needs are and process my emotions. Channels that have helped besides this one: Heidi Priebe; Personal Development School; Crappy Childhood Fairy; Patrick Teahan; Alan Robarge; Therapy in a Nutshell; The Little Shaman.
such a great comment, thank you for that.
Spot on! My dismissive avoidant dropped me and turned old as ice 6 months in after being the one to pursue me and push to be “all in.” After 6 months there were walls, doubts and emotional distance with a belief he is incapable therefore he is incapable. My take away from the relationship and this video is to never allow anyone to push me into a relationship quickly, hold on to my boundaries and allow at LEAST 12 months go by before I begin to trust my partner’s intentions and character. Time is the best test! Live and learn.
"You're the part that reflects on your thoughts and behaviours." I like that.
So the DA I’ve had a relationship with believes that love means having those feelings of the first few months all the time; therefore, he can’t be in love with me or wasn’t truly in love with anyone else from his past. Can’t fight a person’s beliefs.
i especially love that you say “they don’t know”
i’m the avoidant. trauma blocked my development. nonstop consistent neglect and abuse changed my brain.
i learn so much about myself when i’m fortunate enough to connect with people. i value connection sometimes too much. but somehow still it’s hard to see people so frustrated with dismissive avoidant people in the comments. it’s hard to know yourself when all your doing is trying to survive and that’s exactly where my trauma kept me for so long.
i come on and i learn when i can but how much can we keep placing all this blame on individuals for what we didn’t ask for?
no one asked to have insecure attachment. a lot of y’all asked for relationships with avoidant partners because of how it feels and we can all choose different partners, but we didn’t choose to be avoidant. imho once it’s chosen for you it’s really fucking hard to choose otherwise.
❤❤❤
Bravo! So many right points. I see that I fall into a trap of silencing my needs while dating a DA. And it seems that there's no right time to voice them as they are slipping away with a new excusive of problems at work, health problems etc. which makes my needs seem pretty minor and inappropriate to state. My reality is undermined by their reasons as I don't want to be a vilain.
Each time I voice a neutral question (like, where he is as a person so I can hold space for his needs), the DA takes two or three days to digest it.
I sense that traditional "I feel" statement, though being accurately formulated, is still being taken as criticism by the DA first of all and puts up the walls.
Thank you for posting this inquiry. I understand it can be a painful and confusing experience.
What you describe it sounds like it may be an “anxious avoidant trap” situation.
These videos might offer some insight.
When to Leave A Toxic Relationship, According to Your Chakras ua-cam.com/video/604gZk4iIFQ/v-deo.html
The Anxious-Avoidant Trap or Divine Timing? How Can You Tell? ua-cam.com/video/kEYJqOb0JJw/v-deo.html
Avoidant and Anxious Relationship Struggles: How to Spot the Trap ua-cam.com/video/C9Mr3R_Ykbg/v-deo.html
[1 of 5] The Anxious Avoidant Trap: A Case of Like Sees Like ua-cam.com/video/yMOpdJM3Ot4/v-deo.html
[2 of 5] 6 Signs of the Anxious-Avoidant Trap ua-cam.com/video/Kw0YMwKb6xo/v-deo.html
Am I Anxious, or Are They My SoulMate? ua-cam.com/video/vNoxPtQdAIM/v-deo.html
You touched on something else here. In the place where they are able to be all in, they're living in the present moment.
That's when they are free from their ego or personality (ongoing habitual responses). The present moment is how to be free, and living in powerful connection and love is a way to live in presence. This is also known as doing the work.
This is my 3rd serious relationship after first a divorce and second the death of my husband. I had never been in this type of relationship before, and I am amazed that it has been exactly how you described the Avoidant. The fling totally surprised me, and then the withdrawal also did. I told him I wasn’t interested in continuing, but he wooed me back. We’re doing pretty well now!
Thank you for this video concise and clear. IMO spot on. As an avoidant moving toward secure. I encourage anxious open hearts to really listen to this message. Slow yourself down, listen to the boundaries and be consciously aware of how the breaking of them may not only be a perceived threat but may feel like such a threat that the avoidant feels there is no choice but to withdraw for breathing room or maybe completely cut off the relationship. Consider that the avoidant may be also feeling overwhelmed by other parts of life ie. work ,family relationships etc things that may not be as easy to exact space from as this new interesting, fun, scary relationship.
I'm speaking from my own experience as an avoidant.
Also it might be wise to be aware that this cycle may repeat itself hopefully to a lesser degree after the three to six months stated.
Taking space is not to be feared. Use it. Think about how an anxious behavior might be causing shrink back. Listen, learn, grow. If your avoidant invites you back into their life after taking space, you can choose to accept it or not and in choosing to accept it hopefully it's entered with more understanding, clarity of boundaries and what behaviors shattered them so the likelihood of pushing too hard on the anxious partners part is decreased. The best anxious or avoidant attachments can do is to first agree within themselves to look for ways to understand themselves and then agree with one another to search out ways of understanding one another.
Knowledge brings hope that we can eventually enjoy the cake and the frosting together. In the meantime the flour needs sifting, the eggs need stirred, the ingredients measured out and whipped in, the oven preheated so the cake batter can be put through the fire.
If we want to be a good cake for a partner, avoidant or anxious, moving towards secure is going to require a process that makes dirty dishes that require washing. 😜 No avoiding it. 🙄
Thank you for sharing these insights.As an anxious moving toward secure, even though I am in a relationship with an avoidant man, it's helpful. You say not to fear space, but I fear it will only be an inevitable fizzling out of the relationship, or an on and off. I lived with him for a couple months and it felt too much for him, he would break up with me many times, and the next hour after I was devastated, he would be sorry, make up with me, buy me gifts. But he has kept bringing up doubts about his feelings for me, while acting in a loving way sometimes, and always slept snuggled against me. I felt like he was confused himself with his ambivalent emotions around me and relationship. By the way he is 38 and has never had a long relationship. He's all into his sport, dog, being out in nature and his friends. I brought up attachment theory and suggested he watched videos but he still hasn't. I left because he needed space. When he got me a train ticket, I saw his eyes were red. So back in my city, he calls me most days, but avoids being vulnerable and saying sweet things. He slept in the sofa the first five days after I left. I pointed it out he responded in a cold way to my loving message yesterday, and told him how much I missed him. Then when I asked about his feelings, he was hesitant and said it's different for him and maybe it's "not enough". I have always felt like he was disconnected from his feelings and prevents his love from expressing. But now I am in a dead end, should I take him at his word and accept he doesn't like me the way I do? I was shook and told him I need to think about it.
Like you say, if he was really reflecting over his own patterns and understanding himself better, space would be good. But it seems like it's only helping him convince himself he doesn't want me that much and is better off alone. I would love to know your take on this :)
@@MissSarahGM Thank you for this opportunity. I certainly do not have all the answers. I can see there is alot going on that keeps things confused. First I notice the fear. His fear of not being enough and your fear of a fizzled out relationship. The fear of not being enough can go very deep in an insecure avoidant. Most likely you are not the first person who triggered that fear. It's built in and it's not yours to fix. You can become more aware of your own fears, what triggers them and decide what you want to do about them. Keep in mind a relationship full of fear will be devoid of deepening love.
Second I notice that there may be lack of clarity in what each of you are looking for and expecting. You mentioned he has never had a long-term relationship. Is that something you want that he is not able or willing to give you? The pattern of cycling through breakups and makeups doesn't look healthy to me. Maybe ask yourself if that is the kind of long-term relationship you desire? The more clarity you can bring to your own thoughts, the better.
I don't know if this is an avoidant tendency but the fears he feels are real. It's possible he's opened up a crack before only to get peppered with questions, then feeling overwhelmed by them. That's auto shutdown zone.
Friends, dog, sport. Do you find yourself being supportive of and participating in some of his other enjoyments? Showing authentic interest in these could be a way to get to know different parts of him without the prying questions anxious insecure want answered yesterday.
Attachment theory videos are not a tool for fixing his avoidant tendency. It could be that sharing with him what you learn through them about yourself and asking him his opinion if what he sees in you matches up with what you're discovering. Create a place for curiosity. Maybe he'll decide he wants to watch one with you at some point. Then you can ask him what he thinks sees and feels about the information. Don't forget to be grateful and growing in your part.
As he is phoning you again, be listening closely for the sake of understanding.
Hope some of these ideas are insightful for your voyage of discovery.
@@lymanreich8157 Thank you for your response, I appreciate it! Yes the fear of not being good enough is something I have sensed and I can feel it in myself as well. In the beginning, when he was more open during the honeymoon phase and there was no pressure, he mentioned it saying half jokingly "when you will be tired of me and want to leave me". He was open to the idea of a relationship then. I also sensed he fears surrendering and receiving the love, maybe because of losing control and becoming dependent. He enjoyed all the sweet moments together, the cuddling, but he would never open his heart fully. Almost faking to be less attracted than he was. At some point he shut down emotionally even more, spent more time on his computer, his phone, walking the dog. He even withheld sex when he was aroused himself for a period of time. I remember one time we were having fun and I saw he had a reflex movement toward hugging me, which he stopped and redirected to his dog! I could feel he was repressing his feelings and made a decision to shut down. The confusing part, is that he would still do some efforts to make me happy, cooking for me, buying gifts for my birthday, taking me out on dates, cuddling very night. That's probably why I still felt some love and stayed.
I enjoyed sharing his hobby and discovering his world, but he would not be as interested when I wanted to introduce him to mine. Being vulnerable was difficult. I also noticed he was suspicious in general, distrusting, and can feel used easily.
Yes it has been unhealthy for me to hear he wants to end things so easily. Now it's been almost two weeks since I left. I am in the waiting position and it's uneasy. He didn't contact me yesterday and I want to let him come to me. The problem is that it now feels like small talk when we talk and when I pushed him to open up, and said I missed him, he responded that maybe he doesn't miss me enough. A week ago I was playful and hinted that he could visit me, he responded coldly he didn't plan it. So should I stop bringing up the relationship topic and asking for clarity?
@@MissSarahGM Hi, I can't speak to what you should or shouldn't do. Those are your choices to make. With that said, Are there more choices than, pushing him to open up, waiting indefinitely for him to come to you when he has stated he's not planning on it? Give yourself the gift of exploring all your choices that will assist in your own growth and security. From what I see here he doesn't seem willing to be working on himself in your presence or together. If you're moving toward a more secure state and he remains as is, in my experience this leads to two people being in very different places and much difficulty in relationship. If he does show up again, have your boundaries in place, be aware, be supportive, no drama, no trying to fix him. Decide if you really want what he has to offer. Decide if you can offer him what he needs or wants. If he doesn't show up it's not your fault. Learn about who you are and how you can become who you do want in a partner. Self work is often painful and not everyone is willing to walk through it to find a better place for themselves. So life ends up on replay.
@@lymanreich8157 Hi, Thank you for your message and insights. These are good questions. I know even if I become more secure, I would still need more closeness and connection from my partner. I also wish a partner to want to grow and communicate... And he's still very guarded repressing his emotions, not communicating his needs and boundaries, except from "I need to be alone".
So after him not calling me back as he said, I couldn't stand it and facetimed him after five days. He said sorry and seemed pleased to "see" me. I asked how long he would have been silent if I hadn't called, he said he didn't know what he wanted. I told him it was painful not to be in contact for this long. We later that day chatted again for an hour, I tried to be light hearted and suggested he come visit me. He responded it was possible and he needed to think about it. He's never really vulnerable, when I try to have an emotion-based talk, he goes back to the "I don't know" stance and seems very conflicted. So I chatted about lighter topics in order to reconnect. The following day, I sent him a photo, he responded but ignored a random question. He didn't call me the same evening and hasn't in 2 days now. (He used to contact me most days ). I feel like he's ghosting me again. I feel angry and sad, for the lack of basic consideration and care.
I feel the urge to send a "are you going to ignore me?" text but I also hate the idea of chasing.
I stayed with him for about ten weeks and he said it was too much, as he's never lived with someone. He needed space. That now looks like he's fading out and ghosting.
Do you have any suggestion?
Also I would like to know how you came to self-reflect and want to do the inner work? It seems so rare for people with this attachment style.
This is so true dealing with a an dismissive avoidant. Spot on explanation!
Oh goodness. I am that rolling stone. I'm so glad to have found Briana's information. She obviously knows about the MO of an avoidant. I need to learn about this topic.
omg this is the best. Thank you.
What a crap weekend I just had, you've kept me company and saved me from spiralling!
You got it SO right when you said that we love being the focus of the attention and amorous affection of the partner who is a rolling stone! I LOVE being loved!
Uh huh. Both parties happy until the 3 month mark, when it then becomes stress, panic, intolerance and fight or flight for the avoidant.
Thank you for your insights. You really get to the root of the issues in your videos. It’s really helpful to understand why things ended the way they did.
I love that: creating spaciousness around our thoughts and around our behaviors… because we aren’t our thoughts! We aren’t our behaviors! We’re The Observers reflecting on our thoughts and behaviors 🥰
Not understanding all..
Take breaks..
I mean Entirely Lovable just the way you are! ThanksBrianna
8:00 So true!!! Managed to make it through a phase of feeling like I was seen as performing by my partner... definitely felt the dismissal of my autonomy. Speaking as the avoidant in a previous relationship, I found as getting to know my partner that there were major issues being hidden. Once more controlling and deceitful behaviors became recurring themes, I pulled away. Seven months later, aggressive/misdirected angry behavior in multiple attempts to discuss issues brought the breaking point. Yes! I have boundary issues.
Thank You, Briana
You freaking understood me in thid video, I feel so seen. It brings so much relief and answers to why I function the way I do in relationships. Thank you!!
Mariona Miret Thank you for commenting. I’m glad the content has been helpful!
You put your finger right on the point of the relationship I had with a wonderful woman for 1 1/2 years, which she abruptly broke off, disappeared for several months, then reappeared saying was there a way we could reconnect? Were having dinner the day after tomorrow. FYI, the next day, she's leaving for Europe travel for 2 months. I still love her. I feel like a fool.
How do we let go of somebody who we loved? Why would we even want to? I don’t mean that it’s good to stay in a place of Limerence and looping thoughts because that’s absolutely miserable when you can’t have the person anymore through their own choice and not yours, but why would we ever wanna let go of them in our hearts?
I've been listening to a lot of your videos on the anxious-avoidant relationship. I'm the anxious one. The first few months I was more laid back as I have learned that I can go too hard too fast, love bomb, and all that. She text me all the time, which I loved. After a few months, (I think we stretched it out to about 4 or 5) I started to become anxious and she revealed that she didn't like texting so much. I felt fooled in a way, but recognized that I can be too expecting of too much, from being in therapy. Some of the things you've said in this and other videos are spot on. Almost word for word. We've been together over a year and a half now and I think we're doing well. She's open to discuss how we feel about things and so am I. I think that's what day saved us. She tries to be a little more commnicative for my sake, and I try to not take every little think as a rejection. It's constant work but gets easier as we go. I'm very self reflextive and able to accept where I'm wrong, but I still slip up at times. It's hard for me to conceive of some things as any thing else besides noncaring, or rejection but I know I can perceive things incorrectly. Mostly because of my therapist telling me so, plus other friends that have secure attachments telling me I'm seeing it wrong. She's done all the things that show she loves me. I just get stuck on the little things. But I know I'm doing it now and stop myself before I say something. I just keep quiet until the anxiety dies down and I can think objectively.
It's evident that you've made remarkable progress in your relationship journey, and I commend you for your self-awareness and willingness to work on your anxious attachment tendencies. Recognizing the need for balance and understanding that different communication styles exist is a significant step.
Your ability to engage in open discussions about your feelings and adapt to each other's needs is truly commendable. Relationships do require constant effort, and it's encouraging to hear that both you and your partner are committed to this process. Remember that it's okay to have moments of slip-ups; what matters most is your ongoing commitment to personal growth and maintaining a healthy connection.
You're on the right path by pausing to reflect before reacting, which helps you see things more objectively. Trust in the love and care your partner shows, and continue to cultivate your self-reflection skills. Your journey is an inspiring example of how commitment, understanding, and personal growth can strengthen a relationship. Keep up the great work!
Amazing! True, helpful to miss Pollyanna here! 🙏💖
So how do you get through this phase with them? Lean out while also showing you’re still there.
Thank you for the reminder that the world is full of possibilities of love and “you” are entirely worthy of love ! I need to tattoo that on my arm ❤🤗😘😘😘
You are fantastic Briana! You are brilliant and I love how eloquently you speak. I have learned so much from you. Love your content & want to look into taking your courses. You give me hope as an AP who wants to become secure & am going to have faith I’m going to make things work with my beloved DA🙏🏼❤️
@lisam420 Thank you for commenting. I’m glad the content has been helpful!
I believe this is my 3rd or 4th video of yours I have watched on avoidant attachment lover (plus anxious attachment which is myself); and I had eventually come to the conclusion that being in this type of close-but-distance relationship is emotional abuse for the anxious lover.
This friend is an avoidant attachment lover. During the pandemic he tried the whole “I want to close” but I ghosted him because I wasn’t going to put myself back in that situation with him again. He reached out and I explained my reason and even apologized for hurting him (according to him he was). Later that day he asked what happens to us now… Though I was busy and couldn’t answer right at that moment, he proceeded to say we’ll discuss it later. ??? It’s been several days since that conversation. I’m not going to chase him to address the question.
I agree that this behavior by the avoidant is emotionally abusive to the anxious. I'm disorganized leaning towards anxious. My avoidant friend spent a year harassing me like I'm a walnut that he needs to crack open. I trusted his persistence as proof that he wanted closeness, but as soon as he got it, he became distant. He treats all friendships like long-distance relationships, with the exception of his marriage. His actions and words are full of discrepancies. It's exasperating and he seems only interested in pretending to be a good friend, instead of actually being one. He has no idea what it means to support others.
This was such a clear explanation that made me feel more empathy for dismissive avoidant people, and myself, and how they navigate the beginning of a relationship! I agree, we have to be discerning and that is what they are trying to do as well.
Jodi-Anne Davidson Thank you for commenting. I’m glad the content has been helpful!
Jodi-Anne Davidson Thank you for commenting. I’m glad the content has been helpful!
Spot on as always.
I felt when you talk about rolling stone is so easy to fall over to the point that you want to roll your eyes.. HAHAHA
People not knowing their boundaries are NOT OK.
Actually this kind of honesty do exist. This is called knowing what you want and what your end goal is. For example, my friend met his husband thru mutual friend, they both wanted the same things in life and they were very compatible as the dating phase revealed. One day they realized they were in love and tied the knot. Guess what, after 7 years they are as happy as ever. So yes it does exist.
Brianna, this video was helpful as a way to better approach the start of a relationship esp since I'm a healing insecure anxious attachment and the man I fell in love with a year ago is likely a Spice of Lifer. He's pulled away as we get closer and I'm wishing I'd had this video as we started. I'd love not to lose him completely but if he returns I'm not clear how to keep us communicating when he feels fearful.
Same - I know slowing down and giving the relationship space and time to evolve is critical. But practical tips for maintaining some level of connection and what I can do to support myself and my spice of lifer would be nice.
This was great! I got very close to a friend face to face. After they moved away they wanted to keep the relationship text only but never admitted it was that way. Several years have gone by and the relationship remained text only. There was always an excuse for why they couldn't get together even once a year. Finally I had to quit texting because my finger is tired and my mind is distracted with the pull towards electronic devices. Plus it feels more like a relationship with a smart phone keyboard then an actual person. Even after several years have gone by with no texting I'm still clinging and completely flummoxed by the text only approach. Any help or suggestions you have for moving on would be appreciated. On a side note, this friend and I had a twin flame type connection with mental bliss on occasion which is all the more challenging to "live" with when there's no contact. I've been practicing mindfulness for a long time and this helps of course.
Hi. Very helpful but I’d like to hear about relationships that have existed 9-10 yrs and power struggles exist regarding needs based on attachment styles. This is a committed relationship. Can you address navigating this?
I've fallen victim to this to the T. I'm an open heart and when I receive the type of feelings that I want and respect, I fall madly in love with the person I assume that we're ready to keep upgrading our relationship. I even proposed and we were engaged and happy I felt then suddenly without any warning signs I get thrown out the window of the relationship. 😔
Sad...
what about when you known each other from the past and been talking for three years then started getting serious and it became very deep and you have much in common and she gets distant? Yes it is sort of long distance but still communicates but not as much as before? Single Mom had 3 bad relationships, raising last child and has had a bubble for 11 years to protect her from bad habits and protect her daughter as well.
This is my current experience to a T .. my confusion lies with if they can’t commit then why when I pull away and am done does he reach right back out . Is it the intimacy he misses is it the fact that he enjoys the connection we have because I’m sure he’s craving it or is it he is just plain scared to commit! 😩 it’s been a total of 9 months . The last 3 have been in hot/cold mode with him !
I made it like 14 months
then something happened
ugh
new record though.
What happens when this happens when your partner pulls this after 2 years around talk of an engagement ring (she was excited the whole time and week before even about the concept of getting married) and starts saying she's not sure you are "the one."
You count your lucky stars you didn’t already get married. The decision is yours, but marriage goes off the table for me. If things are shaky when things are ‘easy’, what happens when things actually get tough down the line? Might seem impossible, but try to be grateful she’s brought this up before marriage rather than after. Try to use your head right now, as I’m sure you’re emotionally in turmoil right now. Avoid big decisions on what to do until you’ve regained some composure. Once she’s clocked you’re taking stock of the relationship, she will change her tune for the sake of security when her fear of being potentially let go kicks in.
Not saying outright you should end it, as only you know what’s best. But for the love of all that’s good, don’t enter a contract with someone who has expressed doubts about it before the preliminary agreement has even been reached. Be compassionate with her, she’s almost definitely not trying to be cruel, but be compassionate and smart with yourself and your future. All the best my friend, would love to hear how you manage this moving forward
Wow, epic
🙌🏿🙌🏿🙌🏿
How do I keep him excited?
Good question..
Some things to consider: Why do you feel the need to keep him excited? Is he making efforts to keep you excited?
@@amyholcomb6484 no, but I’m very lonely and haven’t found anyone in 3 years and cannot physical stand to be “alone” at this time..
@@HandmadeItalianLeather if you cannot stand being alone an other person will only be able to bring momentary distraction.
Then the low feelings will reappear.
It does not help that the Christian message is about two people becoming one and when I fall in love with somebody I want to do everything together with them because why would I not want to? I enjoy their company and the physical touch and getting to see them and it’s hard enough getting together when you are two different people living in two different places and working in different places so effort Hass to be made to spend as much quality time together as possible and that’s not enmeshment
The christian message states that “love is kind, love is patient.” This is exactly what an avoidant needs in a partner: someone who will be patient and kind to them. Not someone who is moving fast and arguing and trying to take control of the relationship.
@@user-kg8uq9es3u The dismissive avoidant’s perspective that someone is moving too fast or trying to control them is their distortion of reality based on childhood trauma. Sometime it is the case, but often is not
@@JamesTyreeII NOT always true!!! Be careful of making generalizations. The last person to trigger my avoidant style wanted to make living arrangements before even being divorced. Anger and aggression eventually were too much... and inability/refusal to discuss issues.
@@amyholcomb6484 Generalizations are just that and there is always an exception but in my experience and the experience of multiple other people’s experiences I have heard about, it is quite similar
What the heck is a rolling stone? 🤔
Dismissive Avoidant attachment style
I don’t like the differences and the fights and arguments and disagreements
Then stop fighting and arguing lol. You are choosing to get defensive and fight. Dumb.
This is very depressing
Can be.
Don't have a clue what you are trying to say..
I usually like your stuff but not very good presentation or material handling.Like you were going thru something.