Jealousy is like a powerful spice: just a little bit can make your food more interesting, but any more than that will probably ruin the dish. So it's a good idea to learn how to handle the experience of jealousy so as not to create unnecessary problems in your relationship. The key is to understand that jealousy functionally communicates the perception of a legitimate threat -- which can create unintended consequences if expressed. The antidote is to remember your position and to act like the king that you are. I explain what this means in today's episode. Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: ua-cam.com/video/WrXBzQ2HDEQ/v-deo.html Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: ua-cam.com/channels/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXw.htmljoin Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #dating #marriage
Although I agree, showing jealousy is showing you're insecure. I also agree, there is nothing we can do to stop from other men hitting on our girl, but we can, and should, stop her from marketing herself in any way. No matter who could potentially hit on her. Her marketing herself in any way is disrespectful to us. And these days, an even bigger king can always wind up making moves on her, not just the plebs.
I found my jealousy significantly subsided after getting cheated on a few times. I think jealousy is deeply rooted in a fear of loss in the early phase of a relationship and betrayal of investment, respect and trust in established relationships. Since operating with an acceptance mindset that cheating is inevitable, the indifference and willingness to take or leave helps to establish boundaries that are more likely to be respected. Situation normal, we live in a clown world.
@@clv603 bro that sounds tough… sorry to hear you’ve been through that. For me, it’s just given me a jealousy response around the untrustworthy women (which is at least 95% of them in the west these days). Do you think it’s naïvety to believe there are trustworthy women out there at all?
If a woman is openly flirtatious and touchy on another man, especially in your presence, it's probably time to ditch her anyway. Her respect for you is pretty much gone at that point.
That's the thing - some of Orion's vid is right, but in my experience of ~25 years in dating & marriage, some of it is absolutely not up to how you react to situations. There are boundaries that you set in relationships right up front when exclusivity is established and as you noted, if the woman doesn't abide by those boundaries, then it's time to cut her loose.
In early dating, let her do whatever, if she leaves or start going out with other people it just means she isn´t for you. The point is, there is nothing you can do that will make her stay, being angry and jealous will only make it worse, so just leave if you feel like she doesn´t value you as much.
Yeah that's basically it, I think it's quite insane how it's gotten to this point where it's either stay and tolerate toxic behavior from women or leave because apparently having standards and wanting to stick things through and working out character issues is just too complicated I guess
Dating isn’t exclusive for adults unless it’s obvious that it is. Only kids in their 20’s think dating is exclusive. Its not. Any sane and adult mature man and woman, WILL date other people, if it’s not obvious. That’s how everyone gets married and settles down. You live your life however you want, provided you abide by the law and respect people. Let other people live their lives however they want. They don’t need to apply your methods if it doesn’t work for them. It’s their story. Not yours. It has to be true to them, using their methods and learning from their experiences. Not yours. They don’t need to draw from your experiences or live your life. People use strategy that works. No one uses strategy that doesn’t work. People don’t settle down by putting their eggs in one basket without knowing if the person in question likes them or accepts them back. That’s stupid. You can’t be in a relationship with someone who’s not on the same page. That’s stalking.
A past girlfriend would flirt with other men. I misinterpreted it as disrespect and became angry. I used cognitive restructuring to change the way that I thought. I came to the conclusion that she wanted me to see her as a recreational use only woman, not as a girlfriend so that's what I did.
Thank you! You might appreciate the following words of wisdom. My advice is listen to your better judgement, especially when it comes to women. But, understand that there is an obstacle in the way. If the needs of the "boys" are unmet, the "boys" will conspire against a man's better judgement. It is difficult for a man to listen to his better judgement over the incessant chatter of his disgruntled "boys". Paying direct for box quiets the incessant chatter of the disgruntled "boys" and helps provide mental clarity. @@gwills9337
Yeah, she probably just saw you as a recreational use boyfriend. She wasn't that attracted to you. Women and men who are excited about who are with don't want to mess it up.
That’s why you shouldn’t be chasing woman unless you are stable enough to keep her home with the kids like it’s been for thousands of years. We are in new times that are slowly decaying our society - if we let it.
If a girl does something that makes me jealous, I in turn look at it as being disrespectful. I will then tell her how I feel and that she needs to stop. If she doesn’t, the next thing I will tell her is, “Bye.” There are always consequences for one’s actions. Great video.
While women certainly don't leave kings for peasants, they have absolutely been known to take a tumble in the hay with a sufficiently attractive peasant while the king wasn't looking...
I don't try and control other guys' behavior in shooting their shot. I *do* observe my woman's behavior in how she chooses to deal with that attention. If she eggs them on, then she's either a narcissist, insecure, and/or disrespectful to me. My reaction to that sort of bad behavior on her part, is to let those other guys have her, and cut her loose. She's disqualified herself from *my* interest, so no big loss there. Why would I desire a woman like that in my life? When someone shows you who they are... Believe them.
Perfect. Yeah it's about her response (which has more to do with her moral character than your attractiveness actually) and then of course your response to that.
I understand this perspective but there's also a subtle nuance here. If I let a guy flirt with my woman then it opens the doors for other men to flirt with her and I see that more as a form of disrespect than actual jealousy.
Yes it’s a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation. You can ‘act like a king’ all you want and literally be the best guy in the world, that doesn’t mean she’s not going to do something stupid. There are plenty of chads out there that are just plain better looking and have better game than you.
If she’s with you and a guy starts flirting with her, you, as king, will take it as a compliment. It is also her job as your potential queen to respect you and shut down the guy if he oversteps boundaries.
The way I do it is, I enjoy the moment to the fullest and love a woman fully for who she is. Sometimes it lasts, sometimes it doesn’t. It doesn’t matter. I’m attractive and stable enough to be able to attract beautiful women for the rest of my days, so there’s no reason to take things personal and be overly emotionally invested. Women come and women go, that’s the cycle of life fellas.
@@heythere2806 Loving someone doesn’t mean you have to be territorial. You will never have full control over somebody else, the best thing you can do is appreciate them and their qualities as they are. Even then, you don’t have any control over whether someone stays with you or not.
Another thing that jealously denotes is that a man does not have options. If he gets jealous, then it’s an outward exhibition of his lack of options, if the woman takes their engagement flippantly.
Definitely right about the way women react to a man's jealousy, at least if he tries to disparage or downplay another man's attractiveness. Women definitely can pick up on such insecurities. Ignore it completely? Yeah, sure, and you'll get cheated on before you notice (if you even notice). At the very least, you must have some rules (boundaries) and she must abide by them. Controlling? Yes. So what? It's not like you're holding her hostage or chained. She can leave if she doesn't like it.
I believe the best course of action here is to strategically disqualify ourselves from the wrong relationships. Example; in context to women posting slightly lewd pics on social media in order to be validated by men, I’ll advance on a woman who keeps her instagram private, who isn’t too needy for general validation. And still, if she has options a.k.a friends, I’ll have “friends” too.
I agree, create boundaries. Yes I’m the best option, yes I’m better than her ex. But you shouldn’t be communicating with your ex or letting them know they have a chance. By entertaining, which I won’t allow
@@hitogami259 well, being on the lookout for red flags is so basic I don't know who still needs to hear it... And we must be careful of bait-and-switch too
Yeah seriously lmao. Dont get me wrong it's great to work on your composure and being mentally stable. But it gets to a point where holding women accountable for disrespectful behavior is very clearly lacking in society.
@@digitalmohsinProbably means the stuff that could potentially point to cheating or having other options, ie social media, male friends, girls' night out, etc etc. Attempting to clamp down on any of that will make you controlling and insecure.
@@zusk8556So, pretty much, you can't say anything even though she's opening all the doors to potential cheating, and if you say something, you're the bad guy. Damb if you do, Damn if you don't
@@carlospita6442 instead of trying to control her behaviour, just tell her what you expect and will accept, and why you feel that way, and if she doesn't respect the boundary you set then you have to walk away. If you accept something unacceptable then it is not actually unacceptable to you and she won't respect you because you don't even respect yourself (if you don't respect your own boundaries). And trying to convince her to respect your boundaries when you don't respect them yourself will not work well
Amen! I could care less if she wants to be with another man. I will simply move on n not blink. But it's the disrespect I will feel that I cannot be ok with. The man she's showing interest to will not respect me cos she didn't respect me.
Yea I'm thinking the same thing. It's not jealousy initially at least. What provokes the emotional reaction from men is the way the woman responds to say, a flirt from another guy. It's not a stern, "sorry I have a bf", but rather it's, "🤭...sorry I have a bf, but thank you though🤭". The act of being flattered is what's triggering for guys..then it's followed up with other scenarios and responses alike...male friends, seeking attention on socials and or dressing provocatively, etc...especially when the guy has invested, or is looking to invest. You have to become somewhat cold to not just gaf, and Alot of us do reach that point once we learn women, and as a result, women become less valuable/meaningful to men, which in this day & age is probably the proper mindset to have...it eats women up when there is not emotional response to anything they do, but it's an allure for them as well. A guy is more than likely not jealous out the gate, and I'm assuming that the prefix of the conversation is not a guy's past encounters with said situation, and bringing it into another relationship. I argue that his "jealousy" is valid in majority situations..
Coming from Latino/hispanic background, this video is pure gold. Latino culture is highly incentivized for men to prove they are better than their opposition and if doing better means taking somebody else’s woman, that what many men do to be there. I had lots of negative jealousy feelings to a girl who had thousands of followers in social media and she used to tell me, if I wanted to be with one of those guys, I wouldn’t be with you. Unfortunately, I learnt this the hard way and lost my position as a man in that relation. This is refreshing Orion, thanks! Now that I sit and see who I am and how far I’ve come, I feel that definitely I am the best option for a vast majority of girls within certain range. Let’s keep working to become better selves, this confidence is what at the end attract any woman, no matter outside circumstances
That’s very interesting to know. In general I’ve always felt an undercurrent of petty competition, malice, bitterness and/or envy emanate from Hispanic men. Now I know this is due to hyper competitive and hyper sexualized (incentivized) culture
Idk if king of a castle is a good analogy. They tended to just have any potential competition killed or exiled. Kings didn’t have to worry about other guys stealing his girl because he could just get rid of anyone that tried.
He already pointed that out. He said some kings forget that they are kings which is what leads them to act out of jealousy. A king who takes pride in who he is knows that its who he is is the reason that attracted his girl in the first place, therefore does not need to feel jealous by other men.
Agreed, it's a nice analogy but somewhat problematic. A king is the top of ALL the hierarchies in the society and has no real challengers given his social power. If you are the analogous king, in a given context, it is important to not lose sight of that and become unnecessarily jealous which makes things worse. But if someone outranks/outshines you, often simply due to toggling between many hierarchies, and/or your women is too dumb to realize that you're a better option, then your position is in real threat, and effective responses may require alternative strategies.
@@dino_rider7758that is why in life you should always put yourself in the best positions. You should dial in on your strengths and what your good at. Because you will easily climb the social ranks. Basically don’t run long distances races if you’re a sprinter. You enter in a sprinters race.
@@ChaoticSonic400 Yeah, not buying Orion this time. It's a good general attitude to hold but, when there's a legitimate threat to the relationship, simply being aloof isn't enough. Obviously you can't behead someone for treason, but the royal analogy does hold here in the sense that you can dump her and go no contact. If it's gone that far, trying to win her back will be costly and ultimately futile.
fuck me. I've been suffering for a long time say a year. looking for advice on the internet. watching 3 videos of yours made me feel better like never before, thanks man, i hope you read this.
Jealousy ruined my marriage. My ex-wife told me making me jealous was the goal, because when I got mad over my Jealousy she knew I still loved her. But I hated it, I did not like feeling that way. I told her multiple times I don't like all these other men calling her and touching her, even came to blows a few times. When I handed her divorce papers she said out to herself "I did everything right!?!" I honestly wondered what relationships had she been in? 14 years later she is still trying to get back into my life. We had totally different experiences being married. I remember it being an exhausting roller coaster of emotions and mysery. It must have been a very different experience for her.
My ex wife bragged about and talk about her ex boyfriends and her ex husband. Its like they were allways on her mind. She said she wished I wasn't so jealous. I was upset because I felt like a fool more than anything. I gave my time,effort, financial support just so she could speak highly of her exs. As far as I was concerned she could go chase after them and leave me. We are divorced now and she blames me for it. What a waste.
I've known some women that enjoyed making their men jealous. Depending on how their men responded - it made the women feel loved and cherished by their men. They weren't interested in other men. They wanted to see their man's reaction to potentially loosing her to another man. I don't agree with it but I've seen it a lot.
She was having fun. It was a game to her to play with your emotions. Unfortunate that you had to deal with that, but I'm glad you you out of that toxicity. It's active sabotage of the relationship.
Meh, kind of agree here…. Jealousy is definitely not attractive and expectations for healthy boundaries with the opposite sex still need to be conveyed at some point in a relationship. If she’s doing something that I don’t like (going out to dinner 1:1 with a single guy ‘friend’, flirting with bozos in front of me, etc…) I’ll ask her to stop because I wouldn’t do that to her. I also ask her how she would feel if I was doing that with other girls. At that point, she can choose to stop or continue with the bad behavior. I always have the choice to walk away if she chooses not to change or if she becomes indignant by me calling it out. I choose self-respect.
'Women don't leave kings for peasants'. You are a nice guy, but at times I am thinking - you are _so naive_. Cheating on a millionaire with a pool boy, tennis trainer, etc? Giselle Bundchen cheating on Tom Brady with her BJJ trainer and ultimately leaving Brady for him? Upd: I think I understood what is my issue with the message in this video. Jealousy is counter-productive and can eat you alive, that is certain. But jealousy is also a sign that something in your relationship with her is wrong, something your gut tells you. Given how quickly women jump the ship nowadays, I'd say - it is wise to listen to your gut (I wish I did listen to my gut while I was cheated on instead of thinking that I am being insecure) rather than follow coping strategies a la 'these guys she is flirting with make me look good'.
Being a top athlete or a millionaire doesn't automatically make him a king...and being a king doesn't automatically remove her free choice and ability to make bad decisions.
Man. I am 95% in agreement. My only disagreement is getting with a woman that no other man wants. 8:45. That doesn’t exist. There are men that sleep with cadavers so, that doesn’t work. What I would add is from my own personal experience. I agree with how your insecurities can cause conflict. Instead of trying to not project onto her, I had to focus on myself because constantly worrying about someone else’s emotional process is exhausting and impossible. I had to focus on what each woman could confidently get from me as my takeaway. It allowed me to feel secure because for person A, nobody would ever know, accept and love her like I did. Person B, nobody would notice and admire her quirks like me. Person C, nobody would support her dreams like I would. Etc. Every relationship brings something different out of you, hopefully. And whatever that person magnifies is your flag. Plant it. And they may still leave…they may not value it…or value it the same in perpetuity. But you can change the flag as the relationship deepens. Add flags. Raise the standard, her standard in some area. Even if it doesn’t work out long term, you’ll make yourself unforgettable. And that pays dividends sometimes.
I laughed at the cadaver thing but this is where "walks of life," "leagues" and "classes" come in. "A woman that no other man in her walk of life wants."
exactly I witnessed 2 krackheads fighting over a 1 tooth, severely unkempt woman ....and it was all about who had the biggest tent. even at rock bottom they still have options
Know your value. Make her realize you are the prize. If she still wants to see elsewhere. She doesn't deserve you. Don't be delusional though. You need to have actual value.
Remember that she's not yours, it's just your turn. Also remember the correlary to this. You are not hers, it's just her turn. Lean into the perceived "threat." E.g., "that dude is hitting on you, you should give him your number.". The nuclear option if you see your girlfriend is considering another guy and asks to do something questionable is to say something like "I don't own you, do what you want.". And then SUBTLY start making other plans that don't involve the girl. If a woman is "gone" anyway, then you are preparing for the next step. If not she'll probably come running back like a young kid who gets too far away from it's parent and gets scared.
It's a fine-line, however, because at some point indifference can be taken as permission to cheat. He doesn't care who I talk to you, flirt with, spend time with... Sleep With! The utterly indifferent man can be seen as being stoic to the point of not caring about her at all -- or, much worse, too weak to set any boundaries for her. Neither of these indifferent attitudes is healthy for a long-term relationship. But, as the good doctor points-out in this video, neither is being overly jealous and controlling of her. So, you need to set boundaries, and let her know in a calm yet firm manner what those boundaries are up-front, at the beginning of the relationship -- not during dating phase because that would be too soon and be seen as trying to control someone you are barely getting to know. But once you decide on a relationship, boundaries have to become clear to both of you, and they need to be enforced -- not with anger, but with calmness and firmness. A healthy relationship will always be a delicate balance of caring, but not caring to the point of trying to control everything the other person does. She should feel free to leave at any time, but it has to be clear to her that once she does, you're done with her. Of course, her cheating should always be treated like she has already decided to leave the relationship, and you should never take her back after this kind of disrespect.
I think you raised great points. The conversation around exclusivity is tricky for me. I find it's rare for me to get to a natural point where that conversation can be had without discovering that she fools around with other guys which is a deal breaker, even though it's not cheating, per se. When that happens, I cut her off and move on because it seems like a losing battle to try to convince her to be loyal to you at that point. Probably just the sign it was never meant to be.
@@moglagaash yeah, I don't blame you, I feel the same way. Once I know about her being with other guys is just kills it for me. Doesn't matter how fine she is, or how close we became, if she makes it known that she has other guys, then I 'm moving on. Even when dating. I don't try to stop her, but once she makes it clear she is seeing other guys, and not trying to hide it from me, I'm done with her.
What’s difficult is I had lot of time at some point and gave her quite a lot of attention (she needed it whatsoever). Then I started to study and work at the same time so I had a lot less attention for her and I think she interpreted that as indifference and weakness. I was simply focus to do good and make the next step a success. She started slowly dating behind my back and I took time to notice it. Of course at some point it became obvious and I had to leave instantly. I’m not the jealous type at all but I was naive and couldn’t believe it. On my side I also had options and she was really jealous even if I’m the white knight type of guy once I decide to commit (1st time in my life). Point is, I trust people but I saw redflags I ignored…. I paid a hefty price for it… Also I understood that a cheating gf was never In love in the first place. I need to start from 0 again at 29 and it feels like hell. Lesson is : watch how much attention your gf needs. If it’s a lot, huge redflag.
In the modern world normal, average men have two options- jealousy or self delusion. Hypergamy and ease of connecting with others means that it's virtually impossible to be her "best".
This seems like a variation of, "if men have [x] boundary or preference in a woman, then they are insecure." I get not reacting in a volatile manner for small issues or things your woman doesn't have contol over, like some guy coming trying to chat up your girl, but there have to be places where you draw the line and have solid boundaries. Obviously there are going to be men who want to hit on your woman if she's attractive, but her entertaining other men, being in private spaces, going out to clubs in skimpy outfits without you, or spending alone time with other men should be clear boundaries. Not against any particular man, but against all other men. Not because you think he could be a threat but because there should be a degree of decorum if you're in a relationship. And it should mostly go both ways. I think defining these things and others like them was a missed opportunity. Even the greatest of men can be cheated on, e.g. Tom Brady, and you should be sitting out to protect not only your girl but your relationship and your life with your girl, even from herself at times. It's a hard boundary of mine for my girl to even put herself in a position where her fidelity might be questioned. While women might not leave kings for peasants, I've seen enough peasants get lucky shots off when a man has lax boundaries. In a past life, I was one of these peasants myself.
I agree with this take more than Dr. Orion's. The thing is if you act too lax she will start acting naive and then keep on pushing boundaries because you never laid them down. So I think you should still coolly state the boundaries if you see something unusual. And then if she continues to push them just dump her
@@nikak4444 A mixture of naivety, gullibility and successful social brainwashing to "treat her like a princess". Many men are conditioned to think that being romantic and selfless leads to deep appreciation, love and respect from women. By the time they learn that this is rarely true it's often too late.
@@nikak4444 It's that a committed woman can still be subject to irrational emotions. Have a fight one night and that male 'friend' sees a chance to possibly get in. If not this time, then at least sow seeds of discontent for another future chance. Every woman wants to believe she's immune to it but they're not. EVERYONE, under the right circumstances, can cheat.
One sec, yes, but jealousy is usually because there is lack of reassurance or connection for the partner. Trust is built by constant checks and balances. Not a given. Its hard work. Its giving up freedoms and dangerous interactions for the other one. Also having a behavioural code, and distance. Jealousy never comes out of the blue. We cannot say, do whatever you want, i have to not be jealous. Yes, being jealous does aggravate the situation, but she/he should make shure it rarely happens if at all!
Current jealously over a perceived threat is pretty easy to deal with, it's the retroactive jealousy over someone that already got your girl that is the major one.
Thank you for laying out even the obvious stuff we’ve all thought before. Having it all said succinctly and knowledgeably really helps act as a great jumping off point for more advanced thoughts/thesis
These chicks want us to cut off all our options when we get into a relationship but they still get to keep their options open. It's just hilarious to me
I still wonder about your men's kind of choice. The ugly duckling is going unnoticed while watching the corona of men surrounding a woman with obviously perfect marketing abilities. My conclusion? I learn more.
Yep. I know a guy with a good job and a house in an expensive neighborhood who has taken that "other men make me look good" attitude. But his wife still steps out on him (along with DMs and posting pics on social media). He takes the fact that she returns to him (almost) every night as evidence of his value.
I married a woman that didn't have a lot of options, for 46 years I have been her king, I have never been jealous because if she were to leave I could easily move on. Remember that most women get ugly with time. My first wife was pretty and got a lot of male attention, she cheated on three husbands, she is divorced at 65 and has no options, her own childern avoid her.
Message well delivered As soon as i start to get jealous of someone, things begin to deplete. Jealousy is one of the concepts that needs to be conquered for a relationship to work.
Guys let's be for real ,if she wanted to cheat ahe will .always remember control the controllable, u can't control someone's behaviour as long as you've been a great person to that someone u have nothing to fear or loose cuz they been the one loosing u . Be protective and set ur ground and have standards ,if she chose to cheat or enjoys others men attention leave her for the streets
I love your channel and seriously have been addicted to your videos/ content! You have a way of explaining complicated emotional topics and simplifying them in a fun and easy way to understand and learn from. Thank you.
Another good commentary. 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 I would add that a well loved woman radiates…and that glow attracts attention. Unless she has some character flaw(s), a woman welcomes (and is faithful to) a King who pours into her thus adding fuel to her Queenly glow.
@@yasintorkman4813 look at Tom Brady, it´s a perfect example. You either check your woman or leave, otherwise she will wonder into another man and says "it just happened, sorry".
@@MrSilverfish12a woman will wander into what they want to do whether you “check” them or not. You’re probably just pushing them into doing it sooner by “checking” them. Speaking from painful experience. Would’ve just played it cool and not worried about it like Taraban says if I had a do-over. The only way you win is by having more going for you than the other guy, and acting like it.
This one resonates with me right now as I'm starting a new relationship and getting feels for a woman. I'm not an overly jealous person but for the rare occasions when I am, I will have to remember that I am a king and that's why she's with me. I make 6 figures, in the best physical shape of my life, have hobbies that I'm passionate about and I'd like to think that I'm generally a kind person. I'm 47 and there really aren't really a lot of single men who can offer that package at my age.
Right. I “allowed” my wife to cut me off from my wants, desires, dreams, aspirations, my balls, family, time with my kids, friends, hobbies, integrity, authenticity, my ability to respond, competed for the masculine role and cut me off from social media before it ever started. She was jealous of women, at all ages, from 9 to 90, who were nice to me. All the while she did the opposite. Do as I say, not as I do ;)
When I was 17 I made an absolute fool of myself in a jealous rage. I vowed "never again". Early on, I frankly told my beautiful wife that if she was going to cheat, do it early in our marriage so that I could replace her with someone younger and cuter. 37 years later and many men showing interest in her, faithfulness has never been a problem. Yes, other men make me look good. I have been absolutely faithful as well. Faithfulness and inner security works.
Men are territorial by nature. Women are too, presumably. I doubt jealousy is avoidable. Nature made us competitive. *Millions of years of evolution cannot be curtailed.*
@@nammi895 That’s a bad coping strategy. Look at what happened to Tom Brady . Also do women have learn about this stuff or they just get a free pass to express their emotions however they want ?
@@carlospita6442 Bro what do you think, if a women doesn't want to learn, she will still be having 100 of guys falling behind her Just remember most women have no interest in such content, they purely operate on their natural instincts.
"Because she's with you, you dummy." It doesn't mean she's not cheating on you. Ask for the king thing, it didn't work out so well with Arthur once Lancelot was around, did it
Some of Orion's vid is right, but in my experience of ~25 years in dating & marriage, some of it is absolutely not up to how you react to situations. There are boundaries that you set in relationships right up front when exclusivity is established and if the woman doesn't abide by those boundaries, then it's time to cut her loose. The thing I agree with is in cases like this, the best thing to do is try to stay calm and not over-react - just end the relationship calmly and move on.
I agree, the problem is that we've built a society where men are not encouraged to view themselves as kings, because the majority are not respected, (by design) so in order for that to change the narrative and the way we view masculine and men interacting with women has to change.
Great advice. And if she chooses the peasant instead of you, let her go and move on with your head high. Too many fish in the sea. I’ll do everything in my power not to succumb to one-itis ever again. Jealously is for lovestricken youth. I was often jealous in my youth as I dated a lot of hot women who attracted a lot of male attention. There was no internet and Psych Hacks back then to set me straight!
@@joeprimal2044mm, love is real, it’s just not the romantic ideal that’s sold to us. Love is rather laborious and intensive, and even that’s hard to come across these days. But it isn’t impossible
This is why I won't date girls with guy friends. Even if it seems platonic on the surface, seeds can definitely be planted over time. If your girl wants to spend time with a guy, that guy should be you. Nuff said.
Seems like you have issues of your own ...like controlling behaviors. If you're looking for a trophy, stick with your plan. If you want a good woman, the less you want to control her, the happier you'll both be.
What he was trying to say was... Acting with cool, calm confidence (in the solidity of your relationship) is very kingly behavior & extremely attractive! A woman's gona stay with that. 💗
All this talk is great and all but the reality is jealousy is impossible to overcome. You can gain ground for a while but you'll always find your way back to the reality. Chose no relationship
You’re one of the few people on here who I appreciate and can agree with nearly all of your psych talks… Is there any way you could do a version of this for women? 😅 asking for a friend. 😁
"When my woman tells me she loves me, i tell her she should!" -Patrice O'Neal .......in the relationship you gotta show your woman she can't get no better.
I remember laughing at the man my ex told me about see was seeing. I was blown away this was my replacement. But, as soon as my behavior changed. She pulled the plug and she went to him. I can clearly see she doesn’t love him. But, she plans to marry him because no woman wants him lol. My behavior and reactions has been the biggest lesson.
"Make enough money so you can convincingly pretend you don't feel jealous, otherwise she'll cheat." This shows how relationships make no sense outside of a community of men who agree cheating should be punished.
I think what you say is true but the complete opposite happened to me. I wasn’t worried at all about some friend my ex had. Like he literally can’t compare even the slightest yet the loser was sneaky and manipulated her to steel her from me. By the time I knew something was up, it was too late. I was never jealous of him because like why would I. But it happened
"With jealousy, you sow the seeds of your own relationship's destruction." Paraphased (Doc Love) Thank you, Dr Taraban for the most important reminder! Well done sir.
I believe the best course of action here is to strategically disqualify ourselves from the wrong relationships. Example; in context to women posting slightly lewd pics on social media in order to be validated by men, I’ll advance on a woman who keeps her instagram private, who isn’t too needy for general validation. And still, if she has options a.k.a friends, I’ll have “friends” too.
One thing to understand about females here is while men will generally be also open to sex with their female friends, the infamous friend zone for women is where we put men we dont see in any sexual way what so ever. We are as likely to bang them as our brother. Men dont have this, so a friend is generally just a friend, assuming she knew him before you. Because by that same logic, if she wanted to sleep with him... she would have already.
When a woman disrespects me in front of me with other men, she immediately becomes recreational. Use only I don't tell her she has become recreational. Use. Only I just put it there and when she wants to completely. Get serious, I say Well i'm just not quite ready for that yet, You see, this is not payback. It's just the way I roll you. Show me disrespect. I have no use for you either. Except for the physical part, and that's it. So ladies, make sure you don't do that to your man. Because he may be doing the same thing back to you in a different way.
jealousy is also a cage for the partner, and is a sign the other doesn't love the partner, but merely possesses the partner. love sets free. love doesn't build a cage. the cage doesn't love the bird, the cage loves the song.
GAWD DAYUM, I didn't see it like that I was like "I have to warn her not to be stupid or start chatting up other women to get her mind straight and demonstrate my options", turns out that THAT may be too much work for a situation at hand Thank you for this enlightening angle ❤
I'm a woman and struggle with jealousy but this advice is still very good and true. I've been cheated on a lot and it's a struggle..I used to be very confident but when that happens a lot, it crushes you and abandonment really feels like shit. My heart goes out to kings like these on this channel working on themselves ❤ Good luck, you'll find a good woman one day, not jealousy inducing gaslighting cheating skans.. I've known some women myself who would keep 5000 options open while dating a dude, cheating with some of them, and simultaneously gaslighting them and telling them it's in their head, when they knew it in their hearts all along
How did it work out for King Arthur? I think a more realistic way to deal with jealousy is to articulate your boundaries early in the relationship. If she disregards them she has moved on and it is no longer your turn, so you need to withdraw from the relationship or marriage and protect yourself and your assets. Actions have consequences.
Jealousy is like a powerful spice: just a little bit can make your food more interesting, but any more than that will probably ruin the dish. So it's a good idea to learn how to handle the experience of jealousy so as not to create unnecessary problems in your relationship. The key is to understand that jealousy functionally communicates the perception of a legitimate threat -- which can create unintended consequences if expressed. The antidote is to remember your position and to act like the king that you are. I explain what this means in today's episode.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #dating #marriage
Although I agree, showing jealousy is showing you're insecure. I also agree, there is nothing we can do to stop from other men hitting on our girl, but we can, and should, stop her from marketing herself in any way. No matter who could potentially hit on her. Her marketing herself in any way is disrespectful to us. And these days, an even bigger king can always wind up making moves on her, not just the plebs.
Oversimplified. Jealousy is proportional to the trust you have in your woman to be loyal to you.
How do I get in contact with you sir
I found my jealousy significantly subsided after getting cheated on a few times. I think jealousy is deeply rooted in a fear of loss in the early phase of a relationship and betrayal of investment, respect and trust in established relationships. Since operating with an acceptance mindset that cheating is inevitable, the indifference and willingness to take or leave helps to establish boundaries that are more likely to be respected. Situation normal, we live in a clown world.
@@clv603 bro that sounds tough… sorry to hear you’ve been through that. For me, it’s just given me a jealousy response around the untrustworthy women (which is at least 95% of them in the west these days). Do you think it’s naïvety to believe there are trustworthy women out there at all?
If a woman is openly flirtatious and touchy on another man, especially in your presence, it's probably time to ditch her anyway. Her respect for you is pretty much gone at that point.
They think doing this even in girls night out isn’t considered cheating either..
Agree. It's a sign that woman lack of moral and integrity.
Same with men who flirt with other women
@ElijahLogozar He may or may not. Depends on his respect for her and his own integrity. Each person has their own boundaries.
That's the thing - some of Orion's vid is right, but in my experience of ~25 years in dating & marriage, some of it is absolutely not up to how you react to situations. There are boundaries that you set in relationships right up front when exclusivity is established and as you noted, if the woman doesn't abide by those boundaries, then it's time to cut her loose.
In early dating, let her do whatever, if she leaves or start going out with other people it just means she isn´t for you. The point is, there is nothing you can do that will make her stay, being angry and jealous will only make it worse, so just leave if you feel like she doesn´t value you as much.
Yeah that's basically it, I think it's quite insane how it's gotten to this point where it's either stay and tolerate toxic behavior from women or leave because apparently having standards and wanting to stick things through and working out character issues is just too complicated I guess
@@GigaNietzsche nah not too complicated. Just a huge turn off. What can i say
💯
Dating isn’t exclusive for adults unless it’s obvious that it is. Only kids in their 20’s think dating is exclusive. Its not. Any sane and adult mature man and woman, WILL date other people, if it’s not obvious.
That’s how everyone gets married and settles down. You live your life however you want, provided you abide by the law and respect people. Let other people live their lives however they want.
They don’t need to apply your methods if it doesn’t work for them. It’s their story. Not yours. It has to be true to them, using their methods and learning from their experiences. Not yours. They don’t need to draw from your experiences or live your life. People use strategy that works. No one uses strategy that doesn’t work.
People don’t settle down by putting their eggs in one basket without knowing if the person in question likes them or accepts them back. That’s stupid. You can’t be in a relationship with someone who’s not on the same page. That’s stalking.
A past girlfriend would flirt with other men. I misinterpreted it as disrespect and became angry. I used cognitive restructuring to change the way that I thought. I came to the conclusion that she wanted me to see her as a recreational use only woman, not as a girlfriend so that's what I did.
😂🎉🎉🎉🎉
Damn
IQ 3000
Thank you! You might appreciate the following words of wisdom. My advice is listen to your better judgement, especially when it comes to women. But, understand that there is an obstacle in the way. If the needs of the "boys" are unmet, the "boys" will conspire against a man's better judgement. It is difficult for a man to listen to his better judgement over the incessant chatter of his disgruntled "boys". Paying direct for box quiets the incessant chatter of the disgruntled "boys" and helps provide mental clarity. @@gwills9337
Yeah, she probably just saw you as a recreational use boyfriend. She wasn't that attracted to you.
Women and men who are excited about who are with don't want to mess it up.
Women are always going to keep a plan b . Posting on social media or being a little to friendly with male coworkers
And it's a man's job to walk awat from a situation that doesn't suit you
Modern world makes it worse. Every culture forced monogamy a reason.
@@georgemubanga1878 agree with you
That’s why you shouldn’t be chasing woman unless you are stable enough to keep her home with the kids like it’s been for thousands of years. We are in new times that are slowly decaying our society - if we let it.
If a girl does something that makes me jealous, I in turn look at it as being disrespectful. I will then tell her how I feel and that she needs to stop. If she doesn’t, the next thing I will tell her is, “Bye.” There are always consequences for one’s actions.
Great video.
Dr Orion Taliban came back from the mountains to impart his wisdom upon us again.
Zarathustra?
Voicetext ftw.
That is not the good doctor's surname
@@leyenda6149 That's the joke...
lmao good one. he probably would laugh if it was the first time he heard this (I'm guessing)
While women certainly don't leave kings for peasants, they have absolutely been known to take a tumble in the hay with a sufficiently attractive peasant while the king wasn't looking...
And try to pass on the kids as his...
Yes, believing other men make me look good is a good way to move in life
Cuck king 👑
I don't try and control other guys' behavior in shooting their shot. I *do* observe my woman's behavior in how she chooses to deal with that attention. If she eggs them on, then she's either a narcissist, insecure, and/or disrespectful to me.
My reaction to that sort of bad behavior on her part, is to let those other guys have her, and cut her loose. She's disqualified herself from *my* interest, so no big loss there. Why would I desire a woman like that in my life? When someone shows you who they are... Believe them.
Perfect. Yeah it's about her response (which has more to do with her moral character than your attractiveness actually) and then of course your response to that.
here you dropped this king 👑
Amen
I understand this perspective but there's also a subtle nuance here. If I let a guy flirt with my woman then it opens the doors for other men to flirt with her and I see that more as a form of disrespect than actual jealousy.
Yes it’s a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation. You can ‘act like a king’ all you want and literally be the best guy in the world, that doesn’t mean she’s not going to do something stupid. There are plenty of chads out there that are just plain better looking and have better game than you.
If she’s with you and a guy starts flirting with her, you, as king, will take it as a compliment. It is also her job as your potential queen to respect you and shut down the guy if he oversteps boundaries.
@@TheLorinOo Yes but she won’t. She will take the positive attention.100%
@@joeprimal2044 then that woman doesn’t respect the relationship. Move on
@@joeprimal2044LOOKSMAXX 💯
The way I do it is, I enjoy the moment to the fullest and love a woman fully for who she is. Sometimes it lasts, sometimes it doesn’t. It doesn’t matter. I’m attractive and stable enough to be able to attract beautiful women for the rest of my days, so there’s no reason to take things personal and be overly emotionally invested. Women come and women go, that’s the cycle of life fellas.
If they're so replaceable, how can you claim to love them for individuals, and not actually just loving the company of a woman
@@heythere2806 Loving someone doesn’t mean you have to be territorial. You will never have full control over somebody else, the best thing you can do is appreciate them and their qualities as they are. Even then, you don’t have any control over whether someone stays with you or not.
You will never know what is going on in another's mind, you must be secure in yourself and keep your own boundaries.
Honest question, do you have children?
that is a wise and peace-providing mindset...thanks for sharing🙏🏽
Another thing that jealously denotes is that a man does not have options. If he gets jealous, then it’s an outward exhibition of his lack of options, if the woman takes their engagement flippantly.
Definitely right about the way women react to a man's jealousy, at least if he tries to disparage or downplay another man's attractiveness. Women definitely can pick up on such insecurities.
Ignore it completely? Yeah, sure, and you'll get cheated on before you notice (if you even notice). At the very least, you must have some rules (boundaries) and she must abide by them. Controlling? Yes. So what? It's not like you're holding her hostage or chained. She can leave if she doesn't like it.
I believe the best course of action here is to strategically disqualify ourselves from the wrong relationships. Example; in context to women posting slightly lewd pics on social media in order to be validated by men, I’ll advance on a woman who keeps her instagram private, who isn’t too needy for general validation. And still, if she has options a.k.a friends, I’ll have “friends” too.
I agree, create boundaries. Yes I’m the best option, yes I’m better than her ex. But you shouldn’t be communicating with your ex or letting them know they have a chance. By entertaining, which I won’t allow
@@hitogami259 well, being on the lookout for red flags is so basic I don't know who still needs to hear it... And we must be careful of bait-and-switch too
2 full time jobs sound easier than managing all your emotions and behaviors to manage a relationship
Yeah seriously lmao. Dont get me wrong it's great to work on your composure and being mentally stable. But it gets to a point where holding women accountable for disrespectful behavior is very clearly lacking in society.
@@MatthewSmith-cp3hu i think the more experience you have the more indifference you can have. It makes you more attractive learned through experience
Ironically when it comes to women 70% of the things they do you just have to ignore
Can you please expand upon this idea?
@@digitalmohsinProbably means the stuff that could potentially point to cheating or having other options, ie social media, male friends, girls' night out, etc etc. Attempting to clamp down on any of that will make you controlling and insecure.
@@zusk8556So, pretty much, you can't say anything even though she's opening all the doors to potential cheating, and if you say something, you're the bad guy. Damb if you do, Damn if you don't
@@zusk8556so what’s the best alternative? It sounds like a lose lose situation
@@carlospita6442 instead of trying to control her behaviour, just tell her what you expect and will accept, and why you feel that way, and if she doesn't respect the boundary you set then you have to walk away.
If you accept something unacceptable then it is not actually unacceptable to you and she won't respect you because you don't even respect yourself (if you don't respect your own boundaries). And trying to convince her to respect your boundaries when you don't respect them yourself will not work well
The problem for me is NOT feeling jealousy. The problem is that any jealousy stems from the woman's DISRESPECT.
THISSS, it’s the disrespect that needs to be taken care off
Amen! I could care less if she wants to be with another man. I will simply move on n not blink. But it's the disrespect I will feel that I cannot be ok with. The man she's showing interest to will not respect me cos she didn't respect me.
Yea I'm thinking the same thing. It's not jealousy initially at least. What provokes the emotional reaction from men is the way the woman responds to say, a flirt from another guy. It's not a stern, "sorry I have a bf", but rather it's, "🤭...sorry I have a bf, but thank you though🤭". The act of being flattered is what's triggering for guys..then it's followed up with other scenarios and responses alike...male friends, seeking attention on socials and or dressing provocatively, etc...especially when the guy has invested, or is looking to invest. You have to become somewhat cold to not just gaf, and Alot of us do reach that point once we learn women, and as a result, women become less valuable/meaningful to men, which in this day & age is probably the proper mindset to have...it eats women up when there is not emotional response to anything they do, but it's an allure for them as well. A guy is more than likely not jealous out the gate, and I'm assuming that the prefix of the conversation is not a guy's past encounters with said situation, and bringing it into another relationship. I argue that his "jealousy" is valid in majority situations..
how did you manage to find your way here from delululemon?
That’s a sign you should drop her or at the very least check her and put her on probation
Coming from Latino/hispanic background, this video is pure gold. Latino culture is highly incentivized for men to prove they are better than their opposition and if doing better means taking somebody else’s woman, that what many men do to be there.
I had lots of negative jealousy feelings to a girl who had thousands of followers in social media and she used to tell me, if I wanted to be with one of those guys, I wouldn’t be with you. Unfortunately, I learnt this the hard way and lost my position as a man in that relation.
This is refreshing Orion, thanks! Now that I sit and see who I am and how far I’ve come, I feel that definitely I am the best option for a vast majority of girls within certain range.
Let’s keep working to become better selves, this confidence is what at the end attract any woman, no matter outside circumstances
That’s very interesting to know. In general I’ve always felt an undercurrent of petty competition, malice, bitterness and/or envy emanate from Hispanic men. Now I know this is due to hyper competitive and hyper sexualized (incentivized) culture
Yeah, many are jealous little passive aggressive fellas for sure. Dealt with them. Keep that bs south
Than why she kept them on social media??
A woman with orbiters is a no go. You did right. Don't be sorry.
Idk if king of a castle is a good analogy. They tended to just have any potential competition killed or exiled. Kings didn’t have to worry about other guys stealing his girl because he could just get rid of anyone that tried.
He already pointed that out. He said some kings forget that they are kings which is what leads them to act out of jealousy. A king who takes pride in who he is knows that its who he is is the reason that attracted his girl in the first place, therefore does not need to feel jealous by other men.
Agreed, it's a nice analogy but somewhat problematic. A king is the top of ALL the hierarchies in the society and has no real challengers given his social power. If you are the analogous king, in a given context, it is important to not lose sight of that and become unnecessarily jealous which makes things worse. But if someone outranks/outshines you, often simply due to toggling between many hierarchies, and/or your women is too dumb to realize that you're a better option, then your position is in real threat, and effective responses may require alternative strategies.
@@dino_rider7758that is why in life you should always put yourself in the best positions. You should dial in on your strengths and what your good at. Because you will easily climb the social ranks. Basically don’t run long distances races if you’re a sprinter. You enter in a sprinters race.
@@ChaoticSonic400 Yeah, not buying Orion this time. It's a good general attitude to hold but, when there's a legitimate threat to the relationship, simply being aloof isn't enough.
Obviously you can't behead someone for treason, but the royal analogy does hold here in the sense that you can dump her and go no contact. If it's gone that far, trying to win her back will be costly and ultimately futile.
I agree, bad analogy. And besides that ...most of us are not kings.
fuck me. I've been suffering for a long time say a year. looking for advice on the internet. watching 3 videos of yours made me feel better like never before, thanks man, i hope you read this.
Jealousy ruined my marriage. My ex-wife told me making me jealous was the goal, because when I got mad over my Jealousy she knew I still loved her. But I hated it, I did not like feeling that way. I told her multiple times I don't like all these other men calling her and touching her, even came to blows a few times. When I handed her divorce papers she said out to herself "I did everything right!?!" I honestly wondered what relationships had she been in? 14 years later she is still trying to get back into my life. We had totally different experiences being married. I remember it being an exhausting roller coaster of emotions and mysery. It must have been a very different experience for her.
My ex wife bragged about and talk about her ex boyfriends and her ex husband. Its like they were allways on her mind. She said she wished I wasn't so jealous. I was upset because I felt like a fool more than anything. I gave my time,effort, financial support just so she could speak highly of her exs. As far as I was concerned she could go chase after them and leave me. We are divorced now and she blames me for it. What a waste.
I've known some women that enjoyed making their men jealous. Depending on how their men responded - it made the women feel loved and cherished by their men. They weren't interested in other men. They wanted to see their man's reaction to potentially loosing her to another man.
I don't agree with it but I've seen it a lot.
Remember that lots of women love drama of any kind. Creating jealousy is just another manifestation of that.
She was having fun. It was a game to her to play with your emotions. Unfortunate that you had to deal with that, but I'm glad you you out of that toxicity. It's active sabotage of the relationship.
You better off without her
Meh, kind of agree here…. Jealousy is definitely not attractive and expectations for healthy boundaries with the opposite sex still need to be conveyed at some point in a relationship.
If she’s doing something that I don’t like (going out to dinner 1:1 with a single guy ‘friend’, flirting with bozos in front of me, etc…) I’ll ask her to stop because I wouldn’t do that to her. I also ask her how she would feel if I was doing that with other girls. At that point, she can choose to stop or continue with the bad behavior. I always have the choice to walk away if she chooses not to change or if she becomes indignant by me calling it out.
I choose self-respect.
'Women don't leave kings for peasants'. You are a nice guy, but at times I am thinking - you are _so naive_. Cheating on a millionaire with a pool boy, tennis trainer, etc? Giselle Bundchen cheating on Tom Brady with her BJJ trainer and ultimately leaving Brady for him?
Upd: I think I understood what is my issue with the message in this video. Jealousy is counter-productive and can eat you alive, that is certain. But jealousy is also a sign that something in your relationship with her is wrong, something your gut tells you. Given how quickly women jump the ship nowadays, I'd say - it is wise to listen to your gut (I wish I did listen to my gut while I was cheated on instead of thinking that I am being insecure) rather than follow coping strategies a la 'these guys she is flirting with make me look good'.
Being a top athlete or a millionaire doesn't automatically make him a king...and being a king doesn't automatically remove her free choice and ability to make bad decisions.
Very few people have actually given practical ways of handling jealousy.
Gotta look to scripture. Ezekiel 16
It's only appropriate in contexts where an actual covenant exists
Man. I am 95% in agreement. My only disagreement is getting with a woman that no other man wants. 8:45. That doesn’t exist. There are men that sleep with cadavers so, that doesn’t work.
What I would add is from my own personal experience. I agree with how your insecurities can cause conflict. Instead of trying to not project onto her, I had to focus on myself because constantly worrying about someone else’s emotional process is exhausting and impossible. I had to focus on what each woman could confidently get from me as my takeaway. It allowed me to feel secure because for person A, nobody would ever know, accept and love her like I did. Person B, nobody would notice and admire her quirks like me. Person C, nobody would support her dreams like I would. Etc. Every relationship brings something different out of you, hopefully. And whatever that person magnifies is your flag. Plant it.
And they may still leave…they may not value it…or value it the same in perpetuity. But you can change the flag as the relationship deepens. Add flags. Raise the standard, her standard in some area. Even if it doesn’t work out long term, you’ll make yourself unforgettable. And that pays dividends sometimes.
I laughed at the cadaver thing but this is where "walks of life," "leagues" and "classes" come in.
"A woman that no other man in her walk of life wants."
exactly
I witnessed 2 krackheads fighting over a 1 tooth, severely unkempt woman
....and it was all about who had the biggest tent.
even at rock bottom they still have options
Know your value. Make her realize you are the prize. If she still wants to see elsewhere. She doesn't deserve you. Don't be delusional though. You need to have actual value.
I'm 62 been single for 5 years. I have to say I'm happier than I've ever been.
Remember that she's not yours, it's just your turn. Also remember the correlary to this. You are not hers, it's just her turn. Lean into the perceived "threat." E.g., "that dude is hitting on you, you should give him your number.". The nuclear option if you see your girlfriend is considering another guy and asks to do something questionable is to say something like "I don't own you, do what you want.". And then SUBTLY start making other plans that don't involve the girl. If a woman is "gone" anyway, then you are preparing for the next step. If not she'll probably come running back like a young kid who gets too far away from it's parent and gets scared.
You'll never know if she didn't decide to "sample the goods" on offer. Sorry but you are being naive.
@@fiveleavesleft6521 What's your suggestion oh wise and learned one?
@@HD46409 My suggestion is to be realistic rather than naive.
It's a fine-line, however, because at some point indifference can be taken as permission to cheat. He doesn't care who I talk to you, flirt with, spend time with... Sleep With! The utterly indifferent man can be seen as being stoic to the point of not caring about her at all -- or, much worse, too weak to set any boundaries for her. Neither of these indifferent attitudes is healthy for a long-term relationship. But, as the good doctor points-out in this video, neither is being overly jealous and controlling of her. So, you need to set boundaries, and let her know in a calm yet firm manner what those boundaries are up-front, at the beginning of the relationship -- not during dating phase because that would be too soon and be seen as trying to control someone you are barely getting to know. But once you decide on a relationship, boundaries have to become clear to both of you, and they need to be enforced -- not with anger, but with calmness and firmness. A healthy relationship will always be a delicate balance of caring, but not caring to the point of trying to control everything the other person does. She should feel free to leave at any time, but it has to be clear to her that once she does, you're done with her. Of course, her cheating should always be treated like she has already decided to leave the relationship, and you should never take her back after this kind of disrespect.
I think you raised great points. The conversation around exclusivity is tricky for me. I find it's rare for me to get to a natural point where that conversation can be had without discovering that she fools around with other guys which is a deal breaker, even though it's not cheating, per se. When that happens, I cut her off and move on because it seems like a losing battle to try to convince her to be loyal to you at that point. Probably just the sign it was never meant to be.
@@moglagaash yeah, I don't blame you, I feel the same way. Once I know about her being with other guys is just kills it for me. Doesn't matter how fine she is, or how close we became, if she makes it known that she has other guys, then I 'm moving on. Even when dating. I don't try to stop her, but once she makes it clear she is seeing other guys, and not trying to hide it from me, I'm done with her.
What’s difficult is I had lot of time at some point and gave her quite a lot of attention (she needed it whatsoever). Then I started to study and work at the same time so I had a lot less attention for her and I think she interpreted that as indifference and weakness. I was simply focus to do good and make the next step a success. She started slowly dating behind my back and I took time to notice it. Of course at some point it became obvious and I had to leave instantly. I’m not the jealous type at all but I was naive and couldn’t believe it. On my side I also had options and she was really jealous even if I’m the white knight type of guy once I decide to commit (1st time in my life).
Point is, I trust people but I saw redflags I ignored…. I paid a hefty price for it…
Also I understood that a cheating gf was never In love in the first place.
I need to start from 0 again at 29 and it feels like hell.
Lesson is : watch how much attention your gf needs. If it’s a lot, huge redflag.
In the modern world normal, average men have two options- jealousy or self delusion. Hypergamy and ease of connecting with others means that it's virtually impossible to be her "best".
This seems like a variation of, "if men have [x] boundary or preference in a woman, then they are insecure."
I get not reacting in a volatile manner for small issues or things your woman doesn't have contol over, like some guy coming trying to chat up your girl, but there have to be places where you draw the line and have solid boundaries.
Obviously there are going to be men who want to hit on your woman if she's attractive, but her entertaining other men, being in private spaces, going out to clubs in skimpy outfits without you, or spending alone time with other men should be clear boundaries. Not against any particular man, but against all other men. Not because you think he could be a threat but because there should be a degree of decorum if you're in a relationship. And it should mostly go both ways.
I think defining these things and others like them was a missed opportunity. Even the greatest of men can be cheated on, e.g. Tom Brady, and you should be sitting out to protect not only your girl but your relationship and your life with your girl, even from herself at times.
It's a hard boundary of mine for my girl to even put herself in a position where her fidelity might be questioned. While women might not leave kings for peasants, I've seen enough peasants get lucky shots off when a man has lax boundaries. In a past life, I was one of these peasants myself.
This is the point that there are two sides to hypergamy. Yes, a King DOES have to worry about his handsome pool boy.
I agree with this take more than Dr. Orion's. The thing is if you act too lax she will start acting naive and then keep on pushing boundaries because you never laid them down. So I think you should still coolly state the boundaries if you see something unusual. And then if she continues to push them just dump her
My question is this guys, if you dont trust that your woman is committed to you, why are you committed to her?
@@nikak4444 A mixture of naivety, gullibility and successful social brainwashing to "treat her like a princess". Many men are conditioned to think that being romantic and selfless leads to deep appreciation, love and respect from women. By the time they learn that this is rarely true it's often too late.
@@nikak4444 It's that a committed woman can still be subject to irrational emotions. Have a fight one night and that male 'friend' sees a chance to possibly get in. If not this time, then at least sow seeds of discontent for another future chance. Every woman wants to believe she's immune to it but they're not. EVERYONE, under the right circumstances, can cheat.
There are still women who will not make you feel jealous. Just find the right woman who can make you feel secure. ❤
One sec, yes, but jealousy is usually because there is lack of reassurance or connection for the partner. Trust is built by constant checks and balances. Not a given. Its hard work. Its giving up freedoms and dangerous interactions for the other one. Also having a behavioural code, and distance. Jealousy never comes out of the blue. We cannot say, do whatever you want, i have to not be jealous. Yes, being jealous does aggravate the situation, but she/he should make shure it rarely happens if at all!
Yeah, I was accused of being "jealous" when I was responding and reacting to being lied to and being manipulated.
Tell her bye bye. Nothing is worth your loss of peace.
Current jealously over a perceived threat is pretty easy to deal with, it's the retroactive jealousy over someone that already got your girl that is the major one.
Fr. That’s why virgin women should be the goal if possible
Thank you for laying out even the obvious stuff we’ve all thought before. Having it all said succinctly and knowledgeably really helps act as a great jumping off point for more advanced thoughts/thesis
These chicks want us to cut off all our options when we get into a relationship but they still get to keep their options open. It's just hilarious to me
I agree with you . They still post pictures on social media to keep male orbiters and flirt with coworkers . I have seen it to many times
I still wonder about your men's kind of choice.
The ugly duckling is going unnoticed while watching the corona of men surrounding a woman with obviously perfect marketing abilities.
My conclusion? I learn more.
Yep. I know a guy with a good job and a house in an expensive neighborhood who has taken that "other men make me look good" attitude. But his wife still steps out on him (along with DMs and posting pics on social media). He takes the fact that she returns to him (almost) every night as evidence of his value.
I married a woman that didn't have a lot of options, for 46 years I have been her king, I have never been jealous because if she were to leave I could easily move on. Remember that most women get ugly with time. My first wife was pretty and got a lot of male attention, she cheated on three husbands, she is divorced at 65 and has no options, her own childern avoid her.
@@num3willie yikes that’s insane 😭
Message well delivered
As soon as i start to get jealous of someone, things begin to deplete.
Jealousy is one of the concepts that needs to be conquered for a relationship to work.
"Jealousy: show your woman you don't have this trait, and she'll think you're one in a billion" - Doc Love: The System
His advice is 20 years outdated at this point. And he was an old guy back in the early 00s.
@@chipsteve Good advice never gets outdated
@@successartistry3023 it's not good advice anymore, at least not for committed relationships. The world has changed, women are exponentially worse.
This was beautifully worded. Those of us who are kings needed this kind of reminder.
I just have to say, your vocabulary and grammar are outstanding. You are very articulate. I just wanted you to know that it's noticed and appreciated.
The jealousy-spice wordplay is simply brilliant
I felt this today, and thankfully kept my cool. I find it easy to deal with when I am interacting with them, but when I am alone my mind runs wild.
I love the way you break complicated ideas down so simply! Thank you for what you do 🙌🏻
Guys let's be for real ,if she wanted to cheat ahe will .always remember control the controllable, u can't control someone's behaviour as long as you've been a great person to that someone u have nothing to fear or loose cuz they been the one loosing u . Be protective and set ur ground and have standards ,if she chose to cheat or enjoys others men attention leave her for the streets
I swear this channel is gold. Dr. Taraban doing gods work
I am a woman and I needed to hear this, I am going to try this perspective.
Othello is a masterful example of a King undone by jealousy.
King Arthur likewise. He was left for a Knight.
Humble looks good on you, Orion. Helpful video for both your male and female viewers. Thank you.
I love your channel and seriously have been addicted to your videos/ content! You have a way of explaining complicated emotional topics and simplifying them in a fun and easy way to understand and learn from. Thank you.
It’s all good king. If she’s flirting with other guys console yourself with how awesome you are. That should work out well for you….
😂😂
Pedro the peasant pool boy should keep her well lubricated for you sire
Another good commentary. 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
I would add that a well loved woman radiates…and that glow attracts attention. Unless she has some character flaw(s), a woman welcomes (and is faithful to) a King who pours into her thus adding fuel to her Queenly glow.
What in de fuk
Come here for the frank truth, and it was delivered. Thank you, as always.
Acting like a king goes against all the reminders I give myself to practice humility.
Just started watching your videos and im learning a lot as i have these inner struggles. I WILL BE KING!💪💪
I don't like this take. They might not leave the king, but they will definitely cheat on him.
What does this even mean
Women cheat when they perceive higher value
@@yasintorkman4813 look at Tom Brady, it´s a perfect example. You either check your woman or leave, otherwise she will wonder into another man and says "it just happened, sorry".
Correct
@@MrSilverfish12a woman will wander into what they want to do whether you “check” them or not. You’re probably just pushing them into doing it sooner by “checking” them. Speaking from painful experience. Would’ve just played it cool and not worried about it like Taraban says if I had a do-over. The only way you win is by having more going for you than the other guy, and acting like it.
This one resonates with me right now as I'm starting a new relationship and getting feels for a woman. I'm not an overly jealous person but for the rare occasions when I am, I will have to remember that I am a king and that's why she's with me. I make 6 figures, in the best physical shape of my life, have hobbies that I'm passionate about and I'd like to think that I'm generally a kind person. I'm 47 and there really aren't really a lot of single men who can offer that package at my age.
Right. I “allowed” my wife to cut me off from my wants, desires, dreams, aspirations, my balls, family, time with my kids, friends, hobbies, integrity, authenticity, my ability to respond, competed for the masculine role and cut me off from social media before it ever started. She was jealous of women, at all ages, from 9 to 90, who were nice to me. All the while she did the opposite. Do as I say, not as I do ;)
When I was 17 I made an absolute fool of myself in a jealous rage. I vowed "never again". Early on, I frankly told my beautiful wife that if she was going to cheat, do it early in our marriage so that I could replace her with someone younger and cuter. 37 years later and many men showing interest in her, faithfulness has never been a problem. Yes, other men make me look good. I have been absolutely faithful as well. Faithfulness and inner security works.
This is the way 🏆
Men are territorial by nature. Women are too, presumably. I doubt jealousy is avoidable. Nature made us competitive. *Millions of years of evolution cannot be curtailed.*
You could say the same of any emotion. However, it falls to us to work with our natures to cultivate the highest expressions of ourselves.
For this exact same reason we watch orion videos, to overcome our natural behaviors from millions of years ago
Jealousy is natural emotion on men warning you that you’re possible about to be cuck by your women
@@nammi895 That’s a bad coping strategy. Look at what happened to Tom Brady . Also do women have learn about this stuff or they just get a free pass to express their emotions however they want ?
@@carlospita6442 Bro what do you think, if a women doesn't want to learn, she will still be having 100 of guys falling behind her
Just remember most women have no interest in such content, they purely operate on their natural instincts.
"Because she's with you, you dummy."
It doesn't mean she's not cheating on you.
Ask for the king thing, it didn't work out so well with Arthur once Lancelot was around, did it
Thank you for revitalizing my confidence in myself... I'm a king 👑 you earned another subscriber
Some of Orion's vid is right, but in my experience of ~25 years in dating & marriage, some of it is absolutely not up to how you react to situations. There are boundaries that you set in relationships right up front when exclusivity is established and if the woman doesn't abide by those boundaries, then it's time to cut her loose. The thing I agree with is in cases like this, the best thing to do is try to stay calm and not over-react - just end the relationship calmly and move on.
I agree, the problem is that we've built a society where men are not encouraged to view themselves as kings, because the majority are not respected, (by design) so in order for that to change the narrative and the way we view masculine and men interacting with women has to change.
Orion distills the wisdom of the ages into the modern world, and hits it out of the park.
Bro this is literally making me tear up. I literally feel like im pushing my wife away. Very strong video thank you so much!!
Super helpful!! Thank you so much 🙏🏼
This guy does not miss.
Great advice. And if she chooses the peasant instead of you, let her go and move on with your head high. Too many fish in the sea. I’ll do everything in my power not to succumb to one-itis ever again. Jealously is for lovestricken youth. I was often jealous in my youth as I dated a lot of hot women who attracted a lot of male attention. There was no internet and Psych Hacks back then to set me straight!
Guys always remember 1 thing : SHE WAS NEVER YOURS, ITS JUST YOUR TURN THAT TIME
If so, there is no point to finding love, just sex
@@heythere2806 watch is other video, love is a poor man job.
Video title: the truth about romance
@@heythere2806 Or maybe there’s no such thing as love.
@@joeprimal2044mm, love is real, it’s just not the romantic ideal that’s sold to us. Love is rather laborious and intensive, and even that’s hard to come across these days. But it isn’t impossible
@@heythere2806you cracked the code
This is why I won't date girls with guy friends. Even if it seems platonic on the surface, seeds can definitely be planted over time. If your girl wants to spend time with a guy, that guy should be you. Nuff said.
Seems like you have issues of your own ...like controlling behaviors. If you're looking for a trophy, stick with your plan. If you want a good woman, the less you want to control her, the happier you'll both be.
@@johnevans5649 he's not telling them they can't have guy friends, he's choosing the ones who don't have any. It's not controlling, it's selective.
What he was trying to say was... Acting with cool, calm confidence (in the solidity of your relationship) is very kingly behavior & extremely attractive! A woman's gona stay with that. 💗
All this talk is great and all but the reality is jealousy is impossible to overcome. You can gain ground for a while but you'll always find your way back to the reality. Chose no relationship
I'm going to remember that compliment: " her eyes are like 2 fiery orbs plucked from the firmament! " 👀 🔥 🌟
That part was hilarious xD
We're all gonna make it brahs
I don't think so. Not a lot. A lot will be left behind. Just look at the stats.
Bro…this is 🔥 🔥 🔥…the real KING is no other than DR. O
It always keeps coming back to you as the man. Where are you strong? Where are you weak?
You’re one of the few people on here who I appreciate and can agree with nearly all of your psych talks… Is there any way you could do a version of this for women? 😅 asking for a friend. 😁
All of these ARE for women. To learn about how screwed up you are and how to make yourself better!
"When my woman tells me she loves me, i tell her she should!" -Patrice O'Neal .......in the relationship you gotta show your woman she can't get no better.
Thanks! Doc I've been listening to you for awhile now
I've never been the jealous type and thought the video would've been on how to deal with jealousy in your partners! Follow-up topic please!
I remember laughing at the man my ex told me about see was seeing. I was blown away this was my replacement.
But, as soon as my behavior changed. She pulled the plug and she went to him. I can clearly see she doesn’t love him. But, she plans to marry him because no woman wants him lol.
My behavior and reactions has been the biggest lesson.
The insercurity
What are you even saying. Doesn’t make sense
Best to walk away and find a good supply of love ❤️
"Make enough money so you can convincingly pretend you don't feel jealous, otherwise she'll cheat."
This shows how relationships make no sense outside of a community of men who agree cheating should be punished.
I think what you say is true but the complete opposite happened to me. I wasn’t worried at all about some friend my ex had. Like he literally can’t compare even the slightest yet the loser was sneaky and manipulated her to steel her from me. By the time I knew something was up, it was too late. I was never jealous of him because like why would I. But it happened
"With jealousy, you sow the seeds of your own relationship's destruction." Paraphased (Doc Love) Thank you, Dr Taraban for the most important reminder! Well done sir.
Beautifully articulated again 👌
I believe the best course of action here is to strategically disqualify ourselves from the wrong relationships. Example; in context to women posting slightly lewd pics on social media in order to be validated by men, I’ll advance on a woman who keeps her instagram private, who isn’t too needy for general validation. And still, if she has options a.k.a friends, I’ll have “friends” too.
like he says in another video "Hire slow, fire fast".
@@Turd420 exactly!
One thing to understand about females here is while men will generally be also open to sex with their female friends, the infamous friend zone for women is where we put men we dont see in any sexual way what so ever. We are as likely to bang them as our brother. Men dont have this, so a friend is generally just a friend, assuming she knew him before you. Because by that same logic, if she wanted to sleep with him... she would have already.
When a woman disrespects me in front of me with other men, she immediately becomes recreational. Use only I don't tell her she has become recreational. Use. Only I just put it there and when she wants to completely. Get serious, I say Well i'm just not quite ready for that yet, You see, this is not payback. It's just the way I roll you. Show me disrespect. I have no use for you either. Except for the physical part, and that's it. So ladies, make sure you don't do that to your man. Because he may be doing the same thing back to you in a different way.
This man is a treasure. Save him at all cost!
Save him from what?
jealousy is also a cage for the partner, and is a sign the other doesn't love the partner, but merely possesses the partner. love sets free. love doesn't build a cage. the cage doesn't love the bird, the cage loves the song.
GAWD DAYUM, I didn't see it like that
I was like "I have to warn her not to be stupid or start chatting up other women to get her mind straight and demonstrate my options", turns out that THAT may be too much work for a situation at hand
Thank you for this enlightening angle ❤
Man this is great. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. I’ll share your channel with my son…I’m sure this will inspire and equip him.
I'm a woman and struggle with jealousy but this advice is still very good and true. I've been cheated on a lot and it's a struggle..I used to be very confident but when that happens a lot, it crushes you and abandonment really feels like shit. My heart goes out to kings like these on this channel working on themselves ❤ Good luck, you'll find a good woman one day, not jealousy inducing gaslighting cheating skans.. I've known some women myself who would keep 5000 options open while dating a dude, cheating with some of them, and simultaneously gaslighting them and telling them it's in their head, when they knew it in their hearts all along
Love the social dynamics part of this channel
This is an incredibly useful way to frame things!
Your Video has really helped me.
Only took me 25 years!
Thank you for confirming what I already do to be good🥺
How did it work out for King Arthur? I think a more realistic way to deal with jealousy is to articulate your boundaries early in the relationship. If she disregards them she has moved on and it is no longer your turn, so you need to withdraw from the relationship or marriage and protect yourself and your assets. Actions have consequences.
Thank you my dude - we can control our own behaviour