@@d0x2f You're thinking too much about it if you're asking how it can be an "accident." Sharts, by definition, aren't on purpose. It can just happen. This is why "shart" stories exist--because it just happens, and people get a crazy embarrassing story to account for it. But most people don't intentionally shit their pants (nor the sink). If it hasn't happened to you before, just keep living life and wait for it. Sharts can happen to literally anybody. Not to mention that she was already using the sink to pee (something that I've been guilty of due to social anxiety myself). If you're a girl (or sit down to pee in general), have you never had some doodoo slip out? In those cases it obviously doesn't matter--you're already on the commode, so it works out. But obviously the dynamic changes if it's a sink and not a toilet. Hence you get a Poopernoodle story. I have mad respect that she recounted that story in front of the internet. A lot of people would be too shamed to admit something like that. Even just admitting that you piss in bottles or a sink due to social anxiety can be TMI for people to feel like they can admit. It's easy for me to say, anonymously online, that I share the account of pissing in bottles/sinks due to social anxiety. But I don't think I've ever admitted this to anyone in real life. First of all it's an odd thing to come up, so that's probably the main reason. But even if anyone ever directly asked me, I'd definitely feel reluctance. I'd probably feel similarly if my face was online and I was telling it to the whole internet. But that shit can happen when social anxiety flares up. It's unfortunately not a very uncommon symptom if you have bad social anxiety (or even depression? which is often comorbid with anxiety), particularly when living with roommates. Add in the general possibility of "sharts" and this was always a potential inevitability. But it's still not something you plan for. Nobody ever expects to shart. That's when it gets ya.
Dr.K has a very beautiful way of making every problem seem logical. He makes people see themselves as human rather than crazy, which is something really special about these interviews.
Anyone else with social anxiety terrified of phone calls? I have an easier time talking with someone face to face than over the phone. I always have to rehearse what im going to say several times before I call to make an appointment or something.
I have really bad anxiety mixed with speech impediments so I've had to type out scripts for myself with different possibilities just to make sure I don't screw up while talking on the phone
I am. Well, I was and am a bit better now. The thing that helped was that I literally had to do it as part of my job: ordering food for a cafe. It was the same repetitive thing I had to say each day, which eased me into the concept of phoning people. I'm good with official stuff like that, but struggle phoning friends and family.
I haven’t cried out of sadness in at least four or five years, but her story about the bracelet and how she felt excluded has made me a complete mess. I have severe social anxiety myself and can recall so many times where I felt (and was) left out by “friends” when I was younger. I’m so glad she came on here, it’s nice to know there are others out there who have gone through what you have and still struggle with daily.
As she told the story I was just remembering this stupid time when I was young and I had a group of friends of like 7 girls and I had been the first to get a phone and they all promised me that when they got phones we would exchange numbers and text etc. And then like a year went by and I was at lunch and found out that they had all hung out together the weekend prior without me and I was like "why?" And they were like "oh cause your not in the group chat" and I found out that day that all 6 of my friends had gotten phones, told each other, exchanged numbers, made a group chat, and never once told me. It was probably one of the worst feelings I had ever felt that young which feels so stupid cause i was so young
@@christinamansen8636 I'm still trying to wrap my head around why that happens. Like maybe people feel uncomfortable around us? It happened to me with a girl passing out candy and I knew me and her didn't exactly get along but it was so awkward being the only one who wasn't offered a candy. You'd think she'd notice and be like I should offer her one out of common courtesy, but no.
There really is something to that. So often people worship other who are able to retort on a dime (im thinking destiny or shapiro). I LOVE when Dr. K asks for a moment to think. It is so refreshing, and we need to worship people who think before they speak and not shame those who aren't able or don't want to sound like they are in a heater of a debate at all time.
@@magnus2544 Maybe he's just having a laugh? I'm not sure what attributing unlikeability to him does for you here, honestly. If his goal was to get a reaction, he's just succeeded in doing so.
Around 1:45:12 Lou takes some time to think of something wonderful about herself and comes up with "I really like dogs." That's really sweet, but I was casually checking out her Twitter while watching this and learned that all the balloons behind her were from when she and her community raised over $8000 for charity (!!) You have lots that's wonderful about you, Lou :)
@@poopernoodle You are a wonderful person and you have the sweetest, kindest heart. I hope life is treating you well, you deserve it more than anyone on this planet. I hope you see this, but you probably won't and that's okay🙂. Thank you.
I can relate to this girl so much. Especially the social anxiety stuff. I dropped out of high school and then university. I would be like 5 minutes late, stand in front of the door and listen to the class start inside, have a huge melt down, cry, throw up in the bathroom, look at the time. See that I'm an hour late, not find the courage to go inside, and just go home. An hour and a half of transportation btw. I feel so much better now, and actually like I'm in control. I hope everyone who goes through this knows they ll eventually be done with this and get better. it's not you, just something happening to you. You are strong, you just don't know it yet.
You literally described my years in university, I couldn't go inside if I was late by like 5 minutes, cause people would look at my direction ... I actually had to stay in the uni baths for hours and then go back home , I never passed my first year at uni and spent 4 years lying to my parents.
@@SniffinCoke jesus christ this hits so hard. I never knew people had this same fear as I did. I also would not enter a uni class late so i ended up eating at campus and waiting 2 hrs to go home. I tried coming in early instead. I dropped out of uni for 2 years and lied to my parents as well. But im back now and my anxiety improved, i even answer questions in class, also quarantine made everything easier. Dont give up man, its calming to know others felt this way too.
@@jon9428 yeah things do get better if you try hard enough . I actually got back into uni and changed my major and started over again ,I will be graduating next year if everything goes right ! I've confessed to my parents and got help cause things were really rough for those 4 years . Not every thing is perfect ( I still don't have a single irl friend since like 6 years ago ) but things really do get better :D
See if he said that to me I would think that he was only telling me that because he was trying to see and judge my reaction to figure out if I was narcissistic or not. 😅not because I think he does that but it’s my own struggle of feeling like i need to prove that I am not a bad person or being afraid being exposed as a bad person also maybe that accepting any praise is bad. Not sure what’s wrong with me I think paranoia.
it's kind of funny how everyone in the comments is amazed with her honesty about embarrassing things, yet in the video they discover that it's her defense mechanism, avoiding uncertainty of whether people will like her by portraying herself badly. And it stems from anxiety and negative self image. Not something to respect, more like something to feel compassion for.
It is still exceptional, wether it is “respectable” or not. Most of us will just never dare to reveal things we feel embarrassed of. So it is the honesty that people are amazed of.
I have a social phobia and I do exactly that... I used to think everyone could see anything I was feeling, so if I did something wrong, I had to confess immediately. I had a father that would watch me all the time and criticize everything in the most negative way possible...so I thought if I told before he would it wouldn't be as bad... It took me till about 30 to not feel guilty all the time anymore... Even if I hadn't done anything wrong I would still feel guilty... Its a horrible reality. I still have phobia though, and It makes me anxious to be around people still, I'm 36 now...
im so so so thankful that dr. K let a girl with social anxiety come on stream. im a girl myself and i relate to poopernoodle so much that tears welled in my eye. i felt relieved that a girl on this earth is exactly like me. i have bad social anxiety like her where id spend days in my room avoiding to see my family and i dropped out a year of school because my social anxiety was that bad. i relate to her so much on the moving part, being in a different country with different languages other than your own. i moved to a foreign country when i was 5 (almost 18 now) and had a really hard time fitting in so i didnt really learn to speak the language and that prevented me from making lots of friends, even to this day i have a really hard time so id rather isolate myself because i feel no one wants anything to do with me as what poopernoodle feels. i know what its like to not fit in with other kids. moving places really can mess up a child. i feel relieved that im not the only one whos gross as a girl lmao or doesnt have any girl friends. i relate to her low self-esteem and the devaluing of oneself, i relate to the blaming oneself too. i deal with lots of self hate and guilt and i beat myself up for being weak or complaining. im only 45 minutes in so far so theres still a lot to hear and i hope the strategies and conclusions dr. K gives at the end helps. thank you so much, this has touched the deepest part of my sad heart ❤️ thank you so much poopernoodle for having the courage to come on stream and talk, i feel really happy to not be alone and to have dr. K touch on a subject/situation that i needed ❤️
If it wasn't clear the meditation practice at the end was Dr. K trying first to figure out a way Noodle could safely dip into anxiety, then view those thoughts and feel those feelings, and then pull back out without it being too difficult. The idea is 'gaining distance from thoughts', by experiencing in a controlled way the thoughts that are bothering you and pulling up the feelings and emotions they evoke precisely so you can study then and recognize them as thoughts and the feelings they cause. Doing this many times can give you power over the original thoughts that lead to the feelings by giving you distance or perspective. It may not be as easy as simply closing your eyes in your situation, you may need to imagine yourself in an anxiety provoking situation to then evoke the thoughts and their feelings to then study them and eventually gain distance. Much love!
@@darlantro Thanks for that dude, I figured that I might need to imagine myself in an anxiety provoking situation in order to feel those feelings, since my anxiety is not that extreme, and she was much more exposed on that situation than I would be in daily because she was on a stream and talking to another person. Also, very good explaination!
@@hola_chelo A tricky thing about having to imagine an anxious situation to bring up anxious thoughts and study the thoughts themselves is it needs to be something you can quickly escape from and cut off, or else you could open your eyes and still feel pretty anxious. Note that Dr. K didn't seed her mind with some specific intense emotional experience from her past, but was instead asking her 'how does it feel if I tell you that you are terrible', and I suspect was planning on just trying different generally bad words to find ones that might trigger a bit of anxiety in her but not a ton,... then they realized just closing her eyes around people is very anxiety inducing and went with that. If you have a room or area in your home that is more anxiety provoking that you can enter and leave, that's another idea to just sit in there eye closed for about 30 seconds, then leave and then return and do it again a few times, each time studying your thoughts and trying to identify the feeling they are bringing up.
Lou is so relatable. I once cut my hair but was terrified of the awkward encounter with my roommate where we would discuss my hair being different. I wore a beanie around my roommate every time I saw her, even in the blistering summer. It's just so... Like I get it. Lou deserved better
how do you have the courage to get your hair cut? LOL, it's still a huge effort for me I have no idea where to look in the mirror when it's being cut. I always feel like the barber/stylist will get mad at me for judging their work, etc.
Aside from her bravery coming on and talking about, this, she also raised like 8K for suicide awareness and blew up balloons for those who donated. Amazing!
Seeing as Poopernoodle will probably read every single comment on here (both the good and nasty ones) i just want to say this. Lou you are a wonderful, amazing and kind person, and you should feel so proud of yourself for having the courage to talk about stuff like this as someone who suffers from social anxiety, this was really heartwarming to see, and alot of your stories really hit home. You will never be alone, you will always have people who love you for the person that you are, that's what you should focus on, forget people who think bad things about you or people who judge you, or don't believe you. You display so many admirable qualities from watching this stream, don't devalue yourself, you deserve to feel happiness and love May your future be full of joy and happiness Big hugs and love
@@michska53 He's not simping. He's just being a decent person. I've known Lou for a couple years and I don't think I can say a single bad thing about her character. She's been exceptionally kind to me and everyone else that whole time. Her struggles with anxiety are sadly not unusual, and she's had other difficulties I really don't want to discuss. Don't discount the value of knowing that other people care about you. I'd suggest trying it some time.
I second this, wholeheartedly. Objectively, Lou, you are a kind & thoughtful person that anyone could care for. You are so, so so funny (LOLd) & endearing in your mannerisms. Along with the kindness above, I send you many well wishes that you be surrounded by friends who treasure these things (and the parts of you shown here). They will do it freely and without hesitation because it is so easy. You ARE a wonderful person (sorry ik thats icky to hear). Keep challenging your brain & most of all...THANK YOU so much for being on here. I learned so much about myself and others from what youve shared. Its truly invaluable to me.
She is gorgeous, in so many ways! And she isn’t the only one with this kind of issues. Not by far! Watching this had made me cry real tears for the first time in about 10 years or more. And I’ve never seen a more empathic being than Dr K. I’m stunned by his skills. I’ve seen a few therapists but this guy is on a completely different level.
I'm just taking a moment to let this sink in. This beautiful human being went and is going through something this horrible, yet she is brave enough to talk in front of thousands of people and share her story so that not only she learns from it, but also us. For someone with social anxiety, that's mad impressive - it would be even without that, but this is just so inspiring.
Poopernoodle, that feeling you got at the end when K said "you are perfect just the way you are", hold on to that and reflect on it. I say this as a person who had terrible social anxiety from a very early age and throughout most of my adult years. I'm 37 now and I can say that I've gained the kind of perspective K is talking about. It takes time, it takes practice, but you can do it, and that feeling that made you cry at the end there is the proof that you have a sense of self-worth deep inside you that's been suppressed for so long. I legitimately teared up when he said that and I saw the look on your face, because I recognized myself in your struggle. You can do it! 🙂
It's like she's never heard a genuine compliment in her life and that's sad. As for what you say, there's something to be said about being in your 30's too. I'm 34 and just now realizing how much of my life I wasted on seeking validation from strangers. How many things I missed out on and didn't do because I was afraid of judgement. For example, dying my hair pink. I was afraid of being made fun of but ever since I did it 7 years ago, I've never felt more free. I'm learning who I am and I'm learning to be proud of that. Like Dr. K said (paraphrasing), you're going to be judged either way so you might as well be happy just being yourself. In that regard, other people don't matter. YOU matter.
Yeah I'm 35, and that made me well up, even though I'm not even someone who suffers from much self-loathing or social anxiety. Guess that's one of the good things about growing old, you start noticing all the good things too.
Daamn, that's so interesting! Maybe a year or two ago I would've said the same but now I saw him being calm, peaceful, or just neutral. Maybe it's also because I've watched so much of his content I know he wouldn't get bored by these interviews, he loves doing these.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt so connected to someone in these interviews. So many similar things happened to me and my mind works almost identically to hers in terms of anxiety. I mean god, I did the exact same thing with not going to classes in college, I had shitty friends just like that that made me feel less than everyone else but also “overdramatic,” I refuse to ask a nail tech to change what they’re doing because I feel guilty... it’s scary how much I identify with her experiences.
"Blaming the victim is the last refuge of assholes" I love this. Pooper if by any chance you are reading this looking for the bad comments, I suggest for today you stop at this one instead. You showed your authentic self on this stream and I am convinced the overwhelming majority of the community thought you would be a blast to hang out with, and deserved much more than half a box of donuts for your birthday. We see you, we hear you and we believe you. Being naive and not seeing the red flags isn't a crime, it's the result of having faith in humanity and empathy, which others did not have for you. YOU are the better person, even if you think you were dumb for having these valuable qualities at the wrong time. I'm just a stranger on the Internet, so I'm not writing this to be nice, I just think you deserve to sit with something good for a little while. I hope you're well.
"The only way to show up the next day is to have been perfect the day before"...Damn. No wonder I hate going to work. Some part of me is ashamed that I'm not perfect and I can't tell if it's a lack of self confidence or arrogance.
If you feel like you are failing I don’t think that’s [called] arrogance. It’s also not necessarily about self confidence, although a lack thereof obviously strengthens the issue. It’s mainly a matter of expectation and assessment of self, and specifically differently towards others which we obviously perceive differently to ourselves - if at all. A common related concept is 'imposter syndrome'. Could be interesting to read up on for you as well. Perfectionism can really suck and be detrimental.
"Yeah. Cuz my eyes are closed!" I feel that. I was in a yoga class once and we did meditation. The teacher said to close all of our eyes. My surface level thoughts were that I was the only one with my eyes closed and everyone else was judging everyone who had their eyes closed, me. What an odd way to think.
Kinda late to this, but she honestly really seems like an extremely precious soul. It's so sad the most sensitive people often endure the most harsh treatments, both internally and externally.
Dam this whole missing the window thing is exactly how I feel. Even over stupid simple things like saying hello to friends, sometimes just put my head down and pretend I didn't see them to avoid needing to say hello. It is crippling.
It's so hard to watch this interview because it's so close to my own experience. Pre-teen/teenage girls are horrifying to each other a surprising amount of the time. I'd forgotten it until my own daughter got to that age. And then I'd forgotten it until I watched this. It's like we don't want to admit it to ourselves.
I hear constantly that women, especially young women are very catty, passive aggressive, and fucking cut throat. Far more hostile between each other than men are. I'm inclined to believe it at this point, but I never repeat it because it wasn't and isn't something I could ever experience first hand, so I couldn't truly know.
I relate to her so much, I'm the same as her with the 'they haven't seen me in 4 days so I cant just go in the kitchen now' I've literally starved myself to avoid people.
Same if im about to go to the kitchen or the bathroom, I make sure that no ones on the way when i go and speedrun everything and just go back to my room being depressed.
This happends to me at work. Ill call off one day and just feel like an asshole and eventually not show up at all cause i feel everyone hates me. I hate it
@@Str8xGunner Amazon, at first it was allowed time off, but recently it's lots of doctor's notes. I'm actually in the hospital right now It's gotten so bad.
I wish Dr. K had asked the simple question “Why did you get into streaming and social media?” I would be really interested to hear her honest answer. Because it seems to me that a person with crippling social anxiety would shy away from anything putting themselves in the public eye. It’s amazing that she can even function during a stream. I need a minute to think...
well i can only theorise, as a person who has regular panic attacks for no apparent reason when interacting with "real people" out in the day i can very well understand why lou doesnt want to engage in an activity that makes her feel uncomfortable to the point where it is not only being nervous. being nervous is a "normal" reaction but anxiety can manifest tiself in many nasty ways...heavy breathing, increased heartbeat rate, a felling everyone is staring at you,getting a tremor,being short fused and so on. at least that is my experience. however interacting in the online world is an entire different cup of tea. i can play games and talk on TS,discord what have you without any issues. no nervousness,sudden shaking hand and raised heart rate at all. i cannot tell you why that is because iam not an expert but perhaps for her it is similar, she did mention that streaming wasnt a big deal because its "only a chat" she has to interact with. no idea how it is "on the socials" so to speak because i dont use any of it,probably for the better :) my 2 cents
He did when he was adressing her alcoholism, you weren't paying attention. People with social anxiety tend to self torture when going on social media/platforms to see what normal people are like. Basically, Dr K's response was: don't compare yourself to others, give yourself value and be yourself.
I see sooo much of me in her as a socially anxious person. I've literally had exactly the SAME experiences, especially that whole 'being stuck in my room and avoiding roommates in college' situation in the beginning, as well as the alcohol stuff, later on. Also dr.k is a g at describing our brain in social situations, absolutely spot on
I wish I had a friend like her. She is such a sweet person and I've had terrible social anxiety my whole life too. It was great to hear you talk about alcohol. I used to drink a lot but I can't anymore. It just makes everything worse and gives me anxiety attacks when I sober up.
Wow, I thought I was the only one with these thoughts and feelings. I thought something was wrong with me and I was embarrassed to speak on this. Thank you for being so brave, you definitely are an inspiration to me!
This made me cry during one point. Bc I felt exactly like her. About the social stuff. Felt like an outcast and was super shy and also huge people pleaser. So it felt like he was talking to me and her responses were similar to my own in some ways
This was amazing! It’s obvious it helped her dig deep to see the why. It has also helped me so, so much. Thank you for having the courage to put this out!
That goodbye ending was so sweet. I've never seen a streamer or youtuber respond to a shoutout with: GOD NO; GOODBYE! She was funny and has a sense of humor as well. Loved this interview!
I related this so much. I stop going to highschool irl and I couldnt go back because everyone will talk about me if I went back. Now im on online highschool and I havent socialized for a long time. I only went out three times this year and im having anxiety rn because im going out somewhere and I have no idea how to act in public. What makes it worse is that I have bad sensory issues and im really sensitive to noise and light. Even if I go outside id feel like vomitting. My social anxiety really made me miss out on alot of things. I never really talked to anyone about the issues I have because it makes me feel like im seeking for attention so I just stay quiet and try to figure out how to get rid of it myself. Im really glad you went in depth with social anxiety this really helped me put things together.
I relate to this a lot, I went to online school too because of my anxiety. Do you know that moment when you spent so much time isolated that you start feeling like you don't have anxiety anymore, but only until you leave your house? Anyway, I wish you the best, your comment made me feel understood.
At 1:07:00 when Lou had that sudden change in her expression and decided to share her experience with SA made me actually gasp in real life. The courage! Her whole expression gets so much determination all at once. Thank you for sharing with us.
Old vid but WOW I've got huge respect for you Lou! Despite having social anxiety you were willing to share some intense yet relatable, helpful and powerful stories with others. I hope you find a way to love yourself again and get to meet some friends that will truly value you 😊
This is the most anxious person I have ever seen, it was fascinating to listen and watch her. At her age I had anxiety too, not as bad as hers, but if she's a 10/10 I was a 3/10 and it still felt so painful I can't imagine being a 10/10 . Wish her the best
I relate to the childhood friends treating you as less than the rest of the group. When I was in elementary school my friend group told me I wasn’t their real friend and instead was a “backup backup friend” and to stop following them around, these were the friends I hung out with everyday in school. Fucked me up.
I usually don't comment on videos, but i want to really really really appreciate the courage Lou had to talk about all these things and also thank her for sharing her story. I think a lot of us can relate to the stories that have been told and the feelings that have been shared. Breaking up those toxic and devaluing thoughts is such a tough challenge and i hope this conversation laid the foundation for a healtier mindset in a lot of us. And if you read this Lou i just want to say that you are such a lovely person and i loved listening to your stories. My thoughts go out to you and i wish you nothing but the best. Even if you are not, i for one am certain that you are tougher than you think and that you will be able to beat those toxic thoughts and learn to appreciate the value you have.
I know my social anxiety once I started preschool/first grade. I was an outgoing toddler and then a switch flipped and I’ve been socially anxious ever since.
I absolutely love this conversation. I think it's amazing that Dr. K uses silence so well. I remember s therapist that did the same with me we would sit there for like 10 minutes in silence as we both processed and thought about certain things that were said.
I'm a HSP and find myself struggling with certain social situations a lot. I was never able to enjoy spending time with my family because I get so overwhelmed after 2-3 hours I could just burst into tears for no reason and storm off. I feel like it's getting worse the older I'm getting. So there is always this situation of me sitting there and it's hard for me the whole time, and when my social barometer is finally done after 3 hours and I go home, everybody tells me how disappointed they are after that I always have to go so soon. For me it feels like fucking ages and it hurts to feel like not doing good enough when I really try hard.
You're probably overwhelmed by your family cause you're not being yourself and not talking about what you want to talk about. If you're the HSP in the family then you can act like one. When serious conversations come up you talk more deeply about them. You're the person who can talk more deeply and personally about things while everybody else only talks about it on the surface. Groups need people like you and it only benefits everybody if you show this side of yourself. Embrace that trait of yours and don't see it as weakness. People actually feel lots of empathy for persons who show their true feelings and not hide them, because that makes them suspicious and as if they were hiding something. The phrase "be yourself" is stupid because it's hard to know who you are, but if you feel like a conversation is too boring or overwhelming then show that you don't like it. Try to initiate a change of topic, tell them what you feel about it so that people also adapt to you and not just you to them. I noticed this immediately draws positive attention to myself and people feel interested.
Does the setting where you are have many sensory inputs? If there is a lot of other stuff going on live music or TV or many people, maybe you can reduce some of those? That could improve your situation and how long you can stay.
No I don't really get sensory overload that often. But I get it with people a lot. I am the only introvert in a family of extroverts. I wouldn't call it abuse but they definitely don't understand at all where I'm coming from. My mom started laughing when I said I think I'm highly sensitive ... She thought it was funny. I don't think she will ever really understand how much I hate situations like that and that I will always avoid them if I can.
It's not like my family is abusive but they are just so different from me that they can't understand my issues. I think it's just bad luck honestly 😂 but of course that affects me and that's why I reserve so much alone time for myself because I know WHEN I go out it's going to be exhausting.
Ooofff, I cried watching this. Holy shit. Respect to Lou for sharing her story and being so open. The importance of this channel can not be overstated. SO much respect for your Dr K and whoever else manages this channel. Thank you.
I have listened to this more than once but never commented. Your story really broke something inside of me, it touched fibers that few things have... but it has made me a better person. Thank you Lou, I wish you very well, now and forever.
this interview is something special to me. Lou is very relatable, I want to thank her for coming. I knew I have some level of social anxiety, this helps a lot to learn and talk about it. the being late to class and deciding to skip the rest of it, prioritizing other people over my inconvenience, feeling guilt for leaving when other people can just do it, phone call anxiety. I'm growing out if it partially, and there is still way to go. thank you again
I'm SO glad they had this interview, I've been waiting for a social anxiety one and a female interviewee for a while now, and this was remarkably helpful. Thanks for being so strong Lou!
I wish I could positively value social anxiety more. My social anxiety is been isolating me for so long, I cannot even function in my life. It's so frustrating...
@@SLisaPizza Yes I have cognitive behavioural therapy. Also for 2 year I used to use benzodiazepines. Please people don't use those things to suppress your emotions if your suffering from this condition! It than gets 10 times more worse because of the GABA withdrawal neurotransmitter. The best advise I can give is to see it for what it is and its only trying to alert you.
@@DutchieDopa I hope you can find a solution that works. For me it is a mixture of gradual exposure and learning to allow the anxiety to exist instead of suppressing it. The app unwinding anxiety by judd brewer helped me a lot! And no, I am not sponsored. Just a suggestion if you look for something.
Circumstance in her life make her doubt about herself so much, I hope it gets better and that she goes seek for help! I'm glad I've watched this, I did learn about social anxiety and even a little bit about myself in the process! Thank you
Pure, as in naive and traumatised? We need to get real and see things the way they are if we wany actual improvement. This girl needs massive therapy and awareness about her truly messed up sense of self. Thinking about how she's a great.person and amazing does jack shit to her situation. Right now, she is naive and lacks awareness and integriity. It starts by waking up and seeing yourself the way you are instead of this idealization.
@@GM-yb5yg I agree with you, don't get me wrong. I just found this "therapy session" being very intriguing for people with social anxiety. Introspection is the key, obviously. And psychologist are there to help people through it. I don't think making compliment should be seen as idealization, but I agree that in this situation she obviously need to get real about it and seek help instead of being pet by those who have pity of her. Thanks for sharing your thoughts * I'll adjust my comment, if you don't mind * ;)
I resonate with her so much. Been similar stuff through in my earlier years in life. I never thought I would learn this much about my social anxiety, but this video changed a lot. Big respect to you, Poopernoodle! Thank you so much for this.
49:20 This point absolutely resonated with me in the sense that I am afraid to be happy because I’m afraid of the depressing episodes that follow. Anyone else?
This is really hard to watch. Only because i relate to a lot of what she's talking about/experienced/felt. And the sad part is that even when you come to the realisation that you werent always this way; That something caused it - That you dont want to 'act like a victim', or tell others because you dont want them to feel bad, is that there is no clear-cut solution. Even knowing the cause and the subsequent actions there is no 'fix' because it's a mentality developed over the course of traumatic years.
it also to recongize, you were not born with these feelings. its really hard when you do know whats going on in your brain, it takes hard work to reprogram your brain, but you can do it :)
The "fix" is facing your fears over and over. It gets better. A personal code of mine is to never turn down an invitation. Acknowledge the fear, and face it head on. A more daring friend of mine challenged herself to go to a café and introduce herself to a stranger. Start small in facing your fears, and eventually your social anxiety gets smaller and less powerful.
Even though my situation isn't exactly the same, it's so easy to draw parallels. I relate to the self victimization and catastrophizing to people telling me I'm over thinking things and making mountains out of molehills. Especially since all of it seems like a self fulfilling prophecy and a vicious cycle.
I very much relate too and it was hard to watch for me as well. I also wish to add (for me anyway) another hard part of coming to this realisation is that you re trying to stand up for yourself, listen to that voice etc. But you dont have the "skill" yet to necessarily do that. Some people will still try to victim blame you when you try to speak up. And until you kind of get a good footing and you know how to handle situations, it leaves you as this purgatory state where you KNOW you deserve x, but you feel like you dont. You speak up, but when this has negative effects on you you still blame yourself for it on the bad days out of the good days.
She has a lovely accent. I struggle with social anxiety myself and admire her courage to openly discuss these private and embarassing situations to overcome the daily struggle. I think she's come quite some way since her experiences in university and I hope she can further improve her situation. I havn't come this far yet but it's inspiring to listen to her story.
This interview was very emotional for me. Poopernoodle's story was very relatable and I couldn't help but feel for her, especially during the story about her birthday.
@George Sander interesting first thought, do you know the type of guys who go for vulnerable girls ? I hope youre not left alone with too many people dude
K has this special way of asking, it’s a structure going in a circle with interchangeable key points in each question. What amazes me is how he articulates his interest and his ability to pinpoint reason! (I also noticed that he does some kind of “trauma therapy without having to know the whole background of the individual which seems to have quiet the effect with young adults, again incredible combination of zeitgeist and ability to deduct(and years of study))
Things to take from this vid: - if responded to with “I feel like x” always ask for raw emotion - ask them about logical fallacies if you notice them in their talk (if they are negative for ego) - transitions in conversation themselves can be questioned - allow break for emotions - question behavior or decisions which have negative consequences - it’s the (thought of (theoretical)) Change in your dominance hierarchy that scares you, not the actual position - it’s not a problem with recognition of reaction in other people, it’s a problem with realization of said reactions in oneself(which can easily be conditioned)
Thank you for this I want to be a psychiatrist so the way he does therapy really interests me. I wish he expanded more on his method in videos to up and coming psychiatrists
This video is fascinating. I feel like I've learned more of an ability to empathize with things that I have no personal experience with. I wasn't familiar with Lu before this video, but I have complete respect for her courage in being able to do something like this. If I had these intuitions about the world around me, I couldn't imagine that I'd have the bravery to put it on display for others. I hope the best for her, she totally deserves it.
Same. Unexpected aswell, just goes to prove (once again) that life is so utterly complex and all of us are so uniquely different, yet the feelings we share are so similar :)
I've always felt that i can read people much better than most people, i have social anxiety too and I went through so many things that both Poo or Dr K went through. I also make a lot of barriers around me because i have a tough time trusting people, this means not a lot of people aren't willing to come close which means I'm alone a lotta time which in turn fuels my anxiety and makes me think everyone hates me. I have been working on these issues that I have and this video was extremely helpful.
Incredible how much this video and channel is helping ppl. It makes me emotional. Hearing that someone like Dr. k has “messed up” or failed at normal things is relieving and reassuring
Very enlightening and relatable, maybe almost a little to relatable, to the point that I felt I could predict 90% of what was going to be said and felt. I feel out of mana and I wasn’t even interviewed. Big up for noodle for having the courage to talk about it and even stream to begin with and but her self out their. She is just adorable!
This hits so fucking close to home it hurts. As the youngest, I can easily relate to being excluded by my brothers for being different. They couldnt relate to me as I was 5 years+ younger than them. I definitely relate to the "if I dont see this person for x amount of time, I cant see them" thing. I feel this so bad that I cant even see my own fucking brother when he comes to visit. It started with just not seeing my cousins, now its gotten worse. I used to sit next to this guy in English and we would talk for the whole class nonstop. It was great. The next year, I barely ever saw him and now I can barely muster the courage to be seen by him, let alone talk to him. I was also in a toxic friend group (two of them in fact), the first one was composed of people from my primary school. We used to all walk to highschool together ever since day one. My "bracelet" moment was when I was late one day. We would always give latecomers atleast 10 minutes before we left, but they left me straight away (I was only a few minutes behind so I could see them up the road). It really fucking sucked. More situations like this happened and I eventually realised I really didnt like any of them and left. Its things like my "friends" not choosing me for group activities in school, etc. The second group was really shit. It had a "pecking order" of sorts and revolved around putting people down. The "leaders" of the group were those who were the wittiest, funniest and best at bullying the others. Nobody in this group liked each other, and Im sure they all knew it. I was even told multiple times that no-one wanted me there. It was three long toxic years before I decided to leave. One of them reached out to me when we were one on one and told me that they "liked me and it was all just for fun" but thats a shitty excuse for being bastards. Truth is, they were all quite nice on their own, but in a group they change. I often put myself down. Im a fat bastard whos terrible at talking to people and who likely has no future. I excused it as just self-deprecating humor, but after watching this I realised its really just a defence mechanism. If I say the meanest shit to myself, no one can hurt me. Ever since I was in primary school I always used to think people would avoid me on the sidewalk because I was ugly. I was always a quiet kid and I never really had any friends I just lingered. I was never chosen for groups or teams in PE. I remember this one activity we did in primary school where we wrote nice comments about our classmates. Everyone I saw had several personalised comments and I was left with like three which were either "funny" and "seems nice". catastrophising put a name on why I do some things that I do. I always worry my parents will walk in on me when Im playing a game or watching videos - regardless of how innocuous it might be. I always leave one ear open and hearing footsteps outside my door or hearing a door open downstairs gives me a fucking heart attack. Its really frustrating. I always think theyll see what Im doing and take my PC or consoles away. I hate listening to music or game sounds through speakers as I feel someones going to get angry at me for playing it too loud. Over time, Ive developed a sensitivity to loud sounds. Its hard to explain but I get incredibly anxious hearing things be too loud. Im at quite a loss. K will likely never see this, but the advice to the socially anxious of "see a therapist" doesnt exactly help. *How can I get help from a therapist if Im terrified of talking to people I dont know?* I cant even answer my door to get a parcel or talk to a cashier in a grocery store let alone see someone and declare somethings wrong with me when I know jackshit about how psychology works.
Nihilism. Rationalize why what people think of you doesnt matter. Ive experienced similar things and feel like a partial solution is changing the ammount of value u place on how others view u. Im not sure if nihilism is the best way but it has allowed me to make progress. Good luck
@@squid0g id consider myself to be a hedonic nihilist already (though thats probably inaccurate). My feelings and fears arent rational so its pretty hard if not impossible to just cast them aside by choice. I can logically tell that speaking to women isnt going to kill me, I can logically tell that people on the street dont hate me as they have better things to do than have strong feelings about people they dont know but that obvious knowledge doesn't help me. I appreciate the response but that solution wont work for me. Its like how people with arachnophobia know spiders are harmless but piss themselves whenever they see one lmao
Social anxiety is the least of your concerns. Learn about your family dynamics which are clearly fucked up. This a problem within your family and caretakers and its a relational problem, anxiety is only a symptom. Your dont even trust your ownnparents, dont you see how screwed up this situation is? Actually you can get help right now by understanding your emotional needs are not met, clearly. Now you can do something about it. Im gonna bet youbhave nonone that you are close to and that will be though. . Slowly over time you will develop values and a healthy sense of self if you stop with the victim and doomsday mentality. Your outlooknis truly fucked and needs to change. You should have parents that you can depend on, but if you dont there will be years of therapy.
@@GM-yb5yg my parents are great though? I get along with them very well. I treat them more as friends than authority figures (i dont know if thats common or not) but I'd consider them to be very reliable and my relationships with my brothers are the same. I don't hate any of them, in fact I'm quite good friends with one of them. As I've grown up, I'm now on the same social level as them with similar life experiences. I mean, what would a college student talk to about with an elementary school pupil? Of course they didnt care to talk to me then. Its not like i was neglected. I know for a fact that my view of family is different to many people's view. I don't see any significance in "blood relatives". I dont care about anyone outside my immediate family. Cousins, uncles, etc. If I dont live with them and I barely know them, why should I? Why do they hold more value than my friends that I arguably know better than I know them? I dont know where you got the idea that I have a "doomsday" or "victim" mentality came from. My outlook follows the principles of hedonic nihilism pretty closely in that I have concluded that life is ultimately meaningless, but I dont dwell on that. In fact, its comforting to know my laziness isnt souring some greater design. I live life by pursuing the things I enjoy or things that are "pleasurable" (though i hate that word). I enjoy creating, learning and generally having a comfortable, good time by myself. You arent wrong about me not having any close friends. I don't. But honestly, I dont care to make any. My main issue is that I find it hard to talk to anyone i dont know when i need to (eg applying for a job, going to uni or even passing people on the street). I made the original comment to point out how relatable Lou's situation was to my own. How my thoughts do the same shit to me as hers do to her. Part of me does wish to change my situation. But without direction or guidance its difficult to know how to begin. I dont even know if I even have social anxiety, but I can't find out because Im terrified of seeing a therapist. Ultimately, I just want to find out whats wrong with me and how I can remedy it so I can live my life my way without viewing social interactions as massive hurdles that impede my goals and worrying about what people think.
As for me, I think in terms of social life, I am even worse than you. I am very incapable of talking with others, because I generally don't know how to respond exactly. I have observed others socialising, and I kind of learnt on how people might respond. But when I actually get to the situation, I worry that I may have observed wrong and that they'll think my response is weird. So I never actually get to respond with the things I've seen people usually respond with. To be honest though, I am always aware in my mind that not responding, and taking that step will overall prevent my social growth. I know that if I were to take that step and experiment with responses, I can progress further and learn the basics of socialising. But similar to you, I catastrophize. Due to that I end up never making progress. But there's a catch. I actually know the solution to my social problems. However, I am a person with very large dreams and goals for my life. So I very much try to prioritise my time into learning the things I'm interested in, such as coding, or filming. Because of that, I never end up using the solution that I know of, because it takes time. In other words, my social issue remains due to my big ambitions and goals (when I say big, I mean making a billion dollar company level of big). And these goals are goals I absolutely have to fulfil. On the other hand, I assume you don't have as big of a goal that I do. And I assume you don't need to prioritise all of your time in reaching your goals? If so, let me try to share what I think is the solution to social anxiety and catastrophising. I think the solution to the problem is to gain high levels of control of thought and emotion. The main problem is that we succumb to that one of bit of thought and emotion. Just because we're overly worried of how we might be perceived, we fail to socialise properly. So I think the best solution to this problem would be to constantly practice to control your thoughts and emotion. Yes, you might generally be rational most of the time. But the fact that you have this problem of catastrophising indicates that you do succumb to mere emotions for a certain period of time. This is why I think we just need to gain control. How do we do that? I think they key to do that is to practice it throughout our daily lives. Even if it's not even related to a social situation, just constantly check your own thoughts and try to keep it as rational as possible. Check your own attitude, your emotion, mindset etc. Check all of that, and have the intent to makes things as objective and rational as possible. Throughout my life, I've learnt that emotion can be controlled through mindset. For example, let me talk about anger. Whether or not we do it actively or subconsciously, we all set a line or standard as to what is acceptable and not acceptable. And when someone crosses that line, we naturally just get angry or irritated because we subconsciously or actively think "this is unacceptable". In order to control that emotion, we simply need to be aware of that standard, and with a rational and objective mind, remind ourselves not to be angry. If you do that constantly, you start to gain more and more control of your thoughts and emotions. Therefore my suggestion to you is for you to start practicing this in everyday life. Whatever it is, just try to be aware of your emotions, thoughts, and mindset towards it. Then try to control it. The more you do this, the easier it becomes and the better you get at making rational choices rather than the ones made by impulse or temporary emotion. It's all about having control and effectively changing yourself as your rational mind wants it to. I personally do this with different things. But doing it with my social anxiety takes a lot more effort. And since I don't have much time due to my dreams, I haven't been able to improve my social skills and social confidence. But if you have time, I think should try to do this everyday. I hope this helps.
Thanks for doing this to you and everyone that's been on the show. These streams have helped me immensely. I've been in and out of therapy, on and off medication for the past years and these few months watching the streams or VODs have taught me more about myself and human nature than I would have hoped for meeting a new therapist. It probably says more about me but I really appreciate it.
Lou seems like an extremely nice person to be around, and I felt really bad for her when she told her stories about past friends and her childhood because I knew exactly how she felt. I used to have similar friends back in elementary school and I spent most of my childhood playing on my own, too. I have issues with social anxiety and loneliness and a slight fear of women since a group of girls bullied me in elementary school. I hope to meet someone like her someday, knowing the shit she went through.
man that was so adorable and heartwarming :D as someone myself who suffered from social anxiety for like two decades or even longer, I can tell you that there's always a way to conquer it!
This has been absolutely brilliant, I don't have social anxiety but my ex-partner did and I recognized so many of the issues and thought-patterns she was describing. Massive massive massive respect to her for coming on and being that open.
Props to Poopernoodle for mustering the courage to come on.
she so brave! wow!
WH OMEGALUL
@@xiqy1959 yikes
I read this "Props to Poopermoodle for murdering the courage to come on."
Props for telling the pop story and naming herself about that story
BRO WTF. Big respect to her for revealing the meaning behind her name lmao
How do you accidently do a shit in the sink tho?
@@d0x2f probably was urinating and shit accidentally came out as well lmao
@@d0x2f You're thinking too much about it if you're asking how it can be an "accident." Sharts, by definition, aren't on purpose. It can just happen. This is why "shart" stories exist--because it just happens, and people get a crazy embarrassing story to account for it. But most people don't intentionally shit their pants (nor the sink). If it hasn't happened to you before, just keep living life and wait for it. Sharts can happen to literally anybody.
Not to mention that she was already using the sink to pee (something that I've been guilty of due to social anxiety myself). If you're a girl (or sit down to pee in general), have you never had some doodoo slip out? In those cases it obviously doesn't matter--you're already on the commode, so it works out. But obviously the dynamic changes if it's a sink and not a toilet. Hence you get a Poopernoodle story. I have mad respect that she recounted that story in front of the internet. A lot of people would be too shamed to admit something like that. Even just admitting that you piss in bottles or a sink due to social anxiety can be TMI for people to feel like they can admit.
It's easy for me to say, anonymously online, that I share the account of pissing in bottles/sinks due to social anxiety. But I don't think I've ever admitted this to anyone in real life. First of all it's an odd thing to come up, so that's probably the main reason. But even if anyone ever directly asked me, I'd definitely feel reluctance. I'd probably feel similarly if my face was online and I was telling it to the whole internet.
But that shit can happen when social anxiety flares up. It's unfortunately not a very uncommon symptom if you have bad social anxiety (or even depression? which is often comorbid with anxiety), particularly when living with roommates. Add in the general possibility of "sharts" and this was always a potential inevitability. But it's still not something you plan for. Nobody ever expects to shart. That's when it gets ya.
@WhatIsNature this dude lowkey wrote an essay about someone accidentally shitting in a sink
she has explained the fullstory elsewhere, think of a sexual activity involving that area of the body
Dr.K has a very beautiful way of making every problem seem logical. He makes people see themselves as human rather than crazy, which is something really special about these interviews.
Huandan
Well put.
Think of it as logic that’s founded within emotional understanding
You are right about that. He is really great at his art
It some tribal cultures schizophrenics are treated like gifted one and potential future shaman
@@varski76
Non mais
Anyone else with social anxiety terrified of phone calls? I have an easier time talking with someone face to face than over the phone. I always have to rehearse what im going to say several times before I call to make an appointment or something.
I have really bad anxiety mixed with speech impediments so I've had to type out scripts for myself with different possibilities just to make sure I don't screw up while talking on the phone
I have that as well. Same with incoming calls from people, I get very nervous.
I only get that when there's other people around, so it's kind of like everyone's listening in on your conversation
Face to face is 100x worse for me.
I am. Well, I was and am a bit better now. The thing that helped was that I literally had to do it as part of my job: ordering food for a cafe. It was the same repetitive thing I had to say each day, which eased me into the concept of phoning people. I'm good with official stuff like that, but struggle phoning friends and family.
I haven’t cried out of sadness in at least four or five years, but her story about the bracelet and how she felt excluded has made me a complete mess. I have severe social anxiety myself and can recall so many times where I felt (and was) left out by “friends” when I was younger. I’m so glad she came on here, it’s nice to know there are others out there who have gone through what you have and still struggle with daily.
As she told the story I was just remembering this stupid time when I was young and I had a group of friends of like 7 girls and I had been the first to get a phone and they all promised me that when they got phones we would exchange numbers and text etc. And then like a year went by and I was at lunch and found out that they had all hung out together the weekend prior without me and I was like "why?" And they were like "oh cause your not in the group chat" and I found out that day that all 6 of my friends had gotten phones, told each other, exchanged numbers, made a group chat, and never once told me. It was probably one of the worst feelings I had ever felt that young which feels so stupid cause i was so young
@@christinamansen8636 it’s not stupid to feel sad about that, you felt excluded. Doesn’t matter how old you are, it can really hurt!
Hope you're doing better now!
Felt
@@christinamansen8636 I'm still trying to wrap my head around why that happens. Like maybe people feel uncomfortable around us? It happened to me with a girl passing out candy and I knew me and her didn't exactly get along but it was so awkward being the only one who wasn't offered a candy. You'd think she'd notice and be like I should offer her one out of common courtesy, but no.
We need "Can I think for a second?" merch.
He does have it on the healthygamer merch store! lol
How about, "Am I making any sense?!"
@@CrapsGoodxD I want the "Does that make sense? squadR"
There really is something to that. So often people worship other who are able to retort on a dime (im thinking destiny or shapiro). I LOVE when Dr. K asks for a moment to think. It is so refreshing, and we need to worship people who think before they speak and not shame those who aren't able or don't want to sound like they are in a heater of a debate at all time.
I would like a "how are you feeling right now"
damn dr k in a hoodie hits different
top comment in coming
dr k wit the drip
*Fresh asf*
i can imagine him running up some stairs like rocky
LOL i was thinking the same thing
Such a sweet gal, wishing her all the best.
love her so cute
@Thanos's Dick ah yes the alpha chad.
@Thanos's Dick There's a reason no one likes you, but it's not too late to change.
"normally i shi* in plastic bags"
@@magnus2544 Maybe he's just having a laugh? I'm not sure what attributing unlikeability to him does for you here, honestly. If his goal was to get a reaction, he's just succeeded in doing so.
Around 1:45:12 Lou takes some time to think of something wonderful about herself and comes up with "I really like dogs." That's really sweet, but I was casually checking out her Twitter while watching this and learned that all the balloons behind her were from when she and her community raised over $8000 for charity (!!) You have lots that's wonderful about you, Lou :)
thank you
@@poopernoodle
@@poopernoodle You are a wonderful person and you have the sweetest, kindest heart. I hope life is treating you well, you deserve it more than anyone on this planet. I hope you see this, but you probably won't and that's okay🙂. Thank you.
@@ryanfrank1309 wow more than me thats mean
@@C8Canine yes more than you Zyren
this feels like free therapy. cried quite a few times during this lol
Exactly! Completely agree.
Crying ≠ therapy
@@worstpianist3985 crying can happen in therapy, they never said crying equals therapy
@@worstpianist3985 crying can be extremely therapeutic
There’s a difference between therapeutic and therapy friend. ^_^
She is so sweet my heart just melted
me too :D
You're gross
@@gijane2cantwaittoseeyou203 ?
@@gijane2cantwaittoseeyou203 ??
@@gijane2cantwaittoseeyou203 ???
I started tearing up a bit when Poopernoodle was talking about her "friends" and all that. Rough stuff but was a great interview
Same. It still amazes me sometimes how *mean* some people can be...
mean girls are horrible
Same thing for me
Yeah that was heartbreaking
@@alyssac6215 OMG thank you for commenting I was trying to find this videos but couldn't remember the name.
I can relate to this girl so much. Especially the social anxiety stuff. I dropped out of high school and then university. I would be like 5 minutes late, stand in front of the door and listen to the class start inside, have a huge melt down, cry, throw up in the bathroom, look at the time. See that I'm an hour late, not find the courage to go inside, and just go home. An hour and a half of transportation btw. I feel so much better now, and actually like I'm in control. I hope everyone who goes through this knows they ll eventually be done with this and get better. it's not you, just something happening to you. You are strong, you just don't know it yet.
You literally described my years in university, I couldn't go inside if I was late by like 5 minutes, cause people would look at my direction ... I actually had to stay in the uni baths for hours and then go back home , I never passed my first year at uni and spent 4 years lying to my parents.
It feels good knowing there's people who go through the same things :(
@@SniffinCoke jesus christ this hits so hard. I never knew people had this same fear as I did. I also would not enter a uni class late so i ended up eating at campus and waiting 2 hrs to go home. I tried coming in early instead. I dropped out of uni for 2 years and lied to my parents as well. But im back now and my anxiety improved, i even answer questions in class, also quarantine made everything easier. Dont give up man, its calming to know others felt this way too.
@@jon9428 yeah things do get better if you try hard enough .
I actually got back into uni and changed my major and started over again ,I will be graduating next year if everything goes right ! I've confessed to my parents and got help cause things were really rough for those 4 years . Not every thing is perfect ( I still don't have a single irl friend since like 6 years ago ) but things really do get better :D
@@SniffinCoke sounds like you had it tougher than me. Glad to know things are getting better, good luck out there.
When you said "Literally your brain has more processing power", she lit up. It was so nice to see that.
See if he said that to me I would think that he was only telling me that because he was trying to see and judge my reaction to figure out if I was narcissistic or not. 😅not because I think he does that but it’s my own struggle of feeling like i need to prove that I am not a bad person or being afraid being exposed as a bad person also maybe that accepting any praise is bad. Not sure what’s wrong with me I think paranoia.
it's kind of funny how everyone in the comments is amazed with her honesty about embarrassing things, yet in the video they discover that it's her defense mechanism, avoiding uncertainty of whether people will like her by portraying herself badly. And it stems from anxiety and negative self image. Not something to respect, more like something to feel compassion for.
It is still exceptional, wether it is “respectable” or not. Most of us will just never dare to reveal things we feel embarrassed of. So it is the honesty that people are amazed of.
I have a social phobia and I do exactly that... I used to think everyone could see anything I was feeling, so if I did something wrong, I had to confess immediately. I had a father that would watch me all the time and criticize everything in the most negative way possible...so I thought if I told before he would it wouldn't be as bad... It took me till about 30 to not feel guilty all the time anymore... Even if I hadn't done anything wrong I would still feel guilty... Its a horrible reality. I still have phobia though, and It makes me anxious to be around people still, I'm 36 now...
I think you can respect her and have compassion for her at the same time...
im so so so thankful that dr. K let a girl with social anxiety come on stream. im a girl myself and i relate to poopernoodle so much that tears welled in my eye. i felt relieved that a girl on this earth is exactly like me. i have bad social anxiety like her where id spend days in my room avoiding to see my family and i dropped out a year of school because my social anxiety was that bad.
i relate to her so much on the moving part, being in a different country with different languages other than your own. i moved to a foreign country when i was 5 (almost 18 now) and had a really hard time fitting in so i didnt really learn to speak the language and that prevented me from making lots of friends, even to this day i have a really hard time so id rather isolate myself because i feel no one wants anything to do with me as what poopernoodle feels. i know what its like to not fit in with other kids. moving places really can mess up a child.
i feel relieved that im not the only one whos gross as a girl lmao or doesnt have any girl friends. i relate to her low self-esteem and the devaluing of oneself, i relate to the blaming oneself too. i deal with lots of self hate and guilt and i beat myself up for being weak or complaining.
im only 45 minutes in so far so theres still a lot to hear and i hope the strategies and conclusions dr. K gives at the end helps. thank you so much, this has touched the deepest part of my sad heart ❤️ thank you so much poopernoodle for having the courage to come on stream and talk, i feel really happy to not be alone and to have dr. K touch on a subject/situation that i needed ❤️
Hoping things can turn around for you ❤️
If it wasn't clear the meditation practice at the end was Dr. K trying first to figure out a way Noodle could safely dip into anxiety, then view those thoughts and feel those feelings, and then pull back out without it being too difficult. The idea is 'gaining distance from thoughts', by experiencing in a controlled way the thoughts that are bothering you and pulling up the feelings and emotions they evoke precisely so you can study then and recognize them as thoughts and the feelings they cause. Doing this many times can give you power over the original thoughts that lead to the feelings by giving you distance or perspective. It may not be as easy as simply closing your eyes in your situation, you may need to imagine yourself in an anxiety provoking situation to then evoke the thoughts and their feelings to then study them and eventually gain distance. Much love!
@@darlantro Thanks for that dude, I figured that I might need to imagine myself in an anxiety provoking situation in order to feel those feelings, since my anxiety is not that extreme, and she was much more exposed on that situation than I would be in daily because she was on a stream and talking to another person. Also, very good explaination!
Tell yourself “I frankly don’t give a damn what you think about me, go to Hell”
@@hola_chelo A tricky thing about having to imagine an anxious situation to bring up anxious thoughts and study the thoughts themselves is it needs to be something you can quickly escape from and cut off, or else you could open your eyes and still feel pretty anxious. Note that Dr. K didn't seed her mind with some specific intense emotional experience from her past, but was instead asking her 'how does it feel if I tell you that you are terrible', and I suspect was planning on just trying different generally bad words to find ones that might trigger a bit of anxiety in her but not a ton,... then they realized just closing her eyes around people is very anxiety inducing and went with that. If you have a room or area in your home that is more anxiety provoking that you can enter and leave, that's another idea to just sit in there eye closed for about 30 seconds, then leave and then return and do it again a few times, each time studying your thoughts and trying to identify the feeling they are bringing up.
“You’re living life like the speed runners” holy shit accurate won’t cut it
can't believe im watching this 4 years from the upload, What a coincidence.
Lou is so relatable. I once cut my hair but was terrified of the awkward encounter with my roommate where we would discuss my hair being different. I wore a beanie around my roommate every time I saw her, even in the blistering summer. It's just so... Like I get it.
Lou deserved better
how do you have the courage to get your hair cut? LOL, it's still a huge effort for me I have no idea where to look in the mirror when it's being cut. I always feel like the barber/stylist will get mad at me for judging their work, etc.
@@j.67 I usually just zone out when getting mine done, saves the effort of worrying about it lol
@@j.67just get yourself exposed.
😂 I get that I feel like rolling around in a ball and not wanting to interact with anyone.
I have never related to someone more than her. Several moments in this interview brought tears to my eyes. Feeling understood feels liberating
Aside from her bravery coming on and talking about, this, she also raised like 8K for suicide awareness and blew up balloons for those who donated. Amazing!
Seeing as Poopernoodle will probably read every single comment on here (both the good and nasty ones)
i just want to say this. Lou you are a wonderful, amazing and kind person, and you should feel so proud of yourself for having the courage to talk about stuff like this
as someone who suffers from social anxiety, this was really heartwarming to see, and alot of your stories really hit home.
You will never be alone, you will always have people who love you for the person that you are, that's what you should focus on, forget people who think bad things about you
or people who judge you, or don't believe you. You display so many admirable qualities from watching this stream, don't devalue yourself, you deserve to feel happiness and love
May your future be full of joy and happiness
Big hugs and love
What nasty comments? I don't see a single one.
@@James-wu2hf hes just simping leave him be
@@michska53 He's not simping. He's just being a decent person. I've known Lou for a couple years and I don't think I can say a single bad thing about her character. She's been exceptionally kind to me and everyone else that whole time. Her struggles with anxiety are sadly not unusual, and she's had other difficulties I really don't want to discuss. Don't discount the value of knowing that other people care about you. I'd suggest trying it some time.
I second this, wholeheartedly. Objectively, Lou, you are a kind & thoughtful person that anyone could care for. You are so, so so funny (LOLd) & endearing in your mannerisms. Along with the kindness above, I send you many well wishes that you be surrounded by friends who treasure these things (and the parts of you shown here). They will do it freely and without hesitation because it is so easy. You ARE a wonderful person (sorry ik thats icky to hear). Keep challenging your brain & most of all...THANK YOU so much for being on here. I learned so much about myself and others from what youve shared. Its truly invaluable to me.
She is gorgeous, in so many ways! And she isn’t the only one with this kind of issues. Not by far! Watching this had made me cry real tears for the first time in about 10 years or more. And I’ve never seen a more empathic being than Dr K. I’m stunned by his skills. I’ve seen a few therapists but this guy is on a completely different level.
"Close your eyes in public."
"But what if I get hit by a car?"
😂😂😂
@@sugoiz4276 😁👍
She doesn't even know how pretty and funny she is lol. Well, I hope that thanks to Dr. K, she's going to start seeing that now!
@@didkddididj1914 Yes officer, this is the child who learned the word simp recently
@@didkddididj1914 When did u realize ur mom didn't love you?
PMS-ing Nun when did your dad leave?
Poopernoodle is actually a really likeable person, I could see many people (myself included) who would want to be her friend.
I would want to be more than friends
Man, what a great guy you are. Just found this channel, you are great. Great insight and just a genuinely nice person
facts
I'm just taking a moment to let this sink in. This beautiful human being went and is going through something this horrible, yet she is brave enough to talk in front of thousands of people and share her story so that not only she learns from it, but also us. For someone with social anxiety, that's mad impressive - it would be even without that, but this is just so inspiring.
Love this comment
Poopernoodle, that feeling you got at the end when K said "you are perfect just the way you are", hold on to that and reflect on it. I say this as a person who had terrible social anxiety from a very early age and throughout most of my adult years. I'm 37 now and I can say that I've gained the kind of perspective K is talking about. It takes time, it takes practice, but you can do it, and that feeling that made you cry at the end there is the proof that you have a sense of self-worth deep inside you that's been suppressed for so long.
I legitimately teared up when he said that and I saw the look on your face, because I recognized myself in your struggle. You can do it! 🙂
It's like she's never heard a genuine compliment in her life and that's sad.
As for what you say, there's something to be said about being in your 30's too. I'm 34 and just now realizing how much of my life I wasted on seeking validation from strangers. How many things I missed out on and didn't do because I was afraid of judgement. For example, dying my hair pink. I was afraid of being made fun of but ever since I did it 7 years ago, I've never felt more free. I'm learning who I am and I'm learning to be proud of that.
Like Dr. K said (paraphrasing), you're going to be judged either way so you might as well be happy just being yourself. In that regard, other people don't matter. YOU matter.
So good it could be sung by Bruno Mars.
Yeah I'm 35, and that made me well up, even though I'm not even someone who suffers from much self-loathing or social anxiety.
Guess that's one of the good things about growing old, you start noticing all the good things too.
I cried for a full 10 minutes just from reading that. We really wish I had friends that said that to me. :/
As a person also being very sensitive to facial expressions, I confirm: I also thought that Dr K looked bored 😂
Daamn, that's so interesting! Maybe a year or two ago I would've said the same but now I saw him being calm, peaceful, or just neutral. Maybe it's also because I've watched so much of his content I know he wouldn't get bored by these interviews, he loves doing these.
Me too 😂
I don’t think I’ve ever felt so connected to someone in these interviews. So many similar things happened to me and my mind works almost identically to hers in terms of anxiety. I mean god, I did the exact same thing with not going to classes in college, I had shitty friends just like that that made me feel less than everyone else but also “overdramatic,” I refuse to ask a nail tech to change what they’re doing because I feel guilty... it’s scary how much I identify with her experiences.
sameeeeee
same but i want a solution
Sometimes when you drown for long enough you just grow gills, then it can become impossible to breath again on land.
Why are you such a great poet?
I'm writing your words down in my journal, such a beautiful quote
"Blaming the victim is the last refuge of assholes" I love this. Pooper if by any chance you are reading this looking for the bad comments, I suggest for today you stop at this one instead. You showed your authentic self on this stream and I am convinced the overwhelming majority of the community thought you would be a blast to hang out with, and deserved much more than half a box of donuts for your birthday. We see you, we hear you and we believe you. Being naive and not seeing the red flags isn't a crime, it's the result of having faith in humanity and empathy, which others did not have for you. YOU are the better person, even if you think you were dumb for having these valuable qualities at the wrong time. I'm just a stranger on the Internet, so I'm not writing this to be nice, I just think you deserve to sit with something good for a little while. I hope you're well.
Thank you for this comment
This is a beautiful comment
@@SunriseAlchemist I'll fourth this OP as well.
"The only way to show up the next day is to have been perfect the day before"...Damn. No wonder I hate going to work. Some part of me is ashamed that I'm not perfect and I can't tell if it's a lack of self confidence or arrogance.
If you feel like you are failing I don’t think that’s [called] arrogance.
It’s also not necessarily about self confidence, although a lack thereof obviously strengthens the issue.
It’s mainly a matter of expectation and assessment of self, and specifically differently towards others which we obviously perceive differently to ourselves - if at all.
A common related concept is 'imposter syndrome'. Could be interesting to read up on for you as well.
Perfectionism can really suck and be detrimental.
She seems super nice, I hope she's in a better place now two years later.
"Yeah. Cuz my eyes are closed!"
I feel that. I was in a yoga class once and we did meditation. The teacher said to close all of our eyes. My surface level thoughts were that I was the only one with my eyes closed and everyone else was judging everyone who had their eyes closed, me. What an odd way to think.
Kinda late to this, but she honestly really seems like an extremely precious soul. It's so sad the most sensitive people often endure the most harsh treatments, both internally and externally.
Dam this whole missing the window thing is exactly how I feel. Even over stupid simple things like saying hello to friends, sometimes just put my head down and pretend I didn't see them to avoid needing to say hello. It is crippling.
It's so hard to watch this interview because it's so close to my own experience. Pre-teen/teenage girls are horrifying to each other a surprising amount of the time. I'd forgotten it until my own daughter got to that age. And then I'd forgotten it until I watched this. It's like we don't want to admit it to ourselves.
Also the "I want people to believe me more than I want to be happy" just shot me in the damn heart.
Yes pre teen or teen or some women are fucking miserable in general
They also try to make you cringe like themselves mostly
They won't let you be you.
I hear constantly that women, especially young women are very catty, passive aggressive, and fucking cut throat. Far more hostile between each other than men are. I'm inclined to believe it at this point, but I never repeat it because it wasn't and isn't something I could ever experience first hand, so I couldn't truly know.
It's not a secret; people just aren't culturally allowed to acknowledge it
@@ReptillianStrikeit is true.
"You're perfect the way you are. You don't need to change, you just need perspective on who you are"
holy shit
I relate to her so much, I'm the same as her with the 'they haven't seen me in 4 days so I cant just go in the kitchen now' I've literally starved myself to avoid people.
Same if im about to go to the kitchen or the bathroom, I make sure that no ones on the way when i go and speedrun everything and just go back to my room being depressed.
Dr k is truly empathetic and his consideration is truly sth i can take away as a therapist
This happends to me at work. Ill call off one day and just feel like an asshole and eventually not show up at all cause i feel everyone hates me. I hate it
Exactly This!
Do you guys still have jobs after the second day of not showing up or something ?? If so, where do you work please
@@Str8xGunner i wouldnt recommend working at fedex. And the only reason i wouldnt get fired was cause i have paid time off
@@Str8xGunner Amazon, at first it was allowed time off, but recently it's lots of doctor's notes. I'm actually in the hospital right now It's gotten so bad.
God damn this is relatable
She seems so sweet and caring. Wishing her all the best
This Interviews feels like he is talking about me.... Good on Noodle for doing this!
Do you poop in a bag?
@@ZippyZipTV better in a bag than on my lawn
@@darlantro, better out there just chillin’ in the grass than ground up in here, in the evil lair, that is my ass. Fax
If you come to my house I'll have to barricade all my sinks.
@@ZippyZipTV ❤
I wish Dr. K had asked the simple question “Why did you get into streaming and social media?” I would be really interested to hear her honest answer. Because it seems to me that a person with crippling social anxiety would shy away from anything putting themselves in the public eye. It’s amazing that she can even function during a stream. I need a minute to think...
well i can only theorise, as a person who has regular panic attacks for no apparent reason when interacting with "real people" out in the day i can very well understand why lou doesnt want to engage in an activity that makes her feel uncomfortable to the point where it is not only being nervous. being nervous is a "normal" reaction but anxiety can manifest tiself in many nasty ways...heavy breathing, increased heartbeat rate, a felling everyone is staring at you,getting a tremor,being short fused and so on. at least that is my experience.
however interacting in the online world is an entire different cup of tea. i can play games and talk on TS,discord what have you without any issues. no nervousness,sudden shaking hand and raised heart rate at all. i cannot tell you why that is because iam not an expert but perhaps for her it is similar, she did mention that streaming wasnt a big deal because its "only a chat" she has to interact with.
no idea how it is "on the socials" so to speak because i dont use any of it,probably for the better :)
my 2 cents
Good question, I wonder how she overcame her anxiety to stream. Something ive never been able to try cause of anxiety
He did when he was adressing her alcoholism, you weren't paying attention. People with social anxiety tend to self torture when going on social media/platforms to see what normal people are like. Basically, Dr K's response was: don't compare yourself to others, give yourself value and be yourself.
@@adambriest5257 it is maybe because it is not to personal
@@adambriest5257 money
I see sooo much of me in her as a socially anxious person. I've literally had exactly the SAME experiences, especially that whole 'being stuck in my room and avoiding roommates in college' situation in the beginning, as well as the alcohol stuff, later on. Also dr.k is a g at describing our brain in social situations, absolutely spot on
This girl makes me smile. She's just delightful.
I wish I had a friend like her. She is such a sweet person and I've had terrible social anxiety my whole life too.
It was great to hear you talk about alcohol. I used to drink a lot but I can't anymore. It just makes everything worse and gives me anxiety attacks when I sober up.
Wow, I thought I was the only one with these thoughts and feelings. I thought something was wrong with me and I was embarrassed to speak on this. Thank you for being so brave, you definitely are an inspiration to me!
This made me cry during one point. Bc I felt exactly like her. About the social stuff. Felt like an outcast and was super shy and also huge people pleaser. So it felt like he was talking to me and her responses were similar to my own in some ways
This was amazing! It’s obvious it helped her dig deep to see the why. It has also helped me so, so much. Thank you for having the courage to put this out!
That goodbye ending was so sweet. I've never seen a streamer or youtuber respond to a shoutout with: GOD NO; GOODBYE!
She was funny and has a sense of humor as well. Loved this interview!
I related this so much. I stop going to highschool irl and I couldnt go back because everyone will talk about me if I went back. Now im on online highschool and I havent socialized for a long time. I only went out three times this year and im having anxiety rn because im going out somewhere and I have no idea how to act in public. What makes it worse is that I have bad sensory issues and im really sensitive to noise and light. Even if I go outside id feel like vomitting. My social anxiety really made me miss out on alot of things. I never really talked to anyone about the issues I have because it makes me feel like im seeking for attention so I just stay quiet and try to figure out how to get rid of it myself. Im really glad you went in depth with social anxiety this really helped me put things together.
I relate to this a lot, I went to online school too because of my anxiety. Do you know that moment when you spent so much time isolated that you start feeling like you don't have anxiety anymore, but only until you leave your house?
Anyway, I wish you the best, your comment made me feel understood.
hope you get better ❤
i hope you can overcome your social anxiety, i know its very hard, we can do it
At 1:07:00 when Lou had that sudden change in her expression and decided to share her experience with SA made me actually gasp in real life.
The courage! Her whole expression gets so much determination all at once. Thank you for sharing with us.
She's absolutely precious.
I hope she feels better and more self confident. ❤
I relate to this girl so & I’m a 30 year old father. I added this video to my “important life data” playlist
the amount of strength/courage it takes to do this and be as real as she was, is incredible.
Old vid but WOW I've got huge respect for you Lou! Despite having social anxiety you were willing to share some intense yet relatable, helpful and powerful stories with others. I hope you find a way to love yourself again and get to meet some friends that will truly value you 😊
she is honestly adoreable and very brave to do this
This is the most anxious person I have ever seen, it was fascinating to listen and watch her. At her age I had anxiety too, not as bad as hers, but if she's a 10/10 I was a 3/10 and it still felt so painful I can't imagine being a 10/10 . Wish her the best
I love the ending so much. It was heart-warming and hilarious at the same time. Poopernoodle is such a wonderful character.
I relate to the childhood friends treating you as less than the rest of the group. When I was in elementary school my friend group told me I wasn’t their real friend and instead was a “backup backup friend” and to stop following them around, these were the friends I hung out with everyday in school. Fucked me up.
I usually don't comment on videos, but i want to really really really appreciate the courage Lou had to talk about all these things and also thank her for sharing her story. I think a lot of us can relate to the stories that have been told and the feelings that have been shared. Breaking up those toxic and devaluing thoughts is such a tough challenge and i hope this conversation laid the foundation for a healtier mindset in a lot of us.
And if you read this Lou i just want to say that you are such a lovely person and i loved listening to your stories. My thoughts go out to you and i wish you nothing but the best. Even if you are not, i for one am certain that you are tougher than you think and that you will be able to beat those toxic thoughts and learn to appreciate the value you have.
I know my social anxiety once I started preschool/first grade. I was an outgoing toddler and then a switch flipped and I’ve been socially anxious ever since.
Outgoing toddler? Lol. Sorry i just found it funny.
“You want people to believe you?” “More than I want to be happy.” Damn. I felt that
I absolutely love this conversation. I think it's amazing that Dr. K uses silence so well. I remember s therapist that did the same with me we would sit there for like 10 minutes in silence as we both processed and thought about certain things that were said.
I'm a HSP and find myself struggling with certain social situations a lot.
I was never able to enjoy spending time with my family because I get so overwhelmed after 2-3 hours I could just burst into tears for no reason and storm off. I feel like it's getting worse the older I'm getting. So there is always this situation of me sitting there and it's hard for me the whole time, and when my social barometer is finally done after 3 hours and I go home, everybody tells me how disappointed they are after that I always have to go so soon. For me it feels like fucking ages and it hurts to feel like not doing good enough when I really try hard.
You're probably overwhelmed by your family cause you're not being yourself and not talking about what you want to talk about. If you're the HSP in the family then you can act like one. When serious conversations come up you talk more deeply about them. You're the person who can talk more deeply and personally about things while everybody else only talks about it on the surface. Groups need people like you and it only benefits everybody if you show this side of yourself. Embrace that trait of yours and don't see it as weakness. People actually feel lots of empathy for persons who show their true feelings and not hide them, because that makes them suspicious and as if they were hiding something. The phrase "be yourself" is stupid because it's hard to know who you are, but if you feel like a conversation is too boring or overwhelming then show that you don't like it. Try to initiate a change of topic, tell them what you feel about it so that people also adapt to you and not just you to them. I noticed this immediately draws positive attention to myself and people feel interested.
Sounds somewhat abusive.
Does the setting where you are have many sensory inputs? If there is a lot of other stuff going on live music or TV or many people, maybe you can reduce some of those? That could improve your situation and how long you can stay.
No I don't really get sensory overload that often. But I get it with people a lot.
I am the only introvert in a family of extroverts.
I wouldn't call it abuse but they definitely don't understand at all where I'm coming from. My mom started laughing when I said I think I'm highly sensitive ... She thought it was funny. I don't think she will ever really understand how much I hate situations like that and that I will always avoid them if I can.
It's not like my family is abusive but they are just so different from me that they can't understand my issues. I think it's just bad luck honestly 😂 but of course that affects me and that's why I reserve so much alone time for myself because I know WHEN I go out it's going to be exhausting.
After watching Dr. K for the last month, I am convinced he is a good man trying to help others. Mad respect for him, good luck sir.
Ooofff, I cried watching this. Holy shit. Respect to Lou for sharing her story and being so open.
The importance of this channel can not be overstated. SO much respect for your Dr K and whoever else manages this channel. Thank you.
I have listened to this more than once but never commented. Your story really broke something inside of me, it touched fibers that few things have... but it has made me a better person. Thank you Lou, I wish you very well, now and forever.
this interview is something special to me. Lou is very relatable, I want to thank her for coming. I knew I have some level of social anxiety, this helps a lot to learn and talk about it. the being late to class and deciding to skip the rest of it, prioritizing other people over my inconvenience, feeling guilt for leaving when other people can just do it, phone call anxiety. I'm growing out if it partially, and there is still way to go. thank you again
damn this guy is a real professional its impressive
I'm SO glad they had this interview, I've been waiting for a social anxiety one and a female interviewee for a while now, and this was remarkably helpful. Thanks for being so strong Lou!
I wish I could positively value social anxiety more. My social anxiety is been isolating me for so long, I cannot even function in my life. It's so frustrating...
Same here man, we’ll break through it sometime, someday ❤️❤️
Are you seeing a therapist about this? I know it seems impossible but it's definitely possible when someone is in your corner.
Sadly in the same place:(
@@SLisaPizza Yes I have cognitive behavioural therapy. Also for 2 year I used to use benzodiazepines. Please people don't use those things to suppress your emotions if your suffering from this condition! It than gets 10 times more worse because of the GABA withdrawal neurotransmitter. The best advise I can give is to see it for what it is and its only trying to alert you.
@@DutchieDopa I hope you can find a solution that works. For me it is a mixture of gradual exposure and learning to allow the anxiety to exist instead of suppressing it. The app unwinding anxiety by judd brewer helped me a lot! And no, I am not sponsored. Just a suggestion if you look for something.
Man, this went wild from the very beginning.
I hope this girl knows she is not alone in being that way. I suffer from some of the same things, and it can be rough.
Circumstance in her life make her doubt about herself so much, I hope it gets better and that she goes seek for help!
I'm glad I've watched this, I did learn about social anxiety and even a little bit about myself in the process!
Thank you
Pure, as in naive and traumatised? We need to get real and see things the way they are if we wany actual improvement. This girl needs massive therapy and awareness about her truly messed up sense of self. Thinking about how she's a great.person and amazing does jack shit to her situation. Right now, she is naive and lacks awareness and integriity. It starts by waking up and seeing yourself the way you are instead of this idealization.
@@GM-yb5yg I agree with you, don't get me wrong. I just found this "therapy session" being very intriguing for people with social anxiety. Introspection is the key, obviously. And psychologist are there to help people through it.
I don't think making compliment should be seen as idealization, but I agree that in this situation she obviously need to get real about it and seek help instead of being pet by those who have pity of her.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts
* I'll adjust my comment, if you don't mind * ;)
I resonate with her so much. Been similar stuff through in my earlier years in life. I never thought I would learn this much about my social anxiety, but this video changed a lot. Big respect to you, Poopernoodle! Thank you so much for this.
This was an incredibly powerful interview and my favorite so far to have listened to. Thank you for the insight this video has given me.
49:20 This point absolutely resonated with me in the sense that I am afraid to be happy because I’m afraid of the depressing episodes that follow. Anyone else?
This is really hard to watch.
Only because i relate to a lot of what she's talking about/experienced/felt.
And the sad part is that even when you come to the realisation that you werent always this way;
That something caused it - That you dont want to 'act like a victim', or tell others because you dont want them to feel bad, is that there is no clear-cut solution.
Even knowing the cause and the subsequent actions there is no 'fix' because it's a mentality developed over the course of traumatic years.
it also to recongize, you were not born with these feelings. its really hard when you do know whats going on in your brain, it takes hard work to reprogram your brain, but you can do it :)
The "fix" is facing your fears over and over. It gets better.
A personal code of mine is to never turn down an invitation. Acknowledge the fear, and face it head on.
A more daring friend of mine challenged herself to go to a café and introduce herself to a stranger.
Start small in facing your fears, and eventually your social anxiety gets smaller and less powerful.
Even though my situation isn't exactly the same, it's so easy to draw parallels. I relate to the self victimization and catastrophizing to people telling me I'm over thinking things and making mountains out of molehills. Especially since all of it seems like a self fulfilling prophecy and a vicious cycle.
I very much relate too and it was hard to watch for me as well.
I also wish to add (for me anyway) another hard part of coming to this realisation is that you re trying to stand up for yourself, listen to that voice etc. But you dont have the "skill" yet to necessarily do that. Some people will still try to victim blame you when you try to speak up. And until you kind of get a good footing and you know how to handle situations, it leaves you as this purgatory state where you KNOW you deserve x, but you feel like you dont. You speak up, but when this has negative effects on you you still blame yourself for it on the bad days out of the good days.
She has a lovely accent.
I struggle with social anxiety myself and admire her courage to openly discuss these private and embarassing situations to overcome the daily struggle. I think she's come quite some way since her experiences in university and I hope she can further improve her situation. I havn't come this far yet but it's inspiring to listen to her story.
This interview was very emotional for me. Poopernoodle's story was very relatable and I couldn't help but feel for her, especially during the story about her birthday.
Poopernoodle if you are reading this you are wonderful!!!
second!!!
I wanted to comment this aswell! :) Shes can brighten up a room and I hope she can see how awesome she is herself
@George Sander interesting first thought, do you know the type of guys who go for vulnerable girls ? I hope youre not left alone with too many people dude
@George Sander I reported your comment, yall feel free to do the same. Learn to have respect for people, or else you won't receive none as well
@George Sander your name is George sander you can't say ting you poser
Everybody gangsta till DR. K need more than one minute to think. EDIT: didn’t expect my original joke to get this many likes lol
on god
Like Shikamaru
@@Rodrigolarentube aahhahahahaah
Ruined your comment with that edit
You ruin it when you edit it. Just enjoy and stfu. It's like you're surprised when you're being funny, cuz you're usually not.
K has this special way of asking, it’s a structure going in a circle with interchangeable key points in each question. What amazes me is how he articulates his interest and his ability to pinpoint reason!
(I also noticed that he does some kind of “trauma therapy without having to know the whole background of the individual which seems to have quiet the effect with young adults, again incredible combination of zeitgeist and ability to deduct(and years of study))
Things to take from this vid:
- if responded to with “I feel like x” always ask for raw emotion
- ask them about logical fallacies if you notice them in their talk (if they are negative for ego)
- transitions in conversation themselves can be questioned
- allow break for emotions
- question behavior or decisions which have negative consequences
- it’s the (thought of (theoretical))
Change in your dominance hierarchy that scares you, not the actual position
- it’s not a problem with recognition of reaction in other people, it’s a problem with realization of said reactions in oneself(which can easily be conditioned)
Thank you for this I want to be a psychiatrist so the way he does therapy really interests me. I wish he expanded more on his method in videos to up and coming psychiatrists
Can you explain this in an easier way? I am studying to be a therapist
This video is fascinating. I feel like I've learned more of an ability to empathize with things that I have no personal experience with. I wasn't familiar with Lu before this video, but I have complete respect for her courage in being able to do something like this. If I had these intuitions about the world around me, I couldn't imagine that I'd have the bravery to put it on display for others. I hope the best for her, she totally deserves it.
These videos are SO rich. There is more treasure than can be taken in one go.
One of my favorite episodes.
Same. Unexpected aswell, just goes to prove (once again) that life is so utterly complex and all of us are so uniquely different, yet the feelings we share are so similar :)
I've always felt that i can read people much better than most people, i have social anxiety too and I went through so many things that both Poo or Dr K went through. I also make a lot of barriers around me because i have a tough time trusting people, this means not a lot of people aren't willing to come close which means I'm alone a lotta time which in turn fuels my anxiety and makes me think everyone hates me. I have been working on these issues that I have and this video was extremely helpful.
Incredible how much this video and channel is helping ppl. It makes me emotional. Hearing that someone like Dr. k has “messed up” or failed at normal things is relieving and reassuring
Very enlightening and relatable, maybe almost a little to relatable, to the point that I felt I could predict 90% of what was going to be said and felt. I feel out of mana and I wasn’t even interviewed. Big up for noodle for having the courage to talk about it and even stream to begin with and but her self out their. She is just adorable!
lou is so brave and endearing, much appreciation and respect to her for doing this. i teared up several times
This hits so fucking close to home it hurts. As the youngest, I can easily relate to being excluded by my brothers for being different. They couldnt relate to me as I was 5 years+ younger than them. I definitely relate to the "if I dont see this person for x amount of time, I cant see them" thing. I feel this so bad that I cant even see my own fucking brother when he comes to visit. It started with just not seeing my cousins, now its gotten worse. I used to sit next to this guy in English and we would talk for the whole class nonstop. It was great. The next year, I barely ever saw him and now I can barely muster the courage to be seen by him, let alone talk to him.
I was also in a toxic friend group (two of them in fact), the first one was composed of people from my primary school. We used to all walk to highschool together ever since day one. My "bracelet" moment was when I was late one day. We would always give latecomers atleast 10 minutes before we left, but they left me straight away (I was only a few minutes behind so I could see them up the road). It really fucking sucked. More situations like this happened and I eventually realised I really didnt like any of them and left. Its things like my "friends" not choosing me for group activities in school, etc. The second group was really shit. It had a "pecking order" of sorts and revolved around putting people down. The "leaders" of the group were those who were the wittiest, funniest and best at bullying the others. Nobody in this group liked each other, and Im sure they all knew it. I was even told multiple times that no-one wanted me there. It was three long toxic years before I decided to leave. One of them reached out to me when we were one on one and told me that they "liked me and it was all just for fun" but thats a shitty excuse for being bastards. Truth is, they were all quite nice on their own, but in a group they change.
I often put myself down. Im a fat bastard whos terrible at talking to people and who likely has no future. I excused it as just self-deprecating humor, but after watching this I realised its really just a defence mechanism. If I say the meanest shit to myself, no one can hurt me. Ever since I was in primary school I always used to think people would avoid me on the sidewalk because I was ugly. I was always a quiet kid and I never really had any friends I just lingered. I was never chosen for groups or teams in PE. I remember this one activity we did in primary school where we wrote nice comments about our classmates. Everyone I saw had several personalised comments and I was left with like three which were either "funny" and "seems nice".
catastrophising put a name on why I do some things that I do. I always worry my parents will walk in on me when Im playing a game or watching videos - regardless of how innocuous it might be. I always leave one ear open and hearing footsteps outside my door or hearing a door open downstairs gives me a fucking heart attack. Its really frustrating. I always think theyll see what Im doing and take my PC or consoles away. I hate listening to music or game sounds through speakers as I feel someones going to get angry at me for playing it too loud. Over time, Ive developed a sensitivity to loud sounds. Its hard to explain but I get incredibly anxious hearing things be too loud.
Im at quite a loss. K will likely never see this, but the advice to the socially anxious of "see a therapist" doesnt exactly help. *How can I get help from a therapist if Im terrified of talking to people I dont know?* I cant even answer my door to get a parcel or talk to a cashier in a grocery store let alone see someone and declare somethings wrong with me when I know jackshit about how psychology works.
Nihilism. Rationalize why what people think of you doesnt matter. Ive experienced similar things and feel like a partial solution is changing the ammount of value u place on how others view u. Im not sure if nihilism is the best way but it has allowed me to make progress. Good luck
@@squid0g id consider myself to be a hedonic nihilist already (though thats probably inaccurate). My feelings and fears arent rational so its pretty hard if not impossible to just cast them aside by choice. I can logically tell that speaking to women isnt going to kill me, I can logically tell that people on the street dont hate me as they have better things to do than have strong feelings about people they dont know but that obvious knowledge doesn't help me. I appreciate the response but that solution wont work for me. Its like how people with arachnophobia know spiders are harmless but piss themselves whenever they see one lmao
Social anxiety is the least of your concerns. Learn about your family dynamics which are clearly fucked up. This a problem within your family and caretakers and its a relational problem, anxiety is only a symptom. Your dont even trust your ownnparents, dont you see how screwed up this situation is? Actually you can get help right now by understanding your emotional needs are not met, clearly. Now you can do something about it. Im gonna bet youbhave nonone that you are close to and that will be though. . Slowly over time you will develop values and a healthy sense of self if you stop with the victim and doomsday mentality. Your outlooknis truly fucked and needs to change. You should have parents that you can depend on, but if you dont there will be years of therapy.
@@GM-yb5yg my parents are great though? I get along with them very well. I treat them more as friends than authority figures (i dont know if thats common or not) but I'd consider them to be very reliable and my relationships with my brothers are the same. I don't hate any of them, in fact I'm quite good friends with one of them. As I've grown up, I'm now on the same social level as them with similar life experiences. I mean, what would a college student talk to about with an elementary school pupil? Of course they didnt care to talk to me then. Its not like i was neglected. I know for a fact that my view of family is different to many people's view. I don't see any significance in "blood relatives". I dont care about anyone outside my immediate family. Cousins, uncles, etc. If I dont live with them and I barely know them, why should I? Why do they hold more value than my friends that I arguably know better than I know them?
I dont know where you got the idea that I have a "doomsday" or "victim" mentality came from. My outlook follows the principles of hedonic nihilism pretty closely in that I have concluded that life is ultimately meaningless, but I dont dwell on that. In fact, its comforting to know my laziness isnt souring some greater design. I live life by pursuing the things I enjoy or things that are "pleasurable" (though i hate that word). I enjoy creating, learning and generally having a comfortable, good time by myself. You arent wrong about me not having any close friends. I don't. But honestly, I dont care to make any. My main issue is that I find it hard to talk to anyone i dont know when i need to (eg applying for a job, going to uni or even passing people on the street). I made the original comment to point out how relatable Lou's situation was to my own. How my thoughts do the same shit to me as hers do to her. Part of me does wish to change my situation. But without direction or guidance its difficult to know how to begin. I dont even know if I even have social anxiety, but I can't find out because Im terrified of seeing a therapist. Ultimately, I just want to find out whats wrong with me and how I can remedy it so I can live my life my way without viewing social interactions as massive hurdles that impede my goals and worrying about what people think.
As for me, I think in terms of social life, I am even worse than you. I am very incapable of talking with others, because I generally don't know how to respond exactly. I have observed others socialising, and I kind of learnt on how people might respond. But when I actually get to the situation, I worry that I may have observed wrong and that they'll think my response is weird. So I never actually get to respond with the things I've seen people usually respond with.
To be honest though, I am always aware in my mind that not responding, and taking that step will overall prevent my social growth. I know that if I were to take that step and experiment with responses, I can progress further and learn the basics of socialising. But similar to you, I catastrophize. Due to that I end up never making progress.
But there's a catch. I actually know the solution to my social problems. However, I am a person with very large dreams and goals for my life. So I very much try to prioritise my time into learning the things I'm interested in, such as coding, or filming. Because of that, I never end up using the solution that I know of, because it takes time.
In other words, my social issue remains due to my big ambitions and goals (when I say big, I mean making a billion dollar company level of big). And these goals are goals I absolutely have to fulfil.
On the other hand, I assume you don't have as big of a goal that I do. And I assume you don't need to prioritise all of your time in reaching your goals? If so, let me try to share what I think is the solution to social anxiety and catastrophising.
I think the solution to the problem is to gain high levels of control of thought and emotion. The main problem is that we succumb to that one of bit of thought and emotion. Just because we're overly worried of how we might be perceived, we fail to socialise properly. So I think the best solution to this problem would be to constantly practice to control your thoughts and emotion.
Yes, you might generally be rational most of the time. But the fact that you have this problem of catastrophising indicates that you do succumb to mere emotions for a certain period of time. This is why I think we just need to gain control. How do we do that?
I think they key to do that is to practice it throughout our daily lives. Even if it's not even related to a social situation, just constantly check your own thoughts and try to keep it as rational as possible. Check your own attitude, your emotion, mindset etc. Check all of that, and have the intent to makes things as objective and rational as possible. Throughout my life, I've learnt that emotion can be controlled through mindset.
For example, let me talk about anger.
Whether or not we do it actively or subconsciously, we all set a line or standard as to what is acceptable and not acceptable. And when someone crosses that line, we naturally just get angry or irritated because we subconsciously or actively think "this is unacceptable". In order to control that emotion, we simply need to be aware of that standard, and with a rational and objective mind, remind ourselves not to be angry.
If you do that constantly, you start to gain more and more control of your thoughts and emotions.
Therefore my suggestion to you is for you to start practicing this in everyday life. Whatever it is, just try to be aware of your emotions, thoughts, and mindset towards it. Then try to control it. The more you do this, the easier it becomes and the better you get at making rational choices rather than the ones made by impulse or temporary emotion.
It's all about having control and effectively changing yourself as your rational mind wants it to.
I personally do this with different things. But doing it with my social anxiety takes a lot more effort. And since I don't have much time due to my dreams, I haven't been able to improve my social skills and social confidence. But if you have time, I think should try to do this everyday.
I hope this helps.
1:03:50 he says she is doing really well. The way her face lights up. Tears instantly streamed down my face :D
Many thanks to this girl for sharing this with everyone. It was very validating, even for a man. The experiences are different but similar
This interview was extremely healing for me, and this woman deserves the world. Thank you Dr. K and Poopernoodle!
Thanks for doing this to you and everyone that's been on the show. These streams have helped me immensely. I've been in and out of therapy, on and off medication for the past years and these few months watching the streams or VODs have taught me more about myself and human nature than I would have hoped for meeting a new therapist. It probably says more about me but I really appreciate it.
Lou seems like an extremely nice person to be around, and I felt really bad for her when she told her stories about past friends and her childhood because I knew exactly how she felt. I used to have similar friends back in elementary school and I spent most of my childhood playing on my own, too. I have issues with social anxiety and loneliness and a slight fear of women since a group of girls bullied me in elementary school. I hope to meet someone like her someday, knowing the shit she went through.
man that was so adorable and heartwarming :D
as someone myself who suffered from social anxiety for like two decades or even longer, I can tell you that there's always a way to conquer it!
This has been absolutely brilliant, I don't have social anxiety but my ex-partner did and I recognized so many of the issues and thought-patterns she was describing. Massive massive massive respect to her for coming on and being that open.