John Cooper Clarke - Twat - Live in Melbourne, 2018

The good doctor himself, Dr. John Cooper Clarke. Performing 'Twat' live at Forum Melbourne, 28 April 2018.
"Affix that person in the crosshairs of your high velocity imagination, and let me do the talking..."
Like a nightclub in the morning
You're the bitter end
Like a recently disinfected shithouse
You're clean round the bend
You give me the horrors
Too bad to be true
All of my tomorrows
Are lousy 'cause of you
You put the cunt in Scunthorpe
Put the pain in Spain
Happy days are done for
And you're the one I blame
You're certainly no raver
Commonly known as a drag
Do us all a favor
Here, wear this polythene bag
You're like a dose of scabies
I've got you under my skin
You make life a fairytale
Grimm, get it?
A sumo wrestler's armpit's
Got nothin' on your shoes
Show me any two halfwits
And they're twice as smart as you
I think about thrombosis
Every time we touch
I say you have acute halitosis
You say "Thank you very much"
You're very pleasent
I know it's just a fad
Your very presence
Make me really mad
I hear your knock upon my door
I've gotta get out of town
I hit the lights, I hit the floor
I turn the TV down
People mention murder
The moment you arrive
I'd consider killing you
If I thought you were alive
You've got this slippery quality
That makes me think of phlegm
And a dual personality
I hate both of them
Your bad breath, vamps disease
Destruction, tooth decay
Please, please, please, please
Take yourself away
Like a death a birthday party
You gotta spoil the fun
Like a sucked and spat out Smartie
You're no use to anyone
Like the funnel web spider
The crumblin' shadows of disgrace
Speaking as an outsider
What do you think of the human race?
You went to a progressive psychiatrist
He recommended suicide
Before scratching your bad name off his list
And pointing the way outside
Laughter from the playground
Breaks your bleedin' heart
You're heading for a breakdown
Better pull yourself apart
Your dirt name is passed about
When something goes amiss
Your attitudes are platitudes
They make me wanna piss
What kind of creature bore you
Was it some kind of bat?
They can't find a good word for you
But I can, twat!

[@bruceevans3476]

Legends come in many shapes and sizes.

[@PBL187]

Love the way he turned the mic and let the audience say the final word 😂

[@emma-janeminshull-turner1242]

A Master! Should be our next poet laureate!🖤❤️🕶️Love You Johnny C-C

[@robertstone1299]

Superb Doc! 😎

[@bugs4680]

hey shithouse good performance

[@jamessim1858]

He looks like he's made from Playdough!

[@quizpubbob]

Is this a competition to read the poem as quickly as possible.

[@EmmaRiddle543]

I’ve heard him say it faster than this.

[@quizpubbob]

@@EmmaRiddle543 Wow, I hope you didn't pay to watch it! Haha