5 Ways Your Silence Destroys a Narcissist
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- Опубліковано 10 чер 2024
- Link to my best resources for healing:
linktr.ee/narcabusecoach
chapters
00:00 introduction
01:17 1. They feel totally powerless when they fail to get you talking
02:53 2. They need to know what you're cooking in your head
04:47 3.Silence is boring to a Narcissist
06:40 4.When you go silent on a Narcissist they feel insulted
08:29 5.Silence means sanity
Link to my best resources for healing:
linktr.ee/narcabusecoach
@@Spikypotato.p
Victims might not kiss the narcissist so that’s not always the case that you’re the narcissist just because you don’t kiss your husband or if you don’t have sex with him some narcissist, especially if you show me your little crazier than them they don’t raise their hand to you anymore and if they haven’t overreaching Parent like Their in-laws that have been involved over domestic then they’re more careful what they do remember they don’t want to be known they hide it so they find other ways to abuse you it’s not always physical abuse and it’s not always withholding sometimes the victim withhold sex and other things because they don’t want a venereal disease and again not narcissist physically abused there are times where they do throw things push you against the wall, but they’ll never leave evidence there’s a big difference so please clarify that
Sometimes they don't want u to sleep either. Sleep restores sanity and health.😊
Omg lights on for like 10 minutes I'm trying to sleep not cool
Not anymore it will all Fall back on them instead ! .
The narcissist in my life makes startling scary noises everytime he walks by (he would suddenly hit a pan while he is cooking). I tell him to stop and he blame shifts this and that. Deep down I know his intention is to abuse.
Very true! They know sleep will restore your thoughts and strengthen you. They prefer to keep your mind weak only so that they may control you.
Their World is outside of them. Silence eliminates their Reality
🤔😨 Ohhhhh!!! You're SO RIGHT!!! BCUZ they're vapid & empty inside! They have ZERO substance! And without a human~puppet doing their bidding, they feel powerless & unable to control themselves & their environments!?!??💜🖤☄
Exactly! They aren't as good as they try to make us believe and we aren't as bad as they try to make us believe. Excellent point!💚
But we are very resilient
And we can understand ourselves best
And we can start to call for a manipulation by it's true name - MANIPULATION
and we can keep our cards to ourselves
This may come as an exaggeration but I have defeated TWO narcissists in their own game just by silence. It really is their Kryptonite.
LMAO ME TOO!
When you go no contact with a narc and don't give them a reaction, they will target someone else. They can't live without drama.
AMEN
So my baby mom is gonna target he new supply which is her new baby dad now since she's having their 4th child together.
@@daryleverettjr.8881 If she is a narc, her partner is probably an enabler.
@@daryleverettjr.8881 If she is a narc, her new partner is probably an enabler.
They always make their phone calls on loudspeaker, no matter where they are or who else is in the room.
Oh my days. I never understood this at all.
@Gigi0408 I think it's actually a red flag that is easily identifiable but no one talks about
I do that tho n im not a narc lol its just easier
@@ilovepeace-uq2hu🥰
I can’t stand this! I feel my ex did this to put on a show to gain sympathy from whoever was around because so many times she’d start saying things like “please stop, just stop”, or “you’re laughing at me?” “You think this is funny?”, and I’m on the other line like, hello? Who are you talking to? What’s going on? Finally I figured it out… she was pretending I was this heartless monster with her pretend a😊
Sometimes I would call her out on what she was doing , or just speak the truth about something and she would get so mad and hang up right away because I was blowing her cover , that’s what it seemed like anyway.
Going no contact brought me peace. Never mind the five reasons why my silence destroys a narrcissist. I needed and still need that silence myself. To recover from the abuse and to grow into who I want to be. Thnx Danish for bringing me where I am now. Watching your vids a few years now. You among others made me recover and prosper. Not prosper again. Talking about my dad the narc. Like you do. Took me 54 years to find out. I am 58 now.. It has been a hell of a journey. Thnx again bro.
Awesomeness!!!🎉🎉❤
Never interrupt a enemys mistake
Good advice
I need to adopt it
Amen to that!!!
When there is silence, they wonder what do you know....
I literally get a headache around the non-stop chatter of the narc inlaw. Once I get home, it's great to just sit and listen to the silence. My silence definitely drives them all crazy!
And your happiness are their sadness.......
In your silence the narcissist will start to hum around you. 😂☠️😭
Or whistle
Silence is very intimidating to them
If you are going silent, make sure you have strong boundaries and/or you can go no contact. The hoovering will be very constant and can at times be destructive.
Thanks I'll keep that in mind
And deadly
My ex-husband literally would say, "It's too quiet! I gotta go!" Then he would dash out of the door! Moreover, when I would go silent, he would literally go crazy and his eyes would become glassy. This is when he would become unhumanly "nice" and leave the house.
They push us through many derogatory ways to break our silence and make us react
Silence confuses and triggers them
One thing I recently noticed when I have to visit my narc inlaws, they ALWAYS have noise on. The tv at capacity, the nonstop noise from their tablets. All the lights on. It's overwhelming and chaotic. Before I realized they were narcissists, I'd tell them how the noise negatively affects the kids and of course they didn't listen. Thank God they don't stay in our house anymore. I have both of them blocked and they definitely try to send insipid texts. I know it enrages them. That part about the more silence the more clarity you get is 1000 percent true. That's literally why I don't speak to them. I know exactly who they are.
That makes sense looking back at my narc ex and his parents (he lived with them). The lights were always on even in the middle of the night, the sound on the tv was at full bore all the time. There was music in one room and tv in the other and then laptops and computers and smart phones....it was awful. I had to go outside to get some peace and quiet. His parents also had the tv in their bedroom going all night. My ex would also have some tv show playing on his screen while he slept as well. No wonder they were all stressed and tired all the time. All that stuff going into their subconsciouses all night. And my ex used to love shows about serial killers or war snipers or cop shows or air crash/car crash investigations. And he'd try and engage me in conversations about them all the time. It got to the point where I snapped at him that it was sick and twisted that he identified with serial killers. It was almost like he admired them and wished that he could be like them.
I was glad when I went home after my visits to get some peace and quiet. Even now, I can't stand loud noises and enjoy just sitting and reading or knitting or sewing or painting something else quiet and productive. It's even better now that I've blocked him and gone complete no contact. He must be going nuts living on his own now, especially as he's alienated everyone who used to give him supply. What a moron.
You are AWESOME!!! THANK YOU FOR YOUR COMMENT!!!❤🎉
Lol I've just had an aah ha moment reading this comment. He would always try to blame me for the light bill being high. I said to him the lights are off when I'm home. When he comes back from his trips the next day he unpacks does his laundry and leaves the lights on and TVs on. I Said to myself "Im sorry but this man is crazy". Now I know why he leaves all the lights abd TVs on. Thank you for this video and comment.
I love and appreciate your teachings. This lesson on silence is perfect. My narcissistic sister can't stand when I'm silent against her. Drives her crazy. Yes, narcissists are paranoid. They don't care about other people. Unpredictability is awful to them. Thank you for everything you teach!💚
When my narc husband is home, he has to have the TV and his phone blaring from the time he wakes up until the time he goes to bed. I've begged him to use ear buds atleast for his phone, but he refuses. I can't freaking stand it, so I stay in my room, office, or outdoors as much as possible. The worst is he then comes to "check" on me to see what I'm "up to." There is no peace to be found when living with a paranoid narcissist. 😢
Omg my husband does this exact thing too and I stay in my bedroom as much as I can to get away for peace!!
Leave them!
I’ve not heard about “not being allowed to stay silent” in any videos until this one. My dad used to say “you’re not going anywhere until we figure this out” but it would most always be about a something he started. Same dude used to ask me “what I was smiling about” if I came home from school “too happy”. He’s since passed and I’m much happier these days but it’s nuts how long that mental warfare can affect us as adults.
I "stopped listening" to my mother, who had never listened to me since I was born, but it looked like I wasn't speaking to her. I started when I was 25 years old and I figured that I had the next 25 years before I had to listen to her again.
I'm not sure that she was actually a narcissist, but she did have some tendencies of it.
This put her in the position of having silence from me. My sisters told me that she was crying a lot.
After 15 years, she admitted that she had abused me while I was a child and apologized. I didn't talk to her right away, but after a couple of years I got in touch with her. Then we had the relationship that I had always wanted.
I think that she got the space she apparently needed to take a look at herself.
You are a WARRIOR!! I appreciate your comment!!🎉🎉
Incredible video! Now we know how silence can be a powerful weapon against narcissism!
The narcissist parent in my life sold my car while I was on vacation and he pocketed the amount for himself (he used it all on food). For quite some time I had to walk an hour to buy groceries even during winter. I didn't want to buy another car while he was still around because I know he would sell it again. Now my goal is to cheaply sell off my belongings, earn enough dough and move far away.
Yes! 100%! Narcissist husband turns the tv on as soon as he comes in the door and watches it all evening, otherwise "It's too quiet". What does he mean?! The silence is glorious.
He just loves to watch tv all of the time (instead of actually having a conversation with a real person in front of them) as it's "escapism from real life because real life is sooo depressing"...
I understand his words differently now, having learned so much about narcissism recently.
Be well Warrior ❤
And I can't stand silence either.... but only because I hear my abusers in my head
Right again! They have the need for a radio, tv, and other noises all at once, non stop crazy making.
He would fall asleep after a fight leaving me awake all night.😢
Been There ... Burn the tee shirt... You are a WARRIOR... BEST WISHES FOR YOU❤
I could not work out how my ex could fall asleep within seconds of us having serious words about our relationship..to which she could not answer my questions but obviously realised I was distraught....with a long smirk and the notorious eye colour change from gorgeous green to black in a split second....I sensed the feeling of her absorbing my energy and loving every moment of seing me in emotional distress and feeling very content with her purposeful actions....I thought 🤔....is this for real....is this really happening....?...not humane empathetic behaviour....animals exhibit more empathy towards each other......Not human just sick....... Very well explained Danish.....Thank You....much clearer now 👍
Lizard ppl
I went no contact with my in-laws in January. I even blocked them via, online, email, and phone. Recently they came over and demanded to see us and then tried to pretend like nothing had happened. It was the oddest thing.
I thought that only step father and step mother can behave like this but your story is miserable,but have faith in God he will endow your life with purest form of joy
I had to overcome inner guilt, then I was a thousand times better. That workbook called 30 Days to Overcome Guilt by Harper Daniels was a huge help, taught me mindfulness stuff.
Danish, I really think you are a wonderful person. You have turned an extremely toxic, rotten, destructive, hateful, persons effect on you
into something good for others. My goodness. I'm a victim like you are, and I have to confess staying silent is SO HARD because I want
to tell my narc exactly what I think about her. And I know she enjoys it. But when all is said and done, no contact is more healing. My sister,
Emily was the most evil person I have every had in my life and now I'm free. I check in with you now and again for a refresher.
Warrior!!! PERIODT 💯💯💯💯❤❤❤❤
WOW !! This is Deep fellas. 100% Correct. I'm from a narc family. 8 out of 11 were narcs Against me.
Don't argue . Don't talk back. just walk away. BUT they'll keep coming at you. GO NO CONTACT. !!!
The silence is life worth living
Your words are always on point. Thank you.
Thank you for amazing video. I have to say this resonate with so much. Given the Narcissist SILENCE is the best medicine going for them. Keep up the great work .
My ex narc husband would always ask me what I'm thinking about and I've always found it weird as why I couldn't be in my thoughts. So my answer would be that I'm not thinking about anything just so that I wouldn't have to explain myself and enter a never ending draining and pointless discussion.
Danish you are an Angel who has suffered a lot to help others finally, God knows what you went through and is always there protecting you not allowing you to break down
This has been really encouraging for me, thank you. I only ever comment in video threads for my bit of group therapy and never to narcspouse. But even this has had me wondering if I'm not silent enough 😞
Danish, this is in your top 5 of videos. Thank you sir.
My narcissistic mother well I have been in no contact for six months now and the way she is acting asking around about me pretending to care about me is so awful. Some people don’t understand that this is a mask but some people do . And now the way she is acting is so funny to watch.
What’s worse is the narcissist the child. He has put me thru since he was a young adult trying to out do me and win at a no contest way. I finally had enough of all his put downs since I had a heart attack but now silence is golden. Thank you for your insight I am healing now.
My narc mil daily shouts n morning after wake up scolding somebody,moving chair to wake others, breaking utensils n kitchen to prove she was the first to wake early morning
Thank you.... I've been in so many narcissistic relationships....i can see it now.... thank you 💕
Wished Id of been your sister. We would of coordinated. I had a narcissist mom anyway. Im healing dearie
The narcissist in my life kept asking why I was being so quiet?
Mine would ask the same. Never understanding I am an introvert and I don't really talk unless I need to..My narc ex was always talking and would get mad if I didn't run my mouth as much as he did, They equate silence as either you're angry or you're plotting against them. Because that's what they do...or it could be they just wanna drown out the voices in their head with a lot of noise and chatter, either way it's frustrating when you just want a quiet moment and they just gotta disturb your peace somehow.
# 5 "Just do what I say."
Thank you God I got out just in time .. 🙏🙏
Amen ! 🙏🏻 Me too 💪
I like this one Danish, it is giving more motivation to stay silent.
I so, so appreciate your insight and reassurance. Despite (finally!) removing two very influential narcissists from my life, I'm still processing a lifetime of confusion, dissonance, and grief. Your words help my brain rearrange itself so my heart can rest after so many years of trauma. Thank you. ♡
Thanks sir for this information, this ll help me a lot
Thanks Danish only after coming across your videos last year could I make sense of all that was happening to me both my partner and my in-laws and his siblings all are narcs only after watching your videos have I healed so much I now look at all of them like a third person I have stopped reacting and am so much at peace with myself now my children are grown up most of my family responsibilities are taken care of and I am finally coming to self love phase I am enjoying it and my sleep has improved tremendously a big thank you from the bottom of my heart to you Danish
Once i stopped reacting to my narc mother in law. She started hiding my breakfast and freezing and not giving milk packets of my 1 year old baby. I have no other option to keep silence.
The craziest thing is when they think we are plotting with them. instead , some ideas never came up into mind or heart.like: "aha! now I´ve catch you!"...rsrs....or like trying to read our minds. what a power, no?
Yelp that's exactly what my ex would do, after he had cheated multiple times, he started lurking around listening to my phone conversations, going through my stuff, going in yo my phone looking for his ah ha moment and admitting to me he thought the only reason I got back with him was to plot against him and seek revenge and it never crossed my mind.
Both narcs in my life are extremely busy-out and about all the time. The lockdowns nearly finished them off mentally!
And also plz in Urdu also so I can also share to all seniors and some other friends all can't go with this language sir
Thanks for this video!
I am experiencing the same! Great work on it!
Thank you so much Danish.. much love to u❤
You've just described 47 years with my sister...
Very very good video. Thank you so much!
Thank you, Danish
I've been doing the grey rock method for a few months now. So this is why he's been such a pest, constantly asking what's wrong or did you call me? I'm in the living room doing what I enjoy while he's in the bedroom at the back of trailer.
YAY!!! I wonder how narc parents explain the absence of their adult kids for years and years lol. The façade must be crumbling daily!
Great video and spot on....agree 👌
Thank you Danish for these words and God bless you I'm moving forward ⏩⏩⏩⏩ and God blessings 💞🙏🙏🙏🙏
Your videos are really helpful in getting an insight about narcissistic behaviour. God bless you Danish.
Right makes so much sense
This was very interesting
Thank you
Best way than.just saying silence is DONT CARE bcos we have different options ..life is full of options so choose best suits u ..
Thank you!
Less is more. Slow is smooth & smooth is fast.
I've found that this is true through experience. My mother is a narcissist and so are several other females on her side of the family.
The worst thing I can do, what makes me into a demon. Is be silent or have nothing to do with them.
My sister and I would be beaten often for being "too quiet". If I was in my room reading, even if my sister was asleep. It was an issue. When I was a teenager I thought my mother would antagonise us because she wanted to have something to complain about like other parents. Only later did I realise that she was a -satan- narcissist.
I was sent videos of them pissing on my belongings.
Memes made that painted me in the worst possible light sent to me through their alt accounts
Comments on my guitar videos telling me how terrible I am at it
They didnt get a thing from me.
Thanks Danish.....
what if the narcissistic person is giving you silence treatment? then how our silence will work?
Aslam Alaykum,
Thanks alot for all your videos with all the details given in simple emotional language which help to understand.
I am facing real issues from my sister which is now socialy is being a threat also because of some properties issue involved
Kindly try to give me. The idea how to stop them even legally. Because the mainly reason is she is narcissist but can't report legally .I think
Ikr you're quiet you good lol
I have noticed that they laugh all the time, they say something and usually laugh, inappropriately usually.
Before i served divorce papers he screamed in my face he wanted a divorce even in front of his friends once... the last time he did i said okay and served him the next day stopped talking to him that day. He has not stopped trying to talk to me and trust me i want to respond but thats what my notes app is for lol every response is written out but i realize thats what he wants so ill never send. I also might be getting a restraining order because him and his "uncle" will not stop bothering me about nonsense when I specifically told him to leave me alone unless its in regards to the divorce papers.
Not Anymore !.
He is been ignoring me for days out of the blues he is sending me crying MoG attached to our wedding picture. It's My turn to ignore😂
I left my narcissist ex-husband 3yrs ago and he's still kinda stalking me. I won't talk to him and feel so good about it 😂
He also hit on every friend I had and that my teenage daughter had in addition to pork and dating sex sites and always thought he was so slick which he wasn't.! I've found myself again and love life again. ❤❤❤❤
I wonder how come you empathize with my exact situation
So true!
Wow
Part2 plz
Do you think if being with a narcissist could train the normal person to mirror them? And thus become a narcissist, too? Accidentally, of course.
A true narcissist isn't trained. They are born that way - at least in my opinion. If a person "mimicks" a narcissist then I think it's done purposely. Whether the person realizes it or not.
You know about the "fight or flight" responses I'm sure. I think a person (who is not a narcissist) will mimick a narcissist's words or behaviors strictly out of spite, or in the "fight" response. It's like, "Back at you!!"
I've done something like that with my narcissistic sister - well, she's my sister, so...🤷🏼♀️ That's what sisters do sometimes. It's never gone well and she responds very loudly (ahem). I'd never recommend it, but she had it coming. We can only take so much.
Take care of yourself! Hugs from California.🫂🌺
Yes, but I believe that the person who isn't naturally deviant will get hurt and eventually wake up. What they want to do is hurt the other enough where the identity swaps.
@@cindys.9688 thank you for that info! We all got to stick together. !
A narcissist craves control. They manipulate-isolate-control.
So you are robbed of your social circle. In order to be a narcissist, you need to be apathic. No feelings whatsoever for nothing and no-one but themselves.
So unless you are apathetic, chances of you becoming like them are slim. Especially because they want to keep the control over you.
Are you talking about reactive rage? When victim actually look like reacting like narcissistic person?
From what I red that one question shows that 'ou are not narcissistic person
Thank you my Hindustani brother
I tend to talk way too much
I truly dont think she cares at all about my silence whatsoever. Ive been in No Contact for 5.5mos now post discard from covert narky ex-gf. Not a peep from her but some gradeschool social media bashing that ive ignored. She never loved me and doesnt care about me at all.
Yep, they smile like nothing happend last night, also their dreams are crazy immature. Talking in their sleep and say things about money, food etc. If they have a nightmare its always something about 'losing control ' death and than extremely weird. My experience with my ex husband! The sound of a hurt little boy. Who knows these? ❤
I engaged in 2018 nd married in 2019 and I wondered in all these years where things gone wrong as I am in narcissistic family(in laws, husband)where all the member are same but now you are the one who gave me clarity...
In all these years I lost my emotions feeling one by one.... I wondered how... But now I understand... Narcissistic people don't let you show sadness neither they want you to be happy and meanwhile they sucks everything from you.... Gave just rage.....
Please tell me how to bring up a 3 year old male boy in this type of environment? Is divorce is solution or something else
# 3......I call it, "Narcissist Implosion."
Me andy ex used to get into pretty extreme conditions, which created the most extremes narcissistic reaction situations. We used to do cocaine for days and I remember once I went beyond silence.
I sat on the floor, mediating, after 15m he was breaking things around me and I just shouted:
Well, it's far beyond more interesting to just sit and think instead interacting with u.
"None ignores me"
I literally became the grey stone Statue, for 20hours.
It’s worse when you are an employee whose job is decided by a narc boss. How dare you are silent to them? I have seen someone punished because they show they don’t care and give the narc silence treatment. I don’t know if it’s a good idea in employer/ employee relationship. Can you please tell us why the narcissists are always rewarded with high ranks in the organisation? It explains why the turnover rate is so high and the work cover costs are so high. At the end of the day, it’s the big costs for the organisation to choose unauthentic persons to be managers.
How can I use silence against a constantly sulking narc husband who is permanently in the silent treatment mode? ( Because I didn't make enough money by working weekends and nights as well, or allow him to bring his past friends and their families to our house for weeks etc etc)
...by leaving him and the situation, that silence, backed by reality, really speaks to them ;) Realize that he more needs you for your reactions and to polish his fragile ego, while showing no respect to you as a human and person. They`re all acting the same, like a bot army of darkness^^ If you find that`s nothing to live for, go P.S. nobody and nothing will ever "fix" them, they`re too proud to even realize that they would desperately need help, their own choice
Most of the comments say how much the narc loves to engage..Well..I am a chatterbox and love to engage..I love to switch on lights and also run the tv even if I am not watching it..Does it mean I am a narc??? I didn't know I am one.. Please ..can someone help????
What could you do if they ignore your silence but act like you aren’t trying to ignore them and keep texting and trying to reach out in a passive aggressive nice way agh I think I’m dealing with a hyper intelligent narcissist
You have to block them every where they won't give up quickly you have to tough it out
Go on a blocking spree.
If you going "no contact" block everything. Including your friends - ask them not to give any information about you AT ALL
and this way you'll check your friends also
Just keep the silence. Only if they interrupt it they winn
❤❤❤
👍