I like to imagine that Toy Story mechanics are in effect, and Ashens' vast hordes of bootleg action figures protect his home like some kind of freakish accursed army of the damned 😌💭
Protect it? No, they're amassing an army for their fallen brethren, burned by the fires of judgement because the posh git deemed them too rubbish to keep about the house.
I wonder if for those lines, the manufacturers made a 7th unlisted figure to throw in shops just to really confuse the kids. Little Billy is over at Ted's house, and Ted shows off his collection of War Orcs while proudly stating "I collected all six!" and then little Billy says "wait a minute, I've got all six but that's not one of them!" They argue for a bit, Billy runs home to bring his collection of orcs over so he can prove to Ted that everything he knows is a lie, and then they argue for a bit more. And then they realize that their lives are hollow shells and cry themselves to sleep amidst a pile of cheap plastic.
I think the black bar was meant to resemble a blacked out classified word similar to how you see government documents in movies, where they have certain words blacked out
That would be the implication, but what exactly could that one word be that it would require classification? They probably should have made the text longer, and blocked out stuff like names of places and people.
Joe Homer yeah, it doesn't really make sense to redact a single word if the sentence flows perfectly fine without it, especially with the back fo the box being that bland-- they had space to get a little more creative than that.
Carl Bryant No it wasnt. The black bar was to underline/exemplify (somehow lol) the word "action" which is on the top line of the whole sentence. So reading it will be like "your ultimate ACTION team". At least this is what i think gg.
"Dressed in his waterproof rain mac and Wellington boots, Orange Beard is a buffet pirate!" Oh. I didn't know you were writing for the J. Peterman catalog.
I know it’s weird to say, but as a girl who would have traded all my barbies for one action figure, I would have loved to get all of these. I wouldn’t have cared they were cheap.
the first orcs backstory or bios is partly the same as the scuba diving figure he reviewed along other animal and human toys. he ALSO got beat up by his parents, for offering his last pieces of bread, to some birds!
That last orc was actually a really cool design, I feel like the people who design these things should be working for companies who make higher quality toys/action figures
After coming back to it I wonder if the bodies for the pirates were originally cast for cowboy figures since the legs turn sideways( as you get for a figure meant to ride on a horse and such)
The Orc designs were quite nice. I even liked the paint scheme. If they'd have been good quality and better painted, I'd have a thought at buying them.
Yeah this comment is five years old but that scuba tank looking thing the soldier had is actually exactly that, a scuba tank. I actually got with one of those animal planet play sets with a tiger shark and a boat back in like 2008 from toys r us. Funny seeing reused molds for cheap pound land toys.
Ah yes, Beefy McMutton, American cousin of the great Scottish barber in Peurto Pollo, Haggis'Heart-Liver-And-Kidneys-Boiled-In-The-Stomach-Of-The-Animal' McMutton.
Haunted Pete looks like the result of Robert Z'Dar of Maniac Cop and a Goomba from the Mario Bros. movie having hateful, angry sex, then he got a Glasgow smile.
4:42 Speaking of horribly injuring yourself in a stupid way, me and my fellow students were making a film for video production, and one was a kung-fu master chef, and the other's character was a piss-for-brains trying to learn how to be a chef. So, in the scene, piss-for-brains drops a cylindrical container of rice and the master chef dives for it and catches it. Well, somehow, the actor of the master chef cut his finger wide open when he caught it. A plastic cylinder containing rice, with a not particularly sharp rim.
Kurk Cobain... spelling mistake was mine, not theirs. But a strange choice for a figurine... I should have probably purchased it and ebayed it to double my money. :P
1:05 ALDI has really started becoming popular here in the US and the likes of Walmart and Target are forming their own "private label" discount brands like "Market pantry."
These aren't even half bad. When I was a kid, I only had the top half of a Darth Vader figurine to play with. These figures would have totally made my day.
Thank you Ashens for waiting until the end logo to add your boyfriends face. Much preferred to splicing it in during the actual video. Thumbs up for Dingoo.
The thing Javier Bardem used to kill people in No Country for Old Men is a bolt stunner, used to render cattle unconscious for slaughter in a humane and predictable fashion. He also uses it to knock lock cylinders out of doors in a way that is completely impossible because a bolt stunner doesn't produce enough force to do that. What does provide more than enough to do that is the suppressed shotgun he's already carrying around; you can even buy special powdered-metal rounds that shatter the lock without being able to ricochet back. So he basically lugs around a 40-pound pressure vessel for no reason whatsoever. As to what that soldier dude is carrying, I haven't got the foggiest guess either. Looks like they couldn't decide if it was supposed to be an SCBA of some sort, a flame-thrower, or the thing you use to kill the weeds.
I like to imagine that Toy Story mechanics are in effect, and Ashens' vast hordes of bootleg action figures protect his home like some kind of freakish accursed army of the damned 😌💭
Protect it? No, they're amassing an army for their fallen brethren, burned by the fires of judgement because the posh git deemed them too rubbish to keep about the house.
Pfahahah, true enough X)
Too bad most of them can't really move their legs, or heads, or they don't have faces...
They are no match for the might of the Army of Interesting Items who, doubtless, will defend their owner to the death.
They could still move without articulation, there are toys in the movies who do that.
you should make a stop motion epic starring only poundland figures.
Sounds like a whole lot of stop and not a lot of motion.
the mastermind should be THE GOOSE
SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!!
Will Parry He'd probably burn that along with the figures
that's the finale
"Pirate Monkey" sounds like a dodgy site that hosts torrents
Stealing that, that's mine! Called it!
... Now to negotiate with the URL squatters.
"What be a pirate's favorite letterr?"
"Arr?"
"Ne..ye'd think it, but it be the 'C'."
"Arrrr I'm a Pirate" "Where are your buccaneers?" "Under me buckin' hat!"
This video has convinced me that Ashens would be a top class DM
Your random stories for each of the figures are amazingly detailed fro being made up on the spot.
I wonder if for those lines, the manufacturers made a 7th unlisted figure to throw in shops just to really confuse the kids. Little Billy is over at Ted's house, and Ted shows off his collection of War Orcs while proudly stating "I collected all six!" and then little Billy says "wait a minute, I've got all six but that's not one of them!" They argue for a bit, Billy runs home to bring his collection of orcs over so he can prove to Ted that everything he knows is a lie, and then they argue for a bit more.
And then they realize that their lives are hollow shells and cry themselves to sleep amidst a pile of cheap plastic.
"Lerk" actually kind of seems like it could be an old-timey pirate spelling of the word.
Authentic af
I think the black bar was meant to resemble a blacked out classified word similar to how you see government documents in movies, where they have certain words blacked out
That would be the implication, but what exactly could that one word be that it would require classification? They probably should have made the text longer, and blocked out stuff like names of places and people.
Joe Homer yeah, it doesn't really make sense to redact a single word if the sentence flows perfectly fine without it, especially with the back fo the box being that bland-- they had space to get a little more creative than that.
Carl Bryant No it wasnt. The black bar was to underline/exemplify (somehow lol) the word "action" which is on the top line of the whole sentence. So reading it will be like "your ultimate ACTION team". At least this is what i think gg.
Ultimate F#&*ing team is the best. 🤣
Ultimate redacted team
God bless you John "Soap" Mactavish! You will be remembered.
A wee hard SAS scotsman in a game. Not a cliche at all
12:33 - "He must be the King!!"
"Why??"
"He's not covered in shit like the rest of us"
Bludrok the Kind sounds like a name of warchief from Shadow of Mordor.
Good God it does,I kinda can imagine having him in my army just for the novelty
Harrier Attack is brilliant. He's well set for entertainment while beefing his way through the jungles of West Bromwich.
6:57 It's the new Pop Station XD
That'll teach me for checking the comments to make sure no one said the thing I was gonna say.
And it's playing Submarine Invasion.
"Dressed in his waterproof rain mac and Wellington boots, Orange Beard is a buffet pirate!"
Oh. I didn't know you were writing for the J. Peterman catalog.
the "War" in War Orcs is the same as the Warcraft font , they've changed it a tiny bit lol
HippoButtSecks WARcraft: ORCS and humans. Fun old dos game btw, bootleg seems to forget the humans and the craft
"Seems to forget the humans and the craft"
That's a pretty good No Man's Sky review.
HippoButtSecks the sculpts themselves are even stolen from "Privateer Press Hordes : Legion Warspears, and Warmongers"
seems like were the only people here who play Warmahordes.
yep. I started laughing right as I saw it as I'm painting that exact model right now.
Came THIS close to saying Big McLargeHuge from the Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode/movie "Space Mutiny".
I know it’s weird to say, but as a girl who would have traded all my barbies for one action figure, I would have loved to get all of these. I wouldn’t have cared they were cheap.
the first orcs backstory or bios is partly the same as the scuba diving figure he reviewed along other animal and human toys. he ALSO got beat up by his parents, for offering his last pieces of bread, to some birds!
LOL, the mayfly was especially funny. Considering they only live 48 hours anyways.
That last orc was actually a really cool design, I feel like the people who design these things should be working for companies who make higher quality toys/action figures
Yes, the name of the 'Commando Core' team has been redacted. Nice touch.
FINALLY it's a about time we had more of these Pound land videos
After coming back to it I wonder if the bodies for the pirates were originally cast for cowboy figures since the legs turn sideways( as you get for a figure meant to ride on a horse and such)
Ashens cracking himself up is the best.
Beefy McBeef's computer is a Popstation playing that sub invasion game.
This has to be my favorite channel to watch while pooping.
War Toys Logo is a ripoff of Suicide Squad style. So, improvement I guess?
MoshedZ You could shit on that movie and it would be an improvement
I can’t get the image of a floating, transparent pirate ship blasting disco music out of my head.
"I never skip hand day"... Oh Stuard, who does...
The Orc designs were quite nice. I even liked the paint scheme. If they'd have been good quality and better painted, I'd have a thought at buying them.
Good God, that hidden link is a trip. Are...are you okay, Stu?
Retsof Noraa what is it?
Retsof Noraa Wait, what link? I'm on mobile so I can't see
Im on mobile and i watched all 12 minutes of it #goujonforpres2020
A URL appears during the "glitch" just before the outro. It leads to a video called "MR BIFFO'S FOUND FOOTAGE: THE AWAKENING".
If you look at the channel that uploaded the linked video, he's apparently an acquaintance of both Stuart and Guru Larry....
Christy An' Bale the new hit sitcom.
You also reacted to his pronunciation then?
Dear Ashens it's 23:46. we live in the same city. why aren't you asleep?
Kristof William Sleep is for the weak.
Kristof William same reason you aren't?
Kristof William
I wanna live in the same city as Ashens
Potato Headass Its a fairly large city. Around 300,000 people live here. I only saw him twice.
Because he's not 10?
'Your vol-au-vents or your life!'
- Orangebeard 2017
The link towards the end of the video is called MR BIFFO'S FOUND FOOTAGE: THE AWAKENING by Digitiser2000
You are a gentlemen and a scholar. Even at 1/4 speed i wasn't able to catch it after three tries...
If you pause the video, you can press the , and . keys to go backwards and forwards by one frame.
All hail Lord Brannigan-7!
You can hear the growl of beast that lerks beneath after I eat a Vindaloo.
I don't think I've ever been this early to an Ashen's video
Yeah this comment is five years old but that scuba tank looking thing the soldier had is actually exactly that, a scuba tank. I actually got with one of those animal planet play sets with a tiger shark and a boat back in like 2008 from toys r us. Funny seeing reused molds for cheap pound land toys.
Pirates of the Caribbean would have been somewhat more humorous if the first film was called "The Curse of the Shitty Gibbon"...
he's haunted by sad memories, happy times and days gone by. Happy times when Beefy loved him.
We is gonna stomp da universe flat and kill anyfink that fights back. we're da Orks, and was made ta fight and win.
Emma Leech
Ere we go, ere we go, ere we go through the cosmos...
WAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHH!!!
"Beefy McMutton!"... classic. I couldn't let that go without adding a laughing track underlying that one.
Ah yes, Beefy McMutton, American cousin of the great Scottish barber in Peurto Pollo, Haggis'Heart-Liver-And-Kidneys-Boiled-In-The-Stomach-Of-The-Animal' McMutton.
Regina Phalange But does Beefy share Haggis' talent for singing?
Hearing you mention the Amstrad version of Harrier Attack really made my day!
I Have the wierdest craving for Goujon John's goujons right now. I can't explain why...
The bit about the 2015 Christmas special was hilarious
I tried the link at the end of the video.
I have no words.
One day, Xenoxxx shall rise once more!
I know the production cost is stupid high, but I'd love a series of "villains" modeled after backstories crafted by Ashens.
thanks again daddy ashens
Only yesterday I was talking with my friends who seemed to dislike the 2015 Doctor Who Christmas special. I quite like it.
That second commando core figure looked more like David Schwimmer to me
This made my night ! I always look forward to watching your videos :-)
Haunted Pete looks like the result of Robert Z'Dar of Maniac Cop and a Goomba from the Mario Bros. movie having hateful, angry sex, then he got a Glasgow smile.
EddieHawkinsII Maybe Ashens should be in one of the Lonely Goomba's Q&A sometime?
I'm from The Netherlands. I love Ashens his dialect and the way he amuses his audiences. You turn my shitty day into one marvelous day.
Guys... I think Steve Wozniak is after me.
RIP
oil cloth-lined pockets for soup-pillaging sounds like a good idea
4:42 Speaking of horribly injuring yourself in a stupid way, me and my fellow students were making a film for video production, and one was a kung-fu master chef, and the other's character was a piss-for-brains trying to learn how to be a chef. So, in the scene, piss-for-brains drops a cylindrical container of rice and the master chef dives for it and catches it. Well, somehow, the actor of the master chef cut his finger wide open when he caught it. A plastic cylinder containing rice, with a not particularly sharp rim.
My quote would be "that Dr Who Christmas special made about as much sense a cheese on a birthday cake"
my first thought when you showed Beefy McMutton's package was "Amstrad E-m@iler"
Thank god for you and Haunted Pete. I was bloody miserable after work, but the horror of a pirate ship disco has shaken that away. XD
I wonder what trivago Hotel star and price on the shity Gibbon
omg, this is the funniest poundland figure special ever!
It's a tarp!
You had me at 'The Shitty Gibbon'.
Daddy ashen, you can plunge and pillage me any day
"Yaaargh! I have a fire crotch...& not because I have red hair. She burns, she does!"
i refuse
lazorize Is that a JoJo reference??
Leni Hates Everything maybe.
Thats got to be the best pirate I’ve ever seen.
Make a animation out of those back stories
Thanks for mentioning soap ashens R.I.P
I saw a 18 inch Kirk Cobain figure... :P
TechyBen Is this a joke or are you being serious about the name?
Kurk Cobain... spelling mistake was mine, not theirs. But a strange choice for a figurine... I should have probably purchased it and ebayed it to double my money. :P
Kurt is what you're looking for
1:05 ALDI has really started becoming popular here in the US and the likes of Walmart and Target are forming their own "private label" discount brands like "Market pantry."
14:07 What is this video link that briefly flashes on the screen?
I watched the video. I still don't know.
I implore you to at least experience it. I feel like I've been touched in my special mind places.
idk, but the suggestions where a lot of "most creepy/scary found footage" videos, so i didn't watch it.
wolfy boy It's HeMan with his nuts out holding a dildo and melting a pig.
Its certainly something.
yeah, i watched it. my brain is numb, and hurts slightly. >.
got to love some poundland and found footage
Hey Ashens check out my band, we play commandocore
The Doctor Who 2014 Christmas special was the best one.
why is brook from one piece at poundland and why is he blonde
These aren't even half bad. When I was a kid, I only had the top half of a Darth Vader figurine to play with. These figures would have totally made my day.
Is it just me, or is the logo on the pirate figures a ripoff of "The Pirates! In An Adventure With Scientists!"?
The Shitty Gibbon, as in "shit gibbon", the nickname Dayvin Leach gave to Trump. A beautiful, subtle jab from Ashens :)
I'm really early
Hyrule_Warrior 93 you're on time
Malcolm Boyd You are indeed on the money.
i love it when stu makes wrestling references
The censored word is meant to symbolize Hillary's emails
I hope he gets impeached, convicted, and imprisoned.
The Clintons are actual war criminals. Whereas Trump isn't. Do your research. 🙄🤦🏼♂️
Max Scardanelli bro hanging on Alex Jones every word isn't research.
Wow American politics in a video of an English man playing with shite action figures.
Those fake toy company names were hilarious.
Anyone notice the dab at 10:50 ?
Benji Fox I thought that I was the only one.
I waited for Poundland so long so I watched all of the videos while doing so
So he can steal soup.... that just made me choke on my own laughter
"The Shitty Gibbon" is the best name for a ship
Fantastic targets.
"War Orcs: in a world of enemies"... I see what you'er doing... Crafty.
I'm glad I took out the time to type that link at 2:15 A.M. because that was one wild ride
The soldier's rifle is a Barrett M82 .50 caliber sniper rifle. The bullet is a half inch (12.7 mm) in diameter. The gun is 57 inches (140cm) long.
The -Beast- Highlight That Lerks Beneath
Thank you Ashens for waiting until the end logo to add your boyfriends face. Much preferred to splicing it in during the actual video. Thumbs up for Dingoo.
Beefy McMutton is my favorite fast food order. Goes great with fries.
omg Ashen you nailed the pirate accent!!
The thing Javier Bardem used to kill people in No Country for Old Men is a bolt stunner, used to render cattle unconscious for slaughter in a humane and predictable fashion. He also uses it to knock lock cylinders out of doors in a way that is completely impossible because a bolt stunner doesn't produce enough force to do that. What does provide more than enough to do that is the suppressed shotgun he's already carrying around; you can even buy special powdered-metal rounds that shatter the lock without being able to ricochet back. So he basically lugs around a 40-pound pressure vessel for no reason whatsoever. As to what that soldier dude is carrying, I haven't got the foggiest guess either. Looks like they couldn't decide if it was supposed to be an SCBA of some sort, a flame-thrower, or the thing you use to kill the weeds.
omg, I played so many hours of Harrier Attack on 6128 back in the day.