@@tulip5210 I understand, I have a friend who has been in my life most of my life but the past few years this friend has tried to cut off the friendships several times, I am not sure what do. I feel like maybe I don't know how to be a friend anymore. Everything that happens, is always my fault, never the other persons fault :(
Me I'm not going to bother trying to heal my friendship. I mean he's the one who broke it. He was accusing me of something I never did and talking about something I did behind my back but he didn't bother coming to me about it his friend. I mean I want to hear it from him not from someone else. It made me cry. Especially if I didn't do anything to him. And just a couple days ago his girlfriend randomly told me on her job that her and him are not together anymore. I hung out with him and his girlfriend. The female is in her forties that friend is in his 60s. I didn't need to know about their relationship broken especially when I went for my own broken up friendship. But this isn't the first time he hurt me and accused. He's done this to me last year to. And yeah he did it again just a couple weeks ago ending of march. I don't know if I'll ever forgive him and trust him again. But if he just came up to me instead of his friend this possibly would never happen. I would still be mad at him no matter what though I would say I would never do that to you to him. I don't feel like I'll forgive him cuz I'm still really angry 😡 at him and he made cry. It's not fair to me because I'm so much younger than him I'm 27. I don't think I'll ever hang out with this person again now that I have him blocked on Facebook.
It's okay to declare a relationship dead when the same problematic behavior continues without resolution/change. It's okay to put yourself first and not "need" the approval of family members when they are not equally invested in you. It took me years to understand this and walk the walk. Forgive them for your own peace of mind, even if they don't deserve forgiveness. Don't strap the corpse to your back. You deserve more than crumbs.
My 10-year friendship fell apart cause I thought she did me wrong in many ways, and when she called me out for ghosting her, she blamed me for some things as well. I felt misunderstood, though I know that she probably felt the same. We tried to patch it all up, met up in person, and talked it out. I apologized but mostly cause I thought this was what she wanted to hear from me. I felt ashamed by admitting that I was wrong. What I did seemed like groveling to me. She never said sorry to me, and I guess this is the part you talked about - expecting the other person to own up to their mistakes and not just taking responsibility for your own actions... But I was hurting and wanted closure as well. I tried to keep in touch, I really did. Yet, she only responded with short sentences or a word, or an emoji, and only in instances when I initiated contact. I don't know. Maybe she was trying to be cautious and give me space, but it just frustrated me, so I stopped texting her again. Then after a few weeks, she wrote a speech to me. Result? Exactly the same as before. The last time for now when she tried "reaching out" was on Easter. What she wrote to me made me laugh out loud cause she sounded so righteous and talked about making amends on a Christian holiday. I mean, okay. I was polite, responded to her as if we had texted just yesterday, and she left me on read. It felt so anti-climatic, but it made me mad, sad, and resigned. We went on a trip last year to celebrate our 10th anniversary. I don't know why, but I just felt that this would be the point of no return this time. We had a few huge fights before, even not talked to each other for a year. Though, at that time, it was still fixable cause we were in high school and spent a lot of time together, willingly or not. Now, even before all of this, not so much. Different universities, and later on me having found a job. Sorry for ranting, Jonathan. I just needed to get it off my chest and felt encouraged by other people doing the same in the comments. I wish you a nice day and a healthy, long life!
Eehhh sounds like you are pretty young still. What a great time to start learning some of this I came in way too late. And even managed to burn a friendship! I was the a hole but, only reflectes AFTER the friendship broke off. The other person has to be willing and wanting to change. I want to change and be a better person. I find learning this stuff among working ones self are good first steps on a long journey.
Oh god, I recognize myself in your friend 🙈 The short answers, followed by a explosion of words. I also felt like my friend had distanced himself from me, on top of that during a time I was really struggling, and when we talked, he didn’t really say why or otherwise reassured me that everything was fine and he still wanted to be my friend. Like you, I felt really misunderstood after we talked and like he didn’t acknowledge my feelings, but I didn’t want to loose him and I did actually apologize and take on all of the blame. He did make an effort afterwards and also texted me regularly, and for a while it was fine, but then sometimes he wouldn’t respond for a whole week or find time to meet up, which brought back all of the hurt. Probably because I hadn’t gotten closure earlier. And because I didn’t want to show that hurt, I started answering only what was necessary, and eventually ceasing contact. But of course I didn’t actually want the breakup, what made me write a super long message two days ago (after almost 3 months of silence) as I’m still missing him. And I feel kind of embarrassed about it
@@thenewculture_33 We did actually meet yesterday and made up. I think he was quite taken aback by my message though, especially since I had requested the break in contact. And he didn’t respond for two weeks, which was really painful but also very understandable. However, in the end I think neither of us wanted to hurt the other and the conflict was really rooted in my insecurities and my inability to ask for support.
Losing a friend sucks; I lost one friend who, despite me trying to reach out to him, blocked me; I didn't do anything to him. He just came back to NYC from Mexico and got too good for me; Josh, I hope you're doing well and that your friends treat you better than you've treated me. I even remember asking if I did anything to upset you, and you sed I was a good friend to you-best of luck.
This and the "How To Heal From a Friendship Breakup" vids have oddly come at the perfect time. But I'm going to be doing the breaking up form a friendship where they're constantly negative and I've raised my issues and concerns with them multiple times. Thank you for all that you do Jon and Alicia. It means the world to us ❤
I've ended a friendship due to there being an imbalance and the person being no good for me. I've tried for years to be patient and kind. But I just can't keep waiting for them to realize that I don't deserve to be treated that way. I hope you heal from this. It's not easy. Not a lot of people talk about the heartbreak of loosing a friend.
I managed to save my frienships that I ghosted for half a year. I saved it by being honest and talking straight from the heart. And i was forunate that they too wanted to rekindle the relationship once again.
I just want to share my experience on this because I'm hoping it might helpful to others. I have this best friend I've had for 18 years now. We met in person and lived in the same state for the majority of our friendship. Now he lives in a different state. For the majority of our friendship, we were so close, good, steady friends. When he and I had a disagreement in our friendship, we tackled the conflict like pros. There were rare times we would have a heated argument. We then would not talk for a few days, and in that time we would pray about it. Then we would come back together, admit where we were wrong, and discuss how we would change things in the future. We did not get in heated arguments a lot. I could maybe only count on one hand the amount of times that happened. Sure, there were times when we might bicker or just have playful banter But those were small potatoes. Then, a few years ago, some things happened between us, where he did and said some hurtful things, and a huge argument eventually broke out. I am not typically one to hold a grudge, but with him I did for several months. Every time I talked with him, I would act like everything was fine, but I was angry with him. There were a lot of things that went wrong here: 1) For one thing, I had a hard time forgiving him for what he did because I failed to recognize my responsibility in the matter. I was placing 100% of the blame on him. I had heard a speaker on relationships say, "if you are responsible for only 5%, then own that." When I heard that, I really thought about this situation, and I realized the wrong that I had done. For instance, in this whole mess, I was angry with him that he did not disclose certain, large pieces of information that best friends usually tell each other. But, in all fairness, the reason he didn't tell me is because he knew I would react the way I did. I am partially responsible because I did not give him a safe space in our relationship for him to share such information. I made it difficult for him to feel safe sharing such information, and that's on me. The sad thing is, it took me over a year to realize it. Eventually, I did apologize to him. In fact, it wasn't the way I wanted to do it. I wanted to do it in person because he is worthy of that, especially considering I was putting on the blame on him when it wasn't 100% his fault. But, because of distance, I had to do it though a video or I could be waiting I don't know how long. I didn't want to do it over the phone or chat because I wanted him to see my face. I wanted him to see that I was being sincere. I wanted to hide nothing from him. He is worth so much more than an apology through a video message, but, at the time, that's the best I could do. One day, when we can see each other face to face, I will give him the apology he deserves. 2) The other thing is that I failed to express right away how I felt about the matter right away. Right after what happened, happened, and I yelled at him, then I acted like everything was fine, when inside, I was still angry with him. I should not have held back. Actually, more accurately, I'm not saying I should have yelled at him until his ears bled. I mean, I should have been 100% upfront with him at the start, laying everything out on the table. But I didn't. I feel like that lack of communication cost us in the long run. Our friendship, sadly, is not what it used to be. Yes, we talk, but our conversations are far and few between. We are not as close as we used to be. 3) But, mostly what went wrong was the communication. Not only the lack of communication, but also how things were communicated. And the sad thing is, there was too much time between the incident and the apology. There was too much time between the incident and finally fully addressing the issue - and even when I fully addressed the issue, there was no tact in it at all. We were both wrong. If I could go back and do it differently, I would have addressed him in a more tactful way instead of yelling at him. I would have taken it to prayer and asked God how to address this issue with him instead of hanging on my emotions. I would have taken the time to cool off so that I wouldn't go off on him. I would have tried to take the time to understand his perspective instead of thinking the worst. I would have maybe given him the benefit of the doubt. Today, things are better between us, but they could be even better. This whole situation, though I've forgiven him, and I believe he's forgiven me, I now feel this tension like, I'm afraid to discuss any issue in the future that might make him upset. I feel like I don't want to make things worse than they have been. But, maybe that in itself is the issue - not addressing an issue itself becomes an issue. Now, it's like that pattern in the past where we would always deal with conflict in a healthy way is long gone. But, I'm hoping it doesn't have to be. I'm hoping we can get that back. I feel like I have to re-learn how to healthily address conflict in our relationship. Right now, we can't fully address our issues. Just, life circumstances aren't allowing for that. Also, considering the distance (he lives in a different state), I think these issues would be better addressed face to face. Where we can see each other's facial expressions, body language, catch the tone we're using, and detect one another's sincerity. Maybe words can lie, but actions, facial expressions, and body language cannot. I believe eventually, we will see each other in person. It's just not feasible right now. If you are in a friendship right now where something the other person did or said was hurtful, or maybe what you said or did was hurtful, and you still care about this friendship, please, don't be like me. Only allow as much time as you need to cool off, gain composure. Find the right mindset. Then communicate tactfully and clearly. Own your part. Apologize for whatever you did wrong. Throw your pride to the way side. Pride will get in the way of a thriving, healthy relationship. Jonathan's tips can help to possibly restore a broken relationship if both parties are still willing to fix them. But, please don't be like me and make things worse than they need to be.
My difficulty with the broken friendship that comes to mind is that it was a death-by-a-thousand-cuts, not a bang but a whimper, breaking; and a lot of the cuts came from my rejected attempts to try a lot of the things described above. Specifically, whenever I felt things getting tense I would try to take ownership of what was my fault and their response was to take advantage of that. It felt like their response was "yes that 50% was your fault, and I only did my 50% because of your 50%, so really it's 100% your fault". The friendship finally broke for me when I didn't trust them with communication anymore; their (understandable given their history) sense of self-preservation always dominated any vulnerability. And now they live hours away, we've barely spoken in years, and I'm not sure I have the bandwidth to strike up a let's-open-up-this-can-of-worms message out of the blue.
This just gave me the courage ti talk to my bestfriend I fought with and ignored for a few days. I just got my second half back, THANK YOU MENDED LIGHT
I am going through this right now and I finally got to speak to her and get out what Ive been wanting to say since our blowup. I'm so glad I did it cuz everything I said was exactly how you said it needs to be said. Her response was simply she needed time to heal and now I can be at peace with it cuz not being able to speak was the hardest thing to do. But thank you cuz now I'm assured I did the right thing. Thank you
i took your advice and sent her a message. i addmitted that i could have handled the situation better and let her know i have no negative feelings for her and i'll still be her. she responded with "f you". it hurt but it feels good to let it all go
I had a friend who repeatedly ghosted me. For years, he had good phases and bad phases within his marriage and whenever he had a good phase, he ignored me and whenever he had a bad phase, he connected with me again (I suppose I was his "therapist friend" he felt safe with). I told him that I can't continue to do this, that I need consistency and he apologized profusely, telling me he wants me in his life and that he will do better... and then continued to ignore me again. So yeah, I tried but it didn't work out. But I am glad that I tried. Maybe he will grow as a person one day, and if he does, I will be happy to reconnect with him.
I was in a similar situation, friendship ended about a month ago. She very suddenly started ghosting me, and I gave her the space initially because I knew she was stressed at work and I was trying to assume noble intent. But finally it was just too glaring and I confronted her about it. Got told I was stressing her out by regularly asking to play a video game we both enjoy together (because she never wanted to and so I was making her feel guilty for making excuses not to...and also she's the one that introduced me to the game), that I was making her insecure by being more into the game and a better player, that I'm a fun killer just because I like to plan for events instead of being completely free-for-all with things. I pushed back, telling her I didn't think that was a fair criticism because she knew me, and she was assigning behaviors and intent to my actions that she _knew_ weren't accurate to who I was and how I treated people. We came away from the conversation with me agreeing to a number of adjustments while (I realize in hindsight) she ultimately didn't have to change too much. And then a few weeks later she basically unfriended me in the game "so she could play solo" claiming it wasn't a statement on our friendship, so finally I just put my foot down. I was clearly willing to do way more to repair and maintain this relationship than she was and you can't sustain a relationship with just one person doing all the work. Added onto that, we'd had a similar conversation about a year before that, where I was like "I feel unhappy because you always want me to engage with your interests but you never want to engage in mine, and I feel like my interests are never considered important." She apologized at the time and promised to change that, but ultimately didn't. I realized looking back afterward that there was a pattern developing that I'd been missing. I miss her as a friend because I know she's overall a decent person and we had so much in common and usually had a blast hanging out and talking, but I'm at the point in my life where I no longer want to play those games. It was selfish behavior on her part and I don't think it makes me a bad friend to say I shouldn't have to put up with it. Same as you, I'm glad I at least tried, even if it didn't work out. If she gets her life sorted out and feels like reaching out, I'd be open to possibly reviving a friendship, but only if there's a notable change in how the friendship is reciprocated.
Man, the amount of times that there’s been a simple misunderstanding between a friend and I that wasn’t meant to cause worry or upset but it did and because I’m not the one who was affected as much I decide to be the one to apologize (not because I’m guilty of something but because I want to make it known that I didn’t mean for it to come across the way it did or the outcome to be as it was) and everyone I consult with before hand tells me it’s a stupid idea and that other friend is the one who’s wrong or being dramatic or whatever it is. I decide to apologize anyways and the person is immediately like ‘oh my god thank you! You have no idea how bad I felt about this and I was too afraid to be the one to talk to you because I thought you’d hate me or get upset.’ Made me think at some point ‘maybe this is why my friends are always fighting with people or losing friends or getting into drama…’ you can just clarify a situation even if there was no fault. Apologizing to a friend even if you didn’t do anything isn’t a bad thing. It’s okay to say things like ‘I’m sorry the way I did that was upsetting to you and I’ll do my best to avoid that behaviour in the future’ or ‘I’m not upset and I would like you to know that what happened wasn’t a personal attack and I didn’t mean for it feel like one. I would like to move past it.’ It can be tricky when it ends up sounding like ‘I’m sorry you think I hurt you’ or whatever but if it’s truly a good friendship and a small matter or accident then it should be easier to find words that don’t sound like blame. Depends on the people involved though.
I appreciate you sharing your thoughts, it's good to help me reflect on these sticky matters. I think if a friendship is savable (if that person wants to be friends) then ultimately speaking up about awkwardness or disagreements, and apologizing in a sincere way (not assigning blame but for me sincere just means wanting everything to be ok and feeling bad if I hurt the person, but also being real that a lot of factors go into someone feeling hurt including upbringing, stress, life circumstances, etc and it's unfair to pin shame or punishing blame on a single individual), this shows you are nonconfrontational and just pragmatic about the messy nature of relationships between real individuals who have different life stories, feelings and perceptions. Personally I want friendships that will last long term (throughout my lifespan). To achieve that I think it means both parties having a lot of freedom to come and go as they please and not feeling forced, bribed, threatened, shamed into anything. I've been through many experiences where these were the regular and expected assumptions and topics of conversation, and honestly I've come to accept it's a lifelong process to have patience and keeping learning to approach conflict without villifying myself or others, but simply trying to identify what life circumstances or personal factors are causing the conflict and how it can be fixed. And sometimes people need space to make decisions without it being a team decision and analysis. For me the basic value I look for in friendships going forward is the belief that villifying each other is counterproductive. Sometimes for my own emotional work I may have to have an inner breakdown moment of villifying myself or others to get past a stage in the process and remember villifying doesn't help. But I want to be meticulous when speaking to other people, to not speak in villifying terms. I think it's a worthy practice for a lifetime. Otherwise wouldn't it mean both people are setting each other up for failure and broken hearts, if there is an unspoken assumptive contract to the friendship? If I contract is broken there doesn't need to be a punishment because every contract will "break" since it's meant to be a short term promise that ensures trust for a certain phase within the friendship. A lifelong friendship is a business deal that I can't say no to, unless I say no it's a safe space that allows me to say no. I can only continue to adapt the terms with the other person over time. People change, learn, and contracts change, but if both people feel in control of the contract's changes, and survive conflicts or mini breakups together so that trust is built that they cant ever totally lose them permanently, I think for people of a certain upbringing like myself, that is heaven because it's realistic and dependable and stable over time. It's not idealistic and punitive- of course there has to be a base line of agreed upon unforgivable acts. But outside of If a relationship is meant to be, it will be. I have to know first my own goals in life, and how I envision my friend being a supportive part of my goals- and vice versa. Because our lives are all a serious business that must be treated as such otherwise we invite great avoidable tragedies and suffering. And my friends suffering eventually becomes my suffering, because the less happy they are the less happy I am. The more stressed they are the more their stress will affect me and vice versa. Being pragmatic is better than being idealistic. writing this is really helping my heartbreak right now, not speaking to my good friend for 3 months. I'm open to them but have to verbalize my own personal friendship needs to myself so that we can possibly form a verbalized contract together one day. I will continue to send a small gift on holidays. And if I never hear from them again, I know I'm grateful and proud of what we accomplished together and because of one another's support. And I'm sorry I didn't know how to speak up and better defend myself or him.
I've a best friend, we're not talking anymore. We're friends for a long time, had troubles before, we were immature, and try to talk openly about how we feel nowadays to prevent this from happening. It happens that, this time, she got really sad because I've ask her a favor she tought it was invasive to ask, and told me that. But i don't consider asking help to a friend when you need (mainly when I asked like "I know it’s not simple, but i need to find someone to help, so I’m asking everyone, but I'll understand if you can't, ok?") (It was to take care of a cat for a few days) is "irresponsable" and "invasive" as she said. I still love her, would love if we could talk again, but I realize I'm tired for taking accountability for EVERYTHING. Just now I’ve realized that, in our last years of friendship, every problem we had we resolved with her blaming on me and I apologising, for real, feeling horrible. Even when looking back, I've done nothing wrong but in her perspective. I don't think she does it on purpose, maybe she don't realyze, but it is certanly not healthy for me, but I don't know how to say "You should take acountability this time, you've been throwing frustrations on me I've not fault in, and that hurts a lot." I don't even want to, I've been the one to do all the work all this time, I'm tired, I want her to work for us too, but she won't sees it since she's waiting for me to apologise again, so... idk, i'm just frustrated about it
I know some comments have already said it but sometimes it's meant to be if the friendship has died. Sometimes it's good to let it rest and remember the good times and learn from the bad ones. I was very close to one of my friend and she ended in a rough part of life. Her behavior turned very toxic, she didn't respect the boundaries of others and threatened to kill herself if others didn't to as she said. We had an intervention with other common friends and we stated calmly that her behavior was hurting us and we were worried of her mental health through all of this but we all promised to help her to right kind of mental health services and such. She walked out and shouted that we were all against her. Next few days she kept sending all sorts of selfdestructive messages to us 24/7 and we messaged each other what should we do about this because she didn't stop this after multiple requests. We had to sadly block her because our boundaries were not respected in the slightest. She didn't kill herself but shouted to everyone loud and clear how her best friends wanted her dead and tried to get us cancelled online. We got a lot of harrasment but we managed to get through. Years later I got a message from her that she wanted me back in her life but she allowed it only if I would apologize. I said that I'm all good and maybe a look in a mirror could help. I miss our good times but they aren't worth the crap that she caused.
I hand wrote an apology letter taking full responsibility, apologizing sincerely, and thanking them for their friendship over the years, with the understanding that it may never mend, I did emphasize how heavy it weighs on the heart to think this, but I thought it was important to respect that outcome. Then, now, and the future is only God’s plan.
It’s a part of me that feels I will be setting myself back if I try to restore the friendship, a part of me wants it restored but the other parts knows it’s gone and by me trying I’ll get my feelings hurt because of it
My 10-year friendship fell apart cause I thought she did me wrong in many ways because she was addicted to alcohol at the time; I feel like I had to cut my ties with her in order for her to get better. It's been years, she seems clean and happier now but I'm scared of what she'll say if I reach out to her.
The reason why I watched this video is because I have a friend who we grew up together he is a few months younger than me we became friends because we are neighbors and both of our dad's work here so we have a house here me and him that is the first reason i dobt wanna break friendship with him and the second reason is a friend from school today we broke friendship but i think we might be friends because i will amke him worried at school thanks you have a warm heart keep up with the great work
Thank you for this video, it came just today when i had a fight with a friend. I was the one in the wrong. I really want to work on it, and it makes me think if i do even deserve that, if i do even deserve her apologies.
Honestly this works, my best friend and I got into an argument and after some ups and downs and a really hurtful statement, we parted ways in life. We were both jerks, and we where both stressed out from a horrible situation as she lived with me at my dads place because her dad threw her out, and then my dad basically did the same thing out of the blue. Her dad was and continue to be an asshole, where as my dad handled a life choice poorly which he did apologize for later on. (im still mad at him for this tho) I reached out to her 5-6 years later telling her that i missed her in my life and i was sorry for the things said and done at the time, i wished that i had been more grown up and taken care of her instead of just me. I did not go into detail as i honestly didn't remember what i did or what triggered the whole situation, and she did not mention it either. She wrote me that she had been thinking about me a lot and where gathering courage to write me, and she didn't care about what happened she just wanted us to be friends again, we agreed that we where two stupid teenagers in a really bad situation and now we could be at peace knowing we where friends again. And honestly, nothing has changed between us! Sometimes we forget that the other person wasent at a event during those 5 years and we laugh about it. I missed her mothers funeral by mere months, and i regret not being there when she needed a friend, and not meeting her mom. But i was at her wedding, i was one of the first to see her twins when they where born, and im on the side watching my best friends children grow and its amazing
This almost made me cry. I’m going thru something similar with my ex bestfriend. We’re talking again after 2 years and honestly, I don’t care what happened. I just miss her so much
Me and my friend are slowly falling apart since last month and I am really desperate because we are friends since kindergarden and we made so much good memories together. seeing him being more comfortable around other people broke me. Thanks for this video
My best friend of 15 years just told me that he feels like he doesn't care about our friendship anymore. So he broke it off. I'm devastated and shocked. We were fine and normal just a few days before. We don't argue, we love each other so much, we're family at this point. We tell each other that we love each other everyday.... So, I don't know why he did this. This is a real brotherhood, a real relationship in my life that I just want back so badly. We spoke daily, literally, and now suddenly we're no longer friends? I just keep asking myself "how can I fix this, how can I get him back?" I'll do anything... Any advice?
I’m currently going through this, I had several good friends I lost about two years ago due to a mutual issue. I wasn’t ready to do what I had to, to fix the issue then, or do what they needed me to do and it got bad; two of them no longer want anything to do with me but I miss the good old days. I finally got up the courage to swallow my pride and send a text to the one who didn’t have as big an issue, but I don’t think it delivered. I’m now debating sending on a platform I know that they’ll receive it. I’m not begging them to come back, but I’d like them to. I want to say my peace, update them on what I’ve done to make myself better, and apologize for my part in the issue and know that it’s at least been received, even if it’s unforgiven.
I was just contacted by an old friend and I really am a shitty friend. Nothing bad ever happened, we just kind of drifted apart and haven't talked in years, and as much as I have always wanted to be the kind of a person who can pick up with a person where we left off, I'm not and I can't. No matter how close we once were, time makes a stranger out of anyone to me and I don't know how to talk to strangers. And so it was just super awkward bc I just didn't have anything to say to him anymore and I felt awful. And I know he must have too.
I recently broke off a 22 year friendship that's been somewhat on the slide for a while. I did it because during an argument over text (about the situation in Ukraine, which both of us are essentially in agreement about), because of some of the things he said about me. Because it was very clear that these things were something that he's thought about me for a long time but just haven't said. So, I just unfriended him from all social media and broke off all contact with him. Sometimes friendships end and for a good reason.
It's for the best. I'm a firm believer that sometimes bad things happen for a good reason that may not be clear now. But it will be in the future. I've gone through so many hardships. Some I thought I wouldn't make it through. But here I am. And I'm a significantly better person for it. I wouldn't be who I am today (which I wouldn't trade for the world) if I hadn't gone through those events. I'm always improving and even when I regress, there's self-compassion. I let myself be okay with not always making progress. I'm human. I'm sure you'll find a silver lining to this as I have with (almost) all the bad things that have happened in my own life :))
@@nothingnowhere2358 Yeah, I'm sure it's for the better. The only downside is that I'm on the spectrum and I only have a few actual friends. And now I have one less. Although, considering what he said about me, he never was an actual friend.
I actually did talk about my feelings to my friend ( I was acting badly to her) and I told her that I’m not feeling fine because of some of her behaviors in the past but in the end she said that she doesn’t want to be my friend anymore and we ended up wishing good things for one another but to be honest i really didn’t want it to end at the first place and I can’t get over her and our memories 😢
Before watching this I had a fallout with a friend. In the beginning we didn’t get off too well but eventually we were friends and trusted each other and told each other everything. I had another friend that started out the same way, they used to be friends but they got into many fights. 4 years later, me balancing being friends with both of them, one friend reached out to the other to catch up. The conversation quickly got about me and how much I told the other. The second friend brought up how I tell them everything and the first friend and the first friend kept their cool. The next day I ask how it went and everything went wrong, so many things brought up I forgot I said, like names and personal life details. Me and the first friend quickly got into an argument. after it was over I was so mad at the second friend for telling the first friend the things I said 2 years ago but before I said anything, I realized that I was feeling the same way as the first friend. I never thought about how the past and the lies could end the biggest thing to me. I’m glad I had this video to give me some future advice. This is a friendship I never want to let go of.🕸️
What about a "door slam" ? That was my response to an extremely stressful situation with friends. I shut off and shut down, became extremely cynical and angry and shut them out almost completely. It was a defining moment in my life because it felt like I was taking charge of myself for the first time, refusing to be pushed around. I'm a Christian and being angry is such a complicated emotion. In some ways, I know I should be sorry for it and own that side of things, in another way, it feels like it gave me control. Hence, I've also been struggling with my faith, not wanting to leave it, but knowing I have to take a hard, deep honest evaluation of it and understand why I believe what I do... I felt extremely taken advantage of, and forced to carry so much that wasn't fair to me. I was still a teenager and just a kid in so many ways. I know that now and it's been a couple years since the breakup. Thing was that they snapped back to 'everythings all good now, nothings the matter, what's your issue?' and I couldn't. I said I could, said I'd be fine eventually but it festered. To this day, I'm not wanting to confront, or even talk to them about it because it stressed me out and caused me, I'd say maybe some acute trauma, plus having a home life at the same time that was unstable. Eek. But what about when you shut down from stress. I mean, healthy friendships shouldn't make you do that, should they? I had to weigh in the costs and I realized if they were making my life harder than it needed to be, I was better off going my own way, which is what I did. But it hurt and it would be nice, even a couple years latter to have some closure.
Feb. 2020-Beginning of COVID. Various places closed and people staying away from each other so I didn't go out much. But my friend lost her daughter, and I could not be there for her. I regret that so much. Too often I think back on those days. She went out of state to deal with everything and I texted and called that I would be here when she got back. But she never responded. I knew when she returned but I did not go to her house to see her because in my head I thought she was giving herself time to grieve. I wanted to respect her space. But if I could turn back time, I would make myself go and give her a big hug. Because now we're June 2022 and I've only seen her once since then. She talked about work, of her boyfriend moving in with her soon after the funeral, of her other kids. Her daughter was brought up once. And I tell myself maybe I should have said more. Apologize. I miss us. I would love to fix the friendship but I know it won't be the same. In big part because I wasn't there when she needed me. And I wonder if I should go and apologize for that but afraid it will come out wrong and that it truly will be the end. This video, I felt it. I wonder if I can mend a friendship and if she even wants it. I still don't know what the right thing is, or how to approach it. But thank you, your video has given me a lot to reflect on.
Thank you so much for this video. I’m having a hard time how to approach my friend and I’ve learned a lot for this video. Godbless you and continue doing this kind of video 😇
So, I’m at a loss here. I’ve lost a 20 year friendship and I’m not sure why it came to this. Let’s tell it, we had an argument where I was looking for some support. I couldn’t see what value people see in me, I asked him. He took it as an opportunity to give me harsh criticism. Saying I don’t have confidence in myself to do his job. Which frustrated me because I’ve been dealing with a large amount of stress in my life, of course I feel less confident. Well, we had a trip planned and before it I confronted him about what he said. He double down and said you can’t take criticism and are projecting, no apology or even a hint of remorse for kicking me when I’m down. I told him not to come on the trip I planned it he’s gonna be like that. He took it upon himself to yell at the mutual friend to not go with me even though he wanted to. The mutual friend told me and I told him to back out, you’re not obligated to be here. You certainly shouldn’t be in the middle. Haven’t heard a word since. I refuse to have a friend whom would do that to me.
Dude. My friend has been so flakey lately, which is why I came to watch this video. I started seeing her way less after she started dating this guy in 2018. He has 2 high school-aged kids, so I wanted to be empathetic, but now that they are married and moved 40 min up north, I really never see her. She is not good at replying to my text messages when I ask for her availability and has canceled plans last minute. Earlier this year, she said she wasn't available Fridays or Saturdays, so we made plans for a Sunday with a mutual friend. Then she said she was no longer available Sundays, so canceled on us. Then a week later, said she was available on Sundays again and made plans with a different friend on the day we were supposed to hang out. Publically where I could see. My non-flakey friend and I still got together and a big part of our conversation that day was how hurt we were by our flakey friend. I want to believe that she just forgot in the span of a week, but wow. And last week she had the nerve to say how busy I am when I told her I didn't have a free weekend until 3-4 weeks out. I literally had covid at the time and had to cancel a party with friends, including her, so 2 weeks were dedicated exclusively to recovery and isolation. I feel a little gaslit by her, honestly. Then I tried solidifying plans yet again and asked her if weekdays or weekends work better so we could pick a date...and she ghosted me again. Should I give up? Do I need to have a frank conversation with her? I definitely feel like she's the bigger problem here, but I have also been less available at times over the years and don't want to judge her too harshly. I'm almost at the point where I want to let the friendship die, but she's part of my primary friend group and I know she will also hold a bit of a grudge. She has actively left our group chat in the past - one time because none of us wanted to go to her outdoor climbing/camping birthday trip...none of us did outdoor rock climbing and I literally couldn't afford to board my dog and had no camping equipment at the time. Ironically, she joined Landmark and thought it completely changed her...then she got mad at me for not being interested in attending. Actually said I would have to explain to her why I said no. Should I throw out the whole friend?
I have a friend that used to be close, but now is ghosting me. I reach out, but no respons. I have even tried asking if I have done anything wrong and said that I wished we could talk about it so that I might be able to make it right. I really don't know what happend. After a while I started feeling like a stalker so I gave up. I hurts though, we have gine through a lot together.
It hurts, I've had something similar happen but I had some inclination as to why (they caught feelings that weren't mutual from my end and of course didn't reciprocate as that'd be a lie.) We feel the pain but we move on.. eventually. Just be kind to yourself. It's more so an issue with them and not yourself. They have their own stuff they're dealing with and this is a reflection on them. Not you
I had to end a friendship for my own reason safety. So I can protect myself from getting hurt. My friend accused me behind back. Instead of him his friend gave me the news. So on Facebook I told my friend off said I never did anything to you. You are wrong about me and blocked him. It was hard to do blocking someone that thought that was your friend. Ending friendship was pretty hard for me to do. It's not easy but I did it anyways. And then a couple days ago his girlfriend on her job told me that her and him are not together. The friend was dating an employee in the mall watching her work all day I know because I hung out with them. I was both there friend. Honestly I didn't need to know that they broken up I didn't want more stress 😣 I feel bad about myself it's making me think I cussed there break up I wasn't even there when they broken up I haven't spoken to either of them. I'm still freaking out feeling stressed scared. I'm also dealing with his friend stalking me in the mall. He got up from the table and sat closer to me.
Hi! I’ve been struggling with one of my friends that I’ve been with since last year. And we used to have a lot of fun chatting with each other and playing video games, that earlier this year in March things started to go downhill and we would chat with other friends of ours and they got into a conversation that I really didn’t know about and starting causing some unnecessary drama. So then a couple months went by and I finally apologized to them including my main friend and then I started to get over dramatic again. And since then has started to disappear off of social media and off of the video games we used to play then in July I had to block them. I’ve wanted to apologize to them again and we have each other space and since last month I’ve been hoping and praying that our friendship will finally get back together again soon. I’ve just been too afraid to say anything because either I’m afraid to apologize again and second sometimes something comes up and we get distracted. But I’ve been to our amazing Father God in Heaven to heal our broken friendship for good! And I believe that the time is coming! And this video really helped me out a little, and I’m still praying for great results soon! 😉💙
Thank you❤❤❤ In my friendship we hurt each other. I apologized and also offered if there is anything else I sad that was hurtfull she can tell me. All she sad is: if there is enything I did wrong I'm sorry too. but for me it feels like she doesn't want to look at her part. And she ceeps her distance from me and it's sooooooooooo hard for me not knowing if she is ever going to be my closest friend again. I'm hurt by that part the most. But your video helped. I just cep my distance and see if she is willing to make an afforded again. Me focusing on working good friendships
Thanks so much I’m going through a situation and I was wondering how I will initiate a conversation with my friend and this is exactly what I needed taking ownership of my own behavior I got angry and reacted. Thanks I will update once our meet tonight
She was perfect,we were just unhined as eachother, dd the same things in our freetime, she started talking about suicide, leaving her family,saying prison was better than her home, i knew she was going through stuff but man this hurt me just hearing it, she blocked me on all socials, my friends too, i miss her so much its only been a few days, i just tried helping, all her friends were leaving her and i was one of her last, i miss her
I’m in a situation where I dated my best friend for a while and it got a little nasty. We’ve both since apologized but are too awkward and nervous to rekindle a friendship even though we both have said we want it. I found this video really helped me and I hope that they feel the same way.
I stopped talking to my brother-in-law and sister-in-law for about 2 years because of how they took advantage of me and my husband and I feel uncomfortable being around them. many people suggested not to focus on them when it comes to family gatherings, but their wrong actions still hurt haunting me these days and I want to free myself.
My closest friend sent me a long ass paragraph and in that she told me that nobody in the friend group likes me and that i should find other friend instead of hanging out with them
Thank you so much Alan I have been struggling with this for a while me and my friend have been friends for a long time but I have not talked to her for 3 years because she had gone through a crisis with suicide when she was 11 for a year until she moved away it was a really stressful time for me everyday to make sure my friend felt loved and wanted but after all of the things we went through we never got the chance to really talk about how we both felt but whenever I think about contacting her now I start to have a breakdown maybe it isn't my time though I know I need to at least talk to her or I'm going to regret it later.
My ex bestie of 24 yrs. And I had a falling out Year and half ago. Let’s just say she started changing (not in a good way) when she went to school to get certified in her career. I noticed the friendship becoming one sided every time I told her how I felt in a nice way she would hang up on me and stonewall me. She moved to a city 4 hours from mine. One of her visits here we went out had some drinks she said some hurtful things. The next day I told her she claimed she didn’t remember saying that her “new friends were better than me .” She apologized felt bad for it yet wanted me to get over it right away. The following month I went out with some friends I had some drinks she had texted me I pretty much threw it in her face that I was still hurt for what she said. She blocked my number but kept me on social media platforms. About a month ago she started viewing my ig stories . She hasn’t reached out. I can’t believe she throw away so many years of friendship. I’ve been there for her. I have a feeling my number is unblocked. My question is why would she still have me on social media if she was so angry and had blocked my number??I still wonder if it’s best to unfriend her. I think she’s going through a tough time. But I came to the conclusion I was probably just her void filler until new people came along. At times I want to reach out yet I’m not sure it’s a good idea. She was like a sister to me it still hurts.
Their is this one friend I use to have. He was fun to have around. He made mistakes without realizing it was hurting me. My mistake was telling him I want to move on instead of explaining it. Now I really miss him and want to reach out seeing if he would want to reconcile and patch up the past to have a stronger brotherhood. But my fear is that'll say no. He reached out last year seeing if we can be friends. But he unsent the message. I have no idea what that means. I don't know if he changed his mind or if he's feeling the same way of fearing I'll say no. Imagine he's waiting for me to reach out. But I want to know for sure. I fear a lot he'll say no
@@sunnievictoria9917 I made the move and we reconciled. We’re better friends now and turned out he missed me as well. Thanks again for the encouragement. We’re stronger then every and it’s been that way since
@@joshdidea3823that’s so wonderful to hear! I’m happy you reached out and you are back to being close. I’m going through the same thing with my best friend right now. You have totally inspired me to reach out to her after radio silence. Thank you! I wish you the very best ❤
really makes me wonder how to mend multiple family members...one of my relatives did something very wrong, possibly illegal. but no charges were pressed, and instead, the entire family just turned on that one relative and it's been years since we've heard or seen from him. and it's my uncle. my dad's brother. and no one in my family is willing to reconnect with said uncle.
I've been increasingly codependent because of anxiety/paranoia and said some pretty nasty things for a week and ended up being unfollowed by my best friend in socials. I tried apologizing in my best way possible but got blocked instead. I took the apology to a mutual friend without hoping for forgiveness (they also only left me on read) before finally deactivating most of my socials too few days-weeks later. I'm definitely giving us some time because we're both at a low point and detaching since my best friend almost never admitted where they did wrong too (mostly me overexplaining, it's worse that I have ADHD)
6 months ago, a good friend of mine ended our friendship. It started with me reaching out to her asking if they wanted to go with me to a concert. She never got back to me. It was days. Then I heard that she got a job somewhere at a restaurant. I was concerned thinking maybe that's why she never got back to me. So I made a call to her work and it turned out she was still working there. It was another girl with the same name that was working at the restaurant. Afterwards she got back to me and said that our friendship has run its course and to never reach out to her again. I felt awful when she told me that. I felt like I made a mistake by calling her at her work but she never got back to me. Just left me hanging. She did that before but she explained on that one she was going through her depression. So 3 months later, I reached out to her via tedt telling her that I missed her and still thinking about her. She replied, "Who is this?" I haven't reached out since. Should I just give it time or just move on ? It's been bothering me since.
I am a friend of a girl since 6th grade, years passed, and both enter to university, she started a relationship a year ago, one year later I met I believe is the love of my life, even we were young we wanted to get married at some point, i told her the illusion i had, and she said: Are you sure?" and i was like, obviously i am sure :'/. Little did I know she was kind of jealous, later on discovered the boyfriend she had was being bad with her.
I became a friend with someone who called me into their home,sent me an invite letter, said all the thing's we will do once we get together (long distance friendship) she told me we will have great time. Cook and learn language. She bought me a ticket and then today she called it off. She has asked for space because I have drained her emotionally. I told her I am negative given I lost my brother and other's will suffer, but she said she can handle it. Turns out she can't. She revoked her invite. She asks for space. Also, her fiance is pissed. No doubt because I took a lot out of her. Has gotten protective. I am placed on mute. What do you do in this situation? I truly care for her and love her. My life is just better with her in it. I wish I could tell her this. I wish I could tell her I want to meet her and I will do better. Guess I start by honoring her wishes. I already miss her so much it hurts. I can lose a romantic partner fine. A friend I just can't. I wish she and her husband knew how much I appreciate them for accepting me into their home. I wish it doesn't fall apart.
I've been trying to reconnect with my sister (who has been my best in life), but due to unhealthy bonding I knew going back into relationship with her I needed to have boundaries. She's refusing to engage with me now because she said I'm wanting everything on my terms. We only had one conversation, and I just didn't tell her everything going on in my life. But she thinks that I am not being fair. She wants everything to back exactly the same and I just can't do that.
I got really upset because my freinds wouldnt ever reach out and talk to me, or hang out with me, amd they would cancell on plans all the time, i was always the one putting in the effort. I voiced this to them, maybe a bit harshly, and about a week later they all texted me saying they didnt want to be freinds anymore. Thos hurt alot, and im scared of going back to school and having nobody and watvhing them sit together at lunch and have fun together whilst ignoring me. I want them back because i miss them alot, they all blocked me so i cant contact them till school starts next month. What should i do to try and heal this?
A year ago my long term best friend startet to treat me horrible. She was in a really dark place, but she startet to let it out on me. Everyday she would tell me about the things that i was doing wrong. Drawing was our joint hobby, but in that time she destroyed my selfestem so much, that i can't enjoy it anymore. Everything she said hurt. So I went cold turkey. I cut every connection to her and startet to become better. After two months she reached out to me, but i wasn't ready, so i didnt answer. I feel bad now, but now i'm afraid to reach out to her. For four years she was the closet Person in my life and know she knows how to hurt me like nobody else.
I think if you take the advice in this video and be accountable to your own choices, you could reach out to her. You can say "this is how I was feeling and why I wasn't ready to speak to you when you reached out, but I'm ready now".
So I’ve had a best friend online for a year. We got super close to the point I considered him my brother and I loved him as one. I was too stubborn, arrogant and quick to anger. I was the toxic person in the relationship and treated him more like an enemy at times. It took him leaving me to realize how horrible I’ve been to him. He might talk to me again in 2 months but In the meantime, I’m trying my best to give him as much space and time as I can. I’m trying my best to get a therapist and I’ve written a 20-page Google document about my behaviour, taking accountability for my actions and giving examples of what I can do differently. Our friendship means the world to me and I want to change my toxic behaviour to be with him. If you have any advice I would greatly appreciate it. I just really really hope I didn’t ruin it. Update: We're best friends again! thank you so much! :D
i have or had a stubborn friend that i know about 5 years this july and we just had an argument 2 days ago. Both sides are in the wrong and i apologized yesterday because i dont have anyone to talk to and im so scared of losing her. I said some hurtful things and she did aswell so i wrote an apology message to her because we are online friends unable to meet up irl now and the only thing she responded with was "aha" and didnt respond further. I know i should give it some time and im praying but i dont know about her. We have a group where we said those things to each other and i kicked her in the heat of the argument and i regret it. I talked to my friend 2 in the group that day about the things she said and all she did was screenshot it to the friend 1 i had an argument with and today she started ghosting me aswell. I wrote the apology in the style that you said and im hoping it gets better because i dont have anyone to talk to now.
I was best friends with a girl. She one day started to like me more than just a friend and she even told me her feelings for me. I hopped on that train without thinking. I thought that it would work out between the two of us. But I was wrong. I was so insecure about everything that I mistreated her so horribly that we haven't spoken in 3 years. I want to make a mense. I want to say sorry. I want her in my life back. I don't need her to be my Girlfriend. I just want my best friend back.
How to fix friendship, if my bestfriend have a boyfriend and her boyfriend becomes jealous about me and her boyfriend's trust slowly losing trust to my girl bestfriend? what would it do to fix our friendship? what action can i do? please help me...
In the instance where some bad stuff happened. I’ve tried to talk to that person but every time I walk up to him he either walks away or ignores me. Does anyone have any advice to help me?
I became friends with someone a little over a year ago. Over the last few months we have drifted apart noticeably to the point where she no longer asks me to hang out or rarely talks to me in person at work or over text message. I have tried twice to hang out this past month as well as catch up over the phone but she blows me off. The part that sucks is my wedding is coming up next month and she is supposed to be involved in it. Not quite sure how to deal with this. I can’t even talk to her about it if she won’t hang out or do phone calls.
I tried to prank a friend by pretending i was her boyfriend. Buut the results were unexpected. She raged in anger. She doesn't talk to me anymore. I really need her in my life. I dont have a girlfriend, she was my best friend. But now i have nobody. Please, what should i do to get her back?
Hey! Needing some help right here. Some dude I really liked and had something special with just ghosted me. We've known each other for 5 years and he is a gentleman, sweet and respectful guy. We kissed and I felt some connection. Everything was great. Two days later he ghosted me and has been for 2 months. What should I do if he contacts me? Last time we talked he said he was interested in having something with me. How can I respectfully tell him that he has to own his shit??
I have someone whom I was a friend with for most 10 years and we never had a fight before, but then something happened, both sides were angry and I said something that hurt him and now we're not speaking at all. I thought that being angry at him would help me move on but I realized that I miss him a lot. We both were stupid and everything could've been solved by talking but I got overwhelmed by my own emotions and he was too stressed because of said emotions. I just wish things were like before. I plan to talk to him , after some time to cool off has passed
It happen two times that a close friend didn't told me why they don't want contact. A friend in my childhood and one in my adulthood. I think it is not fair and immature to not give an explanation. The uncertainty is the worst. I dont even want the friendship. Maybe i hurt the friend. But i always had good intentions. I dont feel guilty for anything. So for me there is no reason to apologize
We have been friends from almost 10 years and she said something behind my back i was so angry at her i speak rudely and bad to her and didn't spoke to her treated her badly but after sometime when my anger is gone im felling so guilty about it and im planing to say sorry to her i do miss her in my life in last year yeahh i hope it will turn out well
That's beautiful, but unfortunately I don't think my stubborn friend will see anything he did as wrong because he has an very extremist left-leaning view where every disagreement leads to me being called nasty-right-winged word ( _even though I am so left I'm practically a Pirate_ ). I just don't see things his way and I don't believe in always believing someone based on arbitrary systemic stuff, based on a lot of my own negative experiences which are never ever considered but in fact always brushed aside. I wish my friend would stop seeing the world so intensely black and white. In the end, I'll own up for it because I don't hold grudges, but I won't receive the same back.
I'd love to apologize for where I messed up, what I'm aware of anyway, (I'm pretty sure with the triangulation that happened, I have 'sins' I don't even know about after months of looking for obsessively (to unhealthy points) inspecting every little thing I said and did) but I'm blocked. So yeah.
i ruined my friendship with my whole friend group because i got in contact again with my ex who really said a lot bad things to them, and what hurt them the most its the fact that i tried hiding it and lying to them. I know i am guilty and they have every right, so I wanted to give them some time apart from me and to take time for myself to try to fix my mental health and my pov of the whole thing. Now im trying to talk to them and apologize but they are mad i waited two months to talk and they are mad because l started to hang out with other people at school and seemed happy for some moments
To be honest, I'd be more devastated at breaking off a long term friendship than a romantic relationship.
This is a mood. I had a friend break up once, and it was the most terrible grief I had ever felt that lasted years.
Yes
Right
@@tulip5210 I understand, I have a friend who has been in my life most of my life but the past few years this friend has tried to cut off the friendships several times, I am not sure what do. I feel like maybe I don't know how to be a friend anymore. Everything that happens, is always my fault, never the other persons fault :(
This is what I'm dealing with right now honestly. Long term friendship is very rocky.
I’m on the fence about healing the friendships that I’ve lost because I worry that they don’t genuinely want the best for me but I do miss them.
Me I'm not going to bother trying to heal my friendship. I mean he's the one who broke it. He was accusing me of something I never did and talking about something I did behind my back but he didn't bother coming to me about it his friend. I mean I want to hear it from him not from someone else. It made me cry. Especially if I didn't do anything to him. And just a couple days ago his girlfriend randomly told me on her job that her and him are not together anymore. I hung out with him and his girlfriend. The female is in her forties that friend is in his 60s. I didn't need to know about their relationship broken especially when I went for my own broken up friendship. But this isn't the first time he hurt me and accused. He's done this to me last year to. And yeah he did it again just a couple weeks ago ending of march. I don't know if I'll ever forgive him and trust him again. But if he just came up to me instead of his friend this possibly would never happen. I would still be mad at him no matter what though I would say I would never do that to you to him. I don't feel like I'll forgive him cuz I'm still really angry 😡 at him and he made cry. It's not fair to me because I'm so much younger than him I'm 27. I don't think I'll ever hang out with this person again now that I have him blocked on Facebook.
@@kristenfuller9168it’s the fact that they betrayed us that hurts
Nothing hurts more than a friendship breakup 😢
Real
It's okay to declare a relationship dead when the same problematic behavior continues without resolution/change. It's okay to put yourself first and not "need" the approval of family members when they are not equally invested in you. It took me years to understand this and walk the walk. Forgive them for your own peace of mind, even if they don't deserve forgiveness. Don't strap the corpse to your back. You deserve more than crumbs.
Thank you so much for this!!!! I needed these words.
Apparently Angelina didn't want to be friends with me almost
Autism, traumas can’t heal like that, I have tried my best…people need to understand as well that nobody is perfect
well what do you do if they are just passive-aggressive and won't hold personal conversations?
My 10-year friendship fell apart cause I thought she did me wrong in many ways, and when she called me out for ghosting her, she blamed me for some things as well. I felt misunderstood, though I know that she probably felt the same.
We tried to patch it all up, met up in person, and talked it out. I apologized but mostly cause I thought this was what she wanted to hear from me. I felt ashamed by admitting that I was wrong. What I did seemed like groveling to me. She never said sorry to me, and I guess this is the part you talked about - expecting the other person to own up to their mistakes and not just taking responsibility for your own actions... But I was hurting and wanted closure as well.
I tried to keep in touch, I really did. Yet, she only responded with short sentences or a word, or an emoji, and only in instances when I initiated contact. I don't know. Maybe she was trying to be cautious and give me space, but it just frustrated me, so I stopped texting her again. Then after a few weeks, she wrote a speech to me. Result? Exactly the same as before.
The last time for now when she tried "reaching out" was on Easter. What she wrote to me made me laugh out loud cause she sounded so righteous and talked about making amends on a Christian holiday. I mean, okay. I was polite, responded to her as if we had texted just yesterday, and she left me on read. It felt so anti-climatic, but it made me mad, sad, and resigned.
We went on a trip last year to celebrate our 10th anniversary. I don't know why, but I just felt that this would be the point of no return this time. We had a few huge fights before, even not talked to each other for a year. Though, at that time, it was still fixable cause we were in high school and spent a lot of time together, willingly or not. Now, even before all of this, not so much. Different universities, and later on me having found a job.
Sorry for ranting, Jonathan. I just needed to get it off my chest and felt encouraged by other people doing the same in the comments. I wish you a nice day and a healthy, long life!
Eehhh sounds like you are pretty young still. What a great time to start learning some of this I came in way too late. And even managed to burn a friendship! I was the a hole but, only reflectes AFTER the friendship broke off. The other person has to be willing and wanting to change. I want to change and be a better person. I find learning this stuff among working ones self are good first steps on a long journey.
@@cdoublejj right now, i am 24 yo. no best friends, just one good friend from uni with no emotional baggage.
Oh god, I recognize myself in your friend 🙈 The short answers, followed by a explosion of words. I also felt like my friend had distanced himself from me, on top of that during a time I was really struggling, and when we talked, he didn’t really say why or otherwise reassured me that everything was fine and he still wanted to be my friend. Like you, I felt really misunderstood after we talked and like he didn’t acknowledge my feelings, but I didn’t want to loose him and I did actually apologize and take on all of the blame. He did make an effort afterwards and also texted me regularly, and for a while it was fine, but then sometimes he wouldn’t respond for a whole week or find time to meet up, which brought back all of the hurt. Probably because I hadn’t gotten closure earlier. And because I didn’t want to show that hurt, I started answering only what was necessary, and eventually ceasing contact. But of course I didn’t actually want the breakup, what made me write a super long message two days ago (after almost 3 months of silence) as I’m still missing him. And I feel kind of embarrassed about it
@@fuchsteufelswild9094 any update? what happened after your message ??
@@thenewculture_33 We did actually meet yesterday and made up. I think he was quite taken aback by my message though, especially since I had requested the break in contact. And he didn’t respond for two weeks, which was really painful but also very understandable. However, in the end I think neither of us wanted to hurt the other and the conflict was really rooted in my insecurities and my inability to ask for support.
Losing a friend sucks; I lost one friend who, despite me trying to reach out to him, blocked me; I didn't do anything to him. He just came back to NYC from Mexico and got too good for me; Josh, I hope you're doing well and that your friends treat you better than you've treated me. I even remember asking if I did anything to upset you, and you sed I was a good friend to you-best of luck.
Hey I m going through alot. Can I talk to you somewhere.
This and the "How To Heal From a Friendship Breakup" vids have oddly come at the perfect time. But I'm going to be doing the breaking up form a friendship where they're constantly negative and I've raised my issues and concerns with them multiple times. Thank you for all that you do Jon and Alicia. It means the world to us ❤
I've ended a friendship due to there being an imbalance and the person being no good for me. I've tried for years to be patient and kind. But I just can't keep waiting for them to realize that I don't deserve to be treated that way. I hope you heal from this. It's not easy. Not a lot of people talk about the heartbreak of loosing a friend.
Is there anything that person could do of that person finally realized what they were doing and wanted to repair the friendship?
@@cdoublejjdid u find any answer to that?
I managed to save my frienships that I ghosted for half a year. I saved it by being honest and talking straight from the heart. And i was forunate that they too wanted to rekindle the relationship once again.
I wish I had the balls to do that
How did you manage to make it so they no longer ghosted you.
I just want to share my experience on this because I'm hoping it might helpful to others. I have this best friend I've had for 18 years now. We met in person and lived in the same state for the majority of our friendship. Now he lives in a different state. For the majority of our friendship, we were so close, good, steady friends. When he and I had a disagreement in our friendship, we tackled the conflict like pros. There were rare times we would have a heated argument. We then would not talk for a few days, and in that time we would pray about it. Then we would come back together, admit where we were wrong, and discuss how we would change things in the future. We did not get in heated arguments a lot. I could maybe only count on one hand the amount of times that happened. Sure, there were times when we might bicker or just have playful banter But those were small potatoes.
Then, a few years ago, some things happened between us, where he did and said some hurtful things, and a huge argument eventually broke out. I am not typically one to hold a grudge, but with him I did for several months. Every time I talked with him, I would act like everything was fine, but I was angry with him.
There were a lot of things that went wrong here:
1) For one thing, I had a hard time forgiving him for what he did because I failed to recognize my responsibility in the matter. I was placing 100% of the blame on him. I had heard a speaker on relationships say, "if you are responsible for only 5%, then own that." When I heard that, I really thought about this situation, and I realized the wrong that I had done. For instance, in this whole mess, I was angry with him that he did not disclose certain, large pieces of information that best friends usually tell each other. But, in all fairness, the reason he didn't tell me is because he knew I would react the way I did. I am partially responsible because I did not give him a safe space in our relationship for him to share such information. I made it difficult for him to feel safe sharing such information, and that's on me. The sad thing is, it took me over a year to realize it. Eventually, I did apologize to him. In fact, it wasn't the way I wanted to do it. I wanted to do it in person because he is worthy of that, especially considering I was putting on the blame on him when it wasn't 100% his fault. But, because of distance, I had to do it though a video or I could be waiting I don't know how long. I didn't want to do it over the phone or chat because I wanted him to see my face. I wanted him to see that I was being sincere. I wanted to hide nothing from him. He is worth so much more than an apology through a video message, but, at the time, that's the best I could do. One day, when we can see each other face to face, I will give him the apology he deserves.
2) The other thing is that I failed to express right away how I felt about the matter right away. Right after what happened, happened, and I yelled at him, then I acted like everything was fine, when inside, I was still angry with him. I should not have held back. Actually, more accurately, I'm not saying I should have yelled at him until his ears bled. I mean, I should have been 100% upfront with him at the start, laying everything out on the table. But I didn't. I feel like that lack of communication cost us in the long run. Our friendship, sadly, is not what it used to be. Yes, we talk, but our conversations are far and few between. We are not as close as we used to be.
3) But, mostly what went wrong was the communication. Not only the lack of communication, but also how things were communicated. And the sad thing is, there was too much time between the incident and the apology. There was too much time between the incident and finally fully addressing the issue - and even when I fully addressed the issue, there was no tact in it at all. We were both wrong. If I could go back and do it differently, I would have addressed him in a more tactful way instead of yelling at him. I would have taken it to prayer and asked God how to address this issue with him instead of hanging on my emotions. I would have taken the time to cool off so that I wouldn't go off on him. I would have tried to take the time to understand his perspective instead of thinking the worst. I would have maybe given him the benefit of the doubt.
Today, things are better between us, but they could be even better. This whole situation, though I've forgiven him, and I believe he's forgiven me, I now feel this tension like, I'm afraid to discuss any issue in the future that might make him upset. I feel like I don't want to make things worse than they have been. But, maybe that in itself is the issue - not addressing an issue itself becomes an issue. Now, it's like that pattern in the past where we would always deal with conflict in a healthy way is long gone. But, I'm hoping it doesn't have to be. I'm hoping we can get that back. I feel like I have to re-learn how to healthily address conflict in our relationship. Right now, we can't fully address our issues. Just, life circumstances aren't allowing for that. Also, considering the distance (he lives in a different state), I think these issues would be better addressed face to face. Where we can see each other's facial expressions, body language, catch the tone we're using, and detect one another's sincerity. Maybe words can lie, but actions, facial expressions, and body language cannot. I believe eventually, we will see each other in person. It's just not feasible right now.
If you are in a friendship right now where something the other person did or said was hurtful, or maybe what you said or did was hurtful, and you still care about this friendship, please, don't be like me. Only allow as much time as you need to cool off, gain composure. Find the right mindset. Then communicate tactfully and clearly. Own your part. Apologize for whatever you did wrong. Throw your pride to the way side. Pride will get in the way of a thriving, healthy relationship. Jonathan's tips can help to possibly restore a broken relationship if both parties are still willing to fix them. But, please don't be like me and make things worse than they need to be.
My difficulty with the broken friendship that comes to mind is that it was a death-by-a-thousand-cuts, not a bang but a whimper, breaking; and a lot of the cuts came from my rejected attempts to try a lot of the things described above. Specifically, whenever I felt things getting tense I would try to take ownership of what was my fault and their response was to take advantage of that. It felt like their response was "yes that 50% was your fault, and I only did my 50% because of your 50%, so really it's 100% your fault". The friendship finally broke for me when I didn't trust them with communication anymore; their (understandable given their history) sense of self-preservation always dominated any vulnerability. And now they live hours away, we've barely spoken in years, and I'm not sure I have the bandwidth to strike up a let's-open-up-this-can-of-worms message out of the blue.
This just gave me the courage ti talk to my bestfriend I fought with and ignored for a few days. I just got my second half back, THANK YOU MENDED LIGHT
I am going through this right now and I finally got to speak to her and get out what Ive been wanting to say since our blowup. I'm so glad I did it cuz everything I said was exactly how you said it needs to be said. Her response was simply she needed time to heal and now I can be at peace with it cuz not being able to speak was the hardest thing to do. But thank you cuz now I'm assured I did the right thing. Thank you
You're very welcome.
i took your advice and sent her a message. i addmitted that i could have handled the situation better and let her know i have no negative feelings for her and i'll still be her. she responded with "f you". it hurt but it feels good to let it all go
Strong you. You did the right thing. Her response is her responsibility. I can imagine that it hurt..
Went through something similar. Did the same thing and the gist of what was they said was the response you got 😔
I had a friend who repeatedly ghosted me. For years, he had good phases and bad phases within his marriage and whenever he had a good phase, he ignored me and whenever he had a bad phase, he connected with me again (I suppose I was his "therapist friend" he felt safe with). I told him that I can't continue to do this, that I need consistency and he apologized profusely, telling me he wants me in his life and that he will do better... and then continued to ignore me again. So yeah, I tried but it didn't work out. But I am glad that I tried. Maybe he will grow as a person one day, and if he does, I will be happy to reconnect with him.
I was in a similar situation, friendship ended about a month ago. She very suddenly started ghosting me, and I gave her the space initially because I knew she was stressed at work and I was trying to assume noble intent. But finally it was just too glaring and I confronted her about it. Got told I was stressing her out by regularly asking to play a video game we both enjoy together (because she never wanted to and so I was making her feel guilty for making excuses not to...and also she's the one that introduced me to the game), that I was making her insecure by being more into the game and a better player, that I'm a fun killer just because I like to plan for events instead of being completely free-for-all with things. I pushed back, telling her I didn't think that was a fair criticism because she knew me, and she was assigning behaviors and intent to my actions that she _knew_ weren't accurate to who I was and how I treated people. We came away from the conversation with me agreeing to a number of adjustments while (I realize in hindsight) she ultimately didn't have to change too much. And then a few weeks later she basically unfriended me in the game "so she could play solo" claiming it wasn't a statement on our friendship, so finally I just put my foot down. I was clearly willing to do way more to repair and maintain this relationship than she was and you can't sustain a relationship with just one person doing all the work. Added onto that, we'd had a similar conversation about a year before that, where I was like "I feel unhappy because you always want me to engage with your interests but you never want to engage in mine, and I feel like my interests are never considered important." She apologized at the time and promised to change that, but ultimately didn't. I realized looking back afterward that there was a pattern developing that I'd been missing.
I miss her as a friend because I know she's overall a decent person and we had so much in common and usually had a blast hanging out and talking, but I'm at the point in my life where I no longer want to play those games. It was selfish behavior on her part and I don't think it makes me a bad friend to say I shouldn't have to put up with it. Same as you, I'm glad I at least tried, even if it didn't work out. If she gets her life sorted out and feels like reaching out, I'd be open to possibly reviving a friendship, but only if there's a notable change in how the friendship is reciprocated.
I am suffering with heartbreak at this time with hurting a friend of over 25 years. Praying we can fix this.
I’ll be praying for you. Pray for the one I want to mend as well
Man, the amount of times that there’s been a simple misunderstanding between a friend and I that wasn’t meant to cause worry or upset but it did and because I’m not the one who was affected as much I decide to be the one to apologize (not because I’m guilty of something but because I want to make it known that I didn’t mean for it to come across the way it did or the outcome to be as it was) and everyone I consult with before hand tells me it’s a stupid idea and that other friend is the one who’s wrong or being dramatic or whatever it is. I decide to apologize anyways and the person is immediately like ‘oh my god thank you! You have no idea how bad I felt about this and I was too afraid to be the one to talk to you because I thought you’d hate me or get upset.’
Made me think at some point ‘maybe this is why my friends are always fighting with people or losing friends or getting into drama…’ you can just clarify a situation even if there was no fault. Apologizing to a friend even if you didn’t do anything isn’t a bad thing. It’s okay to say things like ‘I’m sorry the way I did that was upsetting to you and I’ll do my best to avoid that behaviour in the future’ or ‘I’m not upset and I would like you to know that what happened wasn’t a personal attack and I didn’t mean for it feel like one. I would like to move past it.’
It can be tricky when it ends up sounding like ‘I’m sorry you think I hurt you’ or whatever but if it’s truly a good friendship and a small matter or accident then it should be easier to find words that don’t sound like blame. Depends on the people involved though.
I appreciate you sharing your thoughts, it's good to help me reflect on these sticky matters. I think if a friendship is savable (if that person wants to be friends) then ultimately speaking up about awkwardness or disagreements, and apologizing in a sincere way (not assigning blame but for me sincere just means wanting everything to be ok and feeling bad if I hurt the person, but also being real that a lot of factors go into someone feeling hurt including upbringing, stress, life circumstances, etc and it's unfair to pin shame or punishing blame on a single individual), this shows you are nonconfrontational and just pragmatic about the messy nature of relationships between real individuals who have different life stories, feelings and perceptions. Personally I want friendships that will last long term (throughout my lifespan). To achieve that I think it means both parties having a lot of freedom to come and go as they please and not feeling forced, bribed, threatened, shamed into anything. I've been through many experiences where these were the regular and expected assumptions and topics of conversation, and honestly I've come to accept it's a lifelong process to have patience and keeping learning to approach conflict without villifying myself or others, but simply trying to identify what life circumstances or personal factors are causing the conflict and how it can be fixed. And sometimes people need space to make decisions without it being a team decision and analysis. For me the basic value I look for in friendships going forward is the belief that villifying each other is counterproductive. Sometimes for my own emotional work I may have to have an inner breakdown moment of villifying myself or others to get past a stage in the process and remember villifying doesn't help. But I want to be meticulous when speaking to other people, to not speak in villifying terms. I think it's a worthy practice for a lifetime. Otherwise wouldn't it mean both people are setting each other up for failure and broken hearts, if there is an unspoken assumptive contract to the friendship? If I contract is broken there doesn't need to be a punishment because every contract will "break" since it's meant to be a short term promise that ensures trust for a certain phase within the friendship. A lifelong friendship is a business deal that I can't say no to, unless I say no it's a safe space that allows me to say no. I can only continue to adapt the terms with the other person over time. People change, learn, and contracts change, but if both people feel in control of the contract's changes, and survive conflicts or mini breakups together so that trust is built that they cant ever totally lose them permanently, I think for people of a certain upbringing like myself, that is heaven because it's realistic and dependable and stable over time. It's not idealistic and punitive- of course there has to be a base line of agreed upon unforgivable acts. But outside of If a relationship is meant to be, it will be. I have to know first my own goals in life, and how I envision my friend being a supportive part of my goals- and vice versa. Because our lives are all a serious business that must be treated as such otherwise we invite great avoidable tragedies and suffering. And my friends suffering eventually becomes my suffering, because the less happy they are the less happy I am. The more stressed they are the more their stress will affect me and vice versa. Being pragmatic is better than being idealistic. writing this is really helping my heartbreak right now, not speaking to my good friend for 3 months. I'm open to them but have to verbalize my own personal friendship needs to myself so that we can possibly form a verbalized contract together one day. I will continue to send a small gift on holidays. And if I never hear from them again, I know I'm grateful and proud of what we accomplished together and because of one another's support. And I'm sorry I didn't know how to speak up and better defend myself or him.
I realized that we had never truly been friends; maybe acquaintances. Moved on. Still cordial but with the new reality that it is superficial at best.
I've a best friend, we're not talking anymore. We're friends for a long time, had troubles before, we were immature, and try to talk openly about how we feel nowadays to prevent this from happening.
It happens that, this time, she got really sad because I've ask her a favor she tought it was invasive to ask, and told me that. But i don't consider asking help to a friend when you need (mainly when I asked like "I know it’s not simple, but i need to find someone to help, so I’m asking everyone, but I'll understand if you can't, ok?") (It was to take care of a cat for a few days) is "irresponsable" and "invasive" as she said.
I still love her, would love if we could talk again, but I realize I'm tired for taking accountability for EVERYTHING. Just now I’ve realized that, in our last years of friendship, every problem we had we resolved with her blaming on me and I apologising, for real, feeling horrible. Even when looking back, I've done nothing wrong but in her perspective.
I don't think she does it on purpose, maybe she don't realyze, but it is certanly not healthy for me, but I don't know how to say "You should take acountability this time, you've been throwing frustrations on me I've not fault in, and that hurts a lot."
I don't even want to, I've been the one to do all the work all this time, I'm tired, I want her to work for us too, but she won't sees it since she's waiting for me to apologise again, so... idk, i'm just frustrated about it
I know some comments have already said it but sometimes it's meant to be if the friendship has died. Sometimes it's good to let it rest and remember the good times and learn from the bad ones.
I was very close to one of my friend and she ended in a rough part of life. Her behavior turned very toxic, she didn't respect the boundaries of others and threatened to kill herself if others didn't to as she said. We had an intervention with other common friends and we stated calmly that her behavior was hurting us and we were worried of her mental health through all of this but we all promised to help her to right kind of mental health services and such. She walked out and shouted that we were all against her. Next few days she kept sending all sorts of selfdestructive messages to us 24/7 and we messaged each other what should we do about this because she didn't stop this after multiple requests. We had to sadly block her because our boundaries were not respected in the slightest.
She didn't kill herself but shouted to everyone loud and clear how her best friends wanted her dead and tried to get us cancelled online. We got a lot of harrasment but we managed to get through.
Years later I got a message from her that she wanted me back in her life but she allowed it only if I would apologize. I said that I'm all good and maybe a look in a mirror could help.
I miss our good times but they aren't worth the crap that she caused.
You're answering questions I never knew I had
ALAN !! RETURN THE DVD!!
I hand wrote an apology letter taking full responsibility, apologizing sincerely, and thanking them for their friendship over the years, with the understanding that it may never mend, I did emphasize how heavy it weighs on the heart to think this, but I thought it was important to respect that outcome. Then, now, and the future is only God’s plan.
It’s a part of me that feels I will be setting myself back if I try to restore the friendship, a part of me wants it restored but the other parts knows it’s gone and by me trying I’ll get my feelings hurt because of it
My 10-year friendship fell apart cause I thought she did me wrong in many ways because she was addicted to alcohol at the time; I feel like I had to cut my ties with her in order for her to get better. It's been years, she seems clean and happier now but I'm scared of what she'll say if I reach out to her.
I lost a friend a few weeks ago I was depressed for weeks. I prayed and prayed and I finally got the nerve to apologize.
The reason why I watched this video is because I have a friend who we grew up together he is a few months younger than me we became friends because we are neighbors and both of our dad's work here so we have a house here me and him that is the first reason i dobt wanna break friendship with him and the second reason is a friend from school today we broke friendship but i think we might be friends because i will amke him worried at school thanks you have a warm heart keep up with the great work
I don’t know how this got through the feed but I truly needed it 😢
This channel means so much to me. it has gotten me through some hard times. like.. Sheeeeeeessshhhh
Thank you for this video, it came just today when i had a fight with a friend. I was the one in the wrong. I really want to work on it, and it makes me think if i do even deserve that, if i do even deserve her apologies.
Honestly this works, my best friend and I got into an argument and after some ups and downs and a really hurtful statement, we parted ways in life.
We were both jerks, and we where both stressed out from a horrible situation as she lived with me at my dads place because her dad threw her out, and then my dad basically did the same thing out of the blue. Her dad was and continue to be an asshole, where as my dad handled a life choice poorly which he did apologize for later on. (im still mad at him for this tho)
I reached out to her 5-6 years later telling her that i missed her in my life and i was sorry for the things said and done at the time, i wished that i had been more grown up and taken care of her instead of just me. I did not go into detail as i honestly didn't remember what i did or what triggered the whole situation, and she did not mention it either. She wrote me that she had been thinking about me a lot and where gathering courage to write me, and she didn't care about what happened she just wanted us to be friends again, we agreed that we where two stupid teenagers in a really bad situation and now we could be at peace knowing we where friends again.
And honestly, nothing has changed between us! Sometimes we forget that the other person wasent at a event during those 5 years and we laugh about it. I missed her mothers funeral by mere months, and i regret not being there when she needed a friend, and not meeting her mom. But i was at her wedding, i was one of the first to see her twins when they where born, and im on the side watching my best friends children grow and its amazing
This almost made me cry. I’m going thru something similar with my ex bestfriend. We’re talking again after 2 years and honestly, I don’t care what happened. I just miss her so much
@@rose2divine956 Loosing someone over nothing really puts perspective on what really matters in life
Me and my friend are slowly falling apart since last month and I am really desperate because we are friends since kindergarden and we made so much good memories together. seeing him being more comfortable around other people broke me. Thanks for this video
Jesus, I never knew I needed this man
My best friend of 15 years just told me that he feels like he doesn't care about our friendship anymore. So he broke it off. I'm devastated and shocked. We were fine and normal just a few days before. We don't argue, we love each other so much, we're family at this point. We tell each other that we love each other everyday.... So, I don't know why he did this. This is a real brotherhood, a real relationship in my life that I just want back so badly. We spoke daily, literally, and now suddenly we're no longer friends? I just keep asking myself "how can I fix this, how can I get him back?" I'll do anything... Any advice?
Hey just wondering how things turned out with your 15 yr friendship?
Thanks for the help man
No problem 👍
I’m currently going through this, I had several good friends I lost about two years ago due to a mutual issue. I wasn’t ready to do what I had to, to fix the issue then, or do what they needed me to do and it got bad; two of them no longer want anything to do with me but I miss the good old days. I finally got up the courage to swallow my pride and send a text to the one who didn’t have as big an issue, but I don’t think it delivered. I’m now debating sending on a platform I know that they’ll receive it.
I’m not begging them to come back, but I’d like them to. I want to say my peace, update them on what I’ve done to make myself better, and apologize for my part in the issue and know that it’s at least been received, even if it’s unforgiven.
I was just contacted by an old friend and I really am a shitty friend. Nothing bad ever happened, we just kind of drifted apart and haven't talked in years, and as much as I have always wanted to be the kind of a person who can pick up with a person where we left off, I'm not and I can't. No matter how close we once were, time makes a stranger out of anyone to me and I don't know how to talk to strangers. And so it was just super awkward bc I just didn't have anything to say to him anymore and I felt awful. And I know he must have too.
I recently broke off a 22 year friendship that's been somewhat on the slide for a while.
I did it because during an argument over text (about the situation in Ukraine, which both of us are essentially in agreement about), because of some of the things he said about me.
Because it was very clear that these things were something that he's thought about me for a long time but just haven't said.
So, I just unfriended him from all social media and broke off all contact with him.
Sometimes friendships end and for a good reason.
It's for the best. I'm a firm believer that sometimes bad things happen for a good reason that may not be clear now. But it will be in the future. I've gone through so many hardships. Some I thought I wouldn't make it through. But here I am. And I'm a significantly better person for it. I wouldn't be who I am today (which I wouldn't trade for the world) if I hadn't gone through those events. I'm always improving and even when I regress, there's self-compassion. I let myself be okay with not always making progress. I'm human. I'm sure you'll find a silver lining to this as I have with (almost) all the bad things that have happened in my own life :))
@@nothingnowhere2358 Yeah, I'm sure it's for the better.
The only downside is that I'm on the spectrum and I only have a few actual friends.
And now I have one less.
Although, considering what he said about me, he never was an actual friend.
what im trying to save my friendship? seeing vids on how to save a friendship, don't know if its going to work but i feel better thanks to u
I wish I could have seen this way sooner
I actually did talk about my feelings to my friend ( I was acting badly to her) and I told her that I’m not feeling fine because of some of her behaviors in the past but in the end she said that she doesn’t want to be my friend anymore and we ended up wishing good things for one another but to be honest i really didn’t want it to end at the first place and I can’t get over her and our memories 😢
If someone can help me
I really appreciate it ❤
Thank you so much for your advice! And I mean not just in this particular video but in many others too! It really helps a lot. Thank you!
Before watching this I had a fallout with a friend. In the beginning we didn’t get off too well but eventually we were friends and trusted each other and told each other everything. I had another friend that started out the same way, they used to be friends but they got into many fights. 4 years later, me balancing being friends with both of them, one friend reached out to the other to catch up. The conversation quickly got about me and how much I told the other. The second friend brought up how I tell them everything and the first friend and the first friend kept their cool. The next day I ask how it went and everything went wrong, so many things brought up I forgot I said, like names and personal life details. Me and the first friend quickly got into an argument. after it was over I was so mad at the second friend for telling the first friend the things I said 2 years ago but before I said anything, I realized that I was feeling the same way as the first friend. I never thought about how the past and the lies could end the biggest thing to me.
I’m glad I had this video to give me some future advice. This is a friendship I never want to let go of.🕸️
What about a "door slam" ? That was my response to an extremely stressful situation with friends. I shut off and shut down, became extremely cynical and angry and shut them out almost completely. It was a defining moment in my life because it felt like I was taking charge of myself for the first time, refusing to be pushed around. I'm a Christian and being angry is such a complicated emotion. In some ways, I know I should be sorry for it and own that side of things, in another way, it feels like it gave me control. Hence, I've also been struggling with my faith, not wanting to leave it, but knowing I have to take a hard, deep honest evaluation of it and understand why I believe what I do...
I felt extremely taken advantage of, and forced to carry so much that wasn't fair to me. I was still a teenager and just a kid in so many ways. I know that now and it's been a couple years since the breakup. Thing was that they snapped back to 'everythings all good now, nothings the matter, what's your issue?' and I couldn't. I said I could, said I'd be fine eventually but it festered. To this day, I'm not wanting to confront, or even talk to them about it because it stressed me out and caused me, I'd say maybe some acute trauma, plus having a home life at the same time that was unstable. Eek. But what about when you shut down from stress. I mean, healthy friendships shouldn't make you do that, should they? I had to weigh in the costs and I realized if they were making my life harder than it needed to be, I was better off going my own way, which is what I did. But it hurt and it would be nice, even a couple years latter to have some closure.
Write your own closure then
I'm in a similar situation, I feel with you💔
Feb. 2020-Beginning of COVID. Various places closed and people staying away from each other so I didn't go out much.
But my friend lost her daughter, and I could not be there for her. I regret that so much. Too often I think back on those days. She went out of state to deal with everything and I texted and called that I would be here when she got back. But she never responded. I knew when she returned but I did not go to her house to see her because in my head I thought she was giving herself time to grieve. I wanted to respect her space. But if I could turn back time, I would make myself go and give her a big hug.
Because now we're June 2022 and I've only seen her once since then. She talked about work, of her boyfriend moving in with her soon after the funeral, of her other kids. Her daughter was brought up once. And I tell myself maybe I should have said more. Apologize.
I miss us. I would love to fix the friendship but I know it won't be the same. In big part because I wasn't there when she needed me. And I wonder if I should go and apologize for that but afraid it will come out wrong and that it truly will be the end. This video, I felt it. I wonder if I can mend a friendship and if she even wants it. I still don't know what the right thing is, or how to approach it. But thank you, your video has given me a lot to reflect on.
bro has a perfect way with words
This video deserves so many more views 😢❤
Wow,this just described my friend and I atm.
Thank you so much for this video. I’m having a hard time how to approach my friend and I’ve learned a lot for this video. Godbless you and continue doing this kind of video 😇
So, I’m at a loss here. I’ve lost a 20 year friendship and I’m not sure why it came to this. Let’s tell it, we had an argument where I was looking for some support. I couldn’t see what value people see in me, I asked him. He took it as an opportunity to give me harsh criticism. Saying I don’t have confidence in myself to do his job. Which frustrated me because I’ve been dealing with a large amount of stress in my life, of course I feel less confident. Well, we had a trip planned and before it I confronted him about what he said. He double down and said you can’t take criticism and are projecting, no apology or even a hint of remorse for kicking me when I’m down. I told him not to come on the trip I planned it he’s gonna be like that. He took it upon himself to yell at the mutual friend to not go with me even though he wanted to. The mutual friend told me and I told him to back out, you’re not obligated to be here. You certainly shouldn’t be in the middle. Haven’t heard a word since. I refuse to have a friend whom would do that to me.
Dude. My friend has been so flakey lately, which is why I came to watch this video. I started seeing her way less after she started dating this guy in 2018. He has 2 high school-aged kids, so I wanted to be empathetic, but now that they are married and moved 40 min up north, I really never see her. She is not good at replying to my text messages when I ask for her availability and has canceled plans last minute. Earlier this year, she said she wasn't available Fridays or Saturdays, so we made plans for a Sunday with a mutual friend. Then she said she was no longer available Sundays, so canceled on us. Then a week later, said she was available on Sundays again and made plans with a different friend on the day we were supposed to hang out. Publically where I could see. My non-flakey friend and I still got together and a big part of our conversation that day was how hurt we were by our flakey friend. I want to believe that she just forgot in the span of a week, but wow. And last week she had the nerve to say how busy I am when I told her I didn't have a free weekend until 3-4 weeks out. I literally had covid at the time and had to cancel a party with friends, including her, so 2 weeks were dedicated exclusively to recovery and isolation. I feel a little gaslit by her, honestly. Then I tried solidifying plans yet again and asked her if weekdays or weekends work better so we could pick a date...and she ghosted me again. Should I give up? Do I need to have a frank conversation with her? I definitely feel like she's the bigger problem here, but I have also been less available at times over the years and don't want to judge her too harshly. I'm almost at the point where I want to let the friendship die, but she's part of my primary friend group and I know she will also hold a bit of a grudge. She has actively left our group chat in the past - one time because none of us wanted to go to her outdoor climbing/camping birthday trip...none of us did outdoor rock climbing and I literally couldn't afford to board my dog and had no camping equipment at the time. Ironically, she joined Landmark and thought it completely changed her...then she got mad at me for not being interested in attending. Actually said I would have to explain to her why I said no. Should I throw out the whole friend?
Literally what I needed
So happy to hear it.
I appreciate your mended light war cry.
I have a friend that used to be close, but now is ghosting me. I reach out, but no respons. I have even tried asking if I have done anything wrong and said that I wished we could talk about it so that I might be able to make it right. I really don't know what happend. After a while I started feeling like a stalker so I gave up. I hurts though, we have gine through a lot together.
It hurts, I've had something similar happen but I had some inclination as to why (they caught feelings that weren't mutual from my end and of course didn't reciprocate as that'd be a lie.) We feel the pain but we move on.. eventually. Just be kind to yourself. It's more so an issue with them and not yourself. They have their own stuff they're dealing with and this is a reflection on them. Not you
@@nothingnowhere2358 thank you for saying that
I had to end a friendship for my own reason safety. So I can protect myself from getting hurt. My friend accused me behind back. Instead of him his friend gave me the news. So on Facebook I told my friend off said I never did anything to you. You are wrong about me and blocked him. It was hard to do blocking someone that thought that was your friend. Ending friendship was pretty hard for me to do. It's not easy but I did it anyways. And then a couple days ago his girlfriend on her job told me that her and him are not together. The friend was dating an employee in the mall watching her work all day I know because I hung out with them. I was both there friend. Honestly I didn't need to know that they broken up I didn't want more stress 😣 I feel bad about myself it's making me think I cussed there break up I wasn't even there when they broken up I haven't spoken to either of them. I'm still freaking out feeling stressed scared. I'm also dealing with his friend stalking me in the mall. He got up from the table and sat closer to me.
Hi! I’ve been struggling with one of my friends that I’ve been with since last year. And we used to have a lot of fun chatting with each other and playing video games, that earlier this year in March things started to go downhill and we would chat with other friends of ours and they got into a conversation that I really didn’t know about and starting causing some unnecessary drama. So then a couple months went by and I finally apologized to them including my main friend and then I started to get over dramatic again. And since then has started to disappear off of social media and off of the video games we used to play then in July I had to block them. I’ve wanted to apologize to them again and we have each other space and since last month I’ve been hoping and praying that our friendship will finally get back together again soon. I’ve just been too afraid to say anything because either I’m afraid to apologize again and second sometimes something comes up and we get distracted. But I’ve been to our amazing Father God in Heaven to heal our broken friendship for good! And I believe that the time is coming! And this video really helped me out a little, and I’m still praying for great results soon! 😉💙
Thank you❤❤❤
In my friendship we hurt each other. I apologized and also offered if there is anything else I sad that was hurtfull she can tell me. All she sad is: if there is enything I did wrong I'm sorry too. but for me it feels like she doesn't want to look at her part. And she ceeps her distance from me and it's sooooooooooo hard for me not knowing if she is ever going to be my closest friend again. I'm hurt by that part the most.
But your video helped. I just cep my distance and see if she is willing to make an afforded again. Me focusing on working good friendships
Thanks so much I’m going through a situation and I was wondering how I will initiate a conversation with my friend and this is exactly what I needed taking ownership of my own behavior I got angry and reacted. Thanks I will update once our meet tonight
She was perfect,we were just unhined as eachother, dd the same things in our freetime, she started talking about suicide, leaving her family,saying prison was better than her home, i knew she was going through stuff but man this hurt me just hearing it, she blocked me on all socials, my friends too, i miss her so much its only been a few days, i just tried helping, all her friends were leaving her and i was one of her last, i miss her
So helpful. Thank you for this video. 🙏
I’m in a situation where I dated my best friend for a while and it got a little nasty. We’ve both since apologized but are too awkward and nervous to rekindle a friendship even though we both have said we want it. I found this video really helped me and I hope that they feel the same way.
this was insanely helpful
I stopped talking to my brother-in-law and sister-in-law for about 2 years because of how they took advantage of me and my husband and I feel uncomfortable being around them. many people suggested not to focus on them when it comes to family gatherings, but their wrong actions still hurt haunting me these days and I want to free myself.
Fantastic video!!!! Thank you
Very helpful indeed. Thank you for sharing all your knowledge with us. 🙏🏻
My closest friend sent me a long ass paragraph and in that she told me that nobody in the friend group likes me and that i should find other friend instead of hanging out with them
Thank you so much Alan I have been struggling with this for a while me and my friend have been friends for a long time but I have not talked to her for 3 years because she had gone through a crisis with suicide when she was 11 for a year until she moved away it was a really stressful time for me everyday to make sure my friend felt loved and wanted but after all of the things we went through we never got the chance to really talk about how we both felt but whenever I think about contacting her now I start to have a breakdown maybe it isn't my time though I know I need to at least talk to her or I'm going to regret it later.
My ex bestie of 24 yrs. And I had a falling out Year and half ago. Let’s just say she started changing (not in a good way) when she went to school to get certified in her career. I noticed the friendship becoming one sided every time I told her how I felt in a nice way she would hang up on me and stonewall me. She moved to a city 4 hours from mine. One of her visits here we went out had some drinks she said some hurtful things. The next day I told her she claimed she didn’t remember saying that her “new friends were better than me .” She apologized felt bad for it yet wanted me to get over it right away. The following month I went out with some friends I had some drinks she had texted me I pretty much threw it in her face that I was still hurt for what she said. She blocked my number but kept me on social media platforms. About a month ago she started viewing my ig stories . She hasn’t reached out. I can’t believe she throw away so many years of friendship. I’ve been there for her. I have a feeling my number is unblocked. My question is why would she still have me on social media if she was so angry and had blocked my number??I still wonder if it’s best to unfriend her. I think she’s going through a tough time. But I came to the conclusion I was probably just her void filler until new people came along. At times I want to reach out yet I’m not sure it’s a good idea. She was like a sister to me it still hurts.
Their is this one friend I use to have. He was fun to have around. He made mistakes without realizing it was hurting me. My mistake was telling him I want to move on instead of explaining it. Now I really miss him and want to reach out seeing if he would want to reconcile and patch up the past to have a stronger brotherhood. But my fear is that'll say no. He reached out last year seeing if we can be friends. But he unsent the message. I have no idea what that means. I don't know if he changed his mind or if he's feeling the same way of fearing I'll say no. Imagine he's waiting for me to reach out. But I want to know for sure. I fear a lot he'll say no
Please reach out! Just do it! You never know what can happen unless you try.
@@sunnievictoria9917 I made the move and we reconciled. We’re better friends now and turned out he missed me as well. Thanks again for the encouragement. We’re stronger then every and it’s been that way since
@@joshdidea3823that’s so wonderful to hear! I’m happy you reached out and you are back to being close. I’m going through the same thing with my best friend right now. You have totally inspired me to reach out to her after radio silence. Thank you! I wish you the very best ❤
I say "I love you" To a female friend of mine that i think I like and we become distant now I want to heal it
really makes me wonder how to mend multiple family members...one of my relatives did something very wrong, possibly illegal. but no charges were pressed, and instead, the entire family just turned on that one relative and it's been years since we've heard or seen from him. and it's my uncle. my dad's brother. and no one in my family is willing to reconnect with said uncle.
I've been increasingly codependent because of anxiety/paranoia and said some pretty nasty things for a week and ended up being unfollowed by my best friend in socials. I tried apologizing in my best way possible but got blocked instead. I took the apology to a mutual friend without hoping for forgiveness (they also only left me on read) before finally deactivating most of my socials too few days-weeks later. I'm definitely giving us some time because we're both at a low point and detaching since my best friend almost never admitted where they did wrong too (mostly me overexplaining, it's worse that I have ADHD)
6 months ago, a good friend of mine ended our friendship. It started with me reaching out to her asking if they wanted to go with me to a concert. She never got back to me. It was days. Then I heard that she got a job somewhere at a restaurant. I was concerned thinking maybe that's why she never got back to me. So I made a call to her work and it turned out she was still working there. It was another girl with the same name that was working at the restaurant. Afterwards she got back to me and said that our friendship has run its course and to never reach out to her again. I felt awful when she told me that. I felt like I made a mistake by calling her at her work but she never got back to me. Just left me hanging. She did that before but she explained on that one she was going through her depression. So 3 months later, I reached out to her via tedt telling her that I missed her and still thinking about her. She replied, "Who is this?" I haven't reached out since. Should I just give it time or just move on ? It's been bothering me since.
I am a friend of a girl since 6th grade, years passed, and both enter to university, she started a relationship a year ago, one year later I met I believe is the love of my life, even we were young we wanted to get married at some point, i told her the illusion i had, and she said: Are you sure?" and i was like, obviously i am sure :'/. Little did I know she was kind of jealous, later on discovered the boyfriend she had was being bad with her.
Me and my friend broke up because of my negativity and 😢 I had told him that’ he will never hear from me ever again and I want bother him again
I became a friend with someone who called me into their home,sent me an invite letter, said all the thing's we will do once we get together (long distance friendship) she told me we will have great time. Cook and learn language. She bought me a ticket and then today she called it off. She has asked for space because I have drained her emotionally. I told her I am negative given I lost my brother and other's will suffer, but she said she can handle it. Turns out she can't. She revoked her invite. She asks for space. Also, her fiance is pissed. No doubt because I took a lot out of her. Has gotten protective. I am placed on mute. What do you do in this situation? I truly care for her and love her. My life is just better with her in it. I wish I could tell her this. I wish I could tell her I want to meet her and I will do better. Guess I start by honoring her wishes. I already miss her so much it hurts. I can lose a romantic partner fine. A friend I just can't. I wish she and her husband knew how much I appreciate them for accepting me into their home. I wish it doesn't fall apart.
I've been trying to reconnect with my sister (who has been my best in life), but due to unhealthy bonding I knew going back into relationship with her I needed to have boundaries. She's refusing to engage with me now because she said I'm wanting everything on my terms. We only had one conversation, and I just didn't tell her everything going on in my life. But she thinks that I am not being fair. She wants everything to back exactly the same and I just can't do that.
I got really upset because my freinds wouldnt ever reach out and talk to me, or hang out with me, amd they would cancell on plans all the time, i was always the one putting in the effort. I voiced this to them, maybe a bit harshly, and about a week later they all texted me saying they didnt want to be freinds anymore. Thos hurt alot, and im scared of going back to school and having nobody and watvhing them sit together at lunch and have fun together whilst ignoring me. I want them back because i miss them alot, they all blocked me so i cant contact them till school starts next month. What should i do to try and heal this?
i like it different approach
A year ago my long term best friend startet to treat me horrible. She was in a really dark place, but she startet to let it out on me. Everyday she would tell me about the things that i was doing wrong. Drawing was our joint hobby, but in that time she destroyed my selfestem so much, that i can't enjoy it anymore. Everything she said hurt. So I went cold turkey. I cut every connection to her and startet to become better. After two months she reached out to me, but i wasn't ready, so i didnt answer. I feel bad now, but now i'm afraid to reach out to her. For four years she was the closet Person in my life and know she knows how to hurt me like nobody else.
I think if you take the advice in this video and be accountable to your own choices, you could reach out to her. You can say "this is how I was feeling and why I wasn't ready to speak to you when you reached out, but I'm ready now".
So I’ve had a best friend online for a year. We got super close to the point I considered him my brother and I loved him as one. I was too stubborn, arrogant and quick to anger. I was the toxic person in the relationship and treated him more like an enemy at times. It took him leaving me to realize how horrible I’ve been to him.
He might talk to me again in 2 months but In the meantime, I’m trying my best to give him as much space and time as I can. I’m trying my best to get a therapist and I’ve written a 20-page Google document about my behaviour, taking accountability for my actions and giving examples of what I can do differently.
Our friendship means the world to me and I want to change my toxic behaviour to be with him. If you have any advice I would greatly appreciate it. I just really really hope I didn’t ruin it.
Update: We're best friends again! thank you so much! :D
i have or had a stubborn friend that i know about 5 years this july and we just had an argument 2 days ago. Both sides are in the wrong and i apologized yesterday because i dont have anyone to talk to and im so scared of losing her. I said some hurtful things and she did aswell so i wrote an apology message to her because we are online friends unable to meet up irl now and the only thing she responded with was "aha" and didnt respond further. I know i should give it some time and im praying but i dont know about her. We have a group where we said those things to each other and i kicked her in the heat of the argument and i regret it. I talked to my friend 2 in the group that day about the things she said and all she did was screenshot it to the friend 1 i had an argument with and today she started ghosting me aswell. I wrote the apology in the style that you said and im hoping it gets better because i dont have anyone to talk to now.
I was best friends with a girl. She one day started to like me more than just a friend and she even told me her feelings for me. I hopped on that train without thinking. I thought that it would work out between the two of us. But I was wrong. I was so insecure about everything that I mistreated her so horribly that we haven't spoken in 3 years. I want to make a mense. I want to say sorry. I want her in my life back. I don't need her to be my Girlfriend. I just want my best friend back.
bro tysm
How to fix friendship, if my bestfriend have a boyfriend and her boyfriend becomes jealous about me and her boyfriend's trust slowly losing trust to my girl bestfriend? what would it do to fix our friendship? what action can i do? please help me...
In the instance where some bad stuff happened. I’ve tried to talk to that person but every time I walk up to him he either walks away or ignores me. Does anyone have any advice to help me?
My best friend of 10 years blocked me for trying to apologize and make amends.
I became friends with someone a little over a year ago. Over the last few months we have drifted apart noticeably to the point where she no longer asks me to hang out or rarely talks to me in person at work or over text message. I have tried twice to hang out this past month as well as catch up over the phone but she blows me off. The part that sucks is my wedding is coming up next month and she is supposed to be involved in it. Not quite sure how to deal with this. I can’t even talk to her about it if she won’t hang out or do phone calls.
i hope this works
wish me luck
Good luck solider
I tried to prank a friend by pretending i was her boyfriend. Buut the results were unexpected. She raged in anger. She doesn't talk to me anymore. I really need her in my life. I dont have a girlfriend, she was my best friend. But now i have nobody. Please, what should i do to get her back?
Hey! Needing some help right here. Some dude I really liked and had something special with just ghosted me. We've known each other for 5 years and he is a gentleman, sweet and respectful guy. We kissed and I felt some connection. Everything was great. Two days later he ghosted me and has been for 2 months. What should I do if he contacts me? Last time we talked he said he was interested in having something with me. How can I respectfully tell him that he has to own his shit??
I have someone whom I was a friend with for most 10 years and we never had a fight before, but then something happened, both sides were angry and I said something that hurt him and now we're not speaking at all. I thought that being angry at him would help me move on but I realized that I miss him a lot. We both were stupid and everything could've been solved by talking but I got overwhelmed by my own emotions and he was too stressed because of said emotions. I just wish things were like before. I plan to talk to him , after some time to cool off has passed
what do you have to do if your friend is ghosting you?
To all of the people that don't want to hear from a betrayer; can't reach out if you block them on everything.
I just lost a bestfriend over dumb things tonight
It happen two times that a close friend didn't told me why they don't want contact. A friend in my childhood and one in my adulthood. I think it is not fair and immature to not give an explanation. The uncertainty is the worst. I dont even want the friendship. Maybe i hurt the friend. But i always had good intentions. I dont feel guilty for anything. So for me there is no reason to apologize
miss ko na sya🥺
We have been friends from almost 10 years and she said something behind my back i was so angry at her i speak rudely and bad to her and didn't spoke to her treated her badly but after sometime when my anger is gone im felling so guilty about it and im planing to say sorry to her i do miss her in my life in last year yeahh i hope it will turn out well
That's beautiful, but unfortunately I don't think my stubborn friend will see anything he did as wrong because he has an very extremist left-leaning view where every disagreement leads to me being called nasty-right-winged word ( _even though I am so left I'm practically a Pirate_ ). I just don't see things his way and I don't believe in always believing someone based on arbitrary systemic stuff, based on a lot of my own negative experiences which are never ever considered but in fact always brushed aside.
I wish my friend would stop seeing the world so intensely black and white.
In the end, I'll own up for it because I don't hold grudges, but I won't receive the same back.
same here
I'd love to apologize for where I messed up, what I'm aware of anyway, (I'm pretty sure with the triangulation that happened, I have 'sins' I don't even know about after months of looking for obsessively (to unhealthy points) inspecting every little thing I said and did) but I'm blocked. So yeah.
Mended Light Assemble* 🤭🤭
i ruined my friendship with my whole friend group because i got in contact again with my ex who really said a lot bad things to them, and what hurt them the most its the fact that i tried hiding it and lying to them. I know i am guilty and they have every right, so I wanted to give them some time apart from me and to take time for myself to try to fix my mental health and my pov of the whole thing. Now im trying to talk to them and apologize but they are mad i waited two months to talk and they are mad because l started to hang out with other people at school and seemed happy for some moments